Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 86 10/24/21

Episode Date: October 24, 2021

Greg talks about going to the Stones, Mike talks about Wheeler Walker Jr’s wedding at Graceland. Superman is now super gay, Bond is now super dead, and 76 yr old Rod Stewart is in trouble for assaulting a security guard.    Follow Mike Gibbons on IG @GibbonsTime 

Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike One's in the closet, one is riding a bike Cream-goo your paper, pull yourself some grooves And now these assholes will give you the news Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike Yeah Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike That's right

Read all about it, baby! It's hot up the presses, but be careful That's right. Read all about it, baby. It's hot off the presses, but be careful. It's so hot, you might get burned. Ouch. Zoom recorder's going, and we're going to clap in. And five, four. All right. I put my headphones in now.

You heard your clap. All right, I put my headphones in now. You heard your clap. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, do, do, do, do. All right, I'm going to have a promo in mind as we record this podcast to make fucking life easier. Extra, extra, read all about it. I honestly wasn't ready. Sunday Papers.

Holy Christ. A lot going on this week. A lot of topics we probably shouldn't talk about, but we will. What, the Alec Baldwin? Because we're renegades. It's news, man. It's news. We're going to be on the right side of the issue.

Of course we are. You were at a, we have a lot, yeah, we have a lot to catch up on. I had a crazy week. I had, went to the Rolling Stones this week. It was unbelievable. I think the last time I went, I went with you. I think you're right. And I saw them since then at the Rose Bowl. So I'm in Graceland, literally standing next to Elvis' cars where the reception was.

So I'll talk about that in a minute. And I'm there with this great comedic actor, Eric Edelstein, who performed the ceremony. And Eric is one of the, he knows like, he's, you know, you all have, you have that music friend. He knows maybe more about music than I do. So he saw them Thursday night. You saw them Sunday night, right?

Right. And he goes, I feel so guilty saying this because of Charlie Watts. But this was the best I've ever seen them. And he knows all about that drummer. I guess he was Tom Petty's drummer and all that. And he's like Jordan, their rhythm section now and the backup singers. He's like it's and especially he's like, I hate to say it. This just drum energy that they have now is unbelievable. It's a really powerful backing section. And this guy's drumming.

He doesn't over drum. He's like Charlie. He keeps it simple, but he's just stronger. And he just brings a little bit more to it. The two sax players they had, the backup singers were amazing. But, I mean, Mick's voice is fucking crazy. It's still, he still sounds great. I mean, they look ridiculous.

Their faces on the, because, you know, they got these big screens up there and you can see every wrinkle in their faces. I heard the faces. But when you see him with his moves, which are iconic, like if he was a silhouette, you'd just be like, I mean, you know, down the road there's going to be one of those weird Vegas shows of the Rolling Stones, like Beatles Love or Elvis Presley has one, I guess, and Michael Jackson.

And they're going to, and these are the iconic moves that you could almost program in a computer like based on Jagger. And then he's running 50 yards up the middle of the stadium. And clapping his hands. But, I mean, he's a front man. He knows how to get a crowd on their feet. He knows how to – he wants you to have a great time. And he's basically challenging you to say he's old.

He's like, who says i'm old like it's and he's the same age as my mother who's fucking laying in a lazy boy after a heart attack um keith richards and ron wood are having a blast they're fucking their guitars are just they you know how many bands have a a lead guitarist and a rhythm guitarist that seamlessly go back and forth into leads the way they do? It's beautiful. They're incredible. But, yeah. And we got hooked up by Dennis.

Dennis Gubbins got us the tickets, free tickets in a luxury box. That's unbelievable. And I lost money on the show because I went to this. How's that? What did they start with? Was it Street Fighting Man? I'm looking at text. People texted me from there.

Yeah, I think they started with Street Fighting Man. So I bought tickets. Which, by the way, is done on an acoustic guitar. That's what I fucking love about that song. Oh, wow. So before Ben announced, it was less of a wedding. They like to call it, please join us at our annulment. Not annulment or elopement. And the annulment's next month. So I bought tickets to the Stones and then Ticketmaster.

Anyway, it's a long, boring story. I don't have the energy. But I couldn't sell it because then they added the Thursday show that lowered the value of all the tickets. And anyway, I did sell it, but for a loss. That's the story. Good story. Yeah, it's pretty great. Well, you asked me.

Well, let's talk about Graceland. What was the wedding like? Tell everybody who got married. Went to Memphis and Ben Hoffman, who's one of the most talented comedy writers I know, and he created the country music persona Wheeler Walker Jr. He lives down in Tennessee now. Anyway, the concert, the concert, the wedding was at Graceland. I had never been to Tennessee somehow. So Memphis was really cool. Beale Street.

And man, of course, I'm stating the odds. It's a music, live music everywhere. But Graceland, listen, it's not that far off. Well, first of all, Priscilla built it up. There's basically like a mall across the street. I thought of a funny thing. If you ever run into Priscilla Presley.

That's his wife or his daughter? Well, his wife. But the, you know, the odd thing you have to remember is they weren't married when he died, but I guess all his money then went to Lisa Marie, their daughter, and they built it up and people doubted Priscilla that people would come there to see. Because by today's standards, it's not that big of a home.

Like we know people who aren't bazillionaires who have bigger homes than that. But it seems like it's a four bedroom, five playroom house. That's how I describe it. It's basically a 15 year old boy is living there and there's TVs in every room and one room has carpet on the walls and ceiling. And that's the jungle room and, um, pinball machines, billiards, like it's crazy. So anyway, I thought a funny line, if you ever wanted Priscilla Presley is be like, wait a minute. I know you wasn't't Michael Jackson your son-in-law?

Because that's also true. Yeah, right. I wonder if Lisa Marie got money out of that, that divorce. Oh, she had to be paid for a nondisclosure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had to. I wish she was married to Nicolas Cage, too. She probably got a little taste of that. Oh, wow. She. Well, listen, man, it's no it's no leap that she likes weirdos.

Yeah. And of course, we have to say Norm MacDonald's classic joke of all time. Sad news this week. Lisa Marie Presley announced she and Michael Jackson are divorcing. Turns out she's more of a stay at home type and he's more of a homosexual pedophile type. I know we've said it before, but so it's like it's like Neverland Ranch, except it's not built. It's not built to seduce young boys, but it's it's this man child, you know, like holding himself up, you know, and building this kind of fun escape dream world to get away from the public eye. Right. So that's Graceland. But you know what I had my eye out for was the Jewish star, Star of David, on Elvis's mother's tombstone, which they moved from the local cemetery to Graceland.

And sure enough, so, I mean, it seems like Elvis is Jewish. I know there's a lot of debate about it. You know, I'd never thought about that. That explains Lisa Marie's attraction to Michael Jackson, that she grew up with a father who had a house like that and who was a man child and, you know, was arrested development. And that that makes total sense. Yep.

And there are rumors. There are rumors. One guy, someone at the wedding had done the tour and and he had a closed circuit TV, had the most advanced one. Like it was like the only cameras other than the local TV station at the time. You know, I think he,

I think he moved into Graceland in 57, maybe around there anyway. And it existed. He didn't build it. A doctor I think lived there. And, but he would look at the closed circuit TV and be like, yeah,

let her in. And then security would let, let the one he indicated, you know, in. Uh huh. Nice. It wasn't little boys, but it was women fans. Nice. Why not? Why not? So the other thing I heard, which they don't tell you about is. So when you take the tour, the stairs are completely like roped off and you can't go upstairs. So I asked Hoffman at the reception, cause he got to know the people there. Cause he

got married at the chapel, which is on the property. Uh, and, um, and the reception was in his car, Elvis's car museum. So, uh, I said, Oh, I'm bummed the tour didn't go upstairs. And then I'm like, is that like the saddest thing? Is that like just plywood? Like, has it just been completely cleaned out and it's nothing upstairs, almost like a movie set house, you know? And Hoffman looked at me wide-eyed.

He's like, no, you didn't, no, it's the exact opposite. It is exactly preserved. It's the way it was the day Elvis died. And when Lisa Marie goes there, she stays in her bedroom. No shit. Yep. Wow. That's the tour I want.

Can anyone in the public rent out the place to get married? Or does Hoffman just know them so he got in? No, you can rent it out to get married. The chapel's there. They do weddings. Wow. Yeah. That's got to be a pretty penny.

I don't know. I mean, maybe it was. Did anyone perform? Was there live music at the event? No, no one performed. Again, it was an elopement kind of thing. It was really one other guy, the guy i told you about eric from la no one else and uh you know i got to know his parents but anyway all the speeches are about

like a little too much of his family like his brother spoke you know ben's brother created the scissor sisters that band who's very popular and all of them are just like basically thank you kelly like we don't know how you do it but thank you this would have been our responsibility like too much of that it's kind of like if our brothers uh got married that is exactly what our speeches would you know what i mean uh-huh we'd be like, thank you. Chris Denman just looked up some stats on renting out the chapel,

which I'm surprised he'll do anything now that he knows that Elvis was Jewish. I mean, I'm sorry. Look how cheap that is. Monday through Thursday, $850. $1,500 to get married there on a Saturday. You did it on a Sunday. It was $1,200. That married there on a Saturday. You did it on a Sunday. It was $1,200.

That's not bad. No. Not bad at all. And then I don't know about special events. You get it for two hours and up to 100 guests. And then they don't talk about, I wonder what the, oh boy, I wonder what the reception in the car museum cost. Well, that's also going to include the food.

You know, it was a sit-down dinner. It says at the bottom, no blacks. That's what Chris wrote. He puts that after every story. Yeah. So it's hard to tell if he's, he's probably right there, though. What else did you miss? You missed, Oh, and then you went to Florida. Yeah. Went to Florida, saw my dad. How's your dad?

He's doing well. His heart's in a fib. So we're trying to figure that out. I went to the doctor with him. So that's always interesting, too, because you just see how much people lie to themselves and their doctors, even unconsciously. So anyway, Florida was cool. What did I want to say about Florida? Did you play golf with him down there? I did. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to bore people because I think it's the most boring thing ever to talk about.

No, but people need to understand something. Your father loves golf, and I've played golf with your dad over the years countless times yeah and and you never have and then you took up golf but not never you used to play with him once in a while i think but yeah i mean yeah but i could never last 18 but then about it during the quarantine you decided to take up golf and you've gotten really good and you basically taught yourself by watching youtube videos and i always tease you when you're playing like, oh, daddy will be so happy now. You did this for daddy. So this must have been a big deal because this is the first time you've played with him since you started like really training.

Yeah. And he brought a pro over for a half hour to like watch us on the driving range before we went out. And I know this is golf talk, but this was interesting. So that guy, I've made a huge change, and it's a game changer for me. Did he have you actually move your hips? You don't move your hips when you swing. Well, yeah, I got to work on that. But no, I was standing too far away from the ball. So that's actually a very, very, very big fix.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But this guy just watched me. And we could be talking about anything now. This is a great instructor where he didn't say anything. He probably watched me take 10 or 12 swings, walked behind me, watched me. And just took in the whole thing. And he's like, what are we working with here? And then he just gave me two tips.

And they were basically the same tip about anyway. So that was really cool. Stand closer and what else? Move your, when you are closer, you then, well, you're interested in this cause you play golf. No one's interested, but to move your, your thighs back. That's how you make room for the inside swing. Right, right, right. Yes. You should almost like you're sitting down. You're like, you're sitting back a little bit, but then your weight stays on your toes. All right.

So anyway, what else? Oh, so I went to a concert last night. Out of nowhere, my sister's friend, Debbie, we call her Rock and Roll Debbie, who's awesome. She's like, holy shit, we have four tickets free at the Palladium to see J-Rad. What's J-Rad? All right. So it's Joe, I forget his fucking name. It's basically a dead cover band.

I know. You're like, boring. Holy shit. So everyone has been saying they're better than the dead. Joe Russo's Almost Dead is what j-rad stands for right so gotta give a shout out because um kelly and todd miller they're the ones who coughed up the tickets and they were just happy they were being used so we go in it they start every car i know i'm late to but people, if you haven't seen this fucking band, it's musicianship. It's like progressive rock. And then it's fucking jazz fusion. It's like when the dead were at the height of their game and they would just jam and find a song. and find a song. It starts with like a three minute jam.

It starts with drums, then other instruments are added, and then they're just jamming, and it's sort of like who's gonna influence the others to come on board their song, and they go into Otis Redding's Hard to Handle as the opening song, and I texted George who was in the audience, I go, I would have paid full price just for this song.

I would leave now happy. It was like a 13-minute version of Hard to Handle that blew my fucking mind. Do they play regularly in L.A. or are they touring? Well, they just played three nights in Jersey because the East Coast is way more into jam bands than California. I mean, obviously, Northern California is more into it. L.A. is just full of stupid people. So anyway, they played one night and now they're up North, but Oh my God, they are on tour right now and you should fucking at one point they're,

they're leading up to he's gone, which is one of my favorite dead songs. And they go into fucking animals, Pink Floyd animals just jams and it's two guitars just fucking pink floyd jam it was incredible wow well we're gonna see the real thing a week from tonight halloween night we're gonna see the dead at the hollywood bowl yeah we gotta figure out how we're gonna meet up because i got my tickets and you got your tickets. And I don't think we're next to each other. Can you move around the Hollywood Bowl pretty easily? Usually not at all. They're vigilant. And that's what blew our minds on the last dead show there and why we're returning.

The Bulls seem to like you couldn't fight the dead crowd. The dead need the aisles. The deadheads. The deadheads need to fucking do their freak show in the aisles, and the Hollywood Bowl let them. What are you gonna wear? It's gonna be Halloween night at a dead show. What are you gonna wear? You know, my usual, just a giant tapestry with some safety pins.

I'm gonna go Dayglo face. How many Squid Game uniforms do you think you'll see at this dead show? Oh, yeah. Right, right. The jumpsuit with a triangle. Basically, it looks like a Teletubby. I want to get the one with the wolf head, the metal wolf head. Oh, yeah.

Squid Game is like as if Teletubbies went on a diet. By the way, I thought of a funny alternative title to Squid Game. Crazy Poor Asians. I think that works. I'm using that in my act because by the time you get on stage again, it'll be too late.

That joke, it will age very well, like Asians. One little shout out. I haven't seen it yet, but I heard this Velvet Underground documentary by Todd Haynes, no less, is extraordinary. Really? Okay. There's a lot of split screen stuff going on, but it was like, give this to a gifted artist director who loves music.

And I forget what channel it's on. Is it a concert film? No, a documentary about how they changed music. You know, they really got their start in Boston, even though they were a New York band. Everybody thinks they're a New York band. But there was a club in Boston that gave them their... It sounds like a great Fitzsimmons stat that's not going to hold water.

Nope, absolutely. There was a band up in Boston. Fitzstatistic. Fitzstatistic. They were playing in New York. They had some gigs in New York, but they really were making money and got a name for themselves by playing this one room. And this one guy really believed in them.

There's this book that I read about 1969, which is when they were first up there. And yeah, I can't remember the rest. I went to a Dodgers game, huge Dodgers game two nights ago. I watched it in Florida, man. What a shame. We got tickets and they were the first row of the balcony of the first loge over home plate and off to the side a little bit. So you were looking at right handers in the face when they were at the play. So it's towards the first baseline.

And we saw four home runs hit by righties. And me and I'm not going to say who we're with because he may not want to say this. But we took some shrooms. And there's something about being on mushrooms and watching home runs get hit. You can see the seam on the baseball as it's leaving the field. It just all slows down. It all becomes like it was crazy. And and I'm sure and they move like golf balls like they slice them. Yeah. You know what I mean mean like if you're behind the pitch

or whatever like i saw that one by bellinger like he roped one or right but it was like it had a wicked curve on it yep yep off the bat yeah and it's just amazing because um uh what's his name turner uh justin turner was out with a hamstring injury. I think he's out for the season. And this guy Taylor came in for him and hits fucking three home runs. You have to go back to Reggie Jackson for somebody who hit three home runs in the postseason. And that's what they did. You were at the game. You didn't see it. But they immediately cued that clip.

Oh, they did. By the way, the interesting thing about it was also, I think it was three swings. I think it obviously was three swings, but I mean, some baseball. Well, the first home run was definitely the first pitch because me and my friend and your friend walked in and sat down. And literally our asses, because we got there in the second inning, they were down to-0, so we were like, oh, this is going to be a giant bummer. And then our asses hit the seat. One pitch later, he had set out of the park. No, I meant Reggie.

Reggie was, because the reason I know that is because, all right, so on 86th Street, I was living on the Upper East Side when I was dirt poor. You know that apartment. That's where you quit drinking, actually, was up there. Anyway. Spent a lot of nights on that couch. But 86th Street, there was a guy, let's say he's special needs, but he was, I think he was autistic. And he very much, and I'm not making fun of anybody here, but he very much reminded me of the brother in Something About Mary.

He looked like the brother in Something About Mary. He looked like the brother from Something About Mary. His head was down in a spot and he had big headphones on with an antenna. You remember those big headphones that were also a radio? Yeah. And anyway, he would always walk around up there and he would recognize me because I was always very friendly to him. But like he really couldn't let go of four swings, four swings, Mr. October, Mr. October, four swings. And I'm like, yep, Reggie. He's like, Reggie, Reggie.

And like, so that was a lot like Brody Stevens, really? That was basically Brody Stevens. That was my interaction. Remember when, uh, in something about Mary, when, um, he's being caught, he's being taken out on a stretcher, George Romero, my brother-in-law, drew my attention to this. I never saw it for 20 years, but he's like, he's like, he's like, Frankenbeads, Frankenbeads. Like that's what he's yelling in the back. And then he goes, he was masturbating. I don't mean to do the voice,

but I am getting an impression of what that actor was saying. Anyway, but this guy, so I think it might have been Reggie Jackson four consecutive swings, which would be, that has to be wrong, but we'll see. Yeah. Some baseball nerd will look it up. They don't even have to look it up. They know it. So let's get to our song. So Chappelle, I just want to say one thing about the Chappelle protest, and we're not going to talk about it.

So Chappelle, I just want to say one thing about the Chappelle protest, and we're not going to talk about it. But the protest, the Netflix employees who were trans and, you know, trans allies wanted to protest and they felt they had the right to. And so they did. And they're like, hey, this alternative voice, you know, needs to be heard. And we have the right to express our opinion. Sure, it's America. Netflix agreed. They went out out there protested it this guy shows up this jack black kind of looking guy but super peaceful super mellow big smile on his face and he just had a sign that says i love dave the protesters went fucking angry crazy got up in his face then they tore up his sign and broke it and the second they broke it they started screaming he has a weapon he has a weapon he has

a weapon and he's like what and he's like do you mean the sign, the fucking stick I'm holding that you just broke? He's like, fine, I'll put down my weapon. And he puts it down on the ground. But it was a perfect encapsulation of irony. It was perfect. Yeah. Anyway, that's what I wanted to say about it. There is there's the guy and all he's saying there look at him peaceful look at how he's a big fat guy his wrist couldn't be any thinner he's the most he's the least threatening human being ever and his hands are up and he's just like

I love Dave he just kept saying I love it and they're like fuck you pushing him he didn't touch anybody they were touching him I love it. And they're like, fuck you. Pushing him. He didn't touch anybody. They were touching him. Speaking of great men, James Enriquez wrote our theme song this week.

I think the file said The Danger Hour. That might be the name of the band. But holy shit, what a great tune. All right, I have to admit, because I do want to give it its fair shake. I have not heard it. You tried to play it for me before. I know, I had my headphones on. It didn't work. Right, but I'll listen to it because I want to hear it.

What kind of music? It's kind of like a fuzzy rock, cool, hard to describe. It's fun. It's fun. Oh, okay. I like fun music. It's fun. It's fun.

Oh, okay. I like fun music. The logo this week is from Laith Nabilsi and Lane Simonson. He sent me the phonetic pronunciation of his... I don't know if it's a man or a woman. It's Laith Nabilsi. The Laiths in my life have all been men. Okay. It's an it.

They're an it. Whoa. Very funny logo. They're an it. Whoa. Very funny logo. I think they identify as artist. And that's from Crazy Poor Asians? Yeah. Excellent. Corrections. I was talking about Brooke Shields, and somebody corrected.

Shields was 14 years of age when she appeared in the film. All of her nude scenes were performed by the film's 32-year-old stunt coordinator, Kathy Trout. Well, Kathy, congratulations. At 32, you had the body of a 14-year-old. And how many pervs whacked off to what they thought was a 14-year-old body and were then sort of like... I think when you ejaculate to an image, I think something changes in you. I think that a lot of pedophiles were born out of that movie.

Wait, what? You can't say that. Yes, if you see Brooke Shields naked in this movie it's super sexy and it's hard not to get turned on and then you think to yourself oh i get turned on by 14 year olds and then you start looking for other wait wait wait wait i don't think people make that leap and then that's the banner that they're seeing in front of their eyes that they can't resist thinking like you. I don't know. I just think that it's like it's like burning it in. It's it's baking it in that you are now a pedophile because you got turned on by this 14 year old.

You didn't know it was a 32 year old. They should have said that in the beginning of the movie. Yeah. Jokes on you, you pedo. You're you're whacking off to an old hag. Right. Two years old. Like that. Like the womanacking off to an old hag, 32 years old. Like the woman in The Shining, the old woman in The Shining. Yeah.

Right. Or maybe it is a real pedophile, and they're so excited to jerk off to a 14-year-old, and somehow their dick just won't stay hard, and they can't figure out why. Yeah. I can't resist it, but everyone who thought they were J-O-ing, actually it's J-A-N-G-O. Everyone who thought they were J-A-N-G-O to a 14 year old. And it turns out to be the stunk rat. They weren't catfished. They were trouted. Hey, that's right. Kathy Trout is that old hag's name.

And then I'm just looking up a stat for this next story. Okay. Ready for this? We got corrected on BMW. This comes from Nevada Smith. I knew this. I just wasn't going to correct you.

BMW was created during World War I, not by the Nazis during the 1930s. Oh, sorry. You mean by the group of Germans, not the group of Germans that caused the war that was 75 million people that died, but the ones that started a different war where 40 million people died. And who did they attack? The world. Yeah.

Oh, no. 20 million died. 21 million were wounded. The Russians, man. No one gives them enough credit for World War II especially. Well, what is true, I know, is Germans were worked to death by Bavarian Motor Works. During World War II? Yeah.

Okay. By Bavarian Motor Works. During World War Two. Yeah. OK, so that should be enough reason to boycott it if you're Jewish, in my mind. That is one of the biggest blind spots ever to me. And there was a great comedian. I don't know her name. We had her on Kilborn. Black woman stand up. And she might have talked about this, but it always makes me think of her joke because she's like, she's like, if the more I think about it, she's like, I can't even believe I wear cotton, which is, which is amazing. And of course I'm doing her a disservice because I don't have her set up. But I mean, all these American Jews were fucking my including my in-laws all in Mercedes and BMWs in New York in the 1960s. With Krups coffee machines.

I don't know if Krups coffee machines were around in the 60s here in the States. Krups was a huge electronics company back in Germany during World War II. No, I know. But we're talking about these American Jewish people who in L.A. and New York, I mean, they weren't. I can't even in my mind's eye. And I grew up, tons of my friends Jewish. All of their parents were either in Mercedes or BMWs. Maybe a younger, cooler one or going through a midlife crisis would be in a Porsche.

But what is your blind spot? Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. I just got a text now. I was at the improv the other night with Craig Robinson hanging out. And this guy comes up and he's like fitz dog big fan loved you since stern watched all your spread going on and on completely ignoring

craig doesn't recognize craig and then gives me his card and he goes i'm the new coach for the clippers if you ever want to come to a game let me know so i just got a text from hey greg sorry it's last minute but just check if you want two tickets for our home opener tonight. You've got to be kidding me. And you know they're going to be fucking courtside. That's amazing. Yeah, that's going to be pretty sweet. He's obviously a huge fan of mine, so can you put me on there?

Say hi. I can't go. I've got shows tonight. I could go. I can't take the tickets and shows tonight. I could go. I can't take the tickets and then send you because he's probably going to be sitting there. No, why don't you say, dude, I want to go so badly and then be like, this is the craziest idea. Please say no. But a huge fan of yours, Mike Gibbons, you may know, would take him.

Yeah, that's a great idea. I want to burn this contact before I even fucking use it. What do you mean? I'll give him my autograph. Then this guy, Andy Beach, says, if anyone emails you ripping on you because you already read my Blondie email two weeks ago, tell them Andy Beach says fuck off. They're just jealous my email got read twice.

two weeks ago tell them andy beach says fuck off they're just jealous my email got read twice uh so apparently me you and chris denman our producer our final line of defense did not notice that i read the same fucking email two weeks in a row i sort of give up now i used to flag you on those you didn't notice you didn't notice that might be true notice. That might be true. Jesus Christ. And what about you, Denman? Fucking explain yourself. Look, in his defense, all he's writing is no blacks. He wrote, Greg, you just deliver things so well. Aw.

The way the trains delivered the Jews to the... What? What? That's odd. Eric Anderson said, Hi Greg and Mike. Always love the show. In this last week's episode, you were talking about using the wrong word. My wife, who I love dearly,

insists that it's mine as well instead of might as well. Should we get something to eat? Mine as well. It's infuriating and no matter how many times I passively aggressively try to correct her, she refuses to change. Eric, that's not even fucking close, dude. Well, either is yours all of the sudden.

All of the sudden. Stop it. That's insanity. But mine as well. Do you want to go eat? Mine as well. Mike as well. That's divorce.

Mine as well. They live in Duluth, Minnesota. That would be right. It would be her divorce as well. Winter's here, and if you live in Duluth, you don't break up with anybody in October. You hold on until the spring. Sometimes that line can work. Hey, don't forget, not next weekend, but the weekend after,

I will be in San Francisco at the Punchline, November 4th through the 6th. Also have dates coming up in Boston, Portland, and Lexington, Kentucky. Go to FitzDawg.com for tickets. Also, while you're at FitzDawg.com, check out the Sunday Papers mug available for your Christmas gifting. As we speak, it was designed by Eric Young, who's one of our fans who submitted it as one of the logos one week. And Mike particularly loved it. The fans had it come in second. The first place was

blackballed by Mike for some reason. Oh, because Eric goes, mine as well. And I'm like, you're right. Let's use yours. If you want to check out more of Eric Young's work, his site is www.promotionlotion.com

and his paintings are at framedope.com. So thank you, Eric. I'm going to go check those out. For your design. We ready for some news? Oh, my God. I got a brand new New York Times. It was delivered in the rain right here.

Look at that. And look at it. Squid Game is everywhere. The front page of Saturday's New York Times, it's not Squid Game, but it's guys in India cooking up some vaccines. Damn. But they have the outfits on. Alright, here we go.

Front page. Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! Alright. This is, in no way, in no way are we making light of this, but we figured we'd cover, because we actually have interesting things to say

about this Alec Baldwin story. So the headline today was a crew member yelled, cold gun, as he handed Alec Baldwin the prop weapon, court documents show. So the court documents have already begun in the form of affidavits. According to the affidavit, Baldwin was handed one of three prop guns by assistant director David Halls that were set up in a cart by an armorer.

Don't know what that is. Armorer. Armorers are people that handle weapons on sets. I imagine it is. I'm sure Hager the Horrible has an armorer. Halls did not know there were live rounds in the gun, the affidavit said. But when the actor fired the gun, a live round hit this woman, Hutchins. It's the saddest goddamn thing. She was 42 years old and kind of this

really cool story. But anyway, it hit her in the chest and it wounded Sousa, the director, who's 48, who was nearby. Now, it sounds to me like it was the same bullet, but we haven't heard that yet. Right, Greg? It sounds like it was the same bullet. I don't think that's been confirmed. All right. Kind of like the JFK bullet. And I'm, again, not making fun of this. Who was before Thursday's shooting? See, this story is getting more and more interesting. So before Thursday's shooting, some crew members quit the production over concerns related to safety,

including gun inspections and COVID-19 protocols not being followed, according to the LA Times. Yes, seven people. Seven people quit. People don't quit films. It's very hard to get jobs on films. And you're already down on location. So three crew

members who were on the set last weekend told the L.A. Times there were two accidental prop gun discharges before Thursday. The rounds were accidentally fired October 16th by Baldwin's stunt double after he was told the gun was, quote, cold. Two of the crew members who witnessed the discharges told the paper this. So have you ever been on a set with a real or prop gun? Yes, I have. So I have, too. And it is the biggest pain in the ass because of how safe they are. Right, right.

It's the last thing that's brought in before they yell action. The prop guy, it seems like the most defensive, the poor person with this job seems like the most defensive person in the world. He's like, here's a, like, it's an announcement. Everybody has to stop what they're doing. He holds up the gun. He's like, here is the gun. Notice it is empty.

He then aims at the floor or something or whatever it is, literally clicks it to prove it. Here are the slugs that are fake. We're putting them in the gun. It is a protocol. Yeah. It has to happen every single time the gun comes into play. And that's with a prop gun. See, here's what I don't understand is at this point, why not use whatever these blanks are?

Apparently they discharge like pieces of wax or there's material from the actual blank that does get shot out sometimes. Why not get guns that make a very small noise? And then in post, you put in a fucking gun noise you think they're not replacing that noise with a different one when they're in the edit bay anyway oh no why do they need a loud why do they need a loud shot to go off every gunshot is is fixed because it sounds like an echoey tinny piece of garbage sound yes right so i don't understand why they need these loud pops to go off when they're on set. I mean, you did it up for the actors to react to, but that's it.

Right. It's probably something like that. Anyway, yeah. It's nuts. I don't know. I mean, they're going to be able to trace this ammo where it was bought. They're going to be able to trace who probably had it. I mean, how did it show up on set? I did read one article, by the way, that said, regardless of everything we just read, Baldwin committed the cardinal sin with guns, which is fake or real.

with guns, which is fake or real. You are. They're never aimed at a person. And they I forget the name. They have a name on set of what it is they're they're aimed at. And and basically he goes, there's no such thing. There's another one of their little rules. Every gun's a real gun is the motto.

Right. And also, you know, he he's a producer on this film. This is his film. So he is responsible for gun safety and every other safety protocol. And there's union controversy that they were doing some that it wasn't all, you know, union. And then apparently the four there was an article I read. I don't know if it's true, And then apparently the four there was an article I read. I don't know if it's true, but it was an article that like four people or something quit. And then not only were they replaced with non-union, but according to them, there were maybe threats that like they would arrest them or something like that. They were going to like or sue them. And like so it was not a good scene down there. And also, I guess they were shooting in Albuquerque, but they made them, and they were promised hotel rooms in Albuquerque, and then instead they had to go get hotel rooms in,

what's the other shitty town in New Mexico? I don't know. Well, there's obviously gorgeous Taos. No, it's not Taos. Okay. Whatever it was. They were forced to drive an hour each way every day. Oh, wow.

And so it was a bunch of fuck-ups by the production. I don't know if there was money problems or whatever, but it was ugly. And there's no way to joke about this. It's just so sad and everything. But down the road, if I did joke about it, I might say, yeah. Say you did. Let's say in two weeks when this is not the kind of story that you would never joke about. Like, what would you say in like two weeks? I don't know. Maybe like what's up with Baldwin?

That dude hates anyone with a camera. Like, what the fuck? He does. Dude, she's a DP, not a paparazzi, you fucking animal. That's not TMZ. That's a union camera guy. He's here. He's on your side. That's a union camera guy. He's here. He's on your side. Holy. You're paying this person to organize cameras and to photograph you.

Did you forget that? In your bloated fucking rageaholic state? Now, let's just say in three weeks or four weeks where the story's really died down, then what kind of a joke would you do? I don't know. Maybe it would be a little lighter. It would be like, first prize, Cadillac Eldorado. Second prize, set of steak knives. Third prize, oh, shit, was this fucking thing loaded?

By the way, I did have a funny thought, and I think there are no victims in this joke at all, except the people I'm going to talk about. I could see an Onion headline. NRA says, see, this is why everyone should use real guns. Right. That would be, and it would be one of those more and more, very sadly, Onion headlines are close to real headlines these days. And I could see that being a real headline also. Well, it's moments like this that

I miss Trump's Twitter account because he obviously fucking hates Alec Baldwin. And he would say something so grossly inappropriate. He was too busy insulting Colin Powell, which we'll get to later. Well, you know, we don't have in today's script was there, you know, Trump tried to launch his own social media app. I thought he did. He did. And it got hacked and they showed like a pig shitting on its own testicles. And that's what they put on his account. No. Yeah. And then it got taken down and it's dead. It's dead. He's no longer doing it. Well, listen, Mr. Trump, with all due respect, that's what happens when you give the Russians all your passwords. That's right. All of your endeavors are going to be hacked. They can probably guess his passwords. P, you know, it's got to be more than three letters

or they're going to get it. Maybe his password was pig shits on own genitals. And they're like, wow, we don't even have to think too hard about what we're going to do here. This at least seven bodies have been discovered in the searches for Gabby Petito. Was she Petito? Was she small? I don't know. I wouldn't go there. She was found dead in September.

Brian Laundrie, who has been missing for five weeks. Isn't that funny? You always lose things in the laundry. So I was in Florida. So I went to Florida, as you said, after Gray's death. While I was in Florida, I mean, didn't they find him? Well, why don't I read the story?

Oh, sorry. The sudden rise in body count has some people wondering if the cases could be connected. Two bodies were found, were initially flagged as being possibly linked to the case because they were discovered near where the couple had been road tripping. According to the son, the other bodies found included a married couple found murdered in Utah, a man who died by suicide in Wyoming in a swamp and the remains of a woman who disappeared in a California desert in June. Wow.

Yeah. You see, I don't think this explains him, though. So remains were found near his personal items in this preserve that I think technically is outside Sarasota. But of course, it's Tampa, Jason. We're all the real Florida. I mean, Tampa.

It's all about Tampa. Yeah, and I think it's near his house where he grew up. Okay. But while I was in Florida, I think now they have confirmed that those are his remains. Yeah. And they don't know if he was eaten by an alligator or if he did meth or there's so many ways to die in Florida. If you're eaten by an alligator, I wonder if there are remains that can be identified. I guess your teeth come out. Well, I don't know if they...

Do you have to find alligator scat? That's not going to be easy, isn't it? In the water? Right, right. I don't know anything about this. But I guess there was a woman who disappeared in a California desert near them. Yeah, well, this is true and a little sad. When there was that shooting in Malibu and then also someone was shooting at cars.

But when that father, it's so tragic, he took his kids camping and he was murdered. They, police obviously, descended and then the Malibu police were heavily criticized. But you then read this headline that they find bodies. People dump bodies in the Malibu Canyon. Like, like kind of a lot, like more than you think. Because in the middle of the night, you know you're alone. There's no cameras. It's pitch black.

And also because of headlights, you can see when the next car is coming. Sometimes, you know, a half a mile away. Right. But you just pull over to the side of the road and dump the body all over. And of course, in Malibu, they also dump a lot of body parts after all the plastic surgeries. There's a lot of fake noses. People are throwing air, you know, because medical waste is expensive. So the doctor, the doctor's office, the poor nurses out there throwing all the extra baggy skin off the side of the road. So Malibu's a real cornucopia of

bodies and body parts. I think it looks like that, but what it really is is they're dead bodies that have decomposed and everything decomposes except for the fake tits and the penis implants and the rebuilt vaginas and the merkins.

And people just assume, oh, this must have been a sex shop. I guess these are like... How did you identify the body? Oh, the silicon implants. They're from Wilshire. We know which doctor put them in. Yeah, that looks like a Goldstein. That's a set of Goldsteins right there.

34 Ds. Oh, my God. What's this next story? Let's skip that next one and go to entertainment. You got it. Oh. Oh. just a few weeks ago dc made the announcement that john kent son of clark kent and lois lane and the current man of steel in dc's main publishing line would come out as bisexual

in the upcoming comic issue super, Son of Cal E5. DC made an announcement on their blog that orders for the upcoming issue have hit unprecedented numbers. So this is the first gay Superman. Like unprecedented low numbers? No, very high, very high. Oh, thanks. I got it, I got it. I don't think this is the first time that he's come out because I distinctly remember watching a film on YouPorn called Men of Steel.

And it was. Oh, yeah. Men of Steel. I saw Men of Steel 3. Did I have to see the first two Men of Steels to understand what was going on in Men of Steel 3? No, I think you get. Well, the first one really was about their abs of steel.

The second was about the cocks of steel. But I remember watching that quite a bit. And there's a woman, a congresswoman from Arizona, who tweeted, Superman loves Lois Lane, period. Well, not under period. That's disgusting. Hollywood is trying to make Superman gay, and he is not. Just rename the new version Superman so we can all know the difference and avoid seeing it.

Wait, this is a congresswoman? Yeah. And also from Arizona. Arizona's politicians are shitshows. By the way, did she not read the breakdown of this character? He is Clark and Lois's son. So she's suggesting homosexuality is wrong, but bestiality or incest is fine. He's supposed to love Lois Lane.

And she wrote Thuperman with a TH. So clearly putting in the stereotypical gay lisp. and she wrote Thuperman with a TH, so clearly putting in the stereotypical gay lisp, and she's a representative? I don't know if she's a senator or a representative. Chris, can you look that up? Congresswoman. I think it's a congresswoman, but I kind of guessed. I could be wrong.

But, I mean, can you imagine Superman as gay? What a fucking you would get from that guy. Well, I always assumed he was. I mean, you saw the movie. Yeah. The tights. Listen, anyone who wears a cape, already your job is to convince me they're not gay. Right. Come on. Tights and a cape, already your job is to convince me they're not gay. Right.

Tights and a cape? You know, prove me wrong, Superman. I think Batman's the one that always gets the... Great looking, in shape. It's like he lives at the gym. It looks like everything's there.

Disposable income. She's a state senator. She's a state senator. She's a state senator. Has an incredible place. Spotless. Can see right through you. I see right through you. And, you know, that's him on the weekends.

And then he's buttoned down with his glasses getting shit done. Very professional in his job. Yeah, he's in on the weekends. And then he's butting down with his glasses, getting shit done. Very professional in his job. Yeah, he's in the down low. This guy's gay. All right, what else do we got? Oh, we talked about bad sport last week. Okay, wait, did you see the Bond movie? Saw it last night.

Come on. Yep. Tell me about it. It was great. I mean, I'm a big Daniel Craig fan. I feel like this is his fifth and last movie i feel like he went out he went out with a bang it wasn't the best movie he did but it was a very good one i thought um you could tell that it had been co-written by um phoebe waller bridges

the woman from fleabag because like there was a he was in cuba and this hot Cuban chick is helping him escape, and he doesn't fuck her. It's like, you kept waiting. You kept waiting, and all of a sudden he leaves Cuba, and you're like, did you forget something, James? And does a Cuban girl look to camera and be like, I mean, is he going to fuck me or what? Yeah. Keeps looking at the camera. She starts smelling her armpits, her breath. the camera she starts smelling her armpits her breath he also had a really some sweet car i think they were all aston martins uh but one was kind of vintage there was one that was like a uh it was

i looked it up it's called a v8 vantage and it was at the time like the muscle car of all European cars. I think it was from the 60s or 70s. Yeah, Aston Martins are obviously super cool. Little hard to follow the plot for me because there was just a lot of different groups. There was a lot of different actors. And that Cuban girl. And the Cuban girl distracted me. And it was a little hard to follow.

So the ending didn't land as hard with me because I wasn't emotionally as invested because I wasn't following the plot 100%. Were you a little baked? I was not. I was with my wife and my daughter and Mikey Fitzgibbon. All right. Well, part of the reason that— Just the Fitzsimmons family and Mikey Fitzgibbon. Right right. Well, part of the reason that just the Fitzsimmons family and Mikey Fitzgibbon.

Right there. I mean, Oh my God. Friday night. Yeah. Uncle. It fits right in. Uh,

one thing I forgot to mention. So obviously I, well, one of the reasons I was so blown away by that band last night is I, I definitely, uh, was over served edibles, but,

uh, so on the drive home, it's I go, I'm starving and I stop at a McDonald's drive through. No, it's it's it's one fifteen in the morning. All right. If you're on a McDonald's, first of all, McDonald's drive through after midnight should just be a DUI stop. That's what that place should be. Yeah. Right. If you're on the McDonald's drive-thru line at 115 in the morning, you've either had a really bad day or a really great day.

Yeah. That's what I've decided. Yeah. There's kind of no in-between. Right, right. And I had a really great day. And I think they know who they're dealing with because I'm like, it was literally like being in a candy shop looking at the menu.

I don't remember the last time I was at McDonald's. That's not a flex or anything. It's been years. So anyway, unlike the impossible Whopper at Burger King. So anyway, I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, quarter pounder. And then I catch wind. I catch sight of two patties.

I'm like, yeah, double that up. She's like, what? I'm like, I'm like, I'll have a quarter pound of cheese, but double it up. And she's like, OK. And then she knew what she was dealing with. So then I'm like, yeah, and I'll get that as a meal. Large French fries, please. And then a large Diet Coke. And then she goes instinctively, do you want to make that a shake? And I'm like, yes. She barely got shake out of her mouth. I'm like, yes. Okay. So I come home. The shake is so thick.

You can't even get it through the straw. I hate that. I almost like, you know, blood vessels almost came out of my eyes trying to suck down the shake. So, but here's the last thing I'll say. I then came home, threw out the trash in my garage, came upstairs, still working this shake. I don't finish it. I get so tired. I pass out. I woke up seven hours later and the shake is on my bedside table and it is still a milkshake. And it is still a milkshake.

No. Yes. Holy shit, Batman. Yeah. That is wrong. Seven hours later, that thing is still a shake. God damn. And that double quarter pounder is just, it's got its arms outstretched in your colon and it's just holding on.

Didn't even matter. It was like, it was perfect. It was the perfect move. I didn't even matter it was like it was perfect it was the perfect move i didn't realize how smart it was you know what's so weird about you saying that is you know the last time i was at mcdonald's well i hadn't been to mcdonald's in whatever a year the last time i went two hours ago on the on the way to my office i i don't know why i got up this morning and i had this fucking craving for a uh uh a um what's their breakfast a heart attack a heart attack for an egg mcmuffin and so i drove to the drive-thru i went to the drive-thru and i got an egg mcmuffin and i had and i got the bread i got the meal and so it comes with the hash brown and an orange juice. It was fucking $9.50.

Didn't McDonald's used to be cheap? Whoa. Yeah. I don't know how it got to that. $9.50. Listen, they're not a sponsor. But on that Burger King app, yes, I have it, there are crazy deals where you're like, wow, that's a loss leader. For sure, you are not making money on this meal.

Even you add your economies to scale. All right. Florida, man. Interesting Florida, man, this week. Rod Stewart's plea deal on battery charge in Florida falls through. West Palm Beach, a plea deal between British rock icon Rod Stewart and Florida prosecutors fell through Friday, meaning he and his adult son are again scheduled to stand trial January 25th on charges. They battered a security guard during a New Year's Eve bash nearly two years ago.

Shouldn't the only battery charge Rod Stewart faces should be for his pacemaker, shouldn't it? Come on. The Stewart's got into a tussle at the Breakers Hotel with a security guard, Jesse Dixon, on New Year's Eve 2019, not long before midnight. They said the Stewart's were part of a group that tried to enter a private event in a children's area. This is interesting, before midnight. They said the Stuarts were part of a group that tried to enter a private event in a children's area. This is interesting, before midnight. At the Posh Hotel, but were not allowed. The group, which included children,

I guess maybe, so Stuart's group, maybe his grandkids, created a scene and would not leave, police said. Dixon, the security guard, intervened, and Sean Stewart, 41, got in his face. According to the police report, Dixon told officers he put the back of his right hand on the younger Stewart's chest and asked him to move to back up. Security video showed Sean Stewart then shoving Dixon and Rod Stewart, 76 years old, punching him in the ribs. So this is what I hope the judge does. I hope the judge is like, let me get this straight.

You're a security guard who touched the defendants first, and then a 76-year-old, what appears to be trans woman, punched you in the ribs? 76 year old, what appears to be trans woman punched you in the ribs. And in the courtroom right now, can you, I, can you just identify the defendant? Let the, okay. Let the record show the plaintiff pointed to the woman with outrageous hair over there. Did that defendant also hit you with, with her handbags and glad rags? That old lady.

I mean, I'm trying to picture the sketch artist in the courtroom. His charcoal keeps snapping as he tries to get Rod's wrinkles deep enough in his face. That's the guy that beat you up? I know. And you're a security guard. He really is forever young

that guy's gonna keep punching guys in the ribs if you give him a chance that's the thing the guy was like look I know you're in my heart you're in my soul you're also in my fucking face dude alright here we go we're moving on to international.

International. International. Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of, is it England or Great Britain? I guess Great Britain. Doesn't matter to me. Keep going. He said he will examine the latest advice on the legislation of magic mushrooms. Oh.

Tory MP Crispin Blunt urged the PM to review the law to allow more research into the drug's therapeutic qualities. Mr. Blunt said it had exciting potential for the treatment of conditions such as depression, trauma, and addiction. Mr. Johnson said he would get back to Mr. Blunt, quote, as soon as possible. Yeah. He then sent for Seth Rogen, a hacky sack, and queued up Sgt. Peppers. That's right. Legislation's expected after the four fist shows at Royal Albert Hall. Or J-Rad.

Now they're all going to go see J-Rad because everyone in Britain listens to this podcast. Dude, I don't think I could handle being on shrooms and watching the parliament function. Doesn't it seem like some weird avant-garde French film, the way they behave in parliament? It's all so random and they harumph and they stand up and they make comments. And it's so hard to follow. No, it's like this. It's like you're watching a nature documentary. It's like now he'll stand up and flutter his chest.

Yeah, right. And like, you know, and then present. But it does look like these weird species are all posturing and growling and making. And it's kind of like, oh, no, you could tell he's not going to attack

the other guy because his ears aren't back. That's when they charge. There's also a false charge, like he's bluffing. Yeah. And this one's presenting. Yeah.

But yeah, I would like to see that. I would like to see Parliament all on mushrooms. That would be pretty wild. But yeah, it's fascinating to me. I remember the first time I saw that as a teenager. I'm like, they do that? This is really interesting.

In Haiti, the leaders of a Haitian gang who kidnapped 17 U.S. and Canadian missionaries has threatened to kill the hostages if they don't get what he's demanding. Wow. conservative anabaptist communities wow the threat follows the first public statement by the victims families who on thursday thanked supporters and described the kidnapping as a quote unique opportunity to show compassion god has given our loved ones the unique opportunity to live out our lord's command to love your enemies bless them them that curse you, do good to them that hate you. And then she went on to say, that being said, if one of ye American snipers get the unique opportunity of having a clear view of one of these heathen fucks, take the shot. If we don't get a million dollars, we are going to kill them with boredom. We have no TVs, we have no technology,

and we don't even have electricity. So it'll be candlelight. We read a little bit, a lot actually. That's what I love about the idea of an Amish missionary going to help a Haitian village. All right, so you know how sometimes you guys lose all your electricity? We'll teach you how to get rid of it altogether.

And we also brought some nice heavy black wool outfits. Great for this jungle climate. Yeah. Oh, they arrived. They have no technology, nothing helping them. The hurricanes wiped out their house. I'm like, okay, well, it looks like our work's already done for us. Right, right.

We can raise your barn. We could do that. We could push up the walls all together in a group effort. But that's it. There's not even insulation, and there's definitely no wiring. And we're going to teach you guys how to make bread. I think they're not even going there to help. What happens is some giant disaster hits like Puerto Rico and the Amish here, the electricity is out and won't be

back for a while. They all rush there just to enjoy it. Yeah, right, right. A million dollars each. Where's an Amish family going to get a million dollars? I'll tell you where, the barn. going to get a million dollars. I'll tell you where. The barn. They've got a shitload of money. They sell tons of furniture, baked goods, and it's all cash. They pay no taxes.

And their overhead is like $12 a year. Oh, my God. I misread this whole thing. The way it was written, all of the group's members hail from Amish. I thought they were the captors who were Amish. No. Oh, none of my jokes make sense then. Oh, you know what you should do? You should read the script before we do the podcast. No, but I'm reading it. This is the way it reads to me. Or listen to it when I read it. Either way, I guess either of those two options. The captors have demanded one million per hostage. All of the group's members hail from Amish men. That's how it reads.

I like my premise better. Haitian Amish people? That's what's so weird. Yeah. It is weird because the Amish are the whitest people, like just physically, visually the whitest people. I love my brain that comes up with Amish are the whitest people, like just physically, visually the whitest people. I love my brain that comes up with Amish terrorists. Yeah, that is pretty good.

But some of the jokes work where they rush to where the electricity is off. All right. Well, listen, luckily this is the dress rehearsal. When we do the podcast in an hour, I'll have this right. Five hikers in British Columbia use their turbans to save two men on their trail. Another Amish story? Okay, go ahead. When the pair unexpectedly fell into a pool beside a waterfall.

Kujinder Kinda and four friends were hiking in Golden Earl Park on October 11th when a group nearby told them that two men had slipped on a slick rock and fallen into a pool above the lower falls, could not pull themselves back to safety. They came up with the idea to create a rope out of their turbans, one of five articles worn by Sikhs as headdresses, usually made of cotton that protects their uncut hair. Kinda and his friends removed their turbans

to securely knot the fabric together and create a 33-foot makeshift rope that safely pulled the two men back onto the trail. Well, luckily it wasn't a group of Jewish guys. No one's ever saved a life with a yarmulke. I'm going to throw down this tiny Frisbee, and I guess just wipe your tears with it. Yeah, right, right.

The only thing you can use the yarmulke for is like to pad up a bra. If they'd stumbled on a group of teenage girls getting dressed for their prom, they would have been fucking heroes. But, wait a minute. This is an amazing stuff.

First of all, you know, some people would be like, fuck you, I ain't touching it. Nope, not worth it. Right. Not worth it. Nice try. I'm not touching the hem

of your fucking voodoo headdress. Yeah. Oh worth it. Right. Not worth it. Nice try. I'm not touching the hem of your fucking voodoo headdress. Yeah. Oh, good. You can pull me out and then he can drive me home in your fucking taxi. Listen, Jim, just fucking let's just use it. We'll get them. We'll strangle these fucking desert guys with their headdress when we get up there. Yeah. I'm not taking help from a Muslim. get up there. Yeah. That's pretty big. I'm not taking help from a Muslim. Meanwhile, this is good. Now everyone's taking note of this safety. North Face is going to come out with their own line of turbines. When you go camping, you need to have these. It's a safety measure. Right. No room in the pack. No problem. Oh, nice turbine. Is that Patagonia? Very cool. No problem.

Oh, nice turban. Is that Patagonia? Very cool. By the way, isn't it like the Yamaha, if you're very serious about things, was that a big, like, are you allowed to take off your turban in public? Well, it says it's there to protect their uncut hair. So I just don't know how, it doesn't say unwashed hair, but I'm guessing also unwashed. So that rope's going to be a little slippery. It's very cool of them.

No doubt about that. Yep. That's a cool story. Speaking of cool, let's go to sports. Let's do it. All right. Mike is, we haven't had a game since the last Sunday Papers because they played on a Thursday last week. Right.

But this week they are playing the Bears, and Tampa Bay is going to give the Bears 12 points. Bears, Bucs, da Bears, da Bucs. Bucs giving away 12. You're up 100 Bucs. I am predicting a win for me this week. I think they're going to win by more than 12. I'm rooting for the Bears so heavy.

week. I think they're going to win by more than 12. I'm rooting for the Bears so heavy. So some Yakoff wrote in about our bet? Yeah, Sam Leonard. He said, I hate to sound angry on my first email, but this has been bugging me for over a year now. In your ongoing Buccaneers bet with Mike, why do you factor in the point spread? The original argument- That's how you bet, you moron. Buccaneers bet with Mike, why do you factor in the point spread? The original argument. That's how you bet, you moron. Was that you thought Brady would be successful in Tampa and Mike thought he would underperform expectations. So you should be betting whether the Buccaneers win or lose straight up. You're right, Sam. What kind of bullshit bet have I gotten into here?

It's a straw man argument. He made up this premise. The premise was people have trouble betting against Brady. That was the premise. And so I take the other side because I think it's artificially inflated because they have to get as much action on the other side of the bet. That's the premise of this bet. You would owe me so

much money. If we had just done a straight up Tampa Bay bet, they were 14 and 1 last year or something crazy. Well, fine. Let's bet on the Kentucky Derby. You take the number one seed, most favorite, and I'll take the last place. But you know what?

We won't do any odds. I'll win a dollar for every dollar I bet on the 300-1 horse. Sam. Do you? Sam, we love that you wrote in, but the premise of the bet was the 300 to one horse. Sam, do you? Sam, we love that you wrote in, but the premise of the bet was different than what you stated. OK, what else is going on? Sports. The Lakers had some big fight.

There was a couple of players that had a physical physical fight on the bench. I didn't see that. I'm not a big Lakers fan. I can't remember who it was. It was like two of their biggest players. Dwight. Dwight Howard. And who was the other guy? Anthony Davis. All right.

Well, you can't write no blacks to this story, Chris. They're both seven feet tall. Oh, my God. It's like two thin Andre the Giants. They put him in a cage. I don't care. I'm a Clippers fan now. Oh, my God. It's like two thin Andre the Giants. They put him in a cage. I don't care. I'm a Clippers fan now.

I'm not a Lakers fan anymore now that I got tickets. Yeah, I hope there's not a fight at the game when I go tonight because, I mean, I could get an elbow. I mean, I'm assuming I could catch an elbow. I'm so close. Let's do some science. Yeah, let's. Here it is. All right.

I saw this story this week. 150 miles per hour. 150 miles per hour without a driver. Indy autonomous cars gear up for race. There will be cars at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Saturday, but no driver in sight as racing teams mark a milestone in autonomous vehicle development. Nine single-seaters will take part in the $1 million competition, and teams are made up of

students from around the world. Each group was given the same car, and the drivers were replaced with 40,000 lines of code programmed by each team. The engineering student, Nayana Suvarna, she's 22, does not yet have a driving license, but was nonetheless reluctantly designed as her team manager. I didn't know anything about car racing, she said with a smile, but I'm becoming a fan. So this is so realistic, they can already tell, it's so realistic that even the women, even when the women program the race car, they come in last place. Oh, because they're women.

Yeah. Also, despite repeated countless attempts, the women programmers can't create the right code to parallel park the car. In a car race? There's parallel parking in a car race? It was one of the baby steps with automobiles, the autonomous cars. Yeah. And the women programmers, they keep trying. They could do it.

But they have to come back out and try again. Just the parallel parking is not working. Unbelievable. It's so hard for women. So realistic. What is it with them and the cars? I don't know. I think it's a new premise I've caught on to here.

I would say I hope you enjoyed the Indy Speedway over the years because it's about to burst into flame this week. Because the women drivers? No, just all these cars are going to fucking crash into... No. You're terrible. Why do we even have women listeners if you're going to go on like that? Well, you didn't mention that she's Asian.

Thank you for your restraint on that. Who? Nuyana Savarna? Yeah. That doesn't sound Asian to me. Indians are considered Asian. Oh, that littleana Savarna? Yeah. That doesn't sound Asian to me. Indians are considered Asian. Oh, that little loophole. Yeah.

Weirdo. So this is what I do want to see, and you know it's coming. Indy 500, one cars without a driver. That's the way to go. Right? It's like the blind in a poker game. I kind of, I think that's where it's headed. And boy, I think that,

it's going to be like chess versus, what was the IBM computer, Big Blue? Big Blue. Right? So you know no human can come close to beating the computer now, right? You know that? I wouldn't say not close.

They get very close, but they- I don't know. I don't think they get close at all anymore. All right. I mean, maybe close in terms of lots of moves, but no wins, no more wins. I think I have that right. That's what's going to go on here. The first year, it's going to be a novelty. It'll be like seeing that first Kasparov, was it maybe again versus Big Blue? The first year will be interesting. And I doubt the automatic, you know, the autonomous car will win. But that will only last so long. And then it'll be true. What you're watching is the human element in, you know, in the car race.

Like there's the guy, against all advice, pushes car to, you know, too far and burn it out or whatever it is. Right, right. But boy, is that autonomous car going to have fuel management down to a science. It's going to calculate the pit stop. The pit crew should be autonomous also. Yep. Robots. Right.

Oh, my God. I'm watching racing from now on. Let's go to also in science. For the first time, a pig kidney, I had one last night, grilled. It was nice. Has been transplanted into a human without triggering immediate reaction by the recipient's immune system, a potentially major advance that could eventually help alleviate a dire shortage of human organs for the transplant. The recipient was a brain-dead patient with signs of kidney dysfunction whose family consented to the experiment before she was due to be taken off of life support.

So essentially, this was not done to somebody who was going to recover. They were merely seeing if this body could be the host for a pig kidney and live, even though the person's going to be taken off life support and die. What would they be like if they woke up with the pig kidney in them? Well, I think they'd probably want to go get a mud mask, maybe look for some truffles, you know, a regular day, just a typical day. mask, maybe look for some truffles, you know, a regular day, just a typical day. George Lopez, by the way, has his wife's kidney was, I mean, famously, he needed a kidney transplant.

They were a match and she donated a kidney and he always said he had a pig's kidney in him. They're divorced now. Okay. For the record, he'd never said that. Don't sue me, George. It was a lighthearted joke. Very inappropriate. I take it back.

Luckily, again, this is the dress rehearsal. Let's do some business. Let's practice doing the business section. All right. Let's practice some business. Let's practice doing the business section. All right, let's practice it. Business. Business. Italian flight attendants strip off to protest working conditions.

The headline grabbed my attention. Italy's new national airline, ITA Airways, took to the skies last week, but all is not well on the ground of Italian aviation. Former Alitalia flight attendants protested this week against job losses and pay cuts in a particularly Italian way by taking their clothes off. Hey, what are you doing, huh? All 50 female former flight attendants turned up at the Campidoglio. Campidoglio. Campidoglio.

It's the main, like, it's one of these very big centers in Italy. And I think it's like a lot of, I don't know, it said it was symbolic in some way. I think a lot of powerful stuff. Anyway, they showed up in their Alitalia uniforms, then removed them to stand in their underwear chanting, we are Alitalia. Well, that'll show them. I'm sure that'll show the male Italian CEOs.

By the way, what Italian helped these women organize this type of protest? Andrew Cuomo. Yeah, exactly. Listen, ladies, I got a great idea.

Come over here. Come on. Group hug. You guys should all take off your clothes. I think that should be the first move. Yeah. You know, it's going to help out. I like to help out the Italians.

Yeah. And the CEOs, all the board, the board of executives, all male, older Italian guys were like, okay, listen, good point. We see your point. Here's half of your demands. And now let's see how the protest continues. And maybe you'll get the second half. Let's see what you come up with. What else are you going to take off?

Right. Right. Yeah. Go ahead. I mean, it's, it's a shame. It was an Italian. They were Italian flight attendants. I haven't seen that much body hair since Bert Kre kreischer's last stand-up gig oh jesus and by the way like what's with the underwear that

they wore i don't know if you saw the photos if you're watching uh yeah we should have a phone chris can you post a photo into the into the uh show you know what they were they were like slips they were like slips i thought they would have been sexy. I mean, when I think of Italian women, you think of like, I mean, if it was American stewardesses, they would be like thongs and push-up bras, bruises

from unruly passengers. Right. This is how they could really swing the tide in their direction. They bring out the male flight attendants. Those that are tying boarded trustees will not want to see that shit. Right. Right.

And the tidy whiteys. The men are the ones with the thongs. Yeah, look at them. I mean, it's sexy. They're silky, you know, slips. And they are sexy looking women. They do look pretty good. That woman in the front looks like that American actress who was in House,

Edelstein or whatever. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at the one in the back left. And they kept their shoes on, which is a sexy move in underwear. They all have high heels with their slips on. And they got those nice Italian shoes, the classy ones. I'm sure they're the

Alitalia shoes. Yeah. Wow. Alright, let's do this day in history. Oh, if we must, here we go. 1945. October 24th that was a pretty big year in history 1945 yeah it certainly was the United Nations

is born it was adopted and signed and it was born out of perceived necessity as a means of better arbitrating international conflicts and negotiating peace than was provided by the old League of Nations. The growing Second World War became a real impetus for the United States, Britain, and the Soviet Union to begin formulating the original UN Declaration, signed by 26 nations as a formal act of opposition to Germany, Italy, Japan, the Axis powers.

So, I mean, it's a pretty interesting setup. I mean, it gets a lot of shit, the UN, because they say they don't have any power. Right. But at least it's there. You know, I feel like there's going to come a time maybe where it has more power. It just hasn't. I was in the Model UN Club when I was in high school. Oh, wow.

So it was just attractive people? Just attractive people. Attractive foreigners? That's the beauty of it. I did it. I did it because we got to go on trips. Like we got to go to Washington, D.C. and go to a model U.N. convention. And I was like, oh, this is going to be a fuck fest. I didn't know everybody was ugly.

And so I sign up and they they pair me up with this kid, this total nerd. And and we were Zaire. That was our country. And that's about as much as I found out about Zaire because this kid did all the work. I didn't do shit. All I was doing was like pouring vodka into shampoo bottles, stuffing pin joints into my fucking toiletry bag. Oh, my God. I forgot the shampoo bottle thing for high school. Yeah.

Because I went to boarding school. Kids would return with vodka. So you would be like, hey, do you want some? Clearly, it's pop-off vodka, the cheapest ever, with suds. Right, you could never get them all out. This is nice. Is this a wheat vodka with some Prel notes? Right, right.

Right, right. So we went to Washington, D.C., and then you got to go to the things in the morning. And I didn't even show up because I was out all night. And I actually did get laid with this girl from the Upper East Side. She lived on Park Avenue. Wow. And her father was super wealthy. And I ended up going to her ski house like a month later and having sex with a younger sister. And so anyway, true. Yeah. These are violations of all you united with her. Then you united with the sister. That's well, I was I hear I'd say it's very sexy to be Zairean. And I literally don't even know what you call the people and I represented them in the UN. So this kid goes to the conference and apparently fucking kicks ass.

He's introducing resolutions. He's voting. He's creating voting blocks. He's doing it all. And we win the entire fucking convention. And I'm standing there on the last day and I'm hungover and my hair is sticking up and there's a

picture of me in the school paper showing me and this guy Joe whatever holding the trophy to win the UN convention. Dude, you won the convention. Are you kidding me? Yes. He didn't get laid. Your partner didn't get laid. I can't even find Zaire

on a map, but I got laid. You were given a trophy for it. Oh, my God. That's an amazing story. Yeah. It was great. But, you know, I already referenced it, but this is like the Norm MacDonald joke where, like, yeah, the U.N. came together because they're like, hey, Germany.

Like, what do you think you are, Mars? Like, you know, that's the impetus for this thing. Yeah. All right. What are we going to letters? Let's do some letters. All right. I think we should.

We do. We do them every week. This is kind of nice. This woman named Joanne says, I seem to really have a crush on these guys. She should buy two mugs. She should buy a couple mugs. I'm expecting Joanne.

One will be like her Mike mug, because she has a crush on both of us. One will be her Greg mug. Yep. And then I think she should buy two extras in case we come to her town, because we will definitely have brunch with her after making love to her the night before. Oh, what do you think this is, a UN convention?

Carl Youngblood wrote to us. I like that name. I know I'm a few weeks behind, but I just heard Mike talk about wild boar. It is super common to eat it here in Germany and northern Italy. Wild boar backstrap is super tender and tasty. You can also make a great ragu from wild boar.

Mine as well. Somebody else wrote in that you can eat the females and not the males or something like that. I think that was, never mind, stupid jokes. Okay. We're doing a lot of pig, a lot of pig talk today. Bob Pedersen, I love the Sunday Papers podcast. You and Mike listed all the security and password headaches that exist with

Bitcoin ownership. Oh, I read this. He's absolutely right. Good clarification, Bob. Keep going. You understand that you and I and Mike don't actually buy Bitcoin. You buy Bitcoin from Coinbase or other crypto handling firms. They buy it on a proxy basis for the public because 99% of crypto buyers

don't have $100,000 to buy a couple Bitcoin. You understand. What is with the you understand? Don't condescend to me. You understand Coinbase eliminates all the hassles and danger in owning crypto, right? Question mark. So get your $200 together and buy some Bitcoin, you Irish jackass. Now he's getting all out hostile.

And don't worry about it. Hope this clears some things up. That makes it no clearer to me. I still need a password, don't I about it. Hope this clears some things up. That makes it no clearer to me. I still need a password, don't I? No. Really? Yeah, no, not like these stories we're hearing where you have only so many attempts and all that stuff.

It's essentially, yeah, it's the proxy basis that you own it. So they're the ones that need the password. So it's kind of like owning, I think, although Bob will probably write back and correct me in a condescending way again. It's a little bit like buying an index fund. You know what I mean? A little. Technically, by proxy, you own Procter & Gamble because you bought the index fund for where Procter & Gamble exists. So if that goes up, you win. Okay.

Kind of like you do here. All right, I'm going to do it. Now that it's at its all-time high, I'll finally get in. Don't worry, Bob. I know I didn't get it right. You don't have to write it back. I was told to buy it at 20, and I called my broker, and I said, hey, let's buy some Bitcoin.

He goes, here's and i called my broker and i said hey let's buy some bitcoin he goes here's the thing about my broker is i i invest with a guy who does socially conscious investing so we don't buy tobacco we don't buy petroleum we don't buy guns like it's all probably not facebook probably not it's all like socially conscious investing. So he would not buy Bitcoin when it was at 20 because he said it was not socially conscious. And I need to fire him. Because terrorists use it? What? Because the anonymity and like that organized crime could use it?

Yeah, it's used for sexual trafficking and to put hits on people. And I don't know. But that's the old Bitcoin. I think Bitcoin's used more, you know, it's more of a pedestrian way of doing business now. Well, I hope he doesn't buy the dirty, dirty American dollar then. I know, right? How much evil's been done with cash?

Yep. Anyway. So this guy, Ed Silver, says, Hi, Greg, big fan of the podcast and Sunday Papers. You and you and Mike both lean a lot harder to the left than myself. That's not what I hear about Mike. Oh, but I do appreciate that you criticize both the left and the right. I do feel like you should give Biden the same treatment as Trump because he sucks just as bad. No, no, he does not. He has some issues, but he does not.

as bad. No, he does not. He has some issues, but he does not. Whatever. Let's not get into it. Well, wait, I mean, like just, just quickly, some things that really offended us was when you say despicable human and you consider those two, you know, 100 out of 100 people know who you're talking about. When you say a real, a real, he's a liar. I was just going to come up with a creative way of saying the very complicated relationship that Trump has with the truth and intentional and unintentional lies in terms of racking up numbers. Let's just say Trump's running up the score on Biden. Let's say one of them has been accused of 21 counts of sexual assault or harassment or anyway. If you came up with cheated on every wife he had, I think we know what column that would be in. Pissing off the world community and not like the sort of bravado, like, yeah, they needed it way. No, in very, very stupid ways. There's also that.

All right. I'm not going to read the rest of this one. Let's get to obituaries. But by the way, Biden, I have a lot of criticism of himself. But if you also notice, how often are we criticizing Trump? The answer is not a long time. Not a long time. Although I'm about to. Let's get to it.

And we'll see what happens with Biden. You know, he hasn't actually put anything into place yet to criticize because he's getting fucking cock blocked. Let's do obituaries. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's a lot on the immigration. No, there's a lot. With every president, I have lots of issues. Of course, you're never going to be happy all the time. But, you know, Trump was an all-time low, and I think most people know that. Okay, here we go. And that's all, folks. Obituaries.

Colin Powell. Is it Colin Powell or Colin Powell? I think Colin. Well. That's how they pronounce it in the Bronx, the boogie down Bronx where this this badass was born. Luckily, he didn't die of colon cancer. Oh, although if he had gotten any kind of if he'd gotten any kind of cancer, it would still be called colon cancer. He was a four-star general in the U.S. Army, became the National Security Advisor, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and the first black U.S. Secretary of State. He died of COVID at the age of 84, but he did have underlying... He did have cancer,

as a matter of fact. Of course he did. He had colon cancer. He had his second round of it, and it was complications of COVID. Okay, Got it. So he was an ROTC graduate, served in Vietnam. Born in the Bronx. Are you just going to overlook that? Born in the Bronx, raised in the Bronx. Yep. I think he had Jamaican parents. Yeah, I think you're right. And then he he worked under Republicans and Democrats alike and won all kinds of Bronze Star, Purple Heart, Defense to say Distinguished Service Medal, three Oak Leaf. He had three Oak Leaf clusters. Those are really nice with fucking coffee, by the way.

By the way, two tours of in vietnam when he was young he got the presidential medal of freedom and uh the boy scouts of america honored him with their highest honor the silver buffalo award my dad told me uh because the news broke when i was down with my dad and my dad's from the bronx my dad had immigrant parents, uh, like Mr. Powell. And, uh, he said, and I don't know if this is true, but my dad said, you know, when there was a lot of talk of him running for president, um, you know, this is before Barack Obama, he declined because his wife was so convinced he'd be killed. Wow. Now, I don't know how true that is, but I'm sure it was one factor.

It sounds believable to me. Yeah. Remember Eddie Murphy? Remember Eddie Murphy did the routine of if Jesse Jackson were president, how he would have to give his speeches? Like moving around the stage? He's like, my fellow Americans,

and he's like dodging and bobbing and weaving. Right, right. I mean, it was a real thing, that fear. And Trump— Well, this is what I'll say. I had a lot of problems with Mr. Powell. In Vietnam, he defended—Powell was in charge of policies that killed a lot of innocent civilians around the world in Vietnam and then in the Mideast. And he was with the guy I hated most of all, George Herbert Walker Bush.

And wait, was Herbert Walker the dad? George W. George W. is the one I hated the most, but I hated both Bushes. And so listen, it's a mixed bag. I do admire this incredible American story of this son of immigrants just with hard work. And he was also, you know, kind of very dignified in his demeanor and everything. He was also, you know, kind of very dignified in his demeanor and everything. I just wish he was on the different side of a lot of issues. But anyway, did you want to say something before I read? Why don't you read Trump's tweet that he sent out about Colin Powell? So a lot of people, including Barack Obama, you know, a lot of people, obviously, you know, anyone who dies, it's a mixed bag. You're not going to be proud of everything the guy did or, you know, look up, you know, look up to them in every way. But when they pass away, you know, that's usually not your lead. You know what I mean? Like you, you can sing the praises of the positive aspects. Here's Trump's statement that he wrote on his stationery, and I will read the entire statement word for word.

Quote, Wonderful to see Colin Powell, who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the fake news media. Hope that happens to me someday. Fake news media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic rhino, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes. But anyway, may he rest in peace. How can he muster up, but anyway, may he rest in peace at the end? Say your piece.

Be a fucking man. Don't back in peace at the end. Say your peace. Be a fucking man. Don't backpedal at the end. You don't obviously wish him good wishes and death. Does he have any ability not to make everything about him? Yeah, right. And zero empathy. It's sympathy. Forget empathy. That is the way that you know sympathy yeah i hate on

this podcast that sometimes we get accused of being political because we really i mean today we've talked a lot of shit about politics but have we just that's well just about trump and because there are a lot of our listeners that are trump supporters. The one thing I can't wrap my head around is Trump supporters' inability to see that this guy filters every decision through his lens, how it affects him, if he's been maligned by somebody, if they support him. And that's just not a way to lead a country in an effective, productive way. He flips in a second if it goes against his interest. I love this guy. I love this guy.

Then the guy says, well, I don't think I hate that guy. Fuck that guy. He was always a coward and weak. Right. And it's not in the nation's. He doesn't make decisions in the nation's interest. He does it in his own interest. That's not a leader.

That's forget a leader. Forget everything else you can say about him. That's just a very baseline reason for not supporting this guy as a candidate again because it's going to happen. He's a terrible... Everything about it. All right, let's do some fun. Let's cheer up.

Let's cheer up. How do we do that? Let's do some funnies. There it is. Sunday funnies. There it is. Sunday funnies. Alright. Alright, first a couple notes. Dan Flynn says, I just noticed that asshole

Bill Keene, who as we know writes Family Circus, or I don't know what he does with Family Circus, spells his name with only one L. That was a burp. How can a guy who can't be bothered to add the second L to a name like Bill be concerned with writing an actual joke

on a shitty comic? Right, Dan. Dan nailed it. Dan's as fucking worked up about this guy as we are. Matt Bockbrater. What the fuck kind of name is Bockbrater?

Has it occurred to you that perhaps Dagwood is sporting a monster hog and that Blondie puts up with his legendary failings because he's the only one who can satisfy her cock cravings. I kind of reject that premise. I mean, she doesn't seem to get it.

He doesn't give it to her. He doesn't give it to her. Yeah, that's what I mean. He'd rather make a run for the fridge than a run for that poontang in the middle of the night when he wakes up. That's what happens? He shouldn't be eating sandwiches. He should be eating pussy. Good blonde pussy.

Did she shave it? Is this guy talking about his dag wood? That was right in front of you, Matt Brock Brader. I bet you Blondie grows that shit out and she conditions it with Aussie Three Minute Miracle and she combs it down and she conditions it with Aussie Three Minute Miracle and she combs it down and she puts a little gel in it. I bet that hair is,

it's blonde and it's soft and it's beautiful. She doesn't shave. Why would Blondie shave? It's in the name, but I don't know. She wears those very, you know, you don't see any panty lines.

Some of her capri pants are pretty tight. When you see a big old bush under there. Kind of like guys who are here, you know, when they wear shirts, you see that layer of hair underneath the T-shirt. Yeah. It's like padded. It's almost like it's it's it's like filling. It's almost like it's a couch with horse hair in it. Yeah. All right. Let's start like it's a couch with horse hair in it. Yep. All right, let's start with a little Hag of the Horrible.

And he is horrible. He really is. And he shows up to this poor king. I mean, the king is trying to live his life. And here's Hagar, and he's got a bunch of his young Repscallions with him. And they've got a bag, and they're stuffing a gold statue in it they're smiling and uh and dagwood's flunky goes our new recruits are all full of youthful enthusiasm and hagger says i agree and then in the next frame they're jumping up and down on the king's bed and uh hagger goes look they remind me of us on our first castle raid. And the king is looking very scornful. But as you can't see in the frame, the wife is right underneath him in that bed.

And she is in pain because they are the 15th and 16th guys to take a round in that bed with the king's wife. So, I mean, quite honestly, you're kicking her when she's down. I mean, to dance on the bed where you just raped her, it's like the rape is enough. And now you're like you're gilding the lily a little bit. Right. Put your eyes down in shame, grab a candlestick, and walk out of the goddamn castle. Mission accomplished. I bid you adieu, lady who we just raped.

See you in a fortnight. Let's go to some Lockhorns. Leroy is taking out the garbage, and Loretta's doing dishes, and she goes, take out the garbage and come back if you want. It's good. She doesn't, she does not love him anymore jokes it's over it's over uh here's a

another one here's a multi-strip and by the way that could be a good one take out the garbage and she's like i'm talking to the bag loretta uh leroy and Loretta for some reason are at an art gallery and they're dressed up and Leroy is with another man looking at paintings and Loretta says to a woman

Leroy and I are collectors too mostly empties oh that's sad that's sadder than I thought I like it and then in another one Leroy's parked in front of the TV in the big chair

and Loretta's talking to her friend who's got a receding hairline and Loretta goes, every day is a holiday with Leroy. Groundhog Day. And then here's the best. Oh, another one. Leroy is sitting at a table

in a mall where all the little restaurants are and uh he's eating a slice of pizza he's got a soda in his hand she's glowering at him and he looks at her and he goes i didn't know the food court had a judge they're good. They go back and forth. It's, you know, you never know who's going to get in the last dig. Yeah. All right. So I think I might misunderstand this week's family circus because I think it's not bad.

Okay. So the parents are going out. It's very clear. The dad's in the background, and it looks like he's putting on a tuxedo because he's adjusting his bow tie, and he has his black pants and suspenders, and he's in the mirror. And in the foreground outside of that room is the mom in a very attractive – we've never seen her body like this.

Hey, now. That's all I can say. Very attractive dress. Yeah. And she has her little clutch, and she's already ready and ready to go out. And the little frumpy daughter is standing in front of her in her pajamas and looking up at the mom and pointing. And the daughter says, no, what mommy,

that's one dress you can save for me. So I'm not saying it's funny, but I guess the it's very judgmental on the kid's part and, uh, has not liked any of the dresses before this one. Is that, am I getting this right? I think that the daughter is seeing that mommy looks super hot and she does look very hot.

She is a full-figured woman. And she's had, what, 13 kids, according to this comic strip? 13 shitty, unfunny kids? Really not smart either. Not smart kids have been shot out of that, between her legs there. Yeah.

So again, not really funny, but it's kind of like that would be a rude thing to say to the mom in a funny way. Yeah. Backhanded compliment. Yeah, so something must be wrong.

Maybe he had a friend write one for him one week or something. Yeah, maybe the guy from Lockhorns took over. No, it would be a lot funnier than that if it was the Lockhorns guy. And, of course, then Jeff, like, wakes up some hangover the next day and he sees it in the paper. He's like, what's this? That's ridiculous. It's a little rude and kind of made me chortle a little bit.

That's not my brand. Right. By the way, I shouldn't say the guy who writes the Lockhorns. I believe it's a couple that writes the Lockhorns. That would be great if that's true. It is written by Bunny Host and John Reiner. How about that? I'm a guess. By Bunny Host and John Reiner. How about that? I'm liking this. I want to see a little 15-minute documentary about them and their process.

We already know Jeff Keen's process. Yeah. Okay, so let's get to Blondie. Dodging jokes. Mother of God, does Blondie look good today? She has on a black felt dress with a tight belt around it a white you can tell it's felt you can tell it's felt huh in a drawing yeah okay and that's what we used to do to girls uh we used to sit down next to them and we'd go oh you're uh you're sure it

looks like it's cotton your shoes are leather and then shoes are leather. And then you put your hand on their leg, and you go, and this must be felt. Wow. And then you get brought up in charges. So Blondie is now closing the door. Dagwood comes in. He looks a little beaten down, as he generally does come home beaten down. First of all, I don't care how bad your fucking day is. You're lucky to have a job, and when you come home,

look who answers the door and closes it for you as you walk in. Your gait should immediately change. I like Family Circus. I think this one's going to surprise you, Greg. I think you might like this one, actually. I kind of do. She says, how was work today, honey? And he goes, it was pretty rough.

Second frame, Jesus Christ, I almost have to drop my pants on the second frame. She wraps her arms around him. Feet come off the ground. And it says smooch in giant orange letters. The dog jumps up on his hind legs, has his paws under his chin, wide-eyed. Dagwood drops his fucking briefcase. And the third frame, she goes, how rough was it, dear? And he has his hands on his chest with hearts and bubbles around his head.

And he goes, I gasp, I forgot. Did that idiot literally say the word gasp? He gasped. Gasp, I forgot. Did that idiot literally say the word gasp? He gasped. Gasp. I forgot. But it's in the dialogue bubble. It's not its own, like, I think he says onomatopoeias. I think he says them out loud.

He goes, I think he said gasp. I forgot. Ahem. And, I mean, this just to me. Zoinks. This sums up Blondie's sexual power. Look at her in that last frame. How rough was it, dear?

She just annihilated him. And all she did was hug him. Can you imagine a blowjob? Can you imagine what he would do if she gave him a blowjob? He would say, But ze doink, shit doey! Gad zooks! And then when it culminated, he would say out loud,

squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. When it culminated? You know, when it comes to fruition, he'd be like, squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. Completion. At completion. That was a good one. If Dagwood was in a Batman or whatever, he'd be the guy running around the room and punching villains and actually saying, pow, bam. Yeah.

Kablam. Blam. All right, listen. Did we do it? We did it. And it was a great one. It was a good episode. We want you guys to thank our friends at Midcoast Media. By the way, if you guys are ever looking for hosting support,

social media support, et cetera, Midcoast Media is the place to go. Talk to our boy Chris Denman. If you're a certain inclination, he can handle you. You mean white? I don't know what you meant. I don't know what you meant. I'm just a callback to our no blacks joke.

No, they're great. And obviously Chris is the opposite of everything we say. Yeah. So thank you guys. And don't forget, pick up your mugs. Go to FitzDawg.com or SundayPapers.net. Pick them up there. And then I guess.

I know a fun thing the listeners would like to hear probably not what should the promo be I know sometimes we if we had balls we would probably do the Alec Baldwin one but I think it might be ill advised no way

we contextualize that rather properly I think it needs that so usually But we contextualize that rather properly, I think. Yeah, right, right, right. It needs that. So usually we break this stuff down and what's good for maybe looking in that area for a promo and what's not. So I don't know if we can have this full conversation. But we add maybe the body parts in Malibu. Oh, yeah, the Gabby story.

Yeah, I like that. Let's do that. Rod Stewart had a few nuggets in it. That had some good stuff in it. Shrooms was a little predictable. Haiti, I completely had a brain fart and had the wrong premise. The hikers with the turban isn't bad. That's not bad.

It's a little racist. I call women drivers horrible. I think that's not going to look great in a promo. Come on. What about a real quick one where you ask me about the pigs, and I say, we'll go get mud masks, and then we'll go look for truffles? As long as I don't repeat my George Lopez joke, sure. Yeah. The Italian flight attendants? Oh my George Lopez joke, sure.

The Italian flight attendants. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. We have promo material. A lot of jokes today. Oh, boy. All right. So, listen, we'll catch you guys next week.

It's been a lot of fun. Enjoy your week and go Dodgers. Yeah. Well, that was racist. Yeah, they played at night, which is Saturday night. By the way, not racist at all. The Dodgers have an incredible Latino fan base, and when you go to Dodger Stadium, it is all Latino.

I mean, it's unbelievable. When they switch out pitchers, they brought a mariachi band out to sing Mexican folk songs, and the entire fucking crowd was singing along. It was pretty amazing. It was very cool. The mariachi band I saw at SoFi Stadium at the Rams game, they have them over on a stage, and oh, my God, it really does work.

And forget the Latino crowd. It's just festive. I mean, obviously, that's the MO. That is their purpose. Yeah. And it works, especially in Los Angeles. Yeah. Enjoy. Enjoy it.

All right. We'll see you guys next week. Take it-ish! Take it-ish! Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike. One's in the closet, one is riding a bike. Cream-pull your paper, pull yourself some grooves. And now these assholes will give you the news. Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike. Yeah. Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike.

That's right. Read all about it, baby. It's hot off the presses. But's right. Read all about it, baby. It's hot off the presses. But be careful. It's so hot, you might get burned. Ouch.