supermegashow - The Underwater Pyramid | supermegashow - 100

Episode Date: February 11, 2026

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So no matter what day of the week, Go's got you covered. Find out more at goadransit.com slash tickets. What? Piss. I accidentally drink piss again. One, two, skip a few. 99.100. That's right.

It's the 100th episode of the Super Mega Show. That's right. That's right. Episode 100. It's finally here. It's something that we've been waiting for. It's something you've been waiting for. And it's something that collectively, I feel like the entire universe has been waiting for.

This has been like a pressure cooker, you know, or a kettle pot. Yeah. And now the, you know, the, you know, the, it's done and it's, yeah. If it's a pressure. Does a kettle explode? No, but a pressure. To tell you that it's done? Yeah.

That's just what it. If you don't, if you don't, if you don't get there in time to pour your tea, it's going to blast the boiling liquid everywhere. It's, it's, that's why only mature people drink tea. Exactly. They have good time management. Right. They can get to the tea kettle on time.

A kettle is like a test of maturity in time management. It's like, you responsible enough to, you know, tend to your tea before it's, before it's too hot, you know? Yeah, I mean, one might ask themselves as well about, you know, the 100th episode. It's like, this is the 100th episode of the Super Mega Show. And do the, does the fact that you've already recorded over a couple hundred near 300 episodes make it take, take the wind out of the sales a little bit. And to that, I'd answer, not really, because look at this. It's a big number 100 with fireworks. That's pretty cool. Look how exciting this podcast is. And to take the, you know,

wind out of the sales even more, some might say, uh, we've actually done over 400. Oh my God. Yeah. Why did I think that we've actually closer to 500 now? Almost 500 if, yeah, almost 500. How many episodes did we end up doing of the original one? 300 and Why did I think that we only went to 280 something? So 359 Or 358 Yeah, so we'd be like

460-ish But 100! 100! Damn, we could be almost at five We could be celebrating the 500th episode If we'd only stayed stuck with SuperMas Can we go back to Super Megacast? Might do better numbers.

We're back. You know, Super Megacast returns and we fired these two guys for the Super Mega show. That's right. And you know what? We just, you know, it's like, Super Mega show was only 100 episodes. It was an experiment. But now we're going back to Super Mega Cast. Episode 360. Now, you might be asking, what makes 100 so special for this time around since it is near 400 something episodes we've already recorded? Well, we made a couple promises for episode 100. Not only is it a fantastic episode with lots of goofs and gaffes and giggles and... I put in a sound effect there. But you'll also get to finally, it's going to be, would it be right to say,

it's going to be generously bestowed upon their ears, the sounds of Ryan's first story. Ryan's first story? The underwater pyramid. The underwater pyramid, which I have right here. It's finally happening. Yep. It's finally happening, ladies and gentlemen.

You're going to here, not only here. You're going to see with your eyes for the first time the underwater pyramid, the illustrations, all of it. I'm very excited. I have never heard this story. And I'm your best friend. So I'm going to experience this at the same time as the audience. And the laughs, the cries, the surprises. The shrieks of pleasure and joy and giggles of whimsy. It's from my elementary schools, libraries, publishing thing, where they did it for a short stint. You did it. Yeah. Yeah.

My second grade teacher had these exactly that where it's like books that they made out of like cardboard and like bound with like tape. And they were blank and they'd give me one and it was like Christmas morning. And I would make Thomas the Tank Engine stories. See like we would like have to type up our stories, send the file to the library and then they'd publish our book. Oh, that's cool. You got to choose the coloring and the spine. I, of course, chose white with blue. Let me hold that real quick.

So this is the exact same as mine except. Actually, this is no, this is fancier than mine. Yeah, man. I don't know what my school was doing. Look at that publishing code. Oh, shit. That's not a real ISBN number. Is it?

I doubt it. There's no way. No, imagine. Imagine you go look. look up the ISBN and it's like the underwater pyramid. I mean, we could. We could look it up. I mean, R-S-E-S Publishing Co.

I mean, why would they put in an ISP? I don't know. To make you feel good? I don't even think our book had one. So if I looked up this ISBN. Yeah, there's an ISBN lookup website. Hold on. Let me just see if anything pops up.

It looks like you've tried to enter an ISBN, but is not a valid ISBN. So they lied to you. They lied to me. They said this was published. Am I supposed to put ISBN before it? No. No, I want to know who the librarian was at the time, Ryan, because I want, we need to sue. We need to sue that librarian. I don't care if she still works there or not. She's getting sued. She's getting her ass sued into oblivion. What if it was just like an ISBN for the school's database?

So you could search up all the kids. So if I went back to the school system and looked up this ISBN in their library, still find it. It actually became a classic and there's so many copies. they actually read it to all the first and second graders. There's all section just of copies of the underwater pyramid. There's like a cut out of me like as a kid that I don't remember taking. I'm like, damn, you don't remember how successful this. I like the thought of it being kind of like a secretive underwater pyramid. Underwater success.

Dude, this is so sick. I'm so excited to hear the story of the underwater pyramid. I don't know when we should bless the people with it, you know. Maybe as like a midpoint after the first. I think after the first commercial break. But that's not all. After the first commercial break, that's going to happen. Because I said there were two things.

Then after the second commercial break for the last leg of the podcast, we got a very special story. One that something that was promised a very, very, very long time ago on Super Megacast, something that was promised for episode 100 of Super Megacast that, you know, people were unexpectedly actually super upset about. We didn't realize people were so excited for it. It was the petroleum jelly story. It was just bullshit. It wasn't a real story at all. Yeah.

And people were pissed. They were like, you guys trolled us. That was a masterful gambit. And right, they were. What a gambit it was. It was an excellent troll. It was a masterful troll on our part. But to make it up, we promised that on episode 100 of Super Mega Show, we would tell the real petroleum jelly story.

The no bullshit, the no trolling, the actual story behind the petroleum jelly story. So you all have that to look forward to because it's going to be, it's going to be a roller coaster or even better, a water slide ride. Just to have the same kind of syllables of roller coaster ride, it's going to be a water slide ride. It can be like, it's going to be like a water slide, you know, it doesn't be. Water slide ride. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I like that. It is the same.

same kids. But it's going to be freaking awesome, guys. You're not ready for it. I'm not ready for it. And, you know, thank you for watching all the way to episode 100. I know. Thank you to everyone who still here, kicking their feet, giggling around, just either listening in your car or helicopter. I mean, we've asked this question before. There are people who watch this on their like living room TV. Hey, guess what? Are there? That is the number one way people consume YouTube now. What? TV. Isn't that weird? I mean, I guess I also watch it on TV as well, but I feel like I definitely use it more with my phone because I'm in the car a lot. I was watching a, a thing about like the 2026 YouTube algorithm and it was talking about how like now the number one platform people watch YouTube on is on

television so they're they're they're pushing more for long-form content now uh because this is the podcast chance i know i know we can finally do it that was a legitimate that was not even a joke that was a legitimate miss on my part that was our part that was my fault it takes two to tango no you held your hand up i was the one that did most of the like you could put it back in slow motion i was the one that did most of the thrusting there i think and uh yeah yeah i missed i mean as i as i said it i i still believe Takes two to tango. Or three if you're at your dad's wedding. Yeah.

My dad's caretaker, you know, put a lot of work in. Like he's on some puppet contraption. Like he's using a behind. He's like two caretakers. He's like doing the salsa too. Damn. Dale is really, he's good. He's a guy with sticks just tied to his limbs.

Like they got like a fucking marrying at math. Oh yeah. Like, dude, they brought out. Normally the person that controls them is, you know, it's a volunteer. They're not very good. But for the wedding, we really got some specialists that are going to really, they're going to blow the whole crowd away with the dance moves. Dude, imagine, like, the people who made kind of like marionettes at first,

they're just like, we did something here. Dude, they cooked. We, like, we've revolutionized entertainment. And meanwhile, they're on, like, some cobblestone. Dude, dude, everyone's, dude, if I was back at, like, medieval times and whenever those fucking shows were, Dude, I'd be popping up if it was just a fucking puppet show. Like, I'm on the street corner.

It smells like shit. I'm probably covered in shit. People are throwing it outside their windows. You're freezing cold. Exactly. You know, oh, hello. You know, whatever the fuck that their stories are about. Probably not slaying dragons. Probably like something crass about the king's wife.

Right, right, right. I don't think they even fucking cared about dragons back then. I feel like that's something we retroactively put into their history. Why? Why? Who can, I know we could just look. this up on Google and we find the answer but like we there's got to be one person that we can link the myth of medieval dragons to right like there's or was it just legends from like a time gone

Knights told grand stories on their travels I don't know maybe it was just so like life just sucks so so so so much ass back then they're like just uh they're just riding around their horse just looking up just you hear like it's you'll be you'd be really cool if I don't know They were like lizards that could fly Oh And what if they could breathe fire too Oh that would be pretty sick

That's literally how it's trying Yeah I mean all those guys died by the age of 30 From a disease They went into the maesters And scribbled on the scrolls Like a drawing of a dragon And just like that history

History set itself With one of the greatest lies Ever told Like Dinesh DeSuzer should be making documentaries about that Can we make a new documentary about pyramids where like

you think it's all about aliens and how they built them but like three quarters away through we drop the twist that it's actually about us thinking that they use pyramids to hide dragons how much of a stretch is that for people I don't think that's too much of a stretch

I feel like there's enough conspiracy documentaries that go that crazy or go crazier conspiracy conspiracy documentaries I mean that makes more sense you conspire you don't you don't conspire

oh man me and my bro were conspiring you might conspire with a spear you could if you know like that's what that's what brutus and the boys did well they had they had little Swiss Army knives yeah they had those butterfly knives yeah they had those butterfly knives

Julius Caesar was down there on the so Julius and then they came out just So Julius, as you can see, we have a new fountain outside if you go take a look. Okay. I don't see no fountain. Well, they were about to, like, Brutus, whoever did the first plunge of the knife, they were going to do a real cool little, like, flourish with it. And who, accidentally throws it back.

It lands in like, there's this woman with a big wig on it goes right in her hair. And she just keeps walking. Like, oh no, I lost mine. Why don't we write a Julius Caesar epic? Comedy. The version, they never told you. Dude, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Dude, but it actually, I sometimes forget that that actually happened.

And it's not just like some, like, legend from fairy tale shit. Yeah. Like, Julius Caesar was actually just, like, there on the Senate floor, like, So what I think we should do with the next budget And then they just walked up And there's, yeah, there's a recounting of it Well, what's crazy is if you like read I watched a video that like went into the details about it

And basically like so many people ran on this plan But like no one Like when it was time to do it No one actually like would step forward to do it They were all like You do it, no you do it Until finally one person was like Fuck it

Just walked up did it but he started like fighting with the dude i think because he wasn't uh he kind of like was like huh grabbed him or whatever so he got like a little stab in and then everyone else was like oh but so sorry they're wrestling like the two like caesar and the other guy that did the initial stab no one else is helping they're all just standing around with their knives out yeah and he's like guys what the fuck until finally they were like okay and they start oh i got one in i got one in oh it was it was a pretty graphic uh we want july Julius is like,

Stop! Ow! Stop it, guys. Knock it on! Joke's over! Jokes over! Cut it out! And then Brutus went in.

Someone stabbed Caesar in the dick a couple times, by the way. That was, that's in there. On purpose, too. On purpose, yeah. He was stabbed in the dick. If you go back and read the report. They also went through all the different stab wounds in this video. And they identified like the fatal one.

And it was from a, I don't remember who. But it was, uh, he got stabbed a lot. And then Brutus was like, well, I'll do a little stab. E2 Brutus? But he gets all the credit. I know. What about, what about the rest of them? Like Cassius? Cassius.

I'm just making things up. Mark Anthony? Maraxis. No, these are just like, the Lorax? These are like spider names from Harry Potter. Maraxis. Or Lord of the Rings. True.

True. True. Still haven't seen that one. Same. Well, I've seen bits and pieces. You saw number three, the final one. You may, because if you guys recall a long time ago, I lost a what are the odds where I had to watch. What is it what are the odds? What are the odds? You know, it's where, you know, I might give you a crazy dare. Or it's like, you know, some waiter will pass by and that will go, hey, why don't you slap that waiter's ass? Right. And never to a waitress. Always waiters.

Absolutely not to a waitress. That would be sexual harassment. But, and then I'll go, no, no, no. And I'll go. And then Matt will go. What are the odds? Okay, okay. And then I give them a number, 5, 10, 15, whatever. And then we count down from three. And we both have to say a number between whatever number I chose, whether that be 5, 10, or 15. And if we say the same number, I'd have to slap that waiter's ass. And almost every time you've had to slap the waiter's ass. Just on principle. And I'll, I'll, I'll tell you something, the list of establishments we've been banned from in the

Los Angeles County area is growing rapidly. And honestly, I feel like waiters should take you as a compliment. It's just BJs. And BJs is a restaurant, by the way, for those who are not familiar with it. It's like it's it's like if Applebee's got buff for a summer. That's a great way to put it. It's really

bigger Applebee's. I love BJ's. BJ's great. You know, those fucking Kazookis? Who. Kazukis. What is that what they're called? My brother. What are they called?

Pizookis. Pizookies. Because it's like a pizza cookie. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. No, is that why it's called that? No, it's like a piss cookie. Piz cookie. The Italian's greatest creation.

The Piss cookies. Well, I mean, they haven't made much. No, not really. Name of one thing the Italians have done that's badass. Well, pizza, that's American. It's also not badass. No, not at all. The Sopranos?

That's also American. Yep, that's New Jersey. That's Italian American. That's the only good thing that ever came from fucking New Jersey. America put some hair on those Italian chests. And let me tell you, before us, there was not a lot of hair on those chests. In fact, not a single one at all.

You know, maybe in the past, you know, like, who wronging with America would have been, like, I don't know. Like, it's like, ha ha. But now we're literally living in a society ran by people who think like that. Yes. So it's like not as, it's. It's not as it as it once was, I guess. The America jokes. Or maybe it's funnier now.

The rest of the world sees us doing these jokes. And they go, okay, now it's even funnier. Yeah, now that it's like more real. They're self-aware of the depravity of their nation. Do something. Sorry, guys. We're podcasters. As much as we'd love to rise up against the government.

We got jokes to tell. And backflips to do. In fact, we're both about to do two simultaneous backflips together at the same time, never done before on a podcast. Nope. And Ryan, maybe we should go to commercial break so we can just do a quick practice, Ron? Yeah. Let's go to commercial break. Hi, I'm Eric Voss from New Rock Stars.

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but true. I'll just be out front with everybody. We tried the double backflip during the the break um yeah the wig flew off and you broke it I broke the wig in half um

I smacked my smack my face really fucking hard on the we did it too close to the desk I said we shouldn't have done it that close you said it was fine um it's whatever

I said I'll put in point five mode it doesn't matter yeah you can't do that in real life what are you talking about no but yeah but I was just saying like I can get the whole thing it doesn't matter if the desk is here like

no I wasn't saying because the desk is in the shot. I'm saying we were doing the backflip too close to the desk and I was scared of hitting it. See, that's where we just... That's where the disconnect happened. I did the flip and I popped. I didn't even pop it.

I fucking cracked my nose right on the edge of the desk. It hurts pretty bad. But suffice to say, I don't think we're going to be doing the real thing on the podcast for episode 100 at least. Might have to save that one for like, 125 maybe Hey

don't do that again I'm serious That scared the shit out of me It's a hundred episode I was just trying to make it A little more exciting I guess as well You know after coming back from the failed Behind the scenes backflips

That now we have to do a little more practicing To accomplish And you have to get over the injury Yeah More to your spirit My pride my ego Yeah It's more of an injury to my ego

Yeah Because sometimes the worst hurt You can't see it on the outside. The worst is yet to come. That's not the lyricist, the song at all. It's, we've only just begun. And when you change it and say the worst is yet to come, you're manifesting some evil insidious shit into the universe. It's the same type of vibe I feel. It's only just begun as like, it's so sinister, like your pain's only just begun, you know? I think, I think she's talking about her love. Unfortunately, the first time I, I listened to this song was for the movie

1408 where it plays on the alarm clock to wake them up consistently throughout the movie. And so it has a very sinister tone right off the get-go from just my interpretation of it. Because John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson were both going through the, you know, talk about horror nights at Universal. Yeah. I don't know if it was a universal film, but, you know, the horror night, it was nighttime in the movie. Every time you say 1408, I think it's Shailaboff. Why?

Because I can't use that. That movie wasn't in it at all. I think. There are two sons in a hotel and Disturbia. I've seen neither one. I just, I just... Dude, I want to watch Disturbia for Uncle Sleepover

because it's like, I think... I think it's the first horror movie I saw in theaters. Sturbia. And they made the song for the movie. Disturbia. Have you have... It's an interesting watch.

I haven't seen it. And if you want to show me for Uncle Sleepover, I've been more than willing to... The Boofathon. We got holes? Yeah, we got holes. Have we done anything else with Shia? Which is on Uncle Sleepover, by the, or it's on Patreon.

We should do I-Robot. Is he in that? Remember, he's the, he's not like in it in it, but he's like the kid that Will Smith is like, ah, yeah, stupid kid. When he's being all mean, walking down the street, thinking about how robots fucked his wife and shit. Yeah, he's got a whole fucking jealous. complexity complex with them. Imagine, like, you figure out the reason that he's so upset with a robot.

He goes and, like, visits his wife and there's, like, some tall, like, eight-foot-tall buff, like, fucking, like, tractor of a robot. Hey, man, how's it going? He's, like, holding his kid. Honey, you remember Clyde. Yeah. Yeah, I remember Clyde. How you doing, man? Holding his kid, what's the kid look like?

Like a little robot hybrid I was saying it's like The robot's the stepdad It's like holding his kid Oh it's okay okay And it's like has this contraption Where its arm turns into like a fucking merry-go-round Or Ferris wheel for the kid to just be on

Like a little mini one Like a little like mobile like thing To make the kid fall asleep I almost took a sip out of my mic Hey man Play that in slow motion Yo let's see that Oh shit!

I was like this and I was like, you know, this is very, very embarrassing. Oh my God. Did you almost did it again? No, I used the. You started using the monster as the mic. Bro, you're getting all fucking tipsy, turvy, like twisted back and forth upside down and everything. It's that backflip, dude. It rattled your, it did.

It turned me upside down in more ways than one. And we ain't talking the Jack Johnson song. No, Jack Johnson. Side down. Also, he texted and wants to know if, uh, he's still waiting for the Venmo for the Blumen Onion that we all went out. Oh, come, but you fucking... I think he's Jack Johnson.

You think he could afford the whole... I would cover it, right? But apparently I guess, oh, oh, you know, music hasn't been going so well. I was like, dude, but, look at our podcast. That's not going so well, Jack, on. Like, you... You definitely have more views than us in the long run. He made the fucking song from Curious George.

Yes. Like, everyone knows that... Upside down. I find the things they say just can't be. It's a great song. Everyone knows it. And he's going to act like he can't afford a blooming onion.

Well, you guys are the rich YouTubers. That's what he always says. Is it, Jack? He's the one that lives in fucking Hawaii. I don't want to get into all this. That's personal stuff, whatever. Yeah.

But, I mean, I guess, yeah. Anyway, we have something special. Very special. Oh, yeah. Something that you guys have been waiting not just 100 episodes for. This is something. that has been discussed.

God. Since the dawn of time. I mean, in fact, we can probably find the first time it was ever brought up on our channel and in the date and everything. Should we maybe just real quick have a little clip from the first time we ever, you know, the underwater pyramid was ever even brought up on this channel with the date and everything so people know how old, how long people have been wanting to hear this story? I had one short story I wrote in, what was it, elementary school called, what is it?

The Adventures in the Underwater Pyramid? Please remake that. So, shall we get reading? Oh, yes, we shall. Woo! Oh, my God. Dude, you haven't opened that in a while. That was a fucking crack.

It went... Maybe I didn't... Maybe it was just... What happened? What happened? I swear when I opened it, dust flew out. Maybe not. Dude, some dust might have flown out.

All right, well, without further... ado, ladies and gentlemen. Copyright 2004. So I was actually in third-ish, third, fourth grade, maybe. The third grade, I would say. I was two grades behind whatever the year was. So I was in second grade. And you were two grades ahead of me, so you were in fourth grade. I mean, I can read with, oh, look at that. I see, I'm not needed here. The underwater pyramid by Ryan McGee. Chapter 1 The Curse One day, my cousin

Connor and I were at my house playing my GameCube. We played it until 12 midnight. All of a sudden, the power went out. My mom came upstairs and said to the two of us, Ryan, Connor, go get a light bulb from Walmart. We wondered why would my mom send us to Walmart at 12 at night?

Then, we got on our bikes and started to ride. We both looked at each other and I said, hey, my mom said to get a light bulb, but we should have just waited till the power came back on. My mom tricked us. So, then, we went back home. When we came back, my mom was not there. All we saw was a note on the door. We read the letter and it said, if you want your, hold on, I'm going to flip the page, If you want your mother back, meet me at the underwater pyramid. The location was in the middle of the desert. Connor said, what?

There is no such thing as an underwater pyramid in the middle of the desert. Then I read the small print on the letter and it said, The Desert is cursed because 64 million years ago dinosaurs kept on eating the desert's life. Chapter 1. Holy F. So, should we go chapter? chapter and disgust. Yeah, yeah, I got a lot

to discuss. We got a lot. Okay. All right. So chapter one. I mean, that, that threw me through

a fucking loop right off the bat, man. I mean, it's a roller coaster ride. First of all, I just want to say, it's crazy that you stayed up until 12 midnight

playing your game game. And then, and then on top of that, the second. The power going out? The power going out. I'm like, whoa. What the,

what the heck? But then your mom saying to her, to her fourth grade son and his cause, go to Walmart to get a light bulb? Like 12 midnight? But the power's out.

You don't fix that by getting a new light bulb. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But then I came to my senses halfway through the bike ride, and I was just like, my mom tricked us. And you guys went and turned around. You get there. Also, real quick, I just want to point out, you said 64 million years ago was when the dinosaurs.

But the dinosaurs actually went extinct 66 million years ago. Just a little bit of a historical discrepancy. and see there. Okay. Okay. No, wait, but at the time. True, yeah. So I forgot.

I didn't take that into account. Shall we, uh, do you have anything else? Do you want to continue the chapter two? I would love to move on to chapter two. Do you have anything to say? Just, man, I'm just astounded by my creativity from such a young, age, you know. You can tell right off the bat, I was going places. Little did I know those places would be here with my best friend Matthew. That's right, dude, recording episode 100 for the podcast

Super Mega. Chapter 2, across the highway. Chickens be like, sorry. I said, the only way to get to the flooded desert is to get across the highway. When we got to the highway, there were like 200 cars. So then I took my first step in the highway and bam, a car that was going 86 miles per hour, hit my leg. I fell. Then Connor saw an 18 wheeler coming in my direction.

Connor said, get the heck up, Ryan. Get up. But I didn't. About when the truck was 10 meters in front of me. I love how specific I have with numbers. I did the same thing. But I didn't. about when the truck was 10 meters in front of me.

The police came and gave the truck driver a ticket for speeding. Then Connor had about five minutes to get me out of the road. Connor said, hey, we could just go in the haunted forest instead. Well, now we were off to the haunted forest. End of chapter two. Damn, dude. I got hit in the leg. Dude, you got hit by a car going 18 miles per hour.

And I almost got hit by an 18-wheeler. But thank God. The police. And thank God they caught him when he was 10 meters in front. I can't, I think when I was younger, this was my version of like setting up a joke and then like not having it pay off with like. And then the cop gave him a ticket. But like, you know, I'm in fourth, third, fourth grade. So I don't know.

You hadn't gone to the improv classes that Markiplier paid for yet. Or read the book. So that's crazy though. I mean, you could have just gone to the haunted forest the whole time. You know? Why did we just think of that? To get to the flooded desert? You know, we're always coming up with these ideas halfway through.

And it's almost like I thought of an idea, started writing it and went, yeah, but what if we actually... That's exactly what happened, you know? Because, like, I did this same thing when I'd write stories as a kid. I'd have, like, a grand idea, but I wouldn't think of how to, like, land it. So I'd, like, write, like, half a whole thing about it and be like, um... And then we go... But then actually this happened. Then a superhero comes and grabs us.

And just completely just makes the point of the whole leading up to that null. But, uh... Ready to move on to chapter three? I'm ready for chapter three, baby. Now, Matt, I've got to warn you. There are... Hold on, let me just make sure. There are 14 chapters.

Hey, baby, I'm here for you. You got nothing but time. I got nothing but time. Chapter three, what is that shadow? When we got to the haunted forest, we both paused. We thought... What could be in there? Or would we ever come out?

When we took our first nine steps, we... One, two, three, like we're counting... Why, this is so specific. I did the same thing in my stories, but it's like, I don't know why as a kid, you're so obsessed with making something so specific. Because it makes you feel maybe more like mature...

I don't know. You're a writer. Yeah. It's more... It's more... It's more complicated. I took nine steps. You thought it out.

Nine steps. Okay. When we took our first nine steps, we saw a shadow. It looked like it just came out of the water. Then the shadow faded away. We walked by the pond, and a big green hand came out of the water, and grabbed Connor's ankle and then pulled him in. Connor was gone.

I looked into the water screaming, Connor, Connor! But it was no use. Then I saw bubbles in the water. I backed away. then I saw what the shadow was it was big green and 10 feet tall

I said where is my friend it raised its right paw and Connor was in it it brought Connor to me and faded away in the fog sorry so I haven't read this at the longest time so so a monster Christ Connie

and then and then I'm like Where is he? And then the monster comes back out of the water. Just hands him back. I, uh, oh, oh, he's right here. Oh, you mean this guy? He's right here. There you go.

Goodbye. I just found him. I didn't even realize I had grabbed him. My bad. It just disappears into the fog. That's what I, what I, seriously, what I love about all these kids stories that you write when you're young is like everything that happens ultimately just is pointless. There was no point. No. Oh, dude, everything is like nothing leads. Everything is

undone that is done. Yep, yep. Oh, okay. Chapter four. Here we go. Where is that dog? After we got out of the haunted forest, we saw Connor's house. We ran up his driveway and then we went in when we got there Connor saw something missing his dog was gone then we saw a letter posted on the door and it said if you want to see your dog again meet me at the underwater pyramid then I said come on end of chapter four oh my god wait do you think is that knows from the same person that took your mom dude I'm connecting some dots here I mean it's possible this is there's some clever foreshadowing going on

It's possible it's two different enemy factions that have accidentally made the same plan to meet at the same place, or it's the same person. However, I got to say, to get to Connor's house from yours, you have to go through the haunted forest. So, I mean, is this like something that you guys normally have to do? Well, I mean, when I was a kid, I did not like going into the woods at night. And South Carolina has a lot of spooky woods. I don't think any kid likes going into the woods at night. Unless they're a creep or sociopath. I was terrified of the woods at night.

I still am, actually. But I need to know what happened to that dog. First two dogs missing now. Well, that might be answered in this next chapter, titled Chapter 5. Chapter 5, to the desert. After we got out of Conner's house, we started walking to the desert. Then Connor said, sadly, I miss Yoshi. It was the name of his dog.

Okay. End of chapter 5. Dude. I love how when you write a book with you're younger, the chapters. just get shorter and shorter because you're like, ah, I also think, like, I was also trying to do, like, because I read Captain Underpants and stuff, and they had a gag where it's like, essentially, you know, the shortest chapter ever. And it would be like a chapter that was one page.

And I think I really took a liking to that comedy. Dave Pilkins. What's his name? Dav Pilky. Davy. Not Dave, Dav. Dave. Dave.

Dave. Dilky. Pilky. Pilkinton. Pilky. Stop it. Don't call him that. Stop.

Are you ready for chapter six? You're not ready for this one. I'm not ready for this one. I also just want to say I'm, I as someone from South Carolina, I have like a lot of respect for, you know, you getting the geography right. Yeah. You know, the desert, the haunted forests. The highway with 200 cars.

The underwater pyramid. And then the highway with 200 cars. You're talking about 26, right? Oh, of course. That's 26, all right. Oh. Chapter 6. dinosaurs.

Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah. Wait. Didn't expect dinosaurs, didn't you? No, I didn't, dude. I mean, I only mentioned... I mean, I only mentioned them. They were the reason they cursed the desert in the beginning.

All those millions of years ago. 64 million years ago. Eating the desert's life. Did you pick that because Nintendo 64? I have no clue. Who knows? Maybe. Maybe I just...

Maybe it's crazy that I was so close to correct, but, you know... You were so close. Close, yeah. By 2 million years. Like, well, I think actually, they don't know the exact, but it's like 65 to 66 million years ago. It's when the asteroid hit so. He's just saying it was 64. Exactly. They don't know. They can't say that. You might be right on the money.

All right. Chapter 6, dinosaurs. When we got to the desert, we heard a loud roar. Roars in all caps, by the way. I looked at Connor and said, cursed. after about one hour of walking we saw a long tail-like thing Connor thought it was something trying to get out of a trap

so he pulled on the object but when Connor backed away he saw a raptor it jumped out and landed two feet in front of Connor we started running I looked back there was not just one raptor

there was a whole herd all of a sudden the raptors ran away from us so then we were thankful. Then we looked up and there was a T-Rex. That's why it went. About when it was two inches from our faces, a whole herd of Raptors started jumping on it.

Then we ran away. End of Chapter 6. Fuck, dude. That's insane. Dude, I honestly thought you guys were done for. Like, first the Raptors, then you run away and I'm like, whew. But then there's a T-Rex. Oh, no.

Hell no. And then I think it's, especially when he gets about two feet from both of you. And then he's two inches. Then he's, yeah, two inch, from two feet to two inches. That's, yeah, he closes the distance. And then the raptors come back. Literally just, that is Jurassic Park. That's what happens in the first Jurassic Park movie.

They're chased by, they're chased by Velociraptors. Then they're chased by the T-Rex. And at the end, the velociraptors pounce on the T-Rex to save. Not intentionally, but I didn't know that. you didn't have to tell me. You haven't seen... No, it's just been a long time. I mean, it came out in like...

Kind of... You know, I know. It came out in the 90s. I know. But... It's old. Yeah, but it's... Kind of a classic, too.

It's Spielberg. Stephen. When you find out that someone copied something and just kind of ruined some of the... Stephen Crowder directed it, okay? I know. I know he did. And when I find, like, when James...

When I found out James Somerton, it plagiarized all that stuff, it, like, ruined all the James Somerton videos I loved. Shall we move on? Chapter 7? No. But I think it's time for Chapter 7. I got a whiff of my own B-O. Woo!

Yo, let me get some of that. I smell nothing. Chapter 7. A new friend. After that, that's how the chapter starts. I'm getting a lot of good notes for the next book. Just after that.

After that? And then, dude, I am like the epitome of, you know that, the South Park guys, they went to like a, he's like, the thing that kills a story is and then. If you have and the... Dude, if little kid Ryan knew that, maybe this would be... Too bad your mom didn't let you watch South Park.

I know. Thanks, Cecile. Horrible wretched woman. Chapter 7, a new friend. After that, we saw a boy about our age. We asked him, what are you doing here? He said, I was stranded here. Then Connor said, do you want to come with us?

Then he said, sure. I said, wait. I said, what is your name? He said his name was Gregory. Then we saw a lake. We started running to it. Then we jumped in. End of chapter 7.

Oh my God. Hey, let me guess. I think I know what's in the lake. If I had to take a guess. Okay, I don't want to spoil anything. I mean, I mean, because, well, so we're halfway through the chapters. And we do need to hit another commercial break. Contractually obligated.

Well, to find out what happens, you'll have to watch this ad read or skip it to just afterwards. Just kidding. Fuck. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health. From the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today. And may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish.

Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan, live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Hey, I'm Ryan Eggled from TV shows like New Amsterdam, The Blacklist, and of course, leave it to Beaver. You're on that? I was the Beaver. Didn't know. And I'm Adam Rose, an actor on TV, blue cardigan guy on your social medias, and avid Speedwalker.

We're the hosts of Small, Stupid Stuff, an important new podcast from Studio 71. Ryan and I talk about the big issues, the heavy questions, pressing top. Like coffee date etiquette? Best time to eat cereal. And of course, whether you put your toilet paper over or under or around. I don't know what around is. I don't either, but I'm definitely an overman. Yeah.

Every episode, we're joined by a celebrity guest who gives us their hottest takes on the stupidest, smallest stuff. Jocco Sims. Michelle Carrey. Alex Breckenridge. Pete Haversberger. Amber. Childers. Our goal is to solve the world's problems by finally figuring out the truth about crap.

It doesn't matter. So listen to small stupid stuff on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And watch us on YouTube, new episodes every Tuesday. Stop. Chapter 8. Shark attack. Oh, no. I think I have a feeling I know what happens in this chapter, but I don't want to say anything.

When we got in, the lake I'm guessing, when we got in, we saw something shining in the water. Connor screamed, the underwater pyramid. But before we jumped in, we did not read the sign. Danger. There are killer great white sharks in the water. Like imagine us running by, like running past. Like, oh my God. You run by and the sign spins.

Like, yeah. Just missed it. As soon as we were above the underwater pyramid, so we're already in, swimming above it. Yeah. Gregory was gone. All we saw was red water and some of his leg. Whoa.

but after a great white shark kills someone all the sharks in the area are killed too wait wait hold on end of chapter eight wait what ryan dude i thought it was going to say like after it kills him like all the other sharks are alerted it's like they smell the blood so all the other sharks no after they kill gregory all the other sharks just they just go belly up it's like it's like a B. When a bee stings, it dies. But I guess in this case, it's like if the whole I've died.

Hey. You can tell I'm like, I don't know how to write us out of this. Dude, I love you introduce this other little boy just for the whole purpose of, there's no character or anything, just for the purpose of him getting eaten by a shark violently.

Dude, I had to make it like I'd make something happen, you know? It wasn't even like close. It wasn't even like it was going to eat you or Connor. It was like it just goes straight for him, eats him, and then that's it. And then they all die. Dude, imagine there's like some kid named Gregory that I just hated. Like, he pissed me off the day I was writing this chapter.

It's very plausible. He just went at lunch and I was like, that would have done it. Shall we move on to chapter nine? Chapter nine, baby. Chapter nine, the third note. Oh, no. When we got inside the pyramid, we saw another. No. It said, look behind you.

Whoa. That fawn and everything? And we did. What we saw was Yoshi and my mom. Remember, Yoshi is Connor's dog. Not the, not the dinosaur. No. What, there could be some connections there.

Dinosaurs. I was named after the dinosaurs. Right. A wall was caving in on the two of them. End of chapter nine. Oh, shit. Oh, cliffhanger chapter. Oh.

Oh shit. Oh, damn. Wham, bam, thank you, man. I'm still confused as to why your mom sent you to Walmart. To get a light bulb. What if I told you the remaining five chapters took place on three pages? I'd say, I'm buckled up and ready to go, baby. I'm buckled up. Let's do it.

Chapter 10, rise from the dead. Then, when we backed away, we heard a voice and it said, rise from the dead Then about 18 dead people were walking toward us The worst thing was they were skeletons And Yoshi and my mom were about to die End chapter 10 Oh no

Another cliffhanger chapter It just dude it's escalating I mean I feel like you know If you've read our book You can see where we kind of got our little Chapter ending idea Chapter 11 Turning the Caving

Turning off the Caving caving walls. In parentheses, this chapter is really short. Connor turned off the caving walls, in parentheses, told you it was short. Hey, dude. Okay, you had it even all the way back then, man. Oh, yeah. You had it. You had it. Chapter 12, the fight begins.

Woo! As soon as Connor turned off the caving walls, my mommy. That's the only, that's the only, uh, That's the only iteration. You let that one slip by accident. I let that one slip. That was an accident. You know it.

You're young and you're just like, my mommy? You're writing a story. You didn't mean to. You didn't mean to. It's all right. As soon as Connor turned off the caving walls, my mommy, Yoshi, and Connor fell in a hole.

It was all up to me. All of a sudden, one of the skeletons threw one of their daggers at me. The blade hit my leg. And my leg started to bleed. lead. Then a big skeleton came up to me. It raised the axe it was holding. And sling

he cut off my left hand. Holy shit. Yeah, dude. After that, imagine like the adult reading. Damn. After that, one of the skeletons turned on the giant pendulum, and it started to, it started. It started. I was prepared to say it started the swing. It just

started, it started, yeah. All of a sudden, my left hand grew back. When the giant pendulum was three inches away. Jesus Christ. Always like when it's so close, I'm just so you can picture three inches, you know? Yeah, it's right there. So the reader can really paint a picture. When the pendulum was three inches away from me, I jumped on it.

All of a sudden, the skeleton with the axe jumped on it too. Uh-oh. It started coming closer and closer. You know, it's swinging and we're on it as it's swinging. Thank God your hand grew bad. It started coming close. closer and closer, but I jumped and kicked his bones, and they fell. I forgot one thing.

Skeletons can put themselves back together. Dun, dun, done, done. Someone was playing Mario. Chapter three. That was close. Chapter three? 13. Sorry. Okay, I was like... Chapter 13. That was close. Two chapters left.

The skeleton pushed me off the pendulum, and then Connor came in. All of a sudden, the pendulum was coming back at me. Connor went to the computer and shut the whole system down. Oh, God, that was close. End of chapter 13. There's one chapter left. This is the final chapter. This is it, this is it, baby.

We're all the... I'm glad you wrote the computering, because I was curious where all these switches were that were turning everything, like things on and off. Chapter 14, nothing special. When my mom came in, she hugged me, and then Yoshi came in and jumped all over. Connor. Then my mom drove me

to a gas station so my dad could pick me up there. When I got in the car with my dad, he asked me, what did you do this weekend? And I said, Nothing Special. The end. You know, like one of those, like, nothing special, smirks, looks off at the window. And, like, Iris

closes. I mean, the reason that she drove to a gas station is, that's what I was laughing about. Is because that's how I was transferred. as I you know elementary middle school just when I was young my parents got separated when I was like one right so uh custody transfer

was the gas station was always at like an Exxon or some mobile something uh well hold on let's see if there's anything else and after credit scene oh I see stuff I see text about the author Ryan McGee is 10 years old I was 10 when I wrote this wow think about that 22 years ago 21 years ago

feels like a five year old wrote it, but I was beyond, I was ahead of my time. Yeah. Because it was so, Ryan McGee's 10 years old. He has one dog, two cats, and two hamsters. It's true. That was Mina,

Odie and Tiger, and Zip and Zap, the Chinese dwarf hamsters. Oh, wow. I love how every single kid when they write their bio, the first thing they include is, I have two dogs, one cat, like they include the pets. Every time. His best friends

are bleep and bleep by the way one of the kids is the kid who stole my Mario cart double dash remember that story yep bastard where he's like

can I borrow it and then he just ended up moving to another state you know sometimes like the next day sometimes you think someone's your best friend and he's in this book they go and they steal

his favorite sport is baseball his favorite hobby is to play video games still is still is hey look at that oh yeah oh damn He's also in fifth grade at River Springs Elementary School in Irmo, South Carolina.

Not second, not third, not fourth, but fifth. This was the beginning of fifth grade because 2004. Yeah, I was about to say because I graduated fifth grade in 2007. Yeah, so typically I can tell what grade I am in. That makes sense. You graduated fifth grade in 2005. Yeah. And you were too ahead of me.

P.S. Look out for Ryan's next book, The Underwater Pyramid 2. But this time, it is worse. the bad guy is planning to blow up the world. Oh my God. The whole world? The whole world, dude. It's just a giant suicide mission.

And that is the underwater pyramid. Sorry, I didn't mean to steal it. By Ryan McGee. Dude, that was incredible. That was incredible. That actually was so much better than like anything I could have imagined. All these years, all these years, dude.

Yeah, look at that, guys. See, someone's going to screenshot that and put it on Twitter and be like, no, but this is genuinely so cute. Once an author, always an author. That's so true. I loved that, dude. That was fantastic, especially the mommy part. Well, thank you all for listening to that story.

Now, we did, we have one more thing. We have one more thing. That we promised. And, you know, I had so much time with this story. I feel like it's only appropriate for Matt to take the honors of telling the petroleum jelly story. Really? You want me to do it? Yeah. I mean, I only, I had so much time on the book. I know, I know, but okay. Hold on real quick. What should, what should we actually, what should I say? We could like, should have thought of something. Well, you had that thing beforehand where you were like,

talk about something about my stepdad's penis. And you're pretty sure you were the one that came up with that. Well, I wanted you to tell it. Oh, you'd want me to talk about your stepdad's penis. Okay. You want me to go with that? I think people will just get bad again because it's a fake story. I mean, we can't, there's no real petroleum jelly story, so we really backed ourselves into a corner of the problem. Or is there?

Maybe they'll have to find out in episode 200. Imagine going to a sperm bank with a full jar that you've already collected. Yeah, I mean, slams it down. Right here. Sploshes out the side, like, well, I mean, by my calculations, this is, least 27, 28 spurts. So, uh, I mean, that's like 12,000. Hey, I'm Ryan Eggled from TV shows like New Amsterdam, The Blacklist, and of course,

leave it to Beaver. You're on that? I was the Beaver. Didn't know. And I'm Adam Rose, an actor on TV, blue cardigan guy on your social medias, and avid Speedwalker. We're the hosts of small, stupid stuff, an important new podcast from Studio 71. Ryan and I talk about the big issues, the heavy questions, pressing topics.

Like coffee date etiquette? Best time to eat cereal. And of course, whether you put your toilet paper over or under or around. I don't know what around is. I don't either, but I'm definitely an overman. Yeah. Every episode, we're joined by a celebrity guest who gives us their hottest takes on the stupidest, smallest stuff. Jocko Sims.

Michelle Carrey. Alex Breckenridge. Pete Haversberger. Amber Childers. Our goal is to solve the world's problems by finally figuring out the truth about crap that doesn't matter. So listen to Small Stupid Stuff on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And watch us on YouTube, new episodes every Tuesday.