Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 69 6/27/21

Episode Date: June 27, 2021

Mike hits Greg with a quiz on Cancel Culture, John McAfee didn’t kill himself and Jeff Keane appears to have not tried very hard on Family Circus this week. Follow Mike Gibbons on Twitter @GibbonsTime

Wake up in the morning and it's 10 a.m. I put on the YouTube, what's this jam? Greg's wearing glasses and Mike is in the closet If you gotta take a piss, you can go ahead and pause it They got Florida Man and a ton of other sections When they fuck up the news, you can send in your corrections And now that I've told you, please don't make me shout it It's Sunday Papers, y'all!

Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it. Read all about it. Read all about it. Sunday papers. Okay. Flopping on the doorstep. You're making some waffles. You're making some coffee.

Look at you. You're thinking about throwing a move on the old lady, and you hear that flop on the doorstep, and you say, no, it's time for the papers. Look at you. I happen to know you're not feeling so up. And look at you. Just look at you. I happen to know you're not feeling so up. And look at you. Just look at you.

I'll tell you what. I'm feeling pretty good right now. As Mike is referring to... Depression. I couldn't say it. I wasn't going to say it. Oh, should I not have said it? No, it's fine.

People are very aware that I struggle with depression my whole life, and I have been medicated for it for about 15 years, maybe longer. I think longer, maybe. Maybe a little longer. Not to get you down, but like twice as long. I have taken up TM to deal with it. I try to exercise. I try to have mind, all that shit. But anyway, so I am on a

cocktail of medications and I'm going off of one of them. And as I have tapered off, and I will say this to anybody who is on antidepressants, any type of medications, please consult your psychopharmacologist about going off it slowly, tapering, because you can get pretty dark, uh, to the point where you can commit suicide if you don't go off medications properly. So I've been very slowly tapering off something, but my baseline for depression has been pretty rocky the last few weeks and I've been struggling, but I'm, I'm going, but I'm going to continue going off of it because I just don't want to be on as many anymore. I didn't know you were back up on a bunch because you did the magnets. You know, you're always trying, you know, new things that are less, you know, serious than meds in terms of the toll and side effects and stuff like that.

So I didn't know. So what's the goal? So you're not doing that hot right now, tapering. But is there a goal or is the goal just like get down to this level of meds? I think it's just minimize the meds and maximize the lifestyle things that make me feel better. Like I said, exercise. I did the transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy where they blast you with magnets every day for five days a week for like three months. I did that.

That helped a lot. And I'm getting ready to do some psilocybin treatments. I think that's where you should be heading for sure. Yeah. Just for everything I hear about it. With a therapist, which is tricky, as we talked about earlier, which is tricky just because they're not

legally allowed to provide it. As far as I know, like in California anyway, that you have to procure the psilocybin yourself and then they are able to work with you. Or I could just sit in Dennis Goebbels' backyard with his dog and pet his dog and talk to Dennis about how people don't wave people up on par threes. Well, Dennis also probably has a lot of psilocybin because he hoards it from a lot of the minorities in Los Angeles. Minorities, right.

He has it. Yeah, he has it. And I know a lot of the QAnon population that he's involved with, a lot of them are doing, they're taking a lot of psychedelics these days. Yeah. Yeah. What did I read to QAnon. Yeah, I couldn't open it because it was it was an L.A. Times article and I don't have a subscription. So I don't. Did you read it? I have an L.A. Times subscription.

I didn't read it, but but an LA Times subscription. I didn't read it. But I like the headline. What are we going to riff on a headline that we haven't read the article of? Is that what this show has come down to? That's what the next two hours is. I loaded this thing because I thought you were feeling a little down. I loaded this doc

and also you do it most of the time. And so yeah, I have a lot of headlines no jokes people if you want to keep just so you know i was it's not just the depression but today was my wife's been in new york for a week because her mom got her knee replaced i'm not going to tell you why her knee went out and um why both knees went out and she has lock jaw but um sore neck sore neck and and chat and a chapped chin so good okay and stains on her carpet in her living room. So she went to get her. So I had to pick up my wife at the airport.

I got up early this morning. I had to wake both kids. They're both late for their fucking jobs. I got to wake them. I got to wake the dogs, feed them, walk them, drive them to the dog groomers, come home, try to work on this goddamn script for Sunday Papers, and then I went and played golf with you. Gubbins didn't show up.

I paid his greens fees expecting him. He didn't show up. And that tells me I'm not paying you back. I'm not paying you back the greens fees you paid for me that I didn't show up to. But then thankfully you threw me an extra $4. So that'll help. I didn't think about it. I just had already plugged 20 bucks in there.

And so I'm like, you know, then you told me it was less. I'm like, whatever. So then I rush home from the golf. I have to clean the house for Erin and then run to the store, get her some milk so she can have her tea when she gets home. And then I got to go pick up erin at the airport she's got to pick up the dogs from the groomer she's got to drive me to my office my niece is arriving in the middle of all of this from her cross-country road trip her drunken she's

with two other drunks and they've been drinking. They have a funnel and they've been drinking their way across the country. And now they're on our doorstep for four days. So we got our goggles on. We got, you know, plastic on the couches. It's going to be insane. You're being too hard on yourself.

Cause, uh, I just got depressed listening to all that and you're living it. Right. Right. Yeah. But, uh, the beer funnel is a funny, like, so they're advertising, just got depressed listening to all that and you're living it right right yeah but uh the beer funnel is a funny like so they're advertising they just graduated college yeah and they're advertising the beer funnel in their road trip across country it's in all the instagram posts all that stuff yeah and their parents are following them as they drive across the country. The idea of a funnel.

I mean, of course, I've done a million of them, but it's like, you know, it's efficient, man. It's very efficient. You're drunk fast. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, all right, especially if they're good at them. If they're good at them, you can put two beers in in and it takes them about eight seconds to drink them. Yeah. The best I can remember doing a lot of funnels. And I remember the feeling of vomiting cold liquid out my nose. Right. Well, that's the, that's the thing that would always get me is with quarters and chase quarters and those amazing

games, anchorman and stuff. I just wasn't, I couldn't burp fast enough. That was the giant ticking clock. That was the stress bomb that was going on. I'm like, you know, you're desperately, you're shaking. It is thrilling. You're shaking trying to get this quarter into the cup as the other quarter's coming around the table to catch you. And it's coming up right next to you, and you have to drink your whole thing.

And you're just like, I am guaranteeing it is not going to go down. I'm going to throw up all over the table unless I burp. And you just are trying to get that quarter in there so fast. And then we used to play a game where you do a shot a minute of beer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which sounds like the first 12 minutes, you're having sips of your beer in between shots. And then all of a sudden, you hit like minute 19,

and the minute starts flying by so fast you can't believe it. It's such a fun game. I found I was good until over the half hour mark and cocky. Like, Hey, I'm thirsty. Can I have a drink of beer? And then you're right between like 40 and 60. You're like, that was not 60 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I would do that. Actually, I would do that. That sounds like, boy, what a way to, to kill an hour i mean that's that's pretty cool i'll do it with george uh this week i'm with george the in-law all uh my brother-in-law all week i'll do it with him out in the hamptons i had this vision that we were going to have this big party on

saturday night and it was going to be all of my friends and all of jojo's friends all of owen's friends and that they would party with my niece and her friends. But like literally, I cannot name one single friend of mine that's not out of town this weekend. I didn't know there was a beer funnel involved. I might have bumped the trip. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. So what's your itinerary?

You go out to the Hamptons with your dad, your sister. So today's Friday to all the listeners. So if we've missed big news stories that happened Friday after after 3 p.m. until Sunday. Sorry, but we just did this early. So, yeah. And then next Saturday, I'm on a plane all day. So we'll figure that one out. But me, two daughters, my sister's family with those two daughters and, you know, the cousins are thicker than thieves. with those two daughters and you know the cousins are thicker than thieves we're all going to uh we're flying into jfk tomorrow then going out to the hamptons my brother-in-law is a fisherman out in montauk and uh did i show you the picture of the striped bass he caught yesterday no oh okay well we'll put it on the website but i'll show you now. You know, he is a mess. Wait.

Can you see it? Holy shit. Yeah. Damn! That's, I mean, I want to throw the general number, 50 pounds, but I'd say it's probably a 45-pound striper right there. So, he's amazing. He's considered

by many any tournament fishermen out there, but you know, he's a mess. We've talked about him before severely learning disabled and, and, and all that stuff. And, and no, uh, yeah, he's just all over the place. And, and, and on meds also, um, he, uh, but he's this, he's addicted to fishing. He even wrote a book about being and it is an addiction. It drives people broke and they it's like anyway, it's a it's a true thing by the definition of addiction. And you put it before the wellness of your family and everything. So anyway, he knows, though, how messed up he is. And so he has a char fishing charter company and he named it Second Choice Charters.

Because the boat smells like fish. There's probably a lot of flies. Like if you've ever been on a charter fishing boat, cleaning is like 90% of it. The guys, like the deckhand doesn't stop cleaning, cleaning, and then on the way in, he's also cleaning everything, swabbing the deck, but also cleaning the equipment, rinsing the fresh water, blah, blah, blah.

So Jeff doesn't have that part of it down. But he will find you. They call them cows. He will find those cows out between Montauk and Shelter Island. It's incredible. How far do they go out? Like an hour or two?

Not Shelter. Am I thinking about Shelter? Block Island. Block Island, right. Between Montauk and Block Island. Shelter Island, he goes in there, but that's not where the stripers are. He'll go to wherever he thinks they are, quite honestly, but he's very good at reading that, you know? Yeah.

And he knows the rocks on the bottom. It's so much of it is about that. So it's constantly going up above them, drifting with eel past the rocks, going up above again, drifting with the eel right past those rocks. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because fish are, you know, efficient. And so what fish do, same with trout, they would much rather get behind a rock with the oncoming current and then they wait there and they they expend a lot less energy because they're drafting essentially behind this rock and what it also does is the bait fish will be coming and they're not strong enough to swim against the current usually and they will then come around that rock conveniently right to where the fish is waiting. I would rather go to a maximum security prison for that same period of

time than go out on a boat fishing. You mean with Jeff or with anything? I would go to the prison with Jeff. Dude, you hook one of those things on, it's unbelievable. I will tell you, they're kind of front line. They know when stuff is going sideways with the environment. Fishermen are one of the first people, even here in LA, they'll be like, we're catching tuna in Redondo now. It's like, wow, well, that means it's unnaturally warm water up this far like so there are good indicators like that right like canary in the coal mine so we caught when i went with him once and i mean they were over 50 pounds these things are monsters he'd be like you can't

take a picture with him mike i'm like are you shitting me i can't you know we're all catching release but he's like no no no like it might not make it. And as soon as I get it to the boat, it fought so hard, but just like two or three degrees difference in temperature. If you're out there in August and September, he immediately grabs it, takes the hook out. It's not even fighting anymore. And then it's, you're watching basically like a doctor trying to revive a patient. He grabs it by the mouth and the tail. And he starts just, he's bent over the boat. It looks like he's about to fall in, just dragging it, like trying to get the water through its gills, trying to revive this fish. It's so sad. But yet you catch them still. They're delicious. Yeah. I mean, why don't you keep it at that point? Isn't there like, can't you like pull it to the dock and sell it to local like restaurants and stuff? That's illegal. Totally illegal. And he got busted for that. He would

meet chefs at the back door. I shouldn't probably shouldn't even be saying this, but he did get busted for that. There is a black market because there's such limitations, but the chefs want it on the menu, you know? So everything is regulated. And so everyone knows how many stripers are caught and all that. So usually he would keep one. And, you know, they're so big, they'd cut them up and they would, you know, you'd have to freeze some of it. But but but then it's like even if he had a good day the day before, he's not going to keep any the next day. And he wants the population, you know, to to do well. So. But boy, it's hard. So wait a minute. If I go out fishing, I'm not allowed to keep the fish?

There's limits. Right. It's literally what they're called. And you're not allowed to sell them. It's for your own consumption. You're absolutely not allowed to sell them. And there's limits on size and number. Huh.

Yeah. Wow. Like almost everything. Like almost everything. Like almost all fishing. There's usually limits, which is great. Well, Chris Denman has talked about with women that he sleeps with that he throws some back if they're a certain weight. But he said very few.

Yeah. He kind of describes his sex life as no limits. Except when he's being limited by them. No limits. His only limit is if a girl starts bringing up that she cares about the environment or civil rights. That's his only limit. Yeah. He says it in an interesting way.

You're like, hey, how are the ladies treating? He's like, dude, unlimited. But that means no limits. No limit on facial hair, body weight, intoxication. What are we doing here? What? Also gender. Do these jokes work? We're making fun of large people and now I just threw a homosexual sucker punch in there. Right. What are we doing? Hey, speaking of back east, didn't you go to your high school reunion last week? I never talked to you about it. I know it was great. It's a good group of people. I like they're really funny. A lot of, you know, bonfire time, you know, basically a fire outside this hotel we went to up

in Sheffield, Mass., in the Berkshires. They have these great fire pits and you're just out there and no one, no other groups are out there. It's just us. And it was really, really funny. But we just went over all these really. I mean, just once. So the guy in the next room from me who was there. Right. So we're we're 15 years old. I don't know a soul at this school. And I get assigned a roommate and it's boarding school. And then the guy. So then I went a little early for. By the way, do you think that we've nailed down our demographic yet?

We opened up with talking about golf and then we talked about fishing in the Hamptons. And now we're going to go to the boarding school reunion. fishing in the Hamptons and now we're going to go to the boarding school reunion. Also, depression is definitely skews white, uh, just because I think a lot of other people are like, this is just a hard life. They're just like, uh, Oh, wait a minute. There's meds that can fix this. Like I want to kill myself all the time. Well, no, because when you're, when you're born into everything I've been born into and you're sad, that's when you know there's a problem. Yeah. Other people can go, yeah, there's systematic racism against me.

I've come from a single family home. The school I went to sucks. It makes sense that I'm sad. There's no reason for me to be sad. I have a lovely wife, wonderful kids. I live in the best fucking spot. If I could put a pin in the map of the United States of where I want to live, it is in the fucking address that I live in right now. I've got great friends.

I do what I want for a living, which is an exciting, fun career. My mom's healthy. I mean, what else do I want? I don't know. You don't want your dad hitting you anymore. How about that that's still in there, little Gregory? I'm talking to the little Gregory inside of you. What did you say?

Huh? You see, you can pile all this beautiful stuff on top of that. Yeah. But that's still there. It's always going to be there. God damn it, Dad. Why'd you do it? I guess what you do is you try to have a new relationship.

I don't know what I'm talking about, and it's probably not cool to hear me even attempt an explanation at it. But I don't know. Anyway, I cut you off. Back to the campfire. Oh boy, you really didn't want to hear it. Yeah. So I go early sophomore year.

That was my first year of boarding school for football, like sessions or whatever before. But anyway, I come back to the dorm and it was like all of a sudden the rest of the students were arriving and I hear through my wall, like right through my wall, the next desk, the desk face each other and through the wall, this fucking guy cranking Men at Work. I come from the land down under

and it's like, and he couldn't get enough of that album and like, who gonna be now? Like all that fucking bullshit music. Yeah.

And the beginning of who can. Traveling in a fried out combi. Oh, my God. It's fucking. On a hippie trip for love zombies. All right. This fucking guy, Chris, loved that.

So I had to deal with that. And I'm just like, what have I done? And I'm just all about Led Zeppelin at that point. So anyway, there's that. And then his roommate. So they had our name tags on all the walls and the rooms were empty for the week before they got there. And our prefect, the senior who lived in the dorms there.

So anyway, it was Chris Brand and Lionel Shaw. And so those are the two names on there. So when the kids start arriving and everyone's unpacking, it's like camp. Like if anyone's ever gone to camp, it's exactly like that. You're 15. You'd show up with all your fucking toothbrushes and plastic and shit. You'll never use again. And, um, so you'll use a toothbrush, but I mean all the like nicely packed things with your name on it that your mom did, like all that gets immediately thrown, thrown away. So Lionel Shaw

shows up in the prefect is there. And Lionel is this really good looking tall white guy from San Francisco and the prefect comes up and has never laid eyes on him before and he's like okay Chris that's you and you're Lionel and Lionel's like yeah it's me he's like oh man we were expecting a black guy like and he shakes his hand but it was like didn't matter coolest guy

ever Dave Malloy didn't matter to Coolest guy ever, Dave Malloy. Didn't matter to him. There was no judgment. He was just like, yeah, you have a black name, dude. Lionel Shaw. Yeah. We thought we had some diversity going for this year, but I guess we're back to all white. It was pretty bad that way.

Yeah. And I just remember sitting there and I'm like, okay, I got this fucking men at work jukebox through there. And now did I really just see him say we were expecting a black guy? Like, is this how this is going to go? So, uh, but it was really, really great hanging out with everybody. Lots of amazing stories. I had forgotten a lot and, um, and it was, yeah, it was, it was amazing. You know, you live with these people for three years in those ages and, uh, you know, and the waters run really deep and, and they're so funny and it was really, and a lot of them, I mentioned it last week, they really wish our podcast was a little cleaner. Um, not as dirt. We already blew it again this week, but let's try for next week. Let's clean it up a little more euphemisms. Maybe

you talking about my mother-in-law sucking dick so much. Well, she did it so much. She has to get her knees repaired. That's a lot. Her jaw cracks. Now, when she opens it to eat food, it cracks. So at least she's back to food instead of just the protein we're referring to. See, there's a way to be disgustingly dirty, but the kids won't know what we're talking about. Right, right. All right. All right, what do we got in this podcast?

We want to give a shout out to Michael Solomon, who did this week's song. That song was pretty incredible. It was pretty great. It didn't have any lines about Vegemite Tea Sandwich, but it did have a white guy rapping. Six foot four, full of muscles. He said, do you speak my language? I just smiled and gave him a Vegemite Tea Sandwich. I just smiled and gave him a Vegemite sandwich.

Now, the guy Colin Hay, I guess, found his way with more integrity. But, holy, that Men At Work album from 1982 or 83, whenever the hell it was, such a piece of garbage. Yeah. All right. Be good, be good. Johnny, be good, be good. Oh, my God. Remember that one?

You know too much of it. That was fucking terrible. Also, our logo from Warwick Pool, Star Wars theme. Of course, I'm the woman. Not happy about that. All right. Yeah, well, that's usually how it goes. Oh, one more quick funny story.

So you know Joe Tenetti. He went to BU. But he was my, the school, so I got kicked out of that boarding school, the school before it, which I got kicked out of Hackley, where your brother went and my, and our sisters actually both graduated from there. I met Joe there and then he was, he was kicked out after one year. And then I, they kicked out my friends. It was a strategy there, but I didn't last. So anyway, Joe's a lifelong friend. He lives coincidentally in Stockbridge, Massachusetts. So I went to visit his family.

So he's like, hey, and he's an artist and he works in the Norman Rockwell Museum, which is right there. And it's great. And so anyway, he's like, you know, there's this little club we belong to on this lake. And it's this like crazy waspy New England. It's like a club, but it's even like run down. Like, you know, this about like hardcore old school wasps. They don't really care about appearances.

Like if it's beat up, like they're beat up, like boat shoes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And they always have like a boxy old Volvo from the eighties. And they pride themselves on their beat up little sunfish. That's 40 years old. And so like the float, for instance, had these tin drums under it, like

oil barrels that were so rusty. And it's like, meanwhile, this is like his wife goes like, don't tell him you're Irish when you go over there. They don't like hearing that. And you should try to name drop some New England family. I'm like, like the Cabots, the Boston Cabots. She's like, that would be a great one. So Joe was there once. And just a quick you know name drop some new england family i'm like like the cabots the boston cabbage she's

like that would be a great one so joe was there once and just a quick funny story he goes um he went there and he sees an an older asian guy and so joe laughs like he's he's in this little lake area and he's like uh hey look at yo-yo ma over there and then um someone goes yeah and joe kind of read the room and it was not what he intended. And it was Yo-Yo Ma. Because Tanglewood is like two miles away. And he was a guest or maybe a member there. But the Asian guy who he called up the Asian reference, the go-to 100 out of 100 people making an Asian joke would have said, hey, look at Yo-Yo Ma. Do they? Is that what 100 people say when they see an Asian said, hey, look at Yo-Yo Ma. Do they?

Is that what 100 people say when they see an Asian person? Hey, look at Yo-Yo Ma? Oh, no. You usually go with pee-pee and your Coke. But most people have upped the game since then. Yes. I make joke. I make pee-pee and your Coke.

Oh, boy. So canceled if anyone listened to us. Corrections. All right right only one this week eric anderson who jumped on this was this was a pretty big one and i think it needs to be addressed um this week this week is the summer solstice the vernal equinox happens in the spring when day and night are equal did i love the show up? Love the show, Eric. No, I think I said it. I think I said it. Because an easy equal, it's equinox.

It's right in the name. Right. But summer solstice I think of as being in the middle of the summer, but I guess it's the beginning of summer, which was last week. Well, that's the deceiving thing that now, in a depressing way, all the days are getting shorter for us up here in the northern hammy. Yep. But it's really different, by the way.

Even up in the Berkshires, way later sunset than Southern California. It was really cool. Yeah. And England, I remember being in London, and it's like they're drinking in daylight till no joke past 10 p.m. Yep. So enjoy it. Everyone's especially further north. I can't even imagine what like Vancouver, it has to be 1030 at night or something.

Who knows? Here's another thing that will cheer you up besides sunshine is kratom. It's an all-natural herb. It's basically this herb, and it's all-natural. It's related to the coffee plant. It's from Thailand, and they've used it for centuries. So this is one of these cool things where the Internet can find things that wouldn't normally be distributed worldwide,

and it's this stuff that's kind of magic. It boosts your energy. It's a stress reliever, mood enhancer. Look what I got right here. It relieves aches and pains. Yeah, there's the super speciosa. It has one ingredient. It's pure kratom leaf.

And that's all it is. I've never heard about this stuff. Yes. And you make it like a tea. I've never heard about this stuff. Yes. And you make it like a tea. I think there's different ways to enjoy it. Now, you made it with like a tea, correct? I did. And you know what attracted me to it?

What? You do one teaspoon, right? And then it says, just like a hard drug, it says not to exceed two servings per 24 hours. That's when I'm in. That's when I'm like, oh, this is in some like, you know, like grass that's been put in my hot water. Like, oh, something's working here. Right. And in full disclosure, I've done it once because we got these things delivered to us. But I kind of did feel pretty up, I have to say. I did it twice, and I felt up. I'm psyched to do more of it.

Yeah, it doesn't make you impaired, but if you feel more up, it boosts your energy, it boosts your mood. And it's just kind of like after you work out. You know? I don't know what that feels like. After you work out. That's how I feel. All right.

And it's like that kind of thing where, like, when I play golf, it's the one time of the week I absolutely know I'm going to feel good afterwards for, like, a couple hours. And that's how I felt when I used this Super Speciosa. Super Speciosa. Yeah. I'm in. Delivers it right to your house. Try Kratom. Get 20% off your entire order.

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Yeah, I'm off coffee, so I'm loving it. FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. Send it in, and we'll talk about it on the air. Okay, is it time for some news? Look, I don't know. Is that what we do here? What are we, an hour into this? Extra! Extra! We all about it! Extra!

All right, let's do it. Ah, we're only 30 minutes. All right, Rudy Giuliani, his law license has been suspended in New York over, quote, demonstrably false statements. In a ruling handed down by the New York State Supreme Court Thursday, the state's attorney grievance committee successfully moved to have the former New York mayor's license suspended. Specifically, Giuliani's actions related to his defense of former President Donald Trump were to blame, according to the court. Among the violations the court cited was Giuliani's repeated false claim of voter fraud in Pennsylvania. So I read into this article a little bit and basically he was warned like you're you're just spewing shit right now.

And they're really damaging untruths. And he wouldn't let go. Like obviously this took a lot, like the former, whatever he was, attorney general for New York. I got it wrong. Someone wrote in once that I had his wrong title, but obviously the former mayor as well and this huge national figure, they took it seriously, but they looked into and they had warned him like, you can't keep saying that because you're propagating a proven falsehood. And he wouldn't stop.

very serious accusation about the state of Pennsylvania, the conspiracy theory that they had received more mail-in ballots than they had mailed out, which was patently and provenly false. Yeah, I mean, at a certain point, there are politicians, public figures, newscasters that are putting out information that is patently false. And it's affecting this country. It's affecting how we get along with each other. It's affecting the climate of hatred and distrust. And at a certain point, it's good to see that it can be litigious,

that you can literally say you can no longer practice law. Is that what this is saying? He can no longer practice law? Absolutely. He this is saying? He can no longer practice law? Absolutely. He cannot. He can't even defend himself against this. I mean, I guess as a civilian. Well, what if they take our license away to podcast? Because we have been

known on occasion to speak a mistruth. I speak a mistruth now. Yeah. We'd have a day off. we'd have a day off. We'd have a Sunday off. That would be kind of nice. It sounds like the court just smiled and gave him a

Vegemite and sandwich. You keep wanting to add something to Vegemite. Meanwhile, I said provenly. I don't think provenly is a word. But he was proven false. But I love seeing Giuliani taken down a notch. What a complete lunatic. You knew how much I hated him when he was proven false. All right. But I love seeing Giuliani taken down a notch. What a complete lunatic. You knew how much I hated him when he was mayor.

Although, God, you know what? You know, he stole all the credit. But his police captain brought in a lot of new ways to police that, you know, from Boston and everything. And so anyway, he stole all the credit. But when we were talking about that B-roll, that footage in Sons of Sam, I don't know how New York came back. I really don't. Yeah. Yeah. I think it, I think like people, it had a bottom out, you know, it had to hit bottom. I mean, maybe that's part of it. I know when Mayor Dinkins was mayor, like he was just in the kingdom of crack and, and that generation had died off like from it. So that that I hate to use the word help, but that was a factor in the turnaround. Yeah, there was a lot of things they say, you know, Malcolm Gladwell talks about it in his book Outliers.

And that one of the things that cut that crime came down a lot because it was exactly 18 years after Roe v. Wade happened, so that there were less unwanted children in the world. So there was less kids that were being neglected because they basically never became kids. They became tissue in a medical bag in a dumpster somewhere. Interesting. Instead of a felon. So what's worse? What's worse?

Oh, Denman's writing, Din Disney. I'm going to read it as he types. Din Disney. Well, now his name is blocking. Throw down a bunch of demands when they brought Lion King in. Well, I'm sure there was. Well, he's talking about the Disneyfication of Times Square. So I worked at HBO, which was right there.

And I'm like, you know, eventually it's just going to be two companies. It's going to be the rabbit and the mouse, meaning Warner Brothers and that empire and the mouse. And sure enough, that is the way I think it's headed. You know what I mean? that empire and the mouse. And sure enough, that is the way I think it's headed. You know what I mean? But yeah, well, I think also those companies, the city, once the city starts getting the upper hand a little bit, they can demand money be put in, you know, to help the area. Like in other words, investments in the area as well. And maybe that's what tax breaks that are given to that big company. So, yeah, but it was a combination of things. Anyway, I'm psyched Giuliani can no longer practice law.

All right, you ready for the next story? Yeah, what's going on in Florida, Mike? Well, we talked about this, and we don't have any answers, but California's doing very, very well. I don't even know exactly what that means, but regarding COVID. Well, we're the most vaccinated, I think, state in the country. I think New York. I think New York and California are the two most vaccinated states. And there are a lot of people here who are not because there's there's that group of, you know, the anti-vaxxers here. Yeah. A lot of them here, too. But I'm wondering if like, you know, the number one thing the vaccine does is reduce symptoms. Right. And the potential of one of the symptoms being death and or side of, you

know, the effects of the of the virus. So who know? Like, I have a little bit of a question mark. Like, is it among us? And we don't know it. Anyway, Florida leads the nation for new daily cases of COVID-19, and the Tampa Bay Area hospitals say the patients landing in their beds tend to be younger and unvaccinated. Quote, we are still averaging around 1,500 cases a day, and that's pretty much flattened out over the last week or so, which is the highest level in the country right now. week or so, which is the highest level in the country right now. People who haven't been vaccinated are the ones that are getting sick and getting hospitalized and in many cases dying from the infection. Is it ironic that these people that are so afraid to get a needle put in their arm are covered in tattoos? And fly around without a motorcycle helmet. Right. And have unprotected sex

with runaways from the Greyhound station that they meet at their rehab facility. Oh, Florida. We're not even up to Florida. We're not even up to Florida, man, yet. But I wanted to talk about that story because Israel israel's like locking it down again like i think they're gonna um uh and they're gonna put the mask rules back in effect brazil uh australia which didn't have which didn't have covet at first now it has covet and i think they want to give everybody a mask and i think they also want to give everybody a mask. And I think they also want to give everybody a Vegemite and sandwich. Oh no. And smile.

They're going to smile and do it. And listen, normally they're healthy. They're about six foot four. They're usually full of muscles. That guy was from Brussels, actually, if we're going to be accurate about the song. So I mean, muscles, Brussels. I mean, it's keep in mind mind i'm also like the biggest like bob dylan fan so like and i know it's elitist but to hear this fucking clown crank music rhyming

muscles with brussels and fucking like in the most like not even in a meta way yeah um because dylan actually did rhyme muscles with Brussels, which just occurred to me as I was saying it. Yeah. But it was in a very surreal song. Uh, yeah. Called when I paint my masterpiece. Uh, I'll look up the quote. Chris can maybe look up the quote, look up Brussels in lyrics in the, in the, when I paint my masterpiece, but he also talks about Botticelli and he's fuckers from Australia. We're not talking about Botticelli's niece anyway. Uh, so a scientist has written in before to us. I'm wondering, I'm not, this is not a call out to all the whack jobs listening to our podcast, but if that scientist wants to write in again and kind of tell us where we're headed in his in his esteemed opinion, like it, are we going to have a rough Thanksgiving?

And of course, a new thing could come along. Don't get me wrong. I know there's a lot of chatter about that. going around? It seems like America, which has always lagged behind on this thing, are we lagging behind again? And are we heading back towards the CDC like freaking out? That's a fair question. Will you be able to get masks back on people once you've taken them off? Or do you think maybe we just needed a break and we'll be able to go back. But we needed a summer to get outside, to hug our relatives, to fly, to do all those things. And then and then we can batten down again in the fall. Did your kid, my kids, both of them strep throat, tested positive. No. A week and a half apart. And so many of their friends are sick.

No shit. Yeah. And I think it's, you know, the no masks and socializing now. And these are natural, natural sicknesses, so to speak. And no, it's there are a lot of people with colds in L.A. right now. Huh? Yeah. You don't know this? I had no idea.

I know that venereal diseases are up at old folks homes. Isn't that always? That's always. Look at this. Allergies are insane in Missouri. Oh, sorry. No, I read that wrong. Minorities are insane in Missouri, Chris Denman writes.

Yeah, well, you always call them crazy. We knew that. All right. Now, what's all this? I hear you got a quiz for me yeah because i had to fill this this this two hours or whatever we're doing here you ready yeah now this is a you know there's a top periodical it's called buzzfeed i fucking hate buzzfeed fine well just fucking listen and answer do you have the same can't

sorry for cursing do you have the same cancel culture opinions as everyone else, Gregory? Let's find out. Number one, first of all, is cancel culture an actual problem? Yes. I agree. I'm going yes on that. The two answers they gave were yes, people are being unfairly canceled and society needs to be more forgiving. No, cancel culture is simply people being held accountable for their actions. And that's not a bad thing. Well, it's obviously lies somewhere in between. But the canceling part, not accountability culture, is a problem.

I agree. Number two, what should happen to old books and movies that have racist depictions for example peter pan gone with the wind the adventures of huckleberry finn the sunday papers podcast what do you wait is peter pan because he's a flaming homosexual they shouldn't depict him don't they have a right to be depicted i don't know they have a picture here on peter pan's with a little native american gal and uh i don't remember that part but uh oh and he's with a big native american dude also so i don't know what peter pan's thing is but um all right should they be removed from shelves and streaming platforms? That's sub-question one. A. Absolutely not.

I agree. B. Should they be altered to remove the racist content? Absolutely not. What are we going to have? Are we going to have a body of the history of art and literature that changes every five years, 10 years, six months, whenever we collectively decide something is distasteful, we go back. I mean, this is right out of 1984. This is right out of Stalinism. This is out of, you know, things exist as markers of where society was at a certain time, and they should exist. Ironically, very hard to find the book 1984. It's been removed from most shelves. By the way, it has been removed from some- No. Has it really?

There's been talk about- Well, you know, a lot of books are discussed. They try to get them removed. I don't know about 1984. I should say that. But like Catcher in the Rye, like what bullshit is that? Like they try to remove that from libraries and stuff. Yeah. And certainly, you know, like Mark Twain and all that. Yeah. OK. See some questions. See, should they come with a warning at the beginning that acknowledges the racist content? I think if it's if you're teaching it in a school, I could see maybe doing that. But isn't the teacher going to do that anyway? Isn't the teacher going to say, here's your assigned reading?

No, they're talking about when you go by Huck Finn, should there be a warning on the book now? No, absolutely not. Like a label with rap albums. I mean, what do you think of Robert Mapplethorpe doing that painting of Piss Christ, where there's somebody urinating on Jesus Christ? It's like, you know, that's something that's supposed to evoke a reaction from you and start conversation and create emotions.

And, you know, you have to experience that. If you're warned about it, you don't have the same impact. Or the performance artists where they take a shit on the American flag. Sure. Right? Right. Did I ever tell you my dumb joke?

I want to do a bit. I think I talked to Zach about it. Maybe when we were doing the Ferns movie, like maybe anyway, it didn't make it in probably for good reason, but I thought this performance artist who's kind of mixed about it. He wants to shit on the flag and all that, but his,

his grandfather did serve in the war. So he is uptight about the flag hitting the ground. So the whole production is about him trying to shit on the flag without the flag being on the ground. I like it. By the way, I think we just the only thing we've said so far that that the people that hate cancer culture the most would also say you can't shit on a flag. That's the one thing that they would. Yeah, of course. OK, number three, is it fair to search through a person's old tweets to try to find offensive things they might have said in the past? Of course not. Of course not. Come on. No, I disagree with you. I disagree with you there. Of course, it's fair to you can go look up old tweets.

Why not? You could look up old stand up sets. You could look up. I think we agree. I think you actually agree with that. It's what you do with that info. Yeah, obviously you can go look it up, but I don't know. It just seems to me that the public has to understand that if they want creative people to be creative and for there to be new art and new television and movies, that you have to let people express themselves. I mean, look at Django Unchained. I don't think that they would have made that movie today. No way. Even this short amount of time later. There's no way they would have made that movie.

No one would have. Very few would have stepped up to fund it. No way. Or be in it. I was shocked Leonardo DiCaprio would go in it and say the N-word that many times. I don't know if he would today. Which is sad. I'm not saying I like the movie. I thought it was too violent. But I mean, by extension, nobody's going to want to tweet anything because like uh you know if it gets if it gets thrown back in your face then you're just going to you're going to be so careful about every word that you put out number four should comedians be canceled for

past offensive material which is kind of related to three well Well, offensive is a very, it's a very subjective word, offensive. You know, I mean, like when they canceled, what's his name, from hosting the Oscars, why am I spacing his name? Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart, I mean, he said something that, you know, really wasn't that horrendous. He was, you know, he was talking about how he'd hit his kid if he said he was gay. But like, you know, there was a context to it. There really was kind of a context to it. And he did apologize for it. He did. He definitely did. But what was the context in your mind? Because it's a little. He definitely did. But what was the context in your mind? Because it's a little.

That he's a character. He's playing a guy on stage who's, you know, who's a father, who's being outrageous, who's got a bad temper. And, you know, it sends a bad message. But if you apologize for it, then you shouldn't have to apologize for it again. It was also it's a very big story in the black community. Like, in other words, it's he was tapping into something that's so I don't want to name names and all this. But I do know this is absolutely fact. We might have brought it up on here before. I will not say which NBA team, but there were two guys on the NBA team who are comedy friendly. And they shared with with some people in the comedy community that they took a poll on a plane. Ten teammates. The team was 10 and these two were part of the 10 and they pulled, um, the group. And I think, I think every player was black. And, um, they said, would you rather your daughter be in porn? Did I tell you this? No.

Eight to two daughter in porn. Wow. Yep. And the two guys who were, you know, comedy friendly and actually legitimately funny and have done stuff and you know them and some might even be headed to the hall of fame they were just as shy i mean that's why they told the story they

they were shocked there is homophobia um i think what you get is when you have oppressed classes people that are aspiring to move up in the American dream. They are very wary of anything that will stop that dream from happening and stop them from being accepted. And so there is still homophobia. There's this other thing. I'm not going to get into a list of eels it's also very much the male dominated culture and there's you know also in some of those cultures where there's it's threatened

and unlike white males who feel I think very much less threatened culturally and by other cultures so I think there's a and I'm sure tons of ink has been spilled explaining, but it's in the Mexican community as well. And they're a huge part of it is religion.

So it is not easy. Also, listen, it's white too. Italian Americans, Irish Americans. Catholics, yeah. It is tough telling that big family that you're gay. I mean, dare I say impossible in some cases. Right. And so, yeah, anyway.

And so joining the priesthood is inviting to many of them. Anyway, number five. Was banning Trump from Twitter cancel culture? cancel culture? I don't think so, because I think that he was creating what I described before as this vitriol and this hatred that was so harmful to this country, and it was based on unsubstantiated facts that I think that anybody with a mouthpiece that's that big, like what happened to Giuliani. I think that at a certain point we have to find a way to stop this sewage from flowing into the minds of a public that right now is very vulnerable to misinformation. And with great power comes great responsibility. And he is and forever will be called president.

And that is a president tweeting. And I think when it is such untruths and such self-serving, which is all he's ever done and he's been sued successfully and courts have found him guilty of all his self-serving lies, whether it's about his universities, his stakes, his companies, he's consistently, consistently sued and beaten in Atlantic City, just in every aspect of his life. So when you're doing that then, and it's inciting violence, I don't believe that was, that was accountability culture. I really do believe in that case. Number seven, is it, oops, sorry, number six, was it cancel culture when Dr. Seuss's estate took some old racist books out of print? No, because they were doing it proactively to do what they felt was protecting his legacy. There was no pressure on them to do that action.

It would be as if I were to go back and look at my tweets and decide that some of the ones that I wrote early on don't age well, then I can selectively take them out. But if I felt pressure on me to take them out, that would be cancel culture. Right. I, you know, yeah, I think they could have done it quietly. I think they I don't think they were. I think they proudly might have publicized it, which I think was a bad move. No one was reading those books anyway. There was like I forget the two. Yeah, they were like minor books. Yeah, like they were kind of weird. Mr. Somebody Goes to Mulberry Street, I think it was called.

Oh, I thought it was anti-black, not anti-wop. What? Stands for without papers. I think more than Italians were called that. But anyway, number seven. How many questions are there, just roughly? 38. I'm kidding. i think we're

almost done number seven is a cancel culture to boycott brands that do things you disagree with that's ridiculous no no of course not yeah yeah you don't want to go to mobile oil because they just fill the hudson river with oil what the fuck does that have to do with canceling? To this day, I won't buy Nikes because I don't agree with their business model, which is giving big athletes so much fucking money that they're forced to pay their factory workers almost nothing. But Greg, you're missing out. I mean, the attention to detail

that those little tiny Malaysian hands can get when they're making the Nikes in the factory. It's true. Once the fingers get big, the fucking production goes way downhill. We're joking. Meanwhile, those kids, they have a name for it. They're doing the moves that they do on the assembly line in their sleep. Oh, God.

Oh, no. Why did I bring that up? Number eight. Has a celebrity ever been canceled who you thought didn't deserve it? Yes. Of course. Al Franken. Yeah, absolutely.

But the Kevin Hart thing I thought was bullshit. You already brought that up with the Oscars. No, I think there's been a lot. Yeah, there's been many. And look. Louis C.K., I'm sorry. Now, the problem is. Aziz Ansari.

Aziz Ansari is another one, of course. He said, Aziz, I'm sorry. Oh, you should be canceled for that. Now, look, the bottom line is cancel culture springs out of something that was a very powerful equalizer. I mean, if you've ever tracked. The sequence of events of when a woman is raped and reports it and presses charges and goes to court and how the rest of her life is and her chances of success in prosecuting for a rape, and her chances of success in prosecuting for a rape, especially against somebody who's wealthy, powerful, it started there with like, you know what?

Well, then fuck you. I'm going to out you on social media and at least people will know you're a piece of shit. And I get that. And if I was raped and I were powerless, and not to say all women are powerless, but in the legal system, the rich are going to be more powerful, I would take all means necessary to confront the rapist. So I get that, but it has spilled over. It's like, how do you control that kind of vigilante justice? I don't know, but I don't fault the people for wanting to do it.

Right. No, I get it. And I have to be careful what I say about Louis, because what exactly was canceled? I mean, I know he was canceled, but what does that mean? Like, did Netflix pull his specials? If so, I think that's bullshit. His Netflix pulled his specials. FX canceled his show.

FX really did a lot to his management company dropped him his agency dropped him his lawyer dropped him yeah those are all fucking yeah hollywood is the most chicken shit place in the world yeah the best description of hollywood ever i think it's like it's something like it's 150 people rushing to where lightning just struck that's that's how they make things here like it's 150 people rushing to where lightning just struck. That's, that's how they make things here. But that's also because they're chicken shit to actually say, Hey, I think this thing is funny, even though it hasn't been done 10 minutes ago. You know what I mean? Like, so it's always reactive. It's the most reactive place on earth.

Okay. Number nine, are there any canceled celebrities you pretend to hate, but secretly like we kind of answered that finally number 10. Oops. There's more than 10. Number 10 is Christ. Okay. Number 10 is bullshit. Oh, number 11. Do the political views of a celebrity impact whether you like them or not? Yes. I, Oh, I didn't know if you'd be that honest. It does with me. Yeah, because I like Bill Maher, but then sometimes he says things that I really don't agree with, and I find that I don't want to watch the show after that.

Ah, interesting. Really? I agree. Bill's very unlikable. ah interesting uh really i agree the problem is because i agree with 90 of what he says and then when he says the 10 it's enough to make me uh not want to watch him oh my god there's so much to make you not want to watch him how about when he's laughing at his jokes like it's the first time he's seeing them like kind, Kindler goes off on that. Like, he's kind of unwatchable and, like, weirdly, like, sheepish after he does endless dick jokes. And then how much he hates his own audience when they don't agree with every fucking joke he tells. But I like a lot about Bill.

His political stuff never bought because, you know, I think he actually is saying what he means. And of course, you could disagree with it. But no, there are some celebrities where I'm just like, you know, I don't know, like if they're really right wing in ways like, you know, to me, sometimes right wing is it's very self-serving. You know what I mean? Like they don't want taxes. They don't want masks. They don't want, you know, whatever it is, they don't. they don't want taxes, they don't want masks, they don't want, you know, whatever it is, they don't, it always seems to benefit them. Like if you ask me what I want, most of the things I want to hurt me, you know, like whether it's death tax or what, like we should have fucking a death tax for sure. Give people incentive to spend the money and give it

away while they're alive. But don't create a class system like India and England. All the English people I worked with, weird. Like you'd think I'm talking about 1950, but James Corden and those guys, they'd be like, do you know how great this country is? Like this was pre-2016. But they were talking not even about politics, but they're like,

you live in a country where the best idea wins. You could be a nobody and work out of a garage. And if it's your idea, you're going to rise to the top in most cases. He's like, that does not happen in England. Yeah. It was really interesting. Right. Anyway, finally. Oh, does anyone ever actually get canceled? I'd say yes. Kramer. Has Kramer come back? Right. Hey, what about what about House of Cards guy? What about Spacey? Kevin Spacey? Yeah. yeah he i have to say and i will not say in his defense but i have to say he's kind of playing it right like have you heard a peep out of that guy well i don't know part of me feels like kevin spacey's cancellation happened simultaneously with us being tired of seeing seeing kevin spacey movies he was making too many movies. They weren't good.

He got canceled, and we all went, well, it's easier to cancel that guy than it is to cancel Leonardo DiCaprio, who you still want to see work from. Here's his move. He should play an incredibly bad, which he did very often, bad character, maybe even in a horror movie, with no billing, no publicity, and you're in the theater

and all of a sudden you see he's the fucking man. It's like that, I would die laughing. Yeah, that would be good. All right, that was the quiz, man. Is there a score? More like a poll. Is there any score? What?

You're so fixated on numbers. What are you, Asian? No, there's no. Yeah, you passed. How about that? You passed. Actually, I think both of us failed, but I think we answered almost every question the same. Yeah.

Well, I think we alienated both the left and the right on that one. That's what I try to do. That's the key. All right. Let's go to entertainment. All right, let's go to entertainment. Holy shit. Entertainment news this week.

What do we got? Did you type in let's stop losing listeners? Yeah. When you were halfway through breaking down how liberals care about them the other people i was on buzzfeed's web page so i wasn't on this google doc sorry okay rewind i come from the land of plenty all right entertainment what do we got that's an old one. The Friends reunion, the guys looked awful. Season one of Dave, I watched. Yeah, Masterpiece, watched it again. Haven't seen the third episode of,

haven't seen the third one of the second season. Have you started the second season yet of Dave? No, I got to do it. I had a long week. I had a long week. Erin was gone. I didn't realize how much she did around the house. I was very busy. But i did watch one movie um a movie called christine which is i think it was made recently and it's about a woman down in what market was she in oh she was in florida of all

places yeah i can't remember what town in florida but like a minor city in florida and she was a she was a newscaster and she had depression and it i mean i'm not gonna blow the ending but she kills herself and so that's that's pretty well known you have to know that she blew the ending yeah you have to know that going in and you have to know that going in they don't give that away in the first couple of minutes did you just spoil it well it's a true story so people know that that's the reason why they're making this movie about this woman is she blows her brains out on the air and uh and it's everything that leads up to it it's almost like broadcast news meets like um like a true crime show wait this is a made-up person no this is a true crime show.

Wait, this is a made-up person? No, this is a true story. Christine. Like that old white politician who held a press conference and blew his brains out? Right. Right. Wow. Exactly what happened.

She was doing a news piece, and they had just hired away the station manager. The guy that bought the station also had a station in a bigger market I think Cleveland and he was taking a couple of the anchors to Cleveland she thought she was going to get it she ended up not getting it and so she went on the air and also it was all about like if it bleeds it leads they wanted stories that were sexy dangerous yeah Audrey and so she didn't want to do that kind of reporting and so she went on the air and she They wanted stories that were sexy, dangerous, tawdry. And so she didn't want to do that kind of reporting.

And so she went on the air and she blew her head off. So there is kind of a twist, like surprise ending that the people being forced to go to Cleveland weren't the ones who all killed themselves. That's the first time I would not have seen that. I would not have seen this ending. The one who doesn't go to Cleveland kills herself. Yeah. Shocking. Right, right.

Wow. Okay. You know, we didn't cover this, but maybe we should next week. Remind me. Did you see that Fox newscaster who was being tossed to from the studio? She was out in the field. She was doing a weather report and worked for a Fox affiliate and said, you know, thank you, like Denise.

And before we get started, I just wanted to say to the viewers here that we, and then she told the viewers that she had been censored. Oh, I saw that. So I want to follow up and see what now. All right. So she want to follow up and see what now. All right. So she was doing weather that day. Maybe she also does like other things other than weather, you know, like like a lot of weather people do. Like they'll throw them another story of what's happening in the city or something like that. But I'm wondering if it was toned down the heat wave talk and toned down any of the like wacky weather oh no no no it was

specifically about i can't remember she was investigating something and they wanted her to stop and i can't remember if it had to do with voting but no it was it was a real it was a real story uh well no that's a real story too imagine if fox was like hey stop using record breaking in your right now it didn't have to do with weather it was it was a it was a real news story oh here uh chris put this in uh okay and midway through uh okay i don't think yeah he doesn't have the story there but but yeah, Chris just put that, type that in. Um, anyway. All right. So entertainment, I started listening to audible, not a sponsor this week. And I, I downloaded David Lynch. It's read by David

Lynch, which is the best voice. Do you hear his weather report? Yeah. On 88. He does a weather report every day in Los Angeles and a radio station plays it. And I think it's on YouTube today. Clouds are going to burn off. It's going to be a beautiful, sunny day. And then he's like, and lately I've been listening to and he tells you what song he's listening to lately. Every day. And it's kind of a joke because every day is sunny here.

Yeah. Almost. So there's not much of a weather report. Anyway, David Lynch reads catching the big fish. It's about motivation, consciousness, and creativity.

And it's so cool. It's very, very much about transcendental meditation. Wow. That's the, almost, almost everything meditation wow that's the almost that almost everything he brings up circles back to that catching the big fish how to be creative some chapters are one sentence long it's really funny but boy he starts referencing his movies and um he said in blue velvet that scene where I should remember his name, but the guy who

sings in dreams by Roy Orbison, he basically talks about happy accidents and how they happen and how they have to be open. And when you're open, more of them them happen and he said in that famous scene in blue velvet he picked up this kind in the hotel room this kind of industrial light you know the kind of lights that have a cage on and you hang it from like the inside of your hood to work on your car and it's a long extension cord basically and it's like this metal cage with a light bulb in it right he picked he picked that up that was accidentally left there that was part of the crew and it was left on he was supposed to pick up the lamp and lynch saw it happen and people start freaking out and he stopped them he couldn't believe how

cool it looked and how it it just made the scene for him. Wow. So I went back and found that scene. And then I went on a David Lynch wormhole first. And I am going to watch this week. I mean, you saw Wild at Heart with Nicolas Cage and Laura Dern and Laura Dern's mom. It's so I remember being so disturbed. But it is so funny and bizarre. Willem Dafoe, the cast is amazing. So I'm going to watch that this week.

And then I went down to Roy Orbison. Dude, Roy Orbison, you don't have to be stoned like I was to totally appreciate this. But like, there was like a meta quality to him even then yeah totally it's like you're it's almost like you're having us on like this is operatic and and david lynch caught just like this unbelievable beautiful voice like singing about pretty warren dreams the candy colored man you call the sandman like and and he And he's singing these flowery lyrics. And it just needs to be put to an edgy scene with insane violence or menacing, menacing action. And it's perfect. There's a reason it works so well.

I think Roy Orbison was channeling something not so pure and, you know, sort of popcorn. You know what I mean? and sort of popcorn-y, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think it's a little bit like that scene in Reservoir Dogs where he's killing the guy to the silver, what's the song? Mongo, is it Mongo? Don't know where I get it tonight. Stuck in the middle again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, stuck in the middle. Got a feeling that something ain't right. Yeah, fool's telephonic judges. Is it Mongo, Jerry is a manga. Something. Jerry. Anyway. Yeah. If I ever do a hardcore, edgy, dark, murderous movie, somebody is going to get a Vegemite

sandwich. That song, that song will have to get played in my movie. Good Lord. Hey, by the way, our viewers always like us referencing stuff. So Wild at Heart, this David Lynch book, Annie Roy Orbison literally just put it on. But also, do you remember that special? You can find it. It's on YouTube, I believe. But that black and white one night only with Roy Orbison, it was a Cinemax special. No, I don't remember that. No, I don't remember that. Here's the backing band. The backing band is Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello, Jackson Brown, Bonnie Raitt and more. Wow. I do kind of remember that now that you say it. They're like sitting at the little whatever you call them, like the big bandstand, whatever all those band members would sit behind a little, you know, podium kind of. That's not the right word, but you know what I

mean. Like when bands would all be sitting very formally, it was really cool. It was in black and white. And that fucker's voice, man, just lofting up to those high notes. Yeah. So, so amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So find that. All right. Britney Spears, are we going to do that story? What do you think about that? Let's save that for next week. I want to read more about it. Hopefully she'll be alive. Okay, go ahead.

It's time to go to Florida. You know him. You love him. He's the Florida man. And this week, that Florida man was a pastor. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Double indemnity.

Florida pastors arrested in connection with the Capitol riot. And by the way, one of the footnotes was not Broward. It was one county. They're like the tally of arrests so far are up to six who are at the Capitol. Yeah. A father and his son, both pastors at the Melbourne church, as well as a congregant who provided evidence against them were all arrested Thursday in connection with the January 6th riot at the U S Capitol,

according to federal court filings. Is it a riot by the way? Newspapers have to choose their wording carefully. I wonder if that's a, riot by the way newspapers have to choose their wording carefully i wonder if that's a wait it wasn't a riot well it's often been called an insurrection yeah i guess it's a riot but anyway cell phone data obtained by agents with a warrant linked the guy who uh accompanied them to being inside the capitol building building on January 6th. Photographs recovered from his iCloud account. Now, the guy said he had erased everything, but they, you know, these idiots. So what they keep doing on all these arrests, and I guess

a hundred people have already been arrested or something like that. And so anyway, of course, it's very hard to erase your past. And so his stuff was still in the cloud. And it showed all three of these people inside the Capitol in clothing that the agents matched to images from surveillance footage captured inside the building. So there they were, this pastor. And by the way, their congregation, I they have a hundred followers a hundred people in the congregation should we make this podcast a church we have more than that yeah and get the tax write-off yeah yeah why not i mean well joey diaz's podcast is called the church of what's

happening now all right well can we do The Church of What Happened Last Week? What was the Boy George song? The Church of the... Oh, I don't know. Boy, you're really... Of the Lonely Mind or something? You know more about 80s music than I care to admit. Well, listen, if you're going to be a pastor

and you're going to be a part of inciting violence uh i think that like giuliana your license should be taken away you can't how do you in what church do you not condemn one of your leaders when he's leading a violent hate-filled rampage based on lies right church of the poison the Poisoned Mind was Boy George. That doesn't even ring a bell. But anyway, come a, come a, come a, come a, come a chameleon. Now you're talking. So anyway, but how about this?

Let's say that is your belief, right? And as a Christian soldier who are responsible for, I think, most human deaths on planet Earth from other humans. So you're a Christian soldier and you really believe in this. And so you go up there like, OK, you go to Washington. You could be going to Washington to march on Washington over civil rights. Right. Like so you believe this. But the breaking into the Capitol at least draw the line there. Right. And this footage was ugly.

Have you been seeing the footage that keeps coming out? It's really disturbing. It really is like it captures an ugliness of the human spirit that you can't, that is not congruous with somebody who's a Christian. And they far from just walked in like huge police resistance at certain doors that got really ugly well you're asking people that believe stop listening to this pod go ahead well i mean yeah to go down that road i mean christians are essentially people that have taken a leap of faith to believe a bunch of facts that are historically impossible to prove and very possible to disprove. And they've taken that leap of faith.

Are these not the same minds that would be affected by false truths being put out by the media, by certain media? Well, and by the president. And by their president, who claims to be a member of that church when he's not. And if you can't distinguish that that guy, living the life he's living, is not the same kind of Christian as you are, then you're just a complete fucking hypocrite.

All right. I'm not blaming anybody for believing what they believe but don't also believe that that fucking liar believes the same shit you do oh god he could give a rat's ass about anything that doesn't serve christianity is about serving other people and the poor i mean please do you remember when they asked him which which was his favorite book in the bible and he just and he started stammering and he he's like, well, there's so many. I can't really name my favorite because so many of them are my favorite. He couldn't name one fucking book from the Bible.

Not one, of course. Yeah. All right, let's go. It's kind of like my children. There's no favorite barren. Yeah, right. But other than that. Right.

International. Let's go around the world. That sounds like an international section. Okay. Have you been following this John McAfee? Oh, this is crazy. All right. So John McAfee, he's a 75-year-old founder.

Okay, McAfee. McAfee. McDonald's will call it McAfee. The 75-year-old are of McAfee antivirus software. So there's a documentary on him that I saw and it's, it's, I liked it. Uh, it was interesting cause I didn't know really about his story and everything. Anyway, he was found dead this week in his prison cell in Spain of an apparent suicide. Now he's had over his life, multiple run-ins with the law and he was awaiting extradition after being

charged with tax evasion in the United States last year. So, oh, he was a former guest on the Joe Rogan Experience, Chris is telling us. So was he there in person, Chris, or did he do it remotely because he was living in Belize, I think. He called in. That makes sense. Was in Belize. I think he called in. That makes sense. Uh, was it Belize? He, I forget where he was, but he was in a tropical location cause he had fled the country. This is 10 years ago. Anyway. So this is interesting. He was found dead in his cell. And for months he's been saying, I, they're going to

kill me. And I don't believe. So here, let me just keep reading. And the widow, by the way, came out today and she said her husband was not suicidal. And she blamed the United States authorities for this tragedy after he was found dead in his cell in Barcelona. His last words to me were, I love you and I will call you in the evening. He would never have quit this way. He would never take his life this way ever. And in fact, McAfee had tattooed on his arm. He was so convinced that he would be killed by authorities in prison. He tattooed on his arm, whacked, and once claimed that if he was ever found dead by suicide, that it definitely was not he who killed himself. And in his tweet two years ago, he showed off the tattoo and he

said, quote, getting subtle messages from the U.S. officials saying, in effect, we're coming for you, McAfee. We're going to kill yourself. He wrote, I got a tattoo today just in case. If I suicide myself, I didn't. I was whacked. Check my right arm. Hmm. I was whacked. Check my right arm. Hmm. Which is which is a fascinating way to set up a suicide.

Yeah, it's pretty in depth. It's like it's like saying they're going to frame me robbing Chase Manhattan on Fifth Avenue. They're going to frame me. When it happens, you'll know I didn't really do it. They set me up. Yeah. And then you rob the bank. If they say she was 16 years old, this is a long tattoo. I had no knowledge she was 16.

Yeah. They're going to make it look like she was not into it. She will be into it. Also, it probably was entrapment. I was just bringing flowers over to that house. It's running down his arm now, across his back. Just check my tattoo. You can take off any part of my clothing.

You might get in the middle or towards the end of it, but you'll find where this tattoo starts. And I am telling you, I was trapped. Wow. So where are these messages that he got from the government? No, I think the government knows what it's doing. If indeed it was going on, they're not going to have these thoughts printed. But apparently he was going to out people. Now, meanwhile, he had first left the country, and I thought from watching him in the documentary, which he did a lot himself, taped a lot himself, he was a bit unhinged.

himself. He was a bit unhinged. And then a guy in Belize, his neighbor, did he kill him or his dogs? There was a big altercation with his neighbor. And I should remember it. Sorry, I didn't know I was going to go here. I would have looked it up. But he was killed. And I think maybe the guy was fucking with McAfee's dogs. Yeah, there was a murder, and so he was wanted for that, and there was a lot of shit going on, but the latest stuff that he was being called back into the U.S. for is this guy had another comeback, and he returned from Belize to the United States, and he started going.

People would just follow him because he was so successful with the antivirus thing that he sold, I think, to Microsoft for billions, literally billions of dollars, collected a lot of money or I think generated a lot of interest and then maybe shorted it after like, you know, it was kind of a pump and dump. Right. Um, anyway, there's a lot of details, but that's what this latest chapter with him was about. Damn. Yeah. Crazy. It's a good documentary, which needs to very much be updated at this point. Crazy. But it's a good documentary, which needs to very much be updated at this point.

Yes. All right, let's do some science. Oh, okay. All right, Chris put this in there. UFO report. You read it. You read it blind. Government can't explain 143 of 144 mysterious flying objects. Blames limited data.

The Department of Defense established the Unidentified Aerial Phenomena Task Force in August to investigate mysterious flying objects. That's right, folks. It's starting to get taken seriously. The report does not mention aliens or even vaguely hint at an extraterrestrial explanation for the reported sightings but makes clear that much of the phenomena may be beyond the existing means the government has to identify such objects a senior government official said ahead of the report's release friday that quote we have no

clear indications that there is any non-terrestrial explanation for them, but we will go wherever the data takes us. No, you won't. No, of course they won't. We can't because you have to travel at 20 times the speed of light. Right. You'll never go where that, our data is so slow. But this is like, do you know how many people feel validated right now?

There's so many people that have been tracking these UFOs and what do they call it? Area 54? All these you know, all these... That's three up from Area 51, I think. 51. There's a lot of areas. You don't know about 54 is where the real shit goes down. That's, yeah, why am I hung up

on 51? It's a total red herring. I mean, I've always ignored this stuff, but now I suddenly say, like, well, let's see what they got. You know, this is... It defies logic to think there wouldn't be life on this planet that's not in our understanding.

Yeah. Did I tell you I had a story idea once which which was, of course, I'll never do anything with it. So if anyone wants to steal it, but it was basically UFOs and aliens and they come here and it looks menacing and it looks everything. And obviously I haven't thought it through, which is why I won't write it. But the bottom line was they were so advanced. They were years ahead of us. And just like these UFOs kind of like using kind of gravity propulsion or whatever the hell is moving those ships at inexplicable speeds and stuff. And they're advanced. They even, you know, look more advanced with the big heads, very typical alien stuff. And eventually what you learn by the questions

and the abductions and then when they're here is that they, despite all the advances, still haven't figured out love and have come here to see if we maybe were closer to it before we got so cerebral in advance. Like when we were much closer to apes and much closer to like our hearts instead of our minds. Right. I like that. It's kind of not a bad story. And then you realize,

and then we all, you know, at the end you have a beer with them and we fucking sing country songs about the girl who left us. Or a Vegemite and Sandwich. Maybe the aliens understand those lyrics. Well, a UFO is a cumbee or whatever the guy's driving around in. I don't even, thankfully, I don't know all the lyrics.

If you were, say you were down taking a walk at the beach one night and it's deserted. I love this. I'm in. Go ahead. And a spaceship type of thing starts hovering near you. Yeah. And these friendly, warm beings come out of the spaceship and they beckon to you to come on the ship. You won't be harmed if you leave. You're not sure

what's going to happen if you get on. Yeah. Do you get on the ship? Well, it's very similar to all the cars I got in when I was little where the guy promised candy or puppies. And you don't know how that's going to turn out. Could be good candy. After a while, I kind of knew how it would turn out. But the guy had Whatchamacallit bars, which were my favorite. Yeah. No, your favorite was the blowjob.

Oh, Greg. Getting it. Getting it. Right. Yeah right yeah well of course so well this reminds me did you ever hear spielberg's interview about close encounters of the third kind no it was very interesting to hear him talk purely like as an artist and he goes it's hard for me to relate to that movie now because in that movie movie, Richard Dreyfuss's character is propositioned exactly like you just set up. And he goes, and he goes, and looking at that movie now, that character had a wife and kid. And he's like, but I didn't when I was the director and

creator of that movie. Like, I don't think he wrote this. Maybe I should know that. But basically as his name on the movie. And he's like, it's so bizarre to me now, like why I didn't bump against that. And the ending, if I was doing that movie now, would be totally different. I couldn't get on board. Right. Because I have kids. So you're saying you wouldn't get on board? No, I't get on board. Right. Because I have kids.

So you're saying you wouldn't get on board? No, I'd get on board. I don't have Spielberg's kids. I'd like to think I would get on board, but honestly, Spielberg's kids are rich. He can get on board. Yeah. I mean, they're going to take care of fucking, if I had Spielberg's kids, dude, I'd be like, see you fucking aliens.

I'm going to Cabo again because that's what I do every Thursday night. Yeah, right. I like to think I would get on, but I think honestly, at the last minute, I would chicken out and not get on board. I'm interested to see, if I ever ran into Spielberg, that's what I would ask him. Even if it was like at a restaurant and we're both waiting for a table, just humor me. He's waiting for a table like I am in a restaurant. And I would say to him,

you remember that? I was really moved when I read that quote. Do you think you would ever revisit that and update your story again? Your kids are grown. Yeah. You're at the end of your life. Right. A few years ago, you killed your wife, so she's no longer around.

But that's interesting with this sort of circle of life. Right, right. I wonder, because as my kids are doing all right in the world on their own and they're going to need me less, I don't know. I think I would. I think so too.

I think once my kids were, yeah, I would say in about five years, I'd get on the ship, but I need to be home for the next five years. Well, they could probably take a rain check. They could also probably snap their fingers and say it's five years later now. Right. I also. And you didn't and you didn't miss any of it. Yeah. It's just time isn't linear. Like you idiots are still clinging to that concept. I like to think that if I were to say no, that they might have better luck

with the next guy they try to get on the ship, like in terms of being somebody who better represents a good human being. They're going to examine my brain and be like, oh, these are a bunch of fucking depressed, low self-esteem beings. We don't need to help their planet. Yeah. No, but also you're like so impressed with them and their ship is all sparkly and it doesn't even have an engine. You don't even know how high tech it is. And then you agree kind of like,

all right, I'll do it. And they're like, all right, we have to weigh your bags. I'm like, what? And then we're going to charge you because you have two carry-ons. I'm like, you mother, you too? Honestly? You fucks.

Right. And that's before the anal probe. The TSA has an anal probe. By the way, imagine if it's like the most advanced thing ever, but it's like they haven't figured out lube. It's just like the least advanced thing is the probing tools. Right, right. It's like, do you even have to, like, can't you see inside? Also, can't you see inside me without sticking a thing in me?

And why does it have to be so big? And why is it shaped like a cock? And why is that weird thing sticking out of the side of your leg getting hard when you do this to me? Why is your finger glowing before you do it? Um, but Oh, Hey, related to Berkshire. Yeah. I don't think I, did I tell this last week about the UFO? No, this, this teacher comes up to me and he was a teacher when I was there and he, uh, he came to this dinner in a barn that,

where that a classmate was hosting and, uh, his And his name is, I won't say his name. Anyway, great guy. He was a hard ass on us. He was a Baltimore cop that then my high school hired to be a teacher. So he was the teacher in the dorm I was in senior year. And oh my God, all he did was scream at us. But he was a former Baltimore cop who kept like screaming how soft we were and how undisciplined we were and all that stuff. So his family, though, was big in that town.

And his brother was the sheriff in Sheffield, Massachusetts on Netflix. Maybe Chris can look this up on Netflix. There's a show about unexplained phenomena. It's a documentary series. And one of them is about the Berkshire UFO thing. So really this year, this year during the pandemic, I start watching this Netflix series, Unexplained Phenomena, something like that. And I then see that headline. I'm like, wait, Berkshire, England. And so I tune in. No, it's Sheffield, Massachusetts. And apparently it's like the most corroborated alien abduction story on record. And all these people telling the same story, all of a sudden, his name's Galada, the teacher. Galada's brother, because I'm not outing them. They're in the thing. Oh, Chris just said, what's the question? Look up. There's a Netflix special

on unexplained phenomena and they have a Berkshire UFO abduction story. Berkshire's Massachusetts. So Galata's brother is all of a sudden on camera. I'm sitting here in my Santa Monica living room like what? And I bring it up to him and Galata's like, yeah, I get asked about it everywhere I go now. Boy, more people have seen that than I would have guessed. And his brother, a very real life guy, a no BS guy,

believes it happened. And he's the sheriff of the town. Wow. And when you see it, it's a very compelling story. And people were abducted? They were taken somewhere and probed and brought back. I don't know about the you love going to the probe part. I'm not sure about the probed. But there's got to be a gay bar in West Hollywood called the probe. That would be pretty good. OK, Chris, just put this here on the night of of September 1, 1969 in Berkshire, Massachusetts,

a big UFO event allegedly took place, but because many people thought the witnesses were just crazy, very little was reported on it. Netflix was giving, it's called Unsolved Mysteries, and the same witnesses have shared their story with the world. So go check it out. But it was really interesting running into sort of the one of the sources of it, you know, or at least a guy one degree of separation away. Wow. Yeah. So he doesn't believe it because he wasn't there. And he was a Baltimore cop at the time dealing with dealing with a whole other whole other stuff than his brother, who's a cop in this sleepy little Berkshire town. All right. Do we want to skip the China story? Yeah, we'll do that next week.

They found an ancient skull. Pretty interesting story. Yeah, we'll do that. We're going to skip business. Well, I guess we should. Yeah, let's let's get down to business. Bitcoin, which was over... It was at over $60,000 when we started reporting on it, is now down to $32,000. I bought it a little under $60,000. I'm in a sweet spot. You bought it at $60,000?

I think I bought it at low $40s. Oh, Jesus. And I watched it go above $60, and I did my strong move, which is nothing. Hey, look, there's a lot of people that are looking at this as a great time to buy it, but I ain't one of them. That's what happens every time. Dogecoin is down to $0.27. It was at $51 when we started reporting on it

and all right and investopedia i didn't really look at the updates on who's who this week so we'll do that next time because this stupid market goes up who gives a shit it's so stupid anyway so is next week the end of this is that why did you you put that deadline oh fuck i forgot about that this is the last week folks if you want to get in and steal the hundred bucks and you think you can double your money in a week go to the investopedia page and uh look up uh sundayapers and get in. Well, I think we know a winner, right? I mean...

Yeah, the guy last week was up, last Jimbo was up to $349,000. Somehow in six months, this guy tripled his money, and then some. I had recommended FAZ, which is a shorting stock, to one of our listeners. Poor, poor Erin. So I owe her money.

She lives up northern California, north of here anyway. And the poor, poor little girl listened to my advice. Ugh. Yeah. God. She doesn't have great judgment, so there's also that. Oh, maybe she'll date you then. Well, you never know.

She has to get over this poor decision first. Yeah. Oh, man, I'm tanking it, man. It's awful. Whatever. I don't want to talk about this. Hey, how about this? We give this guy his props, whoever wins it,

and then extend it to the end of the year. You and I are neck and neck, by the it, and then extend it to the end of the year. You and I are neck and neck, by the way, because. I'll beat your ass. I haven't done anything. Hold on. Check right now. Go to the page and tell me where you're at, because we got 100 bucks on the line and I was ahead by a thousand dollars last week. Last week, we were really close.

And I guarantee this week I am not there. All right, let's see. And then you've got a week to make some adjustments and try to go up. Right now, I have $98,872. So I have lost $1,000. I would have beaten you if I did. Oh, look at my peak. I was up 8% my portfolio at one point.

What's it worth right now? Right now, $89,196. Shut your face. Ah, shit. Last week, I've lost $10,000 in a week or almost. Whatever. This can't be fun to listen to. All right.

What's next? All right. Let's't be fun to listen to. All right. What's next? All right. Let's get to letters to the editor. All right. Joanne's got a crush on us. Blah, blah, blah. And then a guy named John Favreau, who's a friend of the show,

writes to us all the time, said, after hearing your discussion about cruise ships and disease, I thought you might be interested to know that the word, this is kind of interesting, the word quarantine originated in the shipping days. If a ship came to port with any suspected disease, the crew was required to remain on board no fewer than 40 days from the Italian word for a period of 40 days, quarantina. Huh? How about that? 40 days. You think they based it on the Bible being on a ship?

Um, women, 40 days and nights, Noah. Yeah. 40 days and nights. And then Moses, didn't Moses go into the desert for 40 days and nights? Oh God. I don't know, but I think it's, I think it's, no, I don't know how long Moses went into the, Moses went into the desert for 40 days and nights oh god i don't know but i think it's i think it's no i don't know how long moses went into the moses went in the desert for 40 days maybe are they both 40 days is that like magic number in the old testament what's so funny is we're talking about like their facts um yeah whatever make up whatever you want. It's all made up. So, yeah, all those animals.

Well, most of these pandemics are made up also. Noah's Ark is a little very similar to Carnival Cruises. You got a bunch of animals. It's unreal. And certainly, there's going to be plagues that come out of it. And that you may show up as a couple, but things happen on board.

Yeah. There's a lot of fucking. Zebras and llamas together. Chipmunks and skunks. All kinds of fucking going on in the Lido deck. Did I ever tell you that zebra I wanted to do? But it turns out they're... Because I was like, zebra's got the worst camouflage. It's like, that's what you wear to a rave to be seen. No one's ever walked in and be like, did you see my zebra skin rug? Like, no, I missed it. That's never been seen. But it turns out, I guess it has a blurring. It has an effect that makes it hard for a predator to zero in on one of them.

Oh. Yeah. Elisa says, grapefruit. I just finished the Sunday papers. Had to comment on Sweet JoJo's graduation gift. It warms my heart to hear that you got her a clatter ring. A clatter ring. I'm an Irish-Italian from lowell mass lowell that's where um jack kerouac is from you could probably find a clatter ring anywhere

on the east coast i got mine from my parents when i was eight years old for my first communion i found it on a move about five or six years ago. I've been wearing it ever since. By the way, I met your friend Dennis Gubbins at brunch at your golf spot when I was in L.A. He seems like the type that would charge you to watch the fight at his place. Shots fired from Melissa. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, he is the kind of guy that would charge you to watch a fight at his house

and then not pay you when he doesn't show up for a tea time that he misses. That's hysterical. Yeah. At least he didn't. I wonder if he hit on her. I wrote her back. I said, did he hit on you? But I haven't heard back from her yet.

Yeah. I don't know. She got a good read on him. Yeah. I like it. All right, let's go to the obituaries. And that's all, folks. Oh, is there a good one? It's a sad crinkle.

Morbid. Because right now, as many as 159 people remain unaccounted for Friday morning, dozens more than officials had previously estimated. They're using trained dogs and sonar to search through the rubble of Champlain Towers condo complex in South Florida. So the known death toll is only four. Isn't that weird? This happened a day and a half ago. It's not weird. Right.

That they should have maybe uncovered. But I think at this stage, and I don't know what I'm talking about, but I think at this stage you have to be very careful. You can't just start lifting. You're not looking for dead bodies at this point or two days ago. You were looking for dead bodies at this point or two days ago you were looking for live bodies yeah so but uh yeah i can't we can't even make florida jokes this thing is i mean we can but this was terrible it's a lot of people and and you know and my mother for the last two years you ready for this shit they have the the building is so bad in florida the zoning has

always been corrupt so the the specs on building has always been corrupt the craftsmanship everything is fucking terrible so my mom has balconies on her building that she lives in like a i don't know maybe it's a seven-story building down in florida yeah and it's uh and they they have been systematically removing all of the decks all of the porches from every unit of her fucking building for the last two years and it's been a nightmare it's like non-stop jack hammering debris loud noise, scaffolding, cranes. And it's not just her building. It's for a lot of the buildings in her neighborhood because they weren't built up to code when they did them.

And they were built like in the, I don't know, 60s or 70s. And now they got to take them all down before they fucking collapse. Well, this was terrifying. So, you know, you have these little stories that you hear about disasters and you're like, and then in L.A. we think about what if this building went down? Right. So I'm in a building now and I'm on the fifth floor. Right. And it's the top floor. And I think about would I be really lucky because it's the top floor, like if this collapsed. think about would I be really lucky because it's the top floor like if this collapsed so like even in this what you put in here um so officials still have hope to find survivors in the tangled concrete where rescue crews used saws and jackhammers to tunnel through 13 collapsed floors that were stacked like pancakes. Oh God.

That just takes everything out of me. Uh, like zero, zero chance. Like I remember also when you're young and you kind of think you're immortal, I would always hear stories like, Oh my God,

the most terrifying one was the one that fire in the Bronx that was in a club. And they described the club. It had like two staircases, tiny ones that were so tiny that one was kind of down and one was an up. You couldn't pass someone. And it went to the top floor, which all the windows were bricked in. And it was the whole top floor didn't have a single window. And then someone lit it on fire because of a fight he got in with

someone at the club that night and like over a hundred people died or whatever but even that story in new york i was like i don't give a shit man i would have fucking i would have run through the brick like you know just bullshit yeah like i would have i would have like just kept running into the kicking the brick wall so many times i would have got like, and then as you get older, you're like, I remember a nine 11 story was a guy when they were coming down the stairs. Um, one guy that got out said, uh, someone woke him up and said, come on. And the carbon monoxide was making him so them so tired from the smoke that he goes, all I wanted to do was sleep. And a guy like who had this, some energy, like basically dragged him down. It's just like, wake up, wake up. We got to get out of here. And the guy did and lived. And that was the first time where I was like,

I think I would have slept. Cause I know that like, I've been woken up like when I passed out and where it's like, come on, we're going to go like obviously zero stakes, but still like something I probably really wanted to do. I'm like, I'm done. I'm like, I was just in such a deep sleep. Just let me be. Well, that's why they say they used to say it was a fight or flight response. But now they say it's the fight, flight or freeze response. Right. There is a third choice. I don't think it's a choice that's the problem right you don't choose you know fright uh so anyway you read a story like this and i mean they're how many over 100 right how many are missing 140 something god just sitting in their beds and you know it really is a big

it is a big thing to recover a body there's finality to seeing the body of a loved one that's died and it sounds like if these collapse like pancakes I don't know that there's going to be remains I mean even if they sift through it for months they're not going to

come across all the bones or will they do you think that they'll i don't know too soon if you were hey let's let's cheer up with some funnies i doubt that's happening oh you're gonna watch an interview that I watched this week. Somebody sent it in to us. Jeff Keen was, I mentioned that Jeff Keen was interviewed by somebody and, and it was like,

it was really boring, but somebody sent me another interview where he literally walks you through his day. And it was so fucking perfect. You're, It was so fucking perfect. You are going to tear your hair out at how he is exactly what we have pictured. An untroubled, creative, that's not creative.

How about this? When we get to Family Circus in a couple of minutes, let's try to imagine what that day was like. Okay. All right. Let's start with the Lock that day was like. Okay. All right. Let's start with the Lockhorns, because let me tell you something. He fucking hates her. Leroy fucking hates her. She's sitting in front of her vanity mirror, and she's touching her face. And Leroy goes, don't worry about wrinkles, Loretta. They cover your age spots. Fucking hates her. And then she says, she's on the cell phone.

They're standing by the front door. They're on their way out. And she's saying into the phone, slow and cranky is taking me to see the latest Fast and Furious movie. She hates him. They hate each other. No, it's pretty equal. It's pretty equal, which I like. And then they're leaving church,

and the priest is shaking Loretta's hand, and as Leroy is turning around staring at some chick with big tits, the priest says, might I suggest you have Leroy checked for sleep apnea? Wait, I didn't follow that one. He's been falling asleep during mass. Oh, I got it. Got it.

Anyway. All right. Let's get down to some uh hager the horrible now in this one the king is in a makeshift gym it's not a very good gym but you have to understand this is like the 1400s so he's on like a wooden bench with a barbell and then his queen uh is she's in a skirt and she's stretching on the mat in very sexy positions. And he says, I'm building muscle before Hager's next raid on our castle. She says, I'm proud of you.

He says, last time when he forced me to fetch gold from the cellar, I nearly threw my back out. And she frowns with her legs in the air as she thinks back to what happened to her last time Hager raided the castle. as she thinks back to what happened to her last time Hager raided the castle. I mean, she is literally turned to face him, put her legs straight up in the air with her skirt down, basically showing all of her privates right to his face.

Yes. She's presenting. Presenting, a word you love. You love throwing a move on women presenting. And it's like she's, well, this is the drill I have to do when he comes. Right. I got to learn how to keep my both feet pointed at the ceiling. I got to stretch it out because he brings a lot of men. Okay. Now let's get on to Jeff Keen's creation.

And I use that word too loosely. So Jeff Keen has drawn this circle and in the circle you see the two fucking the little kids. And they're one of them is in a bathing suit. The other one has pulled his pants down and he has underwear on and they're pointing to the tub, which is running in the background. And the mom is there and she's leaning down and she has a bag from when they went clothes shopping and she's pulled a bathing suit out of the bag. And the little orange haired kid is reaching up to her and he's yelling to her, can I try out my new bathing suit in the bathtub? And that's all, folks. That's all. Yeah. There's not a response.

So what was his day like on this day? Like, so that's something that seems plausible that a kid would want to do. Of course. Kids want to bring snorkels in the bathtub. Plausible or pedestrian, I would even say. And even the mom would be like, yeah, you don't have to ask. Your brother already has a baby. Like, of course.

Yes. This is, what do you, why would you ask that? Like, that wouldn't be something that would be printed in a newspaper. Right. It's not noteworthy. It doesn't stand out in any way. It's certainly not amusing even.

It's not even cute. It's, it's, Jeff Keen's not a good father. He's not a big presence in his house. And so I think he literally wanders in with a deadline hanging over his head. And the only 30 seconds he spends with his family, that's what goes into the cartoon strip. And he happened to walk in during the moment that the kids are about to take a bath. Even if you drew this, you haven't painted yourself in the corner of complete waste of time dialogue like this. Like we did before.

You could caption this. All of our listeners could write a funnier thing than that. In other words, even given the situation where we're presented with by the picture, that's, the, you know, the picture there. That's, that's what you write. Well, is it time for another contest? Do you want to post it again on your Instagram and we'll get some captioning from our audience? Okay. I'm going to post another, not this one.

Cause, uh, this one, apparently this code is impossible to crack. Jeff tried, but I will find a new one. I will remove the caption and people caption it up. Let's do it again. Okay, I like it. Fine. Let's get to Blondie, which is as perplexing.

John Marshall. Who writes Blondie? Dean? What's it say? Yanks? I don't know. And then there john marshall john marshall might be the illustrator and maybe maybe dean writes the actual script this is from another time i think they look they look different yeah anyway he's not as hot no here's the thing blondie's not in this one

oh she's in the final frame. All right, so Blondie's two kids that look like he's got Dagwood's shitty haircut, his son, and the daughter who also inherited Blondie's heaving bosom and yellow hair, but they tone her down a little bit. Blondie's the fucking headliner, so she's not as hot as her mother which is always sad it's always sad when like you know there's a woman who's super hot and she's a mom and she has a daughter and then you meet the daughter and the daughter's in her 20s and you're like she's pretty but i was kind of hoping to see a young version of you you ever have that happen

oh well i mean yeah of course and it's like no, you've been like cutting and throwing up your whole childhood because you're trying to keep up with mommy. Yes. Did I just say that out loud? And you also think, wow, I forgot to factor in how unattractive your dad is. He really fucked these jeans up. So so I'm not going to read the whole thing because it's nothing happens. But they say it's father's day. So he says to his sister,

we're going to, we're going to, uh, make the biggest, most festive sandwich for dad for father's day. And then they make it and then they put it out. And then Dagwood walks upstairs and he says, uh,

I can't wait. He says, she says, me neither. The son says, what do you think dad? Dagwood's in his fucking pajamas with donuts on them. And he says she says me neither the son says what do you think dad dagwood's in his fucking pajamas with donuts on him and he says i think this has to be the most beautiful breakfast sandwich i've ever seen and it's a big picture of a sandwich and i just think did he give up this week did

he start with a premise and then go fuck it i have depression i haven't been paid i've been tapering on my medication. I can't conjure up comedy right now. I'm going to mail it in and hopefully I feel better next week. And if the paper calls the editor or, you know, whatever syndicator calls and is like, Hey, you know, uh, we love the drawings this week, but we were just wondering if it's like, how about you take a look at what keen shit right above mine. Then you call me back. How about that?

Right. Right. You read the bathing suit? You read that one? Yeah. He's got a fucking half naked child. There's so many priest jokes that could be made. There's Nambla jokes.

Anyway. All of them. All right. Listen, Mike. We've done it two hours after a busy day a hectic day we pulled it together i'm gonna go off now i got a show tonight i've got my uh my niece and her two drunken friends are coming to see me perform tonight as well as my wife and my two kids it's going to be six of them in the audience. Big show.

We're doing the, I forget what this place is called, but it's myself, Bill Burr, Pete Holmes, Anthony Jeselnik, Beth Stelling. Good Lord. It's crazy. The shows in L.A. are crazy lately because nobody's on the road. Everybody's here, but everybody's trying to get a new act together. So all these big names are all coming out. I did a show last night with fucking Ali Wong and what's his name?

I just did his podcast last week. Louis C.K. Christina Pajinsky's husband, Tom. Sure, Tom Segura. Tom Segura was there. Mark Maron was on the show. The shows are crazy. Get to L.A. and come see some live comedy.

Hey, yeah, we should, you know, a lot of people have asked us to do the podcast on the road when you go do stand-up on the road. Like if we went to Sacramento or San Francisco, I would be into that. I got nothing into that. I got nothing going on. I'm going to be in Sacramento on, um, September 16th through 18th. So let's announce right now that we're going to do a Sunday papers podcast from there. Wow. Also, I got dates coming up. i just got a weekend in fort lee new jersey august 6th just happened august 6th and 7th i will be at bananas in fort lee new jersey you better get your tickets it's selling out really fast so get your tickets now or it's going to be sold out it's going to be bananas it's going to be bananas all right listen mike

great job thanks for stepping up with the script this week. Yeah, too bad I didn't add jokes. But, yeah, and I hope you're feeling better, man. Feeling better already. I'm already feeling better. It was a good day. Oh, okay. We cured you.

I cured you. Yeah. So glad Aaron's back also. You've been throwing the move on yourself all week. Oh, hard move to throw. A lot of walls to get through. But, yeah, so I'm heading to New York, and then I'm on a plane all day next Saturday,

so I guess I might have to bring some equipment, and we'll do this Friday maybe, next week. Yeah, bring some equipment, and we'll do it. Yeah, I'll be above New York City at that point. Yeah. Thanks to Chris Denman and Beth Hoops and the Midcoast Media

folks in St. Louis for making this possible. Thank you guys for listening. Please tell your friends, like us and rate us on iTunes podcasts or Apple podcasts and keep coming back. Okay. Talk to you soon.

Okay. Okay. I'm doing better. I'm doing good. Okay. All right. All right. Convince yourself of that.

That's the key to it all. Yes. You, you did a nice little inventory about how little you have to be down about. There's very little to be down about. And you know, I'm, I'm saying I'm, I haven't worked a lot in a year, but I'm not in financial straits. I just, I just need to change. I need to change the thoughts, change the thoughts, cognitive behavioral therapy, realize that the thoughts create feelings.

And those feelings are not reality challenge, challenge the verize that the thoughts create feelings, and those feelings are not reality. Challenge. Right. Challenge the veracity of the thoughts. And it's a slow rewiring, right? Right. Isn't that what they say? Yes, it is.

But it works. All right. This talk got me down. Okay. Take it-ish. Take it-ish. Wake up in the morning and it's 10 a.m. I put on the YouTube, oh, what's this jam? Greg's wearing glasses and Mike is in the morning and it's 10 a.m. I put on the YouTube, what's this jam?

Greg's wearing glasses and Mike is in the closet. If you gotta take a piss, you can go ahead and pause it. They got Florida Man and a ton of other sections. When they fuck up the news, you can send in your corrections. And now that I've told you, please don't make me shout it. It's Sunday Papers, y'all. Read all about it!