supermegashow - Young Male Christian Athletes | supermegashow - 116

Episode Date: June 4, 2026

It's fun to stay at the.... For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/SUPERMEGA Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary. Based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride.  Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at ⁠⁠https://Shopify.com/super ⁠⁠ If you’re 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order @IndaCloud with code SUPERMEGA at ⁠https://inda.shop/SUPERMEGA⁠! #indacloudpod Follow Matt: @matthwatson Follow Ryan: @elirymagee Follow the show: @supermegashow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hymns offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medication, serums, and sprays. That's right. Doctor-trusted ingredients like finasteride and monoxide can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. And don't just take it from my word. Well, actually, no, yes, please take it from my word. Because guess what? I use both those medications, and they actually work.

Otherwise, I'd be bald as a bat right now. So, for simple online access to personalized and affordable. care for hair loss, ED, weight loss, and more, visit Hymns.com slash super mega. That's Hems.com slash super mega for your free online visit. Again, that's Hems.com slash super mega. Future products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required.

See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and finasteride. Remember when summer actually used to feel relaxing? Yeah, then adulthood kicked in. Don't dreads! Well, if you want that relaxation feeling back, I know the company you can count on. That's right.

Indecloud. Indecloud is a fully legal online cannabis dispensary for gummies, exotic flour, premium pre-rolls, zero-sugar T-HC sodas, energy gummies, and extra strength sleep gummies. I really need to try to relax more on the weekend, and Indicloud's really helping me out, especially, with those relaxing gummies. If you're 21 or older, go to Indicloud.co.

That's dot, c0, not dot com. And use code super mega for 30% off your first subscription order. That's IndyCloud.com. Code super mega for 30% off, shipped routinely and discreetly to your door. Plus free gifts on qualifying orders. And don't forget to fill out the quick survey when you order to support the show.

As always, please enjoy responsibly. And huge thanks to Indicloud for helping everybody stay a little cooler this summer. Start your alienware journey with a streamlined Alienware 15, with a design that refines the essentials for a more focused gaming laptop. Featuring a brilliant 15.3-inch 165 hertz display seamlessly engineered into a portable 15-inch body, powered by an Intel Core 7 processor for high performance during every session. All wrapped up in the elite and durable alienware design.

It's everything you need for an immersive gaming experience, distilled into one iconic machine. Visit alienware.ca. slash alienware 15 today. It's off. Wake up the members of Hit my chance unless you take one. Little me heard that and that's,

hey, that's where the story starts. That's where the story started. Right there. The story technically started at conception. Oh, so. As we know, life begins at conception. Life begins at conception. But then fast forward a little bit, and then it's the I Carly theme song.

Yes. Live life, breathe there. I know somehow we're going to get there. That's a great song. I think I'm wearing the exact same thing we recorded the last podcast in. I think same pants, same... Same everything? Same hat.

Same hoodie. I think so. Same shoes. Yeah, same camo crocs. Same Ryan McGee. Hey, man. I mean, who's counting? unless the people in the comments are going to be incredibly rude and say,

Ryan's wearing the same things as last time. I'm not watching this one. Jokes on them. I don't read the comments. Just kidding. I read all of them. Every single one. Me too.

And they hurt my feelings. Let's go to the intro. Would you like to open us with prayer? Dear Heavenly Father, um, thank you for, sorry, I was putting on a Southern accent.

accent. Yeah, let's take it seriously. Let's let's let's let's not time to I was trying to set the mood to make us feel at home again. I'm sorry. Strike that. Reverse it. I'm kidding. Dear Heavenly Father, uh, Matthew and I are here today to not only record a funny, award winning, um, beloved podcast episode.

Yes, Lord. But we're also here to reveal your name. to others through the conversations in which Matt and I partake in with ourselves. So you being the all-powerful, all-knowing, omnipotent being you are, you know, you don't need to hear this from me. We're doing this in service of you. But I just thought you'd like to hear our voices again. It's been a bit. Honestly, I really don't know what you're up to these days.

if you could just return some, I guess, yeah, I haven't called you in a bit. But I am sorry about that. It's just been a journey, just been quite a journey. But listen, man, I got to go. I got to get back to the podcast. I hope you and the family are doing well up there in heaven. Hallad be thy name. Amen.

That's beautiful. It is kind of like a phone call to God. Yeah, it's a, I mean, in Bruce Almighty, it was emails to God. Oh, yeah, but that's because email was a brand new thing back then. Well, he made it emails because he's like, I need some way that I can categorize these things and respond to them. And then it's the thing where he's like typing super fast and drinking coffee at the same time. Oh, dude, the classic meme, the GIF where it's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. On the keyboard.

What about the classic GIF of making his wife come using God's power? I don't know about the gift, but I know you've told me that he's able to do that. He uses God's powers to make his wife come. What an orgasm, that must have been. He's not even having sex with her. She's just trying to get ready, I think, for something. And he's going, he's going, he's like, oh, Michael Jackson. It's Jennifer Aniston.

Fresh off of friends. I don't think fresh off. Well, Michael Jackson was still alive at the time. He could have played the wife just, you know, but there's a universe where that happened. Well, luckily... And he makes him come. He goes, whiz-w!

You know, if we couldn't have it there, thank God we had the Michael Jackson cameo and men in black, too. That's right, dude. I want to be Agent M. That's where he's, like, dressed up like a secret agent? Yeah, he's like out there in Antarctica,

like on some green screen, but he's like in, like, Antarctica or something. And he's just like, he's giving a report. And he's like, hey, I just wanted to talk to you. I still want to, I want to be agent. And he hangs up on Michael

Jackson. Dude, you know what's crazy? I bet Michael Jackson just saw the first movie and was so tickled pink. He's like... Make a phone call. Cockroach man? He go, E! Oh, dude, is it over? Is he off the screen? He shoot right up that tree.

I'm not coming down until you check the house for cockroaches. Michael, it's a movie. Cockroaches are real? Yes, but we have exterminators that come every month. Who used to say cockroach people aren't real? Especially, you know nothing about aliens. He's right. He's right. We don't know if cockroach people are real. I like that everyone's interpretation of Michael Jackson is him doing those sound effects at random, like a tick.

Oh, wait, wait. How we, you know, I don't think people nowadays be making fun of him so much if they found out that Michael had Tourette's and that was a tick. Yeah, Billy Eilish has Tourette's. Yeah, and David Letterman looked like a damn fool when he started joking about it. She struggles day in, day out, and she controls it. She keeps it deep down buried, except for the one podcast clip where she does it and says she has Tourette's and then never did it again. David Letterman, you fool. Look, I don't think we should be bashing these millionaires. They're good for society.

They provide jobs. That's true. You know? That's true. Yeah. And, you know, maybe, especially the billionaires. They're the ones creating real jobs. Maybe if we ever in this current political climate, this world, this, this fast-paced,

this and that and everyone's mad at each other, have we ever really just stopped and paused for, for a second, just to catch our breath and think and go, are we maybe being too mean to billionaires? Maybe we should, as you said, take a step back, walk a mile in their shoes. It's going to require a lot of hard work. Yeah. That's all it takes to become a millionaire, hard work, dedication. A billionaire. And a red meat diet.

That'll get you there. Faster. Maybe you can be learning like taekwondo at the same time. That would be sick. So then news breaks. was learning Taekwondo and people like, oh my God, that billionaire is like Batman. It's like the real modern day Batman. Is that what happened with Zuckerberg?

Yeah. It was like Zuckerberg. It was going to be Batman versus Iron Man, dude. Dude. And then Elon pussyed out of the fight? Well, he didn't pussy out of the fight. His mom said he was not fighting. The billionaire, the grown billionaire's mom said, no, my son will not be getting into the ring and fighting.

She was protecting him because she'd know that he would lose. Yeah. And that would hurt. the family name. Like, like, Dylan does not have good... I wouldn't think Mark Zuckerberg would have good coordination,

but he's rolling around on that mat, like at least he knows what's going down. Yeah, I think Zuckerberg probably... He seems like the type of guy that would take it pretty seriously. You might look at him and not like... He's gonna play dirty, though.

He's gonna, like, jam a thumb in your rib cage, like, and like when it's like no one can see. I mean, what do you expect from him? He stole the Facebook. He stole the Facebook from two Army Hammer. both Army Hammers and their other friend.

And two Army Hammers is better than one. It's true. That's what he did. And originally they weren't going to be twins, but he sang that in the audition. And they went, wait, that's a great idea. And honestly, you're, I mean, you know, we'd have to go cast for the other twin.

Oh, my God. No, I get it now. Two Army Hammers. Dude, it's so funny, because when I first saw the social network in theaters, I guess I didn't know who Army Hammer was at the time. I don't think anybody, I think that was his kind of,

he's probably been around, but that was his breakout, I would imagine. His breakout roles. You know, he played, dude, what was he in after that other than like the fucking,

call me by your name? I know that. I'm trying to think, he was in a lone ranger, right? Didn't he play the lone ranger with Johnny Depp as the Native American? Tonto? It seemed,

That seems likely. But I actually, you know, it's funny about Army Hammers. I can't think of any other movies he was in besides, call me by your name and the social network. And a series of interviews where he digs himself a deeper and deeper grave. Have you seen the interviews where he's like, first of all, it's like people are trying to come, like I was a cannibal or something. I mean, it's just like, I mean, I'm, he doesn't say this exactly.

I'm just doing hyperboleaders. He's like, you know, it's just like, you know, have we all thought about it? probably and you know you know you know and sometimes you take the steps to make certain things happen like no i'm not like i'm not i'm not like eating people you know it's some people some people think about you know eating other humans flesh i mean we've all thought about it right uh i mean you've thought about it i've thought about it well and and you know sometimes you just take certain steps to make certain fantasies of reality i'm not saying that's my fantasy but um you know people are just making uh people are just being weird about it people are

just making too big of a deal. What was the question? You're starring in a, never mind. I think we'll cut to commercial real quick. They didn't ask him. They asked him like just about the movie he's in. Every question just turns into that. You know, it kind of reminded me of the time that people accused me of cannibalism. You know, no one said the same thing, no one said the same thing about Timothy Shalomey when he started in that Bones and All movie. You know, that was, that movie was directly about eating other people. And it's gross. Have you seen the movie? It's nasty. It's visceral and nasty and gross. And even though we've all had those thoughts that are that visceral and nasty. I mean, to put it in a cinema is crass. They didn't even grill it. They didn't

do anything. With the meat, they, you know, there's so much they could have done. They're like biting into, like, they're vampires. They're eating. They're like, that's just like too much. Think about it. They could have saved the bones. They could have made some bone stock. They could have used the more fatty parts. They could have broiled that and really made a nice... Tintry. It's bones and all. Yeah, bones and all.

But I didn't see them using the bones. There's marrow. You can make good marrow from those, too. I think that is a movie that I just like... I haven't seen it. I don't think I want to... It's kind of the same reason I didn't see raw. I just don't like the idea of, like, people eating each other.

I find it like... I don't know. Of course, it's supposed to be off-putting on this. No surprise. What is bones and all about? It's like, it's like, angsty Timothy Shalame

in a relationship with a girl and then they eat each other? From the trailer, I remember the trailer. It's like girls having a sleepover then one of the girls puts the one girl's finger in her mouth and then just bites it off.

Oh! And then she's like, oh my God, I'm a cannibal. What's this intense lust for human flesh, I guess, that I have? And then she finds out there's a group of people, and the old man in the trailer goes, we call ourselves the eaters.

This is a real group. So they're the eaters, and the eaters eat people. They eat people. Bones and all. They couldn't come up with any other name in the writing room. That's like a little more clever. It's like the Eater's. It's like the Walking Dead trying to not say zombie.

They're walkers. They're walkers. These brainiacs. They're walking. These zomboids. Do we get away with that? that one? Nope. That was on a 1960s movie. Can't use that one. Sorry. Well, what else do they do? Well, they walk.

Okay. Walkers. Walkers. But they have different names for them, like in the different regions in the Walking Dead universe. They'll be like, the freaks. You know, some people. Which they probably would in real life, you know? Because like, at that point, if social media and everything is falling apart, there's no way to, like, have a universal name for something. I think people, I'd call them zombies. I call them zombies. I call them zombies. There's no way in the Walking Dead universe that zombies aren't of culture or anything. Wait, what's up with that?

Like, there's, there's no point in not saying zombies because... It would come off as corny made. Robert Kirkman knows best. Like, that would be like if, uh, if aliens came down and you didn't want to use the word alien, you're like... Others! Extraterrestrials. No. No.

I've always been fascinated by the unknown. The Steven Spielberg being interviewed about Disclosure Day for a TikTok ad. And you guys are, I'm just think one day they'll look back and see it was all true. That's what he said. Disclosure Day. It's a true story. Elizabeth, what's her name? No.

What's the actress? Holmes? Is it an Elizabeth? No, no. No, that's the. She's married to Blunt, Emily Blunt. To Jim from the office. Emily Blunt.

She's married to Jim from the office. Mm-hmm. And not Pam. Not Pam. Fuck. Why would she be married to Pam? Dude, that was that was good comedy right there. You like that?

That was just fantastic stuff. That was great. Well, we can't, you know, go too far with the comedy just yet. There's more podcast to enjoy. But first, here's a word from our sponsors. You know that moment when you catch your reflection? Notice your hairline creeping back? Well, Hymns makes it simple to actually do something about it.

Hems offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments. with ingredients that work, including chews, oral medication, serums, and sprays. That's right. Doctor-trusted ingredients like fanasteride and monoxide can stop further hair loss and regrow hair in as little as three to six months. And don't just take it from my word. Well, actually, no, yes, please take it from my word, because guess what? I use both those medications, and they actually work.

Otherwise, I'd be bald as a bat right now. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. Hym Springs expert care straight to you, with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. Find the right hair regrow treatment for you. With flexible subscription options, access to 24-7 provider support, and once-a-day treatment options that fit your daily routine. So, for simple online access to personalized and affordable care

for hair loss, ed, weight loss, and more, visit Hems.com slash super mega. That's Hems.com slash super mega for your free online visit. Again, that's Hems.com slash super mega. Future products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information.

Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocidal and finasteride. Start your Alienware journey with the streamlined Alienware 15. They designed this machine to refine the essentials, creating a more focused gaming laptop for players who demand quality without the clutter. They designed a brilliant 15.3-inch 16.5 Hertz display seamlessly into a portable, 15-inch body. You get a larger, immersive window into your game that still travels easily wherever your mission takes you. Inside, an Intel Core 7 processor drives high performance during every session. It delivers the speed and responsiveness you need to keep your game smooth and

seamless. They wrapped all of this in our signature, durable alienware design to handle any journey and look good doing it. This is the alienware experience distilled into one. one iconic machine. Visit alienware.ca. slash alienware 15 today. Remember when summer actually used to feel relaxing? Yeah. Then adulthood kicked in.

Don't dreads. Well, if you want that relaxation feeling back, I know the company you can count on. That's right. IndyCloud. Indicloud is a fully legal online cannabis dispensary for gummies, exotic flour, premium pre-roll, zero sugar,

THC sodas, energy gummies, and extra strength sleep gummies. Everything is federally legal hemp, THC, lab tested, and shipped discreetly to your door. Amazing! You know, I've been, I've just been so stressed with the world, with work, with things that are stressful. I really need to try to relax more on the weekend, and IndyCloud's really helping me out, especially with those relaxing gummies. If you're 21 or older, go to Indicloud.co.

That's dot c0.com. And use code super mega for 30% off your first subscription order. That's Indicloud.com. Code super mega for 30% off, shipped routinely and discreetly to your door. Plus free gifts on qualifying orders. And don't forget to fill out the quick survey when you order to support the show. As always, please enjoy responsibly. And huge thanks to Indicloud for helping everybody stay a little cooler this summer.

So the new James Bond game just came out. What? The new, first light, the new James Bond game came out today. Today? We're recording the podcast, not the day that it comes out. But it came out this week since this is, since we're rushing these out to get back on schedule. No, Luke just wants us to do more work. That's all it is.

He likes his little hamsters on their wheel. And he loves editing the podcast. So he's like, he's always like, more, more, more. It is his favorite thing. He does get upset when he doesn't have podcast to edit. Yeah. Well, actually, you know, we, in a previous episode, we asked Luke to put in his favorite Cynthia Arrivo GIF.

Did he do that? But then I had to edit that episode, actually. But then you showed yours. And then, and. But did we ever show Luke? Then I showed my favorite GIF, but Luke has not shown his favorite one yet. Luke, could you, uh, could you please just because it's been, it's been a long time coming.

The fans, they've been, They've been begging. I mean, we've been waiting even longer because we recorded it before the fans even got to see it. So if you could please just throw up your favorite Cynthia Revo GIF. GIF. And as well, just because it's been some time, if you could throw up your good inspirational meme that is wicked themed.

Ooh. That's good. For the audience, because I feel like they need it today. Everyone could use some inspiration. Yeah. Like, inspiration is never, it's never not needed. I mean, look at us. We're creatives.

We not only get inspired, but we do the inspiring. We've probably inspired a future president. My God, our education system is awful. This podcast is nothing but a reflection of this. I must change the United States. You know? In some way, we've probably shaped the world, man. You know, well, you know what's weird is it's potentially a future president or congressman has, you know,

consumer than us, you know? Yeah, because one day we'll be old and the president will be young. So maybe that young president is currently a meghead. I don't know if we go on the trajectory of recent American presidents. looks like that's going to be a while before a president's younger than us. It's still going to be about another half of our lives. That's true. No, more than another half of our lives.

Think about that. Yeah, if you double our age, we're still more than a decade, almost two decades younger than the president. The past three terms. Yeah. How old was Mr. Barack when he got elected in his 40s? I feel like he was in his 40s Like early 40s I seem to remember

There was a time where like a Like a president's age Actually was like I pictured a president As Being like 45 But that's probably Like I grew up in the Bush

And Clinton And Obama era And I don't remember You know Reagan Well you remember his Bush senior Right Bush Sr was pretty old

In his presidency Yeah he was pretty old But like every movie the president is like this swab young white man dude except for

it's John Marsden playing the president my first of all Ryan it's James Marsden second sorry I said the character from Red Dead Redemption

is that his name John Marsden but James Marsden is who I meant yeah my mom was ranting about that show to me raving about it actually

she she said it was great she said I had to watch it what wait what the show with James Marsden plays president? That's a show? Yeah, it's a show. I thought it was a movie.

No, no, no, it's a show. How about the movie where Idris Elba plays the president? Isn't it like Edris Elba's the president, John Cena's his bodyguard? And they whoop ass. Is that a comedy? I don't know. Dude, it just came on so quickly. Does that even exist?

I have to take a shit. Oh. I like, it just like that. Yeah, yeah, man, when nature calls. Go. Run like the ring. Wind. Right.

Go do it. Go do what you gotta do. Apologies. We just needed to take some time to realize. It's gonna take some time to realize. I don't know what the next line is. I know that I'll always be picking you up when you're down. So just turn around. And then they have their crush bottles.

Yeah, they go, if this was a sitcom, it would have been two guys clinking two beer bottles together. Right, but they can't do that because they're minors at the time. They can't drink beer. So they're out on like their beach chairs on the front lawn. It's awesome.

They're awesome sunglasses or whatever. You and I should, we should just, you know, scrap the whole Windows 95 intro. Drake and Josh too? It's not what I was going to say, but that's a better idea them what I was going to say.

It doesn't really work because we're still like near their age. So it's not like two, you know, their kids or, you know, we can't play their kids or anything like that. Yeah, we could. Using Hollywood magic and makeup. We can deage ourselves. Only makeup. Not anything like, just enough makeup to cover like where the hairs would grow in for my beard.

But you won't shave your beard still. So it's like just putting makeup over your beard. He's just got a large chin And Like Jay Leno Exactly Rest in peace by the way He ain't dead

His car exploded But he ain't dead No he lived Unfortunately Unfortunately Well fortunately Unfortunately Unfortunately or fortunately

Depending on whichever way You want to look at Dude J. Linno is Dude when he was on What was the fucking Crack No Well, he was pretty funny when he was on crack, but what was the show?

Didn't Tim Allen have some new show? Like, I mean, he did after, he, what is it called? Last Man Standing? Yes, he owns a shop and he has daughter. Was Jay Leno in that? Yeah, there was an episode where like Jay Leno, like, played his friend and was there. And it was, uh, dude, I totally forgot about Last Man Standing. Didn't you and I watch?

Like, an episode, maybe. And it was really bad. It was a I just remember seeing the clip of him having the The Hillary talk they had like a voting episode I think or something he was just talking to his daughter I think that's just the major crux or just like the crux Not of the show but of the character of like I am Like conservative dad

I I know how the world works versus Kind of aloof liberal college daughter right or something Something like that. And then wasn't there another show now that it's like, now there's an actual dynamic like that in his new show. It's like him and the girl from New Girl or that B and I can't remember. She plays a B word in a lot of things with an attitude. Zoe?

Yeah. So he dash now? No, no, no, no. Anything about Jane from Breaking Bad? Okay, not New Girl. The B in Apartment 23. That girl. Jane?

Jane from Breaking Bad? Not her. That's the only girl I know from the B-in Apartment 23. Hold on. Is she in that? Yeah. She's the main character. Whoever she is.

You recognize her? She plays like kind of like the... I've never seen her in my life. You've never seen her in your life? Never in my life. Have I seen that woman? What show is she... Hold on.

I gotta have to... This show is called shifting gears. Is he mechanic in this one too? He plays a stubborn widowed owner of a classic car restoration shop whose life changes when he's a strange daughter and her teenagers move back into his house. We get it, Tim, you like tools. The show's been renewed for a third season.

Kat Dennings, that's her name. What's that show? Sorry, there's some show she was in where she played like a waitress. Oh, it's literally two broke girls is the show that I'm thinking of. Does this not look familiar, that color scheme and there are two girls wearing that? I never saw it, but I remember seeing the ads for it. Yeah, you know, Tim Allen, if he wanted to, he could hire Matt and Ryan from Super Mega to play his estranged sons. His, that are only in it for an episode because they're not going to add two more, you know, payroll castments.

They could. If he could, they wanted to. I mean, they did get renewed for a third season, so it looks like there is money in that banana stand. There's money in that banana stand, absolutely. But I love the, you know, he was tool time where he was a, like a show host that taught people things that was bad at it. But he took care of a car. He had a mechanic shop. And then there was the other show that you and I saw.

Last Man Standing. Last Man Standing where he works, I think just at like a automotive shop. Yeah, it was an auto shop, I'm pretty sure. And now he's doing a show called Shifting Geel. And you'll never guess where he works. An automotive shop. He loves cars. Can you tell?

Or do you think that's just... That's just his... Do you think that's Tim Allen or do you think that's the people going, come on, they know you from tool time and you always took care of that car? That's how they know you. That's how we have to always kind of present you. Honestly, it's probably that. Like, I've never heard Tim Allen talk about cars once in his life. Where Jay Leno, like, I know Jay Leno loves his cars. He loves his automobiles.

Tim Allen sold Jay Leno his crack. Really? Back in the day. Really? No. That would be cool. I mean, imagine. Well, did Jay Leno ever do crack?

Did Jay Leno ever do crack? Yeah, I don't know why I even asked that. Come on. I don't know why I even asked that. I mean, it's in the name. Jay Crack Leno? Yeah. Yeah.

But Tim Allen, it's like, I've never heard him talk about automobiles. But probably his studio execs being like, now, Tim, we love the idea for the new show. However, we are going to need you to work in an automobile shop again. I mean, granted, how often. often do you go out of your way to listen to Tim Allen interviews or podcast episodes? Have you ever listened to even one? I saw the man live do stand up, Ryan. Yeah, but there one joke about an automobile?

That was like what, but for him, that's like one night where he threw back maybe like 10 or 20 rum and coax. No, he's not doing that just one night. And then he had thrown back on stage. 1020 rum and coax. He was fucking hammered, dude. I, he was as red as a tomato. Dude, I like Santa Claus.

Rosie red cheeks. He loves talking about smoking in front of the kids on the set and cursing. Oh. And being a curmudgeon. That really ruined. That childhood ruined. Like Tim Allen, we go to see his funny stand-up at the laugh factory. The same stage where...

The laugh factory. Yeah. The. The. Not a laugh factory. The laugh factory. Same stage where Michael Richards, aka Kramer, had his oopsie. And we should forget about that and let that go already.

Tim Allen gets up there, drunk as a lot of. a fucking fish, is that the same? Cite. Now that's high as a kite. Well, honestly he was so fucked up that who knows. But fishes don't... No, that's the joke though. Drunk is a fish. Okay. Because fish drink water.

Always, I guess. Well, they're not drinking water. Do they drink? Do fish need to drink water? Or is it just like a given? I guess is that asking like, do people need to breathe air? Well, they're technically not... Like, I'm... The definition of drinking for me is like, oh,

I'm parched. I need to drink. Yeah, but, but, but, but, like, we're actually consuming the water. Like, we never go, man, I need some oxygen right now. Are they consuming water through their digestive system to hydrate? Like, if they, if, if you, if you glue to fish's mouth shut, is it going to die of dehydration? Like, they need to eat, but do they need to drink? Like, or, or when it takes water in through the gills, does that somehow, like, satiate its. I think it's just their, like, that, it just, through that process, it's

satiates that part of it. I think they have a shortcut, unfortunately. That's bullshit. Why do we devolve to not have gills? To not, well, we did get these, which are pretty useful. These are pretty useful. The our thumbs is what we're showing. Or, just kidding. For the audio listeners, we pulled out our penises. Yep. Yeah, we got these. Because they're useful. They're used to, technically the most useful part of our body, if you're going from an evolutionary standpoint for reproductiveness. When was the penis formed? When was the penis invented?

You know, these are the real questions. Ask Bill Nye that, see what he said. I'd love to have him on the podcast. Honestly, yeah, and ask him some questions. He'd do it, maybe, probably not. If we were a little bigger, he would. Do we need to, like, gain more weight? Yeah.

I could do it. I just got to take that medication. He likes big boys, if you know, because he's a string bean. You know how those string beans are, huh? He likes getting tossed around by a couple big boys, couple big, who he's not coming on the podcast now. I was thinking about going on their podcast. And I saw some clip where they're talking about me as a homosexual,

getting tossed around by some big boys and they called me a string bean. No, no. Fuck those guys. But God, I'm sure he gets this reaction a lot from this generation of even podcaster of just, you know, coming into school, going into class. All of a sudden, what's in the front of the room, but a television on a little television. on a little television stand.

The rolling cart. Yeah, big CRT. There's a VHA. There's a BCR underneath it. And it's not just like, oh, the teacher has a new TV. It's like, oh, they had to, this is obviously, a TV is precious in a school. Oh my God.

Maybe not nowadays. Like rent it out for time. It's like, no, I get the TV from this time to this time. I remember sometimes there would be like spats between the teachers about like, I mean, did you, I mean, you have the TV. but I scheduled it, you know, that type of shit. Yeah, they knock on the door and come in, be like, you've got the TV? It was a big deal having a TV.

Either you were going to watch like Magic School Bus, Arthur, Zabumafoo. I watched Maya and Miguel in Spanish class. Between the Lions. And then now, you know, I don't know what they do now. But one of my favorite things was in a science class, if that TV was brought out on the cart, nine times out of ten, you're watching Bill Nye the science guy. That's right, Bill Nye, the science guy. And you know why those teachers were so mad over their little spats because like that's a fucking

Yeah, exactly. It's like, you know, I thought I was going to have the TV today, which means I could sit at my desk and I could respond to my lawyer's emails about the divorce I'm going through that I'm very behind on right now. But instead, I'll have to do my job and teach. So thanks. Thanks. I'll remember that. I'll remember that, by the way. Dude, nowadays, you know what?

That's not precious at all in a classroom. They have their smart boards and their fucking iPhones. I remember we were in the generation where they were like trying to introduce smart boards to like a special class would get the funding together. Or the school would get funding and only a certain amount of classes would be able to have it. But like from what I remember, I hated the smart board. because they would always lag. Dude, the calibration too would be off. Dude, I don't want to brag.

We did have smart boards in every classroom, though. In every classroom? Well, my school was new. Well, that's Charleston for you. No, no, no, no, no. But listen to this, listen to this. La-di-da. Very, very underfunded school district.

But has smart boards in every classroom? Listen, listen. My middle school, we had classes in trailers, and then they tore that school down. They don't call them trailers. What do they call them? Porta... I was about to say potties, but they're not port-a-potties.

The portables. They called them trailers at my school. What? You never had a class in the portable? No, I had classes in the... What kind of fake childhood are you living? You never heard of portables? No, they just called them trailers.

They had to make them fun. Trailer's fun? I have a class in the portable. I have a class in the trailer. See, that's more fun, right? Some adventure could happen in a trailer. Sounds trashy, but I could see how... Charleston people would want to try to dip their fingers and, oh, it's a little fun, you know,

it's a little, it's a little, you know, we're going into, we're learning in a trailer today. Oh, wow, you know. Yeah, it'd be like, going to school with your, with your golden pencils. Okay. And your, and your pearl lanyards for your IDs. They were synthetic pearls. but whatever You only earned a real pearl

After each grade So technically you only had four real pearls At the end of it Yeah Well I'm not getting into your educational past Am I? No Who is it

We know someone that Who is the person with the least Education we know It's got to be Aaron Hanson He dropped out of high school In terms of formal education He dropped out of high school For Newgrounds fame

Which at the time was big. Right. I mean, I think what? He finished 10th grade and that was it? Yeah, now, now new grounds. They look at Aaron Hanson and they go, you used to say the N word.

Damn it. What happened to you, man? So you finally got your cock suck by Tom Hanks. How was it? Underwhelming. Was Chet there? Do you cheer him on? Of course Chet was there.

He doesn't suck cock without Chet being there. I was surprised I didn't know that Tom Hanks ever acknowledged his son besides going like oh yeah he kind of does his own thing he was in a music video for him

like on the Forest Gump bench and shit and he was he was doing his thing he's like yeah I really I owe my son Chester this one thing do you think that he was a bad dad Tom Hanks do you think he just wasn't there

no I Well, I don't know him, so I don't know. But obviously, I mean, he had a very busy career, but I think that Chet ended up the way he did probably more out of, his dad probably was busy. But Chet wanted attention because he grew up in the shadow of... With saving private Ryan man, with Toy Story Man, Forrest Gump Man. with Captain Phillips Man. Captain Phillips Man, with Terminal Man, Philadelphia Man, Castaway Man. Catch Me If You Can Man, Green Mile Man, Polar Express Man, and his older brother Colin Hanks, who was also an actor.

Oh, and the Steven Spielberg directed movie starring Meryl Streep as well. The Post Man. The Post. Yeah, the Post. The Post Man. Yeah, the post, yeah. Not the postman. No, the movie was called the post.

The post, but he's the postman. He's the postman, right? Oh, how are we forgetting? The falling man. Yeah, the falling man. Extremely loud and incredibly close man. More of a nickname for your dad. When he gets drunk, he is extremely loud.

Incredibly close. Yeah, when he makes love, he's extremely loud. I learned that one when I was. Oh, am! You're fucking me. God, I love when you fuck me. You're like you're right in the room's right next door. Paper thin walls.

Dude, paper thin walls. God, you're really bouncing on that shit, girl. Matthew, I recently, I tuned into an episode of the podcast and, you know, I was like, oh, this is nice. You're not talking about politics. You're not, you know, you're not being too crass. And then that that fat fucking friend of yours, that stupid. little,

starts reminding me that fucking Nickelodeon all that reject. Yeah, starts making so you told him clearly about about how I used to sound when making love. Or was that a recording? Because it sounded pretty accurate.

I didn't say you could play my recordings, son, on the podcast. I didn't even know you took recordings of that. God damn it. Keith, my dad would never say, God damn it. I don't think I've ever heard him say, God damn it.

My dad's the same way. Like that is a bridge too far. My dad's not like super religious. Well, I, he's, I feel like my dad's more spiritual. He doesn't have like a church or anything. I don't, I don't know. Well, will your dad say shit or fuck? No.

I mean, Will your dad say anything that's bleeped on television? That's, that's a good way to. I mean, sometimes he will be, damn it, you know, stuff like that. But they don't bleep, damn it. They'll, you know, they'll show that on primetime TV. But my dad's not a, he's not a, he's not a. He's not someone like me.

No say I remember. I feel like I learned my, I definitely learned my cursing from my mom. My mom had road rage, and so like she'd be cursing and I'd be little. My dad has this story of one time I just, because they'd swap me off week, week, week, you know, week mom, week at dads. I came back and I was just in the car and I was just like in the backseat and I just went, motherfucker. And my dad like was apparently was like, what did you just say?

I was like, motherfucker. He's like, where'd you hear that? And apparently he, my mom got in trouble or something like that. He's like, oh, I'm using this in the custody battle. Oh, yeah. My mom's going to text me, I did not get in trouble. I was an adult. We don't get in trouble.

Bitch. Heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart. Dude, that's, that's genuinely, that's, I love stories like that. I'm sure your dad didn't love it at the time, but no. See what you did, Seal? Do you see what you did so? fucking did. I know I'm swearing. It's crazy because I feel like you know my my dad's dad was a military man and I think they were on like military bases every now and then so I'm like I feel like

cursing is a mill you know you think like you're like a sailor's mouth I guess he wasn't in the he was either in the Navy or Air Force. Air Force I can't remember which one though unfortunately. No Navy they swear like sailors air force there they were stationed somewhere the straight as a whistle Okay. But they fuck each other in the ass. No, that's the Navy as well. No, mine. I'm straight as a whistle, but I fuck men in the ass.

I got news for you. That means you're gay. That means you're in the Navy. In the Navy. We can perform a song for Trump in the Navy. Dude, I, I... No wonder Dale was freaking out, dude, because when I was a, like, when I was in kindergarten, I discovered the village people.

And that's not some derogatory term. No, no, I discovered. Honestly, it sounds like some like creepy pasta thing. The village people. No, but I discovered the village people because we had a CD. Oh, shit. More ads. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick.

BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly, 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if?

Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what-if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. What were you saying, Matt?

I said I discovered the village people because we had a CD and YMCA became my favorite song. One of my first favorite songs ever. And I remember that... You ever go to the YMCA? Like as a kid? No, no, no, no, no.

Never. I didn't grow up poor like you, Ryan. But, no. I went to YMCA summer camp. We didn't have that. It's like daycare, you know, just for the summertime, you know? We didn't have a

Or I didn't go to YMCA Summer Camp I went to Christian summer camp Yuck And YMCA Not very Christian Young male Christian Athletes

Is that really what it stands for? Doesn't it? Probably I think it's like young men's Christian Why are they having so much gay sex then? Does it mean athletes or just like association? Probably association I'm gonna look up YMCA just to make sure

But basically I love that song and I remember at a school function, me and my best friend just dancing, going nuts on the dance floor to that. My dad was watching me going, oh no. Young men's Christian Association. What? It's fun to stay at the YMCA. And I was doing the dance and everything.

And then I listened to the rest of the CD. And my other two favorite songs on that were in the Navy. Of course. And macho man. Macho man. And the most, like, the most, like, and as a kid, obviously, I had no clue about the gay undertones in that music. But, I mean, that music was, like, exclusively made for gay men to just be fucking getting down to. I think it was less that you, that you were singing the music and that whenever you were singing the music, he would find you wearing your mother's clothes.

I was five years old, Ryan. Yeah, she was thin back then. Yeah. She looked good. And I looked good, too. I looked pretty good in those clothes. Not in a weird way, but I looked good. She was as thin as a rail.

Talk about rails. Well, she was as thin as a rail because of all the rails. Like, baiting this picture of your parents of just like, my dad just loudly exclaiming the narration of his sex. Oh, dude, your chair's been doing it every second, the whole podcast. It's because I shake my. Dude, we need to get new chairs. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Get some WD40. Why don't you get some WD40? Because I don't... You hear that? Not a single fucking squeak. When you're... Sounds like you got a damn nest of baby birds down there, man. Or crickets.

Yeah, that could be crickets. Or a guinea pig getting fucked. A guinea pig... A guinea pig getting a blow job for the first time. Yeah. Guinea pigs do make those really crazy sounds. It's like... M.

Deb. Other animals, they would, like, monkeys give head. Monkeys suck and fuck. And not just when... And you don't have to just, like, pay money to a zookeeper to get it, too. Come on. That's the easiest way, though. I'll tell you something.

A lot of animals, all animals fuck. There's videos of monkeys, like, sucking each other's monkey penises and vaginas and shit. I haven't. Wait, have you seen these videos? What? There's, like, pictures of monkeys pissing in their mouths. Drinking each other's piss? Dude, one of my favorite videos back when I was a...

It might be, it's one of the first videos in my old favorites playlist on my old YouTube channel, but it's just a monkey peeing in its own mouth. He's like upside down, just like, he's filling that mouth with piss. Yeah, and he's having a great time too. And I mean, I would too if I was a monkey. Likes me of Luke, kind of. Yeah. When he's bored and doesn't have a podcast at it.

Well, that's why we've been pumping him out so much lately. Try to keep that from happening. He also, he never catches most of it in his mouth. No. It always goes to the floor and he's on a carpet. And he makes Darwin clean it up. The new guy. But all animals fuck, but not all animals suck.

Some animals, though, suck and fuck. Monkeys. Monkeys? Humans. Humans. See, I want to Google this now? Like, what animals give head? Like, what animals suck penis?

But then I feel like I'm getting on a list for looking that one up. What animals give you? insane head. Which animal gives the best head? Okay, I'm just going to stop with the podcast now. You know, I can't. Yeah, I gave him a couple years. I gave him a chance.

The last one they talked about Blumpkins for 30 minutes, and in this one they're talking, they're in detail about having sex with animals. To that, I would say, we didn't talk about having sex with any of your mothers. Only our own. Yeah. Yep, I'm done with the podcast.

That's it. I don't blame you. Hey, who could blame you? However, if you're done with the podcast, you're going to miss out on future episodes where we ask these hard-hitting philosophical questions, such as which animals suck and which animals fuck? All animals fuck. Nah.

Yes, huh? No, some... What animals don't fuck? Cells? Those aren't animals, Ryan. I'm not talking about life forms. I'm talking about animals. Seahorses?

That's actually what I was. thinking too. Because they don't technically fuck right? They like they like spurt out some shit and then the other one collects it and then turns into a woman. What is a woman? That's freaky as hell though, right? That's fucking in my book. Don't they just go

like a cloud of something? The other one was Yeah. Yeah actually you know what? I was wrong not all animals fuck because clams? Oasters Is a clam considered an animal? I mean it's a part of the animal kingdom right? Yeah and like a have it in aquarium.

No, I don't think they have clams at aquariums. Because what would that exhibit be? It's like, here's a clam. It doesn't move or do anything. You can't even see it, actually. It's inside a shell. How does a clam happen? How does that shit happen?

Oh, yeah. How does a clam happen? Like, how to... It's not some, like, thing that finds, you know? No, it grows the shell. It grows the shell. The crab molted shell doesn't find a shell. Hermit crabs find...

Isn't there a creature that, like, finds its own shell? It has to change the shell. out shells. Yeah. Crabbs do that. Not hermit crabs. Just regular ass crabs? Regular ass crabs.

Oh, you remember the episode of SpongeBob where Mr. Crabbs lost his shell and he was naked, pink, and vainy? And that was the one where he had to fucking, if I'm not mistaken, he was going to his Navy meetup with his old buddies that he used to

fucking gas. A.T. And he's like, Sponge me, boy, I need you to come with me. No, literally, I need you to come with me. Aga, Gag, Gag, G. He took SpongeBob to that Navy meat and greed. I can't do it, SpongeBob.

I can't. Crabbs. I'm stressing myself too much. They suck, and fuck. Sorry. Dude, but clams, genuinely. How does that happen? I'm going to look up how are clams born?

How are clams made? How it's made episode about clams? Most clams reproduce through broadcast spawning. When water temperatures warm in the spring and summer, males release sperm and females release millions of microscopic eggs into the water column. Fertilization occurs by chance in the open water, eventually forming larva that drift and settle on the ocean floor. What? So they masturbate. He's just fucking splooging.

And the woman's also splooging. And then some of that might just run into each other. For happenstance, yeah. Dude, so when you're swimming out in the ocean or in a lake, because clams can be fresh water. A lot of animal semen. How much semen are you just-semen piss shit? I don't like to think. That's why public pools, like, they're so fun as a kid.

But as soon as you become, like, aware, you get older and you become aware of just how dirty that water is. You're like people peeing in it. It's touching everyone's butt hole. We've all been at a pool, like a public pool when a poop incident has occurred, right? I haven't been at a pool. But they tell everyone to get out of the fucking water because someone poop their pants?

I haven't been there when it's happened, but I've been, like I try to go to the neighborhood pool and close. It's like D-Day. D-D-day. Dude. Well, that would be D-D. Okay, that's pretty good.

That would be double D-day. Well, actually. Well, double D-day is a different day. The day for, for the Ed and Eddie fans of the sort of the particular character with the sock on his head? Something like that. I'll show you after the podcast.

Piranha 3D. Starring David Hasselhoff. I have this very clear memory of going to the neighborhood pool one summer day and I was so excited to swim. I get there and it's shut like it's locked and there is a piece of paper taped

to the door explaining why the neighborhood pool was closed. And it was explaining that someone had thrown up in the pool. However, I remember that it was so specific. It was like on Wednesday, it's 7.34 p.m. Like it was a crime. Yeah, no, no, it had the exact time. Like a murder happened.

It was like somebody vomited in the pool. And I was so shocked. I just remember still, it sticks in my head how specific the details of when it happened were. And then in my mind as a kid, I thought, oh, they drained the pool when they were. that happens and put new water in. Nope. They don't do that. When someone shits in the pool, pukes in the pool, they don't drain the water. They let the chlorine take care of it. I'm not kidding. That's true. I mean, they get the, they get what they can out. And then they're like, let the chlorine do its job. And then you just jump right in, accidentally swallow a mouthful.

A whole log? Dude, swallowing a mouthful of pool water is truly one of the worst feelings. I, the thing is when you started this conversation, I immediately imagined and I could go back to that taste and that feeling of like chlorinated water like swallowing it and just like, that's how I, yuck. That's how I can best equate L.A.'s tap water to like when you drink L.A. tap water, it's the closest thing to how the feeling is when you swallow pool water. Does that make sense? Yeah. That's how it feels. Okay. It's not, not good.

Not good at all. I always ask for sparkling. I don't. Yeah, when do they go sparkling or still? I go still. Oh, definitely. I don't drink no damn sparkling water. It's too spicy for me.

It's very spicy. I don't get quenched when I drink it. No, it's actually very hard to quench your thirst with sparkling water, even though it's technically, I mean, I'm sure it's just as capable. It feels like it's drying my mouth out. But I feel like it is just as capable of quenching your thirst as normal water, but it's, it's something. Psychologically, it's just, you know, no one's thirsty and chugging a LaCroix.

The range of conversation on this podcast is truly incredible. Not just the range, the speed at which these changes take place. Like, like just minutes ago, we were talking about which animals fuck and suck. And now we're talking about, can LaCroix your thirst? Can sparkling water really do that, you know, that job? And that's why all of you have made it to the end of this episode. That's right. and we're very thankful that you have.

We're proud of you, too. Yes. That, I think more importantly than anything, we're very proud of you for making it to the end. I know it's not easy. It's not always easy to make it to this point. But you could make us more proud. You might see some names appearing.

We're actually, I mean, as proud as we are of you, we're very proud of these people. Very. They have been here to support us. They help fund the show. And, I mean, that's why they're called producers. And executive. producers and we're even more proud of.

Yes. And the executive producers, you should tell the difference because they have emojis next to their name. Which, by the way, randomly cycle every episode. So you're going to get a different emoji by your name each episode. I wonder which. Does Pepe the frog one? Is there? There is. Because it was part of the, uh, the graphics pack I downloaded. Dude, I just get Pepe every time. Yeah, then you're lucky. You're really lucky. So, so if you're an executive producer, sound off in the comments which emoji you got. And then, and then, and then, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,