Sunday Papers - Thursday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 4 8/20/20

Episode Date: August 20, 2020

Greg and Mike give an update on the old biker accident reports from Sturgis: no masks, no helmets, no insurance. Also, your mail and a tough crossword puzzle that even stumps them.

Well, it's Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, it's time for Thursday Papers with Mike and Craig. Extra, extra. Read all about it. A lot of news here. A lot of news. Jesus. I didn't have it this week. I didn't have it this week.

Thank God I've lost the Zoom on my screen. I can't even see you. There you is. Hey, now. Look at me. Green hat. This hat, by the way, is made by Urio, which is a company that I became friends with the creators. This hat is made out of fishnets recovered from the Chilean sea.

I love that. I love that story. And they're all over. I just said I love them. Can they send me one? Huh? Yeah, they sent two. They sent one for me and one for you.

Oh, come on. Yeah, check it out. So they started out. I met them when they were just two young kids working out of their garage, this couple. And they, uh, they started saying like, what are we going to do with all these fishing nets that get abandoned? So now they're all over Latin America, Patagonia, pick them up. They do all the Patagonia's hats. No. Yeah. Yeah. They're huge now. So I'm imagining the idea is after you wear it a few times, you don't

throw it in the ocean and then the fish get all tangled in hats? No, you scoop them up. You scoop those fuckers up. They're already attracted to the material. We know that. Right. All right. This is a 20-minute sprint. What are we doing? 20-minute sprint. Let's

go fast. Quick. Get in a plank position, run in place, go do the staircase, whatever you're doing. Okay, let's get to, first of all, big announcement. We have our first—oh, by the way, Tim Semple did the Thursday paper song. I like it. Real catchy. Yeah, short, sweet, to the point. Keep sending them in, but it's possible we're going to keep that as just every week. It's so good.

Yeah. We'll see. Send in some other ones. Also, Mike, you just had a trip to a camping trip. How was that? Back country, a little too high. We slept at around 11,000, 11,500 feet. And, you know, whatever.

You sound like a pussy. But like hiking up there when you have the 40 pounds on your back. You told me 35 the other day. I've raised it five for the podcast, Greg. It's, yeah. And don't forget my boots and my hat. Yeah. I don't have a light monofilament hat like you do.

And so anyway, it was breathtaking though. We went up to the Sierras and we woke up. It was in either the high 30s or early 40s. It thunderstormed for 90 minutes that night before. But what was amazing is you come down Sunday morning, you walk down, you know, whatever. And it's amazing. There's still snow up there. Wow.

And you then make the drive home on the Eastern Sierras and we passed Death Valley. And on Sunday, the exact time we were passing it, apparently earth broke a record for the hottest temperature ever in Death Valley Sunday. 130 degrees, right? in Death Valley Sunday. 130 degrees, right? Something like that. My car said 116 because we weren't in Death Valley,

but it was 116 on the highway where I was driving. Damn. Yeah, yeah. That's California. A couple corrections from last week. Send them in if you hear them. We usually nail it, but once in a while we get five or six things wrong. I got my weight. I got the weight of my pack wrong already.

No letters, please. Herman Cain, we were discussing Herman Cain, and I said that he was the founder of Papa John's Pizza, when in fact he was not the founder, but he bought and then sold Godfather's Pizza, that he made a lot of money. It's a significant difference, although I bet both pizza guys, Godfather's and what's the other one? Papa John's. Papa John's.

I bet they both use the N word. Because you know that's papa john's rap yeah he's no longer even on the board of his company or whatever it is yeah he had to go conference call used it yeah let's get back to italian people owning pizza place let's stay out of trouble. Yeah. That was sent in by Mikey Fitzgibbons. Also, I... Mikey. Somehow, I meant we were talking about famous people that have tempted fate by downplaying the coronavirus and then got it.

I said Boris Yeltsin, when in fact Boris Yeltsin's been dead for about nine years. So ahead of his time. Boris Johnson, prime minister of... Is it England nine years. Met Boris Johnson, prime minister of, is it England or Great Britain that he's the prime minister of? Well, Boris Karloff is also dead. I don't want you to go there. That's right.

It's England, right? Is he? Just England? I guess so. I should know, especially I've worked with so many Brits, like Britain, the British Isles, England, United Kingdom. Yeah. Yeah.

Just get it. Come on now. Well, they're confused because they're they used to be they used to be big. They were like Radio Shack. And now there's like two Radio Shacks. There's like England, Scotland, Wales, and then I think they've got like a part of the Canary Islands, and that's pretty much it.

Yeah. Here we go. We're going to invite more letters. I believe, I think I'm wrong. The United Kingdom, though, refers to England, Scotland, Northern Ireland. Does that sound about right? Fuck England. Fuck Great Britain.

They're worse than the Nazis. Wow. Send your letters to Fitz Dogg. Rick Schwartz said that I blanked the name of a comedian from Boston. He said it was probably Lenny Clark. In fact, Teddy Bergeron was the one who had the bit about being an aa meeting and popping the can that's such a funny bit oh my god where is it no lenny clark wasn't he the retarded bit that he used to do yeah yeah um lenny's the best i don't

know if that bit has aged well but all all right. None of comedy has aged well. You know, it really hasn't. It's like I look back at certain specials. I mean, Eddie Murphy, Raw, or Delirious. No more, yeah. It's so, so offensive to gay people. And the left better calm down. You know what I mean?

Just calm down for two months until the election. Just calm down. The know what I mean? Just calm down for two months till the election. Just calm down. The extremists on both sides, the regular people on both sides, whichever side you're on, you don't need the extremists yelling right before the election. It turns off at least half the country. Yes. Yes. We've been. Anyway, let's get to letters.

Letters to the editor. We're already seven minutes into the podcast. Oh, shit. We do this thing in 20s. Let's do it fast. Five and a half minutes in. Okay. Well, I'm sure we'll get corrections.

I'm like a trainer. Like, just three more if you are exercising doing this. Hey, we're only three minutes in. All right, go ahead. Alex Jonas said, Hey, Greg and Mike, love the podcast. I'm writing to tell you that your most recent podcast really hit home with me for several reasons. I actually graduated from Sturgis High School.

Oh, my God. And although I live just outside of town, immediately after graduating, I moved to Las Vegas. Wow. Just over a year ago, I moved back to Sturgis to take care of my father, who was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease. Oh, man. Sorry about that. Yeah. Under no circumstances would I ever have considered moving back here, but here I am. As you mentioned on a previous podcast, the city sent mail-in votes to decide on whether or not to have the rally this year. They also informed the residents a few days later that if they voted to not have the rally,

the city would have to raise their property taxes to make up for the lost revenues. Despite the majority voting no, it still happened. Not only do I think it was a terrible decision for the community and surrounding area, but now these bikers all go home and spread it in their communities. My dad has a terminal illness.

I worry about his wellbeing. Also, there is a VA hospital in Sturgis. So there are a lot of retired veterans and elderly people in town. So. Yeah. You know, there you go. Well, he's not going to get any sympathy from a lot of, a lot of the people pulling into Sturgis because they think Lou Gehrig's disease is a myth.

So, is it too soon? That's right. No commentary. I'm not making light of your father's illness. I'm very sorry about that. They're saying you don't have to wear a mitt. Oh, my God. But, you know, I did the accident report last week, and I then checked again.

This is an update. I just am going to read you. You're probably going to cut me off because there's like eight of them, but this is just from Saturday. These are the injury reports out of Sturgis. At 10.40 a.m. Saturday, while unsuccessfully trying to pass a car, the motorcycle went across the West Brown Lane into the North Ditch. The 64-year-old male driver, who was not wearing a helmet,

was thrown from the motorcycle. He suffered life-threatening injuries. Charges are pending. Keep in mind, it's a strong start. That's 1040 a.m. Wait, didn't you read these already? These are all new. These are ones you haven't read?

These are ones I have not read. Oh, my God. This is a new day, Saturday. At 1115 a.m. Saturday, the driver lost control while trying to negotiate a curve. The Harley Davidson went into the south ditch and down a narrow ravine. The 66-year-old male driver suffered injuries. Helmet uses under investigation. At 1 p.m. Saturday, a Harley-Davidson motorcycle failed to negotiate a downhill curve, going wide and across the center line, colliding with a southbound

Chevrolet Traverse. The motorcycle slid down the road, striking us. Hold on. Then the motorcycle slid down the road, striking a southbound BMW motorcycle. I'm not kidding. Both motorcycle drivers were thrown from their vehicles. The 71-year-old male driver of the Harley Davidson motorcycle, who was not wearing a helmet, suffered injuries. The guy in the BMW was 44. He was wearing a helmet and sustained minor injuries. So anyway, it goes on like that. But no joke, each one, 64-year-old,

a 70-year-old was the next one. Again, not wearing a helmet. 64-year-old, not wearing a helmet. Can we assume also not wearing a mask for all of them? Yeah, oh, 66-year-old, not wearing a helmet. He was attempting to slow down for vehicles. This is a good one. At 5.32 p.m.

I'm only up to there. Saturday, a 2008 Harley Davidson motorcycle was eastbound on Interstate 90 when the driver lost control while trying to change lanes during a rainstorm. Both occupants were thrown from the motorcycle. The 56-year-old male driver was not injured, and the 20-year-old female passenger sustained minor injuries. Oh, I like that. Here's to that guy. He's not injured, and his 20-year-old date has minor injuries.

So both were wearing helmets. That's the thing. Those guys are getting it on in their motel in Sturgis that night. Wear helmets, everybody. Wear condoms too for that girl. Can we, can we assume that a 20 year old girl who's on the back of an elderly biker's motorcycle in Sturgis is already suffering injuries? That's just the most, they should say the most recent injury. Definitely impaired judgment. I don't know if she should be getting, but also shouldn't she look around, do the math?

Like, all right, I'm going to get, I'm going to get on an old guy's motorcycle now. Like, all right, I'm going to get on an old guy's motorcycle now. It seems like the hospital has a waiting line of these dudes. Oh, my God. Dude, if you want to make some money, get a flatbed and go up to Sturgis that week. You will be hauling motorcycles for 24 hours straight. Or if you're a parts dealer, Including human parts, just head up there. Every year.

That should be just a tradition. All right. Denture repair. Gold mine. Yeah. All right. This is from Marcos Mayers. Hi, Greg and Mike.

Your last Sunday papers you talked about Memories you thought you had forgotten Made me think about an episode from my high school life Uh oh I went to Catholic school 25 years ago Uh oh Cue the violins and the cellos Cue the dun dun

We had a priest that taught calligraphy One day He made the girls go to the gym, and with just the guys he started this weird lecture about growing up. I cannot really remember the beginning, but what I clearly remember is the emphasis he put on the hygiene of male genitalia. He got really detailed on how to do it, and when his voice started changing tone and it was getting too weird,

he pulled himself back and ended up saying some standard Christian stuff. Today, I think that was completely unnecessary, but I guess he was really worried about a clean soul. Hmm. He, uh, I can't, I can only guess. He sounds terrified. The priest, which so many of them are. Sounds what? The priest. Sounds what? So many of them are. Huh?

Sounds what? Terrified. Yeah. I remember my, when we had sex ed, there was a teacher there and he was like a very uptight, wound up guy, Mr. Mark Asani. And, uh, he started telling us about sex ed and he mentioned that his wife having sex with his wife and that she was dead. And then the tittering started and the giggling started. And then he fucking snapped. He screamed at us. Well, how dare you laugh at a guy having sex with his dead wife? This was really the advanced sex ed class.

He did the foot fetish one next and then on Thursday he came in dressed as a bunny. Oh wait, it wasn't Mark Asani. Mark Asani was the music teacher. I can't remember this guy's name. I don't think you should name names.

I know, I know. But it wasn't Mark Asani. So I was hit. Yeah, I tell you that. I went to Iona Grammar School for one ill-fated year. Catholic school. I was hit right in the face. Keep in mind, this was like 1980.

It wasn't like the 30s. So anyway, smashed in the face. Keep in mind, this was like 1980. Like it wasn't like the thirties. So anyway, smashed in the face by this guy, but I honestly feel he was so flamboyant. I would bet everything that he was a homosexual, but, uh, but in addition, incredibly effeminate and flamboyant. incredibly effeminate and flamboyant. So that adds of course to it. But so anyway, my, I just pray for the guy. Like I, I actually forgive him just because I now understand, and this is a presuming a lot and probably very patronizing, but, uh, I just think he must have had the toughest life because I don't know how many listeners know. It's very, very common knowledge. But so sorry if I'm if I'm being patronizing to the listeners now.

But so many people in the especially the Irish and Italian Catholic communities grow up and men and boys and they feel that they're gay or they start to think that they're attracted to men, they are so horrified and they know that their dad will probably beat the shit out of them, if not have their whole families disown them. And all of a sudden they hear, wait a minute, there's a place advertising positions where I can go and never have sex with anyone ever. Like, in other words, it'll be the rule and people will look out for that. And I'll be a hero in this community. And I'll lead a moral life so I can overcome this evil that I feel inside of me. And I will be on the top tier if there's such a thing in heaven, in God's eyes, I will be one of his closest sons.

And, but, but more to the point of anything, an absolute hero to my family, no matter what my other siblings do, no one, I don't care if it's a hedge fund guy that buys the parents a house, no one is going to be higher on the ladder than this guy. I can't imagine him to the gay priest teaching you guys sex ed. It would be like, okay, first you find a guy named Ed, then. Okay. Where, I know we got interrupted last time. Where were we? Okay. Handicap stall in Port Authority. Was that, that's what I think we left off there.

So the weird thing guys is, um, a lot pay to actually do the action. So it's counterintuitive. You think they'd want to be serviced, but the businessmen before they get in the Holland Tunnel are actually doing it to these kids. And again, the letters go to fitzdogradio at gmail.com. Should we hit? I want to do, we always review a couple things every week. Sure. You want to, is something you want to do We always review a couple things every week

Sure You want to Something you want to review It can be an album It could be a TV show A movie I should write them down They all happen during the week

And then I forget them But God I really will Did you see Love on the Spectrum yet? No Shit It is feel

It is like a drug that makes you feel good okay well we've already there's only six episodes sadly i want to volunteer to do you know we did the brody documentary so i've done documentaries on mental illness i want to do the american version i should call netflix or whatever like the key is being so respectful you could see them there's the last thing i'll say about it. You could see them occasionally in certain scenes be, I forget the producer's name. You never see him, but you could see the person on camera.

Like, Mark, like, is that, did I go too far? Like there's such a trust there that they don't violate or exploit in any way. I know exactly who you're going to talk to because I reviewed Peanut Butter Falcon recently, and the director actually reached out to us and listens to the show. That's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was really excited that we talked about it. And the movie was produced by Anthony Shriver, who's the guy who started Best Buddies, which is the group

that I work with. Oh, you do a lot of work. I want to get in on that too. Yeah. So they work with people with intellectual disabilities. So if we get the two of those guys on board and you really want to do it, you could do an American version of it for sure. I'd rather not help people. I just want to watch them. It's much easier to watch them. i'm getting something out of it they're helping me don't you get it greg yes all right it's 18 minutes what are we doing all right let's do uh my review is of a tv show on hulu called alone and it's a survivor type show 10 people and in this one they're in the arctic and they go in the fall but then they make it through the winter and i mean i'm talking it's fucking zero degrees they're each each dropped

in different areas near this lake in the arctic they never see each other they're 40 pound packs go ahead 45 pound packs they're completely alone they get to bring 10 objects, like knife, fire starter, sleeping bag, 10 things. Lube. Yeah. Lube, carrot. And it is so fucking intense. These are such badass people. This one guy, he kills a fucking moose with an arrow.

No. He guts it, skins it. He builds this fucking tower to put the meat on so that it isn't eaten by scavengers. A wolverine makes it up there. So he makes this fucking trap with tin cans. He found tin cans. All right, don't spoil it.

Don't spoil it. No, I got to tell you this. Oh. Sets up a trap so the wolverine gets his neck through it, and he can hear the wolverine. It's fucking pitch black the middle of the night. He hears the cans. He goes outside with a bow and arrow.

Do you know what wolverines are like? Fucking wolves. They're a cross between a wolf and a wolfman, I think. Oh, yeah. Wolves are afraid of them. Bears are afraid of them. They're a cross between a wolf and a wolf man, I think. Oh, yeah. Wolves are afraid of them. Bears are afraid of them. They are fucking... He goes out in the middle of the night in the dark with a bow and arrow and kills a fucking wolverine

in zero degree temperatures. And I'm sitting on my comfy couch going like, it's a little drafty. I don't know. It's like it's hot out but there's... Oh, my God. Oh, man. I can't wait. It's like it's hot out, but this breeze. Oh, my God. Oh, man. I can't wait to see it. All right. We only have a little bit of time. Should we do the crossword puzzle? We're officially in overtime. That's fine. Let's just keep going. Sure. I got a crossword. You ready?

All right. Let's hear it. It's seven letters. Seven letters. letters. Seven letters. Where you would find lots of motorcycle enthusiasts without their helmets. It ends in an S and there's a G in theues. Nice one. Yeah. Here's one. Six down. Six letters starting with a G. Women find that Cuba is no vacation.

Is that a clue? Yep. Women find. Didn't you just read me a stat? Women find Cuba is no vacation? Starts with a G, ends with a G. I don't even know what you're asking. I have no idea.

Cuba Gooding. Just got accused of four rapes. That's how we end the show. I love it. That's a perfect ending. You know, it's amazing because he's one of these guys that won the Oscar and then never did another decent movie. Did he? Did he ever do another decent movie?

Radio? Did he do radio? I'm trying to remember what else he might have done. I think he probably has i don't know but i really wonder if maybe he was getting blackballed because he was a predator that back that long ago yeah it was a while ago there was hollywood was totally cool with predators till very recently yeah yep could be it. Yeah. Final thoughts, Mike? Boy, I think I left it all on the table here. Okay.

Have you started watching the NBA? Yes. Lakers lost the first game last night. I guess it's getting interesting, right? Yeah, it's getting good. I think people are excited about it. The players are a little bit angsty because, you know, with the playoffs, if you win in three games, you have to sit and wait like five days for the next game to start.

So what I just heard yesterday is that they are going to compress that. And as soon as you win your playoff, then you play the other team the day they finish their playoff. So it's really going to punish the older teams because, you know, people like LeBron are like, dude, I'm fucking out of here. Wrap this shit up. But it incentivizes you to get through your, your series, like three zip zip or whatever. It's, it's up to four zip now, whatever it is. Yeah. But also these guys are under such stress because, because of this bubble and the virus and everything.

They've, this is the longest any of them have gone without sex, isn't it? Yes. Yes. Even if they were with their families, they'd be super stressed because they've been forced to have sex with only their wife, which has not happened since they've been 17 or 16 years old. That's right. Since, since, since they got her pregnant at that away game in Seattle, they, but it's a little bit like Trump in the White House because he, I don't think he has access to outside pussy at this point. Does he?

I don't know. Don't rapists always have access somehow? I'm kidding. They find a way. Alleged, alleged, alleged rapist, alleged rapist. All right, listen. No, I'm sure Trump, I don't know. He's so old.

I don't know how that guy's still, I gotta give it to Trump. Doesn't Trump seem younger than he is? Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, and he doesn't even seem as fat as he is. He's pretty remarkable that way. Yeah, he's really a guy that, uh, you know, grinds it out. The guy fucking, he, he makes it work. He's a hard worker. No doubt about it. I'll say, I will say that. All right. Listen, thanks for listening. Uh, we'll catch you guys in three

days on the Sunday papers. We have a lot of work. We're going to have our first ad on Sunday. We're excited about that. I know nothing about it, but okay. If you want to be a sponsor on the show, you can email us fitzdogradio at gmail.com. We're doing discount rates until we get our, uh, our agent is getting us some real ads, but we thought it'd be fun to, you know, involve the listeners with the listeners with some ads. Anyway. Maybe we'll read, as I said last week, maybe we'll read a fake ad also. That'd be fun.

Just to counter it. If you want to follow Mike Gibbons, it's GibbonsTime on Instagram and Twitter. I am at Greg Fitz Show on Twitter and Greg Fitzsimmons on Instagram. That'll do it. Happy Thursday, everybody. You're almost through the week. Happy Thursday.

Enjoy it. Back to school. God bless. Bye-bye. Well, it's Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. It's time for Thursday Papers with Mike and Greg. Bye.