Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Absolute Segment CHAOS!

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

This week it's Karalynn Dunton, Austin Archer, and Colin Stanley from sketch group HARD PASS on the big bad podcast for you! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/SO to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. Hard Pass Comedy https://www.instagram.com/hardpass_comedy/ Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Chapters: 00:00 | Austin Archer, Karalynn Dunton & Colin Stanley 02:10 | Blinkie is Emotionally Abusive 11:40 | Men of Minnesota 24:09 | What  STI are you? 31:40 | Mini Traitors and Uncelganger 39:07 | Celeb CEO 44:25 | Short King or Court King Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So choppelganger is like a new, like urban dictionary term. Like when you're chopped. Like if you're the chopper ganger of someone or someone is your chopper ganger, they look like you but chopped. And you know what chopped is bad. Chopped is bad. So like it's also very unc that you don't know this. Like it's very unc.

So it's like crazy unc that you don't know what chopped is. But then Uncle Ganger, since chopped an unc sort of go together, Uncle gangers. You know how chopped and uns sort of go together. You guys. Literally someone said to me yesterday It's shocking how little you are online For somebody who works online

Welcome to Sidde olivie Talks The Big Bad Podcast for you This is a big bad podcast for you Where Sid and Olivia? I'm the sad. She's the sad one I'm the Olivia one. I'm very oily today and nobody comment on it

Nobody comment on it except for Sud. Today we have three very special guests It's our friends If you can imagine You can imagine it, friends of the us. It's friends of the us. We've got Austin Archer. We've got Carolyn Dunton.

We've got Colin Stanley. Together they are a sketch troupe, a sketch trio called Hard Pass. Ah! Wow, what the heck. We're the other ones. And they are also our very good friends from real life. Yeah. We hang out.

Yeah. How are you guys? Great. Great. Yeah, fantastic. I got my car to drive here. I love that. How's your big seat together?

You're all having a wonderful seat. It's actually pretty nice. We're cozy. Yeah. Nice comfortable seat. Yeah. I like it. I feel like this is good.

We never sit this close to each other on couches anymore, guys. You guys should do this more. Why don't we do this more? Why don't you touch shoulders when you're sitting down ever in sketches? I don't like it. You guys loved segment roulette. Actually, I don't know if you guys did, but I did. So we are doing it.

We are going to be doing segment roulette again. And me being like all of you guys loved it. I don't know if that's true. I was three of them loved it. No, I have no idea. I'm a big fan of the pod and I like it. Great. I have no idea what anyone says because I don't read the comments.

I comment on every episode and I go, It's me. I'm back. It's me. I'm the one haunting the comic section. We are going to be doing sign my roulette because that's so fun. But also, um, Austin.

Sorry. But also Austin. Also Austin. What does it sound like to you? What do you guys think I have? Austin, can you diagnose me? Austin, you have a bully in your phone. Do you want to tell us about it really quickly?

Yeah, I've been letting everybody know on the group chat. I started dieting like four months ago. Whatever. That's the whole story. A layered statement. A complicated statement. I got an app that was meant to just log food. It's supposed to just a food diary.

Like a, you know, here's how much water I drank today. Here's so much, like the hours of the day I'm supposed to be the window that I'm eating in. And also steps. I'm trying to get like 10 to 12,000 steps a day on a good day. Also, if you're triggered by the use of an app, just don't even, it's not, we're, don't worry. Just it's fun. Yeah, if it bothers you. Listen, it bothers me too.

Yeah. It's not. It's not, we're not promoting diet apps. No, we're promoting getting bullied by a creature in your phone. Yeah, yeah. All that, like, the thing about this is, like, all it needs to be is just a place for me to log this stuff. That's it. It doesn't need to be anything else.

And when I first got the app is, I don't even want to know if we should say the name because we don't say it. Don't say it. But it has a little guy in it, like this little, like animated guy. Like a Tomagachi guy. Yeah, a little Toma gotchie guy. He's like a little fuzzy monster. Yeah. Yeah.

And I knew right away, because they were like, if you feed him at the right times a day and he's happy, he'll like you. But if you don't, you don't want to know what's going to happen. And I was like, what? And feeding him is by feeding you? Feeding me. By logging his food. And if he eats something and doesn't tell the little guy, the little guy will lose his shit. He gets very mad.

And but also like, I was like, well, I guess that's not terrible because he's upset when I don't eat. You know, like, he's not like, you ate too much today, and that makes me mad. He is. He does do that, too. He does that. He does that. But he's also upset when you don't need enough. Yeah.

He's got. But his name is Blinky. I'm going to send this to Cass. Yeah. And I recently, like, I was, I was, I've been recording music for an album and I was, I just was working to, like, midnight not for, I forgot to, like, log my food. And he's done this before. were like, I forgot to log, breakfast or lunch, and I opened it up at like 8 p.m.

And he was like, looking at me like this. And he was just like, it was like, you better not let that happen again. It says, dearest Austin, you forgot me. Dot, dot, dot, dot again. Showing up beats perfect. Avo says, who's Avo? Avo is the AI coach inside of the... But you didn't show up at all.

I'm worth more than broken promises. Have you and your unlogged snacks? Hope you and your unlogged. Oh my God. I can't read. Hope you and your unlogged snacks are happy without me. And he's sobbing.

Yeah. Also, doesn't he threaten to kill himself? Feed to bring Blinky back. Yeah. Does he keep threatening to kill himself? The first time I forgot to log food, he said like, you log food right now or I will delete my existence.

And I was like, excuse me. And also like, so the first time he just said, don't let it happen again or like, I will go away. And then this time I showed up and he was gone and he left this note. And it's so crazy because it's like when he says I'm more, he left a suicide. Yeah. And when he said, I'm worth more than broken promises, I was like, actually, you don't exist. Like, you're not worth anything. You are nothing.

Like, it's so weird because I'm like, I just need the app too long. I'm voluntarily participating in this. And he like, think. that I give a shit if he lives or dies and I don't. Well, that's part of the problem, Austin, because Blinky came over to my apartment and he was devastated because you keep saying things like that to him. Yeah, no, it's a really toxic relationship.

What is this? This is his suicide letter. That's a suicide note. So that's normally where he is. Where the envelope and letter is, that's normally where he is. Yeah. But he was gone because I forgot to feed him. And instead it's a letter that says bring Blinky back.

Yeah. Okay. Also, in the letter that he left you when he says, I hope you and your unlogged snacks are happy, he's like, I know you've been lying to me this whole time. So manipulative. If a human being treated any of us this way, I would be like, oh, oh, they're out.

This is abusive. They're out. You have to break up with this man. It's fully an emotionally abusive relationship, but the thing is, it is like, it is my fault, low key. Like, I need to remember to do a better job. And this is a... No, no, no, no.

It's never your fault. No, no, no. But this is an app you pay for it, right? I don't think so. No, I'm... Because I feel like I have this app, too, and mine doesn't do that. Really? Yours is just like, good job, you're right?

It's just a food blog. So is it just me? It might be just you. Maybe it's a different app, but I swear to God, we were talking the other night. And you had mentioned which app it is, and I'm going to ask you later, because no free influencing. Right. But I was like, oh, I've used that before.

Yeah, because we're really influencing the fuck out of this app. We're really promoting apps. Well, but I mean, yeah, it's like, I, first of all, I thought it was like kind of fucked up of you, Colin, that you took Blinky's side. Like, you're hearing what the room saying. I mean, look, how menacing is. Yeah, this one says, look who showed up. And then you can click a button that says, I pinky promise. And that's the only option.

What does that mean? I think it means I Pinky Promise never to do that to you ever again. But look at how scary his face. Yeah, he's horrifying. This is literally. After I logged the food that I forgot to log. This is literally what a trauma bond is. Exactly.

Is when like, oh, you've been bad and I'm leaving. Yeah. And now you have to beg for me to come back. And now I'm back, but you never better never do that again. And it's like what? Like what? I think there is that. What's the one where he has one.

There's one more where he looks at you and he says one more. chance but don't let it happen again. Yeah. This is coercive control. And listen, can we get into the concept that like eating disorders are emotionally abusive relationships? Oh my gosh. We got to get into segment.

Oh my God. Oh my God. For the reason, we're the guests that get everyone to cry on the podcast. Here's the thing is like, it's obviously Blinky exists to appeal to like a younger demographic, right? So it's like that's why this is really, although I don't know.

I don't know. 38-year-old guys. Yeah. I think this is very much so appealing to the Tomogachi crowd, which is a little bit older. Yeah, I guess so. And also like the neopet crowd, which is about like my age. So like early 30s. Oh my gosh.

I would do anything to go over to the. I think I thought there was a neopet that was just a guy? No, there was. Yeah, there was one neopet that was just a guy. What are you talking? Could we look that up? The one neopet that was just a guy. He was like, he was like, he was like an old man.

It's like Mr. Mime and Pokemon. Yeah, kind of. That's just a guy. Like there's one Pokemon called Mr. Mime, and there's all this lore around him being that it's like just a guy. And you have to catch him? Yeah, but he's dressed like, but also there's a huge thing about him where it's like, well, he's the only one who wears shoes. So he clearly can't be a real Pokemon. That's insane.

Grundo? No, there was one that was like a, like a. I was going to say grundo's not just a guy. No. Grundo's for sure a creature. Oh my God. Guys, if anyone... I'm telling you this isn't real.

You had a dream where there was a Tomogachi that was just like a man named Thomas who lived in your house. Human species book of age is neopets lore. Yeah, no, I really don't think there was a neopet that was just a guy. Maybe I have a lucid dream, you guys. Yeah, maybe it was just on yours.

Yeah. It was just on yours. There was a guy that was like, I'm Steve, I'm your neopet. All my geopets were just guys. It was just a random guy that was texting you. And he was like, hey Olivia, I'm a neo pet. My name is Steve.

Can you feed me? I also want to clarify that in my app, I don't talk to Coach Avo, who's the AI coach. And thank you for clarifying. I just did it clear. She's there every day and she tries to talk to me and give me like, here's your daily. Like my advice and I go, I don't need you.

Do you think she's hitting on you? I don't even talk to her. I don't read what she says. Are you jealous? Yeah. It's what's weird to me is that the app has multiple characters. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. Blinky's like, Avo says showing up is better than nothing at all. They're like talking shit behind your back. Like, I can't with this.

All right, you guys want to do some segment? We're going to do segment roulette. All right. Music! Come to music! Um, okay, so this is segment roulette. Who wants to pick a segment? Uh, sure, I'll pick one.

Yeah, Colin. If you are in the London area, Colin promote your show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm doing. And we're all going to go. Uh, an hour of stand up at the Lester Square

theater on April 25th. If you're in London, we're taking a group trip ticket. We're all going. Yeah, they're all going. They're all going there. They're not joking. No, I'm not doing a bit. We're staying in an Airbnb together.

So if you're in London, get your ticket and go to that. Okay. This is one I brought called Men of Minnesota. And I'm glad I got drawn. It's so good that you picked your own. I took my own. It has a prop. I have to bring it out.

Yeah. Prop, prop, prop, prop. Prop. Prop. Prop. Prop, prop. Prop. I feel I'm prepared for not bringing any props. I didn't bring a single prop. Okay.

Is that a Bible? I brought a very oily face. It looks like a Bible. So I was. It looked like oil. You look beautiful. You're literally glowing. Nice.

Guys don't say anything. We can't mention the oil. Yeah, we're not supposed to. I'm from Minnesota, but I was in Omaha, Nebraska, like over a decade ago for an improv festival. And I found this book. It's called Men. of Minnesota. And it has...

It looks so old. It's very old. It's very old. It has golden pages. And essentially... This looks like what I think a Bible looks like. It looks like the book of Mormon. Essentially, what it has is all the men of note, all the men of worth in Minnesota from

like 1906. And it's like a yearbook of them. It's just one year? Yeah. It's like one year. I'm sure they all paid to be in this. Wow. And you get their profession and a little.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah. Could you imagine if, like, you didn't pay to be in it, but you were like the one guy that got left out? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Also, are you familiar with Matt Walsh of like VEP and UCB phone? Yeah, he's in here. You might not have known that he was also a hundred years ago,

Elias Payne Case, MD. A surgeon. That is 100% Matt Walsh. Oh my God, that's his exact face. That's his exact face. That literally is his exact face. I'm actually shocked.

And he was, so he was a doctor and surgeon at the sanitarium. Should we all go through the look and see which man of Minnesota we are? Well, what's the segment? So the segment is, this is the game. It's kind of like that.

So the segment is you get to pick a page and then, and then pick one through. four and that is your new husband. So it's sort of finding your suitors. Yeah. And then you do it again and then that is who will kill you. Oh, I'm so excited. Okay.

That's better than what I said. Kara, I want to find your husband. Yeah. Okay. A page one through, I don't know, 530. 473. 473. Okay.

Okay. Just find it here for a second. And then the rest of the body. All right, everybody. Everybody, chill out. Everybody, calm down. I like that while Colin looks for the page, he's freaking out. There's a timer.

There's a timer on this. The photos are like shockingly good quality. Oh, yeah. Because they all had picture day, and then they got to redo it at makeup picture day if they didn't like their photo. Okay, one through four, Kara. Three. Three.

Okay, your husband, a handsome fellow, Walter L. Badger. of Minneapolis. He's in real estate. Carolyn Badger. I truly wish that it was just a picture of a badger. Does he have a hole where his mouth should be? Yeah. His mouth has such a prominent goatee that there is just a gaping hole there.

Yeah, it's kind of like the photo quality didn't really pick up the goatee, but instead it made like a hole where his mouth should be. So your husband has a hole where his mouth should be. All the better to... You're saying he's though a mouth isn't a hole. But it's like a black hole. You know what the hole on your face is? He's got a hole there.

But it's like a black hole, Austin. It's like a black hole. Like a black hole in space. Where nothing, like not even light escaped. Like my mouth is not even a black hole. No, yeah. But his- Things escape my mouth all the time.

Things escape my mouth all the time. Okay. Including teeth. Okay. Okay. Who's going to kill care? A new new page? I'm 217.

27. Don't freak out, Colin. Colin, stay calm. It's fine, you guys. It's fine. All right, one through four. Three. Three.

Uh, oh, Charles Worth M.D. A doctor. A doctor. I think he's going to kill you by euthanasia. Oh, for sure. He's a physician and surgeon. But not in like a Kavorkian way. In a merciful way.

Can I know. Like a mercy killing? Yeah. Oh, like you're not doing well. Yeah. Oh. And this is from like your old age. You've deteriorated and he's like, don't worry.

Yeah. Okay, so that's who will kill you. That's who will kill. Yeah. And how do you feel about that, Kara? I feel confident because he knows what he's doing. Yeah. If he's a doctor.

Yeah. I think that's better than like a guy with like a who's like, I don't have a medical degree. Yeah. You don't want to get killed by a non-doctor. Yeah. Yeah. Better than getting killed by some jobless fuck.

What's great about the men of Minnesota is they all have jobs. Oh, that's awesome. Well, yeah, if you have to pay for the picture, you're going to have to have a job. We are always getting the question, how do I find a therapist in my network? And as a chronically ill human being, we're also always getting the question like, how do I find doctors in general? And it can be hard, but you know who makes it really easy? I do. Zock Doc.

It's Zock, guys. ZockDoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high. quality in-network doctors so you can find someone you love. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with over 150,000 providers across all 50 states. Whether you're looking for dermatology, dentistry, girl boss, or girl floss. Primary care, I care. Or one of the other 200-plus specialties offered on Zoc Doc. On Zocococ, you can see their real-time availability and book directly onto their schedule through the site. I have used Zoc-Doc and you should too. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to

Zocdoc.com slash S-O to find and instantly book a doctor you love today. That's Z-O-C-D-C dot com slash S-O-Zoc-Doc dot com slash S-O. And thank you Zoc-Doc for sponsoring this message. So who are we going to marry? Yeah, we are going to both marry,

someone on page 200. Ooh. Wow. No one's ever picked 200 before. How many times have you played this? Only... You just by yourself all the time. I've never, nobody's picked 200 before and it's just you.

Okay. I want to go to bed. All right, one through four. Two. Two. Two. You both will marry a sturdy fellow named Benjamin F. Hart's horn. horn. I thought his name was Fart Shorn.

I got all... Benjamin Fart Shorn. I got all dyslexic because it's Benjamin F. Hartshorn, but... 200. That's Benjamin Fart Shorn. He's... Benjamin Fart Shorn? He's a lawyer and member of Iowa legislature, Iowa.

And I'll end the Minnesota legislature. Look, technically if you take the period up, but it's Fart Shorn. Oh my God, Benjamin Fart Shorn. Okay. So... Benjamin Fart Shorn. Fart Shorn. Mrs. Fart Shorn.

Nice. Mrs. Mrs. Okay. So we'll kill us. This is Mrs. Fartchorn and Mrs. Fartchorn talk shit. Yeah. Okay.

Who's going to kill us? Who's going to kill you? Page four. Four? Four? It starts at 26. We just went through this. 400.

Okay, good call. 400. Just times it by two. Yeah. 200 to 400. That's how you know. Yeah. All right.

All right, one through four. Ooh. Four. Oh, four. Four is a man with no eyes. His name is Herbert G. Neals of St. Paul. He's a manufacturer of tents and awnings. He's a baddie.

Look at him. Oh. He would be like TikTok famous. Like I feel like he has like such a strong jaw. He really does. Yeah. Clavicular could never. Yeah. He's frame-mogging clavicular right now. Yeah, he would frame-mog you right before he kills you with his awnings and tents. Yeah. Yeah. He's so, yeah, he's a he's a tent maxing. Yeah. Yeah. He's a tent maxing. He's a morning. Yeah. I know it's something

big. I literally don't know what any of that means. What you just did is exactly what it is. That's great. Yeah. Thanks guys. Yeah. Also, the way that they light like evil people's eyes and TV in movies sometimes is like that. Like we've been watching a friend of the family and they like to light his eyes. Jake Lacey. So scary. Yeah.

Yeah, he looks gorgeous. Do you think they let him like that on purpose because he was so handsome that the other man were like. Oh, they paid. They tried to light mugging. Yeah, they light maxed. They like they liked him.

They light mags him. They light mags him. They mark dark Matt. They shadow maxed. They shadow match. Is that anything? Yeah, yeah. They wanted the other page to light-mog him, so they shadow max.

Yeah. Wow. You guys have no idea what any of this means. That's what it's like being a man of Minnesota. I'm calling. We need to find out who your husband is. Oh, okay. Does someone want to run this?

There you go. Also, this book is falling apart. That's okay. What page? Okay, 322. I do like thinking that like if Joseph Smith was like, I found a book in my backyard and it was just this book. And then he like started a religion based on this book with the golden

A book full of men's faces. I also feel like it's unfair for Colin to play this because I do believe he has every page. He's already chosen his husband. What number? Three. William Collins Handy. No. What are the odd?

I literally just said. William Collins Handy. So your name is going to be Colin Collins Handy. Colin Collins Handy. From St. Paul. He's a managing editor, Pioneer Press. Oh. Oh, you're trying to move up in the world.

You're trying to get in the paper. You're trying to move your way up in the world of the Pioneer Press. Some of us have goals. Colin's always reading this book and I just know it. Colin, Colin handy to try to get up in the press. Okay. And then who's going to? Okay.

And then 52. No one's ever picked 52 before. What number? I'll do four. Yeah. Lewis Betts from St. Paul. I knew it. We know.

He's a city comp troller. Oh. What is that? I always wonder what a comptroller does. He trolls all the comps. Yeah. And it looks like this. Job.

Oh. Yeah. And he's a dastardly fellow. Yeah. Well, yeah. That guy would strangle you to death of his dad. Yeah. He would comp troll your g-troll your g-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-th.

He would troll your comps for sure. That's Lewis Betts 50 great Nice Guys that was men of Minnesota Music Oh wow Okay who wants to pick next Kara you want to pick one

Yeah Oh yeah What STI are you Oh Great so we're all friends We all know each other right And like I think we all get to pick Yeah

If we all had to be an STI Which one would we each be And it's like, it's like being like, oh, I'm the Ross. I'm the Rachel. Except it's with STIs. Except it's with STIs. We came up with this on a dog walk. Great.

Are we choosing for ourselves or are we deciding as a fruit? Yeah, I think it's just each other. For each other. I like that better. So what are the symptoms of chlamydia? Is that the one that eats your brain? Yeah. Oh, we Google things.

Although maybe chlamydia also does. You know, I think. There's like some burning of urination, and I know that because I've never had it. Because I've never had it three times. Well, I think we know what Austin means. Well, see, when I never had it three times. And did you have discharge from the penis that was watery or white? No, but it was just like a little burning thing.

When you didn't have it. Did you? Yeah, yeah, of course. Did you have rectal both? I never had rectal bone What of the symptoms is rectal bone? Rectal boat. Like, genuinely it was not this bad.

It can't get, but You didn't get conjunctivitis? So while it's rare, it causes sore throat. While it's rare, it can cause a sore throat. I think that's from like, I think that's where you get the sore throat. I don't believe you would get that three times

and not decide on rectal or both because that's what I would choose. Yeah. So then I guess, I guess Austin is chlamydia. Austin, you want to be chlamydia? Yeah, and I think that fits because, like, it goes away really quick. Like, you get, like, it's a Z-pack for, like, a week and you're done. And I think, like, I don't stick.

Like, people are, like, done with me. You know. You make people feel a little uncomfortable, and then you leave forever. 100%. Well, you're also, you know, you do rectal both. I do rectal both. You do rectal both. You do rectal both, which is incredible.

And I've never had this three times. Right. Yeah. Right, of course. Should we do a list of STIs and their kind of basic vibes? Yeah, basic vibes of STIs. You know that? Basic vibes of STI.

Coming to Bravo this November. Basic vibes of STI. Well, I'm not, I don't want to speak out of turn, but I feel like Kara is scabies. Oh. Is scabies and STI? Yeah, I mean, well, it's like a parasite. I think it's in that family. Like it could be.

So many things could be STIs. You could get their SCI. Yeah, like ringworm could be an STI if you hook up with somebody who has ringworm. Exactly. Exactly. And I've never done that. Yeah, because scabies are like little guys. They're like little like mice.

Which is very you. They're little guys. It's very you. I'm a bunch of little guys. Okay. I was like, why do you think that she's that? The bunch of little guys is doing it. Yeah, you're like, she's a bunch of little guys.

It's like crabs, but smaller, I think. Yeah, because it can be in your genital area. And if it, if you're women, if your women, it could be in your nipples. Oh, wow. Oh. Also, you're always affecting me between my fingers and toes. I'm always doing that. People say that about me all the time.

Commonly affected body areas between fingers and toes, inner wrists, elbows, and knee. There's a type of scabies called crusted Norwegian scabies, which Cass pointed out is a delicacy in some countries. Whoa. That sounds like a type of bird. It sounds like a type of bird. It also sounds so niche and, like, interesting that it could be you, Kara, because you're so interesting and unique.

Yeah. It says individuals with weakened immune. systems may develop crested scabies, which is a more severe form. Okay, for Colin. Symptoms include thick, scaly crusts of skin that contain large numbers of mites, which may not always cause intense itching. Which is very me. Yeah, I love that for me.

For Colin, are there any, like, medieval or ancient STDs that don't exist anymore? Colin's a man out of time. I've always said this. If you plopped Colin in any time in U.S. history, you would go like, yeah. Also, beyond you. I do feel like people used to get syphil. a lot more than they get now. That's fair.

And syphilis is like a thing like people used to die of all the time. And they treat it with mercury and then you get mercury poison and syphilis. What's the oldest STI? Can we look up the oldest

STI? Oh, I like cancroyd. I saw one that said cancroy. Oh, cancroy. That sounds good. That's fun. What's that?

Ciflis is the oldest known STI. So that's what I was going to say is like yeah. Oh wait. And there's also like kings used to get syphilis all the time. Donovanosis.

Donovanosis. An ancient bacterial infection often listed. and among the oldest, though now rare in the U.S. That's kind of good. I like Donovan. What are the symptoms of that? For me?

Just ancient bacteria. Oh, it's just really old bacteria. And that's what sometimes when I'm thinking. Also, gonorrhea was mentioned in the Old Testament. Oh, wow. Is that true? Also, I think we wrote a sketch one time where Colin gets taken to the prom by a guy named Donovan. Or was it, what was his name?

Damien. Let's pretend it was Donovan, though. Oh, yeah. It's in Leviticus. Gonorrhea is considered an ancient disease with potential references in the Old Testament, specifically in Leviticus. Describing a man with a running issue or discharge of seed from his body. Awesome.

Okay. Yeah. Awesome. What would you and I be? I feel like I would be something incurable, because I think in general I am incurable. But I don't just like in like... H-F-B-1? A bad way.

I think maybe herpes. Yeah, like herpes. In a way that's like pretty innocuous. Like it's like you can totally live a very. Like you're always with someone. I'm always with someone. Yeah. You pop up from time to time.

Yeah, I do. It's not that big of a deal. Sometimes I go and like do my own thing. Like if we go to a party, I might just like go off to another room, wander by myself and back. And you're stigmatized. And I'm so stigmatized. Yeah.

Everyone thinks I'm wayward. than I am. Yeah. You shouldn't be stigmatized this thing. Yeah. People should realize that more people

have it than realize more people have me than they feel. Well, we were trying to write a sketch at one point or maybe this was just me that it was just grow up and get herpes.

Yeah, you guys all used to say that. Grow up. Get herpes. I would say that like Sid strikes me and always has as more of like a lympho granulinoma venerium. Right. You know.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Lymphaganuloma. Yeah. Yeah, but I prefer to call her C. Tricco Mattis.

Yeah, for sure. Her biblical name. Oh, what's up? C-track. C-track. C-track. Where have you been? C-track.

You'd be a fun one. What would you be? Well, I don't know, but you can solve that one with antibiotics, and I kind of love that. Yeah. Can we get... I'm realizing, like, looking at all of these names that, like, Climidia is, like, the prettiest name. It is a gorgeous name. It's the prettiest one.

It's the beautiful name for a girl. It starts with clam. But, like, the idiya is nice. Yeah, no, it's beautiful. Because it's like Lydia. I think that's all of our STI for. Yeah, that was congratulations. Congratulations.

Music. Cut the music. Cut the music. Okay, let's pick another one. Let's pick one for it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Ooh, this sounds fun. Mini Traders. Oh, this one was mine. I knew it was you. So I am the host of the Traders. We're now playing the Traders. I've already selected one of you and informed you that you are the traitor

you have already done something to murder someone in plain sight now debate and vote someone out What? Whoa What the absolute fuck wait okay can I have a theory We're all acting so surprised That means that one of us is doing a really good acting case I think it's Austin

I have a theory How dare you? I have a theory Yes I think part of the segment is it's a trick and there is no traitor and no one has been murdered and all of us are favorites. Oh, and the real traitor is Colin for lying to his friend. That's what I would know.

Okay, yeah, 100%. Yeah, we vote to murder you. Is that your decision? You're the traitor. Correct. I saw everyone's faces and I'm dead. You're the only person. And you're the traitor and we figured it out.

Immediately. The worst. Man, I'm the worst mini. Traders. But honestly, that worked for mini traitors. That was so many. Can I ask, who did you murder in plain sight? No one. I was just going to pick

someone randomly. I thought about actually doing the game and informing someone, and then I ran out of time to plan that. And then I was like, no, this is the most mini game of traders in the best way. Olivia, do want to... Uncle...

Yeah, uncle... Uncle gangers. So, you know choppel ganger? You know, You know that term? Sid doesn't know Choppel ganger. Okay, so do you know what a doppelganger is? Oh.

So a doppel ganger is like someone who's like, oh, this person looks like you. So chopper ganger is like a new like urban dictionary term. Like when you're chopped. Like if you're the chopper ganger of someone or someone is your choppel ganger like they look like you but chopped.

And you know what chopped is bad. Chop is bad. So like... It's also very unc that you don't know this. Like it's very unk. So it's like crazy uncke that you don't know what chopped is. But then,

Uncle Ganger since Chopped and Unc sort of go together. Uncle Ganger is... You know how chopped and us sort of go together? You guys, literally someone said to me yesterday, it's shocking how little you are online for somebody who works online.

So I don't know any of this. Yeah, so chopped, like, chopped means like, oh man, you look busted. You look like you're chopped. You're bad. You're bad. Yeah. Are still not like...

No, I know busted. Oh, okay. Yeah, busted. And then Unk. is like uncool, uncool, old, out of touch. I thought unct stands for uncle. Yeah, everyone thinks that.

It does, but it does, but it also means like, just like older, like, it's like, oh, unc at the function, you know. Yeah. So it is like uncle, but Uncle Ganger is just a game where you just, um, you just tell someone that somebody is your uncle. You pitch people that could believably be your uncle.

You just say like, so like, uh, yeah, you just say like, this person's my uncle. And then we have to guess if that's your uncle. or not? Not even really. Do you want to go first? Yeah. So like, for instance, I would be like, I'd be like, did you guys know that, you know

Wesley Snipes? Yeah. That's my uncle. Can we look, can we just get a side by side? Yeah. Yeah. No, because the thing is, it's like, yes, he is. Because here's the thing about uncle.

So in the game, the game is play pretend. My uncle is Wesley Snipes. Yeah, so that's my uncle. That's my uncle. And then we all say. And we say, no, it's not. You feel like, oh, that's so interesting. Because here's the thing is like...

And then where does the game go? Is we go, that's so interesting? So the game you're pitching is, I'm going to say a celebrity is my uncle, and you say that's so interesting. Do you want to play the lie about my uncle game? Do you have another game in here that's like, tell me I'm pretty?

So, no, so. So it's like, here's the thing about it being an... uncle is like he could just be married to my aunt. That's, no, no, I totally understand what's the game? I totally get how, no, I get how uncles work. So like the whole game is you just say like what? So the game is you tell us what to say. Great, okay, yeah.

Sure, or do you want us to choose? So you just like tell me if someone's your uncle. So we just lie? Yeah, just like tell me who your uncle is. Who else wants to lie? Oh, I feel like your uncle is. Your uncle is, um... No, it's you say who your uncle is.

Yeah, who's married to Sarah Jessica Parker? Uh, Matthew Broder. He would look like my uncle. He could look like... Oh, he could be your uncle. Mattiardt could be my uncle Ganger. Yeah, he could be your uncle. He could be your uncle.

Like, he could be my uncle hands down. Yeah. But here's the thing, like, Wesley Snipes could also be your uncle. Just to be fair. Like, he could have just married your aunt. So is the game you pitched that Wesley Snipes could be any of our uncles? I think he could. He could marry any of her aunt, is what I'm saying.

No, no, it's definitely possible. Yeah, he could be, like, your family could have, like, adopted him. Like, when, like, your dad's family, like, you know, like, he could be your uncle, is what I'm saying. The game is you make excuses for how Westless was like could be your uncle. No, for sure. I think the game's better if you pick, like, an uncle that looks like they could be related to you. Right. Like, I did.

Right. Yeah. Like, for me, it's pretty, like, your uncle would be Bill Pullman. Bill Coleman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Kara, who would your uncle be? Uncle Ganger. Sorry. Uncle Ganger. And really, I'm so sorry. Who would your uncle gang? God forbid, I say uncle.

This one is so sad, but... Don't say what it's sad. I know, I don't want to say something sad, but there's this one guy that everyone would say like, oh, your dad looks like this actor. And it was Rob Reiner. Oh. It would be very believable. That is fair, because everyone says my dad looks like Robin and.

Williams. Yeah, I was going to say, okay Robin. But then I wasn't allowed to pitch one for her. Genuinely, if you told me that your uncle ganger was Robin Williams, I'd believe you. Yeah. Well, Uncle Ganger is nothing. So I guess you could believe me. Also, if I said Wesley Snipes is my uncle ganger, you'd go yes, because that's the game. He could be is what I'm saying.

He couldn't be. Right, right. He could be. That was a great game. Anyone could be anyone. Who couldn't be your uncle ganger? Great question. Probably a woman. And why can't a woman be my uncle ganger? Yeah, I thought we could be any. Chad, let us know.

Can a woman be an uncle ganger? Is it cringe for a woman to be your uncle ganger? Can Cheryl Hines be my uncle ganger? Yes or no? I do think that my uncle ganger, unfortunately, is rumple still skin from Shrek. And that's just true, and that's okay. All right. Music.

Yeah. Hot music. Okay, that was Uncle Gangor. Sorry for that. No, no, no, I loved it. I just was trying to understand it. That's all it is. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Is that what he looks like? Yeah, doesn't that look like me? That is totally your Uncle Ganger. Yeah. Something tells me you wrote this one. This is Celeb CEO. I wrote this one.

Okay, let me find my little description of this. This is a game called Celeb CEO, Music. Cut the music. Okay. So podcaster Jake Shane was named the chief creative officer at a German candy company. I have a list of celebrities. If they were to be named the chief creative officer of something, what would it be? Okay. Okay. Good, good, good. So match a company to this celebrity. Yes. Chief creative officer. Yes. They are in charge of... The CCO. It's the CCO, yeah. But CEO sounded more fun. Yeah. So that CCO would be a terrible name for a game.

So it's like, what would this person's creative input best serve company? Okay. Okay. Okay. So the first one, Jojo Siwa. I feel like it's like one of the, like, I'm from Utah. Yeah. And I feel like Jojo Sewa would be a great CCO for like one of their soda shops.

I was just going to say that. Yes. They have like fig or swig or so delicious. Yeah. Because it caters toward children. Yeah. But it can still be enjoyed by adults. Yeah.

And often is more enjoyed by adults. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I like that one.

And bubbly. And bubbly. Okay. What about Charlie XX? Oh my gosh. Ooh. And I have a pitch for this one. Okay.

Yeah. You know that company cocaine in. Cocaine. Apples. Apples. Just apples. Granny Smith apples. Like honestly, if Charlie XX did a creative campaign with Apple, she would

It would be so good if she did that. Was that your eyes? No, mine was the tampons that are actually flask. You know, those, um, yes, yes, that you can sneak flasks into an event by pretending it's a tampon. Yeah. Oh, she would crush that. She would be great at that. She would do a great job at that.

What about Mark L. Walberg, the host of Temptation Island? Oh, my God. Okay. Oh. What's something like, what's a brand that would tend to? You know, like, those like elevators that like come out of a portal from hell and they like come up. Yeah. Yeah, there he is.

Yeah. There he is. Mm. This is just another guy named Mark Wahlberg. Yes. His name is not. Mark Wahlberg. Oh, sorry, I thought I was having a stroke.

No, and he's the host. He Jordan. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. And he's the host of Temptation Island, which is the show where all of the couples decide they want to cheat. Yeah. I feel like a tanning salon. Like a, yeah.

Yeah. He would be a good CEO of a tanning salon. Yeah, is Game of Thrones. I was going to say Ivermectin. What about that company? Yeah, Ivermecton. It's really good. Just Ivermectin's CEO?

I don't know. What about that company that, like, dyes people's eye color crazy like blue and it looks freaky because he kind of has that naturally he does he has gorgeous bright bright blue eyes right bright blue eyes haunting to see them tonight when I'm asleep okay what about the teletalk the toe whoa whoa I had an aneurism what about the telotubbies all have to agree on one brand to be the CCOOF oh uh Enron I was gonna say like skittles but I don't have way better yeah I I think that they could have saved Enron.

Okay, what about the ghost of Christmas past? Oh. Oh, the one from the Muppets? Better help. Better help. Better help is really good. Yeah, that's so good. He's like, let's go through your Christmas past.

Yeah, I think you need to talk to someone. We got to talk about your Christmas past. This guy. Yeah. You sign up for better help and this is your. That's like the blinky of better help. Better help had like an AI pet. So true.

And he sends you like really emotionally manipulative checks. It's a therapy company. Hey, you've been leaving me hanging for days straight. My creative concept for Better Help as the CCO is that we just sort of emotionally abuse people into. Yeah. Into coming back to therapy. You did wrong. I love that.

And then one last one, a bucket of lard. Oh. A bucket of lard. Um, mm-hmm. Oh Waygovi Like I don't Oh right right right

Like something The White House Yeah I was gonna say The White House Right now white house Those presents up in Washington President Cheeto needs his bucket of large That's a beautiful bucket of large

Oh it is wow Actually seeing it helps me Yeah It's actually a really like Aesthetically pleasing bucket It's also pretty cool that refrigeration Is not required Yeah, it's not required.

You can just... You can do what I'm not. It's just fucking lord. And I'll be honest, I read the armor part as Amor. And I was like, that's Amore. That's Amor. I feel like this like little fucker here would like crush it being the CCO of like General Mills or something. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like like really rock. Oh yeah. Yeah. And he put himself into the products. Yeah. He would put himself into the company into the products. He'd be like all of these.

these like cereal things have me in them. Ooh, Lardo. Lardo. Everything's better with Lard. Yeah, Lardo is part of a complete breakfast. Yeah. That is that segment. Music.

Cut the music. Maybe let's do one last segment. Who wants to pick? I like Short King or Court King. Yeah. Okay. You want to do that? No.

I want to do guess the crime. What is Short King or Court King? It's based on Girl Boss or Girl Floss, but it's, I give you a name and you have to decide if it's a short king or if it's an NBA basketball player. Okay, let's do it. Yeah, I think we should do it. Okay, this is short king or court king music.

Not the music, I also thought court king would be a judge. Yeah. That makes sense, but you know, I like deep, they play basketball on a court, and Colin, you're not allowed to play this one. Why isn't Colin allowed to play? Because Colin knows NBA players. Oh, I know every single one. I don't.

You will know all the names, though. Oh, will I? Okay, yeah. Oh, so these are real people. These are real people. And you have to decide if the name I'm telling you is like a known short king. Yeah. Or is a king of the basketball court? A known short king.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. Ben McKenzie. I'm going to say court king because Cass laughed. And that feels like maybe he recognized the name.

Guess is Kara? I was going to say short king. Okay. But I feel like I recognize the name. We don't have to. Ben McKenzie is an actor who is five foot eight. Oh. How is five feet a short king?

I think that's like the high. That's that tallest short king. I was trying to figure this out. I was like, I was from the OC. I think anything under 5-9. I think anything under 5-8 and under. I thought it was like 5-6 and under. It is also.

I think 5-8 is the top. I guess that's the top is the tallest of a short-king. I'm 5-11 and I often say that like 5-11 is like where tall begins. It's like where, but there's a nebulous zone between. I'm 6-1 and I would say that's where tall begins. We're tall begins. No, I don't know. How dare you?

Absolutely dare you. In the middle of my short king or quark king. Okay. So Ben McKenzie is a short king. Yeah. Yeah. I knew I recognize that name. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Lowry Markan. Lauerie Markinen. It's a character in Dune. I'm going to say it's short king. Lowry I mean I will say

it sounds like it would be really good a good name to say over Lowry Markanin is going down the court for the blobbly blah yeah maybe I'm going to say court king because it's a cool name Lowry Markanin

is 7 foot one and he plays basketball for the Utah Jam yeah home to what instrument does he play? Okay wow look at Marley If you are not watching, if you're not pushing, if you're not watching,

Kass just looked up Lowry's marinade. Look, how. And it's just a bunch of pictures of a marinade. Just marinate for steak. Laurie Martin's speech language. Actually, no E. Yeah, there you are. Look at what a haughty this guy.

Very tall, very tall. I don't agree. Lowry Markin. Very tall. And he's very tall. How tall is that? I mean, old is that man. He looks like.

one of the guys with the sunken eyes who would kill us in the Minnesota men book. He does. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. They should do, he did rivalry in basketball with that guy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Who is he kissing? Yeah. Okay. Patrick Stump. What? Patrick Stump.

Here's the thing. It feels like it should be a short king, right? Yeah. I think it's a mislead. But that's why I would, yeah. It might be a court king. Are we an, I'm going to say Patrick Stump is a court king.

Court king. Okay. Short king. Damn. Patrick Stump is an actor. I think he's a musician, yeah. I think he's a lead singer of Fallout Boy. Is that what he is?

Wow. I don't know. Oh, wow. But it is crazy that he's from is Patrick Stump and he's 5-5. Oh, my God. Patrick Stump. Patrick Vaughn Stump and Patrick, wait, Patrick Martin Stump, known as Patrick Vaughn Stump.

It's interesting that his middle name is a nickname. Yeah. His middle name is changed. And then he just dropped the H. Yeah, interesting. All right, next one. Mugsy Boggs. That has to be a court king.

Mugsy, that's like the craziest name. Mugsy has to be like a cool, cool athlete. Collins laughing, because he knows it's a basketball player. I know what this one's gonna be. Or maybe it's either. I don't a basketball player just because of Collins reaction. It's either a basketball player or like, oh, is it both? Okay, Mugsy Boggs is a famous basketball player

who is a famous basketball player who is five foot three. Wow. He's the true. He's playing in the NBA. Good for Mugsy Bo. He was really good.

Oh, I mean, imagine. This guy was playing basketball against Shaquille O'Neal. He was playing basketball against my... Look at him next to Manute Bowl there. Oh, my God. He's adorable.

Yeah, Mugsy Bow, baby. The thing is, those are both people. Yeah, those are both people. That's so true. It is crazy. crazy how many, like that is, yeah, the same. Yeah, that's the same thing. Okay.

Two people. I've got one more for you. Okay. One's so tall and one is so short. Yeah. Michael Jordan. Uh-oh. Okay.

Obviously, Michael Jordan is a court king, which makes me think you found a Michael Jordan who's a short king. Can you think of a Michael Jordan who's not a court king? Yeah, Michael B Jordan. But I don't know how tall he is. I don't know. We have to look up Michael B. Jordan's height to know whether I'm talking about Michael B. Jordan. Okay. I think Michael Jordan is not a short king. Let's find out. Let's find out. Let's find out. My girl.

height. High. Dimensions, girl. ASL. Six foot tall. We're talking about Michael Jordan from Space Jam. And so that's a court king. I'm talking about Michael Jordan, the actor from Space Jam. Yeah. Okay, so that's a court king.

The actor, though, from a movie space channel. But he's been on a court. So your categories weren't actor or basketball player. Right. And I feel that's important to burn out here. Incredible. All right. That's beautiful.

Music. Cut the music. You guys. Thank you for being here. You guys, thank you for being here. And is there anything you want to say to the cucks and the people? I'm mostly just excited that we have an opportunity for people to know that we are a trio.

Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. We're a sketch, we have a sketch group now. Yeah. We've been, you guys have heard. For the last two years for literally the, and, but like no one ever knows the three of us when we were out in public together.

They know one of us, but not together. And then the one person who knew all three of us together, we were walking, all of us were walking downtown the other day. And Zach Woods, we came across, friend of the pod. Friend of the pod, yeah. Comes up to us and goes, the three of you, the three of you, he's like you're all together. And he was the only person who's ever known

the three of us together. Yeah. Wow. Pretty cool. Well, even, because I, you know, I've been reposting some of our older videos to Instagram, and I, in doing that, I posted on my story a couple times, and people have responded in the comments being like, oh, I didn't know you were a part of that. I thought you just, like, did comedy with those people, like, with those guys, and it was their thing. And I was like, that's so rude. Someone asked me if I was a little Victorian boy.

Yeah. They're like, oh, you're, because that's the group. And I'm like, no, that's just calling. It's just calling. Well, so what are your individual handles and then where can everyone find you together? I'm at Little Victorian Boy. I'm at Carolyn Danton. I'm at your pal underscore Austin.

And you can find. And our sketch group name is called Hard Pass and we're on Instagram. I think it's Hard Pass comedy. Yeah, something like that. Like that. And we're building there on Instagram, so please come. Give them a follow. Yeah.

If you guys want to come to London with us to go to Colin's show. Oh, yeah. Come to my show. Fly to London. And we'll all be there. If you're in London, if you're in London, you should definitely go see Collins show. Fly to London. April 25th.

One night only. And if you'd like to see more episodes of the podcast, early uncut, extended and Q&A's, movie nights and also like all this other weird stuff that we do over there. Get on our Patreon. It's super cheap. And thank you guys for being here. Yeah. We will see you next Tuesday.

Free frame.