Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Buffalo Wings Are A Bad Friend w/Whitmer Thomas

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

This week on the big bad podcast for you, it's actor/comedian/musician Whitmer Thomas! Go to https://quince.com/sando for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. If you or someone you know experienced serious mental health struggles as a result of social media use, you may be entitled to a potential recovery of over $1,000. Visit https://morganmorganpa.sjv.io/c/7729588/3841482/23429?sharedid=syd-and-olivia to submit a claim now. Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Chapters This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's like in Passion of the Christ, like there's a little moment where Jesus sort of, they allude to how he invented the table. I'm sorry? Like in my mind, Mary, his mom, goes, what are you building there? And he goes, a table. And she's like, what's that? And he's like, you're not going to believe this thing. But that's not what happened. That's what that Last Supper photo is really just an advertisement for the table.

You know how they do those Apple conventions where like the CEO will like reveal the new thing? That was the earliest thing of that. of him, like, revealing the table and being like, this is a table. Two reveals in one night. This is a table. One of you is going to betray me. Yeah. Listen, fellas, we're about to, I'm going to feed you some of the best food ever.

I just need you to hang back so we can take a painting. Yeah. All of you talk shit. Oh, that's a good one. I'm the Sudwin. I'm the Olivia one. Today we have a very special other one. Guys, we are so excited for our other special one today.

But to promote his HBO special Terminal Crew of Dudes and an album by the same title, it's Whitmer Tom. And also from weapons. We didn't even say that. Also, like, that's so fucking cool. Thank you. I loved that movie. Oh, that's cool. I can't watch it because I'm scared.

I love scary. It's really not scary. It's funny. There's like some weird stuff. I say that maybe my part is maybe one of the things I do in there might be the part where you could go like this. But other than that, it's not. something yucky in it. Yeah.

I do something weird that nobody should ever do. Stab myself in the face with a fork a bunch. Oh, yeah. See, I can't. That's so hard for it. But it's not real. I know, but I'll think it is. Yeah.

I'm not really doing that. Is it eyes? No, face. Yeah. Face is, face I can do. It's like, ugh, I do. But like, I am like, no, don't do that to me. I'm not watching that.

Yeah. I just have such a hard time. I love horror and I am not the biggest gore person, but psychological horror I love so much that I will intake gore if the thing is smartly done and well done. And I mean, weapons are so fucking good. That's such a scary psychologically. And it's also really funny. You would like it.

I know. I know. I'm just scared. We have to do a thing not like this is a thing we do, but we have to at some point do a thing where like we sit down for horror movies. And I tell you like close your eyes, open your eyes, close your eyes. Well, yeah, it's a thing I want to create. I think you'd like barbarian. Kind of like kids bop for adults.

who watch movies and get scared because I'm very sensitive. Well, I think a good starting point. What got me really into horror is watching as a kid going to the horror section and just picking out any VHS or DVD that had a cool cover. Yeah. And it would often be as a kid like one where I was like, oh, maybe there's a naked girl in this. And so it was like B. horror movies from the 80s.

And I think that sort of numbed me out a little bit. Because there was the promise of boobies. You're like well, I'm going to see boobies so I probably have to get through the score. Yeah, but maybe that's an intro. It's like when you know you're going to get ice cream after getting a shot when you're a kid. Right. So it's like a little bit

better. Yeah. Right. Right. But then if you don't get ice cream and there's no boobies, that sucks. But also you're like, ah, fuck it. The shot wasn't so bad. Yeah, 100%. It was never so bad. It was never so bad. I want to get into this people-pleasing thing. Yeah. I am. Okay. Okay. First, first First off, your special is so fun, so great. You're so fun, so great.

But what I love about it so much is, like, I think it's such a great, like, representation of, of, like, boyfriendship, like, really, really pure, sweet, wholesome boyfriendship. And, sorry, for the cucks who don't know, can you explain, like, the basic logline of, of what that special is? Yeah, it's, Whitmer Thomas tells stories of his childhood with his pals while his pals are on stage with him. So awesome. So it's all my childhood buddies hanging out on stage playing in my band while I'm, for the most part, after about 10 minutes in telling stories about us growing up and dicking around.

Yeah, it's awesome. It's so great. And it was just, I felt like it was a really sweet, like wholesome and special, also really fucking hilarious and like really dark and really great and really smart. Thank you. But also, we're all people pleasers here, right? And I just thought that was such a great part of it of like you just talking about how like, I'm going to put myself in discomfort to make other people happy and make other people like me. Because that is what it is, right?

I'm going to do something I don't want to do something that I'm putting on myself that maybe no one even asked me to do. And yeah. Yeah. And like, do people want to go around and tell like their most often? full people pleasing story. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, boy.

Y'all start. You'll start. I'll think of one that's not depressing. Okay. Depressing, we put sound effects. Oh, I got a great one. Yeah, go. Yeah.

Go, go, go. Okay, I got a good one. When I was a kid, you know, it's like child of alcoholic shit. Go to an Al-Anon meeting and you'll learn all about it. Sure. Yeah, there's all different sounds you can punctuate your story with if it gets to real. Okay. This isn't, this is okay.

When I was a kid, I jumped off. There was a thing, we would jump off stuff on the playground in first grade or something. And there was one part of the playground where my friends were like, never jump off that. It's too hard. Playground at school. So we were at recess and I jumped off of it. And I immediately like pretty much broke my ankle. But I didn't want to make my friends feel uncomfortable by having a broken ankle.

So I was like, well, if they know it'll ruin recess for them. So I started crawling around. And they were like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm totally fine. And they were like, well, why are you crawling around? I was like, because I'm playing baby. And I committed to playing baby.

And then I hobbled back to class or really I probably crawled back to class. And nope, for some reason the teacher didn't notice. And I crawl up into my desk. And then eventually I crawl to, and I'm like in so much pain. Yeah. And I crawl to gym class. And then the coach is like, we got to play flag football. And I was like, I'm playing.

Coach was like, because I'm playing baby today. And the coach had me stand up and she saw like my swollen ankle and was like, Jesus Christ and immediately, you know, called my mom. And I went to the hospital. Yeah, yeah. No, no, this is actually part of the game baby. Sometimes baby has like a huge ankle. Yeah.

But I was too freaked out to like confess to them. that I was like severely injured because I was afraid I might, you know, become some sort of obligation. Absolutely. You might bum them out. You might take the mood down. You might make them feel guilty for being, for like letting you jump off that thing. Yeah.

Like I told. Exactly. Yeah, that's very good. And that's the sound you made when you landed. Oh, it was more of that. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's very good. That's really, really good.

Yeah. That's, that's, okay. So mine is, um, uh, so many years ago, when, Sid and I were like trying to do really random YouTube collabs with people. And this was in like 2016 or 2017. We found a YouTube hypnotist. And we were like, okay, come over. We'll film it. You hypnotize us. And, and then we'll put the video up. So he's just like this adult man who we didn't know at all who came to Sid's old apartment and hypnotized us on camera. But the problem is obviously it didn't work at all. It happened way too fast. Like he was like

didily de didily do and you're hypnotized and it's like no the fuck I'm not but what are you supposed to do? So so so we're sitting next to each other with our eyes closed and sit is like being honest like a normal human being and is like I don't really know if I'm feeling it and my whole body goes like he's going to feel so bad about his performance. I have to lie and fake it. And then so Yeah, I was just like, I am hypnotized. And he was like, she's hypnotized. And I was like, that's exactly what I am. And then he did all this crazy shit to me and was like, see, she's hypnotized.

She can't tell. But of course I could because I wasn't hypnotized. And it escalated to him taking out a lighter and running it over my arm like this for like a minute. And he was like, obviously she can't feel it. And I was like, no, I can't feel it. But A, yes, you were burning my arm. B, it smelled like burning hair all throughout the apartment for the rest of the day. Like, and, and, uh, and then we never actually released that video because we didn't know what to do about it.

It was so awkward and he was like, you guys got to, you guys got to come and do this live for me, especially you to me. Oh, and, and then we never talked to him again. And I wish him well. I didn't want to make him feel bad about himself. It didn't, but it actually worked for you? No, it didn't work for either of it. Oh, you were honest about it. Okay.

I just was like, because the things he was asking were he'd be like, okay, in a second, you are going to transform into a pop diva. Yes. And you are going to sing a full song of like a pop star that we know and love. And I was like, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not going to do that. I don't know any words. I hear that. And I'm like, fuck, I have to do it because otherwise this guy's going to.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you want to do one of those. It's kind of a pop song. Yeah, that's a classic. It was a pop song at one point. Yeah, is there? Pop goes the weasel.

Oh my God. And that's the original pop song, actually. Do you know that that was the first pop song? Pop is the weasel. I would do the same thing, by the way. Sometimes my therapist will say something and be like, it seems like you have this and I'm like, right. Yeah, I do have that.

And in my head, I'm like, that's not true. Yeah. I don't have that. But I can compartmentalize that into I know that's not true, but I'm agreeing to be nice. to you and like I'm not thinking it's true. I'm just not correcting you. Yeah, I was in a people pleasing situation with a therapist for months at a time. I passed this back to her where I got this I got this therapist who was through insurance who I really liked and I thought she was like

kind of great and she like reminded me of Earth a kit in many ways. Of course. And I was like, wow, she's so great. But she was really not a good therapist, but like a really great cool person. Like a great hang. And I was going to her for far too long because I was like, well, I don't want to give up on her. But the things she was doing, I'd be like, sometimes I'd get intrusive thoughts and she'd be like, and what is that? Oof. And I'd be like, so it's like I'll get. And then she'd be like, can you explain them to me like over and over?

Can you explain them more in detail? And I'd be like, no, I don't really want to because they're kind of yucky and I don't like it. And she's like, can we go over that again? And it'd be like, probably not. I struggle with the same thing in therapy to where I'm like, am I allowed to say, blow job. That's so... You know what I mean?

Like, can I say that or do I need to say like hooked up or had an intimate moment or what's appropriate? Like, do I have to censor myself? I can't say jack off in therapy, but I can say kill myself. Right. And I often do. And then I apologize and I go like, sorry, sorry. I was saying it like to show how upset I am, not because I'm serious. Yeah, yeah.

And all my therapists are always like, I know, Olivia. You always, like, I know. You don't have to tell me that. Like, I'll know if you're serious, but I can't say jack off. I'm like, if I'm like, you know, like, you know, by myself and like, you know, that whole thing. And you're often referencing the fact that you're masturbating here and there recently. Jacked off in public again. Yeah, I'm like, I'm in trouble.

Yeah. Yeah, the biggest thing I want to talk about is like jacked off in public again. I can't stop. I can't stop. Yeah, it's this therapist, she like, I found her Pinterest board at some point. Oh my God. And it was all God quotes. And I was kind of like, this just doesn't seem like a good fit for me personally.

And then there was the one that was like how to be a perfect submissive wife in a Christian home or something. And I was like, but I love this lady. Like I think she's dope as hell. And like I didn't know about her politics of like of what she thinks about submissive wifehood. Yeah. And you're not a wife or a submissive. No. So I just like didn't know that.

So I was like, okay, um, I'm just going to keep going with it. And she would like, she got real liberal with it. She started like eating lunch. That's awesome. During our sessions, she would just go through the survey and go over the numbers I chose. like the intake survey and she'd be like, so you picked four for this one? And I was like, mm-hmm. Then she'd go to the next one. I'd be like, yep, that's the number I picked for that. But I just loved her so much. And half the time I couldn't hear her because her mic was always

turning on and off. That's awesome. That's so good. And for some reason, I was like, I do love this woman. I don't know what it is about her. He was bringing you some sort of comfort. Yeah, I really don't know until she asked you to repeatedly describe your intrusive thought that makes you horrified. I know, and I was just like, Queen, I can't. I don't want to do it anymore. Queen, it's violent. Bad, you're going to have to call the cops. Yeah, Queen, no.

This Zoom shit is like ruining the world, I think. I had like a life, potentially life-changing meeting on Zoom yesterday. And her glitched for like one minute. And I just, she's powerful in showbiz. And I like just acted like I was like, like, that is like, that is. that is so cool. But I have no idea what she said. Oh, no.

And then people are like, how did it go? And I'm like, I might have missed the most important thing she said. Yeah, because it's like, I don't want to be like, can you repeat that? Right. Like something about that feels rude, even though it's like, we all know how Zoom works. Yeah. Yeah, I've tried to master my people pleasing me like, I can't hear you, which is, oh, shoot, I'm so sorry. For some reason you keep cutting out.

I don't know what's happening. Maybe it's my end. I'm so sorry. Like, it's my fault. It's not usually. Yeah, my, my AT&T fiber with 5 billion megapixels is messing up. That's our number one sponsor. You know those pieces in your closet that you just find yourself reaching for over and over again? The sweater that somehow works with everything.

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Oh, okay. I have a segment that's fun. Okay. Okay, so you talk about friendship a lot, what makes a good friend, what makes a bad friend, and then you have this bit that I thought was, at first, like, you know, you're hearing it and you're like, where's this going? I'm locked in. And then it's like, oh my God, this is actually a really profound point, which is that Buffalo wings are a bad friend. So would you explain very, very quickly why Buffalo wings are a bad friend? Obviously not your whole thing. And then I'm going to give you some friendship duos. And we're going to all decide who's a good friend, who's a bad friend. Is it an equal friendship? Like what, like we're going to dissect the friendship because we're all about friendship here. Thank you. So yeah, what's what's up with Buffalo? Thank you.

First I got to say thank you because that is the dumbest thing I've ever said in my life. And that joke was a dare. It wasn't supposed to be in the special. The joke essentially is that pizza, I think, is responsible for making Buffalo wings so famous. Yeah. And then when, because you could always get it with pizza eventually, like probably starting in the 80s. And then when Buffalo Wings kind of branched out and started their own restaurant, they don't

have pizza as a side. They have French fries. And Buffalo Wings is so stupid that they don't even realize that French fries is burger's best friend. Yeah. And, okay, so that's the joke. And pizza put them on the map. Yeah.

It's like to do that to someone who put you on the map, unless some really crazy fucking shit happened behind the scenes. Right. So true. We don't even know. And we don't know. Pizza could have done something really messed up. And like people are fucked up and I guess so is food.

So it's like you never know. But from the outside it looks bad. So my pal C.J. Toledano kind of said that one day. Yeah. And like a version of that. And then I wrote, we wrote it kind of together. And then before we taped the special, somebody dared me to do that. That's fucking awesome.

Because it is a joke about friends. But originally the joke that went there that I did. Tell was about how the Backstreet Boys are the best friends because in their song, I want it that way. They give Kevin a verse, even though he's Kevin. So they are like, we need everybody to be included in a song that is potentially going to be our biggest hit. That's really awesome. And if Chris tried to sing a verse in sync, Justin and J.C. would be like, if you sing, you die. And that was like the joke that went there.

And so when I screened it for a bunch of my friends, mostly Tim Robinson who produced it, he was like, lose the backstreet boys and do the buffalo wings. And I was like, I'm going to cut the buffalo wings out. And he's like, okay, whatever.

And I cut the buffalo wings out. And then we screen it for more people. And everybody's like, where's the buffalo wings? That is so funny. Everybody's like, lose back street boys, put buffalo wings. It's just such a, just such a,

I mean, it's legit way to look. at it. Yeah, I will say, like, we love personifying inanimate objects on the movie so much. There are certain things where, like, when you hear them, you go like, well, yes, that's true. And I hadn't thought about that before. And I will say the Buffalo Rings pizza thing is, is a true thing I hadn't thought. No, because the whole time you're watching you, you're going like, okay, okay, what's, what is, and then you're like, holy fucking shit. That's so true. It's betrayal. It is betrayal. And if you watch it, it is clear that while I'm

doing it, I have no intention of leaving this in an HBO. I'm doing it and I'm committing so hard to it because my band thinks it's funny that I'm like sabotaging an entire hour of comedy I've worked years on by telling this like joke and yelling it and all this shit. And like, and then I posted it onto Instagram and most of the comments, you know, are positive. But then there's also comments that are even better tags, which I think I really appreciate with my fan base is that they're better writers than I am. And so they'll be like, well, what about celery and carrots? I mean, Buffalo wings sort of put celery and carrots on the mat.

That's so true. And I'm like, shit, they totally did. Yeah. And now celery and carrots really branched out. Yeah. They can do their own thing. Nobody ever cared about carrots. So true.

It's how bugs found out about carrots. Yeah. Eating some buffalo wings and going, the hell are these orange things. Yeah. These are good in ranch. These are really good in ranch. Wait a second. My eyesight is perfect.

Okay, well, let's just get into some of these friendships then. And obviously, if anyone, these, I wrote down some food ones, but if anyone has any other inanimate object duos, like throw them out. I'm so excited. Okay. So this is, rate that inanimate friendship. Play the music. Hot the music. We don't like the music.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Ketchup and mustard. What's going on there? Oh, you don't like mustard. I don't. I'd say.

Well, I think mustard is sort of pretentious. Yeah. Mustard's like an alt, like East Side artist. Oh, you're fancy. You put mustard on your hot dog. It looks better on a hot dog. It's more attractive for sure. I think aesthetically way more pleasing.

And I think it thinks it's, there's also fancy mustards. Right. It's fair to your eliteist maybe. Yeah. Every now and again you see a fancy ketchup. Yeah. But it's totally elite. latest. Yeah, you said European. Yeah, very European. Like, very much like you're going to a, like a, a Germany, for example. You're going to a Switzerland, for example. And they're like, well, we have some mustard here. And ketchup is like, like very all American.

Ketchup is of the people. The manager of a Walmart doing very, very well. Manager of a Walmart is too low for what ketchup's doing. But you know what I mean? Like the CEO of like, you know, something very like everyone goes there. You know, I don't know. To me, it's like drip coffee. Like in America, you get a black coffee. And they usually make it right there. Yeah. Unless it's Starbucks in my hometown in Alabama, which means they're going to make 17 frappuccinos. And then they'll get to your black coffee. So you're waiting about an hour for a black coffee.

But no, they usually will make the black coffee, the drip coffee right there. But then if you go to Europe and you ask for a black coffee, first you have to say like an Americano or something. like that. And it takes them a long time and they, they get mad at you. They pray over it and they get mad at you. Yeah. If you say, can I get it to go? They're like, that's to me, that's what mustard is. It's like, fuck off. Even though they have these American versions of mustard and the Heinz thing, you squirted on there. But I feel like they were childhood friends who had very different upbringings, but they were always doing stuff together. And now they kind of live separate lives, but come together for a lot of things. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. Mustard had

the trampoline with the net around? Yes. And ketchup had no net. No net. It was missing some springs. I will also say with ketchup and this is an important thing to remember is when you get it out of the bottle. Don't want to do this actually. Oh yeah, that's such a good point. That's actually... Wait, sorry, explain

that. If you went with ketchup, when you don't want to like do this with ketchup. When you're when you're releasing the ketchup from its bottle, it usually comes out, the beginning of it is water, which is it's peeing itself or something.

It's like having an accident on site. It's immediately. It's pre-com. It's pre-cum. It's pre-catch. It's pre-catch. It's pre-catch. It's pre-catch.

It's trademark it. But like there is something about that being like it's like it definitely feels more like, oh, juvenile. Like you're like you can't even. Oh, yeah. You're 100%. You're prematurely ketchuping. Yeah, you're prematurely ketchuping. And then the mustard is very much like, well, you're very high class. You're wise.

As a very strong pelvic floor. Yes. Great Poupon, strong pelvic floor. You've been around the block. Yeah. With your pelvic floor. With your pelvic floor. That pelvic floor has been around the floor. So then maybe it's that ketchup is a virgin. Yeah. Or ketchup is like married to its high school sweetheart. Sure. Yeah. And does some sort of blue collar job. Yeah, 100%. proud of his maybe coaches his kids football team. I think they're on good terms. I don't think they're codependent necessarily.

I think they both have full lives. But I think that, you know, they obviously have differences. I think when they come together, they work really well together. But I also think they've made it a thing where like they can go do their own things completely independently of each other and not worry, you know. Yeah, they chose different paths. They chose different. But ultimately they can come together. And I do think if ketchup was like, hey, man, I don't have rent to mustard.

Mustard would loan them. Oh, for sure. And I think 100% vice versa. 100%. Like ketchup would loan money to anyone, I think. Macaroni and cheese. Well, they're partners. They are, but who came first, the macaroni or the cheese.

Obviously, the cheese. So it's like an age gap. Because cheese was around during the Odyssey. With that one-eyed man. Some say Cyclops. I say one-eyed man. That's his superpower. He's one-eyed, man. Okay, I know. This is horrible. I haven't seen The Odyssey yet because I'm behind on all my things.

But there's cheese in it. Oh, there's this delicious cheese in a sack that's hanging from the cave. Is this real? Yeah. And the first time. Sack cheese cave. It is sack cheese. That's an awesome band name. Like an escrimo. Yeah. A punk band. Wait, what is it doing? Well, I guess one-eyed man. makes cave cheese. They don't ever show him making the cave cheese, but he's dangling cave cheese from his cave. And when Matt Damon... From his cave.

Some people call him Odysseus, but when Matt Damon goes in there, he smells the cheese and goes, well, what's this all about? And he's like, ooh, delicious cheese. And then one-eyed man comes in there and they got to hide from him. Is this a real part of the movie?

It's a real part of the movie that people don't talk about. It's like in Passion of the Christ, like there's a little moment where Jesus sort of, they allude to how he invented the table. I'm sorry? That's awesome. Wait, wait, wait.

Can you explain that? What happens? Well, because he's a carpenter. I can't exactly remember it and maybe I'm like exaggerating it. Like in my mind, Mary, his mom, goes, what are you building there? And he goes, a table. And she's like, what's that? And he's like, you're not going to believe this thing.

But that's not what happened. That might as well. Let's roll with that. I will say like, yeah, if Jesus was a carpenter. He was probably the best carpenter and the best carpenter Because he could use magic. Yeah. He would have been like, this is crazy.

And they would have been like, it's a table. Yeah, no, that makes perfect sense. I can't believe we haven't been talking about the fact that... That's what that last supper photo is really just an advertisement for the table. It's him being like, you guys, this is my new product. Not only did I make a table. I made the longest table you guys could ever think of. They don't know.

Tables are new, so they didn't know that you can sit on both sides. That's why they're all on the one side. That's actually such a point. That's so true. That's so true. It is very much so like that was the earliest like, you know how they do those Apple conventions where like the CEO will like reveal the new thing? That was the earliest thing of that of him like revealing the table and being like this is a table. Two reveals in one night.

This is a table. One of you is going to betray me. Yeah. Listen, fellas, we're about to, I'm going to feed you some of the best food ever. I just need you to hang back so we can take a painting. Yeah. And if you guys could repost it, that would be really helpful for me. Just take a quick painting, guys.

We're trying to get more people to find out about this table thing. That's so awesome. That's so great. That is so good. I really need it to be like an advertisement for a table now. I'm sure there was cheese there too. Oh, yeah. And Jesus is going, I've got my whole life ahead of me.

Yeah. I can't wait to sell these tables. I can't imagine what's going to come next. I just thought of this. Imagine what's brewing up here. That's fucking awesome. Awesome. Okay, so there's a cheese cave. Okay, mac and cheese. So I do think now that we're really talking about it, I do think with how old cheese is and how new macaroni is. Specifically, the noodle of macaroni is got to be. Okay. Let me look that up. How old is macaroni? Because macaroni is Italian. Yeah, how old is macarone? Yeah, let's look that up. A thousand years old. Yeah. How old is. You would actually be great if we didn't use Google on the show and we only asked our guests to. Yeah. And we just took it as true.

So how old is macaroni? Yeah, I think it's 700 years old. So it's 700 years old. So it's 700 years old. How old is cheese? Thank you, by the way. That was so direct. That was way more direct than I like to be.

Yeah, that was good. 7,000 to 8,000 years old. Yeah, cheese is old. So because it's an age gap and because I don't ever see macaroni without cheese, I am actually starting to get the tiniest bit worried. I see cheese without macaroni all the time. I see cheese with all kinds of things. Wait, this is a really good thing.

I see cheese with every food. It's, yeah, it's kind of like, but is macaroni? Macaroni still has his umbilical cord attached. It's like, is there something sexual going on? Yeah. Is it coercive control vibes? Yeah. Is it like a Munchausen syndrome kind of thing?

It feels like, it feels like if I saw any two people in a relationship and I was, or in a friendship and I was like, I always see that one without the other one, but I never see that one without that one. This one's way older and this one is kind of pigeonholed into one thing. Yeah, I would be worried. I will say there is something upsetting about the fact that macaroni chooses to pair with nothing else. And it definitely does feel like cheese has been like you couldn't possibly. You couldn't get any better than me.

Well, maybe we should get y'all's audience to try macaroni with something else. Yes, guys, that's such a good idea. But pesto's cheese isn't it? No, it doesn't. Yeah. Well, you could put cheese in pesto. What are other things? I mean, you could put.

Salt. Besides pasta sauces, right? Because you could obviously try it with pasta sauce. Yeah, macaroni and salt. Perfect. Everybody's big. No, it's only cheese. I'm going parmesan, huh?

No, that's the thing. It's like, no matter what I'm going to come up with, I want cheese on it as well. Right. And maybe that's, that's. And I think macaroni must know that. And they're like, I'm not shit. I ain't shit. Yeah, it is like, it is a really sad thing.

Yeah. Picture macaroni being like, oh, I couldn't possibly top myself with anything else. No. Oh my God. It's just lonely, lonely. That's like codependence. That's like go to a CODA meeting. Yeah.

I've been to two. That's so sad. And cheese and cheese can be with many things. You can have a burger. Cheese is with everything. Cheese is a slut. They're in a monopoly relationship. They're in a monopoly relationship.

Do you know about monopoly? No. Oh my gosh. It's our favorite silly word. What's the? Somehow real. It's awesome. In the world of polyamorous relationships, there is a type of relationship called a monopoly

relationship. Which is spelled like monopoly. Yeah. It's just, it's spelled. Monopoly and everyone's like, it's monopoly and it's like it is Monopoly and it's like, it is Monopoly only one person wins. And in a monopoly relationship, one person is monogamous and the other person gets to be polyamorous. And I assume it could work if one person's ace and the other person's not. Like that to me, I'm like, okay, totally. No, if the this is how it can work. If both parties

genuinely consent. The person who wants to be the monogamous one pitched the relationship and like, I want to do this. Yeah. I. All good, brother. Do it. Whatever you want. Whatever, man. But you cannot be like, the poly one. I want to be poly. You can't be. Yeah.

Yeah, no, it's, I could never do that. I'm not a jealous person, but I think I don't take it seriously enough to where I'd be like, this is so embarrassing. Like, if I, if I was in a polyamorous relationship, I would be embarrassed to tell everybody about it. And every time I had hook up with somebody, I'd be like, I'm not, I don't feel guilty here, but I'm completely embarrassed of who to be who I am. am right now. I would look at my partner and be like, I'm ashamed of myself.

This is so whack. What am I? In Portland? They're like, yes, we are in Portland. And also, we already agreed to this. And you're like, I'm so embarrassed. Just in the moment being like, guys, all of you guys, I'm so sorry, I'm embarrassed. Which is not, but that's not a thing that's never happened. I will feel it. I do think like sometimes like I don't know if this is normal or not now I'm so afraid to say things that's okay because we can always cut shit or put shit I know but it's the other day I kind of revealed something about myself that I didn't necessarily want to by accident oh I that was so accident so unfortunately funny I said it like a thing like well yeah we all know this and Olivia was like I wish it was

it's fine I think sometimes like um there is like a shame that comes over me like right after sex Oh, yeah. During sex where I'm like, oh, my parents would hate this. Oh, yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Where sometimes I'll get this feeling of like, who am I? Like, what am I doing here? This is ridiculous. And sometimes I'll be doing something and I'll have to stop myself from laughing at how, like, stupid it is.

I get, like, very suddenly alien about it. Like, like, throughout my life. Like, it's like I'll be like, all of a sudden, And I'll be like, what the, like, I'll think of the actual concept of like, what are these two human beings fucking doing right now? Like, this is so weird. Yes. And it's so weird that we all kind of do it sort of, like, we all kind of go into this other mode. And it's like, what?

And it is like the most natural thing. It's the thing everyone's been doing forever. And I'll just be like, the fuck is this? But I'm like, people would hate this. Yeah. And I also like, we'll zoom out and be like, oh my God, like, if I'm being surveilled right now, this is so embarrassing. I literally meet constantly. Yeah, suddenly I'm like, I need to talk in a deeper voice.

I need to, like, why am I assuming a new guy? Like, I was one way, like 15 minutes ago I was trying to figure out how to do the moonwalk. Yeah. And now I'm doing this. Yeah. It's so true. It's like, who is? No, yeah.

Yeah, it's like even when I, it's like, yeah, like five minutes ago I was being like, derper durp and now I'm like, deed, deed, deed. And it's like, that's nothing. I know there's something so funny, too, about the idea of like so many people engage in intercourse from watching something on TV of like, oh, we were watching something and then it just kind of happened. The idea of like the Lego movie is playing. Yeah. And you're assuming a different personality in front of it. Yes. Yeah. Like you're becoming a different person that you would be embarrassed for 99% of the people you know to see while the office is playing. Yeah.

Like hearing it. It's just like zoom out and that's like so interesting. Every time I zoom out ever in anything, I start to panic. And I often do zoom out. But it's just like, you know, but it's just like zoom out. It's just like what a crazy thing to do to swim out. Why? I'm always like, why am I doing this? Why do I feel? When I was in my early 20s, I remember I'm not a religious person, but I remember praying to God to stop being horny. That's fucking awesome.

Because I kept getting myself into trouble as like a single 24 year old, 23 year old where I'm like, this is bad. I wish to fuck God that I wasn't horny anymore. I do think that's a really healthy reaction. Like obviously it's not at all. but it is like a very sweet thing. No, it's the ultimate sweet reaction. It's way better than like, I wish all these bitches would do what I want,

which is what I think some people would do. Yeah, no, I do think I'm praying to not be horny is pretty awesome. It is because, like, there is this idea of, like, in religion, the idea of God always watching you. It's like, always. Yeah. That's so embarrassing. Yeah.

God's going to see all my weird shit that I do. Well, I would do. I thought that same thing. I didn't grow up with any religion. and my dad was like anti-religion. Same. Like, yeah, like I, yeah, exactly. Yeah.

And I would go to church if I stayed the night with a friend on a Saturday. Oh, yeah. And I remember listening to the guy, the preacher, I don't know, go, yeah, if you got to pray to Jesus to wipe away your sins or to wash away your sins. And I was like, that's all you got to do. And so I do all kinds of weird fucked up shit, like put on my cousin's diaper and walk around. or something. I don't know. And all I have to do is pray. And then at night I'd be like, hey, God, listen, that whole diaper thing.

Can we forget about it? I'd feel suddenly just like better. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, it is like a, it's a funny thing of like, of, this is a thought I've had before. Like, if God is real, what are the things that if I were to meet God one day, I'd be like so sorry about that. Yeah, yeah. Like what's the, what's the code?

Right. Yeah. Oh, my God. I've been harboring so much shame for over a decade because an ex-girlfriend of mine from over a decade ago, well, one time I went out while we were together, she was out of town for a long time and we weren't really communicating very well. I was trying, but, and I went and like danced with a girl, like a date. It was a date. And we like, it was like sexy dancing. Sure. And I was like so, I felt so bad. Yeah. And then, um, I.

we were recently hanging out and we go to the same gym and we were talking and she was like, did you ever cheat on me? And I was like, no, but I was thinking of that. And I was like, what about you? And she's like, yep, I did. And she told me, she cheated on me at a wedding that we were both at. And that's the craziest thing is when you're there. Yeah. And I was laughing, laughing laughing I I didn't feel anger or jealousy or anything but what was so funny is then she was like or I don't know this is so funny what a weird way said it was you want this it's so funny yeah she was like you never cheated on me and I want all I had to say was like I went dancing with a girl one night but instead I was just like nope nope I couldn't admit it to her

even though she had told me that she like absolutely actually did And I don't care if that's on this podcast. I just don't, if you post Instagram clips, that's not, that shouldn't be one of them. Yeah, for sure. That's a beautiful sound. Okay. But yeah, I've like, I've thought about that for years. Yeah.

And then it turns out we were at a wedding in Mexico. And she was like, all good. The craziest part of this is we were sitting there at the dinner thing after the wedding. the reception where they make speeches and shit and we were watching I was sitting next to her and this other girl and the dude

giving this speech was the brother of the groom and he was such a tool and he was like they say that there's no such thing as a beautiful woman who's also smart and funny well looks like my brother found one

and that is what we call a unicorn and I was sitting there making fun of them to my girlfriend and to this other girl that was like a stranger to me. And they were, you know, they were both laughing, laughing, laughing. And then later that night, my girlfriend wouldn't dance with me because she was probably feeling so, like, guilty and she couldn't look me in the eye. And then later that night, I was just walking around this big property in Mexico. And there was like a guest house kind of vibe.

And I walked up there and I walked out onto the balcony. And the girl who was sitting next to me was getting railed by the guy. gets in the speech and she I saw them and I was like oh I'm sorry and then she looked at me like I don't know and then years later that's the same guy that's the guy cheated on me with I was so upset at the beginning of the story because I was immediately like that's going to be the guy and that sucks wow he got everyone at that wedding all you have to do is like sucks so much and just be very handsome wow and have bangs oh bang bangs it was a long time ago I think bangs are a little more trendy.

It is a really interesting thing, too, to know that that's probably that. The girl who got railed, that was probably her thing. If she would go to heaven, she would probably tell God, like, so sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And God would be like, yeah, it's all good. We've all been there. Yeah. A boy with bangs.

A boy with bangs. Yeah, God's like, I've been railed by a boy with bangs. Yeah, God isn't like, oh, we've all. What do you think I'm doing right now? But it's also. Zoom out. I always, like, have the thought of, like, even like, if you're like, even if you, like, fart and you're alone. It's like, if God is watching, they're probably like,

I don't know how it happened because I grew up with no religion. My dad escaped Catholic school. My mom fucks with astrology, but no religion. I, to my core, truly deeply believe every single thing I think can do is being watched. Probably because I have OCD. But I'm like, it's not God. It's the universe. And everything I'm doing privately. Everything's being watched. Everything's being judged. Everything has to be held to a standard.

And like you get punished for things that you do even in private that are bad. Now, that might not be true. But it also stops me from doing things bad in private, I guess. You know what I mean? Or in public. Like I, I still like, what kind of bad things were you hoping to do in private that you needed to be checked? I think you're some, a new thing I've started doing is one.

When I have a very impulsive thought, I will write it down and I'll read it. And I'm like, that's ridiculous. And then I don't want to do it anymore. Interesting. Can I ask what one of them would be? It would be like get a haircut, even though I don't need one. Get a crazy haircut. Yeah, yeah.

Or just like shave my head or dye my hair or go drive to a casino. I'm like get a hotel by myself and gamble for 24 hours. So then do you keep all of these pieces of paper and you just kind of have them hung up around? Wait, you can make them into an art piece. That's fun. Yeah, I mean. Just write them all down and then like glue paint them on to like a board like a collage and then just sell it as an art piece because that actually fucks. Like not even being sarcastic.

I think that fucks. That'd be cool. I mean, what sucks is doing stand up and everybody already knows all my like impulses and compulsive kind of. You can always get more impulsive behaviors. You know what I mean? Like you can always get worse. We can always get worse. We can all always get worse.

Well, you're totally right. And I am blessed in some ways because I think about like fetishes or kinks. And I'm like, I'm pretty innocent as far as that goes. And like, thank God. I'm not like, you got to piss on my feet or something, which is some people's kind of vibe. And I have friends where they have like fetishes or kinks where it's like they have to prepare them. Yeah. Where it's like that's so much work and you're already doing so much work in your life.

Or I'm like, there's nothing better than a thong. Yeah. And that is so sweet. That's all it takes. It is like definitely one of those things of like I remember like there have been times where like partners have been like let's role play. And I'm like, oh, I'm not getting paid at all for this. Like I already do writing for free. Like I don't want to do.

And we're doing improv. Like just like so unsexy to me. Also like. I don't want to do an improv scene. What's the game of the scene? It's like not fun at all. How do you heighten here? How do we heighten spit in my mouth?

Spit in my eyes? I don't know. Kill me. Kill me and bury me in the desert? Give me another friend duo. I like that. Oh, my gosh. Well, what about peanut butter and jelly?

Oh, peanut butter and jelly. Like how are they? in the relationship with each other. Well, peanut butter we know was invented by George Washington Carver in like the 20s or something. When was jelly invented? Oh, must have been ages ago. Yeah, who's older, jelly? Who's older, jell.

Gotta be jelly because all you got to do is scramble up some beef, beans. Scramble up some beans. All you have to do for jelly, folks, is scramble up some beans. I also like that it was beef, then beans. Scrumble up some beef, grumble up some beans. Then you got jelly. Yeah, and that's what they've been doing since the late 1300. Yeah.

I feel like they're medieval jellies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are probably- Did one of them like bring the other onto the scene? You know what? I think it's like a Phoebe Bridgers-Connor Oberst thing where Phoebe starts popping off and brings along and is like I'm, I grew up listening to Bright Eyes. And it'd be so cool to start a little band with Connor. And so brings and they start better oblivion community center.

And it's like, you know, the Connor Bright-Eyes fans are maybe a little older and now they're being introduced to Phoebe. But really Phoebe is on this up and up and up. And she's making Connor Ober so relevant. Yeah. And that's great. Symbiotic. And his late 30s. Yeah.

And that's way past your prime by that time. Right. You can't even lay eggs anymore. I think peanut butter shows up and just changes the game completely and is like I've always been a huge fan of jelly. That's really sweet. Jelly is who made me want to be peanut butter. Yeah.

And I would love to collab. And then it just worked out. That's so good. Yeah, that's awesome. Especially because, like, you know, we're reading, like, the history of jellies. And the fact that the first jelly was, like, extracted gelatin for meat and fish dogs to create savory and clear gelatin. Kind of what you said. It is what you said.

You grumble up some beef. You grumble and you grumble up some beans. And then you get your jelly. You were fully right. Yeah. And that's. Whoa. But the idea of peanut butter looking at that and going, now that makes me want to be peanut butter is really awesome.

Also, like, in. theory in my head like already peanut butter saying it. I want to be peanut butter. I believe I'm picturing this as like it is a a jar of peanut butter without its label. Yeah. So it's existent but it has not labeled it. It doesn't know what it's name is. You could go even further and go peanuts and butter. So yeah, they had a kid. Well, yeah or like are they as friends? I think they're not friends at all. I think there was like a false internet rumor that they were dating and they literally don't even know each other. It's something totally different. It's like a PR like nightmare. It's like Pryan De Palma's obsession and yeah and uh curry the new guys. Oh,

Curry Barker. Yeah, exactly. You're like, guys, this is not the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds, because in actual peanut butter, there's no butter. Is there butter in it? Is it? I think it's called peanut butter because it's like a spread. It's a butter made of peanut. A butter made of peanut. So butter is like not involved in peanut butter's career at all. Not that. I know of. So then I kind of feel like maybe peanut and butter, maybe it's like a situation where peanuts being like, you're the father and butter is like, I'm not a part of this at all. Oh my God.

And they can't get him, they can't get each other in the same state to do a paternity test. Yes. That's so crazy. And they were featured on Maori. They're going to be on Maori again. Are you saying Maori? Mori, Maori is the New Zealand. Maori.

Maori is Tia and Tamara, which is my favorite kind of Maori. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was that the little brother? Who's Maori?

No, that's their last name. Oh. Is that their last name? Little brother was T.J. T.J. And he did the smart guy. He's a smart guy. Yeah, that was awesome.

How did it come together to do a stand-up show that's also a concert with your best friends? Because that's so fucking fun. Well, thank you. Like, what a fun thing. I was on tour a bunch, and I've kind of figured out how to alienate my audience in a way to where they're like, some of them are there for this music and some of them there for the comedy. And some of them are mad that there's no chairs and some of them would prefer that. And yeah, and I had been touring. Really, it started, I was opening for this great band called Howdy.

And I had Jeremy, my bass player and my friend, Robert. who I grew up with as my drummer and I realized at some point on that tour we were doing a show at this DIY venue in Nashville called Dark Matter and I realized that like three of the jokes or stories I was telling of Jeremy was there and the and I hadn't told it those stories on stage and Jeremy was really laughing at them and the audience really enjoyed seeing Jeremy laugh at these stories and me going like, oh, Jeremy used to live in my car or whatever. So I was like, oh, that's probably the vibe for this. And then so I, you know, usually with the songs, I had written a lot of those songs in 2020. After my first special came out because I was like, this is the new hour, but then I couldn't tour it or anything. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I usually just accidentally write in a theme.

I'll be like thinking a lot about my friends and I'll write that. And that was sort of a reaction to my first special, which was more about my parents. And so it just sort of evolved into that. And the special was made over like a few months because we had to go and find all of these old videos of me and my friends, like skate videos when we were kids. I love the way, yeah, like the way that it's cut through. Thank you. Thank you. It's like, I grew up here.

But I'm like, oh my God, I'm a little boy growing up in Alabama right now with a group of friends, like watching it. And it's like, no, I'm not. That's cool. I like this idea of like having the friend there actually like makes it even more rewarding for the audience. Because I think that's true. And like there was like we had an improv coach one time who said like at the end of the day, like the thing that people want to watch is friends having fun. Yeah. like the reason people like improv comedy is like it seems like a group of friends having fun.

And it's a huge thing right now too. It's like all so many internet things are like, oh, okay, this is a big group of friends having fun. And they're funny people and they're doing entertaining stuff. But a huge poll is I love watching people who like each other get like laugh. Well, it's like the most pure thing. Yeah. Like it's like when you're having a really good time with your friends, there's kind of like nothing more pure and wonderful in the entire world. Yeah.

I think you're totally right. And in terms of comedy, live comedy, or just comedy in general, but it's like, you know, you have jackass where it's just they're all pals dicking around. You love it. They could be sitting on a couch and you still love it. Yeah. Or by yourself, like there's this great comic named Todd Glass who when I first started out told me like the secret to comedy is to just have more fun than anybody else on that stage. And it's also like that Jim Carrey thing of Free the All right. audience from concern.

And so, which is he says is like the, the point of comedy. That's so true. And so that's what I try to do. It doesn't always work. Is just make them not worried about me. Even if I'm not killing.

And now I'll say like if I'm straight up bombing. I like bombed not long ago. And I was like, listen, you can tell I'm an okay guy. I just don't want you to be worried about me here. No, it's 100% true.

It's the thing that ruins it the most is like, when you are nervous for the performer, you're like not laughing. Right. And like even if you're not laughing, like knowing like they're going to be fine. Yeah. Probably way better.

It's an off night. Yeah. It's an off night. I believe that you're great. Yeah. All good. Yeah. No.

And like, and yeah, just the, the whole thing is so fun. I would so highly recommend watching it if you haven't. Yeah. Watch it. Really.

I was watching some Stavros interviews. And I was like, oh, he's actually telling people to watch his special where I always forget to do. And I'm like, he's a pro, man. He's actually promoting his comics. Do a promo vibe. Tell everyone where they can find all of your stuff and where they should be going.

Are you going on tour sooner or anything? I go on tour in November. Please get tickets for that. What's wrong with you? Especially Seattle, which is like kind of slow right now. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What's going on Seattle? Yeah.

Y'all used to be awesome. Yeah, no, actually insult them. This will be good. here's a tight five on why I hate Seattle sorry you know yeah it was great to come Seattle please you can watch my special on HBO and I would love it if you did

and tell people about it and put it I I've been telling people to review it on letterbox because my dad likes looking at it unless you don't like it but my dad thinks that all the letterbox reviews are like professional reviews and he's like their reviews are rolling in And I'm like, it's a guy called like piss in the toilet. Yeah, 69, yeah.

And like, this fucks and five stars. And he's like, this is awesome. Dude, this one critic said he liked your hair or something. And that was a guy. Yeah, yeah. That was just some guy, dad. It is a lot of just a guy. Yeah.

It was in my DMs going, you remind me of me. Do you get a lot of DMs of people being like, you remind me of me? It's either that or like you look like Walton Goggins. or Gary Busey or Jim Carrey or whoever. And I'm like, yeah, thank you for the you look like stuff. Or it's like anytime HBO posts a clip because it's like a bigger audience, they'll say like this guy looks like TIG or they'll go like this guy. This guy. Yeah.

That's so funny. This guy. At all. Thank you. But people love to say that everyone like people just see like the same basic anything. It's exactly the same. It's brown-haired man. You look like Walton Gagins.

I'll tell you something and it'll make you feel a little bit better for like two seconds, which is there was like a moment in my life, a couple months at a time where people kept DMing me photos of people who looked kind of ill. And they'd be like, I literally saw this on my timeline. I thought it was you. And I'd click on the photo and it would be a Holocaust remembrance site. And it'd be a picture of somebody who is either recently escaped from not like recently, but in the photo they had either recently escaped from a camp or was in one. and they were like literally thought this was you queen queen's this you so feel a little better about that at least use our movie stars

someone sent me someone sent me a like a video and was like genuinely thought this was you girl and it was a animated me emoji that was like this curvy curvy woman on a farm wearing cowboy boots animated it was animated and I was like of course you didn't think that was me that's a cartoon like of course you didn't think that was me People just need to cut that out in general unless it's like the most handsome or beautiful.

Yeah, or don't show the picture. Be like, you remind me of my dad and I love my dad. Great sentence. I don't need to hear it, but like sounds like that's a positive instead of like, you look like this. You look like a skeleton with a wig on. I do love you remind me of me. Yeah. So strange.

Well, that's a lot of what my, I'd say, fans are, which I think is cool. When I look into the audience and I just see a bunch of, you know, men who look exactly like me. And I'm like, all right, I'm tapping in here. To be honest, I have been, and I've never thought this about you online, but since sitting with you in person, from the angle where you're looking that way, I'm like, holy shit, you look so much like our friend Colin. Like, oh, really? Like from the angle where it's just that way.

And then when he faces me, it all goes away. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Well, we love Colin. Colin's one of the- Colin sounds great. We love Colin.

I heard it. It's not to quote literally another podcast on our podcast, but I would be a little. was just listening to a podcast where they said the only person you can tell people they look like is Jennifer Lopez. Every other person, if you tell them they look like they'll find something to be offended by. But if you say you look like Jennifer Lopez, everybody goes like, thank you. You look like Jennifer Lopez. Thank you. There we go.

That's proven. You guys, thank you so much for hanging today. Thank you for being here. This was such a delight. Yeah, we appreciate you coming in so much. Thanks for having. Tell them like what your handles are and stuff so they can find. I'm Whitmer Thomas.

Follow me on all the things. I'm like trying to do better at posting a bunch of stuff. And it's really working. I quit Instagram for four months and my fan base dwindled basically immediately. So I was forgotten. So I'm back on there hitting it as hard as I can. Follow me on there. I don't do anything on TikTok, but there's some old ones.

That's fun. And you know what? It's just a good place to follow just so they can know where up. coming tour dates and stuff like that. I don't post those on there, but you can find it. I'm sorry. I should. I should.

Definitely Instagram and definitely check out Terminal Crew of Dudes. And also, if you guys want to watch longer episodes Uncut Shit, check out our Patreon. Yeah. It's so, it's so cheap. It's literally $5 a month. Yeah. And if you don't want to check it out, you honestly don't even have to. You guys, we will see you next time.

Thank you so much for coming. Thanks for having me. This is a blast. Y'all rock. And I forgot to say y'all grew up to. together too so I feel right I listen to this so since you're 15 which is not you you're a little too old but yeah 15 is far too old and I've always in general yeah we will see you next Tuesday freeze frame