Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg & Mike Ep: 9 5/3/20

Episode Date: May 3, 2020

On this week’s Sunday Papers Mike Gibbons & I discuss Tiffany Haddish taking a dump on a Zoom call, Chris Christie shutting down a market and Puerto Rico… Oh Puerto Rico...  

You can read it in the Sunday Papers. Read it in the Sunday Papers. Read all about it. It's time for the Sunday Papers. Come on, Mike. I can't get used to it. We don't even have a sign-off yet. I always say I'm going to work on a sign-off.

All right. I don't have one. We'll brainstorm it at the end. Okay. That sounds good. Welcome to Sunday Papers. Today is Sunday, the 3rd of May, 2020. For some states, things have opened up. For others, there's another two weeks to go. We're in California where it was supposed to be May 15th,

but I think Gavin Newsom's talking about easing up a little. I can't tell. I mean, it's four stages and, um, we're in stage one. I don't know if that's good news, but I do live near the beach and I hear them. Uh, he pissed off a lot of people by closing all the beaches and parks statewide. Did you see the protest in huntington beach unbelievable it for listeners that didn't see it it's worth seeing uh on i guess it's it was all over instagram and twitter but it looked like a concert had just let out like on the pier that many people except they were all not moving and they were honking and demonstrating.

And there were a lot of people moving, actually crossing the street and stuff. But it was just this throng of people furious that they can't go do whatever they want, I guess. Yeah. Well, the problem is, is that, you know, they're talking about this second wave. And if you're not talking about the second wave, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, because the second wave. Keep in mind, in the in the 1918 influenza pandemic, 50 million people died. And that was about 700000 Americans. And that was mostly from the second wave. Right. No, no. The second wave

hit in fall, which is what Fauci says this one, you know, is scheduled to do. And it's inevitable, by the way. It's just how bad will we allow it to be? And how well we contain it now has a lot to do with how many more thousands of lives are lost later. And again, like this isn't political. The thing is, the politicians need to get out of the way and let the scientists take take charge. I read this article in The New Yorker about how there's a group. I think it's called the EIC or something. But basically, they are the elites of of disease specialists, especially pandemics. And there's about 100

of them. And they are literally, their jobs year round, year after year, is to prepare for communicating with the public about pandemics. And they have been silenced. They have been told they cannot speak to the public. They have given advice to the CDC. The CDC is not allowed to follow that advice. It's completely insane. Well, it's also the information we're getting is really not great because the death count is, they say, greatly underestimated because they're not allowed to count a lot of death certificates. Like in New York, where people died at home, they're not allowed to count them and they're not allowed. I think there's still like there's an asterisk, basically, and they're questioned. And a lot worse than that, a lot of them then were put down as cardiac arrest, apparently.

Worse than that, a lot of them then were put down as cardiac arrest, apparently, and because there was no way at home to prove that it was complications from coronavirus, which may have ultimately resulted in heart failure. Yeah. And, you know, one of the one of the big things is that they weren't able to test everybody. So they don't know people died before they were tested a lot of times. And so that didn't count. I think there were a lot of kidney problems. Yeah. Right. Kidney failures. Boy, this is a downer podcast. You know, yeah. You know, this week, let's let's start again this week. I I felt, I guess, down the most down. Is that the way to put it? Of the whole like there were mornings where, you know, when I didn't have my kids, it it was a losing effort to get out of bed. I did not. Basically, I wasn't hungry. I didn't even like, you know, just Jones for coffee, which I normally do. Even the whole ritual of grinding the beans, which, you know, basically it's an addict. It's like warming the spoon. None of that. Like I, I really for the, you know, of course there have been bouts of feeling down during this, but this week it was a

more consistent, holy shit. Uh, and it wasn't even like I had a longing to go outside or like, God, like it was really just a I just don't have anything. I guess it's just feeling down. Wow. I'm sorry, man. You should have called me. Or that that's the thing is as somebody with depression, I know that's the worst thing to be told, because the last thing you want to do is pick up a phone and call somebody. Do you mean the last thing being told when you're down is, hey, call someone with depression? Because that's what you're asking me to do. Hey, you should have called me because I was in bed next to my phone.

I could have told you about magnets. I mean, I have cry waiting. But if I wasn't crying, I could have taken your call. Yeah, exactly. Call a crier. Yeah. Reach out. No, no, listen.

I manage. I manage to distract myself, which is, you know, listen. It's how we wound up in the funny business, I think, is because we're pretty expert at not sitting too long with that down feeling. And in many ways, it's good. Many ways, you know, we could have been better served in mental health ways. But no, I'm blessed. I really have nothing to complain about other than, you know, the what do you allow for anyone who's feeling down? But man, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Like I had just lined up enough work where, you know, I'm not stressed about like the next month or two

like for money and like, and just that alone, my heart goes out to anyone that is feeling, which is stuck. So many people feeling the pressure of there is no rent in June. There just isn't. Yeah. Like I can't even imagine. Not only that, but if you have a small business, oh, you don't have rent. You can't rent your storefront. You know, you can't you can't pay the rent on your factory. You can't pay the rent on your you know, your key making shop like all these little shops. I was I was biking around Venice yesterday and I was just looking at all the little shops. I was, I was, um, biking around Venice yesterday and I was just looking at all the little shops. All these people are on the hook for that fucking rent every month. Well, yes, there might be some forgiven, forget, you know, a forbearance it's called, but, but then, okay, fine. Let's say like in New York or here, let's say it's three

months where maybe they're forgiven and, and landlords maybe are forgiven, let's say it's three months where maybe they're forgiven and landlords maybe are forgiven, let's say by a bank. And so they'll forgive, the landlord will forgive a tenant, let's say for three. Now, maybe it's not even total forbearance, but it's, you'll owe me or whatever the arrangement is. You don't pay rent for three months. What makes anyone think there's going to be rent month four? Right, right. I mean, it's worse then. Yeah.

So anyway, we'll get to it in business. But this whole, I think Wall Street is about to get very much more realistic about things. And it's not going to be good. realistic about things and it's not going to be good but it's going to be honest which is better than this crazy bulls trying to convince people everything's all right yeah all right listen let's get into it it's time to start the Sunday papers yes I don't even hear it. You have quiet paper today. Well, because I've been using the same paper for the last five weeks,

and it doesn't have any Christmas. You can only ruffle it so many times? I got to bring in a fresh paper. No wonder homeless people sleep with old papers. You know, when they roll at night, it wakes them up less. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You always wonder about why homeless people do that.

Why they do what? Why they sleep with newspapers. I mean, if there's any breeze at all, you're totally fucked. They want to stay informed. No, it's kind of like Silly Putty. Like, the newsprint is then on them in the morning, they walk around and they're more they're a more interesting person. Let's make more jokes about homeless people. Because they want it. They want to hear the headline.

But also, I think when you see like some poor homeless person who's standing on the street corner and they're going like and they go on like the Russians through the last election. There's all kinds of it's like they're not crazy. They read the front page. And also, shut up. Yeah, we can read it on your forehead. This is a little redundant.

All right. Front page. First thing is, I got to start with Florida man. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't read this on Florida man, the website,

but it involves a guy who was found camping out on Walt Disney World's abandoned Discovery Island after the park closed during the novelle during the coronavirus. where he was trespassing. He was charged with one misdemeanor count of trespassing. And he apparently told authorities that the island was a tropical paradise. It is, isn't it, by definition? Yeah, sure. Right.

I mean, if they're not using it, if Walt Disney is not using it, and they want everybody to live out their fantasies when they're there why not this guy now he can't plead insanity because he went to the greatest place on earth what what's more sane than that right it's this or some tents with cots next to each other. You know, there's probably like concession stands that have leftover cotton candy. He's living like a king.

Yeah. And he's all alone. He's properly isolating. Which one is Discovery Island? I don't know. I'm a little out of the Disney loop. Yeah. Luckily, my kids were never bitten by that bug. Thank God. Oh, thank God.'t know. I'm a little out of the Disney loop. Yeah. Luckily, my kids were never bitten by that bug. Thank God.

Oh, thank God. I know. What about adults? Gaffigan has that joke. He calls them weirdos or whatever. But it really is confounding. There are so many women and men, but I find it's mostly women who are so into Disney. Yeah. Like, oh, I got my yearly pass again it's like what yeah and you know how sometimes they have they arrange child care for women when they go to uh the gym or things like that i think they have uh cat care for these women when they go to uh disney yeah there was a woman who used to uh she used to manage a comedy club

and she was just like there's a certain type of woman who is um you know generally not beautiful but not necessarily jesus okay How do I say this right? And they generally have key chains that have like a figurine on them. There's maybe a feather. There's a dream catcher on their key chain. Yeah, perhaps some figurines on the dashboard. Oh, the dashboard has figurines on it for sure. Stickers on the car, yeah.

Yeah, and they live alone, and they have like an order to life like life has. I drink Diet Pepsi and I eat Swanson frozen dinners like whatever their life is. That's what it is. Yeah. And and this woman went to Disneyland. All the money she made, she went to Disneyland four times a year. And that was all of her vacation time and all of her savings. And she would go with a friend. And that's what they did. Yeah. I've been in office like for meetings or wherever you walk down this maze of sort of through cubicles. And I walked by one and there was a woman there and it, it was as if a set designer set up her cubicle. There were so many figurines and they were Disney characters like, and it

wasn't at ABC. It wasn't at like Disney. And it was, it was unbelievably busy. And I'm like, what is the thing? Maybe the thinking there is we can't fire her because she's mentally handicapped like maybe she because you would think you're gonna get fired you're just sharing that's way too much it's just too much and um and distracting and the idea is you're not supposed to be that individualistic if you're in a sea of cubicles. And anyway, yeah, it's disturbing. Like what if everybody brought their personal life into their cubicle and one guy's just got like Benoit balls and a fleshlight and, you know, like a junior high school locker with like pinups of chicks. Like why shouldn't we all be able to express ourselves? Right.

Yeah. By the way, these women are not gay. They are asexual. Oh, interesting clarification. Was anyone wondering that? Were you just thinking, apparently you were thinking they were gay. No, I was afraid people were thinking that my description of them made them gay.

But no, in fact, they are not interested in sexuality. You might find them also at a furry convention. So what's the guy equivalent, just to be fair? Is it like someone up to their eyeballs in baseball cards? Yes. Something like that, right? Yeah, I think it would be a guy who— Well, action heroes, there's tons of guys, complete maniacs, who have amazing, and they won't even open the action.

You know, they won't even open them. Yeah, right, right. So they're in many conditions. Yeah, and I think those people, they're the people that make comments on websites. They're people that go in chat rooms. Okay. Yeah. All right, so let's get to another story.

Yeah, that sounded a little fresher. So Joe Biden is being accused by a woman named Tara Reid. Wasn't there a celebrity actress named Tara Reid also? I thought there was, yeah. Yeah. This one is spelled R-E-A-D-E. And she's more popular. She's got more followers right now.

And Joe Biden didn't finger the actress. But she's claiming that Joe Biden digitally inserted himself. Violated her. And I don't mean like through the internet. That's what you thought last week, by the way. I think that what happened is she, did we talk about this story last week? We talked about last week and you know, the, the interesting thing was, and I might've pointed this out rather gently, but kind of shame on us last week for not knowing more about it. And that is the hypocrisy of the left. Um, you know, we'll know about the multiple rape charges against Trump and we'll know about, you know, all these accusers and especially Kavanaugh example.

And then, you know, a little bit on us is because we we listen. This is called the Sunday papers. We look at media. So if it's out there and as we read it, obviously a lot, it really was not out there. And the right had a very good point. Like, are you not going to treat this seriously? Are you not going to give this the same attention that an accuser against someone on the right would get? And they're absolutely right. They went back a lot further in time. They were in high school. And he didn't actually digitally insert himself. He just, I think, she felt constrained at a certain point. What?

No, no. He didn't use his fingers. He used his penis. Kavanaugh? Kavanaugh had sex with her according to her, right? Oh, I didn't know that. I was thinking of a case where she was in high school and him and another guy were like holding her in a room and she like escaped. No, I think he went in the room and had sex with her.

Oh, I didn't know that. I believe so. But honestly, this proves your point. I have no idea about that case either. Oh, well, then you're clean. You're just you're just ignorant on both sides. So there's no hypocrisy. Right. So, you know, this is the thing. Go ahead. You want to finish setting up the story? I mean, because I want to I just want to Milano and all this. Well, I mean, I just think it's I don't know. think it's uh i don't know and i think the story is exactly what you're saying is is are they are the liberals going to um make him take ownership of this because there's a lot of bernie sanders followers that are saying make this guy step down and let's take the guy who's clean and run him

i don't know i think that's introducing another issue. I mean, I think what the right, I think in my opinion, what the right would like to do is make this issue the hypocrisy. They don't want to make the issue an allegation from a woman against their candidate because the allegations are like 20 to one in terms of even lawsuits versus this one, you know, woman against Biden, you know, Trump versus Biden. So I think they really want to make it this hypocrisy and all that. So Alyssa Milano comes out and she was hit really hard because she's the one that started, you know, that the hashtag me too, literally that, and, and it was believe, believe women and believe all women. And she then came out with this apology this week, this, this, this long sort of, uh, attempt, she attempted to do a well-written apology. I didn't think it was

that well-written and it also was very disappointing. And I think the problem is this, in my opinion, believe women was doomed from the start. And a lot of people felt that. And, you know, a lot of people were also saying, believe all women. That's just insanity. Like that's a, that flies in the face of the justice system. How about, how about believe, believe white people, believe all white people, you know, like it's just crazy and it's no way to approach it. And what happens is what she should do now is say that reaction, which it was at the time, was an overreaction. And really it should be here, every woman and here, every woman who's not going to be on board that. And this woman should be heard. And she is being heard.

And Kavanaugh's woman was heard. And, you know, if I'm going to give my personal take on Kavanaugh's situation, I believed her. Now, I don't I don't I didn't go further that I felt he shouldn't have been a judge based on his reaction to what happened, which was atrocious. And I think, you know, all of a sudden you have a Supreme Court justice believing in a Clinton conspiracy. OK, well, how are you going to rule on a lot of cases? I think we already know and we shouldn't know that. So anyway, so it is such a bad optic that the the two candidates for president are both being plagued with rape charges. Two old white guys both being accused of rape that are running for president. I mean, if you're a woman, this has got to be very frustrating.

Yeah. she's a frustrating accuser, if you want to believe her, because I read a detailed account, you know, of her public statements throughout the years and everything. And this recent support of Putin in the last 10 years, she's really thinks he's sexy and and a great leader. And so anyway, there's a lot of disappointing things in her story has changed. There's also, you know, you forget things like you don't think Obama vetted the shit out of Joe Biden. You know, when he was choosing him as a vice presidential candidate. Now, I think the bar was a lot lower than I think they would have allowed him on if there was if they found this information that there was one woman that had a complaint. But, you know, her original complaint and everything was not sexual. Yeah. Um, but you know, listen, this, I found an article,

which was the most interesting thing about it is this is from 2017 and it's New York times opinion on the limits of believe all women, which believe all women is a little bit of a straw man. Cause I don't think, I think it was believe women, but anyway, this is believe all women is a little bit of a straw man because I don't think I think it was believe women. But anyway, this is believe all women. And it was from 2017. And even in this in 2017, it's like I also can't shake the feeling that this mantra creates terrible new problems in addition to solving old ones. Emily Linden, a columnist at Teen Vogue, summed up this view concisely last week on Twitter. She said, quote, I'm actually not at all concerned about innocent men losing their jobs

over false sexual assault harassment allocations. If some innocent men's reputations have to take a hit in the process of undoing the patriarchy, that is a price I am absolutely willing to pay. Well, first of all, I don't think you're paying that price. And then he goes, then the writer goes, I believe that the believe women vision of feminism unintentionally fetishizes women. Women are no longer human and flawed. They are the truth personified. They are above

reproach. And I think that's the best line in there, that it was written that way. So listen, of course, let's hear this accuser. And it should have been in liberal media way before now in a very serious way. But so far, I don't believe her for what that's worth. Right. I'm going to research it more because, yeah, I think the initial accusations from her was that he made he made her uncomfortable. But there are a couple of corroborating conversations that she had going back to the time when this happened, which I think was it in the 90s? Well, it didn't. Well, you'll, I'll send you. So it didn't go back to the time it was years after two or three years,

two or three years after, and they would come forward and if you study exactly what they say, it's just a conversation like with her. Yeah. There's, there's a lot there. There's a lot of details. All right. Next story. Yeah. What do we got? Puerto Rico. Oh, Puerto Rico. They just got hit with you got to figure the people there are like, what have we done wrong? We get hit with earthquakes. We get hit with hurricanes. They've got Corona that they're dealing with right now. Yeah. The women have a very hard time losing weight after childbirth. There's so many things they have to deal with. Yeah.

they have to deal with. Yeah. J-Lo's stripper movie. What a disgrace that was. That was brutal. The Puerto Rican Day Parade starting in May and ending in August. I mean, that's a big commitment of time. It is.

They've had like no electricity for two years or something. Yeah. It's so bad. Oh my God. Yeah. It's so bad. Yeah. It's it really is weird that like the poor people get hit harder by everything. This is what's going on with this virus, man. I had a thought this week when I was laying in bed, unable to get out of bed at like eleven forty five a.m. I was like, the government should rush to make pot. This won't be popular, but the government should rush to make pot legal.

In the old school thought that it's the literally now the opiate of the masses. Right. It used to be religion. You think the Rodney King trial and those cops all getting off innocent are the real, are, you know, that was a wake up call and a lens on like minorities are fucked in the U S right. I mean, it's such a rigged system against them. Yeah.

You wait till you see this lens, this virus. I mean, you're, you're not going back to where you're not rent. All of a sudden, your landlord's going to demand rent money. And it's like and you're going to see the divide, which everyone is starting to focus on now on this on this essentially this invisible class system in the United States. It's not as profound as India or even England, but it is here, man.

And this virus is going to shed a light on it. And if you have no way out, that's the most dangerous position to put anybody in. Right. Now, and it's also, you know, it's a time when the rich get richer because all these people are going to foreclose on their mortgages. Housing prices go down. Rich people with money on the sidelines swoop in. They grab a bunch more real estate. They know how to time the stock market, so they're selling short, Mike. I'm selling short out of principle because I want to teach them a lesson.

No one's being real here. But yeah, and also better off companies are going to take off the weaker. All those people are going to get rich also. Right. And it's also, in this case, you're going to get companies are not going to have to provide as much office space because they're realizing how many people can work from home. Yep. They're going to realize how few people really need to get on planes and travel to go to conventions.

I mean, it goes on and on. But the flip side to that is after the pandemic in 1918, there was a time of economic actually, in both those cases, at first it was bad for poor people, but then there was a reaction to how fucked it was, and poor people ended up getting a better shake. I like that take on it. That's positive. I like it. Little history for me. By the way, some of that comes from that newsletter. We should really plug that lady.

She's got a great newsletter. I will give out the deets on it right now. She's such a clear thinker. Such a clear. Well, we'll put it up. I'm going to tweet it. If you want to look at my Twitter feed, I will have it up because I don't see. Oh, Heather.

Heather Cox Richardson is her name. And if you want to get the, I'll tweet out the link to her. She's a history teacher. So everything she's talking about, about the pandemic and all this stuff, is based in what we've seen before. Yep. All right. Hey, did you hear about those trucks in Brooklyn?

No. These trucks in Brooklyn, they're parked outside a funeral home filled with decomposing bodies. No. Yes. And they think it's related to the virus. That's the story. It really is. For the first time.

That doesn't explain the trucks last year. Yeah. None of them had broken legs and none of them had broken thumbs. They all right. What was the good fella? Well, they had fur coats. They had fur coats and like they were strangled. But no, it's crazy. Like people. That's the other thing is like you can get numbed by this. You're like, oh, what's the count? And now they're just numbers. Yeah. Right. So 9-11, 2,973 people died.

Since April 7th, we've averaged the United States over 2,000 deaths a day. Yeah. It's crazy. Well, we just passed a threshold where more people died from COVID than the Vietnam War. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. Well, we just we just passed a threshold where more people died from COVID than the Vietnam War. Yeah. And we're actually well past it because now, of course, it takes less time to really add numbers. So, yeah. So where's where's fucking Hanoi Jane now with her sign?

Let's go now to she's out there. Entertainment. now to she's out there entertainment Mike Gibbons what do you got entertainment what do we have let me see um well you send me a thing about Tiffany Haddish what What was Tiffany Haddish? Did I send you that? Well, I just have Tiffany had a shit during a Zoom call. Yeah, she was on a Zoom call. She she was interviewed by Ellen DeGeneres. You know, she's still doing her show. I know. I know.

With reduced staff and all that. I think there's a different staff. And Tiffany apparently was on a business call with a bunch of people, and she wasn't aware that when you're on Zoom, they can see everybody. So she went and she dropped a fucking grumpy in the bathroom, fucking squeezed it out, sweating, trembling. I mean, really into it. And then they realized realized and somebody said to

her, Tiffany, we can see you. And then God bless her. She looked right back at them and she said, well, then I'm going to be another few minutes. Oh, wow. Finished. No, she didn't say that. But but she said she ended up selling a TV show on that call. So it reminded me of Johnson used to do that. Lyndon Johnson used to take meetings with foreign dignitaries while taking a shit in his office. No. He used to constantly piss in front of people.

He showed everybody his dick and he used to shit. Yeah, no, he was famous for that. Wow. Yeah. Okay, that's a baller move. I mean, that's the alpha. Yep.

All right, well, I like that. Probably the, yeah, that's a nice Ellen highlight. We're giving some love to Ellen. Those are the kind of stories you can see on Ellen these days. Let's see. Well, I watched a bunch of things. I watched, there's a documentary, Coachella, 20 Years in the Desert. I really recommend see. Well, I watched a bunch of things. I watched, there's a documentary,

Coachella, 20 Years in the Desert. I really recommend it. Oh, really? Yeah, it's great. Okay. Especially, it was really interesting, the EDM,

like the electronic music. So I guess, I forget which year it was, but Daft Punk all of a sudden appeared and they're in their robot getup, but they're in this giant pyramid and it just blew people's minds. And then that set everything for, if you're a DJ now, it's not just about what you're spinning. You have to bring some visual,

you know, element to the presentation. But more than that, it talked about how big electronic music was, but never got the recognition and never really could be quantified because mainstream media just would have nothing to do with it. It's not on the radio, house music, even none of that. It's not on the radio. There'd be giant raves. Then there was a huge backlash against raves. radio there'd be giant raves then there was a huge backlash against raves in fact they showed biden saying anyone that organizes a rave should be thrown in jail like you know no kidding well or held accountable if they're going to be these deaths and it's this dangerous and reckless and anyway it's really interesting and especially because coachella was the first place, which I didn't, among many other things, which showed the world how popular EDM is. And like, and they were right.

And it was like the first main, kind of mainstream place, like definitely big festival that, where you could see how popular it was. But they also, they also, what was interesting is like, I love seeing something that's really successful and behind it are super humble guys who were like, yeah, we all of a sudden we got labeled like an alternative festival. And they're like, that's cause we couldn't get headliners. Like, in other words,

like everything was a reaction. It was really, it was really cool to see that also every year was a reaction to like who they could get, who they couldn't get. Right. The Prince story was really funny too. Did you, have you been to Coachella? I've never been. And I thought about going a lot because when I was, especially on Kilbourne and we couldn't get mainstream acts a lot, like Conan would get them and out here would be obviously jay leno so like we were the first place to put on the white stripes they eventually fell in love with conan and then became like you know uh their special kind of friend of the show but uh so we

would get all these guests these bands that had never appeared anywhere else and they would also do coachella at that time because that was in the early 2000s. And so I had lots of plans to go and I never went because all of a sudden I had young kids and never could do it. By the way, we got a shout out from Kilborn on our Instagram feed. He's been watching the show, listening to the podcast. Nice. Yeah. He's awesome. His Instagram feed is hysterical.

Is it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, you have to see it. Is it Mr. Craig Kilborn or something? I think so. You can just look up Craig Kilborn. It's great. All right, so here you have a choice of three things to go to.

One is Coachella. one is burning man and one is the next woodstock that they get together um it's going to be coachella for sure you know you'll see this documentary it's very burning man in some ways except you, you know, top shelf entertainment. Right. Um, all right. Speaking of those three, another thing in entertainment,

um, a guy wrote us a letter coincidentally that you forwarded to me. Um, I have it here. Uh, but he asked if we had seen post Malone's fundraiser on YouTube, um, where he played 15 Nirvana songs trying to find.

Did he really? Oh no. So wait, you haven't seen it yet. I think I saw, I think I saw one of the songs. Oh, now tell me about Post Malone. I'm, I'm a little, uh, in the dark about Post Malone. Post Malone's gigantic. Post Malone.

dark about Post Malone. Post Malone's gigantic. Post Malone. So my girls make fun of me that any the only new music I was like kind of psyched to hear when they would play all their shit music in the car, like on carpool days and stuff. I really like Cage the Elephant. I really like Post Malone and I should like much, much more, but I don't make enough time for and I don't go to like new music whatever day. And and I should make more of an effort but I've always really liked Post Malone so this is how predictable I am I really love Post Malone someone tells me you have to check I also love Nirvana you should check out his fundraiser which raised over four million dollars now and I it's, I think it's raising more. He, they just tear it up. He's in his basement in his home in Utah. So all of a sudden there's one photo in his bar behind

them. And I'm like, what? These were unpredictable. I'm like, what photo is that? And it's Bob Dylan. I'm like fucking Post Malone. And by the way, to tell you how young, I mean, it's easy to throw around the phrase he's 24 years old. He was born the year after Kurt Cobain died. Wow. Yes. That's what 24 means. So he, I can't recommend it. You'll want to either put on headphones or, you know, there's no basements out in Los angeles what i wanted was a basement with just the best speakers to crank the shit out of this concert um it's so good and the sound the new york times rolling stone everyone commented on the sound i don't know how they got this mix is it just him or is he with a band no he's with a band he has his bassist guitarist and

drummer i should know all their names travis scott is on drums uh i didn't know what a beast he was um from blink 182 sure travis barker sorry yeah yeah sorry scott travis scott's everywhere now also by the way and i and that's a good example i I should be into Travis Scott. Well, if you're not watching the Kardashians, then obviously you don't know Travis Scott. But you will love it. The song selection and everything.

And then I find out Post Malone has a tattoo of Bob Dylan. And then I found him playing Bob Dylan before he has any face tats or anything. He was obsessed with Bob Dylan at 14 or 15 when he got a guitar. I watched a documentary this week called The Pharmacist. Have you seen that? I told you about it.

Oh, you were the one who told me. Yeah. It's a fucking bummer. But Jesus Christ, you know, you just you hear about these fans like the family that that started hydro hydrocodone. Yeah. Hydro hydrocodone. Oxycodone. Oxycodone. Yeah. They they're billionaires. They're they're 10, 10 billionaires. Whatever the sales force. I'm not saying that as a joke. They had the best, most aggressive sales force. One of them is interviewed in the documentary.

And what's the family's name again? I forget. Oh, Jesus. How can we forget after everything they fucking did? They basically killed thousands of people in this country because they knew how addictive this shit is heroin. Yeah. And it tracks through one guy's death, the family, and how much they buried their heads in the sand and worked around regulations. They didn't give a fuck how many people were dying. Right. How many billions of dollars do you need before you stop and say our product is killing people? I just don't understand it. Did you see when they showed that families, you know, the headquarters,

the giant crack cocaine spoon art exhibit that was dumped? It was very Banksy. Oh yeah. I did see that. And it was, so I was watching with the girls and I'm like, do you see that? You know,

cause you're frustrated. Like how is this on year six, seven, eight. And the government is even shutting this shit down. And, um, and then I'm like, girls, I go, did you, and we were around, I'm like, did you see that spoon? And you Google it. And it was very popular. I'm like, sometimes an artist can make a statement that is way more effective than even like independent lawyers trying to get laws changed and all this stuff. It's like it's like raising this awareness. And sometimes an artist can do that so well through a song, through like that installation.

A photograph. I mean, that napalm photograph helped end the Vietnam War. The girl running down the street naked. Yep. Google that, by the way. And it's Sackler. The family's name is Sackler. Okay. Purdue Pharmacy, Sackler family. No, I know. And then it said, and then the Sackler family, then the, you know, whatever the company, what was it? Beyond the NAMM, I forget the name of their pharmaceutical company anyway. Purdue. Purdue, sorry, right. Purdue Pharma. They declare bankruptcy. And my girls are like, oh, good. They're like broke.

I'm like, that's not how bankruptcy works, girls. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. I also watched two shows, two new shows that are outstanding. One of them is called Normal People. It's an Irish drama. It's on Hulu.

I believe it's on Hulu. Oh, I'll see that. And it's like about, it's high school kids in Ireland. I'm not going to give anything away except it's high quality and you should watch it. Okay, good.

There's nudity, but she's got little tits, but it's still like this. Oh, spoiler. The other one is Mrs. America, which is- there's nudity but she's got little tits but it's still like this spoiler the other one is Mrs. America I started that last night it's really good and it's about

it's about the women's lib movement and ERA and a woman who set out to stop them played by Cate Blanchett who I'll watch her fucking woman who set out to stop them, played by... Cate Blanchett. Cate Blanchett, who I'll watch her fucking bake bread. She's incredible.

Well, that kind of flies in the face of the feminist movement, watching Cate Blanchett bake bread. Maybe you want to pick a different analogy. I'd watch her ironing her husband's shirts anytime. analogy. I'd watch her ironing her husband's shirts anytime. Well, you do, you do watch her take one for the team in the bedroom. That's it. Oh, that was really hairy. That's in episode one. I did see that. Yep. Okay. A couple other things. Um, I guess a shout out to John Oliver. He's the one his show turned me on to it i am now watching wendy williams every day wendy williams is serious

wendy and so if you want to go to my instagram feed i every day i'm going to put on a wendy williams highlight on there from her show and then i will tag every single one with uh tracy morgan playing um that character uh brian fellows i'm brian fellows like yeah because that is exactly it's almost like one of them is doing an impression of the other i don't know the timing of it but it's unbelievable. No shit. Oh, she's so funny. Is she trying to be funny or you're laughing at her? Well, as John Oliver said, she's taking Don't Give an F to a next level. She's eating on every single show. The food, it comes up on her after the intro graphics and there she is with food and

then like she's like has a whole thing like you'll see i took the sandwich out of this bread that bread's over there i got no use for you bread i don't want you bread like and then it's like i'm brian fellows like it's you have to see it anyway every week uh she cried historically uh one show this week. So that's another thing. So that's a must viewing. Wendy Williams, if you want. But she's being very real.

There's something comforting about it. This isn't just like a sort of ironic take on it. I actually now like watching it. So there's that. And then Dave, the season finale of Dave, which is a show I've been screaming about for a couple of weeks. I think Dave is the best show I've seen in a long time. The finale of Dave, which originates on FXX, but it's on Hulu. And now the whole season is on Hulu is, I think, the best comedy show I've seen in a long time.

Wow. OK, I keep hearing that. I got to check it out. long time. Wow. Okay. I keep hearing that. I got to check it out. Yep. You know what I discovered after the fact is Eric Andre's show, which I've been watching every night. Yeah. I've got to go check that out. He's a lunatic. He's great. All right. And then the last thing is I watched, as you know, in graduate school, I did my thesis on Silence of the Lambs. I watched I was going to have the girls watch it. So I'm like, let me scan through to make sure how rough it is. And it turns out it is too rough for them, especially Olivia. But it still holds up. It's Jonathan Demme, who I talked about. Stop making sense. Like when we're on our first podcast, it is so great. And as you know, you know, I have a big theory about it, which is so

blatantly obvious. I hesitate calling it a theory, but if anyone wants to know, and when you rewatch Silence of the Lambs, knowing this one thing, which I guess I can hint at it, there were never any lambs. All you have to do is look at the poster to see whose screams are hopefully going to be silenced. And it has nothing to do with lambs. I'll say here it was a false memory. Just leave it at that. When you watch the movie, knowing that, you might need a little more than that, but I'll just leave it at that for now. When you watch the movie again, it's a masterpiece. Everything points to it.

And I'll go on record. I think it's the best feminist movie. If you want, can call it that ever made. And I remember you pointing out to me when you were studying about it, that, um, watch the cinematography because when Anthony Hopkins is in the prison cell,

you can see him through the bars and Jodie Foster is outside the bars. And then as he starts to get inside of her head and assert dominance, all of a sudden you're seeing her through the bars and you're seeing him straight on. And he, like a therapist, has his subject and she's imprisoned by, you know, her false memory, which will always keep her from the truth. Wow. Watch out. Watch out. Watch,

watch out. All right, let's get to some international. Okay. Kim Jong-un! He's alive! Oh, my God. According to a clip that they may or may not have dusted off from an event from who knows how long ago, he was seen on TV during the May Day celebration.

During the May Day celebration, he was pictured smoking and laughing at an event to celebrate Labor Day and inaugurate a fertilizer plant. So in case you weren't sure if this was bullshit, it was at a fertilizer plant. Also, right. Also, is coronavirus non-existent? They're having big festivities. Also, is coronavirus non-existent? They're having big festivities. They have claimed that they don't have any there, but then there's been people inside that are saying it's rampant in North Carolina, North Korea. I would love nothing more than to have me play a months-long guessing game. Is this Kim Jong-un or an impersonator like please give me that distraction yeah i would love it i mean he is uh he's truly like uh an entertainer you know

he's a guy like trump that is able to understand that politics is theater right no, he's amazing. Yeah. What comes from a long line of amazing? Speaking of the World International today, May 3rd is World Laughter Day. And I researched this and I found that the only places I found World Laughter Day was in Indian media. So India seems to be launching this World Laughter Day. And I think it's a great idea. I don't know how much it's caught on, but I read an article in an Indian newspaper, and they wanted to give you some examples of humor. So I thought I could share some of those.

All right. This will be interesting. What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener. I was just going to say it's not a can't opener, is it? They must love Family Circus. All right. I'm going to give you the setups.

You tell me the punchline. Dad, did you get a haircut? That's the setup? Yep. I don't even have a guess. It starts with no. No. No.

I'm just losing my- I got them all cut. Oh, that's genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they'd break before the punchline. Close. They'd crack each other up.

Okay. This is the best one. What time did the man go to the dentist? Oh, 2.30 or something? 2.30. 2.30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2.30.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which if you say it with an Indian accent is twice as funny. Right. This one I also really like whenever I meet a kid I always tell him this joke and it always gets a laugh but the parents sometimes get upset with me

what did the fish say when he swam into a wall I don't know damn and parents get upset why because it's such an awful joke it's a great? Because it's such an awful joke. It's a great joke, but it's a curse. There are some innocent jokes.

We could do that next week, too. There are some innocent jokes that that are funny. Like, you know, I like those the snail ones and stuff like that. Yeah. And we hear a lot of them every Halloween. yeah and the uh we we hear a lot of them every uh halloween we go by matt malloy's house and he has this microphone with a speaker set up and kids come by and they are allowed to have one piece of candy just for showing up and if they want a second piece of candy they have to either sing a song or they have to tell a joke right so kids get up there and i mean some of the jokes they tell are so goddamn funny because

they're like dirty jokes and then the parents like drag them off or or they're just cute they're just goddamn cute yeah like like um one last one what do you call someone with no body and no nose nobody knows Nobody and no nose. Nobody knows. Huh. It's a confusing premise because wouldn't the nobody include the nose? No, because the nose is on the head. The nose is on the head. Oh, that's not part of the body.

No. And jokes. There's always a head. So all those bodies, all those bodies found on the truck in brooklyn were decapitated that's right that's funny right i forgot i forgot that was funny uh it's like that old joke about the doctor comes in and there's a guy and he's just a head he has no body yeah and he says uh look we can do this surgery and we can try to attach a spine, limbs, a heart, all your basic organs. We can get you possibly up and walking again.

But there's a 50% chance that you'll die during the surgery. And the guy goes, I think I'll just quit while I'm ahead. The worst. I can't even believe you extended the setup that long. Hey, by the way, I might have taken an edible this week to go to sleep or whatever. It really, I know this is the most primitive stoner thought ever, but it is like you're looking at my arm. My arm is by my side. And now I'm just going to raise it 90 degrees to the side.

How does that happen? And then I'm going to raise it all the way over my head. Like you would think if you were to build something, there would have to be like a weight that goes all the way. I'm losing everybody. There would have to be a weight that like goes all the way down to the floor to counter this. No. In fact, muscles don't even like travel throughout the body to counteract what you're doing. I know someone will go, oh, it's just contractions. Really? And then, by the way, you could put, with some guys, a hundred pound weight here, and

then the body just pulls it up. That's crazy. Think about it. Try to build something that does this. You know how complex that is? You're just watching me like a lunatic. What I'm doing is my hands by my side. Did you also think about how every.

I'm just raising it straight out to the side to 90 degrees and then up. If you think about that too long. I had to take another edible because I couldn't fall asleep then. But I'm just telling you it is super weird. How about this? I may or may not have taken some CBD oil that had a little bit of THC in it. And then last night went to the beach where you were also, you were at a different part of the beach.

I didn't even realize you were out there. And there's a thing that was going on in the water that might be going on for weeks. They don't really know how long it's going to last. But it's this bioluminescence. It's a red tide. And they are single-celled plankton. And it's totally safe to swim in. when it gets under attack or threatened, if there's movement around it, it emits a blue light, but like a bright blue light. Yes.

And so when the wave crashes, the whole thing lights up as if you're watching something that was designed by a graphic artist who's on mushrooms. Yeah, it's fluorescent. It's literally fluorescent. So my daughter went out there last night at like 11 o'clock at night and went surfing. Wow. Yeah. With a bunch of kids. And she said, if you slapped your hands down, your arms got covered in blue.

That's amazing. Yeah. And it was tons of surfers out there. And it was so cool because they'd catch a wave and you couldn't see them because it was a dark night out, but you could see the stream behind their surfboard going through the middle of the wave.

And I, of course, was a little high and I was like, I didn't want to leave the beach. After like a half hour, Aaron's like, let's go home. Yeah. No, I wasn't with her. She went with some friends and we went separately. You guys are really doing the lockdown so well. You know, there was no one near us.

There were people on the beach, but people were very spread out. It's true. But who knows? Who knows what's going to happen to California now that California is one of... Michigan, man, is really protesting. We've already covered it. But anyway, boy, it's going to be... This next month is going to be very interesting.

Yeah. All right. Let's hit some... Should we hit some business? I don't know. Was there much business? I saw that Uber story. Yeah.

I think the economy is really going to... I do think we should talk about this blood money. There's these biotech companies that are... They're taking blood samples from people

that have been affected, and then they're selling them at fucking crazy prices. They're charging up to $40,000 for a milliliter, which is a quarter of a teaspoon. Because I think the idea is if you get these antibodies in you, then you will be, what do you call it? Immune. You'll be immune. And one of these is the company that got caught for charging the most is this Indian company. Right.

Advi Chemical, $50,000. No wonder they're trying to change the dialogue to crappy jokes. Look over here. Well, fish hits his head on a wall. Damn. Not $50,000. I'm charged for this drug.

What did you, what did Dracula say to the sick guy? That'll be $50,000. Um, and then, uh, zoom has gone up. I'm going to short Zoom, man, so fast.

It's grown by 50% to 300 million daily meetings last week. Here's the tricky part of shorting Zoom. It will either be destroyed by Facebook, which means you'll have done well, or it will be bought by Facebook. And then you don't know what's going to happen. Like maybe it goes for a higher price, but like, you know, Facebook just decided to absolutely debilitate Snapchat. And it was so easy to do. They did it it they they got instagram yeah well i don't know i'm gonna miss the days of talking to my mother and my nephew and my cousin and then uh black guy's dick swinging across the screen for 30 seconds oh i thought you're talking about because

that happens in person also when you're with her it doesn't she keeps blaming she keeps blaming a zoom hack but it's like mom you've got your arm around the guy. Facebook will think of that, by the way. You don't think there's going to be an app that throws some dick in your screen? Absolutely. That's so neat. They're already working on that. Oh, Mom.

Yeah. All right. Let's get to sports. You got any sports? We will, we will rock you. Yeah. All right. Let's get to sports. Got any sports? Well, this last dance documentary is not disappointing. I think it's very cool. I finally watched it. Ah, I didn't know a lot of that stuff like about Rodman's negotiations during this, you know, that final season? Not his negotiations, actually. The lack of them, which made him put off his surgery.

And he sat out. You talk about Scottie Pippen. Oh, yeah. Who did I say? Rodman? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

The last one. I have Rodman on the brain because this is interesting. I'm watching it with my kids. And out of nowhere, they're like about Rodman. Hey, he reminds us of Pete Davidson. Oh, yeah. out of nowhere they're like about rodman hey he reminds us of pete davidson oh yeah and i really thought about a lot and then i saw a couple of memes where they're like they would show dennis rodman screen grabs from this documentary and they're like he was the only one in 1996 dressing like it was 2020 right and with the tattoos and the and the and the hair like it was 2020. Right.

With the tattoos and the bleached hair. But it was also kind of his style too. And it all happened when he started dating Madonna. He was a totally soft-spoken, polite, like very mainstream guy. And then he met Madonna and she goes, no, you got to let your freak flag fly, brother. Yeah. You got to feel who you are. He got all the tattoos and went crazy.

And he's like, good advice. I'm going to start dating Carmen Electra. That's what happened. Wow. That's that's the fucking that's the boss move is to be dating someone like madonna and then you you sacrifice her you break up with her knowing that's gonna get you even more yeah right yeah she's yeah she's validated him in a way stamp of but no i mean uh you know scotty pippen was arguably the second best player in the league behind jordan and he was like 126 highest paid player. And it was all that guy, Gene. What was the owner's name? Yeah, there's the owner.

But then the general manager was the one who was really not liked. Oh, that's who I mean. The general. Yeah, he was the owner. He was he was the guy not paying him. And it was such bullshit because, well, whatever. Watch the documentary. It's fucking great great they should have revisited that like it's a bad business decision and yeah and listen i know business is not you know about people and feelings but uh i think it would have been in your business interest to take care of scotty pippen i mean

everyone thought so except well the people paying him. Well, it's one of those things where the higher up these powerful guys are, the more they think, I'm bigger than any one player. And they want to make that point to other players that once I make your multi-year contract, I don't fuck with it. It's over until your next negotiation. So he didn't want to break precedent. But players, listen, it's kind of like creatives also. You don't want to poison your own well.

And so there's self-interest involved in revisiting that, revisiting that contract and making things right. And sure enough, the Bulls suffered the first half of the season. They really did. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was only because of Rodman. Rodman was the only reason that they weren't a disaster the first half of the season without Pippen. And it's created a dynamic where then Scottie Pippen came back and then Rodman had a chip on his shoulder because he felt so close to Jordan,

and now he was being displaced by Scotty coming back. So he's like, I got to go to Vegas. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Yeah. Watch it. It's really funny.

But my son is like, obviously in his day, he thinks that LeBron is the greatest player of all time. I'm so glad you didn't say Kobe. Yeah. LeBron, I think might be. I don't know. It's a great argument, but it's an argument that we have throughout this series because there's something so beautiful about watching Jordan fly through the air

and watching him just take a defender and make him fall down because he turns so fast. Yeah. And he had those little jump shots where he was moving forward. Those are so fucking hard to make. Oh, yeah. And he made them as game winners all the time. You know, we mentioned Craig Kilbourne earlier. So Craig would often have these dinners, and he didn't want to, like,

I'm guessing he didn't want to be kind of one-on-one with some of these people, and he wanted more of a fun atmosphere, so he'd bring me. So we're at Mastro's Steakhouse one time and it's with with what's his name? Robert De Niro. No, the Knicks killer, Reggie Miller. So we're there with Reggie Miller and a couple of things. One, at one point, it's Reggie Miller's last season coming up. And he goes, I go, that's going to be amazing i'm gonna go yeah i go i go you're gonna get so much love uh you know when you walk off the court in new york is he still a pacer at this point he's still a pacer he's like what the fuck are you talking about and i'm like

what and i and he goes he goes new york's gonna give me love he's like i don't think you fully understand the context i'm like i i go I think I do and what I do know is New York will totally give you the love when you leave the court and I go I've been in Madison Square Garden where Gretzky was a visiting player against the Rangers and he skated out a penalty a power play where they were down a man and the Rangers couldn't get the puck away from him. And it went from the loudest booing ever to when Gretzky came off the ice standing ovation. Yeah, yeah. And I go, and listen, Knicks fans, basically what I'm talking about are New Yorkers. And if you don't think New Yorkers are going to give you love, that's crazy.

Sure enough, I made sure to watch the game. They gave him so much love. We actually bet a steak dinner. Reggie Miller still owes me a steak. But nice. Kilbourne flat out asked him, what do you think it is about Jordan that makes him so great? And without missing a beat, he goes, this is what no one I hear no one talking about is how strong he is. He's so strong that that makes a huge difference, not only in terms of under the basket,

but he goes, also, he has Dr. J hands, which are also meaning they're giant, and they're insanely strong. And he talked about this move. Jordan's favorite move was pivoting and going up the baseline to dunk the ball, right? Yeah. So let's say he's on the left side.

He wants nothing more than to spin right, run along the baseline and, uh, and, and dunk it or lay it up. So with a reverse, so he goes, he could palm the ball and you can't knock the ball out of his hand. And you're a profession. These are professional, strong athletes. And he goes, it's remarkable. And so what he would do is he would hang the ball in front of him. All he wants to do, remember, is turn right. I know it's hard to explain this. But he's basically the defenders between he and the hoop.

And he would hold the ball out. And you could, like, slap at it. But another thing he did was all he's looking for, it's almost like a guy on first looking to steal and he's studying like the tendons in the pitcher's legs and just looking for a shift of weight, which means he's committed to go in a home plate. And he goes and Jordan would watch you because the only thing between you and your basket down the court, there's nothing. You just have to get that ball and you're home free and you're going to score. And he goes, all Jordan would look for is when you thought about that. Like when you thought and you might've shifted

weight a little and that's when the turn explosive turn would happen and he was gone. Right. Right. And it would also, as he got older, he would draw more fouls because people would try to slap that ball away. He would put, he would taunt you by putting it out there and then they would go to swing at it and he would they would catch his arm inevitably and he would get three points. And they show in the documentary him, you know, putting on after, you know, losing to Detroit. They had to beef up and get stronger. But he was also you listen, you don't jump that high and that far without insane strength, you know, So he always had it, and then he beefed it up. All right, enough about the Jordan thing.

Watch it. Any other sports? Football says they're going to start on time. I can't wait. Not for football. I can't wait to see if that's true. As I said, I still like the idea of watching, you know, football games in an empty stadium somewhere in

Iowa. Like I think people, people will watch anything now. We just talked about a documentary about 1996. We just talked about it for 10 minutes. So clearly people are in need of sports. Yeah. I think it'll be interesting because there are certain players that, that, that, that thrive off of crowds. I think certain quarterbacks. And I think it'll be interesting to see how people play when they're just playing against each other. I think it'll be good. Yeah.

All right. Let's go to the etiquette section. My character is spit, spot, spick, and spack. My character is spit, spot, spick, and span. I'm practically perfect in every way. All right. Is that what we're calling it? We need a name for it, don't we?

Isn't it letters to the editor? No, there's two different sections. There's letters to the editor. Okay. And then there's etiquette. This is straight out of the New York Times. They have an etiquette section where people ask, what is the proper etiquette in this situation that I'm dealing with? Okay. I have not heard this. Go ahead. I'm a widower of five years. Two years ago, I started dating another woman. At that time, I removed all pictures of my late wife from around the house,

and I consciously do not speak of her out of sensitivity to my new relationship. The one exception I make is with the wallpaper photo on my cell phone, which is of my departed wife. I want never to forget her. And seeing her face frequently on my phone helps me keep that pledge. My current love objects to this picture on my phone, though, and wants me to remove my late wife's image. What do you think? He can't remember her without her face being on the phone? How

long was he married? Well, he's a widower of five years. Okay. So three years went by and then he met a woman who he's been with for two years now who doesn't want any sign of that old bitch around her husband. I'm on her side.

Are you not on her side? Listen. No, I'm not on her side. You were in love with a woman. He doesn't even say if you raised children with her, but maybe he did, and he's supposed to pretend it never happened he's not supposed to pretend it didn't happen he can cherish it he can have those memories he can have a photo in his wallet this thing comes up in mixed

company and comes up constantly by the way all married men have a couple of special women in their lives maybe they live on you porn or porn hub we don't have them on our home screen like yeah and we don't forget them either they're never forgotten right right i don't remember there was an episode of family times where uh where michael uh jay fox takes this girl to a restaurant he's broken up with his girlfriend who he fucking loves they've been together for the whole series and so they go on a date and so he orders for her and he orders what his girlfriend used to always get. And then he orders a drink for her that his girlfriend used to always get. And then he pulls out a bottle of perfume and he sprays it on her.

That's great. Yeah. No, that's crazy. Next one. yeah no that's crazy next one we'll be hosting our son daughter-in-law and three-year-old grandchild at our winter home for 10 days daughter-in-law is extremely lazy takes frequent naps and spends hours scrolling on her phone my son lays around in bed at their home dishes go unwashed clothes lie on the floor what can i say to them when they're in our home napping using their phones um they try to get their nap while they're while the granddaughter is awake what do you do i kind of didn't hear all of it so what's the issue i was like i was

looking up a letter go ahead what do you think about that one? Well, I think that if you're a grandparent and your son and his wife and child come to the house, your job is to take care of that fucking kid. Your son needs to get laid. Your son needs to rest up. What are you doing the rest of the year? I mean, all grandparents do is complain, my kid's never seen me. Well, then when they come, act like a concierge. You're a sexual concierge for your children.

Did you trust your mom when you brought the young kids there? Because my dad's like, yeah, I can watch them. And then I come down and my kids are wide-eyed because grandpa won't turn off the news. And they're just seeing atrocities all over the globe well and by the way we didn't even let them watch tv so it wasn't even like they wanted like some like disney character they first of all so now they think this box that's in every living room just shows like murder yeah which is kind of right daddy can i watch the murder box yeah um all right let's do some listener mail yeah you had a bunch of that we had a bunch of that we i get the messages by the way if you want to uh send us a note we love to

hear from you i read them i respond to them and then i send them on to mike who i don't believe responds to them but if he wanted to he could could i know that maybe maybe maybe i could they all show up with their address on it oh is that what that is? You'd be sending it out from your personal email and I'm sending it from the website email from my website. So anyway, send them to FitzDawgRadio

at gmail.com or go to FitzDawg.com click on the link and send us a mail. This one comes from Rachel. Love the Sunday papers.

Some of my favorite episodes of your podcast are when Mike Gibbons would join. So super stoked to have you guys together weekly. Have you considered doing a daily papers podcast or maybe twice a week? Huh? No. That's an easy one. No.

Yeah, I don't think we'd consider that for the second. I feel like once a week feels perfect. Yeah. Reaching out to express my opinion that you may be underestimating your female listeners. I'm a female and I find your jokes fucking hilarious. I am 37, super liberal, bisexual and a feminist. No limp and I'm not a gypsy, but I do have a bit of Eskenazi Jew in me. Oh, she's referring to that. Yeah. That, uh, Germany story.

Oh, point being, I think that wasn't random. You, by the way, you really are underestimating the female listeners. Point being, I think your jokes about gender and rape and stereotypes and everything in between are funny as fuck. If your female listeners are anything like me, they know that you are joking and busting balls or vaginas and they find it hilarious. All righty, Rachel. Yeah. Wait, is she the one that added something about being vegetarian? No, I think that was another female listener who said something very similar. Yeah, I'm mixing them up.

That's very nice of Rachel, though. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see how she handles. Another woman said, yeah. I believe that woman. In terms of believe women, I believe that woman. I believe Rachel.

And this is from Jojo. She says, one, love your show. Two, have seen you twice in Philly. Three, wow, Sunday Papers is the best. I have a bit of a crush on you two. I agree with everything you say. Please tell me you are vegetarians. If the answer is yes, you're both perfect.

Sorry, baby. I fucking love meat. Did she send a picture? I'm undecided. I'm vegetarian. Would you go vegetarian for a girl? Well, let me ask you this about vegetarianism. Are you eating?

It's one of those things like, I don't want to go there, but it's kind of one of those things where it's hard to argue against a non-meat diet. I actually think it's hard to argue against it. Would you convert for a woman? I don't think. I think I would convert because I wanted to. And I don't think I think I would convert because I wanted to. And I don't think, uh, I don't think so.

Because I, um, when I was a young man, I was probably 28 years old, 29. And I did the David Letterman show for the first time. And also on the show was Natalie merchant, who I fucking loved.

Of course. And so I hear her do sound checks. So I hear her sing a song from Tiger Lily, that album Tiger Lily. And I have goosebumps. And so then she sings on the show, and then I go on, and then we're upstairs outside our dressing rooms in the hallway just me and her and we talk for like 15 minutes and I'm telling you Mike there was electricity going on between us wow about the same age and then she says I could never date a guy who's not a vegetarian because I would know that he had meat in his mouth. Huh. And I just went, game over.

I was going to ask her out, and I didn't. That seems ridiculous. You wouldn't even explore it? You wouldn't try it? By the way, when you date a vegetarian, you're basically a vegetarian anyway, in many ways. So, you know, that's one of the things where it's, there's no meeting in the middle.

Yeah, right. You know, there's no like, all right, you'll do meat two days a week or let's agree. Let's go to that place. So, yeah, I don't know. You're kind of modifying it anyway. But, you know, I'm eating less meat now for sure. Well, we're all going to be eating less meat because one of the major meat packing plants in the Midwest has 50% coronavirus positive. And I think they've already closed down a couple of other ones.

So they say meat's going to start trickling in. It's going to be like the toilet paper of the summer. Someone told me, did I see the footage of these lines at the market in Jersey? What's going on there? Oh, really? Oh, supposedly huge lines to get food in Jersey. What's going on there? Is the food? Oh, supposedly huge lines to get food in Jersey. Do you think Chris Christie shut down the, uh, I don't know. Maybe, maybe it's just Chris Christie's in all the stores. Oh, Chris. Yeah. Um, and then, um, well, it's a nice letter

though. Yeah, that's nice nice here's another nice one just wanted to let you know this is andrew butler wanted to let you know i love the podcast feel like i'm listening to two brothers who stole their dad's newspaper and snuck off into their treehouse to read through it and goof around so we're children got it yeah very nice yeah yeah it doesn't even give us the credit that we stole our father's Playboy. Okay. And then one more. This comes from David Hughes, who has been very generous. He's made a couple of nice logos for Sunday Papers.

As you know, every week now, when we put it out on Instagram and Twitter, we use a different logo for the show provided by our listeners. So if you are even a bad, David is very talented, but if you want to give it a shot, send it into the website. And if it's decent, we'll throw it up. Here's an assignment. Someone who has never used Photoshop or any app like that, try to make a logo. You have three hours to do it. See what you come up with.

We want the worst logo that's possible. And we'll use it. And somebody else make one of Sunday Papers, and it's Pete Davidson and what's his name? Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman, reading the Sunday papers together. That's nice. All right, let's get to it.

Is it time? Did you want to do, what's her name? Dear, what's her name? Ask Amy. Ask Amy. No, you know, we've done a lot of letters, so I think we're good. I'll find an Ask gamey for next week all right there's no shortage of ass gamey mike's got his producer hat on today i like it

yeah i'm a little low energy maybe it's that depression i'm a little low energy too but i don't think it matters because today i think we raise each other up oh we're in the treehouse we're in the treehouse um all right let's gethouse. All right, let's get to, you know it, you love it. We do it every week. It's the Sunday Comics. Okay. Leading it off with our favorite rapist from the 11th century, Hager the Horrible.

He's not just, well, he is just a rapist. Never mind. No, he pillages, ransacks. I don't think you can, I think we've decided that pillaging,

there's a trifecta of pillaging, which is you murder, you rape, and then you light it on fire. Okay. All right. And so in this particular one, there's two frames. In the first frame, Hager's coming through a door,

and it says, slam, and he's got his sword out, and there's a king-type looking guy who's sitting at a table with a birthday cake with the candles lit, and he's got his wife next to him, and he says, Hager, you're raiding my castle on my birthday. And Hager takes his sword and he's in the second frame, slams it down on the cake. And he goes, no, I just came to cut the cake. And in this in the chair where the where the wife had been, you could just hear she's now out of the frame. you can just hear she's now out of the frame but her shoe is on the table and it says eek that is not real i swear that is no way i swear to god eek i'm gonna be raped that's that's what

it meant eek also is this on such a high level that there's symbolism of a phallic object cutting through a cake? Oh, yeah, I can see that. Is he saying I just came here to rape your wife? Yeah. I mean, holy crap. Yeah, I'm just going to eat a slice of cake. This is like Silence of the Lambs. There is a whole other level of meaning here.

Right. Wow. This isn't about cake. This cake is delicious. I'm going to share it with my men. Yeah. You know, you really, you said you came here for cake. You're really not focusing on the cake.

I just, you know, I just want to be transparent here. Guys, come in here. Check here for cake. You're really not focusing on the cake. I just want to be transparent here. Guys, come in here. Check out this cake. So that's our Hager the Horrible. It really was horrible to her. And the guy didn't seem that bothered. The husband. Well, I think the overarching theme of these comics is these men are not good role models. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And our next one is Andy Kapp. That should be, by the way, we should combine Hager with the etiquette. Like, dear etiquette. I wouldn't call him a friend, but my acquaintance Hager comes over. It's my birthday. I don't want to act selfish, but he raped my wife on my birthday. And I just think, because by the way, that was the guy's protest too, was on my birthday. Like I understand raping my wife when it's like just, you know, dinner time.

Right. Yeah. And he stole my silver yeah right uh so we go to andy cap our friend in london who uh if you don't know andy cap he wears he's got a newsy cap pulled out over down over his eyes he's a little guy he likes to gamble drink and in this case he's married His wife is constantly coming to the bar, and she's upset that she has to bring him home to eat the dinner that she has cooked for him. And he basically calls her a cunt every time.

And so in this one, he's walking down the bar, and he says, Evening, darling, to a woman who's down the bar. And she goes goes you another loser and he goes no i'm not one to boast pet but i'm a man of many talents i can speak french german and spanish she says gosh tell me more and then the guy next to him goes he can say i'll have a beer in all three of them languages meanwhile again little. I started reading the Sunday comics when I was about seven years old. Now I'm watching a guy who's an alcoholic who I know has a wife and he is lying to strange women in a bar to try to have sex with him. And he does it so often that the guys around him are heckling him while he does it.

often that the guys around him are heckling him while he does it. And that cunt is going to show up and say, honey, your dinner that I've been working on all day is ready. You know, I think all the comics could be tagged with the horrible. Andy Cap, the horrible. Also, Family Circus, horrible. The horrible. The horrible. Let's get to you. Have you got a family circus there, Mike?

I got one. I do it. All right. What have we got? I look at the Saturday LA Times. So if you can see this, there's a little boy and a little girl. I'm never going to learn their names. I don't care. That's Sally and Jeffrey. Are you serious? Yeah. And Sally has a ball on the end of a string and she's spinning it real fast in front of her face between the two of them. So I was like, OK, you know, what could this be? And he has his hands in his pockets and he's just staring at her and his pie holes open. So he's the one doing the talking and he goes,

pie holes open so he's the one doing the talking and he goes you'll never get off the ground and it's like what like was it like i want her to be like that's not what i was thinking that that's what nobody was thinking no one was thinking that and the readers now if i'm going to break the fourth wall as the little girl would and the readers now, if I'm going to break the fourth wall, as the little girl would, and the readers aren't thinking that either. So it's not even, I just, again, I can't believe, it's almost like there's a random generator where he just puts any sentence with it. Yeah. And it's also, if we're looking at metaphors, is this not the patriarchy trying to hold the woman down? You're never going to get off the ground. Billy's going to be talking to Sally like that when they're in their 20s and 30s. I like that.

I thought it was going to be like, still, they're bad, but I can still kick you. Or like, I don't know. What I want to be like, that's how you talk, just in circles. Oh, Family Circus, the horrible. Missed Me. How about Missed Me? That would have been very Family Circus and one notch above. Right, right.

Something like that. I don't know. Mike, always upset about the Family Circus. Always upset. I don't know. It's hard to stay that upset. I'm giving up on it a little. I'll be upset. I'll be more upset next week.

We're now going to go to, you know it and love it, it's Blondie. Oh, that sexy little whore. She's not a whore. She's a housemaker. Yeah, she's the opposite. She started out as a whore. Well, we've talked about how she started. She was a flapper, and Dagwood was a playboy.

And that's how the series started in the 1920s. And then they developed her character into being a housewife. But you couldn't get rid of those tits. You could put her in some pedal pushers and khakis and a sleeveless sweater, but the tits are still there and that ass is still there and those calves for the love of god oh boy i don't know if she works out the calves or if it's lugging around those 34 double d's all day but there is that definition he the artists what's this guy's name who does blondie whatever his name is he really he uses that pen i think he must have an erection when he draws blonde i was gonna say well, they say that people who write erotic literature,

you know, they all get turned on and everything they've said. And I'm talking about legitimate literature. But if it's like a hot and heavy scene. But imagine you trying to draw. You'd get like one done in a month. Yeah, and this is this. I forgot one of our uh listeners wrote in bradley poster said uh uh i'm 65 and you should know that many of us older guys have been rubbing one out to blondie

way before you were born i don't think we should i don't think we should know that i don't think we should and he gave his name name, Bradley Poster. Yeah. Maybe I'm not supposed to say his name on the show? I don't know. No, I think Mrs. Poster has something to talk about now. Honey, why can't I separate the pages of the comic strip? Why is Blondie on your home screen on your phone? So in this one,

Dagwood is sitting at the table with a laptop. So these, I believe, are done by his son. You know, there's generations that do these comic strips and the kids and the grandkids take over. Yes, why interrupt the flow

of brilliant family circus? So she says, what's wrong, honey? And he says, I can't log in my computer because I forgot my new password. My mind is a complete blank. And she says, what's wrong, honey? And he says, I can't log in my computer because I forgot my new password. My mind is a complete blank. And she says, and by the way, she's wearing a fuchsia top, sleeveless, snug, snug at the belly, which is flat.

She is doing bicycles. She's doing planks. During the day when Dagwood is failing in the middle, he's crawled his way to the middle management of his job. She is at home keeping that shit doing kegels. She's doing the fucking Joe wider step up thing for her calves. She's doing it all. So she says, think dear,

your password must be something you love. Pause. And he types in pastrami and he got it right and he's happy and she looks off camera like the saddest human being in the world takes out her toy oh boy how can you be married to blondie and put in fucking pastrami as your password. It's unfucked unless that's the nickname for his dick. Pretty easy to pretty easy to hack. I got to say. Yeah.

If you know the guy. Yeah. All right, Mike, it's been a long one. We did a long one today. Yeah. Viewers were a little low energy this week. I'm going to come roaring back next week. I'll speak for myself.

Well, I think we've all hit a wall. I really do. I talked about this today with our neighbor that every week leading up to this one, I felt like, you know, I got my head down. I'm going to get my podcast done. I'm enjoying this time with my family. I'm trying to stay in shape. And then this week hit and I feel like I was punched in the face and I'm just kind of floating. I don't know what day it is. I don't know why I'm doing the things I'm doing anymore. I'm starting to feel untethered. Yeah. For me, it's I think I have a and hopefully I'm wrong, but I think I have I've when I sit here thinking, oh, boy, this is a long haul.

I am not thinking about the first week of May. I'm thinking about November. Yeah. And that's what's daunting. Well, I think you have to just take it one day at a time. Oh, shut up. And trust that our president is going to lead us through this in a way that is the most conservative and saves the most lives. Yep.

That's all I'll say. All right. I'm going to Canada, man. Hey, we have a lot of Canadian love. I'm one quarter Canadian. I'll have all the Canadians know. No shit. Really?

Yeah. In fact, I was going to try to get my citizenship, which they don't want. They don't want an American up there, but they cut that off. They used to allow, like I got my Irish citizenship through my grandfather, and he married a gal from Nova Scotia, Cape Breton, which all Canadians are impressed when I tell them that my grandmother grew up on a farm on Cape Breton. Oh, wow. Yeah.

We inherited, when Aaron's father died, he left us a piece of land in Nova Scotia. And so we checked it out. And he got it because a friend of his, her dad was a hippie. And his friend was coming across the border with some pot. And so because he got convicted of it, you can't own land in Canada if you're an American with any kind of a conviction. So he sold the land to Aaron's father back in like the 60s. And so he gave it to us, and it's apparently the water is not potable.

Is that what it's called? You can't like dig a well. And so it's all just rocks and it's just this shit piece of land. So we found this lawyer to sell it for us. And I think it cost us money to sell the land and get it out of our names. That's funny. Yeah. Perfect. Thanks. Thanks, Joel. All right, Mike mike we'll see you next week all righty man hope you have a better one and uh if you guys enjoy the show do us a favor go to apple podcast and like it give it five stars leave it a comment leave it a comment leave it leave it a comment leave it a comment pronto and uh tell your friends to check out the show. We love doing it.

We're glad you're enjoying listening to it. We'll catch you next week. There's another one for the birdcage. Right in the shredder. Old news. It's old news now. All right. I promise I'm going to work on some outros.

I'm going to read you 10 outros next week. I love it. Okay. Done. There's your commitment. All it. Okay. Done. There's your commitment. All right. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.