Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Brennan Lee Mulligan Took Our D&D Virginity!

Episode Date: October 14, 2025

Comedian and new Critical Role DM Brennan Lee Mulligan is on the big bad podcast for you this week! To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/talk. Go to https://HelloFresh.com/TALK10FM now to Get 10 Free Meals + a Free Item for Life! Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Chapters 00:24 | Intro 00:38 | Welcome Brennan Lee Mulligan! 03:29 | Speed Reminiscing 11:34 | Inside Jokes 15:05 | American Girl Doll Shoes 21:02 | I’ll Show You A Type of Shoe, You Tell Me The American Girl Doll That Would Wear That Type Of Shoe 48:08 | D&D with Brennan This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And they used that in Dune. Yes. Yes. That's crazy. It's crazy. We were uncredited. I know. I know.

To me. Twisted. Ten bucks. Seriously. I would have taken anything. That podcast for you. It's Sid and Olivia Talk. I'm the Sid one.

I'm the Olivia one. Today we have a very special other one. Oh, guys. I'm blowing up inside because of this other one. And I'm blowing up outside. So together we make one explosion. Yeah, okay, that was really good. Ooh!

$15 Amazon. Now what we have here is a full post-rig camera equipment, but what we have is a order from Amazon sound effect box that is played analog into your microphone. Yeah, no, people have complained. Yeah. Yeah, she just brought it one day. What could that be?

T-Rex glass falling downstairs? I think that's plates falling downstairs. plates falling downstairs. And when I tell you, I'm starting to memorize the place. That's awesome. Once you get too good at it, you're going to have to get a different one. So true. Actually, send me a new one.

Who was the one? Was it Bobby Moynihan who said there was an office related one? Yes. He said there was one that was like, I'm at the office and they're all just like, chiching? I mean, you have a chiching. How could I not? Oh, boy.

Just introduce you actually. Yeah, actually, it's time to stop talking and introduce you. You know I'm from Dropout. You know him from recently critical role. Wow. Huge. From college humor of the past. It's Brendan.

Thanks for having me. Oh, my God. Delighted to be here. Thank you. This is delightful. We are so happy to have you. Yeah. We all should have known each other for a very long time, I think.

I think, you know, we've known each other since we're 14, 15. And I feel like that should be the same for us. Why haven't we known you since you were 1415? Yeah. Well, that's a great question. I would say my improv pedigree is a little bit different. I was learning improvisation through the auspice of pretending to be a wizard in the dark woods for four to eight to sometimes 40 hours a row.

That's truly everything. Was that by yourself? Was that by yourself or was that in D&D? That is a troubled child we're describing. I was going to be like, yeah, I used to pretend to be a farmer when I was alone as a child. I didn't have to be a farmer now every day on my phone. You just. Every day I feed my virtual animals.

I got to start. I got to start pretending to be a farmer in the backyard. It's fucking sick. Isn't it crazy the games that are created that you're like, you're like, God, this yield of crops are coming in? And you're like, why are we recreating something from a different walk? We were like, as a society tried to get away. Playing Caesar and being like, my aqueducts are leaking.

And you're like, that's not crazy. That's nothing. No, this morning before I was like getting ready to come here. I fully was on my farm and had to out. loud say to myself, it's not real. Oh, wow. So that I would put it down. Wow, that's really good. I got to make these jams. Yeah, you have to. Yes. So because we should have all known each other for so long and we should all be old friends. Like, that's the vibe. That's the energy. We're going to do a segment called Speed running. Play music. Cut the music. Wow, this is speed reminiscing. We're just going to share

all of our favorite memories with each other, all of our favorite facts about each other. All of our favorite memories together from our many years together. Yeah, I think that like, um, let's just like get into it and talk about all of the things we remember with one and other. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. You want to sound us off with a, with some sort of. Okay. All right. A gunshot. Okay. Okay. What's your favorite memory of us from all of us from high school? Oh, my God. Obviously has to be when the vase dance. The vase dance? The vice dance. The vice. The vice dance. The vice dance.

The vice dance. Where the girls ask the guy. And we stood on each other's shoulders in a trench coat. And we both asked you. Wow. And I said, this is great because in this memory, I actually went to high school. Yes. You said that.

You said that. You said that. In high school. You said, this is great because in this memory, I actually went to high school. And you were like, is that yes or no? Is that yes or no? And then you, I remember you were like, wait, you're referring to this present moment as a memory.

And then I was like, I aged backwards through time like Merlin. And I always thought that that was such a cool way for us to discover that. And also I was a little bit upset during that time about having to be the crotch of the person in the trench coat. But I really just like throughout Vice and the dance that we went to, I leaned into it. And you aged backwards a whole year that night. Yeah, it was cool. And like, I will say like one of my favorite movies from that night is you owed me. so much money. Oh my God. Oh my God. Thousands.

Yeah. Oh my God. To this day. Yeah. Thousands of dollars. Yeah. I am what is called, I don't know if there's a technical term for this, but it's a financial criminal. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. That makes it make more sense. That might be the technical term for it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't want you to feel like that was pointedly at you. No, no. It felt personal, but I'm really glad to. No, I think it's really nice to air this out right now. I cast a broad net. I stole from basically everyone. Oh, so I'm not special. Is it, um, is it, um, so I'm not special. Is it, is it personal that you didn't steal from me. Yes. That's kind of shitty.

Is it because I'm so poor? Yeah, I took one look. I peeped over your shoulder at an ATM and I went, yes. Yikes. Wow. That actually reminds me of another memory. Oh, my God.

I love the memory you're about to say. You know peeping. Oh, peeping, Tom's. We used to be such three peeping Tombs. Why look when you can peep? Why look? When you can. And that was our.

slogan. That was our slogan? Yeah, we made shirts. We made shirts. And those shirts got us all arrested quickly. Exactly. You know, what's so crazy is that when you wear the shirts while you're doing the peeping, it is, it counts as a confession. Yeah, it is admissible as evidence in a court of law. Yeah, for sure. It is also, like, it wasn't very smart of us to make them in the dark shirts and then do it at night. It really just like, yeah, like those vests you wear when you're riding a bike at night. I followed the logic because we said, we said we're only going to be wearing them at night. If they're not glow in the dark, we might as well not make them. And we're were so attached to the design at that point. Yeah. So true.

Well, I said, I remember saying if they're not glow in the dark, we might as well off ourselves. And then you guys went, what the fuck? Stop. That's too far. That's too far. And then I did actually talk to your family. You did?

Yes. And that reminds me of another amazing memory. The time we talked to your family. To my family, the time you guys all talked to my family. The time we had an intervention with your family. Yes. Yes. What are you doing here with Olivia?

Because she keeps threatening to offer herself. Yeah. She keeps threatening to off her. off herself for the tiniest things. Also, when we found out your family was completely loaded. Yeah. Yeah. Why is she so poor and you guys are so rich?

Yeah. And yeah, they made me sleep in the, what is it? The tent thing I had. Right, the tent under the stairs. The tent under the stairs. Yeah. Yeah. I remember it well.

You know what else? I remember from that day when we visited your family. Yeah. You owing me so much money. Oh my gosh. Well, I stole from you. We covered this. I know, but like, still owe me so much money.

Yeah, for sure. In a sense, I owe you a debt that can never be repaid. Oh, yeah, that's beautiful. Because I don't intend to repay. Oh, got it. That will never be rewritten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, we'll never.

We'll never. You know, my other favorite thing was our chant we used to do. Oh, I love that chant at the beginning of every morning of high school. We all say, you all. Your life is your. And they used that in Dune. Yes, yes. That's crazy. It's crazy. We were uncredited. I know, I know. DeMe.

Twisted, 10 bucks. Seriously, I would have taken anything. I'd take anything. I would have taken no money in a credit. Let me meet Shalame. I know. I would have taken a quick meeting with Shalema. Get me court side at the Knicks game. Come on. Very easy things that we're asking for. But instead, they all stole money from me. Yeah, they did. And the entire cast of Dune owes me $50,000. Okay, that's not a crazy.

amount of money, though. For the end, oh, each, never mind. When you say cast, do you mean named characters or do you mean like extras? Do you mean like above the line? No, below above. Below and above. Everyone below the line. So at one point, you must have had, I don't know, billions of dollars. Yeah. Yeah. For, because that's hundreds and hundreds of people each taking $50,000. And all of the CGI characters. Yeah. See, you used to throw up gold bars and we all thought she was bulimic in high school. And then you guys, and then you guys had that. intervention with my family. We had that intervention with Fid's family and we were like, we think she's bulimic and they were like, oh, no, no, no, no, don't worry. She's throwing up gold bars.

We made her this way. And then we found out your family, poor as hell. Poorest family. Poorest family. Thank you guys for recognizing that. And you just are throwing up those old bars and not giving them. I'm like the goose from the fairy tale. Yes, yes. Constantly vomiting gold bars. And you're right in the middle. Your family is normal. Normal and you are normal. Yeah, I'm normal. I'm a normal. I'm a normal. I'm a normal. I'm a normal. financial criminal. Yeah, you're just aging backwards, committing crimes. Aging backwards, committing crimes, making up chance, having those chance stolen as an intellectual property. You're stealing a lot of money, but you're spending at the rate where you are at a pretty normal level. Yes. It's irresponsible how much I'm

stealing, but it's extremely responsible how much I'm diversifying my portfolio. I'm in a bunch of green index funds, which I recommend. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Absolutely. That's actually really nice. They follow the market. And, you know, the way I feel about it is if you're not investing, in green energy, like, what's the point of having a stock portfolio if we're not addressing climate change? What's the point of being a thief if you're not investing it in green energy? You might as well, because then you're kind of Robin Hooding it. Well, you're Robin Hooding it.

And that's I think, and we used to Robin Hood stuff all the time when we were in college. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Steal from everybody give to Green Index. We would Robin Hood people's spouses. Yes. We would take someone's spouse from someone who didn't deserve it and give the spouse to someone

else who did. No one liked it. No one liked it. And the spouses, most of all, they said, this isn't respectful of me. And we said, if you made good choices, would you have been in that situation? And they said, I like my situation. I actually like being married to this person. And we said, you know, you're not in charge.

Yeah, road to hell. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. They really didn't like it. But ultimately, you're going to get criticized for trying to help no matter what. So steal from everybody and change their spouses.

Oh, you guys, that's such a good message to end this on. I really, we're the episodes over. No. Okay. Bye, guys. It's over. No. No, this is a great message to end this segment.

Yeah. And you guys, I really feel much closer to both of you. Oh, yeah. I definitely, I definitely feel like we've all really, like, bonded. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We have so much history. Yeah.

So much. Well, that was a segment called speed reminiscing. Play music. Cut the music. Can you explain something to us really quickly? I'll do my best. Okay. You recently.

Yeah. put out a video saying you were leaving dropout. Oh, yeah. This was a great bit. Thank you. Unless it's not a bit. Well, you know, this was actually an incredible pitch from Vic McAiless for an episode. We love Vic from an episode of Game Changer.

So the premise of this episode called Fools Gold was basically different comedians pitching videos they thought would go the most viral. Right. Right. Vick's pitch was a video announcement of me leaving dropout to announce that I was instead pursuing artisanal handcrafted American girl doll shoe. And boy howdy, the reach on that one, I had family members texting me. Yeah, because people only watch the first, like, second or they believe you? Well, I think that what it was is everyone who watched the video, I hope, I hope, got it.

I think I'd call Daniel DeLewis the most overrated actor of all time in it. Like, I'm insane. I'm truly insane in the video. But the issue is anything that we do on Dropout becomes a, Dropout has an ability to take things that are published show business content and invite its audience to engage with them like it's an inside joke. Right. So it's not the video.

It's the ripple of comments referencing the video where people, People are playing along with the jokes super deadpan in a written comment. And then other people believe them. So people in comment sections and on micro blogging sites are seeing people go like, yeah, well Brennan left dropout. And they don't see the invisible L.O.L. Yeah. Because people are trying to be as deadpan as the original video.

Yeah. But they're doing it over text as people that seem to be commenting on public events. So there you go. That's a really good analysis. It's like a huge parisocial inside joke. Yeah. Which I love. I love a huge pair of social inside job.

It's actually, to me, I think it's the best part of the internet. Oh, yeah. We all agree that like something is a bit. Like when Trump posted the cofefefe thing and everyone was like, I'm in on the bit. We're all doing a bit about cofefefe. I was like, great. This is what the internet is meant for. Well, it's like, it's like that feeling when you're in school and like your friends and you all have like an inside joke.

And it is the funniest. Inside jokes, I think, make you laugh more than anything else because it ends up being a bit on a bit on a bit. And if you tried to explain it to someone who didn't understand, it would be too hard. Yeah. But I think the internet has co-opted that. And I kind of like that. Like, I like that there's just bits on bits on bits now. And it's like, oh, I don't know how to explain this at all.

It's also, I think, about making community. Like, the inside jokes you share aren't just your sense of humor. They're also a part of your identity. Totally. Like, you know, I think my dad and I will often, like, one of our favorite bonding activities is one of us will just initiate a quote from the Big Labelabash. And it'll go like 12 quotes back and forth. And that's the whole interaction.

We don't end being like also how are you doing. That's the interaction. That's it. That's it. And through that, what you're saying is, I love you. I love you. I love you and I see you. We share this movie.

We share it as part of our identity. We are fans of this movie. So I think that is part of the inside joke as well. It's like, yes, this makes me laugh. But also I'm finding my people. Right. Right. So here's a question.

Do you know anything about American Girl? Or was that just a random? I fucked up one of the main name. of the American girls right away. Right in the video. Really? Which one? Josefina.

I just saw that Jay and I said Josephina. Yeah, yeah. Well, listen, it happens. You know, the holidays really sneak up on you. They really do. Like a spooky, scary villain. Yeah, you'll just be living a normal life and then one day it's a holiday.

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Free meals apply to his discount on first box. New subscribers only. Various by plan. That's Hellofresh.com slash Talk 10 FM for 10 free meals and one free item for life. Um, uh, okay, so then, uh, Brennan, do you remember this part of your American Girl doll video? You name a shoe. I'll show you an American Girl doll. shoe, that's the type of shoe that is the shoe you said.

So really quickly, what does that mean? Let's go through it. Actually, this is great. So I worked for many years as a teacher. So I love to break things down and make them bite-size. This is great. So here we go. Let's take this.

You name a shoe. I'll show you an American girl doll. Pause? Okay, pause. Okay. So you've named a type of shoe. Yes. I am showing you a type of American girl doll shoe.

Keep playing? That's the type of shoe that is the shoe. Stop. So. Oh, I now have the American Girl doll shoe. Right. Right. That is, so you named a type of shoe.

Like he. I'm showing you an American Girl doll shoe that is the type of shoe, which type? Play the rest of the video. You said. That is the shoe you said. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. So what is, what's happening here is basically someone, a worse speaker than myself could have said. Yeah. Right. A worse speaker than myself could have said. Right. If you name a type of shoe, I'll show you that shoe.

as an American Girl doll shoe. Right. What I did is I said shoe one extra time than what I just did and said it in a way that was way better. Can you repeat what you said there right now, verbatim? You name a type of shoe and I'll show you an American Girl doll shoe

that is the type of shoe that is the shoe that you said. Test it. You name a shoe. I'll show you an American Girl doll. Shoe. That's the type of shoe that is the shoe you said. Sounds identical to me.

Let's go. Bonus point. I got an amber alert during that. Perfect. Who's missing? Me! Josefina. Oh, no, it's Hosefina.

She's missing. So, okay. So basically what my interpretation from this one, and apparently it was wrong. Yeah, and that's okay. And that's beautiful. And actually, that's beautiful. Actually, it's beautiful to be wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't know what to be wrong. Yes. Which is, I thought you were saying, show me a shoe, and I'll tell you which American girl doll would be the owner of that shoe. Wow.

Okay. So we made a game based on that. Great. Which is not what you said. No. And also doesn't matter. Yeah. But I agree.

I think what I said was clear as crystal and was the right way to say that. But that doesn't mean that we can't expand the boundaries. It doesn't mean that we can't be flexible. It doesn't mean that we can't have fun. So true. So let's call this game. I'll show you a. type of shoe. You tell me the American

Girl doll that would wear that type of shoe. Music. Great. Copy music! Now, Bren, with your vast knowledge of American Girl dolls. And I will say, Sid and I wrote for American Girl Doll for years. Really? So... When you say wrote for, do you mean wrote copy for the official dolls? Or... Wrote copy for their TikTok. We wrote their TikTok videos.

Great. So when you see all of the American Girl Doll videos where they're like stop motion dolls. Yeah. And they're just, and they're like, this Is my outfit. Awesome. That's like draft 15 of something we wrote. So it's fair to say that you guys are extremely familiar with the lore. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Which is why we really felt that this was necessary. Yeah, we should probably test you on this. Not only are we familiar in that way. I did my 16th birthday. Oh, my God. Yes. Too old.

Some might say that's too old. Far too old. Some might say that's too old, right? Not I. Not I. Not I. Not I. I was there on purpose.

with my doll who looks like me. Yes. Now, this is a green burkenstock. Which American girl doll would wear this? Now. Now, if you don't remember their names, you can go by what disaster they were. What American historical disaster? No, no, I'm going to give you the name.

And listen, I'm not having a real panic attack. No, right. Not at all. Yeah. I don't sense that. This shoe belongs to Portney. Yep, yep. I love Portney.

And what is Portnys? What is Portnys then? Well, she died on the Lusitania. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. I hate that for Portnian. I hate that for Portnese.

And what was like her little pet and what was her hobby and what was happening with her parents? Well, she had Nguana named Skip. Of course. And her parents, Milo. Yep. And. Oh, her parents are named?

Yeah, that's rare. That's so rare. Oh. Usually it's like Courtney's mom and dad. We're named because we open her story on all the coffins. Oh, that's so porty. And they had to write their names on the outside because they died at sea. Yeah.

What was the other question? Pet? Hobby. Hobby. She loved chasing lizards. Oh, and she had a guana. And she got one. But she died.

These are great shoes for her. And why is that? Well, one of the rules on the Lucitania was no close-toeat shoes. No close-toe shoes here. No close-toed shoes. And you'll often see rules. You'll often see rules about only close-toed shoes, right? I was a camp counselor for many years.

we had a lot of only closed-toed shoes. Rare to see only open-toed shoes, especially on a ship. Yeah, 100%. But I think they knew that there would be water splashing here and there, and they didn't want people to be all sloshy. Yeah. They didn't want to get socks wet.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it was just like, you know, for the benefit of everyone aboard. Trenchfoot was a huge problem. Really? Yeah, absolutely. All right, well, that was correct. So good job.

You actually did perfect. Thank you. You want to do the next shoe? Yeah, next shoe. these for the listener these are a pair of basketball crux and these are only available in children's sizes if you are interested

Wow So Who who's shoe Which American Girl mom is this quote? I mean you clearly know You obviously know obviously these shoes Well I don't even have to guess because these are so obviously Yeah Clody

And what disaster is Clody link to? How doesastress Clotie from? Um The as well she from the Iran hostage crisis. Oh, right, right, Chloe, from the hostage crisis. Yes. And she loves basketball. She loves basketball.

She loves basketball. Her parents are getting a divorce. Divorce. Not, but she can lean on basketball and her pet. Nguana. Oh, sorry. She had nothing from the hostage. Her imaginary pet.

Her imaginary pet. She had a pet iguana before. Yeah. They all have a pet, Yeah, they all do really. But she had a petaguana and obviously like she can't be near it anymore, which is pretty depressing. Oh, it's super depressing, but it's okay because it is, and I'm going to get flack for saying this. I'm going to get, people are going to get pissed.

It is just an iguana. It's not like a dog or a cat or a hamster or a guinea pig. Yeah. Okay, am I weird about like reptiles? Do I think they have less of a soul? I don't know. This is a question I have to ask myself now because it seems like it based on, what I'm saying, but now I really have to think deep. Reptiles have souls. For sure.

I feel like a frog does for sure, too, so why can't a gecko? They, for sure, oh my God, I knew a girl in fourth grade who put a gecko in the microwave and it exploded. Okay, so I'm upset by that, which means it has a soul. I know a girl. I'm devastated by that. I knew a girl named Bernadette. Okay, in fourth grade. That's a lie. Fuck you. No, it's not. I know. I have a swear to God. Bernadette is cringing. Nothing like having a minor detail questioned in its truthfulness to make you go truly apoplectic. Oh, I know.

Yeah, I was about to lose my kid. No, a girl named Bernadette in fourth grade. She had two crazy pet stories. One, she had a gecko. And she was like, it looked cold. And she put it in the microwave. Bernadette, no. Warmed it in the microwave.

And it exploded. Disgusting. Awful. Awful. Gecko has soul. Go to hell. Go to hell. Go to hell.

Go to heaven. She saw Finding Nemo. She had a fish, and she flushed it to be with its family. Oh, my God. Bernadette, you have to stop. Bernadette can't have pets anymore. I do think some of that's on Finding Nemo. I do think that some of that.

Okay, right. Listen, I'm a guy who's watching Finding Nemo a lot these days. Every night. Alone. Studying, waiting, preparing. Rubbing my hands together and what to put down the toilet next. One day when I am a fish. He, what, looking at,

at Finding Nemo. The plan to go down the toilet, they never like get into like, hey, by the way, that's a bad idea. There is a water treatment plant. We don't just send this out into the ocean. Yeah. No, it jumps the shark, which I didn't. It's not a pun because, guys, it's a real phrase. They do jump the shark.

But at the same time, I mean, Finding Nemo offers a lot of information that's not necessarily true, number one, fish talk. Okay, that's really a good way. So I guess we're also, you know. Also, number two, dadfish are hot. Right. It's not necessarily true. Do you think Marlin comes across as attractive? Marlin is my Hear Me Out for sure.

Okay, I love that. Is it just because he's so responsible? He's so responsible. He's so nervous. He cares so much. We'll get back into the shoes. Okay. Oh, these are heelies that are black and red, kind of like black widow.

Black widow healy. Yeah. And this, this, uh, belongs to one of my favorite American girl dolls. And of course, you know her name. Yes. And it is... Scrocia.

Scrocia. Scrocia loves her at Healy's. They make her go so fast. Oh, my God. Scrocia loves her helies. Because they let her escape the... Um... She...

The molasses flood. The molasses flood. She wheelied right on out of there. She wheeled out. And that's hard because if you get molasses in your healy, you're not going to be able to... to Healy, but molasses is slower than Healy's, and that's the point of her story, right? I love that that's the message of her story. And they say it over and over and over again.

She has a rabbit named Ocean Gate. Ocean Gate. Ocean Gate. A rabbit named Ocean Gate. Yeah, but she's not the Ocean Gate doll. She's the Great Boston Mlasis Flood doll. She's the Great Boston Malesces Flood. Which, by the way, real historical event, the molasses flood the the the and really upsetting because you hear it and you're like that's gotta have been crazy and then you read accounts of it and you're like did people die so many people no way no they drowned in molasses well even if melancholy think about how thick and viscous molasses it's boiling hot when it comes out and then if it gets you up to even the middle of your shin it's so thick and it's set so quickly that you're you die you just can't move oh my god so you're just stuck and then you die

I believe that that was the... I hate that. Oh, that's like, that's like, um, new fear unlocked. It's like, it's like new fear on life. There are certain ways that people... I'm so glad she had Healy's now. So much she had Heels. There are certain ways that people die where the part that makes it horrifying is how funny it is.

Does that make sense? That's fair. That's fair. Where you're like, oh, I'm dying in a way that is so ridiculous that I won't die with dignity. It's so absurd. It's so fucked up. It's so like, are you joking that it's like... One of the, one of the original founders or inventors, I think of

the Segway passed away by accidentally taking their segue over a cliff. Oh my God. See. And literally my heart goes out to their family. That's horrifying. But there is no way to imagine a segue. Going off a cliff and not being like, dang, this is in a like Will Ferrell movie. Yeah.

Oh, my God. That's like so Looney Tunes. Yeah, it really is. They don't go that fast. No, they don't. Well, if you guys had to have a Super Looney Tunes death, where would it be? It's probably going to happen. I would like to draw a big chalk door.

Yeah, like the chalk zone. Yeah, and try to run through it and not be able to. Okay. Yeah, I love that. I would like a piano to fall in my head, and my head pops out the top, and the piano keys are coming out of my mouth. Even though I went through the middle of the piano. Yeah.

How did the keys get in? How did that happen? We don't know. I think I'd like to be watching a very sexy woman perform, and my eyes pulled out of my head, and my tongue to come out and a bunch of smoke to come out of my ears. Yeah, because you know you can't survive that. And then Kaiser Permanente to go, like, we don't know what happened here.

So sorry. You can't survive. It only happens the one way. You can't pop them back in afterwards. They are stuck out afterward because I'm like, too sexy. I'm like, Jumbos clown room crazy. And then, you know, all of my body parts are coming out and everyone's upset. Mallet, mallet, mallet.

And so a doctor's being like, yeah, she died right away. She hit herself in the head with a mallet three times as hard as she could. Yeah. And that poor, like, burlesque performer will feel so good. So, so guilty for the rest of your life. You feel so bad for it. Yeah, absolutely. But I feel pretty good for me for getting to see those bazongos before I hit the bucket.

That needs a sound effect. You said a different one. Oh, that's really good that you said a different one and it was the gun again. Yeah, no, it's good because the gun is really truly the fastest one, which makes it the best one. The rest of them are way too long. They're really long. Listen, even in a real, even in a real situation where, someone's getting a round of applause, you'd be like...

Oh, this is like a con applause sound effect. This is like way too long. Anyway, okay, what's our next shoe here? Oh, so it's also a... Very similar. When I tell you this is also a Healy. Yeah. It's a Hello Kitty Healy.

Yes. A Hellokely, if you will. Yeah. And that was not even clever. It does not deserve that at all. Hello keely, if you will. A hello keely, if you will. Now, who is wearing this Hellokely?

Now we're mixing IP. So what IP, who, who, What character are we going to do a mix of IP with? Okay, so this is both someone from the Hello Kitty universe and an American Girl doll? This is the collab, the American Girl Doll, X Hello Kitty doll. Okay. It's a specific doll of the year for this. Well, you know how they do the doll of the years.

I know that. Yeah, of course you know. This little American girl is named Artemisia. Yeah. Love Artemisia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she is the first person to adopt the Hello Kitty paraphernalia. paraphernalia. Her pet is actually a real hello kitty. And you know what I love about that is that

hello kitty is not a cat is a girl. Hello kitty is a girl. She's a little girl and that's can. She's a girl. That is real. Don't you just look at that and go, that's a girl. And so and so when you look at that and you think that's a girl, you're saying that people should own other people is what you're saying? You heard it here first. I mean, this is the, the, the, this is what. This is what Mattel is saying. This is what Mattel. I do not condone. And actually, I love that in Artemisia's storyline, they get into how evil she is because, of course, the disaster that she's from is from is Sherman's March.

Right. Right. Atlanta to Savannah. And then they get into how evil she is because she owns Hello Kitty and Hello Kitty later on is like, I'm literally a girl. And I don't see it, but they all do. They do. The world building of these cute anime characters. is always so astounding to me.

Yeah. Where it's, like, you, it's been a part of my life, my whole life. So, like, looking at this and then being like, yeah, that's a little girl. It's the same, like, every once in a while you wake up suddenly and you're like, wait, the most popular video game character of all time is a middle-aged Italian plumber. Yeah. Who's married to a princess from a fantasy dimension that you get to exclusively through pipes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. It is really fun to think about the things that we all accept and love as just what they are. Yeah. Just to be objective about it. Crazy. It's really funny, especially when you're in Los Angeles and you go to like development meetings and there would be people that are like, what's the internal logic? How does the magic work? And you're like, well, the most successful IP of all time is a middle-aged Italian man who fights a turtle to marry a princess.

Yeah. So fuck you. So what's the logic? So truly, fuck you. So how about go fuck yourself. This cat is a huge. Yeah, fuck yourself. The cat's a human, I don't agree with it.

I don't fucking care. Fuck you. Audiences are clearly not responding to logic. No. No. And who does? Logic isn't real because everything is crazy. Everything crazy.

So you just have to like put in like whatever and see whatever comes out. Everything's crazy. So you want to do one more shoe? Stop, everything's crazy. Okay, let's see the next shoe. Oh wow. Now this shoe is sick as hell. It looks like for our audio listeners, it looks like if a balloon, if a balloon was only blown

up on like half of it and was a boot. Yeah. Like, isn't this giving balloon? Yes. Oh, 100%. Now, who wears these little balloon-ass boots? Um, Margaret. Margaret.

I love Margaret. Margaret is always wearing them. Margaret is so good when she escapes the... War of 1812. Yes. In these. In these. And then she sings these boots are made for a walk in.

Yeah. And that's just the war of 1812. Yes. One of these days, these boots are going to escape the war of 1812. And then everyone applauds. And then the White House is burning behind her and she's tearing ass. Yeah. And they're like, let her go.

Let her go. She sang a great song. Yeah, absolutely. And her pet. George Washington. Her pet is George Washington. And they're in, they're doing like a BDSM pet play thing. He gets, which Mattel got in very bad trouble.

Yes, absolutely. Big, big, big, big trouble. He's, yeah, he's on a leash. It's bad. Yeah, sure. But he likes it. He's consenting. The sub is usually in charge.

And also, like, unlike most American girl dolls, we should clarify, she's 35. Oh, she's 35. She's 35. Oh, my God. It's literally fine. Yeah, no, she's 35. She's 35. Most of them are like 12, 13.

But she's 35. She's 35? Yeah. Yeah. She's 35. She's a way bigger doll. She's actually the size of us. She's literally 5-6.

Yeah, exactly. Like, this doll is 5-6. They send her with a cigarette on her lips. Yeah. She's smoking. A real one. A real one. Pull it off.

Yeah. It's really like a hard thing to order it in the man. And her dad is getting remarried and that's hard on her even though she's 35. Yeah. So that's her story. And her dad is a regular doll. Yeah. Her dad is regular doll sized.

Well, they don't even have dolls for the parents. In this one they do. But her dad is a regular doll. Yeah. Her dad is a regular doll. Yeah. Next shoe. Okay.

Now, this is really good. So audience, audio audience. This is, or audience, if you will. audience, if you will. This is a shoe that's in the shape of a foot with little toesy separators. And it's beige and yellow with souls that are white. And this, the American Girl doll, who is this is one that I thought they took a lot of creative liberty with. Connor, who runs a climbing store in Schenectady, New York in the year 2025.

Yes. Yes. A 27-year-old man. Yeah. Connor is 27. A normal white guy. A normal white guy who loves hiking and climbing. Yeah.

And Patagonia. He loves Patagonia. And he's always recommending to people that they download the rock climbing app where you can watch free solo and other rock climbing documentaries. Yes. And he's like, you guys really should check it out. It's actually really inspiring. And obviously the disaster he is a part of that he exists during is the rise of fascism. The rise of fascism.

Yes, absolutely. So that's an easy one. Easy one. And what's going on with his parents? Oh, boy. Unfortunately, his parents. are so proud of him. Unfortunately, they think he's amazing.

But sometimes he says things that are a little problematic. Oh, okay. But they are like he's our baby boy. We love him. That is unfortunate. It's like he never goes all the way to full capital P problematic. But he does, you're like, you referenced. I was like, oh, you referenced something you heard.

And I did see online that that guy was just on Joe Rogan. Yes. Are you listening? Yes, yes, yes. Where it's like, did you just get that out of context or are you, do you? Are you a regular listener? Yeah. Because you're just saying things.

It's like, oh, you said a weird. health and fitness thing that on its own is not weird. But it goes into the Maha pipeline. Yeah, exactly. He has said before like, RFK does have some good point. Yes, yes. And it's like, which one?

Which ones? Name the point. Yeah, he's like, he's like, I got vaccinated, but our food system and you're like, but I just don't. I got vaccinated, but I got Johnson and Johnson because I only wanted the one. Yeah. And then you go, what does that mean? What is that mean?

What is that? Yeah. Connor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's a little bit of an issue. But yeah.

But not, but there are. bigger issues. Bigger issues. And you know what? I think that's a really good thing to remember is that sometimes someone's an issue and that's not good. But there are bigger issues. Bigger fish to fry. They're bigger fish to fry than Connor. Yeah. That's his slogan on the box. Bigger fish to fry than Connor next shoe. Okay. Now this someone would some might call a zip lock bag. A new balance inside a Ziploc bag. Some might call this wearing Ziploc bags over regular shoes in the dirt. Yeah. And obviously we know which American girl doll where's the Ziploc back.

And we'll all say it at the same time. It is. Sheportha. Sheportha. Sheportha. Sheportha. And she is the Woodstock doll. She loves Woodstock.

But she's the Woodstock doll meaning like Woodstock New York currently. Yes. She just lives in Woodstock, New York. It's like a little artsy town. She's like, this is pretty sick. Yeah. They are often talking about Woodstock.

She wasn't there for it. Yes, absolutely. And the disaster that she's going through is the housing bubble. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yes. It's hard for her.

There's a lot of rock stars that live in Woodstock and the price of housing is going way, way up. Yeah. So she's just in a studio apartment and she's like, this kind of sucks. She's right off a Tinker Street and she's like, my God, the landlord's raising the rent again. Yeah. And she's wearing her plastic bag shoes and she's like, oh, this sucks. I can't even afford alternative milk anymore. Her pet is cockroaches.

Yep. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And they all swarm together into one big cockroach for a hug good night. Yes. And that's her parents. And that's her parents. And her hobby is making tiny little pure white new balances for all of the cockroaches.

Yes. And that's three pairs of shoes per cockroach. And there's hundreds of them. Yeah. So she is stressed out constantly. She's panicking. And you know what? If she used that time to get an extra job, she could pay her utilities.

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. But but who fucking cares nowadays? She's an angel at heart. Yeah. Next shoe. Okay, these are boots with snakes on the front, and I think they're live snakes. Yeah, those snakes are alive for sure.

They're snake boots, but the snakes on the front, I'm so sure, are alive. Yeah, actively alive as we speak. Yeah. Yeah. Well, those shoes belong to. Two. Clamantha. Clamantha.

Clamanta. Like Samantha with a clam. Yeah. Now, Clamanta loves these shoes. Yeah. She actually needs them. Yeah. Because she is going through the breakup of a lifetime.

The breakup of a lifetime. That's her crisis. Her crisis is going through the breakup of a lifetime. I think at this point in the American Girl Dolls sort of like cosmos, they were like, we keep going to zooming out. Yeah. Let's zoom in. Yes, I agree. Right?

The breakup of a lifetime at age 13. She was going through the breakup of a lifetime. Her lifetime. She and a guy named Stoll. Stole. Stole. Stole. She and a guy named Stoll are breaking up because he wants to play video games after school.

And she just, like, wants to do a camp. Why did you agree to be my boyfriend last week when I asked you on the bus if you were going to this week turn around and say you actually want to play video games instead? And she's writing a manifesto. She's writing a manifesto. Her snakes are helping. She's a fem cell. And she has two cobras on her boots. She has two cobra.

Each of which can speak not only... Not only English, but Babylonian. and they are telling her about spells and ways to call on demons. And honestly, yeah. Take it, girl. I was front with it. They've literally been whispering to her like the two eels from Little Mermaid. If anyone gets those shoes, you've got to go with it.

Flossum Jetsum. Flazum Jetsum. Flossum Jetsam. Yeah, they're very flotsam Jets. And they've just been whispering little sweet nothings in her ear and telling her what to do. And sometimes she falls for it and sometimes she goes, I'm going to resist pure pressure. It's like having the angel and the devil on your shoulder, except they're both snakes and they're on your feet. And they're telling you the bad things to do.

And I think that like a big lesson we get from this is how to avoid peer pressure. When the snakes on your feet are telling you to put to kill your ex stole from your manifesto, sometimes we can just take a break, take a breather and drink a glass of water. You can take the shoes off. Take the shoes off. Kick your shoes off. Put on your healy's and take off your boots of snakes. Um, next shoe.

Now these shoes are my favorite of all because they're human feet with laces. Yeah. Yeah. Now, what would wear these? Jesse Dahmer Jesse Dahmer When they rebooted the Dommer family for a younger female audience

That was really what we needed from that store Like I couldn't relate I could not relate to Jeffrey Dahmer But Jesse Dommer Jesse? Now I get it Now I understand She's girl bossing And she's she's geo-oing a little too close to a ton

She had an Etsy store Yeah she's like pepper and for cannibalism Where she sells human skin shit Human skin shoes like this These go for $95 Yeah or sometimes she'll sell like something ironic like um a chest a shirt that's just some guy's chest yes and on it it'll say like um sometimes she's an angel and sometimes she's a little psycho yes yes and it's a real human being

skin and that's really cute i love when those shirts communicate barely a joke and just open hostility yes yes yeah that's really real where it's like it happens often i'm like i like a funny edgy weird shirt in theory but like there's so many of them that are just like i'm the suck my dick. It's like, whoa, okay, but I don't know if I have that vibe. Can we throw a little irony in there? Can we throw some wordplay? Something that's like, oh, okay, that's a little, okay.

Okay, like you've got an edge. Yeah, or I guess maybe like the question is like, what's the joke? Is there a joke or is this just a sentence? You'll see the font and it's like the scratchy red blood font and it'll be like, you're dead as soon as you turn your back to me and you're like, not so much a joke. Yeah, I just feel like. And do we ever see people wearing these shirts or we just get advertised? them. I see them sometimes hanging in the window of like a store or like, you go see like a hot

topic or something like that. I would always see those ones and I would go like, I wonder if they have a buzzer in the store for when you approach the counter with that shirt. Yeah. I'm like, uh-oh. Okay. Uh-oh. We got one. We got one. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. There really, there really are so many. Hostile. Just super hostile shirts. I see a lot of them too that are related to horoscope. Like it'll be like, um, this Virgo is a fucking bitch. Yeah. What? Yeah. What are you talking about? Or like shirts that are like Capricorns go to heaven and everyone else can fuck them. Yeah.

Like kill all Gemini men. And it's like you can't put that on a shirt. Stop. I mean, you can. You can. That's so hostile. This is too much. What does that mean?

It's like just too much. Yeah, it really is. It's really tough. It's really tough. I wonder if the logical conclusion of that would be like if you really believe that all Gemini men are equal, I wonder if on some future timeline, people would be like, when are Gemini born? that, what is that? Oh, fuck if I know. June and our Gemini? June.

June. So being like, was that this June, that's July, August, being like, okay, no one can procreate in September. Yeah. We're going to shut that month down. No more babies born in that month. Made a June. Made a June.

Yeah, what is up with that? It's a really groovy way to do eugenics. It's fucked up. The gorgeous song. Thank you for the gorgeous song. Sometimes when you're in Los Angeles and you have. to confront a weird obsession of a lot of people you know in your real life. You have to sing it, so it flies under the radar. Yes, I do that and I also do that for when something's just really

sad and I have to tell somebody, um, oh yeah, depending on what it is. But sometimes I'll be like, and that is when my grandfather would hit on me. And it's like, no. And everyone in the room just I don't know. I like that better than just the straight-up sentence. I hear you. There is, it really depends. There's a, the strategy of the song is there, but we, I think we all know that the real thing is that what's the day new mom from that? If you finish the song and there's just silence, depending on who's in the room, someone is going to go, so that thing you sang, that happened. The thing you sang earlier, after I got out of my head how gorgeous it was, like, those lyrics are really. sad. Really fucking sad.

After I looked up those lyrics on Google and I realized it wasn't a real song, I'm like, did that happen to you? I shazammed that and it said, this is from your life. It doesn't come up with the song. It just says, this is from your life. It says your friend needs help. Yeah. Your friend needs help. Really quickly, we don't want to take up so much of your time.

But can you? I'm having a blast. You can take up as much of my time as you like. Okay. Iconic. Okay. Iconic. That's stunning and actually.

No, it's actually iconic. Um, can you. in 30 seconds. Explain to me what Dungeons and Dragons is. Right, because you are, you're doing critical role. Yeah. You're the DM. Yeah.

Which is not direct message. It is. And it's not Daddy Mommy. It's not Daddy Mommy. It's dungeon master. That's correct. Okay, so Sid and I have both been told by everyone we know and love that we would love Dungeons and Dragons.

You would. We've never done it. We don't know really anything about it. And we would love to ask you what the fuck is going on. Great. What the fuck is Dungeons and Dragons in 30 seconds? Your time starts now. Dungeons and Dragons is a tabletop role-playing game, which is a game where you and your friends play characters going on an adventure together.

The primary thing you're doing is telling a story collaboratively, but there's a game component added into it where in moments of dramatic peak you roll dice to find out what's going to happen. So the story can surprise you in that way. And the story is run by a person called the Dungeon Master who runs all the enemies and allies and environment. Okay. Wow. Two seconds left to spare. That was so composed. 28 seconds of like literally the most helpful.

Did you practice that? That was so helpful. Thank you so much. Well, it's your thing you're doing right now. Thank you so much for the kind of words. I am very proud of having not only played this game a lot, but actually taught a lot of people how to play. Oh, can you teach us one day? Sure.

Oh my God. Wait, wait. I want to play Dungeons and Dragons with you. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Am I allowed? And you get to like make a character, right? Absolutely.

Do we have anything in here that can generate random chance? Like, if not a die, then like, a coin if anyone has a quarter or something like that. Oh, there can be a, or we can get a, we can get dice up on the screen here. Yes, a dice. So this is, so this is really easy. Yeah. Um, uh, again, the, the, the way to understand it is unlike a board game, even though you can play it with miniatures and you can play it with little figurines, uh, you know, you need like your character sheet, you need some dice. Fundamentally, the game's happening in all of our minds. Right. Because we're telling a story. Okay. When you play,

you're only responsible for your one character. Okay. So there's typically three things you're doing. you're saying what your character tries to do. Right. You are from time to time speaking as your character. You get to do a voice. And you get to do a voice if you'd like to do a voice. Fuck, yeah. And then the third thing is you're also just like having fun with your pals.

You know, it is just getting to hang out with your friends. I love having fun with pals. So what we'll do here is this. Thinking about your favorite, like, fantasy stories, is there a type of character that you've always wanted to play? Is there a type of power you've always wanted to have? Do you like the idea of playing an elf, a witch, a dragon, rider, whatever. Yes, Sid.

Goblin, something that lives under a bridge. Great, your goblin. Give me, what's a fun, freaky little name for your goblin? Horseshoe. Horseshoe. Great. Horseshoe's a goblin. Great. Does Horseshoe the goblin tend to solve problems with magic,

with sneaking in stealth, or with weapons? Sneaking. Great. So you're a goblin rogue. You're named Horseshoe. You're a goblin rogue. Maybe you got a little knife. You got a little bag of some trinkets you've stolen, and you have some good stealth powers. So what the game would do is if we had time to make a character,

sheet for you, we would just make it that you add bonuses to roles that have to do with sneaking and stealth. So you succeed more often. It can still fail, but most of the time you succeed. And maybe things like being really brawny, you're a little guy. So maybe those roles don't have a bonus to, right? They're harder. Olivia, what are some, what's the sort of fantasy archetype that you feel like would be

really fun for you to put? Oh, my God. Could I be like the big lion with a birdhead and the big lion with a birdhead and the wings what yes absolutely a big line with birdhead and wings yeah what's that guy called hippogriff that's from harry potter oh are you doing a griffin a griffin so yeah griffin is a front half of an eagle so like head wings talons and then back half has the rear legs of a lion and a lion's tail yeah i'll do i'll fuck with that that kind of sounds odd and it can fly it can fly yeah that's what's up amazing so you're a griffin uh what's your griffin's name shit uh shit starter shit starter

shit starter okay is this like a punk rock griff yeah Yes. I love that. It's not a, it's not, she's not like tame. Not tame. Wild. Wild and bad. Wild. Wild. Wild and bad. Not bad like evil. Bad like a bad dog. Like a bad motherfucker. Yeah, like a bad. Like she's a baddie. Yeah, I love it. She's like a baddie. Okay. Okay. So she fucks. Great. Okay. Your. Your fucks. Great. Okay. Your face. Okay. Your fucks. Okay. You're, Yours fuck's great. Punk rock, hardcore Griffin. In the shadows. And then in the shadows horseshoe. Cuck.

Great. In the shadows. Bam. You're in the shadows. You're hiding. So what we're going to do is we're going to start an adventure together. I'm going to say for our purposes that you guys already know each other. We've met.

You guys are old chums. You guys are pals. You go way, way back. Because Griffin, big and bad, really tough. Yeah. Not that sneaky. Not that sneaky. And also, like, maybe lacking some fine dexterity.

Absolutely. You able to get into places. Yeah. Fingers on your chand. Yes. Yes. Great. So what we're going to do is this. I'm going to play your dungeon master. I'm going to be all of the environments and other creatures that you meet. And I'm going to set the scene for us. And again, at any given point in time, you can ask me questions, right? So we have in character dialogue. We have describing or narrating our attempted actions, what we're trying to do. And then we have above table talk, which is us shooting the shit, doing bits. You asking questions about like, hey, that place that we were. just in, was there a treasure chest? Like, that's all allowed. All those three types of what you can do, that's all on the table for you. Before you, a road winds into a dark and enchanted forest. Mist rises from the dewy ground. On a far off ridge, you hear of a wolf.

I feel like I'm in Disneyland. Oh, I'm like losing my shit. Calling from the night. The road wends its way deep into the woods. and in the far distance you see the single light of a lantern at a roadside inn and tavern. The thirsty beggar you see swings on the sign, the name of this inn, and you can see a couple of figures, hoods over their heads, smoking pipes out in the darkness under the sputtering lantern. Prowling down the road is shit-starter the griffin and Horseshoe, the Deges.

goblin rogue. As you approach the inn and tavern, you have been traveling a long way. You seek a great treasure within this forest. More riches than any goblin rogue has ever had before. And also, based on rumors you have heard, a clutch of griffin's eggs stolen from your eerie from the high nesting places of the griffins in the mountains. Is there anything you would like to do? First of all, describe your characters for me. Like, what vibe are you in as you approach the tavern? Oh, my God. She's tired.

She speaks in third person sometimes like this. This is me as her. She's tired. She's fucking over it. She's a batty, though. She's a baddie, though. And she's a little bit nervous that when she goes to the tavern, the thirsty merchant. A thirsty beggar.

That her exes are going to be there because she fucks. Okay. Some horseshoe I speak in rhyme. Oh, wow. I'm here to find me some money this time. I'm raising some money for a film I am making. And GoFundMe and Kickstarter, those honeies are quaking. So let me find me treasure chest.

And I'm going to take off my shirt in the film and expose me, Jess. Wow. Wow. That's beautiful. As you approach the tavern, you see that the hooded figures outside the front door turn to regard you. One of the men, an eye patch over an eye with a nasty scar underneath. Long beard, you see a battle axe strapped across his back, turns and says, Oh, strange travelers emerge from the wood line.

It's not often you see a griffin prowling in these parts. and you, traveler, do you seek replenishment and rest, or are you here looking for ill-gotten treasure? Oh, fuck me. Excuse me, my dear sir. Yeah, sorry, he's going to do this. I'm fine. I'm a nice traveler of nice thoughts and nice mind. I am going to need, I'm going to need each of you to roll a perception check.

How good do we think we are at spotting things that are being hidden away? Okay, I'll roll first. You roll false. Do you think your character is good at this or not very good at this? I think she's good at it. Eagle eyes, right? Yeah. Let's go ahead and roll a D20.

We're going to add a plus seven to this and you are trying to beat a 15. Okay. Holy shit. Here we go. Let's stop it. Four plus seven. Four, I always said that. So you don't.

So four plus seven is 11. So you are too busy concentrating on this bearded figure right now. horseshoe. I want you to roll for this. We think horseshoes pretty perceptive as well? Um, no. No. Okay. So this is only going to be a plus one. Let's stop. Three. Okay. So we're both really unperceptive. You both are really unperceptive. That's literally like real life. It's like real life. Like we have no fucking idea when someone's fucking with us. Oh, that's great. We're going to get into so many misadventures. Which is why. But I think I am good at it. Which is why you don't notice the whistling noise of a net

being thrown from the woodline a massive net thrown over both of you from the woodline as you see emerging shadowy undead figures emerge from the woodline I'm going to each you to roll initiative we're going to roll right here

shit starter give me a D20 roll again we're going to add a plus four to this stop what's initiative initiative is your your order in combat. A fight is starting. You were not able to notice it ahead of time. You got an 18. We'll roll for horseshoe here. Horseshoe because you're a rogue. You're going to go ahead and roll plus seven. Stop it. 18. 26. 26. She's a fighter. So you're a rogue. Really, you're sneaky,

right? Like, the way rog's work is you're not tough. You're not ready to taking a hit, but you can stab people in the back. You're, I love that for you. You can fucking get in there, right? So 26, 18. We're going to roll for our undead. Go ahead and roll for the undead. for the undead and stop 21. So Horseshoe, you're going to act. So I'm the worst fighting. You're the worst one here. Horseshoe, you're going to act.

And then it's going to be the undead acting. I'm going to need you to go ahead. You are under this net. You have the ability to try to wrestle your way out of it. You look and see emerging from the woodland, wraiths, undead warriors wearing black-clad armor. They turn out at the front, you see. the grim visage of Darren, one of your exes.

Oh, fuck me, Darren. He owes you money. He owes me $700 for that time I paid his rent, and he's writing a weird song about me. Darren looks and says, Shit starter. Oh, God, damn it. I finished the song. You didn't return my calls.

I want to perform it, but I don't want to do it without your permission. Oh, kind of come. Fing-Venmo, Darren. Derek, Darren. I'm working on it. If you let me play the song, I'll make like a million dollars on my YouTube channel. On your YouTube channel? All he wins does this.

Capture them. Capture my ex and her friend. Can I use my nail as a sword because I'm a goblin and I've got long nails? Hell yes. Do you want to pull one of your acrylics off? Yes. I want to pull one of like my nails off and I want to use it to stick Darren in the arm or something. And then all of the diseases that have accumulated in my.

nail. I went to go inside of his bloodstream. Oh my God. And I want him to start fucking seizing. Oh shit. Hell yes. We're going to take a poison goblin fingernail. Go ahead and roll an attack roll. And I want you to call it, Sid. You call on a stop. Stop. That's a natural one. So that's the worst possible role. It is an automatic failure, unfortunately. Of, so you. Foyled again. So you hurled the fingernail. I'm going to say on a one, the bearded guy who was just next to you, gets it right in the neck and goes, Oh, what did I do? And collapses.

You see he starts seizing immediately foam coming out of his mouth. Sorry about that and sorry for that. Another time I will make this up for you, Tata. He's dead, girl. What the fuck are you talking about? The wraiths are going to go. They're going to launch a volley of lassoes at you to try to bind the Griffin. and then both go ahead and roll for us here.

Stop. Okay, they do an okay job. They do an okay job. But I'm going to say even under the net, actually, you know what? We're going to give them advantage because they're attacking you under the net. Go ahead and roll again.

We'll take the higher of the two rolls. Stop. 10. 10. I think still does not hit your armor class. So they move past. You were able to like under the net still roar and get out of the way.

Shit starter. It is your turn. What do you want to do? You're under this net, but you are a powerful. powerful monster. You are a griffin of legend. What do you want to do in this moment? I think I twerk to distract them. Okay. Go ahead. This is going to be a charisma check. Yeah. For twerking. Would you say that this griffon is kicked up or no? Yes. So we're going to roll with

advantage. Yeah. We're going to take, we're going to roll with advantage. So roll twice. Take the higher the two rolls. You call when it stops. Stop. Okay. Roll again. Stop. Stop. Yeah. 20. You got four 20? Yeah. Four 20. Four 20. Four 20. Four 20. Four 20. As you be, I mean, I mean, twerking, first, first synchronized, then one half at a time. It's crazy. It's crazy, right?

Describe what happens to these undead and to Darren as this most powerful twerking from, again, your lion backside. Yeah. What happens to them? Well, okay, it's really complicated. So first off, of course, their jaws all drop to the floor, and I mean the real floor. So now they all have extra long. They're undead. They're rotting. So their jaws come off.

They come straight off, go straight to the floor. Now they can't bite me, right? Then second, their eyeballs go, bouga, wuga, you know, classic, fall out in real life. They're undead. It doesn't really affect them. Some of them start to faint, which is crazy. And then the other ones just make out with each other. Incredible.

They're so moved by it. Boom. Darren takes a big old mallet over the head. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. A wuga, what we talked about before. Yeah. He's dead. Yes.

Wow. Darren is dead. Death by a wuga. And a gleaming crystal and a scroll fall out of his pocket to the net in front of you. The scroll shows a map to a hidden dungeon nearby in the woods with the treasure you seek. And the griffin's eggs. And the crystal falls from his pocket showing his Venmo. Oh, my God.

And you can wire yourself that $700 right now. And that's where we'll end our adventure. Oh my God. You are really good. First off, that was the coolest thing ever. Second, you motherfuckers just watched him take our D&D virginities. Wow. So that's crazy.

I have something to admit. What's that? I've done D&D once. Okay. Did you use protection? Because you didn't even fucking tell us before we all. I just, I did D&D at a bar once, and I didn't really know it was happening the whole time, and I think it was a little drunk, so I was mostly being like, yeah, I was not consensual.

Whatever it does it then. So it didn't, it didn't count. Did you pray for your second D&D virginity? It didn't count. This really wasn't. Okay, well, you just saw that happen to me, okay? Wow. So that's huge.

So you guys can see, it's really, it's, it's improv. It's just improv, it's storytelling, it's really fun. And the whole, the thing that keeps me coming back to this because I've been playing this sort of nonstop since I was 10 years old is just that it's the idea of, it's the idea of, You are gambling with a story you're telling. That's so cool. You have these characters that you love. You have a story that you become attached to. You want the best for your characters.

They're your little guy. You want the best for them. And as the story moves forward, these moments where in a normal sort of like collaborative storytelling exercise, you would have to just make an arbitrary call. Like, I don't know. I guess he wins this fight, whatever. You get to actually experience the same degree of risk and thrill and uncertainty that Your character is experiencing.

That is so good. I love that. Yeah. You have a real talent for that. Yeah. Oh, that was amazing. Like, that was immaculate. Oh, my gosh.

Real. Like, like, that's like, I would never be able to do it. That was great. No, I was like, oh my gosh, we should just do this for an hour. And then I'm like, yeah, that's what D&D is, right? That's what fucking D&D is. Yeah, totally. For like four hours.

Oh, wait, sick as hell. So then how long do these things go like a year? I wrapped up two years ago. my 14 year long home game. Oh my God. Was that really emotional? Who was your character? Weeping.

I was the dungeon master. Oh, my God. So it was, we got, we rented a little house in New Paltz, New York. We'd all moved to different parts of the country. We played for a week straight to wrap up the campaign. We'd been playing for 14 years together. It was awesome. It was one of the best, it was just so awesome.

They had been planning a revolution against an evening. evil empire for their, for like the whole 14 years. And on the very first roll, my buddy, Nick Marini took these special dice that my brother had made for us. We used to live at a place at 33 Gold Street in New York. And so we got these special gold, like little gold, gilded, 20-sided dice that instead of a 20 had a 33, where the Nat 20 would go for 33 gold, Nick took his out of the pouch. He'd been waiting for years to roll it, rolled it on the first role of this revolution and it was a Nat 33. Oh my God.

And we went berserk. We jumped on the table. Literally people were hanging from the rafters. They were like, we were like someone started crying because it was like it had all like, imagine even in a fictional circumstance, it's like, imagine like writing a book for 14 years. Yeah. And then being like, we've been writing a book for 14 years and we don't know if the good guys are going to win or not.

No, 100%. That's like crazy. That would be so emotional. Oh, I'd be in tears. Yeah. I already am. Wait, that's so fine. It was awesome.

Okay, I really want to do this now. Yeah, you've sold us so hardcore. I'm really down. So if you ever know where people do it. Yeah, I'm in. There's a lot of great local places in L.A. There's games popping up over at Gildth. I work with a company called Start Playing Games.

That is basically like an online like forum where you can find games starting up all the time, IRL and digital only like remote games. There are also like professional GMs. If you're like, if you have like a group of friends and you're like none of us want a GM, you can go find professional GMs who will come in and actually spend like work hours making a game for you. That's everything. That's so fun. Oh my God. Okay, I'm really so into this. Yeah. Okay, so then that's what you're going to be doing for critical role, right? Okay, well, I will be tuning in. Yeah, that's very exciting. We'll be absolutely be tuning in. We'll be absolutely

watching that with our eyes and ears. Where can the people find you if they don't know already? You can track you down. You can track me down at Brennan Lee Mulligan on Instagram and Blue Sky. And you can find me dropout.tv where I am the GM for Dimension 20. The creator of Dimension 20. I'm also on Game Changer and make some noise. I'm much other great improv shows there. You can find my podcast World's Beyond Number, which is a great actual play podcast that I do with Abrea Ainger,

Erica Ishii, and Lou Wilson. And then you can also find October 2nd, the premiere of Campaign 4 of Critical Role. That's so exciting. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. That's so fun. You are a delight.

Yeah, you're so, you're so much. Thank you so much. A goddamn ball. You guys are so fucking fun. This was, I literally when you said, like, I'm going to start wrapping up. I went, oh, no. Oh, my goodness. I'm so happy.

Thank you so much for doing, also, thank you so much for, like, doing a whole D and that was amazing. Delightful. Like, it makes sense, too, because we've all known each other for so long. Yes. We all have such beautiful memories together, and I'm glad we got to all catch up. Yeah. Until next time you can check out our Patreon where we have early, uncut, uncensored episodes.

We also have Q&As. We also have movie nights. Movie nights. We have the weirdest shit over there. Go check it out. It's very cheap. It's $5. Just go do it. Just go fuck it up. And the whole damn time we've been here, I've been Olivia. And I've been Sid the entire time. And we will see you next Tuesday, freeze frame.