Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 76 8/15/21

Episode Date: August 15, 2021

This week’s Florida Man is the entire state of Florida, and aging bikers are already stacking up in the hospitals of Sturgis, SD. Greg defends New York’s status as the greatest city in the world, and Mike tries to bleep out some inappropriate content. Follow Mike Gibbons on Instagram @GibbonsTime 

Read all about it! Read all about it! Read all about it! Governors going down because they're Italian. What'll happen next? Jewish governors going down for saving us some money? Come on, people, read all about it!

Oh, boy. That's right. You're in New York. I'm in New York right now. Let me tell you something. Well, this is a podcast. I'm expecting that. Well, I read the New York right now. Let me tell you something. It is. Yeah, I want. Well, this is a podcast. I'm expecting that. Well, I read the New York Post every day, which is one of my favorite. It's not that I couldn't read the Post in Los Angeles, but when I'm in New York, I read the Post every day. It's a special quality.

It really is. Sitting in a coffee shop, getting a bottomless cup of mediocre coffee. Speaking of coffee, here comes my mother. Oh, my mother. If you're watching this on Zoom, you can see my mom bringing me a cup of coffee like a good mother. Say hi, Mom. Hi, Mom. Say hi to Mike.

She can't hear me? Hi, Mike. She can't hear you now. He's saying hi. All right, now get out of here. Thank you for the coffee, Mom. She wonders why you're stunted in life. So the entire New York Post...

This is like when she greased your bed springs. I don't know. For some reason, I jumped to that memory. It's too close. It's too... What's with that haircut? You see that fucking haircut? Who, hers?

Yeah, it's terrible. I can't talk. Look at my hair. I just rolled out of bed. You look ridiculous. Oh. No, it just looks like you masturbated, and then you had an itch on your head immediately afterwards.

That's all. And I put the stuff in there? Yeah. Oh. Okay. That's all right. That sounds hip. But this Giuliani, which we don't have in our script.

The Giuliani story is not in the script. But the big joke, of course. Cuomo. Yeah, that's what I meant. Cuomo. Confusing Italians. Isn't that weird, though, that Giuliani and Cuomo were both national heroes? Not just New York heroes.

They were fucking huge. And they have completely fallen from grace. Yeah. were fucking huge and they have completely fallen from grace yeah um two two two dings in the italian american uh political machine for sure yeah i don't know what uh yeah i don't know much about the cuomo stuff but so he resigned all right what what happens who's governor when's it effective the attorney general is a woman who uh some say is in over her head a little bit, but they also say that because she's a woman, so that just comes with the territory. Sorry, what was the criticism?

She's what? In over her head. Oh, okay. Yeah. Which she's not. She's got plenty of experience, but anyway. Listen, so New York is great. I've been here for a week. Which she's not. She's got plenty of experience. But anyway, listen. So New York is great.

I've been here for a week. I'm staying at my sister's house up in Westchester. And the best is doing shows in the city. Atel says hello, by the way. I hung out with him a lot the last couple days. And he's just so funny because I go up one night at the cellar, and I had not a good set, and I was just beating myself up about it. And then he goes up after me and fucking destroys.

Oh, my God. Everything he's saying is ripped out of the headlines of that day. It's all brand new stuff. He's doing crowd work with people. He's saying things to people that you can't imagine wouldn't cause a fist fight. And then afterwards, he comes off and he's like talking about how bad he bombed

and he can't even talk about it and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, no, did you see my fucking set, asshole? Right. That's an unfair... I mean, you introduced me to him so early on, we were in our twenties and like, and then, you know, I became a fan boy. I, I, I told you one, one time it was, you know, the cellars two blocks from my house, you know, in Soho there. And, uh, and I would just, why not fucking stop there and see a genius on the way home? You know, they let me in free.

I was working at HBO and I'd hang out in the back. And one time, you know, the the bath for people don't know, but the bath, you have to walk through a comedy club to get to the bathroom. And this is including the whole restaurant upstairs. Right. Yeah. And so one time I was he went on and I was upstairs. Anyway, I go through and in the middle of his set he's like, you again? Because I would see him so often. But it was like living next to the blue note. And oh, do you not want to see

what fucking this amazing jazz musician is going to come up with tonight because he changes it up every night? Yeah, and then I'm watching him and I'm standing in the back and then he calls you into the crowd and he starts shitting on you he's like he's like how about another hand for greg fitzsimmons dressed as cancer tonight he's unbelievable and he's wearing a fucking jacket it was 85 degrees out and he's wearing a fucking jacket. It was 85 degrees out and he's wearing like a thick jacket. For those who I think some people have written in, maybe it was after the Burt podcast when we were all three of us talking about a towel. So here's the thing. And I know it's almost a cliche, but it's like a band that's great live and you don't really see it on the albums. I understand the criticisms when you hear how great he is from so many great comedians that you see a special and you're like, I'm not totally getting the like the greatness.

I can't like I'm not really understanding why Bill Burr might think David Tell is so much better than he himself is or something like that. Well, Amy Schumer would name her child. This is the best. My half-naked nephew is behind us. Say hi, Declan. Look at the body on this kid. He's been working out like a madman. Luckily, only 5,000 people see this visually.

The rest are just listening. But there is a boy behind Greg in just his underwear. He's a little boy. He's 20 years old. Okay. And he's grabbing pink outfits. Anyway, enough about Attell. He's great. And really, it's live. Having a blast in New York, going up to the Bronx to my Aunt Jo's house. She's 94.

She lives alone in the house she was born in. And she's got her little garden in the backyard. And, you know, so she's got these fresh tomatoes. We grab about a bunch of fresh tomatoes. We're up there with Aaron,

my wife and her brother, and the sister-in-law and my kids and uh and we go to the backyard we pick some like plump juicy tomatoes i go around the corner to belucci's no to a veto's it's a in the bronx depending on the neighborhood but this is in uh pelham bay and uh it's like the 1950s. You've got the butcher shop that just has meat. Then you have the bakery that just has baked goods. Then you've got the cheese shop that just has cheese.

So I go to Vito's cheese shop, and I go, can I get some mozzarella? And before they ask me how much, they just plop a bag. It's just a fucking bag with a big lump of, of mozzarella. And, uh, and we take it home, slice it up. She had basils in the garden.

Fucking, we, we brought her some virgin olive oil, throw it on top. Unbelievable. And then we go to Queens the next day and Aaron's brother has a friend who opened this, uh,

pizza joint. Yeah. And, and the place is called Baluchi's pizza. But the, but the thing is about this guy, he started out at a pizza place in Little Italy. And he learned how to make the best pizza in New York City. He was renowned. And then he started his own place with some Wall Street backers, embezzled hundreds of

thousands of dollars, got caught, fled in the middle of the night, moved to France for like six years, and then one day comes back to New York, opens another pizza shop. The newspapers get a hint of the pizza's so good, once again they start reviewing it, and one of the guys he'd embezzled from is reading through the fucking New York Post and he sees a picture of this idiot standing there holding a pizza. They arrest him. He gets put in jail for like seven years. That's real good laying low when you come back. What the hell? And so he gets out and he doesn't want

anything to do with pizza now. So he drives a taxi for like 15 years. Drives a taxi in New York City. Lives with his mother in New Jersey. And then he finally he finally opens a new place and it's out in Queens.

And we go out there and he's got this $35,000 oven and he got somebody to back him even though he's a felon. And it's just like a storefront. I'd back him.

It's in Astoria, Queens. It's just a little storefront called belucci's and it is probably the best i've been to italy eating pizza this is the best pizza i've ever had in my life he made a clam uh a sicilian with clams on it that was the best piece of pizza i've ever had wow and we just had like seven pies. There was a shitload of us, and we just had like seven pies. It was amazing. How long has he been open there? Maybe two years.

I just say so because Astoria was ground zero for COVID in New York. Oh, that's right. That's right. It was the neighborhood with the trucks with all the cadavers in them yeah no idea where to put them well he probably did well because i should know the name but god bless them that hospital was like it was like a war it was triage it was crazy yeah that might have been where they started the uh eight o'clock or five o'clock round of applause going out it might have been you're right i know astoria was it yeah um so it's such a cool neighborhood it's so diverse

it's amazing and people are out on the streets there's like bands playing in the park at the playground and people like all the restaurants have tables on the street it's it's really a cool cool part of queens can i Can an economist answer me this? The way the picture you painted, I had this thought this week, actually, about like there are no more dive bars on the west side of Los Angeles. They can't exist because they're, and this is my opinion, this is what I. Someone who knows how money really works and how businesses work to write in and correct me, I guess, but their business model can't work in Los Angeles. And it's only a matter of time before a comfortable, okay, popular dive bar can no longer like with their, like cheers, cheers, take cheers. Cheers cannot exist because it doesn't have a growth model. In other words, they're like like that butcher by your aunt. You think they're fucking, you know, their chart is this giant upward, you know, upward like chart that's growing exponentially every year and all that? No, they do their thing and they do it every year. And

maybe it goes up with inflation. Like obviously a beer is no longer 80 cents in a dive bar in New York. It's probably 250 now. Fine. But it's not like, Oh God, you know, you didn't grow 10% this year. Yeah. And, and that's for the whole country. That's for the world. Actually. I'm like, I'm asking like, is that over where if you're not growing because landlords are going to raise rent based on a business model where you are growing every year? Yeah, there has to be shareholders. I mean, shareholders are essentially just leeches. They leech profits out of functioning businesses. profits out of functioning businesses. And if there's not enough profit to leech out of,

it goes under because you're being, you know, everything is being consolidated into, into corporations. You know, every, every bar now is part of a family of restaurants. And I have read business books that talk about the, the huge, one giant misstep in America is America has made the shareholders priority number one, not their customers. So that I know. But I'm talking about even non-public companies. But even then, whether it's rent or whatever it is, there's this expectation of this growth model. I think it's the same for my career. I have been living a very comfortable life comfortable life as you know for 30 years

doing stand-up comedy and people go are you still waiting for that big break no i don't need a big break i own a fucking house in venice i got three cars i drive a prius i'm dead inside hey easy watch your bragging watch your bragging here but my point, I didn't need to have five houses and a jet to be a successful comedian. But yet you still there still is that feeling that I didn't make it somehow. Right. Let's say, yeah, right. You're supposed to know. Yeah, right.

I understand you. You're a great podcaster. You communicate well. I hear the message. Well, you know, there's that old joke where there's a fisherman in the village in Mexico or in some, let's say Mexico, and this American businessman's there and he comes in and he sees the guy laying... I'm slaughtering this, but anyway, he sees the guy laying by his boat with his hat over his head, just napping. Right.

And he's like, is this your fishing boat? He's like, yeah. He's like, and you were out fishing this morning. He's like, yeah. And I brought in tons of fish. And, uh, the guy goes, you know, why don't you, I can maybe invest. Like, why don't you get another boat? And he's like, and the guy's like, why?

He's like to get more fish. And the guy's like, why? And he's like, well, then you would come in and you'd have twice the haul. And then with that money, you can buy another boat. And the guy's like, why? And he's like, well, then you would come in and you'd have twice the haul. And then with that money you can buy another boat and then soon you'll have a fleet. And the guy goes, why? He's like, what do you, like, he was bad. What do you mean? Why? He's like, so you would be successful. And then you'd have all this money. You could do what you want. And the guy like looks at him. He's like, I'm doing what I want. Yeah.

Right. Right. And, uh, it's exact same, you know, this mentality and it's, it's, you know, we're a virus. That's what it is. We spread, spread, eat, eat, eat, spread, spread, spread. Yep. And and whatever. We're ruining the planet. It's obvious everywhere. How hot is it there? Super hot. I played golf yesterday and it was 96 degrees and sweltering humidity. It was 96 degrees and sweltering humidity. I almost passed out on the 14th hole. What a specificity. Did you play a Trump's course?

Did not. Will not. I played at the course that my dad belonged to when I was growing up. And so I hadn't played the course in 30 years. And I played it so many times as a kid that it's how I self-soothe when I go to sleep at night is I play that chorus because I know every fucking inch of it. I know how every putt breaks from every part of the green. Right. And so I play it and I usually make it about four or five holes before I fall asleep. So to be back on it, playing it was incredible.

And so when you're going to sleep and you're at the fourth hole, you're like, fuck! Because you hit the trap every time. Right. Or, what did you yell for? I definitely don't play the course with Dennis Gubbins when I'm trying to fall asleep. You don't emotionally put that little gem in there?

That angry red-headed bear? You don't put him like fucking raging in the in your periphery trying to just drift off to sleep asking me for a gimme putt that's six feet long for twelve dollars well he has to because his putter's wrapped around the tree on the last hole please is this a gimme i you're gonna make me hit this in with my wedge again you can't expect me to putt this i have no putter yeah dennis is great dennis is up north he drove up north again spend time with the family nice which is always interesting that's how your mom just came in and brought you coffee like it's always interesting to hear you know we still feel like children a

little bit you know or that that role for for certain when we go visit our folks. But, uh, it's funny, he and I share, I don't know if you have with him, but you know, frustrations or surprising things, whatever he'll have, you know, with the family and with his dad and stuff like there's always a dad dynamic and stuff. So, and a mom dynamic too, in your case. Well, my mom, of course, is like, you know, she likes doing things for me. So I take advantage of it. I'm like, before the podcast, I was like, Mom, will you make me some coffee? Bring it up to Declan's room? She's like, yes, yes.

All she wants to do is do things for me. And then you're like, Declan, can you come in shirtless just in your underwear and fish through the drawer for some pink shirt? Sure. I have a new demographic I'm trying to cater to a little bit. He was out. He took my son out until 4.30 in the morning

last night to some party in town. Oh, all right. I'm glad Delta's over. Yeah, right. Dude, Delta's everywhere, by the way. Is it? Out here. Yeah? Laura, my sister, just went to a wedding. Everyone now had to get tested because there was an outbreak. Wow.

Yep. And I'm hearing it more and more. It's like, it's, and nothing, you know, almost everyone I've heard about is vaccinated. But I told you that other friend, she had to run to her daughter's cheerleading camp. The whole camp got it. And almost the whole camp was vaccinated. But everyone had to go pick up their kids from a planned sleepaway camp. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, I just worked a comedy club. And one of the guys that was like running the room is like, oh, my mom is a huge fan of yours. And she really wanted to come to the show but she's got COVID and I was like oh that's too bad and then he comes in the next day and he's like oh you're not going to believe it I spent the whole day at the emergency room with my grandmother who has the COVID now too

I was like oh that's terrible I go you don't live with them do you? and he's like yeah I'm like oh good good perfect attendance record at work way to keep that going so i'm trying to think how much i could tell here i think i can tell all this because it's all positive in terms of corporate america so this project the amy schumer thing with hbo hbo is getting burned. Productions are shutting down. So they're like, hey, we are this

close to making it a vaccine only show. But that really messes us up because, you know, there's an idea of shooting her at a farmer's market and get that gold interaction with real people. Impossible to do that if if if if the production goes that way. And man, it looks like it is going that way. Wow. It's going to be a lot of Amy learns to knit. Amy learns to meditate. Amy learns to intubate someone in the hospital. Whatever the word is.

Yeah. Wow. You know, earlier you said basil's, plural. Is that something you do? I didn't say basil's, plural. Yeah. Well, everyone now is agreeing with me. They're like, I can't believe you went back to that.

Yeah, in the backyard she had some basil's. She had some basil. You also do the mozzarella, which drives Italians, non-New York Italians, non-New Jersey and New York Italians crazy. It's mozzarella. It's not at all. Really? Listen, I'm probably going to slaughter it, but I'm closer. It's mozzarella.

I used to say mozzarella growing up. No, that weird lazy ending of prosciutto, mozzarella. It's this cutoff weird, I just think of Jersey every time I hear it. I think of Hoboken. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry that I've ruined the podcast, Mike. Well, you're keeping your business model away from that growth model. And that's how you do it.

A couple quick quick shadows. John Cabrera, who did Sunday paper time, which was a beautiful, I can't, I can't tell you guys how much I'm blown away by the John Cabrera guy with his, with his songs that he's giving us.

And we thank him. It's amazing. The logo for Mr. Gary. Very cute. Mike and I holding newspapers. We got. Have we used that one? No, we haven't used that one.

No, but same motif. Somebody else did the like Depression era newsy boy. He did a good job, though. I don't know about me. You look great. I look great. You look a little transposed. I. Well, also, what am I? I can't even I'm going to blow that up what am I what am I a prisoner

I look like a prisoner an Asian prisoner of war you could be an Asian slave in Cuba you're a Chinese Asian slave in Cuba I don't even have shoes no wow okay and look at you you're just You're a Chinese Asian slave in Cuba. I don't even have shoes. No. Wow.

Okay. And look at you. You're just, clearly your head was put on a schoolgirl outfit. Yeah. All right. Yeah, the head is a little large, but that's- You're like a little Red Riding Hood there. Yeah. I'm shorter than you, so that's cool for you.

I like that. Yeah. Yeah. All right. A lot of corrections today. Joel F. said, I think you accidentally hit on the secret of Family Circus syndication over the decades. Like a good emcee, the newspapers are including Family Circus in the comics section to lower the expectations so the funnier comics can shine even brighter. Wow. Very good. That should have gone in the the comic section but I had it in the

corrections ah it's a strong start to the to the comments but uh yeah okay that's that's an interesting take I like anyone who's trying to figure it out because clearly it's a riddle well it's like the MC on a comedy show you put the shittiest comic on first slightly better one on second and then the headliner looks like a fucking champion on first, slightly better one on second, and then the headliner looks like a fucking champion. Right, right. And that's why also a lot of road comedians choose a not so threatening middle or whatever you want to call it. I like killers. I like bringing somebody on the road that makes me work my ass off. And also, I know I'm serious. I like really strong comics to open for me. And I like if it's black, I like if it's female,

so they're not talking about the same shit. Chris Denman just wrote that Arsenio Hall only has unfunny white women. Huh. He teed it up for us. Are we going to take the low-hanging fruit? We're not talking about dating, right? I don't think so. No. But you're talking about on the road i think he's gay on stage i think i would guess that arsenio hall is gay that was my

uh intimation there yeah by the way but um i don't know that for a fact i could care less yeah i mean from what i've heard he's not my cup of tea like comedically but boy the guy has positive energy and i've heard he's very nice very nice tons of positive energy super gay also um allegedly bob bob petterson says they never dropped the baton they had a bad handoff jesus Christ, Greg. We're talking about the Olympics, the men's relay. I said they dropped the baton. He says they didn't. They didn't. But I told you, I saw a still photo and it looked like they were like having a meeting about the baton that was awkwardly. You know what it looked like? It looked like I'd go up to you

in school and pass you a note. And I'd get close. All our arms would be compressed. You'd be like, what the fuck is this? And you'd even be leaning away from me awkwardly. Like, what are you handing me? Like, that's what the pass up looked like. Right, right.

This is, I'm going to skip this one. It's too long. Okay. Elliot James says there's a website called Universal Tennis that ranks all players. Oh. It uses actual competitive results and data to make its assessments. Oh, boy. All right.

So, wait. For listeners who don't listen to every broadcast. So, he's writing a letter because I brought up that age-old thing. That the number one women's tennis player would lose to many, you know, high school boys tennis players. Go ahead. The top-ranked player in the world is Novak Djokovic with a ranking of 1619. 1616.19, right.

The top-ranked woman in the world is Ashley Barty at 13.31. The top-ranked woman in the world is Ashley Barty at 13.31. The top-ranked male high school player has a ranking of 13.12. So within a decimal point, the top-ranked male high school player is within a tenth of a point, two-tenths of a point of the number one ranked female pro um yeah i'm not buying this uh i don't know i played against my sister-in-law who's south african and has a tennis court at her house she played in college and i fucking schooled her and i never i've never played competitive

tennis and as a matter of fact i've even played that much tennis in my life but i hit the ball so much harder and i'm so much faster and i have more confidence from being a man uh all right so wait his last paragraph was here's a note serena would not crack the top 100 in men's tennis. Also, if you open it up internationally to under 18 males, she would be in the mid-60s. But I don't know. It's really weird that she won't even crack the top 100 in men's college tennis, which clearly is national because then he said international next. And that none of those guys as seniors in high school, you know, like those hundred. And it's a weird thing. But anyway, as you can see, it's there's no contest and we'll never bring it up again. Just people should know that. That's all.

If wearing a mask is to I don't know who wrote this. If wearing a mask is supposed to help mitigate the spread of COVID-19, why doesn't it also stop the spread of a stinky fart? Remember somebody wrote that in last week? Okay. No, I think I brought it up. Maybe you just brought it up. Okay. I brought it up that they're like, if you smell a fart or if you smell someone who has just gone to the bathroom, in the bathroom, then that's how easily it is for COVID particles, which are smaller than that, to get in through your, like, if you smell that through a mask. Right. Well, he says that according to

chemistry professor Treville Maycall, the size of the molecules that make up the stinky smell of a fart are different. Basically, that very molecule has a tiny, tiny diameter, a fart molecule. In comparison, a virus molecule is usually at least 50 times bigger. Specifically, COVID-19 is 150 times larger than the size of a fart molecule. Wow. All right. Then I'm corrected. That's comforting news. But I will say I've smelled farts through my mask that are 50 times worse than I wanted. So I think the virus is sneaking in.

That means they were somebody else's farts. Of course. Yeah. Oh, I take my mask off from my farts. I fart into my mask and then I put it on. Well, that's interesting. Yeah, you might keep some of that in there. Tell me this.

Don't lie to me. Tell me honestly. Have you ever, while driving, farted and then cupped the fart and brought it to your face to smell it? I have. So have I. Because sometimes I'm like, I wonder what's going on. I wonder what I'm digesting here. I just want to know how powerful I am.

I want to know what I got in the chamber. I think you also need to know what's in the chamber. If you're going into a social situation, you have to know whether or not you're on a streak. Okay, here's something, uh, my, I'm just going to say it. It's very personal, but my farts don't smell. And, uh, my daughters will tell you that like the, and cause I have a joke there, they're baffled. And I'm like, it's cause I'm a pure system and you guys aren't, you stink. And, uh, but it is true. Like and I don't maybe it's like my reflux. Maybe it's just that I have air, but it's still coming out down there.

I don't know what it is. Am I lucky? Is that right in? If that's a sign I have cancer. But I'd say for over 10 years, my farts almost always don't smell. That's incredible. Now, but you eat meat, right? I eat less of it, but I, I, I definitely eat meat. I've had steak this week. I definitely eat meat and definitely, I mean, chicken. I eat tons of chicken, right? Tons. Huh? I wonder if,

I think there's certain vegetables. I don't eat enough vegetables, and that might be number one. Yeah, I think vegetables. Reason why. I think it has to do also with eating fruit or vegetables and meat together. You're actually not supposed to. Like in nature, you wouldn't. In nature, you would like eat a carcass, and then you'd get hungry again later, and you would eat vegetables, but not at the same time, which is the way we eat them because vegetables break down faster in your colon than the, in your colon, I don't even think

that's right, in your stomach than the meat. How about in the digestive process? That way you can't get noted on it. Yes. There's something, they're breaking down at different rates. And so that's why you get gas bubbles trapped. That's my understanding of it. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, I avoid that completely by not eating vegetables. All right. And again, if you're looking for the hard hitting news, Sunday Papers is the place to come.

Look what you just learned. My farts don't stink. I have no body odor. Do you know that? That's weird. I haven't used deodorant since i was 16 years old oh no way not once and i don't smell all right that's weirder than my uh my vapid or whatever i call it my powerless f Yeah. I almost have no sweat and very, very little smell at all. Never noticeable. Wow. I do, but I smell it. Thank God I smell it right away. There's people who have a disconnect. They don't know they have body odor. They're called cab drivers. No,

that's too easy of a joke. but there really is. It's like, what did he just, what are you laughing at? What he wrote? No, I was laughing at the, the hacky cab driver joke. Yeah.

Um, speaking of hacks, I'm coming to your town and do some standup comedy in the next few weeks. Dr. Grins in grand Rapids, Michigan, August 19th through the 21st. That's coming up.

Buffalo Rose in golden Colorado. That's August 26th through the 28th. That's coming up. Buffalo Rose in Golden, Colorado. That's August 26th through the 28th. And then the Punchline San Francisco, September 30th through October 2nd, where we're going to also do a live taping of Sunday papers. Mike Gibbons is going to make it up to Sacramento. That's the big Delta show in Sactown. All tickets available at FitzDawg.com.

Tell your friends, come out and say hi. Also, this week's show is brought to you by the fine, fine people over at Magic Spoon. Is it really Magic Spoon? Yeah. All right. Can I just be- Freestyle it. Freestyle the ad read.

All right. I haven't seen any of the- We get these ads, and of course, you I just be- Freestyle it. Freestyle the ad read. All right. I haven't seen any of the bull, you know, we get these ads and of course you have to hit, and I guess Greg will clean up my mess in a second, but can I just give an honest thing? A package arrived at my house about a month ago and it was Magic Spoon. I opened it. I'm like, who sent me this assortment of children's cereal? And I was going to throw it out

and one of my kids is like, no, no, no, idiot. These are actually healthy. And I'm like, with this artwork? And they're like, just read the box. Okay, fast forward. They're incredibly healthy. Well, you should mention your daughter is gluten-free.

Exactly. So Sophie knew about them. And that's the whole purpose of this is why can't healthy and i this is my opinion i have not read any of the copy but why can't healthy cereal be fun and um and and delicious these and by the way i'm like well uh maybe i'll have the peanut butter i'm'm not going to have the chocolate. It's like, what am I, fucking eight and eating Count Chocula? They had like a kind of cocoa flavored one. Every one of them. I only ate the next box because I was out of the previous box.

Every one was delicious. And I couldn't believe the data on the box of what I was eating. Zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein per serving. It's crazy. 140 calories a serving. And it's keto friendly, gluten free, grain free, soy free, low carb. It comes in cocoa, fruity, frosted and peanut butter, among others. It comes in cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter, among others. That's just the variety pack. And I knew I was on to something also because once I was aware of them,

I'd see them kind of woven into like punchlines or just references. Like when people are making jokes, like on Instagram, like some hot chick or whatever will just be like, after the cereal, all I did was lay in bed all day. All of a sudden, references are popping up with influencers and stuff who are not being paid. They're just talking about after my spin class, it's like one of those references. Well, listen, go to magicspoon.com slash papers

to grab a variety pack and try it today. Be sure to use our promo code papers at checkout to save $5 off your order. And magic spoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money. No questions asked. They want you to be happy. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magicspoon.com slash papers. Use the code papers to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Magic Spoon, send me another free assortment.

I know. I asked for some backup and they sent me some more. They did? Yeah. I want more free stuff. Sorry. But I went overboard on this. I didn't. Not on purpose. From the heart. Hey, you got a paper to crinkle?

I don't. Let's do our first non-paper. Or do we do it? Do we do it old school? What was that guy's name who could make any sound? Weird Al Yankovic. Oh, good Lord. No.

We had him on Spike Ferriston he made we did a funny thing with him but he was in like Michael Winslow yes Michael Winslow

legend he could do he could do Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix with his mouth it was fucking crazy all you kids out there

just if you have nothing to do just YouTube Michael Winslow and see how talented that guy was well he used to do, just YouTube Michael Winslow and see how talented that guy was. Well, he used to do all the Police Academy movies. Right.

All right. Let's hit the front page. Wow. That was good. That was with your mouth. Yep. All right. Here it is, folks.

In our top story, the Sturgis rally is seeing an increase in injury crashes as a biker hits a bighorn sheep. Okay. This is my favorite time of year. And just for the record, I'm only going to say it once. I am not laughing. Some of these people have died. I am not laughing at the true tragedies that some of these are. What I am laughing at is the age of these bikers, how often it's happening that it's absurd. And so I'm having a nervous system reaction, which takes the form in me of laughing, but really it's shocking news there. With that said,

as of Wednesday's report, this was Wednesday. It's a 10 day festival and it started four days before Wednesday. Uh, there have been 62 crashes at the motorcycle rally. Among the injury crashes, a bighorn sheep was struck by a motorcycle at around 7.30 a.m. That's a real ride of shame that morning. A 2015 Roadmaster was southbound on Highway 385 when it hit the bighorn sheep. The 65-year-old male driver received minor injuries. Here's the good news, and it's fairly, it's pretty much an exception. He was wearing a helmet. Wow.

Yeah. Then he must have been mentally challenged because the regular riders don't wear them. And Wednesday's data, keep in mind, four days, there were 74 DUI arrests already. So I went and found some local paper, and I'm just going to read some of the other headlines out of Sturgis. 8.27 a.m. Monday on Interstate 90, one mile, blah, blah, blah. A 2015 Harley was eastbound on Interstate 90 when it struck a deer. The 63-year-old male driver was thrown from the motorcycle. He suffered serious non-life-threatening injuries.

He was not wearing a helmet. 10.26 a.m. Monday. By the way, I just grabbed the first part of the week. Harley-Davidson eastbound on 44 when it slowed down to pull into his shoulder of the road. Motorcycle was rear-ended by another Harley-Davidson. The 74-year- old male driver heading eastbound received minor injuries the 73 year old male driver who re-rear-ended him received no injury neither driver was wearing a helmet um 29 at 10 26 a.m monday 2019 2019, Harley-Davidson, southbound on South Dakota 87. The driver failed to negotiate a curve.

There's a lot of those. Failing to negotiate while driving your motorcycle over 60 years old. That should be the headline of this section. The motorcycle went off the roadway and hit a boulder. The 63-year-old male driver was transported to the hospital with minor injuries. He was wearing a helmet. Okay, a couple more. Um, I wonder if there's like a, a, a bighorn sheep Herald, if there's like a newspaper where they're like, Hey, uh, watch out guys. They're back. Well, like a mad, a mother's against drunk

driving. Is there some organization for the wildlife that keeps getting hit by old dudes? Right. Sheep against drunk driving. And by the way, it's not just old dudes. There's some organization for the wildlife that keeps getting hit by old dudes. Right. Sheep against drunk driving. And by the way, it's not just old dudes. There's old women all over this thing also. But anyway, so here you go. Wednesday, motorcycle again failed to negotiate a curve, went off the roadway into a steep embankment and hit a tree. The 74-year-old female driver received minor injuries. But good news.

She was wearing a helmet. Uh, Wednesday, Harley Northbound on South Dakota. When the driver lost control, motorcycle rolled into a ditch. The 64 year old male driver is serious. He was not wearing a helmet.

Okay. Wait, there was one article I'll skip. I have a whole page of these. Um, this was, is this the one? Yeah. Wednesday, Harley Davidson heading southbound and another Harley Davidson was northbound.

Both motorcycles were traveling so close to the center line that their handlebars collided, causing both motorcycles to crash. The 63-year-old male rider of the southbound motorcycle sustained minor injuries and went to the sports. He was not wearing a helmet. The 51-year-old male, a child, a child, a 51-year-old male driver of the second motorcycle was not injured, and he was wearing a helmet. Anyway, the next one is in town. I'm going to keep, but by the way, it heats up as the week

goes on. So next week I'll, I'll have clipped the funniest ones that I find. Um, but it's out of control. Uh, this next story is, um, it's one of those things where i see all these clips on tiktok of like you know karen's on planes getting removed or drunks grabbing ass and you always think i wish i was on that fucking flight i i don't mind being delayed if it's something that i could actually record and put on social media right this one is i haven't seen the actual video of this online, which if somebody has it, please send it to me. Fitzdog Radio at Gmail dot com. An off duty envoy air pilot traveling on an American Airlines flight took over the plane's public address system after landing in Chicago to rant about his struggles with his sexuality. While the plane was safely on the ground, uncomfortable passengers were... What?

Wait a minute. Were forced to listen to his cry for help disguised as evangelical Christian testimony before the crew could regain control of the intercom. Quote, I was raped... And again, I'm not laughing about this. I was raped and molested as a young boy and left to deal with it alone, the pilot said at the beginning of the video.

I even started thinking of ways to end my life. When one passenger tried to stop him from continuing, the man told them, I am sorry if you are uncomfortable. I just want you to hear me out. Also on the left is the Grand Canyon. You can see that there. The priest grabbed my genitals and. is the Grand Canyon.

You can see that there. The priest grabbed my genitals and... The priest grabbed my genitals. By the way, if you want to grab one of these American Airlines golden cards, 30,000 miles free when you spend $2,000 in the first month. It's really quite a gift. Kind of like the gift I got that keeps on giving from that nun when she cornered me in the rectory. He went on to detail for the passengers that he became a sex addict and suicidal.

He admitted that he got married because he wanted to be straight and then started cheating on his wife with a man. Every aspect of my life was filled with love. I mean, I could go on and on. It's fucking crazy what these people listen to. I just would be like, wait, how can I make sure he's never my pilot? That's all I would be thinking. They say at the end of one of the videos that somebody took,

you could just hear a guy go, I don't give a shit, bro. Just let me off this damn plane. That's kind of sensitive. It's not invalidating. I guess it's invalidating, but it's like it's not screaming at him. It's gently kind of saying that's your business, man.

An American Airlines pilot's photo was taken from the company's website and used to illustrate the story on several websites. But the upset pilot is threatening lawsuits since he is not the man on the PA system. The incorrectly identified pilot was celebrating Pride Month in the years old photo. He is an out gay man. So he's going to be on the next flight on an intercom system. I was not raped. Yeah, I'm happily gay.

I enjoy it. I know it sounds weird, but putting a penis in my ass feels good. Have a nice flight. And then I'm taking the next flight where there's a counter. You just keep getting these guys back and forth. Listen, the way he stated what I went through was not correct. And by the way, he doesn't like it. He forced me to take it.

Oh, my God. So that's fantastic. And then. oh my god so that's that's fantastic um and then um you have a q anon story here yeah there's a q anon story where is that okay a california surfing school owner has been charged with killing his two young children after driving them from their home in Santa Barbara to Mexico. During an interview with the FBI, Matthew Taylor Coleman confessed that he had taken his two-year-old son and 10-month-old daughter to Rosarito, Mexico, where he shot a spear fishing gun into their chests. Okay, this, I have to admit, I did not read this story. The headline's QAnon.

I thought it would be a playful little thing. Whoa. The 40-year-old said that he was enlightened by QAnon and Illuminati conspiracy theories and that he believed his children were going to grow into monsters, so he had to kill them. Oh, man. Why did we wait? There's no way to get this time back, right? Why did we wait? There's no way to get this time back. Right. Why did I can't imagine that's up there in one of the most painful and fully aware deaths you could possibly have?

You mean being shot by this beer fishing gun in the chest? Yeah. And dying. Yeah. That doesn't happen instantly holy shit yeah and that means then probably one of the sons you know one was too fuck i don't even why am i doing the math well then plus also then being stuffed and hung on the mantle i mean that's not comfortable i was wondering i was gonna say i was gonna give you a genuine compliment because that is a funny insight. But I was also at the same time going to say, I was wondering how you could make this worse and you just did. I mean, look, it's terrible. But this QAnon thing, what's weird is that you expect that there's going to be people like this Matthew Taylor Coleman who are certifiably hearing voices and are fucking crazy and they find each other on the internet with QAnon then you have like representative Marjorie Greene who is also a member of QAnon who's an elected official

who is in charge of voting laws in and And you go like, where's the fucking, what's the spread on this QAnon membership? Well, listen, all followings have crazy people. There's crazy people everywhere. I do, hasn't there been a good documentary about what predisposes someone to become a conspiracy theorist? I don't know.

There has to be a documentary that explores conspiracy theorists. In other words, is it like a problem with authority, probably? A very robust distrust of authority, not believing. You're very suspicious. I'm sure there are some who just latch on to one thing and maybe it doesn't bleed into every aspect of their life. But I'm wondering what that is. I'm wondering what... It seems to me that's one angle. I think the other angle is a lot of conspiracy theorists, they like to think they're smarter and more

well-informed than the average person. So they stumble across some weird info on the internet and then they feel empowered to preach it and to live it and to let it set them aside from the general population as being more of an expert on life. And I would put that under the damaged ego heading. There's usually a damaged ego that they are, you know, they need to, you know, beef themselves up or they need to feel like they have one up on, on everybody. Um, okay. Here's, I'm just going to read Denman as he types in our Google doc.

Science daily does have an article saying certain personality types are more, uh, susceptible, Science Daily does have an article saying certain personality types are more susceptible, I guess. Right. Okay. Yeah. So I don't really want to read. So maybe I'll try to find a documentary on it that does it for me as I just lay there on the couch. All right.

Well, listen, let's cheer up and do some entertainment, Mike. All right. I have a headline. I've said it before, and I now even mean it with more conviction. Dave is the best show on television. Wow. Big statement. It's the best comedy. To me, it's the best show on TV.

Am I going to say it's better than the uh female abuse porn that is uh also on Hulu what's that show uh uh The Handmaid's Tale um but you know listen obviously there's quality whatever Dave's awesome what have you seen I saw season one I haven't seen season two yet but is Andrew Santino a lot in season two oh yeah gets his own episode nice all right um it doesn't spoil it he he gets a big storyline and he's great dude so one of his jokes he just decides they're gonna do a bar mitzvah at a rich guy's house like in Brentwood and he just decides to bond with the dad talking about kids his own kids Santino doesn't even have a girlfriend in uh in Dave and he's like yeah I got the two kids and he's just fucking bullshitting he's like but you know how it is you know how it is he's like you know you love him to death

he's like one of them huge temper right I swear to god huge temper issues what do you do as a dad i mean you know listen a t-ball he goes nuts you know it's just this i don't know where he gets it he's like charge the mound and the guy's like in t-ball right and santino doubles down and goes twice so i just want to know was that written and also the tag twice did they stumble upon that in in filming it like i have an idea let's do it again it was probably written but i like to think i'd love to think that santino came up with the twice on the fucking fly because it was a good enough joke where the dad just goes, he charged the mountain T-ball. All right, I'm going to call him right now.

Let's find out. Dude. Because that's fucking hilarious. You think he'll answer? He sees it's you. Oh, he might answer in a very caustic, inappropriate way. Oh, that's true. So very caustic, inappropriate way. Oh, that's true.

So we'll have to bleep that if he calls you a name. Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message. Oh, good. Tell him I'm geeking out and I had a question. All right, he'll call me back. Okay. All right, so here's the thing. Season two started a little slow. It was hard to follow.

I think the best episode in all of television was the season finale of last year was the season finale of dave and it was really really hard to follow the second to last episode this year was called rick rub. And I think it's, I'm going to call it now, I think it wins the Emmy for best half-hour TV show this year, comedy. Interesting. Okay. I don't know who it's up against.

And then the season finale is also great. I'm wondering what comedies it's up against this year. Doesn't even matter. I won't even look at the other ones, honestly. By the way, they've been showing late at night. We've been watching. We stayed at our friend. Oh, Sarah Fearon, who you who you're friends with.

And we stayed at her apartment. She was out of town and it was fucking great. We had our own pad and the kids stayed with the in-laws or the grandparents. And but she didn't have like cable so we watched regular tv friends reruns let me tell you something i never like a dirty show what's that it's a dirty show i when my kids start watching i'm like oh my god every other joke is a sex joke but it is categorically not a funny show. It's not good. It's not funny.

It's not believable. I don't like the characters. I don't fucking get how it's one of the biggest shows in history. It's corny. It's unbelievable. There's not a fucking, there's not an ounce of grounded truth in any of the dialogue that's spoken on that show. If you remove the soundtrack, you would be appalled because that, you know, if if anyone, if you guys haven't done that, just YouTube search for

Big Bang Theory laughs. Right. And there's a guy who removes the laughs and then he has fun and he puts in Ricky Gervais laughing instead. But when you remove when you listen to that silent one where all the guy did was cut out the laugh track, it's astounding. It's like family circus. I hope that the writers room for Big Bang Theory found out about it and played it for themselves in the writers room so they could sit, sit with their failure and understand yeah yeah they need an alec baldwin out of glenn gary glenn ross to come in here pause it after uh he drinks a cores in one of the clips and he's like it tastes like the rocky mountains fucking then no audio because they're laughing so hard and it would be like ale Alec Baldwin would press pause and be like, who wrote that joke?

Who calls that a joke? You get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Right. Right. Eminem's 19 year old child has come out as gender fluid in a video on Tik TOK. I'm not sure what gender fluid means.

I think it means that you're either, you can be either, male, female, or neither. You can be whatever. Stevie. Yeah, that's fluid, I imagine. I don't know about the neither part, but it's definitely flexible. That's what fluid says to me.

Well, asexual would be neither. So I don't know if you can sometimes, sometimes I'm asexual would be neither. So I don't know if you can sometimes, sometimes I'm asexual. Come on. There was some show I was watching where she met a guy and they really hit it off. And then they went on a date and on the first date he had to be honest with her that he was asexual.

And it was very weird. Uh, it was, no, it was, it was a show. I'm forgetting what show it was. It was a show i'm forgetting what show it was it was a very likable female yeah yeah yeah what show was that yeah wow i i am watching too much they're all blending

together but i remember really liking her and and then he came around a little bit because he started to have feelings but holding a hand was a big thing for him right what was that i know with all this binging i i can't remember anything with all the binging i think it was high maintenance i think it was high maintenance i think speaking of which yeah i think it's ben sinclair ben sinclair all of a sudden I'm seeing, and I never noticed it before, but he's executive. Maybe he's been the whole time executive producer on Dave. Ben is in that episode. So there's my two fucking favorite guys from TV in the last year in a scene together at the Rick Rubin episode. By the way, you can skip right to that and watch it with your family, including your mom. It's, it's, it's like Kubrick dude Kubrick, dude. It's like a comedy that goes in a Kubrick direction. Nice. Yeah. And I don't throw that word around loosely.

I'm very careful with my Kubrick name drops. Stevie, whose mother is Eminem's ex-wife, Kim Scott, made a video which began watch me become more comfortable with myself um she Stevie I don't I'm not supposed to say she it's they captured the video forever growing and changing how do you know it's they because it says it later on you know I haven't thought of this you know there's so many pronoun jokes and all that. But imagine. Obviously, I could never do this because I'd be thrown in jail. But like if I said my pronoun was it. Yeah.

He and it. Never mind. Go ahead. So. I just don't want any part of this pronoun thing. So I identify as it. Well, I just think it's it is amazing that these things happen to people like I'm like Eminem was so homophobic. He had he had so many homophobic lyrics and and he got so much shit from the LGBTQ. Absolutely, and he never backed down.

Yeah. I don't think he backed down. I think he was like, this is my art. And if you can pay attention to the song, in some of them, he would own that it was wrong, but I think in a lot he did not, so I don't know. Didn't Newt Gingrich also have a gay daughter, or was it Cheney? I that it was wrong, but I think in a lot he did not. So I don't know. Didn't Newt Gingrich also have a gay daughter or was it Cheney? I think it was Cheney.

No, of course. Cheney. Yeah. I mean, maybe Gingrich, but Cheney for sure. Yeah. And they're all married to lesbians, I'm sure. Oh, boy. Maybe allegedly.

You want to read this Kanye West story? Yeah. In entertainment. Oh, by the way, backing up for one second. I'm also watching a white Lotus on HBO. Have you guys started watching that? Yeah. I heard it. So you didn't like it at first, right? I had a friend who I trust and Jesse tell me finish watching the second episode. So the season finale is tonight and, uh, and I'm interested, but I heard a very interesting story about it, which I wish I had heard before I started watching

the story. And this might not be true, but it sounds like it HBO because of the, the pipeline of shows had been massively interrupted by COVID, uh, didn't have like anything like for July, like to premiere, right? And, or they were light. They called Michael White, the character actor, but he's also a creator and writer. They called Michael White because they know he works very fast. And they're like, do you have anything? Do you have an idea that's been sitting on the shelf? Do you have something? He's like, you know, I actually do have this idea about this resort. And on it, they're like, literally, we're going to call your lawyer now, but you just start writing. And he wrote, and this was like in March or I don't know when it was, but it was really

recently. He just started writing as they were casting and all this, and then they shot it. And so what I do, I think Noah is true is he has said, basically what you're watching is a first draft. And that helps, that helps me a lot. Not because it's bad, because I don't think the tone, and this is not a criticism actually, it is, but it's not negative. I don't think that the tone is really hard to latch on to. And tone a lot happens, like you kind of find that on the way sometimes where it definitely gets clarified.

And then you might go back and then once you find that tone, it informs everything. And usually you have time to address that tone in episode one. And that is not what happened here. And I thought that was really interesting. So it's goofy. It's definitely slow paced. I think if it wasn't a first draft, they would have moved it along a little more. Well, especially when you see something on HBO, usually it's so well crafted and smooth. And, you know, you don't expect to see something that that's in a rough form on HBO.

You might see something like that on Netflix or FX or something. So here's the confusing thing. This looks like they spent 10 years making it. It is crafted. The music, the transitions, it's gorgeous also. So all of it seems like people spent a long time. That's why it's very interesting. And that's another part that's confusing. Yeah. So, but I don't know, to me it falls in the, I'm very interested in it because I don't know why I'm liking it. Yeah. Like I can't really tell you the acting's amazing and the actors are great. There's a lot of pluses, but I don't get, I don't know exactly why I'm into this story though. Anyway. All right. Uh, okay. Kanye West don't album. I don't get I don't know exactly why I'm into this story, though. Anyway. All right. OK. Kanye West don't album. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. Has another release date, plus rumors of more production delays. But in the meantime, its second live stream topped the Apple Music charts.

So the reason I put this article in here is, you know, he's holed up in a stadium, right? No. What's going on okay i'm probably gonna get some of this wrong he had a like i don't know if it was like a dem a release party and he rented out a stadium and i think he played some of the tracks or performed them but and i probably have some of this wrong, but it's not that far off. And while doing it realized he still had a lot of notes for himself and he's delayed. So the, the release got delayed, which is not new for Kanye. And he decided to stay in the stadium and he has a small room with a single bed in it. And he sometimes live streams from there.

And he has not moved out of the stadium. He's rented it. Wow, no shit. That is fucking baller. And this live stream event on Apple Music broke records for the streaming service. 3.3 million people watched on July 22nd. And now his second live stream on August 5th reportedly beat that with 5.4 million viewers.

And this was one of the articles I read that I wanted to get into it. They touched on this. He has already earned 7 million from merch sales on the yet-to-be-released album. What's the merch? Like hot dogs? Popcorn? Giraffe beer?

Seat cushions? Giant baseball bats? Cots? Do we even know what stadium it is? I should know all this. Maybe it's in Houston or something. By the way, people are very frustrated because I should have included all that. But I was just going to touch on how.

Here we go. Mercedes-Benz in Atlanta. But, I mean, the Mercedes-Benz, it's a stadium, dude. Yeah, that's amazing. Was that where the Super Bowl was, Chris? Was the Super Bowl in that arena? Yes. Yes.

I mean, that's the venue that he has a single fucking bet in. He's fantastic. All right, let's get to Florida, man. Let's do Florida. All right. I just love this headline so much. The headline was Fauci says he's concerned about all of Florida. I am concerned about all of Florida, said Fauci.

If you look at the rate of increase, the inflection of increase, the number of cases, you know, Florida would be right up there. If Florida was a country, it would be one of the worst countries when it comes to the increase in cases. And in the past week, Florida has had more COVID cases than all 30 states with with the lowest case rates combined. Wow. Yes. So anyway, I just... And it's so predictable. That's the thing is this guy DeSantis is acting like he's a hero and he's watching out for the rights of the people and he's killing people.

He is literally, this translates into death. Cold, hard death. Not to mention... I did hear his poll ratings. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. Not to mention the trauma of the people that work in the hospitals and the ambulances and the morticians and the amount of death that is being caused by this.

And yet there's this defiant attitude that they're doing what's best for the people. And then what they'll all do is point to like Obama's super spreader event, which I'll tackle in a minute. And, you know, someone, and I have to say, it was a fair criticism. Like I brought up some two country music festivals, but Lollapalooza was a shit show too. And that's, you know, that's, I guess, left-leaning compared to a country music.

I mean, I guess this guy's viewing these very politically. But there's probably a bias. There's nothing political about what DeSantis is doing. I mean, it's a human being who's making these decisions. Oh, no, I'm separating it to the gatherings. Yes, you're right. No, no, this is just raw data about Florida. Anything else going on in Florida?

Yes, I grabbed a real Florida person story, so I don't know how she identifies, but well, she identifies as dead now. A 21-year-old woman was accidentally shot and killed Wednesday. Again, I'm laughing at the absurdity of this tragedy. A 21-year-old woman was accidentally shot and killed Wednesday by her toddler while she was on a zoom meeting for work. One of the participants of the woman's zoom call called nine one one after hearing a noise and then seeing her fall backward, according to the news release. So you and I think we have troubles with our Zooms when you freeze up. Yeah, the woman had, I think, the husband's gun in the house.

And, you know, this is a very huge problem. When I worked at HBO, I promoted a documentary, and this was in the 90s, about how often children have killed someone or themselves with guns that they find in the house. Well, I think the problem starts at the beginning of this story. A 21-year-old Florida woman with a child. You got to put a fucking IUD, hold them down, and put IUDs in them when they turn 13 and take them out when they're 39 years old. You should have maybe three years of breeding opportunity when you're a Florida woman because you're not capable of it.

I'm surprised her seven-year-old son didn't stop this killing toddler. That's right. This article might be fake because it's also a 21-year-old Florida woman with a job. Yeah, right, right. She fell over backwards in a chair. She could have been masturbating, and it gone really well. All right, this podcast is spiraling. This poor woman's dead.

All right, let's get to your Obama news. Meanwhile, good luck with that, kid. Why am I an orphan? You really want to know? Yeah. Am I an orphan? You really want to know? Yeah. Okay. I put this under international, but listen, I looked up the Obama party, the Obama birthday

party, which has been called a super spreader event. I saw a lot of people online clip the article that has been spread like crazy about the increase, which this article mentions that there was a one thousand eight hundred and twenty nine% increase in cases on Martha's Vineyard. They're alleging because of his party. I'm going to get to that in a second, but I just wanted you to hear this article. Okay. First of all, it's from the Jewish Voice. Okay. Jewish Voice is a very popular newspaper, but all I think about when I read the Jewish Voice is Andy Kindler. Okay. I just picture his voice, which I will not do. It'll come across as anti-Semitic as I read this. Well, he comes across as anti-Semitic and he's Jewish.

Yes. This is literally the article. The Jewish Voice, first word, all caps, First word, all caps, CONFIRMED, colon, Obama's Martha's Vineyard birthday bash, a super spreader event. Here's the article. Former President Barack Obama shrugged off the concerns of scientific experts by throwing himself a massive 60th birthday party at his $17.5 million estate on Martha's Vineyard this past weekend. It's already wrong. He didn't shrug it off. By the way, I'm just now doing facts. Of course, I like Obama, but I'm just going to do facts for a second.

He didn't shrug it off. Everything was per CDC protocol. Everyone had to be vaccinated and maybe, I guess, showing proof. It was outdoors, as guidance suggested. And not only that, in regards to the shrugging it off, he curtailed it when he saw that the Delta variant, which occurred and was spiking way after this had been planned, he disinvited most of the people. Imagine being disinvited from a party. That would be the worst. Colbert was disinvited. He talked about it.

Really? And anyway, so I'll tell you who else was disinvited. This article covers it. All right, you ready? These are quotes. As usual, the scientific experts were correct. The star-studded affair was a confirmed, quote, super spreader event, putting countless lives at risk and further cementing Obama's reputation as a narcissistic war criminal.

Jesus. Wow. Well, that's why it's in the international section, because if you're a war criminal, that's usually not national. That's international people. So, OK, according to data compiled by The New York Times, and they give the New York Times link, COVID-19 infections in Dukes County, Mass., which contains Martha's Vineyard, have spiked in the days since Obama's selfish display of clout. Cases have increased 1,829% over the last two weeks, while hospitalizations have jumped 157%. As the Washington Free Beacon previously reported, never heard of that,

Martha's Vineyard and other vacation locales frequented by the liberal elite have become COVID-19 hotspots. Celebs, journalists, and other left-wing activists have been driving the national infection rate higher, putting countless lives at risk. Obama's self-obsessed stubbornness in the face of a deadly pandemic further vindicates his critics, who have long argued that the only reason he wanted to become president was to hang out with famous people. Mission accomplished. By the way, this is not an editorial. This is an article. Yeah. Guests at the super spreader event included a number of B and C list celebs, including Don Cheadle, anti-Semite Al Sharpton and Kim Fields, star of the Housewives of Atlanta. prominent Jewish figures such as Larry David and longtime Obama advisor David Axelrod had their invitations revoked.

Oh, how did Larry David handle that? I know. And he lives right nearby on the vineyard. So the Jews, according to this article, were the ones who had them revoked. OK, so what I did is I followed the New York Times link. Here's here's some interesting data. The link that they supplied regarding the 1829% increase that they detailed on August 8th. So on August 8th, the seven day average was three cases. Three cases in Dukes County. On August 29th, it did jump to 29 cases. On August 9th, the next day. Yeah. But the data, and that's the 2000% increase. But the data is suspect because on August 9th, back to two cases. And on August 12th, one new case. And the 157 percent increase in hospitalizations in the link they cited. Get this. The data ends, you fuck faces, on August 5th before Obama's party.

And the hospitalizations jumped from one person in a hospital in Dukes County to four. But again, this was the week ending August 5th. So you are not a journalist. You are not. You shouldn't even call yourself a newspaper. I thought the Jews ran the media. They're supposed to be good at this. Just run it well, at least. By the way, Obama should have canceled this event. Well, at least, by the way, Obama should have canceled this event. Do not get me wrong. I think there was ego involved to have a giant event, a birthday of all things, an unnecessary celebration. Maybe it raised money for a huge charity that I don't know of.

But cancel it, dude, just for the optics. You're having everybody come to this island, which necessitates multiple means of travel. Just cancel it. But this piece of shit article is doing more damage than good. And, oh, it's a super spreader event in these what they call hot spots. Go fuck yourself. One person is in a hospital. Yeah.

It is amazing how you can conflate numbers like that. Anytime you hear percentages versus numbers, you know they're fucking with you. They do that all the time. And you want to know when they don't use percentages, people who are trying to make cases. It was like that, I think a guy wrote us who was talking about how many, how's California working out? You have this many cases. It's like, actually, why don't, in this case, why don't you look at the full picture by including percentages? Like in this one, you just cherry-picked percentages.

Let's look at, actually, the numbers also, and we'll have a fairer look at this thing. Yeah, California is a big state, and we have... We're 15% of the country's population. Right. All right, let's do some science. All right. Let's see.

Doctors performing a colonoscopy on a 59-year-old patient were shocked to discover a small ladybug crawling inside the man's intestine. I'm no doctor. While exploring the 59-year-old colon, searching for ulcers or tumors, they noticed... Is the ladybug a name of a vibrator? That would feel fucking awesome. Okay. They noticed it crawling in the intestine. That would feel fucking awesome. Okay.

They noticed it crawling in the intestine. How it got into the gut remains a mystery, but they suspect it entered his mouth while he was sleeping. As how it managed to survive his digestive system intact, they believe it may have something to do with his preparation for the colonoscopy. In order for the procedure to reveal as much information as possible, the colon must be as empty and clean as possible, which involves refraining from eating and purging.

The patient was given a cocktail containing polyethylene, glycol, and osmotic laxative used to treat constipation, which doctors believe may have sped up the ladybug's journey through the man's digestive system, seeing it all the way into the colon. That would feel pretty sweet. And that may be the next kink is like, hey, you want to hang Netflix snuggle in a ladybug? It would be like tickling your asshole. Maybe that's why my farts don't smell, because I take that concoction every night and just clean it up.

That's what it is. We won't name him, but he's a really good friend of ours who's recently become a best-selling author. Do you know he was rejected? He went in for his colonoscopy and was turned away because it was still too dirty. True story. He's on the table.

They're about to get things started. I think a nurse who's prepping the situation is like, this is a no-fly zone. This is not happening today. None of our pictures will be clear. We will not get good photos today. None of our pictures will be clear. We will not get good photos today. You are on your, let's try this again another time. Did he not do the cocktail? I don't know. No, he tried. I think he tried, but unsuccessfully. Oh my God. Yeah. So he then did do it successfully. You know, they've gotten the cocktail down to a much better and more efficient way to do it. You got you really got to think being an asshole doctor means that you tried brain, you tried heart and those slots were filled.

And this was the on the job placement board at medical school. This was the last one that wasn't taken. Yeah. Like I want to be a dermatologist. Okay. This is what we got left. You're going to study skin inside the asshole. Yeah.

That's where you're going to look for polyps. Yeah. Not on the outside. Not on the epidermis. I wonder, is that still called epidermis? Your wall of your colon? Someone write in who epidermis. I wonder, is that still called epidermis? Your wall of your colon? Someone write in who's a doctor, is that still considered epidermis? Because in a way, it is an outside layer of skin, right? Yes, it is.

Or is it that point where your epidermis around your butthole makes the turn and goes into your butt? Is it now not considered external? I bet that's what it is. Right past the starfish. All right, let's move on. The starfish. The chocolate starfish. Oh, well, Jesus, how did you just make it more graphic?

We got a lot of letters this week. Let's do it. Okay. We're going to get a lot next week. Andy from San Diego, who we went back and forth with about how he was saying that New York is not all that and that San Diego is better. He says, I understand your points about New York. Oh, he wrote back. For the record, I understand San Diego is not for everyone.

I was never trying to stay different. All right. All of a sudden, I feel badly. He seems two sentences in. He seems more fair-minded than I gave him credit for. Does it take a turn, though? I haven't read this. No, now he tries to spin it. My point is global cities like Tokyo, Paris, Barcelona, Berlin, London, Hong Kong, all have culture.

New York may have been what you claim it is before 9-11, but it is not the same city now. CBGB's has been closed since 2006. Times Square is not the same. I understand your love and passion for New York in 1989, but that is not what is there today. I hate to say I kind of agree with him. Oh, yeah, but here's my take on that. What's his name? Andy.

Andy, you know what? This is a pretty valid point, actually. It is, but you would have to take New York down so many notches to hit San Diego. You would have to still get rid of Broadway. You'd have to still get rid of Barney Greengrass on the Upper West Side, the best fucking Sturgeon King in the country. You'd have to get rid of the Blue Note. Jazz Club down in the village.

You'd have to get rid of. Being on a subway. And watching a kid with no shirt. Swing on a fucking bar. Like it's Cirque du Soleil. For what? A quarter. Maybe a dollar for feeling good.

I just had the greatest five days in the city running around. Andy, I just kept reading. Andy has really solid points here, I got to say. Corporate American rich people have pushed any vibe that you speak of out of New York. Now, it's not all gone because I'm listening to you too, Greg. You both have a point, but this disappearance of New York is a fact. You know, there's an article, maybe I'll try to find it. I remember being stunned. It was in the New York Times, and I know how I'll find it. I'll Google New York Times and Dean and

DeLucas. And it was an article that came out in the last three years. And it was the most articulate explanation of how new you of why New York's disappearing. Yeah. Yeah. It's a victim of its own success. And it's and Venice became that Venice is getting dirty. Everybody's like, oh, what are you worried about? All the how do you live in Venice with all the homeless people? Good. I like them. You know why?

It gets the squeamish people out. It lowers rents so people that are artists can move back in again. That's what Venice was supposed to be. Bohemian, dirty, gritty, dangerous, interesting. You know what it wasn't supposed to be, though? Because I hear you. What it wasn't supposed to be. So I sadly got the Nextdoor app.

You want to know one of the most common words I read on the Nextdoor app? Machete. Yeah. Yeah, machetes are out of the bag. What the fuck is going on with machete fights? Yeah. Yeah. Insane.

Don't bring a knife to a machete fight. Mentally ill people wielding machetes. I'm not saying it's every block. I'm just saying it's more than once a week. I just saw a video of two guys wrestling on Wilshire in Santa Monica. And one of them has a machete and the other guy's just trying his best to pin the machete hand to the pavement. And it's in a lane of traffic.

Yeah. Yeah. And all these all these civilians. One guy's filming it, obviously. But these other civilians are trying to get in. But, you know, you have to think twice about breaking up a machete fight. I know, but that's fucking great. I mean, think about your average day.

Sometimes I go to bed at night and I go, what did I do today? I had cereal. I walked the dogs. I sat in my office. Magic spoon. I had some magic spoon. I sat in my office. Maybe I masturbated.

And then I came home for dinner. How about breaking up a machete fight? That's something. Now you got something to talk about. Now you got something to post on your Instagram account. I mean, life has to happen. I want that shit in my life. And honey, can you just feed me some more magic spoons since I've lost both hands with

my incredible experience I had today? I look like a diamond minder in Zimbabwe. Can you pass the magic spoon? Okay. So we're not going to read it this week, but thank you, Chris. Keep that link in there.

Chris just found the article from the August, 2019 New York times Dean. And it says Dean dash to Luca dash Barney's dash bankruptcy. Oh, cause it was the disappearance of, so Barney's went away also, which is interesting because that is a one percent place to shop and all that. But but it also was this New York institution. So anyway. All right. This guy says Scott Flicker says.

Thank you for writing back. You have a valid point. back. You have a valid point. I hope you're happy in San Diego and you sound more interesting than we, you know, the Tommy Bahama type of guy we painted you as. So thanks for writing back. And I wish I had more of your mature approach of taking a hit and responding less emotionally. Oh, God. Can we go now? Jesus. Go ahead. Scott Fluker says, cool, great episode as usual. Tell Mike to get over it. The more filth, the better. Nice to see a young girl from my town here.

Whatever. Oh, you read this already. Oh, I did. All right. Forget it then. Forget him. He's a dick. No, I'm kidding. Michael Smith says, Mike can't handle Rick Rubin being alt-right. How's he feel about Bowie banging 14-year-olds? You read this also.

Does he still love the music? No, I didn't. Yeah, you did. And by the way, I'm fading on my Rick Rubin. Never mind. The podcast, I mean, the episode of Dave called Rick Rubin is going to win the Emmy. I mean, the episode of Dave called Rick Rubin is going to win the Emmy. But I have just now heard too many stories of him ripping off musicians.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He walked out of the Beastie Boys Q&A like the Beastie Boys had that celebration in the theater. Yeah. And I think Chris told us this last week. And I think he abruptly walked out. think chris told us this information and also like i think he asked the beastie boys like why didn't we remain friends or like and was really genuinely asking and again this is all allegedly and the beastie boys were like uh because you fucked us over dude wow now i think that's true but i don't know he's obviously a massively successful not only

artist but businessman who has run labels so um yeah anyway all right let's do an obituary and that's all folks this is a sad one close to home for us trevor moore this happened a week ago i was a comedian who was founding member of the sketch comedy troupe the whitest kids you know This is a sad one close to home for us. Trevor Moore, this happened a week ago, was a comedian who was a founding member of the sketch comedy troupe The Whitest Kids You Know. He started out in public access, and then he worked as an intern on SNL, and then co-founded The Whitest Kids You Know with fellow students from the School of Visual Arts.

They were on Fuse and they were on the Independent Film Channel. You know, my stepbrother, Jeff Nichols, got involved with them and was like either helping them out or whatever. But he was on the periphery of a whitest kid, you know, and actually involved with them. And he was definitely not part of the group. I'm not saying that, but he was working with them a lot. And he was on the podcast. Mike and I hung out with him for about 90 minutes, had a great chat. He was a warm, charming guy.

Who did? Yeah, he was on the show. What show? You and I had him on the show. No. You don't remember that? I don't think I ever met him you 100% did he was on the show and uh you were there really yep huh Chris Denman is saying I interviewed him in 2016 great dude Mike were you there for that one also and you forget? No, I don't listen to my podcast on the QAnon network.

So I don't have access to that. WQQQQ. All right. I'd like to say I met him. It's just the saddest story. Do we know what the accident was? Did you already read that? I think he died of a heart attack or something, didn't they?

Or they didn't say. Just said, oh, it was an accident. Oh, Jesus. They're just saying an accident. Well, that's not good. I hope that woman's toddler didn't also shoot him. All right, that's awful. This is, wow, a highly inappropriate show.

We just trust you know who we are. We're not those people. But this was really sad, and a lot of people really moved because he's also one of those nice guys. Oh, I should have read this letter earlier. This relates back to our friend in San Diego. This guy Drew writes in, Fitz, you guys nailed San Diego with the apathy of its residents and overall

mediocrity of its features. I work in sales and hustled my ass off back in the East coast in the twenties. But now a San Diego resident in my thirties, I usually work around the tides to surf and take a two hour lunch that I expense. There is zero culture, just a bunch of douchey Boston,

Chicago transplants, getting shit faced to the same shitty reggae songs played on repeat at every bar, i.e. Sublime. The pedal carts don't even serve booze. You just go in circles around Gaslamp District, which is the Myrtle Beach equivalent of the West Coast downtown. The seals in La Jolla smell terrible and are mean as shit. No one goes to Comic-Con anymore. The burritos and cocaine are mean as shit. No one goes to Comic-Con anymore. The burritos and cocaine are amazing, though.

All right, I'm back to it. Fuck you, Andy, and fuck San Diego, and fuck D.C., and New York still rules. God damn it, thank you. Who was this guy that wrote that? This is Drew. Thank you, Drew. Yeah, we're going to get Drew and Andrew in a cage match. I'm getting soft.

Fuck you, San Diego. Yeah, fuck San Diego. Fuck you, San Diego. Yeah. Fuck San Diego. Stay soft, San Diego. Yeah, stay soft as fuck. Stay white. Stay so white and privileged. So fucking isolated. You don't even realize your own white privilege.

Not even a hint of it. There's zero white guilt in San Diego. I can't relate. All I am is white guilt. It's 30,000 people that work as a foursome. And I understand white guilt. White guilt, I understand, is not a virtue. But you know why I have it?

And it's correct. I have it because I don't do anything about it. And that's valid. I mean, it's not the way to go through life. But in other words, my white guilt makes sense. Because I'm not white guilt because, oh my God, of course they've had such a fucking raw deal and I've been ripped off for

fucking generations. Of course, that's a fact. Should I have white guilt about that? Maybe there's like a not big of a link. Here's the link. I don't fucking do anything about it except complain about it. What are you talking about?

You've hired, are we still recording? You've hired lots of black people on shows that you've worked on you've nurtured black people along as writers of no yes but every if i'm if i'm this bothered about it uh i should do more and there's well god fuck that dude i've done nothing let's go on. I mean, oh, being nice to black people. That's in a plus column. Holy shit.

Well, what are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to go teach African-American studies at Santa Monica College? Well, I should stop calling 911 on them whenever they're on the same side of the sidewalk as me. That's a start. I know that would be a good start start that might assuage some of this white guilt um all right this is the sunday funnies all right uh the lockhorns loretta is talking and she seems to be kind of opining she's's looking up to the sky. She's mid long rant. And Leroy says, is there a press five option to end this conversation? He hates her. That's perfect.

Let's do a family circus. Oh, God. All right, dude. I just copied and pasted it in here. And so it's actually an interesting drawing. It's the family is in the foreground and they're like, well, I mean, are they? It's as if they're in a movie theater. That's how I would have drawn this, because they're all like black and white and dark. They're like a little more than silhouettes. You can see some details. And in the background, in full color, it looks like they're at a rail, like a tourist railing overlooking the Grand Canyon, right? Yeah. Would you say? Yeah, it's the Grand Canyon, right? Yeah. Would you say? Yeah, it's the Grand Canyon. Okay, but why are they black and white in a railing that makes it look like they're watching a Western movie? Whatever, the whole fight. Why even spend this time on it?

And they're watching these people go down, I am assuming into the Grand Canyon, on donkeys, right? Or mules, whatever. And I guess the little fucking kid says... Billy. Ah, whatever. This is what he writes.

It'd be easier if they had escalators. Yeah. But Mike, it's out of the mouths of babes. It's the innocence of a child not understanding that this is, you know, a beautiful, natural thing, and he's imposing his own modern voice on it. This isn't even kids say the darndest things, which is what you're saying.

This is a middle-aged illustrator says the most fucking bunch of garbage ever that's what this is yeah nonsense this one is actually nonsense and there's times where you can tell it came from an incident in his life like maybe there was a puddle in the foyer and he said mommy can i put my bathing suit on or whatever like that that actually happened happened. This, I can tell, is so disassociated from anything that feels real that he just saw a picture of the Grand Canyon and he thought of this. His kids weren't there. He wasn't capturing moments that happened and putting it into his art.

He just had, he's like, I got a fucking 10-20 tee time. Ralph is already mad at me because I was late for golf yesterday. I got to crank this thing out. I'm thinking he's on the fifth hole. Yeah. And literally Ralph's driving. And why don't I write this during Ralph's backswing? That's all the time I have.

Right. You know what family circus should be called? It shouldn't be called family circus. It should be called Number 11. This is what I imagine. Jeff Keen is given this drawing, and he's not allowed to publish the first 10 things he thinks of. He has to go with at least the 11th thought,

which he's run out of funny, because he doesn't even have 10 funny things to say, and he still has to go to Number 11 before it's accepted. thought which he's run out of funny because he doesn't even have 10 funny things to say and he still has to go to number 11 before it's accepted and they're saving the other 10 for some anthology that'll come out later of the good stuff like look i haven't spent time on this but looking at it one it's a funny the context is this is in a section called The Funnies, for Christ's sake. Wouldn't you look at this and be like, hey, could a kid ask this? That would be kind of funny.

Do you think the donkeys know this is the easy part? What about that one? Yeah, yeah. That's like a, I'm not saying that's hysterical at all, but it'd be easier if they had escalators. Yeah. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah. It'd be easier if they jumped. It'd be easier if they had escalators. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. It'd be easier if they jumped.

It'd be easier. There's a million things that would be easier then. Yeah. All right. Let's get to Blondie. Speaking of easy and taking it easy. Also, by the way, I take it back. I don't know if it would be easier if donkeys had an escalator.

How about that? Right. That's what Norm MacDonald would say to this. Like, there's ways where he is so, like Macdonald, I told you would reject these. What I thought were great jokes. And he would have a logic problem that you would not be able to anticipate. But he was right. So like this is a better shitty joke. If they were watching people on like the wall of El Capitan in Yosemite. Like, wouldn't it be easier if they had escalators, right? You know, the guys who are fucking going from, you know, maybe they're free climbing or they're going from rope thing to rope thing, you know, that, that logically would make sort of sense. This doesn't even work on that level. I bet a donkey would lose its fucking mind on an escalator and it would be did please bring me

back to the narrow path yeah that i could slip and fall to my death on all right we're done all right jeff keem we're punching it up for you now uh so dagwood walks in the front door he's got a briefcase i don't know why the guy doesn't fucking do anything with it. All he does is, he says, boy, the boss was really upset with me today. And Blondie, who's got on a lime green sweater, a black velvet skirt, and one calf. She's always got one foot up on its toe to accentuate

the calf. She says, goodness. That's how you also create shape with your body. When you pose for photographs, it's an old model trick. That's right. And she puts the the knees together which makes the buttocks present and she says goodness what happened dear and he said he sort of caught me napping on the job and first of all if i'm dagwood and i've got a fucking 10 as a wife who not only that has a catering company on the side which does well we've seen it in other

weeks she's probably making more than he is at this point he should not only be ashamed of himself he should be trying to better himself and present himself in a way that will make her not fuck another guy which she has all rights to do at this point he sort of caught me napping on the job she goes sort of and he says it was sort of caught me napping on the job. She goes, sort of. And he says, it was sort of a double whammy because I was in the break room at the time. Hey, honey, I am a fucking zero at home and then I go to work and I'm worse.

Can I have sex now? No. Sorry, Dagwood, you can't. I just fucked three guys in your bed and you can't say anything about it because you're a fucking cuck you're a zero you don't even try to lie to me that you're a better man than you are go go sleep in the backyard with the dog but now the next scene she'll be she'll be stirring a pot for him that's what i don't fuck you talk about norm mcdonald logic. Where's the logic in this heavenly creature sweating over a stove while he takes a nap on the couch after napping in the break room at work?

What fucking deal with the devil did he make? Also, the logic of he sort of caught me napping in the job room. Sort of. It was sort of a double whammy. So there's that. in the job room. Sort of. It was sort of a double whammy. So there's that. But why is it a double whammy that wouldn't napping in the break room be way less offensive than napping in the boardroom or in your on the job? You were on a break. Yeah. So what's the double whammy part? He's like a guy who's in his 20s who who kind of hasn't figured out what he's going to do

for a living, except the man is in his 50s now. And he still works with the fucking vigor of a stoned, hungover ex-college student. Also, here's one of the things that you've got to get rid of. Anybody who's working out there,

if you have someone in your world who's bad at their job, but they're wearing a bow tie. Yeah. That is a combination that makes no sense. Right. None. Bow tie seems to say I am detail oriented. I march to my kind of own drummer. And even if you disagree with me, I've got my shit together.

Yeah, the bow tie really says I've got a different set of priorities than most people. And I don't give a shit what people think about me. This is saying, or I work in catering. Or, yeah, am I an architect? No, but I'm still going to go with the bow tie. Yeah, I dig it. I like how architects still had a, just don't wear a tie. Yeah.

Your tie's getting on your drawings, and so you switch it to bow tie? Yeah. It's a weird move. I might start. Architects, I just got to say. I might start golfing with the bow tie. Go with a neckerchief. All right, listen, one more time.

Or a mascot. We're going to tell you guys to support our sponsors. Go to magicspoon.com slash papers and get $5 off. And also. Send me free cereal, Magic Spoon. Send me free cereal. And support Mike. Mike, what do you want to promote?

Dave. Dave. Oh, by the way, Santino. Oh, here's what I want to promote. I want to promote something. Next week, if it's possible, I'd like a live phone call with Santino to promote Dave.

The series finale just aired so we can catch people up and we'll just ask him. I'm interested in the process a little bit. He just texted me. I'll call you in a bit. And it's been a bit since he texted me that. So we didn't get him on this episode.

We'll get him next week. Next week, we're going to have one of the stars of Dave call in and tell us about Dave. So catch up to Dave. Cause, uh, I want to ask him questions about that. That's good.

We've been up. So I like it. Yeah. All right. I got to run. My family's going to celebrate me. My friends are coming by and it's going to be great. They're going to have a great day here in New York.

And then we're going to go up and see Matt Malloy and Hamilton tomorrow. Oh, a lot of farm country up there. Maybe you'll get some basils and some mozzarella. Some muttadel. Maybe some prosciutto. I'm going to get some prosciutto and some gabagoo. Parmesan. All right.

Thanks for listening. As always, Midcoast Media does a great job. Look out. Chris and Beth and all the people that are making this sound come to you. And, Mike, we'll see you next week. Did you thank Key? I did thank Key. Key can keep the beginning.

I think it's interesting watching us absolutely have a rocky start, which we always do, before you start screaming the intro. Oh, you want to go kind of cinema verite? Put a little bit of raw footage in there? We should make that nine seconds of floundering a uh a pay site that that should be the part that's that's the extra content that you get for what's the company that charges patreon that's our patreon part that eight seconds of us like are your headphones plugged in are you recording there's also a lot of like uh hey you faggots there

which we would never say in the course of the regular podcast. Wait a minute. Does that get bleeped? Wait, you have to explain that word now. You can't just say that word joking anymore. You think I'll get in trouble for that? Yeah, I think you're going to get noted. All right.

Note me up. FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. As always, we welcome your logos. We welcome your music. And we're looking for some new songs for the next few weeks. Send them in. And we'll talk to you.

So, Chris, this is interesting. Wait, hold on. Chris has just typed, should they bleep it? Here's one of the problems. I'll give you a story from TV, just very briefly. I know you have to go and be celebrated

by your friends and family. I don't even know what that means. 20 minutes ago. They all got here 20 minutes ago. Okay, but what I'll say is, like on the Ben show that I did for Comedy Central, which was very dirty, we were talking to a real pharmacist, actually.

And we were talking, he was buying lube and he's like, what's this for? And he's like, well, it's to lubricate her vagina. And the pharmacist, a real pharmacist, unscripted, said that. And then we were told to bleep it. And I go to Comedy Central, morons,

you realize what we just made her say to the viewers in the viewer's mind. She just said pussy. Right. Or worse. Yeah. Because you're making us bleep vagina of all things. Yeah. These were when I famously would go crazy on comedy central,

which happened on every show I worked on there. So Chris, if you bleep the word he just said, I think they're going to think it's far worse. All right. So obviously it was meta and it was a joke and it was a call back to a, an intentionally inappropriate use of the word. I know, because a lot of these cunts will start to think that it was worse than it was.

All right. Thank you. We'll see you next week. Take it, Aish. Take it, Aish. Thank you. My problems disappear when I hit play Okay Sunday paper time It's Sunday paper time Sunday paper time

It's Sunday paper time. Thank you.