Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 75 8/8/21

Episode Date: August 8, 2021

Sturgis is back! Motorcycle festival has not yet begun and they’re crashing their bikes already. Greg beams in from NY so we give a serenade to the Big Apple and take a giant shit on San Diego. We also cover the man taped to a Frontier Airline seat and FLA cop who moonlights as a clown names PoPo.  

Sunday paper time, it's Sunday paper time, Sunday paper time, it's Sunday paper time. All right, Greg is going to hurt everyone's ears in three, two, one. Read all about it! There he goes. Live, hot off the press as the New Jersey Tribune brings you all the news you want to read on the Sunday Papers. You're in Jersey, huh? Yes, I'm in New Jersey, New Jersey. It's, you know

The state's so nice, they named it twice It doesn't take long until you go, yep, I'm in Jersey And then there's just a pause as you take it in? There was a, I took a taxi from Newark And I get in and it's got the hand sanitizer i saw that in the car and it's got like a brown crusted goo on the edge of it like welcome to fucking newark new jersey well that's the thing you have to think about is there's no dirtier potentially dirtier spot than the the lever of a hand sanitizer right no one with clean hands touches that well it's the same thing with a sink if you have to

use the lever to turn a sink on you've obviously got piss and shit on your hands because you need to wash them and then you wash them and then you turn it off with that same handle the inside door latch of the bathroom stall in a public bathroom i mean yeah i'm kicking that thing right right and i'm not germ guy but uh but if you if you are going to think about you know the virus the virus scared me because people were like um they're like hey you know if you can smell a fart you're you're you're the virus is smaller than the particle the air particles like in in a fart right and uh and so then i'm like oh my god so then you just talk about like you know you know when you and even like in college and bathroom stuff where the shit smell is so thick.

It's like a weather pattern. It's like it's humid in the bathroom. And like, just think about all the fecal matter you're in. You're inhaling. Yeah. Well, yeah. And they say when you when you shit in a in a public bathroom like that, they say that that releases COVID. The shit itself has COVID in it, and it goes into the bowl,

and then the next guy who pisses or shits, it releases the COVID. I don't know. Who knows? I don't know. You sound like a scientist. I think that was pretty good. when the next guy pisses her shits in the bowl imagine you and the fucking deus with other scientists so my next jersey uh my next yep jersey was when i was uh i got up this morning late

so um the dining room was closed and i I go, is there anywhere to eat? And I have no car. And they're like, yeah, the fucking Empire Diner. You just walk up Route 1. So it's like a mile and a half up Route 1. And it's like, you know, Route 1s in Jersey are just, they never fucking clean them. There's hauling trucks. Jersey seems to be hauling a lot of stuff all the time.

And they're all mafia owned trucks and they fucking they're flying along. And then and then I see a water bottle filled with piss at the top on on the side of the on the side of the road. Trucker. But then I get to the diner and oh mother of god there's things i love about new jersey isn't that one of the most famous diners oh i don't know it it might be i mean no no no i know the one you're thinking of there's one in jersey that is like and it's near roundabouts and all like in the middle of business but it's like a famous meeting place for not so cool shit also yeah it's that one's called the um oh i can't think of it but this one is in rutherford okay and um oh my god you walk in and first of all the people sitting at the counter

they have guys with thinning hair but they still grease it straight back and they're wearing joey buttafuoco pants and you know tank tops it's very it's italian and irish and the diner is owned by real fucking greeks and you sit down they take your order with that with a honey what do you want honey and you order and the food is in front of you fucking two minutes later. I'm so sick of L.A. There's not a single place in L.A. where you can sit down and have food in front of you in less than 35

minutes. The New York thing, I mean, the Greek diners also, and I know Colin Quinn breaks it down really well in that Broadway show he did which they taped, but it's like I mean, all the places we used to meet at to write or whatever, like as your ass is hitting the seat, the waters hit the table. You know what I mean?

And it's like, you know, I think outsiders feel rushed and it's like, take your time, hon. Like, you know, in other words, there's other empty, it happens whether there are other empty booths or not. It is just a, that is how it's done. It's a culture. You get so jacked on caffeine because they top off your coffee every seven minutes, whether you ask or not.

It's just a bottomless cup of coffee. You know how when you're on cocaine, you're like, you can be one of those cocaine things where you're not doing something or out. So you're like cleaning the house. It's kind of like a junkie in a way, like, but you're like, or you're cleaning the garage or whatever it is, because for some reason you're on cocaine around a pedestrian setting. Like you're not in a club. It's as if they're all on cocaine. It's like, got to refill the coffees, got to top off, top off, top off, top off. And this, let me wipe this counter down.

Like, it's like, there's an energy in there that they're all on cocaine with an idle hands or the devil's business, you know? Well, you sound like a fun guy to do cocaine with. So we'll do a few lines and then, you know, we'll sweep. We'll go and sweep. Can we get bottle service? Yeah, I'm going to clean that. I'm going to clean that little tin that the ice is in.

Is this ice right? Okay, I'm going to clean the bottle. Here, give me some of that ice. I'll put it in the urinals. I'll be right back. Hey, Mike, look at those girls over there. You want to share some of your cocaine with them? I don't know.

These booze are a little... Let me just wipe down the booze one more time. And the food comes, and the French toast is thick, fucking beautiful kala bread, and the... Wait, kala? No, do they say kala?

What is it, chala? Try a third guess. Chala? There it is. Okay. And I had a croissant also. And the eggs, they're not runny, but they are fucking loose, man. They are yolk machines.

You break into them and you're dunking that you're dunking that fucking french toast and the coffee's not good but there's a lot of it and and the waitress i mean it was just so fucking great and then she gets mad at me because i ordered the french toast slam which comes with like a loaf of bread this is gonna be about this meal a loaf of bread turned into french toast and then they uh and then she put the fucking syrup on it put it down and poured syrup on it and then a giant sausage the size of my cock and then 18 pieces of bacon and i only eat half of it and she fucking laid into me she said how come you're not how come you're not eating all the food?

You're wasting all the food. She's Hungarian, huh? Well, I didn't want to tell her that I was doing a podcast and I didn't want to carbo load too much because I wanted to be sharp. And so I said, well, I got to go to a lunch at one o'clock. And she goes, well, I'll wrap this up. I'll wrap this up for you. I go, you're going to wrap up French Saturday?

Wrap it up, yes. It was fucking great. Yeah, well, New Jersey is like the loading dock of New York. Yes, that's a good way to look at it. You know, so it's going to be the busiest thing ever. Are you kidding me? And the crowds last night were, I love Jersey crowds because they're fucking dumb and predictable. Like I know exactly what material to do and I crush.

Oh, good for you, man. I just attack the audience. It's not even crowd work. It's not even, it's beyond a roast. The things I say to these people and they love it like this one girl was telling me she's with her boyfriend and uh and she's 28 and she's she's hungarian and she's no romanian and she's with her boyfriend and uh and i said so you guys get married and she's like oh i don't know i'm not too sure we're pretty young i go you're romanian

i go you are going to get shorter and fatter and grow a mustache in the next six months She's like, I don't know. I'm not too sure. We're pretty young. I go, you're Romanian. I go, you are going to get shorter and fatter and grow a mustache in the next six months. I'd grab that ring while you can. Romanians do not age. Romanian women do not age well. And the crowd is just. Countdown till she's Lou Albano. Yeah. Next year you'll get a house coat. You will have to keep that on for the rest of your life.

Oh, my God. It's whatever. And some Zooms are on this job now. So anyway, there's lots of Zooms and people like, oh, you're in L.A. They're like, yeah. And it was some British person. And they're like, God, yeah, L.A. It's just I don't they don't get my British humor. I'm like, oh, yeah, what's the what's your British humor? And it's like, well, it's like, you know, I can be brought, you know, brusque and, you know, and sort of blunt. And they like all offend. No, America, she said. America doesn't really get my humor.

And because I'm blunt and I'm honest. And it's like, first of all, anyone who starts talking starts talking like that i'm like you are the least funny person yeah i can already tell because you're taking too long telling me how funny you are and that conversation should take zero seconds because you shouldn't talk like that and so anyway uh and i'm like yeah i go what what so what are you talking about she's like oh well i was in la i'm like yeah well la is in america right and uh i'm like have you spent any time in new york uh because what you would have been told right in your face immediately is you're not funny at all yeah i go when you when you give your speech about being blunt yeah and how funny you are right right right but i missed

that la is definitely more delicate but you know what bill burr is out there and you know joey diaz like guys are fucking guys are harsh in la any crowd if you can't win any crowd over with your harshness then you're backing off you're letting them dictate the show if you're really fucking harsh you steamroll that shit and you take it like how many times has bill burr come come across moans at shows and gone ah fuck you you fuck and then get twice as many laughs from the other people by doing that dude even in royal i mean speaking of england even in royal albert hall when he which i still can't believe he went after michelle obama like that but like it was yeah he takes an he takes the road less traveled than that stuff.

And like, and has to cut a lot of brush back to get through it. Yeah. Um, but I'm not, no, I was just talking about this city as a culture. Like you're not going to find that waitress. You're not, you're not, you know, like the crowds who like laugh cause they know this meanness is not mean spirited. Right. Right.

LA misses that. I remember aell would come out and he'd be like, you know, he would do his like, whatever, the punchline ended with like some retarded girl in a ditch

or something like that. So anyways, like, you know, this is, she's not really in a ditch. Yeah. I'm talking like,

who's at the improv? Like, this is a joke because people went, oh. Yep. Yep. Yeah. Yeah.

So what's this? Uh, let's talk about this new job you got. Congratulations. You haven't worked in a while, so it must feel good. I guess. Tell me how I feel. Yeah. Uh, or tell me how I have been feeling is really what just happened.

Um, got a job. Amy Schumer is going to do a show. It's been written about, so I'm not talking out of turn. Amy learns to dot, dot, dot, and it's going to take place on Martha's Vineyard. And I lived on the vineyard. Jack Stout, my roommate from, assigned roommate from high school. I think we went there after freshman year in college. And did you visit that summer? Oh, yeah. No, no, not freshman year. No, but later. I spent many weekends out at Jack's house. His family bought a place there around that time.

And they're still there. And I think even as we're talking now, Jack is on the island from Wyoming. So, you know, there's a bit of a magical quality about that place. And Amy's husband, Chris, who you can see in Expecting Amy, he's in there a lot. And there's a really interesting storyline where he gets tested and they see that he's on the spectrum and undiagnosed his whole life. The sweetest guy is a James Beard. Do you think it's called Spectrum? Do you think Spectrum Cable named it that because they go in and out on you all the time?

They don't listen. Their customer service department takes no social cues. Like, I am leaving you. It's like, okay, so we'll send you your next bill. It comes on the 5th. So the coolest guy, James Beard, award-winning chef, grew up on the island, and he's either the 12th or 13th generation Martha's Vineyarder. No.

I'm not great at math. Isn't that older than the country? That's like 400 years. Well, is a generation 20 years? I don't know. I guess back then it was. Now it's like 36 years between generations. No, but I think they might have a definition.

Let's call it 25 years. So six generations would be 150 years. So like your science talk about the virus or the fecal matter in a bathroom, everyone's just going to have to follow our new definition, everyone. A generation is 25 years. And how many generations did you say he was? I think he's the 13th and his family is 12 generations. Yes, that's like 325 years.

And farming. years um and farming grew up farming and his dad was a was also a caretaker at the kennedy compound i believe but wow but you listen even if you do the douchebag thing i did which was uh after freshman year in college go down there and basically try to drink all the island's beer it still gets you like there's there's gets you. There's a reason all these literary icons are drawn to this place. And their neighbor was William Styron, who wrote Sophie's Choice. Darkness Visible. It's so funny that that's the first book you referenced from William Styron, his book on deep, dark depression. And so it'll be be very cool and so i've learned a lot about

lighthouses this past week and they're uh they're pretty fascinating and they just had to move the lighthouse in what was gay head and now it's called aquina um they had to move it back because of the erosion and even now when they moved it back they're like this should be good for about 140 years they moved a lighthouse? Yeah, there's a documentary on it, which I'm going to be watching later today. Damn. And then we're going to interview this woman who's in her 90s, and she's the last living person to have ever lived in a lighthouse, I guess in America maybe.

And her dad was the last, I forget they have a phrase for it, but basically occupant lightkeeper in America. I would fucking love that. I would love living in a lighthouse. Just leave me the fuck alone and let me stare at the ocean all day. Did you see the movie The Lighthouse? Yes. Oh, you did?

Yeah. Amazing trailer. lighthouse yes oh you did yeah amazing trailer the movie got super weird and i may not have been uh up for the challenge because i think i smoked a little before it so i found myself three quarters of the way through like i couldn't even explain what's going on right now yeah how did you like it i got baked last night and then I watched the croupier. You ever see that with Clive Owen? No, but I like Clive Owen a lot. Oh, he's fucking great.

I'm not gay, but I could blow the shit out of Clive Owen. He was just so... I think he had to train to be a great dealer. Oh, wow. You showed him, and you could see it was his hands working a lot of times, but it's a great film, a great script, really fucking smart, sharp script. Yeah. Did you see Children of Men? Yes.

That movie, that was a big one. Like there are a couple of movies where you're like, that was the biggest movie around that three year period for me. Yeah. And the funny thing was I worked on, it's not a name, it's not a boast here. I worked on that Oscars.

So what happens is you see the clip packages over and over and over. Right. And they kept showing this scene, uh, especially for the best director, not nominee package. They kept showing this scene. Uh, obviously they showed it once in the broadcast, but in rehearsals, it would be up there where they're in the car. for the Best Director Nominee Package. They kept showing this scene.

Obviously, they showed it once in the broadcast, but in rehearsals, it would be up there where they're in the car, and I hadn't seen the movie. And so then I found myself on a plane. I'm like, you know, I should see that movie. And I then watched it on the biggest screen I could after I watched it on a plane. But in the plane, it gets to that scene,

and I'm like, oh, yeah, here's that scene. And then you realize, on a plane, but in the plane, it gets to that scene and I'm like, oh yeah, oh, here's that scene. And then you realize, wait a minute, when was the last edit? And you start rewinding and rewinding and rewinding and it's mind blowing that scene. Like they showed that for a reason. Like anyone who had seen the movie and no new, I can't imagine how, how many, I'm thinking weeks they rehearsed that scene. Yeah. Right. To shoot it in one take. Right. Right. Motorcycles, killings in the car. It was, it was lunacy. Yeah. See that movie though. That's a great movie. Yeah. That is an amazing movie. Um,

so, um, we want to give a shout out to john cabrera who i don't know he's a fucking superstar this guy is like he's the kind of musician that like i would listen to his albums online if he had them but he makes songs for our show this one had a very cool sunday morning vibe uh he's done different type songs for us so thank you to John Also Adam Johnson made a fucking Badass logo this week Really cool of the read all about it With Mike's head Going back from the power of the scream

What was that cassette This is based on that Remember that There was an ad for a cassette and it was like a speaker what was it maxell wasn't it and the tie is like back over the guy's shoulder from the sound no no i had the it's maxell maxell i had the poster in my room as a teenager and then you know jackass jackass did a takeoff on it oh they did yeah i think maybe ryan murphy or something he's sitting in the chair with the one you know the glass of wine remember

the glass of wine went and he grabbed it yeah as it was about to blow off the table right except they put like basically a jet engine in front of them literally the airplane and it blew like he eventually was doing backflips it like blew the chair and everything it was incredible i had uh i had what's his name on the show one time um uh what's his name with the shaved head he was got into drugs oh uh steve-o steve-o i had steve-o on my podcast and he just talked about how many fucking bones he's broken in his life and how much pain he's in now those guys holy shit i mean they literally could have died we're not supposed to say literally on this show anymore but it's literally he literally could have died dozens of times on that show. Oh, when the bull, I mean, you see the bull like just ram Johnny Knox. Like it just has to be four inches to the left or right.

Yeah. And that horn's going through a vital organ. Or like, you know, being launched into a lake and flying 300 feet in the air. You could land on your head and break your spine. Oh, and there's just the little things when they have a little tiny dirt bike jumping over a little stream but it lands and the bike just like just breaks under the pressure yeah and you know i mean i know we're old now so we feel more vulnerable but all these things smashing into their torso like you know it could easily seriously mess you up yeah just the concussions alone.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, man, that Jackass trailer, it's like I'm 14 again. It's like I just can't wait to see it. Let's see it in the theaters. It comes out in October, right? I told you, George and I, my brother-in-law, coolest guy in the world, we would hear the rumblings of a great movie coming along.

And I remember it was Superbad was maybe one we did early on. And then Tropic Thunder, like ones where we know we're going to laugh in the theater. And we get super baked and go to these things. So we get super baked and go to Jackass 3D in the theater. And we were howling like we were being tortured or something like i think i might have been there with you is it possible when there's a blurry thing coming at the screen and you have your 3d glasses and it's undulating you don't even know what it is like what what what it all the sudden you see it's this giant rubber dildo that's been shot out of a cannon.

You're like, this is the best. You know, we're in the business. So we were seeing all the failed efforts and also useless efforts at 3D at that time. It's like, no, give it to a bunch of kids who are guys who act like they're 15. You want to see the best use of 3D? Right, yeah. Give them, give these guys unlimited money and you will see the best use of 3d right yeah give them give these guys unlimited money and you will see the best use of 3d ever right and the best use of money you know they yeah they do

because nobody's being pampered on that set they're just all standing waiting to be shot out of something there's no fucking god there's no luxury trailers. Corrections from last week. This guy says he was in the middle of a 12-mile run and talking about how he can't even run because Mike is so wrong about Tennessee. Who cares about longitude? Let's talk about latitude. Memphis is about a 30-minute drive from the Mississippi border. Midwest, Elvis Presley's Graceland is in Memphis. Midwest, there is a huge venue in Memphis called the Mid-South Coliseum.

Midwest, get your head out of your ass, Mike. Okay. I said it was the southern region. It's technically the southern region. I said that. I said that out loud. But this began with a nitpick correction because I basically was just generalizing, saying I kind of have to get a flight to the Midwest. Right. Memphis is as far west as St. Louis. And fuck face, it's about the same latitude as Oklahoma City. Would you ever describe Oklahoma as the south? No. Yes, of course, there's a Southern thing about it. And by the way, most of Tennessee is north of Oklahoma City.

I bet most people don't know that. And also, part of Tennessee, he talks about a 30-minute drive from Mississippi. Part of Tennessee is less than 40 miles from Illinois. Yeah, I'm the weirdo. The Grateful Dead have a song,ennessee jed do you think the fucking grateful dead spent much time in the south no they were in fucking vermont they were in ohio they were in san francisco there's no fucking songs about florida and the grateful dead i bet there's a lyric in tennessee jed that clearly makes it southern but uh let's not go

there all right all right mike also said it's a fact that male high school tennis players could beat Serena Williams. This is all about correctness. I feel like I'm married again. This is not a fact and has not been proven. What is a fact is that Mike is still single. Also, covering yourself by saying I'm throwing women a bone as one might do with a dog might not help with the ladies. This is from Jordan in parentheses, a man. All right. He got me. He got me. That's a good burn.

But listen, I get it's not making the ladies moist when I say Serena would lose to many high school boy tennis players. But I was viewing it as a fact. I guess technically it's not a fact, but it's like, wouldn't you say it's a fact that Tom Brady and the Buccaneers would beat a middle school, high school football team? A middle school football team. Wouldn't you say it was a fact that the American Olympic team, men's basketball team could beat fucking France?

Well, they didn't. olympic team men's basketball team could beat fucking france well no because there's tons of precedent of uh of the of the u.s olympic basketball team losing a lot actually right they lost to spain last time and even like i think the dream team didn't start out is wasn't that what they were called uh so hot it takes a while for them to gel. You know, it's a collection of individuals. It's like the best NHL people, I think, could lose to the Russian Soviet Olympic team, I believe, back when half the NHL wasn't from the Russian Olympic team. Yeah. So there's...

Anyway. But it's... Sorry, it's a fact. She'd lose. Okay. And they have to be really good. They have to sorry, it's a fact. She'd lose. Okay. And they have to be really good. They have to be really good high school players. Don't get me wrong.

Speaking of a fact, I will, in fact, be at Dr. Grin's in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He'd say that's not a fact yet. August 19th through the 21st, I'll be at Buffalo Rose in Golden, Colorado, August 26th through 28th. And then the Punchline in Sacramento, September 30th through October 2nd. And there's a very good chance we're doing a live recording of Sunday Papers

from that gig in Sacramento. We're still, it'll probably be Saturday afternoon, but tickets will go on sale in the next couple weeks when we announce it. Perfect. Listen, you know what else

is happening? Oh, what? Fucking football season is starting up. The pools are starting, but it's a good time to get your betting set up. Whatever site you're using,

I highly, highly recommend using stat hero i'm gonna look up which week tampa bay plays a middle school football team go ahead uh well just find out when they're playing the jets it'll be the same thing 85 of people who play daily fantasy sports lose is that really? The game is rigged against you. You're playing against thousands of other lineups, not to mention experts who have more tools and more time. You don't stand a chance. So, Stat Hero, the first ever daily fantasy sports book

that puts the player in control and winning within reach. Here's how it works. Stat Hero shows you their lineups, dares you to beat them, and it's you versus the house in a head-to-head fantasy matchup. Your name, your stakes. Winner take all.

You have the advantage. Stat Hero is showing you their lineups ahead of time. No one else does that. I did it with, they set me up up they put some money in my account to gamble with and i did a uh i did a pool a golf pool and uh it was fun as shit i always love watching the tournament because golf is great because it's elimination thursday friday then you cut a bunch of guys saturday cut a bunch of guys for sunday and so you get to choose a few golfers and then you follow them and it just gets you so much more into it.

I love it. No, it's very cool. And again, they take a lot of the work out of it, which is perfect. You're in control. It's one-on-one. Play StatHero now and change the odds. Go to StatHero.com slash papers. Sign up for free.

And right now, you can get three times back on your first play. That sounds like a pretty sweet deal. They're giving you a 300% match. That's unheard of. Go to StatHero.com slash papers. StatHero.com slash papers. There we go. There it is.

We just earned our rent. We just paid off Midcoast Media and made a fortune. All right. Is it? Are we going to do the news, you think? Oh, I don't have a newspaper. You have a newspaper to crinkle? Yeah, I do.

Hold on. Don't. It does look like an Amazon Christmas bag in my closet. There you go. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! Is that like a returned Christmas present from last year? This is how pathetic. These are the mousetraps from Christmas.

Oh, right. They're still in this tiny walk-in closet yeah all right uh all right front page covet outbreaks tied to music festivals you're ready here we go uh health officials are investigating covet 19 outbreaks tied to two recent outdoor music festivals the faster horses festival i wonder what kind of music that is. The Faster Horses Festival in Michigan and the Pendleton Whiskey Music Fest. Wonder what kind of music that is. In Oregon, raising new concerns about the safety of events with tightly packed crowds,

even ones that are outside. One of my dumb first thoughts was remember the good old days when growing up when you know like in the 80s and 90s when we go to big concerts and the worst thing you could possibly catch was aids right yeah how was the dead it was good uh i'm losing some weight but uh man tennessee jed they fucking nailed it. So what did you say? Oh, you saw Queen?

Oh, okay. Oh, you got laid. All right. Oh, with Freddie Mercury. Oh, fantastic. You're fine. Well, that's why I highly suggest coming to my comedy shows, because they are not tightly packed crowds. They're also tested, aren't they?

Or masked? Yeah, they're supposed to be masked, but they take their masks off, which I'm glad. I did a show last week in LA and they make people wear their masks and you can't see them laughing and it muffles the laughter.

And even if they're not laughing, some people don't laugh, but they smile. And that's good enough for me. But with a mask on you couldn't see it and i fucking bombed it was the worst bomb i've had and and then afterwards someone's like hey that was a great show i was like take your mask off next time well the very few times i've been on stage which you've been nice enough to put me up there i did what i guess

i hear a lot of comedians doing which is you very much noticed the non-laugher out there and boy does that uh affect what you're doing and now you're trying to make that person laugh and if you see a sea of masks it's like that person times 80 yeah it's brutal it's brutal and they say you they say you find that person, the person who's not laughing, because in nature, early on, you were always looking for the person that was standing out from everybody else. And they were a threat. You see them as a threat. Judas among them? That's correct.

Wow. Wow. Okay. So I should have kicked that woman in the face. What if we found out though, that like Mali prevents COVID? I mean, they could find out like, what if people don't get sick from the festival and you realize it was the Mali? I wonder, maybe someone could write in. Honest question. i wonder how much molly is done at a country music festival is it the same amount am i just prejudging it's a good question it's a good question like you know you can tell by my voice i'm guessing it's less probably probably more roofies than molly yeah honey y'all want to drink sweetheart yeah i'm thinking a lot more jack and

coke and less molly but i could be very wrong yeah yeah i don't know when you want a georgia something line or whatever the fuck garbage they are uh maybe you need to be on Molly to enjoy that shit. I'll tell you who's good that Chris Denman, our producer, just turned me on to was Wagner. No. Marcus King. Do you listen to Marcus King at all? Is he a legendary blues man?

Oh, yeah. But I don't know. I don't know his stuff. When you say legendary, he's pretty young. I think he's in his 30s. I think he's in his early 30s. I'm wrong. I'm thinking of a different guy.

No. Oh, I know. You're thinking of maybe Albert King. Oh, wow. Chris is typing in here. He wrote the last album with Dan Auerbach. I love Dan Auerbach. God damn it, it's good music.

Jesus, Marcus is in his mid-20s. Wow, no shit. Then I'm heading there. I'm going to check it out. Yeah, if we could play it, we would, but we get flagged by YouTube, and then we wouldn't get our $13. By the way, I learned a lot about our listeners.

Not one person wrote in attempting to educate me on Jay-Z's value to the world of music. And I'm not saying that's because there is none. There definitely is, but I guess to the world of music. And I'm not saying that's because there is none. There definitely is, but I guess none of our fans could articulate it enough to want to write in. Should we talk about the bikers? Huh? Should we talk about the bikers?

So this story, when I was looking these up, segued, I can't believe it's that time of year again. Oh, my God. Hundreds of thousands of bikers expected in Sturgis. Sturgis! Despite the Delta variant. Although most large events shut down last summer because of the coronavirus pandemic, the Sturgis motorcycle rally in South Dakota forged ahead.

Panicking health experts as nearly a half a million motorcycle enthusiasts descended on the Black Hills of South Dakota. This year's rally, which begins on Friday, two days ago, is expected to draw an even larger crowd just as the infectious Delta variant is producing more new virus cases nationwide than it did this time last year. Huh? Meade County, which includes Sturgis, has a 37% vaccination rate. What if? Well, look, you know, these people, they're not afraid of dying.

These people. But I mean, honestly honestly like people that ride motorcycles with no fucking helmets they've got no health insurance they're not afraid to tell their fucking boss to go fuck himself these people don't care they really don't care if they die they they feel like that's part of the fun is knowing that, yeah, this is dangerous. I get. Yeah. I mean, they were they pulling a town without their helmets. So so last year, I forgot how I got on this, but there were a bunch of people dying there. And I'm like, what's going on? The virus isn't that quick, right? Usually. And no, it's not that it's, it's old guys on motorcycles, just wiping out everywhere around Sturgis. And listen, I don't mean disrespect,

but, uh, it's already begun. Uh, so I'm going to keep my eye on these next few weeks on the real killer in Sturgis, which are these old dudes on motorcycles. Sturgis, South Dakota. A man has died as a result of injury sustained in a motorcycle vehicle crash on Monday near Sturgis. The vehicle struck a westbound motorcycle, which was in the right lane. The motorcycle rolled and came to rest in the ditch.

Both riders were thrown from the vehicle. Here are the riders. The 68-year-old female passenger sustained serious non-life-threatening injuries, but sadly, the 74-year-old male driver died Friday in a Rapid City hospital. Oddly, both of these occupants were wearing their helmets. So it didn't help him, sadly, but I'm glad they were wearing their helmets. But this really made me laugh, having nothing to do with that sad story. This week, the South Dakota Department of Transportation placed, they literally taped

65 mile per hour signs over the 75 mile per hour signs that are there all along interstate 90 as these old fat fucks are riding into town it's like it's like a kindergarten teacher like having to change a sign that wasn't working you know right right oh my god yeah and they changed the they changed the acceptable dui levels from point one to point two because these people can fucking they can handle their liquor oh my god that's perfect i want to picture one of those signs maybe they should also have mandatory training wheels on the motorcycles once you hit 70 not only helmets exactly just put it's like an outrigger on a sailboat like so it doesn't tip over when the wind blows dude i saw this thing they really have this thing airbags for motorcycle riders and when you fall off the bike and you're gonna think

i'm kidding a giant fucking airbag body a, a body shaped suit explodes air and you just bounce around. I saw a video of it. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty impressive. Um, I mean, bouncing down the highway generally doesn't seem that safe, but I guess it's better than sliding or skidding down the highway. Well, that's why all the motorcycle clothes are the ones that skid the best. I'm not even joking. I saw a guy. We were driving down to one of Owen's soccer games, and it was me and my friend Peter and his daughter and my daughter were in the back seat,

and we're on 405 South heading down to San Diego. in the back seat and we're on uh 405 south heading down to san diego and this guy on a motorcycle and he was on like a real crotch rocket one of these fucking you know 2000 cc yamahas and he's leaning forward and he weighs about 130 pounds and the bike is way too fucking big for him and all of a sudden the back wheel starts to wobble and the bike starts to shake and i'm like whole and this dude is fucking we're in the we're in the carpool lane he's going like 75 80 miles an hour and all of a sudden the bike fucking flips and this dude rolls and then slides for like 50 yards it was insane yeah and so we put we so we put on our hazards and we stopped the lane and we get out and luckily my friend that i'm with is a doctor

and so so he gets the guy and the guy is laying down and his foot is facing in the wrong direction and i mean he is he is all fucking bloody and he's so he's so shaky he lays down and my friend peter goes get up and we help him up he's like you gotta stand up because you're gonna go into shock after that fall and we called an ambulance and miraculously an ambulance showed up in like i mean considering we're on a, it got there in like less than 15 minutes. And the guy was like, he was like collapsing and we had to keep holding him up. Jeez. He died.

I'm sure he died. There's no fucking way he survived it. He was so out of it. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he died. Well, you know, when you try on and listen, I do want to say this. If any motorcycle people are listening, they need to hear this just so they can relax. Even on the driver's test, which I, you know, I have a motorcycle license on the driver's test.

It even tells you tremendous odds, like huge odds are. It will not be your fault when you get in an accident. And the emphasis is on incredibly, incredible defensive driving skills. And you are never more alert compared to everyone else driving in L.A. in cars who are texting at the same time. You're never more alert than when you're on a motorcycle. And they say it's because people don't see you. And then there's books written about it that your mind sees so many things, even just looking at your windshield for four seconds, that your brain develops these shortcuts.

So it sees, it's learned the most important thing it needs to see are people and cars. And so you're hyper aware and your peripheral vision and everything of that. And you can just completely overlook a motorcycle that you're staring at. Yeah. And the motorcyclist often has complained when they've been hit. The guy looked at me. Like, in other words, you saw me. That's why it was my turn to go across the intersection or whatever happened.

And it's like they didn't see you. They did look at you, but they didn't see you. Right, right. Yeah. It's really bad. It's like being black in this country. That's why black motorcycle drivers especially have to be very, very careful. Well, you know, those motorcycle jackets, by the way, a lot of them have, you know, a metal bar in the back.

And it's like, wow. And it is like, you know, I've talked to a lot of guys on shows and stuff who drove motorcycles. And they're like, you're if you're a motorcyclist commuting to work every day, you're going to go down. He's like, it's just it's just a matter of time. Yeah. And so that's why. Oh, when you're trying on jackets, you want to know, like, oh, is this is this good quality? The metal bar that will hopefully prevent my spine from breaking when it does happen, which I'm waiting for. Yeah.

Jesus. That's in Los Angeles anyway. Let's go to New York. Let's leave Los Angeles, go to New York, and talk about the governor. Holy Christ. What's happening? In her first public statement since accusing Governor Andrew Cuomo of groping, the governor's – speaking of groping the governor's for speaking of

groping i'm grabbing my balls and scratch them as i'm telling the story but i'm not pressing charges um woke the governor's former aide told cbs this morning and the times union that what he did to me was a crime he broke the law the unidentified woman is one of 11 accusing cuomo of sexual harassment days after the report from the new york state attorney general's office back the the law. The unidentified woman is one of 11 accusing Cuomo of sexual harassment. Days after the report from the New York State Attorney General's office backed the woman's claims, she became the first to file a criminal complaint against the governor. According to the report, the governor engaged in close and intimate hugs on multiple occasions, including one incident when he reached under her blouse and grabbed her breast.

During another incident, while the assistant snapped a selfie, Cuomo put his hand on and then rubbed and grabbed her butt. So he also had close and intimate hugs, kisses on the cheek and forehead, at least one kiss to the lips. So, you know, this is pretty damning stuff huh does it yeah is it a mitigating circumstance that he's italian like can you use that as a defense in court maybe hey what are you what was the problem i give a kiss on the cheek i give a little uh grab on the ass. He should hire a female attorney.

And when they get in there and they're about to start and all this, he just inappropriately hugs her like, okay, good luck. You know, I hope you represent me well and like a little on the ass. And just so you can see, that's how he rolls. Yeah. He's not hiding it. Yeah. No, I don't want to make light of this. But and no, but I don't want to make light of this, and no but.

I don't want to make light of this. No but. But I don't want to make light of this. I have no idea what happened. So she seems credible, I guess, right? She seems very credible, and there's 11 other people so um biden has has told cuomo to step down and his brother on cnn has judiciously not been covering the story right i hate his brother i don't like chris i don't like chris no i find him to be very they both have really bad ego problems i remember my

dad telling me that he used to you know they would come to they would be in the same like social bars in new york and stuff like that uh political ones often and uh they were just very very entitled he said um but you can see it i mean chris's ego is so out of control yeah um cnn has a, has a knack for hiring egotistical fucking sanctimonious broadcasters. No, same with MSNBC. It's like, I'm sure I don't watch any news. Uh, so, and we do this podcast, but it's like, you could find someone who's fairly independent minded.'s that and i and it's probably on i just don't know who it is um i guess it's not fucking on msnbc i'll tell you i mean i haven't seen it i like the bbc like i'll listen to this bbc news at night on uh npr i like that i'm with, I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm just saying, why doesn't CNN or MSNBC go for someone who both sides can kind of trust? Right.

Obviously, they don't because of ratings. Right. They each grab this following, and they have to feed their base. Yeah. Fox does, and the lefty MSNBC especially. Yeah, like the New York Times has journalists that are conservative-leaning. They do that very purposefully to give you both sides.

Sure. Paul Krugman, is that the conservative guy? Krugman, yeah. Krugman. Yeah, I'm forgetting the other guy's name. He's from the Washington Post. He's a talking head. I don't know if he ever got his—

he might have had his own show. Anyway, whatever, politics. Let us go, Mike, bravely into entertainment. Let's see. There's a story about, there's an original film called The First Temptation of Christ that Netflix is pulling. I guess you should see it before the end of the month because it is a Brazilian film, a comedy from the comedy group Porta dos Fundos, which means doors...

That means doors of fun. Doors of fun. I'm joking. I don't know what it means. I have no idea, which means door. That means doors of fun. Doors of fun. I'm joking. I don't know what it means. I have no idea what it means either. Probably doors of cheese. Fundoos. Yeah.

The creators are, I guess, the story is about Jesus who's turning 30, brings a surprise guest to meet the family. And the big surprise is that Jesus is gay. And what else did it say? Well, he was gay for John the Baptist. I know that in real life. He totally was gay for john the baptist i know that he totally was gay for john the baptist yeah john the baptist is the one that taught jesus about he's the dude christianity he's the dude yeah but he was fucking wet as we know as we know the bible is the story of nepotism

so uh john the baptist is shit out of luck. Yeah, right. He wasn't in the family, but he was, and he used to wear a Speedo apparently when he was baptizing people. And he shaved his chest. So Jesus comes out to his parents at a party, and then he learns of his truly holy origin. So I guess he finds out that his his father's a cuck joseph is the the first cuck in history right yeah i mean if you break it down uh jesus why joseph essentially sat there and maybe even filmed, I guess, God impregnated, right? Yes.

Mary? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. He made love to Mary, which you got to think that was the first time somebody said, oh, God, and really meant it when they were having an orgasm. Do you think he gave her an orgasm or he just like, just like emotionlessly impregnated her? I think most Catholics would say there was zero orgasm. There's no pleasure. You're just shitting out kids. I think that's the word they use.

Shitting out the Messiah. Yeah. But maybe she said, oh God, when she, you know, when there was a line on the pregnancy test she peed on, like, oh God, seriously? when there was a line on the pregnancy test she peed on like oh god seriously oh how did this happen literally how did this happen and joseph went god god why am i even taking a pregnancy test i it's weird i i have not i've never had sex yeah did i get this from the toilet? Did I catch a baby somehow? Let's talk about Sophie, A Murder in West Cork, which is a documentary. We haven't talked about this, have we? I don't know.

We have talked about West Cork, the original podcast that this is based on. Right. West Cork. the original podcast that this is based on right west cork and then uh they did a beautiful job capturing the documentary um in uh in um i mean capturing the podcast and documentary really well shot uh great interviews uh fucking top notch i think it's only three parts but very much worth watching if you love ireland it's a great look at some people in a small town in Ireland. And it doesn't even matter about the true crime. I mean, that part is very interesting, but it's a beautiful look inside of Ireland. If you love Ireland and you love innocent women being just slaughtered. No, but she was a French woman, so it's fine.

women being just slaughtered. No, but she was a French woman, so it's fine. She came to Ireland and she was killed by, actually by a British guy. We don't know that. Allegedly, Greg. Allegedly. So that's the great thing about this is, so I've listened to the podcast. I have not seen Sophie, A Murder in West Cork, but I don't want to give too much away, but this podcast interviews a lot of people and a lot of journalists who are trying to solve

the case in addition to the police. And one of the journalists is the lead, is the lead suspect. lead suspect and he's in a gigantic ego and he cannot refuse he cannot resist talking to any mike or any person who will uh ask him a question and uh and so it's really interesting and what's great is seeing the and he was a very he was real douchebag, like very not well-liked guy. But the Irish people are so kind of, they're so passive aggressive. They would never, they would never just say he was an asshole. They say, you know, he wasn't well-liked around here. He wasn't the most popular man in town.

Yeah, he'd, I love this part. He'd get up on, in the bar night, in the whatever, in the share night or whatever, and he'd read his poems. And, well, he'd uh he'd get up on uh in the bar night and whatever in the share night or whatever and he'd read his poems and uh well he'd read them and exactly they wouldn't say they were bad they would just trail off oh he sure would read them he'd get up there and boy did he speak loud and clear when he read them it was just drivel yeah right, right. The new word I used correctly. And then I told you to watch The Sinner season two, just as good as season one. I haven't watched The Sinner yet. What are you watching?

All right. I started White Lotus on HBO. Can't wait to start it. I heard it's great. Okay. It's not. Oh. Well, no, this is the thing.

How un-Irish of you. No, this is a good thing to share. There's a lot of chatter about it, and it is on HBO. And so I watch it, and Steve Zahn, you know, is playing a very different role than what he's ever played. And, you know, what's her name from Friday Night Lights, the Irish actress who's good and everything. She's, she was in dirty John as well. She's in it. And, um, so you watch the first one, you're like, I don't, I kind of don't know what this is tonally. Like, I'm like, is this a parody? Is this just kind of like intentionally

a parody? Is this just kind of like intentionally not great? You know, there was enough quality to it that you're like, it can't just be this. And so, and I think they must've gotten a very big note because the very first scene is, is takes place down the road. And then the whole thing you're watching is a flashback. And I think they said, you got to front load this with something. Otherwise people are going to give up on it. They have to know this is going somewhere. You know what I mean? That's my guess at a network note that happened or they noted themselves. So anyway, I stopped watching three quarters of the way through the second episode. And then I had a friend who I really respect, Jesse say, wait, when did you stop watching? And I told him, he's like, no, no, no,

no, no. It really starts. The hooks get go in at the end of the second episode and not in a very menacing way. Like it's, it's still incredibly goofy. And, um, but the stories really pick up at the end of the second episode so for anyone like you greg who's thinking of trying this thing and then the third episode is the best episode of the three and i guess you know it keeps getting better i think there might be four out now so you're timing it well in terms of binging well i like your description of it is about as dull as the show itself it really doesn't kick in until the end well yeah I guess so maybe don't watch it don't or don't listen to me I only want to watch it because what's her name is in it she's so fucking good

um the the actress who plays the drunk not molly shannon chris molly shannon appears in episode three by the way uh what is what is the woman's name uh yeah yeah yeah yeah from uh best in show yep jennifer coolidge she's great yeah and she really is very very like comfortable and good uh in this uh it's time to go to Florida. Is that what we're doing? Hold on. Do a little Florida, man. There it is.

Let me find the Florida section. Volusia County, Florida. Derek Velez, 58, a former deputy, has been arrested on an aggravated stalking charge after reportedly making several threats against his family and others. Velez left disturbing. So this is going to be like one more paragraph. But I did it just because I wanted to read just the text. And I can't believe it's kind of like white Lotus. I can't believe I stayed with it this long, but it was

worth it. So, uh, for aggravated stalking charge after reportedly making several threats against family and others, Velez left disturbing comments on social media, referencing the Columbine and Parkland shootings, indicating those were, quote, nothing compared what he could do. Deputies say last month, Velez was taken into protective custody under Florida's Baker Act. After he was released, he reportedly told his nine-year-old daughter that he was going to take her and her mother to, quote, the most magical place on the planet. It was also-

Epstein's Island? It was also discovered that Ve's Island? It was also discovered that Velez had reportedly made threats against... Oh! You know what happened? I cut out... Oh, sorry. I pasted this in wrong. He was going to take him to the most magical place on the planet. This is true. So she

got incredibly excited thinking it was Disney World, which is not far away. And he corrected her and said, no, heaven. Not kidding. It was also discovered that Velez had reportedly made threats against former colleagues in law enforcement in Monroe County. And then this sentence.

Velez also operates a children's clown business and occasionally performs as Popo the Clown. The guy is telling his nine-year-old he's going to take her and her mom to heaven and Columbine is nothing on him. It's Popo the Clown. Why is

Popo juggling hunting knives? That's unusual. Who wants to come up and help me with a trick? I'm going to make you disappear. I guess Popo does magic also. Yeah, that's a weird thing for clowns. I think all clowns, if you're a clown, if you're a grown man who's a clown, you should be put on whatever this Florida Baker's Act is.

You should be, I'm suspicious of any adult fucking clown. Here's my dumb flower and guess what? It doesn't shoot water, but it shoots. He accidentally shows up to his cop job dressed as the clown. Oh shit. Sorry guys. Yeah. Florida.

Oh my God. You found another one. I found another Florida man. I had to give him an honorable mention this week. A radio host from Florida who publicly bashed coronavirus vaccines has what? Hold for it. Died from COVID-19. Dick Farrell, sayonara Dick, frequently advocated against the vaccine on his personal Facebook

page. Quote, why takes a vac? Why take a vax promoted by people who lied to you all along about masks where the virus came from and the death toll? He wrote on July 3rd. Vaccine bogus bullshit. Two peeps I know got vaxed now have Corona hospitalized. Critical. Thank you for nothing, Moderna.

Well, thank you for nothing, Dick Farrell. Wow. So my biggest fear is this broadcaster was killed quite ironically on something he railed against, killed him. So now my biggest fear, I'm locking my door because will I be shot by Bernie Taupin? Yeah, right. Is that what's going to? Yeah. Or a circus clown?

Yeah. The least edge, the most harmless, harmless innocuous vapid songwriter ever and turns out he's quite a man of action when he comes and kills me yeah right and then he writes a song about it a good one finally the best song of his career goes to number one and you become you became fodder. He's shitting on your life. Shitty little sitcom writer sitting in a closet alone. Oh my god.

Ah. Alright, what are we doing? International? Let's do some international. Okay. What is this? I don't even, I didn't even see this story. So there was some Jehovah's Witnesses. Okay. And, you know, there's about, founded in the 19th century,

has about 8 million followers around the world. I think Prince was one. Was? Oh, that's right yeah so in russia apparently they are now being treated as illegal designated gatherings of them uh as extremists so um they they these people are meeting um they're outlawed the supreme court banned the the religion as extremist. And, uh, there's a persecution campaign going on. About 175,000 adherents in Russia are now equated with members of dangerous terrorist organizations.

They've been subjected to hundreds of raids and arrests by Russian security forces. And in some places, alleged torture. No, you know what torture is? Trying to sleep in on a Sunday morning, and your fucking doorbell rings. I've never had one. No? I've had other religions.

We used to get them all the time. We used to get them all the time. And you feel bad because, like, we were raised Christian, and these are Christian people, so you can't be rude to them. And you have to like listen to they've always got a fucking kid with them and you feel bad for the kid the kid doesn't want to be there and uh yeah so you you just put up with them i can't believe you never had one no i remember once being when we were I don't know I was middle school or whatever my dad took my sister and I and uncle John who you know to uh Utah to ski and we're in the Salt Lake City airport and

this guy comes up to me and he's like hey how are you and he's really really nice and he's like hey how are you and I'm like good I thought he's gonna ask me about like what flight this was and he started talking to me I don't even remember what, but it wasn't that off-putting. And, you know, I was definitely more understated then, and I didn't have a guard up as much. But he was really nice, and he was talking, talking, and all of a sudden, Uncle Johnny from the Bronx, he said, bathroom, you know, and all that.

All of a sudden, I felt my Uncle John's hand on me getting between me and the guy who was like two feet away or whatever and he puts me behind him and steps in and goes hey pal I want you to get yourself a good psychiatrist and I'm like holy shit Uncle John

this guy's so nice and I was like what and then the guy's like no I and just Uncle John shut him down he's like no no no not your yeah yeah yeah yeah you're talking to this young kid you have and fucking just the guy like went away with his tail between his legs and I and then they had it like I had no idea what a Mormon was yeah I had no idea what was going on but I was being recruited I was probably a minute away from being invited to

some like dinner where they would have tried to indoctrinate me. When I was at college, I found a wallet freshman year on the street and I found the guy and I called him and I returned his wallet and then the guy kept calling me. And which, by the way, you got to remember back in the dorms when we were freshmen, we didn't have cell phones, obviously. I don't even think we had, do we have phones in our rooms or was there like a phone in the hallway? I don't, I literally don't think I called my parents once from college. No, neither did I.

Yeah. So. But somehow this kid was calling me. It might've been in the hallway phone anyway. I think, yeah, yeah. I don't remember either. He kept calling me and I was like, all right, he seems like a nice guy. And he's like, you want to get together for coffee?

And I start thinking, all right, this guy's gay. And so I didn't get together with him. And then I saw him at the student union and I was having lunch and he sat down and we're talking. And then I was like, hey, man, I just got to let you know I'm not gay. And he goes, and we're talking. And then I was like, uh, Hey man, I just, I just gotta let you know, I'm not gay. And he goes, neither am I. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, uh, I forget his cult. He was in some cults. He's like, he's like, he was like, don't, I'm not fucking gay.

I'm just a brainwashed fucking God freak. So I kissed him right on the mouth and I said, you're making bad choices. You need help. You need this. I'd much prefer if it was the former. Yeah, I would rather play with your asshole than have to sit through an hour long meeting about how God

is in all of us. Not to digress, but I told you about another time. I'm in Oh, Sov? Alright, just pretend you're not hearing this. So my daughter's out there. So don't interrupt your father when he's talking. So I'm on mushrooms at Mardi Gras. Right.

And, um, and I'd hits me really hard and I'm like, I got to go home. It was the middle of the day. I'm like, I got to go home. It was the middle of the day. I'm like, I have to go lay behind the couch. We were staying in some stranger's house. We just drove down from BU and crashed Mardi Gras. And I don't even know the connection. I was going to crawl through a window, I guess. But I had to chill out.

My brain was on fire. So I remember Dave Killam. Remember him? He was a goalie. Right. So Dave Killam, super him? He was a goalie. Right. So Dave Killam, super, super nice guy, super smart guy too. He might even be a judge now. Anyway, he sits me down on his bench in the middle of Jackson Square in New Orleans and goes, listen, and I had a watch on. He goes, look, you see the minute hand. He's like, I'm going to be back

within five minutes. Okay. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm going to be back within five minutes. Okay. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, don't go home. I'm going to get the other guys. We'll start chugging water and this will, this will taper off a little and we'll have the time of our lives. And I'm like, and I trusted him. I'm like, okay. So he's like, all right. So here, the minute hands that I'm like, okay. So I sit there within a minute. I mean, my pupils must have been, my eyes just must've been giant black circles. Within a minute, a guy comes up to me. He's like, have you accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as your savior? And I'm like, what? of my, I must've just been like, he, that door just kicked wide open for him. So he sat down right next to me. So he starts going, you know, the Lord, you know, the Lord, and he starts going into our savior, Jesus Christ. And I'm like, and then I just, my mind would grab, I still wanted to engage with this guy. And so I would grapple. I'm like, yeah, you know, he wasn't born in

Jerusalem, right? He's Jesus of Nazareth. And the guy's like, uh, and anyway, I guess kept stomping him on like what real history I know about Jesus. And we got, and then this mother and daughter, total tourists were in front of us and something he said to me. And I said something about the like, and then they turn around and they're like, uh, no, no, you know, he has a point and you're not listening to him about me. And anyway, I start freaking. So anyway, I'm like, listen, can you, and I started, can you leave me alone? I just need to be left alone. Anyway, fast forward to the end of the story. I then looked down at my watch and it's right at where Dave said he'd be back. But I convinced myself it had been one hour. Yeah. The five minutes. And there was no talking me out of

it. And I, and I went back through the whole Jesus talk. I went through everything and I'm like, well, Dave, Dave ditched me. And then I, I got up and started walking back in the direction that I thought the house was, which was in the garden district. Oh, I don't know. Three miles away. And thank God they chased me down. And oh my God.

Yeah. Jesus. Yeah. That is not the place to be going on an errant trip. New Orleans. Oh, holy shit. And it's like,

there's such overload already. You don't need to be doing that. So they find me and they're like, okay, we got a cool Gibbons down. So what we did is we went over to the river, which is right there by Jackson park. And that great.

I was all aboard that idea. Let me look at the mighty Mississippi. We go over to the mighty Mississippi and all of a sudden I look over, I'm like, are you guys seeing what I'm seeing? The most ferocious looking pit bull ever was playing a like tug of war with, with the owner, with his leash and was shaking out of the leash. Oh shit. And it was like up against his clipped ears and it was over his head. And then he popped out of his leash. And it was as if we stumbled upon a mother bear and cubs in Yosemite or like, you know, Yellowstone. I was just like, I can't, now I can't even stay by the mighty Mississippi.

We got to get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Now it's all about, people are understanding better how to do mushrooms these days we're going to see the dead in the fall are we thinking about mushrooms for the show 100 okay yeah in tokyo yeah japanese police arrested a man who stabbed 10 passengers on a commuter train oh yeah so the random burst of violence is unrelated to the ongoing olympic games or is it because i think the record was set in atlanta in 96 was 10 so what the bombing yeah the bombing um he wanted to kill women who appeared happy so he went to a japanese subway i can't think of too many happy women being fucking dry humped by short guys in polyester suits who smell like sushi

does that is that was his target for happy japanese women? But it's also like, all right, I want to find happy people. Let me go to the subway. Yeah, right. How about the Uber line? All right, well, let's get into sports since we're talking about Japan. all right you saw what i wrote what's your take on the olympics so far this is what i wrote in the sports section i haven't watched a single minute wow what about clips yeah i've watched a bunch you know no i somehow i mean i have been working a lot but that's no excuse i haven't seen a single minute i fucking love the olympics i sit and watch it every night

i watch this one feel like an olympics yeah very much okay i don't know all right absolutely i mean there's there's been a lot of fuck-ups the The men's Olympic relay team dropped the goddamn baton. I mean, it's just, it's hard for me to- I saw a still photo of that. What's that? I saw a still photo. Yeah. And I'm like, are they, it looked like they were like hugging after they ran the race.

Yeah. And I read the caption and that was the handoff. Yeah. It's tough because I like events where you get multiple chances to do things like the skateboarding. You get three runs and they pick the best one. Please do it that way. Don't make it so that somebody trains for four years and gives up every fucking party they're invited to and gets up at 5 a.m. and works at Whole Foods so that they can have the money to train because the Olympic Committee doesn't pay you anything. And then all of a sudden, you make one mistake. You drop a baton and four years is lost. Oh, it's fucking heartbreaking. I get very tense when I'm watching the Olympics.

I remember I used to be a big fan of the Winter Olympics and especially skiing. And I don't even know what country. I think it it might have been Canadian it was some country where skiing was like everything and he's in the gate with the thing it's like three two one and he goes and his pole gets stuck and he immediately stops and he goes back up and he's like and he wants to start again his Olympics was over over that's it that's it oh's it. They're like, no, you can't. He didn't even then do it. They're like, that's it.

That was your start. Yeah. And I couldn't believe it. I wanted to be in the Olympics. When I was like 12, I did gymnastics for like, I did it for like seven years, and I really thought I could be in the Olympics. Is that why your period was so late? I was fingered by the doctor, so this is kind of sensitive for me.

All right. Here's a happy story from the Olympics. Jessica Springsteen and the U.S. equestrian jumping team came up just short of Olympic gold, falling to Sweden in a jump-off Saturday night. It was a jump-off that still left the Americans with a record 10th medal in the event. It's the first for the 29-year-old Springsteen, the daughter of famed rocker, famed rockers Bruce Springsteen and Patty Ski Alpha.

I think he cut out the Patty Ski Alpha part. Yeah, she's the mom. Who made her Olympiclympic debut in tokyo riding powerful stallion don juan van van donkivo oh no no no don't it's a donkey it it's a funny name that's the worst name ever i think it's racist don juan van did donkey hovey oh oh my god she clipped a rail and uh as did mclean ward so they so they so they didn't win but um it looks like the uh the the mean street skips a generation apparently the mean streak yeah like taking taking buses buses uptown and all that stuff. It looks like, no, the mean streets.

Right. Or racing in the streets. Seems like it skips a generation. She was a three-year-old filly with a pedigree. Yeah, I think, I haven't seen her. Is she pretty? I don't know. I hope she doesn't have her. Is she pretty? I don't know. I hope she doesn't have her dad's underbite.

Or her mom's bad skin. She has bad skin? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I saw her once. I thought she was just pale. She had an album come out, and she came on Ellen, and they put her on Ellen.

She had an album come out and she came on Ellen and they put her on Ellen. And, you know, the way the way they put Stephen Baldwin into movies, she got put on Ellen and she shows up for a rehearsal and Bruce was sitting in the crowd. Not even the crowd. It was a rehearsal. So there was nobody in the audience except for Bruce Springsteen. And, you know, and I'm fucking around backstage and somebody goes, hey, Bruce is is out there he's super friendly if you want to go out and say hi to him and i mean i don't you have dylan i have bruce springsteen like i fucking worship springsteen right and and i just said nope no interest i don't i want to keep him at a distance i want to know him through his lyrics and through the shows i've seen i don't i don't want to interesting yeah i wish i had done that with dylan yeah you met dylan um no no no no no but i had that awkward thing i talked about where i waved to him in this weird

street and and he and he looked like it looked like he was coming from clown college uh the way he was dressed and i probably shouldn't have seen that. Here's a picture Chris just posted. So she looks, she's pretty. She's got beautiful hair. She looks Italian. She looks Italian. Yeah, she's got a big schnoz, shiny cheekbones. No, but so do Italians, but there's something, you know, about her.

Oh, Patty's put on weight, I think. Yeah. you know about her oh patty's put on weight i think yeah his hair looks great there because i think he's would be totally bald without the plugs you know and sometimes they really look pluggish but he looks good there i'm gonna i'm gonna try to get into his show when i'm in new york this week oh wow he's back on broadway You should ask whatever agency you're with or whatever. If they have access, you'll pay for it. But if they have access to house seats. I have the same agent as Popo the Clown. So I don't know if they've got that kind of juice.

Well, they have one. I think they have one less client now. I think Popo took care of that. So you've moved up. I'm assuming Popo was above you on the roll calls. Oh, yeah. His IMDB Pro rating was way above mine. Actually, just call and leave a message and say, hey, it's Popo. Give me a ring back.

I'm at the gate. I'm at the Broadway theater going like, no, I'm Popo. I don't have the makeup on. So I don't look like him right now. I think, especially if you're going solo, I think people have figured out ways to get in there. Like whether it's, you know, standing online and waiting for, you know, the, the excess or the cancellations. And by the way, there's going to be a lot of cancellations now, right? Yeah. I think Monday, uh, Monday might be dark. Maybe I'll try to go Tuesday. Are you sure he didn't stop? I think I read a headline that he did. Oh, really?

Chris, maybe could you look that up? Huh. Chris, wake up. We got a packed week. We got going to Central Park tomorrow with my wife's family. And then we're going to see my brother on Monday. And then Monday night, we're going out with some high school friends of mine to dinner. And then Tuesday, we're going up to the Bronx to to aunt joe's house to help her out she's 94 lives alone oh my god and then i can't even imagine then i'm going up to uh my sisters and then we're going up to see

matt malloy up in hamilton new york for about three or four days every listen i don't mean to be bleak but every day at 94 living alone, all right, let's see if I wake up. When you go to sleep, what's your last thought? I know. I mean, one could say that about any time in life. You're lucky to wake up the next day, but you're way luckier then, clearly. Right. Another fact.

I don't know if that's lucky. I would consider that unlucky waking up at 94. Just call a fucking rap on it. I'm not saying for her. All right, Greg. How are the meds? I haven't checked in with you about your head lately. How are you doing?

You know, I'm hanging in. You seem better. I'm always happier when I'm in New York or New Jersey. I really do enjoy the East Coast a lot more than I like California. It gives me a little burst. Someone called you a doll already and fed you with a loaf of French toast? Yeah, and I'm having killer shows. And it's just, you know,

and I just like being around this energy, these people. We got a letter, we'll read it later from some guy that hates how much we love New York, but fuck him. Oh boy, okay. Said like a true New Yorker. All right, let's do some science.

Oh, wait. Okay. okay and all this science i don't understand it's just my job five days a week how do you not understand it you were qualified enough to be hired as a scientist you you work full-time apparently five days a week and you don't understand it so many human resources needs to do a fucking evaluation on this guy and also the phone call from Elton like Bernie again

you've heard what David Bowie did two years ago you heard that right it's this story and we're doing it way worse. Uh, like way, way, way worse.

Listen, I'll write you one of the greatest songs ever, but do I have to say these words? Yeah, I do. Okay. All right. I'll try my best.

It's in my pact with the devil that I made. Really, really going to have to work hard. And, uh, actually I did it. There it hard. And actually, I did it. There it is. Yeah. I just heard it.

It was in the universe, and it came through my fingers. And it's forever. I just wrote a forever piece of music that I did my best to, that no one will pay attention to your lyrics. And you will get 50% of the money for it, Bernie. Thanks. Thanks for the 30 seconds you spent jotting that down. And now I will spend the next 50 years singing it live and again, trying to gloss over the words as fast as I can. And that, by the way, explains my musical style where I smash these keys as hard as I can with my short gay fingers.

And I wear duck costumes so you don't notice how bad the lyrics are. It's a giant look over here, not over here. I'm a magician hiding your lyrics, more rhinestones on the glasses. So they don't notice that. I just said, cry dancing around the crocodile rock.

Maybe, maybe there was a chapter where Bernie, I got to draw a line. I'm sorry. I'm going to get to this part of the song and I'm just going to go, da, da, da, da, da, da. Because I cannot write, I cannot read what you wrote.

Yeah, yeah, right. All right. In the science section, the very first website ever launched was 30 years ago. Wow. That's it. 30 years ago.

On August 6th, 1991, the first website was introduced to the world. And while perhaps not as exciting or immersive as some of the nearly 1.9 billion websites that exist today, it makes sense that the first webpage launched on the good old www was, you ready? www.xhamster.com. Hey now. I'm kidding. Did I even put which website it was? No.

W3, but what the website, it was an explanation of what the web is. That's what it was. Okay. Yeah. That's what it was. Okay. Yeah. Let me find it. But yeah, you have a comment here about what that used to be like. Yeah, when I first got online, and again, this show,

I don't know what our demographic is, but a lot of our listeners were probably around at this launch time. is but a lot of our listeners were probably around at this at this launch time and um i i can still remember that sound of dial-up that and i was only using it for pornography so there was this pavlovian response i would get an erection at that sound i think to this day if you played that sound for me and I was in church, I would get an erection. Because it meant, and not videos. These were still photos. Still photos that had to, you watched it download.

Yeah, right. It was like that Kevin Costner movie where they were trying to, they had a picture that was fuzzy and they developed a program to fill in the missing things to identify the killer. And they had to wait like hours. That's what it was like to wait for these pictures to appear. And it would come down slowly. And the first ones were celebrity nudes. That was the big thing on the Internet when it first started and i was so i was so into seeing like pam anderson's nipples or you know bridget bardot's topless scene she did in a fucking italian movie french movie french movie i

guess so chris wrote that it was project that's what it was so the first website was http://info.cern.ch hypertext www.theproject.html that's probably why it wasn't in there yes but it was about the project yep and it was about sharing, you know, this guy wanted to find an easier way to share information. Yeah. Who knows? He would change us as human beings to being asocial and believing everything we read. And addicted to stimulation every four seconds. I mean, TikTok, I'm telling you, man, I was an early user of TikTok and I I warned people then, and I warn people now, it is so addictive. Do not download it to your phone. I've seen what it's done to kids.

Like, you know, Facebook did something, and then, you know, Instagram came along, and each one of these sites has honed in more and more on like like the way vegas has figured out the psychology of slot machines and how often we need the endorphin drip this tiktok has got it nailed down and then it customizes what you like to see personally so they've got you even more enmeshed in their algorithm it's fucking crazy chris don't erase what you're writing. I do want to read that in a second. The slot machine math or the psychological study on that was, you know, it's reward. And it's, it's, I think it's called, they would study random rewards versus variable rewards, fixed variable, fixed random. And they did all these psychological tests. And one of the ways they would, and this is the reward system. So when Facebook was thinking a like is like a reward because it's like a treat given to an animal. It gives you,

you literally release chemicals in your body and your brain, especially. So when they would do these tests, which was also to figure out how often slot machines pay off, they would have pigeons and they and pigeons would do a task, like they'd peck this little target in a cage, and they would peck to release a pellet, would be released. So they would release it randomly, as I said, you know, variably, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And what they landed on, of course, the slot machines,

they're like, give us the math on the one where the pigeon pecked itself to death. And that's what they used. No joke. That's hilarious. Where it pecked because it was under the impression it was coming at any minute and it would not stop pecking. And so Facebook likes took the same slot machine model. Damn. Yep.

Anyway, Chris just wrote. We're talking about the web being developed 30 years ago. He saw this online that speaking of 30 years ago, if they set the movie back in the future. Right. this online that speaking of 30 years ago if they set the movie back in the future right if it came out now marty remember when marty went back to the 50s and there wasn't rock and roll yet marty would be going all the way back to 1991 wow jesus yeah hey we have a website, right? Sunday Papers? It's 30 years old, Greg. We have a website, but I can't even find it online when I look for it.

Chris, what's our website? Is it SundayPapers.net? Yeah, of course. You want the cool.net. Oh, yeah, SundayPapers.net. You don't want that.com BS. But I punched it in, and what comes up? SundayPapers.net. The Pam Anderson video.

Oh, there we go. Okay. Oh, wow. Look at our nice website. I've never been there. You guys should check it out. It has every episode on it. No.

With the blurb. It's got pictures of us together. You gave me crap. You gave me crap for wearing this green shirt. Do you see my shirts? I haven't worn this in forever. And you weren't under the impression I wore it five weeks ago. It doesn't have that picture. It has the logos. It has each show

logo that the fans have made for us. It's got a GoFundMe. For whom? It's for some guy about the Surfside tragedy down in Florida. If you want to support that, you can go to a link there. That's nice of this website.

That's nice. We did that on our website. We got to use the website more. Okay. It's got a contact button on it. You can contact us. Also, if you want to contact us, it's FitzDogRadio

at gmail.com. A bunch of people followed me on Instagram. Not a lot, but I don't think we have a lot of listeners, but that was nice. Do we have links to our social media on there? No, we don't.

I'm going to try to be a little more active. We need to do that. Okay. All right. Let's, I don't know. You want to... Skip ahead?

No. Well, let's do the business one i like the business one okay um sorry sorry here's let me get to that section there it is biden administration wants airport bars to police drink sales you want to read that oh sorry right i found this story on Saturday, a drunk front. All right. Biden has basically been like, oh, okay, you children, you can't be trusted anymore. There's so many incidents on planes now where people are acting out and in far too many, alcohol has been a contributing factor. So the Biden administration wants airport bars because they've already tried to put the clamps down on the flights.

But the problem is people are waltzing and stumbling out of the flights, having gotten hammered in whatever crazy lounges in the airport there. So, or restaurant, the fake Mexican restaurants. And another incident, of course, and it went viral this week. On Saturday, a drunk Frontier Airlines passenger accused of groping two flight attendants and punching a third on a flight from, of course, Philadelphia. There we go. To Miami. Oh, even worse. We did another story that went from Philadelphia. I'm not even kidding you that went, that had real trouble from Philly to Florida, which is the perfect marriage of, uh,

yeah, of lameness anyway. And then add in the level of passenger you get with frontier airlines. I know it's the Southwest of that route, I think. So because this guy was acting up so much, they taped him to his seat with duct tape for the duration of the flight. And he was arrested upon landing. Yeah. And there's video of them wrapping it. It's as if you have a hostage. They're wrapping him around and he's screaming.

And do you hear one of the things he screamed that went viral? I love the specificity. He's yelling at someone that he can do this and that he could buy. And he's like, my parents have $2 million. And one of the comments when I wrote that was, then why are you on frontier airlines? Comments are the best, man. The funniest people are in the comments section. First of all, who had duct tape on the flight? Is that a weird thing to have in your carry-on luggage? By the way, they put it on his mouth also. Did they? Now, I don't know if they then bunched it up or wound it up. So it was more of a string that like, you know, goes through an open mouth so he could breathe through his mouth. If someone taped my mouth, I wouldn't be able to tell them, Hey, this nose does not get my body enough oxygen. It's always congested.

Right. Imagine that you murder a guy. Cause he's drunk on a plane, doing a little grab ass and they fucking murder him. And no one would be feeling sorry for me then they think i would acting as my eyes are slowly closing yeah um frontier by the way frontier makes you pay extra to have sexual assault stopped on a flight dude have you ever flown with frontier of spirit they charge you for a seat assignment. They charge you for checked luggage. They charge you for overhead luggage. Like you can't bring a carry on on board without paying for it. You want a Coke? You fucking pay for it. They charge you for everything.

Well, I'm about to, I was considering, was it Spirit? From my Midwest flight to Memphis. So, I don't know. I have to rethink it. I feel kind of guilty because I would never fly Spirit. Oh, Allegiant. Chris is right. I'm considering Allegiant, which is far more dangerous than Spirit, statistically, I think. Oh, yeah.

They buy, like, used Russian planes. Well, Allegiant, there's an upcharge. There's an extra charge if you want to land on the runway, which I think is. That seems like. Right? Should I? I don't know. It doesn't seem like I should go with them then.

No. All right. Let's do this day in history. Okay. I don't hear a crinkle. I mean mean i don't know how i'm supposed to i can't find it in the paper there we go there it is 1974 august 8th nixon resigns oh boy in an evening televised address, he announces his intention to become the first president in American history to resign. He had shame. Now, this is, by the way, a distinction that I get lost on sometimes is that he was not impeached or he was impeached.

He was not convicted. What is it? He was impeached. during the million times right he bowed down to the pressure and left the white house um he says by taking this action i hope that i will have hastened the start of the process of healing which is so desperately needed in america i don't think i'm gonna look it up as you talk i don't think he was impeached i think the impeachment proceedings had begun no but like clinton was impeached trump was impeached twice impeached means that the proceedings of impeachment have begun but being impeached is the process but the end result is you are convicted of a crime.

Right. So he stepped down before that happened. And then Gerald Ford was sworn in and, uh, pardon him. Uh, of course. So anyway,

seven out there hasn't seen all the president's men. It's, it's pretty great. Yeah. Okay. The United States presidents have been impeached. None were convicted. Yeah.

Andrew Johnson. Huh? Andrew Johnson in 1868, Bill Clinton in 98 and donald trump two times um so those were the impeachments so i guess it was just the proceedings with nixon it was pretty embarrassing here's some of the things they found on the tapes quote going after all these jew, just find one that is a Jew, will you? It's like find me the votes in Georgia.

And then they were talking about Indira Gandhi, and he said, we really slobbered over that old witch. But you have to understand knew he was recording himself. Yes. He ordered the tapes. Yep. That's, that's one of the weirdest things. Yeah.

He talks about, he talks about like going after tapes. He says, blow up the safe and get those fucking files. Right. Um, all right. Do we want to do a dear Amy? He says, blow up the safe and get those fucking files. Right. All right. Do we want to do a Dear Amy? No, let's skip Dear Amy. All right.

Oh, yeah. We have letters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get to these. We got a lot of mail. A lot of mail. A woman named Joanne says, I seem to really have a crush. Joanne says, I seem to really have a crush on these guys that doesn't get old look at that is she married i wonder if she's married you're allowed to crush you're not allowed to

smash this woman uh louis is it a woman or a man l-o-u-i-e is louis a man, right? I think it is. If you're not done talking about Rick Rubin, I would posit this. I've read two books recently. The Beastie Boys book, which I read, which is fucking great. Yeah. And drummer Steve Gorman's book on the Black Crows. Both have a similar story in that Rick Rubin

is Mr. Nice Guy when it comes to producing your album, but as a record executive, he's an Alan Klein fuck-you-up-the-ass. Both of them talked about selling 5 million records and not seeing any money from it. Beastie Boys bailed to another label, and Black Crowes were lucky in that Ruben was not watching the clock and did not pick up their option for the next album, so they got to renegotiate royalties on the first album, whatever.

Yeah, so, yeah, not a nice guy. Apparently just cause you're barefoot doesn't mean you're a good guy. I don't like hearing that. Yeah. Well, I believe that's true. I mean, if they're in both these books and stuff and that sucks, I mean, clearly, listen, I don't think you're that successful if you are sensitive to other people's needs and stuff. I really don't. I think it would be extraordinary if you were. So he probably does have that cutthroat streak in him. Okay.

And I don't know. I don't even know why I care, but it was just very surprising that the producer, like, and also keep in mind, he brought the Dixie Chicks back. You know what I mean? And they were, I know that's sort of a contrarian, cool project to take on, but you know, they were very outspoken and very left-leaning and incredibly vocal about it. And then his other artists, all, you know you know not all but most of them fall in that category and some extremely so you know like public enemy yeah so uh but that doesn't mean he thinks the way they do so i was just surprised this guy scott fluker said cool great episode as usual tell mike to get over it the more filth the better oh boy Oh, boy. That seems weird.

I don't know if that equates. I don't know if that's causal. Well, he's excited because we talked about a young girl from my town here in North Queensland, Australia, made herself famous with her dog and a jar of peanut butter. Karin's girls are all class. Yeah. Well, I did like that story. Then we got into, we put out to you guys last week, what are the best New York songs?

Because I was coming to New York and I think we were talking about Billy Joel's song about New York scenes from an Italian restaurant. Anyway, Jeffrey Sitzer's- Well, New York State of Mind. New York State of Mind, right. I do have to give credit. scenes from an italian restaurant anyway jeffrey sits there's new york state of mind new york state of mind right i do have to give credit i think that's a pretty good song yep i think he i think he heard that song and uh and it's pretty good it's you know what it sounds like it sounds like a very good joe cocker song but a guy named timothy kane says that Nas also has a song called New York State of Mind. Yep.

Is it a cover or is it totally different? No, no, no, no. Totally his own thing. Okay. And his voice is amazing in it. Like, it's really, it's great. So Jeffrey Sitzer says three songs to add. Ace Frehley, New York Groove.

That's a hard pass. Oh, already. Okay. The guy from Kiss? What are you fucking kidding me? Well, I mean, remember you, Krongbin? Took a little while, took a little pushing. Beastie Boys, No Sleep Till Brooklyn. Run DMC, Christmas in Hollis.

Okay. This guy, Brian Baxter says, Beastie Boys, Open Letter to New York City. I don't know if i know that off the top of my head no i gotta i gotta listen to that one he sent a video clip but i didn't watch it charlie lawrence the bronx by booker t jones with lou reed on vocals huh haven't heard it rob says heartbreaker by the stones yep pamela pamela's old school i like this one this reminds me about my parents would have put this list together new york new york from the 1949 film classic on the town cole porters take me back to manhattan from the broadway musical anything goes 42nd street from the Broadway show 42nd Street,

Give My Regards to Broadway from George M., Brooklyn from the 1950s musical movie The West Point Story, and Harry Nilsson's I Guess the Lord Must Be in New York City from Midnight Cowboy. Oh, yeah, that was a great song. Yeah. We're going to put a playlist together and put it on the website at sundaypapers.net if you want to go listen to these songs so i went and i listened to i guess the lord must be in new york city and they're saying it's from midnight coway because it's exactly when i heard it i was wait, this is like, everybody's talking about, you know, at me.

Must be the, my mind. I want to go, but it's not that song, but that song I think is in Midnight Cowboy. Yes, it is. I think that's a John Denver song. No, it's not John Denver. Uh, talking to me. So anyway, I'll look it up now. But I wonder if someone could speak to that. Is she wrong? Are both songs in it? Maybe. This guy, Christian Kelly, says, greetings from Mississippi. Best New York song to me is New York City Serenade by the boss, Bruce Springsteen. So, dude, it's Harry Nielsen.

Same guy. Yeah. And the distinctive thing in it is this banjo that's just riding kind of behind it, you know, behind his lyrics. And, yeah, everybody's talking at me. I don't hear a word they're saying, only the echoes of my mind.

Yeah, so interesting. It's a great soundtrack. The whole movie's got a great soundtrack. I wonder if both of them are in that movie. Anyway, go ahead. Bruce Springsteen's New York City serenaded bills and bills and transport you from wherever you are at that moment to the New York City streets and over the New York City skyline.

You know, someone talked about this New York song by LCD Sound System. Is that their name? And I've always heard about them, and then I guess there was a documentary about their last show. And I went and I watched a video, and I should check them out. There seems to be something there. I like the song. The documentary looked cool.

And their last song of their last concert, which was in New York City, which was in Madison Square Garden, it was like apparently this like religious experience that people had. They played that New York song as their last song. Here's a contrarian. Love the show. Can't get enough of the podcast. You asked what is the best New York song ever? Fuck New York by Slapshot. I grew up in D.C. and there's nothing more I can't stand to hear is how New York is so great. I have spent plenty of time in New York for work and fun, but nobody writes a song about the smell of urine and trash simmering in the summer heat and humidity.

I have traveled all over the world. People do write about that, by the way. A lot of people. A lot of people write about that. New York is the most overrated city in the summer heat and humidity. I have traveled all over the world. People do write about that, by the way. A lot of people. A lot of people write about that. New York is the most overrated city in the world. There are other great food options in the city. There are great food options in the city, but New Yorkers never talk about the other 90% of disgusting, dirty, foul, and shitty food spots

in all five boroughs. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I live in San Diego now. it makes me laugh when i hear the new york cent centric mindset out here and how great new york city is give me 80 degrees low humidity and sunny which with much friendlier people oh really yeah they're not friendlier they're not friendlier they're not friendlier at all no the san diego is one of the coldest places in the world. It's a bunch of fucking right-wing, rich douchebags from Orange County. And let's get back to New York. Yes, it's the greatest city in the world.

You will not find better theater, better concerts, better underground music scene, better comedy clubs, better restaurants um better ways to get around you can take the subway buses razor scooters city bikes fucking ferries it's you can get anywhere in the city anytime restaurants are open 24 hours a day and yeah it's dirty but guess what that's the price you pay it's a little bit fucking gritty. There's a little bit of crime. So what? I would listen to this guy a little more, but you honestly have put together two of some of the worst cities in America.

Washington, D.C. is such a, it's when George Bush is in there eight years, most of D.C. is Texans. When the next administration gets in there, years, most of DC is Texans. When the next administration gets in there, that's what happens there as well. I mean, to a greater extent, of course, there's a city there too. I believe Chappelle's from there and a lot of other people, but it really is. When I would visit there, it was the most boring city I'd ever been to. People are like, oh, come to our cool section, Adam Morgan or whatever the hell it was. I'm like, people like oh come to our cool section adam morgan or whatever the hell it was i'm like which closed at like 11 45 at night i'm like this is the worst and anyway terrible crime terrible racism the the worst public school system in the country highest murder rate and then san diego is

just get your flip-flops and tommy but we get You like it easy. You like it easy. You don't like being challenged. And you like this existing on the surface. Okay, fine. Live in San Diego then. That's good for you. It's a retirement community. It's where you retire. It's where you retire.

It's not where you live. Or if you have a brain that's kind of like retirement mode, even if you're in your 20s, go there. It absolutely will thrill you. It'll be so chill. It'll be great. Think about New York for a second. It'll thrill you. It'll be so chill. It'll be great. Moving on to think about New York for a second. Hold on a minute. It's, it's kind of like me with Jay-Z. I, I kind of know I'm wrong. That many people couldn't be getting it. Couldn't be,

couldn't be appreciating this guy. If, if there was nothing there, there has to be something there. It's my fault. I just don't know what it is. And it might not be my thing, but I can't call it bad. And if you think about New York, honestly, it's like, just God, it's like, where do you even begin? Jazz? The sounds that came out of Midtown Manhattan, that the whole, that echoed on the planet. Manhattan that echoed on the planet. Right now, the soundtrack on this globe is hip hop. That began, there was a blackout in New York City where they're able to steal turntables and mixers and these artists that stole them. All of a sudden there was a record scratch and the whole world went, what was that? And then that record scratch led every so many things, but like that public enemy, that's literally, literally putting the sounds of New York city, the cityscape sounds in their songs. So hip hop is born out of New York city. You have George Carlin born on the, and then

there's this little Island that all this is happening on. I can't even speak to opera and all the high points of almost every art form that come out of this little Island. I mean, all of a sudden, all of a sudden the misfits in England wake up one morning and they're like, wait, did you hear something? And it's the Ramones and it's the New York dolls. And then all of a sudden that gives birth to punk. And then this nerdy band takes the stage at cbgb and says hello we're the talking heads and all of this is on this little island and basquiat and then and and and and keith herring and and oh i mean just i'm just i'm so ignorant i can't even make it well and also you know the robert jones on 8th Street in the art school,

the Beat Generation in the Cedar Tavern. This is that this island is the side, like a sliver of San Diego. Right. And you've got, then you've got the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You got the Museum of Natural History, the Guggenheim.

You've got, you know, the robber barons that stole, granted, evil dudes, but they took the money and they poured it into the New York Public Library and the museums and the fucking incredible architecture. They managed to keep Central Park intact. It's one of the greatest fucking urban parks in the world.

David Bowie flailing, no idea what he's doing. And then this little band at a downtown Velvet Underground comes on the scene and it puts it. Everything makes sense to Bowie starting then. Right. And by the way, I would never put Springsteen. I don't think Springsteen ever lived in New York City. Do you?

I don't think he ever lived in New York City. And Springsteen's genius was all he would do is write about cars. He didn't have a driver's license. He was commenting and he was unbelievable at getting in into this mindset of that he wasn't in it wasn't like i mean just read chronicles by bob dylan and then oh i'm sorry the folk scene that changed the world out of out of this little island as well like it's it's unending yeah oh and and moby dick is written by in by irving place you know that that comes out of there and like oh wait wait wait hold on a second though mike there's seals in san diego

they have some seals that swim up on the beach and you can look at them through these binoculars you put in a quarter and you can look at them through these binoculars on the on the street and people listening now are pounding their dashboard or wherever they're listening to us because i'm missing some of the most never mind the fucking poets i mean just i mean even like uh dylan thomas stumbling home from the white horse tavern writing against the light i mean right it's so even if there is a god if there's a god out there or some energy, that's some energy. That God or that energy is looking down like, what's going on on that island? Like, holy shit. You have this whole globe.

That little sliver of six miles is glowing. Yeah. And it is. And the whole world is listening to it. That doesn't happen for no reason. There is a magical quality about that island. And that's- Oh, wait, wait, Mike, Mike, Mike. They have these little carts you can get on in San Diego

and like eight people pedal them and they have a keg and you can drink beers while you drive the bicycle around the streets of San Diego. It's really awesome. I don't like being out argued by you when people are listening, but you have a point. Yeah. You do have a point. Yeah. They also write on red as Woody Allen pointed out. All right.

We got a bunch more mail we're going to get to next week. Keep sending it in again. Fitz dog, radio, gmail.com. Uh, obituaries. We're not doing this week.

Cause nobody I really care about died. It was a good week. No, we did. We did. The guy who, uh, had his radio show who, uh, didn't, who believed. Okay. That's her obit a good week. No, we did. We did. The guy who had his radio show

who didn't believe in vaccines. Okay, that's our obituary this week. We covered that guy. We gave a nice tribute. Alright, we got to cheer up and do some funnies, Mike. Alright, here comes the funny section. Alright, so our boy, our boy Hager, holy Christ, he's got a bag full of goodies. He's leaving a castle, and there's a king in the window with a smile on his face.

He goes, your raids have little effect on a man like me. In a week, I'll be just as rich as ever. And then he says, ha, what do you have to say to that? And Hager goes, I'll mark my calendar. be just as rich as ever and then he says ha what do you have to say to that and hagger goes i'll mark my calendar and by the way tell your wife to put an ice pack on that because we'll be back for her too i can't shake the new york thing i didn't even go in the theater yeah okay oh god i know the one man shows that have come out of there. Nevermind, of course, Hamilton, homegrown.

He grew up on the island. But going back to West Side Story and Bernstein, it goes on and on and on. All right, go ahead. There's another Hager here. Let's get back to Hager. Here's a good one. Just a straight up well-written comic. I don't know why Family family circus doesn't read up a little get and get and get inspired by some good writing hager is sitting in his boxer shorts at

the doctor he says i keep getting pains in my stomach doctor says when do they occur hager says after four doctor says after four helpings hager goes yes well he he's poking his back fat and he goes after four hobbits. By the way, you viewed that as a doctor? Doesn't it look like he's being interviewed by death? He's a guy in a green cloak. He's a total cloak. All you do is see a nose peeking out from the cloak. It looks like, is it time for death?

The Lockhorns are on fire this week. Leroy, who fucking hates Loretta, says, if Loretta were my trophy wife, it would be for participation. By the way, I think they have this setting. I love that it's like the 1950s party. The guys are holding their drinks and they're wearing suits. Yeah. And they're looking over at their wives having drinks, talking.

One of them's eating like appetizers. Yeah. And he and it's called joke writing. Yeah. In the next one, Leroy is got a five o'clock shadow. He's in slippers watching TV and Loretta looks exasperated she goes you're worried i'm becoming my mother i'm worried i'm becoming your parents that's perfect and finally it's well written finally loretta who hates leroy just as much

is heading out the door she's got a bottle of wine gift wrapped. He's again, five o'clock shadow in slippers. And she goes, the Lenhardt said I could bring a minus one. That's great. That's fucking great. All right, let's take it down.

Let's take it down. Let's cool it off. Like a great MC. You're the one who taught me that, uh, that I never understood how important MCs are. All right, let's take it down. Let's take it down 12 notches. Yeah, let's cool it off. Like a great emcee. You're the one who taught me that, that I never understood how important an emcee's job was, that if someone's really, really, really, you know, if someone bombs, in fairness to the next performer, the emcee has to get that crowd back up.

Conversely, if someone scorches, they kind of got to bring it down a little. And that's what's happening now. Okay. The family circus family, all of them, two parents and the three kids, I think there's three, are out at a diner. And the waitress comes up and goes, hello, I'll be your server. My name's Lisa. And the little noxious kid sparks up and goes, hi, I'm Billy. She's Dolly. And that's Jeffy. Over there is my mommy and dot, dot, dot. What the fuck?

what I think happened when I don't have it yet, when I know there's a joke there, but I don't have it. And I give it a couple of moments or maybe even longer. I'll put dot, dot, dot meaning, uh, this needs more and I don't got it yet. And I, I can only imagine that's what this is like that this is nothing and it's nothing without what needs to be added to complete it or even start it and that's what this piece of garbage is it dot dot dot yeah i mean that's not a punch line dot Dot, dot, dot means exactly. It's a placeholder. It's a fade out. Also, this moron goes dot, dot, dot like it's funny, like it's going to keep going on. Yeah. No, he just has one more word, which is daddy. It's just daddy.

It's just daddy. But he made it seem like this kid's going to go on forever. And that's what's funny. But you're wrong. It's not funny, of course. And it's not going to go on forever. And that the waitress is going to find it cute. You know what she likes?

People to fucking order. She doesn't like a cute kid, you know, doing a little fucking little show for her. Yeah. She wants to know meatloaf and what three kids meal so i can get back to my 12 other tables and maybe if you just knew the kid was like fully mentally handicapped it would be what you would do is say because you know we i don't mean to make fun of it but like if if he was this would be funny if he was like hi i'm I'm Billy. And that's Dolly and Jeffy and it's mommy. And this is a fork and this is the napkin dispenser and this is water.

Dot. Then the dot, dot, dot is making me laugh. Right, right, right. Yeah. This is my eyebrow. You can't interrupt a special needs kid. You got to let that. I mean, that's the parent's job.

The waitress is just going to listen until he covers everything in that place. Yep. Got it. That's white white bread i think that's wheat that's a window well do that with which with a heavy heart i bring us to uh blondie all right i mean it just it just absolutely kills me because you know i love my wife i mean i i adore her i i don't cheat on her which you know is hard because you know i uh i find other women attractive but i i honor my vows and i respect her and i would never violate them but blondie if i could have sex with an animated character you know i would have sex with Blondie. And I think my wife even accepts that. If there is technology that exists. Yeah, that's your hall pass.

Yeah, she's my hall pass. So Dagwood comes home and he's all slumped over like a fucking loser. And he goes, boy, do I ever need a pick me up? Blondie, who's wearing a skirt above the knee, her bosoms are heaving. You know she smells good smells good oh lilacs and she leans in and plants one on him and it just says smack really loud that's the kind of kiss she lays on him he drops his bag he's on his heels he's he's he's hit hard with a kiss the dog goes up on two legs and is looking with a smile on his face at what she's just done.

And then he goes, actually, I was thinking along the lines of a pepperoni pizza. But that did do the trick. Now, you know what you say? You know what you say? Let me get my slacks off, sweetheart, so we can go to town on this fucking momentum you just started. Even the dog's like, what? What? Pizza?

Look at her. She's offering herself to you after a shitty day. All of that voluptuous body is yours, Dagwood. It does make me think. So the dog's up on hind legs and the dog kind of has a look like, oh my God, I really want to hump a leg, right? Yeah. And then he looks like, oh my God, like he brought a pepperoni pizza.

So this made me think if you had a horny dog, right. And you were able to present equally at the same time, a female dog in heat or food, delicious, like, like human food that they know is delicious. What do you think wins? Food. Absolutely. I think so too. Yeah. I mean, I've got these two rescue dogs. I think that's true for some humans also. I think they both lived on the street

and one of them is food. What do they call it? Food anxious or food whatever. To this day, we have had this dog for 12 years. I have fed him twice a day, every day at the same time. I give him treats when I give him walks. And still, if you get near the kitchen, he's within an inch of you under your fucking feet the entire time you sit down to eat dinner and he's under the table, like bouncing around.

It's like, you're going to get fucking fed. You've got, you get plenty of food. What's the, what's the anxiousness? Here's here's my leg just fucking shit work one out chill yeah yeah yeah i love dogs but jesus christ on this trip one of our neighbors is here's here's a great deal normally we have to board our dogs because we used to have people stay at our house like tom o'neill would stay at our house but then the dog would bite tom or anybody else who stayed there. Bit him in the face. No, he bit a girl in the face.

Oh. He bit Tom on the leg. Oh, okay. Plastic surgery, $20,000 lawsuit. And yeah. And should have put the dog to sleep and didn't. And so we got this woman who's our neighbor that we're friends with, and she said if we let her use our hot tub,

she'll walk our dog three times a day and feed them twice a day. How about that deal? You come back, the whole hot tub's full of dog shit. Right. Oh, there's going to be so much dog shit on the lawn. Oh, my God. There's going to be flies everywhere. right oh there's gonna be so much dog shit on the lawn oh my god there's gonna be flies everywhere uh oh hey here's a uh obituary and that's all folks our good friends evan and lisa's dog kins, yeah. A name you've brought up in this podcast and named after him passed away this week.

And you know who named Ginsburg after Allen Ginsberg, the poet? Of course. Their daughter, who at the time was 14, 13 or 14, and she was reading Howl, Allen Ginsberg's Howl, and she fell in love with the book, and she named the dog Ginsberg. Great dog. Great dog. Her bedroom, which they pretty much preserved when she went off to Columbia, was like a tribute to the Beat Generation. Yeah.

The whole room was covered in quotes and pictures and on-the-road pages. And it was on the ceiling as well. It was, it was a literary shrine. It was so cool. So she went to Columbia for writing and now she's getting her master's. By the way, which arguably is more impressive. Yeah. She's going to be a big writer. Eva Dunsky. Someday you'll be reading her work. All right. Listen, Mike, we've done a full show from the road. Again, people should check out sundaypapers.net and follow Mike on social media at Gibbons Time. Sure.

And don't forget the grapefruit Simmons t-shirts are available right now at the Fitz dog.com site. That's also where you're going to get your tickets for my shows. Don't forget. Uh, Fitz dog radio comes out on Tuesdays and childish comes out on Wednesdays. Listen to those as well. Anything you want to plug Mike? Yeah.

Maybe we should make a, like a little coffee mug. Maybe a good one. You know, I love these coffee mugs. Your coffee stays hot all morning. Yeah. So, you know, it's obviously not a big breakthrough. It's an insulated mug.

Maybe we make some of those and see if we can sell them. Sunday Papers mugs? Maybe, right? Doesn't that seem like it's... That does make sense. You get up, you put the coffee in the mug, and you sit and listen to the podcast. I like it.

All right. Maybe like a Yeti-type thing or whatever. It won't be cheap, people, but it'll be worth it. Yeah. You'll be supporting the show. It'll stay hot. Unlike us, it will stay hot for the full two hours. That's right.

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks to Midcoast Media, Chris Denman and Key and Beth Hoops and all the people that put the show together for us. And thank you guys for listening. And please go to Apple Podcasts and rate us. Give us some good ratings and comments. That helps us out a lot. And spread the word. Tell your friends. Let's grow the show. Yeah, we're trying to get this off the ground, kind of. That's a little late to say that over a year in. But, yeah, if you don't follow us, follow us on the podcast thing. Is that what it's called?

It's been bumping up. Subscribe. Sorry, subscribe. Since we went on Bert Kreischer's podcast and I went on Rogan, our numbers have gone up dramatically. I like your Rogan appearance. So let's keep growing it. Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah, I didn't know you were anti-vax. That's a joke. We'll catch you guys next week. How many shows you have tonight, by the way? Just one show tonight, and then I head into the city, and I meet up with the family. They're flying in tonight. All right, so there's no show tonight, just to be clear,

if tonight is Sunday night. Right. So you got one more show recording this on Saturday. All right, have a great show tonight, man. All right, man. Enjoy LA and we'll see you next week. I'll enjoy LA. All right, take it ace.

Take it ace. Take it ace. Got my headphones in my ears. My problems disappear when I hit play. Okay. Sunday paper time. It's Sunday paper time. Sunday paper time. It's Sunday paper time It's Sunday paper time Thank you.