Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - CURSED CHRISTMAS SONGS

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Wow wow wow its the big holidays for me. This week, Syd and Olivia break down haunted lesser known lyrics to Christmas songs, write their own bad lyrics, and give you an update on their current favorite cursed holiday reality show. Plus, some of the craziest Fantasy Bracket Love Island drama yet!! Check out our PATREON to get BONUS content from ya girls: patreon.com/syd_and_olivia Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anica, Mary. Happy, every holiday. Happy winter. Happy winter. Happy winter. It's winter. Listen, guys. This episode's coming out on Christmas Eve, which is a very holiday holiday.

It sure is. You know, when you think about the holidays, it's definitely one of them. It's definitely up there with one of the first ones that comes to mind. When someone's referring to the holidays, it's up there, for sure, for sure. I'm the Sid one, by the way. I'm Olivia, and welcome to Sid and Olivia Talk Shit. Thank you so much for tuning in. you know. Since last time, a really quick update, we launched a Patreon. We launched a Patreon and we're

really excited about it and it's really stupid and you should join it. It's been so fun. We've been chatting with the people on Patreon pretty much nonstop. It's crazy. Everyone's insane so you should join it. Yeah. There's like a group chat going on over there. The thing about the Patreon, a couple things. We are releasing like sketches early on there. Like if we have a sketch, we haven't posted it yet, we'll put it on the Patreon. We'll have a part of it. We'll have a part of it. We'll have parts of this podcast that if they're just too long for the episode, we'll cut extras and put them in the Patreon. But worst of all, you get to be in this awful group chat with us where everyone just replaces the wicked song titles with the word shart.

We've been doing that a lot. Like sharding through life. Sharding, unadulterated sharding. Like a lot of that kind of stuff. A lot of that. So if you want in on that for some reason. We kind of decided that like people who listen to this podcast, you know how you do like names? Yeah, like, oh, okay.

hi daddies for call her daddy. Daddy gang. What does Giggly Squad do? Giglars. Yeah. So are people decided that they want to be called Shart Nation? And I don't know how that feels. How does that feel to you?

I'm fine with it. I don't know if you identify with being Shart Nation. And listen, if more people join the Patreon and there's an overhaul and Shart Nation is voted out, then that's what, and I have no control over that. But I guess it makes sense. The podcast is called Sid and Lovie Talk Shit. Which is, you could have the audience be called Shart Nation, and it wouldn't be fucking crazy.

It's not crazy. There are multiple people who have changed their bios to add ShartNation into it. Yeah. And I would say that if I were to die very soon. Well, let's not hope for that. I don't. But if I were to, that's a pretty cool accomplishment. Totally.

Making a bunch of people. Influencing people to add Shart Nation. to their bio. Yeah, I think that's a pretty cool accomplishment. Yeah. No, I think... Especially in the context of the world. Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. In the context of how fucked the world is I think that's a great accomplishment. It's up there with the invention of the telephone. Yeah. It's up there with providing clean drinking water to starving children, thirsty children. Yeah, there's, yeah. It's really up there. Shart Nation.

So if you guys want to join Shart Nation, we're linking our Patreon. It's truly $5 and it's truly worth it. You guys, it's so silly and so stupid. Join. It'll be fun. And if you're a kooky rich person... Yeah, we have another tier. We have two tiers.

We have a normal person tier and a kooky rich person tier. We have a tier for $50 because we're like, I don't know, if somebody wants to give us $50 they can. Yeah, they can severely influence everything we do for the rest of our lives if they want. But if you just want to be normal and in the club, it's just $5, queens. But what you will see is that when we do our Love Island update later in the episode, yes. The ideas we have from this update have come from two of our Patreon.

members. Yeah. So the Patreon members are really the producers of Love Island. If you want to really come on at this point in the season and help be a producer, uh, that's a great way to do it. Yeah. Like,

you can give us plot points and we'll incorporate them. You can always suggest bombshells and we're always taking them. We're always taking bombshells. But if you want to be like an executive producer of this show, get on the Patreon. And if you want to be an executive producer of my tithes, get the $50 tier. And if you want to be an executive producer of my mouthhole. Fuck. then you better get the $50 tier.

And then you can executive produce whatever goes into my mouth. Whatever comes out of my mouth. Whatever comes out of my mouth. You can executive produce whatever I projectile vomit. Okay, so listen, that's the thing I'm not promising, but I don't know. I've been projectedal vomiting a lot this month. Yeah, Olivia's been doing a lot of... Should we not say that?

Because I feel like people listen to this while they eat. Okay, yeah. I will say my stomach lining this month is insane and I got to get that fixed. And now we're moving on. Okay. Hi, guys. It's Christmas time. Guys, it's holidays of time.

It's time. Now, we just did a sketch, if you haven't seen it yet, definitely go check it out, about Christmas songs. About how in Christmas songs there's like, there's the parts of every Christmas song that like people know because they play every year. Jingle bells, jingle, ball, jingle all the way. And then. Later on in the song, because all these songs were written a really long time ago,

and they're all like, what, like, if you really dive in lyrically to the later verses of certain Christmas songs? The verses that are lesser known are haunting. They're so creepy. They're so unsettling. And you can, to the point where I typed some down in our document that we share and Sid thought I made them up. I said, oh yeah, these are crazy.

Good job. And she was like, I didn't write these. She was like, I think for the joke to work, we need to show an example of what it really is. And I said, that is what it really is. I didn't write that. So we're going to show you the real lyrics to some of your favorite Christmas songs. Okay. Okay.

So Santa Claus is coming to town. We just did a sketch about this. You know, Santa Claus coming down. Great. Here are some of the real lyrics. Of the later on verse. Are you ready? Yeah.

This is real. This isn't something we're making up. With little tin horns. And little toy drums. Rudy Toottoots. And rummy tum tombs. Santa Claus is coming to town. So let's get into that.

What do we feel about that? Afraid, scared. I am having a somers. stress response. I'm going to get a rash. I'm in fighter flight. I don't know why Rudy Toot Toots and rummy tum-tumms feels like someone's trying to put their hand in my pants. Yeah, I feel like someone's trying to stick their hand in my mouth. I feel like I'm in a bar and someone I don't know is just put their hand under my shirt and started rubbing my tummy. Okay, and I feel like I feel like I just went to a family get together and an uncle who I don't

know very well, just put his hand in my mouth. Okay, I think that's vow. I think that's valid. Okay, we have, we have, um... With little tin horns. First of all, whose horns are tin? And who are, are we referring to Santa? Uh... Does Santa have little tin horns?

Well, here's the thing. If they're, if this is the olden days we're trying to list things kids like, and all they've got, it really sounds like all, like their presence, right? Like they're, he's bringing... I thought we were talking about devil horns. Oh, my God. I thought you were saying, Santa has little tin. Tin devil horns.

Oh, that would be everything. And I was like, oh, okay. I think we should make that real, though. Yeah. I think Santa should have little tin devil horns. Okay, I was picturing this wrong. But it still doesn't answer the question because it's like he's bringing, sure, he's bringing little toy drums and tiny tin horns. He's got those.

Does every child want to be in a marching band? Apparently, every child from the past wants to be in a marching band. I've always said that. But the question is, when he's bringing Rudy Toot Toots and Rummy Tom Tums, what the fuck is that? Well, here's my question. Rudy Toot Toot sounds like it could be a sound from. a tin horn. Like a tin horn could go Rudy,

but you know what a toy drum would never do? It would never go rummy tum-tum. It might. I'm sorry? Bar-a-pum-pum-pum. Oh, barumpa-pum-pum-pum. Did we just solve this? And now it makes sense?

Oh. Okay, I'm going to say, no, we didn't, and it still doesn't make sense, and I hate it, and I'm allowed to. I hate when we make things make sense. Okay, let's go to the next song, though. The next song, this song is a classic.

It's jingle bells. Yeah, we all know jingle bells. You know jingle bells. But there are later verses in jingle bells. where it's like they, they just, it's like collectively everyone decided like, we're not going to repeat those ones. They're in the song, but we're just going to know dashing through the snow. You know what, you know?

Later on in jingle bells, the writer ran out of ideas. They said, I don't know what it's like to be alive. And there are two verses we wrote down because it's so weird. Here are the real unknown verses of jingle bells. Now the ground is white. Great. Go it while you're young. Take the girls tonight.

Pass. And sing the slaying song. Here, sing the slaying song. Totally. Sounds fun. Take the girls tonight? I don't know. Take the girls tonight

and sing the slaying song could also be a sentence of a horror movie. You were talking about the slaying song. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It could also be like a really cunty drag thing. Oh my God, you're right. Take the girls tonight and sing a slaying song. No, if a drag queen said now the ground is white,

cocaine. cocaine. Go it while you're young. I'll be like, I don't even know what that means and I don't need to. No, I don't care. But when it's not a drag queen saying it, I do need to know what it means. Yes. And then take the girls to-I'm like, yeah, take the girls.

Take your titties or take your friends. Take your girls. And then sing the slaying song. See, that is way better. Okay. But it wasn't intended like that. It wasn't. It was intended like kidnap a child and...

I think so. And go it while you're young. Here's another verse from Jingle Bells that makes no sense. And at this point, we're really running out of ideas. as the author. Yeah. The horse, and then in parentheses,

why? So it can be a horsey. I've heard many a cover where they say the horsey, and I think it's worse. So the horse or horsey was lean and link.

We're checking out the horse now. We're objectifying the horse. Misfortune seemed his lot. Okay, hate that. He got into a drifted bank and then we got up sot. So that's just bad. Upsought.

And didn't you say that there was a... There is a Barbara Streisand cover of Jingle Bells where she goes and then they got upsoat and then she literally goes upsot. Which is fair. Which is fair. No, that's not a word. Because that's nothing. That's nothing. That's the writer being like Yeah, fuck you.

It's like such a, it's such a crazy near rhyme. Like oh well I almost rhymes. I'm just going to make it rhymes. You literally could have. There's so many things. First off, misfortune seemed his lot. It could end with anything else. A lot doesn't have to end that one. No. You could set up a better rhyme. And second, there are so many things that rhyme with lot. You could have just picked a real one.

So the thing we've decided out of all of these things, if we were to analyze all these things and figure out, like, what is the common denominator in these lyrics? It's that every Christmas song must have a verse that includes negativity. Yeah, it's like foreboding and unsettling. Generally, vaguely scary. Not specific. And has something to do with a horse.

Yes. So because all of these lyrics, yeah, it's just like, I don't know exactly what you're saying, but my body feels uneasy, it feels like you're warning me about something. I'm feeling a queasy chill. Yeah. So we decided, obviously we wrote that sketch that you can see, but we also decided to write our own verse to its beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Which is a classic song that weirdly doesn't have that many creepy lyrics later on, so we thought

we'd help it out. Yeah, we need it to. creepy lyrics. Yeah. So here are some really creepy verses for you. Are you ready? Yeah. So it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Everywhere you turn. There's a cloak on the bathroom floor. I'm bedridden with a sore. And the mist is coming to the children's doors. See, that's unsettling, I think. The myth is coming to the children's doors. Let's dive into that, right? Everywhere you turn.

Everywhere you turn, there is a mist that is coming into the children's doors. Everywhere you turn, I am bedridden with a sore. Everywhere you turn, there is a cloak on the bathroom floor. That means everywhere you turn, you're in a bathroom, and I'm there with a bed sore. That's unsettling. It's the world's worst escape room. Yeah, it is. It's beginning to look like Christmas.

Next verse, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Soon the horse will die. And the thing that will make you sing is the color of the meat in your own graveyard. I don't even think we need to analyze that. I think that was perfect. Yeah. So I think like... I think that's like exactly a Christmas song.

Yeah. The color of your meat in your own graveyard is what I'm getting tattooed on my ass. I just feel like misfortune seemed his lot. He got into a drifted bank is giving soon the horse will die. And the thing that will make you sing is the color of your meat in your own ass. graveyard. There's nothing different with that. No.

And I've always said that. And here's the thing is you don't need to know which horse. No, the horse. I don't care. It's the horse. There's always, there's endless horse for Christmas. I feel like, okay, Christmas is such a horse time. It really is.

Christmas is a time for the horse. Which you'd think it wouldn't be because there's like reindeer and shit. But like there would be horses fucking everywhere at Christmas. Christmas is a time for the horse. Horses rise up during Christmas. Yeah, horses rise. And I've always said that. that. All right, Shart Nation, horses rise.

Hey, Shart Nation, hear me out. Horses rise up for Christmas. God, it's so nothing. Sometimes we just say nothing, you know? I rarely say anything. I've never said anything. I'm always talking. I'm never saying anything. Okay, guys, well, that was us redoing Christmas songs, writing our own

Christmas lyrics. So there's that. So there's that. So suck on that. I guess play the music. We didn't play any music. Stop. Okay, here's another thing I was thinking. Absolutely love it. Do they know about my ghost of Christmas past. The song? Do they know about Mr. Santa Claus?

Oh my God. That's a good question. Guys, it's our Christmas present to you to reveal something that some of you might know and many of you might not. I just was thinking, I was like, I don't know if I've ever talked about this. No, this is actually a really important time

to talk about it because it is the Christmas episode. Yeah. Despite being a Jew, I have a Christmas song from when I was a child. Guys, it's so good. It's a little scary. It is so good. How old are you?

10, maybe. You look 10 on the cover. It's you and your dog. It's me and my dog. And a man wrote it. At the time I was doing like session recording. So basically there would be like someone who's like, I want this song to be a song sung by a Disney Channel singer. And then before the Disney Channel singer could like see the song, they would hear it

with somebody else's voice on it. Like a demo for them to listen to and decide if they want to do it. And it would be my voice. Your child voice. My child voice. And here is how you can tell what the songs were like. None of them made it to Disney Channel. And I know I know it's somewhere whether it was on a Try Not to Laugh, because I know

I made fun of it on trying to laugh. And maybe on a podcast episode, there was, we brought up that song about like two kisses ago, was my very first kiss. There was, another one of, like, freak over, sleepover. Yeah, one of the songs. Yeah, there were these songs. So somewhere deep in the bowels of the internet, and I don't know where they are.

Are they on the internet you think? I think somewhere. I would love to find them. If you can find them, I'll pay you $5. Yeah, somewhere deep on the internet, there's like a recording of me at like nine singing a song about a freakover sleepover.

I love having a freakover sleepover. And there's like a bridge verse with a bunch of like clapping. That's like, my mother told me to come right home. My mother called me on the phoney, peanut butter, butter and baloney. If you want to tell me, then you've got to show me. It's like one of those kind of things. That's weird.

It doesn't make any sense at all. Like a Christmas song. Right. But there was one song I did actually put my name on that was like my song. And you're going like, I can't find this. There's no way. Yes, you can. You can find it on Spotify.

You can find it fucking anywhere. You type in Sydney Heller and you will fucking find it. It's called Mr. Santa Claus. And that's our Christmas present to you. It is our favorite song. It's my face as a child. You're going to listen to it. you're going to be like, what is happening?

You're going to listen to it. It'd be like, man, that child could sing and she is being held at gunpoint. That child loves Christmas. I can't believe she's a Jew. Jewish people have never written Christmas songs. Jewish people, it's so crazy how many Christmas songs are written by Jews. It's like every Christmas song. It's like most of them.

White Christmas is written by a Jew. I think it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas is written by a Jew. It's iconic. That's iconic. But anyway, Jews make Christmas go around. Yeah. It was just like... You got to check out Mr. Santa Claus by Sidney Howard.

It's really important. And it's just a blast from the past. It's really strange. I have had people be like, wait, what the fuck is this while trying to find this podcast? Fair. Fair. Because they both start with Sid. Yep.

And it's so strange. It only played on the radio in, I think, Canada and parts of Japan. That's beautiful. It didn't make it. It didn't make it as far as we had hoped. But you can check it out. think it could have a second wind. You know, dude, I don't know.

But at the time... And then you have to go perform it live. Oh, God. At the time, my parents were really trying to make it a thing of like, this is going to pay for your college. And it sure didn't. Sure didn't. But it's worth it. It is so...

I think it's like amazing. It's pretty silly. And you should probably check it out just because like... It's about Sid asking for a human being for Christmas. Isn't that trafficking? It is. You heard it here. You heard it here.

You heard it here. You heard it here. You heard it here. Okay. Guys, did anyone watch Finding Mr. Christmas? Did you watch Finding Mr. Christmas? If you didn't because you're like, I don't have the Hallmark app, then, oh, you're no fun, but fine, we'll tell you about it. And here's the other thing.

If you do want to watch it, get a seven-day free trial. It's a seven-day free trial. You can watch the whole thing in like two days. You can get it, okay? But this is a segment where we talk about Finding Mr. Christmas music. Cut the music. Finding Mr. Christmas spoiler alerts. there will be spoilers and I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, there's some like spoilers here. Okay. So the premise of finding Mr. Christmas is the good people of Hallmark have made a competition reality show trying to find the next Christmas movie superstar. Amazing. Already it's a winner. It's already a winner because it's the first reality show I've seen in a really long time that has, or maybe ever, that has that house format, right?

Where it's like we're all staying in a house together. but they're not competing for anything romantic and they're not competing for like cash prizes. They're competing for an acting role. And that is so specific. And all the challenges are so good. It's like a long, long, long audition with a lot of people who mostly are like, I've never done this before. I have never seen a group of men in one house, many of whom are straight, none of which can move their faces. It's awesome. It is crazy. I'm so used to seeing on reality shows a group of

women who can't move their faces. I have never seen a house packed full of men who can't move their faces. I love it. It's awesome. They also dress like they're in a hallmark movie for every episode and I don't know if they have a stylist or not. I don't know they might just be like that. They might just be like that. Yeah, I don't know where they, yeah. It's awesome. Just men coming out of the woodwork being like, I am made to be a hallmark movie style. There's one guy who kind of has a brilliant introduction. His name is Gage. Oh, I love Gage. Gage is probably my favorite of the whole show.

He's kind of hilarious. And when he walks in, somebody says, how old are you? He takes a deep breath and then says either 29, 39, or 49. And I can't tell which one it is. And I couldn't believe any of them. No, I guess 39 is the closest. Maybe. But my friend, Colin, shout out Colin.

Shout out to Colin Stanley. Send me a video of his introduction and said, did this mid-30s man just take a deep breath and then answer 29? It really sounds like he's saying 29 and he does not look 29. See, when I watch it, I heard 49 and then I was like, you're not 49. I don't know, whatever it is, it's like everyone's having a Mandela effect with Gage's. None of us know how old he is and he's not any of those ages that he says. No, he's no age.

The thing about Gage is you got to see him to understand but he is not a single age. I'm also going to put in a picture of Gage here that I took. Oh, the one of him with the dog? Yeah. Yeah. That was a challenge, by the way. That's the challenge they all have to take where they all take pictures. Yeah.

There's also another guy who keeps crying during challenges because he keeps being like, this just reminds me of my dog. Oh, my God. Yeah. So with this, yes. Oh, it keeps crying and being like, oh, it just reminds me of, you know, the idea of the holiday and the home for holidays. It just reminds me of my dog.

It's kind of this vibe of like, oh, do this guy's dog just die? And they go like, oh, I'm so sorry, when did you lose your dog? And he's like, oh, no, she's not dead. Oh, no, she's not dead. She just lives with my ex. Which I get it. That's sad. If you love a dog and it lives, but it is, the way they talk.

Funny how much he talked, like, they show consistent montages of pictures of the dog and videos of the dog that like it's an in-memorium. Seem like the dog is dead. Yeah, it's not dead. It's totally fine. The dog is fine. The dog is okay. And he'll probably even be able to hang out with the dog. probably see it again. He'll be fine. But the way he's treating it is like the dog

died. Just so you guys know, like every episode is essentially them having a challenge to prove that they are a hallmark actor. Or Mr. Christmas, which is nothing. Which is nothing. So it'll be like, do a scene where you're cutting paper snowflakes or doing a wreath challenge or ice skating with a hallmark actress that we bring in. They bring in a hallmark actress. And they go and they'll be like, and you get to do this scene with the one and only, Tristan Boston Bay. And then some woman I never seen before in my life walks in and they all act like it's fucking Merrill pants it's so good oh my god it's Trisha gobble smack it's like yes the hallmark star from Christmas catastrophe and catastrophe of Christmas and jingle bell rotten and my prince is a

catastrophe my prince is a Christmas catastrophe and then the list like 12 movies that I've never heard of in my fucking but now I need to go watch and now I got to watch um yeah and then they'll like ice skate with them. And then, but like, okay, there's this one, there's this one where they have people ice skate. And then they, they're like, but you know, Mr. Christmas needs to have a heart, which is like, okay, what? They're like, the thing about Hallmark is if you're going to be a Hallmark movie star, you have to have a heart of gold. Mr. Christmas must be lovely and well. So they do a kindness test. That's a secret thing. We're like, during this challenge where they're ice skating and doing a scene, they have like some girl just like fall in front of them or like a bunch of

Like a bunch of shit falls over and they're testing to see like, oh, will the guy like help? They have an extra on skates who just faceplants. It doesn't need to be a test. It doesn't need to be here. And during the challenge, every single person goes to help her up except Gage. But what Gage does is totally acceptable. Yeah. He literally looks over at her and then probably not trying to make it a huge deal so she's not embarrassed.

He goes, oh, you're all good. That's going to be me soon too. Yeah, he's like, I'm right behind you. Also, like totally chill, totally nice. If we're being completely honest, if you don't feel comfortable skating and someone else skates and falls in front of you, you're not going to like, there's a world where you don't want to lean over to pick them up because you're like, oh, I might fall on them. I'm not balanced. I'm not good at skating. I, like, physically don't feel confident at helping them up and I don't want in like the way I'm showing kindness is verbally.

Yeah, it makes total sense. But, spoiler alert. He gets eliminated. They send him home for that. Because he doesn't pass the kindness challenge, which is crazy. It's insane. But when they send him home. Now, the person who hosts this show is the guy who played Aaron Samuels in Main Girls.

Yeah. And I am going to show you a clip. I'll put it in here. Yeah. Hardest things to overcome make you grow into an even better person. And man, have you grown, buddy? Man, have you grown? What?

That's a clip. of the host crying during an elimination ceremony saying, man, how much has this adult man grown? I mean, that's a question I'm always asking. And it's wild. There's a lot of tears in this show. Oh, yeah. So they send him home.

Right. So they send Gage home. Yeah. And Gage's goodbye speech is my favorite thing I've seen in a very long time. It's the most insane thing maybe ever. We were going to do, we were, it's so crazy that we were going to do a sketch making fun of it. And then we realized that the sketch would just be too similar to a Tim Robinson sketch that already exists because the situation we're making fun of is so insane. So what happens is, you know, they say, like, sorry, Gage, you got to go hoho home for the holidays.

And they say like, you know, we've loved having you here. And he's like, thank you. It's been a great experience. He was like, I came here to learn about myself and I learned that I don't know who I am. He's like, I don't know who I am. I don't know myself at all. I have no idea what I'm doing in this life. And they're like, and it's like, oh my God.

And he's like, I have no fucking clue who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. And it's like this long speech. And then he goes like, I thought I was going to come here and come out of here the best actor in the world. And it's like, what? Who has ever said, like, that's a crazy person thing to say. And I think he says, I think he says, I thought I was going to come here and prove that I'm the best actor in the world. I don't think the best actors in the world have ever said that.

No, also, you're not going to prove that on finding Mr. Christmas. No, of course not. Also, like, what the fuck is that sentence? What are you even talking about? And then he's just sobbing and being like, I don't know who I am. It's like worrying. It's like, oh, what do you mean? No.

And we wrote that as a sketch and then realized it kind of just sounded like the Tim Robinson's like, there's too much shit on me. I don't even want to be around anymore. Where he's doing the prank, prank show and then realizes that he's like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. That's going to be my wedding vows if I ever get married. Yeah, to gauge. To gauge.

I don't know who I am. I don't know myself. And I don't know who I am and I'm 29. Also, we should point out that the people on this show keep saying, if I win Mr. Christmas, it will change my whole life. And I have to tell you. No, it won't. No, it absolutely will not.

No, you'll be in a Hallmark movie, which will be so fun. That'll be so fun. That'll be awesome. That's great. Let me tell you, it's not going to change your whole life. No, no, being in one project that's, no. No, it won't. Maybe being in a Marvel movie would change your life.

Maybe, maybe. But being in a Hallmark movie, no. It'll probably be a great experience. It'll probably be very fun. It'll probably be so fun. It'll probably improve your life in a little way. Yeah, but it's so not going to change your. It's so good.

Truly recommend it. It's so good. It's great. It's awesome. Well, I guess this brings us to a very good, a very important update, right? Mm-hmm. Our Love Island update. Oh, this is the Sydney, Olivia, Love Island Fantasy Bracket.

Let's go. Cut the music. A Game in for Love! Thank you for doing that part. Absolutely. Previously. Love Island. Tinky Winky.

Kinty Winky Winky has entered the villa. Wow. So we asked our patrons, our Patreon patrons. If you're a Patreon patron, you can help out What Love Island. What's Love Island. Help out with it. So our Patreon patrons, Andrew, shout out. Shout out to Andrew.

And Sky. Shout out to Sky. Have helped us come up with what happens next. Yep. So shout out to them and shout out to all of our patrons. Patreon patron. So obviously Tinky Winky has entered the villa. Tinky Winky is about to start flirting with people. Tinky Winky is like 10 feet tall. So tall. So purple. So tall. So triangle on the head. Yeah. And everyone is just like, damn. Fishnecks. Who is this tall drink of custard?

Custard. Of tubby custard. Who's this tall drink of tubby custard playing this fucking sick music videos on its stomach TV. Yes, because it's on its stomach iPad. It's just like playing really hot music videos. It's playing like, like, do a leap of music videos. It's like, what the fuck? It's like this guy. Like old like wrecking ball era, Mila Cyrus music videos, you're like, like, what? Okay. So Tinky Winky looks around, looks at the, the people in the villa and immediately spots chat GPT. Whoa. Now, now chat chippy tea was coupled up with Glenn close. So now Chat Chachibati is technically single and vulnerable.

Yeah. Now Tinky Winky takes Chat Chbitty aside and everyone's like, oh wow, already? Like taking, like pulling someone for a chat. Yeah, it's so fast. Like you know what you want. Yeah. But when we cut to the chat between Chat Chitty and Tinky Winky. Yeah.

Yeah. We reveal that Tinky Winky is like, uh-oh. And then the subtitles say. And the subtitles say, wow, chat Chb-T, been a long time since. I've seen you in the outside world. Can we pretend that everything's okay and are we going to be okay being in the same villa together? What?

They knew each other? What do you mean? They knew each other on the outside. ChatGBTGBT is shocked. Like you would bring this. Like you're here. Like I'm cut to a confessional with chat ChbT. Saying like, in the outside world, I hooked up with Tinky Winky when we were both at

a gay club. In Essex. In Essex. Tinky Winky sprayed his tubby custard all up in me. Tinky Winky gave me poppers in the bathroom. Tinky Winky Winky gave me the clap. I rimmed Tinky Winky Winky. It's so graphic.

I met Tinky Winky on poppers in the bar bathroom in Essex. And then we see Tinky Winky Winky's confessional where he goes, and then the subtitles say the subtitles say yeah we've met and then back on the inside everyone's like what is going on

Scrappy doo is like let me out of let me out of you know because that's his thing that's his thing RFK Jr's brainworm is like yeah RFK's brainworm is like such a player always checking every new bombshell out it is crazy

that he's still keeping Scrappy do like coupled up with him like with this false hope that there's going to be a romance thing because even if there is, it's like he's always going to have a wandering eye. He's going to have two. He controls them. Tumgis takes Rainbow Fish aside and says, Hey, I just wanted to really let you know that I really appreciate getting you know ya.

I would really like to continue getting to know you. Yeah. I just wanted to validate you. That's sweet. He's a sweet boy. Yeah, he's a nice boy. Rainbow Fish, yeah. I'm sure that you feel like validated.

And like safe and like, you know that like I've got your back. I'm like not looking. My head's not being turned. Yeah, my head's not being turned. And then the rainbow fish goes, Oh my. Including the cough. Yeah.

Now, Tinky Wiki is like looking around. I'm going to pull some people for a chat. So we does a little catwalk over. Oh my God, oh my God. And then they can start playing single ladies? No, it's Destiny's Child, I think. Oh, it's Destiny's. But is it?

Oh, no, no. Uh-oh, uh-oh. But is that? Yeah, what is that? Uh-oh, uh-oh. Google, uh-oh, uh-oh, no one's going to. Don't know. What song is that?

No, single ladies is Uh-oh. Yeah, no, it's Destiny's Child. Oh my God, this is going to kill me. I have to find it. Is it a straight Beyonce song or is it Destiny's Child? Adobe Acrobat Studio,

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Crazy in love. Sorry, everyone. There it is. Crazy and love plays, except for the uh-oh, uh-oh-oh-no parts. It's the tinky winky. Yeah. Okay.

And it's the same walk. If you see the music video the same walk that Beyonce is doing, that's the walk Tinky Winky is doing, and that's the song that plays. Yeah. So Tinky Winky is being hot as fuck. Walking straight towards, wait a minute. What? Why is Tinky Winky walking straight towards Tumgis? Tumgis.

That's weird. It's closed off. Yeah. Tumgis is with the rainbow fish. They're building a really good connection. Yeah. And Tinky Winky goes up to Tumgis. and goes like this.

Whoa, what was that? Power move. It puts Tumgis' face in Tinky Winky's face. Whoa. And you know what? They're looking eye to eye. Yeah, because they're both so tall. And no one else is that tall.

And Tinky Winky goes, uh-oh, uh-oh. And the subtitle says, hey, you tall drink of custard. You want to get riddled? In subtitle. Tinky Winky says,

Hey, you tall, tall glass of custard, do you want to get rimmed? And to me too much and goes, oh, no,

thanks, no, thanks, that sounds lovely, but, that sounds lovely, but actually I'm having like a really good

connection with the rainbow fish, right, babes, and the rainbow fish goes, ah, uh,

um, and then, um, the Tinky Winky goes like, uh, and then the Subtitles say, I always get what I want.

The ground opens up and the sky opens up. And out of one of each comes our two hosts. Young Sheldon coming from the ground and Mark L. Walbert coming from the sky. Their bodies fuse together. All their atoms get mixed together. They're a weird tornado of bodies. Have body parts come? It's like the end of the substance, but with the two of them.

Yeah. They're leaking a trail of sludge. Of multicolored sludge. Like holographic sludge. Like oil on the ground. They're bleeding from their eyes. They're bleeding. It is like so concerning.

They say Islanders gather around the fire pit. What? What? Oh no. What do you mean? Oh my gosh. What are you talking about? All of the islanders gather around the fire pit.

all of the islanders sit down. The host thing says, Islanders. Tonight there will be a recoupling. Our newest islander, Cunty Tinky Winky will pick first. Tinky Winky goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Bad, you guys. Tinky Winky gets up in front of everyone and says, Oh my God. Points. Points. To To Tombgis.

Oh my God. I can't believe it. Tombgis is like, oh, no. It's folk. Tombgis turns to Rainbow Fish and it says, I'll wait for you. And gives the rainbow fish a kiss. The rainbow fish coughs because its mouth,

Tombgis' mouth is sugar and it needs water. Not sugar. Tumgis stands up next to Tinky Winky. and doesn't hold hands with tinky winky to make a point to show the islanders I'm loyal babes whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa he's a good guy he's a good guy he's a good guy but the rainbow fish is single and vulnerable now so the rainbow fish gets to pick next oh my god who does the rainbow fish the rainbow fish walks up to the front and says oh yeah chat GPT whoa whoa the rainbow fish recouples up with chat GPT because he just doesn't know what else to do.

They're friends. They're friends. They're a friend couple. And, you know, they're both vulnerable. They both really, you know, chat GPT hasn't really found anyone. Yeah. That they connect with as much as they connected with clung clothes. And rainbow fish really just misses Tungis.

Yeah, Rainbow Fish misses like water. And water. Yeah. RFK Jr's brainworm comes up and says, Oh, I'd like to come up with this girl because she puts out. She makes me worm. Oh, she puts out. She makes me warm for you nice and warm.

Like, so disrespectful. And everyone in the island is like, that's kind of a disrespectful coupling speech. Like, you should take this more seriously. Yeah. And but of course, couples up with Scrappy Do. And Scrappy Do is like happy but mad because that's his whole thing. They're a little toxic together. They are so toxic.

They're fucking toxic. But like, why not just like explore other options in the island, guys? Right. They won't. So I think those are our couples. And then that leaves. Oh. So then...

The burning pile of furniture is left vulnerable. Which is crazy because she came in as such a presence in this village. She is such... In this village? What the fuck?

No, you said villa. She came in as such a personality in the villa. She has such a strong presence. We really just need to find someone for her, but I just feel so bad that she just hasn't had that connection. I know.

Producers. Who can we bring in for her? So they're all like, oh, okay, well, burning pile of furniture is left. single and vulnerable. Young Sheldon, the host, says, bursts out of Mark L. Walberg's chest.

And they've each become one once again. It's crazy. They're still bleeding from the eyes. Everyone throws up. Young Sheldon says, okay, now that you're in your new couples, we've prepared a date for Tinky Winky and Tumgis. Oh my God, Tumkis is getting all the dates.

Tinky Winky and Tombgis head outside of the villa, to go to a... Sit in a parking lot. Sit in the parking lot at a small cafe table. With a lemon on the table. So they can have a date. And while they're gone on their date,

two new bombshells. Enter the villa? But who will it be? Well, we'll have to find out next time, won't we? If you have any suggestions, you can always let us now. And if you're a Patreon patron, know that your suggestions...

Count more. They count more. They do. I'm sorry. They do. I don't like you. Late stage capitalism. I don't like it, but I have to eat.

I didn't make it. I didn't make it. The problem is if you want me to make this, no one else is going to give me money to make this. No, I literally, I literally, I literally didn't make late stage capitalism. It made me. It made me.

Okay. So, um, so we'll see you next time on Love Island. Bye. I had a point in our podcast where we're going to do something that we did before, but we didn't announce it. now we're going to do it at this time. We have a final segment that is a, you're never going to guess,

Patreon exclusive segment. So if you want to know, we're updating all I want for Christmas, the song with what we want for Christmas in real life. And it's a little, just a little extra little snack segment for fun. Yeah, so go head over to our Patreon. The link is below. And you can check that out for everyone else. Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you for listening. I hope you guys have an amazing like holiday moment. Yeah, have an awesome Christmas. And, you know, Christmas is a time when you tell the truth, says the movies. Oh my God, that's such a good point. So the truth is, thanks. Thank you guys. Thank you for being awesome to us and being cool and patient with us while we're figuring out,

you know, the best way to bring this podcast back. And I'm having a great time personally. Yeah. And thank you for allowing us to be like the silliest, most stupid versions of ourselves. Yeah, seriously. It's just a fun time and we appreciate you caring at all. Yeah.

And oh my God, next episode is going to be our year in review episodes. I'm pretty excited about that because it's coming out on New Year's Eve. The best Eve of the last Eve of the year. The last Eve of the year. So we will see you next time. I've been Sid this whole time. I've been Olivia too. And thanks for me.

Thanks for watching. Bye.