Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike 8/2/2026 | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: August 2, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz Here comes Sturgis! Hegseth reigns in the Scouts and there is a “Sharkzilla” off the coast of NY! Oh yeah and Donna Mills is on ONLY FANS This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

From the producers of Super Troopers and Super Troopers 2 comes, you guessed it. Broken Lizard and their rowdy patrol squad returned to the scene of the crime. In Super Troopers 3, the mustaches are thicker, the maple syrup stickier, and the pranks crazier than ever. Buckle up for the funniest comedy of the summer. Super Troopers 3, only in theaters, August 7. Okay. You seem quiet. I'm relaxed.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Why are you so relaxed? I'm kidding. I'm really high-strung. No, I don't know what I am. I feel good. I'm feeling good.

I got no case. I have nothing this. I'm going to Tampa with Matt Peters to do a festival in August. Other than that, I got nothing. And I'm so fucking stressed. I don't know where it's coming from. I feel like I need to like shake it out. Is the hat too tight?

Or? So here I am. I'm down. I'm vulnerable and you take a shot at me. That's how it works. Yeah, man. I avoid you. Come on.

Now, that helped. I avoided you. Nothing could be wrong with you, but maybe the hat. Right. What do you think? Come on. You're good. No, no.

Leave it on. Because you really changes your lighting when you turn and take it off. What do you? You're good. You're pretty good. Way better than I. when you ask the question, what am I feeling? Yeah.

So what's coming up when you ask that question? For me? Yeah. I think we dealt with Aaron's father-in-law, stepfather, dying. That was very stressed. Anytime somebody dies suddenly, it kind of like, I think you get to a certain age where your life is very routinized. We got our golf on Friday morning. You know, we got Sunday papers on Friday.

You know, we got it. I got my rhythm. And then all of a sudden, boom, I'm like flying in New York for a week. Aaron's gone for two weeks. And I think maybe I just don't adjust to changes as well now as I used to. That's interesting. I think, and I'm not trying to be funny, I think I might be a little of the opposite where when I start feeling a routine, I feel like I'm dying.

Yeah. Like I didn't play golf this morning. Yeah, why don't you play golf to break the routine? No, because I'm taking mushrooms and drinking a ton and playing golf in about two hours. Yeah. What? At Panmar? Yeah, it's a friend of ours birthday, which is going to be a three-day celebration.

Today's day one. Wait, who is this? Thatcher. It's such a name. Yeah. So he's, I think, turning 50. And so there's a lot of people playing this afternoon. But I'm out also in Rabiz group.

So there'll be no shortage of substances. Then I'm waking up really early tomorrow morning, driving to 113 degree Vegas to see our buddy, who I never have yet, all of you have, in ACDC. No shit. ACDC. Thank God it's indoors tomorrow in Allegiance Stadium. So our buddy is Chris Cheney who plays bass for them. He used to be the Jane's Addiction bassist and he is part of our Friday morning golf and he's the gruviest, coolest fucking guy of all time. Did he get you tickets? Yeah.

Oh, no. We're all hooked up. And so this is the, I'm heeding this advice. when that guy, you're a rocker friend, right, who rocks hard. When he says to bring earplugs, you bring earplugs. Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to have it in my pocket anyway when we go. Who are you going with?

Dickie and Newt. Nice. Yeah. When we saw them, it was outdoor, so the sound was fine. But yeah, indoor. I'm assuming this is indoor? Yes, it is. Yeah.

It's going to be, that's a whole other thing, seeing them indoors. And then, what were your seats? He hooked you up, right? No, I think we bought our tickets because it was L.A. and there was so many people going. So I don't think we made the cut. That's the other thing. I imagine I have good seats.

We had good seats. Oh, wait, maybe he did actually. Or maybe we paid for them, but he got us really good seats. And so we were like close, but a little bit to the side. and we saw him at, was it the Greek? I can't remember, but yeah, you're going to have a blast. ACDC at the Greek. No, the Rose Bowl.

It was at the Rose Bowl. That's all. The Rose Bowl can fit like six Greeks in it, I think. Yeah, yeah. I think, oh, and I'm fucked in August. We got, But, uh, uh, truck, uh, Derek, Tideski trucks. Tideski trucks coming to town.

I'm going to be out of town for that one. That's Santa Barbara. Yeah. I'm going up up up up up up up there. Well, I'm going up this week. I'm going up to, alone to see, because I don't think anyone would go with me, but to see Sierra Farrell, who's sort of my obsession. I love Sierra Farrell.

You know who got me into her is your ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's funny. Like before she broke, like when she was like just this up-and-coming artist, she was like, here's who you got to look out for. Right, right, right. She's amazing. And she's then also playing the Hollywood Bowl,

but like with some people, I think. Wait, so let me get this straight. So tonight you shroom play golf and watch the music at Penmar. Saturday you drive to Vegas to CACDC. And then Sunday, you go up to Santa Barbara? No, later in the week. Oh, my God. Boy, when you say it like that, I don't know why I constantly think about killing myself.

It sounds amazing. I know. What a lie? I always say I lead. That's a joke, people. I always say I have a great life. I wish I was living it. Ah, interesting.

Yeah. That's kind of like my old joke about my journal, which also ties back into asking yourself what you're feeling. I said I was always scared to keep a journal that I'd leave it out and that I'd accidentally pick it up and read it. I don't want that. Who wants that? Yeah. Oh, my God, it would be terrifying. What a read.

Speaking of golf, so I went out and played Rancho two days ago with Gubbins and Rabin's and Rabi. And so we're playing for money. And it's the 18th hole. And I've got a big money hole. It's been carrying, oh, long story short, I go towards my ball, and Gubbins goes, what kind of ball are you playing? And I said, the Callaway. And he goes, red, white, and blue stripes.

And I said, I'm not sure I have two Calloway. And he goes, this one does, he picks the ball up and goes, this one doesn't have the stripes on it. It's not your ball. I go, you mean the one I hit in that area and is a Callaway? And he literally had picked it up and thrown it to me. and then called me a liar. Also, why would he throw you a random ball on the golf course? Also, he's not in the bet.

It was between me and two other guys. Wow. How'd you do with your new swing, fella? I won. I won some money. I'm still working on the new swing, but it's so funny, we were playing today, and I just said to myself, somebody had the gall to say,

I'm getting a lot better, and I just went, none of us you've gotten better only because you started the game six or seven years ago whereas the rest of us have been playing our whole lives

and nobody in 20 years has gotten any better yeah did you find oh man a friend of ours brought me to Hillcrest have you ever played that Jewish club right

I don't call it that but you do it used to be only Jewish members Well, it should be called the Comedians Club. You wouldn't believe the walls in there, like all of them. George Burns. Yeah. Benny, what's his name? Jack Benny?

Sorry, Jack Benny. All the, Bob Hope, they're all in there. It's incredible. And you played the course? Yes. Nice. And like held my own. It wasn't embarrassing.

So they have one green that at one point was that, the biggest green in California or something like that. So when you drive to this, I had no idea. Like, you know, I'm new to also like high-end golf courses like that. So they're like, what tier are you on? I'm like, what kind of, this is a par three. So you kind of can land it on there, especially because you say I cry a lot? So what tier are you on?

And I'm like, what? And they're like, oh, I'm on the second. This green had three tiers. Oh. So my putt was like 70 years. I mean, maybe 60? Like some par 3s are that long. And I just had to whack it as hard as it.

It was crazy. Yeah. But beautiful. And I didn't realize, less about golf, but more about, I did not realize how much land they had. This golf course is a very roomy 18 holes. For those of you who don't know, it's on pico right below five.

It runs along motor, so it's between like Pico and Culver City, and it's gigantic. Yeah. Did I tell you the story about flying to New York and the golfers that were sitting next to me? No. Oh, my God. They were having a conversation as boring as everything you just said about Hillcrest. Yeah, exactly. Like if you don't play golf, you are glazing over at this conversation for the last 10 minutes.

I try to. It's about land. Go ahead. But these guys were so obnoxious about like, well, you know, at Riviera on 14, you really got to hit a low seven iron into the left bunker and then play it. And like they're really loud and they're all in golf shirts and they're talking about going to New York. And then one of them recognizes me. And so they're like, did I tell you this?

Yeah, yeah, but keep going. And they're like, and so he recognizes me and he's like, oh, I'm a big fan. And the other guy goes, oh, so you're a big comedian. I go, I'm sitting in coach with you guys. And the guy goes, well, I got, I bought this seat next to me. So I have, I have elbow room. And I was like, still cheaper than business class. And so they were going to play this, play three courses in New York.

They were like the most expensive ones. I don't want to repeat the whole story. But the long story short was, I go, where are you staying? And he goes, I have a timeshare at the St. Regis Hotel. And he goes, where are you staying? I go, I'm at the Lucerne on the Upper West Side. and he goes, they were housing homeless people there. So you've stayed.

So you're familiar. So anyway, the guy took my number and texted me about getting together, and I just didn't have any interest. Oh, you should have, man. Come on. Party at the St. Regis in like a members-only bar probably, 14th floor. Speaking of clubs, what about Sturgis?

What's going on? This is the time of year, isn't it? What's that? Isn't it that time of year? It is. So we had someone right in. Let me find that stuff now. Hold on.

I got to shrink the screen. I enjoyed this. I wasn't even looking at the script. So, Robert, thank you. Robert has suggested with Sturgis Bike Week just around the corner, can I request a few wagers? Boomer bike deaths. He thinks the over is eight, the over under.

The boomer biker deaths without helmet, he also has it eight. That would be, do those count towards the first bet? Bike accidents, 30 plus or minus 30. Bike accidents without helmets plus or minus 25. Shootings, the overrunners three. D-U-I arrest, 20, other, arrest 45. Oh, it's going to be way over 45.

That's a weekend. That's one or two days, the 45. Yeah, so I had stuff. Here we go. Oh, also, Sturdas Police Department made 58 DUI arrest. This is last year, down from 66 to previous year. Felony drug arrests rose to 47. there were 97 non-traffic arrests and 114 traffic arrests.

Well, 142 people were booked. 66 injury accidents, 27 non-injury accidents, four fatalities. Here's the good news, which was down, I think, from 60 year before. How many deaths? Four, I think, last year. So he says boomer biker. death. Sorry, let's get rid of Boomer and just because I don't know what that means. Bike your deaths.

All right, before we bet, can I read you something that might affect your bet? Yes. The official rally does not begin until August 7th, but early arrivals already making their way into ditches all around the region. That's me. Sturgis braces for the 86th annual motorcycle rally and the residents are preparing, including and then the police are, including temporary traffic devices.

They're putting up traffic lights more than are there. And they're reducing speed limits. Wow. So they're on us. Maybe it's our publicity. So they're on to us. They're trying, they should just put nets in all the ditches near any turn. That's what they should do.

Yeah. Maybe the rules should be you have to have training wheels on your Harley. Or put outdoor cafes every time the highway take. a turn and all those fatties will buffer the turn when people roll into it. I don't know. Maybe if a guy comes in with a helmet under his arm, don't feed him more than six shots of JD. I think you cut them off at six.

I think everybody there is, I mean, everyone there is on a hog. All right. So what do we think? We think that, I don't know. I mean, why don't you put the, why don't you put the difference, put biker deaths at over under five. That's between the last two years. Yeah. We don't need, oh, with the helmets, I guess you could be like, who, are they going to mention, I don't know if they're going to mention that every time. I think we should lose that one. Okay. Biker deaths, biker accidents. He says 30 plus on biker accidents.

I think we had to change that to 50. Yeah, what did I just, how many? I think you said 80. There were 114 traffic arrest. 27 non-injury accidents. There were 66 injury accidents. Okay, so we'll put it at 66. I don't know. Yeah, we'd take out helmets. Shootings.

It says three plus minus. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's felonies here. Misdemeanors and felonies are listed. Drug arrest are listed. I don't see shootings. Okay. Well, we'll know, because we're going to keep.

track every week. So I'm going to go bike your deaths. I'm going to go under. What do you want? I did too, but I guess I'll take you got to give me even or over. Okay. Okay. Bike accident 66 plus. You got to let me take the under on that one. All right. All right. I'm just going to write the one. We're going to go opposite on everyone, so I'm not writing them both. Shootings. Three plus shootings. I get to pick first. I'm going to say, say over. Oh. Do I arrest, you get to pick 20 plus? I'm going to say over.

Over. Other arrests. Oh, that's other arrests. So let's just say felony arrests. Let me see the chart here. I think it said felonies. Yeah. How many felonies?

104. Felonies? Yeah. Oh, my God. 266 misdemeanors. Damn. All right, so felonies. It's a family event, Greg.

I'm going to go under on 104. Okay. There we go. We'll check on that every week. Logo this week comes from the lovely Tim Bagan, who tied in this week's comedy caption contest comic with King Kong standing behind us. With a girl in her hand,

I got to deduct points the girl is not blondie. Oh, yeah, fair. Song from Dan and Nick, regular contributors who get together in Atlanta and produce great music for us. What did you think of the song? Man, techno. Yep.

Don't forget. On my techno, but, you know, I heard an interesting history this week of house music. So Moby was playing, I think he's playing over in London. And anyway, he talked about house music started, and I'm sure people can debate this. One take is house music started in Chicago in a house, and that's where it got its name. I had no idea was that simple.

And he named the guy, you know, his version of the story, and he named the guy. And Moby was just talking about, he was just explaining to the crowd how British music hit him as a teenager here in America so hard and just changed his life. Wait, so do you know what year this was? Well, he was talking about just being hit by everything British in the 70s and 80s. Yeah. I would imagine it sort of came out of disco when they were doing extended remixes and, you know, they wanted people to dance to Gloria S.

Stefan for 17 minutes. So they would... Oh boy. I don't think anyone at least would admit that's the derivation. But I think it was more digital. It was when technology was hitting music. What about Art of Noise? Remember Art of Noise?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't mention them. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bum. But anyway, Dan and Nick, nice tune. Very electronic. All right. No corrections this week, although I believe you fail to check the YouTube comments this week.

So we don't know. Correction. Next week could be, we had corrections. Yeah. Tour dates. I'm coming to St. Pete's to the Joke World Festival, August 14th and 15th. We're going to be doing a live podcast at the festival with who is doing it. Matt, can you tell me who's on the show? Matt's going to be there.

Maddie Smith and Joe DeRosa live on stage. Look at that. sure what day, but it'll be during the day at one of the little theaters. And then some stand. Saturday at 1 p.m. I love it. God, that seems so far off. Like you say August.

I put that in my head two months or a month and a half away. I know. It's here. I know. The summer's fucking going fast. Cincinnati, Fonibone August 26. Columbus Fonibone August 27th. Vancouver, September 5th.

Also coming to La Jolla, Batavia, Canada, Toronto. Get on Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Also, we want to shout out to Gotham Production Studios for producing the show. And we do have some people that are helping us, you know, pay the lighting bills here. Fabric by Gerber Life. Life insurance is one of those things. I'll tell you what. Life insurance for me was a way, I talk about my anxiety. It cut my anxiety in half when I had kids and I had life insurance.

But even if you don't have kids, maybe you're married. And your wife doesn't earn a lot or your husband doesn't learn a lot. But if people depend on you financially, you got to protect them. Fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance. And you get it done like instantly. All online, you do it when you want, right from your couch. I literally takes you like 10 minutes. And there's no health exam required most times.

Talk about reducing stress, though. I got term for me. And I also got it for my one. when I was married. And just the stress you said, like, oh, the shoulders come down knowing if she dies, I'm rich. You know, like, you walk around. It's more than a safety net. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. It really makes death bittersweet, which is what you want. And, you know, whatever you're making from your job is not going to be enough. They've got flexible, high-quality policies. They fit your family and your budget. 30-day money-back guarantee you cancel. anytime Fabric has partnered with Gerber Life, a company trusted by millions of families for over 50 years. Join the thousands of parents who trust Fabric to help protect their family.

Apply today in just minutes at meetfabric.com slash papers. Meetfabric.com slash papers and use my link so they know I sent you and Mike sent you. M-E-E-T Fabric.com slash papers. Policies issued by Western Southern Life Assurance Company not available in certain states. It's prices subject to underwriting and health questions. Well, look, you almost kicked it while reading that. And that brings us to Zoc Doc. You've got to take care of yourself, even though you have insurance.

Making a doctor's appointment shouldn't be a major project or a hassle, but somehow it can turn into phone calls, hold music, all of that stuff. And then finding the next available appointment is months away. That's why we are sponsored by Zoc Doc. Soc Doc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors. Their website has tons of reviews from real patients and detailed doctor profiles. So you can look through your options and choose the right doctor for you. Dude, I did it.

I had a psychopharmacologist that was putting me on too many pills. My insurance company, I go, yeah, I need some other psychopharmacologists. They send me a file with literally 700 names. And I don't know who specializes in what. got on Zoc Doc, they put me at touch with somebody in my, in my network. It worked out great. You can also see the actual appointment openings, clicked to instantly book a visit, no waiting for someone to call you back or wondering when they might have availability. And Zock Doc is completely free to use. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated.

Find and book the right doctor with Zock, doc. Head to Zock.com. slash papers to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash papers. All righty. And then Matt, I guess we've got to insert a little Zock-D-R-Roll sound at the end there. Zock-Dock-D-U-Row. And by the way, folks, you know, I don't know if there's discounts, but really these adds mean a lot to the show.

So if you go, make sure you put in the code. Thank you so much. Let's get, you got some crankilage? You know, I got a bag. All right, that sounds good. Pappas, meaning plural popas, you and me, got a brand new bag. Here we go. The Trump administration is being ridiculed as a laughing stock after a map used in State Department presentation

during a global AIDS conference mislabeled every African country. The State Department blamed a staffer who was hastily making changes. to the presentation, but the Newswire Service investigation found the map was put together by AI. Quote, the map showed Nigeria where the U.S. currently has several hundred troops deployed as landlocked in the Sahara Desert. Mozambique, which is in southeastern Africa, was relocated to the horn of Africa, while Ivory Coast and West Africa was placed on the other side of the continents. So, you know, I think the intern got confused because he was in the same. South Africa and no one had a southern accent. Meanwhile, they couldn't even do the joke they wanted to do, right?

At one point, they had the map and every country was Niger, but it was spelled Niger. Yeah, you just one G. Right, right, right. They died laughing all night and then someone had to tell them, you know, you didn't even do that right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that AI is the way to go. If you're the government, how many people are working?

I mean, I used AI to plan a trip for me to Africa and put me in touch with this Nigerian prince who he just came into a bunch of money. So I'm going to send him a down payment. Yeah, I really, I mean, what are the odds? I know. That's amazing. I think those go to my junk mill. I got to stop that. I'm surprised the map from this white house didn't just say, shithole country number one, shithole country number two, shithole country number three.

Then they could defend it for being accurate. Well, you know what they're good at finding is girls' schools overseas. Maybe the AI can help them find the girls' schools. They're very good at that. Next story, one of Scouting America's biggest gatherings has eliminated dedicated spaces for gay youth, women, and scouts of color, as the organization faces pressure from the Pentagon to pull back diversity efforts. The changes that the national jamboree reflect shifts made by scouting America, Since the organization became a target of Pete Hegseth over what he calls woke policies,

Hegsteth threatened to end the Pentagon's century-old partnership with Scouting America. The organization previously known as Boy Scouts of America rebranded in 2024 to emphasize inclusion and the growing number of girls in the scouting ranks. Well, I guess the Gay Scouts are going to have to rein it in and go back to just wearing short, short, khakis and yellow scarves around their necks. Is it too woke to suggest having a safe tent? How about that? That's my pitch for the Boy Scouts.

Yes. Having a safe tent where I could actually get some shut-eye if I were a little boy in this organization. Right. It's got a cage on it. And it does facial recognition. And if you've hit puberty, you're not allowed in the tent. Well, so much for the hand job badge.

I can't believe he hasn't renamed to Boy Scouts of being serious. Yeah. Like, it seems like that would be their first move. I think they should have kept the Girl Scouts separate because they served a function. Boy Scouts served a function. The Girl Scouts, you had 11-year-old child laborers in short dresses going door-to-door, asking strangers if they want to treat. And then that cash floats the boys going into the woods to be molest.

by their friend's fathers. Jelaine Maxwell was a Girl Scout of sorts. Was she? Oh, yeah. She would go over to West Palm and scout all the high school girls and bring them over to the island. Yeah. The brownies. Only the Brownies.

Once they became Girl Scouts, they were too old. Oh, I thought it was a sex joke. I'm glad it wasn't. Listen to this. Monster Sharkzilla leaves a trail of carnage off New York coast as scientists probed nuclear mutant theory. A mysterious, this is from the New York Post, a mysterious predator lurking off the coast of New York has sparked a dangerous hunt for a monster shark capable of tearing apart some of the ocean's largest animals. A humpback well was discovered with a 24-inch bite mark, while a gray seal

suffered a 22-inch wound, and a 400-pound tuna was found ravaged in the water. But he also, this guy, raised a more disturbing possibility. That did. Decades old barrels of leaking nuclear waste could have affected wildlife inside a vast underwater canyon off the coast. So this sounds like a Marvel origin story. Yeah, did Stan Lee write this article? And I mean, how big is it? Well, I hope it could still fit in a sharknado. Can Sharkzilla fit in a Sharknato?

Yeah, yeah. It doesn't add up, first of all, the nuclear thing. The Japanese are the same size now as they were in the 1930s. Maybe smaller. Because the nuclear explosion, right, I get it. They didn't grow. At some point, we're going to need a bigger nuclear sub. We're going to need a bigger boat.

Is that what it's kind of referencing? Yeah. I like it. I like that my jokes are not landing. and then you're explaining each one of them. Well, I didn't know. I didn't. Either you didn't take your riddle in

or I'm just not writing sharp jokes today. I forgot to finish the story. And if his controversial theory were true, the team could be hunting a genetically altered shark that is faster, stronger. I mean, this is the movie trailer and deadlier than an ordinary predator with a storm rapidly approaching.

O'Connell and his crew, just 30 hours to find the creature, tag it, and collect tissue for radioactive testing. Why just 30 hours? Because there's a storm coming? I mean, this literally has, you know, act one, two, and three written. Stakes keep growing. There's a clock. Yeah. What's the one people are watching right now, a Widows Bay or something like that? Oh, I've seen it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. It sounds like that almost. It's super supernatural. Yeah, I'd watch this. I feel like reading this story is how I felt when I was reading about the Murtogs down in South Carolina.

But remember they did? There was like two documentaries and a narrative movie about it. It was, I was reading about it. The New Yorker was like tracking it for a year. And I was just like, this is the greatest story about to be written. Yeah, I think I saw the first one. And then I was totally out of it in subsequent conversations where there were updates. I'm like, what?

And they're like, yeah, maybe I don't even know where it lands now. I have no idea what the, is he in prison? Yeah, the father's in prison. The maid was pushed down a flight of stairs after he took out an insurance policy on her. The son killed a girl on a boat and was got off, got was free. But then there was something about that, right? What do you mean there was something about that? No, I remember what you thought coming out of the original documentary has changed, and I don't know what it is.

Oh, okay. Well, then the father killed the wife or the son? I think the maid did it all. I think that's the new development. And which was a bummer because then nobody was around to clean up all the blood. Hague Seth has gotten involved. I think the maid and the department of the job. justice. I think the mead was responsible for everything. All right. Time for ethical question.

All right. Oh, hold on. We got a bag. All right. What do we got? All right. Say you have a child in their 20s, but they're kind of irresponsible. And there's an inheritance that comes their way. Should you not tell them, about it and keep it into an account that they can use when they're going to buy a house or need a big expenditure that's meaningful. Well, I mean, it sounds like you would just keep the money until you wanted to give them some. Right. What's the ethical question?

Well, if they're in their 20s, they have a right to do whatever they want with that money. Oh, like maybe it was from a grandfather. It's in their name. Yes. So you, I got it. Now you're hiding it. Yes. Oh, I thought it was like your money that you have earmarked for them.

No, no, no, no. I don't think it's ethical, but that's what I would do. Yeah. Right? Well, that's what ethical question means. Would you do it? I don't think that's what ethical question means. I think it means what is the ethical thing to do.

Right. Okay. It's the sometimes the opposite of what would you do. So what is the ethical answer? If legally they have the right to it, that's their right. And you cannot block that or obscure it or take it away. Right. So I guess that's block.

So, yeah. But I don't know. So I, without naming names, there are some trusts in people I know. And there was wisdom on the elder general. on the grandfather's level and stuff like this, to piecemeal it out, you never were entitled to a lump sum. And that would turn out to be very prudent. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think most people could use that, actually. I think trust are a really good idea. All right, follow up ethical question. Is it ethical for a partner? Let's say it's the man has a lot of money and he is

married to a woman, say a stepmom, is it ethical for him to give money to his kids so that she does not inherit all the money? Like slide it to the kids on the side. Right. No, that's not ethical. It's not? No. I mean, you might have the right to do it, but if you are living a lie and you're being less than forthcoming and honest about it with your spouse, then that's the seeds of problems to come for sure. All right. But you have the right to do it. It's just a tough conversation that a lot of people avoid.

Right. All right. Let's get to entertainment. Let's do it. Here's a bag. I'm going to crinkle about. Ben Affleck. I can never say his name without thinking,

Affleck. Yeah, I know. Was overcome with gleam. The moment he won who wants to be a millionaire jumping up to hug his partner, Jeopardy champion Jamie Ding. And whenever I say the name Ding, I always just want to go, ding! Well, it also means how could Jeremy Ding not win? It's not Jeremy.

I wonder if whenever they took attendance when he was in school and the teacher went, Ding, did people start fighting? Affleck and Ding made it to the final round where they faced a question about turkeys pardoned by U.S. presidents. The duo had to deduce which names did not belong to pardoned turkeys. Quote, so we're going to say D.

Spaghetti and Meatball, Ding said after deliberations. The chime indicating they chose correctly, which ironically was Ding, rang out and both men jumped to their feet for an exciting hug. Now, I'm wondering, Did the list include the names of all the January 6th turkeys that were pardoned?

A lot of names like Jethro, Hank, Earl, were those guys pardoned? Do we think a Jeopardy Champ really needed Ben Affleck's help on this? Oh, no, he's like a genius, Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck is really smart. I've worked him a couple times. But, I mean, on short projects. But also, I wonder what the deduction process. is to get to spaghetti and meatball.

That seems like you're guessing. Right. It doesn't seem like deductive reasoning. It should be based on either deductive reasoning or data or facts that you've memorized. I mean, I guess they eliminated others based on reason. Who knows? I didn't see it, but I did see the clip. Jimmy Kimmel's the host.

Yes. I'm obsessed with good for. Jimmy. He was broke. I'm glad that he got a chance to make a few dollars. So I'm obsessed with this Instagram feed from this guy who gives you quizzes. It's 10 questions. Oh, the rapid fire trivia? Yeah. He's really good. I'm obsessed with that. I always get seven out of 10. I never get eight. I never get six. Well, some of them are really difficult. No, he picks really obscure one sometimes. You're right. Yeah. The first one or two were easy, and he hooks you in, and then like 7, 8, 9 are brutal.

Then it'll go for like a deep cut on the periodic chart of elements, you know, like, it's like, I don't know what that stands for. All right. I'm going to ask you some periodic chart. Oh, I'm terrible at it. Okay. Let's go. Boreum. Boreum is, I think it's. No, just got Bordium. It's coming up. Oh, I just Googled.

I meant to write periodic chart. I wrote period chart. And what came up was period tracker. Track your cycle. I got the very first app, which, oh, God, I'm forgetting the name. It had a clever name with Wordplay. And maybe it was called Flow. So anyway.

I got the, we talked about this years ago. I got one of the very first ones. I mean, it was obviously before 2013 because that was my divorce. So it was early and it was no joke because I would then try to remember and then I would just let things go. I would never ask like, what are you talking about? Like that never came out of my mouth that week. And that's what I try to do to help me. Well, I'm sure they've updated it now with AI.

And so now what it does is it finds out what days are her cycle. And it actually books tea times for you during those days. It releases morphine in your IV drip that you have hooked up to the app. Oh, my God. Speaking of women that don't have periods anymore, Donna Mills. is proving that it's never too late for a career shift. The Knott's Landing star, 85, announced her latest professional venture and OnlyFans page.

I bet it's going to be a success. No joke. Quote, I've always appreciated the incredible support and encouragement I've received from my fans. I'm excited to join OnlyFans because it offers the opportunity for a more personal direct connection. She was known for Knott's Landing. She wants to share behind the scene His moments of her daily life I'm sure there's a real appetite

for 85-year-old feet covered in corns and bunions with yellow brittle nails and veins popping out God, you're so negative. How about this take? She is going to show the only parts on her body

not ravaged by the sun. I bet she has a white, fleshy boob. Oh, my goodness. The underside of her feet in her armpits. That's going to be it. I guess for guys, you can take a break

from beating off and just vomit. Oh, my God. I actually think it'll be, listen, mature is a growing category. Yep. I think.

And I think she will, I mean, it says that she doesn't have plans or she hasn't stated plans for sexual content, but come on. All right, here's the upside.

I once, I was friends with Dennis Hoff, who own the bunny ranch, who I think is dead now. He is dead. And I asked them, I go, who are the girls that do really well at the ranch? Because, you know, you go in and I guess there's, you know, maybe a dozen girls to pick from. And he said, the older ones make all the money. Because the customers come in and they're 60 years old and they don't want to have sex with their daughter.

So they pick women aged women. So maybe Donna Mills, not only is she going to get the old men, which is probably a woman. a huge chunk of only fans, but those guys are going to log way more time trying to pop a nut on the site. It's going to be triple the amount of time.

This isn't a joke, which will be obvious. But it's she, I mean, she should have pulled the trigger a little earlier. So many people who knows who she is are dead already. Right. You know, like she should have done this 10 years ago. She would have gotten a lot of

the nostalgia old guys. I know. That would have been good for her. And the problem is once you get to 85, your memory goes so you don't remember her. Who is this familiar-looking, desperate woman I found? Yeah, right. Are we going to make America, Florida? Let's do it.

Here we go. All right. We're going to four Myers today. George Beamer 23. He called 911 from his four Myers home on Saturday to report he was suffering from chest pain, poor guy. And so he was rushed to a hospital for medical evaluation. As he was being taken to the hospital, another 911 call came in about a fire at Georgia's residence. Fire crews rushed to the scene and enter the home to extinguish the blaze where they discovered.

the body of George's mom, who was severely burned and deceased. In that order. Yeah. George later admitted to detectives that he murdered his mother after years of built-up anger, and then he set the home on fire. This is sweet because, quote, she wanted to be cremated. Yep. Yep.

George. George. Really? Well, I guess, you know, it's a money saver. You don't have to pay for the cremation. And then you get the homeowners insurance. I'm surprised halfway there. George is like, you know, my chest isn't feeling so bad anymore.

I feel a little lighter. I don't know what it could be. But there's been a release. Oh, my God. Well, Alison Rosen, who's my partner on my other podcast called Childish, her mom passed. And she was in a funeral home that was way, up in the valley. And, you know, when they die, you got to pay a lot of money to get the body to

the mortuary. And it was a Jewish funeral home. And they were going to cremate. And then the wildfires broke out. And the funeral home was in the path of the fires. So now they had to pay all over again. I'm not making this up to move her mother's dead body to a safer mortuary so they could burn it. That's unbelievable. And if you've seen that, show on HBO, the mortician, you would know that they can accommodate. They can be very flexible Los Angeles crematoriums or whatever you want to call it. Dude, that was one of the great documentaries of all time. It was a good one. It was a good one. Okay, we're going to stay in Florida and make America Florida again. This is not a man, but a Florida woman. A Florida woman was

arrested for driving under the influence after driving through a blocked roadway. The roadway was blocked because there were tons of police officers around investigating a homicide. The deputies were assisting the Florida Highway Patrol on Monday night in a traffic homicide investigation and they closed the roadway when a vehicle attempted to drive through and around them. It's like a state of children that have ADHD that are in adult bodies. Yeah. According to the deputies, they tempted to stop the driver, Lauren Anderson, but she would

have none of it and she continued to drive past them. Running, they ran after her car. I wish there had to be videotape. I mean, there's a million body camps running after the car. The deputies eventually got Anderson. to stop and they noticed she was sluggish, slurring her speech, and struggling to get out of the vehicle. Maybe she just played golf with Tony Romo. Deputies asked Anderson to perform roadside exercises, also known as, quote, this is in the article,

also known as the drunk Olympics, which she declined to participate in. I would, too, if they called it that. Yeah, she would have gotten a gold medal in that one. I'd like the decathlon, not the pentathlon, please. I have a lot of time. Anderson was then transported to the jail where she agreed to a breath test, which she failed by blowing a 0.195 and a 0.209, which is two times over the legal limit. Wow. Yeah.

That's amazing. It's fantastic. You can't even be safe when you're dead on the road in Florida. Like she probably, she could have hit the car that had the dead guy in it. Yeah, she got to run over a dead guy. Yeah, what is the charge when you run over somebody who's already dead? Is it post homicide? Is it double homicide?

Then she goes out of control and hits George's house and runs over his dead burnt mom. It's Florida people. It's going on here. Hey, you want to move there. So good luck. No, I don't. I don't. Yes, you do.

This shirt might say that, but I don't. Yeah. This is also a dead man shirt. Got it. I like it. All right, let's get down to this day in history. Oh, man, do we have that? I peaked at it.

I peaked at it. There's kind of slim pickings, but let's see. There were a couple. Here we go. Wild Bill Hickok, a frontiersman, marksman, gambler, and Legend of the American West, was murdered in the city of Deadwood in what is now South Dakota. I'm wondering if we did this last year, believe it or not. But when was he murdered, give or take 30 years, Wild Bill Hickok?

Well, I know that what's his name? Jesse James was around during the Civil War. So that would be the 1840s. This guy, Hickok, sounds like he would be around that era. But I feel like he was old. I feel like he had earlier. I'm going to go 1820. Somehow you lost that one.

You were tracking. If Kalshue was live tracking that, you would have really, everyone would have bet you got her right. 1876. Oh. You began with the Civil War. I thought you had nailed it.

Yeah. Okay. What is this? The first one. I don't know what a positron is. Whatever. Okay. going to get JFK's P.T. Bode. You'll get that. You'll get that. You're getting in Jackie

Joiner Kersey. 1944. Pretty good. When do you think Robert Mueller was unanimously confirmed as the director of the FBI, give or take eight years? 96. You did it, buddy. 2001. Nice. Irish actor Peter O'Toole Happy birthday Pete He was born on this day In what year Give or take 10

I'm going to give you 10 years I'm rooting for you Is Peter O'Toole Still alive? I don't think so So he would have been late 80s Uh So going back

This is where I get bad Subtracting A 26 plus 60. I'm going to say 1937. You did it, buddy. 1932.

Nice. Wow. He was old. He's dead, right? Yes. And then Lawrence of Arabia was 62. Okay. I'm unbelievable.

Saw that in a theater in, what was it called? Copley Square or? Oh, yeah. No, Coolidge Corner. I always confused the name. Yeah. Yep.

I went to a theater by myself. and I had never experienced an intermission. And I'm like, I literally was like, how long is it? What do we do? And everyone's like, oh, you go outside, stretch your legs. You have a cigarette. Yeah, you go to the bathroom. And yeah, there's definitely people smoking back then.

Okay, we got Colorado was admitted into the union becoming the 38th U.S. state, give or take 25 years. When did Colorado become a state? Well, we moved out west. We started moving out west in the 1820s. So I'm going to say 1830. I gave you 25 years, right? Yeah.

You didn't get it, buddy. 1876. It was late. Damn. It was late out there. Okay. All right. I'm going to give you a narrow range on this because I'm going to give you a

huge clue. American writer Herman Melville, best known for his novels of the sea. Most notably, Moby Dick, which was published in 1851. When was Melville born, give or take, let me think. I gave you that clue. A give or take five years. So basically, you're asking me how old Herman Melville was when he wrote Movie, Moby Dick. You could take it that way. So it came out in 1855, you said? 51.

1851. I'm going to guess he was, he'd already sailed around the world. So I would say he was probably 35. So I'm going to say 18, 18, 18, 18. 19. Yeah, baby. Let's find one last fun one.

Let's see here. Oh, boy, what's that? Columbus set sail. There's a little song. You know what that is? Oh, my God. You know the Berlin Olympics with Jesse. A lot of Summer Olympics days here.

All right. Sorry about this. We're just looking for a fun one. We could have. Oh, Anne Frank, you're going to know that date. Marilyn Monroe, she died on this day. In what year, give her take, four years? 1965.

Golly, you did it, 1962. I remember she sang happy birthday to John F. Kennedy, and then Jacqueline had her killed for it. Well, she blew out his candles on more than one occasion. That's why I was going to put it a little later than that. I probably would have said 65. I did say 65. Yeah.

No, no, but I'm saying I would have put it later than 62 also. Yeah. All right, buddy. Good job today. All right, not bad. And let's go down to this. Letters to the editor, Fair Maiden Wins asked, what is he looking over at?

And I got to tell you, I went in. and part of your very few jobs on Sunday papers is to pick some clips for the show, which obviously you don't do. So I went in this week to look for clips, and I noticed for the first 15 minutes of the podcast, I was going like this. Oh, really? Because my cousin, Danny McCarthy, was playing in a golf tournament, and he was in third place, and I was trying to see how he was doing.

So I was in a hotel with the TV out on the side. And then after like 15 minutes, I realized this must look, ridiculous so I turned it off. How is he doing right now, by the way? He, I don't know. He came in third last week. That's what I mean. He's on, like, maybe he got his mojo back. Yeah, it usually goes in streaks like

that. Let's see, PJ Leader. Do you know what tournament is this week? I have no idea. You know I don't watch. All right. The Pocket Classic is going on right now. He is, let's see, is he in the running? Pocket. What the hell's pocket? Dorothy.

pocket is insurance, isn't it? I don't know. Not our sponsor. There's Matt McCarty. Denny, I don't see him. He may not be in this tournament. All right, let's move on to obituary. Okay.

Oh, no. Here you go, buddy. He's too over. He's in 42nd place. God. Sounds like you're not going to be looking off camera. this. Nope, I'm looking down the barrel of this fucking camera today. Here we go. Obituary, sadly.

This is so weird. You, of all people, especially with your newsies cap and your Irish face. So Glenn Hansard, Hansard, famous from the movie once, won the Oscar for it was the actor and it also. But, but wait, hold on. I got to remind you. So anyway, you said you'd never heard of them. I've never heard of the guy. I mean, I saw the movie, and I loved it, and I'm really excited to watch it again. But now, he was not on my radar as a singer.

So let me read the blur of anyway. A singer-songwriter who was the front man of the popular Irish band, The Frames, and he shared an Oscar for Falling Slowly, a wistful song from the 2006 film once. And he died in Dublin this week. He was 56 years old. But not only did the... the movie once. Yeah, I know. It's and then I keep hearing it was in the morning. Then my dad

texted me. He was like coming from the airport or going to the airport, but there's footage of him playing in what looks to be, I can't tell if it's a bar, but it's a small, with a small group, someone was recording it. And they said that was hours before. Um, so anyway, I have an interesting tidbit on him though. But, uh, you also know, him because he holds these he's famous for busking right and so once was about a busker in London who plays on the street for change

and he now was like kind of the centerpiece of these legendary Christmas Eve busking concerts and Bono and people would join them and Bono spoke out really eloquently after

he died this week and but you might know him he led the music in Shane McGowan's funeral, including fairy tale of New York. Right, right. Okay. Got it. And he was great.

Get this tidbit. I saw an interview with him, and we just watched the Jeff Buckley, you know, documentary. He introduced Buckley to Cafe Cheney. Oh. He found Buckley before Buckley even played his. his dad's memorial. So in other words, nobody knew about Jeff Buckley yet. Yeah.

He found him before that, became friends, brought him, because this guy, Glenn's friend, had Cafe Cheney on St. Mark's Place, brought him to Cafe Cheney. And then I think Glenn even attended his dad's funeral. Glenn might even have been played his dad's funeral. I'm not sure. But that's where Jeff Buckley played and first got noticed. I listened to two of his albums yesterday. First off, he reminds me a Cat Stevens a little bit.

He's got a very similar voice. Cat was a little cheerier. I mean, this guy is heavy. It's really, it's very Irish music. Right. It is, for sure. By the way, you know, he's great. It reminds me of, you know, Dwayne Allman, famous, you know,

one of the greatest guitar players that ever lived who died. What was he like, 23 years old when he died? 24 maybe I think five maybe he did the guitar lead on Layla and so anyway so but then Barry Oakley who was I think the bass player

in the band died like almost exactly a year later in almost the exact same place also on a motorcycle do you remember that crazy yeah and then and then and then there was an insurance Geico insurance

or some insurance company it wasn't Geico did an ad with a guy riding a motorcycle through mountain roads with rambling man playing Yeah So they paid the Allman Brothers to use their song About a guy driving a motorcycle

Not well thought out Yeah It's sad I mean I might not have all these details But when Alman Dwayne Allman was on his motorcycle driving. I guess it was a

maybe a logging truck. No, peach truck. Huh? It was a peach truck. That's why the next album was called Eat a Peach. Well, he had a saying about eat a peach. Are you maybe, is this a Fitzfact? Nope. He hit a peach truck. Wow. But it wasn't, I think it was not, I had heard it was logs, but it wasn't properly marked.

Okay. So, but anyway, yeah. It's so tragic. So there's more people than that that have died on motorcycles, I believe, in the music community. Oh, sure. But it's sad. Oh, wait a minute. Here is AI.

The idea that Dwayne Allman died crashing into a peach truck is an urban legend. He actually crashed into a flatbed truck carrying a lumber crane. There you go. And the title of the Almond Brothers' 72 album, Eda Peach, came from a quote he gave about eating a peach for peace. Yes. All right. There it is.

And the truck was not properly marked. Like, you know how you always have like fluorescent like bands and stuff hanging from the back and all, you know, so whatever. All right. No, no biggie. You just one of the biggest guitarists of all time. Yeah. All right. Let's cheer up.

Let's cheer up after all this death talk. Let's get to the funnies. There we go. All right. week we play the comedy caption contest you guys send in punchlines to a one frame of a comic we give you we pick our favorites we read them and then we pick a winner that winner in theory wins something and we are going to go back and all the winners are going to get something right now we ran out of kuzzi so maybe it's just for the love of the sport so uh last week's frame was uh you could see

king in the frame you only see king kong's hand and there's a blonde one A woman clutched in his fist, and she is talking to a woman who is seated at a rooftop restaurant. So she's sitting on the balcony of a rooftop restaurant, and it's got a tablecloth, and the woman with the blonde hair is talking to her from the fist of King Kong. Steve Mangram said, now this is what I call getting fisted. Okay. Mark Simmons said, excuse me, do you know what's the next size up from? Magnum. All right.

Big Stu said, I told you if we came here, my ex might see us. Now this giant gorilla is going to fuck me right in half while you watch. Wait, what happened in the middle of that joke? I don't know. It sort of changed jokes. I think she's saying King Kong was her ex-boyfriend. Are you sure those aren't two different jokes? Maybe. Don't send me two jokes, people. Send me one fucking joke. to put them together. They could be from two people,

which is your formatting. Sometimes people send like four jokes and one of them is good. Send me the good one. Why don't we combine it? I'm going to make it three. You ready? I told you if we came here, my ex might see us. Now this giant grill is going to fuck me right in half while you

watch. No, he throws his poop with his other hand. Oh my God. Somebody wrote that joke. No, I just read it, Greg. Oh, hilarious. Yeah, David V. Now he throws his...

Maybe we should just do all the jokes as like a late night show monologue. Yeah, maybe you're the poop, madam. All right, so that's it. What do you like? I kind of like the first one. Now, this is what I call getting fisted is not bad. Huh, okay. I don't know.

I mean, is the Magnum one a little more clever? Do you know what the next size up from Magnum? All right, let's give it a hand. Mark Simmons, excuse me, do you know what's the next size up from Magnum? Winner, winner. Thank you. Next week's comic is very simple. Two guys in shorts, and that's it.

They've got beards and long hair. They're standing on a desert island, which is so small that it really is just a palm tree and the two of them, and the sun is shining in the sky. There's kind of a mirror image of each other. They look exactly the same. I think mirror is going to come into it. All right. Let's get down to the pros.

Yeah. The lock horns, Leroy and Loretta, are standing on a putting green with their clubs. She says, how do you lose a ball on the putting green? Pretty good. That's pretty good.

It's called a hole in one, bitch. They're eating dinner, and then Leroy goes, if this is great A beef, it must have cheated on the exam. All right, good wordplay. Okay. And then there's, okay, and then he's talking to her. She's upset.

And he goes, okay, I'm sorry I called our wedding video a blooper reel. I like that. What do you got from the onion? Here's an onion. We got, it's just Trump sitting at his desk. He's talking to people. And it's just a headline. It's not what he said.

The headline is Iran War enters sixth justification. That's good. How many times can he say that there's a treaty? I mean, does anybody take it seriously anymore when they say we've got a treaty? You know what does, stupidly, the stock market. Every time. Yep. And that's why you know he's tipping people off when he announces it.

There's no way. I mean, it's up 275 today. Yes, Jay, it was up like $450. Huh? Yeah, look up last five days. It was up $250 the day, no, 400 the day before that. But then it was down $600 and something the day before that. It's crazy.

No, of course it is. Oh, yeah. It's still down for the week. I'm surprised. Yeah, it had one really bad day. All right, Dagwood is sitting at the table. He's looking at a piece of paper. and Blondie is standing beside him.

She has on an ivory white tight sweater. What? Who boy. Oh, boy is right. She looks like she is inhaling. There's, I mean, she, God, she's just, the waist is so thin. The arms are thin, and then the breasts are just, they defy gravity. And then she's got on a little raspberry skirt.

We don't need to talk about the bowling pin cap. It's fucking crazy. And so he goes, I can't believe how much we spent at the grocery store last month. The cost of groceries just seemed to go up and up. And she goes, speaking of which, dear, we might need to put you on a diet. Okay. There's nothing to these jokes. I just need people to see how she looks today.

She just really, there's certain days where I don't know why she puts the extra effort in. I don't think it makes a difference in their sex life or hurt him looking up from a fucking grocery bill to notice what's standing in front of him. But I just thought we should... How about a diet of testosterone and supplements? Right. Nail libido supplements. Something.

Right. Some Viagra. Some pineapple. That's for her. Pineapple. Oh, boy. All right. Don't forget, folks.

Visit our sponsors. Go in with our code. If you're going to go to meetfabric.com. slash papers. You're also going to go over to Zocdoc.com slash papers. Check them out. Take a look around. Who knows what you'll find. Also, don't forget, I will be coming to St. Pete's August 1415. Mike, anything you want to promote? I snuck into a theater and I saw an hour and a half for the Odyssey. That was a good

hour and a half. You start at the Trojan horse and you go for 90 minutes. I recommend it. I haven't seen the whole thing yet. I haven't seen the whole thing yet. I wouldn't say that. I think I got right in the middle. And was it IMAX theater? Nope. So I went to see another movie, the invite, and then when I was leaving,

there was quite a racket coming out of the next room. And so I was like, oh, I know what that is. So I stuck my head in. And right at the moment I stuck my head in, it's the Trojan horse on the beach. And I'm like, well, I'm going to stand in the back and watch this. And then they had one of those handy capable chairs in the very back.

You know, there's like one and then there's one every like 20 feet. Yeah. Completely untaken. I didn't feel bad about it. The movie was already an hour in. So I sat down, not thinking I'd stay and I stayed for an hour and a half. Jojo went and saw it with some friends. And they went to the Man's Chinese Theater, which is the 70-millimeter IMAX, which is the way you guys are supposed to see it.

She said it was the greatest movie experience of her life. She just was blown away. I went there. And no CGI, everything is real. There has to be some C.G. No, no CGI. Well, these dinosaurs came down and bit people and removed them from the ship. Yep.

Hey, you saw Lawrence of Arabia. Didn't crazy, what about, you know, Star Wars? There was no CGI. Well, I know there's a lot of famous scenes like the ones with the Giants, where they use seven-foot stunt men and very small stunt people. They did that in this movie. No, no, that's, I'm talking about the Odyssey. But there are, there is CGA, there is, listen, they showed a giant vortex in the ocean

that the, that the boat was trying to skirt the outside of like a funnel. Trust me, there's, there's graphics in this. Okay. When you see it, you'll be like, yeah, he didn't. That's not practical. All right, Mike Gibbons, have an amazing weekend. You sound like you have a lot of fun stuff planned. We'll hear all about it next week.

Absolutely. Today, oh, by the way, shout out to my wife. Today is our 27th anniversary. Hey, happy anniversary. Yeah, so I got her a surprise. We're going to this. You ever heard of this Jazz Club downtown called, we never go see jazz. I don't know why.

but it's called Sam First. I don't know it. Okay. I'll let you know how it is. Yeah. I'm going to surprise her and take it to some jazz. I know the Catalina Jazz Company, which sounds like something Will Ferrell would make up,

but that's in Hollywood. Okay. And the Blue Note, which we've been to. That's great. There's one in L.A.? Blue Note, yeah. Oh, I thought you went with us. Yeah.

We saw Marcus King there. No, I did not go. With these two jazz greats. Wow. And he held his own. I was worried about the guy. Who? Marcus King, who's amazing.

And then I asked the jazz guy saw the following week. And I told him, I go, you know, I was always like, no, no, no. He's like, we know Marcus King is very good at guitar. Because, you know, jazz guitar is insane. It's next level. Yeah.

Like classical guitar. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. Let us know how it is. Take it,ish. Take itish.