Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 78 8/29/21

Episode Date: August 29, 2021

We open with a Sturgis update and talk about a principal who’s been fired for telling a joke about a crustacean. Mike raves about Billie Eilish's new album and Greg buries KISS. One of our friends got herpes. Follow Mike Gibbons on Instagram @GibbonsTime 

I think we keep this we keep keep this. Keep this in there. Keep it in. And let's, let's, are you getting ready to scream? Do you have your? I'm getting ready to scream. I got to untangle some wires. All right. This is the behind the scenes.

We should charge for the first 30 seconds of the show only. Put it behind a paywall. People will get a sense of uh how professional we actually are you got your headset oh you don't have the giant cans anymore now we got our introduction yep i'm plugged in all right you're gonna scream sunday paper is golden colorado a lot of news going back to the 1800s from the local paper back when there was a lot of chlamydia and killing of engines and stuff that went on in this town trigger warning i wonder what the people in the next room are thinking when

they're they hear this outburst um they can hear every word because this hotel is a fucking dump and the walls are paper thin and uh it's uh it's not what i'm accustomed to my window overlooks an air shaft and the there's there's padding on the mattress that doesn't reach below your ankles so your feet are on a different texture than the rest of the bed. All right. I was at a crowd. So, all right. I go to Michigan to drop off Sophie, my oldest.

We'll talk about that later. But anyway, I get into town and they're like, I call the hotel. I'm like, I'm going to be checking in late because we're going out to dinner and everything first. And she's like, okay. She goes, I have some good news and I have some bad news. And I'm like, I wasn't expecting to hear any news. And she's like, okay, the good news or the bad news is we had a flood and, uh, you're unable to stay here tonight. The good new. And by the way, the town is sold out because everyone is there moving their kids into the

dorms. So we were able to find you a room. And I'm like, where is it? She's like, no, no, no, it's nearby. And, uh, and it was, so they put me in that and that was a comp, uh, a comfort in or something like that, but really low, really moat, like motel type status. Yeah. Anyway. So I stay there and they're like, but the good news is I think we're going to have it

cleaned up. I'm like, well, how cleaned up? I mean, floods kind of linger, like, you know, the next day, even if it's dry. So she's like, well, no, no, no tomorrow. So anyway, uh, or you can stay in the hotel you're in, but you'd have to pay for it because it's more expensive, whatever. I called them the next day. My hotel that I stayed in did not have any more rooms, totally sold out the next night.

So I had no choice. So I called them and they're like, uh, yeah, your room room's ready so i go to the hotel that night to check in she's like how was your stay last night at the place we put you up in you know the comfort inn or whatever and i go it was good i was gonna say because that's a lot better than this place and i'm like oh no because what i stayed at was what you were describing i mean uh you know a view out to a vent like it's like do you need a place to be unconscious for for like you know six hours this is your place yeah yeah that's kind of the the mode right you know it's not good when you see the people the other people that are checking in have coolers that's that's never a good sign when they bring their own pillows yeah and the coolers are for the organs they're just expecting to wake up

in a tub of ice with their kidney gone and a note they're just bringing the cooler just so you know the person gets their kidney you're like do you have an ice machine okay good no reason i'm asking um this is uh it's cool if we hibachi in the room right that's all right you allow pets okay chickens but listen to this so i get an email from uh um a guy who went to my show last night all right he says to me uh wanted to thank you for a great show in golden on friday uh wait oh here um dear Greg, love the show. Quick side note.

When we checked into our hotel, the staff asked what we planned to do. I told them we were going to see your show Friday night, and one of them immediately told us that you were staying in the hotel as well. He then said that you were not at all funny when you were checking in. I tried to politely explain that stand-up comics aren't always on. He didn't seem to buy that explanation. Club owners said the same thing. Oh, man.

That's not exactly the privacy. I mean, why use your fake name if you're going to just be outed by the front desk? Right, right. Cunty McShitballs. I say that every time. You know, it's called Tabletop Hotel, by the way. Table Mountain View Hotel, by the way. Air vent view.

Yeah, it's fucking terrible. But the show's been good. Nice. I always joke around with our friend Greg Gurman about when I go on the road, and there's the times where I show up, and I go into a low-grade depression, and I don't leave the room except to go to the shows. And people are like, how was Pittsburgh? And you're like, I can tell you how the fucking car ride from the hotel was,

and the room. And that's it. But this or sometimes I'm that guy, which means I'm the guy that goes out yesterday, does radio at 630 in the morning, is back in the room at 8 a.m., rents a mountain bike. And then you and then rode 10 miles on one of the toughest trails in Golden around this fucking mountain. I'm talking boulders, steep incline, rattlesnakes, um, fucking crazy. And so you, I, so I drove up like an hour to go up. And then when you come down, they, this bike that the guy recognized me at the bike shop so he gave me this like seven thousand dollar mountain bike with really fat tires it's very dangerous coming down oh yeah

oh yeah so he told me lower the seat all the way down when you're coming down so i lowered the seat which you do with a with your thumb you can lower oh wow you can lower the seat and and i come down and mike i have not giggled with joy like that in a fucking years i had so much goddamn fun i'm ripping down the hills i'm jumping over boulders i got i got the back brake skidding because it's like a uh a cutback path so it's like sharp turns and i'm like putting on the back brake and sliding around the turns i was i was going crazy it was so much fucking fun i'm glad you had a good bike because i think you might have taken a spill otherwise i fell once so many people fall yeah like you see their outfits they have to protect their ribs yeah like it's really way more dangerous than you think no people break their collar aaron's brother

broke his his uh arm really bad he's got a scar going all the way up it but um and then i came back and it was like it was like 88 degrees out and dry and you know high altitude and so i come back into golden and there's this river that runs through the town and it's snow runoff it's freezing cold and i fucking stripped down my underwear and i dove into this river and it was well now you're like the people you made fun of checking into the room with goats like now you're the embarrassment in the town oh look at fucking Coney Island over here came to golden and so then I get back on the bike and I'm dripping fucking water all over this seven thousand dollar bike I'm giving it back to

the guy soaking wet he's like thanks a lot that's a great day out it's a great day. I'm giving it back to the guy soaking wet. He's like, thanks a lot. That's a great day out. It's a great day out. I'm back in my room by, you know, 1230 and I'm a hero. I jerked off, took a nap for two hours,

woke up. Nice. Still soaking wet from the jerking off. Yep. That's impressive. You were able to get another load out after cranking one out in the river. Well, there's a lot of pretty Coloradans there. Yeah. There are good looking, good looking women in Colorado. Holy shit. All natural. So you saw the video I sent.

Oh my God, dude. Do you really want to talk about that maybe not but uh yeah well it's one thing it's like i know who i am and i know i'm doing it for comedic stuff and i'm sending you guys pictures of like so i'm in michigan and it is just groups of girls i'm using that term accurately they're almost all 17 or 18 i think they're almost all 17 or 18. I think they're almost all freshmen because that's why. Are we going to take a quick break and promote delivery.com? I'm trying to get you off this topic before you get yourself in trouble. Anyway, but as a parent and I'm dropping off a, you know, a good looking daughter, I am concerned with how little clothing. I know I sound like an 80 year old guy.

Maybe I'll move it to that instead of a 50 something year old creep. It's ridiculous how little clothing they're all wearing and packs of them. So I take out my phone because I'm in such disbelief. So now I'm the 50 something year old guy recording and taking but i'm sending it to you guys like you can't even turn around i literally was live turning i was surrounded by throngs and this is what they're wearing yeah it's almost like a uniform yeah bikini top and the craziest cutoff jean shorts. Right.

It's as if you were casting like, hey, let's make this stereotypical. You girls are going to run a car wash that's like homoerotic out of like. For the USA, the USA Network, the midnight showing of of bods, B-O-D-Z with a period after each letter. Yeah. Or wasn't there something in like Cool Hand Luke, right, where they had that image, like he was staring at? Oh, right, right. Anyway, it was bonkers.

And I know Michigan's enjoying one of their few sunny, you know, beautiful summer days, you know, during the school year. But, oh, my God, it was crazy. And then I start, like, saying, I'm like, Sophie, this is like, dad, calm down. And she's like, there's a big foam party. I'm like, what? She's like, that's why they're dressed like that. It's a foam party. And I'm like, what, what are you talking? So they, my daughters explained to me, like, I'm a caveman, what a foam party is. And they can't explain how they generate this foam of course that's what

i'm asking and so but the next day it's the same thing and i'm like so is there a foam party today to explain these basically naked and she's like i don't know dad we're not talking about it anymore it was insane yeah yeah i mean it's uh it's pretty crazy like here in golden people are just uh yeah bikini tops are pretty standard people just walk around in them yeah it really and you know people if you had shown me number one a girl without a bra when i you know like i can remember being in manhattan and once in a while you'd be in the east village and you'd see a girl without a bra it was a big fucking deal it was like holy shit and now it's like standard it's like not unusual to see girls with no bras on right and bikini bottoms that are thongs if you had seen a girl with a thong on the beach in the 90s you would have been like a crowd would have

formed and now it's pretty standard woman over there what's that it would be it would be like a foreign person you know what i mean yeah i gotta i gotta remember to talk about the stanley kubrick thing welcome back to old guys who can't believe hot chicks are wearing very little clothing well i you know have that dumb joke where it's like you know they would notice me like uh take a picture it'll last longer i'm like another one i already took a i already took one picture you want so i should take another one uh so how was the drop off otherwise it was good you know you know we were a little rushed so i took then a shuttle to the airport and it was great

uh as if by design you know that irish design of pushing down the emotions so everything was really happy and ending on high notes but when i walked back into my place here uh that night after a flight and everything uh it hit me pretty hard. And I texted her immediately saying it. Like, you know, I see her frying pan on the drying rack. Now, this sounds weird, but that was her frying pan because she's celiac. So we couldn't do like French toast in there or a million things.

So that was dedicated. That was hers. And then to see that here, like it was just a reminder, nevermind her room and stuff like that. So I got very sad when I got home. So I just started thinking

about all the other girls and their bikini tops. And it somehow didn't get sadder. Did you text them also? Well, I wanted to publish all the, I wanted to go on the parents page at a university of Michigan and be like,

are these your bitches? Look at them. I'm furious. They're all going to be pregnant by the second semester. I will say, okay, I'll tell this story now. So on the way home, I'm on a, I'm on a flight from Detroit, a Delta flight from Detroit to here. So first of all, one thing I saw, which is funny, I went into movies and then

I did comedy and under comedy, the third movie suggested is do the right thing. You know how hysterical that race riot was. So, all right, that's number one. So then I'm like, all right, what should I watch? And I see a full metal jacket and I haven't seen full metal jacket a long time. So I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to watch the opening five minutes, right? So I watch it, and it's so arresting. It's, you know, it's Kubrick. I mean, no matter. Anyway, so it gets to the scene in the first part of the movie,

which it's like it's two movies. So in the first movie, when they're in training, basic training, it gets to the famous scene where the guy kills the commanding officer and then turns the rifle on himself. Yeah. And so violently blows his brains out. That's I don't know, by the way, special effects. I don't know how they did it. And his brains smash against the wall behind him. So I'm watching this scene, right? And fucking tense not only you know with the headphones on but it's Kubrick so

it's visually it's it reminds me you know this the lighting and everything definitely clockwork orange vibes you know it's and shining it's Kubrick man it's literally a visual language that's Kubrick so it's impossible not to be riveted right and so the guy turns

turns the rifle turns the rifle, turns the rifle, puts it in his mouth, pulls the trigger, his brain smash, the Asian woman next to me jolts against her seat. And I'm like, I now, and I get startled.

I jump out of my seat because she hits the back of her seat so hard. And, and I look over and she's traumatized by the way. She's probably Vietnamese. You're not seeing her side of the story. They're not even there yet. They're not even there yet.

So she has headphones in and is watching like fucking sleepless in Seattle or something on her monitor. But she watches and she looked at, and then she looks at me like, what the fuck is that? And it has, there's no on Delta. There's no like a filter that, you know, that sort of, um, you know, you can't see what's next to you. I'm so inarticulate right now, but there's no filter that's like, you know, mitigating how much you can see on the, on the filter next. Right. So, um, anyway, I literally felt compelled. I'm like, oh, he went insane. He went insane. Like I'm now pointing to my screen at the dead guy whose brains are on the wall. I'm like, he, the other guy was too rough on him and he, he snapped, but,

but he said in the beginning, his job was to filter out those who can become killing machines. Are you still listening? You see, they're headed to the Pacific Asia area. They're going to kill a lot of Vietnamese people, so they have to be really well trained. You have to understand. But honestly, good luck. You have three seats. The center seat is playing that

scene from full metal jacket i don't care if the guy in the right seat's playing porn you are not able to watch what you're doing when you're in certain if a certain kubrick scene is playing yeah anywhere in the vicinity right that's where your eyes are gonna go right i was i was on a flight coming back from a gig in Buffalo, New York. And when I write out my job, I was working on my material. And when I have my jokes, I usually just write a couple of words. So it's like a sheet of, you know, the sheet just has like two. Like bullet points.

Bullet points. And they say the craziest things. Like for my jokes, it says like gay wizard um rape the boy scout and so now they i noticed this guy's to-do list this guy this guy next to me is fucking staring at my screen he's not peering out of the corner of his eye his neck is turned and he's staring at it and i get very uncomfortable so i typed at the cross at the top i'm gonna strangle the passenger next to me. And he just picked up his book and he started reading.

Well, now when you're putting that thing in there like want to eat feet, you know, whatever your things are, whatever your book, you should have full metal jacket playing on the monitor right above it. The guy won't see a single thing you're typing. just fart the entire time just be the dream passenger uh but boy i watched i wound up of course watching the whole full metal jacket oh good lord just the opening 20 minutes with that screaming commander yeah well it's like the deer hunter about trigger warning i i mean i it's the n-word every everything is in it right and it's like the deer hunter it's like two different movies there's the there's the state side then there's the the vietnam side right and really

really interesting i mean it's like they had roast jokes written for that guy yeah you know he's like do you suck dick you know like and he's going around but then then he goes up to the guy who eventually kills himself and he's like uh did your mother have any children who lived yeah yeah right yeah it's hysterical i think they pulled that out of real marine drill sergeant talk like i think those are kind of standard lines oh is that right he really was a drill sergeant he was the guy and then he became an actor oh no shit yeah damn he was good no no it's unbelievable and he has unblinking screaming at guys looking right right through their eyes and they had to time it you know his walks around were absolutely timed because he had to say certain things in front of like the black soldier yeah and then the next you know and

like it was real and sometimes it's just a glance yeah chris just wrote he was a consultant and then they put him in because he was so good oh wow that's like i mean he he was amazing yeah he really was uh that's like the chick in the office that was the casting director and then they made her the uh the overweight office worker with the glasses oh also i think the head of hr i think the head of hr was a writer yeah oh she's from st louis apparently chris denman was writing in and he's seen her at some of the uh neo-nazi rallies that's weird i wouldn't beg her for that i think toby is that his name from hr um i should know the english office american office better than i do he was like a writer i believe he was the showrunner oh wow wow all right jesus well that's the thing you know you've been on projects where it's like you you know, we, you know, at late night, like you'd put the, the receptionist has a certain quality

or whatever, like that receptionist goes on air, you know, Conan does it. Conan does it famously. I was watching a, um, Oh, Creed. That's right. Creed wasn't supposed to have a role either. The old guy is super creepy. Yeah creepy yeah yeah he's great i was watching uh a rerun of the office the other day holy fucking shit i would put this scene against any scene in a sitcom in history they've got a the the cpr dummy and they're and they're he's got to give it mouth to mouth and he's got it he's got to push on the chest yes and he says and he's pushing it and he's going no you're going too fast you got to do it mouth to mouth. And he's got to push on the chest. Yes. And he's pushing it. And he's going, no, you're going too fast.

You've got to do it to the beat of staying alive. Yeah. And he starts singing the wrong part, the slow part of the song. And then everybody starts singing it with him. And then they start dancing. And then they say, well, the dummy's dead now because nobody called 911. And so now what do you do? And somebody goes, bury it?

And Dwight goes, no. And he pulls out a hunting knife and he guts it. He goes, we got to harvest the organs. And so he's harvesting the organs. And then at the end, he's got, and then the camera goes away and then it comes back to Dwight. And he has carved the face off the dummy and he has it over his own face. It's fucking hilarious. That's amazing.

Okay. One more thing. Chris Demmon's very active today. Fun fact, Creed was in the band, the grassroots. I'm just glad he wasn't in the band Creed. Yeah.

I think less of them. So later on, speaking of music music we're going to talk about charlie watts the great charlie watts i feel like we should it should be in the lead but we'll save it for the obituary where it belongs and we'll talk also in the entertainment section about billy eilish's new album so we get a lot to talk about we want to stick it to music we want to thank holy shit john wait waitron Jr. Wait, sorry. I just had a text that I had to answer. Did you say we're going to talk about the movie Pig?

Okay, and we'll talk about the movie Pig. I can't recommend it more highly. With Nicolas Cage, we'll talk about it later. All right, go ahead. Speaking of great songs, John Barron Jr. Out of the Park with this fucking theme song. I got to tell you guys, from the bottom of my heart, it is

so meaningful that you take the time and the energy and your talent to give us a year and a half we've had a different theme song every single week and once in a while we play one that's really horrible just because it's so horrible it's funny but i would say 97 98 of the time they're legitimately really good songs and uh so thank you guys for doing that and and the logos as well melody myers did a a hilarious takeoff on nirvana's never mind cover with uh well you're probably looking at it uh our penises and our penises are in it and we're not gonna sue ever we're to talk about that later also a lot of teasing of the show how about the irony that the kid yeah we're going to talk about the story but

it's literally a depiction of him chasing money right that's what he's doing right yeah um corrections department the part where i state the obvious do you have a paper to crinkle no i don't i don't uh i can't are we having I think Midcoast Media is doing the crinkling now, right? Sure. Let's leave it to them. Chris, have you guys been, did you guys do that last week? I have a Ricola wrapper. It's not exactly that crisp.

I don't know what else I got. I can't see if Chris is writing to us or not. Oh, I have a package of package of oh yes they can add it in thank you chris all right corrections department hey greg love the pod um just let just to let you know hep c is almost 100 curable now also almost never transmitted sexually usually transmitted intravenously johnson w did was that this podcast we talked about whether or not you'd have sex with pamela anderson with hep c no not this pot i'm happy to talk about it would you in fact make love with pamela anderson knowing she has hep c no condom no condom

no condom no condom and i know this what this guy just wrote the answer is yes but and i know what this guy just wrote in also what if you didn't know that he wrote that in what if you had a one in a hundred chance of catching hep c by making love to pamela anderson would you do it a one in a hundred yeah uh yeah well also hep c is 100 curable now according to this uh correction well you forget about this letter i wish i'd never i wish i'd never heard from this guy well you know they said uh a man having what was it? And it's probably even higher now, but like a man having sex with an HIV positive woman unprotected, uh, was a one in 800 chance of getting it or something. Yeah. You can barely get it, but I think women can get it from men at a much, much higher rate. Yeah. That, that study was in the who gives a shit department. I didn't read that section of the study.

That's in the dealwithit.com section of our university. Yeah, this study, you know, we got footnotes, we got excerpts, and we also have complaints. That's going to go in the complaint section. Yeah, I think, what if Pam Anderson had had crabs let's assume she has pubic hair she has crabs would you have sex with her knowing that crabs is very curable you get a comb and you get a bottle of that lotion and you know after you know a lot about it oh yeah i do know a lot about it uh wait well hold on okay it's one thing that Pamela Anderson has crabs. Does she have a time machine?

Am I hitting today's Pamela Anderson? Yes. Or 1988's Pamela Anderson? Today's Pamela. She still looks good. Still looks good. She looks good with her crabs. Well.

Of course with crabs. That's like saying, you know, I don't know what that's like saying. You wouldn't go on the most unbelievable hike and risk maybe a little poison ivy that goes away. Right. Yeah. She'd be a great hike. Bring water. She'd be a great hike.

But really, I'd want to get to know her first. And I wouldn't get crabs. Just getting to know her over drinks. Actually, I would like to get to know her. She seems like a very cool chick. Is this a picture of her? Yeah, look at that. She really is beautiful.

She's still good looking. She is beautiful. Well, you know, she's a little weird looking. She has a very bulbous head. If we're going to try to look for things to turn us off a little because the crabs certainly didn't do the trick. What woman, is there a woman you would make love to knowing that she has herpes and she's blistered? Scarlett Johansson? Would you still make love to Scarlett Johansson?

No. I say that now. No, but no, herpes is the thing I'm most terrified about. Yeah. I don't have it. I mean, I don't know. I, I, apparently I have the herpes one or whatever they call it. Uh, like 90% of the people, nine, you know, do you know one of the main reasons you get the herpes? I don't know what, so listen, I don't know what I'm talking about. I should, that's the headline, but whatever the herpes one is or whatever the simple one is uh do you know one of the biggest ways it's transmitted are adults kissing babies no really like and there's no jokes this is innocently like an uncle look at the new baby and you give it a kiss or whatever it is i shouldn't have said uncle aunt and kissing the baby so anyway that's one of the number one way, one of the big ways,

I wouldn't say it's, I don't know where it is, but yeah, that's it. And that, yeah. So also so many people have it. So that testing place, right? Like I've gone and gotten like, you know, tested, just done a panel or I'll have it on my checkup but these places that test for stds they even say hey part of our offer is you then get free consulting but you get free consulting on any positive result except that herpes one one like because we're expecting almost all of you to have it. Right. I don't think I have it. Our good friend has the bad herpes. I think you know who I'm talking about. I don't. He got it from his wife who brought it into the marriage after they were married, which is always fun.

Wow. Yeah. All right. I don't know who that is. We'll chat offline. I'll write it into the document right now. This Google Doc that can be hacked? Oh, yeah, okay.

That makes sense, right? Yeah, it's probably why he feels like a victim in this political culture. All right, here's some information from Chris Denman. We've got to give him a raise. He's working his ass off today. All right. Do we pay him? According to the Center for Disease Control. We got to give him a raise. He's working his ass off today. All right. Do we pay him? According to the Center for Disease Control.

Oh, I owe him money. More than one in six people in the United States between the ages of 14 and 49 have genital herpes. Globally, about 60% of people below the age of 50 have HSV-1. That's the type of herpes, I guess. That's the one I'm talking about, I think. One. Yeah, the first one. Wow.

Oh, wait. Wait, sorry. Yes. So roughly 70% of people in the world have herpes. Yeah. Speaking of herpes, we are bringing- By the way, that includes people, aren't getting lucky at all. So if, if you are dating, they say the number's way higher.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you're in the dating pool, if you're single and even go on one date a year, uh, if you took that, so you, you're taking out all the married, but whatever, let's get to the news. But if you took out all the married people and all that stuff and the people who don't date or identify as asexual,

the number of people with that HV1 or whatever it was called, it's way higher than 67%. Well, we're bringing our herpes to Sacramento. We're doing our first live. Bringing sand to the beach. Our first live Sunday Papers podcast at the Sacramento Punchline.

That's going to be on September 18th. Oh, dude, that's soon. Am I doing that? Yep. Let me check my calendar. And then I'm going to be doing stand-up comedy there September 16th through the 18th.

Mike is going to maybe do some stand-up spots on saturday night i don't know when you're getting to town but if you come in on saturday we can uh do that saturday september 18th yeah okay comics mohegan sun on september 23rd through the 25th in connecticut san francisco punchline i'll'll be there November 4th through 6th. Sacramento goes well. I think I may try to convince Mike to come up to San Francisco. The club owner has asked Mike to come to San Francisco. Yeah, Molly, who's the coolest chick in the world.

Hold on. The punchline is supposedly one of the great clubs. It's my favorite club in the country. All right. I am crazy honored that that person even is aware of my existence yep so maybe we'll come up there and i checked and i'm good friends with the guy from the not good friends i'm friends with the guy from the 49ers and uh there's a game on sunday so if you came up on saturday we could do sunday papers on saturday nove 6th, and then go to a game on the 7th against Seattle for free.

We'll get good, like good tickets in the box, the whole thing. All right. As long as there's nothing else, because I'm trying to limit my weekends to two super spreader events. So. Also, I'm going to be coming to Boston and Portland. Check dates at Fitz dogawg.com. That's where you're going to get your tickets.

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That's according to my statistics. And I was robbed when i lived in little italy i lived in the building above the ravenite social club john gotti's headquarters it was a six floor walk up and i thought i'm never fucking getting robbed first of all all the old italian ladies had their doors open on every floor and as you walked up to your sixth floor apartment, you said hello to Gina and then Maria and then Teresa, and they were all stirring pots, and they'd give you fucking plates of pasta to bring home. But anyway, the point is,

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All right, you put this in there. It's very long, but... Well, just don't read the whole thing. All right. Live read. Sturgis update. Two weeks after the annual motorcycle rally in Sturgis, South Dakota, reported COVID infections in the state have risen nearly sixfold. Oh, boy. South Dakota counted 3,819 new cases in the past two weeks, including seven deaths, up from 644 cases in the 14 days preceding it.

up from 644 cases in the 14 days preceding it. That makes it the state with the largest percent increase in COVID cases in the past two weeks. So I read a little bit about this and they're like the South Dakota, like, you know, whatever it is, the head of disease or something, whatever that official position is, is trying to like downplay it and is trying to introduce the concept that hey we don't know that the you know motorcycle rally is responsible for it well i would just say it's the biggest coincidence ever yeah right it's ridiculous it would be like if pamela anderson came over my house for tea and then all of a sudden i caught crabs is it a coincidence right and they would say well crabs was on the rise in your neighborhood greg right before pam came over but still yeah uh what are you gonna what are you gonna bet on so anyway mead county

is now reporting 36 positivity rate with about a one in every three COVID tests returning a positive result. So this guy I really like, Dr. Michael Osterholm, I think, I think, whatchamacallit, had him on, Joe Rogan, really, really early in the pandemic, like first couple of weeks. early in the pandemic, like first couple of weeks. And because of that guy, everyone called me very, my family called me very negative regarding the virus because he just laid out it's textbook. This is what they study. And he laid out how long it was going to be. So when my kids asked, do you think schools are going to, you know, be in session in a few weeks or months or whatever? I'm like, I have to say it doesn't look like, and they thought I was the negative Nelly.

So anyway, he came out this week and he was like, he was talking about Sturgis and he was talking about these events. And one thing he just said was, and this, this was interesting. The Corona virus forest fire will keep burning any human wood. It can find, he said, it will find you. And it's so infectious. Wow.

So if you open the door to it, finding you. So he tweeted recently this week, there was a school where like six and 12 people, whatever. Anyway, he goes, and this school was located in a city where 72% of the residents were fully vaccinated.

Masks were required in the classroom and six feet of distancing between masks. With HEPA filters in the classroom and the windows left open. Yet 12 of 24 students in that classroom were infected when the teacher tested positive unbelievable and that teacher was not required to have the vaccine it was unvaccinated she was unvaccinated and then a bunch of parents caught it from the kids and yeah it's really bad it's really it's really bad and uh you know it's time that people wake the fuck up and realize that you, you got to stop thinking about yourself. Think about society. You will, you will have

less chance of carrying it and spreading it. You'll have less chance of getting seriously ill. So you put a strain on your local hospital, get the fucking vaccine or get out of my face. I had a guy, I had a guy in the audience Thursday night, and he's got this big USA hat on, and I forgot how the vaccination came up, but he goes, I'm not vaccinated. And then after the show, he comes up to me with a camera. Hey, can I take a selfie?

No, get the fuck away from me. You can't take a selfie. Yeah. I got crabs. I got crabs. I've made this mistake before. What are you doing? I bet you could sell your Pam Anderson crabs.

You could sell on eBay. Oh, my God. You're right. Yes. Maybe even your lesions, if you like kind of slice them off your inner thigh or something. Wow, that's fucking dark, Mike. What? That's what I talked to the Asian woman next to me after she was rattled.

To cleanse the palate, I started talking about herpes lesions. Yeah. after she was rattled to cleanse the palate. I started talking about herpes lesions. Yeah. So, yeah, so there were, of course, anti-maskers who tried to ding this argument of the 12, saying that that teacher did go to work for two days

when she started to feel symptoms, but scientists immediately shut down that argument, saying that factually, most shedding takes place before symptoms appear. So there you go. All right. Next story. All right.

We got this gentleman named Eric Prince, and you might know him. He is the brother of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, and he is the guy who started Blackwater, which is truly one of the most evil companies in the history of international military. I don't know what they call themselves. They do everything from sending private troops over to supplying troops. They basically are the military industrial complex. They made a ton of money since Bush decided to attack the Middle East.

So this guy apparently hasn't made enough money. So he also opened up a line of communication between the Trump White House and Russia. So he has decided to cash in planes to get people out of Afghanistan. Although I have to say, $6,500 sounds like a lot, but the first body bag is free. You can bring a loved one home with you. Sadly, it's carry on. Can you turn up the air conditioning a little bit? It's getting a little gamey in the

back seats it'll fit in the overhead bin if you push hard enough trust me yeah yeah let me get that for you sweetheart yeah and the yeah the crying baby on the flight is a contractor who left his wife and three kids behind because he couldn't afford tickets oh my god oh, that's terrible. What a piece of human garbage this guy is. I don't know. Is there an argument saying if there are rich people there want to get out? Wouldn't you do it if that was your only way out? Would I pay it to get out?

Yes, but this guy is. He's like a mule. He's kind of like a mule. Like, if you pay enough money, this guy will get you out. Or, you know, it's an end around. You go around the usual means of getting out of a country. If I was a billionaire like him and I had jets at my disposal, I would send them over and I would get interpreters and people who put their lives on the line for the United States

and I would bring them back. Well, you know, a lot has been said this past week over, uh, who, you know, and people are screaming about it, but who like, why don't you follow the money?

Who profited the most over this? They should have a hand instead of the American people being taxed more to get these people, you know, out of that country and to clean up the mess or whatever it is. Why not look to them? Because now there's all these things like, Hey, can you please never, nevermind taxes. Can you please donate, please donate right now. We need to help this Exodus. And it's like, well, why don't you ask these? You're asking us, why don't you also ask these list the top five or 10 companies. And this is not my idea who profited the most it's crazy how much people have profited on that occupation and blackwater's

at the top of that list so just to think this guy is trying to fucking siphon by the way they may not even be it's so evil i mean i mean with the the contracts the no bid contracts that bush set up and everything right All right. Anyway. Here's a story about a principal who teachers are quitting and parents are pulling their kids from a private Berkeley music school after the principal was fired in connection with a fill-in-the-blank vocabulary test involving crustacean jokes. The principal, Brad Johnson, got fired got fired wait i haven't read this story so wait tom what is this all right so basically there's this like what's the type of

question he type of question would be like um he would make up a story and he would insert a student's name and he was trying to get these preteens invested in learning. And so he was making it fun. He was being a little bit silly, a little bit dark. And so he would, he would take like a sentence and he would put one of the kids names into it and make it, make a character out of it. So he said like, um, uh, let's see. He talked about a, uh, a crustacean. One kid was a crustacean and he, and they,

and they, they, he called a Jewish boy, lobster boy. And because the kid was Jewish, the parents said that, that, that it was a joke that the boy probably had a crab.

The joke was that he had a crab or a crayfish somewhere back in his ancestry. And so the family said that was thinly veiled anti-semitism because the sentence connected the boy's violent behavior to his crustacean dna humiliating a young boy on the verge of puberty by calling him a crustacean and referring to his lobster claws at a time already complicated with fears and ambivalence about body image and sexuality is utterly shocking from any adult let alone the head of the school and English teacher, the parent wrote. I got hit in school.

Go fuck yourselves with these complaints. I got slapped across the face by, ironically, a woman named Mrs. Hand. And yeah. And guess what my mother did when I came home and told her? Hit you. Nope. Put me in the car, drove me to the school it was like third grade she walked up to the teacher with me standing next to her and she fucking slapped mrs hand

right across the face and said you don't ever touch my fucking son again a lot of violence jesus i don't know my mom had grown up at these parochial like your mother i talked to your mother about the catholic school she went to they were both beat mercilessly by the teachers. My mom took me in Iona Grammar School, and it was very stern. We met with the principal after I got hit in the face. But boy, it seems like a very thinly veiled anti-Semitism. Thinly? I think it's the thickest veil ever.

I don't see it. I don't see it. And then there's another kid that— Crustacean? Jewish? I don't see it i don't see it and then there's another kid that crustacean jewish i don't get it at all have you seen this tv show the chair no what is it it's about a university and it's about woke culture at a university and about how uh this one teacher he was talking about the nazis and he like jokingly made a uh a hall hitler salute really quick and somebody videotaped it and they put it out and they the fucking you know crazy protests on it's

it's really it's a bummer the show is really good but it's a bummer because i calm the fuck down and i'm separating this from real victims and all that. I know it's subjective, but holy shit, the left. If you want to win this next election, left, shut the fuck up for a few months. Yes, please. Honestly. Yeah. It's driving everybody crazy.

Especially. The overreaches with this political correctness or at least know how things change. It's not overnight and the and the jews especially need to shut the fuck up that that quote is going to get clipped out and and haunt me these fucking lobsters with their claws or whatever this unintelligible story is. Yeah.

Oh, my God. No wonder they don't eat shellfish. They are shellfish. Oh, dude, wait, hold on. So I took pictures in the dorm. I'm dropping Sophie off in Michigan, and these were not what was up in our dorm rooms. I mean, like in the hall, on the bulletin board,

hall on the bulletin board is the best way to know someone's pronoun is to ask. Which is fine. I'm actually not mocking that. But this is literally put up in the hallway. Ours were like, here's the number you call if you get alcohol poisoning. In their hallway, it's under the vast umbrella of non-binary identifications there are more specific labels that non-binary people may or may not choose to who's even still reading this fucking thing yeah it's like and so many oh my god so many signs about this issue uh not only that but like um if you get shit-faced in college now they call an ambulance

like my son was telling me like every weekend night there are ambulances pulling up to the dorms taking kids into the get into the hospital i mean how often did that happen when we were in college how about zero and how many kids die from alcohol poisoning fucking zero yeah i think it's i want it to be a huge drag you know um who knows all right well listen i'm not listen the pronoun thing is final but it's like if we could take the level of that conversation down and maybe appropriately put it in, uh, like, like any news organization would you assess the weight of the issue, how relevant it is. And maybe it's not a fucking headline. Like it's not the number one issue because it's not right. All right. Anyway. All right. Let's do some entertainment. Anyway. All right. Let's do some entertainment.

Yeah. Well, Kiss singer bassist Gene Simmons has apologized to David Lee Roth after making disparaging remarks, implying that the longtime Van Halen front man was past his prime from Gene Simmons. I know, but it's also accurate when he agree't he agree but i guess he was insulting go ahead it all started when simmons confirmed that dlr was no longer supporting kisses 2021 tour after praising the front man as rock's greatest front man during their heyday he compared the current day roth to quote, bloated naked Elvis on the bathroom floor. Well, that's kind of saying he's dead. I believe that's what that image is. Roth responded in kind, sending Simmons 18 middle fingers via social media.

Via or via? I'm going to go via. Via social media. Apparently the message got through and then he uh gene simmons backtracked and said i'm so sorry and ashamed actually that i hurt david's feelings i mean here's the thing which is you know that's the tricky apology like so that's why you're sorry first of all how about you're sorry for saying it was was kiss a real band was it was it not a novelty with one fucking hit they to me like kiss is for morons when i was a kid that was the dividing line between kids that i thought were cool and

kids that were not if you were a kiss fan you were dead to me that's it you're gonna get a lot of letters because they inspired they inspired a lot of people to to kind of go for it and rock. And play shitty music? To play really shitty, simple, bad music? I don't know. If you're talking about the Ramones, the same thing might be said of them. They were very hooky and very catchy. You know what I mean?

And they were very very basic don't get me wrong but yeah no they and they had more than one day they had but they had a handful of hits for sure no they had one hit there was a second one that was kind of a hit but uh i want to rock city never mind beth their anthem like you know they're whatever they they had they had more than one trust me they sucked they put on a lot of makeup it was all it was i mean i feel the same way about a lot of the uh hair metal a lot of it was just garbage it was just for show and uh yeah i i was like i was into great i was into good musicianship i was into you know jimmy hendrix and uh you, these guys were just fucking clowns. And people that like them are clowns. They're idiots.

All right. There we go. My apologies to Jeffrey Ross, who I know is a big fan of Kiss. Yeah, same with George Lopez. Favorite band. Favorite band? He toured with them as a fan. Like, didn't he stand up before them?

Oh, my God. On the plane, going around with them. Yep fan like didn't do stand up before them on the plane going around with them yep yeah uh here's a great story spencer eldon who appeared as a naked baby on the cover of nirvana's 1991 album never mind has claimed the record's iconic artwork is child pornography and is suing the band over alleged child sexual exploitation. The album features him as an infant swimming underwater while undressed, his eyes fixated on a $1 bill. In a complaint, he said that he has suffered lifelong damages as a result. He's seeking $150,000 in damages from each of a few of the defendants 150 000 for lifelong pain and suffering yeah dude already that smells bad i'd give this is

such great publicity for nirvana they fucking love this they said that the lawsuit alleges eldon was sexualized because the dollar bill used in the image made the baby resemble a sex worker. What? I feel like the world's biggest porn star. He was often asked to attend events as the Nirvana baby. Dude, he did. He also posed again for an anniversary photo of that cover. Was his cock hanging out like the babies what wore a

bathing suit but literally did it went through it to celebrate it yeah has never you know publishing maybe has just sold or whatever but uh yeah whatever it's such a dumb story and also it's so like when you take an innocent picture of like a naked infant uh it's the people whose minds jump to child pornography it's crazy they should be arrested the people that think about that should be arrested and sent to a special sent to australia let's get back to sending people we don't like to australia that should be that's a very good idea the world needs a new penal con i mean maybe that's mars i don't know we need a new penal colony right ah no pun intended um i was thinking about the other album covers that truly were controversial and the number one has to be that blind faith

album with that girl who looks like she's about 11 or 12 and she's topless and she has like little tiny tits you don't know that she's like a freckle faced very sweet looking innocent young girl and she's topless I don't even know that you can find the picture online anymore I doubt very the only one I could find had that Chris I bet Chris can. Had the... Go to your personal collection, Chris. When Chris looks up regular stats, he has to somehow log his computer out of the dark web to go into the regular web. Yeah.

When he types CH into his browser, child porn immediately comes up. Exactly. Just see. Just see. He's typing it now. It's like blind and it's like N-gagged. No, no, don't auto-complete.

There is also House of the Holy, of course, has that picture of the naked little girl crawling and it's a shot from behind. And apparently they changed the photo. It used to really show the crack of her ass and they kind of minimized that because it's a shot from directly behind her as she's crawling with her legs spread.

Appetite for Destruction. Do you remember that album cover? No, of course I remember the album. What was it? It's like a chick in an alley who's clearly just been raped. Her panties are around her ankles, and she's beat up looking and there's a giant like alien looking figure standing over her a menacing looking

character yeah it's crazy crazy what would their don't know what the defense is it really is well the title doesn't help uh the uh the consensual sex and just a little bit of shame walk uh the next day uh apparently she was destroyed. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We're talking about sex a lot again. It is. The only way to get away from sex is to do our next segment called Florida Man.

Oh, boy. Florida Man. This guy is an official Florida man. Florida's, this is a headline. It was in the Palm Beach Post. Florida, do you know the Palm Beach Post? The nickname down there? You know, that's where my dad lives.

What? They call it the shiny sheet. And very, very early on, before other people did this, is there were such complaints that when you read the newspaper, you would get the ink on all of your white linens and clothes that they demanded that it not be a type of ink that can get on your hands and that's what they make and it's called the shiny sheet interesting palm beach post so florida's missing inaction surgeon general surfaces to say he's quitting. Oh, wait, appetite for destruction.

Okay, wait, it's a cartoon, Greg. Yeah. But what does that girl look like? Her right tit has been ripped out of her shirt. Her shirt is ripped and her tit is exposed. Her panties are around her ankles and her head is back as if she's in pain i think she uh fucked that guy to death because isn't he a skeleton now he's standing she's not i think he's the victim that's how i view it wow it's fine what the hell

is the top image i've seen this album cover a million times and i've never stopped to be like what the fuck are these lunatics doing what the hell is that top image just some beast it looks like uh yeah it looks like um what's the meeting you might like what hey guys we have some pitches for your uh album you know this is is going to be your, your biggest album. Uh, here's some artwork. Uh, yeah. So is that like a half octopus, half serpent, half devil thing that has one, two, three, four arms and one, two, three, four, five, six, and eight skeletons coming off it. Is it sort of like a satanic octopus with giant knives for teeth and it all looks like innards that's weird that's what we were thinking that's amazing you came up with that drawing yeah we think we're gonna really hit the uh the 16 to 17 year old demographic of potential serial killers but wait hold on guys that's only half the cover or how about this this is there's two

drawings that are unrelated maybe they couldn't decide and they're like let's flip a coin do we want the rape scene or just this satanic animal that's flying through the sky and the band was split they flipped a coin the rape scene one that fucking the other guys threatened to walk no i need the satanic monster also yeah so someone's like yeah how about this we'll put both on they're unrelated we're gonna put both although they're not unrelated is that the is that the thing shadow underneath well chris has just found a little quote here that says the album's original art cover uh depicted a robotic rapist about to be punished by a metal avenger oh the band state of the artwork is a symbolic social statement

with the robot representing the industrial system that's raping and polluting our environment. That looks more like it's raping a woman. That is the most feeble attempt at a back step

I've ever, ever read. What are you talking about? This is literally like the conversation about the album cover and spinal tap, like more black, can't get more black. You know, like it's,

it's, it's a bunch of morons talking art. Yeah. Right. Oh my God. Meanwhile, what band do you think has the best album covers of all time? You know,

immediately people go to Pink Floyd, I think as one. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I'm sure sure there's i'm missing huge ones zeppelin was all over the place uh prince prince had amazing album covers oh did he yeah okay i don't know enough of them actually um stones had good stones had great album covers imagine imagine remember um her Majesty's Secret Service or whatever it was called, and it was like a holograph, and they were all dressed in like wizard's hats and stuff. Well, they had Andy Warhol help them. Andy Warhol helped out a couple of great album covers.

Velvet Underground with the banana. Right, right. And then he, I think Andy Warhol did the Sticky Fingers, which literally had a man's zipper, his fly of his pants with a practical zipper that you could unzip. Right. Right. To get to the cock. That was the artistic implication. Although the zipper represented the industrial complex.

I think when I was a kid, my understanding of sticky fingers was after you fingered a girl, you had sticky fingers. So I think that the zipper is actually a woman's jeans on the front cover. Wouldn't the woman, no it wasn't, wouldn't the woman have sticky fingers

after her business downstairs with the guy? She certainly would, but I was always sort of told that sticky fingers referred to manually stimulating a woman's vaginal region. Huh. All right. I don't want to go into my feelings about that. But also sticky fingers most popularly refers to someone who steals.

Yep. I think maybe it's that people are stealing a lot of jeans and that's why it's on the cover and called sticky fingers. The military industrial complex is stealing a lot of jeans. Yeah. From raped women. I think so. Um,

yeah. Anyway, that, uh, best album covers, uh, people should write in and not individual because there's amazing individual ones like over time but uh what band in general oh i know people are gonna

like like didn't blue oyster cult and yes so the nerd army is gonna say like yes and because they had like escher type drawings and like these weird things that people would nerd out on right and blue oyster cult uh moody blues grateful dead had some very cool ones if you like the dead yeah um anyway but they are representative like talking heads would have very you know sort of um i don't know how you would describe the artwork, but it was like high end, you know, high concept art and they would feature artists, you know, who were doing that. Uh, anyway, all righty, Rue. All right. Oh, I do know one thing, Rolling Stones album covers, you brought that up, you know, get your yaya's out.

Uh, God bless him actually had Charlie Watts on the cover. He was holding a hat in his hand, right? And he was next to a mule. And that album cover came to be when the Rolling Stones heard the Bob Dylan lyric from Visions of Johanna. Jewels and binoculars hang from the head of a mule. And so that's why that album cover came up. Wow. See that? They took their name from him, and then they took their album cover from him.

I wouldn't say they took their name from him, but yes. No, it wasn't from him. It was previous to that, right? It was more like Muddy Waters. Yeah, Like a Rolling Stone was 66, the album. Right. The song. All right, what do we got? Florida Man. Ohdy Waters. Like a Rolling Stone was 66, the album. Right. The song. All right.

What do we got? Florida Man. Oh, sorry. Are we still doing that? Okay. Florida Man. He's quitting. The Surgeon General.

Ready? His name is Rivkies. He was appointed two years ago and he disappeared April 13th, 2020. Moments after addressing the public about the then new COVID-19 pandemic. Quote, we don't have a vaccine at the present time. So our mitigation measure is the social distancing, Rivke said at a news briefing at the Capitol. This is on April 13th, 2020. As long as we're going to have COVID in the environment, and this is a tough virus,

we're going to have to practice these measures so that we are all protected. Rivkes didn't even get to stay for the end of his briefing. He was spirited away immediately by a Governor Ron DeSantis staffer on the pretext of attending a meeting, which was later determined by public records, this writer wrote it this way,

to have violated the space-time continuum because the meeting had occurred hours earlier that day. Maybe he was in the West Coast when they ushered him away? Even though Rivkis proved to be right, he was decidedly off message. With the virus be damned public stance, the Florida's governor was

working so hard to cultivate as his political brand. Rivkies, a pediatrician by trade, should have had a lot to say as DeSantis threatened to punish school districts that defied his mask optional order, but Rifke's was missing in action. Maybe he was even locked up or exiled on a remote island.

The Tampa Bay Times examined DeSantis' email during the first six months of this year and found that the governor didn't have a single one-on-one meeting with Rifke's that whole time. But during that same time period, DeSantis had one-on-one conversations with Sean Hannity, eight times, Laura Ingram, seven times and Tucker Carlson, six times.

Yeah. This guy's really positioning himself to run for higher office. DeSantis. He's, he's, he's whole state. Do you hear a Tampa mayor said FU Tampa mayor is like, uh, by the way, theSantis. He's, he's- Well, his whole state. You're a Tampa mayor, F you. Tampa mayor is like,

and by the way, the same thing you're saying, DeSantis, no bigger government's going to tell us individuals what to do. Well, that's what we're doing. Tampa, of all places, which is literally an amusement park, they are defying the mask,

you know, the mask mandate, I guess. So they're enforcing the mask, uh, you know, the, the, what's a mask mandate. So they're enforcing the mask mandate. They are enforcing it. And so are other Miami Dade also. And, and then a Supreme court justice, a state Supreme court justice in Florida has said what DeSantis did was unconstitutional. So this is how you know, you're dealing with a full blown fucking idiot. Here's the political move DeSantis should have done. He should have made that judge and the

Tampa governor and other people, the bad cops. He's going to be the good cop who didn't want it to go this way, but Hey, and then with these mandates, pro mask mandates being forced legally on him the numbers will start to go down the hospitalizations will start to go down and he wins and yet he could stay fully standing in his anti mask position that's what a smart politician would do this fucking moron can't even do that he's going to appeal these decisions and keep fighting yeah and um so he's on record for being violently against them like even uh and will maybe even overturn some he's starting to drop in the polls people are starting to get a little tired of his fucking antics he's not running a state he's running a political campaign for himself at this point it's so crazy all right

let's go international let's do it in china archaeologists in northern china discovered two ancient skeletons holding each other with their arms wrapped around each other's waists and a woman pressed up against the man's shoulders. They belong to a man and woman from 1500 years ago. The message was clear. Husband and wife laid together, embracing each other for eternal love during the afterlife. The author said, burials of love and burials with love must be abundant. However, evidence of direct materialization of love in burials are very rare and rare in skeletal forms.

Well, first of all, one of them died first. So one of them had to hold on to a corpse. So they were in the right pose. to a corpse so they were in the right pose oh okay or they're not even married and this dude's having sex with a dead woman i mean no one makes room first of all how do they know they're married yeah or maybe the wife this is the this is the guy with his side piece and the wife caught them and killed them shot them both and that's how they're still that's how they're still in an embrace that makes a lot more sense because yeah yeah otherwise you got a dead person being held by a live person for it could be weeks until

they smothered her yeah he raped her to death how about how about that's the guns and roses we're just trying to get away from that's the guns and roses we're just trying to get away from that guns and roses album cover yeah but why does everyone romanticize this thing yeah well it's china and they're trying to control they control the message on even archaeological discoveries they have to try to control the message wow all right let's go to sports. Let's do it. All right. Jake Paul fight tonight against Tyrone Woodley and Chris, our expert in people trying to beat the shit out of each other in a cage, he is saying that somehow Jake Paul is the favorite. So I guess what these Instagram brothers are doing, or whatever, YouTube brothers,

they're only boxing, is what Chris explained to us before the show today. So they would get killed if it was like MMA. So they're only going in and boxing these guys who aren't really dedicated boxers. Um, obviously Mayweather was, so that was different when his brother took on Mayweather. Um, all right. And again, old. So Tyron, the guy he's fighting, Tyron Woodley, is 39 years old. And he weighs 30 less pounds than the other guy. Is Jake Paul in his 20s? Probably in his 20s.

24? Holy shit. And what's the size difference? Oh, go 190 versus one oh no that's the betting no 190 oh yeah 190 yeah versus tyrone woodley tyron woodley's 170 yeah dude 20 pounds although anyway it's working like i'm tempted to buy this because i just want to see i want to see one of these youtube people taken out of the ring in an ambulance it would be so satisfying i think that it is not dead well and they recover i'm not being that mean but i do want to see them so incapacitated they don't know where they're waking up i want one side of his face to be collapsed for life, not dead. And, you know, he really is, but he gets it.

He gets like world wrestling, WWE. He's playing up the villain character and he's, and that's all he cares about is getting, getting people to pay attention to him. Yeah. As opposed to us. We don't care if anyone pays attention to us. Let's do one more story, but we got to circle back to entertainment. We didn't talk if anyone pays attention to us. Let's do one more story,

but we got to circle back to entertainment. We didn't talk about what we watched and all that stuff. Oh, right. Speaking of paying attention to us, um, our ratings, since I went on Rogan and we went on, um,

uh, Bert together, um, our numbers have skyrocketed and it's really empowering for us to be able to start to move up to that next level. So you guys, thank you. And please keep spreading the word. Tell your friends about the show. Subscribe.

That helps us a lot. Leave nice messages on Apple podcasts, all that stuff. If it keeps going this way, I might pay zero money to do this podcast right is there a break even point on the horizon now we're doing good we're doing good all right well you're keeping all the money which is our agreement you never want your money you because for some tax reasons every time i try to cut you a check for the ads you say no no no i also don't believe it and then we've had by the way you've used some of that pile to pay for some of our slow, our down times, right?

Our down times? What do you mean? Like when they're, like a couple of months ago when they were in sponsors. What are we going to get into all our fucking, don't worry about it. Merch is coming though. I'm writing you a check. Merch. Merch is coming for Christmas.

We're going to do a Sunday Papers coffee mug. A good one. A good one. A good one. And maybe we should get, maybe we should put out our top 10 logos and have the listeners decide which one they want on a coffee mug and then sell them for Christmas. That's, I like that. And on our website, by the way, we, which I learned we had one last week, we should put everybody's songs on there. You know what I mean? Yeah, let's do some work on the website. It's sundaypapers.net, maybe? It's not.edu because of all the,

all everything we impart, our wisdom and what they learn, the takeaways. Right. Oh, let's go back to entertainment. No, no, no, not entertainment yet. Let's finish up sports first. Okay. Because you put a great story in here.

Yeah, this is a great story. Go for it. Notre Dame. Notre Dame's fighting Irish leprechaun is the fourth most offensive college football mascot in the nation. He came in fourth, Notre Dame. Yeah, the other ones are all like Native American people wearing headdresses. So apparently Notre Dame responded, it is worth noting, they say, that there is no comparison between Notre Dame's nickname and mascot and the Indian and warrior names and mascots used by other institutions,

such as the NFL team formerly known as the Redskins. None of these institutions were founded or named by Native Americans, which actually I don't think is true. I think one of these teams was based on the original members being Native American who sought to highlight their heritage by using names and symbols associated with their people. At Notre Dame, the university said, The Irish have been an integral part of the school since its beginning and played a key role in adopting the name.

Our symbols stand as celebratory representations of a genuine Irish heritage at the school, a heritage we regard with respect, loyalty, and affection. It's such bullshit. I mean, I'm Irish. I love the little fighting Irish guy. You know, he's cute. Okay, so I looked up this story, story found this there's a quote from a newspaper when the school decided on the leprechaun as its mascot cartoonist and graphic artist ted

drake created the image of a leprechaun with its fists raised ready to fight the drawing originally included a bottle of whiskey by the leprechaun's feet but it was eventually removed but it's such a i mean that's what you want your i guess nationality to be imagined as this first of all this tiny fucking napoleonic chip on his shoulder angry angry guy with his fists up. Well, first of all, they were called, they were nicknamed the Fighting Irish by other teams because the Irish were looked down upon at the time. This is going back to like the 1920s. They were called the Fighting Irish as a derogatory term.

And the Irish went, yep, that's us, motherfucker. We've been occupied by the British for 800 years and we fought our way out and we don't way out and we don't take shit from anybody now give me that bottle and also you know what i have an idea for a mascot let's can we call ourselves the andy caps we're the andy caps we're drunk and we will not turn down a fight all right all right um but it is pathetic because it is this angry face on the guy yeah and the mascot then have you seen them they they is so there's this whole thing about who can be the

mascot you don't have to be short you don't have to have red hair but they say that but the appearance does play but they can't obviously specify you can't hire on that so anyway uh which is weird but um this guy has to be like angry but meanwhile like they're up 32 six and he's like no not enough not enough i remember i'm fighting we gotta still fight yeah well it's like rich irish people i still like that you know you get they still i don't want to get in that the irish can be a little racist and rich rich irish are the worst like you look at some of these like kevin fitzgerald in the republican party like they're they are just angry mean motherfuckers that are so afraid of our friend matt oh our friend matt

mulloy goes down the list of the despicable irish leaders including the you know mcconnell oh my god ron paul i mean all of them are and there's a there's a long list. They're fucking dicks. Your father has a big thing about that, too. Well, my dad's like, when did you become such a fucking whore? Like, do you realize you're nothing without FDR? Nothing. Yeah. Like, you know, to his peers, to the education that was fucking basically given to us, you know, and that they took care of the GIs, unlike Republicans have proven that they do not over the last 30 years. Anyway, I could go on and on. Let's not go down that. But Jews, same thing. We're trying to get new listeners and you're alienating.

My ex-father-in-law, same thing with his Jewish people who voted for Trump because it was a one issue thing. And he's like, what are you doing? So anyway, but speaking of race and the Irish, so when I looked up this mascot, they have all these pictures, of course, the Irish trying to throw this issue, throw people off the scent. There are these black guys who became the mascot running around the stadium.

And I just have to say, when you see a black guy, it's confusing to the brain. When you see a black guy dressed up as a leprechaun, my brain is trying to decide between, is this blackface? Or is this... I feel sorry for the black guy. I don't know what's going on,

but my brain can't do the math. Yeah. It seems like someone has dressed this guy up against his will and is mocking him. I'm not saying it's as far as tarred and feathered. I would never say that. But something does jump to me for a reason. And I bet the reason is good that, like, this is wrong. Something about it's wrong.

bet the reason is good that like this is wrong something about it's wrong there's a lot of black uh african-americans that have irish lineage because first of all in the um in the uh british west indies there were islands that were occupied by british and irish and the the irish were being used as uh indentured servants and the blacks were held as slaves sha Shaquille O'Neal. Shaquille O'Neal. There's a lot of Irish people, a lot of black people with Irish blood. So it's legit. It's not blackface. It just looks, first of all, it looks weird. Any grown person who's over 18 running around dressed as a leprechaun. And also, Notre Dame has so many problems.

They're the most superstitious university in the country, it's Jesus and a leprechaun. Those are the two mascots. Two things that never existed. We're not talking about the real Jesus. They're talking about the made-up one. It's like it might as well be a leprechaun. I would say they can get rid of the leprechaun,

but then they have to have a guy dressed as Jesus start doing handsprings across the field at halftime. So one was dead for three days and then rose from that. And then the other one fires a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. It's hard to tell which is more believable. Well, one's mom's a virgin.

I met, by the way, I imagine that's a leprechaun, you know, there's no female leprechaun. So I don't know how they're reproducing. It's a fact. There's no female leprechauns. It's don't know how they're reproducing. It's a fact. There's no female leprechauns.

It's like they're like horsefish. Even more. Yeah. All right. My most embarrassing moment in my life might be, I don't know if you were working on Ellen at this time, but I was given a leprechaun uniform. And I was told that I was going to be on the show that day and uh yeah so the the cold open for ellen's show was me dressed as a leprechaun with a pot of gold running around the stage and uh they were like we'll pay you we'll pay you four thousand dollars

and i was like fuck it who's gonna see this my God. I got hundreds of emails from people like, you fucking moron. What do you do? So anyway, I'm waiting to go on. And I'm sitting on a director's chair backstage. And the opening theme music is playing. And who walks over and sits down next to me? But the woman who I have found to be i think besides my wife the most beautiful woman i've ever laid eyes on angelina jolie comes over and sits down next to me and she looks at me

and i say hi and she laughs i think that would have happened without the uniform and then i ran around the stage like a fucking idiot throwing gold coins. All right. So here's the question. Let's say the next day, the create creative is in italics. The creative idea at the Ellen show was, Hey,

Ellen's going to be brought out on a rickshaw. Get the Asian intern, uh, to, uh, pull the rickshaw. Yeah. All right.

So it sounds horrible, right? But get the Irish guy to play the leprechaun. Get the Asian person to walk in the rickshaw. Are these defendable? Like, in a weird way, what's so wrong about it? I'm playing devil's advocate. Yeah.

And to play devil's advocate, I'm going to get the Jewish guy to play the devil's advocate because they have horns. No, no. I'm going to get the Jewish guy to play the devil's advocate because they have horns I'm wondering what is so you know it's very much it's factual though I don't know

question for another day I feel like I'm wrong and that would be wrong but it's hard to articulate why if it's accurate I don't know who cares that's a good point entertainment okay entertainment we're gonna go back to and we're gonna talk about what what did you see well i saw pig yeah nicholas cage dude it has like a 96 or 7 or 8 maybe 98 on rotten tomatoes

i i'm not a huge Nick Cage fan at this point. He's kind of lost me. He's made some bad choices. That's exactly why we're talking about it. He's back. So I got called into Netflix to do this show called The F Word or something like that. And it was a show that was going to talk about

the history of cursing. And something came up, like like i kind of couldn't do it or whatever happened i didn't get the job uh for whatever reason and i wasn't sure it was i was never offered the job so i don't i don't know what would happen all of a sudden i see the press release and since long after they hired the person who's going to run the show they somehow got nicholas cage to host it and he got kind props. Like he was funny and with it. Cause at this point I'm kind of seeing him like, like you, like, is he still even with it?

You need all these stories about marrying his waitress and like, uh, like his, his castle in, in Transylvania and his obsession with things like, uh, is it Elvis Presley anyway? and his obsession with things like, is it Elvis Presley? Anyway, and he's out, he's very weird, but he is so good in this. And it's a weird movie, but I loved it. Really? I loved it.

So you can buy it, you can rent it for six bucks on one of your streamers. Yeah. It's supposed to be in movie theaters right now. All right, don't tell me anything about it. I'm just watch it and that's what i did i knew nothing about it okay good i um what did i watch i watched uh oh wait let's talk about billy eilish you you turned me on to a billy eilish song and then i went back and listened to the whole album i've look i've always liked billy eilish. I don't like... Same.

But this album's next level. You can't dismiss an artist because of their fans, you know, or their age or whatever. I found that her early efforts, I didn't think she was like, you know, Adele, but I thought, hey, here's somebody with talent who seems to be coming from an organic place. I love that she works with her brother and all that.

And I like that she doesn't have body image issues. And there's a lot of positive stuff about her. But this album is next level. This album, and I have to give all the credit to my daughter, Olivia. She thinks I'm very, very critical because I call a lot of her music shit. I don't know where she gets that I'm critical. So anyway, she knows. So she's kind of been, she has a better idea of who I would like now

because she's seen what I call shit and all that, or a waste of time, or overproduced, whatever. So she very accurately had a feeling that I would really like Billie Eilish early on. And so she got me into Billie Eilish early on. And, uh, but this album, then she played me that fucking song. Let me find the right track. And it is way down in the album, by the way. Um, but it's the one i sent to you hold on it's right here um and it's anyway just listen to the album i guess is what why we're talking about this it's really it's really impressive and it's much more orchestrated than um her previous albums

it's got a fuller sound yeah so the name of the song is happier than ever that song is bonkers and it makes me want to pay uh over a thousand dollars to go see her at the forum because i think that's the cheapest ticket no shit or wherever she's playing yeah damn no it's really really really really expensive and everyone in this, it's one of those where everyone's using up their connections with the music industry, which is for the most part here and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she, this is, have you seen the documentary? I already asked you that. What'd you say?

I can't remember if I saw it. See it. It shows she and her brother in the bedroom where they write and sometimes record the songs. Yeah. And this is how you know she's new. She thinks everything she writes is a piece of shit. And that's the one, that's the one to watch. Yeah.

She agonizes over the songwriting process. She thinks it's shit all the way up through it. And it's one of those like john lennon lines without deadlines the beatles would have only one album because you would just toil with it it would never be to your level of of what you could accept putting out there unless there was a deadline wow um so anyway highly recommend that album and everything. And then, and by the way, she really sounds like Billie Holiday on a lot of songs also. It's a full language.

She has her own like sort of vibe, which is also a great sign. It's like the Charlie Watts. It's its own feel. You hear it. It's like, that's a Rolling Stones. Like it's same with Billie. Billie Eilish has her own language and it's just starting no she does she does and she's got she's got real range i mean

she can sing from like a low i don't know the terms for tenor or baritone and all that stuff but like she's got a very grounded sound that reminds me a lot of like Fiona Apple, like in that song, very Fiona Apple, but then she can also go super high. Yeah. And that song also, I was just, you know, it's very, there's definitely some idiot wind vibes at the end of that song.

Like, you know, an idiot wind where he's like, you know, I can't even touch the books you've read. When I crawl by your door, I was wishing I was someone else instead. Like,

and she's like, you ruin the city. Like, and she's like, you ruin the city. Like, like it's, it's great. Yeah. Yeah. And like,

that's a difference. Like you compare a Taylor Swift breakup song to that one. It's night and day. It's like comparing Billy Joel to Bob Dylan. It made me wonder about her love life. And I didn't go and look it up, but she's so young. I wonder if she really has had her heart broken.

It's in the documentary. She has. Oh, okay, good. I mean, not good. I'm very sorry for you, Billy. But you need that shit to write a decent fucking breakup song. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I think it fuels it for sure. Yeah. But I think these people have a draw until they get wiser, which I'm not talking about age. Wisdom can happen early too. But of like, you know, you're picking the wrong type of person, but there might be a big reason you pick that because subconsciously you do. You are, believe it or not, you're not aware of it. You are making connection between great feelings that come from these bad

feelings, including great artwork. Right. And so there's usually a cycle for, my point is I hope she makes some bad decisions for a few more albums. Letters to the editor. Here we go. Timothy Cain suggested from shit to shine Ola shinola as a uh title for our new segment what was our segment about yeah except that only has one side of it it does what about shinola to shit it was going to be a revisited like segment where this song that we've written off as garbage or whatever you know like is you know what it's popular for a reason yeah you know kind of like free bird like if you give that an honest 100 dedicated listen it's

mind-blowing i i give it that every time it plays it's one of the few songs that i will never change when it comes on the radio unless it's not it off for 20 years i couldn't i couldn't listen to it i listen to it every time but it's got to be from the beginning because it's a build song and i can't tune into build songs like you can't listen to hey jude when they it's got to be from the beginning because it's a build song. And I can't tune into build songs. Like you can't listen to Hey Jude when they're already doing the na-na-na-na part. You got to catch it from the beginning and go for the whole ride. We'll get into the Stones in a minute. But Jigsaw Puzzle, dude, I gave that a dedicated listen the other day.

That song is a build and it's bonkers. Yeah. All right. All right. bonkers yeah all right all right we also got a letter from louis ole who says subject line both of y'all's musical heroes suck did you just say that for years you thought john prine was hokey aren't you the same guy who said first of all can i not say that i changed my opinion this is the shit from chanel thing i said and this guy is fucking laying into me

because i once had a different opinion aren't you the same guy who said he loves bruce springsteen it doesn't get any more hokey than him with his soap operas about young lovers riding out of this one horse town on the back of a hurricane down the highway of dreams he kind of nailed it that's right you did kind of about fucking a girl with your pants around your ankles in the mud next to a river that you're both going to drown in because your dad lost his factory job. Bob Dylan is another one. Oh, shit. Okay, I can't wait to hear it.

Go ahead. Mike can't stop crowing about him, but the music is also boring. Lyrics are great. I get it. But what about the bed of crap that they lay in? Oh, my God. What a moron. He's best seen and not heard especially

live where he's notoriously bad you should be listening to paul simon wait wait bob is best seen and not heard what i don't think anyone has ever said that yeah what does that mean maybe just you're supposed to read his lyrics and not hear them actually uh sung ah all right it has to mean that i would imagine but by the way bob dylan is famous like for his sound as well like his folk melodies and songs were immediately like the most inevitable things that they're going to be around forever he then gets bored with that he moves to country fucking country number one on the charts lady lay like it's it's that album nashville skyline johnny cash wrote read the liner notes of like this new shining star that all of country stopped because this guy's album came out yeah it. Girl from the North Country, Lay Lady Lay.

Those sounds are incredible. And his voice, and his also new voice where he claimed he quit smoking, but he just sung, sang differently. And then, I mean, nevermind then, you know, when he went electric, I mean, come on. No, I mean, there are times he does turn in some bad live performances, but it's because he's always taking a risk. He changes it up every time, and sometimes the risk doesn't pay off, but I'd

rather roll the dice and see a guy who may, like a Tom Waits or like Van Morrison, who's going to fuck around, and something beautiful might happen, or he may miss, but it's not like, hey, I'm going to go see The Cars, and they're

going to play three minutes and 21 seconds of a song that was recorded at three minutes and 21 seconds right boring and anyway just an fyi i don't know how many listeners know this uh but uh dylan's talked about it he came up and this isn't an excuse but i am just explaining what he did so his terrible voice i guess you would call it live and it's all through the nose. He came up and he said it was a revelation when he finally did it. He came up with a way to sing that wasn't taxing his voice and vocal cords because he needed it because he was going to go on tour for how long? Forever. forever. He is like one of those old guard guys,

like, um, you know, what's his name? Ray Charles, who that's my job. I play live and I am on the road for ever. It's nonstop. And he had to come up with a way that you can, a human being could sing every night and not like be out of voice on the 18th night, you know, uh, out of 25 or whatever it was. So for good or bad, mostly bad,

that's the voice you're getting. So anyway, I don't know how many people knew that. All right. Enough about Bob Dylan. Now this one is, uh, not enough.

Max Nichols says, Greg, amazing episode with Santino and Mike. I'm 35. I have this thing going with a 49 year old fresh divorcee where we sort of made a once a month no feelings hotel room sex session no problems with it i just want to brag that's the letter it reminds me of that joke about the uh the guy that goes into a confessional he goes forgive me father for i've sinned i've been having sex with these twins they're 21 they're from sweden and

we're doing every position and uh it's dirty it's against the laws of god and the priest says well when's the last time you confessed he goes i've never confessed i'm jewish and then he goes well then why are you telling me this he goes i'm telling everybody yeah uh all right thanks thanks max for the letter good for you uh i i imagine it's going to be hard to keep it to once a month meaning it could either go to zero times a month or more times a month. Yep. You know what? I want to revisit that movie same time next year. It's a very interesting concept. You remember Alan Alda? Yeah. Once a year for their whole lives. They have a, they have an affair. And they're married to other people. Yeah. Well, you know, the Milan Candura had that book, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, where the guy had a rule of three. He wanted to he wanted to keep lightness in all of his relationships.

Oh. And so his rule of threes was you could hook up with a woman three times in a row and then never see her again for the rest of your life. Or you could see her once every three months and you never spend the night. It seems like the guy's going to have most of the lightness in those equations. Yes. Or the decider, the one who's like three bangs and then, yeah, don't text me, please. Yeah. One side's going to have light, I guess, and the other side's going to be pretty dark about it. Yeah.

But I kind of like that. I'm going to write a, I'm going to write a movie called, uh, same time next year. And it's about a married couple, but they're married to each other and they just meet once a year in a hotel room. And that, and when people go, what's your secret, that's their secret. Yeah. That's good. How have you been married 27 years? Well, it's not, we're coming up on a month of full time together. Yeah. We're on the 27th day. This is from the Apple podcast comments.

Somebody wrote, you lost a longtime listener. I've listened to all of Greg's podcasts for years, but you both lost me with your horrible language about God on two consecutive episodes. I can see the humor in most things, including religion, but you basically said F asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, God himself. I can't get past it. Well, that's fair. I don't know if that's fair. We're far from the first people saying F God.

And I think if you were more secure in your God, you'd realize that we are in no way a threat to him. But apparently we're a threat to your faith in him. Well, and also, you should have more questions about yourself that that this belief is so fragile. Well, it's also God is a jealous God. I mean, you look at the commandments, you the first commandment, thou shall have no other gods before me. Why does he have to say that? I'm already reading your commandments. I'm living your fucking laws. I love you. I pray to you. Why do I have to then on top of it say,

I won't see anybody else. Don't worry about it. Where is this letter? Is it in here? Yeah, it's under mail. It's in blue. It says you've lost a long time listener. I see blue, John.

Anyway, I was going to read. Did you read the whole letter? Well, no, there's another one that also... Oh, there it is. There it is. Oh, okay. There's another guy who doesn't like us. I hope she gives us five stars.

Another one says, two successful white dudes who come from privileged backgrounds talking about how much they hate successful white dudes who come from privileged backgrounds. But I can see why Joanne has a crush. This guy should write our liner notes every week. Yeah, I mean, what else are we going to be?

I didn't choose to be a privileged white guy. Hey, I was poor until seventh grade. I need to say, can I say that? That's going to be the name of my memoir. I was born poor in the Bronx. Then my dad made a bunch of money and we got the fuck out of the Bronx. That's exactly my story. Yeah.

I lived in the, as an infant. All right. So back to the God, what, what God do you think she prays to? I gotta say, it's Yahweh. Obviously the one who's a fucking asshole. Huh? This is a Yahweh God. This is a guy who, uh, you know, um, needs to be defended. Got it. He sends his

listeners out to defend him around the earth. Okay. Read this letter about Dave. All right. You want to, you read it. Hey, Mike and Greg. I like that order. Watch Dave on Mike's recommendation. I liked season one, but as a war on, I realized this show was all about unlikable characters. Wow. Okay. The show is not even trying to make you like them. Dot, dot, dot. That's the point. I disagree with that. It's still funny a lot of the time, but damn, it's a tough watch. Then I got to episode two of season two and I realized this show is like a rodeo bull. It's daring you to stop watching. Mike, I know you are an expert in what is funny. Uh, clearly I'm not, but the butt stuff, uh, as a professional, you think that works? And of course he signs the letter, Phil McCracken. Uh, I do to me. Did you see this

episode, Greg? No. To me, the butt stuff, first of all, I thought was incredibly juvenile. This is about an, a juvenile character who's incredibly blocked creatively. And he holds up, pardon the pun. He holds up with a very real music producer, Benny Blanco, who plays himself in this episode. And they are doing what creative people do. Usually it takes the form of ping pong and games and all these things that psychiatrists and psychologists have recommended you do when you're blocked. And they also get very juvenile and it's that but to me the funniest part was when the black guys arrive and they are trying to explain that they were doing this like you haven't seen you haven't seen his butt and the black guys are like get the fuck out of

here and how different it is from white culture to black culture that like two white guys is like and the black guy's like are you guys gay and they were and the white guys were baffled like gay no you took a butt or asshole oh an asshole yeah no they were like they got gum stuck and so they used peanut butter to get it out of his asshole hairs no it's funny it's hysterical so to answer your question mr mccracken um I thought it was really funny I have said season two starts off slowly but oh man does do they bring it home at the end of the season but I actually like that episode I also think in terms of like and they're likable they are likable and I look at a show like Fleabag I mean she's completely unlikable and it's the best sitcom that's come on the air in 10 years. It's fucking amazing.

If you have someone that's done or is doing unlikeable things, but there's vulnerability. Yeah. I mean, Greg, you taught me that. You knew that way before I did in life, that one of the keys to art is vulnerability. And like, then that's likable. It's when the person's not vulnerable or isn't aware.

Talk about Fleabag and this, all the main character talks about is how flawed they are. Yeah. Right. What do you,

what, that's likable. What are you talking about? Anyway. Well, speaking of likable, we lost a great one. Let's do obituaries and that's

all folks charlie watts grew up in london fell in love with jazz music especially swing and bebop he attended art school and became a graphic designer before joining the blues the band blues incorporated in 62 met brian j, who would sometimes play at Blues Incorporated gigs. The pair became friends with Blues fans Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, and Watts joined their new group, the Rolling Stones, in 1963. Watts was the rock-steady backbeat for the Stones, never too flashy, no drum solos, but he drove the legendary hit songs with

innovative tight rhythms outside the stones watts played in various jazz bands and led his own charlie watts orchestra uh he did he did have he did not have the wild party reputation of his bandmates but he did kick an alcohol and drug problem that occurred in the 1980s married heroin by the way. Yeah, he got hooked on heroin twice and got off it. Oh, wow. Married his wife Shirley in 1964, so a year after the Stones formed,

and they stayed together his whole life as a daughter, Serafina. And then he's quoted as saying, I don't like drum solos. I admire some people that do them, but generally I prefer drummers playing with the band. The challenge with rock and roll is the regularity of it. The thing is to make it a dance sound. It should swing and bounce. That's the key.

So Keith Richards said of him once, a lot of people can rock, but they forget about the role. And he created that for our band. And so I, I remember asking Ben Hoffman, who is great at music, right? I'm like, what is it when tumbling dice, when bitch, when a million Rolling Stones songs come on,

like I want to move. You want, like you're in the bar, whatever you want to, as he says, you want to dance. Okay. And you know, muddy waters, John Lee Hooker, those guys come on.

I don't have that. I'm not feeling it. The music isn't pulling my body to like move. And I'm like, what? I go, what is that? There's clearly some secret sauce there. Yeah. So it was very interesting to find Stuart Copeland this week,

the amazing drummer and real drum technician of the police. And he's, you know, he's very outspoken and he's a very, you know, he talks very eloquently about drummers. He goes, so when people ask,

what is it? What basically the question I just asked Stuart Copeland said, this is something drummers discuss long into the night. Like how did John Bonham get such a huge sound? And how did Charlie Watts have that feel? Technically what he does is with his foot, with his bass drum, he kicks the beat ahead. So it has that forward motion,

but his snare drum is just slightly late. That's technically what he's doing, but his snare drum is just slightly late. That's technically what he's doing, but you just try it and it won't be the same. And then the guy asked him about satisfaction. He goes, satisfaction is a crazy beat. It's just four on the floor, bass and snare at the same time. And there's no backbeat. It just keeps driving forward so i love these things when you find out like kind of like that paul mccartney documentary with rick rubin

when you find out these new things and and sometimes it's the essence of the song that you've heard a thousand times but you haven't like kind of dissected it you haven't like sort of exploded the song apart to study it although i had read from someone else that one of the things he does that most drummers don't do most drummers they crash the cymbal and the snare and the bass all at the same time and that he doesn't that he separates his hi-hat from his snare and so i think maybe satisfaction is is an exception to that but that was one of the things that sets him apart. Well, they're saying, and it's not drag and I don't know the

right terms. I should music, but you know, for lack of a better word, that's what they're saying creates that swing. Right. Right. And that swing is movement. And that movement is dance in this case, like the way people are saying, like he himself said that the goal is dance that's the that's the goal of these songs and uh oh my god he was dude i mean i just went down a rolling stones wormhole this week and uh can you hear me knocking just start there just play can't because it's interesting to go on line i always do this when someone dies and i highly recommend doing this if someone big in music dies go on put their name in youtube and put charlie watts tribute and then search that week only and you'll see guns and roses did their charlie

jason isbell did the charlie watts um dave matthews band just in the middle of the concert that night, when they get the news, they will do songs. Everyone will do covers. And it's a very cool thing that happens in music. Yeah. Well, I've worked with this weekend with a guy named Kevin Fitzgerald, who's a comedian here in Denver. He's also the former head of security for the rolling stones for like 10 years including altamont speedway and i was he was telling me charlie watt stories all weekend and uh holy shit he was talking about how one time like you know because he used to drink i guess he drank quite a bit at a certain point and so did mick and so mick jagger was walking backstage and he was going where's my drummer yeah where's my drummer have you heard this story yeah i think the way i heard it he and keith got back to the

hotel shit-faced and they called charlie's room oh and he's saying screaming that yeah and he came in and he punched mick in the face and he goes i'm not your fucking drummer. You're my singer. Yeah. But I said, did he fuck around? Because he was married all those years. And he said, absolutely not. Did not cheat on his wife. Wow. And I think he might have become a challenge for groupies and roadies and all that.

You go in there like, who's the one? That's a challenge for the groupie who gets in the bus back in the early days. How do I crack the drummer? Who's the one that's not partaking? Really? I think I can turn them. All right. Let's cheer up now, Mike, with some Sunday funnies.

You got it. Okay, let's start with the Lockhorns, and they don't get along. Leroy is sitting in a chair watching a fishing show. Loretta is bent over picking up some fucking garbage off the ground, and she says to her friend, one man's trash is his wife's trash. No wonder she hates him. Yeah. And then so she's writing down a a form they're they're at a doctor's office or something and he's mad because she's filling out the form he says

why did you put an asterisk after husband these are jokes these are hard funny jokes right, save the rest of them. You already did a bunch. I'm just going to do one more out of this block. She says, they're at the marriage counselor, and she says, Leroy has herd immunity. He doesn't listen to a word I say. Solid wordplay. That's a good joke yeah uh hager the horrible is um they are attacking a castle but

his his minions are worn out they look uh scuffed and beaten and his friend the skinny guy says hager the men are too exhausted to raid the castle ha Hager says, you're right. I have a plan B for times like this. Everyone grab a cup. And now the final frame is a damsel, and she's putting change, gold coins, into each guy's cup as they smile. And he says, the Duchess is generous to a fault. Maybe because she doesn't want to be raped.

Yeah. It's kind of a payoff isn't it I think that's what it's kind of like when the mob shakes down like you know it would be a shame if someone threw a brick through your window tonight we can protect you from that yeah we're here to make sure no one rapes you you got a gold coin or two

it's pretty guaranteed i'd say it's a lock you're gonna get raped unless you uh hire us for our services yeah um yeah how about some family circus i mean why not which in this case is the question that has unlimited answers um okay they're uh they're on on what seems to be a family vacation. You see the dad in the background with a stuffed car, and the kids are in the foreground. They're in the middle of the desert. It looks almost like an Arizona-type scape,

and the two kids are staring at a cactus. And it seems that the girl, her pie hole's open, so maybe she's the one saying this and she is saying they have all those needles because they don't like to be climbed so by the way i think that is why they have all those needles like i i think that's why cactus have needles is to protect them, isn't it? So now it's a nature show. It's not a comic strip.

It's just a nature show. Like, you read that and your eyes immediately jump forward to the next frame, which doesn't exist. I mean, could this have equally said the dirt is really dry here because it doesn't rain? Ship it. Ship it and go play golf. Yep. What the fuck? Honestly.

Yep. The snakes are usually under rocks because the sun is hot. the snakes are usually under rocks because the sun is hot. I mean, tumbleweeds blow away because they've dried up and lost their roots. It's crazy. Uh, I don't even know how to be funny about this. It's getting so depressing.

Yeah. All right. Let's just move on to blonde. Let's cheer up with some Blondie. Blondie is, where else, at the fucking stove, stirring a pot for this piece of fucking zero dagwood. She's got on kind of a mint green top. And what's weird is the apron has a greenish hue.

And the shoes are green. She not only cooks for this fucking loser, she dresses up to do it and he walks in with his hands in his pockets and says honey my stomach is still wondering when dinner will be ready and she brushes him back and says tell your stomach it'll be another five minutes which is a pretty fucking kind way to respond to such hostility. And he goes another five minutes. And she goes, if all goes well, dear.

And then he says, but I've been telling it that for nearly 20 minutes. And she goes, I'm pretty sure your stomach has no concept of time, sweetheart. What is with this patience that she has? Why doesn't she turn around and go, hey, fuck face. Why don't you get up off the couch and make a roast so i can get my fucking toenails done yeah your tummy's talking is that what we're having a conversation about how about you get no pussy how about i fuck herb in front of your face for about a week my pussy has concept of time and it's been a long time since I've been satisfied.

Yes. Yes. Five minutes is about all you last. How about you last 20 minutes? That'd be nice. Oh my God. He just has no appreciation for the life he's been.

The only thing that's going to check this guy is her moving out for a couple of weeks. Let him fucking, let him eat at that shitty diner he goes to with the cook that's always got a cigarette guy as her moving out for a couple of weeks. Let him fucking, let him eat at that shitty diner he goes to with the cook that's always got a cigarette dangling out of it.

Let him eat there three squares a day. Yeah, she really is dressed up pretty nice for cooking in front of the stove. She needs to take a lover. She needs to take Leroy on from the Lockhorns.

You know what I forgot to do? And we'll do it next week. I want to do a section called local news. I forgot to do it. Because I read the funniest, someone shared in the next door app and we'll talk about it next week. The opening line was, I don't know if this is the forum to write such things. And then she talked about that. She just found out her husband cheated on her and she doesn't know what to do.

And the answers are very inspiring. Like no one took the piss out of her. Yeah. I don't know if it's moderated. If people remove those, I think they're usually flagged. One guy said something that was perceived as inappropriate and he was called out on it. But everyone was giving like proper advice. Well, I've seen girls do that. Like Jojo has shown me her friends who get broken up with and then they start spouting shit on Instagram. That's super personal. It's like it's how teenagers communicate now. They put that shit out there.

Right. Anyway. But there's funny ones. So we'll do that next week. Chris, if you could remind us to do a local news story. Chris, we want to thank you for doing a crack job this week. And by crack, I mean you didn't smoke crack for a change this week.

We want to thank Beth Hoops and Key for working on the podcast from Midcoast Media. We want to remind you guys, get your tickets now for Sacramento. It's coming up soon, and it's going to sell out. So go to FitzDawg.com. There's a ticket link. That's going to be on September 18th. And then also go right now to Apple Podcasts, leave some comments,

send some positive energy out, and thank you for the support. Mike, anything you want to promote? I'd say Billie Eilish's album. Yeah, okay. And the Rolling Stones. Kick it off with Can't You Hear Me Knockin'. There you go.

And then go to jigsaw puzzle all right i'm back in la tomorrow uh maybe hit the beach it's gonna be like 80 degrees if you want to hit the beach late in the day we don't have to share how easy our lives are to the podcast listeners they don't need to know they don't need to know that we can walk to the beach you want to go pick up garbage on the beach tomorrow afternoon? Yes, let's do that. I think that's what we should do. Okay.

All right. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Take it-ish. Take it-ish. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I'm out. Let's go. Let's go. It's time to show. It's time for Sunday Favors. We're talking about Sunday Favors. It's time for Sunday Favors. Oh, it's time to show.