Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Couples Games

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

For the season two finale, Syd and Olivia get vulnerable and honest with some extremely romantic couples' card games. The perfect thing to do for platonic, non-sexual life partners! Find out what Syd and Olivia would be like as parents, if they are ready to settle down with one another sexually, and what their plan for the future is. This is going to be a wild ride. Listen here or watch on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/SydOliviaTube Follow the podcast on social media! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sydandolivia TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sydandoliviatalkshit Twitter: https://twitter.com/sydandolivia ADD US ON: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/piercedmedia/ TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@piercedmedia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/piercedmedia Out of Line is a ⁠⁠pierced media production Executive Producer: Shweta Katyal Produced by Ashna Rodjan About Pierced: Pierced is the first creator-led podcast network that’s making podcasts for the girlies. We’re tired of every man on the face of the planet having a podcast and decided it’s time for a new era of podcasting - it’s time to give the girls the mic 🎤 Pierced podcasts features all your fav content creators in a new light. We collaborate with creators to produce podcasts that speak to the complex and unique experiences of the girls and young women of today – the podcasts we wish existed when we were younger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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A message from the Montgomery County Department of Transportation. Season two. Wow, it's the final episode of season two. How's everybody feeling? Wild. I'm Sid. I'm Olivia. Together we're Sid and Olivia and we talk some shit.

Welcome to Sit in Olivia Talk Shit, the podcast. We are on YouTube. We are on Spotify. We are on anywhere you listen to podcasts. Yeah, we're a comedy duo. We're at Sid and Olivia on everything. Can you tell we're burnt out? Today for our final episode of season two,

you know, we were thinking, God, what would be the most intimate thing we could share with you guys. And at first we were like nudity. Yeah. And then we realized this is a podcast and you can't listen to nudity. No. I mean, not easily. Not easily.

You have to really get creative. And if you got too aroused, you might get into a car accident if you're driving. Exactly. And so we decided against that. So yeah. So we thought the next best thing would be to really sit down. Yeah. And ask each other questions from a weird box game we found on the internet.

We found a couple of them. A couple of them. And these are games that are meant for romantic couples. Romantic couples that have been in long-term relationships. Like couples that are like, we've been married for 25 years. Yeah. And we're having some issues. Let's play a box card game. Let's reignite the spark.

Let's dig deep. All we do is space out and watch TV. And let's try to get our sex lives back on track. Absolutely. So we thought, well, we better do that in front of you guys. very intimate. Yeah. So we don't know what questions we've picked out and we're just going to ask each other a bunch of questions back and forth. And that's what this episode's going to be. And I'm very excited because there's some really fucking ridiculous questions that don't apply to us. Yeah, I don't really know

where this episode is going to go. Like I don't know really what's going to happen. But we're going to all find out together. There's going to be some vulnerability and there'll probably be some intimacy. So the first card game we're going to be. choosing problem is called the open parentheses and then nothing and then closed parentheses and couples edition from the skin deep I don't know that's too confusing of a that's too confusing of a title for me and it looks like the cards have at the top like a picture icons yeah icons one of them is a middle finger one of them is people fucking and one of them's ear. Got it. Got to love it.

One of them, yeah, they're all weird. Do we know anything about this game going into it? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Are you so excited? You know, I'm not. I'm a little worried. I'm a little worried. I feel like you have something in store for me. I definitely picked a couple cards that I was like, there's no answer to this question. Great. Why don't you ask, why don't you pick a question first? Okay, I'll start. Okay, Sid, what do you think is the sexiest part of my body? Oh, well, we're off to. a sore insert. Now here's a thing. I don't want to sexualize you. You're my friend. I've known you for 12 years. Your brain. Thank you so much. Oh my God. What a sexy answer. Okay.

That's a really nice thing to say. That's a really, really, really good answer. I'm going to say your brain. God, what a great answer. Okay, you go. God, it's like I'm like a really naturally gifted husband. Yeah, you are. You are. You're an excellent husband. Absolutely. Okay, how have I changed since we first met? What do you miss about me? What do I miss about you? Okay, since we first met, you stopped wearing a back brace? Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

I was like, I was going to say that the answer should be that you miss my scoliosis brace. I miss your scoliosis brace. I miss hugging you and feeling a scoliosis brace. I would say besides that, you've also grown up like one would between the ages of 15 and 27. Yeah, when I was 15, I wore a back brace for, I was about to say a skeleton brace. You wore a skeleton brace. I wore a back brace for my scoliosis. It felt like an exoskeleton.

When boys hugged me, they would shudder and run away. Yeah, I would say I definitely missed that. It kind of, I don't know, maybe because I was just like, thought you were cool, but I was like, it's like a corset, but it wasn't. No, it's like a skeleton brace. So yeah, that's hands down the only way you've changed and the only thing I miss about you. Yeah, it was, it was ugly and it was bad and it was really difficult to wear clothes. Okay, here's a question, Sid.

Hit me. I have no idea how you're going to answer this one. Sure. Which of my insecurities drives you crazy? Oh, my God. I mean, it's an easy answer, right? Yeah, probably. If you know Olivia, well, you probably, I'm going to guess you don't.

If you're watching this, I'm going to guess you don't know Olivia. in person because if you do, why would you be watching this? Yeah. It's fucking weird. Unless you're like my dad. In which case, hey. In which case, hey dad. Yeah.

Olivia often talks about being fat. Oh yeah. Or having a big square face is a big thing she says a lot. Yeah. And when people compliment her, she'll be like, no, it's my big square face and I'm fat. And people will be like, oh, that's really not what I said. And I think it's mostly like irritating because it's not true. That's the reason it is irritating.

That's very nice. Because it's just not true. You know, I, one day maybe I'll see it that way. Now it would be hot for me and I'd get all sexy in my brain. Let me be nice for a second. Olivia gets a lot of compliments from people they are deserved of people being like, you're so beautiful and like you like are so pretty and stuff. And it happens a lot.

Like I've seen it. It happens on the street. I blocked it. I block it out for some reason. I like can't hear it. I'm like, it happens literally all the time. I see it all the time. I'm so troubled.

And the response is usually like, I'm fat. I have a big square face. And it's just like, oh my God. That's just not true. Like literally, like walking down the street, people are just like, ah! Like it literally happens all the time. I see it all the time. And the fact that she's always like, I'm fat.

I have a square face is I'm like, wait, how do you put those two things? I don't understand. how those things go together. Yeah, I'm so excited to just literally go to the hospital one day and never come back. Jesus Christ. Okay, this episode is off to a beautiful start. Okay, you want to ask me a question? I've been wondering this for a while.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, we've been in this friendship for 12 years now. Are you concerned that my body will change over time? That's a good question. you know I'm not concerned that your body will change shape I could be maybe concerned that your body might change like health wise for example like if for example I don't know I don't know how scoliosis works but let's say for example your scoliosis got way worse I really love that my scoliosis has been heavily featured in this episode this is the beginning of this episode is themed your scoliosis

so like for example if it got much worse I would be like oh no yeah because that would suck But, you know, in terms of like if you got like very, very short legs all of a sudden or something like that, no, I'm not worried. I would say if my scoliosis is going to get worse and my back is going to curl up, I would at least like to be like a beetle and be able to curl up into a ball and roll around places and then come out of my ball and then I'm at my destination of choice. Yeah. And I can walk around on my eight legs or how many ever legs beetles have. Okay, here's a really cutting question, sin. Sure. Do you wish I made more money?

Why? Yeah, I wish you made more money because then I'd be making more money as well. And I always wish that. As a person who is your business partner, who I'm making half of the cut and you are making half of the cut, I do wish you were making more money. It would be nice. Because then I could also have more money. It would be really nice.

And I would love that. Yeah. Oh, this is an interesting question. And this one I really am curious. Yeah. What is a value we do not share in common? I think that sometimes you value directness. And like if we're in a business meeting or something and someone is being like all over

the place and being like, well, maybe we'd like to work with you, but like not really. You kind of are like, oh, that's like that that rubs me the wrong way because I value when people are like, this is how I feel. And for me, I think while that's a great trait to value, I just innately like you value it more. And I think I probably. yeah I probably value like the weird inner workings of how somebody's probably thinking when they're talking in a way that they don't mean because I'm just I'm like oh that's like interesting and important to like figure out how people do that and I think you're a little bit more like can

someone just fucking say exactly what they mean which is also completely fucking valid yeah I think that I think about um my gauge of honesty yeah is sometimes different than other people yeah I've noticed people have pointed out to me that like for me I can call something like dishonest and people are like it's not dishonest it's just like being how people are yeah like to me it's like dishonest if somebody is being like um pretending to be okay with something that they're not okay with right right whereas most people are like no that's just like what people do it's just like a you know a social skill that you know it's not like taking a like for example if someone makes me food and it's bad, I'm going to be like, oh, thank you.

It's great. Right. But on one hand, that isn't completely honest. But on the other hand, like, there's certain people who see that as like, you're a fucking liar. Right. And there's certain people who are like, oh, no, that's just how. But, like, there's definitely a spectrum from being honest to a fault to where you're, like, just hurting people for no reason to being, like, fake.

Yeah. And I think neither of us are on the extreme ends. but I think that we have a difference. Yeah, like, good. If someone made me, like, food and I didn't love it, I would be like, oh my God, thank you for making me this. This is so nice of you. Yeah.

I probably wouldn't say, like, this is the best thing I've ever eaten. Right, right, right, exactly. I would just be like, that was really kind. But you're also not the type of person to go, this is bad. No, I wouldn't say that. I would just be like, this was really kind. Yeah. Yeah, I think it comes from this weird place of being so scared of being lied to.

I think that's absolutely about. And, like, I'm being really afraid of, like, living in the Truman show where everyone's, like, pretending to feel one way, but actually feels another way. Because to me, I'm like, if I see someone, like, pretend to be friends with somebody and then I hear them talk shit about them afterward, I'm like, oh, I can't trust you. No, ever. Yeah.

Which is so scary to me. Yeah. And yeah, I think it really comes from that. No, I think that's a very, like, that's a really important distinction to make. Yeah, but I think I do it to a fault because I like expect people to be like robots and just be like, this is what I want and this is how I feel. It's helpful. It's helpful sometimes.

Yeah. Okay, here's a question. What do you think? is the fundamental moral value that we share in common? I don't know if it's the number one or just what's coming to mind right now. Right, right, right. But I think we both value time. Yeah.

And what I mean by that is like I think we're both, even if we express it in different ways or like talk about it in different ways, I think we're the type of people where we would never want to waste someone's time. We don't want anyone to be doing something. They don't want to be doing. Yeah. We don't want the other person to be doing something they don't want to be doing because time is valuable. Yeah. You only have so much of it.

Yeah, I think looking at time as an important thing instead of a thing that's like, well, I don't value your time because I don't care. So we both move very fast. Like we're both very fast people when we set out to do something. Like it's more like, okay, we're going to go space out for X amount of time or just like talk about like garbage for X amount of time. And then we're supposed to write this thing. let's start it, let's finish it. Yeah. And like anytime we would ever film anything that was like a web series or anything,

we'd always make sure we got people out in like the shortest fucking amount of time possible because it's just rude to be like, oh, you probably have nothing to fucking do with your day. Yeah, no, I totally get that. Yeah, and I think just knowing that like time needs like purpose of like, oh yeah, this time is for working and this time is to take care of yourself and this time is to do what you like. Yeah, love this question from this game. Are you ready to have sex with only me for the rest of your life? No, perfect.

Your turn? Your turn. Your turn. Okay, here's a good question. In what ways do my friends reflect who I am? Ah. Okay, I think you have a lot of fun friends. You have a core group of friends from college or high school.

And I think what that reflects, is that you are really loyal to people and you stick it out with people. Yeah, I have a lot of old friends. Yeah, you're not like, oh, I have a new best friend all the time. Like, you have people who you've always been really close with and still are. And I think that is, that says a lot about you. I think a lot of your friends are very fun, but also can get vulnerable and open up like so fucking easy. Yeah.

And I think that that, you grow, you. attract people who can both be really wild and fun, but also be really multi-dimensional and real. And I think that's good. Yeah, it's also interesting because it's like we aren't really a part of a bigger friend group. Yeah. It's like there's us and we hang out a lot. Yeah.

And then we kind of have also separate friends groups. We have our own friend groups, which I think is actually so healthy. Yeah. Because. Well, it's like when people date, like it's hard to date somebody and also be in a friend group with them. And it's like it happens. It's doable. It's just harder.

Mm-hmm. And it's like, it's nice to, and there's so many friends we have in common, but we definitely have different, like, groups of friends we go see, which is cool, because, like, fuck, yeah. Yeah. And it's like not like we're not friends with each other's friends. No, no, no, I love all your friends. I'm friends with so many of your friends. It's literally just like, you see them and you're like, oh, my God, hey, how are you? Yeah. You might not get like lunch alone with them. Exactly. Exactly. There's people who'm like, oh, I love them, but I don't hang out with them unless I'm also hanging out with Sid and them. You know what I mean? Which is, yeah. Very silly. Mm-hmm. If you had to call me by another name.

Mm-hmm. What would it be in why? Hmm. Isn't that a weird fucking question? Yeah, that's an interesting. I couldn't tell you why someone would ask that. Like a nickname? Yeah, anything you want.

The question has no descriptor. Hmm. Titty Goblin. Okay, we absolutely love it. Next. I don't know why. It just came to me. No, I think that's valid.

I think Titty Goblin is a nice nickname because there's like something that's cute about it in the titty. Yeah. And then there's something that's cursed about it in the goblin. And I think that's, an important combination. Yep. Yeah. Okay, well, I love that. And I think that kind of describes your essence of like cute and cursed. Yeah, and I have, I have boobs and I have goblins. And you have goblins. And I am goblins. So it's kind of perfect. I think like, I think, yeah, I think like

the girliness from Titty and the cursed, the cursedness of goblin. I think that's actually a really good one. Um, oh, well, whoa, uh, all right, quick one. What do I smell like? Oh, um, well, in the past I would have answered guilty by Gucci. Yep. But now I would honestly answer either depending on the day, clean, or cloud by Ariana Grande. Yep. That would be my answer. You guys cloud by Ariana Grande.

It's the only perfume I use. It's a really good scent. It's so good. And you can get it from the drugstore. You get it anywhere. You can get from fucking Amazon any time you go anywhere. This podcast is literally not sponsored by Cloud by Ariana Grande. No, but I am.

Why isn't it? I know. Anywhere you go with that perfume on, people you've never met, chase you down. down and fucking go. It smells really good. And I go, what are you wearing? You smell so good. It's way cheaper than most perfumes. Oh, it's so cheap and it smells great. And that's the answer. Yep. Okay, I have a question. This is a really, this, okay, so the icon on this one is an eye with a tear falling from it. Perfect start. And the question this game has asked me to ask you is, how am I not the person you dreamt of being with when you were younger? When I was younger,

let's say 14 or 15. I wouldn't have dreamed of being with you because you were my friend. And still are. Right, right, right. And I usually don't dream of having sex with my friends. Yeah. Because they're my platonic friends. I think that's absolutely valid. Fair. Yeah. No, I think that I wouldn't, I first of all, when I was younger, I don't even feel like I ever dreamed of being with a partner because I always saw myself as undesirable. Oh, perfect. I'm loving it for you. I don't know. I feel really getting into it when I was younger when I was a kid. I mean, I was not, I was not, you weren't a self-proclaimed sexy kid. I wasn't a sexy kid. And not that any kid should be sexy. No, but there's some kids out there who, like on the big TikTok who go like, hey, look at me.

I'm in charge of my big sexuality. I do a sexy dance for other young people that aren't overage and I'm a child and their children and we do the sexy dance together. Yeah. It's upsetting for Olivia, but it's allowed because we're in a free country. I don't know. But I think the thing you and I have in common is that like really throughout our whole childhoods, I don't think either of us thought we were like good looking people. God, no. We were unsexy kids. which I am happy about. Yeah, I actually think it made me a way more interesting person. But like no one ever, like I can think of so many times as a kid that people had said to me things to make me think like, oh, I will never be a pretty person.

And that's okay. Yeah, no, no, no. Because then you develop your other character traits. Yeah, you've got all your other things. And you would go like, great, I'll lean on this more. Absolutely. And that's better to do because you can always get hot or become less hot. Yeah, one day when you're older and you trick people into thinking you're hot.

or something like you're fine you've got that part of your personality that is right good right but it's like I think that I just never pictured myself with another person because I'd never honestly thought it would really happen that's yeah you know that's that sucks but at the same time did you picture being I pictured myself with Jemaine clement from Flight of the Concord's right and and not like in an exaggeration like I really was like I a 12 year old girl will be with this 36 year old man one day One day I will be a young, you know, something up and coming person and I'll work with him. And even though he's married, God, he won't be able to resist me, the 12 year old. I stalked him.

I would show up at events he was rumored to be at to take pictures of him from across the street. Oh, boy. I snuck into several after party. And by the way, it's not that creepy because I was 12 to 14 when I, honestly 12 to 13. maybe 14. Very young. So I get a pass here. Because if I was 17, 18 doing this, this would be horrifying.

Hard. But I was 12, which is kind of horrifying even more in a different way. Yeah. There's one picture of me and him. And he looks so uncomfortable. Like he looks so uncomfortable. And I am so happy, but I am just like the epitome of like this is an awkward fucking 12 year old.

And it's the funniest thing in the world. And I had that picture framed forever. And yeah, I just, I was. just like hands down I'm going to absolutely marry him and if I don't marry him I'm not going to be with anyone it's like when uh Haley Bieber yeah she manifested it she manifested it and she married Justin Bieber and I think that yeah and like when the video came out of her being really little and meeting him for the first time whatever that made like every 12 year old in the world go it's possible it's possible it could happen to me yeah and I didn't even know about that but looking back

like she did it but to be fair Haley Baldwin yeah was a baller Yeah, she was famous. She was, she was part of a famous family and she ended up a model. Yeah, absolutely. And so it's like, yeah. You know, there are ways to meet your celebrity crushes and marry them. But it requires usually being rich. Being rich or famous or a combination of both.

Yeah, yeah. So, and I'm also now I'm like an adult being like, oh no, that's, that doesn't make any sense. But boy, oh boy, did I never think anything with more assuredness? There is a thing of like young kids being like that adult person will 100% be attracted to me. To me the child. When they know that I exist. Exactly. And if they are attracted to you the child, then we've got bigger issues.

Exactly. It's bad. It's like realistically one would hope if I had ever ended up in that situation. He would be like, no, yucky no. Or just like, oh, that's very sweet of you to have a crush. Goodbye. I have a wife and a child. And my guess is that's what would happen.

That is what would happen. And now I'm an adult so I understand that. And I'm just. Because realistically if there's a 12-year-old child out there being like, God, I love Olivia DeLaurentis. Yeah. And they were to meet you. And the worst part is he was 22 years older than me. Mm-hmm.

So it would be a four-year-old right now. Oh. So if a four-year-old is watching TikTok for some reason. Yeah. Which they should. I don't think they should. Absolutely don't let your four-year-olds watch TikTok. If a four-year-old is watching TikTok and sees like a TikTok and is like that girl, I'm going to marry her, and then sneaks into your house.

So a four-year-old is like hiding behind your bed. Absolutely. sees you with your boyfriend but goes, oh, fuck him. Once she sees the body I have on me, the four-year-old, she's going to lose it. Yeah, she's going to leave her boyfriend. She's going to leave her life. Yeah. And she's going to want to take care of me and love me.

And you know what I think is really good about that? Sorry? Having that crazy obsession when you're a child. Gets it out of the way. It gets it out of the way and it gets you through shit. You're like, oh, I don't care about this hard part of my life because I'm so focused on this imaginary thing that I'm. want so badly. And I'm like, that's not, that's not all that bad. As long as the adult never

reciprocates it. Yep. And so there, if you're an adult out there, never reciprocate the sexual attraction of a person 22 years younger than you. If you could have something of mine, what would it be and why? I'm thinking possessions. Okay, because I was going to say metabolism. Oh my God. Jesus Christ, Olivia. Um, gosh, uh, if I could have one of your possessions. That's how I was thinking it. Because I would also say your ability to be neat. I'm not even that neat, though. But I'm really fucking messy. I want to know possession.

Possessions. I want to know if you could steal one of my things. I would probably steal your wardrobe. I like a lot of your clothes. Oh, thank you. Really? Yeah. I feel like we would dress so different.

We do dress very different. I would steal them. I would put them on and I would go, this doesn't look as good on me. I have a different style. This looks better on Sid's style. But I would have still still. stolen them in the first place. I don't think they wouldn't look good on you. I think that you

just prefer a different type of clothing. Yeah, yeah. I, yeah, but you're... Like, I've heard you say things before where you're like, I can't dress androgy or like I can't wear things that are baggy or I can't do it. Yeah. And I feel like I wear things that are baggy a lot. Yes. Says me, a person who's wearing literally a skin tight dress right now. Yeah. But I usually wear things that are baggier because it's just more comfortable to me. Exactly. But I don't think you can't do that you just... I just prefer not to. I just prefer not to you. I think that there's something in your brain telling you to you can't, but I don't. But I don't think, but I don't think you can't. But, but I don't think you can't.

It's like if you're a person who's who has like, um, like I don't know, big tits and you, if you're a titty goblin out there, you know there's a difference between a person with a slightly smaller frame wearing an oversized t-shirt and you wearing an oversized t-shirt. Right. It just looks different. And I think there's a lot of like titty goblins like Billy Eilish who is now like, she has a full figure but is wearing, you know, I mean, fucking Billy Elish always hates when people

talk about her body and what she wears. So I'm absolutely sorry for that. But just using it as an example of like, she has a great body. She's, I know she doesn't want us to talk about it. No, we don't want to, we're not talking about it. But still, like she wears baggy clothes in and like I look at that and go like, oh, that's actually really cool. Yeah, yeah. So yeah. So I mean, the world is ever expanding, guys. Yeah, I think whether you be a titty goblin or a no titty goblin, perhaps you're an ass goblin. Yeah, if perhaps you're an ass goblin. Whatever. kind of goblin you are, I think you can wear kind of whatever sort of goblin coverings you want. If whatever goblin covering you choose makes you happy, that's the end of it. If you want no

coverings? Yeah. No coverings. There's nudist communities. You can be a nude-ass goblin. You can go and watch buying naked, which is a reality show on Discovery Plus. Wait, well, wait. Buying naked. It is about a real estate agent whose name is like, it's not. It's not. It's not. not this, but it's something like Sharon Goodblood. It's like, it's like a horrifying name. This, of course, is a discovery of show. Yeah, and she is a nudist community realtor. What the fuck?

Where are they coming up with this shit? I don't know, but I'll just eat all of it. I love it. Oh, my God. Yeah, and all the nudists love her. And the nudists call non-nudest people textiles. So there are both textiles. I'm offended and I don't know why.

There are textiles like us and nudists in this community and the woman sells houses to everyone. And in the first episode, which is the only episode I've seen, but it's still my favorite show ever. She doesn't mix her. And guess what? There's a lot of naked people. It goes badly. Oh, I would guess that. Yeah, because all the nudists show up naked and all the textiles show up clothed.

That would present some problems. And the tech, and the nudists are always like, God, why do you have to look at my nakedness? And it's like, because you're naked and not what they're used to. And then the textiles are like, God, I could. only focus on the fact that you're naked. And so it's not a, and it's like a mixer. Like a, it's like a business meeting. It's, yeah, I don't know. I would say, if you don't have Discovery Plus, you're doing your life wrong. Yeah, I would say a business mixer is a hard thing to go too naked. Oh yeah. And half the crowd is naked. And then they divide into their two separate

groups and the people putting it on are like, God damn it, everyone divided into their two groups. I could have told you that. That is wild. Be cool if they didn't, but I could have told you that they were going to. Yeah. Oh, God, maybe I should be a nudist. I think the word textile made me go, oh, I don't want to be that. Also, the problem is the nudest colony, because we've been to nude beaches. Sure. We've been to nude beaches. We've never seen a single attractive person on a nude beach. Except for, sorry, there were two. That guy who was playing soccer and then kind of became our friend for a second. Yeah, that's who I was thinking. And the mayor was kind of attractive. I don't remember the mayor at all. The mayor was closed. But the mayor was clothed. We went to a nude

beach. We met the mayor of the nude beach. Well, sorry, he claimed to be the mayor of the nude beach. Is there a mayor of the nude beach? I don't know. Other people call him Mr. Mayor and he is closed. Fun fact, nudists prefer nudist community over nudist colony. Good to know. Colony is for ants, they say. Huh. I would have never thought of that. Oh, here's a question, Sid. How do you think having children would affect our relationship. Oh my God. Well, let's look at this as if we were to have children together. Together, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so just thinking about, first of all, in a world where we can genetically have children together. Those kids would be so fucking weird. They'd be weird. They'd be fucking nightmarishly weird. Yeah. They'd have half my genetics, half your genetics. And I have a feeling they'd get some weird shit. Yeah.

I feel like they would get all the weirdest parts. of us and then just be these weird Frankenstein Sidlipias. Definitely. They'd have terrible names. Yeah. Because we would just laugh and think it's funny. Their names would be like Croucho. Yeah, we would think it'd be funny to name them like,

Chung and Kruckusk. Yeah. And then they'd be like, that's not funny, Mom. Yeah. And then we'd get Child Protective Services called on us for the names alone. I think if we had kids, we would become far more invested in children's television than they would. Yes.

That's like a realistic thing. Yes. Olivia and I have always had a really soft spot for current. children's shows. Yeah, just like absolutely nightmare shows like Kayu. Yeah, anytime I see like something that's like a kid show that's like, hi, how are you kids? I'm like, this is already so scary. Yeah. And if you watch it more and get more in depth, you're going to find some weird shit. We watched an episode of Barney together recently. We did. And it was the funniest best thing ever because it was literally just him and like a bunch of fucking kids. Which first of all, this adult

dinosaur shouldn't be hanging out with kids. Oh, in no fucking world. What the fuck? In no fucking Who left their kids alone with a prehistoric adult? It's a prehistoric adult. Don't leave your kids with him. And so what they did was they had a bunch of numbers and they organized all the numbers on the floor. First, my favorite activity. My favorite, my favorite thing to do.

Barney reacted every time they set a number, but his reactions were a little too sexual. We're so fucking weird. Like they would be like one and he'd go like, oh, ho. Yeah, this is Barney's sex outs as well. And yeah, they'd be like two and he'd be like, oh. Oh, who, who, who, who. Three. Oh, yeah, three.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were like, and this is the most cursed thing we've ever seen. And a kid would probably watch that and go, yeah, that's what you do about numbers. Yeah, you go like, who, who, who, numbers. You get excited. But we are watching it. But he's not going, hoo-hoo-hoo. No, no, no.

No, we are watching it and being like, holy shit. When the number six is put down, Barney goes like, fuck, yeah, six. He's like, oh, yeah, give me some six. So he's super attracted to numbers. Yeah. Yeah, I think we would just literally forget we had a kid because we'd be spending our whole time watching kids TV. Our kids would get in trouble in school for saying things that they weren't supposed to say yet. Oh my God.

They would get in trouble for being like, Barney fuck's numbers. You know, like, be like, my mom say Barney fucks numbers. And then they would get calls like, um, hi, your kid crucus just told, just told all of the kids in the class that Barney fucks numbers. And everyone in kindergarten is crying right now. Like that is what would happen. I can literally imagine. our kid had to deal with like a bully or something like oh my god we'd give the worst fucking advice oh my god we'd be like just tell that kid he's a little bitch yeah tell the kid he's

little bitch and he needs to go fucking cry about it or something just tell him like oh my god if i was you i would absolutely hate myself as well that kid would be so hated it would be uh it would be a cursed child oh my god um the cursed child by j k rolling it would be the cursed child by uh transphobe j k rowling yeah jk why did you know jk why did you you do that? Why'd you do it? Like, JK, like, just if I can speak to JK Rowling for just a second. Yeah, if Jay Rallin's listening. And listen, I know you're not, but what if you were? You're not listening. But like, JK, what's you doing, girl? You're so good at things like writing a story about wizards. Then why do you have to do this? To have bad opinions. That's like what I think about,

it's like with Dave, you're so fucking smart. You're so funny. You're so smart and funny. Why are you Why are we doing this? Why instead of being funny, are we doing this? Yeah, it's like, like, guys. Do the thing you're good at. We know you can do better, guys. We know, we've seen you do better. Yeah, God, damn it.

Yeah. God. God damn it. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Anyway. Well, and that's why we can't reproduce. Okay, here's a question.

And now, this one actually is a very hard one. Yeah. How would you describe my relationship to technology and how does that affect us? Ooh, okay, I actually probably have an answer for this. Great. Okay. I would say it's a two-prong thing. Prong.

The first prong is that sometimes technology decides to hate specifically you. Oh, yeah. So, like, Sid had a computer while we were both working together. And we both had, like, the same. We had to re-buy computers because Sid's computer would, like, open a window and type in, like, elderly therapy. Okay. And against her will. Here, let me explain this to you.

Yeah. My safari, my search engine, sorry, not my search engine. This is how good I am with technology. My internet had a virus where every time I would open it, it would go to Bing, a search engine I do not use. And it would have researched something I've never even thought of in my life. So it would have researched like tresects with foreplay? And I'm like, what?

And then I would just have all of it on my computer being like, yeah, Here are all the lists of tree sex with foreplay. And we would be in a meeting and then it would exit the meeting and open a window and Bing. I'd be at like a Zoom call for work. And then it'd be like, oh, Sydney exited the Zoom call because her computer decided instead it was important to look up. Tables and Tuzon.

Yeah. Houses. Yeah. Just like random real estate shit. Yeah. Bing would just be like, yeah, let's look up like how many, how many lights can you turn off in hell? Yeah. It's like, that's not even a sentence.

And at the same time, was it your F? or P key that just did not work. I don't remember, but one of my keys decided it didn't work. You'd have to press it like 19 times for it to work, and that was infuriating. So there was a time when I couldn't write emails with the letter F. Yeah, so that's infuriating, and that's one prong. Yeah. And that's just you being cursed.

That's not you having anything. Well, it's a genetic curse. Okay. My mom has a problem that she says. Now, my mom also says she can predict earthquakes. So just keep that in your head. While we hear this next thing. But I will say she did predict the 94 earthquake.

Listen, if you're going to predict an earthquake, if you're going to predict an earthquake, that's the one to fucking predict. So even though my mom thinks she's psychic, it's still unproven. We don't know yet. It's not not proven. It's not not proven. It's either true or not true, but we don't know. Yeah.

But my mom also says, again, that her blood, her blood makes computers not work. She says there's something in her blood. And apparently this is a real problem, according. to Gail. Okay. Apparently. Shout out. There's a community of people on the internet who are like, yes.

This happens to me too. I have to wear a bracelet that has something in it. Like ions or something. Yeah, that has something in it that like makes your blood not as evil to technology. So she has evil blood. But I will say it's true. Like I've seen my mom walk into a room and all the computers turn off. Like my mom does.

Your mom has haunted blood. My mom has haunted blood when it comes to technology. Shout out to Gail's haunted blood. Now. Again, you can believe it or not believe it, but I will say, Ripley's believe it or not believe it. I've seen weird shit happen with my mom and computers. So maybe you guys have like a blood curse, like Pirates of the Caribbean type of thing.

I mean, hopefully. Hopefully I get to meet all of Kura Knightley and go on a big adventure. Yeah, and I would say the other prong is that, which I think is actually only a good thing, is that you are not afraid to take breaks from social media when you need to. Yes. Which social media falls into the category of technology. Sure. I think that you will be like, oh, not doing Instagram for like a couple months because absolutely not.

And I think that that is a very, I think that's a very smart thing to do. And I would recommend that any single human being listening to this in the entire world does that whenever they're feeling like, I hate this. Does make it harder for memes. Yeah. It makes it hard. You know, here's how it affects our relationship. Sometimes I can't direct message you things on Instagram. Right.

Yeah, and I have been like next to someone else who was looking at a meme and I went, hey, hey, can you actually direct message that to my friend Olivia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done that before and so I know Olivia. I got one of those in the last week. Yeah, so I know that Olivia will get random direct messages from other people who she probably wouldn't normally get direct messages from being like this is from Sydney who was looking over my shoulder. Yeah. Yeah. Um, where do you see us in 10 years?

How old will we be dead? We'll be dead, but 36, 37. Okay, so maybe not dead. Hopefully not dead, but I'm not going to say definitely not dead. 36, 37. Okay, I'm going to say in 10 years from now, I see us with a lot more farm animals. That's the best answer. I didn't even think of that, and that's the best answer you could have given.

I just see us culminating more. Farm animals, yeah. Yeah. Goats, chickens. Yeah. I see it. Yeah, I see it. I see it and I hope it.

I would love, I would love chickens again. God, I want goats. I would love a llama. I would lose my shit for an alpaca or a llama. Sheep. Gotta love sheep. God. Farm animals are probably my favorite category of animals.

Me too, I think. I don't know, it's weird, but I just grew up loving, like, petting zoos and farm animals and shit. Gotta love farm animals. Yeah, I think we've talked about it before. Yeah. Owning a joint property. Yes, yeah. We've talked about owning a joint farm.

Yeah. And what we've said is we would take in animals. This is a real thing we've literally discussed doing. A real thing. Where we're like if we get to a point where we can afford this, we should open a joint farm. Yeah. The people who work the farm are people who are hired who like couldn't get other jobs.

Exactly. And are like really good with animals but are having a lot of difficulty getting jobs. Yeah. Like even our friends who like have had a hard time in the past. Like for example, anyone's struggling with being unhoused or our friends who can't get jobs or anyone in the whole wide world because there is no job market. anymore. Just anyone who's like, hey, I'm having the worst time ever, but I would love to hang out

with a horse. I'd love to hang out with animals and be paid a fair wage. Yeah, we would hire them to come hang out and work on the farm. And then all of the animals in the farm would be animals that people couldn't afford to keep. This developed because I had this rabbit named Barbara Streisand, a shout out. Shout out, Long Live, Barbara Streisand, the rabbit. I had a male rabbit named Barbara Streisand.

I loved him dearly. He was fucking incredible. He was the love of my life, truly. This rabbit, I'll put in pictures. Like this rabbit was just everything to me. Yeah. And I spent so much money to keep him alive. Because he was very inbred, which wasn't anyone's fault.

Yeah, no, he just had health problem after health problem after health problem. If you have a dwarf rabbit, you know that most of them, actually all of them really are inbred because dwarf rabbits are like inbred species. Right. And so they just have a lot of health problems. His like nose didn't work. Nothing worked. No. And so I spent, you were handed this rabbit.

I was. But you didn't seek out an inbred rabbit. Right, right. And you're handed a rabbit, you're like, this is the love of my life. Yeah. And it's very expensive. He was the best. He's best.

Ended up being like the thing I've spent the most money on in my entire life, keeping this rabbit alive. Yeah. And I was, at the time. It's the biggest cost, I think, ever. Yeah. At the time I was, this was my job at the time. I was working at a restaurant and I was dog walking and I was a food delivery driver

all at the same time while writing a Snapchat show. with Olivia because it didn't pay enough by itself. And so I was doing four jobs and most of them were going toward keeping us rabbit alive. And eventually there was this horrific, like, just the most tragic, traumatic fucking fuck-you kind of situation. They broke his legs during a normal X-ray procedure and he was never going to be able to walk again. We had to put him down and it was just the absolute like worst. Just like the worst fucking possible. just awful. And but like when I had him and people would always be like, you should get rid of him.

You should give him away. Like you can't keep spending this much money. Like, and I understand where those people were coming from because I was spending all of my money that I did not really have. Well, no, it's like on one hand, it's like, you know, there's certain people who when an animal is, is too expensive vet bill wise, they're like, got, you know, can't deal with this. And there's some people who it's like, sorry, that's my fucking kid. I can't do anything about it. Like I'd rather starve. Yeah. And there's got to be. be so many people who have animals that they didn't know we're going to be expensive, that ended up being expensive, and they don't have four jobs. Yeah. And that's the thing is I was like,

I was like, if I am ever in a position where I can take in people's animals where they're like, I just can't afford this animal anymore, but I want them to have like the best possible life on a farm perhaps, then that's what we would do is we would like take in the animals and be like, you're going to have the best fucking life. Your owners can visit you whenever the fuck they want. Yeah. You're going to have just the best fucking time. And we will come. cover all your vet bills and we'll figure it out. Yeah, so that's what will happen if Sid and I ever get really fucking rich. So hopefully in 10 years we'll like win the gold, the chocolate factory. We'll win the golden chocolate at the bottom of the chocolate bin.

And if we, if Willy Wonka gives us his chocolate factory and we'll sell the chocolate factory and buy a farm. Yeah. So hopefully that happens in 10 years. Yeah. All right, I like that. Yeah. Shout out to Babs. God, I miss him. God, love Barbers Drey Sand. I really love that rabbit so much. Just truly an incredible animal. Oh, God. I love him. A full, a full-fledged human being. How do I love? This is my question. How do I love? You love with, what's my love language? Your love, your love language is, um, your love language is making food for people. I do make a lot of food. Your love language is having food made for you, making food for people or like little, like acts of service. Is that what it is? Yeah. But like not, I don't know,

that sounds weird, like acts of service. But like you, you appreciate when someone does something that is like, oh, I took out the trash for you. Or I, you know, like, you know, like, And you, I will definitely see you express love in that way of like, oh, I made you food or like, you know, and I'm like, hell yeah. I do think a lot of my love language is related to food. And then, you know, here's a good question that I've just got to ask. How would you react if you caught me masturbating? That's what this card says. It's funny.

I don't want to. You know what? That is something we have in common. I don't want to. No. I think it would be uncomfortable. I think it would probably be weird. But you and I've had this discussion a lot.

Oh, okay. So first off, if you're our dads, you've got to stop watching now. But second, this is a really good point. Yeah. Okay, if you're my dad, stop watching. Stop. We've talked about this a thousand times. We would rather,

by far, walk in on someone. Someone we knew, an acquaintance, a friend, having like crazy, kinky, loud sex. Mm-hmm. Instead of walking in on someone we know making sweet, deep, passionate love. By a million trillion percent. If you think about it.

Ooh boy. Walking in on somebody just being like loud and being like, thang me, nanny and really crazy. Being like, yeah, fuck my anus. Yeah. Peg me in my mouth. Like anything fucking weird. Yeah.

You're like, wow. That's your thing. I would be like, oh wow. And walk out. If I were to walk in on somebody being like, put a baby in me, Harold. Yeah. I'd be like, Harold, your tears are,

you're beautiful. lube like I would I'd be like trying to make a baby yeah I don't want to creeps me out so much more walking on that and I think because of that my guess is if you're if I would be jacking off if you're masturbating I don't think there is a sensual part of that I think it's not like an emotional masturbation and if there is what I can't I can't I can't imagine somebody masturbating and being like I love you so much myself myself or like watching a video or having a memory and being like, I love it so much. I respect myself and I think I have good self-work. Yeah, no, it's usually like, shit on me. It's usually just watching some weird like porn thing of

somebody being like, I'm gonna put a pig nose on and fuck seven people in a row. And it's like, all right. Enter the woman who comes in, pees on everyone and leaves. Oh my God. So it's like, yeah, if you're gonna watch like weird. And listen, over everything, I would prefer to never walk in on anyone I know having sex, period. Same. But if I had to walk in on. Unless it was like a previously discussed plan, in which case we were all like, this is what we're all doing tonight. Yeah, if we're like, okay, we want to like walk in on each other having sex and that's the night. First we go to Chili's and then we go home and walk in on each other having sex. If it's not like a contractually obligated thing that we've all decided on. Like a big handshake. Then, if it's a pure accident

with lots of shame and embarrassment. I would prefer to never ever walk in on anyone accidentally. Um, but yeah, but if I had to, if I had to walk in on somebody either masturbating or like making sweet, sweet love to their partner, I'd pick masturbating. Yeah, I'd pick like walking in on ropes and chains over walking in on like poems and tears. Yeah. Also, in a sexual situation. So interesting. I brought up tears twice.

I don't know if people do that. I'm trying to think if making sweet, passionate love involves tears. It doesn't, but I feel like the essence of what we're trying to communicate about during sex. I have not. Have you? Oh, I mean, no, I have not, end of sentence. I've, I, I, I mean, I have not. End of episode. It happens. It's never happened to me, but it definitely happens. I really hope nobody's watching this that I knows. I've cried. That I knows. I hope no one's watching this that I know. I think I'm like high on something. Like, I

accidentally snorted like a cleaning product. Yeah. Listen, if you cry during sex, If you cry during sex on purpose, if you sob and weep during sex and you love it or you hate it, you do you. It's not a normal occurrence for me. No, it's just not your day to day. In case you were like wondering, it's not a normal occurrence. Should we, should we ask another question and wrap it up? Yeah, let's ask one more. Did you ask one or did I ask them?

I asked you if you would love to walk in on me jacking off. Oh, this is a good one to end on. Okay, perfect. because I feel like this could be sweet. Or maybe it won't be. I'm excited either way. If for some reason I lost my memory, what's the first thing you'd tell me about us? Oh my God.

Okay. This is a very sweet answer and it doesn't mean any, like it doesn't, it's not a memory. Okay. But the first thing I would say is we're going to be okay. Because that's the biggest thing I feel is like, oh, you and I together, okay, we're going to be okay. Yeah. Um, I would probably, I would probably tell you to buckle up. And I'm sorry.

This is, okay, I'm sorry. If in a world I lose my memory and I don't know what's going on and I wake up to a girl saying, we're going to be okay, buckle up. And I'm sorry. I would be like, this is shocking. You would be absolutely horrified. I'd be like, but wait, are we, what are we teachers? Like, what do we do?

Yeah, yeah. I would, um, yeah, I would probably be like, uh, God, I mean, I would probably test your memory by asking, like, you know, whose chest is scrappy-dew burst out of? Mr. Bean. What type of people does young Sheldon have sex with? The dead. Like, things like that. And if you couldn't answer, I'd probably just make a PowerPoint.

Right. And I'd start there. I would start there. I love a good PowerPoint. I love a good PowerPoint. Yeah. What do you think the thesis statement of the PowerPoint would be? Buckle up, I'm so sorry.

God, damn it. that is such a sad answer to this to me it's it's just like it's like um i don't know there's something like well the world's on fire and we're all going to be okay young sheldon fucks dead people um you know it's all going to be okay you would pepper in like these are things we've joked about in the past and we'll come up again yeah so i need you to know these really yeah absolutely i mean there's just facts of life that we know yeah um like pepper pig is 15 feet tall no sorry her dad is but she's like nine feet tall yeah she's like literally tall uh that yeah that yeah you know, Cayu's just a kid who's four.

I would teach you the Cayu theme song. I would show you the remix of the Cayu theme song. Yeah. I would probably give you a crash course in what's important in life, aka like those things. And then I would be like, by the way, we are struggling comedians. I'm so sorry.

And you have a cute dog. You have a nice place. So these are all good. Right. I'd take you to get Mexican food. Nice. I'd be like, this is something you love. Great.

Yeah. These are all the things I'd do. That's great. I think the PowerPoint idea is good. If you lost your memory, I think I would use a PowerPoint as well. I think we have to make a pact now that if either of us ever gets in a memory losing event. Yeah, if we have to 50 first dates each other. Exactly. The easiest and best and most direct way and the most correct way. Of course.

Is to do it through a series of PowerPoints. Yeah, I think that's the only answer. We just did another season of this big podcast. Well, this has been lovely. Yeah. If you guys want more, we have other episodes of this podcast. You can watch them all. You can listen to them on any streaming service.

Yeah, if you guys want us to bring it back for more, let us know. Let us know. Tell us things you want us to talk shit about. And if you don't want us to bring it back, let us know. Let us know and call us on our home phones and scream, never do anything again. We don't have home phones, so that's a trick. It is. It's a trap. But it's been absolutely lovely to hang out with you guys, and we are grateful to be here.

Yes. So I guess we won't see you next Tuesday. No. But maybe we'll see you in the future. Yeah. Or somewhere else. Yeah. And for this whole season, I've been Sid.

I've been Olivia the whole time. And we will see you sometime in the distant future. We'll see you some Tuesday in the future. Follow us at sit and Olivia on everything. Thank you. Thank you. and we will see you in the future.