Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 59 4/18/21

Episode Date: April 18, 2021

An extended length podcast where Greg admits to coming around on Khruangbin and we describe a Florida man jumping a drawbridge in a mini-van. Listener contest announced for next week!

I like Sunday Papers, but sometimes I don't want to read. So I get on, dragging my eyes, Sunday Papers. Read all about it! Oh, jeez. Read all about it! Prince Philip is dead! He wasn't the king. Nobody understands why. It's a weird fucking system.

He was a world famous cuck. He was the cuckiest. All right. I see it coming, that screaming, and I'm still startled every week. Every week. How are you, Greg? I'm good. I'm a little tired.

I heard the opposite. I heard the opposite. What? Well, just 60 seconds ago when we're chatting and I said, save it for the thing, you were talking about a miserable night of no sleep. My dog has, my dog's fingernails are like three inches long. And so he gets up at 2.30 in the morning to go take a shit in the middle of the floor

and then walks around the house. And then I start having negative thoughts. And then I realized we didn't turn the heat off and I'm hot. It was just a whole night. I ended up listening to an audio book for about four hours. I didn't hear anything after my dog's fingernails. So I hope your night was okay. You look great.

I feel good. So wait a minute. So the negative thoughts related to the dog's fingernails or no? No, the related thought is somebody's ghosting me. And I don't know if he's mad at me. Oh. You ever get that? You ever go through that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're too sensitive that way sometimes. Yeah. I mean, we're in the funny business. The opinions of others matter way too much to us. Yeah. It's somebody that I kiddingly made fun of a couple times, and I don't know that he maybe heard it and thinks that i'm shitting on him

and uh first of all your dead naming and pronoun abuse it's uh it's caitlin jenner it's she now greg and she's very busy that she'll get back to you i wouldn't take it personally i just feel like she thinks i want something from her huh i want to talk to her about the fact that we grew up in the same town. She grew up in Tarrytown, New York. And, you know, she's got all the records at our local high school for track and field, swimming, everything. Yeah, which is impressive for a chick. She's a chick, and yet she has all the men's records in high school. That's how good she was.

That's pretty impressive well i told you the day uh we were in the writer's room the day caitlin uh debuted i guess and um we went that day i mean this is hours old maybe maybe the same first hour and we went to wikipedia and it talked about how she had won the men's decathlon. All, all of it changed in Wikipedia. I'm like,

well, get ready to have your metal revotes because women weren't allowed in that men's competition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know,

she got shit because women said she keeps talking about how she's representing women now, but that she never had a period. She never had to go through childbirth and that she's not really a woman. But I would say she's even more of a woman because she fucking chose it. Like in the same way that if someone converts to Catholicism, they're more Catholic than somebody that was just born into it. Don't you think? Oh yeah. no like jewish friends who have had a wife convert they're like their knowledge of my religion just absolutely decimates mine like and it's in every case i mean they study like crazy if somebody is a dallas cowboys fan and they grew up in new york they're a fucking dallas cowboys fan no they're a fucking, they're just, they like the winning team.

America's team. Yeah. We had that. We had, you grew up with Dallas Cowboy fans, right? Tons of Dallas Cowboy fans in New York. Of course. Drew Pearson, Stalbuck. Roger Stalbuck.

Yeah. And then the coach, what was the coach's name? Guy who never made a facial expression. Feather in his cap. Landry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald, not Donald. No, Tom.

Tom Landry. Look at me. I don't remember. I don't even follow sports anymore. It's because he just popped a riddle in before we started. Woo! Hey, now. There we go.

You were worried about the show that we didn't have enough content, so we pushed it back a little and we added some things. But I say just wing it, man. All right, let's just wing it. Let's talk about the shootings in Indiana. I'm kidding. We're not talking about the shootings. I have a lot of material on that.

All right. Pow, pow, pow. Sorry? Oh, gotcha. Well, maybe we shouldn't wing it. Well, it just goes to show you how slow those FedEx guys are. Our good friend Ben Hoffman, he's living in Nashville now, and he sent me video from his ring camera, and this was yesterday.

And FedEx guy, you see the truck, and then walks up, up, up, up towards the front porch and then just tosses. Like a basketball almost. Like tosses this package that hits really hard in front of his front door and then walks back to the truck. And all Ben texted after that was, probably not the day to complain to FedEx. Wait a minute. So he didn't, he wasn't throwing it over a fence. He just threw it for the sake of throwing it. Well, like you could have walked around to the stairs, the two stairs up to the porch,

but there, but there was, you know, a fence around, not a fence, you know, a banister thing, Yeah. Rail. So he, instead of walking over, he tossed it over, but kind of like shot it like a basketball. Well, we had, somebody sent us some olive oil. Don't ask me why somebody sent us fucking olive oil. This is like toe, this is like dog toenails. I already stopped listening.

Go ahead. And so the FedEx guy took the liberty because they, you know, look, if it's a padded, lightweight envelope, throw it over the fence. But if it's clearly a bottle of something in a box, he throws it over the fence. Have you ever tried to get olive oil out of your pavers off of concrete. It took three weekends of scrubbing the fucking cement with Comet, with Ajax, with fucking baby powder. Everything I could think of, I was rubbing on that. It's weird. It's weird how oil, like just vegetable type oils, can stain concrete.

I've been there. Yeah. Everybody has. It's a big thing that people talk about. I've been there. Yeah. Everybody has. It's a big thing that people talk about. Everybody's been there. Where virgin olive oil stains your pool pavers. I mean, what a hassle. How are you doing?

I'm trying to be positive. You know, we got a crazy summer day coming tomorrow. It's going to be 80 degrees out. I think it's even going to be. I read at one point like 84. Anyway, the weird thing is on the beach here, it doesn't get that hot in summer usually. So this is a real outlier day. Today's like 60.

Yeah, right now it's 63. Oh, my God. It's going up to 84 degrees tomorrow. No, that's what I'm saying. It's not like, oh, that's nice. Oh, my God. It's going up to 84 degrees tomorrow. No, that's what I'm saying. It's not like, oh, that's nice. It's a little disturbing. And then me and Aaron, because we haven't been away in over a year. Aaron and I.

Aaron and I. Yeah, there it is. Haven't slept anywhere except for our house for the last year. I had a few weekends on the road, but she hasn't. So we're renting a place in Laguna on Monday night. We're just going to head down there Monday morning. It's going to be 75 degrees. We're going to lay out on the beach.

I'm going to show off my toned body. My body is a fucking disgrace. Oh, my God. I just started to get back in shape. You got a gym at your building? I do. Well, that's the thing. The gym just opened, but you have to sign up. Walk me through a Mike Gibbons workout. What do you do? Hold on. You have to sign up. You have to do like, you have to make all these promises,

you know, and questionnaire, sign it and you have to wear a mask and maximum four people allowed and all that. Well, you know, the girls just had me do, there's all these Instagram workouts, right? And so I'm going to get this wrong, but the girl's like, Hey dad, try this. It's a 30, 12, three. Is that what it is? So you're on a treadmill, 12% incline, 30 minutes. What the hell would the three be? The three would be the three minutes into it that you quit? It does get really boring. Oh, no, sorry.

Three miles an hour. Duh. Oh, so you're walking. Right. But my daughter goes, no, watch. You'll be soaking by the end of it. I'm like, I don no watch you'll be soaking by the end of it i'm like i don't think so soaking by the end of it wow but i yeah i thought that the new thinking on working out was bursts interval training like doing gives a shit really we should just raise our heart rate no matter how we do it at this point. Right. But I'll lift also because I'm trying to fight bad posture.

So from what little I know, that means I should be not only stretching the front, but strengthening the back. Yes. So those are pulls or rows or whatever the F they call them. But I'll bench also and then curl. You know, I don't have, I don't have much attendance. It's, it's torture. That's 30 minutes. Even I even had a podcast going, it was torture, mental torture, by the way, physically you was never, yeah,

you have an elevated heart rate and you know, you're sweating for a reason, but you're never like, Oh my God, I stopped for a minute. You're never even close to that. So you do 30 minutes of cardio and then 30 minutes of weights. I should back up and say, I did it once, the 30, 12, three, but so it's one 30, 12, three, but in fair, it's one. Yeah. And then I add the word done after all the numbers. No, but in fairness, I only learned about it a week ago. But I was very sore too the next day. Well, speaking of interval training, you were stuck. You've been very stuck, I think, with your writing. You procrastinate a lot and you put things off.

And so I told you. But only since the 80s. I'm following up with you to see if you put things off. And so I told you, but only since the eighties, I'm following up with you to see if you did the technique. There's a thing called the Pomodoro technique that has been so, it has changed my productivity so much. And it's, you set your alarm, 25 minutes, you work, phone off, no distractions. You only do the work that you're working on. Then you have five minutes. You set the timer again. You do whatever you want.

You go walk around. You get on TikTok, do some pushups, listen to a song, whatever. And then 25 minutes again. And I will go through like five cycles of that in a row. And that's it. and that's it and that's it and so now it's three hours and i've got more done in those three hours than the eight hours i would sit in my office fucking around so so i explain this to you and i'm i'm wondering i'm wondering how far along you got with that well the technique for you it like it's, so what you do is you

masturbate for five minutes and then take 20 minutes off. You have to turn off the phone. You can't do it. You wait 20 minutes, then you masturbate again for five. That's the technique I just heard. The technique I just heard. Yeah. I haven't tried it yet, but I, you know, listen, and all, we were sharing the books we've downloaded on Audible and a few of those books that were about procrastination and all that, share that technique. That's a very popular technique.

Apparently it really works. So wait, you do 20 minutes, five, and then you do that six times? 25 and five. Oh, you do that six times? 25 and five. Oh, you do that six times? Well, I just keep doing it. I try to get to my office by like 9, 30, 10, and then I'll stop for lunch at one o'clock or whenever. And then sometimes I'll come back and try it more, but I sort of feel like after that, I've accomplished a lot. And then I deal with phone calls, weeding emails, shit like that

in the afternoon. Well, some techniques have said like, just do 10 minutes and promise yourself a break, but it's the trick of starting. And like, let's say it's that, that cupboard in the kitchen, that my office, that pile of papers, just do 10 minutes and then you're going to take a break. And, you know, it's kind of, I remember that one year I had the resolution, just one pushup a day. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Because you get down there and you're like, what am I fucking just going to do one? I'm down here. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It sounds foolproof. It lasted about six days. And I did six push-ups. So you're in great shape.

Just listening to what you really push yourself. I think I got it all figured out. Yeah. Yeah, I think I do. Well, now you can start playing paddle tennis. Yeah. You can go outside again. When are you and Erin doing this getaway?

Monday. It's going to be a really nice Monday also. It's going to be beautiful on Monday. We're going to meet up with her nephew. He lives in San Diego, so he's going to come up. We're going to take a hike. And, you know, we found this nice little hotel right on the beach. You're in Malloy's neck of the woods.

I've got the Blue Chew, you know, one of our sponsors Blue Chew. I'll bring a couple of those down, throw a move on the wife, see what happens. Did she know about that detail before agreeing? She did not and it reminds me of one of my favorite Curb Your

Enthusiasm episodes of all time is when Larry David gets some Viagra and he's dating that he's he asked out the same girl as rosie o'donnell asked out the woman's bisexual yeah they're both competing for her and then larry fucks her on viagra and blows her mind and she cancels a date with rosie the next night to go out with larry. And then Rosie sees Larry and she accuses him of juicing. She figures it out. Well, wasn't it also like she had common knowledge that he wouldn't last or whatever?

Like, you know, it's like, you're not one of those. Yeah, yeah. I know girls you've slept with. You're not a two-time-a-night guy. Right. You're juicing. You're juicing, Larry. That's funny.

That comes out of his mind. Yeah. Poor Aaron. Okay. I hope one of you has fun. I hope I don't get shut down. Imagine that. You take a blue chew and then you get shut down.

Well, then you're back to the Pomodoro technique and you got to flip it. Five minutes of productivity. 25 taking care. Self-soothing. By the way, it's spelled P-A-L-M, Adoro. Nice. All right, what do we got in this podcast? Well, first of all, let's get to some corrections.

We went two weeks in a row with no corrections. And since then, there's been a tragic downfall. no corrections and since then there's been a tragic downfall so uh this guy we were talking about nestle as this big american company but apparently nestle is a swiss company that goes back to 1866 they own a bunch of really well-known bland brands ferrero is italian and uh from 1946 much smaller and younger. They appeared to have bought just the U.S. candies branch of Nestle. That's the confusion because I know there's Hershey's and then Nestle. Yeah, I guess maybe Nestle bought a candy thing in America.

Anyway, good. But, you know, they were the company that also, you know started giving formula to women in africa for free right now they're charging them for it that's what i had brought up yeah and then they're also sucking all the water out of the water table in california where we're in a fucking drought and most of that water for Nestle comes from California. Oh. Yeah. So does Adirondack water. So does, there's like three of the biggest water bottle brands come from California for some reason. Well, I mean, the Sierras, I imagine that's the source of them. Here's a guy who's got a correction.

David Dravenak. Correction. Mike sometimes thinks the show isn't good. Correction. He is awesome. You are awesome. The show is amazing. My favorite podcast by far.

Dave, why don't we, you should just play that. You should record, have Dave record that. That's what you should play when the dog's toenails drive you crazy in the middle of the night and you can't get back to sleep. I think this may become our new Joanne under corrections. Dave has a crush on us. Matt says, Mike said L.A. is in the top five most populous cities in the world. Greg said top three. L.A. has about 4 million people.

China has 27 cities with over 4 million each, not to mention Tokyo, Delhi, Dhaka, Sao Paulo, and others with around 10 million each or more. All right. Oh, all right. Yeah, but wait a minute. L.A. isn't 4 million. Slow down, Matt. No, listen. If you look up the population, this is probably I'm guessing what he's of the city of L.A.

It's going to be like around four million. Do you know the city of Boston is like six hundred thousand or something? Really? Yeah. Yeah. It's only like 10 stadiums or something. But because these are what's the difference? It's the difference between a city and a city area, or an urban area, or whatever it's called. So LA County has over 10 million people. Okay. So you have to understand, Los Angeles is in a city. We have to explain this to all the tourists who come here and are looking around like, where is it? And I have to tell them, oh, there's there is no it.

There's nothing fucking here. Yeah. Go up to Malibu. You know, Malibu is it's a road. It's a road that goes by a strip mall. And maybe you'll see a Kardashian in the strip mall getting a juice. Malibu is the weirdest shaped city or town or whatever the fuck they call it. It is.

It's like we went to Boston University, which was the campus was Commonwealth Avenue. The campus didn't go further than 50 yards from Commonwealth Avenue, and it ran for about a mile and a half. And Malibu is not Los Angeles City. I'm right now sitting in Santa Monica. I'm not in Los Angeles City. Either is Culver, either is Beverly Hills, the list, West Hollywood, the list goes on and on and on. None of those are counted in Los Angeles, but they're all LA. Right. And LA, by the way, it's not even like I'm stretching it where, oh, just count LA, like Boston, like Boston has downtown. This is like checker marked. Like in other words,

between Beverly Hills and Santa Monica, it is LA. Actually, you're what? A half a mile from me right now? You're in LA. I'm not. Right. I'm in Venice. Venice is a city in the county of Los Angeles. So listen, he still has a point where 10 million doesn't even get us on the world stage of big cities, though. Really? I thought L.A. had more than 10 million, though. How many does Delhi have? Maybe Chris Denman can pop his head out of that Young Republicans meeting that he's mentoring

and give us some fucking numbers. India has a lot of populous cities. Jesus Christ. Unbelievable. All right. This one comes from Tim Hughes. Very simple. Richard Nixon was not impeached.

I looked it up. But we've said that. That's correct. We've said that. Yeah. Well, I think I said he was impeached but not convicted. So I guess I was wrong. I guess they never actually got to the impeachment procedures.

No, because he bailed. He bailed. Right. He would have been impeached. By the way, what's going on with Trump's—what's going on with that impeachment, the second one? Are they still doing that, or did that fade into the sunset? I don't know. I haven't really been following news.

Isn't it amazing? It is amazing how much Trump used to be on my mind and how little he is now. Like if something pops up in my news feed about Trump, I glaze over it. I just go to the next story. I don't care. He just seems like a guy who something freakish happened and he was the leader of the free world. And now he's just a guy who lives in Florida who's, you know,

trying to hang out with famous people. I wish. Boy, did you see that new... Oh, whatever. Let's not talk politics. But there's a bunch of Republican centers organizing. They're a little group. And the language is a little scary.

It's very scary. It's very nativist. It's anti-immigrant. It's pro-white. It's very the language, and this is not my opinion. This is fact. It's very the language of the South in the 1800s. Yeah. All right.

Somebody read Heather Cox Richardson this morning. Yep. She's amazing. All right. Now, let's get to it. I actually read it last night, like you, when I couldn't sleep. Let's get to it.

A lot. Let's do this. We'll do it in the mail. We got to talk about Krungbin. Oh, yes, we do. We'll get it when we get to that. Oh, did you get yours this week? Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hey, now, Fitzgibbons. First off, love the show. One correction from last week's show in reference to his logo T-shirt. Mike went on to describe ABC stores, which is a chain. They're basically Hawaii's 7-Elevens, and they're basically my favorite store in the world. Fantastic comparison, Mike, between ABC stores and 7-Elevens. Your audience undoubtedly appreciates the context.

A slightly better analogy for Hawaii's 7-Elevens, however, would be the local chain named 7-Eleven Hawaii. It sounds like it would be better, yeah. So he's basically a small oversight that won't affect my crush on you too, Stephen Mecca. I've never been to 7-Eleven Hawaii. I didn't even know about him. I will say he's right. The ABC stores are very touristy.

They're definitely appealing. When I'm there, like this is what I did. I went in and I was like, do you have, I'm not making any of this up, do you have any gluten free snacks or sandwiches or something like that? Sunblock 50

and vodka and Kahlua. And they had all of it. Yes. And then I ran right back over to the hotel. Sophie got her, you know, she's celiac. She got her gluten-free, like very good salad, by the way. And yeah, they kind of had everything. And they gave gifts to bring home.

Wait, you sat in a hotel room and drank vodka with your daughters? No, no, no. Come on. Brother-in-law George was there. Laura. We make our drinks. We take them down to the pool. Nice.

Very nice. It's good. Finally, last week you were talking about believing in God might be a good chance to take because there was some upside and not much downside. That thought was made famous by the mathematician Blaise Pascal, and he called that the ultimate gamble. I think it was a wager, right? I think Pascal's wager? Yes, that's exactly what it is.

And a lot of people wrote in on this because I said it was a Louis C.K. bit, but apparently Louis may have been inspired by Pascal. Well, it turns out you're both right. Isn't that nice? Love you, Greg. You are hilarious. Thanks for all the laughs, Mark. No mention of you.

Oh, well. All right. Well, he better watch out because who's to say I'm not God and God's walking through me and maybe what's this guy's name? Mark. Oh, the guy above it's named Christian. I was like, that's too much of a coincidence. So, Mark, you better watch it. You better treat everybody's God's creature, supposedly. So watch what you say. You might as well gamble that I might be judging you one day. You know, that brought down the Beatles

comparing themselves to God, right? It was not a good move on Lennon's part when he said that. I think he said Jesus. I think it was Jesus. Yeah, it was Jesus. Not his dad. Don't be silly. He said we're bigger than Jesus. Yeah. So speaking of grass is always greener. You and I have both been involved with the company now for the last month or so. And it's a really amazing, when you think about the internet and the things that can provide you that save time in your life and make the quality of your life better, I have to say,

get Sunday. It's time to get your lawn in shape. And you don't want to do it with chemicals that are going to hurt your pet. You want to grow a lawn that's beautiful and green. Specific to where you live, what's the ground soil like? Do you want to use interesting ingredients like seaweed, iron, and molasses? Let me tell you something. I've been using it, and it's unbelievable. My grass, it's like putting Rogaine on your head. It's just a bag. They give you a little apparatus to hook it on your head. It's just a bag.

They give you a little apparatus to hook it on your hose. It's 15 minutes. You get online. You put in your address. They take a look at your lawn. They evaluate the area that you're in, and they custom send you exactly what you want. All you got to do is go to GetSunday.com,

put in your home address, and they take care of the rest. How's it going with your mom's lawn? Didn't you get some for her? It's good. We're wondering. We're looking up if we, you know, with this heat, the heat wave that's coming.

I don't know if we water more or not, but apparently the lawn is enriched and is more durable. So I'm psyched about that. Let Sunday take the guesswork out of growing a greener, more beautiful lawn this spring. Visit GetSunday.com slash papers. Get $20 off your custom lawn plan at checkout. That's $20 off your custom plan at getsunday.com

slash papers. Support the sponsors. Support the podcast. Let them know you care. Our song this week comes from Gary Caprera, who used his daughters to do Harmony. Kind of feel good.

Yeah, that was nice. And our logo, which I fucking love is from Mr. Gary. Um, I am tattooing Mike Gibbons. Yeah, that's a little, uh, huh. Would you say your body looks like that? No, no, I don't see a swastika on there. So no know that was my one of my dumb stand-up jokes that uh i view my body as a temple um not because it's you know anything great just because there's swastikas scrawled all over it that one gets mixed reactions yeah as do most of your jokes well wait a second i don't mean in a bad way i mean you it's they're all that's the sweet spot they're all very edgy you you find the edge oh not they're provocative maybe to morons it's

like when you see when you see one of those old timers uh hanging 10 on a long board that's where you are you're right right at the edge right at the front edge. Toes hanging over. Awkwardly flailing as I'm about to fall. That's right. That's a good analogy. This weekend, Mike, can't hang out. I'm going to be in Philadelphia at my second favorite club in the country, Helium Comedy Club, April 22nd through the 24th.

And then next weekend, I also can't hang out. I'm going to be in Kansas City at The Comedy Club on April 29th through May 1st. Tickets for shows at FitzDawg.com. Come on out. Hang out. Are you getting Brickner or Mason out to Philly or what? Brickner will be there. And then my buddy Alex Gardner from high school, who is a good old friend. Oh, my God. This is so crazy. There's a girl we went to high school, who is a good old friend. Oh, my God.

This is so crazy. There's a girl we went to high school with, and her name is Ashley Briggs. Should you be saying that here? Is she a public figure? No. Thank God no one listens to this. Okay. Tell us about Miss Briggs.

But anyway, she was this picturesque wasp in high school. Blonde hair, blue eyes, sweater over the shoulders, big money. And so I don't know why, but we were just catching up on kids we went to school with. And she ended up leaving and going to Chote to finish out, which is like the private school of private schools, a boarding school. No, they had a huge drug scandal. We used to play sports against them. By the way, something's clicking on you. Not that I'm an engineer.

Oh, really? You have an audio issue. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. Is it maybe your harmonica holder that you're wearing around your neck? It's this stupid sweatshirt. It has like a zipper on it. There you go.

All right, is that better? So anyway, went to Choate, went went to penn met a guy married him his grandfather is uh john up dyke and um she it talked about her cotillion and coming out and three different places she came out oh probably her cotillion. Her cotillion. And I'm obsessed. Because I always liked her. She was a really nice girl. But it's this world that I can't even wrap my head around.

You know, the number of country clubs that are joined. And the private schools that the kids are sent to. And is it Aspen or is it Telluride? Is it Nantucket or is it the vineyard? I need to know the details. But is your image of her like a young, cute as a button because that's what you have in your head of her? No, I saw a picture of her more recently. Still very pretty, but you cannot, cannot find a photo of her where she's not wearing pearls. Oh, all right. Nice. Yeah.

Do you know, I don't know what comedian, I think it was a comedian who talked about this, but they talked about when they were really young, all of a sudden they saw like Shirley Temple movies and, you know, just adorable. And the parents then would find. And then, and so the kid, the guy telling this says, so as a kid, I fell in love with Shirley Temple, like, you know, in the nineties or whenever I was watching and I was just obsessed with her. And then I heard Shirley Temple was going to be, my parents said, she's going to come to our local mall because she has a book and it's a book signing. And he goes, I lost my mind. I didn't sleep for the two days before we go to the mall and there's this fucking horrific looking old woman and he goes it scarred

me for life it's kind of like high school reunions you're like you go back and you're like oh my god jennifer is gonna be there you're like jennifer is as old as i am yeah yeah well you think about that with like you know if you like could i sleep with beau derrick today and then i could go to my grave knowing i had sex with beau derrick nobody needs to know it was in 2021 i wonder what she looks like now i bet she still looks good well i told you so my first job at a college i got a job for this high end PR company. Wave Hill in the Bronx. No, that was that. That's when I said that job got me that job. But you're right. I was very idealistic. And so anyway, I got a job. I guess one interesting thing. I'll make it a little longer. So I'm in an interview. I'm fresh out of college, you know, and the guy, he's a very big PR guy, so I definitely got a hookup. I went in there, and this is really important. In fact, when I went in, his name was John Scanlon. The two biggest PR guys in New York were Howard Rubinstein and John Scanlon.

Donald and Ivana divorced. Rubenstein took Trump and Scanlon, the guy I was in with, took Ivana. So when I walk in, his assistant opens the door, crack and seize. He's Mr. He's a speakerphone guy all the time. And she's like, oh, sorry, because he's on speakerphone with Ivana. Is it Ivanka or Ivana? I forget Trump's wife. I think it's Ivanka. Let's go with Ivanka. So, no, it's Ivana because it's Ivana divorce was the post headline. So the assistant is like apologetic and he's like, he waves us in. So now I'm sitting in this guy's office and no joke, what he was yelling was, she's like, no, I don't want to go to brunch Sunday. He's like, you're going to fucking brunch, Ivana. And it's like, well, he's like, I've lined it up.

He's like, Liz Smith from the Daily News is going to be there. And it's all women. And you're sad. You're sad, Ivana, at Trump. He's like, it's a sad brunch. He's like, you're a victim. And he's just screaming at her. She's like, OK, John, you OK?

And I'm just sitting there like, what have I just? and as I say this, by the way, I bet you could look up that sad brunch like that. Like it was, it was the week, it was like the week this shit was going down their divorce. So anyway, he hangs up the phone and he's like, all right, who are you? And so I tell him who I am. He's like, right, right, right. So anyway, we start talking and this was totally through a hookup. So like I, someone got me in there, my friend of my dad's or whatever. So he then goes, um, okay, what do you think about, um, Imelda Marcos? And I'm like, and I literally, I'm like, fuck, this is my first, this is minute one of my first interview out of college. I'm like, I got Clash, Public Enemy on the brain.

I'm idealistic. Howard Zinn was one of my professors. And I'm like, am I going to, my first syllables going to sell out? Because clearly she's hired public relations because she's about to go on trial in New York, right? And I guess to my credit, I'd go honest answer. And he's like, that's interesting response. He's like, yeah, honest answer. I'm like, I think she's, I mean, terrible. And then I listed some things and he's like, that's, that's very, very honest of you. And good. We've just been retained by the Aquino government to maintain Imelda Marcos's poor image in the American media. Nice. And I'm like, whoa. So I spent six. This is coming around to

Bodark. I spent six months every single day in the trial. I came up with shoe of the day, which Newsweek did. They took a picture of Imelda Marcos's shoes every single day. For the kids out there who don't know. I think in her closet in the Philippines, they found 6,000 pairs of shoes or whatever the excess as they had leaders of the Philippines were stealing so much money that, you know, just like Saudi Arabia, people were starving in the streets. Exactly. So anyway, worked with all the legends. Oh my God. Look at her. Chris just put a picture of her up. She looks pretty good. So I don't think I've told this story. I might have told this story on the podcast. I'm in the courtroom every day for Imelda Marcos, and there's all these old timers. And these people are retired New Yorkers, and this is their hobby. They even have a name for

themselves. The court jester, whatever it was, some pun probably. But they go to all the famous trials in downtown New York. So anyway, I'm now friends with all these old people. I bring in like, you know, donuts and stuff like that every day. So all of a sudden there's murmurs in the courtroom like crazy. And so it was Imelda Marcos and Adnan Khashoggi was her co-defendant and Jerry Spence, the big, uh, lawyer with the 10 gallon hat from Wyoming. Right. So it was all, it was like a circus. So all of a sudden the circus got even more circusy murmurs, murmurs, murmurs. And there's Bo Derek walking down the aisle and with this friend who like had an impossible body and was hanging out of her top. And everyone's like, Oh my God. And

then all the old timers start laughing. And they're like, today's going to be a doozy. I'm like, what are you talking about? And they're like, oh, this is the oldest trick in the book. Yeah, I think I have told this story. Anyway, when the most damaging evidence is going to be presented, that's when the defense has their flashiest, most distracting friends come to court that day.

And he goes, and sure enough, it was the craziest, most damning evidence. And not one juror heard a word of it. Everyone was just staring at Bo Derek and her like impossible friend. And not only the jurors, but every headline the next day was all about Bo Derek was in court. No print was given to the damaging evidence. No shit. Yep. And she was old then.

And this was 19, you know, 90ish or whatever. 90, yeah. And she was a smoke show. Did I tell you that my dad, one of my dad's best friends is representing Trump now in this trial that New York State is prosecuting? Wow. One of my dad's best friends is a guy named Ron Fischetti who represented John Gotti for, you know, however many years, decades. And other mobsters. He was like a mobster lawyer.

Well, there you go. And so Trump hired him to defend him. Not a good look. No, not a good look. But, I mean, another time I'll tell you stories. I have so many stories. My dad used to, when he would do summation, my dad was in the front row every time. This guy was a master showman in court.

Wow. He wasn't the guy that did the research and put the case together. He was the guy that, he was the lawyer throughout, he oversaw everything, but his expertise was getting up in front of the jury and whipping them into a frenzy. He was unbelievable. His summation was usually the same, was, ladies and gentlemen of the court, look at my client. I want you to take a good look at him. He's looking at you and he knows where you live. That's the end of my argument. My client cares about you. Like Mrs. Robinson, he knows about your daughter and her troubles at George Washington University. Wait, did I ever tell you this is true? You know, you had hooked me up with

Ray Romano in right in New York when I was at HBO and then he got a sitcom and I came out here and HBO anyway, assigned me to follow Ray around and kind of do it like a funny documentary about him. Anyway, as I'm hanging out with Ray, we became, you know, we got to know each other. And so I'd say the second or third year of his sitcom, which was starting to be a hit only in the first season. It was, I don't know if it's coming back. Anyway, so Ray's now a celebrity. And I remember talking to him.

He's like, yeah, he's like, I had jury duty. And so I'm down on jury duty. And it's this heavy case and it's gang related. And like this guy has teardrop tattoos and shit. And he's like standing there on the court. And then the judge is asked, like, do you have any reason to, uh, to, that you feel you should be excused when they're doing, you know, the interview, it's the screening of the jurors. And he's like, uh, uh, yeah, uh, he, he knows who I am.

It was, he did it in the most Ray Romano way. It was so perfect. That's hilarious. Yeah, totally true. That's all he said. He didn't want to say more than that, but he's like, he's innocent. Oh my God.

Listen, I think we should get to the news. It's 40 minutes in. Oh, my God. Yeah. All right. Listen, I think we should get to the news. It's 40 minutes in. Are we doing that this week? I didn't know. Wait, hold on. All right.

What do we got? Front page. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Heavy metal guitarist. Heavy metal guitarist heavy metal guitarist is the first u.s capital rioter to plead guilty um all right heavy metal guitarist with ties to the oath keepers pleaded guilty friday to two

crimes related to the u.s capital insurrection making him the first rioter to do so john ryan schaefer pleaded guilty to obstruction of an official proceeding and entering a building with a dangerous weapon. He admitted to carrying bear spray into the Capitol complex during the formal certification of the Electoral College votes. 100 days after the January 6th attack, Schaefer is now the first pro-Trump rioter to plead guilty and admit his crimes. Prosecutor. Oh, so anyway, he's going to be sentenced or they're recommending three and a half to four and a half years in prison based on how fruitful his cooperation is with the government. I think the guy's pleading guilty because, I mean, what's more metal than fucking raiding

a government building and then and then saying, yeah, I did it what's more metal than fucking raiding a government building and then saying, yeah, I did it. I fucking did it. Yeah, my dog has herpes. Yeah, I abandoned my wife. Yeah, I had a gangbang. I'm fucking metal. All I know is I read this, right, and it's like, you know,

you could be like, what a scumbag, or, you know, depending, of course, on your political views too, but I kind of was like, I got a man up. I mean, the three names, heavy metal guitarist, carries bear spray. I feel like a girl over here just reading about a man. And I thought, you know, I need three names. So I'm going to run some by you. What about Mike Cobb Gibbons?

Cobb's good. Right? Well, because Ty Cobb was the biggest manly racist in the South. No, but then there's like, what's his name? Blank Lee Cobb. It's a very, I don't know. There's Southern connotations to it. Sandbelt Mike Gibbons.

Nice. It's kind of like Hacksaw, but I went with Sandbelt. Mike Gibbons, the honey badger hunter. I'm going to work on that one. I don't think that one's there yet. Yeah. That's like the dog catcher, the bounty hunter. Dog catcher.

Yeah, I think all of these involve carrying a gun. You have to have a gun, and it's got to be a handgun that's as powerful as a rifle. Oh, yeah, it's very Raising Arizona. Yeah, I'm, who was telling me about that? Saw me off to the point where you hold it with one hand. My friend, Tom Wright, who's a an actor who's on a new show. I can't remember the name of it, but he he was telling me the other night about. He was doing a movie and they had to do gun training for him. So they sent him out to the desert for like four days.

And he said he fired 1200 rounds and they just everything, every type of shooting, every type of gun. And he was like, so fucking jacked up to come back to LA and get a gun. And then his friend is a lawyer and he's like, okay, you can have a gun,

but realize that 80% of the people that die from a gun that's owned by a homeowner is the homeowner or his family. And also realize if you shoot somebody in Los Angeles, as I think the tightest gun laws in the country, if you shoot somebody, somebody breaks into your house, they come in, you shoot them. He goes, you better have $20,000 because that's the minimum you're going to pay to get yourself out of that situation. They can sue you for shooting them in your own house. So I have a friend, he's a conspiracy theorist. I brought him up a lot of times on this. He's very funny, but he's like you get a gun yet this is when you know the pandemic was starting yeah and i'm like no i'm like you he's like oh yeah he's like i got it last year i'm like uh okay and this is when he was

feeding me all the black lives matters like you know they're killing the they're killing the mayor tonight they're going up to his house he's like i got like all the Intel. Anyway, he's wildly amusing. Um, he goes, so I told that to him. I'm like, I go, you know, even if the intruders in your house, I mean, this isn't Texas. Like you get in a lot of trouble if you shoot him. And he was so frustrated. And he's like, duh, you fucking drag them outside. Like that's one Oh one. What are you talking about? He's like, everyone who has a gun knows that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And if you kill him, it's fine. Oh, no, sorry. He was dragging him in the house. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah. I think it was because if a guy's banging on your door and he's going to enter your house and like, don't, don't, don't you shoot him.

You have to drag him in your house, he said. Now, by the way, I am not debating whether this is right or wrong. What is fact, all the correctors out there, is this is what he then told me. Because I also said, you know, bear spray, a big can of bear spray, is like I think almost as effective in many ways. And you won't go to jail. I would imagine a taser would be effective as well, right? A taser and a baseball bat. Well, no, I heard bats are the worst.

Why? Bats get turned on you more than anything. I got a bat right by my front door. Oh, boy. Oh, good, so they can grab it on the way in? Seems like it should be under your bed, no? Yeah, and it's got a donut on it so they can warm up first, you know, loosen up the muscles. Well, we went camping in the Sierras, and one of the guys brought bear spray, and it's illegal.

So they sell it in California, but it's illegal at least in one of the national parks. The Sierras are divided into a couple, but I think in the Sierras. Yeah, the high Sierras. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had a ranger tell us that and he confiscated it. Let's get to What are we going? A story you're not going to believe.

I'm going to tell you the story. You guess the state. Somebody wants to marry their own adult offspring and is suing to overturn laws barring the incestuous practice All right. of society views is morally, socially, and biologically repugnant, according to court papers. Said Woody A. Right.

Right. So guess the state. Well, I see it here. I want to play fair. Oh, you're not going to believe this. Remember I said I was getting ghosted by somebody? They just contacted you? They just texted me back.

Greg, you're going to sleep like a baby this afternoon. I feel so good. I really do. That made me feel so good. Look at that. Unless it says, please lose this number. Isn't that amazing, by the way, how much can hinge on that? Yeah, I know. And that's what they say about 90% of the time when you think that there's something going on with somebody. It's not. It's just not. It's all in your head. Yeah. The good news is, I think, something like the good news is you'd be surprised how little people are thinking about you. something like the good news is uh you'd be surprised how little people are thinking about exactly right no and and by extension i often remind myself because i read this i had there

was like a tiktok message from somebody christopher hitchens or somebody horrible and they were like you're going to die remind yourself constantly that you're going to die and you will just sleep this night it really works it makes me take. When I start getting caught up in, you know, things that I think are so important, you just think about that and it just kind of relaxes you. Oh, boy. Can you paraphrase, like, at least give us the sorry man was out of town? What's the excuse? This is going to really make you laugh. This is a guy who moved to Texas.

And I sent him a Krungbin song called Texas Sun. Well, of course. I said, here's your new theme song. It's with Leon Bridges. Beautiful. And he wrote back, love it. It's beautiful. Miss you, man.

When are you visiting Austin? Ooh. So finally, Brian Holtzman returns your text. It's not Joe Rogan, by the way. Everybody's going to think it's Joe Rogan. Of course. That's what I think it is. No, it wasn't.

So that song has been out a while.'ll get to krungman i guess in a little bit but it's leon bridges you know is the is the voice on there so i being turned on to krungman or however you pronounce them did i actually didn't put that together for a few days that i had already enjoyed them with Leon Bridges. Yeah. It's a four track album called Texas Sun. Yeah. All right.

So anyway, this and then I read this story and then I saw I noticed at the end it was from Fox News and I realized, oh, this is this is them spinning like, well, you know, if you let gay people get married next thing, you know, dogs, you know, parents and their kids. That's all. That's all this story is. There's nobody who's named. There's no details. It's the most generic story about a concept.

Right. And it's also like, oh, you New Yorkers who judge all the red states with their incest. Guess what? You got some, too. Right. Normally, Mike, this is where we do the horoscope. But you have a special treat for us. All right.

So I was over. Wait, Olivia, are you still here? Olivia. Wait, quick story about guns. So I know it sounds weird me checking my daughters here So She is She's spending time over at my

At my ex's And she's Watching the dogs, right? And she felt a little unsafe about being over there sometimes And people are taking turns watching the dogs Anyway Wait, why is she unsafe? No, she just feels

Because no one's there. Sophie and Liz went to Michigan to look at the school. Oh, got it. So anyway, she comes down the stairs and is packed a few things and comes down with a rifle. Right down my stairs here in the apartment,

I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? So we once, when we went camping or whatever, we were actually more like glamping. We got a house though, but up in the Sierras, I bought a BB gun and I bought little targets because I thought that would be fun. These kids are very much in the city. So anyway, we have a BB gun. That's a rifle, but she's coming downstairs. I'm like, what? I go, wait a minute. What are you doing? I go, you can't walk out. You can't even walk out this door with that. And she's like, what? And then I'm like, well, at least put in a hoodie. So now we look like it's right.

It looks like we're going to go assassinate JFK. We got this rifle wrapped in a hoodie. And I'm like, but I go, also, Olivia, I go, if anyone did have a gun, this is the guaranteed way. Like you weren't going to get shot before. But now you're going to be holding, by the way, a useless rifle. Yeah. That if everything went well, you might hurt one of his eyes. Yeah. Or her eyes, to be fair. Anyway BB gun because I told her I'd never had a gun. And so I'm in the backyard with my nephew, who was almost a Navy SEAL and a hardcore guy from South Africa. So we're in the backyard and we put on War Pigs by Black Sabbath. And we're throwing a tin can in the air and trying to shoot it with the BB gun.

And we're laughing and then we shoot each other in the ass like it's a pump gun yeah we we did we played chicken you went one pump shoot him in the ass then he shoots you with one pump then you do two pumps i got up to three pumps dude i had a black and blue welt on my ass and um anyway almost took out your hemorrhoid so day goes by and then I get a, I get a text from my next door neighbor, Danny Comden. And he's like, do you by any chance have a BB gun?

And with a photo of his child's window shot out. I was going to tell you the throwing cans is the most insane thing I've ever heard. So, so I went next door laughing at every miss as a BB flies through the air. So I go over there and I bring the gun. He's got two sons, but he's also got a house out in Ojai where he's got like a lot of land. And I go, here, man, you take this gun. I'm 55. I'm clearly not responsible enough to have a BB gun at this point.

Now shots are coming at you from the child's bedroom window. Ten pumps. Problem solved. Okay, back to the birthday. Instead of horoscopes, you had come over my house once, and there was this birthday book sitting there. And it's this birthday book right here, and it's called The Secret Language birthdays and it's huge it's like a coffee table book and it has a bunch of stuff but one big 400 page chapter or whatever is every day of the year is covered and written

about and it's crazily in some cases accurate and so we can read ours, but there was a member of your family we went to read and it was like, ours were pretty positive. I remember. And it was so negative, but accurate and it blew your mind. So anyway, um, all right, I'll go, let's find a, let's see if I can find the month of April. Here we go. Yours, of course, April 6th. Kidding. Okay, here it is. Those born on April 5th have the ability to succeed in life and the tenacity to hang in there when they only get to the middle. Shut up.

I added that last part. Last part. Possessed of star quality, they present a composed and self-confident image without appearing overly egotistical. In like manner, they themselves are often taken up with the appearance of things rather than examining them deeply. Most often they pursue one profession, one set of principles, one stream of thought right through life. April 5 people seek appreciation as those with star quality do, but survive without it. Whoa, Jesus. They just described my half-empty Friday night light show back in Raleigh. Get ready, Philly.

This guy's coming. He kind of needs your approval, but he's all right without it. They survive without it, persisting in endeavors with whether others are paying heed or not. No matter what is going on around them, they can bring tremendous powers of concentration to bear on the matter at hand. Maybe with the Pomodoro effect or whatever it's called. No, I'm a hyper-focuser when I am focused. It is hard to imagine calling people with this kind of star quality modest, but in fact, April 5 people are.

They are most comfortable playing the part of an unassuming regular guy or girl. Of course, for those born on this day who are exceptionally gifted, this is consummate play-acting. Those born on this day who are exceptionally gifted. This is consummate play acting. Yet April 5 people do not react well to being analyzed, probed, or found out. As far as they are concerned, the part they are playing is what they truly are. They do not want anyone to dig any deeper.

Wow. All right. So anyway, it goes on, by the way. Jesus, that's fucking dead on. I'm always conflicted between like being, you know, an entertainer who's trying to get social media following and people to show up to your shows and listen to your podcast. But at the same time, I shun it. I can't stand it. Like I am. I think I'm very deferential. I'm not like an alpha at a party. Right. think I'm very deferential. I'm not like an alpha at a party, right? No, no, you're not at all. No, I mean, you do walk in and raise your hands and yell that you're here. But other than that,

you calm right down. It's all about the entrance. Then you just chill out and you let somebody else tell the story. I'm not going to read the whole thing, but that's only half. There's four giant paragraphs. Anyway, a little more. Emotionally, those born on this day can be very difficult to reach. Sitting down and talking things out may be something they disdain. Kind of like this podcast. Those involved in relationships with April 5 people generally find that they are expected to be understanding at all times. Since April 5 people attract admirers like flies, a lot of understanding may be required. All right, all right, all right. Do you agree with all this?

I do. I do agree with this. Okay. They will not compromise their beliefs, even if it means being punished financially for it. Money is not paramount to them anyway. More important is that they be successful in implementing their plans and that their ideals not be threatened. All right. Let's see. When locked into an endeavor or activity, April 5 people often do not know when to quit, unaware that others are getting bored or indifferent and may wish to move on to something else. No, that's not me. In the same way, some born in this day continue in their principal occupation too long.

Oh. There is a hint. Your strengths, consistent, hardworking, successful. Weaknesses, repetitive, overindulgent, emotionally blocked, Gregory. Do you think I'm emotionally blocked? No, but I think you've worked on it a lot. You would agree with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. You want to hear a little of me? April 11th. What's going on for April 11th, people? This is a little embarrassing how positive it is. All right. Those born on April 11th do not have the overwhelming need to be a star like many of the people born in the Aries 2 period. All right. Wait a minute. So you and I— Says me from a closet. It is ideas which most excite and stimulate April 11th people, not glory or prestige. Wait a minute. So you and I— Says me from a closet. Yeah, we're partners, and you're the guy in the closet.

Yeah, but you're the guy going to Philly. I don't need that. Yeah, okay. I'm somehow content with being massively unemployed. April 11th people are less concerned with developing a sparkling personality than with honing a message. They do not care for the high blown verbiage that usually hides a rather mediocre or even non-existent idea. Those born on this day like to know what others think straight out without subterfuge. This does not mean that they themselves are incapable of subtlety

or make poor diplomats actually as mediators, blah blah um given such talents april 11 people are of course psychologically astute but also have the knack of finding common ground for agreement blah blah blah i would say that's one of your strengths you're definitely uh a peac, a negotiator. Find the middle ground. Yeah, some of it's because I'm chicken shit and I want to please and I don't like confrontation unless cornered. Then I actually like it, which is weird. But it's because I've given up. Then this is done and I'm going to tell you why it's done.

You know what I mean? That's not cool. All right, strengths, decisive, diplomatic, sagacious. Weaknesses, does not know what sagacious means. No, weaknesses, insensitive, resistant. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. It does say things about me being a little not as sensitive to like how I'm affecting

other people. It does say something like that. All right. But get this. So how about this? Next week, someone write a letter and tell us to read their day. And we'll read their day or we'll come up with some.

I did think of one thing. I read comments, which I'm going to read in a second, in Amazon of reviews. But one person goes, a fun thing to do is read someone three without them telling you what their birthday is. Or no, I forget what it is, but you basically read three

and the person has to guess, oh, they'll tell you their birthday. You then read three. One of them is that day. Why don't we do this? Why don't we do next week? All right, write us at Fitz dog radio at gmail.com. Let us know what your birthday is and that you're free next Saturday at, uh,

let's say, uh, 11 AM Pacific coast time. Oh boy. And you will join us on the Zoom call and be on the show, and we will play this game with you. How about that? I like that. Okay. All right. I stole three comments off Amazon. Okay. One star.

Disappointing interpretation. I was extremely displeased with the amount of negativity surrounding certain days and don't believe the content to be any foundation upon which a person develops an opinion of knowledge or direct communication. All right, fine. So I'm telling you, I've never seen a horoscope that kind of had the balls because some of them, like the one you and I talked about of someone you knew was so negative. Okay. new was so negative. Okay. This guy's one star review. The title of his review is date of birth, July 26th, not for you! I am very disappointed with what it says for my birthday. My coworker kept raving about how amazing this book is. So I bought it. If you're born on July 26th, don't buy this book.

I can only assume that someone born on my birthday hurt the author in some form. And this is how he decided to take revenge. Okay. Here's the, here's the last one. This is perfect because of the irony. Um, what a silly book, one-star review. I'm by nature very skeptical and don't believe in the pseudoscience of astrology, but a recommendation and reviews on the site persuaded me to buy this book, if only for the entertainment value. I thought it might be a fun book to share with others,

and we looked up our birthdays. It has been completely off for every person I've looked up. I'm described as very confrontational, for example, while if any trait describes me, it's that I can't bear to confront people, says the one star rave that's going on. Not rave, but rage that's going on. That's hilarious. In life, I'm a complete wimp in that way. I was also said to be adventure seeking, and that's the opposite of my personality type. Anyway, it's so funny.

All right, so whoever plays next week, what's the prize going to be if they guess correctly? Yeah, maybe tickets to Philly. I don't know. Oh, yeah, maybe we should just have it now because Philly will be over by then. Kansas City. If you're from Kansas City, you should play this game,

and I will give you four tickets to the show if you get it correct. And if you're from outside Kansas City, I'll give you a Greg Fitzsimmons pin. I'll mail it to you. Sadly, one of their qualities is not showing up to engagements, so good luck getting them. Hey, Denman, why don't you type your birthday in this Google doc we got going, and let me look up your birthday.

Yeah, why don't you do it next week since we've spent 25 minutes on this book. There's only 363 left. You sure you don't want me to go through them? All right, we're going to do Denman's. Another time. Let's get to time. It says that about him. Time for some entertainment. Oh boy.

Usher. I like this story. Getting flack on Twitter for allegedly using fake money with his own name and face on it at a strip club. Dubbed Ush Bucks by one wag on the social media site. The cash in denominations of $100, $20, and $1 was previously seen on Usher's other social media channels, stuffed in a see-through suitcase on April 3rd. stuffed in a see-through suitcase on april 3rd the story began with a woman going by be love on instagram who posted pics of the money to her private account money so so he was paying for lap dances with money it's so this is like the new bitcoin this is this could be traded like Bitcoin soon.

I thought, all right, what I thought, because I didn't read the story that carefully, was he's just giving, remember like the goofy money we had at Disney? That was, we were down in Orlando and we drank all night. We ran out of money. We'd gone to Disneyland that day and Billy Clark looked in in his wallet we were broke and it was last call and billy looks in his wallet and he goes to the guy he goes you guys you don't take disney bucks do you which is would you take this like 20 with goofy's face on it and he said yes and And we were fucking jumping up and down. It was amazing. Because we weren't quite ready to drive completely DUI, and this

let us get right over the top. It was like a hotel, which was, I guess, on the compound of Disney somewhere or whatever, and so that's why they took it. But I thought this was like, because technically you don't have to pay. Those are tips. If you're in a strip club, it's not like you're trying to get a burger or a service that is charging you.

Right. So I thought Usher was like, yeah, you know what? A piece of paper with my face on it's good enough. That's fantastic. But now if there's some plan here to give them value of some, that's interesting. I mean, who knows? Maybe you can sell those bucks on eBay for more than the denomination that it says on it. So I think a bunch of listeners

are probably thinking this ties into the story. I did read some headlines this week about Bitcoin, which comes out with money like Elon Musk's face is on some. Like, so there are, I don't even know how to talk about this story. Maybe we'll do it next week. Oh, is that those like G whatever? Is that like those encrypted ownership of means? Yeah, and if you're a more, this is not the way to state it, but if you're a more valuable person, your currency is going to be more valuable. Wow.

No, no, I know. We should look in, we should, you know what? We'll do that next week. We have a going to be more valuable. Wow. No, no, I know. We should look in. We should, you know what? We'll do that next week. We have a lot to do next week. And as an Aries, I think I can get it done. What were you saying about a tell? Oh, so in terms of a strip club and tipping a stripper story. So I'm working with a tell, very similar to Ray Romano, where I had the distinct benefit where you would call up your personal friend who I had been assigned to produce and do stuff with. And you would just tell them I was OK, because like this is a tell in the 90s is Ray Romano who'd already had like a nervous breakdown. Should I be saying that? I think that's public. Like, you know, and they weren't stars then at all. And so, uh, you would call and say, this guy gets it. Don't

worry. So it avoided that awkward dance. Listen, I'm going to be awkward. They're awkward. They're comedians and they think I'm going to take their image and fucking ruin it or do whatever. So you would give me these shortcuts, which were amazing. And it's really, by the way, I have to attribute a lot of my success at HBO to you. Oh, that's nice. No. Oh yeah. You know, I tell a lot of people that I don't think I've ever told you that. It only backfired once, which was my boss comes in and HBO had announced they're changing their slogan from, I forget what it is, but it came out. It's not TV.

It's HBO. That's what they landed on. Yeah. But the big thing was changing. They're going to look for this. And they hired like the most expensive fucking research and ad agencies. And my boss, Chris, you remember him from New Zealand. He goes, he goes, I want it, mate.

I can't do a New Zealand accent, but he's like, I want to beat these fuckers. I want to beat, I, on air promos, we have, we're creative. We're going to find the new slogan. So we're trying for a while and it's really hard. And he goes, Gibbons, you're tied into all those crazy comedians downtown. Get some of the craziest. I'm like, you want the craziest? He's like, yeah.

So I call you. So, oh, the door opened. This is, okay. This is 1990, Oh, the door open. This is okay. This is 1990. Let's call it five. My New Zealand boss. Then I'm like, yeah, I got two comedians in the room. You asked for me to go outside the box. They open the door and there's Jim Gaffigan and what's his name from the wrestler and Todd Berry are sitting at a conference room. And this is not early 1990s, Todd Berry and Jim Gaffigan.

And I'm like, here they are. He introduces them. Could not have been more awkward. I mean, picture those two, right? And then they're like, the assignment was just write all day. I don't give a shit where you go. You can go get drunk. You can go get coffee.

But at the end of the day, can you have two or three pages of slogans? So anyway, they do that. They leave, they thank me profusely because they're just, you know, begging for sets at the, at the cellar at that point. So anyway, the next day, my New Zealand boss goes, Gibbons, yeah, get in here. He's like, so listen, I asked you to go out of the box. He's like, so I'm going to own that. Not this far outside the box. He holds them up. He's like every single one unusable i can't even pitch them that's a great story but i think you may have told it last week no i think you did i think you might have told a shorter version of that last week

i'm officially losing it then back to the hotel story which is very short uh i had given him my my HBO business card earlier that day. We wind up in a strip club, uh, that night, all of a sudden, um, whatever this woman is, we're sitting near the stage and, uh, all of a sudden this woman comes up to me and her leg is very close to my face and in her garter, I see my business card. Like in her, in her stockings on her leg, like where she tucks her cash and everything. Yeah. My business card is in there. Attell had given that to her. Yeah.

Did she call? No, no, no, no. That would be a better ending if I wanted to lie and make up like the next day, all of a sudden I get a call from some woman, but no, no, no. That would be a better ending if I wanted to lie and make up like the next day, all of a sudden I get a call from some woman. But no, no. But I saw it. But that's hilarious. And he didn't tell me at all. It was'm going to this weekend got his car stolen his first weekend in St. Louis outside a strip club while him and Attell were inside. I remember hearing that story. Wow. He was like a manager that was training in St. Louis or something, and they sent him out.

All right. Sorry for listeners who had to endure two of those Gaffigan and Todd Murray stories. I think you did. Maybe you just told it off air. Chris, do you remember if Mike told that story? Write it into the doc. He doesn't listen to this podcast. I don't think he does. He wrote, did not mention to my recollection. Okay. There we go. And he remembers everything. Typical June 12th guy conditionalizing it to my regular. He just wants to cover his bases. He doesn't want to get blamed. That's a June 12th guy for you.

All right. So also in entertainment, we generally review things that we've been watching. If you want to feel a little white guilt, there is a show called exterminate all the brutes and it is on hbo max and it is an exploration of the root of white supremacy and when i say supremacy i mean in the new woke version of white supremacy which is you know western european white men colonizing. And it's fucking brutal. It's brutal. You know, I think it's important to watch it. I heard it's rough, yeah. It's important to watch it.

But be prepared. Yep. Especially since I'm already, like, I'm listening to, I just got to, you listen to the podcast Serial, right? I just got to serial. You listen to the podcast Serial, right? Yeah, I mean, I listened to season one where it was like, is this guy in jail guilty? 12 episodes later, yep, he is.

Yeah, right, right, right. Next week, it's John Wilkes Booth. Yep, he is. Well, this one's kind of interesting. And I'm in love with him. Don't forget that part. The last season is about white parents trying to gentrify schools. And it's another thing where you feel white guilt. Wait, it's not about Texas.

Is it about Dallas? New York. Holy shit. There's a story in Dallas. Oh, it is so fucking racist. This school, this public school, high school. Anyway, I read a story about that in The New Yorker maybe. All right, go ahead.

Yeah, but they go in and, I mean, they talked about public schools in the 70s in Harlem. There was a school that had 1,200 kids. They had one bathroom with two stalls that were constantly clogged. The kids had to play on the street because the playground had like collapsed and a kid got run over by a fucking beer delivery truck and died. Like it was brutal.

Blocks from some of the richest humans on earth. And then sometimes in Brooklyn, as Brooklyn started to get gentrified, white parents couldn't get their kids into a private school. They didn't have the money. So they take over like a traditionally black school and they would fundraise on their own and they would start programs geared towards, quote unquote, gifted children programs, which has been a guise for protecting white kids inside of a black school and getting resources that they fundraise themselves for. And so the class sizes on the gifted kids is like 22 and it's 45 for the general population. It's fucking crazy. So anyway, like between that and I just read a book called Underground Railroad. Like I'm, I'm kind of, I'm going head first into, into this, uh, into the

exploring my, my role in, uh, as being a white man in society today and the history of it. And, uh, you know, not, not to flat flagellate myself. Is that the word? Yeah. But, um, but to try to, you know, inform myself more about, um, you know, what I think, uh, I don't know. Apparently you don't. I think, uh, it, there's something that feels good about this flagellation though. Like, obviously it's, it's, you know, it's kind of like the rock star who's really killing himself because it, it feels unnatural. There's an, there's a disequilibrium between all the praise and all the great things that people are saying about them and they're feeling shitty inside. So to you here, I would say, because it's me also, getting called an asshole, you know, indirectly even by watching, you know, things like this.

Levels, levels, you know, you get closer to your equilibrium about how you feel inside. Right. And I do think that I have felt privilege in my life. I mean, I have definitely felt like doors have opened for me easier than other people I saw around me. And not just because of being white, but also because of being male. Also because I was born upper middle class. Also because, you know, I'm not bad looking. I was never like considered really great looking. But good enough looking that it helps. All these things

have helped me. And I think I have carried a guilt about that to some extent. Yeah. Well, well, they say, like we talked about white guilt during, uh, when Black Lives Matter was really hitting here in Los Angeles. And, um, you know, one thing about it, like it's obviously, you know, a therapist would be like, well, that's kind of inappropriate and, and, and not useful and all that. But, but if you, for me and whatever, we don't have to spend a lot of time on this. I'd rather talk about birthdays, but for me, the guilt is there because I don't do more to help the problem I'm very aware of. Right. It's not just, oh, I fucking was born white and I hate it.

Like, I see actresses post, I see a bunch of people, especially in Hollywood, like, I'm so sorry I was born white. It's terrible if I could change it. Like, all that bullshit. And it's like, just, how about this? No, just, you're very aware of the problem. Start helping. Yeah. And if you don't, that about this? No, just you're very aware of the problem. Start helping. Yeah. And if you don't, that's maybe you should feel guilty. Right. Right. Yeah. So I think that's

where it is. Yeah. All right. I'm also watching a show from Israel called Stissel, which is a drama. It's just a very bare bones, simple drama about these people that are the religious. There are people in Israel, they're not all religious. It's actually a pretty secular society, Israel, but then you have the, I don't know if you call them Hasidic or Orthodox. I never know the distinction between the two, but they're the more religious. What's that? Backwards? They're backwards. I mean,? Backwards? They're backwards.

I mean, they are completely- By design, actually. They're completely consumed with their religion. They don't work. They are all on- No, but it's also anti-technology. Technically, they also are sort of backwards. Right.

And they're all on welfare. I'm not calling them mentally. They're all on welfare. They don't have to sign up for the army in Israel. But this is not a condemn- Oh, they don't? No. They get a pass., they don't? No. They get a pass.

Wait. In Israel? Yep. Just by being very religious? Yep. Wow. I'm shocked. But Israel supports them because they represent Judaism.

And so they just pay their way. And they all just study the fucking Torah all day. And the women do all the work. And the men don't do shit. And it's arranged marriages. It's really kind of interesting. Huh. All right.

What are you watching? I saw something really similar. It's called Mad Max. So I had seen it before. It's the third one. Or maybe it's the fourth one. Yes. It's the third one or four. Maybe it's the fourth one. Yes, it's the fourth one with Charlize Theron. Amazing. It's too bad you didn't see it in the theater.

You need to see that shit on the big screen. I hold on. Can you see my TV on the window? There is a giant sound bar on the Bureau. Yeah. So I made it as good as I could do because we're not going to theaters also it's not playing in the theater anymore so sophie wanted to see it because i talked about it and i'm like it's just like the action stops like there's like four breathers in

the whole movie yeah and i didn't know like if she anyway she loved it and it's so great watching with someone who like all of a sudden, I'm not giving anything away, but all of a sudden, I'll just put it this way. There's a guitarist and to hear someone out loud go, what the fuck? And then, and then some of the chases are like, well, how can it maintain this for two hours? Like I've already seen the coolest like pirate vehicles trying to overtake this truck. And it's like, well, how can these vehicles get any more creative? And all of a sudden it's like, oh, have you heard about like putting Cirque du Soleil on some of the vehicles? There's poles. You know what I'm talking about?

And it's just it's constant wows. You're just like, wow. Wow. And what's amazing is it's a it's a revamp of the original Mad Max, but it captures that same spirit of like nihilism of. Well, he's in it. No, he's in it. And he's he's many pegs down and they, you know, whatever you'll see. He's he's in the opening scene. And then, uh, and then it cuts to her story and then the stories, you know, obviously meet. Yeah. It's, but it is, the world is out of basically water. All societies, civilization is broken down and it's basically pirates in the desert. And, uh, also in this one, I think, uh, giving birth, uh, being able to carry a baby to term is an extreme rarity, which is in a lot of futuristic things.

Which, futuristic, how about present? How about right now, there's like a 30% decrease in fertility. In willing fertility? Or you mean like that they can get pregnant? Ability to get pregnant. Down 30%. Yeah. Oh, here come the corrections. That seems like a very high number.

Nope. It's exactly right. Women over 50? Who are we talking about? Nope. Women between the ages of 11 and 13 are finding in this study. Now, I don't know the ages. What am I?

Fucking. All right. It's just not true. There's no way a 30% biological decrease in fertility. Okay. Anyway. You'll see. I also watched The Father.

I can't bring myself to watch that. It's too sad. You got to watch it. Really? It has, of course, the most evil nemesis in all storytelling, which is Alzheimer's. Yeah. Forget Mad Max. of course the most evil nemesis in all storytelling, which is Alzheimer's. Yeah. Forget Mad Max. Forget the pirates who are swinging onto your,

like catapulting themselves onto your truck. Alzheimer's is going to get you. And no, it's the way the story was told. So it was a play and Sir Anthony Hopkins is the father and holy holy shit, Olivia Colman is the daughter. It's an acting masterclass. Although I will say, you know, Janet Maslin, beloved reviewer from The New York Times, she and a bunch of her followers were really sort of pointing out they really wanted Frank Langella, who I guess killed it on Broadway as the father. They wanted him in this movie role.

But I don't know how you could, I guess there's some maybe criticism. But anyway. It's Anthony Hopkins, right? Yeah. And even at one point, my daughter's like, we're way into the movie. She's like, wait, is that Hannibal Lecter?

Like, that's how different, even though he looks so similar, the acting, he's really a different person. All right. I'll watch it. Apparently he's going to win the Oscar for it. He's been dominated six times. Yes. So many times he won once. Yep. But yeah, silence the lambs. But that is only because I think the other actors are going to, I guess he won the BAFTA, right? But he didn't win the Globe. But the others might be splitting the vote. Oh, I think the guy in Messiah—the Blank and the Messiah.

Are they all supporting? No, the guy who is the lead. Judas and Black Messiah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think he may be the front runner but who knows who knows well no it's um it's bozeman who who's deceased oh right right chadwick they think i think he might be but then whatever black it's awful talking about this but i have read articles so it's not me i'm gonna hide behind them that are saying like in terms of like the diversity vote which is very

very very uh active in the oscars so white community as we've seen over the last few years where green book a a fucking lifetime after school movie, wins best movie. But then great ones do like Moonlight. Anyway, the theory is they may split the vote, which could put it in the hands of Anthony Hopkins. This will all be on our Oscar show coming up. I think next, is it next week, the Oscars? I believe it's next week. Okay, so we will do our Oscar picks.

Since we record on Saturday, we'll do our Oscar picks and see who wins. But see Mad Max and just volume. I mean, obviously volume. Audio is so important. It's engines. But even I thought, oh, is this just a guy thing? And Sophie was like, this is so fuck this. And she turns to me at one point and goes, this is why I want to drive a motorcycle.

By the way, this is Sophie, the least aggro. Like she's so feminine. And and so it was very. So this movie just has this cool quality that you don't have to be a guy who's wanted a Mustang to enjoy. Now, it's great. If you want to turn your daughter into a lesbian, check out Mad Max, the newest one. Okay.

Okay, let's get to it, Mike. Last week, I gave you some shit about a band that you had sent me a link during the week to listen to Krungbin, spelled K-H-R-U-A-N-G-B-I-N, which I looked up. Do you know why they're called Krungvin? I'm assuming it's some sort of Mediterranean dip made from chickpeas? It's Thai. It's a Thai word that means something.

And that's why they named it. But anyway, so I re-listened. I got fucking dozens of emails from people a bunch of them so upset that i didn't like krung ben and uh absolutely nobody agreed with me everybody's talking about what an amazing band this is what a great sound so i go back and i listen to it and the first thing i put on is texas sun which with Leon Bridges. If you don't know him, he's just fucking, he's like a modern Otis Redding. He's amazing. Yeah.

And that, it's only four tracks and it is fucking brilliant. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. What you sent me was like a fucking Chinese death march. It was their most mellow, most esoteric, pretentious stuff. No, man, it's a groove, and I didn't even know the Leon. I didn't even

know that connected, and I had heard that song all fall or summer whenever it came out, and I had heard Texas Sun because my favorite radio station here. Why didn't you send me Texas Sun? Why didn't you send me fucking massage music? I hadn't.

This is how strong they are on their own. I hadn't even made that connection. Of course I would have sent that to the naysayer just to get you on board because you're going to be a slow adapter in this. Well, I am on board. I haven't completely come around because I do fast forward some of their songs.

But when they do funk, it's so controlled. It's like a mellow funk. Oh, I got to show you this. Somebody sent me. You ever see NPR Music does that Tiny Desk concerts? It's so weird seeing them in daylight without psychedelic stuff behind them right i watched that but did you read the comments that's what i was going to read oh read the comments they're so funny it's so much about the drummer because the drummer

looks autistic he just he stares straight ahead he is so consumed with his drumming. And it's, again, very restrained drumming, but so on time. And that's all anybody talks about. Well, first of all, somebody goes, it's good to see Cleopatra playing bass instead of ruling Egypt. Love it. Because they wear black wigs with bangs. The drummer is probably playing chess in his head against himself. Yeah.

Hold on. I heard this drummer got lost in the wilderness with no phone or watch, and when they found him three years later, he knew what second it was. He's keeping time. You get it? That's fantastic. Coolest band I've seen in a long time. That drummer looks like he's thinking about

a cure for cancer and just does this to relax. Yeah, that guy, it's almost like his, you know those special effects where his body gets up and takes a little break as his body stays there drumming. He like splits and his ghost checks out. It's like that. That's what he's like.

Drummer takes his hands away and the sticks keep going there. Whoa. That's exactly what I just described. Yeah. The drummer has such a good sense of time that he probably doesn't find Christopher Nolan movies confusing. I find that comment confusing. No, that's a good one. So, well, have you seen Tenet? No. You have to, you're constantly like, wait, what? Wait, where the, hold on. Are they, is the future present? But meanwhile, little, little spoiler, you'll be doing that with the father also. Okay.

okay um so put it this way when you go down to la jolla or laguna wherever you're going uh and you got your blue chew and maybe you have another edible and you're throwing in addition to what you're gonna throw throw some krong pin on yeah yeah yeah without a doubt this is fuck music oh wait i mean there's a more elegant way to say it no nope that's it's not romantic i would put it up there with um uh oh what's his name you'll never find oaz yasborne another love like my rols lou rols Rollapin. That's fuck music. I guess if you want to be thinking about Lou the whole time. Speaking of Florida. Instead of Cleopatra on bass. Speaking of Florida.

Uh-oh. That's all we're doing on Krongpin? Okay. Florida woman charged for allegedly threatening to kill Kamala Harris. Nivian Pettit Phelps. Again, I got to get a middle name going. I got to get three names. She knowingly and willfully made threats to kill and inflict bodily harm.

It's a little redundant if you're killing her. Upon the vice president of the United States. In a video on February 18th, Phelps stated, quote, I'm going to the gun range. I swear to God, today is your day. You're going to die. 50 days from today, mark this day down. Okay. Is she auditioning to be the Riddler in some movie? Because

just like the father and just like the movie Tenet, I have no idea when this assassination attempt is going to happen. Let's review it. I swear to God, today is your day. You're going to die. You got that, Kamala? Today. So 50 days from today, mark this day down. Okay? You do the math. All I can tell you is there's a bullet with your name on it. It's going to be between 30 and 45 days from now. I'll give you an update which day it's going to be. This is very QAnon. This is like when Trump didn't take office this past year when he was supposed to. And they kept thinking they changed the date. They go, oh, well, no, it's going to be 20 days from inauguration because that's the quotient in a symbol that was put out in one of Donald Trump's tweets. tweets. Listen, Kamala, four score and two weeks. Take back 16 days that afternoon. I'm going to tell you which year without a leap year. It's coming your way. That's what's going to happen. And it's daylight savings time. So don't walk outside early.

If you're in the mountain time zone, it may come a day earlier. Just be warned. a day earlier. Just be warned. What is going on there? And this is a Florida woman also in Florida. Police are trying to identify the driver of a vehicle that was captured on video, and you have to watch this video. I would imagine we

can be showing, can we be showing it on our YouTube feed right now? I haven't seen it. What is it now? It was just a classic. It was a car. It was like a small SUV, and they busted through the arm of the drawbridge, and then it jumped the drawbridge as the bridge was going up. What, do you think it was one of the Duke boys?

I'll tell you something. In my lifetime, there's certain things I want to do. I want to run from the cops again. I used to when I was a teenager, many times I want to run from the cops. I want to jump over a drawbridge. I want to, uh, I want to, I want to defend my wife from somebody on the street with a fistfight. Wow. All right. This is certain things I want to do.

Okay. Weird in that you really put your wife down pretty far down on that list, but okay. I would jump a drawbridge where the motorcycles jump well. Yes. The center of gravity because of you and the engine between your legs is kind of in the middle. You've seen cars do this where immediately a nosedive because all the way to the car is up front.

Right, right. Well, in fairness, the bridge was barely up. I mean, it wasn't much of a jump. It maybe jumped like a foot or two. But he did it. But he fucking did it. If you did a Porsche with the engine in the back, I've never seen one of those do a jump.

But does it look like a fat bumblebee or wasp whose ass is so heavy? Does the ass immediately go down like, and it pulls like a wheelie in the air and look pathetic? It wasn't even that. It barely left the ground. But he did it. He did it. All right. I like that. I want to see this it. He did it. All right.

I like that. I want to see this video. Okay. Go to Fox 35. It's in Daytona. This is car culture. Yeah. He probably made him proud.

So did he stick the landing? Yeah, he did. Daytona's no motorcycle culture. No, the Daytona 500, y'all. Oh, right. But they also have that biker rally every year. That's huge during spring break. Oh, yeah. Sturgis. Are we gearing up? When's that? That's until like July or June, right? I can't wait. All right. Let's do... We're going long here.

What are we doing? We're going long. Should we do international or should we go down to sports? So, going along, should we do international or should we go down to sports? Let's do sport. Well, it's Sunday. So, the story that Chris Denman, who's a fighter, has pasted in here is this Jake Paul fight. All right. Now, I don't know anything about this. Jake Paul, who is he?

Some annoying YouTube douchebag? Yeah. Guy's fit, though. So, I saw the weigh saw the way in and so this guy ben askren now anyone who knows about fighting will just bear with me because uh but when i saw the way i'm late to this ben askren guy when you see this way and you're like uh the blonde guy who's jake is going to beat this guy up. And you're like, wait a minute. That kind of looks like my body on Ben Askren. Like, you know, obviously he's, he's more fit,

but it's kind of like I could get that fit. Like I couldn't get Jake Paul fit. Right. And I guess the thing on this guy is he's like dad bod guy. And I, and I, and I guess even Rogan has said like, like he uses him as an example. Like you cannot judge, you know,

sort of, you don't know what's under the hood. You know what I mean? Yeah. Right. And that this guy like has some hips and has some softness in the midsection and isn't jacked. And you know,

he has a strong chin, but he's not like, uh, from across the room, you wouldn't be like, I'm not fighting has a strong chin, but he's not like from across the room. You wouldn't be like, I'm not fighting that guy. Yeah. So it's interesting to me. Yeah. A lot of the the old Irish guys always had those bodies. They had skinny legs and sometimes a belly. I mean, George Foreman at one point looked he looked fucking fat in the ring. Yeah. True. But he was big.

So Askren gets a five hundred thousand dollar payday, but Jake Paul gets $690,000. Plus, I think they get a taste of the pay-per-view money. So a little stats on this guy, Askren, who you will underestimate if you see him at the bar in his flip-flops. He's an Olympian, former MMA champion, collegiate wrestling star. Uh, he's Olympian, former MMA champion, collegiate wrestling star. Uh, he's known for his wrestling prowess. Um, not his standup takes. So I guess boxing is his weakness.

Maybe Denman can clarify that. I think that's what it is. Now, this is insane. It says here, I don't know if you were, Chris Denman wrote this. Very poor hands. I guess that's a phrase Chris Denman wrote this. Very poor hands. I guess that's a phrase that fighters use. He has very poor hands. Huh.

Yeah. The hosts include Mario Lopez, Pete Davidson, and there's going to be performances by Justin Bieber, the Black Keys. What? Doja Cat, and a bunch of other people. Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, Too Short. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, Denman, is Snoop Dogg announcing this fight? I think I'm going to get this fight.

Yeah. My son has a pass. Meanwhile, this is Sunday, and everyone knows what happened. So why don't we say something interesting? You want to bet? Yeah, I'll bet. I don't know how to do that math. A plus 155 underdog.

So what is that? I bet you $20. You owe me $30 if I win. Okay. But don't we want to both root against Jake Paul? Yeah, I feel bad about betting for Jake Paul. I don't know him, but he sounds like a douchebag. You know what?

Let's not do it. Let's just know we're going for Askren. Yeah. Chris is saying, one of you bet on Ben to win a VIA finish. One of you bet on decision. Oh. No, I don't care enough about this. Oh, and it already happened.

So there you go, listeners. All right, let's get to- By the the way the last mma fight i called it i saw that wide guy that's all i could describe his body was wide and uh and he beat he beat oh our irish man he beat uh the most popular mma conor mcgregor yeah he beat him i called it i called it based on the way in last time. Oh yeah, that's right. I saw that. That was a quick one. He just kept kicking him in the leg, which is,

that was my worst nightmare. He basically just, he got, he got in about five kicks to the side of Connor's leg and it was over. Poirier. Or actually, if I'm going to, Chris is trying to spell it phonetically for me.

Poirier. Poirier. All right, let's do some science. So I'm going to, Chris is trying to spell it phonetically for me. Pori-i. Pori-i. All right, let's do some science. Researchers have been inserting human stem cells into the embryos of other mammals in hope of growing replacement organs for transplant. What don't we put in the monkeys? That's how AIDS started. Go ahead.

That's right. They've now introduced human stem cells into monkey embryos. The researchers found that some of the embryos retained the human cells, which integrated with the monkey cells and began to differentiate. So, okay, you want to talk about who's going to win the next MMA fight. How about the guy who's going to win the next MMA fight. How about the guy who's got orangutan cells in them? He's going to be all over you. Yeah. And then he's going to jerk off after the fight's over in the middle of the ring and throw it at the judges.

I mean, charge me whatever you want. That pay-per-view will be playing on every TV in my house. That's what the future of sports is going to be. Just fucking stem cell hybrids. In football, it'll be a guy who's half bull, half man on the line. I bet some historian could back me up on this. I think that's what happens. Like in Roman times, an empire get so an empire builds up. It gets so rich. Then the rich fragment off and there's this incredible poor class.

And then just to please and distract all of a sudden fighting events, crazy fighting events start like in the Coliseum and stuff. Or like with these half monkey, half men, MMA cage fights we're going to see. with these half monkey, half men MMA cage fights we're going to see. And they're a big distraction, but they're an outlet for all the rage we're feeling. Yes. I think there's something there. Absolutely. I mean, look, this is coming to a head. If Biden can somehow bridge this divide between the rich and the poor a little bit over the next four or eight years, then rich people have a chance.

If it goes back to the way things were going, do you know how much richer the rich got during this pandemic in the last year and how much poorer the poor got? The divide is huge. And then they just tried to organize a union against Amazon down in Alabama and it failed. America doesn't want to fucking unite against multinational corporations. They don't get it. Now. Well, that's the thing. How many times have I said it?

If you don't create a middle class or now a monkey class or a half monkey class, the country has no hope. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yeah. It would be funny to have a football team and like the wide receiver is half gazelle, half human. But it's not even that. It's like all of a sudden,

like those ships that, you know, we drove up on the beach in Normandy, China's ships are just going to come to California and the things are going to pop down, and then these monkey soldiers are going to pop out. Right, right. It's going to be half monkey soldiers and half drones. They're going to kill their rocket program.

They don't need it now. They're just going to take over. Old school. They're going to come over the Bering Strait, all these monkeys. They're not thrown by low temperatures. They don't need to eat as much. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, just bananas. Just fucking a ship full of bananas. They don't even need guns. They just keep coming. So you kill the first seven lines of them. They're going to keep coming. Alright, let's do some business.

Okay. Alright. What do we got? Well, it's actually a Florida man. The man who scored $235.4 million Powerball prize last month has come forward, and he's Florida's youngest jackpot

winner ever in the multi-state lottery game. Thomas, 23, of Lando Lakes. Okay. Has Florida just given up being a serious place? Like, here's our city. We have a new development.

What do you want to call it? Hey, how about Lando Lakes? Like that box of butter. How do you get there? You go right through. I can't believe it's not butter. You go right there. You go right through. I can't believe it's not butter. Just I mean, the whole state is known as being an amusement park already.

Yeah. All right. So this serious city is called Land O'Lakes. Anyway, he was revealed as the big winner for the March 27th drawing. He decided to take his winnings as a one time lump sum payment of one hundred $160.1 million, basically. Jesus. So would you do that, by the way? Because what it was, and I don't know what the payout was, but it was $235.5 million. Well, that's actually, I thought you ended up with half when you took a one-time payment, and this is quite a bit more than half. It is.

Don't forget, that gets taxed at about 35%. So you're going to lose another $50,000 out of that. So you're only going to end up with $110 million. In a Florida man's hands? That's right. A young Florida man. Well, when he did the math, they explained, because these numbers are so ridiculously big, they explained what 160 million equals and put in perspective it's and this is when he decided to take the payout that's 27,000 jet skis it's also if you're not going the jet ski route it's 4,000 convert tigers. 53,000?

I Googled it for that dumb joke this morning, and I couldn't believe how cheap a baby... I think a French bulldog costs more than a baby tiger now. No shit. It's also, and this is great news for Florida, 107,000 DUIs. Now, that math, don't send in your corrections. That math is a little off because the DUIs do get more expensive the more you get. That's based on the based on the number of your first DUI penalty in Florida.

You got one hundred and seven thousand of them coming. Wait, did you literally look up these prices? I did. I divided, yes, things into one hundred and you know, I don't work on this until a half hour before we go on. Yeah. It was pretty quick math, though. I divided the price into 160 million. What's the going rate on an abortion in Florida these days? I didn't Google that. I think if you do 10 on your card, you get the 11th one free.

Well, let's say you, I don't know what number you want to put on it, but it's equal to about 110,000 falls down the stairs. So I think it's free. Take her on a bumpy jet ski ride. There you go, sweetheart. Come come on we're going for a ride it's a little choppy today or just play with this baby tiger but you have to play with it you have to promise to play with it for about 14 months and i think there won't be a problem with you or the baby um of course we have our uh investopedia contest going on. We also always, we track Bitcoin.

It is at $60,000 right now. It's been all over the place. It jumped up to like 65 this week and then came back down to 60. But the big noise is this Coinbase, which is this other digital currency that started out as kind of a joke. It really was like a parody account.

And now it's going through the roof. It's like, if you want to get on the next wave of Bitcoin, buy some Coinbase. It's kind of complicated how you buy it. It's not a direct purchase of a product. It's like, I can't even explain it, but it's weird. I got into, I invested, Greg. In what? Investopedia. Oh, nice. My money that was sitting on the side. Yeah.

And boy, did I time it well because I did it, I think, midweek. This was a big week for the stock market. First time ever. And you saw what the stock market did the rest of the week. Yeah. And I've taken my $100,000 and I'm at $97,853. Well, guess who's at $111,000 and in 12th place? You, you fucking pussy. Your daughter, Olivia.

She's a pussy, too. Scaredy cat. 12th place out of 350 people. Why don't you fucking turn your money over to her? Anybody's better than you. I'm ranked 241, so I'm right behind her. And right now, Nick Allen is in first place. He is at $221,000, down $8,000 from last week.

And in last place, still, Fitter 111. He's down to $25,000. He's my guy. He's my guy. I like him. He's got to be trying to bet badly on purpose. He's got to be. He's putting it into AMC.

I bought AMC, by the way. I took a hit on AMC. Yeah, that's what you do. Yeah, well, I gave you that pick. You want some more? You want some more? That's great. And then this day in history.

Oh, boy. What do we got? It was, remember the big San Francisco earthquake in 1906? So overdue. We're so overdue. I decided to rent another year because I think this is the year and I'm going to fucking swoop in and buy a damaged house. You can't even buy a house right now. I talked to a friend who just bought a new house. Oh, you'll be able to buy every house after

the earthquake. You will. Right now you can't. You can't get a house in LA. It goes on the market. It gets 20 offers. It goes over asking price. I thought people were leaving LA. No, they are. But there was pent up demand, but also this giant pandemic, especially God, if you have like a room in the backyard or any type of home office in the house, that's huge. But everyone in LA because of the price. Like, all right, for you listeners out there,

just to give you an idea, and we're not talking, we're talking about shitty neighborhoods. We're not talking about Beverly Hills, a house that, that let's say the whole idea is to tear it down. It's one story. It's two bedrooms. It's one bath, maybe one and a half. As I'm describing it, Greg, honestly, you're probably thinking it's over a million dollars, right? 1.2 million dollars. What I just described, shitty street, shitty block. I'm not talking a crime ridden. Well, yeah, it is crime ridden if it's Venice, but I'm not talking about like war zone, but I'm talking like unattractive block, shitty school district. That's easily 1.2 million

to tear it down. Right. which costs a lot of money. And try building a house right now because wood has doubled in price. Steel has gone way up in price. And no labor. Right. So you can't find the skilled laborers and all that stuff. So anyway, but anyway, my point was everybody has put all their money because of those prices to get a house. You no longer are diversified. All your money's in your house. That's why they're all going to have to sell when there's $45,000 worth of damage to their house. Right. Or hopefully it's that little.

I don't have earthquake insurance because— I heard it's a good time to get it. You heard— go ahead. Why, why? I crunched the numbers and I realized that the value of my house is not the house itself. It's the property that it's on in Venice. True. That's what's expensive.

And earthquake insurance is super expensive. There's all kinds of outs where they don't have to pay for it. And if it gets bad enough, FEMA, FEMA will pay for the repairs. There used to be a deductible, which was 20%. So let's say you had, you know, $150,000. You come off the foundation, which is very popular. That even happened a lot in 97, 94, the Northridge quake. So let's say the chimney's fucked.

You come off the foundation. Your floors, blah, blah, blah. Let's say the chimney's fucked, you come off the foundation, your floors, blah, blah, blah. Let's say it's 150,000 or 100,000. Floors are all fucked. First 20%, that's out of your pocket. Yeah. So there goes your first 30%. And then you're in line,

and of all insurance companies do, that's all they do is try not to pay. Right. And then good luck. If you think it's hard finding a construction crew right now, how about after an earthquake? That's why my whole thing is if my house crumbles in an earthquake, I sell the parcel of land. I fucking move out of LA. I move on with my life. I'm not sticking around. I'm not going to live in a hotel for two years while my house gets rebuilt and I'm paying double what I

would have before an earthquake. Fuck that. You get one of those home kits or whatever they're called, you know, the houses that basically come out of a box. Yeah, right. Those are popping up everywhere. You're talking like me. One thing I will say, and this is now I'm talking like you used to. It's never been better, though, to buy earthquake insurance. There hasn't been. We're so overdue because of since 94 that the government stepped in and told insurance companies, your coffers are fucking full of everybody's earthquake insurance because of this unprecedented run without a four point something quake. You have to make it more attractive and a better deal for people. We want people insured. Really? Yes. So the deductible came down. The price came down.

I know what you just described, but you would get money. Yeah. All right. I'll do it. Maybe you've timed it well, because I think it's coming Thursday. You were talking about 14th Street Manhattan getting an earthquake 30 years ago. Still hasn't happened. There do. You said it was going to happen any year. It never fucking happened. I'm not great at... What am I, 253 in this Investopedia?

I'm not great at predictions. All right, let's do an Ask Amy. We haven't done Ask Amy in six months. Wait, all right. I didn't think we'd do it. I just slapped it in here this morning.

I haven't read it. All right, you want me to read it? Read it. Dear Amy, I live with roommates Jeff and Beth. They are a couple. My friend Dan is engaged to Nan. Is this fucking a, a fairy tale?

Is this an ASOS? Yeah. Jeff and Beth and Dan and Nan. Well, all right. Okay. I'm going to keep reading. I hope the questions about your fucking rhyming friends.

Uh, what about Steve and, uh, Eve? Are they coming over to join the fucking thing? Is Danny and Fanny coming? Come on, Kim. Why didn't you bring Jim?

All right. Dan has been continually asking to come over to my house for a barbecue and to hang out. I'm not against the idea, but Jeff hits on women all the time, especially voluptuous ones. Oh, Nan's voluptuous. But Jeff's with Beth. That was the first sentence. We've covered this. Maybe they've been together for a long time.

Who knows? Is Beth shapey? Is she roomy? Anyway, he goes for the voluptuous ones. We have to assume Jeff's Beth is voluptuous. Anyway, if I do go through with the invite and have them over, Jeff will continuously hit on Nan. That will throw off the rhyme scheme until one of two things ends up happening. She will either. So the first option is she falls for this. She will either fall for his charm and end up having an affair and or sleeping with him.

Isn't that one of the fairs? How big is this house? How big is this house that you can sneak off and have an affair? I assume they live in a shoe with all the names rhyming. Anyway, wait, are you reading that sentence with me? He'll have an affair and or sleeping with them oh maybe that's just like a one-off sleeping okay or she'll be disgusted and mad at me for having them over either way i see nothing good coming out of this on my end my question for you is this. My name's Patricia. What rhymes with that?

I'm looking for a man, Amy. No. My question for you is this. How can I tell Dan that hanging out here is not in his best interest? Interesting. How can I tell Dan? As far as I'm concerned, if I'm having people over, I always want an X factor. You want some chaos at your dinner party.

You want to shake. Who wants to be middle-aged white people that have two couples over? You talk about what's on Netflix, a little bit of liberal politics, and everybody goes home. No, I want a guest hitting on another guest, potentially charming them into having sex in my bedroom while you awkwardly sit with their partners out by the pool. That's a fucking party. So many people we know and, you know, we're old would seem so intimidating, like whether it's going over Josh's house for dinner or the Dunskies or, you know, any of our house, my house, your house. But all of our friends, if there was some wild card brought in, like some young boyfriend or young girlfriend or like someone we didn't know.

And in the middle of this New York Times, New Yorker reading fucking, you know, esoteric bullshit, that's really probably intimidating. If any one of these people was like, hey, I have a little Coke, the whole table would fucking love it. And I'm not even saying they would do Coke, but it would be like, wow, that mixed things up. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? We were at dinner with a couple recently that we've known for a long time. And totally jokingly, I go, so what are we doing? Are we going to mix it up tonight?

Are we going to do a little swinging? And everybody laughed. But I swear to you, there was a little hint of sexuality in the air when I said it. Because it went into people's minds for a second, and that's all it took. And then you saw that, and you're like, I'm going to capitalize on this. And you're like, you know, I got a crong pin playlist. And then it was on, man. That's right.

Yeah. All right. Let's do some letters to the editor. Oh, didn't we do that? A woman named Joanne said, I seem to really have a crush on these guys. Whoa. Hey. Maybe we should read Joanne's horoscope.

Maybe Joanne should be that wild card guest that you invite to the party. She has some blow. She's ready to go. Matthew Troncholetti said, Grapes, I'm concerned that Mike is becoming full-blown, quote, yeah, no guy. He says it all the time. He'll be agreeing with you when he says, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it is. No, it is. Or no, absolutely. Which is it, Mike? You're answering in the affirmative and the negative. Pick one. He has a good point, but he doesn't. Because first of all, I love yeah, no, because

all right, I've run a ton of writer rooms. It's kind of like the yes and, but mine is a yes, but, and, uh, it's kind of like, listen, here's what the yeah is in a yeah, no. It's yeah. I hear you, but no, that was fucking garbage. It just came out. Yeah. I, it might be that, or you build on it. Like, yeah, no, you know, you've considered it. Yeah. But no, I know. What's his other stuff? No, absolutely. Oh, that's just building. When you build on, like, you have a funny premise, and then I do, and then you do, you know? I think it's like, it's the thing that drives people crazy about NPR when they start every sentence with so,

because to me it's so patronizing. It's going, so, kind of says, like, okay, all right, you're a fucking idiot, so let me explain it's going so kind of says like okay all right you're a fucking idiot so let me explain it to you slowly yeah i love i love being patronizing but i mean in other words like i love being like you think like that yeah that's the most patronizing thing you could say you do that a lot you do that a lot because it's that a lot. Because it's kind of, I'm kind of like, really it's saying, do you want to think that through again? Or like your mind works that way? Because you think I'm not, you just told me that you just communicated a thought. So you think doesn't make sense on paper. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You think think you think like did you think about that yeah i might as well be

making you know that circle with my you know that crazy symbol where i make a circle around my ear pointing at my head like you think telling everybody else like watch out for this one uh all right this one comes from elizabeth brown boys what is up with chris chris demmon our producer how can he not get you an immediate answer? Although ripping on him is hilarious, how about you give a girl a chance to be the searcher of information? Chris couldn't even give us his birthday. I guarantee I can do it much faster for free,

and you can rip on me. I'm the daughter of the Rough Rider condom guy, after all. Remember that? Remember that? She wrote in in her dad had Rough Rider condoms. after all. Remember that? Remember that? She wrote in at her... I do. Her dad had Rough Rider Condoms. Oh, no. Yeah.

Well, she's a product of rough sex. I love you guys maybe even more than Joanne. Forever in love, Liz. P.S. Squeaky Fromm did attempt to kill Ford. That's a correction. Yeah. And you know what it was?

Two chicks... I think I can call them that. It was back in the day. Two chicks tried to kill Ford. Famously, there might have been more. And she was one of them. I was thinking of the other one. Squeaky's gun jammed. Do you know she would have done it? She got right point blank range in her gun jammed. Was she part of the PLO? Or was she a Manson girl? No, Manson. I'm wondering if she expanded and included the PLO under her banner. I don't know.

Yeah. All right, let's do an obituary. And that's all, folks. Oh, boy. Here's a guy who you may not know. I'm sure you don't know. Yeah, I know. he deserves a shout out. Ray Lambert was serving in the U.S. Army as a medic when his unit was sent to Normandy on D-Day.

As troops stormed the beach, many were injured by enemy fire and landmines. Lambert located a protected area behind a large concrete block and began dragging injured men from the water to the block so they could be assisted by medics. This story sounds familiar. Why? I bet that's the writer Forrest Gump took that story. That's what Forrest did. He was credited with saving at least 15 lives that day, even as he was severely injured himself, including a broken back he was

later honored by president donald somebody at a ceremony in normandy marking the 75th anniversary of d-day the concrete block he used to shelter the injured was named ray's rock and has a plaque affixed to it honoring lambert and his men after this is this is where it gets great you hear these stories about these guys and it is mind-blowing first of all i couldn't even do basic training never mind fucking go overseas let you know attack a fucking beach save people and you think okay this guy's done he's got a broken back Give him a lazy boy and some crossword puzzles. Call it a life. Nope. After the war, Lambert attended the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,

MIT, and founded two electrical contracting companies with his brother. He did not tip on chicken wing deliveries. Go ahead. That's one knock against him. Go ahead. At age 98, he published his memoir, Every Man a Hero, which became a New York Times bestseller.

The title referred to his belief that he shouldn't be singled out. Every man in his unit was a hero of the war. Yep. And I do three podcasts from my shitty office. You just shamed me even further. You do three more podcasts than I. Two more. Three times as many?

Okay. How good do I, he went to MIT. I can't even figure out three podcasts to one and what that fucking ratio is. Also, he wrote a book at 98. Even though I have nothing to write about, I couldn't write a book at 98. I can't write a book now.

I can't read a book. You know the last time I read a book? night. I can't write a book now. I can't read a book. You know, the last time I read a book, it's intimidating, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

To sit there and be able to focus. But, uh, you know, it reminds me of that thing where it's like, especially when I was younger, let's say I was in my twenties and I'd see like a fit dude, you know,

and it's like fifties or whatever. I'm like, I hope when I'm 50, like I'm like fit like that. It's, and one friend eventually goes, you're fucking not fit like that. I'm like, I hope when I'm 50, like I'm like fit like that. And one friend eventually goes, you're fucking not fit like that now. What makes you think you're going to be like that

in your 50s? You're 26. I know. I see those commercials for Geritol with the older couple that's like, you know, power walking or riding a bike and they're eating a lot of celery and they're juicing.

And I think maybe you get to a certain age and you have so much time on your hands that you just fucking go all in on health. Well, you have a lot of incentive, I guess. I don't know. But I think, yeah, they're models. They're paid models. They don't even know each other, that couple.

They're probably dumb as shit. All right. It's time after the obituaries. We always need to cheer up with the Sunday funnies. That guy cheered me up a little i know that's a nice story right that's a really good story yeah uh here's the lot i don't notice a family circus in here i don't know if you want to pull one up oh shit yeah let me go find the fucking gem that's out today and we'll paste it in and not even read it. You go ahead. All right. Leroy and Loretta are sitting at the dinner table and Loretta has her mask on.

They're at a restaurant and Leroy is sitting there and he looks at her and he says, OK, I should have phrased it differently when I said you look good in a mask. I should have phrased it differently when I said you look good in a mask. You got to see her fucking beaming eyes. Yeah. Hager the Horrible. And really angry. We all love Hager the Horrible.

And he loves women. He loves them harder than anybody I know. I mean, when he sees a woman, he absolutely, he can't even hold back he loves them so much uh his friend his dopey friend says the old duke says he has no money and then hagger says the evidence suggests otherwise and his buddy says what evidence and then you see this smoking hot blonde with a pink top and looks like she's got on like some black mod 1970s pants. And she says, would Dookie Wookie like me to wait inside for him? And she's about to be raped. This is the best part.

Because I was cutting and pasting a family circus. I heard like, hey, we're doing Hager. And then the next thing I heard is, so she's going to be raped. And I think I didn't miss anything. No, you just wonder about women that lived in that time. Like, it just, you got raped. It was just, it was the way they made love back then. There was no consent.

Consensual sex was like uh it happened sometimes right probably happened a lot of the time with certain you know people but when we're talking a thousand years ago it was not uh and i'm not talking about i have to be careful what i say i was about about to say, I'm not talking about rape. I'm just talking about like, there was a sense of duty, you know, and this is like best case scenario, kind of like if there wasn't consent, it's like, uh, yeah, I, uh, the husband wants it and that would dictate what happened. Yeah. Right. You know, now if you want it, you have to fucking go down a Laguna, throw on krong pin, fucking drug yourself, hopefully drug her. That's not just consensual. That's beleaguered.

Yeah, that's like, yeah, exactly. That's you've thrown in the towel. All right, what do we got for family circus here? Haven't read a word of it. Here we go live. Little fucker standing on a stool, the kid in the kitchen. Billy. His name's Billy.

There's a dog there, too. And then the dad has opened the top cabinet. And in there you see a box that says cookies. And the dad's looking down at the little fucker who's has his hand up and is explaining something. And I bet what he's explaining is about is in this quote here. And here we go. Quote. Can you reach up there for me, daddy? You're a little higher than me. Wow. Wow. Holy. Like, I mean, all right. I want to be serious here. In his mind, is the joke higher? Like that, that only an idiot kid would describe taller as higher? So it's swapping out the word taller for the word higher, printing it,

and sending it to United Syndication to put in newspapers around the world. And so when the paper gets it, wouldn't they be like, wow, you know, you had a whole picture here which was telling a story, and you totally ignored it? Like, Daddy, can you pass me

that box of broccoli? That's not what it says. I don't know. Honestly, you just spend fucking three minutes with it and you'll have 40 better ones. It's like if you were reading a novel and it just stopped like halfway through a chapter. There was just blank

pages after it. It's I don't think I need to prepare. I guess that's the last time I'm going blind into a family circus. I didn't realize how hard it hits me when I first see nothingness. It's like staring into the abyss. You're like, oh, it's almost like stepping back from like a tall building. Like, oh man, there's nothing. There's nothing in front of me. When I read the Lockhorns, I get a chuckle out of it.

I feel a little bit. The whole point of the comics at the end of the paper is it's a cleanse. It's dessert. It's a fun little burst. You walk away with maybe even tell somebody the joke that you saw. Then you get Family Circus and it sucks energy out of you because you're so confused and you're so sad that Jeff Keen is doing this week in and week out for years, for generations. If he wasn't successful, it'd be funny. Like, hey, do you ever read that lunatic, that intellectually challenged, that's what they call crazy people or, you know, the R word.

So you would be like, that would be amusing. Like, Hey, this crazy person sends in comics. Have you, have you heard about that guy? And like, he's kind of half homeless, but he, he writes them down and he sends them in. They make no sense. But no, this is, this is generations of golf club memberships and houses everywhere. Yep, yep. And handing it off to his son who is, who

takes mediocrity to the next level. Speaking of mediocrity, the husband, the worst husband in America with the hottest wife in America, Blondie. Again, resentment. She walks over and Dagwood is sunken into the blue chair, legs crossed with a newspaper up to his face.

The dog is looking at him going like, why would you do this when there's this beautiful woman in a pea green miniskirt? She's got on a tight, kind of a pale green top. And she says, did you finish working on our taxes already, sweetheart? He says, without looking up from the paper, I'm done. She goes, my goodness, dear, you finished them in record time this year. He puts the paper down, looks at her and he goes, I said, I'm done. And he goes, I said, I'm done. At which point, in reality, this fucking 10 of a woman would go, oh, yeah.

Guess who else is done? Why don't you get upstairs and pack a bag and get the fuck out of this house? Well, I sue you for half of the meager savings you've accrued after 40 years of working for that shitty boss of yours. is this strip saying he's saying i said i'm done like he's not gonna try anymore he's done or i'm done with this conversation yeah yeah okay yeah maybe that's what it is i'm done i don't think so i don. I think it's a joke on, like, we're done. Like, it's not good. Like, I didn't even have to file taxes. I'm so useless. I'm done.

Either way, he doesn't get the bravado of sitting in a fucking chair and being flippant with this wife who knows he made so little last year the taxes are going to take about seven minutes to fill out. What's going on with the blue? Oh, that's the dog's tail. Yeah. I thought she was holding a plate between her legs. Yeah.

He's got to pick it up. Somebody fucking animate me. Somebody figure out how to pixelate and animate me and send me into that strip so I can go in there with a cheek full of blue chew and do some fucking damage and kick the shit out of Dagwood while I'm in there. Perfect. All right, listen, Mike, it's been a pleasure. Actually, what did you say about this podcast when we went into it?

We didn't prepare at all, which I'm not bragging about. And so we pushed our start times. What do you mean we didn't? What do you mean we didn't prepare at all? That's I refer to my that's my pronoun. I don't know why you have to call me out on it. I identify as we. Right. And them. So we didn't prepare and so we asked for another 15 minutes but one of the things we said was. 45. 45. Okay one of the things we said was, I'm not great with time, was, hey, we've been going long. Remember we used to do that sweet hour 20? Let's just do that today. We have enough and we

put in some stories. Well, we went to 220, maybe because you told the same story twice. Apparently I didn't, although Chris Denman doesn't listen. Well, we'll hear it in the corrections, I'm sure. All right, don't forget, people, corrections, songs, logos, comments, send them all in to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. We love hearing from you.

We want to thank Midcoast Media, the fine folks over there, Beth Hoops, Chris Denman, turned in a good show for us week in and week out and we want to thank you guys for listening and spreading the word go to Apple Podcasts and give us five stars and a comment

tell your friends to check out the podcast and I guess we'll see you next week that's what we're doing and you're in Philly right? I'm in Philly in Kansas City get your tickets also on the website and I won't be meeting and greeting after the show I apologize You're in Philly, right? I'm in Philly in Kansas City. Get your tickets also on the website. And I won't be meeting and greeting after the show. I apologize, but I will be giving you 110% on stage.

And see the father. There's a lot to talk about. There's a lot to, like, you know, break down. Yeah, I'm going to watch it this week and we'll talk about it. Yeah. All right. Love it, man. All right. Take it easy. take it ish

read all about it jesus oh my god all right first of all how are you man i need the money for soup for my family I like Sunday papers, but sometimes I don't want to read. So I get on, straight in my eyes, Sunday papers. Read all about it. Jesus. Oh, my God. All right. First of all, how are you, man? I need the money for soup for my family.

Read all about it. Jesus. Oh, my God. All right. All right. All right. All right.