Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 53 3/7/21

Episode Date: March 7, 2021

Thanks to our sponsor, Audible (http://audible.com/papers). Episode 53. Wanna hear 2 middle aged white guys defend Woody Allen and Dr. Seuss? We're here for you! Also, the existential debate over what you would do if you found 70 lbs of cocaine on the beach.

Please don't press stop. Please don't press stop. Just, he's almost done. Welcome to Sunday Papers, everybody. Roll up your sleeves. You're going to get some ink on your fingers. You're going to get some tears on your cheeks. It's the Sunday Papers. There he is.

All right. What do you got on your hat? Oh, I decided to support, you know, California is constantly burning down. So it's the U.S. Forest Service, Department of Agriculture. Where'd you get it? I got it from some douchebag site, I think. In fact, they say the money will go to the farm. I don't know if it will. Oh, so you donated money and they sent you a hat.

No, I just bought this hat. But apparently they can't, I think, use that logo without some relationship with them, I like to think. So in your mind, you donated money to the firefighters? In my mind, I'm saving lives. Yeah. Our friend Tom O'Neill. It's kind of like saving vaccines. In my mind, I was saving vaccines.

Speaking of which. Yeah yeah i can't wait go ahead fucker i got shot baby but i did it the right way i waited in line i waited in line until the people that had appointments got their shots there was there was thought out moderna vaccine that was going to go to waste and they let about a hundred of us in and I got shot. Meanwhile, poor people would drive by and see the line and the line is part of the problem. They don't get online. You took someone's shot. Just be real. How long were you working on that spin? No, it was very natural. It just occurred to me. Well, I'll tell you something. How long were you online? How long were you online?

10 hours. There you go. And I'm waiting online. And first of all, all the people that were from the neighborhood were pulled off of that line and brought in and allowed to get the shot before anybody who was waiting for surplus. Anybody over the age of 60, anybody who was poor, anybody who was a frontline worker. Did they have to prove they were poor or they had a barcode or something? It was in South Central. And if you lived in the neighborhood, you were allowed to go. Oh.

Yeah. It was kind of a really bad neighborhood. And so I waited. Here's the best part. And they were looking for people over 60. And the guy walks up to me that works there and he goes, Sir, how old are you? And I'm like, fuck you. I'm 54. Oh, look at you. And they could probably tell you weren't in the right demographic because you were just shouting everyone if they had extra goat milk for your latte, for your bulletproof latte. Right. I was asking people if they did house cleaning because we had an opening. Okay. And there was a girl online. There was this yuppie couple that had come for five days straight and hadn't gotten in. Yeah.

And then she had to take a piss. So she went to, there was a park with a public restroom and she came back trembling. And she's like, it was horrible. There was toilet paper with feces on it. And so they left. And that was the day they would have gotten in.

Oh my God. Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Now she has to get tetanus shot as well. So now everybody in my family's got it. The son, the daughter, the wife.

So we could start traveling once I get my second shot on April 1st. You know, that is not the guidance, Greg. Not the guidance. You're not supposed to think that way. Are you superstitious? I'm thinking if I get it on April 1st, what if somebody fucks with me and they don't give me the right serum? Well, the real April fools would be they would give you the virus. Right.

So get this. I got tested yesterday to see if I had it, even though it's what, a week and a half more than a week, almost two weeks, I think. Yeah, but you only got your first shot, right? I only got my first, but I felt the other day I felt like shit. Does anyone get this? I did get a lot of sun that day accidentally. I was outside. I ate outside of it. sun that day accidentally. I was outside. I ate outside of it. Anyway, I'm on this drug right now. Uh, wow. We're so old, but where I shouldn't be in the sun. So that was hot. But do you ever get where you are convinced you have a fever yet? You don't have a temperature. Yeah. Like you're, you're kind of like getting chills. Yeah. You're you, you feel hot. You're when you feel your own skin,

you're like, I'm burning up. Right. I had that happen to me. I'm like that when I'm around Jeff Ross. And so what happened? You took your temperature and it was nothing. Took my temperature.

It was nothing, but I was like chills, achy. I might've, maybe I was dehydrated. I'm trying, I'm still trying to figure it out anyway. Uh, really achy I might have maybe I was dehydrated I'm trying I'm still trying to figure it out anyway uh really achy headache felt I had chills even though I didn't technically have a fever so then Olivia my daughter wanted to get tested because she went to school this week which she

had to get tested to go to school but then she was at school and then she was going to go see a friend in the backyard today so she was was like, I want to get tested. And I'm like, all right, how about this? I'll go get tested because it's ridiculous. We're just confirming that we don't have it. So I'll go get tested. And if I'm negative, then I think we can safely say, even though it's not that safe, that she's negative too. So I got tested.

I was negative. It's a good story. But I thought, how weird, like, could I even get my second shot if all of a sudden I was positive? Yeah, that's true. I don't think I could. I mean, one of the big questions is, have you ever had it? I think they should have bars for people like you. And if you get your second shot, then you have some kind of a card that gets you into the bar.

I think we talked about this. Oh, Israel has it. They even have promotions. Get a shot, get a shot. You get a free shot at the bar if you got your shot. Surprising that Jews would want to be tracked like that, but interesting. Huh. I thought you were saying surprising Jews give something away free, because that's what

you were thinking. That was weird and anti-Semitic. I don't know why you went there. By the way, save your letters. We both married a Jew. Yeah, exactly. My kids are half Jewish. Trust me.

So I get a full earful on that one. Together, they're a big Jew living here. Trust me. This is what I do know. This is what never gets said in my house. Who left the mayonnaise out? That never gets said in my house. You know Jews hate mayonnaise?

Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, it's just a fact. Is it kosher? Is it non-kosher? Some Jews. I didn't know that. Oh, it's just a fact. Is it kosher? Is it non-kosher? Some, I don't know. I guess some, maybe the hardy Midwest Jews, like the Minnesota ones, or as Brody Stevens would say, the pioneering Jews of the Southwest. I guess there are certain tribes that, they call themselves that, that maybe partake in mayonnaise. I can't imagine Minnesota Jews don't, but there's a lot that don't. So I'd say half the Jews out there are getting what I'm saying.

And listen, when Woody Allen converted for, oh boy, here we go, Woody Allen. When he converted for a little bit, I think it was in Husbands and Wives, when he thought he was going to die. So he was then finding religions and he decided to convert to Catholicism. He came home and he went shopping. He took out Wonder Bread, mayonnaise. So he gets it. He gets everything, that guy. There's a town in Minnesota. It's really interesting. There's a book written by, who's the guy from the New York Times writer? It's called Thank You for Making Me Wait, the book.

And he's from the same town as Al Franken. There's like four incredibly successful Jews from this very small enclave. It's a suburb of Minnesota. And when the Jews migrated west, they kind of set up shop there and they were subject of a lot of racism for a long time. Bob Dylan. And they were successful. Oh lot of racism for a long time. Bob Dylan.

And they were successful. Oh, that's right. Dylan is from Minnesota. Hibbing and Duluth. Yeah. Right. The Zimmermans settled in Minnesota. Where is the town?

Oh, St. Louis. St. Louis Park, Minnesota. Huh. And hold on. I'm going to find who's famous. Yeah. I met a lot of them because through really, really cool friends of my in-laws in Palm Springs.

Palm Springs is like the Florida for Minnesota for a lot of people. Oh, okay. Like New York's Florida. Palm Springs is that to Minnesota. Okay, here are the people from St. Louis Park. And this is a small town. It's a suburb. Okay.

The Coen brothers. Yeah. Al Franken. Thomas Friedman. That's who I was trying to think of. Oh, geez, yeah. I wrote a book about it. Thomas Friedman.

George Floyd. Victim of the... I didn't know he was Jewish. I would have changed the big poster thing I was marching with. And Charles Foley, who invented the game Twister. Oh, interesting. Okay. Yeah. Kind of interesting. I down game Twister. Oh, interesting. Okay.

Yeah. Kind of interesting. I downgrade my comment. Kind of interesting. Jewish lives matter. That's what I've learned from this. Jews are amazing. I mean, I'm reading a book right now that's called the, it's the history of the Warburgs. They're Jewish.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You mentioned that. Yeah. Yeah. And just what they're a they they show up with fucking nothing. And they just like they just they're educated. They're driven. They get it. They just have vision as a culture. They just really it's amazing. I love the Jews. I'm the opposite of anti-Semitic. Well, I think wherever, almost, I think wherever you go, if your whole culture is education, education, education, education, and tremendous shame, but more than shame, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt over not achieving over this. And then also you have a cultural mantra, which is, it's very similar in a way there's a little bit of a leap, but to the saving private Ryan's stupid, overly stated theme at the end, which is,

am I so many have died? I should have died or, you know, I shouldn't be here because my grandmother should have died. So have I lived a worthy life? So there's that mantra of a, you better not disgrace all the people that died and we got lucky and we're given a chance. Do you know what they would do for this chance? You know, type thing. Well, and also there's a sense of guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. There's a sense of community. Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. There's a sense of community and supporting each other and helping each other out. And that is one of the things that's actually worked against them because as it makes them successful,

it also makes them seen as insular and not, you know, they don't assimilate or they didn't for a while. No, no, they take care of themselves. Hate to bring it up. Deconstructing Harry, that amazing argument he has with her sister. Like, who would you save first? She's like, two people equally car crashes. Two are going to die.

You can only save one. She's like, the Jewish guy. He's like, why? But it was an amazing conversation. And that's what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. So we want to thank our song this week was

a really nice little Scottish sounding ditty from Andy Crest. Sounded like it should be in a Wes Anderson film, which immediately is a turnoff to me, but I did like the song. Also, the logo, which is really fun, is we're going to talk later a little bit,

a little bit or a lot, about Woody Allen and Mia Farrow, the documentary. I've kind of said everything I need to say. People are coming over to my side, though. It's popping up everywhere. Well, it's because it's easy to see. I don't want to claim credit. Humor meter on Twitter sent us that. Well, yeah, there's we have we have we have some mail we're going to get to to talk about it as well. Corrections. Let's see. Ryan says you're not

old enough to be my dad, but I feel like I'm listening to my father or father-in-law when you repeatedly refer to Investopedia as Investopia. And I apologize if anybody's haven't had a hard time finding it. It's Investopedia for ourT-P semicolon forward slash forward slash. Somebody else said. And that's on the World Wide Web, right? It's on the World Wide Web, which, by the way, do you know that it literally is the world? Is it weird that like. What are you talking about? Is it weird that a country can shut out the Internet?

What are you talking about? Is it weird that a country can shut out the internet? It's like I know so little about how the internet functions electronically. And then to know that China or Russia can filter out certain... It's amazing and scary. Right. Somebody else said, in internet slang, stonks. Did we talk about this already, is a deliberate misspelling of stocks. As traded in the stock market, it's often used to refer to such stocks in a humorous or ironic way.

Yeah, a couple people talked about this. I think we already cleared it up. Yeah, but whatever. Normally, it's more clever than just like a misspelling and then they stick to stonks. Anyway. Tour dates coming up. Raleigh, North Carolina. Good nights on March 25th through the 27th.

Philly. Look at you. When's your second shot scheduled? Soon as I get back from Raleigh. No, just too late. Oh, no. I know. I know. Maybe I can rush it and get in there a little early. We'll see.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'm not great at math, but I'm looking at the dates. That's wrong. You're getting it before you go to Raleigh. No, I'm getting it on April 1st. I thought the process was they were scheduling them exactly three weeks to the day after your shot. Oh, if that's it, then maybe I can jump in there early. Oh, yeah, they said I could go in two days early, which would be 28 days in March, right? So 25th. Yeah, I can get in there maybe on the 24th.

I think you're eligible three weeks. I think that's the magic number. But the big question is whether or not my friend is going to be there. I've told you about my friend who you know. I won't say his name, but he's a buddy from college who I love dearly and has been struggling with alcohol for the last decade. He's probably been in and out of rehab, not exaggerating when I say a dozen times. So listeners, just so you know, like you, I have no idea who he's talking about. Jeff. I'll tell you afterwards.

Okay. Anyway. Still have no idea. Go ahead. He lost everything. He was the biggest mortgage lawyer in New England. Oh. Created his own business.

I was thinking it was, I know who it is. I thought you were talking about someone who lived here and you were online with them. Worth a fortune, wife, four kids. Three kids or four kids? I can't remember. And then drank it all away. All of it. Was homeless, living in his car.

Wow. And so now he's back in rehab. So we'll see what we're wishing him good wishes. And if he does well, he's in that neck of the woods and he's going to come to the show. Oh, wait, that's the connection. I thought it was about whether you're getting online or not. Raleigh is where he lives or Philly?

He's in North Carolina. Oh, wow. Okay. Right. No, of course I know who you're talking about now. For some reason I had him in L.A. and you were waiting in line with him. No. Also coming to Philly.

Wait. Say who you were waiting in line with in front of you. She's a frontline worker. Who? Wasn't there a woman? We're doing a great podcast here. The woman you would send updates from the line because you really thought you weren't getting in. And she was a teacher, a frontline worker teacher, because she taught jewelry.

Oh, yeah. That's the yuppie couple that left. Yeah, that girl. Her boyfriend was because they came along and they said, if you're a teacher, you can go to the front of the line. And he's saying to her, honey, you're a teacher. And she's like, no, I'm not. He's like, you teach a jewelry class online once a month. And she's like, I don't think that qualifies.

And he's like, yes, it does qualify. And then she better take what she can. That's the one and only time that guy's going to support her stupid career. Yeah, right, right. If she, look, you know, I'd like to know that if I'm having somebody teach me how to make jewelry, that they can take a piss in a public bathroom. That's an artist. Honey, you are a frontline teacher. You sew together Cheerios and make necklaces. You make upwards of $12 a month having people log onto your site. But with your studio rent, you, like many American corporations, are losing 70% a week.

So yes, you need this. You know what else you need, Mike Gibbons, is audible.com. I was going to guess that. I was going to guess it. Look, if you want to be inspired, you want to be entertained, whatever it is, Audible reaches out to you in the way that you want to be touched. It's very intimate. You've got earbuds in and you're listening to some of the great narrators. Did I tell you Burt Reynolds does a reading of Moby Dick? That's not true. That is true.

And it's the best thing on there. Yeah. So that white whale over there. Yeah. I'm doing Norm doing Burt. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I'm doing Norm doing Bert. Yeah, right. Does the ship go any faster? Yeah, and it's got a spear.

That's great. I also listened to The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and I've now just downloaded a book about... You should listen to that while you drive because you're a road at rage issue. You know You should listen to that while you drive because you're a road rage issue. Yep. You know what I listened to? It was a good use of it. Maybe Audible doesn't like me talking

like this, but I had already read Tom's Chaos, but I'd read it at night and obviously, I mean, I loved it, loved it. So this is not a backhanded compliment, but you know, I would read till I fell asleep and I don't know if you're like me, but then I, I did not take in the previous two or three pages. So I would go back. So it was a disjointed experience. So I did read it, loved it, but there were also so many names. Like that was the biggest criticism of the book from people like trying to keep track of, and they even write about that in the book. So I then listened to it and it was, I got so much more out of it. I mean, obviously you'd get more out of it the second time reading it too, but you could sit back and just, here's an interesting thing. If you want to get deep on, on audible, people think it's the new technology and that, no, you know what? I'm

kind of old school. Like I read books. Guess what? Reading books is the new school. The oral tradition of storytelling was around for millennia before reading or writing. That's right. You should make a fire and sit in front of the fire with your headphones on and listen to Tina Fey's bossy pants. I did do that actually. And when a comedian writes a book, I'm listening every time. The new, except to you, haven't listened to you yet. I read you. Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons, available now. The newfangled technology is that thing you hold that has writing in it. Yeah, right.

Go to the classic audible. That's what I'm saying. Do it. You get one per month. You'll never run out. And you keep them for the rest of your life in your playlist. I've got hundreds, having been a member for a decade. The app is great. It's free. You install it on whatever you got.

And enjoy it. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. If you want to get a special deal, then you're going to go to visit audible.com slash papers or text papers 500-500. And you will get, what do you get for that? Oh, God, you're so good at this. I think you get your first month free. Yeah. All right, here, ready? I'll just read in order.

I think every time we do this, we should expose some books in our library. I think I did this last week. On the top of the list here is Addiction, Procrastination, and I can't even read the rest of the title because the one right under it, Becoming Nobody by Ram Dass. Oh, yeah.

Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner. I listened to that. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I was going to do that on my drive to Wyoming. Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch. Have you listened to that? No. About creativity and meditating.

Good. And then Water to the Angels, which is about the enormous history of water in Los Angeles, which is the history of Los Angeles, which is the history of Chinatown. Chinatown. All right. Front page, baby. It's time. Extra. Extra.

We all about it. Extra. Ooh, in stereo, that paper. Dr. Seuss, everybody's talking about it. Conservative media loves jumping on this story. So, the business that preserves Dr. Seuss' legacy announced Tuesday that six of his books will stop being published because of racist imagery.

Dr. Seuss Enterprises admitted that the books published in the 30s portray people in ways that are hurtful and wrong, have a kind of sensibility that is oriented towards centering the white child and de-centering everyone else. Dr. Seuss was shaped by a completely immersive white supremacist culture. I'm still not used to the use of San Diego premises as more of a pedestrian description of things that are white centered rather than it being people with shaved heads and burning crosses. That you think white supremacist has such connotations of being way more extreme than the way it's used here? Yes. Like white dominant culture.

I would prefer that. Yeah, of course it makes you an old white guy feel better. Also, I've got a secret. You're still in the Supreme. What? I've got a shaved head. Ooh. Oh, speaking of logos, by the way, on the back wall, you'll see I just had this framed. One of our faithful listeners made this logo for us.

I liked it so much I had it blown up and framed. This is fun for the listeners. Well, then maybe they need to start watching. No, don't watch. I'm in a closet. I fucking, this is all, I hate it. Also, I like blink a lot when I do punchlines. If you can call them that.

I don't know what it is. That's your tell. It's like your poker tell. Am I getting twitchier? Well, I'm in a very uncomfortable chair, which is super rigid in a closet. So I get twitchy, I guess. I like the blinking on the punchline idea because like there's a lot of comics that really telegraph their punchline. You know, they lean in, they go,

they go loud on the microphone, on the punchline. And it indicates the audience that this is where they laugh and it works. It makes them laugh. So maybe blinking could be a more subliminal way of accomplishing the same thing. Especially if I'm blinking code, Morse code that says laugh, like an applause sign. Exactly. By the way, what am I blinking? It's called applause break. All right, Dr. Seuss. Hey, I wonder if we'd get any letters about this story from our little vigilant nerd factory of people who write

in. You're not going to believe this. It's Dr. Soice. What? Yeah, it is. You mean that's how it's pronounced? I actually put that in a script I had written. There was an Asperger's character in that HR script I was doing, which is officially dead. Which one? The Human Resources? Yeah. I knew it would be. And he goes, you know, it's Soice. And the office, they were like, you just shut the fuck up. And they

Google it. They're like, oh my god. He always knows this minutia. It is Dr. Soice. And it's also Genghis Khan. Not Genghis. Is that true? Absolutely 100% true. I read his biography.

No, I'm sorry. I listened to it on audible.com. Ironically, Genghis Khan said it was a gif, not a jif. That's right. So it was weird. Yeah. So they did a survey and found that 98 percent of his characters were white. Wait, like 98 percent were monsters that weren't even human.

Yeah, that's that's bullshit. And then also they found that the portrayal of references to black characters relied heavily on images of white superiority. Here's here's one I fucking love. And to think I saw it on Mulberry Street, a white man is shown using a whip on a man of color. So I was like, what the fuck? So I go online and you can do it yourself. Look it up. It's a guy on a wagon that's connected to an elephant. The elephant is pulling the wagon and he is whipping the elephant now on top of the elephant is a guy who looks uh like he's an arab perhaps so i guess he's the person of color but he's not being whipped the fucking elephant is being whipped

it's absurd. So, look, Barack Obama loved Dr. Seuss. He said, quote, Dr. Seuss used his incredible talent to instill in his most impressionable readers universal values. I mean, it's like, yeah, it's the 30s. There's things in it that may seem a little bit culturally sensitive,

but are we going to get rid of, are we going to, is this Stalinism? Are we going to rewrite everything in our past to fit the new woke culture? No, the left can sometimes get so out of control, it's crazy. What is this that you wrote? Oh, yeah, no, I added, I thought these were related stories. You can read them. No, you read it. You wrote it. Oh, I've lost the Sunday papers here. I was actually Googling. Were you watching porn while we're in the middle of the podcast? I was going to do a dumb joke. I was looking up, I forgot how many sizes the Grinch's heart grew that day. Was it 30? Three? Was it three?

Anyway, the joke was going to be one of his characters. In the other book, his character says sickle cell anemia grew three times that day. Totally worth it, that joke. Totally. So this week in the news also, AMC, I think think was one of the sources of this but just like grinch of course this woke culture is going through everything and movies like gone with the wind breakfast at tiffany's and john wayne's the searchers are all-time hollywood classics and beloved by many but they also have material touching on their depiction of non-white characters that

could make audiences cringe, especially in 2021. Yeah. Duh. So what does that mean? Are they getting rid of them? Well, no, you know, because the big thing came up with Gone with the Wind with HBO. They took it off air for a little, of course, during the peak of Black Lives Matter. And then, though, they think it's better to have it but maybe you have a conversation about it or there's a warning put up front so i think they might be putting warnings on it but i love how this one ends this next paragraph so guess who's coming to dinner was seen as progressive in 1967 but raises eyebrows for Sidney Poitier's character today. And there's 1954's Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,

which Malone called a delightful musical, but it involves a lot of kidnapping of women. If it was just a little bit of kidnapping of women, you kind of go, all right, it happens. All right. About the kidnapping. How much is there? A lot? Oh, God.

All right. Yeah. Are we talking? Yeah. Are we talking like, what was that African, that African village where they stole all the women? Like half of them? I'm not laughing about it, but. Or more.

No, no, dude, that's, well, sometimes it's actually killing all the men of a town. That's a big move. That's a big popular move. You know, there's that one little village on Crete, which is famous for its sweaters, like at least when I was there decades ago, but I'm sure it still is. And the reason why is the Germans in World War, obviously one or two, I'm thinking one, they killed all the men in the town. Wow.

And to survive, the women leaned on, they expanded from knitting just for their families to knitting to sell. Damn. Yep. So that's how that happened. I probably have a lot of that wrong. And a lot of them were kidnapped. Yeah.

Well, you wonder at what was the year where relationships transitioned from kidnapping into courting? Well, we've talked about before, like, I think consensual sex is very recent. Very recent. Yeah. Oh, I mean, in the scope of men and women, it's a sliver of a— Did you have that BU professor? Those are the best classes. If any of our listeners are about to go to college, I'm flattering myself, or you have kids, more accurately, listeners are about to go to college i'm flattering myself or you have kids more accurately who are about to go to college when you get that first class like i remember just being in one classroom and yeah i was probably stoned but the

guy goes uh the donut doesn't have a hole the hole has a donut you're just like what the fuck? And, and then the other guy who goes, if my arm is the timeline of mankind, like my shoulder is where mankind first started. If you took a nail file and, and just took a nail file on your middle fingers, edge of its nail, just once you to race everything from like, you know, 1800 on or whatever it was. Right. Right. And so anyway. Yeah. So it's right. It's rape all the way up to the end of that

middle finger. Maybe there's occasional consensual sex. I'm sure it was very rare, though. It's amazing that, you know, the world, everybody is very nihilistic. And I think we're all feeling like the world has never been in a worse place. There's global warming, there's whatever. But when you look at things like that, like consensual sex and the infant mortality rate, we are past the point of no return in improving the world. It's insane. But at the same time, as things get exponentially better, they also seem to get exponentially worse in other ways. Well, we are, and The Matrix had a great scene, but they were stealing it from a ton of writers. You know, humans are technically this virus that is spread on our host, the Earth,

and we're like killing it. And then like a host, it's throwing different things at it. But like a virus, we're then adapting. We're creating variations. It'll throw smallpox at us. But then we, all of a sudden, a variant pops up, just like the variants in this coronavirus, that will continue to try to kill our host and use it up. And then we have to find a new host.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a little light stuff in the podcast today. Here's a fun one. What do we got? Oh, this is big news this week and then Beverly Hills today that the sheriff issued he had to calm everybody down that it's safe so a man robbed hey Soph all right I have to close the door am I done with my daughter's home? Am I done with all the rape, the history of rape and consensual sex? All right. So man was robbed. Did you hear about this this week? Has she picked a college yet, by the way? It's looking like Michigan. Hey, now that's where I want her to go. I mean, yeah, we all do. There's a little campaign. She

got into Cal Poly, though, which is a very impressive school, too. So she's doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just say the apple falls very far from the tree. Yeah, and rolled down a hill. Into a vat of intelligence. Okay. Man robbed a $500,000 watch in Beverly Hills. And this week on a phone interview, he talked to the Post about it. Jewelry dealer Shea Belhassen said he was sitting with a client at celebrity hotspot Il Pesteo when three armed thieves came up behind him and made their move to swipe his $500,000 Richard Millet timepiece. All right, here's what he said. One of them was choking me from the back with a gun to my head, while the other one was grabbing my arm,

and the third one was yanking the watch off my hand. So, Greg, you're in that spot. Crowded restaurant. These guys clearly are there for your watch. You know what fucking watch. You have basically an American house. I think it's worth more than the average American house. Sure it is.

You have more than the average American house on your wrist. And they are holding you just to take it. What do you do? I say, um, it's time to get a new watch. Exactly. That's what most non fucking douchebag human beings would do. And they'd realize they're in a really crowded place. No, you're ready. Quote, continuing right where we left off. I took a chance and grabbed the gun and wrestled them to the ground. They were trying to pull the trigger, Berenson said. I believe one of the robbers got shot while they were struggling with me on the ground. The eyewitnesses were saying he ran while holding his stomach. I know while we were fighting on the ground, a couple bullets shot.

I believe one of them hit him. End quote. He fails to mention the one that hit a woman who was just having lunch there. Oh, no shit. Shot in the leg, had to be rushed to the hospital. This is the mentality. That's the kind of selfish, overly aggressive mentality

that leads one to be so rich that you have a five hundred thousand dollar watch because he i look down on anybody that has a five hundred thousand dollar watch what a douche move what a total dick and i know there's a lot of people that could criticize just be like if you're ever against these extravagances or if you're ever against someone who like spends, you know, $3,000 on a shirt, it's like they earned it. They worked hard. It's like that. You're not fucking getting it. It's excessive. Think what you could do with that money to make the world a better place, probably to make siblings that don't talk to you anymore. You could probably make their world a better place. You could also not. How many people make that kind

of money that didn't do it in an evil, corrupting, backstabbing, malicious way? Even if you did it in the right way, you think a fucking person that did it in the right way is going to have the instinct. You know, I want to just do buy a little treat for myself. And you go to fucking douchebag overload like that with jewelry? Yeah. And by the way, I always wanted, I didn't know how to do this. I thought a good New Yorker cartoon, but you couldn't fit it all in one frame would be, because this is what happens.

You put on your fucking $20,000 watch, right? Say a Rolex. And it would be a guy like he's getting dressed, like his bow tie. He's in a fancy New York pent guy like he's getting dressed like his bow tie. He's in a fancy New York penthouse and he's putting on his watch and you see his bow ties not tied yet. And he's setting it, looking at his shitty alarm clock by his bedside table. You know what I mean? That's what he's setting it to. The Timex. Like, in other words, so what are you spending? You're clearly not spending it for its time telling ability. Right.

Right. And it's almost like if you were to go like these guys, most of the guys that have that kind of money. I mean, this guy sounds like maybe he's like a tough, strong guy. He's not. He's not. Oh, really? Yeah. You see a picture of him.

He's not at all. I would take his watch with a butter knife. Most people that have that kind of money are like tech geeks, you know, like your Bill Gates's of the world who, you know, who couldn't fight somebody off for their watch. If you were to look at it more from like a Darwinian standpoint, the people with the half million dollar watches would be like Conor McGregor, like people that could actually defend themselves from having their watch taken. And super new money guys, because that's a new money instinct also, which is to get validation that way. And I understand that drive completely. I do. But it always killed me. Like in some rap songs, it's like, great. Add another fucking white guy name like Gucci or fucking whatever you're adding to your song. Timberland. When are the white guy fucking labels who are totally exploiting you and the jewelers? Do you also name in your songs and the fucking cars? It's like, I don't know.

Like that's where I was like, I'm public enemy all, you know, I just, when I'm being raised in terms of hip hop, being raised on public enemy, it was so, and I know I'm sounding so fucking old right now, but it was so hard to have any toleration of fucking people just naming white european champagne fucking names to the and just a litany of finding rhymes to fucking the white power structure which by the way they were talking about cristal i think it was cristal where there was a lot of cristal mentions and then cristal was very upset about it and they were doing whatever they could to separate themselves from the from the hip hop world. And then there was there was a blowback from the hip hop where they then started.

They started not drinking Cristal anymore. And I know there are guys worth their salt big time who are not doing that and are really especially, you know, with the last two years. But even before that, we're really, you know, Kendrick Lamar is amazing. Don't get me wrong. And listen, I know I sound ignorant because I should have like 10 names in addition to Kendrick that just roll off my tongue. And I know they're out there.

But so many are just like, what? It's like, what the fuck? Holy shit. So you're saying stop cultural appropriation Holy shit. Stop cultural appropriation. That's reverse cultural appropriation. Such misguided cultural. I guess they're all misguided, but I don't know. Speaking of us getting uncomfortably racist, let's get to this next story.

School district officials defend slave letter writing assignment at Mississippi School. It had to be Mississippi. The direction shown in the screenshot of the assignment encouraged the eighth graders to, quote, pretend like you are a slave working on a Mississippi plantation and compose a letter to family members in Africa describing the slave experience. The teacher contends that the purpose was for students to gain empathy for those black people who lived during that era. I actually don't see what's so wrong about this assignment. Am I like, I know it's provocative. It's provocative. And you're putting this in the hands of kids from Mississippi, you know, who may not be the most empathetic, you know.

But won't it get to that? Dear Moongabi. They really stiffen us on the overtime pay. Actually, coming up a little short on the first eight hours as well. They're fighting a war right now, and the other side is trying to free us. Master asked if we'd jump in and help out his army. I enlisted right away. And I must not be a great soldier

because I accidentally shot 28 Confederates in the back of the head. These rifles are tricky. Is Mungama going to make a lot of sense out of that? Alright. I did the assignment too. Hello. Sorry for not writing for so long, but I can't read or write. I mean, I'm sure I can if I

try, but if you start to learn, they immediately kill you. So there's that. So my master's son is translating this for me. Okay, where do I begin? I guess I could say, well, my master's a really good dad. That better be, that should be all I say for right now. But it's not that bad. Hey, fun thing happened. Thomas Jefferson is sort of my brother-in-law. Okay, bye for now. Oh, and don't come visit.

It's going to be a total shit show for us here in this country for the next like 180 years or so. Toodles. Toodles. Yeah, this may be clipped up and put on the internet by the wrong people. Well, I hope they show our podcast video in this Mississippi school saying, you see, that's how you do it. Yeah. Then they have to have a big lecture on irony, hopefully. Well, I mean, Mississippi is consistently comes in last in the public schools.

And by the way, California, not far behind. Well, you knew that I love telling that story about, you know, when they defunded public schools, California voted on a, what do they call those? A ballot measure. But I forget what it's called. It's famous. It's like, it's number 13. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where they voted like, fuck this. I don't have kids and whatever. Or my kids are long gone. We're lowering property taxes because we don't want to pay for our schools. California, I think, was one or two. Yeah, it was number one in the country. And it dropped to 49, as you said. Number 50 was Mississippi. Now, in fairness, there was the most gigantic influx of Spanish-speaking people into the school system.

And that with the combination of the cuts just absolutely gave them no chance. And I'm going to say legalizing marijuana may bring us all the way down to number 50. And I'm not to say legalizing marijuana may bring us all the way down to number 50. And I'm not even making a joke. I really think that there's so many kids that are high in school starting from seventh grade on that there's no doubt it's not going to affect the test scores. is so prevalent. All right. So our friend, Dennis Gubbins, who gets very angry whenever we mention this is Dennis, the mayor of Venice. He, uh, he came over. He's like, Hey, I want to drop off some books for you, which is very weird anyway. So, uh, I tried to avoid that for a while. And then finally he's like, all right, I just left it with the guards at your building downstairs. And I'm like, okay, I'll go down and get it. I go down. There's first of all, a golf magazine. So what he's just giving me is garbage. So there's a magazine and two books.

And on the top, a pouch of weed, like a, just a total, like says it on it. And it's like how strong, you know, it's, it's a, it's a commercial pack of weed. I'm like, what the, and the guard's there looking at me as I pick this up. And he's like, what? It's like a bottle of alcohol. Couldn't I leave a bottle of vodka there for you? So this is what's happening to you is like what you're saying. It's so normalized that kids are doing it just like they would have alcohol, except all California kids are fully under the impression

weed is so, so, so much better for you and less of an evil than alcohol. They act like it's fucking echinacea meets kale. Like there's all this spin among them that weed is good for you. And it's just fucking, you know, it's meant for a certain time and a place. And it's not meant to fucking smoke while you're in class all day.

Or even worse, they can eat it because it's totally undetectable. At least with alcohol, you can smell it so you can bust kids. But if they're just eating it, they're just sitting in class fucking zoning out. And teachers let kids, you know, bust out their phones half the time. Yeah, but Dennis Gubbins. All right. out and teachers let kids you know bust out their phones half the time um yeah but dennis gubbins uh all right he sent i lent dennis gubbins a book called uh called say nothing and and i go and pick it up that's a subtle way to tell him i i go to his house to pick it up after it took him no less than nine weeks to read this fucking book and i finally go to pick it up and it's he says he finished it i go and it's on his coffee table opened who opened

who leaves a book open pressed down that's and ruin the fucking binding you get a bookmark all right grandpa it's got a coffee stain on it. The pages are all dog-eared back. It's like, would you play touch football with this fucking book? He read it. He digested it. All right, he wants us to read a correction this week because he feels we gave him shit.

He was the pioneer on the line at the facility you went to. He was the first guy, the early adopter. He got the vaccine down there the way you did. The surplus, the right way. I guess he posted that early on. He said, hey, fucker, I got my vaccine at a legitimate place. Clear my name next week. I think we did.

He feels we didn't at all. So anyway. Should we do the horoscopes? Let's do it. This was suggested by a listener that we start doing the horoscopes. I think we need a new sting for that. Chris, can we come up with a little horoscope sting?

Maybe this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. We're bitches, but we're cool. All right. Here was yesterday's. March 5th. This is Aries, of course. March 5th. This is Aries, of course. Chances to pursue opportunities to bring whatever creative work you do best to the public could come up today, Aries. overstatement. You will be in the limelight and outshine almost everyone. This not to believe in things like horoscopes, but this is so fucking dead on and this is so motivational that I'm embracing it. So I roll up the sleeves, Greg, like you. I write a slave letter because I saw you were putting that

in the podcast. And I'm like, I'm committing. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. Long haul. Not a sprint. It's a marathon. Long haul. This is my new perspective on things. Done. March 6th. Aries. A new and previously unacknowledged talent for working in social, humanitarian and spiritual fields could come to light today. Aries, this could have you thinking seriously about changing jobs or pursuing an entirely new career. Well, wait a minute. Do you know how easy it was to get out of bed this morning with my new mantra, my new commitment, my new purpose? If you're serious about this change, Aries, it's best to pursue it now. If you wait too long, the process might prove more difficult.

What? But do you remember yesterday's advice? What happened to yesterday, horoscope? Jeepers creepers. Well, what are our possibilities? We could become school teachers in Mississippi. We could write children's books. We could teach jewelry making.

We could give shots. We could give vaccinations. Clean up public bathrooms. My friend's son got a job giving out the shots. Hey, sorry, I'm a little scattered. I did want to follow up. I was thinking about, like, I'm a little scattered. I did want to follow up. I was thinking about like, that's a good if you had if you had fuck you money, right? When you do. Well, how would you describe your money? Like mine's not fuck you, but it's definitely like.

Hey. Oh, is that what you have? Hey, money. Hey, hey, money. I have like, can we split this money? I have, I'm sorry, money. Look, I'm sorry. I don't have enough money. What? That's 15% if you don't count tax money. I don't have fuck you money.

I have fuck me money. I don't tip on tax or alcohol money. I have, I look for somebody pulling out of a parking spot so there's still some time on the meter money. I have, let me research this item for two hours to save $2 money. Cause I don't know my own worth. I don't know what my time is worth. While not working on my CBS script that just got dropped.

Oh, you, are you talking about my craigslist.org money? Yeah, I have that. So anyway, getting back to that guy, I will say this, the comments underneath and no one really calling him out because I want to, I bet that guy, I don't know this. I bet he was targeted clearly. I bet he put his fucking bullshit on Instagram and all that. I also think he's in a lot of shit because I believe he borrowed that watch from his jewelry store. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Which was across the street. Now, in the comments, people are talking about and that's why I think the sheriff of Beverly Hills had to put out that

statement today because they have not caught these guys. And really? Yeah. And he's like, it is safe here. We like the opposite of defunding. We have increased police and they have, I think, and he's like, everyone's safe. And now we're going to hire very interesting private security. There you go. So people dining and shopping feel like it's almost going to be like, it's going to be like a club, like an indoor luxury mall. So anyway, one of the people writing the comments was like, um, it's so true. Beverly Hills has gotten so dangerous. Like this is the third one, a big thing that's happening by the way, you know, in the West side also are cars targeting, coming up to people, hopping out and

robbing them and taking off. And that's, you know, that's what this was. So this one guy, this one person goes, my husband and I bought, went to a jewelry shop in Beverly Hills. And when he was wrapping us up and we were saying goodbye, he goes, be very careful when you leave here. Cause I have had other clients say they are followed home and robbed that night or like, or as soon as they get home, those are, those maybe are even luckier than others have left and they get in a fender bender on the way home and the people pretend it's an accident and rob them. So like there's all these people scoping it out like all the time now. And I send you that article. Jesus, on the old guy in Venice? Yeah, that was so tragic.

And he's a guy that we had friends that knew the guy. Yep. He's the third senior citizen to get beat up on the street and killed. And another guy was his bike. And all it was bike, but it was such a violent taking of the bicycle. He died from the injuries. Yeah, right, right. but it was such a violent taking of the bicycle. He died from the injuries. Right. Right.

It's well, this is what's happening out there a little bit. Like, listen, with a bike, a bike is, does not apply to what I'm saying. If you're wearing a $500,000 watch,

and if you did advertise it on Instagram, like look at my fucking, it's getting to a point in this country the poor are not going to take it i'm not no i'm not blaming the guy with the watch get me get me right here right but know the fucking room and the room right now is getting fucking sick of this one percent yeah now i wrote that that's funny because under that story i wrote this is the revolution long overdue it's uh i didn't know you'd be pro i didn't know you'd be pro robin but okay well i just think it's no i'm just point i'm dispassionate about it i'm not i'm not taking aside i'm just pointing out what you said that when you have when you have one percent of the

population owns 50 of the stock market way way more i think by the way and the bottom 50 of the population owns one percent of the stock market things are going to change but it's really you know in that top that top 10 of the the 1%, you know, whatever it is, the 0.001% of the population. It's like, it's so out of whack. You know, I just wish I had a bigger brain and was smarter. But I remember someone who is very smart. I'll get his name in a minute. I can't think of his name. But I guess there's a podcast on revolutions and I want to listen to it. And it's it's done by an historian. And I'm sure they're so, so similar. I'm sure the setups are so, so similar. They eat the rich, you know, like.

And I'm I'm sure we are just we are textbook right now. I guarantee we're textbook leading to it. We are textbook right now. I guarantee we're textbook leading to it. Well, I know. I remember some of the factors of when a revolution starts is that it's not when people are at their lowest point. It's usually things have bottomed out and they've just started to get better. That's when people start to rebel.

I have no idea why. I can't remember what the thinking is behind it. And it's almost always the intelligentsia. It's usually a bourgeois revolution. It's usually the kids that we're putting through college that are being taught about capitalism and all that that are going to lead the thinking and lead the masses against the rich, against their parents, basically. All right, I should know more about what I'm talking about.

Chris Danman, who, as you know, is pro-rich while being very poor, at a certain point, he says, at a certain point, people will turn on the farmers because they have food and it's all over. Well, he's writing that from his bunker in a Missouri fucking crop right now. So what do you think? Where you stand depends on where you sit. And he sits underneath a fucking cornfield with his Internet. Save the farmers.

All right. Okay. All right. Chris. They're going to start stealing their gold-plated tractors. Did we do Florida Man? Are we skipping Florida Man? No, let's do Florida Man.

There it is. A snorkeler off the coast of the Florida Keys found, ha ha, did he find a parrotfish? Did he find a sea urchin? Sure. He also found $1.5 million worth of cocaine. Hey now. The 70 pounds was found wrapped in tape and floating on Wednesday afternoon. found wrapped in tape and floating on Wednesday afternoon.

The unidentified snorkeler, when I read unidentified snorkeler, I was hoping that was because they didn't find him, contacted the local police department who informed the U.S. Border Patrol. Yeah? When the police came to pick up the six pounds of cocaine, he said, listen, the four pounds of cocaine is in my car, and if you guys want to take this two pounds of cocaine in as evidence, I'll help you carry six pounds of cocaine. He said, listen, the four pounds of cocaine is in my car. And if you guys want to take this two pounds of cocaine in as evidence, I'll help you carry that pound of cocaine. Well, they asked him more questions.

He was like, how do I know? I just snorkeled for four days straight. Is this South Carolina or am I back to Florida? Right. And by the way, where's the Corvette dealership? South Carolina or am I back to Florida? Right. And by the way, where's the Corvette dealership?

Can you give a statement? Okay. Can you give less of a statement? Sir, there's white powder all over your snorkel. Your mask is not fogged, sir. There's white powder all over the inside of it. You know your nose is supposed to go inside the mask. Sir, you wore out your flippers.

I've never seen that happen before. What do you mean you've been a cube of six times and back? Let me ask you something. If you found 70 pounds of cocaine, first of all, I would think 70 pounds would be worth more than $1.5 million. But say you found a pound. Say you found a pound of cocaine. Yeah, you're right, by the way. First of all, there's many values. I don't know if that's the street value yet after they cut in the drug that kills everybody.

Right, fentanyl. Well, let's see. I'm going to do the math. 70 pounds, 16 ounces in a pound is 421 times 0. Good luck. I am at the edge of my chair waiting to hear the conversion of grams. I'm at the edge of my chair waiting to hear the conversion of grams. So that means there's 7,000. Wait, 700.

7,000. Seriously, 7,000 ounces. Are you doing this by longhand? An eighth of an ounce costs $300 on the street. So 300 times eight is. How do you. You're scaring me now. Is 2 2400 per ounce. Huh.

Now it's way more. It's way more. Wow, you really have exact numbers, huh? Hey, you in school, show your answer and show all work. Greg, you can't just write way more. All right, hold on. What do you have, one of those greater signs? You just draw that sideways teepee?

The answer is this sideways arrow. All right, anyway, what would you do? Would you take the pound, take half of it for fun? And maybe, and maybe would you sell some? Would you keep it all? Would you turn some of it in? What would you do? If you turn some of it in, then you're, then you're on their radar and they may track you to see if you kept some of it. Well, what I do know, all right. So if I'm sitting on 70 pounds of it. Well, what I do know, all right, so if I'm sitting on 70 pounds of cocaine, right, what I do know is I'm going to have a lot more ideas

on what to do with it if I do some. Like, I'm starting at least 63 companies, maybe 70 companies. I'll have ideas for those companies right away. Right. I'll also need a place to write all my screenplays that I'm going to get done in about two weeks. And that's going to be in a glass tower top floor. I also want to clean my garage, but I don't have a garage right now. So I'm going to have to buy someplace with a killer garage. Right. And then I'm going to

clean that fucker. I'm going to need some new teeth. These seem to have fucking worn out recently. Yeah. And then I do my best thinking at sea. So where I found the stuff. So I'd probably have to get a boat and think about it there. No. What would I do if you want the real answer? The real answer. OK. Seventy pounds. You find 70 pounds. Let's make this very real. You walk in your kitchen. You're still wet. You throw this 70 pound duct taped big thing that was clearly thrown from a boat. You fucking throw your snorkel gear in the corner and you sit there huffing and puffing and you're like, what the fuck do I do? I guess I would, if I'm being truthful, You're like, what the fuck do I do?

I guess I would, if I'm being truthful, I'm totally turning it in. And then selfishly, I'm going to try to think though about how I can win in this situation. Somehow I can get a win. Do I come, I don't know what I do. Do I like come up with a GoFundMe to be entertained by my thought process on when I should turn it in or how I should turn it in? I would try to make money somehow on the process of turning it in. I would.

I know that's stupid. 70 pounds is unwieldy, and that's how you get caught. So I keep 10 pounds, and I turn 60 in. So now I feel like, all right, I've done the right thing and the wrong thing, which is the way I like to live my life. And now I take the 10 pounds, and I snort cocaine for six months. I just enjoy it. And I give it to my friends.

Each of my friends gets an eight ball. That's three and a half ounces. I can easily give 20 friends an eight ball. And then I go to homeless people and I go, look, you guys have been living on the street mostly because you're hooked on drugs and you're begging for money and using it to buy drugs. I'm going to tell you, keep begging for money, but use that for housing and I'll give you the drugs. So I'm getting people off the street. Well, you see, you're an addict yourself, so you have an advantage over me of not seeing how to do the right thing with it.

When's the last time you did cocaine? Well, I snorted my Ritalin the other day. Remember? I told you. Oh, that's right. That's right. And it was, why would I ever buy cocaine? We have cocaine pills, Greg, which is designer cocaine.

It's mixed salts. There's a more grad, there's a more gradual down, but when you snorted, you skip that gradual up bullshit. Is it, is it a nice rush? It is. I told you, and I haven't done it since, but it is a little, Whoa, my face is alive. Wait, is it a capsule and you broke up the little, uh, the little round? No no it sounds like you might have time release i don't know i have time release no oh don't yeah that's a lot i don't know those are dangerous they say don't don't do that because obviously it's staggered and you'll get it or do it you'll have the time of your life so one of my sponsors on fitz dog radio is oh and also here is blue chew and so I got a shipment.

Blue Chew was nice enough to send me 12 tons of Blue Chew pills. I have no idea. My wife saw that and she was like, yeah, good luck with that. Yeah, please start cheating. Please, please. She was like, you can get rid of all of that.

By the way, she's like changing your homepage to YouPorn. And like, she's leaving fucking like, here's this. Oh, the swimsuit. I got it early. The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Here it is in the bathroom. The next day, Amazon delivers a gross of lube that she sent for. Totally.

Why is there a lock on our bathroom, on our bedroom door? So I, uh, I've been carrying it around to give to people and you know what? People don't want it. I'm shocked. Nobody wants it. I don't know if they don't want to admit that they would ever need it or they don't want to be caught with it or what. But I think I, I think I gave you some, right? No, you brought it to golf. Yeah. No, I didn't take any because blue chew sent me that initial pat. I didn't get tons at all. They sent me an initial, but okay. Wait, are, are they a sponsor still as you tell a story about everyone refusing Blue Chew?

I think they are. That's because the people you try to give it to happily enjoy their subscription to Blue Chew and they didn't need any more. Because Blue Chew is so cheap and they sent them so much. Hey, let me tell you something. I've taken it a few times and yes, yes. You will be a golden God. Here's why Gubbins didn't take it from you. Just involve him in everything. Here's why Gubbins took a lot from you. Because when you were selling it to him, you're like, listen, just trust me. Take this and look. And you point it down and there's your stiffy sticking out of your sweatpants.

You're walking around with a tent. It's creepy, dude. I don't know what you don't see about your sales pitch with an erection. All right, let's get to entertainment. It's the elephant in the living room. It's the wood man. It's the elephant in the attic. It's the train set in the attic.

Woody Allen versus Mia Farrow. And I just wanted to, part two came out this past week. And it was more of the same. Tonight is part three, which we have not seen. So they've gotten very graphic about what he did to her physically. But apparently those reports have fluctuated wildly over the years in terms of where they were, how he touched her, what he said to her. And again, I am not victim shaming because Dylan was seven years old. To me, she was coached by Mia. Oh, I thought you were going to say asking for it because I don't know if I can.

All right, go ahead. Come on, Mike. Come on. So this was from The Guardian. The Guardian did a little review of it, and they said, So this was from The Guardian. The Guardian did a little review of it, and they said, Directors Amy Ziering and Kirby Dick play on two strong currents in today's popular culture. First, the enormous appetite for true crime documentaries, and second, a reevaluation of past wrongs, looking back at a distant time when people were insufficiently evolved to understand social justice.

when people were insufficiently evolved to understand social justice. They've been criticized in the past for putting advocacy ahead of accuracy. Yes, they have. In their 2015 documentary about campus rape, Hunting Ground. I talked about that last week. Which used discredited data. Yeah. Yep. So they're done.

So they're done to me. Not only discredited data, but accusing Harvard of like not even really caring what this victim said. Like, you know, in other words, basically not only not believing, but not even hearing the woman. And it's like, go fuck yourselves. Here's the proof of how involved in this we got. And by the way, he's back readmitted because we found not what you guys claim to have found. Dick has described himself in the past as a, quote, activist and a filmmaker. And activism can be the opposite of journalism.

Because rather than asking questions to find the truth, the conclusion looks preordained from the start with inconvenient facts getting pushed aside. And there are many inconvenient facts when it comes to Alan. For example, despite the documentary's claim to go beyond the tip of the iceberg, it never finds time to get into the testimonies of Monica Thompson, Dylan's nanny, who was very much on the surface of the iceberg. Initially, Thompson told police that Farrah was a good mother, but then retracted it, saying she felt that she had to say it or, quote, I would lose my job. She then gave a sworn to

sworn affidavit affidavits that Farrow had tried to force her into supporting the molestation charge and said that Allen, quote, was always the better parent and all the things Farrow was saying about him are not true, period, end of quotes. And she is not alone. There were other workers in the family. I think there was a who was this? Was this the housekeeper? Monica Thompson. Yeah. Dylan's nanny. Now, no, the nanny. There was also the housekeeper who was totally in fear, but then eventually came out pro Woody on this whole issue. Right.

No, no. Listen. But we asked people to read Moses' letter. I don't even want to talk to people unless they read that. And my point is I am not saying what Moses is saying is the truth. What I'm saying is there are at least three sides to this story, hers, his, and the truth, and there's many other sides to this story, hers, his, and the truth, and there's many other sides to this story than that,

and that these documentarians are not true journalists and documentarians, and you are seeing a one-sided hit job where I think Mia's even one of the fucking producers of this thing. where I think Mia's even one of the fucking producers of this thing. Well, if not a producer, she certainly has curated a lot of videos, pictures, B-roll of her house, extended one-on-one interviews. Oh, they slow down footage of him hugging his children with ominous music. With the music underneath it, with the creepiest fucking, like, psycho killer music under it as he hugs his daughter. women or believe women or whichever it is, like unless you're an activist for that and that maybe it could raise awareness and help other cases. OK, but you can't do that at the expense of calling someone who might not be a pedophile, a pedophile. You can't.

Not only that, let's keep in mind, the guy, the evidence was presented. And he was not, there wasn't even a trial. There was not enough evidence for a trial. People put his name in the same breath as, like Dylan has, and like Mia has, as Cosby. And now since then, you know, who's the guy who just killed himself in prison? Harvey Weinstein. Well, in prison? Harvey Weinstein. Well, no, so Harvey Weinstein. Jeffrey Epstein.

Harvey Weinstein, Cosby, Jeffrey Epstein. That's apples and fucking oranges. Those are convicted predators. Serial predators. Not only that. What's that? Serial predators who did it over and over again. Not a guy in his 60s.

With countless cases against them. Yeah. But also charged and convicted. Woody has never even been charged. Right. He was not indicted. And again, I hope to God this isn't true. I hope to God this isn't true, but let's not conflate the fact that what he did with Sun Yi, OK, morally reprehensible, questionable on every level.

Does it have to do with molesting a child? No. Again, apples and oranges. I think Woody Allen is very obviously incredibly attracted to young women, loves women who apparently from the one woman that he and Mia had a threesome with, Woody started dating when she was two weeks before 17 or whatever. 17 is a legal age. He did not. He and she said that she came out and said this.

He never knew at all how old I was. And the first time we had sex, maybe it was two weeks before he turned 17. I think two years later or something, Mia joined the threesome with them. He is incredibly attract and is very, anyway, whatever. It's different. First of all, how funny. It's different than a fucking seven-year-old and pedophilia. Yes. First of all,

how funny is it to think about Woody Allen, this skinny, pale, red-headed, balding Jewish guy having a three-way with Mia, one of the hottest chicks of all time. Crazy hot, by the way. And we've learned now, crazy hot.

Crazy hot. Which is hotter. And some 17-year-old who, you know, and satisfying both those women. That's insane. I know, and he's so nebbishy and a germophobe. Yeah, right, right.

How does he even do it? So anyway, we'll watch part three tonight, but we did get letters from people about it. And you, by the way, what stood out to you the most? You sent me the 60 Minutes interview with Woody from 92. Well, one of the things he said was, look, follow the logic here. I'm in a contentious child custody dispute

with my angry ex-wife. She's already threatened his life, technically. Sent him a letter with knives in it. And now he is going to her home prior to the judge deciding on child custody. He's visiting the home. And I am then in the sixth decade of my life going to commit. He goes, if I want. And I love the way, you know, and he behold on one day, I want to interrupt you and let you get to your finish. But building it up more and nine people in that home who have all been told I'm evil incarnate and I'm not to let me near, near her alone. And I'm literally the devil, which is, this is exactly what Moses recounted also. And so he goes, so now I'm going to go there. And of all, if I win child custody, he goes, I will be alone with her all the time. So why logically would I molest her at this moment in time, which was a very kind of forthcoming,

abrupt course way of saying it. But you got to look at the logic of that. He got, and of course he's gotten very criticized. Like what a bizarre way to defend yourself from accusations of child molestation that logically like this one reporter, another piece of shit goes logically. And then they pointed to another movie during that time, which was called like the irrational man or whatever it was, where it was having an affair with a young girl. And it was like, so it's like, and they, they point to that, like it's evidence.

And, um, and again, that it's evidence that he then can make the leap to a child, you know, a child predator, like a pedophile. So yes, he's going to pick that. And also he was with her alone so many other times. And, and it, it sounded like a monster talking. I understand what they're saying. Like, he's like, I had tons of opportunities to molest her. He's like, I had tons of opportunities to molest her. Yeah, right. I'm going to choose that weekend? Yeah.

Liz writes in, Mike's opinion makes me reconsider my views on Woody Allen. I've been team Mia since the Sunni news days and found him disgusting. The timeline and background provided by Mike was interesting. By the way, speaking of timelines, Mia then showed up for a costume fitting on Woody Allen's new film a week after she accused him of molesting her daughter. And by the way, and he had said she called into our wardrobe department. So I think he has proof. In other words, and I bet he might have presented it in court that she called my costume department about getting a fitting so we could work together four days after she thinks I molested her daughter, our daughter. Right. So. Anyway, she said she looked up the article written by moses watched the first two episodes

she said i couldn't stick with it i tried mike but the sunyi story just sets him as a florida man that marries his stepkid and leaves his wife for her regardless of the molestation accusations fair point i totally respect anybody that distances themselves from him for that reason. Got it. But let's not accuse somebody of the most heinous crime a man can do. Okay, this is Liz. I appreciate Liz's writing this, but I think she's... What has I tried?

But the Sunni story, regardless... So what did she try? She tried, but the Sun Yi story, regardless. So what did she try? She tried to watch the documentary. And she couldn't get past the Sun Yi story? Yeah. Okay. What a weird thing, man. So I guess she tried to change her views on Woody Allen.

That's her premise. My opinion made her reconsider her views. But my point is, I think people are very, they're conflating a lot. And people are very confused about this story. And he mentions that in the 60 Minutes interview. He's like, there's two things being tied together here. And to his credit, I guess in a weird way, he's like, he recognizes the optics and how wrong many people feel it is with Sunni.

And he goes, and I take full responsibility for that full responsibility. And I know what that is going to bring. That is a separate issue than the Dylan issue. It's it's really destructive to the other kids also, because these are these are very vulnerable children. They were adopted from bad situations. You mean the ones that haven't committed suicide already? Right. Right. Right. The other thing they don't mention in the documentary is that two of the kids committed suicide and another one died from I think from AIDS, but had spent her life as a drug addict. Or her brother, who's in prison currently for being a pedophile.

Right, Mia's brother. But I mean, to subject these kids that are so vulnerable to having their sister have an affair with their father figure, it's a little bit like how much do you love Sun Yi that you would put human beings you supposedly love through that destruction? I am not going to defend the Sun Yi thing at all. Now, some people, let's say Sun Yi wasn't even in the family,

some people are out just on that, that a guy that old can hook up with a 21-year-old. And especially just when it's so, add to it, a world-renowned kind of genius who's been awarded for being such. And you just have this crazy power dynamic That's just so lopsided. So a lot of people would be out on that. Then you add to it, like, listen, I am not defending Woody in that 60 minutes interview when he's like, yes, no. And then I, that I started dating her daughter and all this. And like, you know, one of the threats he, he claims, and I wonder if he has proof because supposedly he was recording their phone conversations. He says she called him a couple of weeks or a month before the Dillon accusations came out and said, let me tell you something.

You took my daughter. I'm going to take yours. Right. Right. All right. Well, listen, watch part three tonight. People will talk about it next week. But I think tonight's going to be super disturbing. Let's get to a film. Go ahead. I'm sorry, you want to tease it? You want to tease it out? No, I think we're going to see Dylan talk about what he did.

Okay. In her opinion, her story. Here's a film we both watched this week. I don't know how you felt about it, but I watched Judas and the Black Messiah and just a fucking great movie. First of all, give me a historical movie where I'm going to learn a lot. I'm 50% there already.

And then give me a cast like that guy, Daniel, how do you say, Kaluuya? Sure. Who was in Get Out. He's so fucking talented. plays fred hampton and then you've got the woman i think her name is dominique fishback and she plays his girlfriend and i knew her from that show the deuce on hbo and she was great and then and then you got Jesse Plemons playing the FBI guy. So an unbelievable cast, great scripts, really just a great movie. Jesse Plemons is in too many things. But as I was thinking, I'm watching him and I love him and I want him to do less things, but his, the face on that

fucking guy, when he takes something in his listening face is one of the most incredible things I, cause it was even in breaking bad. It's like, he hears you and you're like, is this a, like he hears you and you're like is this a how is is this a lunatic processing something right now yeah or is he actually sweet because there's so much sweetness appearing on this head of his yeah like it's like you couldn't tell on this if how badly he was using this guy or if he was you were like wondering. Yeah, there's that moment in the restaurant where he's playing both sides and you can see both sides happening on his face

at the same time. By the way, go watch him in Fargo, which is a great TV series. The season that he's in where he actually ends up marrying his co-star from it. Is that true? Yep. They were Dunst?

Who was that? Yes. Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst. Married her. They were an amazing couple in that. Yep. Yep.

He's in another movie. Of course, I'm going to slaughter it. He's in another movie out now by one of our favorite writers, you know, being John Malkovich. That guy's new movie. It is bonkers crazy, the movie. Bonkers crazy. Really? Yes.

I shouldn't be here or something like that. I'll look it up now. Anyway, keep going. Charlie Kaufman? Yes, Kaufman's new movie. Yeah. He might have directed it, too. All right. Wow. What else have directed it, too. All right.

Wow. What else you got? What did you see? What else did you see, Mike, on a slow night? But wait, Fred Thompson, getting back to, is it Fred Thompson? No. Fred Hampton. Fred Hampton.

That's so deplorable. I was ashamed. Like, Tom O'Neill's book, Chaos, which we talked about earlier, that's one of the first times I learned about him because Tom goes into it. Yeah. And that guy's incredible. Yeah. And the FBI knew it. The FBI could see a mile away.

I mean, they really prioritized his death over a lot of other potential leaders. And what was he, 21? He was 21. That was at the end when they roll the credits and they, you know, they give you that little epilogue and they say that he was 21. You're like, what? And they and this guy, I mean, basically Hoover was looking out for the next Malcolm X or the next Martin Luther King. And they wanted to stop it before it happened. And, you know, the Black Panthers, they got this reputation today as this terrorist organization.

And in the movie, they try to put them on the same par as the KKK. They couldn't have been further than the KKK. They did so much work in the community, feeding poor kids, giving people money to pay rent when they needed it. They were an amazing group. Were they violent? Yes. But at the same time, so many black people were being killed by the cops at that point. Okay. I'm sorry. Daughter asking me questions about keeping cocaine. Dad, can we keep it, please? Like as a puppy. How about the dude?

I'm not giving anything away here, but like, I guess I am a little. Walking in to the rival gangs who want to kill him and him being like, we are on the same fucking side. It's like, yes. And like, right. To have that wisdom at that age. Yeah, right. Like we can do more together. Right, right.

And that's the thing. And what about when you talk about what about when he gets the white people on his side, the poor white rednecks with the Confederate flag? And I mean, that's the thing that the government or the people, you know, you hear people talking about like George Carlin has a great fucking routine about. You think there's a Democrat and a Republican? He goes, you are not in charge. There's a handful of people pulling the strings, and these people are all fucking puppets. And what those people know is that, and they've known it since Reconstruction,

is don't let the poor whites and the poor blacks get together because our party will be fucking over. So you see that this guy made an effort to bring, he was able to reach out to poor whites and go, look, you guys are getting beat up by the cops just like we are. You guys are having a hard time paying your rent just like we are. Let's work together. Yep. That's why they took him out.

By the way, the government, many, many active campaigns preventing, forget poor blacks and poor whites getting together, just poor blacks getting together. Right. Like, let's make sure crack stays in this community and the guy that played judas uh lakeith stanfield was you've watched atlanta right oh that dude is so both of them are incredible lakeith stanfield is he's the actor to watch right now. He is so mega fucking talented. And he can do funny. Yeah. Right. I mean, both of them can.

Yep. Right. Have you ever heard how British the main guy is? Daniel Kaluuya? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, insanely thick British accent. Right, right.

No, he's really something. He's one of the great African-American actors out there. Okay, now, just to take it down a notch and shit on African-Americans. I was just making a joke. He's British. Go ahead. Back it up. Back it up. Back's British. Go ahead. What was it? Back it up. Back it up. Start again. Do you know how British he sounds?

He's a really great African American actor. That was solid. Hey, Mike, let's go around the world. Oh, we're not going to talk about how shitty Coming to America 2 is? Let's go around the world. Oh, we're not going to talk about how shitty coming to America two is. Let's go back. Hey, Mike, how is coming to America two? It takes every all the praise we just heaped on the African-American actors and the British, the African-British actor. I don't know. It sucked. It's it tonally. It was so crazy because you're like, wow, it's it tonally it was so crazy because you're like wow it's nine minutes haven't even smiled

once and then there'd be a scene loaded with jokes having nothing to do with plot and it's just like a sketch and you're like all right there were funny people in that room and maybe some i saw some names attached to this and i know they're not funny writers. So, I mean, they make their living being funny writers, but they're not. And so I'm like, all right, there was some riffing going on or whatever, because there was some funny thing, but it would be like, tonally, it would be like, this honestly seems like a sketch that could be on SNL or somewhere having nothing to do with this movie. Right. So it was very weird and stupid and bad. The odds of it being good are so, so long. They're so bad.

I don't know. I think it could have. But sometimes, you know, there's the ego on Eddie Murphy. Ego hurts comedy, as you know. And sometimes all the scenes where he was playing the prince in that character were really, by the way, huge chunks of the prince in that character were really by the way huge chunks of the movie not trying to be funny uh-huh like i'm like is this a drama yeah and you know he got he got away with that with dolomite dolomite was fucking great i really want to see it he was funny

in it but there was it was it, but it packed a punch. It said something. It was really good. Right. But this movie, they tried to take a movie that was silly and give it some meaning. So I guess in a scale of 1 to 10, Coming to America got a 2. Coming to America 2? It's in the title.

Why not? Yeah. Did you see the Billie E eilish documentary no and i know that was our homework assignment this week but i didn't get to it it's uh all right let's wait we'll do it next week she's great that's my review all right international International. What do we got? I haven't seen this story. On March 11th, the magnitude 9.0 earthquake struck Japan, triggering a tsunami and killing 20,000 people and a nuclear meltdown happened. Amid the falloutout residents had to evacuate the area many of them leaving behind their pets a construction business owner at the time sake kato decided to

stay put in his home and rescue all the cats that had left behind by his fleeing neighbors quote i wanted to make sure i am here to take care of the last one. After that, I want to die, whether that be a day or an hour later. Without any running water, the man has to collect some from a nearby mountain spring. He also has to drive to public toilets whenever he needs to relieve himself. Yeah, you wouldn't want to just go outside your house and contaminate all that nuclear waste with your urine. God forbid you launch a floater into that water. Yeah, you're like, does my piss look yellow?

All liquid looks yellow. I would grab a log of poop floating by me and put it, use it as a filter in my mouth. It's the cleanest thing in that water. Yeah, right. I mean, can you imagine just how people that love cats lose their fucking minds? I mean, Laura Keitlinger would do the same thing if there was a nuclear blast in Los Angeles. She would stay behind and give her life for the cats. Don't fuck with cats. No, no.

Don't fuck with China also. They right now are launching a program because they are finding that boys who don't fit traditional Chinese ideas of masculinity has revived painful memories. So I don't know memories of what, but their plan is to encourage masculinity in male students. It's inflamed a debate over modern gender roles as China's government increasingly emphasizes what many consider to be outdated or damaging stereotypes for men and boys. Huh. Yeah.

I didn't listen to all of that. So what are they doing? Can you give me a short version? They have programs where they're having like— To get boys to be more masculine? Yeah, they want all male teachers because they think the females are bad role models. They have programs where they're having like to get boys to be more masculine. Yeah. They want all male teachers because they think the females are bad role models. And they talk about this one 11 year old and they called him too girly.

They made fun of his high pitched voice and he the way he screamed when he tried to maintain discipline among his fellow students as a class monitor. Others teased him for spending so much time with girls and said he acted like he was trying to date the other boys in the class. Well, he's gay. I mean, you're not going to train that out of somebody. You just, China needs to accept that some boys are one way and some are another way. Although Bobby Lee could use some of this training, I would say. China's government, they would just hope. How many billion do they have?

They're going to need all of them just to get Bobby to keep his clothes on. China's government increasingly emphasizes what many consider to be outdated and damaging stereotypes for men and boys. But isn't China rather famous for outdated views? Like, first, don't they have a whole slave colony within their country right now? It's just a million people. It's no big deal. The Uyghurs. Isn't their view on free speech a little outdated also? Didn't they abort second-born children in their country for about four decades?

I told you that. I saw that. Listen, whatever you have to say about the New York Times or the best newspapers in the world, their photos are usually not just surface photos showing you a location. There is, that guy is literally a photojournalist. Yeah. And that photo is telling a story.

And there was a picture when they had an earthquake in China. I believe that was a story, but the school collapsed and killed a lot of children. And it brought up this big issue of like the, the, the, the building codes and all that in China and everything. Anyway, the New York times photo was of all these parents rushing and then by body bags and like even in the rubble and what and they showed this Chinese couple emotionally broken and crying and the father trying to console her. And the story really was about the law was you could only have one child. And so this was a school full of all of these parents' only child. Wow.

And of course, it's just as awful to lose a child if you have another one. But there really is more to it. And it was a heartbreaking photo. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Good news. Good news stuff. China boys.

Sounded like a fun story. What's going on in Mexico, Mike? This was just one little story I saw, which was, I see now what you wrote under it. So I was going to step on your joke. So I'll let you do it. Delta flight out of Mexico. This happened this week. Delta flight out of a Mexico city. Sorry, a Mexico resort in Cabo was diverted after a passenger died on board. He died on the Delta flight departing Cabo and forcing the plane to divert and land in Sacramento.

Oh, God. Here's. Wait, is that a piece of low hanging fruit? Let me just grab this. I'd rather sit with a rotting corpse on an overcrowded plane with screaming babies than have to spend any time in Sacramento, Mike. So my take was, you're on the plane, and the guy's like, excuse me, this is your captain. We are going to have to do one emergency landing. So we're going to divert and just a short little stop in Sacramento because a fellow passenger has died. I would be like, everyone

would be looking at each other. I'd be like, Sacramento. That's exactly what my reaction would be. That's all I would have heard. We have to stop in Sacramento? Speaking of which, I'm supposed to be playing in Sacramento in two weeks. Canceled. I wouldn't have made these jokes. Come see them. If that gig was still on, I would have held my tongue on that joke. All right, let's listen. We can put in any city.

Change it to Raleigh. well after making all these anti-racist jokes i think that's gonna hurt my ticket sales let's do some sports Here it is. Oh, yeah. The Bucs, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The headline was watching Tom Brady and the Bucs defend their Super Bowl title will cost you more. They're raising ticket prices for season pass holders anywhere from 10 to 45 percent for the 2021 season, according to invoices that were mailed with the letter from the Bucks coach and GM. Now, they had increased prices already up 15 percent due to the high demand in 2020 after signing Brady. And in fact, some fans waited for more than an hour

behind 5,000 to 6,000 others to order seats. All right, this is the part I wanted. The highest increase, however, reflects the elimination of about 3,000 seats in the 300 level, which used to be offered at half price for youths. That's perfect. That's like Brady taking back. You're like getting that PPP loan that he needed so badly for his merchandise company.

There's no doubt that he is getting bonuses based on winning the Super Bowl that are forcing the Bucs to make financial moves like this in order to keep paying him. I have no doubt about that. How about if you're Brady, you stand up and you say you are not taking away youth and student seats. Right. Right. To sell them to the ultra rich. Yeah. I think he's going to make, you know how he made the Patriots the most hated team in the league? He's going to do that to the Buccaneers. They got one year of being the underdog team, the let's see if it can happen, and then it happened.

And now there's going to be the resentment plus stories like this. Here's the thing. Tampa's obviously super easy to make. It's a fish in a barrel to make fun of. But there are some very real people there. They're partiers and all that. I think you're right. I think there may be a backlash once this gets so Dallas Cowboys-esque and Patriots-esque where it's like,

it's really not a team for the people. Yeah. You know, where like places like Chicago and, you know, bring on the corrections now probably, but there are some cities which, well, Green Bay. Right. And I'm sure there, I'm sure there's some backlash in Green Bay, but, but I think generally I have this right. That is still very much considered a team for the people. I know that people own the team, I believe. People own the team. Yeah, you can buy stocks in the team.

I think when you buy season tickets, you're like a part owner of the team. And that's how it should be. I mean, look, here's the bottom line. Tom Brady's got, what, three years tops left to play football? And then they're going to be stuck with a team, and when he's done, Gronkowski's going to retire at the same time. They're going to have a shit team, and also they're going to have pissed-off fans

that aren't going to want to pay for it anymore. I don't even think Gronkowski... Is he coming back? I don't even know if he lasts... Maybe not. I don't even know if he lasts one more year. That guy just wants to go have some fun. And they underused him this season. He's better before the dementia. Well, he had a couple of touchdowns in the Super Bowl, I think,

but he was grossly underused during the season. They barely threw it to him. He has health issues also, in my medical opinion. Yeah. He's also one of those guys that can easily get work in the entertainment business. Yeah. He's also one of those guys that can easily get work in the entertainment business. He's he's super, super funny. Great attitude. Very well spoken. He could be a broadcaster. He could do, you know, who? Yeah. He says a lot of inappropriate things. Oh, does he? No.

Which I love. But I mean, he's not going to be. Yeah. But it's it's a little like it's a little like what's his name. Terry Bradshaw was a, well, that's Terry. Like, you know, they would have to apologize for him,

you know? Yeah. So that's always good to have on a shiny broadcast. That's overproduced. Same with Shaq. Shaq's the same way. The best ones are that way. Um,

what's his name's, you know, who's our favorite broadcaster. Um, Charles Barkley. Yeah. Right. Fucking love how candid he is. are that way um what's his name's you know who's our favorite broadcaster um charles barkley yeah right i fucking love how candid he is even if i don't agree with his opinion where i hate that he said it's like at least he shook it up man not only that but like from the tiger documentary him him and michael jordan took tiger to vegas and just threw whores at him for like three years

Vegas and just threw whores at him for like three years. That's the life that Charles lives. Wait, did I tell you? All right. I'm talking out of school a little. Oh, I shouldn't name who it is. A really good friend of ours worked on the mole. Do you remember the show, the mole on ABC?

So it was hosted by a moderate shot, right? So my friend worked on that show, a producer pretty high up. And when that was still a pilot, Oh, they did one season. And I think the first season, it might've been another host or whatever. Anyway. So they sent Ahmad Rashad season one. I literally was on V VCR, the VHS tapes, I think back then. And they're like, will you host this show? So he was with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley. And they were at his like, like condo, whatever on a PGA course. And they were there for their big golf weekend and pouring rain. So they're in there. And like, Jordan goes, what are all these tapes? He's like, Oh, that's some show. They want me to watch. You want to want to check it out? They're like, sure. They started watching it.

They are such gambling addicts that they had tens of thousand dollars bet on who the mole was, and they couldn't stop watching. And apparently it went up to like hundreds of thousands with the doubling down. And that's when Ahmad Rashad decided I have to host this show, but it was these fucking gambling junkies who couldn't, it sounded like us a little bit. Yeah. That's hilarious. I hope I don't get in trouble for saying that. Also, which reminds me next week,

sports section, we got to start talking about March Madness. Did you ever do that bet with us? The over under on March Madness? No. We're going to talk about it next week. Cause you know, the bet I do.

Speaking of bets, let's do the business section. Oh, God. As people know, we launched three weeks ago. We started a contest with a $100 winner. Does that seem chintzy?

Well, who cares? It's for the fun of it. No one's doing it for the money. But we got a lot of people. We've already got like 225 people in the contest. If you want to join, again, it's Investopedia. And if you go there, scroll down the page. It's on the World Wide Web. About halfway down on the left, and you'll see the tab to join the games. I think it's called virtual or something.

names to play i think it's called virtual or something um and then look for the sunday sunday papers pod is the name of the contest that we're doing and you uh you get you get a hundred thousand dollars to invest as you see fit and whoever has the most money on the fourth of july wins a hundred dollars also mike and i are betting a hundred against each other all right right now i'm going to go in. Right now. I'm up because I haven't done anything yet. Go ahead. Last week, this guy was in second place. He just moved up to first place.

He started up with $100,000. He now has, you ready for this, $216,000. I mean, it's these types of things where that guy has to be kicking himself. Maybe he's mimicking what he's really doing with money. I don't know. Yeah, right. And the guy that was in first place last week, Sunday Morning's Stonks, he's down to $192,000. So those two guys are way up at 200th.

Third place is down at 104,000. So that person only made 105,000, basically. And then in last place, last week he was in last place. This week he's in last place. I'm guessing next week he'll be in last place. Fitter 111 is down to 84,000. No, down to $23,000.

That sounds like me. I am at $95,400. Huh. And Gibbons is at exactly $100,000. He buried his money in the sand. He's waiting for, what, a correction? No, because I'll win this. I know how to win on a correction.

So I don't know if I can chase those two guys out front now, but if there's a correction, I'll make up a lot of ground. Well, I've got to figure out what these guys are doing. The guy in first place, Nick A. Allen, he's got to be buying some kind of futures or buying on margin. There must be some weird thing he's doing. Who knows on Investopedia Cara. So yeah, I don't know. Yeah, he's obviously doing weighted stuff. I don't know how. Leveraged stuff.

Yeah. I put some money in gold. I put a bunch of money in gold. Gold can sometimes be weird where the market starts to go haywire and down, and then your gold goes down. No, the gold goes up when the market goes haywire. It's a hedge. It's a hedge against the market crashing. What did you say? No, it doesn't go down when the market goes down? No, gold goes up when the market goes down. No, of course, dummy. That's why I said it can kind of be surprising because very often recently on big down days, it goes down. No, of course, dummy. That's why I said it can kind of be surprising because very, very often recently on big down days, it goes down. I own a gold ETF. I think also Bitcoin used to, Bitcoin doesn't track shit. Market goes up, it might go up,

it might go down. It's all over. Bitcoin right now is at, it had a kind of a, it's been down a little bit lately. Yeah, but there's a lot of chatter about Bitcoin that it might get regulated, which would make it more expensive and less sexy. Because it's the new, you know how like a lot of terrorists would use diamonds as their currency? Yeah. Well, now it's Bitcoin. Wait, so you're saying if it gets regulated, it'll go down in price or up in price? Up in price because, first of all, they want it. There's talk that there's proposed legislation that would show who owns all the Bitcoin.

Really? And that it would be trackable. would show who owns all the Bitcoin. Really? And that it would be trackable. So if I paid you in Bitcoin to kill a politician, it would be trackable. If I paid you to insurrect the capital, it would be trackable. So this would weed out the bad actors, but it would make it more mainstream. Some more people would start using it, which would make the price go up. No, but there's also stuff with tracking it and fees. I forget what would make it more expensive. But part of the draw is also that it is off the grid.

You know what I mean? And it would no longer be that. Right. Right. Huh. Interesting. All right. So get it it get in the contest uh if you have if you have trouble finding it just email me uh fitzdog radio at gmail.com and i will send you the link to get on it it's a lot of fun um do you want to get to this have you ever done that i

thought you were going to make a joke if you can't figure out us emailing me at figured out your fucking self.com. So have you ever done it? I did that to a friend and it's like, uh, and he's really subtle humor, but I'm like, I don't know, like, where would I, and he's like, I'll send you a link. And the link was to Google. I know. I literally had three people, three people emailed me at the website this week, and they asked me if I had a link to Moses Farrow's letter. And I was like, you literally type in Moses Farrow's letter, and that's all it takes. Oh, my God. You have have it can you send it to me I try to be generous I try to be giving

I answer every fucking email don't write me emails like that and also and believe me I love hearing from people I truly enjoy sitting down and replying to people do not write me a six page fucking letter

I don't, I don't have time. You have time. You just don't have the bandwidth. Right. That might've been the same thing. What do we got now? Uh,

Jesus Christ. We've been doing this almost two hours. All right. Then let's, let's get to the funnies. It's time to get to the funnies. Wait, are there any letters or we went through them?

Yeah, we got to hit some of these letters because some are kind of timely. Joanne, this just came in yesterday. A woman named Joanne. I seem to really have a crush on these guys. Hey now. There you go. We don't have to read anymore. That was the letter I wanted to get to.

No, I'm kidding. Greg and Mike, I appreciate. No, we already read that one. That was the letter I wanted to get to. No, I'm kidding. Greg and Mike, I appreciate. No, we already got we already read that one. That was Liz. Liz wants to know where are Mike's cameos? Why don't you do some cameos, Mike? I thought about funny. I never thought about a cameo. I thought about funny uses of cameos like. What if I paid you to do a cameo to your brother, Bobby saying how much you love him and that he's been right, that you could have been a better brother. Like you have to do that.

If I pay you, you have to read what I fucking write for you. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I like that. Something in your personal life, someone you don't like.

I hire you to do a nice cameo for them. I've thought about doing that with comedians. Like I've got beef with a couple comedians, and I would like to have them send me a cameo where I tell them what to say. But wouldn't that be the best icebreaker? Tell me which comedian, right? And I would then have you do a cameo for them. Yeah takes it off you but maybe you apologize or say hey is there any way we could end this beef yeah that's good but it gives you the out because i hired you to do it right yeah i think it's time

me and burt kreischer get on the right footing again wait a minute mike and I are doing Bert Kreischer's podcast coming up on March 22nd. Monday, I think. It'll air the week of March 22nd. I forgot. I forgot the exact date. It's the first time we've guested on another podcast together, I think. Of course. What do you mean?

Yeah. I haven't really been on podcasts. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Yeah. All right. So where are my cameos? They don't exist.

This is my cameo. I hire myself. I don't pay myself. In fact, I lose money and I, and I talk. This one comes from

Lucia Ribeiro, which right out of the gate, I fucking like her. That's a cool ass name. Fake. She says, listen to Sunday papers regarding newsboys. We were trying to think of a name for our listeners. My boyfriend said we should be called newsies.

That's gender free, right? The newsies. What do you think of that, Mike? You know, we forgot early on people called themselves the Joanns. Oh, yeah. I think that's the best name for our following. Well, it's not gender free. Why?

Joes or Joanns. What do you mean? It's so blurry now. You don't know how Joann identifies other than a fanboy girl. Right. What else? Regarding Blondie and Dagwood, when I was in university in the early 90s. Oh, she said in university and her name is Lucia Rivera. So she's like Italian. When I was in university.

She says Bruschetta. In the early 90 university. I bet she says Bruschetta. In the early 90s, I did a paper about the Blondie and Dagwood cartoon. My thesis was that Blondie. Yeah, my thesis was that Blondie should update herself, get a job, do something out of the household. And a few years later in the cartoon, she became a caterer. That's true. She became a caterer later on. Keep up the good work. That's pretty cool She became a caterer later on. Keep up the good work. She claims pretty cool, huh?

My finger was on the pulse. Was it? Yeah. You wanted a beaten down woman to do more and that was your finger? You're trying to get credit for that? Lucia? Lucia? Lucia Goose Ribeiro.

Her middle name is Goose. That's good. Goose? Sheiro. Her middle name is Goose. That's good. Goose? Goose sounds like a girl that can hang with the guys. Watch some fucking, yeah. For the Yankees. Rich Gossage. Justin Allen. Is that a Jewish last name? Ribeiro?

Gossage. Probably not. Probably German? Yeah. I think that's German. Justin Allen said, love the show. Last week's episode was fantastic. I'm a fan of Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl individually as a person slash musician.

That being said, I have to agree with Gibbons. While Dave Foos are certainly the last bastion of rock in terms of popularity, there are plenty of young young talented acts out there that might achieve some notoriety if dave and company were to simply step out of the way a little bit or as mike stated sat out one or two opportunities well listen listen i'm a 54 year old comedian

and uh i enjoy what i do i love what i. What's better than flying in somewhere, getting picked up in a limo, brought to a nice hotel room, working for an hour a night in front of people that fucking cheer and want to meet me and hug me after the show, and I get to talk about what I want? You think I'm going to stop doing that? You think I'm going to step out of the way? Why would he stop doing it? Here's what the young talent needs to do. They need to be so fucking good that people don't want to see Dave Grohl as much. They

want to see them. It's not upon him to just retire when he's having a fucking blast. This has been Greg completely misunderstands a letter from a listener. We should have one of those every week. Like Roseanne Rosanna. Like Roseanne Rosanna Dana. Oh, yeah. Remember that? Russian jewelry. Busting schoolchildren. And it was supposed to be about busing schoolchildren.

Yeah. Greg, he can fucking tour all he wants. That wasn't Justin and my point. My point is, Grohl is constantly saying, oh, what? I'm the ambassador of music. Do you need me to talk at that event? Do you need me to host that?

Do you need me on a charity? Another charity? I'll do every single charity and I'll be the spokesperson for music. It's like give it a rest. That's what I'm saying. What do you want him to stop doing? I want him to stop getting in front

of the camera without a guitar in his hands and I want him to say no to like a couple of the like he's inducting everybody in the he's like just do stick to music more oh so he should take a dive is that it he should take a dive here's 20 bucks let somebody else step up no let them fucking step up why should he step down no and right now we just got it we just got a note from our producer okay that he just made nandi buchel a big star so there you go how big i don't know nandi buchel anyway is that that's not, because I know he had that rivalry with a young girl who was a drummer. That was pretty cool. Okay, maybe that's her.

You just wrote it. Oh, that is her. Okay, I didn't know her name was Nandi. Huh? So maybe you need to step off and stop sweating Dave Grohl. No, he's just. We got a couple letters. We got a couple letters about Dave Grohl.

People definitely have opinions about whether he should hang it up or not and they're all with me not you go ahead i'll tell you what musician did hang it up bunny whaler jenna silva said i love dave so much. I have loved him for years. I have seen him in concert like 12 times and own so much Foo Fighters memorabilia, you would think a Foo Fighters concert exploded in my house. Saying all that, I have to agree with Mike. You see Dave Grohl everywhere. I love you two almost as much as I love Dave.

See, that's a perfect example. He can keep playing. He can do everything. But by the way, people are pretty pissed that the guy who grew up in the school of Kurt Cobain now is like proudly on Jeep commercials or whatever the fuck he is. That's Springsteen. That he's on Chevy truck commercials or something. Yeah, I don't understand a lot of people that do commercials.

You know, Bob Dylan doing that commercial, Bruce Springsteen doing that commercial. All you do is open yourself up to criticism. Once you're worth $50 million, doesn't the game shift to protecting your legacy? I don't know what goes on there.

Speaking of which I did a Rogaine commercial back in the 80s and I fucking needed the money at the time I needed health insurance There was no legacy to protect No, I was going to say that was before you lost your integrity And my hair Yeah, but you liked your chances

Am I going to make better decisions in my career? I like my chances. Look how both of them turned out. Am I going to be mocked by every guy I went to college with? I like my chances. Well, tell the story. You didn't think anyone would see it. All right.

So I got convinced to do it. I was young. I was actually about 29 years old. I'd had some success. Not a lot. I hosted a game show on MTV, had a couple development deals, did Letterman a few times. I, you know, I did stuff. But not enough where when I moved to L.A., I didn't need some fucking money.

So my agent calls me up and he goes, hey, you just got an offer for a commercial i said no shit he goes it's for rogaine i go why would i why would i need rogaine my hair is not falling out and there's a long pause and he's like yeah it's a campaign and uh they're gonna do three commercials and you'll get paid. I forget the amount of money, but it was a lot of money. And so I thought about it and I went on stage and I actually talked about it at Luna lounge in New York. And I talked about how I didn't want to be a sellout. And Dave cross pulls me aside after the show. And he goes,

Greg, what the fuck are you talking about, man? In this business, you work, you get opportunities, you do them this business, you work. You get opportunities. You do them. There's no fucking selling it.

Anybody who judges you for doing a commercial, fuck them. And so I do the commercial. And he's bald and jealous at that point. And the star of the Chipmunk movies. And so I do it. And my agent's like, look, don't worry about it. It's going to play on ESPN7 at 2 in the morning during Women's Chinese Lacrosse. That's what I remembered, that no one would see it.

No one's going to see it. So I do it. It was also going to be just cable. Just cable. Yeah. And so my whole thing is I'm standing in a pharmacy. Which was pretty rare. Cable was definitely an afterthought to network TV at that point.

Right. So I'm standing in a pharmacy shooting the commercial, and they're like, okay, just look at the box, and then look right into the camera, and go four out of five doctors recommend it. I like my chances. four out of five doctors recommend it. I like my chances. And they're like, that's cool. A little less creepy. Like we've told you the last 20 takes. So, so I do the commercial and I get the money.

I'm feeling good about it. And then, and then all of a sudden it airs and it airs during fucking March Madness on network TV nonstop. I'm walking down the street. Strangers are stopping me, and they're going, hey, I like my chances. Every friend, George Close, Dan Brickner, all leaving messages on my answering machine. Hey, Greg, I like my chances. Whatever game you decided to watch in that tournament, your fucking face was there talking to us. It was like the original promise of like, come on, let's

just take some nudes. Send me a nude. It's like, you sure no one will, you're never going to show anyone? Like, yeah, yeah, no one will ever see this. Hey, let's make a sex tape. Will anyone ever see this? No, no one will ever see this. No, they told all these girls. They talked to these girls that did the casting couch because they had to get them to sign a release. And they gave them some money. And they said it'll only play in China.

I think we already reviewed that World Wide Web covers the whole world. Probably the only place it hasn't been seen is actually China. Exactly, right, right. Or with that weird Asian blurring. All right, so we're going to skip obituaries, but shout out to Bunny Whaler. And that's all, folks. Who co-founded The Whalers along with Bob Marley and Peter Tosh. He was amazing.

Fucking, I mean, so amazing that the three of them are the only reggae musicians anybody can name. There's a genre of music with three guys in it, and he was one of them. You're going to get a lot of letters about that one. All right, name another one. What do you mean? Jimmy Cliff, for Christ's sake.

Oh, right. And I can't even. There's tons of great ones. Jimmy Cliff. And that's it. No, no, no. The Clash went down in Jamaica, which was the most bizarre move, which is one of the reasons I love them so much.

They went down to Jamaica to make their second album after being like, you know, sort of the new breakout in punk on their first album. Yeah. But they weren't playing reggae. They were playing ska, which was like the British version. Well,

they were obsessed with dub and, and what Jamaica was, Jamaica was onto something and they, they sensed it immediately and went there. And for they love the dub, reggae. And and again, there are listeners who know a lot more about this than I. But it was very interesting. And then, you know, the Stones were there and there was a shooting, a famous shooting.

I think while the Stones were in Jamaica trying to record music. That's right. They were in Jamaica because they were on the lam somewhat for tax evasion or something, and they went to Jamaica, and then they came out with that album, which is one of their fucking sleeper albums that people don't listen to enough,

which was Black and Blue, which was an all reggae album. It was fucking great. Huh. I have to learn more about that, too. Oh, Cherry-O, cherry-o, baby. Oh, God. All right. So, so much for him.

Let's do funnies. We're at the funnies. Starting off with my favorite, unironically celebrating the humor of the Lockhorns. And the first one, Leroy and Loretta are sitting on the couch, and he's smiling on his phone, and she looks at him and goes, I wish you'd practice social media distancing. That's pretty funny. Current.

It is current. And then she's sitting at the desk and she's going through the bills. This also feels current. This feels very much like a quarantine joke. And she goes, that money we saved to tide us over, tide went out.

That's okay. And then she's in a changing room with her friend and she says, uh, uh, she says at times like these, I wish my gluteus was a little less Maximus. Yeah. A little too focused on wordplay only those last two.

You know what? It's wordplay, but it's, I, I am all for wordplay if it's good. Funny is funny. You have to keep that in mind with every rule that you have exceptions to. Or good is good. I used to say I hated all musicals. Turns out not true. I used to say I hated People Magazine, and now I read it every week.

That's the weirdest comment ever. Okay. Let's go to our man, Hager the Horrible. Guess what he's doing today? He's invading a castle. He's on the offensive, I'm going to guess. He's on the offensive. Him and his boys have their swords out.

The offensive, I'm going to guess. He's on the offensive. Him and his boys have their swords out. They're looking up at the tower where the king and his very frightened bride are standing there. And Hager says, I offer you an easy payment plan. And the queen goes, that sounds reasonable, Harry. She wants him to make a fucking deal. And Hager goes 100% down and nothing else to pay.

And by the way, going to be raping your wife in about five minutes. I can't believe they put that part in there. No, I added that. But it's subtext. I don't even know how to do this next one. I honestly don't. Family circus you're having a hard time with? Well, maybe not. Let's see. let's go into this together, open-minded

Okay So, the little bastard Billy, it's Billy So he kind of has a stomach on him He's there, very blissfully with his eyes closed And he's singing, you can tell Because these music symbols are coming out of his head and they have a quote. And the quote of his singing is old McDonald had a farm.

GI GI Joe. I know people are waiting for me to read more because there would have to be more, but I just read you everything. And sorry, let's be, let's be a fly on the wall. This comes through. You're the publisher of a newspaper. And you're like, I think, I think we need a meeting. I mean, I think we need a meeting at this point. We are paying.

If a journalist said they were going to write a story and they just phoned in a complete piece of shit, they'd be on warning that we can't run this even. It would be more than a warning. It's as if there are no other cartoonists in the country. It's as if there's some kind of a cartel of 20 cartoonists that have got naked pictures of the syndicates, whoever syndicates these newspapers, they got naked pictures of his fucking children and they're going to put them out.

So like, you'd be like, wait, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. What was he thinking? Is he thinking the kid honestly thinks it's G.I. G.I. Joe? Like because we've learned he's an idiot. So that's probably it. I think that's the way he's going with it.

Or is the kid trying to be funny and he's saying G-I-G-I-Joe? Absolutely the former and not the latter. I don't think, Billy, there is no irony in Family Circus. There's only punny misdirection. Like my pun with the Lockhorns, that's good wordplay. That's fine. This is the lowest form of wordplay,

which is just substituting two things that sound together. There's no furthering of the joke with G-I-G-I-Joe. It doesn't take it to another place. It's simply replacing two things that rhyme. By the way, is there still a G-I. G.I. Joe. It doesn't take it to another place. It's simply replacing two things that rhyme. By the way, is there still a G.I. Joe? Maybe not.

Follow-up question. Is he still white, the way things are going? Oh, I know for a fact there's a black G.I. Joe. I mean, I don't think there's one G.I. Joe. Is he still? Well, there's G.I. Jane. Chris, you could look into this for us. Chris Demmon, our producer.

Yeah, look into your closet of collectible G.I. Joes. Tell us the last one you bought. Yeah, and please don't post the one with the Nazi uniform. Don't take him out of the box. He already knows that. Look who I'm talking to. He's got the Axis soldiers. Is it going the way of Mr. Potato Head

where G.I. Joe's going to be changed? Is it G.I. Don't Ask? G.I. G.I. Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Yeah. Alright, let's round it out. We got my girl, Blondie. She is wearing a purple sleeveless

it's a sweater but, I mean, it's... It's an exposed midriff. Am I seeing this wrong? It looks like an exposed midriff. And her bosom... No, it's 100% exposed. Wait, is that a belt?

No. I mean, this started in the 1930s. She is 90 years old and her breasts still are so full. Now, Dopey Dagwood is laying on a blue couch. And he says, I worked hard all week, so I'm staying on this sofa all weekend. All right, first of all, Dagwood. Half the strips are about him at work where he's taking a nap. So fuck you.

You know what's hard work? Cleaning up after you, feeding you, and running a catering company. So who the fuck are you to lay on the couch? So he turns his back on this hot piece of ass. And then the next frame is Dagwood walking with her. And he says, how'd you know I'd get off the sofa? And she said, I saw your lower lip quivering. You know why I'd get off the sofa? You you know what blondie would see that would get me off the sofa my raging hard on not my lower lip quivering because i'm a fucking cuck but because

i can acknowledge the greatest the greatest inequality of a marriage of all time and i would i would be raking leaves giving her back rubs and fucking her with everything i so much blue chew would be running through my veins wait can we back up what does this mean i think the lower lip quivering was like him taking a stand at first and saying i worked hard all week so i'm staying on this sofa all weekend, exclamation point, as if he's going to make a stand. And then he's crying like a baby about it? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah. I guess they will print anything. That's what we're learning. Mike, two hours and 19 minutes.

That seems inappropriate and unnecessary. We're getting in Joe Rogan territory here. Hey, by the way, I read today's a different horoscope. And maybe this will maybe this circles back to our Woody Allen. Circles back to our Woody Allen, but Aries, you can't make a point with one who won't, can't, or just isn't listening. Your influence depends on picking the right audience, something you have a talent for now. So get on board. Get on board this podcast. you know who you are and if you're not on board send us a letter we'll read it if it's valid if you make a good point we will read it what

are you talking about we read tons of letters that make awful points also send us in your uh we love your logos one is framed over the shoulder on the wall. Your music is delightful, and we appreciate the effort. Send them all to FitzDawgRadio at gmail.com or go to the website, FitzDawg.com, and you can send us stuff from that. Mike, it's been a pleasure. Everybody stay safe. And I, as one who now with one vaccine under my belt and i'm going to basement raves don't follow my lead play still play it safe it's dangerous out there texas here

goes texas hey do you see texas uh we'll talk about it next week they typical texas i know fuck the federal government no masks mask. Mask mandate gone. Thank God. And at the same time, that sneaky little non-leader of a piece of shit human being, the governor, goes, and I'm blaming Biden for releasing all these Mexicans into our cities. They're going to get us sick. So what he did was he covered his ass. He lifted the whole mask policy and then supplied the excuse for if the spread continues in Texas. When the spread, when the spike happens, it's one step forward, two step back in this fucking country. The same people that are saying we need to get these kids back in school. We need to get work going again.

So get inoculated and put a fucking mask on. You can't have one without the other, you fucking morons. Also, when did Texans become, I mean, their whole thing is we're not pussies. How much is the mask hurting you? I know. They're acting like pussies. They're afraid of the side effects of the shot. Don't be.

I'm not afraid because I'm not a pussy. All the men in your state wear high heels. You fucking idiots. There we go. All right. We'll catch you guys next week. Our thanks and love as always to Midcoast Media, our producers and editors, Chris Denman and Beth Hoops.

Thank you so much for your work. And Key. I have to also say Key. Yeah. Key's solid. Where's Key working from? Seattle? I guess so. Danman and Beth Hoops, thank you so much for your work. And Key. I have to also say Key. Yeah. Key's solid. Where's Key working from? Seattle?

I guess so. She's not even listening at this point. I mean, where are we? We're at two. Jesus. Mary and Joseph. All right, Mike, we'll see you next week. By the way, it was our 50-second show last week.

We didn't even talk about it. No, because we had Thursday papers mixed in there, so it wasn't all Sunday. We're going to do the one-year anniversary of Sunday papers. We're going to do it live from the Penmar Golf Course, and we're going to have an audience. What? I can't make it. Why not? It doesn't make it. Why not?

It doesn't sound right. I don't like the sound of it. I'll listen. You know we're going to do a St. Patrick's Day show there. Did not know that. On St. Patrick's Day itself. You're invited to come do stand-up. It's going to be Dennis Gubbins, a bunch of other mix.

We're going to tell jokes. If you want to come do stand-up. It's going to be Dennis Gubbins, a bunch of other mix. We're going to tell jokes. If you want to come down, let me know. It's going to be on March 17th, the Wednesday, which is in a week and a half at the Penmar Golf Course. They have an outdoor cafe. We're friends with the owner. He's got a little sound system. We're going to do an outdoor show.

Heat lamps and great food. Is this the first time you're literally going to hear crickets after your jokes? Is the podcast over? What happened? Sorry, I just froze. Oh, okay. Not my screen. Oh, don't worry about what I said.

Nothing. It'll be cut out. Keys on it. All right, we'll see you next week. Take it-ish. Take it-ish. Take it-ish. We'll see you next week.

Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. When the Sunday paper makes you cry, come have a laugh with Greg and I.