Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - A Happy Wife Happy Life Love Story ❤️

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

Jordan and Kendahl of Happy Wife Happy Life are on the big bad podcast for you this week! Unlock 10% off your entire order this June and July! Visit https://betterbiom.com and use promo code NOBSINYOURMOUTH at checkout. Right now, Syd and Olivia Talk Shit listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to https://cornbreadhemp.com/TALK and use code TALK at checkout. Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Happy Wife Happy Life https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKbuRMN4IY7aO6atBNnwV8FfG3q4d9WjN&si=duITR49jKcBUwWzT Chapters 00:29 | Intro 00:53 | Jordan & Kendal Here To Help Us Believe In Love 03:12 | Depressing Things In New York 04:34 | Name Your Kids! 07:56 | Mother & Mother How Did You Fall In Love? 14:12 | How Are You Doing Orally? 16:47 | How Did You Fall In Love? (Continued) 19:47 | Forgetting Your Own Lies 23:45 | First Time Meeting In Person 28:24 | The Story Of How Mother & Mother Got Engaged 45:00 | Dating Apps In 2025 01:04:47 | Where To Find Jordan And Kendahl This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

But I did DM you like hard eyes a bunch of times. Everything I posted. A picture of a sandwich. A picture of my dog. A picture of like me being like trying to get my steps in today. Everyone stay strong during COVID. Whatever. Like you're like.

Supportive of the fitness. Yeah. Everyone stay strong. Whoa. It's a big bad podcast for you. I'm Sid. I'm the Olivia one. And today we have some very special ones with us.

Here to help us believe in love. of. We have, you know them from Happy Wife, Happy Life, the podcast. It's Jordan and Kendall. How are you? Hello. Thanks for having us. We're so excited to be here. Thank you for me here. And now we can just get back into what we Yeah. So opposite body dysmorphia. Well, we think, obviously we think each other are really hot and then we think we're really hot. And then sometimes you'll see a picture where you're like, I do not look like that. And I reject that. I don't think I'm wrong. No, I just don't think I even have dysmorphia. I think I'm just right. And I think pictures are evil. You're just hot and sometimes a picture is bad. Yes, 100%. And I never understood. I'm like, why do I look like a baked potato in photos?

But in real life, I look so dynamic and beautiful. And a makeup artist was like, that's because in a photo or in a video, you're taking a three-dimensional image and making it two-dimensional. That's why you have to have so much makeup and contour and stuff on. And angles are so important. Like you could just be like a little bit to the side and your two-dimensional self would look completely fucking different. Smushes you. Yeah. 100%. And once I learned that, I was like, okay, well, it's the camera's fault or the person taking the picture. Yeah.

And if I look bad, then you could always enact revenge. Yes. Like violent revenge. 100%. Well, that's why I think we just don't know how to take pictures also, like of each other. Like I ruin any time you ask me take a photo, I'm like, I know this is not what you wanted. And I've resorted to using this app called Hoogie. Explain.

I love to. I love to. It's not a tip. don't take it. It's not a good idea. I'm just telling you. It's going to be so embarrassing when you look back in like a year. It's really giving boomerang. Well, it's like Cam Wow. Like if you took all your photos on Cam Wow in middle school and you're like, oh, I wish I had these photos not in a neon setting. Right. And it is a, it's an app that's supposed to, so there's a hair on me. That's beautiful. Thank you. It's like an app that makes it look like you took it on a film camera.

Right. Doesn't look like that. Right. So this is like. like old, old Instagram style. Yes. And it looks as such. It really doesn't look like an authentic. And there's a huge thing in the corner that says Fuji. Fair. Yeah. That's not let it out. You can't get rid of that. There's no pro. Well, I think you might be, there's pro I don't pay for it. Why would we pay for it? You could take it out. Kendall cannot. Got it. Right. And I'll take

right. I don't take it out. And it, but to me it kind of blurs, it just is a lot of blurring. Right. Kind of like how I would take on a Polaroid. I said, oh, you see nothing of, it's just a silhouette of a hot woman. Yes. We were in New York. recently and I the subway had the weirdest ads and one of them was it was like a subway car full of face tune ads. Oh yeah. And the whole thing was like the best makeup is no makeup, face tune. And it's like okay. And they were trying to be really like relatable and like, you know, but then some of the ads got so depressing. It was like it was like a picture of like a super hot girl and it's like look like your apartment has windows. Oh my God. And not like you're a kidnap victim. Oh my God. Like that you

What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. I will say on this recent trip, everywhere we went, I saw things that I was like, oh, God, that's making me depressed. Yeah. In the airport, in every bathroom stall thing being like, if you're being trafficked, just let us know. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

That has to be in every bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. Are you all former New York earlies like we are? No. Always L.A. From New York. Yes, for a long time.

Oh, my God. Not from originally, but. How is it? Where are you from originally? I moved around a ton, but originally like New Orleans and. Oh, cool. Louisiana and Mississippi near New Orleans is where my family's from. Okay, great.

Yeah, and I'm from North Carolina technically born there, lived their twice five, and then moved to Northern California. That is so, so then you guys both moved to New York and then met in New York, question, mark? Well, we met, we had so, we didn't, we crossed, we were like ships in a night. Okay, literally my parents. Yeah. I would literally my parents. Can you tell us your love story as if we're your children?

Oh, my God. And can you name us like, we're your children? Oh, I really love that because I always, like, I'm always, like, I'm always, We're not going to have children, but anytime we have, we have a memory box, I always keep stuff. I say, oh, and our kids open up this box. It would be so special. And we can always open it. Exactly. That's a great idea. So I might just send the box to you. And you can be like, during this speech, you were also allowed to reprimand us for something we did as as your kids. I kind of think it would be fun for you guys because if you don't want kids, like, but when you have the feeling of wanting kids, you can just call us up. 100%. I love that. And I do feel. Okay. Okay. You can, you get one name and I get the other. Okay, beautiful. Um, what? If we're naming them as our children. Like, we're changing your names. Yeah.

Oh, yes, I'm... Okay. Danielle. That's the name? Yeah. I thought this was a fun moment for you to pick, like, a name you'd actually want to name a child. Oh, really? Yeah.

I guess it's not Daniel. You would never name a child, Danielle. No, I wouldn't. Not that there's made me wrong, Daniels. Sorry. No, it's so intimate to tell people what you would name your kids. I'm not even have kids. I think we should do this.

I'm going to see. I agree. But there's nothing more... Say the name. There's nothing. more embarrassing than being like Aurora. Yeah, I get. Let me, let me help you really quickly. Okay. One of my closest friends in the entire world one said to me, I really want to name my kids

travel and Pharaoh. And I was like, you're sick. And you're still friends. So now, so now, whatever you say, it's not travel and it's not Pharaoh. But what if it was and now I'm like, Oh, okay, two new names, I guess. Okay, if I were to name my kid, do you have one? Yeah. Okay, go ahead. You have them too. You have a list in your friends. phone? I do. That's my problem. I'm like, I have to pick the one I'm going to use. Oh. Okay, yeah, you can start. Okay. Clark. Cute. Who, which one of you wants to take it? You're a Clark. I'm a Clark. I said that as well, yeah. Yeah, you're a girl Clark for sure. Okay. You know what? When we were at Disneyland, I seem insane. I know I'm wearing a Tomator shirt and I'm talking about Disney. I'm not a Disney

I'm not a Disney shirt. I didn't even clock that. Yeah, because it's a cool shirt and that's it doesn't seem like a Disney shirt. No, it's sick as hell. It's super cool. It looks like a Budweiser shirt. It really does. It really does. Um, I, we were, we were We were at the Disney pool, and there was a girl there with the name Sadie, and I liked that for a girl. I said, that's classy. And I feel like you could be a Sadie. I can totally be a Sadie. So that's your name.

Sadie and Clark. That's beautiful. Sadie Jean, middle name after my father. Oh, wow. And he's dead. And that is sweet. Wow, Sadie Jean is really good. No, thank you.

What's my middle name? Uh-oh. Clark. Clark. I know. Clark. Kent? Clark.

Clark. Clark. Um. Clark Will, my dad's name and he's still alive. We know who's popular out of the two of you. And you're twin. The idea of a little girl named Clark Kentrow.

Yeah, is very cute. They would have to be a lesbian or it's so bad. Or else you really doesn't work. It's always. Clark Will and Sadie Dean, obviously. Okay, so and what would we call you as our parents? Yeah. Oh, that's always so hard.

This is why we can't have kids because I can't. When the lesbians, you're like, I'm mommy and she's mama. I can't do that. It's awful. I can't say the word mama. Yeah. I just can't. My friend with lesbian moms always just says mom Judy, mom pepper.

Yeah. Name after the thing. Yeah. I say both mother. Mother and mother. Mother and mother. Mother and mother. How did you fall in love?

Well, you know what I'll tell you kids? You've both been, especially you say to whoring around a little bit. And I am super supportive of that. and I know we've gone to the gynecologist, Sadie, you don't necessarily need it as much Clark. But I just want to, most of the stuff you've been doing on the internet. That's my problem with you.

You've been doing real stuff in real life, and I just want to let you know. No one wants to meet up. Right. But that's okay. Doing stuff on the internet is like a digital condom. So you have to worry. Clark keeps asking people on Club Penguin where they live.

Right. And that's fine. I'm not getting kicked off. Yeah. That's okay. That's your journey. But we didn't meet that way. And I think you need to know like how true love begins,

because it's not the way you guys are doing it, either of you, especially you, Clark, not the way you're doing it. Because if you get pregnant, there's a world where that turns into something that's not going to happen on Club Penguin. That's so fair. So we met in New York. No, we didn't. No, we didn't.

Immediately. Are you thinking of someone else? Oh, no. Is that your other wife? This is why you can't have kids. Well, we were ships in the night. We both did improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade. Jordan is a couple years older than me.

and so by we were just not in the same group this I swear this this comes back to advice um but they we didn't meet each other ever but then during COVID before COVID you moved to L.A. I was still New York Jordan had a little TikTok go viral. Oh it wasn't a little TikTok it was a huge TikTok. It was a little little silly little TikTok. What was it? It was Barbies on the Mattel website that I thought looked like lesbians hilarious and then I explained why I thought. Sure seen that. Wow that's so good. That's so nice. Thank you. But I was just trained. you know, I had been, before that I was touring, doing comedy and stuff. And then the pandemic happened.

And I was like, I don't know what to do. I was like, okay, everyone's talking about TikTok. I guess I'll make a TikTok. So I made a TikTok and it went viral. And Kendall had a friend that sent it to her. Because I didn't even have TikTok. I didn't have TikTok at the time. Yeah.

And so my friend sent me this video. And this was during, and I don't mean this, I would have hit on you. This is so rude you say this. You can just leave this part out. Well, I just think it's important because I think this story really makes it sound like I am an absolute creep on the internet. But it really was during a time of COVID where it was like I was just in my house, this is month 8, probably

of COVID. I was in New York so it's just like in my apartment. I was drunk half the time. I was just all like you start in the morning. Yeah. We would, I remember my roommate and I else would you do. We just drank and we would watch long speeches of Donald Trump that I feel like aired every day for some reason. They'd be like another

hour long interview of him where he said something crazy. It's like that part of Wicked when you hear Madam Morabwe. in the sky. Yeah, exactly. And it became so normal, but when Biden became president, I was like, he's not doing, there's no more like interviews like that. There's always like this sit down interview in a garden, like the friends reunion or something. And he's just being interviewed. It was like every day, we'd watch these and be drunk and

laugh and be like, we live in a hell. And besides that, it was just you were, you stayed DMing. That was all you did. And he'd be in those DMs. I know. And so my, and my friend sent me during TikTok and was like, you should DM her. She's so funny and so cool. And did UCB improv? And I was like, okay. So I started just sending like hard eye emojis to everything Jordan posted. Yeah, but I need to take a time out. How many people were you doing that too? Just for clarity sake. Because you, Kendall always goes, I was DMing, I was DMing the accounts of famous dogs, whatever. No, you weren't. You weren't crazy. You weren't trying to fuck a dog. Let's take it bad. That was before we were dating. I wasn't there.

I don't know. That was crazy. As far as I know, you. It was COVID. Anything? We were all in a weird place. No. It's COVID. Docs were on the table. No, it wasn't like I was actively pursuing.

I think with you I was really like, I would love to like go on a date with you. But I think there was just a lot of like, I don't know, even on like dating apps. It's like when you're bored, you're just like, I'm just chatting with all these people. I don't even think I'm going to ever meet you. I'm just kind of like, oh, you look gay. Hey, funny picture. Winky face. And that was it.

The winked just winked. Was that hot? No, you can't. And that's why I send a Minky base. And so I, but there's not a lot of people I was like repeatedly DMing. I was just kind of like, I don't, not a huge DM or in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I was just more DMing than possible. And I was more like into, I think usually in real, like in real life before COVID, I would have just like met people out of the world. I wasn't like, oh, I see this person that lives in Los Angeles. I'm going to DM them and see if they want to have a long distance relationship. But I did DM you like hard eyes. a bunch times. Everything I posted. A picture of a sandwich. A picture of my dog.

A picture of like me being like trying to get my steps in today. Everyone stay strong during COVID, whatever. Like you're like, supportive of the fitness. Yeah. Everyone stay strong. Whoa. And so she just kept DMing me until finally I was like, who is this? I think her first couple ones went to my message request.

Yeah. I was like, who is this? And I was like, wait, she's haughty patadi. and then I saw she had message me so many times I'm like okay she's trying to get V to V to V. So I got a message her I was like hey queen how are you? I do like that this is still to your kids

Yeah she was trying to get Vita Vee. Yeah we're very sex positive Yeah, mother and mother are very sex positive. Mother and mother are very much so we want to be real with you. And I've been pouring around I'm at Planned Parenthood all the time

You get it. And we're having Sadie here because we don't want you to feel excluded. We don't want to think like you're being attacked but this mostly is just for you. I'd be fucking. Yeah. Yeah, 100%.

You're doing V-to-V. I'm doing V-to-V, and I'm 15? How old are you? Yeah, I assumed eight. Oh, okay. I thought maybe you guys were like 20 or 30. Okay, okay, great. Right, right.

I feel like once you're 20 and 30, you should know how your parents met. Yeah, 100%. Also, you should not be on Club Penguin. Asking people where they live? This is not acceptable. Maybe it's other adults. We don't know who you're asking. It could be, but you don't know either on Club Penguin because you can't tell.

I guess that's true. Yeah, I only see their penguin form. Olivia, let me ask you a question. Totally. Orally, how are you doing? Oh, orally, I'm doing incredible because I've got so many knobs in my mouth. Right. Right.

And of course what I mean by that is biomes, toothpaste tablets, knobs. Knobs is everything that toothpaste should be. It's all the good stuff and no BS. Yeah, knobs, no BS. That's literally what it is. That's exactly what it spells. Knobs is toothpaste, but it's not regular tooth. Right, right, right.

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go to cornbreadhemp.com slash talk and use the code talk at checkout. That is cornbread hemp.com slash talk and use the code talk at checkout. Wait, so, okay, so you guys, so you were, you were like, she's trying to get V-to-B. And then what happened? I was like, okay, I'll message. She's so cutie. And I was like, hey, like, what's your deal? Why are you messaging me so much?

Did you say that? I don't remember exactly what I said. But something to that effect. I was just like, oh, you're messaging me so much. and like, how do we never meet? Because we had so many mutual friends. Yeah. You went to our Instagram.

It was like 200. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How we never met? And Kendall was like, well, you know, I think I maybe moved to New York a little after you. And so, you know, whatever. And she was like, let's do a Zoom date. And I was like, great. It's so cute.

Cool. And then right before our Zoom date, she was like, I do have to say I am a couple years younger than you. And I was like, okay, I'm actually not interested. And she was like, also I live in New York. And I was like, oh, I thought you lived in L.A. now. So I'm not interested. either one of those things. I had never dated someone

younger than me and I did not want to be in a long- How much younger? Six years. Yeah, you were 21 and I was, I think, 20. Oh, not six. I think I was, I think I was 20, you were 21 and I was 26. Yeah. Oh, okay. Like, not like a crazy age difference. But when one person is under 25, there is like, I think. I understand if you hadn't known each other. Yeah.

Being like, that age seems a little like no to me. Whereas if you had just met naturally and you didn't know, it'd be like, this is fine. Yeah. Yes. And I had only dated people that were like five to ten years older than me ever. Yeah. So I was like, that's definitely not for me. But Kendall was like, no, I think you'll like really, really like me. And I was like, okay, that's very confident and cool. Yeah, that is fucking cool. So I texted to mutual friends. Thank you for thinking it's cool. And also it could be seen as completely insane. No, it was very cool. No, I wish I had that confidence ever in my life, I would probably be doing so well. I do. I love that. No, no, no. You're going to like what you're going to like. Trust me. You're going to fucking like it. And she was right. Yeah. So I texted some friends. I was like, okay, what's this girl's deal? And they were all like, oh, she's really cool. She's super funny. She just wants V to V. Exactly.

Literally, she's so cool. She's just, what you're clocking is just she's desperate for V to V. and you're like, it's COVID. Absolutely. So I was like, okay, fine. I will go on one Zoom date with you. But just to be clear, I like, don't, I'm not interested. And which is obviously a lot. Why? Why would I agree to go on a Zoom date if I like, but I was just like, this is not going to work. And I had just gotten out of like kind of a weird, complicated thing. And I was like, she lives in New York and it's COVID. I was like, it's just not going to work. Yeah. Once you get a little taste of Kay, I know. I know. Enough. Yeah. I'm addicted to the special Kno. What was the Zoom date like? What happened? What was like seven hours? And then the next day, Jordan was like, I'm just thinking about you our day. Stop. Stop. Stop, seriously. I remember you said, I want to take you camping. We still have never done that.

Because I don't want to camping. I don't know why I said that. We were saying crazy stuff to each other when we first started dating. Kendall famously said to me, I've never been. I don't know. Never been camping.

I went to an estate sale with a friend. Like the next thing. Yeah. And Kendall was like, oh my God, you went to an estate sale. Estate sales are my happy place. That actually makes me, actually, that makes me so deep. Like, that's like one of the only things that's ever really embarrassed me.

Yeah. That sentence is horrible. Yeah. And then to come to find out, a happy place? What is that? Months later, she came to see me and I was like, so I planned an estate sale for us to go to while you're here. And she was like, ew. She was like, I don't want to go look around a dead person's house.

And I was like, okay, you told me a state sales were your happy place. And she was like, I literally swear on my life, which Kendall says all the time. I swear, I swear on my life, I swear to God, that never happened. I was like, okay. So then I just pulled up the message. And she was like, oh, okay. There's something so funny, and I do it all the time because I have a terrible memory, there's something so funny about accidentally, very confidently gaslighting somebody.

You're like, that never fucking happened. And then you're defensive because people know that about you. So they go, well, yeah, but you don't know. You're always just like saying shit. And then you're like, oh, yeah. And everyone thinks I don't know anything. And then I'm wrong. I do the same thing.

I remember too much. Like, I don't remember like necessarily when I need to be places, but I remember everything everyone has always like ever said ever. Me too. And so it's really upsetting because sometimes. I feel like when I'm telling someone what they did, like, I'm making it up. And I'm like, I swear to God, you were wearing this shirt. I was wearing this shirt.

The conversation went like this, this, this. And I'm sure I'm not getting it perfectly. But it is like, it is like, it feels like I'm gaslighting people. Because I'm like, I'm telling you something you did. And you're like, I did not do that. But that's why it's hard in arguments because we'll have moments where I'm like, okay, so now it's just like whatever you say goes. Because I don't remember even what we're talking about.

Right. No, you could abuse that power so easily. Exactly. And I don't. I don't think. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

As far as I know, I've been doing this podcast with you guys for my entire life. I don't know where. I don't remember anything. That's so funny. That's so good. Yeah, well, yeah, that requires like a huge amount of trust to be like, I don't know where I am. I don't know what's going on, but I assume you know. It's like those movies where someone wakes up.

It's a documentary. Yes. There's a documentary, but I haven't watched it. So I shouldn't be giving a deep. But it's like these, I think they were twins. I don't know. And you guys know your twins. Sadie and Kent.

Sadie and Clark. Sorry. We call Clark Kent sometimes because it's like a family joke. It's fun. Yeah, all the family jokes are always on Clark. Kent. Mother and mother, eat me. But they're, oh, they're twins and they like, they, one of them had some form of amnesia.

And the other one, like, is his, like, stuck by him and explained his, like, he's, like, like, like, stuck by him and explained his, life. I don't remember... This is a real documentary. Right. I know it's real. I was a question like I was making up this documentary. Thank you. But I should know that it was... I thought I was being helpful. I don't know if I'm fully accurate on... I didn't watch it.

So I'm like, I don't know the details of it. But what I'm pretty sure is the one telling him stuff lies the whole time. But he's in the documentary, right? Sorry, now you don't want to be... Are you asking? Wait, I have to see this. That's crazy. Yes, it's basically like one of them. And I also have not seen this. I didn't bring it up, but I also have not

seen this. Yeah, I think from the trailer, it leads you to believe that this is the best press tour for this. Yeah. I can fucking see it. Yeah, we have a brand deal with that documentary. I think they're twins. Yeah, but like one of them has Amisia. The other one like is like, this is our life. This is our family and our relationship with them. And this was her deal and my deal or whatever. And then the brother like finds out that it had been, a lot of it had been untrue. And the brother had been like taking advantage of a lot of things. Oh, that's that's like a great horror movie. I'm shocked it's a documentary because it's such a good narrative. Well, I'm sure it'll inspire a good idea.

Yeah, it's going to inspire one that I'm going to write right now. I'm going to leave right now and start writing. Wait, how long were you guys long distance for? Embarrassingly short amount of time. I don't think that. Well, because one of the things on our first day that Kendall was like, my parents live in California, I am moving back to California soon. Like, my plan is to get back to California.

So it's not like if we dated, you would be dating someone who's like, I love New York. I'm staying in work forever. Which I think you're right, because I think in my head, I'm like, I immediately was like, I'm getting on a plane. No, I think it's a great first thing. Yes. But then I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, I'm going to probably move back to California anyway. So it's not that crazy. It was a soft plan.

Yes. Well, and so I think we dated, we started dating in October. And then I think we dated for a couple months before we met, maybe. Yeah. It was during COVID. That is so cool. I've never. Oh, that's so nice.

I don't know. I just, I can't picture that. And I'm just like, that's. is like such a, that's such a crazy love story. It was wild. Like we like did everything like over, yeah, just everything over Zoom. Yeah. And then I mean everything. I mean everything. Okay. So then, so then what was the first in person date? Oh, it was so, well, I don't know if it was even, like I went and stayed with Jordan for a week, which I was like very nervous about. Yeah, because it doesn't go right. Right. I'm just here. Yeah. Once again, it's COVID and we were like,

you know, you're scared to fly and you whatever. Yep. But it was crazy. It was so wild. But, um, but, Your dad was sick. So you were like, I'm going to come see my dad, which normally I wouldn't just be like hopping on a plane during COVID. But I have to come to California anyway to like see my dad. And I was like, okay, great. So I picked you up at the Burbank Airport. And I was so much better than LAX. Yes.

So you were also staying together during your dad being sick. That's also like a really intimate thing for like a first. Well, that's like I moved. And then I moved back in my parents for a little bit because my dad was. sick and then we would drive to see each other. We would drive to see which was really nice. But then, yeah, I still remember we like went to the Burbank airport and Jordan had a sign and it was very cute and no, maybe just for every.

Was it like welcome home elder Kendall? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I should bring her little Mormon outfit. It was crazy because I was like, oh, this is going to be like so awkward. I made this like little sign, which is not, I'm not very like, I don't know what the word I'm looking is. I'm not very like, I don't know, cheesy.

that way maybe, or at least I wasn't historically. You're not very rom-com. Yes, I wasn't. And Kendall has really changed me. But that felt like one of the first things I did where I was like, okay, this is like a silly thing that like, you know, whatever. So I like had the little sign and I was like, this is going to be like embarrassing or whatever. I got to the airport and there were like five other lesbians with signs waiting to pick up their long distance partners, who I'm assuming they had also never met. That's so fucking good. That's so funny. Yeah, there was hundreds of them. Oh, that's weird. So you guys were, like, official before you met in person? Or was it, like, just, like, an assumed thing of, like, we're together?

It was like you didn't ask me until at the airport, literally at the airport. I think you said, I love you. Will you be my girlfriend at the airport? Yeah. But then, like, I, but we, so we were, like, official before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And once again, it was like COVID. So it was like, it's not going into it being like no one's ever experienced this before.

We're kind of flying by the seat of our pants. And we weren't, like, out and about. So I didn't have to be like, oh, are you seeing other people? Are you Zooming other people? Yeah. Well, that was the only thing that's like, I don't think we ever really got that casual, like, oh, will we, we, won't we thing because of COVID? Because you really have to immediately be like, well, how are you dealing with the pandemic? Yeah.

What are your views on the pandemic? Is that compatible with mine? And can we do this or no? Exactly. Like, we need to plan, okay, are you getting tested before? Even like, we were Zoom dating, so it was less of this. But I'd gone on a couple first dates during COVID where it was like, you have to be like, can you send me your test results? Your test results?

With the date? It's like not romantic at all. Totally. It was like a time where you ended up getting really intimate, really fast in that it's like, oh, well, we can't see anyone else or like, you know. There's a lot of people we know, myself included, where it was like they were in a relationship for, you know, less than a year. And then it was like, do you move in or do you not?

Do you move in together and see each other every day? Yeah. Or do you not see each other anymore? Yeah. And I think that's just like such a crazy historical thing. Yeah. It was really different, really weird. Yeah, I think it worked better for us than it did for a lot of other people I've talked to just because Kendall and I are very honest and up front.

And we're also very in touch with what we want. And I think, yeah, I think we're both around the same page with that. So I think it was easier for us than it is for, I feel like, a lot of other people that tried to start dating during the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. That's fucking awesome. When did you get engaged?

Two years ago. Like December. Yeah. Yeah. So a year and a half ago? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, December. Mother and Mother. How did that go down?

Can you tell us the story? Yeah. Engaged. Well, children, I was going to take Kendall to Europe and propose at like Europe's oldest theme park in Copenhagen on like a little old timey ride where I had this whole plan. That rips. And then I messed up my feet and my feet had been messed up for a couple months now at that point. It started getting it really bad. And then they scheduled me for surgery on both my feet.

I eat. Yes. And I like, could you not walk around? I, after the surgery, no. After the surgery, no. I was in a wheelchair for a while.

Oh, that's the next seat. Before that, I could not walk for like extended periods of time. Right. And not this very walking. Yes. So I was like, I can't do this.

But I was like, what am I like now not going to propose until I was like, I just have to do it. So I ended up doing it on our couch on Christmas morning, which a lot of people really hate, which was shocking to me, the morning, Kendall loves, like, non-religious Christmas.

Me too. Me too. I'm obsessed with it. I love it. And the second it gets a little religious, I freak out. Yes. But I love. Just childhood happy Christmas.

Yeah. I love any excuse to celebrate. Yeah. I love holidays. Have you been to Copenhagen? No. If you ever go, you have to go to... They have Christmas town, right?

Well, yes. And then they have a theme park there called... Where I was going to propose. We ended up going a year later. But what was it called? Oh no. Wait, is it like a Christmas theme park? I keep saying Schlitterbond.

It's the water park in Texas. Schlitterbox. That's a water park in Texas. Schlitterbond. It's my dream to go. What is it? Doesn't it sound like kind of like an offensive word? Yeah, it sounds like I actually coming out of my mouth, I was like, wait.

No, it sounds like a German themed water park. It sounds like a German word. It sounds like a German word for something bad. Yeah. But it's a water. It's something very good. Yeah. We're pulling up.

Oh, incredible. That doesn't look at all what it sounds like. No. This is my dream. And this is actually where I was. you had proposed. I know, sorry. Huge, huge issue. You'd need.

On the lazy river. Yeah. I love it so much. And you can stay overnight. That's what makes it different. Oh, that's so on. You can stay underwater overnight. They drown you.

Excellent. Excellent place to drown. You can get the drown me package at Flitterball. And the Germans come out and they just do it right there. They do it. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. But there is a Copenhagen park, which I wish I could, I'll send you the name of it.

But it is in Christmas time. It is like a Christmas one place. I would shit my pants. Yeah. Best possible way. It was awesome. And that's where I was going to propose. But I also had already booked that trip and everything, so I couldn't get refunds on anything.

I just had to push the date. So we ended up going a year later. But I was like, you know what? I'm just going to propose on the couch. So I proposed like two nights before at my surgery. I woke up Christmas morning to propose. And everything on my TikTok was like, here are my non-negotiables for being proposed to. This is when that trend was really big.

And all of them were like, number one, if you proposed to me on a holiday, I will shoot you in the head with a gun. And I was like, why? Okay. I think what it is. I'm like socially off. Like, what is it that makes that bad? I think it is toxic, I'll say. But I think there's two things.

I think there's two things. I think one is that people are like, don't have a thing that I want to be private between you and me be at like a big family function. Okay. Which I'm like, okay, I get that. I would love to be proposed to it a big function. Okay. But I understand someone not wanting that.

Sure. And then I think there's also this thing that I had never thought about, but I've seen a lot recently where straight women with boyfriends will be like, do not propose to me at a that's already nice that you didn't have to put effort into making that. Okay. So don't propose to me at somebody else's wedding. Right. Don't propose to me at a-

That's ruining someone. Yeah. That's making someone else's wedding about you. Exactly. Don't propose to me at like a family thing. Don't put whatever because they're like- Don't tack your proposal on to something that you didn't have to work for. I do understand that especially in a relationship with like, let's say, a straight guy that

doesn't love to try. Well, I think there's something about like a lot of times, sorry, I don't want to be a straight hater because I know it's a very easy thing to be so much. And I really deal with so much. As of just recently, here's the thing, it's Pride Month. I do feel like there's like sometimes these big moments are like such a big deal to them because their relationship is bad the entire year. Not all straight people. No, but we're talking about that like that Facebook post of like, well, the ride's been tough. It's been up and down. But this is my man that God sent me from heaven. And we fight every day,

but that's marriage. You're like that. That is like that's like, it shouldn't be that hard. Yes. And they, so I think sometimes there's all these things where they need like, okay, the proposal or I'll see these videos of getting engaged and the woman is like sobbing. And like nothing wrong with that. But I remember like feeling a little crazy. I was like, is it crazy that I'm not like that emotional?

And I was a little emotional just because I was like excited. Yeah. But I was like, I know you're going to propose me. Also, I know you like me. I think sometimes I'll see these videos and it's like that is when the woman or they'll hear the vows. And it's like the first time that man has ever like said anything emotional to that. And they're like, oh my.

And it feels so intense versus I feel like every day, Jordan's like, you are the love of my life. I'm like, okay. I already heard it a minute. It makes sense of like if you're never getting that kind of validation from your partner. Of course you're going to be like, what the fuck and break down. But if you're like, yeah, I know we're in a good spot. It's like, yeah, it's the same thing of the Facebook. And I also I also think of like with heteronormative like the way you're raised in a super

heteronormative situation is like it's all about the kind of show of it. It's like, oh, the Prince Charming comes and he opens the door for you and he does, you know, and it's all the little romantic things that you're supposed to be. Oh, what's my wedding dress going to be like? And it's weird because I used to kind of be a little bit like, oh, I have a wedding Pinterest board. I have a did, did, d, d. And I would like, oh, this is what, like, and I would just plan every element of it. And then you get kicked in the teeth over and over and over again in life. And then you kind of go like, all right. I don't, yeah, you know, just if someone just cared if I lived or died and expressed that regularly and showed it with consistent actions, that actually is

what I would like. Because it's like things you can cling to. It's like, okay, but if he's doing these things, it's fine. Yeah. No matter what's going on. But if I get the fairy tale proposal, and it's like that fairy tale thing. If I do, if I get the fairy tale blank, then that means that it's all worth it. And it's like some people can can do a huge amazing proposal that they spend so much money

on and still treat you badly or still cheat on you or still be like not compatible or not nice to you or not get you as a person. And it's like, I think that's part of growing up is being like, oh, it's not about the like on paper how sparkly is it. It's like, is this person good? But I think that's what it feels so overwhelming to just in your own brain be like, is this person good, good for me? But so I think people love to be like, well, yes, because they do X, Y, exactly. I even remember like in the beginning of our relationship, I was like, I would never sleep in a separate bed as my partner, ever. I would never do that. And we got on this conversation because my parents, a lot of times will not

sleep in the same room because my dad is retired and cannot sleep through the night. And my mom is a full-time, like, head nurse at an ICU here in L.A. at a big hospital. Yes. So my mom, a lot of times they'll start out in the same bed, but my dad will wake up in the middle of the night, wants to, like, put the TV on or whatever. He'll go to the couch, sleep. My mom's, like, hooked up to her CPAP machine. You know, got to get her nine hours or whatever. So sometimes they'll sleep in different rooms. And I think that's so nice and so considerate. And really feels. like in no way, shape or form, are they posturing? My parents are just like, yeah, I want you to get good sleep. I want whatever. Like, my dad cares so much about my mom getting good sleep. I'm like,

oh, that's very nice and thoughtful. And Kendall was like, no, no, they hate each other. No, okay. I don't know if I referenced your parents. I was just saying separately, and I think you're like, well, my parents do it. And I was like, oh, I've never heard it in a positive way. Yeah. It's usually like, oh, this marriage is falling apart when people talk about it. I was like clinging to that. And then all I think is I've gotten more stable. Sure. Yeah. In my life, I'm like, oh yeah, I don't need to be like confirmed that Jordan likes me every single day because I'm just like confident. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's also like, it's kind of like a very romantic gesture to be like, oh, well, I care about your work and I care that you are able to perform well at your job. And so like, let's do this. It's like I, uh, something that like I talk to my dad about sometimes is like you and, and her, uh, she and her dad sleep and her sleep. And she and her. As of just reason. Of course.

To be courteous. To be courteous. Yeah. Because he's an icy, he's a nice, he's nervous. I started. You have a dad. Yeah. Um, but no, it's.

like everyone like has their version of like their flowers or their roses like the thing that's romantic that you do for someone isn't because it's like oh it's like a box of chocolates and like everyone does that and so it's romantic it's like oh it's romantic because it's like I know you would appreciate it's custom tailored to the person you're being romantic at right so it's like you proposing on christmas morning was romantic because you're like I know you're going to love yes yes well and you know we both don't have big families neither one of us are religious and I was like, how fun would it be to propose on Christmas? And now, like, every year for the rest of forever,

that's like when I proposed. And we can do, like, a fun little thing on Christmas. And it's not like you got married on Christmas. So it's not like, oh, our anniversary. It's like, you have the option to be like, oh, this was when. But it's not like a big deal for everyone else where everyone has to on Christmas, like wish you. Happy anniversary.

You know, it's like, I think it's perfect. Yeah. So it felt, it felt fun. But I put the ring, which we had already gone and looked at and tried on. And she decided what she wanted and all this stuff. And I put it in the stocking at the bottom of. for stocking. So she went through a stocking and then pulled out the ring and opened it and looked at me and said, me? Why? I literally was so panicked. It's actually crazy. I think I like think of

myself as a confident person, but I'm not. And I just going to say, this is such a different thing from being like, like, you're going to like me. I agree with it. Because that was fake and I think I was drunk when I said back. This is me in the morning. When I'm drunk, I'm so confident. When I'm I'm like, I'm the hottest person who's ever lived. Yeah, you're going to fucking love me. I was so scared that I just went through 80 different things. I was like, okay, I think this is the ring that I picked out, which is crazy because obviously it was.

Like, it was an engagement ring. Yeah. But I was so worried I was wrong. And then I was going to be like, yes. And they were going to be like, no. No, this is just a ring. Yes. Or they were going to like, I was going to like, yes, I'll marry you.

And they were going to be like, no, I'm not asking you. I just got, I just got it. And then I'll do it later. I was going through these like back flips of like, I'm. I don't want to do it. Also, I looked so ugly. And I felt bad because so I, like, I had come my hair short and I like, it just didn't look good. No, it looked great. But not like when it wasn't, when it was done, it looked good, but when it did, whatever. I get that. There's certain haircuts that require style. And you realize that before you get, yeah, after you get them. Yes. And so I woke up

and trim was like, do you want to brush your teeth? And I was like, it's fucking Christmas, bitch. And they're like, do you want to brush your hair? I was like, no. That's so sweet. Thanks, but I don't know you're being such a hater on Christmas, okay? And then they, like, were filming, which wasn't that crazy because they, like, film a lot of, they film, like, a lot of content. So I was like, I'm doing a vlog. That's so cute. And then so they were filming and I looked so bad in the video.

And then I immediately, I didn't really realize we were filming, or I, I don't know, I forgot, once again, I had no idea where I was. Right, right. Me? Why? Oh, my God, that's my. I literally said me. You were like, who am I? That was a genuine question.

Who am I? Help me. Do we know each other? I, like, immediately was, started talking in a baby voice. We almost exclusively talked to each other in a baby voice at home. I think that's valid. But so immediately, this video is actually, I don't, I'm sure it's still on your phone, but I was like, immediately I was like, you can never show anyone in this video.

I look like a troll, and I'm talking in a voice that also traumatized me because I actually do think I'm being cute when I'm doing like a baby voice. When you speak in a baby voice, you're like, this is fun. And then the second you realize, like, oh, that was actually on the recording and you hear it back, you're like, oh, I have to drive off of a cliff. It's absolutely horrible. I have to real life drive off a cliff. A hundred.

Because when I'm talking to baby voice, I'm like, I'm picturing myself as a little chip. No. No. Maybe the only thing I would never. Mother. If you had a gun right now and held this in both of our heads and you were like, do the baby voice and I'll shoot you. We'd be good.

And I'd be like, and I've loved the time I've had with you. Not in a baby voice. You would say it in my big adult voice. I think I've had baby voice kicked out of me. I think I can't do it anymore. I used to do it for one relationship. And then I now I'm like well why the fuck would I ever ever ever do that and so I talk to people I date the same way I talk to my dog Sure talk to your dog which is like in a baby voice. I'm like hello doctor. I love that yeah and I go like hello how are we today

Since gone is Dr. Anthony Fauci. I love that yeah I'm new to baby voice I had never done it before yeah I'm like kind of brings out a lot in me I'm like very like yeah I'm just an I'm like an I'm like an awkward guy, I don't really do. It's not, it was, it didn't come easy. And then once it did, I was like, oh, okay, I get this. And then now I'm like, why would I ever have done that? We got a baby voice back so the video of you proposing has the baby voice and therefore it will never see the like day. And you have that and my hair and I look terrible. And also, I'm confused and I'm going, what? It is absolutely horrible. Yeah. And I felt so guilty because I was like, you know, you only get proposed to you once or I hope to only be proposed to once. Well, actually, maybe I hope to be proposed to a lot, but I'm going to say yes one. Right. So maybe a lot of people are asking me for marriage,

but I'm not interested. Right. But they, but so I was like, I just fucked up. There's a one time. I like fucked it up. I like felt so bad. And so now whenever I see people get proposed to, I'm like so impressed when they do they. I mean, oh my God, that's good. I think the same way when I see like the videos, I'm like, how'd you do that? Like I feel like I would be like, right? It actually requires outside effort. It requires what you were doing in that like my friend got proposed to. And she's one of those people that like she would have liked her nails to look good in the photo. Yes. So her fiance, they're about to get married, her fiance was like, can you take her to get her nails done? And I was so worried that it was going to be obvious that I started

months before. I was like, let's just get our nails done every month. So that and but what a good friend. That effort. Like, and otherwise, because no one, if it's a surprise, you're not going to know that you should be cute. And also, you don't need to be cute. But if you're a person who like, it would be important for you to be cute in that moment, then the team has to come in. The outside team has to come in. Got to do some sociopathic lying. Yes, I guess I was just surprised. It was a surprise because we had talk about it so much.

Like, we designed a ring together. But I think it was designed it. It's so pretty. Thank you. You designed it together. Well, I mean, yeah, professional ringmaker. Okay, sorry. I had a metal.

I really don't know how this works at all. Got it. Yeah, we went and saw a very nice woman. I sculpted this myself. us with all the choices. It's going from somebody who has not been asked to be married. Sure, sure, sure. No, I mean, listen, all the marriage stuff.

Okay, fucking sick. It's crazy. You made it yourself? I wish we had made it ourselves, but a very nice woman at a company helped us make it. But I was like, we made this ring. Like, we've, you know, we've said we're going to be. They tried up. Sell you on fucking everything.

No. Good. No. I used to be a jeweler's assistant. I need to continue. Wow. No, they were so nice. It was great.

But yeah, it just, I was like, oh, you're surprised. And then I was like, have I misunderstood? understood everything that's happened the last couple years. And I was just, like, so confused. But then you got excited. And then underneath that, there was, like, a little thing that was like, let's go to Palm Springs. And then we went to, like, a fancy place in Palm Springs one night.

See, that is sick. Like, being like, it's, like, also surprise vacation. Surprise vacation. You can't do better than surprise vacation. I'd never had a surprise vacation. Surprise vacation, everything. I want to surprise vacation. You know, I met someone in New York who, it was a surprise vacation.

who it was his birthday and his wife for his birthday was like getting the car we're going to the airport and it was a surprise trip to New York and everything planned was a surprise and we were like what are you doing and he was like I don't know that's fun yeah I gotta call my dad and be like hey hey I know we're sleeping separate beds but you're surprised vacation yeah he'll do it and he'll do it

that's so fucking great um I know you guys have been out of the dating game for quite a while now yeah um or how on something been really. Oh, five years. You guys are famously and loudly, Holly. Five years? Yeah, five years. Okay.

Well, really quickly, I just want to show you what it's like. I just saw this ad and I just think we should all see what dating apps are now. I can't wait. I'm excited for this. I loved dating apps. Me too. I miss it. Sometimes I'm sometimes like, should we just go on video game?

I used to fuck with people on dating apps and that was all I would do. I would just convince people I was in a cult or like I would just like fuck with people. And it was like the least socially acceptable thing ever. Sure. But I feel like I've met so many friends from dating. I think dating apps are for friends. I think dating apps are for me. Yeah.

I think it's just. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, why am I not on hinge anymore? And then I'm like, oh. Oh, right. You. But I had a friend come into town a while ago who was on the apps and we were all doing it. And I was like, oh, did you project it onto the screen?

It's so fun. No. No, we all just huddled directly next to each other, but that's much more fun. It's just fun. We've got to be doing that. It's also fun to see what, like, because especially with hinge and stuff, like, they curate it for people. Yeah.

So it's fun to see, like, what does the algorithm think is your person? Yeah. Wow, that's, I didn't even know that. So that is actually, because some girls, some straight girls I know will be like, they just show me the worst, like perverted guy. And now I know maybe I'm like, I may have pervert energy too. They're a pervert. Yeah.

I only know that one of my friends told me, so I guess that's not very reliable. No, I believe. You didn't see the document. But, um, yeah. And my friend Corey said something where he was like, oh, dating apps are the worst because it's like they just put all these amazing people behind the like rose thing. You have to buy a rose. Like, look, it's the perfect woman.

I was like, Corey, that's your perfect woman. Like every person they're showing you is exactly your type. I know for a fact like obviously like she's great and she looks great. But I know for a fact that is so your type. This is not necessarily every single person's type. I believe in. I think friends, we should be doing friend arranged marriages because I am just. I know because I do think there is something to it of like here's the compatibility.

Yeah. Figure it out. Now obviously there should be boundaries and limits that have to happen. I don't understand. I don't understand why a parent would have to like a parent. Parents should not be picking who you take. That's crazy. But I'm like I feel like there's some friends I have who are like I cannot find anyone.

And I'm like if you gave me 10 minutes. Yes. And Google and I will find you your perfect husband. We definitely have experienced a lot of friends setups that. have gone well. Yeah. And you tell me, there's no spark,

I say, I don't care. Yeah, it's not about that. But it's not about. Figure it out. You figure it out. You figure out my ass. Yeah. I'm always like,

is he going to be good in a custody battle? Then that's who you need to date. Yeah. It's like, does this person care if you live or die? Yeah. That's really important.

And we really don't pay enough attention to that. Well, like, well, my pussy is vibrating. Right. It doesn't matter if they care if I live or not. I don't know why I didn't like the word vibrating. Yeah. My pussy is vibrating.

Yeah. I was like, vibrating. During things I say pussy in a non-sexual way. Like if I ever just like, like if you're calling someone a pussy? No, like not in a moral way. They like find it gross. Like I guess we have to be like fully having sex for me to say pussy. Got it.

I just casually, like, we have my pussy. They're like, ew. Yeah, I will say I kind of get that. There is like, there are certain words where I'm like in a sexual context. I'm like, fuck yeah. And then in regular life you're like, you what? There are certain words referring to female anatomy. And I think this is just internalized badness in my head.

were like, I can't even bring myself to say it because it grosses me out. No, there are some bad. About, like, my own body. There are some that are, like, bad. They're so medical-sounding. Oh, you don't like, you don't like, vagina. We're thinking of different ones. Oh, you're talking about, like, c-oh.

No, I like that one, too. But I rarely say it in reference to a- me too, sure. I'm thinking like, um, it's so fun. Gash or split. Yeah, those ones are bad. Occasionally. Holes crazy. If somebody said hole, I'd be like, but I would never think vagina.

Yeah. Or like a lot of like my holes. A lot of that stuff I'm like, in a special setting, sure. We have seven. We have seven. Wait. One, two, three, four. Yeah. But like outside of that, it's like, I don't know. Women have eight, I guess. Well, people assign female at birth have eight. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I just like don't know. I don't want to in casual conversation. You don't like being like, my gash. You don't like, my slippy gash. You don't be like Amy Gash. My slippy gash has been awesome, basically. And that's normally why I go to the gynaecologist is doing so awesome.

Because it's doing well. I need to brag. My gash is doing so awesome. That's like an erotica. There's a lot of words that like I'll read like study erotica. And the things they call their vaginas there, I'm like, this is crazy because actually this is never used outside of erotica. Center.

My center. My center. My center is quivering. I've seen in erotica a male part described as a member. Oh, yeah. They love a memory and erratica. That is like, like, really don't like that. Yeah, his throbbing member.

That's another thing. I truly cannot tell what's AI and what's not. Like, I'm really bad. And early on, I was bad. Like, I was sending, I sent Jordan a thing. I panicked. I came in the room screaming, I said, there's been a sinkhole at the Grove.

There's been a sink hole at the Grove. And Jordan was, like, about to text their friend who worked at the Grove. I was like, no, it's huge. Jordan looks at the video. I didn't even notice this. I was like, there was, like, police officers whose heads were disappearing. Like seven fingers. Yeah.

She sent me a hotel recently and she was like, look at this hotel that's made of sand. It looks like a big sandcastle. I was like, that's AI. I was like, I think I'm, I can tell for sure when a person is AI or when a living being is AI. But I can't, it's harder for me to tell when like a building is AI. Yes. Okay.

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Also, can you go to their page because every single ad they have for C-Captain Date.com has that guy in a recording studio at the end and he's always about to leave. Does that man have a podcast? Is that real? I don't think so. That man is a reaction podcast and it's number one on Spotify.

These boobs are meant for sailing and... are meant for sailing and sailings what they'll do and one of these days these boobs will motorboat you find your first mate I would find out. The vocals are crazy. Download the sea captain act. Chart a fresh course in romance today.

And he's going to leave. Wait, the riff in the theme song is insane. And what I hate about this is you know this woman found this job on actors access and had to do nine audition. Yes. And she cried and called her. mom when she got it. I probably auditioned for this and just didn't get it. Oh my god. I don't think so. Well that one definitely isn't what's the guy oh yeah the guy in the pool is good. It would be better if it was

AI I think. I fucking love this idea. It's so relaxing. I don't know. It's kind of confusing. So if you were just captains? I don't. I feel like it's for older Men. It's to find your first mate on C-Captiddate.com. So that's not clear. They need to work. Is it Captain for Captain or can civilians join?

I don't know. Based on the ads alone. Oh, yeah, the guy with that one's good. What the f-how did you find this? You can't even swim, Jim. Land lover. I've never been more confused. No, no, no.

It's wildly confusing. But it's a dating app for C-CAP. question mark. I love it. I would join to meet like an old lesbian sea captain. Yeah, that would be awesome. I fucking love Captain Sandy. Yeah. Wait, this one's crazy, guys. I'm sorry. What the actual fuck. This one's another. That one's another

motor. It looks like, it looks like, can I motorboat you? Okay, so I will say I'm far enough away from the screen that I can't tell you if it's AI or not. But it's not made by people. No matter what it's not human. By aliens, it's not AI. It's mean by people who've never been on this.

I do love it like a super, super, super fucking niche dating app though. Like the farmers only and everything from there on like sea captains only like let's fucking go. Well, these people have very specific lifestyle. Yeah. A farmer, a sea captain. I'm like air, what do they call them? Flight attendants. Flight attendants only.

What were you going to call them? Air ladies. Air ladies. There can be men, but there's no one would be called air lady. I just recently was seated in an exit row, which was. lovely and had a lovely, lovely conversation with a flight attendant. And I was like, there should be a flight attendant reality show. And the fact that there isn't is kind of crazy.

Guy below deck? Yeah. Above ground. Above ground. We did it. We did it. Somebody called Bravo. Above ground.

They kind of had a show. What was it that show that was like about airports? I don't know what you're talking about. You do because I should you clip. No. Okay. You never showed me that. I guess we won't know.

My memory's so bad. It was that show about like, It would just take place in an airport's reality show and it would show people having like freak out. Yeah. No, that was not a reality show. That was us at the airport. That's iPhone footage. It was like people having freak out.

Got it. I will show it to you later. It is a reality show. I'm telling you. But no, no, no. Okay. Yeah. I hear what you're saying.

It's like you would know some of the characters of the people that worked at the airport. Right. But I feel like it was, I don't know. Now I'm guessing my phone. No, it's reality. Do you think that in the same way that like TikTok, you can, can get really big on TikTok if you just go for a niche. You know, instead of trying to appeal to everyone because that's impossible.

Like, do you think dating apps should appeal to more niches like this? Yeah. What are other dating apps that should exist? I think that there should be a dating app that you can sync up to any kind of food platform that you have. So like Yelp. Yelp. DoorDash.

Exactly. Date dash. Exactly. And you hook it up to, yeah. Door date. Your door dash, your Uber eats, whatever. What would be called Eat Me. Eat me.

That's good. Eat my pussy. Eat my gash. Eat my gash. Door gash. Door gash. Door gash. Oh, door gash.

Oh, door gash. That's good. Nightmare. Date gash. It's a pun. They're like, date gash. It's a pun on a pun.

It's date my gash. You can't move so far away. You know, it's perfect. Okay, so it's door gash. Door gash. Incredible. And what it is is you sink up your food wearing, Food ring platforms and your gash.

You upload a picture of your gash and then you sync up your food platforms like Yelp, like Dordash, like Uber Eats, whatever. And then it syncs you up with people who have similar culinary preferences to you. Because I think most people in this day and age want to share food. Yes. And to have a partner that you have like a totally opposite. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's so hard.

It'll help people who are like if you're both celiac. Yes. You can sync up. And then, you know, if you're both vegan. Or like, or like people can. put like I will date a vegan even though I'm not and like because like I'm supposed to avoid gluten. Yeah. And sometimes in relationships I would just be like, no, I'm just kidding.

Because I just didn't want to seem like an L.A. girl and I didn't want to have to like explain Hashimoto's hypothyroidism all the time. I also have Hashimoto. Dude. Yeah. How long for? Sorry if you don't want to show that Jordan. I immediately just point.

I know. I know. I've had it diagnosed for 10 years. Okay. I've had a diagnosed probably for like seven or eight. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah.

We'll talk about it. Yeah, I mean, it's... I'll tell you this right now. I'm doing nothing and I'm on nothing. You know what? That's fine. But I do think I'm getting worse every day. So I think...

Oh, that's good. I think the energy thing is the biggest thing. It makes you... When you get too tired and cold and sad, that's when I think it's a good thing to like... Because I got so tired, cold and sad. I couldn't stay awake in class. I've never been cold once in my life.

I love that. But I am hot flashes? I do have hot flashes. I had hot flashes because when a chunk of your thyroid bursts off, it sends... It sends like a flash of like... wet through your body. I don't made bunions with me.

Yeah. And when it's Hashimoto's, you're always attacking yourself. So anyway. Wow. Wouldn't that be great if you could go on a date with someone based on, like, let's say that my specific order at a restaurant is like this order with these modifications. Like I get a bean and cheese burrito, extra cheese, gridled, add cilantro and onions inside, extra sides of salsa and a side of sour cream, Dr.

Pepper on the side. If it could sink me up with someone that had that same order. Or something else you would want. Yeah. No, that's perfect. Sharing two good entrees. the best part of a relationship. It's also such a, it tells you kind of what type of person you are. Of like, oh, well, these are the type of restaurants I like of like, okay, so you're like a little

adventurous. You like this kind of thing. You're like that. You know, that's like a great idea for a dating app. That's my concept. I think it would be really helpful. And then I also think that the people you're meeting you would still at least have some common ground with. So it makes it easier to go on a first date because you have shared experience. Easy to get that gash. Easy to gash up. And then if you don't date, you maybe have a friend that you have something in common with. And that's great. Worst possible scenario is you have a great meal. And that is not always a given on a date.

Sometimes you don't have a great meal. And if everything else fails and you have good food, that's great. I think there should be a dating app for single parents. I don't know if this already exists. Single parents to date other single parents. Because I watch so much true crime and it turns out the biggest chance you have of someone scamming you and either trying to kill you or pretending to be someone they're not, is when you're a single parent and you think no one will date you.

So you settle for someone who love bombs you and any, any show that's like, who the fuck did I marry? Or like, my husband lost his mind and lied about his personality. Like all those shows are like, she was a single mom. And she was like, I guess I'll settle for this. So I think we need single parents to be paired up with each other. And everyone has to have a psych about. It's also like an excellent way to get a lot of Brady Bunch stories.

Yes. Like really cool story is about these like, fun combined families. You can become influencers. You can become influencers. You get a bunch of good sitcom. I love that. I also think that there's dating apps,

but I do think there should be dating traps. What is that? Say more about that. Like, I think some people need to be trapped and labeled. Is this like to catch a predator? Yeah. I think we do one called ageless

and we see who signs up and we just put them on a list. Or like one about cheating where it's like the secret cheating app where it's like, Ashley Madison. But the purpose. of it. It's not an actual dating app. It is a dating trap. And I think that, I think that we need

more people held accountable in the dating app space. Well, they're like, rate my teacher, like, write my professor or whatever it is. So you can go, like, search their name on the app and people could have left comments. That person is no control. Like, I can be like, I dated this person. And then maybe you can review their profile so you can go to whoever left that comment. And if all of, if they have like two stars and all their comments are like, she lies. She lies. She's a padlaught. Yeah, yeah. You know, she's not a reliable narrator. Yeah, 100%. Or if they have like a bunch of five-star. reviews and then one really bad ones.

Because there's apps where it is like Yelp for guys where it's like, oh, we're rating and I downloaded one of them because I thought it was really funny. And now I get notifications every day. They're like, watch off for Brian. And I'm like, I don't need this anymore, but I did download it. And that is the problem is it's like there's no fact checking. There's no like second opinion of like, but is someone just on a mission to fuck with a bunch of people?

Not to say that that always happens, but it can happen. But you can, it should also link to their Instagram because for some reason, I feel fully confident. If I look at someone's Instagram, I can immediately tell if they're well or not. If they're not, yeah, 100%. I watch one Instagram story and I scroll for a second. I'm like, I got it. I can totally tell they're

healthy, they have no mental health issues. Yeah. Or they have like relatable mental health issues like me, but not. It's the new, the new background check. Yes. 100%. And I feel like I'm the, I get to decide who's I think there should be a dating up for lesbian specifically. Is there not? No, I'm sure. No, they're

yeah. Oh, I was like, what the fuck? This one specifically. where they, I'm just copywriting other, I'm like, it's called a hinge. No, it's for lesbians and it's almost like a 23 in me but not. Okay, so you're not going to send in your DNA, don't worry. But you click on someone's profile and it immediately links you to like a tree

of like who they've dated, who's also on the app. Oh, yeah. Their profiles and then you can see it puts like a checkmark or an X based on if they're still following. Friends. Or following them on Instagram or friends. That's so smart. Good to just know.

Because I tell you, I'm sure this happens across all sexualities, but I have literally seen recently multiple lesbians get married and they're officiant. Yes. Is it an ex? I'm like, God already. From what I've heard, doesn't like us. So maybe let's not be doing that at a wedding.

I'm sure he's looking down going, and this is why. I mean, but I think that makes sense. Like, I've seen, like I was. You think it makes sense? No, I think it makes sense that in, like, heteronormative dating communities, there's a lot of breaking up and fuck that person. I hate that person because I don't know, they weren't, they just

chose each other for, I don't know, I just find it, I have more queer friends who are friends with their exes or people they've hook up, but they've taken it, lesbian have taken it too far. They took it too far. I can't say that. And they're obsessed with being like, oh yeah, well my, we're dating

and then we met through our exes and her ex is now dating my ex and they live together and we're all still in a polycule. Yeah. But we're, and it's like, you can be exes and be amicable. I'm not like fuck that person to any of my exes really. No. But I they just put the word ethical before it. I'm like

ethical is about ethical, I'm like your makeup should be ethically made. You can't just be like well he murdered my ex but it was ethically done. I'm like what? The thing about it too is everyone says they're more ethical than they are. Everyone goes like oh my communication's so great and it's like maybe

nothing wrong has happened yet. Like maybe it's just that nothing bad has happened or like people will be like yeah we're doing E&M but they just don't do the E part and it's like people do E&M is what we're calling ethical non-monogamous. Yes, E&M and people just do NM and go like no but okay so speaking if your doctor thinks E&M is right. Yeah and he does and he does not and he does not. So speaking of bad subway ads that we're trying to be too relatable this motherfucking ad was in every subway car. It's it's a it says one for every member of your polycule and it has a bunch of iPhones.

And then I will also note that right next to it, it says downgrade now. And I'm like, what does that mean? It's a secondhand thing. So it's like get the iPhone 6, like the iPhone 12 instead of the iPhone 16 because it's cheaper. I would say it's a really not a very straightforward ad. They all say downgrade now, but I only know that because I saw a bunch of the ads. And one for every member of your pollicule, downgrade now is crazy. So they're saying to be in a polycule is downgrading from.

being in a monogamous relationship? That's what I'm taking it as, but what they mean is get old phones. I am surprised that this. Don't upgrade your phone, downgrade your phone. Get a secondhand phone for every member of your pollicle. I'm surprised this was greenlit. Like, I'm surprised there wasn't like a group of being like, maybe we don't do that. I don't know.

Just like one more thing. It was crazy. I have a pitch for a dating app. I realized that when I was younger, I really wanted to have sex for the first time. so that I could get it over with and then do it the next time. Right. Because I was like, I don't want to do this with someone I care about because it'll be weird and embarrassing. Oh, interesting.

So I want the first time to be with somebody who's just like, let's just get this over with. So I think an app that's like virgins only and all the virgins just pick someone to get it the fuck over with. Now we do have to have an age barrier. Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's definitely like adult, like 18 and over. But I think that like it's like let's just. Do this once so we know what it is. Okay, but should you be paired with like almost kind of like those language apps where you get paired with someone who speaks the language so you can practice.

Oh, someone who's done it before? A sex pro. A sex pro. Like a dominatrix. Yeah. Okay. Be paired with someone who's a sex pro. Maybe that's an option.

Like maybe you can click that as a thing. But I think I think like the idea of being able to in the same way that you like swipe through a hinge or something and being like, oh, what is this person's. What's my vibe? Should we just get this over with? Because that's kind of, I think sometimes you just want to be like, eh. Yeah. I think we do, though, for everyone who's male on the app needs to go through an intense background check. Because I don't love the idea of like, you can just get on this app and take a bunch of people's virginities. But you know what's so funny.

I just like we need that for every app. We're always like we have to do this for me. We need to do background checks. Yeah. Because it's like any idea you can have, it's like, okay. but ultimately a man will come and attack. Yeah, ultimately you can die from this. But I think it's a good idea as long as no one's using it for evil.

I think everyone's always going to use something for evil. And that's something we can't control. Yes, I agree. So I think they'll lose their virginity. Yeah, just keep your wits about you. Evil people need to lose their virginity too. I also think if it's a thing where it's like, probably why they're evil. Yeah, you're just trying to get it over with.

Yeah. It's like, who cares if you get it over with a trickster. It's like your whole thing is. You don't want it to be someone like this. the whole time. Yeah. Well, because you're like, I'm trying to get this over with. Yeah.

It doesn't really matter. What's it called? Band-Aid off? I think it's called just like, get it over with. Yeah. That's beautiful. Gash it over with. It's a pun on get it over with, which is nothing.

It's a pun on. It's a pun. And it's all nothing. Yeah. I think some people are like, I don't know, kind of freaks for being someone's first. Yeah, people love that shit. I feel like some people would be like, every night I go on and I find another virginia.

And I take someone's virginity. But we need to be screening or junk. I mean, it's also a really, we would have to also do a vampire screen. Like, you don't want them to be getting virgin blood. Wait, that's such a good point. That's like an act about them. That's actually such a good. Yeah.

It's like people who think they're vampires and they're like, I. No, no, they don't think they are. They are. Damn. Yeah. They would love that app. Yeah. Thank you guys.

I know such a weird note to be ending on. Anyway, I'm done with this. Anyway, I'm going to go lose my virginity. There's a person I found on. my app. We've taken up so much of your time and I really appreciate you guys being here. We've really been thinking that. We are, can I say that you're going to come on our podcast? Yeah. I love it. We're also coming on our podcast. I'm so excited about. All of our fans have been like, before we even mentioned that we were doing stuff with y'all. People have been like, you have to be on their podcast.

They have to come on your podcast. Like our listeners love y'all. So we love you guys so much. Yeah, this was so fun. This is so fun. I can't wait to hang out outside of work. Yeah, yeah, very fun. Tell everyone where they can find you if they don't know already. Yeah, so Happy Wife, Happy Life podcast, which we also film in this same exact space. Love it. If you're wondering, you can find that anywhere where you get your podcast on YouTube and on Patreon. And then I am Jordan Myrick at J-O-R-D-A-N-M-Y-R-1, C-K, across all social media platforms.

Yeah, I'm Kendall Landrinth on all social media platform. That's beautiful. And we post every Monday. I love that. I love posting. schedule. Okay, great. Thank you guys so much for being here. Let's end it on a really fun freeze frame. But until, but before we do that, check out our Patreon, everyone. We've got more shit on it always. We have

uncut, uncut episodes. You can get episodes early uncut, uncensored. And guys, they're all on the Patreon. And we also do Q&As. We do all kinds of weird stuff. We're going to start doing movie night soon. Yeah, we're going to start doing movie night. So you can pitch which movie you want us to hate watch and we will hate watch it with you as a live stream. It's going to be a blast. There are songs. There are songs. Sid is uploading her own songs.

She's doing SIDSBOP. SIDSBops. They're really upsetting. And you really got to check. You can find out what I'm diagnosed with on that Patreon. Guys, we will see you next Tuesday. FreeZ frame.