Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/Greg and Mike Ep 148 1/22/23

Episode Date: January 22, 2023

We are busted for repeating a story but then bust George Santos for making up the most exciting life in American history. Andy Dick is in trouble again and Kyle Rittenhouse feels like the woke mob is being mean to him.  

Sunday papers, Sunday papers, Sunday papers, yeah, now not later, Sunday papers, Sunday papers, Sunday papers, read about it now not later. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check. Read all about it! Read all about it. Read all about it. Wait, you didn't clap. One, two. Yeah, it's weird. We don't hear the clap.

It filters it out. One, two, three. Read all about it. Read all about it. Extra about it extra extra florida man santos santos tesla deep teases gubbins Dennis Govans. All right. I feel bad because Govans is literally, he's, what's the expression when you tie your own noose? Retarded. He gives me stories about himself.

We'll get to that later. Do we have a tally? Very, very nice listeners have donated to Gubbins. And, you know, we got some criticism that with all the things that need donations, we're taking care of a, you know, a privileged white guy who literally wants golf clubs. But we asked for a dollar. It's kind of a stunt. It's kind of a comedy thing. It's not a real charity. He's a real charity, but it's not a real charity. You know what I mean? Please don't stop. Sorry if we've taken the dollar you give away to inner city reading programs or having inner city people eat better or whatever. If that's your only free dollar, if you only have one free dollar, don't give it to Dennis Gubbins.

But say you're one of those people that makes more than an extra dollar a week. Give it to Gubbins because he got so many. And it's a chance for you to tell Gubbins whether or not you think he should be on the show or anything you want to say to Gubbins. It's like some people gave him 20, some gave him 50, some gave him five. Send him a dollar, whatever. You heard he started giving money back to the ones who said he shouldn't be a guest on the show. And then and so it's just so everyone knows We didn't tell him this was happening at all.

All of a sudden, midday Sunday, we get what the fuck and a text from him. And he goes, I'm giving back money to the people that say I shouldn't. And then so much, so many started coming. He just gave up. So he's almost there. He's almost, he's not almost there. I think he, I think he made a few hundred, but the golf clubs cost two thousand so keep sending in your donation what is the handle d gubs it's really hard to feel i don't think i'd give money if i heard he's buying two a two thousand

dollars set of clubs i think i'd stop let's stop this campaign right now okay um so where are you you're in florida i'm in florida man you can tell by the yellow you can tell by all the bright colors in here and look at you on east coast time you're right up the road in atlanta atlanta georgia hung out with our buddy pete scott two nights ago oh nice yeah dudley's gone right dudley's gone he's off in Utah and um yeah we gotta go visit him at some point but um you know Atlanta's a great city I think he's I think he's coming to Tulsa oh that's right yeah yeah yeah this Tulsa is a nice little reunion all we're going to Tulsa we got a shitload of us we got two Airbnbs well there's going to be two classes of people on

this trip there's there's the people that have like backstage passes and are staying in like where are you guys staying in an airbnb also it's called this it's a castle i don't know much about it but it's it's a castle so it's you and your girlfriend and another couple and they're i'm sure they're wildly successful and you guys are staying in a nice place we no i mean it's no no there were two airbnbs and it was a toss-up and uh we took the smaller one because we only need two bedrooms and then that other one jack then jack is staying an extra day and it wasn't available. So Pete found a place. I think we're in the same neighborhood by whatever that park is on the river. There's some people, the P oh, I, I, the people play,

I swear to God has a weird name. Like, like the gathering. Oh, I think it's called the gathering place. Yeah. I mean, talk about literal, like, all right, guys, we need a name for that place. People gather, come back two hours later like this is all you fucking got the gathering place right right not centennial park yeah it's like the washington football team right um yeah it's almost so we're gonna see springsteen we're gonna go to the bob dylan uh museum we're gonna have a great time i think we're gonna um i would imagine there'd be

some some drugs involved in this trip i don't know we'll see and i am recording now i just pressed record oh you idiot no what a little bit of time and apparently people like my audio from this people won't like my voice today though no anyway i caught it in time so what are you doing you're down visiting your dad what's this big activity you're fucking make putting so much pressure on me today about your your your heart out you would have well i mean no one's gonna it's golf man and then i then i have a flight i have golf and a flight i fly back 9 p.m tonight at a fort lauderdale which is about an hour away. Yeah. So get this, we're at, I can't even, I don't even want to mention the club's names, but I think I talked about this last time.

It happened again. I'm walking out to play golf and the hostess woman, like there's like a patio where everyone's eating lunch and stuff. She's like, sir, sir. And comes over. She's like, you can comes over she's like you can't wear a hat i'm walking 10 feet to the to the driving you know where you tee off and uh and then so i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i take a moment she's like and you have to tuck in your

shirt and i think i mentioned that last time yeah i did it again yeah so then we come in like for lunch and there's a whole hubbub and is it John Bolton? The hawkish neocon who thinks he's going to run for president. He comes in for lunch. Yeah. Yeah. Does he was his shirt tucked in and his hat on? I wish he had a hat. I would have busted him so fast.

Yeah. And he has a security detail already. I don't know what that's about. That must be fun to get to the point in life where you're so successful that the things that they're busting your balls on are tucking your shirt in and taking your hat off. like no guns, no gang colors, no putting a tent up on the sidewalk. And you're at a place where they're telling you you have to tuck your shirt in. It did make me feel 15 years old, though. It was very effective. Here I am, like the fat and all these rich people who are incredibly put together because they've been wearing their preppy costumes since they were two.

Right. So they got the whale belts and all that stuff. Well, speaking of old people, you missed the Bud Friedman's memorial was this week. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where was that? Owner of the Improvs, the founder of the Improv Comedy Club chain. It was it was at the Improv. It was huge, like fucking tons of people came out

it was just a very loving uh thing and you know shout out to zoe his daughter and beth and ross uh they they're just uh they're great kids and zoe as you know bud was this guy who you know these this generation of men that our fathers came from and all of our fathers are from the Bronx. All of our fathers grew up dirt poor and they all went on to have lives where they you like Bud was in the military, fought in Korea, was at the battle of Porkchop Hill where he took shrapnel. You know, like, yeah, was a fucking man came back put himself through college they all put themselves through college when they had no money for rent i don't know how the fuck they did well there was the gi bill which helped uh when you when america took care of their goddamn soldiers right so i'm blaming both administrations No one get their panties in a bunch. So then he goes and he starts up the Improv Comedy Club.

And then it's just an incredible life. And he did launch so many careers from like, you know, Bette Midler, who he originally managed when she was unknown, and Pat Benatar, and Billy Crystal, Robin Williams. And I mean, it's it's so many so many careers, including mine. He was very formative in my career. He got you know, he got me on stage. He put me on the road. Very supportive, very loving guy. But he was a tough guy. He was he's tough.

But, you know, I think he had he had to me and listen i did not know him but he he made me feel like a million dollars the two or three times i ran into him at the club you know and he uh while while tough he had a real soft spot in his heart and i think was check me and correct me if i'm wrong. And I think was incredibly paternal to real sensitive artists. You know, like Zoe would tell me, you know, they'd have, um, what's his name over for Thanksgiving all the time. Um, Andy, uh, why am I spacing out? No, no, no, no.

Andy Richter. Oh, uh, oh, um. Latke. Oh, um. Anyway, Jesus Christ. I'm so brain dead andy kaufman andy kaufman like you know and she showed he andy kaufman used to babysit her when she was a kid yeah and it's probably because andy kaufman couldn't afford to eat and then that was a job you know like that was that was a way to get him some money yeah he. He gave a lot of comedians money when they needed it.

And he was a great guy. And then Zoe has carried on that spirit. And she has co-founded an organization called Comedy Gives Back that we've supported on this show. Yeah. And with Amber J. Lawson and Jodi Lieberman and the three of them started this thing that literally raises money to help struggling comedians, guys that can't and girls. Guys and gals that can't pay their rent. They can't. Comedians. That need therapy. No matter how they identify.

Drug therapy. So she's an amazing woman and a very dear friend of both of ours. Yep. So it was a great night. And, you know, Billy Crystal sent in a video. Bette Midler sent in a video. What's his name? Who is there?

Adam Sandler came up on stage. Judd Apatow. Oh, wow. And a bunch of people. Wendy Liebman. And, of course, Kevin Nealon closed it out. He's gotten known for being the guy that closes out memorials with a bang. Nobody's better.

Did he do a fake? Did he start reading one, but it was for someone else? No. Okay. No, but he did say, this is, well, you know, it's great to be here. And, this is not all about me. And then he was making fun of Bud's monocle because,

you know, he had that monocle that he wore in his eye and they, because he just shit on him for like thinking he was going to brand himself with that. And it just never caught on. And so, and then he was talking about when they, when the,

when the improv, cause the improv got, um, there was arson during the comedian strike. They burned it to the ground and then he was talking about when they when the when the improv because the improv got there was arson during the comedian strike. They burned it to the ground and then rebuilt it. I don't know if you knew that. I did not know. Yeah. So like in the early 80s, it was burned to the ground.

And this was everything Bud had. He put his entire life savings. His world was that club. It's burning to the ground. And he looked at Bud and then he panicked because he thought that Bud's left eye was on fire from the reflection in the monocle was this the west coast improv that was burned yes yeah wow and he rebuilt it and kept it going so anyway that was a pretty wonderful night saw a bunch of people i saw robert morton who i haven't seen in a very long time of course yeah we're gonna have lunch next week yeah same generation same type of guy no and there's a very similar you know the

ball they they have a similar look as well yeah uh and they've heard every funny thing a million times you know yeah uh but you talk about that generation bud's life is extraordinary and my dad never fought or anything but that generation like your dad like you were saying it like like i didn't even know all of a sudden this was a dinner last night my dad's talking to some guy and i think he was from uh tennessee maybe memphis and my dad's like oh yeah you know i was stationed in memphis you know for a while like it's like what like imagine this generation like hey you got to go live in alabama and and do whatever 5 000 push-ups over the next two months you know what i mean like and you may be deployed uh you're in reserves

whatever like this generation is including us is a very much like a uh what can my country do for me yeah that's what this whole country is now jesus mike no but it is true where it was such a different mindset it was so yes more so i'm not saying there weren't selfish people back then but generally the vibe was yeah you got to you got country first and you have to maybe give back. Yeah. Not maybe. You have to give back. I want to give back to this country.

And that's why my one-hour special is coming up in two weeks. It's going to be called America. Should I get you a maroon blazer? Yes. I'll find one down here. You know I will. So the special is now on sale last week i said it was on sale and the link was not live it's now live go to fitzdog.com uh it's my first special in in years and i'm i've been running it here in atlanta and i'm really proud of it i'm very excited about it it's going to be at the comedy store on february 5th come out and get

some tickets um we're going to have santino's going to open up for me on one of the shows and then i'm going to announce who's going to open for me on the other show i'm not sure who's going to do the but we're going to get another like i want somebody who's going to rip the room apart before i get on stage really yeah yeah bobby Yeah. Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee is a good idea. Maybe Burr, maybe ask Burr to come down. Oh Jesus. Oh wow. You're a generous performer, man. Even Bobby, anyone, anyone who's going to grab all that energy. That's no comedians I think would be thinking that way. No, I want to, I want to, I want to get the place hot, get it hot, I think, would be thinking that way. I want to get the place hot. Get it hot.

I mean, the thing is, I'm so used to following big acts all these years. I like it. I like it better than having somebody that I have to then take the energy up from where they are. I want to start up top. Yeah. Well, that should be up. I don't know if you include it. I don't know.

In specials, do you ever see them thank the warm up? Not really, right? No, you never do. But I think on this special, I might have, I might show them introducing me and have that be the intro. I think that's a great idea. And I've never seen that. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. You always hear a voice, you know?

Right, right. I think that's a great idea because also you can comment like, all right, let's bring it down. You know, something like that, you know? Like if Bobby Lee's just like walked off naked or something. I wrote out my jokes on a spreadsheet because I, you know, I've got about five. Nerd alert.

I've got, I know. I know. I'm a comedian. I feel like I'm sitting there with a spreadsheet. I should be snorting Coke off some hooker's asshole. And instead I'm like pouring over a spreadsheet. And I, and I thought I wrote down an hour of jokes and I did it on Thursday night. It was like an hour and a half of material. So I've had to like cut out a lot of stuff. So it's, so I feel really good about what's left.

Did you realize the extra half hour you'd already done in your previous special? Yes. And you're repeating it kind of like this podcast. Um, what else is going on with you? Um, I know I should jot down more things. Uh, not much. I'm just in this crazy world of Palm beach. Uh, I'll think of some as this goes on, but not much. Yesterday I went i went in uh this guy reached out to me through the website and said that he had a sensory deprivation tank across the street from the comedy club and do i want to come in and i was like i don't know that could fuck up my head but then i was in that neighborhood yesterday during the day and i was like, fuck it. So I just stopped in and they, they sent me into

this room and it looks like an egg that opens in half. It has like a hinge on one side, a pod. And I got naked and I got into this salty, uh, room temperature, like body temperature, water, semen temperature. No, they, they flush, they flush all the water out for each person. Yeah, obviously. You're not going to get in someone's bath. And then I laid there, and I got an erection immediately from the water. Yeah, of course, warm water.

Who doesn't, weirdo? And the pod, the hatch couldn't close there's there's two people like sitting on it trying to close like an overstuffed suitcase just huh and uh i had all these visions it was amazing i stayed in there for an hour and i um ignoring the knocking at the half hour mark i figured out i figured out a lot of shit i figured out what the special is about and uh look at you i came out i was a little groggy but very relaxed i i highly there's one in marina del rey i highly recommend you do it i do know it it's near Costco. I bought it as a gift maybe for Laura. There were other treatments in there,

but there was one where you could just go in exactly how you described it and you disappear with all of your senses sort of muted. Yeah. I should give a shout out to places called Flowasis. It's really clean. They have a sauna you can go in as well and showers. Everything is pristine. It's really awesome.

It would be funny. They would never tell it, but it would be funny because all the stories of all the comedians who have freaked out and have banged on the pot and it's flown open at the 27-minute mark because it's across from the comedy club. Yeah. Oh, you lasted a lot longer than Kreischer, I'll tell you that. We want to thank Ira Shane

for doing the very cool Addams Family logo this week. Yeah. Love it. And Roger Harvey did this week's song great song thank you harvey roger harvey cool roger thank you some corrections uh you're expecting it oh do you have a paper to crinkle uh oh my god on. Oh, good. I got an article. Yep, on Wyoming. Nice. So sorry to tell you that Mike won the Florida Man segment this week

because you did repeat the story of the doodle fornicator. Also, first of all, so we repeated a story. Well, I should read this one first. Hi, guys. Mike was correct to point out that the Labradoodle nativity scene story had been done for Make America Florida in a December episode. I didn't have to look too hard to confirm this, as it's cited on the episode page.

It's about a minute seven in. Greg actually sang the 12 Days of Christmas, which a fan later edited together with the music in response to the story oh my god that's from ryan andy said a dude cut together a very funny 12 days of christmas parody for you guys based on that florida man christmas dog fucker story and you still forgot you had talked about it at length and you know what's even better you played the song two shows in a row and the second time you talked about it as if it was the first time you were hearing it please tell the guy i found the song memorable is this the secret

to your successful marriage all these years yeah it is i love it so uh yeah so i guess we repeated that story oh we the royal we listen to how generous you are in certain moments well you went a lot so i blame you and denman too where the fuck were you guys when this was all happening you were unstoppable greg uh one of our friends posted it and on a text chain and goes, the unbridled confidence or something like that. Because I stopped you and I go, haven't we done this before? And you're like, no. Like, you didn't even hesitate. You didn't even.

This is what that means. Also, you didn't even also question it like I questioned it. I got one gear and I'm sticking to it. It got me this far. You are incredibly confident. It's one of the things I think I didn't like about you when I first met you, probably because it seemed very cocky. You were also very inebriated while you were doing your confidence stick,

but it's probably also bothered me because I don't have that. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. That was too fast of an agreement. At least think about it. Jesus. Stephen Blackwood said,

the original name of the faces was the small faces, not the little faces. Now, you should have corrected me on that since I know you love that band. I didn't hear that. You know, I read that correction and I would have jumped all over that.

William said, will you hit me with the Powerball numbers in that paper you have from August 29th, 2023? I guess I was talking about the paper that I was crinkling last week was from August 29th, 2023. Carl Sternberg, whoever sent in the question for the year end rap this year, asking if Howard Stern will resign is an idiot. His contract isn't up until 2025. You guys get so much shit wrong every week. You don't need guys like that submitting more shit to make you look dumb. All right.

Isn't that part of the charm? Hmm. Um, we wouldn't even have this part of the... Oh, man, my mic is hot. We wouldn't even have this part of the podcast if we didn't have so many things wrong. Dates coming up. I'll be at the Portland Helium Comedy Club,

January 26th to the 28th. La Jolla. La Jolla, go ahead. La Jolla, the comedy store in La Jolla the comedy store in La Jolla February 2nd and that'll be my last chance to do the special

before doing it in LA at the comedy store on February 5th then I'll be at the Philly Helium on March 9th through the 11th

you and I will both be at the Improv in LA in Hollywood March 17th for St. Patrick's Day maybe maybe we'll see maybe yeah then I'll be in Boston at Laugh Boston in June Improv in L.A. in Hollywood March 17th for St. Patrick's Day. Maybe, maybe.

We'll see. Maybe, yeah. Then I'll be in Boston at Laugh Boston in June. Go to FitzDawg.com for all your tickets. And it's not that I don't want to do it. I'll do it if I'm in town. But, you know, it's a big, big day for my dad, St. Patrick's Day. So if he goes to New York, I might join him.

So we'll see. Jesus. Enough time with your dad already. Stop rubbing it in my face that my father's dead. Still alive. So listen, if you're using a computer and you don't have ExpressVPN, it's like you're leaving your laptop just open, exposed, in a park, in a coffee shop, letting anybody have access to it anytime.

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Well, I get shy when I talk about uh therapy which no one should and that's the whole point so i kind of freeze up a little yeah but i but i bet my audio was flawless the audio was good the audio was good and we'll put a lower third up there and by the way it might i wonder like yeah i guess i freeze when you have bad wi-fi i think i have very good wi-fi how's yours mine looks good but i'm in a hotel on a Saturday, and sometimes that means a lot of jackasses are whacking off. Okay. All right, first story.

We don't really have jokes, but we just want to, I think we'd be remiss if we didn't do it. Front page, here we go. Extra! Extra! We all love it! Extra! so i put this in there just because the news this week was um alec baldwin is going to face criminal charges over the fatal shooting on his movie set so close to 16 months after baldwin shot hutchins i love that opening sentence and then he i did he also wounded the movie's director joel souza um during rehearsal on the set of the indie western uh

mexico new mexico district attorney mary carmack altweese finally unveiled her decision long a key figure in the events surrounding hutchins death, Rust Assistant Director David Halls reached a plea agreement with prosecutors for the charge of negligence or use of a deadly weapon. The DA's office said today, so the industry vet faces a suspended sentence and six months of probation. While Baldwin has in the past vowed to fight any charges, Hall's plea deal and the cooperation he likely provided the prosecutors could become a major factor for Baldwin going forward. So what I heard, again, I don't have any jokes on this, but what I heard was not only did this guy flip, I guess you could say, but that other actors have also have corroborating stories that don't look good for Baldwin. That's all I've heard. I don't know if it's true.

OK. And I don't know. You know, we had a friend who worked with Baldwin and actually a couple that we know. And one's was the first AD. And listen, he's a very literally hands-on guy and he has very strong feelings and he's very bossy on set. It's fair to say, do you know what I'm referring to? Right? Yes. Where he literally gets physical, not, not, not in a mean way don't get me wrong but he lit he blocks scenes right in front of the director like he takes charge and he's very very uh self-assured in what he does and and i guess the word i'm looking for is aggressive yeah now that doesn't mean he shoots someone, but I am. That's super aggressive.

That's super aggressive. And boy, what blocking. You lay down over there. Well, for a guy that is so concerned with blocking, he ignored the cardinal rule, which is you'd never aim a gun at somebody on a set. It's just crazy. I mean, it's open and shut. That there's a, well, yeah. I mean, it's not murder. It it's manslaughter negligence and all that but uh yeah god uh he doesn't do him i will say this he does not do himself any favors

by not shutting up you know what i mean yeah all right let's move on to the next story this is this should be our job we should be media watchdogs. Maybe that's why he so pathetically asked for more followers for Hilaria. Maybe he's like, look over here, everybody. Maybe if I make a fool of myself over here, because he had to know this story was coming. Yep, yep. Now he's smart. He's savvy. I like him.

Yeah. A female minor is speaking out against the YMCA's transgender inclusion policy after she encountered a naked man while showering in the women's locker room at a San Diego location. Earlier this month, 17-year-old Rebecca Phillips was showering at the facility after her swim workout when she noticed a naked man in the shower locker room, she immediately went back into the shower, terrified, and hid behind the curtain until he was gone. Phillips ran into the bathroom stall to quickly change

before confronting the people at the front desk. She said, I could only think of my five-year-old sister, who I bring to this gym during the summer to enjoy the water slides. The locker room was supposed to be her safe haven to gossip with her friends and shower and change. YMCA personnel confirmed that to her that the facility's transgender policy allows men to shower in the women's locker room as long as they're not registered sex offenders. Well, there's no faster way to become a sex offender than to be in a fucking women's locker room. I'll tell you that much.

I mean, that's a gateway drug. Especially with the five-year-olds gossiping like crazy. Yeah, right? What's the gossip part? Did you see that man's penis fall out on the water slide? You don't have to. He's in the stall next to you right now. All right, this is how uh

bored i am with the transgender issue all i i couldn't i just can't get over that a ymca has water slides right where is this thing i love it it really is fun aren't they like 25 bucks a month or something ridiculously affordable it really is fun to swim at the YMCA. You think that was traumatic. Wait till this guy takes a dump in the ladies room. Cause that's the one thing you can transit up all you want. You can put on lipstick and a dress, but when you get in that bathroom, that's a man taking a dump.

That's one thing. No surgery is going to change. And then all the talcane of the balls and everything. Yeah. Pretty. It is. There are some, I mean, I don't, listen,

I hate when there are men in my locker room. Yes. So I can't even imagine what these people feel like. Exactly. It's the worst thing about men's locker rooms. They're gross. Especially the ones that are like, here it is. I'm just leaving.

I'm drying my hair like way too long with the only towel. And with one foot up on the bench. Oh, it's just disgusting. Disgusting. The penis is an awful thing. Couldn't God have made the penis slightly more attractive? It's horrible. Veins on it.

I also bet the manager, when they heard the complaint, was like just dragged her outside. Like, you know what the M stands for? Yeah, right. Know where you are know the room yeah um I don't think that was the best statement by the way where she said uh that uh where is it their policy was they allow men to shower in the women's locker room don't you have to finesse that statement a little? Clearly, you're not going to let a man who identifies as a man, they're not going to let Greg Fitzsimmons shower in the women's locker room. If Greg is not claiming to be a woman that day,

I know that's not how it works. But you know what I mean? That's not a great statement. Right you know what I mean? Like that's, that's not a great statement. Right. Hopefully they're misquoted. What were you going to say? What happened in a locker room? When I was in, uh, when I grew up in Tarrytown, New York, the bucolic Tarrytown, New York, we had a YMCA and it was just a dumpy old building. And when we were little kids, I was probably six years old and there was a swim teacher and we would have our swim lesson and then we would go into the showers and the showers were like the holocaust style just a big room with the with the uh shower heads all coming out i don't

think many people refer to it as that and so we were we were it might have existed before the holocaust maybe the holocaust stole the idea so we were obviously very scared because we didn't know if gas was going to come out or whatever right uh no so we're six years old and we're all showering and then the teacher comes in and he showers with us what yep and they picked this little boy up and all i remember is he picked him up and he told him he was going to bring him outside to the pool because the girls were swimming. And the boy was sort of crying. He was hysterical. And the guy picked him up by his butt cheeks. He was holding him by his butt cheeks and said he was going to take him outside to the girls. And we all laughed and

laughed and laughed. And I didn't think about it again until 20 years later when I was at Tom Cotter's apartment and we were smoking a bong and we were talking about the YMCA and that memory came back to me. I, and I had not experienced that memory since it happened and I just thought oh my god that was wrong yeah it took you 20 years to think that was wrong it just you know when you're a kid there was no association with that being perverted you know may I suggest talkspace.com for that poor child who's there's still a little child inside that guy. And all of you laughed at him. As a grown man was clearly fighting demons

and probably has not succeeded is my worry. No, and his nickname is Smelly Tommy because he never showers now. No, no. I'm talking about the guy who grabbed him. I bet that was a gateway action probably, sadly. I mean, come on. First of all, he was naked when he grabbed him?

No, the little boy was naked. The teacher was not naked. That's one step better. Still, that's nuts. Yeah, right. Should we get to George Santos? This is my favorite story ever. Remember the movie,

Zelig, Woody Allen? Yes. Where he just pops up everywhere and of course he's like a chameleon and he takes on the characteristics by the way, if I know I've talked about it before, but if, if the listeners have not watched Zellig, it was Forrest Gump before Forrest Gump. And it's really funny. Um, but the amount, I mean, nothing this guy says is true. It's crazy. George Santos says his mom. All right. Wait, where's the first story here? George Santos says his mom was in the World Trade Center on 9-11. Records show that she was not in the United States on 9-11. What did you?

out of the country she and and as a matter of fact she lived like 15 years after that she didn't even die then i mean maybe she died on 9-11 like 2016 in vietnam my mom died in vietnam he so can't tell the truth he's like uh oh no no she died in vegas at that mass shooting like he'll just back it up he'll just keep putting her in tragedies. Yeah. It must be great for her to, like, read the paper and hear that she died on 9-11. Could have joined Randazzini, whatever, the comedian. Oh, poor Steve, yeah. Yeah, Steve, who I like very much. Anyway, another story this week.

Embattled U.S. rep George Santos was a drag queen in Brazil. This guy goes, the congressman was, quote, a poor drag queen in 2005 with a simple black dress. But in 2008, he came back to Niteroi, which is in Brazil, with a lot of money and a flamboyant pink dress to show for it. Santos competed in a drag beauty pageant that year using the drag name Katara Revanche, but lost, this guy said. Santos also claimed to be... So all of a sudden, these new lies. So we have a list of all the lies. Another lie came out this week because Santos now is kind of owning up. I think he feels cornered on this drag queen thing.

He can't deny it. Another thing is he claimed to be a Disney Channel TV star and movie actor. I just I just hope his mom perished in those buildings before she had a chance to see all of this. I know. She wishes. So anyway, and then you put this story in that he disputed a Navy veteran's claim that he allegedly ran a fundraiser for the veterans ill dog in 2016 and then never shared the thousands he raised. That would be like Dennisis gubbins not buying golf clubs with the money we've raised ostoff is disabled and was discharged from the navy he said

that he was living out of a tent and his service dog sapphire was sick with a tumor in 2016 when he was referred to friends of pets united which he believed was a pet charity that Santos was running at the time when Santos was going by the name Anthony DeVolder, and then he just never gave him the fucking money. And just mysteriously, all of a sudden, he's got a pink taffeta dress and breast implants. Higher quality lipstick, lashes, the whole thing. Okay, I'm going gonna try to go through

these I didn't even list all of them but someplace I should have crash should credit them but a lot of places are compiling his lies okay let's start with he he's hot he hid the fact that he was previously married to a woman right because he got a lot of gay votes because he ran as a gay man. He claimed he attended the Met Gala. Also not true. He denied performing as a drag queen. He claimed to be a college volleyball star. He's lying about his entire educational experience. He lied about going to Horace Mann Prep School in New York. Which is where my dad went. Right. And then your brother and sister went to the rival hackley

where i went um and then he claimed uh he claimed he dropped out when he was busted on this line he claimed he dropped out before graduating because his family's financial difficulties all a lie he used a lie to cover a lie then he said he went to Baruch College and he lied about graduating from NYU. He never worked for Citigroup or Goldman Sachs. He is, however, tied to a company that is accused of defrauding its investors, which was Harbor City Capital. He claimed to have rescued thousands of pets, probably related to the one story we talked about up above. related to the one we, uh, story we talked about up above, uh, his name, as far as we can tell, uh, is Santos, but he's used so many over the years. He's been Anthony Santos, Anthony Devolder, George Devolder, George Anthony Devolder, George A.D. Santos, George Anthony Santos de Volder, and most importantly, Anthony Zabrowski. And he used Zabrowski, it seems, to have had an additionally deceitful motive of claiming he's Jewish.

He also not only pretended to be Jewish, he claimed his descendants were Holocaust survivors. And then, of course, the mom with 9-11. Anyway, it goes on and on. I mean, it's a full-blown lunatic. I love it because we've all lied. And in the moment of lying, I feel such pleasure. I feel such joy in being able to just say something. Like sometimes I just do it as a goof.

Like I'll be at a party and I remember telling somebody that I played hockey at Harvard on a podcast. It was Ryan Sickler. No, Jay Larson. I told Jay Larson on my podcast that I played hockey at Harvard. And then we talked about it throughout the podcast. And I fucking loved it because it felt like I really played hockey at Harvard. Like there was a joy to it. And I knew I was going to get busted and I knew I was going to have to tell him later.

And I knew that he was going to think I was a fucking lunatic for lying about on the podcast. But I can't imagine the joy that this guy, George Santos, feels all the time just being able to pretend. And somehow he pretended his way into Congress. So another person came out this week and said that George Santos, or whatever name he was using at the time, told him his whole goal was just to get one year in Congress because then you have benefits for life. Oh, all right.

Is he a freshman congressman? He's been in there like nine days. Oh, gosh, he's not going to get his one year. He just, his first day, I think, that he got in there, he was, oh, you didn't see this? They asked, it was the McCarthy vote to be speaker, and they're like, Santos, and he was oh do you didn't see this they asked it was the mccarthy vote to be speaker and they're like santos and he was talking to someone and he missed his vote oh wow yeah on

one of the 11 or 12 or however many votes there were he missed a vote on one of them i love that he wants he wants i love that his goal is to get into congress and then he makes up that he's jewish and that he's gay that That's not helping his cause. Well, where did he run? Long Island? I think so, yeah, Long Island. The Jewish thing, I think, helped a lot. But anything, by the way, I skipped a couple of them.

Another lie he had was the Pulse shooting, the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, the giant gay shooting. He claimed four of his employees were killed in that shooting, and it's not true. So whatever disaster, so listen to what he's picked. He's cherry picked the Holocaust, nine 11, the pulse shooting. I mean, it just any, any tragedy is going to tie himself to who plays him in the movie. Cause this is a movie. I don't think anyone can act better than this guy. I think he should play himself. And I would see it. I would see it.

I think Leo. I see Leo DiCaprio on this one. Oh, it could be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was this guy when I lived in Newport one summer. There was a guy that there were like 19 of us living in a house in Newport, Rhode Island one summer. And one of the guys, we would catch him lying all the time.

And he would, he was telling me that he was a writer for Saturday night live. And I was young and naive and I believed him, you know? And, and then, and then he, one day.

Well, we told people we wrote for Saturday Night Live. Yeah, that's true. And we were faxing to Citibank. And then one day, we came back to the house, and he was on the phone, and he was crying hysterically. And we consoled him. We were like, what's going on? And he's like, my sister died.

And we were like, holy shit. And I mean i mean we went out and we got some drinks and we sat with them and and then i said i don't is this guy fucking lying so i picked up the phone and i hit star 69 and it was the recording of horoscopes yeah it was like a moment in a horror movie where you go like holy shit this person's fucking insane that is like a moment in a horror movie are you kidding me? no that's where you look at him

and the music comes up and you're still listening to what they're saying about this sick yeah sagittarius and the crazy thing is crying be and p all the but all your buddies are like patting him on the back and stuff and he was like he was like six foot two blonde sweeping hair blue eyes gorgeous yeah i mean it was crazy um all right let's get to this i think um what's his name who played the talented mr ripley that guy hugh i think he should play him hugh jackman no uh here we go with the names it must be Mr. Ripley. Yeah, Jude Law.

Sorry, not Hugh. Jude Law. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jude Law would be great at playing this guy. Yeah, yeah, I see that. I see that. All right, so Ron DeSantis, Florida's Republican governor, has rejected— Another liar. He has rejected a new advanced placement course in African-American studies from being taught on high school campuses.

He argues that the course violates state law and, quote, lacks educational value. Meanwhile, Florida will continue its classes where dinosaurs and men live together. Everybody is straight. And also how to crack open a stolen ATM machine in alligator-infested waters while on crank. I love it. I can't believe the balls. All right. I mean, listen, he's putting his finger up

and seeing which way the wind blows, and this is what he thinks. Well, because all he's thinking about is the White House right now. Well, most of the... Every move he makes is a calculated chess move towards the White House. Yep. And he's clearly not counting on that black vote.

He should also maybe cut out accounting, all accounting and economic classes, because this guy can't balance a budget to save his fucking life. So maybe there's no educational value you don't need you don't need to know math you don't need to be able to balance anything cut out science in general because that teaches evolution and uh and whatever all right kyle rittenhouse maybe in the colleges he'll do a cut out journalism because uh he doesn't want that kyle rittenhouse has spoken out during an interview on america first podcast about how unfair it is that events he was scheduled to appear at keep getting canceled he was found not guilty of murdering two people during civil unrest in

wisconsin in 2020 hit out at the quote woke mob who he blames for his planned public appearance as being scrapped by companies. Yeah, he he really is being unfairly targeted. Kind of like those two people in Wisconsin. Yeah. Usually he uses more than words against a woke mob. What happened? He's lost. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. You getting soft. Why doesn't he walk in there strapped with assault rifles and demand to be heard? Yeah. Put your guns where your mouth is, Kyle. Yeah. All right.

We should. Do we want to do Tesla? No, we can move on from that. Let's go down to good news for Gubbins. Give me a crinkle i'm scared you wrote three words in under this story well here's the thing gubbins can we tell them what the three words are sure fight at penmar which is of course so this is the worst part it's like dennis told me this i'm like how like how are you doing and he's like well he was

on the golf course he was whispering and he goes well i just got in a fight um you know he's obsessed there's a in golf there's a thing called a par three and on a par three the etiquette is that you when you're on the green you wave up the people on the tee to hit and it saves time i'm not a big believer in this most people are not some people think it helps i don't think it saves any time so people don't always do it i think it's he's he's tearing out his hair now i think it's a fact that it can help. Well, either way, people don't help in every circumstance. Like if there's people on the next tee, even then Dennis is probably pulling out his hair. But I think it's a fact that in many circumstances it does help.

Well, it's something that really gets in his craw. I mean, nothing makes Dennis angrier than people not waving people up on the fifth hole and so he started yelling at the people on the green and then i guess some huge fucking dude like came at him and they had a yelling match and then uh i wish i'd seen that and then he's standing on the t with the guy and he had just been paid he came up as a single he just showed up on the course and they put him with four other three other people and so he's standing on the tee with the guy and he had just been paid. He came up as a single. He just showed up on the course and they put him with four other, three other people. And so he's talking to them.

And, uh, and so then the guy he's with isn't saying anything. And, and so Dennis goes, so what are your thoughts on this? And the, and,

and the guy goes, I didn't sign up for this when I came up for golf today. Oh my God. And then Dennis started on that guy. And then Dennis goes, well, maybe you need to join a country club and I'll play at a public today. Oh my God. And then Dennis started on that guy. And then Dennis goes, well, maybe you need to join a country club and I'll play at a public course. Okay.

Here's the thing. I think I'm with Dennis and it's not just cause I'm scared of him now screaming about our podcast every week and hating us. I think I agree with them here's the problem though all right so the par three is the fifth hole right when we get up to the first green and i promise this is not golf i feel like this is going down a really boring hole when we get near the first green on the first hole four holes away it's it's not that far from that 50 that's when he starts his yelling i think that's the interesting part right right he starts his yelling at that tee from four he's not he had four more holes which means what is that 80 minutes away he's 80 minutes away from that

being his problem and he's yelling wave people up. Yeah. Yeah. But I think there's a lot of listeners who are like, I kind of agree with everything Dennis is saying. He likes things to run the way he thinks they should. Yes. And he has a pretty good argument for them. But what happens is you're playing volleyball and like, you know, one of the suckies. I mean, we have some friends that suck so bad at volleyball and like they're not going to put their thumbs together in that form you know or whatever it is and he wants to coach everybody and tell everybody how to play and he doesn't want them slapping and i'm like that's the best that guy can do he's going to slap the ball and maybe palm it a little

right at least it keeps the ball in play. All right, let's get to entertainment. All right, Crinkle. Comedian, this is from last week. We didn't get to it last week. I don't know if there's an update. Poor Andy Dick, though. I just feel sorry for him. Comedian Andy Dick accused of public intoxication, failing to register as a sex offender. I guess he's a sex offender now um I'm not now no no no no he has been for a while he's like groped guys yeah and all that stuff and and maybe worse by the way

I don't know but like you know he definitely thrust himself on people so he was taken into custody uh after a port of intoxicated person uh i mean first of all i guess he didn't register so i mean at least it's at least it's kind of bittersweet when when somebody's arrested sex offender but they're also a celebrity and they knock on your door you know at least you can get some good stories. You'd be like, Hey, what was a Phil Hartman like, you know? So, wow. I'm really going to bring the podcast down. Do you think we'll feel like, here's the thing. Should we reach out? And last time I saw Andy was not that long ago,

actually within the last six months on the street, normally he runs up like and hugs me, which is always weird that he knows me and remembers me that well, I was always, always surprised. So this time when I went up to him, I thought, Oh, this will be the same thing. But I went over concern because he was sitting on a curb in West Hollywood outside of this like jazz club six months ago, a little more no no more than six months last winter probably a year ago probably a year ago and he was sitting on the curb and he was out of it i don't know what substance it was but anyway when i went up even when he's

pie-eyed he used to recognize me and again i'd be surprised no absolutely no recognition of me and was so out of it that's why he was sitting on a curb on like an incredibly busy street like should we reach out and I guess the the darker question is this is not going to end well and will we feel like we should have done something? Yeah, we should because I've got a long history with him and I consider him a good friend. You know, he's a wonderful guy. He's very generous. He's got a good heart.

But the last time I emailed him a few months ago to come on the podcast and he wanted to charge me money to come on the podcast, which I've never paid anybody to come on the podcast in my life. And when I wouldn't pay him, he just started ghosting me. So he's in a weird place. He's in a very weird place. It's hard to reach him.

That's the thing. Yeah. But I mean, maybe I shouldn't. Instead of asking him to be on my podcast, I need to call him and see if I can take him to lunch and see if he's okay. What does Rogan's relate? You know, they did news radio together. What is their relationship? It's good. What is Rogan's relationship? They did news radio together. What is their relationship?

It's good. They like each other. I mean, I could see Rogan making a difference. Rogan being like, what the fuck? I mean, Rogan talks all day about how to improve your life, right? Yeah. How to work out, how to feel better, the new mushrooms, the new whatever the fuck it is, right?

All the life hacks, all the mental life hacks, how to even sit in cold water, the breathing, how to reduce anxiety. Rogan is, God bless him, nonstop talking about that, which is awesome. I think he could move the needle. He could also put him in rehab if Andy agreed, you know? Right. He needs the money for rehab, that's for sure. I don't know what rehab would take him at this point, you know? Right. He needs the money for rehab. That's for sure. Um, I don't know what rehab would take him at this point, you know? I know. Cause it would be, yeah, boy, what an

uphill battle. Anyway. Uh, all right. Let's, let's try to take Andy to lunch. All right. Let's go down to, um, Ron Jeremy. Oh God. Fewer figures in the porn industry are both as famous and infamous as Ron Jeremy. He is indicted on 34 counts of 34 counts of sexual assault, 12 counts of rape. He was going to face trial and potentially sentenced to 300 years behind bars. But Yahoo reports that no trial will happen because the actor is mentally incompetent yeah i mean the judge looked into it apparently i think it's real well i think the defense made their case when they said your honor my client was paid to have sex with beautiful young women and he retired and and then did it for free yeah Yeah. The women were unaware they were in the production in his head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it reminds me because he's all he's incredibly disheveled. Did you see the photo that came with this story?

yeah you know overgrown facial hair hair like it's just it looks like they woke him up on the side of the road and i remember you know that's a that's a very popular calculated defense that a lot of criminals do do like vinnie the chin in uh new york just wore a bathrobe everywhere and pretended he was senile um Um, and he avoided jail time. He lived on a Sullivan street where you lived. Yeah. Did you ever see him on the street? Yes. And then I heard he owned. So my building had a twin building next door and he owned both at one time, but now he disowned the not mine. Thank God. Because remember I went to court because I was, they were trying to kick me out to renovate. Anyway, Vinnie the chin, who's a mob guy. Um, and then, all right.

One last quick story about Vinnie the chin, Vinnie the chin, who's out of it. He walks around New York city in a bathrobe and he's avoided jail time having nothing to do with that. A guy tries to snatch a purse on like Elizabeth street. The woman tries to fight back. The guy will not give up. He drags the old woman a couple of feet before getting the purse. And then he's eventually arrested. That was Vinnie the chin's mom. And that guy, this is how much everyone knew Vinnie the chin was lying that guy begged the police to put him in jail yeah yeah right because he was not going to be long for this world i think vinnie the chin would snap out of it for that one yeah vinnie the chin they they used to have videos of him walking from his he actually his his mother's apartment was on sullivan street he he had a

place uptown but he would slum it down at his mother's was on sullivan street he he had a place uptown but he would slum it down at his mother's place on sullivan street and then he would get into a lincoln town car and they said he'd take off the robe and he'd have on like a beautiful silk suit and he'd go to work and so when they finally he got somebody ratted on him there's somebody turned and so they had him dead to rights and he actually got out he actually got the insanity plea because he did this so consistently he fooled six different court-appointed psychiatrists who all gave different diagnoses that he was insane and they have all the tricks on how to tell if you really can't remember something at all i'm sure they do

meanwhile all if i ever get in trouble with the law for any reason i'll just put i like i can't even remember andy kaufman's last name i have i have senility written all over me they just have to listen to this podcast this will be our defense no lawyers just listen to sunday papers he brought up the florida man story two weeks in a row he was even confronted on it and he didn't remember it all right speaking of which let's make a mark of florida man story two weeks in a row he was even confronted on it and he didn't remember it all right speaking of which make a mark of florida all right police in clearwater arrested 36 year old chad mason on charges including sexual activity with an animal exposing sexual organs and criminal all right good bit good bit All right. Good bet. Good bet. Where's the one I put in? I can't even do it now. Oh, okay. David Reed of St. Petersburg, Florida, was driving in a careless manner along the interstate

in Madison County. And I think this was in Kentucky, but he's a Florida man. And it was around 10 a.m. He pulled the car over and the state police spokesman, Scotty Pennington. Oh, sorry. Pulled him over as troopers approached the vehicle. It sped away and the state police pursued the car in a long car chase on I-75. The car struck two state police cruisers before it was stopped and the driver was taken into custody. cruisers before it was stopped and the driver was taken into custody police looked in the car and found the body of a deceased woman in the back seat i'm just listen florida men just tear it up wherever they go wherever they go yeah maybe he was an uber driver and he gave her a heart attack i think this is make Kentucky, Florida.

That's what this story should, because that's exactly what he did. Yeah. And we don't have an update. We don't know what happened. But this guy is driving around with a dead woman in the back of his car. It's tragic. Maybe we should have, you know, the way you need a passport or a visa to go to other countries. I think Florida people should only be allowed out if they have the paperwork that they're not fucking lunatics more than that build a wall yes it's the easiest wall

maybe maine is easier it's the easiest wall in america it's a straight line yeah is florida straight line across? I mean, ish. You know, there's the panhandle, but I mean, you know, whatever. A lot of marshland. A lot of marshland to get through. You go over past Pensacola and you get a little wall down that separates it from, what's that, Alabama, right? Alabama. Yeah.

It's a big fucking state. What is, Florida? Yeah. It's a giant penis hanging off our country. It's like, tuck it in. Get rid of it. Circumcise it. Yeah, exactly.

All right, let's get to sports. Well, the bet is over. The season is over. The Bucs are out of it. And the final tally after 17, 18 games, whatever it was, I am down $550. And I bet other people. I went on Dallas.

Meanwhile, of course, George George my brother-in-law Who's the biggest Dallas fan I know He was convinced they'd lose So that didn't make me feel good about my bets But man Dallas was on fire Can we talk about the kicker? The Dallas kicker? No I didn't see the game

Wait you didn't see the game? No I didn't know it was televised The NFL play the game? No, I didn't know it was televised. The NFL playoff game? Oh, dude, okay. They march down the field. Hey, Dad. Hey, Mike. You're in the driveway.

All right, I have 10 minutes though, right? All right, you're going to be waiting a little bit. There's my heart out. All right, so they march, the March on the field score field goal, kisser kicker. Who's really good. The extra point, the kicker really good. He, uh, he did five over 50 yards this season or something. And anyway, misses the extra point on the first touchdown. And they say that's actually a second in a row because he missed the one in the previous game. Touchdown misses the extra point on the second touchdown everyone's like what the fuck both go wide right

third touchdown tampa bay has not scored dallas scores three touchdowns third touchdown everyone it's the talk of the game shanks it left no making it his fourth kick that he missed and then i think he did make one but did chris did he miss four in that game making it five in a row or did he just miss three anyway it's like four in the play four in that in that playoff game. First kicker to ever miss four in a game. Dude, he missed four, making it five in a row. Wow. I mean, he has to rush to a psychiatrist, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's very psychological because I think you and I could go out and put that football down for an extra point and make it pretty consistently. It's not that hard to hit. Okay. Don't you think? With 275-pound monsters racing at us, do you know how close some of them are? Even punters are unbelievable.

It's really terrifying. They should put a camera on the punters are on but it's really terrifying i can't they should put a camera on the punters count uh you know pov yeah yeah because those guys are diving and rushing right up like just missing like i'd say the average miss on a punt no joke the average is three feet or four feet i think on a punt you mean a kick no i'm no i switched to punters now and the kicks you know everyone they're i think it's very daunting all right let's cut down because you're on a time crunch yeah let's get down to uh let's see this day in history. Roe v. Wade is decided.

January 22nd, 1973, a 7-2 decision that a woman's right to choose an abortion was protected by the privacy rights guaranteed by the 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. So in the 1700s and 1800s, the word abortion referred only to the termination of a pregnancy after quickening the time when the fetus first began to make noticeable movements. The induced ending of a pregnancy before this point did not even have a name, but not because it was uncommon. Women in the 1700s often took drugs to end their unwanted pregnancy. That's the thing I don't understand is like, how hard is it to get these Plan B pills into women's hands if they need them?

Well, harder now. I guess so. I don't know how they're going to stop it from being, you can always mail a pill to somebody, right? Well, you know, some, there's a, there's a lot of people who fundamentally we can't relate to this, which is sad who don't want to break a law. They think it's wrong. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so they're not going to take a pill.

Do you know what, like, it's like you and I would share meds. If I didn't have my ADD med and you had one, like there are some people, uh, who like my daughter who are dead set against that. On principle, they will not share meds, even if it's the same med. Yeah. Prescribed medication. Well, it is. It is strange to me, the silence of women right now.

I thought there would be demonstrations in the streets every weekend and it's just gone silent. Am I wrong? Well, they're pregnant. They're exhausted. I think they aborted the pro-life movement, the pro-abortion movement. All right, a couple quick letters to the editor. Andy from San Diego.

Love the show. Love the running joke of Del High. Look even more the new joke of sending a wealthy Venice Beach dude who can't lock his car in his own driveway a dollar for new golf clubs. That made me laugh. I have a little update on my Nextdoor app. More than one person in the past week, they said, I remember locking my car, but I went out and my stuff was stolen

and there was no breakage. They now can program and they try it on every car they go by. They can open your car, I think. I'm going to let Dennis off the hook here, I think. Yeah. Although he brought it up. He he he didn't do it anyway yeah they can hack with dummy remotes says chris looks like chris has some firsthand knowledge and that's all folks all right let's get down to the obituary. This week is, very sadly, the incredibly talented and prolific David Crosby has left us.

Founding member of two popular and enormously influential 60s rock bands, The Byrds and CSN. Later, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. Has died. He was 81. Cause of death not revealed. He'd been active on his Twitter account until very recently.

He said one day his final tweet. The final tweet before he died was to make a typical, typically jocular comment about heaven. Quote, I heard the place is overrated. Cloudy. Known for his amazing ability to harmonize the singer and guitarist wrote many iconic songs including almost cut my hair deja vu and guinevere he put out a series of solo albums and albums with graham nash uh outspoken political figure alcohol and drug abuse. Great documentary about him called

David Crosby, Remember My Name. Melissa Etheridge gave birth to two of his children through, you know, in vitro. It was a sperm donor, yeah. Sperm donor. I wonder if, you know, listen, he's a mixed bag for me a little bit. And, you know, Graham Nash, I guess, wasn't getting along with him very recently, I think.

But Graham Nash, you know, wrote something very nice, of course. And I remember that Howard Stern interview with Neil Young and Howard Stern spent would not let go. He wanted Neil Young to comment on his beef with David Crosby. And Neil Young said no forever and then finally cracked and kind of spoke about the difficulties of their relationship. I wonder if Neil Young, I'll look it up this week, if Neil Young issued a statement

or just laid low and didn't do anything because they did not get along at all. And maybe they did. Maybe they mended fences after that Stern interview, but I doubt it. But yeah, he's you know, he was one of the big, you know, he was in the L.A. scene that Laurel Canyon sound. And yeah, no, a giant figure in music, no doubt about it. Yeah. And people don't realize that he was, you know, part of the birds.

I mean, Jesus Christ, there was this great documentary called, I think, was it called Laurel Canyon? Yeah. Yeah. And, and attract how the birds were like the beginning of so much music in this country. They were really, uh, I, I always thought of them as just like a Bob Dylan cover band, but they did a lot of their own music and they were really seminal. It changed things. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's seminal it changed things yeah um yeah it took a vote but of csny if i had to lose one it would it was always going to be the c

uh all right let's cheer up after that let's get to the funnies which i completely spaced putting in any comics this week then we have one we have one one we have a far side that's all we need and you didn't realize that i put it in when you were uh talking about gubbins i think so the far side it's a uh a lifeboat alone out at sea there are three men uh i hear how what's a good way It's a different art form explaining a comic. So here's how it'll be. There's a lifeboat with these survivors in it and they're gaunt and they look like they're about to die. And the quote is fair is fair. Larry, we're out of food. We drew straws. You lost. And when you see the members of the lifeboat, it's three men and a dog.

And and Larry's one of the men who's like me like pointing at his chest it's so funny yeah all right so that was my dad like now you can understand a little bit you know how a type e is all that. We went over it a million times. I'm like, listen, I'll meet you down in the driveway. Like a little after 1230, 1240 or whatever. He comes in here 10 minutes, 10 minutes before then, like I'll be in the driveway. You know, when I would wake up, I'd set my alarm when I went back for college and I come down like proud of myself that I got out of bed between eight and nine. It was everything in my power. Cause I'd been out till like three and he's like, good afternoon. That was how I'd be met in the nine. It was everything in my power because I'd been out till like three. And he's like, good afternoon.

That was how I'd be met in the morning. It was just this relentless, like you are so behind. You're not with it. Like you're, so it continues. I'm still a child. Here I am. Jesus. It sounds to me like you need a little trip over to.

Sure. Do you need therapy online? Exactly. Yes sure do need therapy online. Exactly. Yes, you need Talkspace. Don't forget, go to Talkspace now and you can get $100 off your first month. That's Papers and Talkspace. And then also, don't forget, protect your computer.

Go to visitexpress vpn.com slash papers we want to thank our fine friends over at Midcoast Media Beth and Key and John and Chris Denman for doing the show for us every week thank you so much Mike anything you want to plug no but I'm proving my dad right

now by fucking dragging this on so I'm gonna I'm just gonna jump off this zoom send the media and we'll think about a promo, but I just want to tell everybody, take it. Each day. All right. Hey,

do you like Irish guys talking about the news? Do you like mild racism? They got jokes for you. Do you like your info? Vigley reminiscent of the truth. Do you like blondies? Yeah reminiscent of the truth? Do you like Blondie's tits? Yeah, well, I do too. If you like all these things, then you can listen to the Sunday papers.

Yeah, that's right. Get your papers rolled and tied. Rolled and cubed. Smoke it up. They're guys. They know what's up. They are the guys that know how to tell you the news. They are the guys that know how to tell you the news.

Sunday papers, Sunday papers, Sunday papers. Yeah, now not later. Sunday papers, Sunday papers, Sunday papers. Read about it now, not later. Be perceived about it and I'll leave. Um, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir. Yeah.