Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers with Greg and Mike 8/30/2026 | Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: August 30, 2026

Subscribe to Greg Fitzsimmons: https://bit.ly/subGregFitz PrizePicks: Visit prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/PAPERS and use code PAPERS and get $150 if you win your first $5 lineup! Quince: Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/papers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. This week on Sunday Papers, Greg and Mike look back at the final numbers from Sturgis, pay tribute to Dolly Parton and Tim Curry, and wonder whether modern medicine is slowly eliminating all the things that used to build character. Plus, Burning Man’s infamous orgy dome, Florida criminals finding innovative places to hide their money, a meth-fueled lawnmower ride, hoarding, slow mahjong players, baldness breakthroughs, and another round of questionable history knowledge. This show is produced by Gotham Production Studios and part of the Gotham Network. https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/studios/ Follow Greg Fitzsimmons: Facebook: https://facebook.com/FitzdogRadio Instagram: https://instagram.com/gregfitzsimmons Twitter: https://twitter.com/gregfitzshow Official Website: http://gregfitzsimmons.com Tour Dates: https://bit.ly/GregFitzTour Merch: https://bit.ly/GregFitzMerch “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons” Book: https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82 “Life on Stage” Comedy Special: https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial Listen to Greg Fitzsimmons: Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio Sunday Papers: http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod Childish: http://childishpod.com Watch more Greg Fitzsimmons: Latest Uploads: https://bit.ly/latestGregFitz Fitzdog Radio: https://bit.ly/radioGregFitz Sunday Papers: https://bit.ly/sundayGregFitz Stand Up Comedy: https://bit.ly/comedyGregFitz Popular Videos: https://bit.ly/popGregFitz About Greg Fitzsimmons: Mixing an incisive wit with scathing sarcasm, Greg Fitzsimmons is an accomplished stand-up, an Emmy Award winning writer, and a host on TV, radio and his own podcasts. Greg is host of the popular “FitzDog Radio” podcast (https://bit.ly/FitzdogRadio), as well as “Sunday Papers” with co-host Mike Gibbons (http://bit.ly/SundayPapersPod) and “Childish” with co-host Alison Rosen (http://childishpod.com). A regular with Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel, Greg also frequents “The Joe Rogan Experience,” “Lights Out with David Spade,” and has made more than 50 visits to “The Howard Stern Show.” Howard gave Greg his own show on Sirius/XM which lasted more than 10 years. Greg’s one-hour standup special, “Life On Stage,” was named a Top 10 Comedy Release by LA Weekly. The special premiered on Comedy Central and is now available on Amazon Prime, as a DVD, or a download (https://bit.ly/GregFitzSpecial). Greg’s 2011 book, Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons (https://amzn.to/2Z2bB82), climbed the best-seller charts and garnered outstanding reviews from NPR and Vanity Fair. Greg appeared in the Netflix series “Santa Clarita Diet,” the Emmy-winning FX series “Louie,” spent five years as a panelist on VH1’s “Best Week Ever,” was a reoccurring panelist on “Chelsea Lately,” and starred in two half-hour stand-up specials on Comedy Central. Greg wrote and appeared on the Judd Apatow HBO series “Crashing.” Writing credits include HBO’s “Lucky Louie,” “Cedric the Entertainer Presents,” “Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher,” “The Man Show” and many others. On his mantle beside the four Daytime Emmys he won as a writer and producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” sit “The Jury Award for Best Comedian” from The HBO Comedy Arts Festival and a Cable Ace Award for hosting the MTV game show "Idiot Savants." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get deep insights on real-time market topics that may impact your investment portfolio. Listen to Fidelity Connects on Spotify today and power your next move tomorrow. Sunday. Papers. Not off the press of Sunday Papers. Oh, it's a sweltering Sunday. Pour yourself a little sweet tea. Sit out on the port.

Crack open, it was Sunday papers. Remember all the old women in New York? The thing was they would drink like hot tea. And that was the theory. And they might be right. Maybe it got them sweating. I don't know what it was, but people would drink hot beverages. Old immigrants in New York.

Pretty sure that was the menopause. Maybe. But you have no AC in your house. Is that what I'm gathering? I have no AC. I live in Venice Beach, which has a cool breeze coming off. the ocean, 11 and a half months of the year. And late August, early September is always our heat wave.

This is when it comes in. And we are sweltering. We didn't sleep last night. So I'm going to go to Best Buy today, and I'm going to buy an air conditioner for the bedroom. I can't believe that's happening now. Well, we're breaking records here. Do you know what record is being broken the most regarding high temperature?

temperatures? Ball rashes? Yeah, that's not where I was going. So nighttime lows. You know, we live in a desert and it's on the ocean. And, you know, everyone comes here thinking, oh, it's going to be balmy, like they're going to walk around downtown Santa Monica, a tourist, like it's Miami. No, you got to bring a jacket at night. It's like, I mean, it's not cold. Don't get me wrong. But if you're just in a t-shirt, you probably will want like something else. Anyway, not anymore. So the nighttime lows are at record highs. It's 75 in night now. It was never in the 70s at night. It rarely gets out of the 70s during the day in Santa Monica. And, but it's, it's this mugginess. And they're attributing it to this, you know, the warm ocean temperature.

and this much, much talked about El Nino coming out. Oh, it's all you hear about. The El Nino is coming hard, people. Fix your gutters. Get your sump pump in the basement. I mean, first of all, it's going to be too hot in some places. It's going to be too dry in some places. It's going to be too wet in some places.

And I guess it happens every six or seven years, but this year they're predicting the most, the most intense weather conditions in the history of the planet. And that's not, I'm not overstating it. I listened to The Daily did a story on it. I've read articles on it. It's going to be huge.

And meanwhile, we can say a goddamn thing. Did you see the footage out of Nepal? Oh, my God. That was brutal. People don't fully, like, they're on houses thinking they're safe on the banks. It's like, run up. that hill.

Well, it reminded me I read this book about the Jones Town flood. Did you ever hear about the Jones? Of course. I mean, thousands of people died. They basically a bunch of rich people had a club up on the hill and they built a lake so they could fish and boat in it and they made a weak-ass well or weak-ass dam. And one day it just burst and it ripped down through these towns and twas. and tour fucking giant trees out by the roots.

All the houses. And it kind of looked like that. Yeah, and not only that, I think, if I'm remembering correctly, their recreational lake, they flooded poor people. Oh, it was all poor people. Yeah. Like when the flood then happened, it exposed the buried, you know, former towns up there.

Well, I think this one wiped out the three wealthy people. people in Nepal. So that was kind of a tragedy. Man, it's like, well, on the other hand, it's like, how do you think that ravine that you live in got there? Right. Exactly. But this, you know, what caused it, I think they think now, you know, there was a lot of misguided guesses initially and they turned out to be incorrect. Like an earthquake didn't cause it. Like the Richter scale was caused by the flood. But it was, um, part of a glacier that broke off. Did you, I saw the footage of it.

That's going to be happening a lot more, yeah. Yep, yep. Oh yeah, get ready, people. Move north, move to Ireland. Apparently Ireland's weather is going to be beautiful now. It's going to be less wet. It's going to be warmer. I'm a citizen.

I don't know what I'm doing. My wife is a citizen as well. Let's go. Let's do it. I don't like what people say, let's go too much. you know well LFG was a big thing and I worked with Tom Brady and he loved saying that yeah yeah all right so I was in Columbus Ohio yesterday morning oh let's go I let's go I don't want to shit on the flyover states but here's here's what happens I fly into

Columbus I get I go to the hotel it's fine the club is amazing the funny bone such a cool crowd that came. I just did a one-nighter. I flew in for one night, packed it up, and then afterwards, I wanted to get some food. And I go, where can, and I mean, it's the second largest mall in the world, the Eastern Township Mall. Where can I get some food? It's now, it was a 7 o'clock show, so it's now 9.15. And they go, well, the only place open to get food is this really great taco place called whatever, co-c, fucking Jose's Taco. So I try to find it. It's not a GPS.

I get there. It's a half hour wait to get two tacos. And I get them. And then I walk home. I get to the hotel room. I open them up. And they are blocks of ice. They are ice.

The tacos are frozen. And they didn't bother to fucking cook. And you just go like, what are we doing Midwest? Columbus is like supposed to be the cool. hip, you know, advanced city in Ohio. And this is what you got for me? That's terrible, man.

It was terrible, Mike. I'm telling you. Speaking of terrible, how's your goddamn chest? It, uh, so, so excited, he was taking it. Thank you everyone on YouTube. I went on and thanked people on there for being very nice. And then I guess someone wrote in putting things in perspective.

And I think he's right. But, you know, he attached the, when he was doing the stitches, it was too wide. The skin went hold, right? So there's, I didn't know this. There's two sets of stitches. There's stitches underneath the surface that are going to dissolve. And then there's one. So when I went to go get my stitches out, I'm like, oh, good, it's not going to be pulling

on my neck tendon anymore because my skin one hold, the stitches underneath. So he anchored it to a tendon running up. neck and God. No, I know. And so it's pulling down. So anytime like I look up, oh man, I made the mistake of yawning and not lowering my head the other day. Holy. Oh my God. I thought I almost pulled out all the stitches. So anyway, um, the ones underneath the surface are still there. But it's, um, you know, it's going to be, I have to come up with, um, stories for how I got this scar that are better than the, the true story. Um, um, Which is that you have cancer now, which you're really playing it down.

You're really playing down the fact that you had cancer. Well, no, it's not denial. I told you what I said to the guy, right? Like when he's doing it, he goes, yeah, I said this last week. He goes, I go, what happens? I go, I guess if I didn't get to this soon enough, it becomes the bad cancer. And he's like, no, no, hardly ever, less than 1%. And I'm like, what if I did nothing?

He's like, oh, and he like kind of was not stumped, but he was like thinking about like the cyst that could eventually form or something. So it's not like a, so you're not battling cancer. You're more just like having some words with cancer. You're lightly shoving cancer. It's not a fight. We're kind of anonymously online, trash talking maybe. Yeah, right. But I also, he might say I don't have any at this point.

The way he said it was, and I only am going on about this because maybe it's helpful to people. I had like a patch removed and then kind of something grew next to it. Like it looked like a freckle. Then it was a freckle with texture. But my dermatologist said that's nothing, sadly. But anyway, the way he phrased it was, a seed was left behind. And then that's what grew into that.

It's not the first time we've had seeds on your chest. Oh, there you go. And so maybe that's what caused it. And imagine that if you had cancer, you could fuck it into people, like a venereal disease. Like if you blow a guy with cancer, you get throat cancer. Actually, what's his name? Who got cancer from eating? out his wife. Was it Michael Douglas?

Michael Douglas. He got cancer from performing Kondolingus on his Scottish wife. What's her name? I think that's on the rise also, by the way. Wow. Yeah. Well, I look my wife in the eye and I go,

sorry, sweetheart. I'm not ready to go more balls. Sorry, gals. It's just eating ass from now on. That's it. Nice clean asshole. So I want to, there's a guy who wrote And he writes, I had that surgery done on my nose a year and a half ago.

Cry me a fucking river about your chest, Mark M. And I was like, wow, that sounds hostile. So I write to him, I go, do you have pictures? And I put the pictures in the script. Holy shit. He's got a hole the size of a dime on the right side of his nose. and then the next picture are the stitches that go from below his nose all the way up to his eye, basically. And yeah, Mark, you win.

You win this one. We're going to put the pictures. It'll be on the YouTube channel. You see how hard it's pulling on his eye? Yeah. Yeah, that's what's going on in my, like, and he was really bummed. He forgot to take a photograph of the hole because I called it a cut. He's like, you don't have a cut in your chest, my man.

He's like, you got a hole. So, um... Dude, you should have got a picture! No, no, he literally forgot. Oh. I don't know. I didn't know what was going on. I know.

You got to get a chesty. And he like mushed it together like this poor guy's face. Oh, God. Dude, I am so fucked. I have green eyes. I had red hair. I have pasty white skin and freckles. And I never use sunscreen on my arms or my legs.

What's this guy's name? Mark? Mark, if you're listening, I'm sure you are because you just sent these grotesque pictures. First of all, hopefully congratulations. This is a year ago and I hope you're doing well. I guess the question I have, and on behalf of listeners, if you had caught this earlier, was there any catching this earlier? Because that's the questions I have about myself. would it be as big of a wound if you catch it earlier? And again, we're talking about basil cell, which is, you know, not too threatening.

But I'm wondering if you catch it. I go to the dermatologist once a year, maybe once every two years. And this woman does a full body scan on me, and she's drop-dead gorgeous. And she touches my head, just being just being. She's being touched. I've been married a long time. I don't get touched.

She touches my head, my neck. And then she, I have my underwear on. And then she says, do you want me to look at your penis? And my penis actually says, yes, please. I don't even say it. Right. And then she grabs this shaft and she picks it up. And it kind of stays up, which I guess helps her out.

Makes it easier because her hands are free then. What a treat for her. Yes. Yeah. What a treat. So if anybody needs the name of my doctor. Oh, by the way, I should tease this, but during the sports, we're going to have a contest and we'll talk about it when we get to the sports section. But that always happens in doctors.

You said that happens every time the prostate exam happens? Prostate exam. Yep. Actually, I've dribbled on my prostate exam. You know, sometimes you dribble a little semen out, a little pre-cum. It might be P. My God. You know my mother listens to this podcast?

I don't know how that's still happening. I really don't. She says it just like comes on her phone. It just starts playing. I don't know what happens. But hi, I, yeah.

All right. The logo this week, speaking of sexy, from Jane. One of our faves, Jane, it's the famous, is it copper tone? Is that what that ad was? I think that was copper tone. Yeah.

And then the song, of course, from Rob Mitchell. But I mean, it was a sort of, not for normal people, but perhaps a sexualized image of a young girl with a dog pulling down her, I mean, bikini bottoms? Yep. Wait, and also, was it a famous actress? Yeah, it was Jane Mansfield. That sounds like such a strong, confident fits fact. Yep. Yeah, exactly.

You ready? Coppertoned dog ad. All right, you go, you keep going. All right, so who is the little girl? No, no, no, no. You keep going with the podcast. Sherry Brandy Irwin was her name. She was three years old when they took the picture.

Topless, topless with their bottoms being pulled off. Yep. I know. I had it right next to my Farah Fawcett poster in the 70s. Rob Mitchell did the song this week. He sent a video. I love this song. And we need them.

Desperately need songs, people. We're not looking for. Boston Symphony Orchestra here. We're not looking for ELO. We're looking for a heart. We're looking for a fan that wants to express themselves. Get out your creativity. Whatever instrument you play,

maybe you've got a buddy, do something fun. Send it in to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. Also, always looking for logos. We got football season coming up. We got Labor Day coming up. All kinds of themes you can work on for a logo for the show. and then corrections. Before you get to correction,

before you get to corrections. After that print ad with the girl you named, when Copertone transitioned into television commercials in the mid-60s, several young child actors appeared, most notably Jody Foster. No. No, that's what I was going to say her name,

and then I thought it might be Sybil Shepard. It was Sybil Shepard? No, that's, I was, It was a toss up for me. Oh, more like a toss off. Sybil Shepard was in something else, though. Keep going. Oh, she was.

Right. My brother did a commercial for cover. Remember seven C's salad dressing, is that what it was called? Yeah, your brother did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My father, you know, my father did commercials for a living. He did a radio show and he did voiceovers. So he knew all these casting directors

And they needed a little boy And so my brother was about seven And he went into the seven C salad commercial where he was sitting on a picnic table With a family And it fucking ran for like three years All the time And he got he got

He must have got a shitload of money I don't know what my parents did with it I think this was before the What was the law was it the McCauley Calkin Law It's like named after somebody Yeah Where they keep the parents from taking the money because my parents,

mom, I don't know what you do with that seven C's money. But give it to Bobby. It's time. Give it to Bobby. Thank God he didn't have a lisp with the product name, Jesus. Seventy salishing. I like it on my piece. Corrections.

Tim Dilley says it wasn't about aliens. I was talking about who's the author. Who's the woman, Tom's friend that wrote the book about chemical warfare. Now it's going to be a correction on a correction. Jackie Coogan. It was the Jackie Coogan law. Oh.

From Little Rascals. Anyway, the book she wrote last year was about nuclear war. It was not about aliens. I'm going to think of her name before the end of this podcast. And then John Favreau, our friend from Maine, said, please let Mike know that a glass eye doesn't wander. I think we were talking about Sammy Davis. It's fixed in, no, Peter Falk.

It's fixed in position. His real eye is moving, thus giving the illusion that the real eye is wandering, because the glass eye is looking straight ahead, the more you know. I got to think that now in the age of Google glasses, that you could swap out that glass eye for some kind of a hard drive and a camera. Don't you think? Oh, yeah, you could have a data center in that.

Are you kidding me? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, how great would it be? You walk into a party. You see somebody that you know you're supposed to remember and zip their Facebook page pops up, their IMDB page. And you're like, hey, Charlie, I saw you went to Lexington Kentucky last week. How was that?

Whoa, you're in the Epstein files? on page 71. And he's like, you know that? I was wondering why you were looking at me funny with one eye. And then we have, this is a long one from Sharon Feininger. I wanted to share with you

about your concept of the push button at the light signal. It's a common misunderstanding. When you press the button, it's not that the light will change. It tells the computer that you are there so that it gives you the walk button. It gives you the walk symbol.

Sometimes, you know, like it says don't walk, even though the traffic's going the other way. So I guess it does that. Also, there were three Gaboris sisters, Magda, Eva, and Jaja. They're actually pronounced Ava. Ava was Green Acres, Jaja. While she did some movies,

was more the celebrity of the three. So that's going way back. That's for our listeners that are over 50. That was a celebrity that will not be remembered. I have a possible correction. I don't know if Sharon listens to this podcast because all of this is news to me. Oh. Well, I guess some of these corrections are from Fitzdog Radio.

This is the catch-all podcast. I just learned a lot and I never spoke about any of those topics. Yeah. Do you remember the Gabor sisters? Of course I know the Gabor, but most people think of two. But it's Ava and Jaja. But what's crazy, Jaja slapped a cop when she got pulled over when she was in her 70s. I love that.

That was a huge news story. Yeah. But they were from, they must have been from like Romania. They had like these Eastern European accents and they were smoking hot. And then Jaja became, here's the thing. Back in the 60s and 70s, you could make a. solid living just doing game shows. They would sit on panels for, you know,

not family feud. Password. Yeah, match game and password and Hollywood squares. Yeah. And she was famous just for that. That was a good way to make a living, man. Totally. Speaking of making a living,

I'm going to be in Vancouver next weekend. September 5th at the Vista Center for the Arts. Ticket sales are healthy. So I would go ahead and get that ticket fast. But pay with American money. I'm going to be selling my pins after the show. And people are going to give me fucking Canadian dollars. Maybe they won't.

Maybe they'll boycat the show because of Trump and the tariffs and all that stuff. You think that's going to hurt me? They don't want your American humor. Oh, my God. I hope they know I'm on their side. I am so upset about this whole thing. We'll talk about the lake later. Fairbanks, Alohaia, at the comedy store, September 18 through 20.

Fairbanks, Alaska, doing a few different venues, September 30th through October 3rd. Batavia, Illinois, October 15 through 17. Take yourself over to Fitzdog.com, get some tickets. Also, a shout out always to Gotham Production Studios, the best podcast studio in the business. If you're looking to start a podcast, not just anybody can work with them. You've got to be at our level or way above

in order to work with them. Yeah. Way, way above, I think. Also, to have a podcast. Yeah. Our ads this week, let's talk about prize pigs. Football is coming back, baby. Oh, man, it's fun.

It is fun. And the thing is, I really, I love the sport, but when I get a few ducats running on it as well, I get so in. And me and my sister are constantly talking about it. It's an easy way to get into the game. You're already watching the game. Now you're going to pick two to six players, choose more or less on the projected stats, like passing yards, rushing yards, fantasy score.

I do it with baseball with like how many runs. Otani is going to score. and you've got to pick whether or not it's more or less. You follow it. The app is great. It's so easy. I took the Dodgers. You can mix up your bets.

It can be batterers. It can be pitchers. So it's really fun if you're going to be watching the game anyway to throw some in. September is stacked, rolling out new promos every day through the month, including guaranteed picks every Sunday, plus profit boosts. and daily discounts. They've got features like the injury reboot. If someone in your lineup gets injured in the first half and doesn't return,

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Anything you want to talk about? Yeah. Quince. Is it quince? That's a great way to start an ad. Let me talk about it because I don't know that you got the product and I did. I haven't gotten it yet and I wanted this place sounds great. All right.

It's unbelievable. I am very excited about quince. I got a pair of sweatpants, and to call them sweatpants is to insult them. It's like calling a Navajo an engine. It's not how you do it. These pants, they are so soft and strong and well-shaped. They've got beautiful clothing,

but it's not just the clothing, because it's the best materials. This stuff is going to last. I can't wait. to start when I'm flying around this fall. I'm hearing they have Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Yeah. What?

Yep. I always let the Mongols look great. It's like 60 bucks for like stuff that you're going to have for the next 20 years. Everything is priced like 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They also work with ethical factories. So that's nice. They're cutting out the middle man. You're not getting the big brand markup.

I really, I'm telling you, It's not just clothes. They got hotel quality bedding. I'm talking good hotels. Not like the Lakinta, which sounds like Quince. Don't get confused. Not that hotel. They got bath essentials.

They got cookware, travel gear, everything for the home. Upgrade your every day. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash papers. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day. returns what what now available in Canada and the UK too that's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash papers and uh it really it really is a great company get involved all right we got it some paper to crinkle oh boy do we uh I am sweating my ass off of I have a fits dog that's not going to be loud enough so that's a great fruit now that sounded good and it's a promo for my merch okay here it's a it's a it's a it's a

Grapefruit Simmons B shirt. All right. All right. There it is. Don't forget. Support these advertisers, by the way, because this show is a lot of work. And we don't make a lot of money. But if you go to these sponsors and you get involved, it really helps us out.

So thank you in advance. I think they know it's hard work because we make it look hard. You know? Literally, as I say, I'm sweating. Yeah, we make it look really hard. Okay, we got 12 bike. Okay, we told you guys we would do the tally, the rally tally from Sturgis. As we've done every year for the last five years.

So it's 12 bikers killed in two-week rally period was the headline. The official Sturgis rally death toll was three, though. But many more motorcyclists died on the South Dakota roads going in and out. So I read all this and what the distinction is, and they have a zone, and that's the only deaths that they attribute to the rally. But meanwhile, other rally goers did die. So the reported three deaths and the official count are part of a consistent pattern. Motorcycle fatalities are always part of the event. In the last decade, the high was 13 in 2015. The low was two in 2019. Among the 12 people killed this year were motorcyclists who were 73, 69, 68, 67, 65, 64, and two who were 60.

The other people who died were 53, 46, 29, and 22, no. Somebody's grandkid was there. Four were reportedly wearing helmets. Six were not. And the investigation of helmet use continues in two of the crash. So we don't know if they had graged because they were drinking. Or maybe the overweight girl on the back tip the bike. Where were our bets?

Possibly at this age, a lot of them were having heart attacks. You did it five plus or minus. You went under. I went over. I mean, I think I lose because we're going on comparing it to last year. Accidents 66 plus over under I said under so the crash breakdown was fatal accidents three down from four last year injury accidents were 39 down from 66 non injury accidents were up to 31 from 27 total crashes 73 So I win that. Oh, no, I lose that one also.

You have shootings. I don't think there were any shootings. DUI arrests. You have 20 plus or minus 20, over under 20. I went over, meaning you went under. I have to find that now. Where is that? Here we go.

It is. You there? Did you fall out? Oh, my God. I've been off for the last two minutes. I thought you were just taking in all my stats. Let's pick up. Well, I guess if you were doing stats, we'll just pick it up from there.

I love it that you weren't even there. Hilarious. So let me see if I had the DUI average. Sorry, I didn't look at it. I was looking at crashes. Final statistics. Here we go. DUI arrests, 80.

And really it's 114. last year was 119 if you do the whole Rapid City District. But 80 is what it was. So I win that one. And then what else do we got here? Anyway, so I printed out some of these. And let me find them. It's weird the writing.

This is very official writing from, I think, the Department of Transportation there, So it'll be something like at 7.54 p.m. Sunday on U.S. Highway 385 mile marker 118, a 2016 Harley Davidson motorcycle operated by a 51-year-old male was traveling southbound near Milamark, blah, blah, blah. A deer entered the roadway and was struck by the motorcycle. Both the driver and passenger were transported with non-life-threatening injuries. So there's another one with a deer also. What's weird is the deer didn't die, but he ended up with herpes. At 838, I'm assuming it's dark. I don't know. I mean, it's pretty far north.

I think it's dark by that point. And another one is 75-year-old male was southbound. And a deer entered the roadway and collided with the motorcycle. So then I hear about, here's the next accident. 71-year-old male was northbound on wildlife loop. Get out of there. Get out a wild life loop. Not at night.

And then it conspicuously says like they make it sound like it's kind of not their fault. It's like as the driver was westbound on 90, he failed to negotiate the curve and lost control of the motorcycle. I mean, he lost control. They make it seem like the motorcycle lost control. And then it says this is verbatim. The motorcycle left the roadway. The motorcycle left the roadway, and the passenger was separated from the motorcycle. Oh.

Yeah. Which is weird because, and divorced from four different women. Yeah. And then the passenger was transported, like, to Rapid City Monument Health. So, like, he was transported. Someone else did that when he was separated from the motorcycle. Did someone else do that? Hmm. Yeah.

All right. The driver lost control. How about this one? The driver lost control. left the roadway and was separated from the motorcycle. It's a very elegant way to describe a brutal motorcycle accident. I know. It's kind of crazy. Yeah.

Anyway, there's a lot of them, as we've already read the ages, they're all really old, and deer and wildlife are a big part of this. Yeah. All right. I wonder if, like, there's a deer website where they communicate about, All right, let's get to this next story, also about the police. The FBI is dropping a categorical hiring ban on applicants who have had sexual encounters with prostitutes and will instead consider, at a more holistic manner, at least some candidates who have engaged in the practice in the past.

Apparently, the FBI, like, can't find enough people, and they're, like, lowering the standards. So, I mean, I'm all for it. But look for a spike in crackdowns on massage parlors. Not much else, but a lot of work on the massage parlors. Also, a lot of them were like, that was my sting operation, guys. I mean, come on, I've been training. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's where the recruitment center is now.

The Oriental Magic Garden with the neon feet in the window and the bulletproof glass that you have to hit a buzzer to. get inside. It sounds like they're just wanting a lot of ice guys to become FBI guys. That's what it sounds like to me. They're like banging down the door. I think you're overestimating the physiques of the guys that are going to be coming in. I mean, good good luck finding uniforms that fit obese in cells because that's what you're getting. Perfect. America's finest. All right. So six flags has closed its X2 roller coaster at Magic Mountain. After two women suffered severe brain injuries within six days of each other,

and new reporting raises questions about why the ride was still carrying passengers after the first woman was rushed into emergency surgery. Pamela Gillen rode X2 on July 5th, and she lost consciousness after being on the ride, went to the hospital, they found acute subdural hematoma and brain compression. They opened her skull to relieve the pressure. Six days later, six two is still operating, and 25-year-old Naomi Greer boarded the ride, collapsed afterwards, underwent emergency brain surgery, and remains hospitalized with uncertain prognosis. Oh, I see, I thought it was conjoined twins, and they just kept knocking heads the whole time. Yeah, I mean, I have brain damage from, they said it happened from traumatic.

rapid acceleration deceleration event. So I'm pretty sure I have brain damage from driving to concerts with you when you're following

the Waze app and flooring it when you're 12 feet from a red light flooring it and slamming on the brakes. Not what I do at all but also,

I mean, it's so long ago. Listen, of course they're going to keep it open after the first. Women don't know how to double park and we let them drive. You think we should? I don't think we should.

Wait, what does that have to do with roller coasters? Well, they're going to say, well, they kept it open and it should have, they should have closed the ride because of that woman, the woman's brain was off. Yeah. It is weird that like in a hundred years, I've never heard of this. And now within six days, it's happened twice. Is this a new ride? I did tell you about, I'm going to say, it's less than 10 years ago, but

not by much. When I took my girls up to Magic Mountain and we did the rides and then there was an old wooden one. I'm forgetting which one it is. And anyway, it is famous for, I think it's the second highest G-force in the park, but it does this spiral. Like it comes down and does this corkscrew. And during it, all of a sudden my peripheral vision started going black. And that's never ever happened to me in my life. And I like shook it off. I was like, what the hell? And I had a little while to think about it as we went back up and awesome. And all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, my God, well, here it comes again. Please don't do it again.

Then it was an anomaly. It started doing it again. We pull in and I'm like, oh, my God, do I have a tumor? What the hell is going on? The two British guys in front of me go, dude, I started a pass out. And I'm like, thank you, thank you guys. Wow, Jesus. Yeah.

I know these roller coasters are crazy. But as you get older, you get weaker. Dude, Bush Gardens in Tampa, Florida. has rides that are unregulated. It's not like Disneyland or Universal. This is a carnival on steroids. These rides are rickety, and I went on one that ripped my neck soap.

I was on vacation in Florida, going to my mom's. I went to the chiropractor every day for five days while on vacation with my mom. It was so bad. Florida, fun. President Trump plans to rename Lake Ontario, Lake America. an apparent jab at Canada.

Trump's order requires Interior Secretary Doug Bergam to update the nomenclature. And basically it's going to require exorbitant investment to change official government materials to reflect the change. How about this? Maybe we should name Lake Erie,

Lake Epstein, because then maybe people will talk about it again. This is just another distraction that people keep biting on. leave it alone. Lake Superior is going to be like huge. It's huge. Trump's also demanding Canadian bacon be called American bacon,

and he just goes figure it out. Just figure it out. Right, right. Canadian, that's all we got, I think. Doubles, Canadian doubles in tennis? Canadian doubles. It'll be American doubles. I think that's all we got on Canadian.

There's some slur. Isn't there a Canadian something, making fun of them? Canadian tuxedo is when you wear jeans and a jean jacket. That's a light slur, I'd say. Yeah. He should demand it be called Gulf of America. Again, just make it even doubly more confusing. Yeah.

There was a bunch of news that came out about Epstein in the last couple weeks. Nobody's talking about it. There's Epstein fatigue, and yet nobody went to jail. They're publishing all the victim's names, and not the perpetrators. It's fucking crazy. It is awful. So we kind of buried the lead story this week.

Yes, we did. Which was Dolly Parton passing. And the news story here is Governor Bill Lee, a real piece of garbage, announced the Tennessee governor, announced Nashville International Airport, known as BNA, plans to change the name to honor Dolly Parton. Their proposal follows a surge in signatures on a petition to rename BNA as Dali Parton International Airport. Petition had 79,000 signatures this week. The name change technically goes against airport policy, which only allows a rededication to someone who's made contributions to the airport or the field of aviation.

The Metro National Airport Authority Board is pushing forward with the change anyway. I have a suggestion for the airport code. it should be T-I-T, the three-letter airport code. I'm going from lax to tit. Yeah, I'm not going to be lax anymore once they get to tit. It's a lot of Tennessean's dreams to be going in and out of Dolly Parton, so I think this is going to work out great. Some terms that are going to pop up will not be flattering. Like, I got stuck in Dolly Parton for four goddamn hours.

My bag is lost in Dolly Parton. I spent the night in Dolly Parton. Yes. Uncomfortable sleep. I hear they're also going to run a train into Dolly Parton. They are. And it's, what's his name, Tesla Boys train or his tunnel. Elon Musk?

Yeah. Landings are going to be a little less smooth now because the runway is going to have two giant hills on it. It can be like a roller coaster. What a week, though, with her passing. Like it's, you know, everyone said it was like one of the few times everyone could come together. I don't know if you read any of the comments on some of the posts. Even like ones in Tennessee, like, you know, some posts saying like, I grew up in the, you know, foothills of the smoky mounds, blah, blah, blah.

And then it's like people would go on, of course, usually women. And they'd be like, God bless her soul, she was great. even though she validated, you know, the shot that killed so many children. Oh, that's right. Yeah. And a chorus of support for comments about how she was the devil for supporting the vaccine. Yeah. It's unbelievable.

It's unbelievable. Everything is so political now. Everything boils down to your take. One opinion that you have, you know, Look what happened to the Dixie Chicks, you know? But also, it's not an opinion. It's a conspiracy theory littered with false information. So anyway, the best part was like, I know, it's like, I know that sweet deer,

but she didn't know how many babies or like, can you imagine how many babies she killed? And like the first comment was, yes, zero. Yeah, right, right. Now, she was incredible. I mean, you really think about there's deaths that sneak up. up on you because everybody taught me we talked i think last week about what's impossible deaths will be coming up you didn't think about dolly pardon and and then once she goes you kind of realize that she is right under the surface your whole life you you are aware of dolly parton's energy and her spirit

and i think it it just i mean it was like i guess prince was kind of like this like wasn't somebody you thought about all the time until he died and then you realize that there's a real loss. Well, he was so much younger. You know what I mean? That it was shocking. I think we would have started thinking about that more and more. Dolly, what's really amazing about this one also is, I mean, I know was she 80?

I forget how old, but like she was old. I remember I brought up a few weeks ago a real rumor about her health. And I was like, oh, no, I just read a headline. And at that point, the headline made it sound like she wouldn't make it through the weekend. But I'm glad she did. The night before she died, we were over at my goddaughter's house for dinner. And the goddaughter's heading off to college. Her younger sister's 15.

And Jojo was there. And we were talking about our favorite movies of all time. And I said, you guys have not seen nine to five. I said every woman should see nine to. I go, I want you guys. So that should be the next movie you watch. And the next morning we wake up and she's dead. So I apologize to the part in family.

Oh, yeah, you're partly responsible. Right. All right, let's get to this next one. Well, hold on. There were a lot of good posts and all that. One post was a guy went down all the charitable. Like he dug deep in research, all the charitable things she did that you haven't, like, heard about.

And it was kind of cool because he was like, the, like those flood victims, I think in, of course, North Carolina, but I think maybe also that river in Texas. It's like, and she wrote like a million dollar check, no press release. And then the next one was this, this, this, this, no press release. Like it was a very cool way of ending. Yeah. All these things she did.

No press release. And then there were a lot of posts from people whose family received the check in their home, like for $1,000. And then she, and all the tuition she paid for. and of course her book program. But one of the best posts I saw, and this is short, is a guy went on a rant and he goes, Dolly Parton can be considered a billionaire. And look what this billionaire did. And he had all the books that his son was receiving.

And he's like, on this month, he got this. Then he got this on the next month and then this. And it was like, this was a billionaire who was. is giving money to people. Compare that to the other billionaires that are out there. All they want to do is be on the Forbes list of wealthiest people, so they keep all their money like it's some kind of weird contest. Worse than that, you could make an argument they take money from people with the bailouts

and the taxes that they avoid paying. Yeah, right? Well, God bless Dolly Parton, rest in peace. We'll miss you. You were beautiful to the end. And what else can be said? I guess you could say forget GLP1 stocks, Greg. Baldness drugs are Wall Street's new gold mine. Drug makers and investors alike are hoping for a repeat of the success of the weight drug, the weight loss drugs that vaulted Eli Lilly, their market value across the one trillion mark. One of the closest to market is Cosmo's topical medicine. It's called Clascotaron, Clascoteroon. And it targets male pattern baldness.

And new medicines are likely more than a year away from hitting U.S. shelves. Expect Cosmos shares to double, however, over the next 12 months. So there's talk of acuriness for baldness. That's so great. You know how this feels for me? You know what this feels like? I feel like the mom with six shitty kids the day after Roe v. Wade gets passed. I feel like Jack Lane at the end of his career when steroids came out.

I feel like the guy that bought the Encyclopedia Britannica Company the year before Google came out. I mean, fat and bald people, is that gone now? I think so. I mean, if both these drugs work, you'll eventually going to need pills for Viagra and Plan B. They should make one cocktail out of all of it. Yeah, I haven't done the math. I feel like the NBA coach who got fired the day before they started allowing black players in the league.

I feel like the Canadian guy who broke up with Pam Anderson before she got all the plastic surgery. He's just sitting back in Winnipeg, watching. Okay. I feel like Beyonce. You feel like Beyonce? Yeah, Marion Jay-Z before she blows up and gets successful. He's a six. I think she was pretty successful, but okay.

Okay. Yeah, nothing would help Jay-Z, right? Jay-Z needs, what drug would he need? Money, I guess money, and that's what did it. Yeah. Talent and money. Yeah. I mean, I got to tell you,

This is, this is hitting me hard. I feel like the ship just pulled out of the, you know. You know who, do you know what I could have done as a 30-year-old with a full head of hair? Do you know the damage I could have done back then? I don't know if your kids would be here. I wouldn't be married. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'd be on whatever those apps are that you're on all the time.

Wait a minute now. You know what we never think of is this should also be applied to crazy people. there's drugs for that That's right All the real characters out The character building things Are all being removed Uh huh

Which when you're bald and fat You really need a little personality You need a little something to set you apart Oh impotence? Drug for that Yep What's left? What's left

A bad personality Maybe that hopefully that can hang around Well, I mean, eventually it's like the book 1984. What was the drug that everybody took in the book 1984? And it was just, it just made everybody happy and complacent. The government gave it to everybody. So I'm watching last night, I actually decided, you know, I never finished pluribus. So I'm two-thirds of the way through pluribus.

Wait, I think I read pluribus. What's it about? Well, no, it's the, well, I guess it's based on the book. Is that what you're saying? I don't know about the book. Oh, you're watching the series? Oh, yeah, yeah, I watched that series. Yeah, that was great.

So I kind of know. It wasn't great. It wasn't great. I kind of don't know what's going on, but you sort of described it just then with the everybody's kind of zen. Yes. I liked it. A few too many scenes of her alone.

At a certain point, you go like, who's she, she hasn't talked to anybody in three episodes, okay? It has the pacing a little bit of Better Call Saul. you know, which kind of took its time. Yeah. Not the pacing of Breaking Bad, which did not take its time. Right, right. Greatest pilot episode of all time. What's about Burning Man? Burning Man Orgy Dome.

I had not heard that phrase. Burning Man Orgy Dome attendees urged to use baby wipes and hand sanitizer. Quote, being a good lover on Playa is being a preparer a prepared lover and host, wipes, variety of lube, non-latex condoms, and ways to wash off at your camp if you were hosting. A good foot wash can be a panty dropper, they wrote. Oh, yeah. One person who attended the Orgy Dome for the first time told Cosmopolitan, Cosmo, she was, is that still going?

She was taken aback by the lengthy cue to enter. Quote, it's like the DMV. You get a number. then you talk to one guy and you take a test on the rules, then you wait some more. Her partner also mentioned his favorite aspect of Orgy Dome is the air conditioning, which is uncommon in the desert setting. He described how various sections exist within the dome. One thing they didn't mention in the part of the article I grabbed here is gloves.

They're all encouraged to wear gloves even if they're using baby wipes. So you're telling me there's baby? inside the tent. This is like an Epstein thing? Sure. Oh, baby wipes. Let's go with it. Yeah.

All right. I mean, she said the line was long, but at least she's got all guys to talk to while she's on the line. I'll tell you, when those pantages drop but Burning Man, a whole lot of bush comes out. Yeah. You know that.

Well, that's why they have the air conditioning. Those things really warm up, those hairy ones. You know what I would want in the Orgy Dome, some razors so the gals can shave their armpits. Yep, yep. How about some deodorant? Baby wipes and deodorant. How about a toothbrush for these chicks that have been eating tofu burgers for three days straight with no running water?

You know what would be a turn on for me also? Like job recruiters. Job recruiters for a lot of the participants in the Orgy Dome. Right, right. Something like that. Yeah. All right, let's get to the ethical question. Here we go.

Okay, I recall that it's a good one. It is your turn to ask me an ethical question or two or three, whatever. Well, the second one is the one I'm really excited about. My estranged husband is a hoarder. This is the first one. Can I force him to get help? I'm only going to read the subheadline. I'm not going to click on the article.

and it says, we think the house would most likely be condemned if county inspectors ever got inside. So it seems like, because it's an estranged husband, it seems like there's a financial interest at stake. Yeah. So can you get a hoarder help against their will? My experience with hoarders is that there is no help. I mean, I've watched these TV shows. and you can't help them. It's a disease, you know, but I think you could probably give them some pamphlets,

maybe some books about it, maybe some VHS tapes that have instructional videos. I know law enforcement. Newspaper clippings of articles about. Yeah. And they would definitely hold on to that stuff. Yes, yes. I know they take these, you know, a 5150 is when you've called authorities, including mental health professionals, and the police on someone who is at risk for harming themselves or others. And there's probably more than that, but that's what we did with Brody Stevens.

and he was very, very, very much against it and fought it physically and figuratively. So they take that very seriously, and we could not get him help that he really needed before he tweeted out that he had a gun. And that was our golden ticket. And we got him the help he needed. So you saying that like, oh, this hoarder's indebt. endangering themselves because there's old chemicals in there or there's mold or there's rats and old food but feces from cats yeah that's not going to do it yeah there has to be like

a flashpoint incident that happens where there are a threat to themselves in a more drastic way yeah totally okay i have a first friend who's a hoarder and I went to their house once and there were cockroaches literally everywhere, like actively had lost fear of humans. They should hoard a roach motels. Yep. So here's the question I like. Can we kick a woman out of our Mahjong group because she plays too slowly?

Absolutely. Marjan's got a move. It's got to move. These ladies don't have a lot of time. They're in Florida and a condo. The clock is ticked. You know it also has to move? Golf.

What's that? You know it also has to move? Golf. Yes. Yes. So that's why I thought this question was interesting. Well, you're talking obviously about Mikey Fitzgibbon, who here's the thing about Mike. Why, by the way, oh my God, I just remember now he called.

Because I now, when my phone rings, I kind of like, what does Mikey want? Exactly. He's the only person. My wife and Mikey are the only two people they call me. Yeah. I call him McCuller. Yes. But he gets up and first of all,

he's always the last one to hit when we're on the T-box because he's in the middle of a story. Or he'll start a story when it's his term to Tia. Everybody else says they're ball in their hand and they're waiting for the guy to finish hitting and then they walk right up, tee up the ball and hit. He has to be told every time.

And then he's like Ed Norton in the Honeymooners. where it's like a three-minute routine before he hits the ball. People don't want to play with them. It's already hard enough playing with five people. That's a lot. Right. Very few golf. Very few.

People should know. They play fivesomes at Pannmore. Have you ever been to a golf course that allowed fivesomes? Never. I'm surprised. I have so little experience, but I never have. Well, I do these tournaments. They have these charity tournaments sometimes where they invite comedians to be the fifth play.

So you do play with five people, and we go to these really nice country clubs, and the four people in the group, they pay like $10,000 to play for the day. And then the comedian is supposed to kind of be funny all day. And then we usually do a show after the golf tournament. We'll get up in each of the 15, like if say there's 12 or 15 groups playing, that means there's 15 comedians. Each guy gets up and tells one great street joke. and then they vote on who had the best joke. And you know who has won twice? I do know. Ben.

Ben Bailey. Ben is a sniper with street jokes. I remember. I was at one of those. It was great. Yeah. All right. Let's skip entertainment and get down to Florida.

All right. Here, crinkle. Make America, Florida. Florida man pulled over. Now this sounds. I thought it was the same story. It is not. Florida man pulled over on lawnmower,

busted for meth and weed. A Florida man riding a red lawnmower down a Dixie County Road was arrested after a traffic stop, uncovered illegal drugs. Deputies stopped the driver on Northeast, whatever. No, 799th Street. That's when you know you're not in a heart of town at that point. also Florida is relatively new. Like couldn't they have had an order before they started naming things?

So they pulled them over on 799th Street because the lawnmower failed to meet roadway safety standards. A search of a bag on the mower yielded marijuana pills, drug paraphernalia, and crystal meth. I love it. anything to do with wife's nagging their husbands to go out and mow the lawn? I think you should almost let him go when you realize

the whole, who's he going to hurt on that thing? Right. He's probably going to mow the whole neighborhood. It's a public service. How busy? How busy is 799th Street also in Old Town? That's where it is.

Newtown is like 988th Street. I think he's actually responsible. He's not in a Ford focus. He's on this. That's right. Chugging along. Yep.

So how far can it go? Yeah. And it only goes 12 miles an hour. Yeah, and it gets three miles. Yeah, and it gets three miles a gallon. You can see it coming. Maybe it's diesel. All right, we're going to make America, guess what?

Florida again. Here we go. Again. This is a Florida. This is a Florida woman. She's accused of hiding stolen cash. inside her body after allegedly scamming a senior. So I took out some of the details, because I'm wanting you to make a guess at the end of this.

So the deputies alleged she showed up at a senior citizen's home, pretending to work for the alleged victim's bank. The alleged victim became suspicious and contacted law enforcement. While deputies investigated, they received another call identifying her as a possible suspect in a similar case. deputies located her driving near Interstate 95, hopefully not near 799th Street, before she could leave Martin County and then they arrested her on fraud charges.

But when they got her in the station, they did a body search. So she hid money on her. Let me find out where this fucking thing is. Oh, my God, do I not have it? Oh, no. They call it a cavity search, but they really skip past your molars and go right to your asshole, usually. They should call it an asshole search.

I like that. All right. Florida woman. Money and body. I got to find the figure. So what do you think it is? How much? Where did she hide it?

Well, no. So she had, they were in her, the money was in her vagina. Oh, that's nicer than the asshole. She took cash and she had the cash in her vagina. Imagine when an evidence locker smells like at a police station after all the evidence they pulled out of people's assholes. How much cash do you think she had in her vagina? I'd say the underover is $500. $3,200.

Nice. That's some expensive pussy right there. It's a big purse. Yeah. Wow. That is a big billfold. That's an ATM. She's carrying around between her legs.

Yeah. So anyway, very industrious. I like it. All right. So let's get to sports. Here we go, sports. All right. I'm just going to make an announcement.

Next week we're going to announce a way that you guys, we're going to play. We're going to do a football betting pool where you get on the app and you You bet on every game that week, no point spreads. You just bet what team's going to win. So there's, what is there, 16 games a week or something? On an hour app? No, no, we have a different app.

All right. And then everybody puts in 50 bucks, and each week, whoever gets the most right, will win the 50 bucks. So it goes for, I think there's 18 weeks in the season. And we're going to give you guys the code for the, website and my Venmo. I can give out my Venmo, right? Yeah, I don't know. Also, it was news to me we had an app. I don't know how much of this you're allowed to do. Oh, really? Well, you might be, but I don't know that for a fact. All right. I'm going to look into it this week. Is someone winning

something? Yeah, every week you win, you know, whatever, we divide the amount of money that goes into the pot by 18 and that's how much you win every if you're a winner in week six you get one 18th of the entire pot seems to me you would have to be vetted as a franchise doing this I think they would also like to dip their beak in the government would and the winning so maybe we don't maybe by the way I might be wrong look but look into it we could maybe do it for not I'd like to do it for money but we'll see next week we'll know whether or not we can do it for money and we'll announce it. All right, let's get down to this day in history.

Here it comes. Admittedly, I really didn't read a lot of this, but let's see. I saw one I liked, and it was this one. Netflix was founded by American entrepreneurs Reed Hastings and Mark Randolph, originally a DVD rental company. It later moved into streaming, content creation, and killing an industry. What year? Did Netflix get founded, I guess, technically, give or take four years?

Wait, so you're talking about when Netflix was doing like they'd mail you DVDs, right? I'm trying to remember if they mailed. I think Blockbuster did the VHS and then it transformed into DVDs and that's when Netflix kind of took over. Well, I'll reread this. It was they said originally a DVD. D rental company. Okay, got it. All right, so I'm going to guess, I remember VHS tapes back in the late 90s.

So I'm going to say 2002. 1997. Wow. Sure. Wait, did you give me a spread on that? Yeah, three years. Oh, God. No, I think I gave you four.

I gave you four years. I think I was five. Angred Bergman was born Brigham Young was born in 1915 Did you know Brigham Young is the second president of the Church of Latter-day Saints?

Yeah, Joe Smith was the first. Oh, right. See, I don't know much about that. Dude, I there's not a lot here. John Locke, you know about him? John Locke, of course. Sure, John Locke, whose works lie at the foundation of modern philosophical empiricism and political liberalism.

Well, he was born in England, give or take, I mean, what do I give you, 80 years? When was John Locke born? 1625. 1632. Nice. Well, I knew that a lot of the founding fathers based the Declaration, of Independence on John Locke. So I knew he was, I knew he was an adult before 1776.

The execution of Atahalapa. Who? Exactly. The 13th emperor of the Incas effectively marked the end of the Inca Empire. What year, give or take, 200 years? The Incas go way back. I would say when the Spanish came over and colonized Latin America, we made it Latin America, I would say that would have been in the 1600s.

I'll say 1640. That's pretty good thinking, but 1533. Okay. How much time did you give me? What was the range? 200 years. Oh, I got it then. Yeah, you should be proud.

And let's see. All right, yeah. You know, it says he died on this day. Charles Bronson died on this day in 2003. I'm going to do the quick math. Give her take five years. When was he born as I continue to do the math here? He died on this day?

Yeah. In what year? 2003. All right. So let's say he was 73 and he died in 2003. So he was born in 1930. No. He was 81 years old.

And I didn't give you a time range. It wouldn't have been that big. So he's born in 28. Is that what you got? I don't know. 22. Okay. No, no, what are you talking about?

He was born, yeah, in 22. Okay. Late show with David Letterman, debuted on CBS. Key detail there. What year, give or take two years, did he debut, three years, did he debut on CBS?

Okay, because he started on NBC, right, going after the Tonight Show? It was 12.30. That was NBC, right? That was late night with David Letterman on NBC. Right. Okay. So that was going on when I was in college. He moved to CBS. I was on the show on CBS in 1996. So I'm going to say 1992. Very good math. 93. Nice. Did you know, okay, give or take five years, Vladimir Lenin, the Soviet leader, was shot twice in an unsuccessful assassination attempt on this date, give or take five years.

Let's see, Russian Revolution was in 1917. He was a part of that. So I'm going to say 19. 20. We're going out on that one. You did great. 1918. Nice. Look at you. All right.

All right. Here we go. We did letters to the editor, right? We did. Good Lord. Yeah. Yeah, that's horrible to look at. Okay, quick obituary.

Here we go. Tough week for the gays with Dolly Parton, a real icon. And then Tim Curry died. I'll read up. Tim Curry. British-born actor who's gift for garish eccentricity lit upstage and screen, most notably, as the outlandish cross-dressing mad scientist in the Midnight Cult Film, the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He died Tuesday in L.A. He was 80. The death was confirmed. Okay. He was also his first screen,

he was in the first screen version of Annie. He brought more than a dollop of slime to the part of Rooster Hannigan, the con artist. He was in Clue. And Spam a lot, the musical based on the Monty Python's King Arthur Legend. Anyway, on and on. Him singing Sweet Transvestite is one of the great film performances of all time. Oh, he just leaned. He was so comfortable.

Oh, my God. It was just amazing. And I mean, you think, like, I used to go to those movies. Did you used to go to the midnight showings of Rocky Har? I think I've only done it once. Oh, my God. We used to do it all the time. And then I did it once in Boston.

There was a theater. I can't remember which theater it was. But, I mean, I think it made so many people that were a little weird feel celebrated and okay. And there's actually a documentary. I met the guy who I think is. this guy's son at the improv one night, and he's making a documentary about Rocky Horror Picture Show. They're doing interviews right now.

And I think it might, I think that he might even have a first cut of it. But I think that's going to be huge. Wow. All right, well, let's cheer up with some funnies. That's cheer it up. Every week we do the comedy caption contest. We give you one frame of a comic.

You then sit at your laptops or on your phones. You write up funny puny. punchlines, you mail them in to Fitzdog Radio at gmail.com. We do ask you put your name directly underneath your punchline. We choose a handful. Read them and finally choose a winner. What that winner gets, he or she only knows. Right. This past week, we had Superman with a big pot belly standing on a scale,

while a doctor and a lab coat and a stethoscope and a clipboard makes a comment two fat Superman. First one comes from Rich Kennedy. He says, at this rate, you'd be lucky to leap a bungalow with a running start. Bungal, okay.

Instead of tall buildings with a single bound. Chili B says, first things first, donuts are your new kryptonite. I read that, and then I read at least a dozen other of the almost exact same joke.

Yeah, Bungalow fails. And I think if it was, we were a late night show and someone came up with a tall fill in the blank. And it's not tall. That probably would have been better than bungalow. You know what I mean? What do you mean? What would have been better than bungalow? Because what, you have to play on the phrase more.

Like, Leap a tall building. Yeah. Even like tall bungalow or tall something. Dollhouse. Those are not it. A short cottage. Kenny Engel says, and the good news,

I'm fucking the receptionist. That old chestnut. That's a great one. Rich Butchko, Butchco, is how you say it. He says, well, apparently you're not faster than a speeding buffet.

See, there it is. Speeding, Newark. Yep. And it's literally replacing the two Ls with two Fs. It's tight. We like it, Rich. T-Bone says, hey, it could be worse.

I have to tell my next patient, Clark Kent, that he's got the clap. Okay. A minor tweak, if you're going to say two hard K's, Clark Kent, you don't want to say the clap afterwards because it's too many because. I don't think so, but I also like the thinking. It was conceptual. Brian from Omaha said, you got to flap your arms while flying to burn any calories. Mm-hmm. Maddie from New Jersey says, my recommendation, start flying around the earth backwards.

I guess so we can reverse all the food that he ate. Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah. Sean says, it took you two bounds to get on the scale. I'd prescribe you some Crips-Zempic. Okay. All right. That's it.

What do we like? I mean, listen. The buffet is good You know, it's not I wish it was something that did move But yeah, I'm speeding buffet All right, Rich Bouchko Congratulations, you won something

Next week's comic We got two robots laying in bed It's dark And the woman is sitting Huh? One robot's in bed Oh, you think the woman is not a robot? I

Is it? Hold on Oh yeah You're right Sorry sorry sorry you're right Yeah yeah They're both robots It's a male and a female robot

Laying in bed Look like husband and wife And then there's the door opens And another robot walks in Looks I'm gonna say that's the kid robot Correct I maybe it's a round head They would have given them a square head

Like the guy in bed Yeah I think you're right Yeah no yeah yeah That little hair thing that's stupid? Yeah, yeah, it's a kid. Yeah, all right, so let's say that there's a robot kid. He's walking in on his parents in bed.

There's no hanky-panky. They're just laying in bed, but he's talking. He's saying something. He's disrupting them in bed. Send him in. There might be hanky-panky. They looked very defensive. Yes, he looks guilty.

All right, let's say that he interrupted them. What's that? Coitist, Coitle interruptus? Is that what it's called? Coitus interruptus? Coital, whatever. Yeah. I'm brain dead to that.

Go ahead. All right, let's get to the pros. Hager is sitting at a bar with Lucky and an unnamed blonde woman. And Lucky goes, I've been talking to the lovely lady next to me for 20 minutes and she hasn't made one excuse to leave. And Hager goes, she's asleep. And Lucky goes, who cares? My ex-girl from behind us doesn't know that. And it doesn't know what, that you roofied this girl in medieval time?

times. Oh, that's the classic roofing too early. Yes. You got to do it on the way out. You do. You want to get out of here? Great. One toast. Let's toast it. It's like when you roofie yourself on a flight. You got to make sure the flight takes off. Yeah, I had that issue when I flew to New York. I took a gummy. I took a pot gummy. And then the flight was fucking canceled. And I had to re-book a flight because you didn't tell me to switch flights in the first place. And poor, you had a great time in the airport.

Yeah, it was great. Then we got the lock horns and a waiter at a fancy, I don't know what these two are doing at a fancy restaurant, but they're all dressed up. Waiter has a bow tie. And he goes, the waiter says, pardon, monsieur, monsieur, monsieur. but you just ordered the name of the restaurant Monsieur Monsieur. What is it?

Monsieur. Monsieur. And then now they're sitting... I don't speak French. You do, didn't you speak French? I did, but I can't remember how you say monsieur. Oh, monsieur. Mademoiselle, monsieur.

You know, monsieur. So they're sitting in the therapist's office and she goes, we're, We're back on speaking terms, but you don't want to know what we're saying to each other. All right. Hey, do you think the French say the word man? Like, they say cool. Like, do you think there's some slang, you know, that they...

They don't say home. Is okay American or British? I think everybody says okay. No, I know, but I'm wondering how... Is there an explanation why a French person says okay? Is there an explanation why anybody says okay? What does it even mean? What does it refer to?

We can look that up next time. Okay. All right, let's get down to the onion. Yes, the onion we had two this week. So there's a panel of three people. That's all you need to know. But it says, nations over thinkers convene to determine what that's supposed to mean. That's good.

There's a picture of Andrew Tate, and the headline is, lawyers say Andrew Tate rented brother to appear loved online. That's good. Yeah. All right, let's close it out with the couple that we love to hate. Dagwood walks in the door. He's got his stupid black suit on with his red bow tie. Blondie, who's wearing sort of a mauve, short-sleeve sweater. Move? Move? Move? Moves, monsieur.

Mov. Black velvet skirt, bowling pin calves, protruding. And she goes, honey, did you know today was National Bowtie Day? And he goes, really? And then she kisses him right on the mouth. She goes, every day is bow bow day for you, dear. And he goes, it sure is. And he walks out. He goes, but it's nice when the rest of the world acknowledges a classic. All right, here's a different third frame. You got the bow tie. You got it on her now.

And that's it. That's all she's wearing. The bow tie. And you flip it around to the back of her neck so you can look at it while you pile driver on the staircase. Okay. Head down. Farhead down on the third step. Lovely. Yeah.

All right. I like it. Hey, Mom. Thanks for listening, Ma. Oh, God. She doesn't make it this far, does she? Yeah, nobody does. All right.

Let's give a shout out. to our sponsors. Don't forget prize picks. Don't forget quince. Both great companies support the show. Mike, anything you want to promote? Let's see. Let's see.

I don't know. I mean, the dolly, everyone's doing their own dolly stuff. You know, you recommended nine to five. Nine to five. Great movie. I don't know if I recommend Pluribus yet. Okay.

We'll wait and see for next week. Oh, there's a really great show called Furious. that I highly recommend. Really? Okay. Oh my God, it's so good. It's got, well, you just watch it. I don't like spoiling things. We'll talk about it next week.

All right, thank you guys for listening. Take itish. Take itish. Sunday, Papers, podcast with Greg and Mike. Yeah.