Sunday Papers - Thursday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 5 8/27/20

Episode Date: August 27, 2020

Listeners have more corrections, Greg and Mike review Netflix's "Love on the Spectrum," and Judd Apatow inadvertently calls in.

Well, it's Thursday, Thursday, Thursday. It's time for Thursday Papers with Mike and Greg. Read all about it! Thursday Paper. It's almost the weekend. This is the last time you're going to check in. You're not going to read tomorrow's paper. It's Friday the weekend. This is the last time you're going to check in. You're not going to read tomorrow's paper. It's Friday.

Thursday paper. What was that? That was a weird inflection. Thursday paper. I think he realized he ran out, and people were starting to come towards him. Oh, it's your character. I got you. It's my newsboy character.

All right. By the way, I didn't tell you this. Owen is going to go back to Chicago after all. To college. Yeah. This is your son, who's your oldest child, who goes to college in Chicago. A little backstory. Greg helps the story.

Well, he decided that he was going to stay in California and go to school. Well, he has to go to school online, but a bunch of his buddies are living there. And he said, why am I going to go there? I'll catch COVID. I'll stay here. I got my own apartment. I got my own car. A bunch of his buddies aren't going back to school. So he's got some friends. He's got a little job at the golf course, making some good dough. He's like, why the fuck would I leave this? But then this morning, he's like, you know what? A bunch of my friends are already there, and they've got a room open in an apartment.

It's a six-bedroom apartment, so COVID safe. And he's like, they're all being really responsible. I want to be in Chicago. I want to feel like I'm at school. So we bought him a plane ticket this morning, and he's going. So the plane and the six bedrooms, it all sounds very COVID safe. I know. It's insane.

It's insane. So Laura's oldest goes to USC and it was going to be the same thing. It's from home, but then they opted to get apartments on campus. And listen, it makes total sense. They're being so deprived of this college experience, which, by the way, is being paid for. Well, that's the thing. Yeah, I was looking at it as like,

you know, we're not going to pay for a dorm, but I'm glad. I'm happy for him. This is a fucking prime. He's 19 years old. Chicago's such a great city i'm glad that he's gonna be there and uh and we'll just uh airbnb his bedroom anyway thursday paper begins with of course corrections mike you fucked up oh no well um i can't wait this guy says uh i have loved the pod until now but repeating discredited

stories such as the urban myth of covid parties is irresponsible please do please do a little bit of background checking before you repeat stuff like this as there is not one jot of evidence that covid parties take place and certainly no actual evidence that anyone died as a result. These stories appear based entirely on Chinese whispers and hearsay. I don't know if we had to get racist. So anyway, do you know what Chinese, do you know what Chinese whispers is?

What is it? So when I was working on Corden, right. And with all the Brits, so we brought up one of the pitches in the writer's room was some version or variation on the game telephone. And they're like, what are you talking about? I can't do a British accent, but like, what are you talking about? And, uh, we're like telephone, the game where you say it's like, what? And I'm like, you'd say it the next person. And then the message eventually gets lost in translation as like, he's like, you mean Chinese whispers? I'm like, what? And they, they have no, yes. So a lot of the world calls it Chinese whispers. Well, I researched it when I got the

letter because I want to always grow as a person. And in fact, I was thinking of a story that came out of the New York times, which said that this guy in his deathbed said to his healthcare worker, I, I went to a COVID party because I didn't think I could catch it. I guess I was wrong were his final words. However, there are certainly COVID parties. Well,

this, this, uh, New York times story, because it's the New York times and it is the paper of record and they have journalistic standards, they said in the story that that could not be corroborated.

So in fact, this guy, this woman, I'm sorry, Claire, who wrote in, is correct. I can't 100% stand behind that that person died from a COVID party. But have there been COVID parties? I would imagine, yes.

Imagine? No, there are COVID parties. Well, I don't understand her criticism. No, a COVID party means somebody here has COVID. Let's all get together and we won't catch it. Oh, you're right. I imagine imagine that's happened but that's not what i i thought it was like defiant no no no there's plenty of parties but this was this is specifically to be around some with covid to show that you're not exposing them to chicken pox or

that you're gonna get it it's no big deal also we got a letter from mike mulroy who says hi guys love the sunday paper so much. I'm writing to you guys from a COVID party. Love your podcast. Cough, cough, can't taste it. I know you Hollywood types are not great at math, but Mike made a very basic mistake on this week's podcast. You said the average Sturgis rider was something like 66 years old. I know exactly where this is going. Go ahead. I know exactly what he's going to say. Then Mike said, you know, that means half of the writers are older than 66 years old.

Not impossible, but likely wrong. If the media, if the median was 66, then you could say half the writers are older than 66. And average does not mean that half are older and half are younger. Fifth grade math or thereabouts. So that's it. You guys are the best.

Where's he writing from? Japan? Fifth grade's a little advanced for Americans. But I would say the mean amount of Americans learn it in maybe eighth grade. But he's right, actually, because I remember taking statistics and but the one thing I disagree with him on is I think it's more than likely that half are over that so I think even if the mean age no I said even if the even if the mean age is 65 or whatever it is, I think so many are older than that actually there. Well, the mean means halfway between the lowest and the highest number, right?

Right, but what happens is if you have a couple— Which means that definitely more are above half. Right. I think there are a couple of riders in their 20s that throw off the stats a little bit, but I think the real cluster is 65 plus. All right, thanks, Mike, for the most boring correction of all time. Now let's get to some other mail.

Mailbag. Jake Robertson says, hello there, Greg and Mike, huge fan. Love what you do. I seem to have a crush on these guys is what I find myself thinking, even though I'm a straight man. It happens.

It happens. I've seen it happen. That's what happened to Joan. As Trump would say, a lot of people are saying this. I'm no expert, but neither was the other guy. Power lines have the ability to use AC current or DC current. I would logically think in my head that the whole area of the prison, this was a story where we said

that the lights dim in some towns when they electrocute somebody. Yeah, in the pub, it famously did dim. And then some guy wrote in and said, impossible, that they only use DC power and they charge up their station before they, whatever. And the town would be AC power and be unaffected. Yes, bars would use AC and the electric chair would use DC, but there would be,

there would just be a transformer in between to change it from AC to DC. When it gets to the electric chair, this is possibly causing all areas around to dim for a moment when the execution would happen. Good Lord. These are the most boring letters. What is the mean electricity voltage? Ohms. Look, we're already almost halfway through our Thursday paper. So let's get to it. Okay. Everyone listen, get down on the floor and give me one pushup. I saw a guy wrote, I wrote one comedy did his one pushup inspired by me. Do some exercise. We got a 10 or 12. We got a 12 minute sprint here. Get something done while you listen to this.

Okay, here we go. This is the movie review. In this case, it's not a movie at all. It's a TV show. What do we got, Gregory? I finally watched it. You've been telling me to watch it for the last three weeks and I did.

It's called Love on the Spectrum. Oh, my God. On Netflix. And I got to tell you, Mike, it is one of the most beautiful shows I've ever seen. So you're not through with it yet? Because it's not long. We watched five episodes in one night. Could not stop watching. I think you only have one night. Could not stop watching.

I think you only have one more. The guy, Michael. Oh, my God. He's so great. He's so articulate and so loving. Oh, my God. Well, tell people the premise of the show. The premise of the show is these people with,

did you see how they pronounce it, Asperger's? Well, they have autism, and some forms of autism is Asperger's? Well, they have autism and some, some, some forms of autism is Asperger's. Right. So they're on the spectrum. But it's a British show. So they say Asperger's. It was very impressive how, I mean, they're all incredibly knowledgeable because it is something my daughter did a report on it and to learn, you know, about the spectrum and how everyone presents differently. There's no two people who present the same and all that stuff. So anyway, they educate you with that, but it's people looking for love. They want to, they want love in their lives.

It's as simple as that. And then there are these matchmakers who have worked with people on the spectrum and they have, the one was a speed dating night that they had set up and others were just individual dates. And of course, even as I'm saying this, I'm afraid people will get the impression that it's like it's exploitive or that in any way these, there should not be speed dating set up for people who are on the spectrum. And within minutes, you're incredibly comfortable instantly. You're incredibly

comfortable watching this and the show is in such good hands. Nothing feels exploitive about it. And it's beautiful because there are, although under Asperger's or under autism, there are so many different, that's why they call it the spectrum is there's no one type of person. They can display different personality traits, strengths, weaknesses, but what it comes down to mostly is an inability to read other people and to have appropriate reactions to what most people would be able to take in and understand.

And that's why in Philly, their stadium is called the Spectrum because all of those mentally disabled people have no ability to read what's proper or even human, the animals. Go ahead. And that's it for the Thursday paper. Thanks for tuning in. So, and I work with the best buddies a lot, and there's a truth. There is something

so incredibly refreshing about being around people that tell you the fucking truth. There is not a false note that comes out of their mouths. If they think something, they say it. And if it feels like, and if there's a pressure to be polite, they're not. They're not necessarily polite people. But once you get over that, you suddenly are more comfortable around them than you're around anybody else in the world. Yeah, no, you just see, you know, we talked about it, but I wish I had jotted down more lines. But I mean, it was as simple, the best line to sum it up, of was like, they would be on dates, which are incredibly awkward for everybody. It's a first date. There's so much judging, not in a negative way, but judging and calculating.

And is this a fit? Is there even chemistry? And then it's like, um, well, how are you doing? It's like, well, a little nervous. I'm, I'm wondering if you'd like me. Yeah. Which it would take me so long to, it's so, uh, what's the word? It's like, I'm, I'm so conditioned and I'm so sort of, um, it's so unconscious. It would be,

it was like that time I told you a therapist goes, what are you feeling? And it was very hard for me to strip away my reactions, how I'm feeling, my compensations, all of these things to get down to how I was really feeling. Like to get there, I don't even know if I would have been able to identify that. Yeah. I'd be like, well, it's anxious because it's the first time. Like I wouldn't have been able to articulate, this is why I'm nervous. It's this simple.

It's that simple. And one guy comes out of a date, the guy, John, that you're talking about, he comes out of a date with a john that you're talking about he comes out of a date with a woman who says to him at the end and they're all very clear there's no fear of conflict at the end of the date one of them will say would you like to get together again and often the person will say i really like you as a friend but i don't see this becoming romantic and then there's never like a conflict. They always go, okay, well, let's stay friends. Let me get your number.

And it's totally cool. Except for that time where he walked away and his father was there and they talked a little bit and then he just went, I'm sad. And it was so heartfelt. It was so like, that's all he felt. He just felt sad. And he wanted to sit with that for a little while. Right.

And it made you feel like everything was going to be okay. Because for most of us, getting to, I'm sad, not fuck her or I deserve better or any of the, you know, just I'm sad. I'm like, what are you? Don't be sad. Go home. Get on the computer. Publicly call her a stupid slut. Out her for being so stupid that you paid for it. Yeah. No. What does he do?

He admits he's sad. Yeah. What an idiot. Oh, my God. And the thing that people don't understand is people with autism don't have lower IQs. Many of them are brilliant and most of them are as high functioning intellectually as anybody else are. They just have a hard time interacting. That's why I have to be careful. Go ahead. Sorry. you watch it and you start to go, fuck, I think I'm a little on the spectrum, like running out of things to say and be, you know, all the things that we all go through. And, you know, while the other person is talking, sometimes they would go, what's the matter? And they would go, oh, I'm sorry. I was just spacing out. And they'd go, oh, okay. I do that too.

No, I lost my, I lost my thought. Yeah. Yeah. No, totally. Um, and I have to watch what I say because it sounds like, and admittedly I am sometimes impressed with how self-aware they are, but that's, that's, that's a blind spot I have. But, but what it is is there's also this at play. I am not actually handicapping them. So to speak, using the word literally. I am not like doing that. What I'm doing is I'm putting myself up against it like I just described. I am so self-unaware that I'm impressed with anyone who's that self-aware. It's not that, oh, their brain isn't as sharp as mine.

That's why I'm so impressed. It's not that at all. It's that my brain isn't that sharp or attuned and in tune with what I'm feeling. And it really does, again, and as a comedian, I see so many comedians so happy with themselves that they're not politically correct. And they say retard and they say it again and again, and then they get shit politically correct and they say retard and they say it again and again and then they get shit about it and they double down about it

and it becomes this whole, I'm not, oh, I'm not woke because I say this. How about this? Just don't fucking say it and don't make jokes about them. Why don't you try to understand

people are different than you and they've got challenges that you'll never have that they overcome in courageous ways. And then you stand on stage and shit on them. I fucking always hated when comics do jokes about intellectually disabled people. It's right. Like, don't pick a fucking victim who deserves it in comedy.

That's all I ask. Totally. Oh, yeah. You got to punch up. So. All right. Speaking of which, let's punch up on this week's crossword puzzle. Oh, I thought we were going to talk about the show alone.

We don't have time. Oh, because I was going to say alone on the spectrum. That's the new show that you and I should develop. Put these beautiful souls out in the crazy wild where they're, where they're going to die. Cause I've already, I already watched the biggest He-Man check out. Wait a minute. So wait,

did I talk about Alone yet? I did, right? Okay. So what was your, what was your reaction to it? I loved it. Um,

and then the guy I would have bet would not have been first was first to go. Yeah. So it's not even for physical reasons, right? That's the guy who left for emotional reasons? No, although he did cry and apologize to his family. No, he ate a bad mongoose or something like that. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I'm very into it.

Okay, so what do we got? All right, here we got the crossword puzzle. This week's theme, last week we mentioned I don't know how Christy McAuliffe came up The astronaut teacher Who went into space With six other astronauts And

Blew up So this week's And again Pick your victims in your comedy. 12 down. This is the Christy McAuliffe edition of the Crossword Puzzle. Okay. Based on emails that we got from you guys that we put into the Crossword Puzzle.

So we remember, but I just, I said, remember all the vicious jokes that went around? Because we were like, what were you, a freshman in college? Freshman in college, 1986. And all these just dumb jokes went around. 12 down, 12 down. What were Christy McAuliffe's last words to her family? Four letters. You feed the dog, I'll feed the blank.

I happen to know this. Go ahead. Fish. So dumb. Okay. 21 across. This is two words. Why do NASA engineers always drink Coke?

Because they can't get blank. Two words. Sadly, I remember this one too seven up they can't get seven up it was such a tragedy these jokes were out the next day next day the next day and this was before the internet could disseminate the jokes at warp speed this was actually people getting on the phone and then going to their water cooler. These were water cooler jokes. 39 down.

This one's even hard to say. What color eyes did Christy McAuliffe have? Four letters. We had a beautiful podcast about love on the spectrum okay you're freezing oh am i back yeah you're back uh what color eyes did chris mccullough have four letters last one is e uh it's blue one blue this way One blue that way Well I think the last letter Might be W then but okay

Here are a couple of other ones If you probably remember I'm not going to do the pretense of a crossword Come on do the pretense of the crossword puzzle Now I have to think on my feet and do that Just say 38 down 38 down where did christy mccall have spent her vacation all over blank all over florida yes see uh how many astronauts can you i don't know why it's turned this way how many astronauts can you

I don't know why it's termed this way How many astronauts It's an eight across How many astronauts can you fit in a Volkswagen bug Seven you put them in the ashtray Basically It was more math than that I think eleven two in the front two in the back

Seven in the ashtray. Yeah. What does NASA stand for? No astronauts stay in the air. Wow. That was fast. It's need another seven astronauts. Ah.

But I like your fast thinking. So then after a friend of ours, a mutual friend, the old man, Jack was, what's up, Jack? Jackie kid lives in Wyoming. I went to high school with Jack and then he went to Vermont and we were in Boston. Anyway, we spent a summer together and I guess I was with him around when this happened. Let me dig up the email here. Let me guess. Jack was a Phish fan, wasn't he? Well, I wouldn't say we all love the dead,

but Phish was this tiny nowhere band that played, I think. Played to Paradise a bunch of times. Well, they came down. So their first trip to Boston kind of didn't set out to do the goal. And then that's what plagued them their whole career in a way, which is they were coming to play Boston for the first time. Cause I think they played a place called Finn bars might've been the first bar. I'm sure I got it wrong, but it's a bar in Burlington, Vermont, and all of UVM would go see them. And they had this crazy following. So then Jack's like, Hey, we're coming down to Boston,

our local band. Remember the Bubba? Yeah, Hey, we're coming down to Boston. Our local band, remember that? Yeah, sure. They're going to play Boston because they're widening their circle. Well, no one in Boston could see them because everybody from University of Vermont bought up all the tickets in Boston. Oh, that's hilarious. Vermont followed them to Boston. Oh my God. But then he goes, this is the joke Gibbons told all summer that first year. I'd ask, I have no memory of this. I'd ask, do you want a drink? I'm like, do you want a challenger?

I'm making drinks. You want a challenger? And they'd be like, what's that? And it was seven up in a splash. That was my material that summer. That's what i went with oh wait before we go one last section of the paper it's dear abby another advice column you know on sundays we we do ask amy and on thursdays we do dear abby am i reading you dear abby and by the way should we promote that this sunday's episode of sund Papers is going to be taped and broadcast from Catalina Island off of Long Beach, California?

Marilyn Monroe lived there. That's right. And there are, what animal are out there? Elk or something? Bison. Bison. They brought them out there for a movie shoot and then left them. I'm not kidding. Like a hundred years ago. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, what Dear Abby? Because I'm trying to

think if I got one. You told me you had a Dear Abby. Should I read you the same one and see if you have the same reaction? No. Hold on. Do I have one? Let me see here. Oh, okay. Sure. I'll read this. Dear Abby. This is a real dear Abby. My husband's mother recently told me no longer matters to her. Because he is an atheist.

Oh. His mother is supposedly a Christian, but she rarely acts like one. It has left my husband devastated and feeling more lonely than ever. It infuriates me, but I don't think it would be right for me to step in and talk to her directly. How do you deal with a narcissist who constantly plays the victim, even after all the support you've given to her financially and emotionally. Signed, supportive wife in Alabama. Wait, did you say she's a Christian?

The husband's mother claims to be a Christian, but the wife here is saying that she hardly acts like one, but she's broken off ties. I say here's what you do. You get a white sheet, and you're in Alabama, so it's not hard to find a white sheet. It's hard to find one without holes in it. And you hang it up in the backyard at night, and then you get a couple flashlights and some spooky sounds, and you tell her, look, God's in the backyard.

And then you have a little speaker, and you say, this is God. You should be better to your son. Oh, wait, hold on. I got a phone call. Should I take this? Yeah. Definitely interrupt that bit. It's Jed Apatow.

Oh, I missed his call. Wow. A celebrity call? I know. That would have been fun. Should I call him back and get him on Sunday Papers? Of course call back Judd Apatow. I want to know how to watch King of Staten Island. You want to know what? Is it available

again? When I went to watch it, there was a window. Of course call back. What, you're going gonna do your ghost Alabama bit Over Judd Apatow You insane I tried to answer Hey we're over 20 minutes

Sorry Judd Watch he doesn't answer me now He answers with something racist Hey man He answers with something racist. Hey, man. Wait, you're breaking up. Where are you, Malibu? Malibu, where I've been since.

You got to tell him where you're at. I'm doing the Sunday Papers podcast right now, and you're on it. You just called into it. I did? Yeah. Was I supposed to prepare material? Well, I mean, our last story that we talked about was Christy McAuliffe, so you've had a lot of time

to prepare material. I don't know that story. You know, Christy McAuliffe, she was the school teacher, the teacher astronaut that blew up in space back in 1986. How did you get to that? Our readers, they ask for stories sometimes, and we try to honor them with material, tried and true material.

What does he think? It's a bad comedic idea? What does he know? You're threading the needle. You're walking a fine line. In a delicate age, you're going for the subjects. You're not making it easy on yourself but i respect that no no we are not making it believe me if you have you listened to

the sunday podcast yet i did i watched you uh dance around many uh many difficult subjects i i don't i don't listen for the jokes i listen to just hear terror in your voices as you dip your toe in difficult subject matter, wondering if it will ruin you. There's not much to ruin. It's called being 54 years old and knowing that there's not that much dirt left on the outfield warning track. Exactly. Tell him I'm asking how to watch King of Staten Island. Oh, wait.

So Mike Gibbons is on, and he's asking, how do people watch King of Staten Island? Because when I went to try it, it was no longer available. At this point, after my multi-month publicity campaign, if that information has not reached him, I'm in trouble. He said he tried to log on. No, no, I tried to buy it, but then there was a window where it wasn't available.

And there was a window that said it wasn't available. I think basically what, you know, the advice I would give him is that there's a product called Apple. And you, it'll say, do you want to buy this? And you pay for it

with Apple Pay. You give Apple your credit card. And everything in your life should be done through Apple, basically. They should be your healthcare provider. They should be... Marriage counselor. Anything you want is really on

there. So just, you know, I don't know, maybe he's not a Mac guy. But I think if he jumped the Mac, you'll be able to see the king of Staten Island or, you know, there's this other place it's called, uh, Amazon. And, uh, there's like a picture of Pete and you click on it and then you already own it. You don't even, you didn't even mean to buy it, but you clicked and then it's too late. You already paid.

All right. I'm with Brody Stevens now. I resent Judd. I was trying to set him up with a slam dunk promo. Oh, he can't hear you. All right, Judd, let me,

uh, let me call you back. We're almost done. I, uh, I wish you luck with the rest of it. I hope you make it through. Thanks for calling in.

God bless our first guest. Bye. Fuck Judd. I'm with Brody. I don't understand. It can't be that hard to download the movie. Only three movies a month come out at this point. No, there was something, and I'm probably wrong,

but when I went to buy it, there was a tiny window where I think it was between, it was sort of a sneak peek thing. Maybe I wasn't on Apple and I was on Amazon. And then it was like, do you want to pre-order it? So there was something going on. I know how to watch movies. Yeah.

All right. Well, listen, Mike, you also know how to do a Thursday paper. We went long again. We went 10 minutes long. That's extra content for you guys. People are on the treadmill just resenting the shit out of us. And now on Sunday again, coming to you from Catalina

Island with our very first ad. We put it out to you guys. We don't have our agent yet getting us advertising, and we are, you know, hemorrhaging. It's a very homegrown ad, that's for sure. So we'll do a homegrown ad. If you want

to email us, fitzdogradio at gmail.com. We've already got three ads lined up. We're doing our first one on Sunday, and we'd be happy to do one for you. So that's it. All right. Thanks to all the people that help us with this show. Chris Denman out of St. Louis.

He's part of Midcoast Media, does a great job. Beth Hoops, also part of that organization. And, uh, we'll, uh, we'll catch you guys next time. Take it easy.

Wrap it up. Put it under your bike while you oil the chain. Ooh, I like that one. Have we done paper mache? Paper mache, some chicken wire. Make anything.

Yeah. All right. Thanks for listening, Mike. I'll see you on Catalina. You got it. Take it wire. Make anything. Yeah. All right. Thanks for listening, Mike. I'll see you on Catalina. You got it. Take it easy. God bless. Leaving the meeting.

Well, it's Thursday. It's time for Thursday Papers with Mike and Greg. Bye.