Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg & Mike Ep:2 3/16/20

Episode Date: April 17, 2020

This week we cover all things Corona, Canadian conversion therapy and that sultry vixen Blondie.

You can read it in the Sunday Papers. Read it in the Sunday Papers. Welcome to another exciting episode of Sunday Papers. Let's do it. You know, obviously a lot has happened here. Mike Gibbons joins me. Hello, Mike. How are you, man? It's weird enough when it rains in Los Angeles. Use it. You're driving around and it seems very otherworldly a little bit because it rains six days a year, seven? Yeah.

No? And we're getting like 12 days in a row of gray skies and rain. And it's windy and it really seems post-apocalyptic out there i gotta say well let's go with the top story i was gonna do a misdirect and think of something really small coronavirus uh there's some hoarders going on out there wait let's see the front page don't forget the paper sound effect there's some hoarders going down. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of hoarding going on, but they're cracking down on it. There's some guys in, two Tennessee men,

Matt Colvin is one of them. And they stockpiled 17,000 bottles of hand sanitizer and they got shut down by Amazon and eBay who said, you can't sell those. And they were fucking, they had driven all over Kentucky, Tennessee, and all the big stores were sold out, so they were going to little neighborhood shops

and wiping the shelves clean of Purell and hand sanitizers. And I heard that it was confiscated? It was not confiscated. They ended up donating it to a church because they are being investigated and i believe they're pressing charges the tennessee attorney general yeah but you can't just steal it i hate to defend these guys you can't just steal it from them and give it to a church no i think they're doing it as an attempt to um oh they're proactively yeah i think i think they first of all they're fucking national? Yeah. I think they, first of all,

they're fucking national pariahs. You know, at a time like this, there's always going to be people that are taking advantage of things in a down situation, and you've got a smile on your face. I might be profiting, but it's only because I'm trying to raise awareness.

Mike bought a short in the market. But just to defend you, you've been shorting the market for five years. I've lost for years. And so finally, all these shorts. And if you don't know anything about the stock market, there's funds that bet against the market going up. And they have those funds. We talked about it last week. Yeah, those funds have gone crazy and continue to go crazy.

Well, TZA, I talked about it last week. Buy it yourself, TZA, I talked about it last week. Buy it yourself, TZA. Today alone, it only went up 41.5%. Just today. No shit. Yeah. Wow. It's wrong at this point.

But it's like, when will... America just still doesn't get it. Yeah. I mean, they really don't. This whole, today the president goes um you know groups of 10 are cool it's like you're you are literally a you're worse than a retarded person all right stop it with that i can't say that word but no but he's he's harmful yeah and um he's gonna call he's costing lives he's costing so many lives he and i'm not saying that lightly. And I'm not saying that without any knowledge of it.

Italy is trying to warn us every day. They're like, look at us. Hey, what are you doing? They're saying, please, please. I'm not for you. Go to school on us. Yeah. Because this is the time when you delay.

Because a day now doesn't seem like a lot. When it's doubling, one of those days doubles from 200,000 to 400,000. Right. You're adding a day like that. Yeah. Well, there's been a lot of – here's the next story. Oh, is that the – Can't get the paper out.

These are organic. These are organic sound effects. a lot of closures uh in the governors in five states california ohio illinois massachusetts and washington have closed all bars all restaurants um in the other parts of the country different mayors of different cities are doing the same thing on saint patrick's day on saint patrick's day yeah the i mean that's like no candy uh for sale on halloween right right it's crazy i know and uh and we went out to dinner you and i with about seven other people two nights ago uh was it two nights ago well maybe longer saturday night when they're listening to this right so okay saturday two nights night. Two nights ago. And it was our goodbye dinner.

It was our goodbye dinner. It was our last hurrah. We toasted it. Hold on. We chose an outdoor place. We sat outside. And no one was there. Yeah.

I still regret doing it. Do you really? Yeah. I do. I didn't touch anybody. It doesn't matter. You see, it doesn't matter. It's within six feet.

And, you know, there's also the surfaces of people that have been there before you, blah, blah, blah. But it's just air on the side of safety. Like it's, you shouldn't go out.

No play dates. No. Yesterday I went for a walk on the beach. I passed a children's birthday party in the playground. Packed. Really? Yeah. Packed with parents and kids and they're all over each other.

It was, it's lunacy. Yeah. But Latino with parents and kids. And they're all over each other. It's lunacy. Yeah, but Latino people really take birthdays seriously. Vegas is shutting down. The Wynn Resort. They're all in strollers. They're eight. They're going to be in wheelchairs.

They're going to go from the stroller to the wheelchair. MGM, Wynn Resorts all closed down. I'm sure they're all going to follow suit. Imagine that. The Las Vegas Strip closed down. I'm sure they're all going to follow suit. Imagine that. The Las Vegas strip shut down. That is out of a fucking futuristic movie where you look at it and you go, this doesn't seem like it's even possible. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The people watching is extraordinary. And strippers, which is a huge industry there, I have no idea what the deal is.

Well, they're closed. Oh, strip clubs, maybe they're still open. No, no, no. But I mean, that is plan B or C. Like, in other words, I don't know what they're going to do. And now let's get to it. This guy is a good buddy of mine, a comic who I've always loved. You've loved him, too.

You're right. You're right. You know better than I do. Look at the... I don't think... You're right. You're right. You know better than I do. Look at boy. I don't think. The only strip club I've been to in Los Angeles is Jumbo's Clown Room, which is more of like a cabaret. Yeah.

It's more of like a, it's like a fun bar that happens to have strippers in it. That happens to have old women flying, trying to hold onto a pole as they go around it. Yeah. Yeah. It's where you go out to pasture. I haven't been there in 15 years or something. Yeah, but you've been to some of the other ones, haven't you? I was for a while. Well, a couple were on my way home from work. We're talking the early 2000s.

What a concept that in life all men want is to see a naked woman. I mean, you check out women with clothing on. If a woman bends over, your eyes dart to see if you can catch even above her bra, that little piece of flesh. And then you can walk into a place where there's music playing and they're not only naked,

they're dancing around in front of you. And you're like, oh, they caught on. They know what they're doing. They know what they're doing. And they come over to talk to you and you go no i'm okay yeah i'm fine right yeah you shush them away um yeah well i told you once so i stopped on the way home from work and oh i got a lap dance and realized too late and i honestly did stop i'm like you have way too much perfume on yeah it was like i'm going home and i honestly did stop i'm like you have way too much perfume on yeah it

was like i'm going home and i honestly i got in my car i'm like i am fucked and i remember seeing like the sopranos he'd sneak in and put his shirt in the laundry but she would like find it because of course he wouldn't wash it he would just leave it in the machine and uh so it's a common problem same with glitter glitter glitter glitter has foiled a lot of guys situations so i'm like ah and i i honestly when thinking about it and i was like and i had to stop and i was getting gas i'm like my only option is to shoot gas on myself right now and claim like the pump malfunctions yeah so I reek of gasoline when I go home. She'd still light me on fire.

It's like that old joke about the guy who, I've probably told that on the podcast, the guy who vomits on himself standing at the bar. You ever heard this joke? No, no. He vomits on himself

and he's like, oh, Jesus Christ, I gotta go home now. I'm covered in vomit. And his friend goes, don't worry about it. Take 20 bucks. Stick it in your shirt pocket.

Say the guy next to you at the bar threw up on your shirt, gave you money to dry clean it. He goes, that's fucking great. Keeps on drinking. Drinks for two more hours. Finally, he stumbles in home, fumbles with his key at the front door. Take it easy. Yeah. We don't think so.

Because I run 6 miles an hour nope guy next to me at the bar look at this he put $20 in my pocket to get it dry cleaned the wife reaches in she pulls out $100

she goes there's $100 in here he goes he shit my pants I didn't know where I thought he put it in every time he threw up on himself. I like that one.

Take that with you into the Corona, everybody. Tell that, cheer people up. Yeah. Standup clubs have all closed. I had a, my big St.

Patrick's day show this past Saturday. I had, what a lineup. Mike Gibbons was on the show. We had Bill Burr, Zach Galifianakis um get on a treadmill

that's near the center of things and I just and I just watch people too good to be true it turns out too good to be true we'll get them all back

we're gonna reschedule it all all my shows have been cancelled if not all of them actually this weekend I'm still scheduled. Oh, tell me what that was, honestly. What is their thinking?

I don't know. But as of now, I'm supposed to be in Phoenix at the Copper Blues Comedy Club. National quarantine by that point, I think. Probably. But right now, it's scheduled. All the other dates are canceled. Boston. Actually, I don't know.

Boise. I haven't heard from Boise. Who knows? Wife doesn't want me to go. She's not happy about it. But I feel like they already sold tickets to people. It puts them at risk. I don't know.

Maybe I won't go. We'll see. They'll call you, by the way. If you're planning on going, they'll personally call you and tell you that they the crowds. I think the idea is they have to keep the crowds under 50 people. Let's get Fitzsimmons. I think I got the guy. What are we going to do about these crowds, boss? I have an idea.

I know this kid. He's like repellent. He's the cooler. I've seen his crowds. People stretched out with their feet on the chair next to them, walking around, stretching their legs in the back row. There'll be lines to get out. Primaries. It looks like they're going to go on with the primaries except for ohio i liked the primary uh last night the debate you mean the debate i meant sorry so yeah i didn't see it what happened you know no crowd which was great yeah because they i'm liking no crowd i watched john oliver last night he's screaming a lot less i love john oliver don't't get me wrong. But sometimes he gets a, you know, and he knows. He goes manic. I feel like that 100%.

I love the guy, but I can't handle his delivery. It's too intense. You will love last night's. Yeah. He's all alone, not even in their studio because they're building. They found the coronavirus in the building. Oh. So he's in, literally at a desk.

It's almost like, you know, a YouTuber can make this. A high school YouTuber can make this. And no yelling and also you know not none of those big pauses after jokes waiting for you know the audience to die down right and so uh i think a lot of these things i'm going to like like that what was what did you i'm so spaced out what did you just bring up what's the um you were going to talk about the debates all right so there was no pandering in a way and no real pauses. Like it was, I think, much more information in there because it moved along quicker.

Were they nasty to each other? You know what? I kind of liked it. They got tough with each other, but it was like, come on, Joe. You could admit like, you know, it was kind of like tough. Like you and I would maybe fight kind of like you're better than that a little bit. Right. But no, you're not being truthful.

You're being less than truthful now. But there was some quality about it where they weren't trying to score points to a room full of people keeping score. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was kind of like, I don't know, it was more clear-headed. I like that. Yeah. That's how they should do it from now on.

So they're going to still have it in Arizona, Florida, and Illinois, which I guess is tomorrow. Tulsi Gabbard's still in the race. Uh-huh. Not in this one. She would have to be 12 feet away from Biden because Sanders was six feet away from him. And so, you know, they spread out on the stage. Yeah. Yeah.

from them and so it you know they they spread out on the stage yeah yeah she's really like she's like you in a marathon you know and like everybody runs by and then you wait a long time and the sun's going down all right for those who never heard the story i run the new york city marathon fucking my ass is dragging 20 years ago i'm in central park i'm jogging fitzsimmons runs up to me like dude and i was so psyched to see him. I'm like, I'm so happy to see you. I thought I missed you. Gumby ran by 10 minutes ago. Gumby is a man who dresses like Gumby in giant in a costume and basically like hobbles 26.2 miles because he's in a giant rubber or

fucking whatever the suit is. Styrofoam. His eyes are in Gumby's chest. That's how big the costume is. And he came in 10 minutes ahead of my gibbous. Exactly. So I want to give you a little, uh,

inspiration for your last couple of miles. Um, and then, uh, why don't we, what do you say? Let's go to some, uh,

entertainment. You got it. I got entertainment. and then what do you say let's go to some entertainment you got it I got entertainment okay so it's made some headlines this Mexican music in Mexico City they have this giant music festival and, uh, they've now canceled this weekend, but last weekend by last weekend,

I mean, yesterday and Saturday packed. And the picture is, here's the picture. I mean, there is shit. It's like a mosh pit. It's literally like a,

the whole stadium is a mosh pit. Oh my God. Look, I can't even cut off the top of it. Damn. And it's literally like a the whole stadium's a mosh pit oh my god look i could even cut off the top of it damn and it's crazy and you know there are old people there how because guns and roses is playing and i don't know if they eventually kept the date i don't know if they canceled as i'm reading this but it was so crazy and some of the quotes are so disturbing. This one guy goes, uh, because I consider it is more a collective hysteria than any other thing in Mexico.

We have a culture of a little bit more of hygiene that helps us to limit this kind of these kinds of transmissions. What the fuck are you talking about? Hmm. First of all, I've never known Mexico is the clean country. Like in other words, I'm not known Mexico as the clean country. Like, in other words, I'm not putting Mexico down, but like maybe Sweden or something could say, yeah, no, we're pretty antiseptic culture.

Yeah. Never, never experienced that in Mexico. Never. But that is a funny thing now these days is you can have jobs that just it's dry. So there's just not a lot of rain rinsing it clean. Yep. Wow. In the end, here's another in the this is like from a mom in the end we thought that at any moment we could catch it here in the pharmacy in the tortilla line we decided to take a risk and come we're not going

to rush into the big crowds what um only a few people showed up wearing masks uh who covered his face he said oh he said he suffers from asthma needs to be more cautious so he brought antibacterial gel okay what's what's this poor guy what's his name he's daniel ramirez he's dead he's dead and yet you know what it is is i think that there's this weird, you know, that feeling of wanting to put your finger in a moving fan. Yeah. That's how people are right now. The people that go to these gatherings, they feel like they have blue balls. They just give it to me already. Like people just don't want to wait. And I think that people believe that once you get it, it's like chickenpox and it's over. But that's not the case.

A guy in Italy got it, got over it, and then it came back and killed him. It's crazy. Here's another quote. So we have to be informed before panicking. You have to read some text. What? And know that it is serious. But, oh, you see, some of it's broken English, meaning my reading.

You have to read some text and know that it is serious, but we are still in a passable stage. So let's hear what Hugo Lopez-Gatell, the deputy director of the health department, said Friday night that Mexico is still in what is considered a phase one of a pandemic with isolated cases of infections in people who had traveled abroad or in a few cases infected others so almost everyone like it's just this ignorance of yeah it's phase one you know why they call it phase one because it's not the only fucking phase right that should be a giveaway yeah with phase one right and that there's no otherwise you're just how about you're just in a phase mexico it's a passing phase that's what they would call it right it's

insane like a teenager having her period yeah um oh my god other entertainment orlando bloom hold on mike oh yeah i'm in entertainment we're in the same section i know but you got to go to the next page sorry orlando bloom is going to self-quarantine he was on location in prague and this is how a i guess it was a well-intentioned dumb celebrity self-quarantines he has a pregnant wife katie perry at home here in america he's married to katie perry yeah well i'm married but she's carrying his child yeah he is on the set which they've shut down in prague so this is what he does very concerned about spreading he wants to self-quarantine he gets together with his whole cast all of them in crew and they gather tightly together for the photo up. I'm not making

any of this shit up in Prague. And he goes, here's what I'm going to do. Cause I'm so concerned. I'm going to travel from here. A lot of people behind me are going to travel with me. We're going to go to the airport here, first move. And then we're going to get on a flight. I don't know how many direct nonstops are from Prague. I'm betting he's stopping in JFK or some other city, maybe France, Spain. I'm going to stop at as many places I can and then go all the way to Los Angeles, land in LAX, and then travel by public transport, like a taxi or something or some hired sedan home to my wife where I, odds are I'll have it for sure. Yeah.

And fucking then hold up with my pregnant wife. It's insane. If I lived with Katy Perry, though, keep me away from her. I didn't I wouldn't care if I had AIDS, smallpox. I'm going back. I'm going to try to bang Katy Perry one pregnant. Pregnant Katy Perry. Yes.

OK. Why not? All right. By the way, baby doesn't come out of all the holes. smallpox, I'm going to try to bang Katy Perry one more time. Pregnant Katy Perry? Yes! Okay. Why not? All right. By the way. Baby doesn't come out of all the holes. Yeah. Oh, God. All right.

But so misguided. It's crazy. Also in entertainment, should we do our TV reviews? Sure. All right. You want to talk about... Well, first we'll talk about, we'll review something, and then we'll give you some recommendations

for what you can watch during this pandemic. Stage three? What stage are we in here? Stage of denial, I think. Is that the first stage? Denial. When's anger? Curb Your Enthusiasm has a new season that's as good as...

It's just, he takes it up two notches he's the opening scene is him walking down the street richard lewis and he walks past two millennials that are do we talk about this already two millennials that are taking a selfie and he grabs a selfie without breaking stride or stopping this conversation grabs a selfie stick breaks it over his knee, throws it on the ground, and just keeps walking. And then later on pushes over a bird scooter. That was so subtle.

I love that one. I remember there's a line of them on the sidewalk and he just pushes all of them over. I like the small things. I don't like when his thing is tying up every storyline, which are intertwined at that point. I don't know. I watched the first episode. I liked it a lot. I watched the second.

It started to go to crazy town. Really ungrounded. And then, and one of them was about, it was such a rich people problem. What were they complaining about in the second one? Well, they're all rich people problems, aren't they? No. Sometimes it's the tiniest. One of them is about the maid.

He needs her maid. He borrows Susie's maid. Maybe. But there's other ones of like i don't want it's like a small inconvenience totally unrelatable and ungrounded no i like when he tunes in you know the little the close talker that's not a rich person problem i know but i love the fact that tv tells you can't have a protagonist who's rich and has has bour problems. And he does exactly that. He goes, I'm not going to pretend I didn't create Seinfeld and I'm worth a billion dollars. And I'm going to show you what my life is and how it's just annoying as yours. I don't know.

I think that's kind of the angle of the show. A little. But I personally love when they're universal. When he does it, it seems like such low hanging fruit. Like, how did I not come up with material on that? Like it's, it bothers everybody, you know? And like, that's his genius. Right.

And, uh, I don't know. So the second one that I heard it goes, it gets even more ungrounded and bigger. Yeah, it does. And he, he sets up a lot of this in episode one, he sets up like eight storylines that are obviously going to go through the season, which is pretty interesting. Yeah, I like that. Pretty interesting. Pretty interesting.

If you want some stuff to watch, what's the series that you're jumping into? Oh, it's just called The Wire. That's all. Some people say the greatest TV series. I don't, but there are a certain contingent of people that think it's the greatest TV series of all time. By contingent, I think it's safe to define contingent

as most critics. Really? Have Wire at number one. Wow. I'd say the four are Breaking Bad, Sopranos, and Game of Thrones.

Probably. With the Wire. I'm trying to think, what else would you put in there? Remember Hill Street Blues that was a pretty good one that's amazing no

then there's shorter ones I mean I remember David Lynch's Rocked My World right and that really Twin Peaks

Twin Peaks was the game changer that set up all these dramas that are out now it really is it shot it like a film it was all of a sudden you're like this isn't TV you literally were saying that everyone was saying that to themselves set up all these dramas that are out now. It really is. It shot it like a film.

All of a sudden, you're like, this isn't TV. You literally were saying that. Everyone was saying that to themselves. They had the preeminent film director who was incredibly independent-minded, so it's no wonder. You know, Mad Men is sometimes put in that list. Yeah, I put it in that list. I put it top seven. What else do people put up there?

One- hour dramas. You know what people like is that Pretty Little Liars or Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, but when it's one season or two. Yeah, I know. It's great. Don't get me wrong, but when you're talking greatest of all time. Hey, Better Call Saul is in my top eight, without a doubt. I don't think you like it as much as I do.

No, I do. It's a very slow burn, but that's Breaking Bad kin, which is amazing. The guy is obviously an incredible storyteller. Well, if you want to watch some longer movies, my wife sent me a list of- If we watch The Irishman, if everyone watches the Irishman five times, we'll be through this. Right. Uh,

let's see. I'm going to, I'm going to leave out the obvious ones. They're saying I never saw Lawrence of Arabia. I'm looking forward to watching that. It's amazing. Yeah. But is it,

is it a waste to not watch it in a theater? You should dim the light, make it as intense as you can. I mean, it is. It's David Lean. Your TV is going to seem very small as intense as you can. I mean, it's David Lean. Your TV is going to seem very small, even if you have a big TV. Blue is the warmest color, which is, have you seen it?

No. What's that? You don't watch it with the kids. You don't watch it with your wife. You don't watch it with anybody in the house. This is how I watch things. It has two of the greatest lesbian sex scenes ever filmed. So it's on Pornhub. It's on fucking Netflix.

And it has these two young French actresses with rocking bodies. And it is shot with the camera about a millimeter from them as they go to town on each other. So it is. So blue is the warmest color. And it is. I haven't gotten through the first 12 minutes, but I hear it's a good three hour film. Inland Empire,

which is David Lynch. I don't know it. You've got Magnolia is three hours. That's a phenomenal. I saw that. I like that a lot. Schindler's List. Yeah. Yeah's a phenomenal one. I saw that. I like that a lot. Schindler's List. Yeah, uplifting.

Good during these times. Well, put your problems in perspective. Once Upon a Time in America. Never saw it. It's Sergio Leone. Big one. I saw it.

It was great. Did you see Gone with the Wind? Yes, several times. I'd see it again. I never saw it. It was amazing. Yeah, it's great. Although you do pull for the South.

What? I found myself pulling for the South. A little bit. Well, there were victims. Gandhi, obviously. Reds. Oh, let me tell you Gandhi's story. Yeah.

About Gandhi the movie movie this is how ignorant i was in ninth grade or whenever it was whenever that came out i it was playing in my high school i went to boarding school so it was playing it was playing one night and so it was raining or something so i go see it i know really anyway i go by way, I love that you give David... You give... Who? Something elitist? Larry David. You give Larry David shit for being elitist.

No, I'm just... And then you've already talked about shorting the stock market and going to a boarding school. Whatever. So those are universal. So no, his was like about... It was something you didn't care

enough about for it to be a story point anyway i'll remember in a minute so the only reason i mentioned the boarding school is because why am i seeing a movie with the heist you know with so many high schoolers it was i was on campus i live there so anyway go to see it watching it he's in a crowd at the end of the movie guy comes guy comes to the crowd fucking shoots gandhi twice in the stomach or whatever and kills gandhi i'm like holy shit did not see that coming i fucking did not know gandhi was assassinated it makes it such a better movie no you have oh and i also got there late because someone goes first of all gibbons like you screamed a little loud and i'm like what

like it opened i think the movie might have opened with him getting killed and then it goes back and then it and it all the way you know catches up to that at the end i think that might happen but i like got into the like the whatever our theater late were and i yeah no one had as riveting experience watching gandhi as i did nobody i was fucking i won't it was the saddest story ever i knew he died but i thought he starved to death or something like you know i knew this was a movie about a leader who died i i did i that's how stupid i was think about living in those times well when did gandhi die in like the 50s that's you see that that's a dumb way i don't know what no it was later than that no 60s no because well he inspired mlk tremendously but i'm gonna look

it up now i hate being this fucking dumb. Think about living through that time of like all of these people that were prophets. I mean, Gandhi killed Martin Luther King killed 48. John F. All in your lifetime. All these people that were so they that had grace that that transcended politics and were about peace. And they were murdered. Malcolm X, Bob Marley, John Lennon.

What do you mean Bob Marley? Wasn't he killed? No, cancer, and he wouldn't let any needle break his skin to help him. I might have that wrong, but that's what I'd heard. I think he was shot at one point though. Didn't his brother or one of his followers. Oh, there was a,

I think there was a shooting in the studio. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I mean, Oh,

I started to watch the documentary on Sam cook. Hold on. It's Aaron. Don't tell her that we're doing the podcast. Okay. Hey baby. Hey, so what do you want to do?

Do you want to come home and eat, and then we'll go get them? Or do you want to just go get them, and then we'll all eat together? Well, Mike's here, and we're doing a podcast. So why don't I come home? We're sorry I said nothing. No, I look. sorry i said nothing now i look so i'll just come home um in an hour and then we'll go is his flight on time yeah his flight's on time that's a miracle yeah i don't know not aware owen is flying home from chicago today for people don't know

no he's flying out of midway and apparently this the airport was empty and he's got an exit row to himself and everything's on time. He's just touching everything. Yeah. That's great. We're going to quarantine him in the guest house for a couple weeks and then we'll say hi to him after that. Because he's been living the college life where he's like, you know, hanging out with a million

kids, going to bars. And he'll only exhibit like a mild sort of disruption in his health right wow all right and he's not going back to school all school's done all school's done and uh i don't know who's listening to this dude but does everyone realize and i hope i'm wrong no children are going back to school this year in america i don't know it'll be september so it's march april may june july august it's going to be six months of living with your family. That's still news to people.

That's the problem. Yeah. Okay. Six fucking months. Yeah. I'm hoping Owen gets a job because he's got one lined up possibly. So we'll see if that happens. The unemployment office is hiring.

They're going to have to cut a lot of checks. How many people are signing up for unemployment right now? Oh, my God. You know what I thought? I had a thought before they do it. It would be a good time to go get my license, the new license at the DMV. Oh, right. In California, you have to get one by October 20th, and the lines are insanely long.

If you sign up, it's like a a three month wait to get an appointment. Three weeks ago was the biggest complaint in LA. Yeah, right. Deer Hunter, which is incredible. Mau! Oh, Deer Hunter is amazing. Yeah. And then obviously the Godfather movies.

Anyway, go to Vulture if you want to see the full list. Great list. I'm going to do The Wire, Mad Men. These are TV series. And then I'm going to do, oh, I know Narcos, right? I'm on the final season right now. There are three?

There's four. There's two that were set in Columbia, which are, I would put those at the top of the list. Incredible. And now there's two that are set in Mexico, which are very good, but they're not. The guy who played Pablo Escobar in the Colombian two seasons was just, should have gotten the Emmy. I don't know why he didn't. Probably because he didn't speak English. That helps now.

He was great. I saw season one. I don't know if I saw all of it. So I have to go back. And I was liking it a lot. Yeah. All right, let's do some sports. We will, we will rock you.

We will, we will rock you. We will, we will rock you. This one will be easy. Okay. There are no sports. Ah, and let's go on to... No, no, no, no. The NFL, very quickly, has a new agreement. A lot of headlines coming out of it.

There's going to be a 17. They're going to add a game. 17-game season. They're also going to add teams to to the playoffs so the playoffs are going to be longer kind of like every sport is done because it's really the second season for many sports um there's also higher salaries but in my opinion they came up with a way to get those salaries back which is they are no longer going to suspend players for marijuana it's going to be a fine instead of three weeks pay which means i think everyone is going to pay that that three

three weeks pay is a lot of fucking money it's a lot of money oh so they're going to get the money back through that i talked to a professional football player. I won't say his name. I don't want to out him. He said he smokes pot, and almost every player he knows smokes pot because they're in fucking constant pain. Right. Makes sense. I mean, it's a legitimate painkiller.

Yeah, I think you're right. And they're bored. And they, you know, initially, it was all changing so fast that last week was literally i've never been so addicted to my phone because news was changing big news was changing every hour and for in the sports especially it went from like um you know we're gonna play without crowds like i remember the wnba announced that're going to play without crowds. I can remember the WNBA announced that they were going to play without crowds, which was big news for the WNBA. I told I probably told the story 10 times, but it's worth repeating. So sports show and Norm MacDonald were in the writers room.

And then someone goes in Norm. Norm would. Norm loves being really honest. So he would just be honest about the level of play in the wnba and it was kind of funny to hear him go off on it and then someone so he goes what are you serious he's like have you seen honestly how much slower it is than the nba he was going i'm like well there's probably and i was kind of defending them and i googled uh triple double because we're like well who are the stars like is someone like doing triple doubles all the time in the wnba is there a lebron of the you know whatever and i

didn't know anything about it so i googled wnba triple doubles in the wnba and google goes did you mean nba oh so we came up with the bit oh google and norm did it on air and by the way they changed their algorithm because we did it and actually that piece went viral like it went on reddit it blew up and they changed it because then when you would do it anymore it would not suggest it would not guess that you meant nba and so we were like, well, you can still stump this for sure. So we would do men's serve and it would come up with like Roscoe Tanner had the hardest serve. Then Pete Sampras and all this stuff. You do women's serve.

And it were, it was all these ads and sites for aprons and waitress shoes. Oh, Google. This is reminding me that I got a tweet, one of the tweets that we got, which, by the way, thanks for the outpouring, you guys. We got a lot of nice, I got a lot of emails sent to my site, tweets, Instagram notes that people are excited that we're doing the show. And one thing I got was a woman saying,

wow, you guys are really not going after the female listener on this one from last week i think because i was talking about masturbating in the school bus oh was did i talk about that on this chicks don't dig that i did right did i do it on last week's sunday paper you've done i've heard it a few times so i'm not sure it was a I think there was a couple things. Look, I don't know. I don't know anymore. I know I've got a good heart.

I've got a wife and a daughter, a mom I call every five days my whole fucking life. I've never raped anybody, and yet I feel like I'm a bad person because I'm a guy. I don't know. I have two daughters. My daughters remind me that you can't joke with people that don't know i have two daughters my daughters remind me that you can't joke with people that don't know you you know what i mean like they don't know us like they don't know how crazy liberal you know what i mean like so i like making jokes that fly in the face of that because that's the meta level of it's funny is the it's also funny i'm saying that

and my girl's like that shit does not work. Nope. So maybe they're right. All right. But what do they know? They're women. And they're typing. Send your letters. And their little painted thumbs are moving on the ski pad. And they're taking time away from making dinner.

Right. All right. So I guess that's it for sports, right? That, that quite honestly is it. I mean, I saw the footage finally of the,

the NBA player who has a joke, touched all the mics. Oh, I didn't see that. And then a few hours later he tested positive. No. Oh yeah. And the quarantine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. It started with the NBA player. And that led to the NBA. That was last week.

But I finally saw the footage of him. And he was being funny. Like, let me touch all you. And all the reporters put their recorders up around the microphone. And he touched all of them. And then he walked off and got tested that afternoon. Holy shit. Why didn't I hear about that?

Who was the player? What's his name? It's like a huge story. If I followed sports,'t I hear about that? Yep. Who was the player? What's his name? It's like a huge story. If I followed sports, I would know. Here, NBA, test positive. Damn. I hope he was Mexican. They're clean.

Donovan Mitchell, I guess. Is that it? I'm not sure. I luckily, I'm a big hockey fan, and my DVR is set up to just record every single hockey game. And so before the season ended, I have seven games on my DVR right now, and I'm parceling them out the way people are parceling out chicken in their freezer right now.

I'm watching a period at a time. That's ridiculous. I know. Well, why don't you just pick a game from the 80s i guess i could do that you don't know the outcome you're not going to remember the outcome and it doesn't matter same as this where do you find an old game from the 80s what about remember classic sports network that was the craziest concept yeah now did it go under is it it still on? I would imagine. Well, I know this channel's like the NFL channel in the offseason plays games.

They play like Super Bowl games. All right. Classic games. What do you think was the greatest sports game ever played? Well. Not series. Game. I mean, there's so many. But, I mean, one comes to mind is the Patriots-Falcons.

That comeback was lunacy. What was that, three years ago? I think so. Yeah, maybe three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was in Atlanta. Was it in Atlanta? No, it could have been.

But Miami, I don't know. It was nuts. I wonder if, because Super Bowls, they picked the city years in advance. I wonder if there's ever been a case where they picked a city and then one of the teams playing in the Super Bowl

ended up in their own city playing. Yeah. Game six of the Mets Red Sox World Series was unbelievable. That would be mine. the Mets Red Sox World Series. Of course. Was unbelievable. That would be mine. So unbelievable people forget it was game six. They thought the series was won in that game.

Right. And then I think the Red Sox were winning, leading in game seven, which they lost. I have a book on my shelf called The Greatest Game Ever Played. And it's two football teams. It looks like it's from the 40s or 50s, and one of them is the Colts.

So I got to read that. And people, a couple people wrote in and said it was three swings. Reggie Jackson, actually it was four if you count the next game. Four pitches in a row, he hit a home run. Reggie Jackson did in 1977. Right.

And when we were listing off the roster of the team, we left off Thurman Munson somehow. Yeah. And I think I said Roy White. I wasn't great with names. But yeah, I do remember those teams very well. Did we say Dave Henderson? Was he on the team at that point? Right fielder? No, no, no. I don't think so. He was famous for getting hit by pitches. I love that guy. Oh, really? And then he was in Boston, and he was in some of the, arguably, some of the great baseball games of all time. The Red Sox-Oakland series, and obviously the famous Dodger one with Kirk Gibson.

I'm going to put that at 88. Yeah, we were at BU at the time. I remember that. Yeah, but people will bring up the Willis-Reed game. There's amazing games. Also, don't forget, maybe the greatest game ever played was 1972, Pittsburgh Pirates, Doc Ellis on the mound, who took acid the night before the game and was still tripping

and threw a perfect game no hitter a no hitter yep on acid yeah oh hello

USA versus Russia oh the Olympics yeah the the miracle on ice that's a it was a good movie

they made a good movie about that did you ever see it I did I saw it recently I watched it with the girls I thought it was great Kirk what's his name Douglas Kirk no Kirk, what's his name?

Douglas? Kirk? No. Kirk Douglas. What's his name who played Kurt Russell? Kurt Russell. Didn't he play? I don't know.

My friend. It's like the most famous speech in film, one of. There's many. But anyway, it's a good speech. But then he played Parker from Boston University. Jack Parker, the coach? Yes. I think it's Jack Parker. Jack Parker. Dated his daughter. You did.

I dated his daughter. Wow. Did he ever go on a coach at the Bruins? They were always offering. I think he did go to the NHL for a little bit. He passed away while the movie was being made. Miracle on Ice. Probably found out I was dating his daughter. Killed himself.

Hey, coach. I've been in the box for three minutes. We call your daughter the penalty box. And the crease. Is crease a term? No, that's basketball. No, it's not. Crease is... Oh, it is. That's basketball. No, it's not. Crease is... Oh, it is.

That's hockey. I think it's a hockey. That's right. Come on. All right, let's get on to... International. Okay. Extra!

Extra! We all love it! Extra! I don't even know if we have a sting for international. You know, we have little stings that we've been playing throughout the show. Let's throw some mariachi music in there or something. International. We're talking about leaders around the world that have been exposed to the coronavirus.

Spain's Prime Minister, Pedro Sanchez. His wife tested positive. Spain's going to be hit hard. The wives are testing. The wives are testing. It was the the wife of canadian prime minister justin trudeau sophie greg war so you're ladies stay with me on this one that's not anti-woman but as a leader of a huge nation and you know whatever

spain canada it's like it must be like honey don't have it. What the fuck are you up to? Yeah, right. Like, do you know how many hands I'm shaking a day? It's it's it's you can't even count it. And then and I'm not saying they're not busy and have their own thing. But for them, I'm just shocked that both of them don't have it. Well, I would argue most first ladies are shaking as many hands as the president. They got them scheduled up to the tits. They're around shaking hands with school kids. See?

They have to have tea. See the compliments? They have to have a lot of tea. They are not shaking as many hands. You don't think? The guy can't even sign a piece of paper without doing it with eight pens because they're going to then put the pens in fucking museums and shit. Yeah. No, I do not.

I don't. I do not think so. With all due respect, and let's say a female president, the first husband, whatever, the first dude would not be shaking as many hands as she is. It's just by definition of the position.

Boris Johnson, of course, like Trump, refused to be tested. Even though he was one of his senior officials, is positive for it. Yeah, his health minister tested positive for it.

Boris, this isn't herpes. You know a lot of people don't get tested for herpes because they don't want to lie. Do you know that? Lie to who? Lie to partners, potential sex partners. You don't get tested for herpes because they don't want to lie do you know that lie to who lie to partners potential sex partners you don't know about that no oh a lot of people do if they're show if they show no signs or anything like that they will not get tested i guess because then they can honestly say you know they don't have to come clean or whatever no No pun intended. Yeah. I had a girl give me a chlamydia in high school and I told her, I said, you get, just so you know, you should know that you have chlamydia.

And then she told the town I had chlamydia. Well, it sounded like a burned. Yeah. The way you said it to her. Hey, uh, the left, why I, you should now tell people you have chlamydia. Gotcha. That's my sting. I got it from her.

Had sex with her again two years later. That's right. I don't give up on somebody. That's right. I don't give up on somebody. You know, Iran has been hit very hard with coronavirus and clusters of cases all around the prime minister there. I'm sorry, supreme leader. Has Trump put in for that name change? What a moron.

This guy is surrounded by guys that have died several lawmakers around him have died 10 of his cabinet has the fucking virus you know i understand a lot of our listeners you know don't like when we talk liberal stuff and all this i'm just wondering and how about this right right to the show however you do that i don't know how you do that right to the show is it do you not like listening if we're saying the president because if obama was doing this i'd be slamming him just based on this one task is it off-putting to hear people who you know are liberal maybe that's the catchicize the president for absolutely clusterfucking this. Well, look, I mean, the other side of it is that the liberals are making a big deal out of this for political gain and that we're trying to make the president look bad. That's that's the prism that they're looking through at this. God. Yeah, I guess. Yeah guess it doesn't relate to me.

I really am just thinking about it's staring us in the face. Listen, I put my money where my mouth is. I started really shorting the market two Tuesdays ago. I would have never done that if I thought this was going okay. Yeah. And by the way, not only am I not smart, I am not well-educ educated in any of these fields, finance or or pandemics. But just look around. But you are definitely the voice of doom among our friends.

We have a text chain going with about 10 of us and you are the voice of doom. Or have I said one thing that hasn't come true? You said you'd be on time for the podcast recording today. That's the voice of doom? Oh, no. How bad am I on this podcast? That's the voice of doom. Here's a nice international story.

In Italy, people are going to their windows, opening them, and singing to the street. Forget about it. Hey! When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pie, that's Corona. Pour a can of water on that guy. I can't imagine if people did that shit in this country. If you were in New York and somebody opened their window and started singing, hey, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I wonder. Like, to us, it's so romantic. Yeah. But he's singing, you know, songs, Italian opera. He's singing Italian songs over there. Right. Women are singing. So, like, here is someone like, you give love a bad name.

Like, I mean, it's way less romantic yeah right right i don't know it's beautiful though i mean come on putting all jokes aside you hear if that guy was wasn't he in no it wasn't one guy it was like the whole city has been singing but there was also a guy who is in the opera oh i didn't know that some ten tenor or whatever. And he went like, it's, it's, I don't care if it's Chinese, your language. I don't care what language you hear. So I don't understand the language you hear an aria or whatever someone's doing. Like it's gorgeous. Right.

If they know what they're doing, my God, it's beautiful. Right. I like big butts and I cannot lie. Yeah. There's also a story coming out of Canada. It's nothing to do with Corona. So here's a little breath away from Corona. Canadians have a bill that's about to be made into law,

which will ban gay conversion therapy. This is the fourth country to ban it. The World Health Organization, among others, including the UN, have discredited gay conversion therapy as a matter of fact they have found it doubles suicide rates really? yeah 50,000

men in Canada have undergone gay conversion therapy so it works well not based on those tight pants and those shoes those guys wear but what I'm just saying is the guy came in gay and now he's not gay. That's how those morons would look at it. Yeah.

No, I think if our friend, we had a good friend, Tom, who went to a gay conversion. Is it already past tense? Did I say? Yes. Past tense. Did I say, oh, yeah. Yes. We have a good friend, Tom, who's gay and who went to Masters in Johnson, had a gay conversion therapy back in, this was in like the 70s, in St. Louis. Might have been early 80s.

Might have been 80s. Drove himself. Yeah. Came from an Irish and Italian parents. Very Catholic household. Yeah. Came from an Irish and Italian parents. Very Catholic household. Yeah, one was Irish, one was Italian. And that's not a good combo if you're trying to not be gay. That culture to grow up in.

Wanted to change desperately, the poor guy, and drove himself. Yeah. And I can tell you right now, his Grindr account will tell you, failure! Failure to convert. Thank God. I know. He is the least gay gay guy of all time, though. Oh, I completely think he's a closeted heterosexual.

I was friends with him for... What are you doing you're straight seven years eight years before he told me he was gay oh yeah and as well as kevin meanie who i was friends with for 15 years before he told me he was gay you were trapped i was blowing all these guys right i would have done if i knew they were gay i would be caught dead there's a comedian who you know who's gay who's not out of the closet that i've known for 25 years but i did i but i did not know for the first 15 no dating women and my best friend growing up who i went to Europe with for six months,

and who, well, no, I was with him for two months, and then I was by myself for four. But I slept over his house two nights a week for 10 years. Huh. Did everything together. And then I found out years later that he was gay. Married with family? Did you say that?

Or no? No. I don't know if I've had any surprise gays. I don't know. I can't think of any. Let's just say one thing. Hello! I've been meaning to tell you something.

Like, I don't know. I don't think I know anyone that was married to a woman, like any guy who then came out. I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I just realized what community. But there's more than one. There's more than one community that's not out.

There's several. And they're out. They're out in the comedy community, but they're not out to their audiences. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I totally respect. And that's the one, that dated woman, not the one you were talking about, if I have it right. So anyway, yeah. It's still not cool for a lot of people to come out, which is really sad.

I know. Especially if they live in LA, you'd think. But I totally get it and I support however they want to live their life. You got any business news? Well, I'm waiting for you to turn the page. There it is. Okay.

The business news really is that there's, like sports, there's no more business. I walked down Main Street in Santa Monica today the business news really is that there's like sports. There's no more business. I just, I walked down main street in Santa Monica today and it was as if there was a pandemic. That's exactly what it looked like. Um, and then with the wind blowing in this rain,

but no, I did find one. Talk about a pivot, right? You know, that's the, that's a big word. Now luxury perfume makers,

Christian Dior and Givenchy Givenchy. I don't know how to pronounce that word will now produce hand sanitizer oh smart i guess so it seems a little weird to pay that much to pay 40 for a hand sanitizer um god that makes sense because then that's not considered because everybody every other company that's jacking up their prices, whether it's toilet paper, hand sanitizer, is being regulated by the government. But if you're Givenchy and you do it,

that's what your shit costs anyway. You know, I didn't read the article. I read the headline. I read some of the article. Way to go. No, I read some of the article, but I'm guessing it's also, you know. Here's the Sunday papers where we tell

you the news and the story starts with I'm guessing no I have it I have the article right here but what I'm thinking is perfume is about 80% alcohol so maybe that's the pivot

you know what I mean but it didn't say that. I did read the article. But isn't the point of perfume to draw people closer to you? So it's hand sanitizer if you know someone's using it. You know, I did read the article because I stumbled upon something else that was really fun in it. And there's no mention of that, but I think it's because of the alcohol content. Not to be outdone governor

andrew cuomo of new york announced new york state is starting to produce its own hand sanitizer oh wow who's making it the prisoners true story totally true story and they're rolling it out and the first stop is nourish shell which is the town two over from where i grew up that's been totally quarantined yeah um and this is a quote it is from cuomo it has a nice by the way it's going to be a higher alcohol percentage than purell and they're actually taking a lot of pride in it and here's the quote it has a nice floral bouquet a mix of lilacs, hydrangea, and semen. Wait, tulips. Sorry, that said tulips.

Is it spelled T-W-O space L-I-P-S? Yeah, exactly. Most of it is extracted through felching and go to town. It's like an oyster. Go to town. You take it out of the anus. Yeah. Wow, that's amazing. That's so fucking smart. go to town it's like an oyster you know you take it out of the anus yeah um wow that's amazing

that's so fucking smart I love Cuomo that's just I don't love Cuomo I don't like some of the things it does but that is that is the way you gotta think

outside of the box right now I don't think that's outside the box I used to joke but like you have the serial killer or the child

fucking rapist wing put them on bikes and power the town yeah power the electricity right that's what you do for fucking eight hours a day or you put you can go slow if you want but you're turning that crank especially if you put a little kid on a bike right in front of his bike then he's gonna really pedal hard then i see a tricycle? Oh, God. But also, like, in prison, is there a pecking order of, like, wood shop and then all of a sudden it's like, what do you got

today? You're on plates. You're on license plates. What about you? Floral bouquet, hand sanitizer, Jim, get the fuck in there. Alright, listen. Let's get to the comics should we oh god go ahead i had a little uh spell of anger at family is it circus or circle take it easy family circle is not so they're not so bad let's should we start with that let's's start with Family Circus.

All right, here it is. It's a cute picture. It's as if a kid has drawn it. Am I supposed to look at this? I can't even see the thing. And it says, it says, Daddy's, the caption is,

Daddy's cartoons are still missing. Fortunately, little Billy continues to provide substitutes. This is very meta. And it's a little kid holding a comic in his hand. He says to a monster, excuse me, would you please federal express these drawings to King Features Syndicate,

which syndicates the comic strip? I think this is new fucking bullshit. This is new because they don't even look the same, right? No, I think his son, I think somebody pointed out, the guy who does these what's his name in the corner his son has taken over family circus and is now doing it so this is like a better thing yeah yeah so the guy's son took over and now he's pretending that his son

is writing the cartoons because he's on break yep i don't even know where to begin on that yeah uh now all of a sudden i missed the fucking dad's pieces of shit um so i so over the next few weeks i guess i'll figure out why it makes me so angry but also is there a defense like are these for children but that's not for that that isn't a kid that's not aimed at a kid a kid couldn't understand that fucking piece of shit either yeah it's like when i hate it when people make movies that are for kids but they make the meta so that the adults will be entertained along with the kids but it's like i never i never give shit about that i'll watch a fucking Lion King.

I don't need it to appeal on some like, oh, that's a Shakespearean motif they're playing with here. And that's what this asshole is trying to do. Yeah, I don't know. You threw me a curveball there. That seems like a new one, and the drawing seems shitty. I think that's what's happening. Somebody emailed me to say that that strip has been taken over by the guy's son,

which is like that's the family business yeah imagine if like one of your ancestors came up with the worst fucking product ever and now three generations have been shilling that shit yeah it's crazy how does it go on i mean the other thing is like all right i remember back in the day when it would be like letterman bad example but letterman and in the day when it would be like Letterman, bad example, but Letterman and Leno, right? And it would be like, who is fucking honestly tuning into Leno? Like, and you know what it was? It was comforting.

I think we're learning during this pandemic. People are a little more fragile than we thought, like an existence is more fragile than we thought. So before they went to bed, they needed to be entirely unchallenged. Sadly, it has the opposite effect on me. It provokes me. It does the opposite. So what does that say about us?

I need something challenging calms me down, something provocative. Maybe to some people it's calming. I'm not putting myself above these people. Yes, I am. They're fucking idiots. Some people it's calming. I'm not putting myself above these people. Yeah.

Yes, I am. They're fucking idiots. So I, I, I, they're also, aren't they in the back of the paper? Like you have to dig for these fucking things. Now in front of the paper.

First thing you get. Oh, they wrap it. They wrap it in the, in the comics because I think that gets kids. It's something for everybody. When I was a kid, it worked.

I fucking, that paper came. I grabbed the comics and I devoured them. Really? Yes, absolutely. When I was a kid, it worked. I fucking, that paper came, I grabbed the comics, and I devoured them. Really? Yes, absolutely. And then for the women, they've got like pictures of shoes

and things to cook and stuff like that in another section. Oh my God. I like the far side. I love the far side. All right. I would read that.

All right, I'll read you a far side right now. Dilbert, go fuck yourself. And what's the other very smart political one? It was too fucking heady. I didn't like it. All right. I would read that. All right. I'll read you a far side right now. Dilbert, go fuck yourself. And what's the other very smart political one? It was too fucking heady. I didn't like it. Here's a great... Doonesbury. That's amazing.

Right there, I already like the art. All right. So here's the art on the far side. It's four wolves, and they're sitting around. They're in the woods, and there's a radio, and they're all staring at the radio, like an old-timey family, like staring at the radio. like an old timey family like staring at the radio and what's coming out of it is the deer fakes left now he's going wide oh he took a hit but he's still on his feet now he's swinging to his he's down they got him they got him the hunt's

over and they're all smiling i love it that's fucking great maybe i'm an idiot too i love it no gary larson i think gary larson made some tv shows as well oh you know what's fascinating about the far side and gary larson is someone knew how much i liked them back whatever a lot in the 90s and at that time they were to knopf publishing and they had just put out an anthology a big book of all of charles adams from the adams family all these cartoons sure they are so close to the far side like i think the far side is almost like a tribute really no honestly gary larson i think must worship charles adams no that they're so similar like

similar settings two guys on a deserted island two guys safari guys in the woods kind of like that setting but not wolves with the safari guys wall street guys jumping off felt like yeah and really dark sense you know it's charles adams a very dark sense of humor the adams family speaking of which the director of the adams family um barry sonnenfeld will be on an episode of fit Dog Radio. I just interviewed him. Come on. He was a cinematographer on the Coen Brothers movies. The first four. Huh. And then he directed the Will Smith movies with the Men in Black. He did all the Men in Black movies. He did Misery.

Yeah, big director. Came on the show. Did he have something to do with Diner? Who is that? I don't think so I'm gonna look that up but uh yeah no Men in Black then yeah he was a director of course

uh this is Andy Capp who's one of my favorites because Andy is uh as you know he's like a 1950s British drunk who just plays darts and uh I just love these old cartoons because you get a sense of how women were fucking treated.

You know, because we're all kidding aside. We're being sarcastic, but like Andy Cap, no, no sarcasm. Okay. So he's in a bar, phone rings, bartender picks up the phone. And he says, bartender says, oh, right. He comes over and he says to Andy Andy who's got a pint of beer and his head is down on the bar big bulbous nose it's Flo Andy

she says if you're not home from five minutes she's going to give your dinner to the dog next door Andy looks up and says what's the poor dog ever done to her so not only is he ignoring his wife who's home cooking he's sitting in a bar getting shit-faced he then insults her cooking it's so fucking crazy how is she the target of this

oh my god that's perfect yeah that's great and then this one is uh this is zach's favorite cartoon garfield oh yes and it's the the guy whatever the guy's name is and you know od is the dog and garfield i know none i know garfield's the cat obviously yeah and then you know this this guy with the brown hair that fucking he's the worst he's the fucking worst cartoon character ever and he says to garfield where's odie and garfield says in his world well thanks but this guy can understand him in his whirlpool second frame it says flush and the guy's eyes go big and he goes what was that andfield goes, his whirlpool. All right.

It was Barry Levinson did Diner. Oh. That was 82, though. All right. And let's close it out. You know how we close it out on Sunday Papers every week? Wait, wait, wait. What are the Vikings? What are the Vikings up to?

Oh, Hager the Horrible? We'll do them next week. All right. We'll do him next week. This is Blondie, and this is a Sunday edition, so there are eight panels. Holy. The first one is Blondie,

and look at her in this fucking, look at that top. She's got on this tight white top with a black, what's nice is it's got a black collar and sleeves. It's got style. It's a little like a French maid's outfit. It's like a French maid's outfit, and it comes above the knee.

So you can see, as always, her pristine bowling pin shaped calves and the heaving bosom. I mean, literally, if you were to guess her cup size based on her height, it would be an F. But F for firm.

Oh, is that what F stands for? Okay. I didn't know that. And she yells upstairs honey your three minute your three minute eggs have been ready for over seven minutes second frame is her at the top of the stairs now because now fucking dopey dagwood can't be bothered to answer her even though once again the wife is cooking for the husband yeah and then she goes to the top of the stairs sweetheart did you hear my little joke about the eggs okay she made a fucking joke dagwood not only is she cooking for you she's presenting it

with humor positive energy down there and then she walks in and dagwood's standing there in a dress shirt and his stupid fucking red bow tie and boxer shorts and he goes i can't find my pants from the cleaners bitch and. And so she goes, you're not looking hard enough, dear. Dear. Yeah. What has he done to work? Kind of patronizing, but all right.

Yeah, all right. He says, listen, if my pants are somewhere in that closet, I'll eat my hat, as if to say to her, where the fuck are my pants, bitch? So now she looks in the closet, and when she does,

her buttocks sticks out she's got a tight black skirt on a slit skirt and she's arching her back just just so slightly yeah and uh she pulls out the dress pants and says ta-da and let me go i don't see it let me guess now and then he's like well where's my hat you whore i gotta eat it what happens i wonder if that old fedora of yours no she says i wonder if that old fedora of yours is still up in the attic deer there's the deer again yeah she fucking slammed agwood and what happened he looks straight at you he's looking at you he's breaking the fourth wall with big eyes and no no no mouth the mouth is gone huh it's a dot and that's how it ends that's how it ends she had the

upper hand i'll tell you how it ends i take this blondie strip home with me lock myself in the bathroom and go to fucking animation town i think we should we should uhpollinate two of these strips, and we should have Blondie living with one of the Vikings. See how that goes. I'm sorry, did you just call me deer? That's it. We're looking for fan art. If you want to draw that up, send it in.

And speaking of which, we should give a shout-out to, I don't know if you've seen draw that up, send it in. And speaking of which, we should give a shout out to, I don't know if you've seen on our page, if you look at the, I don't know how you get the podcast, but if you go to iTunes or my website, fitzdog.com, you can see the art that one of our fine fans, his name is, let me find him here. He did the drawing for us, which was very nice. I'll find him. We'll announce it next time. Oh, here it is. Kyle Spencer.

Shout out to Kyle Spencer for his nice artwork. Thank you. And Mike, anything you want to plug? No, I think we talked about it in the TV shows you're watching and all that stuff yeah yeah yeah here's a little tip the wire and i will be plugging also my other podcast is called childish with allison rosen if you haven't checked it out uh i think you'll enjoy it it's if you have kids maybe you were a kid but it's it's about parenting she's got babies i've got teenagers we meet in the middle all right uh that everyone stay safe yeah stay safe don't go to parties or any of that shit lay low for two weeks then we're gonna see who kind of has it also want to thank andrea gilletti who produces the podcast and edits it and does a fine job thank you and welcome aboard and And most will die. Go ahead. Are we alternating here? Thank you guys for listening.

God bless America. Yes. Oh, no. What's our tagline for this show? Kindling pile. What do you do? Fold it up. Wash your hands.

Wrap the fucking butcher meat in it. Put the fish in it. Put the fish in it. Stick it. I don't know. What do we say about papers? Insulate it. Put the fish in it. Stick it. I don't know. What do we say about papers? Insulate your attic and have a great week. Recycle.

Recycle, people. We're going to work on that tab. We're going to work on that button. Next week on Sunday Papers. Fish. You can read it in the Sunday Papers. Read it in the Sunday Papers.