supermegashow - A Good Ol' Fashioned Blumping | supermegashow - 115

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

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It's my first day of work and I need to make a big impression. Were you just checking me out? No. It's too bad. I see at least 15 ladies I need to talk to before my beta block is off. My coworkers don't take me seriously. It's not a human. It's just a piece of meat. Someone bring a gurney Welcome to Rug Cuddle with us A podcast

For all of you creative weirdos out there I'm Kate and some of you may know me as Mr. Kate And I'm Joey Mr. Kate's grounded in reality other half You may have met us on the internet Over the past decade We have the largest interior design channel On YouTube

Have decorated for thousands of people Have millions of followers, billions of views Our own furniture line But life is more than pretty rooms and 15-minute YouTube videos. That's right. Every Tuesday, we're sitting down for an hour with each other,

and more importantly with you, peeling back all the layers of how all of life is really a creative project. Parenting, relationships, all the things that inspire you in your daily lives. We'll laugh. We will cry, we'll learn, and my sister and I will gross Joey out

with our romantic-book obsession. Listen to Rug Cuddle with us every Tuesday on YouTube or wherever you get your podcast. We'll see you on the rug. Wow. That's movie magic. I know. you know who why didn't direct why did they have to go create like a whole like

black and white board with like text and all that shit it's like you can just use your hands I know like if you're really an artiste if you're really an artiste you don't need that that little clapboard with all the little spaces you gotta write shit in I mean it doesn't like keep track of takes or no just use your hands it's easy I never understood what the what the purpose of the clapboard was until I was obsessed for some reason in high school there was like, I think in each, like, in middle school era, in high school era, and in college era, there was always a point where, like, I would go and, like, be like, I'm interested in getting a clapboard.

And there was one time, I think in college, I was looking at, like, a digital clapboard. I was like, this would help so much with the sketches. This, this would be the shizant. Why don't we get one? We could. I mean, the funny thing is now we are actually, uh, I don't think. You and I are in the position now, not. Like high school doesn't matter.

Middle school doesn't matter. But like now is the time where a clapboard would actually be useful for us. Yo, there's one for 579, but that's not a digital clapboard. You want a digital one? Imagine how cool that would be. What is a digital, like? Yeah, you see it like sometimes in movies, you've probably seen like when they're doing outtakes and stuff. Where it's got the red.

Oh, yeah. Like the numbers and stuff with the time code. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Nice Well My clap sync I did at the beginning Luke when you're editing Just pretend it was like a cool digital clapboard

Yeah And everyone else watching can pretend That it's good We're going to the intro now We are Yeah but they can also pretend You can pretend and it can be real at the same time Both can exist

So let's see We are going into intro I know No, like we are now. Yes, now, now, yeah. Okay. Memorial Day. Well, today, we're not releasing this on Memorial Day, but it is Memorial Day.

Yeah, it is. And we're working. Yeah, I want everybody listening, everybody watching to make note of this, all right? I don't want you guys to forget it because it's easy for people to go, oh, they're lazy. Uh, oh, you know, they're bums. Guess what? It's Memorial Day. And while you're sitting at home on your.

fat ass playing your little video games. Probably on your bean bag. Yeah. That's colored like, it looks like a football or a basketball or something. That's pretty cool. I don't want to. I used to have a football bean bag that I used to play video games on when I was like

in elementary school. Dude, that's the shit. That's, that's really cool. But, but back to you guys. Sitting on your football shaped beanbags playing your little, it wasn't football shaped. It was just like football pat. It looked like a giant football.

Okay, so it was just round, but regular beanbag, just football. Yeah. Back to you guys sitting on your football pattern bean bags, playing your little video games and smoking your little marijuana on Memorial Day. You know, the day when our ancestors fought with guns got slaughtered in the streets. Yeah. We're working. While you're doing your little video gaming, we're sitting here working. No, we wish we could be video gaming. You know, there are games that Matt and I are interested in that we would love. to be playing rather than working. Down on our hands and knees for you guys. Essentially, man, we're putting

in elbow grease. We're on our hands and knees. It's like wiping a dirty tiled floor. That's what this is akin to. It feels like it. Yeah, it absolutely does. So just remember that before you go in the comments and call us lazy bums. We're working on Memorial Day. Not because we have to,

but because we choose to. because we want to. And not out of like we're not recognizing Memorial Day. Oh, that, very important to point out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want anyone to think that we're working on Memorial Day because we're choosing to disregard Memorial Day. That's not the case of all.

Because what we're doing is so brave and is so noble that we chose to not skip Memorial Day, but show our respect through our work. Exactly. Right? And you know, my grandpappy. The dead one? The one that...

Oh, they're both dead. They're both dead. I'm just kidding. Both of mine are dead. The one that died in the... The whole puppet thing. You know, he fought... He put his life on the line at Iwo Jima.

So this is how... I'm paying homage to him today. The least you could do is go to work. The least I could do is podcast. He was out, you know, you know, like pulling up on the boat with the little like metal door, but it's like, boom, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Oh, I've seen the beginning of, yeah. I was about saying Pearl Harbor for some reason.

I have not seen Pearl Harbor. I haven't either. Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor starring Ben Affleck. Is Casey Affleck in that one? Probably. And, uh, other people. Hey, lots of other people. But the beginning of Satan Private Ryan, that was my grandpa, except it was Iwo,

Jima, not Normandy. But just imagine it's Japanese. So this is kind of like my, you know, two generations later translation of what I can do for the world. That was his. Now this is mine. And it's all for him. It is a sacrifice on both, like he sacrificed and now you are sacrificing. You know, like he sacrificed his life.

much like Vin Diesel's character in Saving Private Ryan. When he went to go do something he shouldn't have done and was warned against and then got shot by a sniper. Is Vin Diesel in saving Private Ryan? He's the one that gets shot by the sniper in the, like near the, like kind of in the beginning of the first third or so. Dude, I thought you were just doing one of your bits. I haven't seen Saving Private Ryan in like a very long time.

so I wasn't sure if... It's a long list of familiar faces. It is. There's a lot of war movies that have a very long list of familiar faces. Like, you haven't seen Thin Red Line by Terrence Malick, right? Dude, that movie is probably the most... Like, that one literally feels like

all the top execs in Hollywood came together and they're like, let's make a war movie and let's just get all our guys in it. Everyone, just for like 10 seconds, you know, here and there. Did Full Metal Jacket have, like, people that I was like, whoa, I'm surprised. No.

No. There was a Vietnam movie where they just, or some war movie where they had like a bunch of like people where it's like George Clooney's in it. Flags of Our Fathers. No. That was a show. That was like a mini series or something. Thin red line, literally it'll be like, here's Tom Cruise as a commander for 20 seconds. And like that's it.

Meanwhile, John C. Riley does get a main role, a leading role in the movie. And he does a great job. I'm always pleasantly surprised. I see John C. Riley pop up. Like, because it's in movies where you don't expect them. Like, I remember the first time you took me to see Magnolia in theaters, because I had never seen it before. You'd seen it, and it was like, I love Magnolia.

And seeing him in it, I was like, no way. Yeah. Because, I don't know, my introduction to John C. Riley legitimately was Steve Brule. No, it was Talladega Knight. Oh. Because I was in youth group, like a Southern youth group. And like when that movie came out, and I didn't get into Steve Bruill probably until like late high school, early college. Yeah.

Like I didn't see that then. So that was more of like, oh shit, he actually does like super interesting stuff. That's not just, I don't know, because, you know, they went down that train of doing the whole, I don't know. It's just like put Will Ferrell and John C. Riley as a duo and everything. And it'll just sell. it'll be good. And then the Sherlock Holmes movie came out, which I never saw, granted,

but apparently it was trash. Maybe we should give it a shot on an awful sleepover. I forgot that existed. My introduction to John C. Riley was check it out with Steve Bruill. So then like... When you were in like elementary school or I guess middle school or something? No, no, no. I was maybe in like ninth grade.

You didn't know Talladega Knights, the Ballad of Ricky Bobby? Dude, I hadn't seen it yet. What? And, uh, I mean, maybe I had seen it, and I just, I didn't really remember. But the first thing I remember John C. Reilly and was Steve Bruill. So then, like, seeing him after that in, like, bigger roles, I was like, whoa, it's Steve Bruill.

And I'm still blown away that you got away from the Talladega Nights bandwagon in the south. Because Medea didn't skip you by. Your mom loved that, Medea. But the thing was, dude, I wasn't really going out and seeing, I wasn't going to the movies and seeing R-rated flicks. Well, the big thing was that, quote-unquote, BORAT was playing the villain in Talladega Nights. So, like, everyone was like, whoa, and it has the Step-Brothers?

Did this, no, Tal-Dadega came out. Before? Yeah. Step-brothers, right? The Step-brothers was- Which I have never seen. Step-brothers? I've seen, like, the TV cut. I don't think I've ever sat down and seen the...

So you didn't get to see his balls on the drum set? No. I've seen that clip online just because I wanted to I just really wanted to see his balls It's not really his balls by the way It's prosthetics because Will Smith Not Will Smith, Will Ferrell

Well probably Will Smith too Put Will Smith in that role And picture the movie Ah Will Smith and Kevin James back Like imagine if they were as much of like A comedic titan From coming off of Hitch

That Will Ferrell and John C. Riley were Just Will Smith and Kevin James Have The Rock and Kevin Kevin Hart Kevin Hart Yeah they did Central Intelligence Okay I was gonna say

Because they seemed like a perfect duo And Jumanji And Jumangi too That's right I'm sure there's something else They've done together But they They seem like a Hollywood duo

Then I'm surprised Wasn't like more of a big You know big thing You saw the rock show up At the Kevin Hart roast No I didn't Get on this lap And suck this titty

He says that? Oh yeah Does Kevin Hart do it? No What's the point then? I don't know I mean, it's like Chekhov's gun. It's like, oh, there's the gun being the thought of Kevin Hart sucking on Dwayne

the Rock Johnson's nipple. His nipple is a gun. Trying to get some milk out. Yeah. Which is possible. It's mostly impossible at this point because he's not, he hasn't been doing anything to kind of help produce milk. Well, we don't know that.

True. You're right. He could be taking supplements because men can lactate just as women. You're right. You're right. And there's certain supplements you can take that can facilitate that. So maybe if the Rock has been taking those, I don't know his supplement regimen. True.

But it seems pretty, it seems like he takes a lot of supplements. Wait, hold on, dude. Is Ben Affleck not in the Odyssey? I don't think so. Why? One of the, I feel like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are like one of the big duos. That's true. That's true.

They are. Do you think Ben Affleck is a little jealous, you know? I mean, they've been. in separate, they've been in movies apart, of course, before, but this is Christopher Nolan's the Odyssey. We're like Zendaya's in it. Tom Holly, yeah, like everyone, everyone in their mothers is in this build. Travis Scott's in it. I know. What do you think, like, Ben Affleck was like, you couldn't have given me Travis Scott's role? Travis Scott? He had a, hey, Chris had a vision. You know how, you know how Chris is. When he wants something, he gets it. I'm sorry. You can't,

you can't talk him out of it. I could just see, just Ben Affleck to his agent, like, Would I audition for the, they gave it a Travis Scott? The rapper? What? Just put me in John Bernthal's role. We can do the same shit. No, he goes, oh! And you can't, you can't get to that register, and we need that for this character.

See, I, I can get there. I just did it. Literally. I literally just did it. You heard it. Right? You all heard it. Like the guy, like, sweating, like.

Ben, you're my biggest. client, you know that. And look, you know, usually I can pull, pull a few tricks, you know, I'm on my sleeve or out of my hat. But, but this time, you know, I've, I've, all the, all the tricks are on the floor. They're all out. They're all spilled out. I used them all.

And it looks like no Odyssey for you. Yeah. We're done. We're done. Maybe I could co-direct it. And then on the, after it's already shot. And then on the, on the way out, Ben Afflex assistant, it's just like, by the way, you hit the note.

Like, you hit that yell. Like, I didn't. I didn't want to interrupt. To put his hook at him a little more. He's like, you did it now. Way better than, way better than that guy from the walking dead. You know? Yeah, nobody, I mean, like, I know him, like, the guy from the walking, that.

What's even his name? I forgot. I forgot. Exactly. Exactly. Right? Right? Yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. But, uh, yeah, man. I, I think he's a little jealous. Going back to The Rock, I think the Rock is jealous that he didn't get cast as Matt Damon's role. Dude, the part for being Ares, the god of war went to a Saffty brother and not Dwayne the Rock Johnson? What the balls? I got to say, I really don't, I haven't seen what Benny Safdi's character or anything looks like, but I just, I don't see, I don't see, I don't, I don't envision him as, as the god of war.

Do you? Well, there's a, there's a still of him brooding. I showed you. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah. I mean... We're seeing this together, right?

Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. Now, Matt... And his closure day. Yes. There, I feel like, you know, it doesn't happen a lot when you and I go see a movie together just because that's just the way it is, you know, that's the way life turned out.

That's the way the fucking cards have been dead. But like, whenever there's like, I don't know, like, well, not that, but more so, not that we don't go see movies, it's more like there's not a movie that you and I are both excited about. Like, like, it takes a lot to get me to go to the theater. Like when Noop came out, you and I were both excited because it's like, oh shit.

Aliens. You have aliens, UFO. And then out of the whole group, everyone was kind of like, that was pretty good. And then you and I were the only ones that were like, well, dude, it seems like everyone on the planet thought it was pretty fucking good except for us. And Logan Paul.

We're in his team, I guess. Yeah, that sucks. We literally had his same opinion too. It sucks. I'm just like, I have Logan Paul to your opinion. I genuinely hate it. that it's like the one other person that shares our opinion it's like oh it's fucking logan paul really that this sucks it's a horrible feeling maybe it's a generational thing

yeah i'll show it to my to my kids and see if they i and i won't i won't guide their opinion but i'll see what they think and that'll kind of dictate on if i'm going to be a good father that or how their christmas is going to go that year i'll keep it like a mental note it's like all right well you're not going to get as many presents you'd really treat your kids like that of course i would They grow up to despise you. They grow up to despise me, but respect me. Like Michael Jackson's father, Joseph. You know, Joe, things are going to work differently around here.

He's like doing little... No, stop it, Michael. Oh! Let's stop with those feet! No, oh! Michael Jackson doing kung fu. Dude, Michael Jackson probably could have fucking kicked ass at Kung Fu. Oh, yeah.

Because he could already do all those little like kicks and twirls and like... And he could climb trees at like the age of like 50. something. Oh, dude, remember in the Martin Bashir documentary when he's like, come on, let's go climb the tree. How fast he sprints for that, like, I think, I literally think the camera movement is he runs off camera. Right.

By the time the camera pans, he's already at the top of the tree. It's, it's like the camera can't keep up. Oh, he's up there now. He might have fucking just bounced up, like, just, just boom, up to the top, dude. Like a little mini trampoline that the people like drag off set. Oh man You know what It's a good thing that

Joseph Jackson Never had access to a gigantic Cain To pull Michael off stage If he ever got a little too hot Like in that last show in the movie Yeah If he's like

This could be the last tour And he's making eye contact with Joe As he's saying So Joe knows what that means And if Joe had a large cane He'd go Whon! Yank him right off stage

Next time we do a live show We should we should get one of those large canes and have someone backstage yank us off at a certain point. And then backstage has someone else yank us off if you catch my drift. You like bend our neck and close the windpipe. I feel like that would snap your neck. That's why we... At the force to pull you off stage?

That's why in the sketch, the person that gets pulled off for some reason, like in the sketch, they have a neck brace on. But it's really padding for the cane. Okay. For safety. That's smart. That's very smart. But I don't want to.

people to see it's a neck brace so we'll do some prosthetics so it just looks like if i get pulled off like it looks like my neck is just bigger than my head or it could yeah it could you you could look like Patrick star almost essentially yeah with the way that we do the your trapezoid no what are these trapezoids no no trapeze what the fuck are these little muscles called your traps you're trapezius okay okay at the trapezoids well i mean i don't know why i don't know why i don't Trapezius is goofy sounding as shit. It's not that far off from trapezoid. Sounds like a Greek god.

Trapezoid sounds like... Wait, maybe I could play him! No, that's not even... I was just making a comment. No, but it... That's not even a Greek. It's... I'm just saying that, like,

it would be cool if there was a character that we could throw in as like a... But there's not. So there's no Greek god. They can just throw me in in post, maybe? Trapezeus. I mean, we got you Batman. Yeah.

And who the fuck cares about my Batman character? I mean, the only people that will probably look back at Ben Afflex Batman, and this isn't like a diss or anything, I'm not trying to score one in on Ben. But I feel like the only people are like the try, or not, the really go all or nothing, Zach Snyder DC Universe fans, the people that like the like try hard, dark, gritty Zach Snyder DC verse. other than that like I don't know

when I think of Batman and maybe it's because I you know I watch the older Batman movies growing you George Clooney Michael Keaton but when I Hold up George Clooney played Batman

Yeah he did He had the bat nipples How did I not notice He did the movie with Umah Thurman and Arnold Schwarzenegger is Mr. Freeze Wait I dude I had no clue George Clooney played Batman

That's that's nuts to me For one movie. And it was not... Val Kilmer played Batman as well. Dude, I feel like they've never... Minus a few times. I feel like they've just never really... With Batman casting, they're just like, yeah, just give it to him.

I feel like... Oh, my God. I think Robert Patterson. Christian Bale. Christian Bail. Did it... Like, I think he did a good... What's his...

Oh, my God. What's Batman's name? Bruce Wayne. He did a good, I really liked his Bruce Wayne. I don't think anyone, like, Bruce Wayne is usually, like, boring and just kind of like, I'm the altering. You know, I'm the guy that is not Batman. Just kind of like much like Clark Ken is to Superman. It's not really too much of an interesting character.

Just kind of like a, just a thing to help the human stories flourish, kind of in a way. Right. But, uh, but, uh, t's. No, man. You know? But, uh, you know, I thought Robert Pattinson was a good, I haven't seen the movie. but he seems like a good Batman to me. I liked, of course, like most movies, though,

it ran a little long for me. Like, by the time it ended, I was ready for it to end, and I wasn't like gripped. It's one of those movies where it's like, oh, it's ending, and then it's like, actually, there's this other big thing, so there's like a whole other climax and a whole bit. Every movie now, dude. I know, and it's like, like, studios, make movies shorter.

I don't understand the push to keep making movies longer. Two and a half hours is too long. without an intermission, and that's the hill I'll die on. Start giving them intermissions or make him shorter. They introduce a whole other act of the film. Like, the whole thing is like this, like, okay, that's how often I felt. Slight spoilers, but I'm not going to spoil too much,

so if you want to skip ahead. But it's just like, throughout the movie, there's like this interesting kind of mob story going on where he's investigating the mob. At the same time, there's these like serial killings going on. But then the third act, you'd think those things would kind of connect in some way. And they do.

but just the last act of the movie feels like it just goes on too long it's just they introduced this as like oh and we're gonna flood the entire city flood flood flood flood act just and like there's just like this scene of him rescuing people and going through the flood at that point I'm just kind of like ready for the movie to be done I'm like okay you're flood you I get it and there are moments of him rescuing people so there are good inclusions in that part but it's just like movies need to know to like get the point of Like, if you're not, if you're not like an, if you're not trying to be an Oscar nominated drama, then maybe, maybe just, or like a two hour even.

Two hours. Including credit, you know. I don't think movies should go over two hours unless there is so much story that needs to be told. Yes. Also, like, I don't know, dude. I don't understand what the aversion to an intermission is now. It's like, I hate the thought that I should have to go as an antsy little, little motherfucker. that has to piss every 20 minutes.

I hate the thought of it's like, well, I have to sit perfectly still for the next two and a half hours. And you know who sound like who would love intermissions more than even the people? The movie theaters. Yeah. More concessions would be sold in that time. That's where they make most of their money anyway. We're trying to help the small businesses out there.

AMC. Regal. Cinemark. Also, like, the actual small movie theaters that aren't like the big chains. They do do intermission sometimes Are they legally allowed to like stop Like put their own intermission in a movie? I think so because I thought the Alamo

Draft House inserted intermissions every now And then depending on the length of a movie Maybe not I'm stupid 2001 of Space Odyssey When it just goes to just like intermission for like 10 minutes I'm like that's that's the good shit Let me go refill my popcorn

My Sodie pop Let me go drain the main vein Quentin Tarantino had a built-in intermission for the Hateful Eight when it was in theaters. Because it was supposed to be originally a stage play, so we built in an intermission to the theater experience or something. Tarantino and Tyler Perry are very similar. They both also did stage plays.

Well, they both do movies for sure. That's true. And only one of them uses the N-word. Can you guess who? Anyway, we're going to go to ads. Love you. Start your Alienware Journey with the streamlined Alienware They designed this machine to refine the essentials, creating a more focused gaming laptop

for players who demand quality without the clutter. They designed a brilliant 15.3-inch 16.5-harts display seamlessly into a portable 15-inch body. You get a larger, immersive window into your game that still travels easily wherever your mission takes you. Inside, an Intel Core 7 processor drives high performance during every session. delivers the speed and responsiveness you need to keep your game smooth and seamless. They wrapped all of this in our signature, durable alienware design to handle any journey and look good doing it.

This is the alienware experience distilled into one iconic machine. Visit alienware.ca slash alienware 15 today. What of your favorite podcasts felt like calling your funniest, most honest friend with the nicest ass, the one who tells you the truth and makes you snort laugh and pee a little. That's idiot. That's my show. I'm Laura Clary and I've been oversharing with the internet for over a decade and I'm really good at it. Every episode, we dig into the real stuff. We cover everything nobody wants to admit out loud. The moments that are equal parts humiliating and also kind of funny. Parenting fails. Relationship fails. Men

Health fails. Sobriety fail. Just kidding. We're not failing. I have zero filter and it's kind of a problem. Subscribe to Idiot for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening right now. I'll see you there. Welcome back from the ads. We still love, wait, do you need to pee? Uh, yes. Okay, Luke, I know we said we wouldn't ask anything of you, but this one, this one's gonna be tricky. Can we get a little barn door wipe to transition to the to the part of the podcast after Matt Pease? Don't ask too much of them. You can just cross dissolve them. Just to Apple D or um control D control control control D. And you can if you could take down like make it not as long or if you already have it preset to a decent length then that's fine. But I would say Luke

click the transition and premiere change the ease in and ease out time because the default ease in and ease out's a little too harsh you want to make it more I do want a barn door wipe at some point and I want the sound effect of the doors you know let me talk to them

I'll try to kind of massage the idea and see what I can get out of them but yeah you can just use a cross dissolve yeah just do the cross as all what were we talking about uh was there something we were going to talk about when we were back

from the break. We were talking about movies. We were. I genuinely can't remember. Maybe we just leave that in that section. We start a new conversation. Yeah, maybe we just leave that B. Just put it to bed.

Hmm. I mean, there's so many things to talk about. How do you choose which one? Diet soda or regular soda. Well, it depends. Probably if it was between Diet Coke and Coke, I'm probably going for the Diet Coke, but I'm not getting enough any sort of like Sprite Zero

or Diet Sprite or whatever the hell. No-uh. No Diet Fanta, if that even exists. It blows my mind that some people say they can't taste a difference between Diet Coke and regular Coke. There is a difference. It's a very noticeable difference, too. Coke is super, like, regular Coke, I can feel, like, seeping into my teeth, and I can feel the sweetness in my mouth, whereas Diet Coke is a little, definitely, like, you can taste the watered-down nature of Diet Coke. Not in a bad way. It just, it has a different, completely different flavor.

It's a different drink. Yeah, it is. It's a completely different drink. Like the whatever artificial sweetener they use just does not have that same taste. It has that splendor taste. And I'm not a big splendor head. I'll tell you what. Or Stevie.

I'm not a big Stevie ahead. I thought he was one of your favorite characters in Malcolm in the middle. And the reboot? They made him a homosexual. And there's nothing they could do about the gauges. No. No. So they just had to say, put him back in, Stevie.

I guess we'll roll with it. No pun intended. Interesting choice, though, to get gauges as an actor. I guess he maybe wasn't a working actor. He wasn't really acting anymore. Yeah, true. And so he's like, yeah, I'll get the gauges. Sure, I'll get big old gauges.

I mean, gauges are a choice for sure. They were really popular when I was in like late middle and then high school. Yeah, when I was in high school, I wanted to get the small gauges. I'm glad I didn't now because I would be stuck with. with big old holes in my ear. After, like the smaller ones, right? Maybe the smaller ones. Just not the ones that where it's like...

The big ones? Yeah, where you got like a dangling little midas. Yeah. You've got just a big old, just dangling wizard sleeve. So if you have gauges out there, fuck you. Well, we're, you know, no judgment. I'm just playing. No judgment.

I mean, you need to get reconstructive surgery. Are they popular? Like, are they still a fad? Like, just be, you know. Are people going out and getting them now? We're not in middle school in high school anymore, so we wouldn't know the fads. I don't even know if, I feel like a lot of people got them after high school, like in college or early 20s. My parents would never let me get gauges.

If I asked my parents, I was like, I want to go get gauges. They'd be like, nope, because they would know I would grow out of that. Yeah, let them try it once. They'll hate it and they'll never want to do it again. And then they love it. And it's like, fuck, fuck, fuck. But with gauges, that's not even something you can try once. Because you're stretching your ear so much.

You're just going to be left with big old dangling dangs. Any gauge heads in listening want to pipe up in the comments? Yeah, let us know what you think. How are your ears? Are they good? Do you still wear the gauges? Or do you just have that? Has anyone had the reconstructive surgery to put your ears back together?

You know what they say? All the King's horses and all the King's men. Couldn't put Humpty together again. That is such a tragic story when you really think about it. Well, he was just there sitting on the wall. He wasn't hurting anyone. Mining his own business. And a lot of things that I see, he's wearing like a cute little suit, a little tie.

He has like nice little slacks on. Which I'm sure would be hard to find for an egg. I'm sure he looked everywhere, far and wide. He probably had to get them custom made. All of his clothes. Not to mention in those pictures that I see, he's wearing like cute little socks and like little black shoes. Very cute little brown shoes. shoes or something.

Pointy. And like, and not, I'm, maybe I'm missing the biggest detail of them all. I'm focusing on all the, all like his cosmetics are his rosy cheeks. Oh.

And his, and his very childlike facial expressions of like the big, cute eyes and the button nose. Big smile. It's, it's tragic that everybody, um, it seems like everyone sees Humpty Dumpty as some sort of villain, right?

It's like, yeah. Because, Because even in my head from my upbringing, when I think of Humpty Dumpty, the first thing I think of is bad guy. And that's just so unfair to characterize him as such. He was just sitting on a wall and then he had a great fall. Was that just a story to teach kids to not sit on high places? I actually have no fucking clue what the purpose of that story was.

Don't sit on that high wall because if you fall over, you'll end up like your head will crack all like Humpty, like all over the cement. And even if the king, if all of his. all of his men and all of his horses no matter how hard they try you're not going to get put what if the horses they don't help

what the fuck is a horse gonna do to put a fucking egg back together well they rushed the men over there so I guess they worked hard in a sense that's true maybe if you know if I'm really stretching it though and then maybe they rushed

Humpty Dumpty's pieces back to a hospital a piece at a time and they had so many horses maybe that had to do that I don't know one piece at a time no for real though

Like, in your head, was he also a bad guy? I just saw him as just a dude. He was just sitting on a wall. Like, he's bad. He doesn't frame him as a bad guy. I think Puss and Boots, the DreamWorks film, makes him a bad guy. See, like Rumpel Stiltskin, that's a bad guy. That's a bad guy.

Well, he's, he's, what's it called? He's not bribing, but he's like blackmailing people, kind of. See, in my head, Humpty Dumpthy. Dumpty. I mean, I don't even know the full story of Humpty Dumpty. He was buddies with Rumpelstilskins. Yeah, like, I see him as, um, as like, mm-hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, like, like, a kind of bad guy. Humpty Dumpty. Yeah, for some reason. I don't know why. So, like, back when you were young, it was like, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Yeah. And it's like him doing this and like looking evil down at all the people. And I, and I'll be, I'll be honest. And I'm, because it doesn't

set up the story for him to be evil or for you to have any sort of, is it just because you were scared of like, I mean, as a kid, I would imagine, like, the thought of, like, the thought of like a human's face on an egg or trying to, you know, picture that, it's weird. It's, it's, it's, I'm, I'm ashamed to admit this, but when I, when I first got news of his great fall, um, I was elated. I was rejoiced. I rejoiced with the common folk. I, I, I was very happy. But no, but think about this, dude. Is he really that great? When he had his great fall, okay. I'm, I'm listening. You know, um, why was it the king's horses? and the king's men.

That means he has some connection to the, to the rich elite. You know, he's not, he's not an everyday man. And those pictures, he looks like an everyday man. I guess he could be a spy.

If you're really, if you're really getting into the, maybe you should start an iceberg channel. First episode, first episode will be Humpty Dumpty, yeah. No, what is the reason?

The horses couldn't put them back together. Maybe they didn't want to put them back together. Maybe they could. Maybe they didn't want to. He abused the, The horses, all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty back together again. They, they, no, I guess that means they tried their best, but they couldn't. No doctors showed up, no common man doctor.

That's what's interesting to me. You think he just sat with his arms crossed, tapping his foot? Come on, don't. Where's the doctors? You can't, you know, you can't save them. Come on, don't, don't, don't. And then they're all elated, you know, when Humpty never comes back. I mean, I could imagine if up on a high wall, you know, you don't really see good detail.

It's a silhouetted, like a silhouetted egg man. Right. Not from Sonic the Hedgehog. Okay. Like an egg that has legs and arms and has the face of a man and the eyes of a young boy. The cheeks of the cheeks of a young boy. A little tuft of hair somewhere on the top of that egg. Sure.

Who knows? A little swoop. But you don't see any of that. You see just a dark, menacing shape always just sitting there. I, if I were a kid in that town, I would be petrified of Humpty Dumpty sitting on that tall wall when I, when I see his creepy little, a silhouette, egg man shit going on. There's a, there's a level of, um, evolutionary, uh, fear there that, that is ingrained in you. He doesn't have a season egg, but, you know, you, uh, the, the part of you that was being hunted by big cats back in the day, you have it in you that something above you, that's no good. Because what can something above you up in a tree do? It can bounce.

Yeah, it could jump down on you. So that evolutionary part of you that's biologically ingrained in your brain to protect you from big cats pouncing out of trees, you see Humpty Dumpty up there on that wall. It's going to immediately trigger some kind of... Is that a guy? Like, you don't know what it is. It's, yeah, it's silhouetted because the sun is behind them. And that's even a scary image, you know? The rising sun, backlighting this egg man.

Pack your bags this instant From head of from town to town Dun dun dun dun to dun Sit with the rising sun Something like that, I don't know Does he sing that? He's probably trying to remember the lyrics as I was kicking his feet and you'll just hear him go fuck

And that might be why he fell He was too... When he slams his fist down He just kind of... He missed the wall And sent him... Oh! I mean, his fists are heavy, man.

He went plunging right behind it. What song is it? Remember he's like, it was popular when we were in high school, I think. You're gonna pack our bags this instant. We're headed from town to town. None of my promise safely. You're gonna lay me down. Lay me down.

Lay me down. I know what you're talking about, but I don't know either. Maybe it's... It's a quarter. After two Yeah, You know Dude, yeah

He's doing He's literally doing The Humpty Dumpty is like What is it? What is it? And he's up there on that wall He can't just like Look it up

You know No He would have to climb all the way down And then have to go You know He saw it in a vision In his dream Right, right

Right Right And he's desperately Trying to remember Because there's nothing worse Than This happens to me A lot

Where I'll I'll have an idea or for a song or for a video or something in my in my dream and I wake up and I think I'm going to remember it and then it just goes boof it starts to fizzle away and that's probably what's happening to him he saw a vision from God with that song and he's he's realizing it's fading away and there's nothing you can do about it except just let some of that rage out it is sad though that if then the king's horses and men you know he couldn't humpty couldn't get that song like there wasn't there's no kind of end to that arc.

He just, he dies before. Remembering the song of his dreams, of his visions. I will say, the story never explicitly says he dies. It just says they couldn't put him back together. What if, okay, insidiously, think about this, Matt. Think about this. The egg cracks. Everyone's like, oh, but then the townsfolk don't see it, but we do.

Almost like the symbiote in Spider-Man, the, like, yoke and egg are, like, slithering its way. Through the city like, doom, dom. And then it goes into like, swithers away before the king's horse is a man. Or so, it goes into the king sleeping,

like in his mouth and nose. And he becomes the king. A-24. A-24. Come on. You guys like horror movies. Come on. Let us do a gritty,

Humpty, dumpy. Please. We're like, like, he cracks. And before the king's horses and men, like, as they arrive,

It's like, they couldn't put them back together again because they couldn't contain the yoke and like... Well, they don't even know where it is. Exactly. They're like... Well, I guess it got vaporized by the sun.

Maybe you never had one. I guess he was hollow. Who knows? Yeah, it was an egg. I mean, there's slime, but... Like going through the cracks of the cobblestone. Well, but before he gets to the king,

there has to be several instances of like him taking over like... First, like a peasant. A knight in armor to get past the other knights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the armor falls, like, as soon as he gets past the front gates.

This, like, he goes, and whenever he, like, takes someone over and goes down their throat, it's a very visceral, like, like, just down the fucking throat. Like, this is, this is good. Like, they start to bleed from, like, their nose and maybe eye a little bit.

Their eyes roll back in their head. And then when they come to, he just wipes it away. When he comes to the eyes roll back, like, fh. This is a great idea. A-24. Or neon.

Neon, it might be up your alley. neon or Blum house Blumkin Blumkin Well we were thinking about it But nope fuck these guys Called our studio Blumkin I don't even know what that is

Hold on like Definitely not no no We're not doing any business with them The one exec in the room's like Hold on press play again Hmm Maybe guys hear about That's gross

That's just let it That's what a blumpkin is No let it go Is this maybe I need to see Like maybe it's like one of those things You have to see the end of it to truly get it or something. But like I'm about to throw up guys.

I'm just some guy going, dude, I'm fucking gagging right now. Holy shit. I'm going to throw up. Email me that link. I need to send that over to HR. That's disgusting. Email me that. Hey, we told Darron what a Blumpkin was last week.

I'm surprised you didn't know. I know. You made some comment about me meeting you in the bathroom for a blumpkin as you went to go take a number two. And then, hey, company secrets. Darwin are no fun unless they're share with everyone. True. Darwin. Like,

what's a blumpkin? What's that? He goes, what's a blumpkin? And I said, oh. Said, hey, come to the bathroom and we'll show you. Yeah,

well, come on. Come on. Or more like he'll show us. Yep. He learns fast. He has a, do you notice he has pink eye?

Like, I don't know, it looks like he's, it's pink eye. I mean, I haven't asked, but I can, I can clock that from a mile away.

His hygiene is not very good. But he, uh, I explained it. to him. I was like, oh, it's, um, for those who are listening that might also be like, well, a blumpkin, what are you guys talking about? Well, it's the act of, uh, philatio. Wow. While you're on the toilet. Not like you're not doing it to yourself. You're on the toilet. You could. I guess you could. A self, like, I feel like, I feel like, though, that would, there would have to be

like a different, a different name for it than a blumpkin because that's a whole other act. Like, I think, If you suck your own dick, it's not considered a blowjob, right? It's probably still considered, but it's like, it's like self-flatuate. Self-flatio. Auto-falatio. Yeah. Auto-filatio.

Because if you get a, you know, if you suck yourself off over the weekend, you're not going to be showing up at work going, guess who got ahead this weekend? Yeah, no. You're not. You're going to probably be excited about it. Guess what I finally did this weekend. You sucked your own penis. Yep.

Well, that's not all. I was actually on the John, the toilet, and I was taking a poop. And so, like, as I was taking the poop, the idea came to me, what if because, you know, just the way things are on the toilet, I could reach. I could reach my penis with my mouth. And so I bent over, and I got the near the tip of my penis inside of my mouth. and just as a log exited my butthole, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, it was incredible.

Imagine a guy telling me like, all said the crickets in the meeting room just, and like, like, everyone in the board room, like, it's like the Monday morning meeting. Ha ha ha. I have a little talk. What? The boss takes them in. Shut the door. So wait.

How did it? Tell me that story again? 824. The man who sucked himself off while taking a shit. Hey, hey. 824. I promise that's going to sell more tickets than obsession or the backrooms. That should be a nursery rhyme.

The man who sucked. The man who sucked his dick while taking a shit. You know, there's already kind of a rhyme in there. There once was a man, but you're going off of the tune of Nantucket, though. You know. You're right. You're right. The man.

The man who's dick. Wait. The man who's dick? Like licking shit, you know, slant rhyming? The man who's dick. Who himself had a lick. While upon the toilet taking your shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something like that. This is genius, guys. This is really good stuff. Thank you. Those are the A24 execs emailing us with this time code exactly. Yeah. You know, the Humpty Dumpty stuff, you know, it was funny, but then you got to that, the whole, the self-blumkin.

I don't even know what you would call it. I tried to look it up. I mean, of all 115 episodes of Super Mega show, including, you know, all 350-something something of Super Mega cast, I mean, that bits golden. The self-blumkin thing, like, it doesn't get much better than that. And, like, I'm sure this is at the peak of when people are listening to podcast, so could you put in ad reads right after the Blumkin talk? Uh, sure. Yeah, I guess we can. A-24.

Sure. Here they are. Because we have to. I think. Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what-if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca.cair, every style, every home. Just a Just a guy No dude

Just a guy suck at his own dick While taking his shit Is very important The idea comes to him As he's crowning It's genius It's a hilarious It's a hilarious concept

What a conundrum that You know I mean he did something truly Impressive It is like It is impressive It's like patting your head And rubbing your tummy

In circles at the same time Yeah I mean And everyone's gonna Congratulate you on that But no one's brave enough to congratulate you on sucking your own dick while you're taking a shit that's an impressive feat i will say you know what you know it's crazy though because because when i told darwin what a blumpkin was he's like people actually do that and i thought of like i'm like well i you know

it's more of i guess like a funny concept but it is a thing so i mean people have actually done it like a trucker at a truck stop that needs to get on the road quickly he's like come on i i only got about 45 seconds i got to take a shit and i got to cut you like i got to you like i don't have much time that I can be here. That's genius. That's optimization at its peak, right? Yeah. Like, that guy deserves a raise.

Respectable. He's thinking of, he's time management. But someone listening to this has received or given a blumpkin, just statistically, unfortunately. Ladies, sound off in the comments. I just like, it's akin to, like, it's disgusting. Yeah. Why is it? Why are you wafting the shit?

Like, that's gross. Nobody should be within that range. Of your poop. Yeah. Unless you're a baby and it's your parents changing you. Right. Which is a very different. Or you're old and it's your children changing you.

Or your doctor because you didn't have children because you're a liberal. Now, tell me this. If, uh, does this count as a blumpkin? Doctor changing an old man's diaper goes in for a little treat. Well, that would be malpractice. Well, right? Like, regardless if the patient wants it. You know, if the patient, like, wants.

It's consensual. Even if it's consensual, though, is what I'm saying. It's like, I think it's malpractice. Like, on the job, the doctor is getting himself a little treat. He's sucking. He's given a blumpkin. But he's that considered a blumpkin. Well, the patient would still be in bed and there'd be a bedpan under them.

So, you know. You're the tinny. the spitters and spatters why is it a real thing man like why why is that it's they just talked about sucking people's penis and pooping

I love the episode where they talk about Humpty Dumpty for like 30 minutes and they talked about fucking sucking someone off while taking a shit you know it was good in the beginning they were talking about like the Odyssey and making like pretty little

like they had a whole Ben Affleck bit and then of course it just evolves into sucking a penis and they can't just stop talk about it for like two to five minutes and it's done it's got to be for the fucking rest of the goddamn podcast you know when they went to ad breaks i thought all right well when they're back at least they'll be talking about something different nope i mean they did that for the for the odyssey i'll tell you something i saw a comment recently that was like anytime they talk about politics

or movies i'm out so this is for you this is for you okay we can't win you talk about movies so we stopped talking about movies talked about this stuff instead are you happy or politics two of the same one of the same beast you know hey I get it sometimes you just want to sit back relax just hear two brothers talk about flating themselves while taking a dump I want to get back to that conversation

I mean it is it is two wildly different sides of the coin like one talking about like Is it even the same coin at that point? It's not like talking about ice versus a guy a guy shitting a bedpan while getting sucked off by his doctor. You know, it's like very, I don't think any other podcast has this range.

I'll tell you that. And, you know, it's crazy in this grand ever-expanding universe, but really just, I'm just secluding it to the universe. I just wanted to go big picture here. Of course. I love that. Time and stuff. That has happened.

There has been a patient that's like, please, doctor. All right. You ask nicely. That's had to have happened once. And it could have been back in like the Civil War era. some medic in the battlefield. Some guy's shitting himself dying.

He's like, I just need to, he's looking at a picture of his wife. Just suck me off. I need to remember her. I need to remember how she did it. I want my last moment. She's so good at it. Dude, if you were in war, like a flash forward like two years, you and I are in Iran on the battlefield. Okay.

I'm going to replace myself with some other soldier in this instance to make it a little less awkward. But let's say, let's, let's, come up with a soul. Okay, Luke, Luke is there too. Aw. I love Luke. Yeah, the podcast editor Luke is there, and he's just been shot, and he's bleeding out, and he's dying. And he says, Ryan, I got to confess something.

I've never had my dick sucked. Please, I'm about to die. I just want to know what it feels like. Would you do it? I would. No. Really? I might be like, I can give you a hand job, buddy.

Maybe. In the heat of battle. I'll spit on my hand. But my lips are. chapped and my mouth is dry because I'm anxious. Yeah, all the adrenaline? Oh, buddy, I'm trying. The light is fading.

I'm like, I'm like licking my hand. It's just making it more dry. I mean, you look up, like, you finally. And he's already gone. Yeah, he's gone. No! No! 824.

We could do a war movie with homoerotic, uh, undertones. Well, this could be like the ballad of Buster Scruggs where... It's all one. It's all like mini, it all exists in the same universe, but it's all just kind of like mini stories, like short films throughout. They could be going through time. So maybe it starts with Humpty Dumpty because that's like medieval times. Yeah. And then maybe the Civil War is when the, um, uh, an art house movie 43 for A24.

Come on. It's like Cloud Atlas. Yes. You know? Mixed with some movie 43. I don't want to lose that inspiration in the pitch. We don't. That's going to be the selling point.

We won't lose that. Okay. We won't lose that inspiration, don't worry. Good. So, what is Humpty Dumpty? Blumpkins and the Iran war have to do with each other? Now, just imagine if we sent a little email out, not only us, but we could also get two of the six writers of scary movie in on the project. I was thinking of that.

I didn't want to say it, though, because I didn't want to jinx it. Yeah. Which you, if you say it, it doesn't jinx it. If I do, it does. Okay. Thank you. I didn't know that. So, thank you.

I was worried, and I'm glad that I didn't sacrifice any sort of. That is a thing. Luck. A deity told me that recently and came to me in the night and said, it explained a lot. Do we have to see Obsession, the new YouTube movie, the YouTuber movie? Tucker was talking to me about it. He talks to you about a lot of things.

Yeah, he does talk to me about a lot of things. A lot of things that, you know, maybe I should be reporting, honestly. But he trusts you, so maybe just squeeze more out of them. just because it doesn't sound like that's the worst that he's going to tell. Yeah, it sounds like, it sounds like, you know. Sounds like it's a story and we're just in chapter four or something. Yeah, I kind of. Why didn't you call us sooner?

I wanted to see what the climax of the story was. Anyway, enough joking about our friend being a horrible predator. I haven't seen nothing about obsession. I haven't seen the trailer. I have, but I did see it's like the first movie with a budget that small to make 100 million bones. From a sketch comedy boy The director And Zach Krieger putting his shit out

Directing the new Resident Evil He wasn't a YouTube boy I guess necessarily The back rooms as well That's like what the youngest dude That has had this happen to him Hey, why no white rooms And then talk to me

I am right now No no the movie Talk To Me Which were by the McDonald's Yelling brothers The McDonald's yelling brothers. And that's the videos. And then like, I love those videos.

They were great. Didn't they also, didn't they also do the famous video with like the FBI guys like crashing through the walls and the ceiling? Probably because they were just known for being, you know, Freddie Wong was known for his effects, but they were known for having that capability but also being like crass. And like, I don't want to say like their content is like four adults because, you know, I'm not going to show my dad.

Dad the McDonald's versus Burger King Wars video. But there was that like, that like, uh, softmoreish grunge to it. Yeah. That, you know, other streamers, you know, were very, like, nice, collected, fun little cute ideas. What if streamers were tiny and could zap lasers from their fingertips? Streamers.

I guess there weren't no streamers back then. Well, when did Twitch come about? Well, I mean, it's been a, I mean, Twitch was it? I mean, I streamed on Twitch over 10 years ago. Yeah, I streamed back. I feel like in 2012 or something. Probably. No, no, no, I, I streamed in 2015, I think.

Yeah. I definitely streamed because I was streaming until dawn and you, you poked your head in. And it was the first ever super mega episode that no one has any record. It's lost media. Literally, it's the first let's play we ever did, though. You were just in your room streaming until dawn and I just kind of popped in. I was like, hey. The day before you left or something?

Because you were leaving the next morning. or wasn't it before a trip? Maybe. I don't know, but I know I just popped in. I said, hey, dude, what you doing? I mean, I just sat in for like an hour, two hours or something, while you played until dawn, and I was cracking wise the whole time,

just joke after joke after joke. I actually don't even remember if there was anything funny. I remember that afterwards, you and I remember having the feeling of like, ooh, that was fun. Yeah, that worked. That was like probably the first time we like legitimately bonded. Yeah. Probably.

Yeah. And it was like the first time I think you and I in terms of what because you and I had never made anything just the two of us. I think at that point. So it was like, oh, that worked. You know? Maybe the maybe this could work out. And now look at us. Yeah.

Sitting here talking about sucking yourself off while taking a shit. 10 years later, still the same shit. We would have been laughing our ass off to that bit 10 years ago. Here I am 10 years later going. And if you're someone who likes to hear conversations about people trying to suck their penis while taking a shit, then you could monetarily help fund the podcast show. You could give your hard-earned money to this, guys. Isn't that crazy?

People already do over on our Patreon. That's right, patreon.com.com. Where every episode, you get an extra chunk. You get an extra part of, there's going to be more of this very episode over on the Patreon where only our sweet patrons can listen to it and watch it, as well as a bunch of other stuff. And like what's on screen right now, all these names, you can become a podcast producer or executive producer and get your name in every new episode. Sticker Club. And stickers, you'll get stickers.

Stickers are cool. Every single month. They're cool. And a fun little envelope and all sorts of. Sorry. The Holy Spirit came over me. like in an arc yeah just like a

over you though not well there was a drop did did fall but but the majority of the volume went over me so I would still say over me right sacrilegious you're going to hell I know I've known that for a long time you're gonna burn in hell it's gonna be demons

and you're not pouring hot shit down your throat while trying while while stretching your penis and forcing it down your throat at the same time, is this funny now? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. They're just playing pot like that pot.

Basically they just, they replay all of our bits ever on the podcast and then twist the bit into some horrible torture. Like a monkey's paw? The monkey's paw curled. So they're like every single little joke you made, not so funny anymore, is it? White boy. And that's what hurts the most. That they call me white boy.

What hurts the most is ending the podcast. It is. Good night. one. Oh wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Luke, can you exit us with a barn door wipe with the squeaking sound effect? Please. This would be great. Please.

Please. Thank you. We're not. We'll see.