Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Annoying Our Old Boss ft. Ian Hecox

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

Ian Hecox, our former boss and daddy of Smosh, is our daddy now too. Hang out with us as we irritate Ian and try to pressure him into becoming our biological father. Get ready for rejected Smosh pitches, oddly specific quizzes, and more! Listen here or watch on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/SydOliviaTube Follow the podcast on social media! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sydandolivia TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sydandoliviatalkshit Twitter: https://twitter.com/sydandolivia ADD US ON: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/piercedmedia/ TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@piercedmedia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/piercedmedia Out of Line is a ⁠⁠pierced media production Executive Producer: Shweta Katyal Produced by Ashna Rodjan About Pierced: Pierced is the first creator-led podcast network that’s making podcasts for the girlies. We’re tired of every man on the face of the planet having a podcast and decided it’s time for a new era of podcasting - it’s time to give the girls the mic 🎤 Pierced podcasts features all your fav content creators in a new light. We collaborate with creators to produce podcasts that speak to the complex and unique experiences of the girls and young women of today – the podcasts we wish existed when we were younger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my God, we're back again. I'm Sam. I'm Olivia. And together we talk some shit for us. So welcome back to the podcast. If you guys are listening to this on a podcast listening platform. Awesome. Why don't you come over and check out our YouTube channel where we have a filmed version of it with some fun animated stuff?

Yep. You can just look up the same thing you probably looked up to find the podcast. Sit and Olivia talk shit and you will find us. You will find us. Today we have a very special guest. The absolute queen of Smosh. Our former boss. Our former boss.

This was our former boss, and today our plan is to make him very uncomfortable. Everybody welcome Ian Hickok. Hello. How you doing, Ian? I'm doing great. Do you feel uncomfortable yet? I just realized that Olivia has babies hanging off of her ears. Yes, I do.

My earrings, if you're, once again, if you're making the mistake of only listening to this, I have babies like eight babies on each ear. I just got these earrings. and I'm really stoked on them. Is this like an Etsy thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Specific person specifically makes baby-only earrings? Yeah, and I had three-headed geese, so I'm going for it.

Yeah, there was. But yeah. There's, like, there- Identity thing you're going after? I don't know. I think I'm going for like, oh, just relaxing and letting myself not have to always look good, you know? You would call this not looking good?

I think it's a look. I think stapling a hundred babies to your ears makes you look less good. I disagree, but that's just me. I disagree. I disagree. Anyway, Ian, how are you? I'm doing great. I walked today.

Were you being chased? No. Okay. Well, then you didn't know I was chasing you. Ian, when we were at Smosh, we didn't really have the opportunity to ask you a bunch of questions because you were our boss and you were like, get to work, you fucking servants. You work now. I'm pretty sure I never told you guys to do anything. No, absolutely not.

Not once even once. But anyway, while we were in the trench. while you were whipping us and telling us to work harder or else, that never happened. We never got to ask you questions about the fact that you started Smosh from a comedy partnership. We're a comedy partnership. That's true. And we have never been able to ask you, like, how did you meet Anthony?

Oh, we, so I moved to this little suburb of Sacramento called Carmichael. when I was in sixth grade. So he already existed at this school. I was like the new guy. Probably looked for the people that weren't exactly like the popular kids. Because I certainly didn't fit in that demographic. We can relate to that. Yeah.

And so Anthony was part of this group of people that I wound up becoming friends with. And then we were friends with this group like all through middle school, high school. And then, you know, high school. ended and everyone kind of went their separate ways. Anthony and I were the, some of the only ones to like stay in town. We were going to community college. And that's when we started making YouTube videos.

I love that. And you guys never touched. You guys never kissed. No, I remember some girl tried to make us. Because we've also never kissed, but a guy has tried to make us. Oh, yeah.

Did he grab you on the backs of the heads and tried it? Because that's what this one girl did. Wow. Yeah, it was weird. That's not consent. I know. I know. Yeah, that's forceful.

Yeah, that's physically forceful, which is bad. I know. And, you know, at the time, I just remember being like, oh, that was awkward. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it didn't immediately scar you. It was just like awkward. Or did it? I don't think so.

Okay, good. I'm glad. I think it was just kind of like, oh, huh. And then we're just going to pretend that didn't happen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was your guys's plan to be like a comedy duo and make sketches? Or was this like a one-off thing where you made a video and,

and it went well and then you started making others. It was that. Yeah. It was like it was boredom, really. Like we were bored because we were some of the only people left in Sacramento. In total? In total. Oh my God.

It was during the Great Sacramento purge. Yeah, exactly. And so we were some of the only people left. Damn. Wiped out. That's stressful. Yeah, it was. Because then you have to repopulate Sacramento.

With Anthony. With Anthony. And you guys already didn't. Oh my God. It's anatomically very difficult. You know what though? what's that? I bet you a million dollars.

She was from the future. And she knew of the purge and she was trying to get people to repopulate before then. Okay. That's probably what happened. Yeah. What was the video that went viral? We made a couple of these like lip sync music videos that like they all did like pretty well. But the one that like went big big was the Pokemon theme music video.

Right. Yeah. Which for like a year and a half was the most view video on YouTube. Wada bada bada bing. That's pretty. That's impressive. Go you. And then I got removed for copyright. Oh.

Oh, perfect. Well, that'll happen. A classic YouTube thing. That'll happen. And then after that, you were like, oh, we have something here. We should do this more. After I got removed for copyright, we were like, oh, it's really important to make original content that doesn't get removed for copyright.

That's fair. A good lesson. So that was our kind of, that was our lesson. Nice. Nice. That's so fun. And then when did you guys decide like, oh, this is going to be a company, like, with, with more people and it's going to be like a big thing.

Yeah, and we're eventually going to hire two irritating girls. Hey, talented irritating girls. Thank you so much. I would say it was like a year and a half in, maybe two years in. We had a guy reach out to us that was like in the entertainment industry and he was like, you guys have a really good voice and like I want to meet with you guys. and I think Anthony Anthony thought that he was like

looking to hire us to be voice actors Oh A really good voice That is so funny That's really funny And maybe I did too I don't remember I just remember him saying that

That's so good So anyway we got together with him And he got us to He was like well like What do you want to do in five years And we're like oh And he's like well do you like doing this And we're like yeah

He's like well do you want to keep doing this And he's like well okay, if you want to keep doing this for five or ten years or something like that, like you need to take it a little more seriously and like think about Smosh as like a brand. And at that time, like I would say mostly nobody was making like internet content as a brand. It was like, oh, I'm a vlog person or, you know, it was something. It was just people just making stuff. Not like, I'm going to like make a brand and I'm going to sell merchandise.

Yeah. For us, we were just like, oh, okay, so then he kind of got us thinking, like, okay, like, we'll expand the team so that we can take some of the things off our plate that we don't want to do. And then that'll give us more time to focus on the things that we want to do. Yeah. I like that. I like that. That's a good way to do it. Yeah.

There was a time when social media was like an untapped market and was not a corporate thing at all and was just like people having fun on the internet. And you got in right at the sweet spot of like, there's going to be a shit. soon. Yeah. That's like probably, that's always wild. I feel like we kind of forced it, though. You forced the shift.

We forced the shift. I love that. Because, like, we, we, we were also, like, the first of 10 channels to be in YouTube's partnership program, which they would run ads on our videos, which there was no ads on YouTube when it first started. So we were like, well, this can help us move out of our parents' house. Yep. But everyone's going to hate us because we're going to look like sellouts.

that how it goes. This can help us move out of our parents' house, but everyone's going to hate us. Yeah. Yeah. So it was like that, I think we were probably one of the first channels to do like merch just because at that time we weren't making any money and we would always go to these like hardcore shows where people would be selling merch. And it was probably Anthony's idea first of like, well, why don't we just do that? Why don't we just sell shirts? And I'm like, okay, yeah. So we had like a screen printer guy that we knew and we Anthony created this like like form that people could like put in all their like information and then we would get their address and then we would package the shirts ourselves and like go to the USPS with like a hundred shirts and like mail them out.

I love that. Yeah. It was a lot of time. Yeah, that sounds like a lot of time. One of the few industries where you're making all of the content yourself and also. so doing all of the other parts that are like, no one ever taught me how to do this and I don't know how to do it at all. No one ever taught me how to run a merch website. Yeah. No, I like that origin story though. It's a lot more inspiring than the Joker's origin story. It is. Yeah. It is.

Well, thank you. What would you tell people who are like trying to get into content creation, like making that their career? Like a young duo, for example. I mean, there's like 50 million people trying to do it now, so good luck. Nice. All right, well, fuck. There we go. Perfect. Absolutely. Golden advice. Now, just give up. Upsetting.

You were our boss in the past, right? I guess so. But we never got to corner you and pitch a bunch of sketch ideas. Yeah, we, so we, you know, we pitched sketch ideas, obviously. We stopped working at Smosh a few months ago, months ago, half a year ago.

It feels like a year. August 2021. It's been a while. And so we have all these, you know, untapped sketches. We never got to corner you in the bathroom and pitch them to you. Specific for Smosh. Does Smosh get rights to those? Yeah, if you say yes to any of them.

So you can say yes or no, you can explain why. But we're just going to pitch you, rapid fire pitch you some sketches we never got to pitch. Yeah. Every little baby cuck ever. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Every necrophiliac ever and why they are good. Oh.

A shot for shot remake of the OJ trial where Olivia Sway plays OJ? What about just a castle made of teeth? What are your thoughts on these? The Olivia one sounds interesting. I'd like to see her in like the Bronco driving on the street. I would also like to see Olivia Sway in a Bronco. Here's more of like a Smosh Pit idea. Try not to laugh sex edition.

Yeah, so everyone having sex. Everyone has sex with a silly little elf and we see who can finish. Oh. Oh. Are you... Do you approve it? I'm not sure where the laughter comes in. No, well, no, so they try not to.

Yeah, they try not to laugh. And the elf is silly. And we see if the elf can finish. The elf is silly. We try to see if the elf can finish, if the player can finish. Okay. Everybody will sign off on it because the elf will be hot.

I cannot express how silly the elf is. I mean, that sounds like a... I don't know if Pornhub does like Pornhub originals. Yeah. But that sounds like a Pornhub original series. What about a Smosh Pit porn Hub crossover? Yeah. What about similar to an idea I just pitched?

What about every Teeth Castle ever? Yeah. So you could go through all the different ones. Yeah. I mean, there's plenty of teeth to go. Everybody loses them. So I think like if everyone pitched in teeth. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. How about, this is a versus, you know, the format versus. Yeah. I'm having trouble. What about every time Damien gives me his liquid funds ever? I mean, I assume it's only...

What about? Try not to laugh. Wouldn't it be funny if Damien gave me his liquid funds for me edition? I also have graphic backyard again's erotica. I never saw a backyard again. Okay, well, I've already written it, so I can just mail you the script. Yeah. That's a shame. I know.

Sorry. Oh, a four-day-long live stream of Keith doing his taxes. Actually, I'd watch that. I would actually watch that because Keith's just charming. Yeah. Okay, so I think that's the only one that's been truly greenlit. Well, the teeth castle. The teeth castle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want us back at Smosh? Yeah, based on these pitches alone and nothing else. Was I, was this why I was brought here? Yeah. There's been audition for your job back. Yeah. I don't know, like, what do you think?

Do you want to see some characters? What about every fish gang ever? That's relatable. Oh, that's actually something we always pitched. while we were at smash, but it never got to you. Every fish gang. Every fish gang ever. It means nothing.

It means nothing. And the idea is we do an EBE called every fish gang ever, and we pretend it's a relatable thing. But it's not. A fish gang. You know, every fish gang. Like, you go through every single one. And it's not at all.

And so everyone in the comments is just like, what is this? Yeah. And you put it up on April Fool's Day and then you go missing. But you do all the, all the tropes of a fish gang. Yeah, all the different fish gang tropes. What are some fish gang tropes really quick? Well, like, you know, uh, uh, The lame fish with the gimpy leg, like the gimpy fin.

The group of fish that can't move. The horny fish. There's always one? The skeleton. The skeleton. The human skeleton at the bottom of the sea. Every fish gang ever. It's like a classic.

There's just like unlinded ideas. No, you're right. You're right. I mean, that should also be a porn of original series. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so good. I'm glad.

I'm glad we've now been rehired. Do you, do you think that, um, you know how people are always like, we miss the old smosh. Why do you think so? I have a pitch. I have a pitch too. Okay, yeah, go for it. My pitch is that everyone's mad at everything, period, and you can never stop them ever.

Oh, my pitch is that people love nostalgia more than they love things. Yeah. So they love to be like, oh, S&L is bad. S&L was really good when, but when they were watching it then, they were like, oh, SNL is bad. SNL was really good when people just love nostalgia. It's more accurate than what I said. The SNL thing is like, it's,

so generational. It's like literally you can tell somebody's age by what era of S&L was funny. It's there's like nothing else that really compares to that because I feel like even with like the Simpsons, I think people generally agree when the Simpsons was good. And it's not like, oh, I grew up in, you know, yeah. Yeah. I was born in the year 2000 and I love 2010 Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But S&L, it's like, oh, yeah, okay, if you thought Adam Sandler was funny, then you are, you know, a millennial. If you thought Chevy Chase was funny. Right. Then you were my parents.

That was my mom's celebrity crush when she was a child. Yeah. So we love that, I guess. Yeah. Fletch is good. Have you guys seen Fletch? No. It's a good movie.

Have you seen every fish gang ever? I haven't, but I'm very much looking forward to it. Going to be produced soon on Smog. Get ready. How is it to be everyone's dad? You know, not having any real children myself, you know, it's very, it's a lot of pressure. Is your oldest son only four years younger than you? Probably.

Do you think you'll have children or do you think you'd be disappointed in them because they wouldn't be Shane, Damien, Courtney, Olivia, and the gang? I don't think I'd want my children to be anything like the game. I don't want my children to be actors. But does the cast of Smosh actually treat you like their dad? Or is that just a running bit? This is a bit. Oh, well. I kind of wish they were.

I don't think that's a healthy work relationship. That's okay. You can treat us like your kids. You don't want to build those sort of attachments in the workplace. Ian, we can be your kids. Please know. We'll be your kids now. Because we're not in your workplace anymore.

Right, right, right. We were forced out. That's also not true. but we're just none of us are not how that happens absolutely not i'm lying um we you're like you're like Ellen will be right there you have the ability here to gain two children two children who are us and who are too old to be your children i think so right yeah yeah yeah Oh, yeah, absolutely. You would have had to like, you would have had to be...

Your puberty would have been wrong. Well, to have me, you would have had to be nine. Oh. Yeah, and you would have had to been seven if you had Sid. But this brings us to a segment called... Called. Called. Ian, are you qualified to be our dad?

We're going to ask you a bunch of questions to find out how good of an hour dad you are, actually. And we have the answers here. Yeah. You ready? All right. So, Sid, you want to ask the first question? Sure. Okay, go ahead. Dad, the middle school dances next week.

And I want to go with Connor from Mrs. Fields' eighth grade home room. But I'm not sure if he likes me. What do I do? What should she do, dad? Oh, you know, Sidney, the best thing you could do is ask. No, Dad. The correct answer is... The correct answer is, you are 27, Sydney.

You are not allowed to go to the dance with a child. That is wrong. The child is an eighth grade. Ian. We said Conner's in eighth grade. He's an eighth grade. We're not allowed to go to the eighth grade dance. I'm 25. I'm 27, dad. Okay. All right. Here's a question, dad. Dad, can we have a dog? How many dogs do you have right now currently? I currently have. Zero. I have a dog. Okay. Are you allowed dogs in your in your place? Legally yes. Yeah. Okay. So the correct answer is no. Sid, you already have a dog. And Olivia, you guys don't need. You guys don't need.

even live in the same place. That would be irresponsible and expensive. Plus, I don't think Olivia I'm not ready. I'm not ready for a dog. A dog and they both live here. I desperately want a dog, but I'm not ready for it. And I know that. What do you mean? My maturity level isn't there yet. I'm not responsible enough to take care of a dog yet, but I could be in about two years. I once gave Olivia two hermit crabs and she lost them. Yeah, I lost them. They didn't even die. They like, no, they didn't even die. One of them kept living underneath her roommate's bed, which is also so scary because what was under the bed keeping it alive. It lived for so. It had sustenance of some form.

Yeah. So where do you think you're going to be in two years that would make you ready for a dog in two years? I think hopefully I'll have a maybe slightly more stable financial situation. I'll hopefully be a little less out all the time. Like I'm everywhere. I'm never anywhere for long. Like I never, I'm home to feed an animal. I also think you should consult with your boyfriend who also lives here.

I don't know what that means. I don't get what you're saying. I don't understand. Okay. Um, okay, next question for our dad. Dad, can I have 30 bucks? Yes, of course. That is the correct answer.

That's the correct answer. All right. Dad. Wait, what was it 30 bucks for? Is it for weed? Yeah, it's for fucking cocaine, dad. Well, then, okay. Good luck with $30.

I'm going to have some cheap. I don't know how much cocaine costs, but I'm assuming $30 is maybe not enough. I don't think it's enough. I don't think it's enough. I don't think it's enough. I don't think it's enough. Cocaine users out there, let us know. Are you?

Yeah, can you let us know in the comments? Let us know in the comments how much cocaine is. Yeah. And where we get it? Are we going to do cocaine? We're not narcs. Yeah. But tell us who you get it from.

I'm not a cop. Where do you get your cocaine from? Here's another question, dad. Dad, what happened to mom? Oh. Well, there's this thing called death. Okay. Okay.

And that it came for her. That came for her. Can you explain how? Well, Dad, can you explain how our mom died? Yes. Have you seen signs? Like stop signs?

No, no, no. The Mel Gibson and Nishamalan. I don't support Mel Gibson. I've never seen a movie. Okay. Well, it's like that. Okay, perfect. That's the wrong answer.

The answer is his name is Anthony and he doesn't know who you are. Exactly. Here's a question. Dad, is Santa real? Incorrect answer. The answer is, Sid, you're Jewish, and Olivia, you're nothing. This doesn't affect either of you. Anybody can celebrate Santa.

That's true. I was told when I was a child that I was not allowed to celebrate Santa. I actually totally thought Santa was real for a very long time. I think Christmas is like a pagan celebration. I do all the holidays and I've never been to a religion. Yeah. I've never been. I think you should do it.

If you invite me to Christmas, Dad, then maybe I'll finally celebrate. Okay, I'll think about it. Dad, put me under your tree. Is that how you celebrate? Absolutely. You put your kids under the tree and they stay still until Christmas morning. All right, put me under the tree, Dad. Dad, do you love us with all of your heart?

Of course. No, the correct answer is not really. I'm your old boss and I like you guys platonically, but that's about it. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Okay. No, you're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

And that was... I'm sorry I lied to you. And that was, Ian, are you qualified to be our dad? Woo! You did amazing. You did great. Thank you. I got one out of seven.

Yeah, I think so. That's better... It's actually a world record for anyone who's played this game. Yeah. Yeah. Our game, Ian, are you qualified to be our dad? Yeah. It's a world record.

World record. No one has ever done that well because we've never played it before. Oh, man. You know, when you... when you started Smosh with Anthony, you guys were a comedy duo. And, you know, we're circling back to this a lot because we are a comedy duo.

Yeah, I don't know if you could tell, but we are too. But we are a comedy duo, and we have found that in being a comedy duo, a lot of the time is exactly like a legal marriage. Have you found that? Yes. Yeah.

Do you feel like what parts of, like, what parts of being in a comedy duo with Anthony felt like, oh, we're married? Um, I think in terms of like communication. Yeah. Like you really do have to communicate like you are in a, in a relationship because you're in a business partnership. Yeah.

But also like him and I lived together for like seven years like under the same roof. So we like lived and worked together. Married people do that too. For a long ass time. Yeah. So I mean like communication is is very important. We see each other every day. Yeah.

Um. Well, you guys have like a very, you guys, like, when I first met you guys, I was like, whoa, like, you guys are the only, like, non-related people that have, like, this, like, sibling connection almost. Like, you guys, like, finish each other's sentences and stuff. Married siblings. And it's, like, very much. Now on TLC. Now on TLC. But, yeah, I mean.

Thank you. That's a huge compliment. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, no, we've been married for, like, 12 years. We have stopped touching. We don't touch anymore. Not anymore.

Our marriage is stale sexually, but absolutely ripe everywhere else. Everywhere else? Yeah. Do you feel like your marriage with Anthony is still alive? I feel like it's gone through another phase. Yeah, you're in a new phase. Do you feel like you'd be qualified as a marriage counselor? No way.

Do you and Anthony sleep in separate beds? Sorry, I need to ask that really quickly. Do you sleep in separate beds? Do you sleep in separate rooms? What is that like? In separate houses. Oh, shit. So you guys like are not.

married. Not married anymore. You're separated? Legally. And I got the kids. Okay. Oh my God. You did.

Oh my God. You did? Because mom doesn't know who we are. No, mom doesn't know us. Mom's never met us. We've never met mom. Oh my God. Olivia, you can introduce the topic you were going to introduce before I so rudely

interrupted. No, don't worry at all. I interrupt people with every breath that I take. Me too. But the fact that you just said you would be such a good marriage counselor. Back when he said that brings us. I said that. Brings us to our next segment.

Called gaslight. He said that. We're, um, us being a married couple, you being a professional marriage counselor. Uh, could you help us with some of our marital issues? Definitely. I'm totally qualified for that. Okay. That's amazing.

I mean, yeah, I feel like as a, uh, a cishead male, like I am, I am ready to dispense advice. Yeah. I'm wholly unqualified. I think that's exactly what we need right now. I think you have, um, uh, a, a responsibility. to your people to do that. Yeah. For sure.

So we always get asked by the one person who cares about us, which is my dad. Like, why? Is Mama isn't it? No, she leaves the room. Both my parents care about us too. I'm kidding, Mama. You know you're great. We, when people ask us things, they go like, do you guys ever?

fight. And like so behind the scenes, of course, everybody fights. Yeah, of course, we feel like fights all the time. Bicker, you know, punch each other, have like little, we punch through the wall. Issues. But we figured like it would probably be good if we kind of worked. Can you not talk when I'm talking? Hey, Ian, could you ask her to not interrupt me when I'm interrupting her? Hey, Ian, would you tell Olivia that she's actually being very rude right now when we have a guest over? Can you tell, Ian, could you tell Sid that that's my brand? You know, I'm sensing there's a bit of tension here. And it seems like it stems from a lack of wanting to talk directly to each other.

Okay. And I feel like if you're feeling a certain way about something, it might be you need to express a certain need. Okay. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, perhaps you should express your frustrations through your needs, what you need from, from, uh, um, I mean, usually what I do is write an insult on a paper airplane and throw it at her. Okay. She does. Very nice paper.

Yeah, well, I have good taste in some things. I bought these papers. Oh. Did I? No. I don't remember. Okay, now let's get it all down on paper. I mean.

Okay, so I'm going to start with an I statement. Like, I feel. Yeah, say how you're feeling and say, say what you need that you're not getting from this relationship. Okay. Is this not good? I'm not sure. Okay. It's like a paper, um, it's like a paper UFO.

Yeah, sure, sure. This is a perfect paper airplane and anyone who says anything about it. Yeah. Oh yeah. For the people who are listening and not viewing, we are making paper airplanes. Yeah, and they're really bad. With our needs inside of them and we're about to throw them at each other. Mine is, but he's not even going to fly.

One, two, three. Whoa, you guys both got it. Should I go first? Well, we were supposed to say what we need from each other. Okay. Well, I need to listen better. Okay. Because I didn't write that.

Olivia was supposed to write what she needs from me, and instead she said, I feel like a c-a-k when you drown my birds. I do. So what you need... I need her to stop drowning my birds. Okay. What I'm getting from this is that you have birds. Yeah.

Not anymore. And you would like them to not drown anymore. And what she's doing is she's drowning them, which is constantly. causing a serious conflict here. To feel like a c. Yeah. But Ian, can you tell Olivia that what I need is to drown some birds? Right.

Okay. But I just don't want my birds to get drowned. And they're the only birds at our house. Well, that's not this. I think we can reach a fair compromise here. So you can keep some birds. I'll keep some. Perhaps next time you buy some birds.

Label them. Have Sid pitching some money. You'll buy some extra birds. Okay. That she's then allowed to drown. That actually brings me to my need. Yeah. Cid wrote here on this paper,

our plan that she threw out my face, I need money from you. How much? $100,000. Oh my God, I literally pitched so much money. I was just going to say $30. Well, then, yeah, that's what I'm... Okay, great.

That's what I said, too. My goal for today was to leave here with $60. And I already asked Ian for $30, and now I'm asking you for $30. So my goal is mad. All right. Well, I mean, the birds are really cheap. Are they?

They're so fucking cheap. I just get them from this guy. Oh, from the sky or this guy? I just get them from the sky. I buy them from the sky. I toss some money up and then when a bird lands, like, catch it. I bring it home and Sid will drown it within like 30, 40 seconds of me being home. It's like the most irritating thing ever.

I feel like a c-c-because I spent all my money on the sky. Yeah. That's my big thing. All right. Well, what's next? What should we do next? Ian, can you kind of assess if we should still be married? Yeah.

Based on only this argument and nothing else. Okay. I've seen worse. Okay. With him. Other parents, we all have. We've seen some pretty shit. Yeah.

Parents really trying to stick it out for their kids. Yeah. So I think... On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our relationship? After seeing this argument, I'd knock a couple points off. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I'd say it sits at about a 3. Well, this is the hard behind the scene.

content that, you know, it's hard to film. It's hard to put out there. Yeah, it's so raw. It's raw. It's hard. It's raw and it's emotional. It's raw and hard, like the meat that I like to eat. I like eating rock hard, raw beef.

Hmm. Straight from the package. How do you get hard like that? They used let it sit out for so fucking long. Okay. Yeah. fossilized. Oh, it's dry aged.

Dry, raw ground beef. Hey, it's a vibe. I like to watch it while I try to protect. my birds. Ian, if you had to marry anybody else at Smosh, who would it be? Yeah. Oh, that's a great question that could get me in a lot of trouble. Just say shame then.

Well, you don't have to kiss in a married girl. That's true. There's a lot of married. Have you ever seen your parents kiss? Yes. I've never seen anyone kiss. I always close my eyes before the lips touch. Yeah, it's scary.

Yeah, it freaks me out. I start to panic. Well, I've seen your parents kiss. That's true. Sid watches my parents kiss while I cover my eyes. I've seen Olivia's parents kiss and you've seen them kiss. No, my parents are totally fans of each other. They're into it.

But. No, I said, I said, oh. Yeah, I said, oh. But yeah, yeah. Well, good for them. Yeah, I know. Right, guys, good for you guys. Well, I am, I truly hope that, that you use at least one or two of these ideas that we gave you.

I hope you find love again. Thank you. Yeah. And I hope his name. is schmanthony. I don't know. You've narrowed it down to zero people. There's zero people on the earth who have that name.

There may somebody named Schmanthony. If your name is Schmanthony, write it down in the comments. If you have the contact information of someone with that name. Was it you who told me, or was it somebody else who told me that you were at like a bar or something and you overheard these bros talking, and they were like, oh, man, you've got to see my new girl.

Oh, that's awesome. I was at the gym. She's exactly like Bailey. She's exactly like Bailey. She looks just. like Bailey and they were talking about how the new girl that one of them was dating was exactly like the last girl he dated. Oh man, Bailey 2.0 and she likes all the same things Bailey likes. And none of them, none of them went like, whoa, that's kind of weird. Wait, but hold on. Yeah.

What if the original Bailey died? And like, you know, this is his way it works. This seems like, I mean, if I'm thinking of like a gem rat guy, yeah, like that's his way of coping is just finding an exact, like, facsimile of his previous now dead girlfriend? All I know is that they both were at least okay with baseball because the new Bailey had a picture that I snuck a glance at and it was heard of baseball games. I was right next to them. I was in the, we were at lockers, not in a locker room, but we were next to each other at lockers. I fumbled around my locker for a longer than normal time on purpose because I wanted to hear what they were talking about because I thought it was interesting. Yeah. And so Bailey 2.0. Shout out to that girl whose name is not Bailey. I don't.

don't know what her name is. Yeah, good luck. I hope she is. Get out. Get out. Get out while you can. Get out, Bailey, too. Run.

Well, I hope you do find love and I hope that it's not just an Anthony clone. What? We just called him our dad. Yeah, and we're married siblings. All right. It's L.A. Anything goes. Is there anything you want to promote?

Do you do anything on the internet? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I have a, we have a, we have a, we have a, YouTube channel called Smosh. Just a small YouTube channel. We make comedy videos. We have a unscripted channel named Smosh Pit.

We have a gaming channel named Smosh Games. And you can find me on socials. I don't know. Just fucking Google my name or something. We're going to put all that info on the screen. So you can click on the screen and not get linked because it's a YouTube video. Or you can just click on the description and maybe we'll put stuff there for we remember. We'll definitely put links in the description.

If we remember. Sounds very confident. Giving ourselves some really high standards here. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. Yeah. Thank you for having me. And thank you for giving us jobs. And you were not a bad boss.

So that was all alive. You were a wonderful boss. Thank you for being our dad as well against your will. You're welcome. I appreciate it. I have high hopes for you, my children. Thank you so much, dad. We appreciate you coming down here so much.

And if you want to ever see us in our fucking faces again, all of our handles are at Sid and Olivia. and everything. And this has been Sid and Olivia Talkershit the podcast and we will see you next Tuesday. Bye. Bye. Now we can save that at the end of our podcast. Yeah. Yeah.