Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 67 6/13/21

Episode Date: June 13, 2021

Top story: Our daughters graduated high school together this week! Just as important, however, a nun with a gambling habit, topless photos of Elliot Page and a football coach in OH forces a Jewish kid to eat pork. 

I see it coming, that screaming, and it's still startled every week, every week. Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it! You're not going to need a lot of time to read all about it this week. This is the late edition edition or the early edition. Well, at this rate, it's going to take a long time with your flubs. Jesus.

I have not been able to speak well lately, I'm finding. Didn't you have a gig or something? Don't you have gigs? I did a gig last night with a little singer named Chris Martin. Oh, nice. I'm going to eat a donut as you talk. Go ahead. I did.

It was a birthday party for his buddy. And we did it at this little theater in Malibu. How was that? The most fucking charming guy you've ever met in your life. Chris Martin from Coldplay, if people don't know. Yeah, I did a carpool karaoke with him. Okay, wait. Yeah, of course. So nice. Yeah, get your

fucking name drop in ahead of mine. I'm dropping a name currently. Did your gig last night get you an Emmy? No? Okay, go ahead. Go on anyway. No, but it made me some cash. And he hung out backstage with the other comics.

There was four of us. Oh, wow. This guy for his birthday wanted four comics? Yep. Huh. So we hung out and we talked about deep shit. And I got to tell you, man, you get man crushes sometimes. Oh, no. Have you ever had a man crush with a celebrity where you meet somebody and they're so fantastic and physically beautiful that you're kind of tingly about it.

Yeah. Bruce Jenner. Don't say Bruce. Don't say Bruce. No. You asked me when I fell in love with him. A man crush. It was a man crush. It was pre-Caitlin. Is the magic gone? No comment. Speaking of changing teams, by the way, what is your issue?

First of all, we have to announce that we're doing an early recording of the podcast this week. This will be an abbreviated one. People go fucking crazy when you eat on the microphone it grosses people out their their earbuds are in and they hear you fucking shoot i mean you you know you know we're doing a short one because you're going to your daughter's

graduation you show up your equipment's not set up no you haven't eaten. I'm in a closet. But like, didn't you think ahead of time, like, we're gonna... No, I was at work all day. Do you have gallery view? I don't think you have the right setting on the Zoom speaking of equipment. No, it's right. Are you sure? What is work all day? You got a job? No, I go to an

office to get away from these fuckers. Un-fucking-believable. I'm almost done with my gluten-free donut, which is my daughter's. Well, let me kill some time in the meantime. So if people don't know, the reason why today's podcast is short is because Mike is heading off to his daughter's graduation. Our daughters, as you know, went to the prom together. We haven't even talked about that. No, we've got to talk about that.

And now they're graduating. My daughter graduated yesterday. They split the school into two groups because there's like, I think there's like 700 graduating seniors in their school. So in order to fit them all in, they split it into two nights.

So I went out last night, watched my daughter graduate, walked the stage. She looked beautiful. You can go on my Instagram account. There's a nice photo of us. Nice. And yeah, and then we took her out to dinner. I got her a clatter ring, which is kind of a big deal in my family. You get a clatter ring when you graduate high school. It's an Irish, if people don't know, it's an Irish ring. Is that with the hands holding a heart or something?

The hands holding the heart with a crown on top. Now, I got to look into that because I don't know if the crown on top is some kind of nod to the British royal family, in which case we may saw that off the top of the ring. But let me tell you something. I waited to the last minute to get the ring like a fucking idiot. And I looked in. If you were in Boston or New York and you wanted a clatter ring, tell you something i waited to the last minute to get the ring like a fucking idiot and i i looked in if you were in boston or new york and you wanted a clatter ring you could walk into fucking

vinnie goombatz's jewelry store on 59th street any jewelry store in the city would have a selection of clatter rings try finding one in la i called 25 jewelry shops and I finally found one guy, and he must have known he was the only guy with a clatter ring because he charged me up the ass for it. No. And I was forced to pay it, but I had to do it. I blew it. Yeah.

Last minute. You could have ordered it online. Yep. That stinks. But it didn't matter. Sometimes money doesn't matter. I was so happy to give it to her. And she was beautiful.

And we went out to dinner, went to this Taiwanese restaurant, overordered. And we told the waitress that she just graduated college. So the waitress let her order a beer. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Nice lies to start off her career. Yep. Yep. So, um, so you're excited. So you and the, you and the ex will sit together for the graduation. Yeah. We're all driving there together. Any advice? I texted, I didn't even bother with you. I texted your wife, Erin for advice. Like, do we bring hats?

Do we bring water? Because you're just like all caps. You don't have to get there that early. You don't have to shop for a clatter ring that early. So anyway, she gave us some advice to enter on Michigan and not enter on 4th because there's shade. Yep. It's a hot day today. Yep.

It's going to be hot out there. And the sun is going to beat on you while you're sitting in the crowd the entire time. It's more sunny than hot, but the sun is pretty strong today. Definitely want sunglasses and a hat. But the school does an amazing job. It's all safely done.

It's all, you know, they had to make some concessions. Like, normally they have, like, the choir there and the orchestra there and all that. They couldn't have that. It started late yesterday, I noticed, because it's on. It was live on YouTube streaming. Yeah. And I hope it doesn't start that late today.

So let's talk about the prom. I don't think I've talked to you since our daughters went to the prom together. We did. Did we talk? At the fight. What? At the fight we watched. Oh, right, right, right, right.

A little bit, but not much. Well, it went really well. We had the pre-party. We had a pre-thing where we toasted our daughters with some champagne. It was you and your ex-wife who yeah is just charming yeah we had a very nice time with her and uh and then we sent them off and i guess the part i guess the prom itself is kind of boring but most prompts most problems are about the pre-party and the after party and then you go to the school part

and you bet and it's part of the fun of prom night is bailing from the actual school prom and getting to the after-party. Right. Although, especially this year, right? I mean, I don't even know what that prom looked like. I know it was outdoors. Yeah.

It was outside. They had to wear masks, and it sounded like a typical lame prom. And then JoJo was worried because she had to wear masks. And it sounded like, you know, like a typical lame prom. But then and then Jojo is worried because she had an after party. But she is like like her father decided to throw the party about a week before prom night. If if that maybe maybe four days before prom night. You would not have given it a week. Yeah. That's too much time. So then all of a sudden she's worried that nobody was going to show up so people already had paid deposits to go to like you know somebody was in

bel-air at an airbnb and then of course that got fucking i think they i think i think they switched it from bel-air to culver city at the last minute because the bel-air house found out it was a after prom party oh man yeah yeah and so like people went i think i think the party got broken up and minute because the Bel Air house found out it was an after-prom party. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, like, people went. I think the party got broken up. And so all of a sudden, people that were at other parties started coming to our party late.

Like, ours didn't even get going until, like, midnight. And then it went to, like, four in the morning. It was great. Wow. Yeah, that's a good sign. That's one clear indicator is how is the prom? And all they tell you about is the parties and the extracurriculars. Yeah.

I didn't hear anything about the prom. Someone asked me, was it outdoors? I'm like, I don't know. And then I had to ask, and it was. Yeah. We're also doing this early. Not only early, we're doing it on Thursday because also I'm leaving tomorrow to go see some of your roommates from college. You're going to your high school reunion?

Yeah. So my high school, I went to boarding school in Sheffield, Massachusetts, right by Great Barrington. Gorgeous. And then coincidentally, two of the guys from my high school went to Boston University, where I went, and then they wound up being your roommates before I knew you at all. That's how we met. Oh, is that how we met? No. I knew you before that.

What are you talking about? I knew you before I moved in with Pete and Dudley, I knew you. I don't think so. Yeah. Maybe not well. I guess not. Maybe I didn't know you very well. When did you move in with them?

Junior year? Senior year. I must have known you before senior year. Oh, I knew you. Yeah, I knew you before senior year then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I started hanging out with you beginning of junior year because I was living with Bill Mountford, who was friends with those guys.

And you guys were like the jocks in college. You know, like you were on the rugby team. Pete was on the rugby team. Well, Pete was the president of the rugby team. That was one of your friends. Until senior year. Before that, it's actually more impressive. Before that, he was trying out a little president of the rugby team. That was one of your friends. Not until senior year. Before that, it's actually more impressive. Before that, he was trying out a little bit for the football team.

Oh, right. Dudley was the captain of the lacrosse team. And then our other roommate, Bill Mountford, was the captain of the tennis team. And I was a comedian alcoholic. I mean, listen, I played rugby, which means I was kind of an alcoholic and then kind of playing sports. Actually, we practiced pretty hard. And the games were hard for sure. Yeah.

But yeah, I guess we were kind of, I mean, we didn't act like jocks. Maybe we did. I'd like to think we weren't bros. Maybe we did. I'd like to think we weren't bros. No, you guys weren't bros because I don't think BU really cared about sports very much. Like the only sport that actually got watched was hockey. And that was a big deal.

They were, you know, always a perennial powerhouse hockey team. And the games were so much fun. They used to serve us beer at the games. I know, that's weird. I went to every fucking game. It was so much fun. They used to serve as beer at the games. I know, that's weird. I went to every fucking game. It was so much fun. Well, you were seeing these future NHLers constantly. John Cullen.

Yeah. He was number two in scoring behind Lemieux. He was Lemieux's teammate. He was number two in scoring one year. And he wasn't a big guy. No, I know. Yeah. All right, well right well listen we should get into it because we don't have that much time we have a lot of news to cover oh we have news oh

okay shout out to this week's music uh it came from uh sunblock music that was fun very fun very i listened to it very techno yeah um our logo uh from the movie poster for Twins from Michael Solomon did a beautiful job. Look at that. Look at that Photoshopping. We are currently soliciting a song for next week. If anybody has any song ideas you've been sitting on. Are we out? We're not out, but I would say we're not in the top end of our song selections at this point.

Okay. Which you like. You actually, the worse the song, the more you like it. Of course. Yeah. I mean, we got- There's a couple of people that are legitimately deranged that send in things that sound like the soundtrack to Silence of the Lambs. There's like people moaning and yeah.

You don't send me all of them. I want to hear all of them. All right. That was a nice description. I'll hear that. We got some corrections coming in. Brokenleg says that the capital of South Dakota is actually pronounced Pierre and not the way it looks to be pronounced with the French sounding Pierre. Stupid South Dakota.

I know because I live there and have to make several trips a year to Pierre. Pierre Kinney? All right. I didn't know that. I did not know that. Huh. I don't think anyone, maybe the other Dakota knows about it, but I think across the country when kids are memorizing their capitals, everyone's doing Pierre.

Yeah. I guess it's like Worcester. If you were to read it, you would say Worchester. I just saw that done. Oh, yeah, I started watching a show. Do you see normal people yet? What are you fucking kidding me? Oh, have you talked about it a lot? It's the best show in the last 10 years. All right. Whoa. Slow down. All right. We'll talk about it when we get to entertainment. We'll talk about it when we get to entertainment. I jotted it down. It's also like, how do you say...

How you say... Oh, Mike. What? If we were bigger, we would be canceled. I take it as an insult that week after week we say things

that anybody with any credibility in this business would be canceled for. And we just sort of float along in the distance. No, we do podcasts long time. Wait a minute. First of all, I don't think you have the Zoom setting right because I normally look at your face up here.

Yeah. And I can move my script up there. Well, let me, I can change it. How about. Let's see, try it. How's that? Nope. No change at all. It doesn't matter. Um, wait a minute. But what, what ethnicity was I doing? That was, uh, that was Chinese. No, it could be anything. How you say it's like, como se dice? Yeah. You know, if you're English How you say, it's like, como se dice?

Yeah. You know, if you're English, you know, struggling along in a Spanish-speaking country. How do you say S-P-O-K-A-N-E, Washington? Right. I think I just saw that. Did someone write in with that pronunciation? I was there, and I said it wrong, and man, they do not take it lightly. Spokane, I think.

Spokane. What? I'm kidding. Like a pecan? All right. But it's not Spokane. It's not Spokane. Which is what I thought it was. Yeah. Elliot James said, you do not need to take a specific test to get into Mensa. Even people our age can just submit our SAT scores. If you have a 1250 SAT, apparently you're just in. Wow. What was your SAT? I think I was 1260. I'm not even doing that as a joke. You didn't get a 1260, did you?

I got 680 math, and I got lower in English, the writer, who can't really do math now. I was the same way. I had a higher score for math than I did for English, and I was an English major. Yeah. 680. And you can't add it up. Can I get a 590?

No, no, I know, but I'm working backwards from my total. You're right. I can barely add it up. But I think I might have gotten a 600 English. I don't know. I got a 630 in math. And then like a five something in English. Yeah.

I mean, listen, we also, here come the excuses. We also didn't study at, I mean, talk about like prep class. Oh, I didn't do any. I was hung over for the SATs. Didn't take a prep class, was hung over. Yeah. All right. Where were we?

This other guy says that, well, there's a long one from a scientist. He's basically saying he's refuting all of these conspiracy theories about the virus being launched. Did you read the whole article? He wrote to me, Greg, yes. But basically he said he read the Newsweek article that I referenced. And could this all be a big cover-up? Sure. And he's like, but the data suggests that we have an animal market origin.

And then he went into details about the sequencing changes. They can see, like in other words, based on the sequence, it's like a roadmap. They can see where a certain sample, where it is along that roadmap. So they are tracing it back, they think, to that market. But anyway, a lot of details. I appreciate him writing in. Did you... That was from Cameron, by the way. You changed this. I put this... Yes?

This is my daughter getting ready for graduation. Can you bring it to me? I have to deal with a blow dryer right now. Oh, my God. Hey, kids. Quick advertisement I'd like to do for you right now. This is for a company that, you know, it's not for everybody. Some people are doing fine in this department. Other people, it's been a pandemic this year. Maybe everything's not functioning

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Extra. We all have found it. Extra. What do you got? Oh, boy. Drought. People are starting to wake up to it. Remember how it didn't rain and mammoth didn't get snow this winter? Drought hit California plans to truck salmon to the ocean with chronic drought.

Hold on. With chronic drought drying up rivers earlier than usual this year, California is scaling up a drastic operation to help its famous Chinook salmon reach the Pacific, transporting the fry, the fry, by road in dozens of large tanker trucks.

You keep reading. I'll be right back. I have to fix an air dryer. The tasty migratory fish are typically born in rivers, swim to the ocean where they reach maturity and can remain for several years

before returning to their native rivers to spawn and die. A crippling drought in the western U.S. is dropping the water level at Lake Mead and Hoover Dam to a historically low level, putting pressure on the region's drinking water supply and the dam's electric capacity. So basically, they're basically taking the fish and because the lake won't get them to the ocean, they are trucking them. So next year,

you know, next year there's going to be tons of tons of rain, tons of water, and the fish are going to be just sitting there going like, uh, Hey, where's the fucking truck? What's going on with the truck?

Wait a minute. This is a huge problem, like migrating fish. Have you ever seen those tubes? Yeah. Kind of like a Walmart. A Walmart. By the way, you hear the blow dryers on? She brought me a, just let's pause.

She brought me a screwdriver to take off the handle to change the batteries in the handle because when she plugged in, it didn't work. And the plug, the plug part that goes in has a circuit. You see a red and a yellow. You see a reset button. You see these buttons. I would try to involve them whenever I fix stuff around the house. I'm like, you kind of have to have a sense of how things work. And no, all lost on them, of course.

No interest. I think she should not graduate for not being able to figure out the hair dryer. Yeah, good luck, Michigan, with this one. So anyway, there are like these, I don't know if you call them mnemonic tubes, whatever they are. Like in Walmart, when you put the thing, there are tubes that suck the fish. There's tons of video on it where they're like shoving a fish in this tube and it flies like above the dam. No shit. Yep.

It's a big thing. Wow. Because all of this is going to hell. Like, especially, yeah, these Chinook salmon, all these salmon. I don't know how much you read. You read, you know, they're obviously going, they're born up there, out to the ocean, back up there to die. And it's a huge part.

Like, forget it. This doesn't happen. Some killer whale populations, especially the ones up north, are gone. Bears, gone. Like, it's really fragile. Damn. Not to mention hipsters on Abbot Kinney in Venice who can't get a sashimi. Bagel eating Jews gone. Gone. Yeah. Wow. Terrible. Yeah. So we're just helping nature along at this point. We're just putting Band-Aids on nature. Yeah, we're putting Band-Aids on our fuck-ups is what we're doing.

We'll get little rowboats and get the polar bears off those floating ice caps and row them back to shore again. Get fucking mauled. I'm trying to help. The thing doesn't understand. It's like the scorpion. The scorpion and the duck, right? Yeah, exactly. What'd you think I'd do? Yeah. It's bad. This drought is going to be no bueno, man. Fire season. Well, our friend Mary, you know, she sold her house up in the hills. And one of the reasons was she's very scared this year.

Yeah, the fires are going to be worse than last year. It's really we had we had like three days of rain all winter. And people understand in L.A. it does not rain from May until October. Well, it hasn't rained as early as October in the last, I think, four years. Yeah. This year, maybe it was late November. It was so bad. Yeah. It's terrible.

Speaking of terrible. Okay. A nun stole $830,000 from a Catholic school. Huh. Do you want me to read it? Well, it's your story. Well, you just stole the headline. Prosecutors charged the now-retired nun with wire fraud and money laundering for embezzling,

despite her vow of poverty. Which, by the way, I love as an employee, because let's face it, the Catholic Church is like the biggest employer in the world, besides the Marriott. And to tell your employees, by the way, read your manual. There's this thing called a vow of poverty. Yeah. That'll keep wages down. All companies should start doing that.

And right here, it's a nondisclosure. And then here's, we're going to do arbitration. Shit goes sideways. And here's your vow of poverty. Wow. I think I'm screwed on your vow of poverty. Wow. I think I'm screwed on all three of those. I think Walmart should have it. Isn't like half of Walmart employees on Medicaid and food stamps?

I don't know. It's really bad, though. Yeah, they did do something like that. Yeah. And Amazon's heading that way. And meanwhile, they're voting against their own interests and don't realize it. Right. Despite our vow of poverty, the nuns stole more than $835,000.

And then she, so she's 79 and she was stealing the money, using it to bet. This is the best part. She was 79 and she had this system where some of the money then kind of like went into a slush fund, but then she pressured other people to change the accounting or whatever so you couldn't see that she was making withdrawals, whatever. Why did she do all this? She was stealing the money and using it to bankroll her gambling habit. I love it. I love it.

And I could have told you she was a bad gambler. We already know she's betting that after she dies, she's going to go to some heavenly gate and everything's going to be perfect. She's betting that a life of poverty will lead to a better thing. I mean, if I was a defense, also, I'd just be like, all right, I call no witnesses. Just a statement. She did not molest children. And that is the first time that the Catholic Church has been in this courtroom where that was not the issue. So why don't we just, she's 79.

Why don't we just, she can stay at home. That's all she's going to do anyway because you can gamble from home now. Yeah. And I'm going to make a bet right now that a jury is not going to convict a woman wearing a fucking burqa. It's a burqa. Let's not kid ourselves. We love to make fun of the Muslims and how could they put their women in those outfits. Show me the difference between a nun's habit and a fucking burqa. About an inch? It's about an inch on the face. That's it. have it and a fucking burka about an inch it's about an inch on the face that's it we're adjourned till monday uh what time monday night football is at uh six i bet you guys won't convict me saying that in a burka

uh let's go to the entertainment section you got it actor elliot page wow well done well done already people may remember that the he is an actor formerly uh a an actress who was named Ellen, but is now... Is that dead naming? Can you even say that? I think you just dead named. I did, didn't I? All right. Well, I don't know that people know who Elliot Page is, but underwent surgery to remove breast tissue earlier this year to get rid of his breasts

and is out in a topless photo that he posted on Instagram on Monday clad in a pair of red swim trunks and hashtagged trans joy and trans is beautiful. And let me tell you something. He looks great. I'm looking at that photo. Six pack abs.

I don't know how he did that. Well, I would imagine you need drugs to get that ripped of a six-pack because I think women and men develop muscles differently. They of course do. And I think that six-pack really looks like a dude for sure. pack really looks like a dude for sure um yeah i mean i'm not denying some women have it but those women are like big time athletes or or train or really training for it but it's hard it is to get that mass and definition yeah to look at the face of this person who previously you would not see tablas and now now you are, and it works. It's like, it's beautiful.

This is what she saw for herself. She made the change. Yeah, and nice guy boobs, right? Those are good guy boobs. Very good guy pectorals. Now, you wonder if he is going to bench press or do anything that would make the pecs grow at this point or make a concerted effort to keep them sort of down low no i think

there's a lot of lifting their tone i think there's a lot of lifting to have them like that right i think well congratulations to uh elliot nice who by the way is very funny he goes to largo sometimes and performs just goes on stage with people and fucks around and very funny. Well, I remember, I don't even know how to word this, but in previous movies, this person was funny. Yeah, absolutely. They, they were funny in previous movies. Very interesting. I don't even think you can say they. I bet they is not his pronoun.

Right. All right. Anyway, minefield. It is a minefield. And my cousin has a child who's chosen moniker. What do you say? Is they? Pronoun? Pronoun. Jesus Christ. Let's move on. Our assignment- And I don't think, I think chosen is wrong. And I don't think, I don't, I think chosen is wrong. Right.

Like you're not supposed to say. No, I think it is chosen. And what pronoun do you use is wrong. Oh, really? There's, there's an incorrect way of asking and I'm forgetting what it is. Do you know how many people enjoy middle-aged straight white guys having this exact discussion? Well, I think a lot of the people listening are like that we know more about it than they do and that really there's a wrong way to ask

what pronoun you use is. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Let's move on. The assignment for last week was to watch Son of Sam. Did you, in fact, watch Sons of Sam? I did.

I haven't finished it yet, but oh my God, that 70ons of Sam? I did. I haven't finished it yet. But, oh, my God, that 70s New York B-roll. It's so amazing. How did New York come back? Honestly. New York was a spray-painted, apocalyptic stab festival. Everybody was getting stabbed. The Bronx, I'm not joking. I think they average

three fires a day. Like when you look at how many there were a year and it was a wasteland. Yeah. And don't forget when the fires happened, fire trucks and firemen would show up to burning buildings and have paint cans thrown at them from the rooftops of other buildings because they were wearing uniforms. Right. It was all that. My friend was a fireman in the South Bronx, Sean Burgoyne, Mary Fitzgerald, ex-boyfriend. And yeah, he said half of them was watching the fire and half of them was watching for

shit being thrown at them. But I mean, the accents, this is before people in Queens knew anybody who wasn't originally from Queens. It was all natives. And the accent was so fucking thick. And the hair was so big. It's worth it just for that.

Oh, the hair parted in the middle. Yeah. The whole thing. Like, I feel unsafe out here like it just it's just it's really fascinating and it's very territorial you know they take it personally that somebody was killed in their neighborhood and they're like yeah this fucking guy shows up again he's gonna get a fucking head knocked in right but uh boy he caught everybody's attention like yeah amidst all the fires and crime and everything,

all of a sudden it was like, we're not going out tonight. But wait till you finish it. It's a great documentary. It's extremely well done. Okay. And it has a great ending, great finish. Nice. Also, don't forget to watch,

there's a show called Hacks with Jean Smart. Jean Smart? Is that her yes yes she's in three hit shows right now what's the third she is in hacks mayor of east town mayor of east town hacks and then she's also in that um dirty john show. Oh, is she? Yeah. She, you know, listen, we grew up, she was on Designing Women, which could not have been a lighter, fluffier, in my opinion, more dismissible sitcom.

And then you see her on Fargo, and you're like, oh, my God. Right. She's just amazing. Fargo is, if you're an actor that wants to be taken seriously, Fargo is the series you want to get on. Chris Rock, he probably was thinking that. Absolutely.

I mean, it took a lot of actor. Who's the guy? I forget. Anyway, we got to keep it moving. We got to keep it moving, Mike. Oh, that guy. But Normal People we were going to talk about. So I just started it. Okay. If people don't know, Normal People is an Irish drama. It has nothing to do with Ireland. It's just set there. Like Ireland. No, Ireland is not part of the story. It's not. It could have been in Russia. I mean, unless, well, don't spoil it.

Unless there's some big Irish ending. No, I mean, I think it informs the characters a lot. They're very like, it's very Catholic. No, no, of course. But what I think, well, that's interesting. Like, in other words, was it made to be viewed in Ireland? So, like, we don't think about, you know, being in America obviously informs friends and being in New York City. But it's, you know, that's not part of the story.

Right. So, anyway, uh, the, I could not be more impressed with the two actors. And also it's the first time in a long time I'm watching something with one storyline. Exactly. And the writing is unbelievable, but the writing's unusual. Like it'll be like,

why am I still watching? And I, and I wonder like these two actors are so good that, um, But the writing's unusual. It'll be like, why am I still watching? And I wonder, these two actors are so good. Normally with love scenes and stuff, which there's a lot of them, I'll be like, it's kind of like the fights in superhero movies. It's like, okay, I got it. It could have been half as long because I'm really interested in the next beat in this story. But these I find I like I like watching them because, first of all, they're such amazing actors, but you are seeing a very important intensity and this connection they have. So it

is kind of a story point. You know what I mean? Absolutely. The sex is very charged and you see it sort of evolve. The way they have sex kind of evolves as the relationship changes and grows. And, um, yeah, the anal scene is really, uh, profound.

Oh, I assume they were all anal. My bad. But the, but, uh, so it's, uh,

she's a Catholic virgin still. Yeah. The, um, but sometimes like it just, I'll be like, why, why did you show us that scene?

Like, it was just him walking in and his roommate's home and he goes to his bedroom and nothing's even said. But I don't know. You're right. It's working. And as like a writer, I'm wondering how it's working so well. So I guess that's a compliment. You know? Yeah.

It's not standard. It is not your standard fare. No, it's not. And it's just real quality. It's real, just the kind of thing you feel like this isn't. You don't see a drama series with this kind of, the directing is good. Anyway, I haven't seen it in a while, so I can't speak specifically much about it, but I loved it. A listener of the podcast, Aaron, turned me on to it.

And you, and I remember you talking about it. Let's talk about some Florida Man. Okay, Florida Man. This is off the charts. This is one of our great Florida Man. Well, wait. Don't spoil it. I wrote this myself. I took the information and I rewrote it.

All right. I mean, it's all true. I ordered it like a journalist should have if they're into storytelling. A son begged his father to drive by a home. This is in Miami. A son begged his father to drive by a home. This is in Miami. A son begged his father to drive by a home where young people were gathered Sunday night so he could fire his paintball gun out the window, according to a police report released Tuesday. So he just wanted to hit the house and the people there with the paint gun.

As they drove by the home, his son fired off several rounds, police said. The homeowner confused the paintball for real gunfire telling police he thought his family was being attacked so of course he fired back and struck the child with a real gun uh kid was wounded the boy then that's that's already enough for a florida story for florida man Florida, man, right there. We're good. Paintball, father has the kid out the window, whatever, and shooting. Of course, Florida, whoever you're shooting a paintball, they're going to have a real gun.

Only in Florida would somebody return fire that quickly. They're driving by, and that guy, he has to be at a barbecue with a gun in his hand to shoot back that fast. Yeah. It's not only unconcealed or whatever it's called, it's in their hands. And all the time, the weapon is in their hands loaded. Cocked.

And cocked. Yeah. The boy then lost his balance and was run over by his father's vehicle, police said. Dad, what are you doing? First of all, he's shot. Keep in mind, he's shot when the tire is going over him. He's already shot about three seconds earlier.

It's like a rim shot. It reminds me of there was this story about a guy who was flying over the land between Cuba and Florida. And his plane went down. And he crashed into the water. And he survived. And then was attacked by sharks and died. Also a Florida man story. Yeah.

But hey, kids, kids, we're heading down to Florida on vacation. Come on. It's a big drive. Don't pack the water guns. Yeah, totally. Don't do that thing in the back window where you aim your finger and pretend you're pointing a gun at somebody. Let's not do that on this trip back window where you aim your finger and pretend you're pointing a gun at somebody. Let's not do that on this trip.

Not in Florida, kids. Okay. International. I think we were talking about gluttony a week or two ago. We might have. We did. We talked about the line at Starbucks and how all of America seemingly with their inflated forearms, which I see come out of the window at the drive-thru here, getting their milkshakes.

Heavier passengers on planes mean new safety limits for airlines. Because passengers are getting larger, the Federal Aviation Administration is requiring upgrades and updates to passenger and baggage weight estimates that keep each flight within airplane safety limits. The officials say the weight estimates used for passengers in bags are going up between 5 and 10 percent. Damn. And it's interesting.

I just added this part because, you know, these are the engineers at work. This will affect some flights, possibly requiring that more passengers get bumped or more baggage be left behind. And the impact is likelier on unusually hot days and in cities higher above sea level when the weight an airplane can safely carry is reduced because the wings don't generate enough lift to get those fatties off the ground jesus yeah so the it's very what's really funny the rest of the article went on to be like american airlines has already put in their new estimates. And I think they added 10 pounds for every male, five pounds for every woman. They bumped up. So there might be emptier seats, but more likely they won't turn away the

money. They will reduce the amount of bags, I believe. But really good. So some airlines like Delta, JetBlue, like issued a no comment on the weight of their passengers. And I think the biggest one hiding is South. Southwest is like, oh, we got a problem. We got a problem. Even just the toenail fungus is adding so much weight on the Southwest flights. Right. And guy guys that pack dumbbells when they travel is Southwest Airlines. Can you not curl in the aisles, sir? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd say if you had to rank the airlines by weight,

I would say Southwest is the fattest by far. Yeah. And I would say that JetBlue is the thinnest. And Southwest is like, wait, wait, wait. They think they have it figured out because all of their passengers wear shorts. But that still is not enough to compensate for the giant stomach hanging over your shorts. I think they should. Well, high altitude places are probably thinner because you're talking about ski resorts, fancy people that are in shape.

So that's not as big of an issue. Yeah, hills. The people have to get up the hills. Right. And then you've got cities like Milwaukee where, yeah, you have to assume 20% fatter in Milwaukee. Well, what I'm worried about is, say, hotter climates. I mean, that's the South. And they're going to have some new estimates in the South, and it might be more than 10%. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll see. Well, I mean, if you ever walk through O'Hare,

you realize just how obese this country is. Yeah. I mean, that's a real cross section. I mean, it's one of the busiest airports and it's a huge hub and it, the people are giant. Yeah. Well, that was one of my dumb little jokes. Cause we have a cost. I'd sound so elitist and stuff, but again, it's gluttony. It's not people with a weight problem,

but it's really the gluttony that gets me. But we have a Costco right Costco right here near our house. Technically, I guess they call it Culver City, but it's Venice, basically. And when I was working in the Valley in Burbank, I went to Costco there. And I was like, wow, never been to the Costco in the Valley so much bigger. Not the Costco, the people. Which was true. Those are the people that when they shop at Costco, people are like, wow, it's so much though.

And they're like, what are you talking about? The quantities. I mean, who needs 20 bags of presents? No, we go every week. Every Wednesday. It's Costco day. But sir, that side of beef, do you have one of those freezers in your garage? Freezer? Why? Why would we freeze it? Why would you put a freezer in the garage?

First of all, that's a hike. Second of all, it'll be frozen when I eat it tomorrow. Let's do a little bit of sports. All right. We talked about this. We watched the fight. All in all. At Dennis Gubbins' house, who, by the way,

if you're going to invite people over for a pay-per-view, don't fucking shake them down for $9. It's $9. I paid. And he reminds, I paid one, nine for me, nine for my wife. I mean. No, you should have just paid nine. He made me pay nine for my wife.

She didn't even watch the fight. She was on the back patio the whole time. Was this still a payback because he got you a minority's vaccine? Yeah. So I didn't feel bad chipping in. Someone had to take the bullet on that. No, I'm kidding. I'm just busting his balls. No, absolutely. If you do a pay-per-view, it's a group effort. But, you know, you do it and then people don't offer the money. And he had to keep reminding people and I kind of felt bad.

Also, we were there with Tom and Mary who are the last to leave. Every party. No matter where. Yeah. So at one point we were watching something and the guy goes, good night. He's like, whoa, what? You know, yeah. Echoing what he just said, good night, everybody. Like he had to like constantly find reasons to try to kick him out.

Anyway, do you remember a couple of times we were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's out. That's weird. Like he would slump over Logan, Paul Logan. What did Paul Logan, Logan, Paul. Well, there's controversy as we now I bet people have chimed in, like, I don't know what Joe Rogan has said and all that, but there's a lot of controversy, I guess. The spectators said that, hold on, that there's a conspiracy theory that the two somehow coordinated the draw and a viral video shows Mayweather clock Paul on the left side of the head and then appear to prop him up instead of allowing him to collapse. And then this this guy, this boxing guy I saw on Twitter was like he did KO Paul and then held him up because they agreed to make it so they could

both, quote, win with Floyd being able to claim he actually won and Logan being able to say he morally won because he was he was able to even survive. He was he was even able to survive. But this guy thinks Floyd knocked him out. These guys made so much fucking money. I just read about it. Do you know how much they made with the pay-per-view take? about do you know how much they made with the pay-per-view take well i know that mayweather when he was being really criticized he said uh listen this is also about making money after your career and i think he said just the patches on his shorts made him 10 million or something no shit three total take three million the total take for the, for the two fighters to split, was $150 million. Guess how much of that Mayweather got? No idea.

Guess. $100 million. $130 million. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what their deal was up front. but I mean, look, who, who are you turning? Who are you tuning in for? I wasn't tuning in for Logan Paul. I was tuning in for Mayweather. That, that's where my nine, my $18 was going.

Well, I was tuning in to watch Logan Paul die. Yeah, that's true. But, but that's basically Mayweather. You're right. Yeah. All right. Also in sports, eight high school football coaches in Ohio are suspended while police investigate allegations. This isn't funny.

That they forced a Hebrew Israelite player to eat a pizza that previously had pork on it, despite knowing his belief forbade him from eating it. The 17-year-old student is a rising senior where he is an offensive lineman. After skipping an earlier weightlifting session because of an injury, the team's coaches told him to eat an entire pepperoni pizza as punishment. And so he reminded the head coach that he did not eat pork. He had told them

previously multiple times that he was a Hebrew Israelite and did not eat pork as part of his religion. It is our contention that the coach was fully aware of this and intentionally ordered a pork pizza for his punishment. What do you make of that? I'm reading it now. Uh, yeah. I mean, this, this kid's going to win a big lawsuit, right?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. But it doesn't matter. Cause now we can't get into heaven. Wait, dude, do Jews go to heaven? Jews don't go to heaven, do they?

No, there's no afterlife. Well, there's the Barney sample sale. That's heaven. Oh my God. Um, this lawsuit is going to be having for his attorneys. That's for sure. Oh yeah. Yeah. I, if I, yeah, if, if I was the defense attorney, I would absolutely order a pizza during the trial and just sit there and eat a fucking bacon bit pepperoni sausage.

Oh, man, that that is open and shut case. I don't know what that's going to be. Wow. All right. What do we got business? Well, Bitcoin, by the way, became the the legal tender in El Salvador this week. Right. The legal tender in El Salvador this week.

Right. It's a big deal because, you know, I mean, basically the banks. The banks fuck poor people so badly. Like if you're a guy who's got a family back in El Salvador and you want to send money to that family, you have to go through these payment services to wire the money because a lot of them don't have bank accounts and uh and they whack it you end up losing half the money by the time your family picks up the money half of it is gone and then and they have to travel for like five hours to get to the place where you pick up the cash from the cash wire service. And then good luck getting it home because all the fucking banditos now know that you've got a pocket full of cash. You get robbed on your way home.

So what Bitcoin is saying is, how about you just fucking hit a button on your keyboard and your family's got the money? Is this all Greg? The 50% sounds like a Greg stat. Are you sure this is all Greg? The 50% sounds like a Greg stat. Are you sure this is all true? No, my chiropractor, who's a big Bitcoin guy, was explaining this to my wife. He said, like, you end up losing, between fees and all this other shit, you lose half your money.

The banditos probably don't believe that when they're robbing you. They're like, no, where's the rest of it? I know they take, it's 50%. They don't take 50%. Right. Yeah, it's the Jews. The Jews whack Jews. I'm cutting open your tires. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of ways that it helps poor, poor countries. I think that was the idea behind El Salvador legalizing Bitcoin.

Nice. How far into this are we? Because I should start getting ready. We're almost we're at 50 minutes ish okay uh this day in history lolita was released how the fuck did lolita first of all the book came out in what year did it come out? 62. 62. The movie came out in... I don't know. What day in history was this? Oh, I forgot to write down the date. Oh, no, maybe, no, sorry. Maybe the movie was 62. Oh, in 19...

No, I think the novel was 62 and the movie was... Oh, no, no. The movie was 62. But the novel was probably in the 50s okay have you read it i did at one point it's it's quite it's it's yeah it's bold it's not only bold but people think oh lolita yeah he's having sex with a 17 year old girl no she's 12. She's like 11 or 12 years old. But she was rocking, right? She's rocking. I mean, she was for an 11 year old. She was a 10. Well, yeah. Well, back then it was writers did write about that more. And I think there's famous,

famous novels, even where if you go back and think about the age, like, wait a minute, that's a child. But also the, you know, being able to marry was, it was a younger age.

All that stuff was younger then. Yeah. I am not defending it. I am just saying. here it is. So the character of Lolita was only 12 years old in Nabokov's book. Her age was increased to 14 or 50 in the screenplay to lessen the implications of outright pedophilia. If you raise it to 14, it's not outright pedophilia?

I don't know. I think there's levels of pedophilia. One is under 18 and one is under 14 in terms of the law. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. I'm just saying those numbers off the top of my head. I'm not really well-versed exactly in that type the law. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. I'm just saying those numbers off the top of my head. I'm not really well-versed exactly in that type of thing. Like the 50% El Salvador cut? Right.

Yeah, well, yeah, it's, but it's, yeah. I should revisit it. It's great. And the movie, I mean, James Mason is unbelievable. Oh, I didn't see the movie. In everything he does. everything he does is it racy is there like sexual scenes in it i believe you know obviously movies were tamer than despite the subject matter but um you know he he just becomes obsessed with her he's obsessed with her and um and it's cult cult like he turns her against her family. He does all the standard cult, uh,

right out of the handbook for how to, how to separate somebody from their family and all that. Um, the, uh, yeah, the book is, it's,

it's extremely well written though. It's a, it's an awesome fucking book. But like Jerry Lee Lewis, you know, did he marry a 13 year old? Yeah. Elvis. I mean, I mean, what's marry a 13-year-old? Yeah, Elvis. His cousin?

I mean, what's her name was 14 when he met her? Yeah. So it was definitely a topic that was discussed more back then anyway. What's the youngest you ever had sex with a girl? Like the youngest woman you ever had sex with? Oh, old. Old. Like the youngest woman you ever had sex with. Oh, old, old. Like 19 or something.

Really? Oh, wait. Sorry, 14. It's that short-term memory you're losing, right? The stuff that just happened recently? i'm totally joking um no no i i'm gonna put it at 17 i don't know to be quite honest but 17 but no what i meant by old was like late and late like late in high school yeah i think 16 was probably the youngest and same age same age in other words not younger yeah yeah all right let's move on.

Letters from the editor. Joanne seems to have a crash. Oh, crush on these guys. Wow. Oh, that would have mixed it up a little. That would have been nice. Yeah, I would think so. This guy, HG Ward, says, I worked in a Target in Arizona in the early 90s.

Name dropper. We were talking about Dennis Farina recently. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why were you talking about Dennis Farina? Did he die? No, he came. Well, he did, but not last week. He came up last week, and we just talked about how great he was.

So this guy says one day. And we forgot to mention, a lot of people said, how could you forget Goodfellas? Get your shine box, you know, like that. He's that guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. He came up and he asked where we kept the toilet plungers at the Target. I told him and then I told him how much I loved crime story. He said, great. Just don't call the National Enquirer and tell them my shitter's clogged. So we used to go out to dinner. Craig Kilborn and I used to go out to dinner with him quite often and Mastro's. And I mean, he is that guy, that mutton, the mustache, the unbelievable Chicago

accent, the pinky ring. You know, he was a retired cop from Chicago before he got into acting. accent, the pinky ring. You know, he was a retired cop from Chicago before he got into acting. He was really the real, you could just see it and feel it when he was on screen that he's the real deal. Right. Absolutely. I think, I wonder who the first person was to start casting real Italians to play Italians. Cause you know, it's, it's a thing now. I mean, Scorsese did it. Obviously, Sopranos cast a lot of wise guys who weren't actors before. You had, what's his name, from Springsteen's band. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Little Stephen.

Little Stephen. Little Stephen, I don't think, had really acted much before that. And, uh, and then the other guy, uh, was, uh, ah, fucking my brain is fucking fried today. The guy who used to be a club owner, a comedy club owner. Yeah. I'm forgetting his name, but you know, also, but also Sharippa, Steve Sharippa had never really acted before.

No. Didn't he like even work out at like the Riviera in Vegas? Yeah. He used to run the comedy show at the Riviera in Vegas. Yeah. Yeah. What else? Oh, you know, even this isn't exactly what you're talking about. But, you know, Scorsese would put his mom in all in all his movies. Right. Right. You know, little white haired Italian lady from Elizabeth Street. Yeah. I think is where he grew up. Yeah. And yeah, so he was he tried to keep it authentic for sure. Yeah. This one's from Andrew. Here's an interesting idea. Maybe you and Mike can somehow sweet talk Tom O'Neill into doing a monthly guest spot. He could be your roving

entertainment reporter. You had him on the phone some months ago and he was both funny. Quote, does anyone outside your families listen to this podcast and packed with stories? So, uh, yeah, I think we should have them on.

All right. Here's the, here's the abrupt ending. I, the rides here and I'm like sweating in a t-shirt in the closet. All right, go. I'm going to make my daughter late for her graduation.

All right. Give, give Sophia a hug for me. Tell her I said congratulations. Sorry, listeners. I'm bailing, but Greg,

you got this. I got it. I'll do the, I'll do the comics on my own. All right. The only thing I was going to say about family circus was just, uh, it would probably be,

this is my answer. It would probably be a giant fucking mess that made no sense. Just like family circus. Okay. There we go. All right. Bye. Bye. It would probably be, this is my answer, it would probably be a giant fucking mess that made no sense, just like Family Circus. Okay. There we go. All right. Bye-bye. All right.

Take it A. Take it A. All right. So, and we don't have to thank Chris Denman this week because he's not on, as you probably noticed from our lack of data at our fingertips. And when I say fingertips, more of an arm's length or across the room kind of access to information. Oh, all right. There you go. All right, I got nothing.

I'm not going to do the comics without Mike. It doesn't make sense. I will just leave you guys with this. Thank you for your patience this week. The show is only an hour. It's normally longer, but both our daughters graduated high school this week and had the prom this weekend and Mike's flying out of town and a lot of stuff. But we will be back next week with a full-length show.

And can I just do it? I'm going to promise you a Tom O'Neill segment to make it up to you. We're going to have Tom O'Neill, the author of Chaos, which you should, by the way, buy and read as soon as possible. It's about the Manson murders and the CIA and Contel Pro and a lot of interesting conspiratorial shit from the 60s. But it's real hard hitting journalism. It's great writing. It's great writing. It's been the New York Times bestseller list for the last couple years. And we will

catch you guys next week. Alright. Dag-a-daisy. I see it coming and screaming and it's still startled every week, every week. We are men. We are men. every week. Every week.