Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Autotuned Intrusive Thoughts w/Morgan Jay

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

This week it's comedian and musician Morgan Jay on the big bad podcast for you! Go to https://shipstation.com and use code talk for sixty days for free! Live Show Tickets! https://www.dynastytypewriter.com/calendar-squad-up Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Morgan Jay https://www.youtube.com/@UCeVkzeYJC4Z-SUde9UEJBwQ https://morganjay.com/ Chapters: 00:00 | Aggressively loud in your ear with Morgan Jay 06:45 | Getting started with corporate COVID zooms lore drop 13:10 | Poop your pants, Autotune is funny 18:31 | Autotune Roulette 32:55 | WWYD crowd guests 44:30 | Concert tickets, Focker In Law Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Three coyotes spotted outside of my ring camera. They're trying to steal my UPS packages. I can't have that. It's my medication. I am freaking out. Someone get my medication. I found two lost cats in my trunk. Somebody rescue them from my trunk.

Whose child is this? Whose child is this? This child on my ring camera. Whose child is this? So you can totally come see this one. We are doing Sydney Olivia Talk Shit Live. In Los Angeles at the Dynasty Typewriter. It's going to be live and live stream.

So if you're not in Los Angeles, you can still see it. It's going to be June 5th, Friday, June 5th, at 7 p.m. And our special guest is Miles Bon Senore. He's the perfect person. Wow. We are lucky. We are so lucky. So join us.

It's going to be a really fun time, and we hope to see you all there. Bye! Yeah, we are on a podcast with Sid and Olivia. We got some preline mix. We got a 3D printed horse with nobody. It's just ahead. We're talking about getting ahead. You know it's tough.

Why you got so many tabs? open. Yeah. Oh my God, you weren't kidding ADHD podcast in the house. Guys, what's up? Wow. This is the vibeest opening we've ever had. What's up?

Let's get this one. Oh, shit. Hi, everyone. Wow, we've never had a guest bring their own microphone. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm different. It's because our mics aren't good enough.

We have three guesses for mice. I'm not different. It's because I'm an overachiever. I just want to be a good boy. I want to be a good boy for you girls. That's so... I'm going to keep saying that over and over again. I think that's probably the title of the episode now.

I want to be a good by here you girls. That's, thank God. And I'm a good advice by here you guys. Have you seen those videos of the, there's little girls telling their dad's good girl. What? Yeah, there's like these little girls who like, they'll like pat their dad on the head and be like,

good girl. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, the girl pat's their dad. Yeah. And who taught it? I, my guess is he says that to her. I don't know. Guys!

Yeah. Hello. This is Sin and Olivia talk shit. Hi, fuck. Hi, fuck. Hi, you fucks. What's up? Oh, you do it?

Yes, it has a sound box. Oh, you have some? No, I have some. I have some. Okay, I'm here are yours. Let's see. Uh. Yeah.

Oh my God. That's really good. Oh, you brought better ones. That's really good. Oh, I just have like, like. Oh. like a panda. Yeah, that's everything.

I got them all. I like that I said I've got a panda and then that started playing. Is it loud in your ear? It's not aggressively loud. Okay, cool. I'm trying to get aggressively loud on your ear, girl. You guys, it's time to get aggressively loud in your ear. Is that?

I like that she's like trying to decipher it. It's too long. It's so long. That's what mine sounds like. Yeah. It was funny in the beginning, and now the whole show is just to be like showing you my sound. Wait, I have some sounds. Wait, I've got some sounds in my mouth.

This is going to be the most sound forward episode. You know, it's funny because usually... They're trying to get a word out. I'm not letting it. No, that's a taste of her own medicine. Truly. Was that a vodka cadaver? Once I make my move, the queen will take me.

then you're free to check the king no run no that's gorgeous anyway guys I'm so so so gorgeous guys I'm so thank you for your patience I know you're so fine today is Morgan J oh my gosh I just woke up yeah yeah oh my god how are you I'm good man I've had a like a little sore throat for the last like three or four days but it has not progressed into any this keeps yeah that's awesome it's flat It's, you've got a flaccid. But can you hear me if I don't touch it. Are you guys cool with that?

Yeah, I can. Levels are good. Yeah, I mean, I can. What's your name? It's Cassum. Do you know Cassum G from the YouTube days? From the old, those old YouTube days. Oh, no.

Cass-I. This is Cassim G from the YouTube days. One of the OG YouTubers of all time. Wait, is it? Yeah. Cassim, wait. Yep. He did Kryptons.

What? What was it called? Cassum G. Cryptids? Cryptids. He did cryptod. Your name is a hell of familiar, dude. Yeah.

It's because he was an OG YouTuber. It's because when you go to sleep and you have the dreams you don't remember, they're about him. Because you have dreams you remember, you have dreams you don't remember. Yeah, we're probably the same age, bro, relatively. You guys should wrestle. I'm pretty old. You guys should wrestle. Oh, I'm 39.

You guys should wrestle and you should auto tune it. You'd probably be in the same age bracket for wrestling. Yeah. And you know how that's how wrestling works. And we almost look like cousins. You guys are in like the 38 to 43 age bracket. racket, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, because it's not by weight.

It's by age. It's by age. And it's also by, if you look like you could be cousins. For the cousins wrestling league. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The cousins wrestling league is just by age. Look at you guys. Yes, and it.

Regular. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, what the fuck? I'm going to take this off for now. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I think that's fair. Oh, I just got so comfortable.

Oh, okay. Well, I just feels low on my end. You know, here's the thing is that we're going to put them on for a specific reason. No, it's going to be very fun. So here is. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll have a whole moment where we can. And the thing is, we do have two hands and we can put them on whenever we want. Whoa.

We have free will here. Oh, that's fine. Okay, so. I don't usually get free will. Can you tell us how you, because you started off doing music as a kid, right? Yeah, yeah. I was playing piano for like 10 years. How did you become essentially a famous auto-tuned comedian? You're on the Mount Rushmore of Auto-Dune comedian. T-Pane, Kesha and Kesha and Charlie X-E-X. Charlie X-EX, maybe Britney Spears. Yeah.

And I'm sure a lot of other auto-tuned artists that we don't know are as auto-tuned. Yeah, they're like on the ghost Mount Rushmore. Yeah, you know how every Mount Rushmore has a ghost side? I was just kind of using it as a, I was doing corporate events on Zoom during the pandemic. Wow. And I was like, I was trying to like spice it up. Yeah. Jush it up.

And then and then why I use that. Yeah. And then when I went live, I brought it on the live shows, and then I started clipping it up. And then one clip went viral. The funny thing about that clip is the auto tune wasn't even turned like all the way up. Oh, wow. It's... Fun fact. Fun lore fact. Put that in your... Yeah, put that in your lore bucket. Which camera should I look at? There's two on top. You can look at any other. Is one a white angle? Yeah. They're all out of focus. Oh. Yeah. Top one. The, the, no, no, no, bring it back to me. What are you doing?

I see the red, don't bring it back to me. Yeah. So you were doing a corporate event that was like essentially like you're on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So sorry. We know that's such a good point. So sorry. As the kids say, mauging.

Oh, yeah. Clavicular looks maxed. I see it saw him for the first time. You saw him in person? No, I had never seen it. I spent most of my time on the internet on Hayday, which is a farming app. It doesn't even really count as on the end. internet, I don't think. I think that counts is on your phone.

Right. But I don't know if it counts is on the internet. And then I have my bird app so I can listen to birds. But other than that, I like, don't love socials. Cid's phone age is somewhere between. Do you have somebody posting for you? No, we do it. But then I just will like completely just go off and then not. And I do you share the account. Yeah. You share it. You want to know the password? Yeah. You want to get on there. You just post whatever. I don't care. I don't care.

Is it like men trying to see your feet? Or, no, that's most our cameo. Cameo. Our DMs are like... It's like, you both said that they're like a real big. It's true. Our DMs are like, all of our cameos are like, I want you to pretend I'm a little bug

and I want you to squash me. Yeah. It's like, are you okay? Our cameos are like, can you prank my friend by putting your hands in your mouth and opening your mouth really, really so far? Prinked her friend by you doing that.

By me like drooling. Or they'll be like, oh, can you, my friend hates wedgies. Can you make a big prank about giving yourself a wedgy? Yeah. And we're like, I want this one to give this one a wedge. Yeah. Yeah. We got that one a lot. Yeah. We get a lot of wedgy. How much is it called? It's like fucking $30 and we're not advertising it. So if we will take the money sometimes we used to

mug to camera. Yeah. We used to reject it. We used to deny it. And then we were like, well, if the same person or multiple. What if I was the money who hired you to do all these things and I brought it. So I said, well, guys, I have all these videos that you guys do in the weirdest thing. And here's the video. And here's the video. We'll send videos back being like, hey, So we don't advertise fetish work. Love anyone who does, but we don't. Anyway, thanks for your money. I got a cameo of somebody asking me to really like dis somebody.

And I was like, hey, I don't know this person. And it's like really hurt their feelings. I don't. We're not good at roasting. We get a lot of requests to roast. I'm like, you know what? It's a weird thing. I can roast myself.

Yeah. How would you roast yourself? Oh, don't ask her to do it. I do it constantly. I do it constantly. This is like what are the things you're most insecure about? Oh, this is going to be. fucking annoying. I shouldn't be in public.

No, this is terrible. I'm just like... It's going to be a bad time. No, it's just like there's... I wish I had a time machine. Oh, I guess. Oh, I wish I had a time machine. Are you from the Midwest? No, I'm from here, but my parents are from back east.

Where are you from? I'm from here, but... But I grew up in Vegas. I fucking love Vegas. Do you? I like the hotel. It's like the NBA of hosting. She was there at the most prime time. Oh, do you?

Yeah. See, I don't know how, and I lived there. Well, she lived there from four to four to four. But if you live there, you're not really, like, on the strip. I was always on the strip. Oh, really? Well, because of the gambling addiction. Yeah. You have a gambling addiction?

At 4 to 14. Yeah, ages 4. She kicked it at 15. At 15, I was done. Yeah. No, I was, um, go fish. Yeah. Now she plays go fish on Cal Sheet.

Now I do. Now all my go fish is on Cal Sheet. Yeah. You're like, I bet $100,000 in Bitcoin, it's this fish. All are good yappers. I'm a bad yapper. No, no. I think you're yapping very well.

No, I just played sound effects for five minutes. That's at the top of the show. That's essentially what we do too. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, we usually, the fact that you did it and it wasn't us is actually crazy. No, true. We do it on these shitty little sound boxes. I use this every day of my life.

I believe that they both are like this at home. Like, what I'm a game. No, this is just what we're like. I'm nanny and I use this one I nanny. Oh, nice. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, no, and I love that.

You go to the killer. You want to bump a Coke? Yeah. Yeah. You come with your backpack. What do you want? No, let's do go fish on Cal Sheet. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, but to go back to your question, yeah. Then I took it out. She went viral. This was around 20, 23, like the main viral clip, the first viral clip with Ethan.

And then after that, things just kept going more and more viral. I just have to post every day. And then that turned into, you know, selling tickets. And my whole thing is like I look at all the apps as like, a way to sell tickets and not like, I don't really attach a huge sense of myself worth to those numbers anymore. You can't. do for like a second. You go like, wow, the first time anything ever pops off and then like so shortly after you have to learn like, just kidding. Yeah, you do because it kind of just goes like this. You know, I saw a clip of Matt Rife talking about this yesterday. It's like they will constantly

change the algorithm. So you're kind of like you can't really put too much. The only thing that for certain that I know is you have to post something every day. That's all I really know. The thing I have started to do is whenever I get like, whenever we get good numbers on something, I take it as like someone complimenting my outfit, like that level of a compliment where it's like, oh, nice outfit. And it's like, oh, my gosh, thanks. And it doesn't go farther than that. It's not like, I'm good now.

Or there's a, yeah, yeah, no, I get it. Sort of like, all right, thanks. No, but there's probably something going on in the clip that you should probably just replicate besides the outfit. Yeah. Yeah. Like stomping on the camera, like they're a little bug and giving each other wedgies. Yeah.

I get a really good feeling when I find out. When I give myself a wedge? When the last time you guys pooped your pants? Oh, honestly too recently. I can't believe you asked that. Yeah. No, what is it? So I had never before.

By the way, this is the first time I'm here. I didn't think you would admit to poop out of her. No, no, I'll tell you. No, I did it at a gym once in the Dominican Republic by accident just a little bit. Okay. Yeah, a little shart, little tablespooner too. Yeah, and I had to find a bathroom and there truly wasn't one. Table spoon or two.

Yeah, no, I did. I had never before in my life. Yeah. It was something that I was like, that's weird. I've never done this before, right? You had that thought. And right before? Yeah.

And then, and then like a year ago, I was driving to a rehearsal and I was like, oh, it's going to happen right now. Oh, no. And then I told everyone at the rehearsal. So like a year ago? This is less than the last five years. It was within the last six. And I thought, it's like last five minutes.

It was actually on the way here. It was actually on the way here. She's trying to play it cool. You know how it stinks right now? You can't smell anything, but it smells like shit here. Yeah. So I like on the drive over I knew was happening and then I was like I'm going to lie. I'm going to say I threw up because that's a little bit better than shitting your pants.

It also sounds more like a lie. Yeah. So I called my director at the rehearsal and I said, I'm so sorry. I just threw up. It's so crazy. And he was like, you're all good. Then I came the next day and I was like, I'm not going to tell anyone I shit my pants. And I felt so guilty.

I immediately walked in and people went, how are you feeling? I went, I shit my pants. I did not throw up. And I'm sorry for lying to you. Wow. Wow, I love that. But we know why you shit your pants. I had black mold in my apartment for months.

Black mold will make you shit your pants. And then they took the ceiling off and forgot. To put it back on it. My landlord was... Okay, we're back. You guys are good. The rest, yeah, the rest of that is on the Patreon. It got too real.

It got too real if you want to go to the Patreon to get too real. If you want to get too real, it's always too real on the Patreon. Go find us on Patreon. Well, do you want to do your segment? Yeah, let's do this segment. Okay. So, so the thing I... Y'all are good at this thing I thought of, right?

Y'all are good at this. Every time I watch your clips, I'm like, there's just something so it never stops being fun, right? Yeah, what, what, what, how did, how, what, what, how, what, what? Who, who, okay, wait, who the fuck? Who? Who, who are, sorry, I forgot. Where am I. I was gonna go full schizophrenic break right now.

I was gonna fully owl mode. 5150 right over here. Sorry, guys, I just hop, yeah, how old is. In owl mode. Yeah. Okay, I'm back out of owl mode. When did you, how did, what's the scientific, I'm in owl mode? What's the scientific reasoning behind?

Auto Tune is funny. Well, listen, I did not, I'm going to say right now, I did not invent Autotune. This is fucking crazy. This is news to me. I didn't invent it. I didn't, like, reinvent the wheel with it. I didn't like reinvent the wheel with it. All I did was like use it in a different context.

in a different way. Yeah. And I have invented, I have invented a new type of delivery, like the same way people imitate Jerry Seinfeld or Sebastian. Now there's like, there's like people who imitate me in other countries and use AutoTune. That's funny. Germany, India, South Korea, Brazil. German Auto Tune.

I'm telling you everywhere. Wow. And I. And I, well, you know what it was. I was doing crowd work before the auto. tune with the guitar. And then I was like, all right, well, let me get people to sing. And then the autotune kind of allowed people to sing without feeling insecure. Yeah, it's like they'll be on, you know, they let loose. Yeah. And as you know, there's nothing where we love to see an underdog

win or somebody who go out of their shell. And they're kind of the star of the show at this point. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, there's something so fun about hearing something that shouldn't be auto tuned, like a conversation. Absolutely. Be auto tuned. And so this is a segment that, uh, you know, we came up with called Auto Tune Roulette. Play the music. That was the music. That was the music. When your company is growing fast, order fulfillment can make or break your success. Ship Station's intelligent platform brings order management, rate shopping, inventory and returns, warehouse systems, and comprehensive analytics all in one place. Saving customers 15 hours per week on fulfillment. With Ship Station, everything you need to manage getting order.

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Done. Try ShipStation free for 60 days with. full access to all features. No credit card needed. Go to shipstation.com and use code talk for 60 days free. 60 days gives you plenty of time to see how much time and money you'll be saving with every shipment. That's shipstation.com code talk. Shipstation.com code talk. Don't you wish everything was more rewarding? With Racuton, almost everything is. You can earn cash back on those new shoes you've been wanting. You can save on the next trip you book. You can cash in on. groceries. Just join. Shop your favorite brands and save. Sephora, boots, Argus, Timu, Adidas,

trip.com. The list is long. Save online at over 550 stores. And when it's time to redeem those rewards, get your money exactly how you want it. Choose bank transfer or PayPal. So go ahead, take a trip, fill a cart, get a new outfit. Rakuten is a world of rewards. join today for free. Go to recutin.co.c.com or get the app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. So I'm going to put me headphones on for this. Essentially, I've written down some scenarios that we can improvise

that have never, to my knowledge, been auto-tuned. And so we'll hear the auto-tuned version of these things. And anyone who feels like they want to do. want to jump in and do it. We can do it. We can switch off. And yeah, we'll just take the auto tune mic. So the first thing I'd love to hear autotuned if anyone wants to do it.

Yeah. Is someone trying to explain why they cheated on you while still being the good guy. That's fucking sick. Hey, girl. Why do you have auto tune? I know you. Hold up girl let me explain i was having a 51 50 in the brain i saw this girl she was eating a burrito and she took the bikes real slow it got me all warmed up in my genital region and you know

if I don't cheat on you, I get resentful. So I'm really doing this for you. Yeah. So I don't bring that negative energy home to you. And when I busted a nut with her, I could come home to you and do it all over again but better because I last longer. Because I busted a nut. Can I leave now?

Yeah, why did you bring the girl here? Because I thought you would be good friend. She has ADHD like you. Yeah. You can talk about it. ADHD crew. And I was really hoping you'd become sister wives. It's my birthday.

This is Loki by gift. This is your. gift? This is my gift. This is low key my gift. I asked for an engagement. Locker canually, low cur canually, as they say.

Yes. Loaker can youily. I'm the one that knows that. A girl, low cur can you. Anyway, that was it. Wow.

That's so good. Yeah. Loaker can you. Loaker can you. What is low cur can. Okay. So it's, we are jolly care.

Yeah. So, so they started saying, on the internet, They started saying, is it low canually? Lo-key. Genuinely. Low-key, genuinely.

But then it became low-ker-kenuantly because everything, Charlie Kirk's name adds memeage to everything. So it means low-key. You said memeage, right? Yeah, memeage. Yeah, yeah. It adds low, it's low-key Charlie Kirk genuinely. Okay.

Perenthease Charlie Kirk, that part means nothing, but it makes it funnier. Okay. Yeah, because you're mentioning Charlie Kirk. My- Okay. Yeah. That's it. I learned that from my Gen Z brother and his girlfriend. Oh.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Wait, are we all millennials? We're cusp. We're like the youngest millennials, oldest Gen Z. We don't fit in anywhere and everyone hates us. Yeah, I'm 29.

I'm about 23 in a couple days. Does that freak you out? No, I'm actually fine with it. Well, everything freaks me out, but I'm fine with it. You are? You say that, but you're going to freak out. I've been freaking out for like years about everything. It's so true.

Yeah. Oh, how about this kind of fits it? I'll do this one. Oh, okay. Or actually, okay, should I just pitch another one? No, just go for it. So these are intrusive thoughts that I have on a daily basis. Oh, autotuned intrusive thoughts.

Wow, this is going to be an awesome song. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. These are my auto-tuned intrusive thoughts. Yeah, yeah. Well, I wake up early in the morning. Who have I hurt today already? Probably everyone.

My parents are in danger. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4. I have to check my email, but I'm not going to check my email. Do I have borderline personality disorder? Do I have autism? Let's do a really extensive quiz on that, so I'm late for work. Everybody is hurt by me all the time. I have to, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, am I in a alternate timeline?

I'm pretty sure that I'm in purgatory. I died in 2022, and ever since that, ever since that I've been in a coma or purgatory because the things that happen do not feel like they could possibly happen in real life, and I am making everything about me. Maybe I have narcissistic personality disorder. I should take a quiz. I should take a quiz. I should look up all the different types of plastic surgery that I cannot afford.

And then I should convince myself. I cannot go into public unless I get those plastic surgery things. Then I'm going to book a consultation at one in the morning. Are you going to go? No, I'm not going to go because I'm going to look up all the one-star reviews of the thing I just booked the consultation for so that I can give myself a panic attack so that I don't spend the money on that

so that I can actually just maybe go to sleep one of these days and one, two, three, four, I cannot find anything that I just put down. I just had it in my hand. These are also not only intrusive thoughts. These are just sort of all of the thoughts. Thank you for clarifying. Yeah, because sometimes people say

intrusive thoughts are like I should cut my hair I should get a smoothie and they're more like if I don't remind my parents that I love them we are gonna get nuked and it's all my fault and it's all my fault

Do you want to hear my great intrusive thought? Yes yes yes yes This is the one I always get Are you ready? If I have sexual feelings about a woman that means I want to fuck my mom Yeah. Yeah.

That's fantastic. Guys, I'm really... This is so fun. This is the funest thing I've ever experienced. Wow, I'm really proud of both of you. Thank you so much. And I want to just know what's the... You said one, two, three, four a lot.

Yeah, I always am saying. Are you like, did you dance in your lifetime? I don't know. I'm always counting to four. It's a OCD. It makes walking. Do you really say one, two, three, four a lot? Or is it just for the song?

It's either, no, it's either four or eight. And I, and I, when I'm walking... Four, six, eight. No, I go one, two, three, four, one, two, three, one, three, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, one two, three, four, one, two, three, there's Ariety. What you're explaining is kind of OCD. Yeah, like, when I'm walking, when I'm walking, I'll have a hard time sometimes walking and moving forward, unless I'm going like, one, two, three, four, unless I'm going, like, one, two, three, seven, five, six, seven, yeah, or five, six, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's something kind of funny about the idea of the overlap between musicality and OCD. And then sometimes when I need things to go faster, like when it's not fast enough, I go like, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, three.

Like, if I need to calm down because my brain's racing too fast and I'm like, it needs to be in a free count. But then if it's normal, I waltz vibes. I waltz when I'm panicking. Like, like, if I'm like, if I need to. Yeah. And then I'm like, then I'm like, okay, well, is that OCD or is that self-duding? Or am I the best dancer in the world who can't translate it into my physical movements because I can't dance in real life. Yeah.

Do you do a lot of those quizzes for real? All the time every night. Yeah. Do you do a lot of like tests and stuff? Yeah, I compulsively try to diagnose myself as things because it makes me feel like I have control over things I have no control over. And I also thought that I caused the writer's strike by being annoying. Yeah. No, you did.

Yeah. You did. Yeah, we got confirmation. No, no. It's interesting you say that because I try to avoid label. You know, I did my first orange theory class a couple of last week. Oh, how that? Was that lovely?

It was good. I crushed it. Okay, good. But they give you all these stats and like, you did this and did it do. And usually when I run, I just like run outside. Yeah. No, I hear where you go. And then I don't like keep, I mean, I'll be like, I ran this far.

No, it gets too intense. But like, yeah. When you start adding all these labels to yourself and this and that. Oh, you're in the this zone and you have this many calories. And if you just hear. Yeah. And it's like, you totally miss the plot. You're like, you just want to be healthy.

100%. Yeah. So you should just go for a run. Absolutely. Yeah. You shouldn't be like, you're not, if you're not competing. Yeah. For any sort of event, physical or noble orient.

We don't need to be doing this ourselves. You don't need to be like figuring out if you're this or that or whatever. And for me, I'm trying to find the line where, where it's like, okay, so I definitely have ADHD for sure. We all know that. It's diagnosed. When did you get diagnosed? Last year? Mm.

But, but I, but like part of, okay, so why I, first off, I think psychology is so interesting. But also like with. What's the psychology behind that? Well, like, okay, so we're like neuroscience and stuff. Yeah. It wasn't good. No, it was good. It wasn't good.

It was good. It wasn't good. No, because you were like, it's a genuine question. Like, let me answer it, you know? No, but there are certain things where it's like, you know, okay, ADHD comes with something called rejection sensitivity to sporea. Obviously, everyone hates being rejected. Everyone hates feeling microrejections. But sometimes your chemicals in your brain, if you have ADHD, like you feel rejection maybe when it isn't there.

You feel it like physical pain to an extent that's like maybe some people just feel like, oh, I didn't like that. that hurt my feelings, but you feel it like physical pain. And so like being able to categorize stuff like that and being like, oh, I think right now when I picked up this like micro interaction and I'm like feeling like I'm going to throw up and panic and I want to die, that's actually I can write it off as not real because it's this thing. Right. But then when you go into like, have you guys had this conversation before? Yeah. Yeah. This is all.

I just like pace around her and say this shit and she just like edits. No, no. I know. I know all this stuff. But yeah, like what if you can if if if categorizing and labeling makes it easier to write something off and and fix something and help you deal with something great, but it always goes too far. And that's the line is like you can't go too far and then be like, well, I am this thing or like this oversimplified. Yeah. So anyway. Yeah, I feel like if you get these late like certain labels, I think obviously yeah, people do have issues and things like that. But at a certain point it does become a hindrance because you limit yourself. Absolutely. Right. So like if I go to this orange theory class and they say, well, this is your max? And it's like, well, is it? Yeah. Is it because it says it? Or could I go further than that? If I really push myself. Because your mind is like really capable of amazing things. A hundred percent. So like if you say

I'm late all the time because of now that because of this thing, like then you'll always be late all the time. Yeah. Or you could be like, I'm going to be on time in spite of this thing. Yeah. Does that make, Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah. You could use a label to justify two different ways to behave. I can, yeah, I think, completely. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's, I think the biggest help with a label is just being like, okay, how can I, yeah, how can I manage this thing or, um, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have a couple other auto tune roulette ideas. Yeah, people want to do it. Okay. Um, let's see. Okay, would you rather do, and anyone can do this one? Yeah.

A post on Next Door? Yeah. Oh, boy. Or narration for a true crime docu series. Yeah. Post on Next door. Yeah, okay. Do you want to do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three coyotes spotted outside of my ring camera. They're trying to steal my UPS packages. I can't have that. It's my medication. I am freaking out. Someone get my medication. I found two lost cats in my trunk.

Somebody rescue them from my trunk. Whose child is this? Whose child is this? This child on my ring camera. Whose child is this? I just need someone part-time for some help in my garage, doing various things. I just need some help from a neighbor.

I'll pay you well in pretzels. Hey, I'm a little. newly single father looking for a wife for my newly single daughter can somebody help me please help me i am so alone anyone living in glendale wow hey did you guys here i've got a petition to sign it's for next year election can someone sign it please i'll be in front of ralphs all day oh please Wow. That was really good. Wow.

You know, what's really impressive about that, and this is what I like about the auto term, is because you're auto tune, you can't really sing out of key, like, we saw you really get into it. Yeah. Did you see her start doing the rap hands? I love that. I love that. That's what's important.

Run it back. Run it back in slow mo. Yeah. She was straight out like. Those are some next door rap hands. Like literally. Like there. La later.

La later. La little. So a big part of your shows is you go into the audience and you talk to the people who are in the audience with your auto tune. Yeah. And you sing to the people. Exactly. Do some crowd work with the people. Some gorgeous auto tune.

Perfect description. So I kind of thought we could do maybe a fictional run through of what one of your shows would be like. Oh yeah. And I made a PowerPoint presentation of who would be in the crowd. Wow. That's huge. And then you can kind of sing to them once you see them. Oh, okay.

So it's like these are the people in the crowd. Right. And you're like approaching them, what do you do? Right. Like you see this guy, what do you do? Yeah. So let's, can we pull up this slideshow? I love.

Everyone close your eyesy poos. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's really, really, really good. Okay. This is really good. Guys, this has been a very audio forward episode. But if at this point you are driving somehow or just listening, I would shift to YouTube.

Yeah. Because boy, oh boy, the very good. visuals are going to be great. I just saw sneak peek. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is kind of like how we start, right? La la la la la. You're at the show.

You're like, do you want me to do that? La la la la la, Morgan Jay. Welcome to the show. Gilly didly dole do. Let's see what we got in the crowd tonight. La la. And then can you sing click to add title? Oh my God.

We got curving in the crowd. We got that green pickle D. giving it to Miss Piggy. Oh, she's here, too. Can we get a little smooch? Can we get a little smooch for the camera, Miss Piggy? And then can we do some hand stuff? Yes.

Can we see you do them frog premium pumps? They can do a lot of hand stuff because that's their bottom half. Yes. Puppet joke. Okay, puppy joke. Puppet joke. Who else we got in a... Their kids are here.

You brought your babies. You brought your babies. Oh my God, the green one got Miss Piggy's nose. Oh my God, so you really hitting her all like that. You're busting inside her all, you little freaky big curmi. Oh my God, curmy. Like when you bust, you do like a running and jumpstart and you land inside of her and fucking busts. And I use my body.

Talking about the miracle of life here. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Women eating salads. Oh my God, they just came from brunch and hot yoga. They're all laughing. All right, which one of you? Who's the one we hate the most in the group?

Which girl do we hate the most? Is the one with her notes wrinkled on the top left? That was my take. We fucking hate you, Michelle. With your beautiful fiance in marriage, don't you have it all going on fuck you? She the only one who brought a real fork and everyone else brought plastic forks? Yeah, you think you better in us with your real fucking fork. Let's see what else we got going on there.

I see you trying to. Oh, it's Clippy. Clippy's in the crowd. Clippy's heckling. Hey, bro. I don't need your help. I got this. I'm a comedian.

I'm a comedian. Can I help? No, you can. But real talk. Where do you get your eyebrows done? Yeah. You get them done it like some women from Nepal do it. Because that's where I get mine done.

These lovely women from Nepal do it. Where do you do it? Oh, wait. I think Lippi's here with a lover. A bag of earthworms. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. What do you?

Something's going on with that, bro, because you could, like, put the earthworm on the tip. And you go fishing, you little freak. I see what you guys are all right now. Okay, bro. What do they do with the bag? How do you spell refrigerators? Tell me how you spell refrigerators,

because you're so good at, we're correcting me. Spell refrigerator. Spell it. Spell it. What were you saying? What were you saying? Oh, I was just saying the earthworms are in a bag,

and I wonder what they do with the bag when they're making love. What do you do with the bag when you're making love? Mr. Clippy, do you get your just the tippy? After you've had a little sippy, and you put just that tippy in the baggie. Are you nuts sex? Nuts. You're nuts.

Natsack. Sack. Yes. with a paper clipie. Oh my God, we have scurvy in the crowd. Oh, no. Oh, shit, hold up. Scurvy's in the house tonight.

Oh, shit, we got scurby in the house. Where the Kirby girls in the house. You like a man with scurvy. You like a real hella dirty. In the bedroom will somebody get my boy a little smooch on the lips. He might be missing a two. Dude, but Jim give him a kid. Nice.

Yeah. He probably also got syphilid. Nice. I know you like that. Do you want to tell the people in the crowd how they can know if they have scurvy? Oh, yeah. This is how you know you got scurvy. You open your mouth.

You check your gum. You check your gum. You got some soars. You got rumbles in your stuff. I'm probably need some food, need some more. Your feet are itching you. It's crazy that your gums and your feet have a connection. You are irritable.

Don't confuse that with other symptoms of a different. You got red blotches underneath your skin. Your hunger is always constant. You hella cranky. And also people do not like you. That seems like you. You are projected. That's the real symptom of scurvy.

You are projecting. Oh my God. I think scurvy is in the crowd with a lover. It's COVID-19. Whoa. That's an age gap relationship. Oh, my gosh. COVID-19 is also in the room with us real talk.

Yeah. Maybe it's okay. I don't, I don't scurvy and COVID-19 just not a baby. Clearly an age gap. But it's okay, I guess. I guess it's legal, I don't know. But like, then that's also its own thing, right? Love is love.

Love is love, I suppose. Yeah. How many diseases do you want tonight, girl? Because I got them all just come and play with my balls. Yeah, yeah. I shaved them, rape. Oh, my God, you really dance is shit, yeah. Who else do we have?

Oh, my God. You're clone. Oh, shit is me looking fine as fuck. It's you from another universe. Yeah. Oh, wait. You're saying I don't look like that? No, no, it's still you.

You're just also in the crowd. It's like crazy if there's also you in the crowd. We're in turgatory and we all died in 2022. Did you come from the future to tell me that the movie 28 days later is real and it's going to happen in a week or two so you better stock up on water. and toilet paper and also the straight of Hormuz will be closed so oil and gas will be expensive get an electric car get an electric car drive somewhere in the country really far also you should probably keep working out because you lost a little weight don't be mean to yourself that's my

Oh, I think he's here with someone. I think he brought someone. It's a bag of burrower. Is that infidelity? How could you cheat? How could you do Mr. Paperclip dirty? Now you fucking is bag of worms. Belokia kind of feels like a pussy.

Yeah. When you put your pee-pee inside of it. That's true. That got weird. I'm sorry. No, that just got factual. That got factual. Sorry.

Wow. Sorry that about some factual, you guys. If you guys were upset, I have factual that was. If I could give myself, if I could give myself a grade on that, I'd probably give myself like a C plus. No, I think that what we got out of that was the real fact that if you put your dick inside of a bag of earthworms, it'll feel the same as a vagina. You guys see where I'm going with that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear that.

I think we're still in the blue sky phase. Just for the record, I've never done that. I've never done that. You know, when you go- Does there any thoughts you want to clear up? You don't have every disease? I don't have every disease. You know, when you're a kid and it's Halloween time and you go to like a kid's house and they go like, go into my garage, my mom set something up. Yeah. And you go in there and then it's just a woman sobbing. It's a woman sobbing. Taking her pills. She's like, kill me. Kill me. No, and it's like a bunch of like buckets of things and you have to close your eyes and feel inside. But they're all spaghetti. They're all spaghetti. Yeah. Oh, that's ever happened to me. Yeah. You got to come to a kid's Halloween party. Yeah, why are you not doing this shit at kids' Halloween parties? I stopped doing kids parties a long time ago.

Did you do kids parties with this? Did you ever see what that was like? No, no, no. I did, I like sing on a guitar and I say. Oh, cute. Can you do a bit for a kid's birthday party? I used to be, or will that go wrong so quickly? Well, the bit that I do on stage is I'm like a retired R&B singer and then I do like the kid's

songs and then I make them too horny so you can kind of. Oh my God, that's amazing. That's really funny. I'd be like, yo, hey. Yeah. My name's Jacob. I'm turning four. Fuck.

Check it out, Jacob. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. I got your mom in the back of my car. Up above the world's so high. I'm hitting a deep right between her thighs. Happy birthday. Timmy? Jacob.

Happy fourth birthday to Jacob What a strong boy I know you're going through a divorce I'm like I'm here a lot But it's just that your mom got that gushy-dushy Okay I put my left nut in I take my left nut out

I took my right nut in And I stroked that shit out Your mom, she'd give me shlopy topy And then I bust in her mouth And that's what it's all about I think I just want to watch cocoa melon Yeah Let me tell you another one

I think you like it Okay Here we go go yeah okay uh uh mommy shark do do do do do she swallow my fish daddy shark too mommy shart like like mommy sharted during the sexual experience and i got really excited yeah i've ever been having butt sex and then duki comes out no but that did happen to a girl at our high school and she transferred she had to transfer yeah which is so shitty because it's sorry. I didn't mean. But like if I also kind of like did that even happen or is that just a

rumor? Because that's such a rumor. Because she can't really defend herself. Yeah. She's probably Oh you know she left. That probably didn't happen. It's probably traumatizing for her. Yeah. I'm sorry girl. I'm sorry girl. I'm sorry girl. I kind of want to. We started the room. Yeah. We just started the right now. We just started it right now. It was us the whole time girl. You're doing you're doing all kinds of sold out show shit. Yeah. We're doing the Greek theater twice here in L.A. That's two shows with the Greek theater. 11,000 tickets.

Holy fucking shit. Yeah, first show sold out in like three hours. That is insane. Wow. Pre-sell, baby. And I guess the question is like, how does it feel? Well, how does it feel? I'm also thinking like those, the people who get the closest seats to the stage.

Oh, yeah. They must be losing their fucking shit. Yeah, you want to hear something interesting about my shows. Yeah. The pattern in which I sell tickets is different than any other comic. Yeah. I buy that. So most times when you buy tickets to anything, it like starts in the front center and then goes out.

All of my tickets are aisles. Yeah. And front row seats first because people want to be a part of the show. Are those the most expensive tickets, I assume? No. Interesting. Because they're just a regular. But now you're making me think like.

They should be. No, they are. Yeah. You should up it. You should up the price for any seat. Because you're, you might be. Then again, I'm literally going to run by you. Yeah.

I am anti-capitalist, so I shouldn't have even said that. No. I do do my best to keep my tickets kind of low because I know that people are kind of struggling. So I try not to raise them too much. Also, Live Nation just got found guilty of being a monopoly. So I don't know how that's going to affect things. Yeah. Well.

Because I've always been annoyed by like all of you fuck. The pride. I feel bad about the surcharges. No. And it's like not even. It's on your control and it's like those things. Yeah. It's crazy.

I bought a concert ticket for like under $300 right when it went on sale. It is now. like worth $6,000. For who? Or Ariana Grande. Yeah. And I will not be selling it. Really?

I want to see her. 6,000. I love her. What the fuck? I didn't spend 6,000. I would sell that. I would sell that. Totally.

But the thing is you guys. But you don't have to. I can't because it's going to be a memory with my friends. And that and what and that's priceless. And that's priceless. No. On some real shit. Yeah.

Yeah. It is. On some real shit. Like I'm going to be with two of my closest friends. It's going to be so fun. Is she doing? My hope is she does some wicked. You know the show is going to be good.

It's going to be so good because she's her. She already took the last album on tour, so it's, or did she? No, I don't think about her. So she's going to, okay. What do you think about her breaking up marriages and relationships? Oh my gosh. I don't know her, but I think she is the voice of an angel. Yes.

If you and I were married. Yeah. And let's say we were married 10 years. We have two kids. Yeah. And I meet Ariana Grande. What are the kids names? Isabel and Gunkus.

And Gunkus. Oh, those are beautiful names. A beautiful name for a girl. Yeah. Gunkus. Now, wait, is she in that movie? She's in the new Fawker-in-law. Yep.

I audition for that. Me too. Really? I did. Yeah. I forgot what role, but I auditioned for like the sister who's like, I don't know. It was like ancillary role. Oh, that's so crazy.

I never get these auditions. I only get auditions for a Midwestern bridesmaid. Fuck. She ate, look at this look down, sis. Wow. She makes the face for every character. Let me tell you. She's really talented.

She's got the voice of an angel. If you guys were married for 10 years. Oh, yeah. Sorry. And Gunkus and Isabelle. And me and her were acting in a show together. Yeah. And we fell in love.

Fell in love. Like, how would you feel about that? I mean, I'd probably be sad, but I'd also be like, oh. I'm still not selling my tickets. No, I'd be like I'm not selling my ticket. Well, yeah. My immediate thought goes to do Gunkus and Isabel get free tickets now? Yeah.

Yeah. Like that's what makes it right. Yeah. How about this? What if then later she and I break up? Would you take me back? No. No.

But because I think I would just be like, okay, that's cool. And now I know the vibe, which is like, what if I was like, babe, Ariana Grande Wondo wants to fuck me? Ariana Grande. And it's actually not like Ariana Grande. Yeah, it's Ariana Grande. All right. She's a different person.

I leave you for a completely different person. Some telemarketing. Babe, I'm leave you for Ariana Grande. And I really thought it was the regular one, but it's not. So you leave me for Ariana Grande. Well, now the scenario doesn't work, but it's okay. For regular Ariana Grande. But if I leave you for regular art, but if I come to you beforehand and I go, babe, let's house of cards this.

Okay. Let me get a bunch of publicity. Okay. So basically we're like a unit. We're like trying to make it to the top, ruthlessness. Okay. I said, let me fuck Ariana Grande for like six months, get all the publicity. And then I know we're not going to last and then I will come back to the family.

But it will make my career better and will make more money. Right. I would say no, you're sociopath. Okay, because I was going to say, I was going to say like the real me. Yeah. No. But if we're going, if we're, if we're locking in sociopath style, my thing I would say is, well, then after you do that, I need to be able to do the same thing.

Yeah. With someone of my choice. Sure. No, that's always an option. This is locking in sociopath style. Okay, no. This is always an option. This is, I already told you, I'm very bad at lying.

It's not a thing I'm good at. And so I would literally just be. like dissociating. Is that anything? I don't know, but I would literally just be like, no, you're going to be lying to her. And then we can't do lies. That can't be our thing is lies. Yeah. I told people I shit my pants when I had originally said I threw up. Yeah. We're not a lying household. No, we don't know this. Well, that's why we're, that's why I'm not lying about I'm telling you about it. No, but you'd be lying to her and that's a reflection on us. Well, she's probably lying to me too. No. I just trust no one. I, I'm me too, but it sucks.

I give everybody the benefit of the doubt No, I don't think you should do that Was that your plan is to go try to find her for your career? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. No, the plan would have to be finding someone to marry for 10 years then finding her. Right, right. The scheme from the whole.

Right, right. Yeah. It's a long scheme. It's a long con. The best cons are long. The best cons are long. Yeah. Is that anything?

It's nothing. I don't think it's anything. Wait, can I be vulnerable? You guys are so silly. Can I use your auto tune? Oh my gosh. This might, we might actually have to cut this. Yeah, but it is so funny that I kind of have to say it.

And I do want to do it on auto chip. Go for it. I have a confession. What is it? Okay. This is so. funny that I was like, I want to say this, but also, literally we might have to cut it and that's okay. Do you remember?

Oh, I remember. Years and years and years ago. We were sliding and we were messaging, bro. Years and years and years ago. That's so funny. I probably could find it. Was it? No, no, no.

If we just cut out a bunch of shit, it's on the Patreon. Yeah. You have two shows at the Greek theater. I think that is so cool. What are the dates? September 12th, September 17th. Okay, almost. September 11th, but not quite.

Not quite. Morganj.com for all tour dates. Yeah. I am moving into a new home. And I'm going to be building a little studio. And I'll be live streaming, so check me out there. And all that sort of stuff, you know. That's so fun.

You guys should live stream. You guys would do great live streaming. I would have fun. I mean, I like live streaming. It's got to put some cattyers on and you'll be making a bazillion dollars. Yeah, just start. Yeah, just start. Cat ears.

Yeah, it's like, it's like wedgies. Play the Sims. I love the Sims. I would. Sim Girlies. My favorite thing to do is to make a bunch of people who are all like gray, like their skin is gray, their hair is gray, and then drown them in a pool. Yeah.

Wow. Thank you guys so much for being here. Yeah. We've had so much fun. Such a blast. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being here. We've loved it so much.

And make sure you drown a bunch of gray people in a pool. Guys, this has been a blast. Where can the people find you if they don't know where? Morgan, J. Yay. And find us on Patreon. If not, absolutely no worry. Do your thing.

I don't care. We will see you next Tuesday, free spring. Oh, is that what you do? Wait, is it frozen for real? Are you still rolling?