Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - DRUNK & Spilling SECRETS! ft. Lily Du

Episode Date: December 2, 2025

This week it's Dropout's Lily Du on the big bad podcast for you! Go to https://buyraycon.com/SOOPEN to get up to 20% off during this holiday season. Thanks Raycon for sponsoring! To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/talk Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Chapters 00:43 | Intro 01:23 | Welcome Lily Du! 02:15 | Dirty Laundry 03:59 | Taking a Shot at 10am 07:12 | Hiccup Cure 10:21 | What is Dirty Laundry? 14:10 | Guess This Person’s Deepest Darkest Secrets 19:33 | Guy Fieri’s Deepest Darkest Secret 24:32 | Hook Ups 26:10 | Sex Ed 32:24 | ADHD and Adderall 34:22 | Kit the American Girl Doll Deepest Darkest Secret 35:39 | Knock Off American Girl Dolls 42:02 | Gramma Nutt’s Deepest Darkest Secret 45:53 | 90 Day Fiancé 50:08 | Pine-sol Twinks Deepest Darkest Secret 53:28 | Jonathan the Oldest Turtle’s Deepest Darkest Secret 54:39 | Big Boy from Bob’s Big Boy Deepest Darkest Secret 56:55 | Dora Doll Deepest Darkest Secret 1:04:31 | Messaging People We’re Fans Of 1:10:24 | Parasocial Relationships 1:12:12 | Send Stuff For Our Shelves! This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, no. Here it is. Yeah. Okay, so remind yourself we're thinking, what is her deepest darkest secret? She doesn't seem to have an actual power switch. So when the batteries are in, she is on. Demonic. Demonic.

Oh, she's not dancing. She's just turning herself around. She's getting jerked around because she's possessed. She's just going like, she's giving herself whiplash to turn herself around. Wait, that's like how I should turn now. This woman is giving herself whiplash. That's a soul trying to escape a toy. Oh!

To the Big Bad podcast for you. I'm the Sud one. I'm the Olivia one. And this is Sudden Olivia Talks. That was good. That was a good one. That was a good one. That was beautiful.

Today we have a very special other one. Guys, our other one today is very exciting for us. We are excited for it all. Yeah. You know, I'm not a morning person. I'm not good at it. No, that's okay. I'm terrible at it.

It's okay. Keep going. You go now. You know. You know her from Dropouts Dirty Laundry, from Broad City, from New Amsterdam. It's Lily Dew. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

I think I am maybe the least famous guest you've ever had on. No, no, no, no. Not at all in the whole wide world. Name the less famous people. Oh my gosh. Oh, no, we've had so many least famous guests. Like, for example, me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've had me on. I'm on every episode. How are you? I'm great. Can you explain to the people who are maybe stupid and dumb cucks? Okay. And you tell them specifically they're a dumb cuck. They get sexually aroused from watching their partner, have sex with someone else.

And they're dumb else. And they're dumb. Okay. So they're a dumb cuck. Okay. Yeah, yeah. No, regular cuck. Yeah. A regular cuck.

A smart cuck? Use your brain. Dude, I love a smart cuck. Yeah. But like for all the dumb cucks. Yeah. You're just like, I don't know what I'm doing here. Yeah.

What is the premise of your. show, dirty laundry. Okay. I drink on camera while four guests come on and reveal secrets about themselves. I fucking love that. You couldn't have said a better sentence. Yeah. You really couldn't have.

I drink on camera. That's, first off, I don't know. Do we have alcohol here? Yeah, what's in your cups? Oh, my God. I would for sure. It is 10 a.m. I mean, a perfect time.

Which is later than when we start shooting. Really? We'll start. I'll get there at 7 a.m. We'll start rolling at 9 a.m. I'm drinking an espresso martini. Well, that's a good morning drink. That's a good one.

Only that one time. But then sometimes it's whatever my co-host, Grant O'Brien is making. Is making. So sometimes it's like, it's a mudslide, which is a milkshake with like. Hard in the morning. Alcohol in it. It's a gimlet, whatever. So it's whatever he's making.

I'm usually drinking a tea. Yeah. You're usually drinking a tea? Yeah. When you're not filming or? When I'm filming. I've been pregnant during one season when we were filming. That is fair.

That is fair. I've had colds like two seasons when we were filming. And you don't drink during your colds? You don't drink during your pregnancy? Not when we have to film like ten more episodes. That's exhausting. That's awesome. How many drinks, if you are drinking in an episode, how many drinks do you have?

I have two espresso martinis. That's beautiful. I love that. Sometimes I'll drink if it's the last episode of the day. Grant is drinking two drinks, an episode, three episodes a day. Do the guests drink? Totally up to them. If you ever need guests that will drink a lot.

A lot. We'll drink. That's the promise that you'll drink a lot. I'll drink a lot. Did you find alcohol? Yeah. You've got off three hard, Seltzer.

Oh, yeah. Happy odds. I'll take a happy dad. Should we take a shot? I'll take a shot. Okay, let's do a shot. Should we do a shot? You know I'm going to say yes to this.

Yeah. This is a segment called Let's do a shot with Lily do it in the morning. Woo! Okay. Did you go through a long period in your life where you stopped taking shots? That's huge. No, I'm not. I don't know.

I'm going to sip on this one. These are not shot glasses. Shut the fuck up, Cass. I'm going to sip on this one. Yeah, you know, that's allowed. Cass is an enabler. Cass is an enabler and I want you to know this about our producer. If I ever wind up dead in a ditch.

I want you to know who might have enabled it. Oh my gosh. Should we do a shot? Let's do a shot. Okay, now this is, this is, I'm going to have to. God bless Stephanie, but this is a lot. We love Stephanie. I feel like after my early 20s, there was a long period.

I was like, a shot. Ew. Yeah. And then I hit my 30s and I was like, I need a drink to be as efficient as possible. 100%. I started doing shots again. Yes. I'm not trying to have a drink.

Because you, you did so much mind hacking that you actually became too capable. Yeah. And then you were like, I need to take it down a notch. What we need right now in the world is for smart women. Or cucks. Or cucks. Smart people with good things to do to take their mental capacity down and be worse at everything. Yeah.

So, guys, have a delicious 10 a.m. shot. Oh, my God. And I love that these cups are dirty. One, two, three. Okay. that's fine that's too much that's fine

that's two shots for sure um I'll do the rest with some coffee that's nice I'm gonna chase it with a happy dad because oh my god

oh my god oh my good yeah that's that's actually way more it's Friday right it is Friday and we did a lot this week yeah

what did you do this week we just we just had you know when you have your big week to do list and you manage to actually check out all check off all the to-does. Absolutely.

Oh, we went to the botanical garden? We did go to the botanical garden. It was on our to-do list, but we had to write a bunch of stuff, and we were like, might as well go to the botanical garden to write. It was so lovely. It was. It was highly recommend. I am going to turn beet red because I am Asian.

I just took a shot, and I only have foundation from like here to here that I did in the car. So from here to here, anything could happen. No, you look amazing. You look amazing. Thank you. So that's the good news. Do you have any side effects when you take a shot or when you're doing? I become really fucking annoying.

Oh. Okay. No, I don't really have any side effects when I take a shot. No, I feel like I just get really like hiccupy or... Yeah, if I'm too drunk, I get the hiccups. But I do have a hiccup cure. This is so off the rails, but that is the podcast. Guys, if you want a hiccup cure...

Oh, yeah. This is a good hiccup care. Okay, okay, let's... Here's a segment. Wait, we all share a hiccup cure. Okay, music! Cut the music! Okay, I'm going to go first.

My hiccup cure, and it's the only one that's ever work for me and check it out guys. You are getting the hiccups. You take the deepest breath you can possibly take so much so that you're like, my lungs are going to explode. You take a super deep breath. Then you hold your breath. And as you're holding your breath, you put your chin to your chest. You press your chin to your chest. You don't move. You don't walk. You don't talk. You don't do anything. You just take the deepest breath you can press your chin to your chest and hold it until it feels like you are going to die. You will feel your diaphragm relax and your hiccups. But the only way you can fuck it up is by holding long enough or by like moving or trying to like signal to people.

Sometimes I'll just do it without telling people. Yeah, I've seen you do it in public and it's a crazy thing to witness. It looks really upsetting. But at the time I'm like, I- Are you walking as you do this? If I have to. If I can, I'm standing completely still. If I can, I'm standing completely still.

And so like sometimes if I'm like drinking with people and I get the hiccups, which is not crazy common. I'll just like kind of, they'll be like, where to Olivia go and I'll just be off to the side like this. Like, just facing a corner of the bar like the fucking Blair Witch Project. Yeah, it looks, it looks demonic. But the thing about it is, I actually don't give a single fuck because I want my hiccups to go away when I have my hiccups. Okay, who goes next?

What's your hiccup cure? Mine is, I thought it was going to be the same as hers when you started building up. Mine is, it starts, expel as much air as you can. Close your mouth. Take as many gulps, like swallow as many times as you can without taking a new breath. You'll find, even if you try it right now, you can. You can take maybe like two breaths, two gulps before it gets impossibly hard. I'm trying desperately and just making weird sounds.

That's the loudest gulp I've ever heard. I'm like trying desperately. That's like a cartoon swallow. I just saw a little thing like moved down. I'm like trying too hard. Okay, guys, here's my hiccup hack. Okay. Stop breathing.

Wait, that's beautiful. Stop breathing because when you die, no more hiccup. Cheers. That's true. And I'll drink to that. And I'll drink to that. One more shot. To not breathing anymore.

I finished your shot. No, I didn't. No, I didn't either because I had too much. One, two, three. Here's a game for the audience. These episodes are filmed at this point in the podcast a little bit before they come out because we have had. Oh, it's fucking September. It's September.

And the, and. Caz, we've got to be honest. We have to be transparent. This is the dirty laundry episode. Yeah, my, so the game is, I drank a bottle of wine last night. What do you think? Why do you think? Okay? Now you play that game in the comments. Wait, what? You know, like, just guessing like what in September might have happened that made someone in the bottle of my life? You mean not for celebratory reasons. Oh, God, no. Anyway. And we're not guessing. No, just the audience. And now we're on to the next. Okay. I'll never know. Okay. So can you define what dirty laundry is? To you.

Not the show, just the concept of dirty laundry. A piece of dirty laundry. A good piece of dirty laundry. A human beings, dirty laundry. laundry, not like the clothes that are wet. A good piece of dirty laundry. It's like, yeah, like, yeah. You're like a little juicy and appropriate secret. Okay, I love that. A little breakup, a little get together, a little... Are there like top-notch ones you've heard on the show where you're like, this is the

craziest, the craziest secret anyone has ever said on this show? There are like always stories that like unwrap like a beautiful onion. God, it's so hard because I just took a shot. Now I can't remember people's names. That's okay. Vanessa Guerrero did have some really good ones. She had a great story about meeting Shug Knight the night he was arrested. Oh, my God.

And then there was a really good one from John. John. Madison. John Madison. How did you know that? Because he's my love interest in a play I'm doing. Oh, okay. Great. John Madison had an incredible story about almost hooking up with a married woman in a shared bed.

Oh, wow. That is beautiful. That's awesome. And unexpected. Do you think that because you hear so many people's secrets all the time, that maybe you have developed some sort of an instinct for guessing what people's secrets could possibly be? I've never had to guess because I know whose secrets. Can you guess what if we have dirty laundry? You have dirty laundry. But what do you think it is? Oh, can I just guess? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And here's a secret about this game is anything you say is right. Yeah. Anything you say did happen. Yeah. So be careful. Okay.

Wild Nights in college. Okay. You've Instagram stalked someone. That's like the most innocent thing I've ever done. That's beautiful. That totally works. We've aired so much of our dirty laundry. We really do.

In the world that it's like, Before I was here, I was actually thinking, I was like, do I have, like, dirty laundry that I haven't aired on the internet yet? But, like... You shit your pants? No, but I have fainted, peed and farted in a shower while having sex, which is something I've talked about four or five times on this podcast. Yeah, all at once? Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, I fainted, peed and farted. The person slapped me in the face. I woke up. They said, immediately, I wasn't going to tell you this. But when you fainted, you peed and farted. And I was like, what do you mean you weren't going to tell me? You just immediately. How did they even know you peed?

You're in the shower. Because they heard the fart. They looked down. They were like, oh my God. So much meat. You were not hydrated. Because if you were hydrated, the pee would just blend in. Well, it was, um, elevation.

There was she got, Arrowhead. She got like elevation sickness. And I was taking jello shots. And I think I just like really didn't. Didn't go. It didn't go how I planned. But yeah, I have.

aired a lot of dirty laundry on the show. So I was trying to think of like, I air a lot of dirty laundry on the show that then I go back in and the edit and go like, can we cut that out? Because that involves someone else. Even if you bleep their name? No, I mean, I do a lot of like, I don't know. I do a lot of like, I got cheated on while I was asleep in the other room, kind of like dirty laundry. But it's like, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I've never been asked to guess just point blank, like, what is some a secret that they could have? It feels rude to guess that someone's been cheated on. Absolutely.

Absolutely. The good news is that was just a warm-up round, and we're all going to work together to guess what the following people or things dirty laundry is. This is a segment called, guess this person's deepest, darkest secret. Okay, so you have different, we have disagreement about the name of the game. Let's go back. Play the music! Pop the dirty!

Wow, it's the best segment name of the world. Oh, my gosh. Want to open this for me? Yeah. Oh, nice. Thank you. That was mom hand. That was mom hand.

My nail artist said stop using your nails to open cans and I can't. Lily, do people tell you they wish that you were their mom? Literally never. Okay, because I've had that thought. Oh my God, I would love to. Girls, I already offered to take you shopping. I know. That's everything.

That's so fun. That's so fun. I've never had an adult tell me that I was giving them mom energy. I think they would be like, I wouldn't want you with my parents. No, I would want you as my mom. I've rounded corner. The thing is, we are, we are a. adults, right? We are legally, yeah. Legally adults and we are maybe, maybe like a,

a couple years younger than you. Truly, three, maybe two years. Did you say you were 33? No. 34? No. 35? No. 36. When you're, okay. Great. Great. Oh, I wouldn't have guessed that. No, I was, you said, you said, you said, you said three earlier and I was like, and you're still. I just, I just, I just wouldn't have guessed that. No. No, 36 is young as fuck, but I still would have guessed 33 because that's what I guessed. 36 is how old my mom was when she had me. Yes. Oh, so that's what you were feeling.

You know what? You were feeling the 36. That's the one. We're 30 and 29. And when people look at us, they go like, they're not allowed outside alone, right? They need someone to make sure that they don't do horrible shit. You're giving freshmen in a Disney show. Thank you.

Thank you. See? That's what I said. That's not. We met. That's how we met. I was a freshman. She was a sophomore. We met on an improv team. You're our mom. You're correct. Boom. Junior. Don't go up. Don't go more up. No, don't go more up. It's an age thing. It's like a me like vomiting immaturity on everyone. And you're just kind of being like didily. Just have that young. Like Selena Gomez still has a high schooler's face. Yeah. She's an adult now. So people just have. Yeah. The holidays are almost here.

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segment and I'm so excited for you to be our mom after this and take us shopping. I'm so excited. Where are you going to take us shopping? This is a segment called Start the segment 18 times and never do it I'll have you guys send me a Pinterest and we'll talk about budget We'll talk about what you're looking at all excited I love to drink on episodes

Me too Okay let's do this segment Okay so let's guess this person's deepest darkest secret We're all working together and no answers are wrong First person is Guy Fieri Guy Fieri Guy Fieri

Guy Fieri Can you pull up a photo? Yeah let's pull up a photo of Guy Fierry. Guy Fieri, if he were to have some horrible secret. Let me tell you something. Yeah. Guy Fieri runs the Burbank Airport. Oh my God, he does.

Guy Fieri has a stand at the Burbank Airport with all of these like to-go sandwiches and salads, which are all like $30 plus. And they're just iceberg lettuce. But he also has the only breakfast restaurant in the entire Burbank Airport. And let me tell you, this man knows what he is doing. it is a good salad I have tried it the Cobb salad at the Burbank Airport It's it to go or it's a sit down?

It's a to go. That's disgusting. Shut the fuck up. How nasty is there donkey sauce? Donkey sauce? What is donkey sauce? I don't know. It's a guy's doing it.

I believe you because... Is that right? No, I believe her immediately. I just was shocked. I believe you because you're my mom. I believe you because you always believe you. And anything you tell moms is they can say like untruths with so much confidence.

And you believe that. Oh, he's such a you. ubiquitous, like, pop cultural icon, but that, like, I recognize his image. I can, like, picture him. And yet, I've never watched a video of him or his show. So I don't know what he sounds like or how he moves. No. Really? Okay. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm a huge Guy Fierry fan. But I'm a huge, like, food network fan. I love food shows. And he hates eggs, which is crazy to me. Yeah, I hate that. I love eggs. I love eggs. Like such an egg salad guy. He does seem, okay, now, here's the thing. Is that derogatory?

Egg salad guy parenthesis is complimentary or egg salad guy parenthesis is derogatory neutral you just think he likes eggs out but his voice could be like so low so high nothing would surprise me because I've never heard this man's like hi I'm Guy Fierry and I'm here to be the fucking donkey sauce and then he'll be like I don't like eggs and then he'll be like I don't I think I think that guy he has a strong aversion to eggs yeah stemming he doesn't like oh well that's fine a chicken inside a cracked egg as a child and a bad experience with a hard boiled egg with a chalky yolk. I'm sorry. What? This is on Google AI overview? Disliked foods, Guy Fieri has a strong aversion to eggs. Shitterling. Being a chicken inside a cracked egg as a child.

Yeah, that's fair. I had Scrapple, and I'm also not a fan of. Really? Pork, scraps and grains. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay. Listen. Scrapple. Scrapple. Wait, what is Scrapple? It's, it's obviously pork scraps and grains and tendons and organs. Which Guy Fieri is not a fan. Is somebody saying to me like, do you want some of these pork scraps? I'm going to be like, probably not. But they call it Scrapple.

It doesn't even sound fun. Scrapple with a snaphole. Yeah, do you want a scrapple on a snapball? Yeah. My scrapple cap says, this is organs. I think that, okay, I think Guy Fieri's deepest, darkest secrets could be the following. Yeah. This is all a costume.

He puts it on every morning. Holy fuck. He does not look like that in his regular life. Now I know that's not true. Bald. Bold. Bold. Bold. Bold. Also, a crazy one. This is a conspiracy theory. Guy Fieri has long COVID and he's lying about how good everything tastes for the last four years. He can't taste anything. That, I believe there is an infamous, like, New York Times review when his restaurant opened in Times Square dragging his restaurant. Yeah. But, I mean, he brings out things like a tower of nachos.

Yeah, he has good food if you were like, I'm. I'm about to die. And I want my last shit to be indulgent. Like, I want my last food that I eat. I've been to his restaurant in the Cancun airport. And it was good? No. But it was overwhelming.

Like, decadent, overwhelmed. Yeah. I want it to be, like, so decadent and it's delicious, like the cheesecake factory. Right. But I'll go to an Outback Steakhouse and it will be like... Deccant and bad. And I'm like, why? My dad always says, if you're going to eat something super, super bad for you, it should at least be good.

Yes. And that's wise. Yes. I do think, though, that we are judging certain restaurants unfairly. Are you talking about Olive Garden? Okay, calm down. What? You pro or con?

I'm very pro-Alf Garden. Okay. Because when we judge Olive Garden as an Italian restaurant, it's not. But it is Olive Garden. I agree with this take. And it is a 15 out of 10 as an Olive Garden. But not as an Italian restaurant. What about as a chain restaurant compared to like TPR Fridays, Ruby Tuesday?

Excellent. Yeah. Excellent. We all did a trashy olive garden birthday party for Sid one year and we took shots of Peptovismal in the parking lot. Shot. I fucked my ex that night. Was he your ex that night? Yeah.

I should have guessed that for you. But again, all these things, they have to come from the source. No. You look like you fuck your ex. Lily, I have so many bad ones. So many bad ones. I fucked a Holocaust denier. I have so many bad ones.

Did you know he was a Holocaust? No. It was right after. I got strong-armed into a sexual experience by a puppeteer. who then said a lot of racist stuff and then showed me a dog song. Lily, and then you fucked him after again? God, no, I fucked him before he said.

No, she just brought him to my apartment. He picked me up from your apartment and I didn't know what else to do. And I didn't know what was happening so I was going, we should all go to France! Yeah, and he's like in his apartment and I'm like washing my hands over and over again and like in the bathroom being like, oh God, why do I feel so filthy? Oh my God. And I do know why.

Wow. One time I let a really disgusting man come inside me when I was 21. And I was like, well, Plan B works for three days. So I'll just keep letting him fuck me for like two more days. And then I'll get the Plan B. And then I'll never see him again. Okay. That's actually fiscally responsible.

That's actually just fiscally responsible. Yeah, I think that's actually like that is like a really good. I timed it out. I knew. I was like Plan B is a hassle. You have to go to the counter and show ID. And it works for up to three days. If you were to see like a character, like someone writing a show and like the way we meet a character is that way, it would be like the best written thing.

That's actually so funny. It was like she's slutty, but she's smart. She's economical. She's resourceful. Yeah. She's entering her slut phase in a very practical honors way. Yeah. My mom used to pull me out of schools every year and like put me in a different school.

So I never got like a full curriculum of things, which is why I learned about World War II over and over and over and over and over. over again. Yeah, she learned about the Holocaust over and over again, but nothing else. I remember a lot. Really? I remember a lot about just the Holocaust. Okay. Well, she was put in the Holocaust segment of schools. Okay. I am. Also, my grandma's a Holocaust survivor. Okay, so there's reasons. It's not just cool. Why were you always getting pulled out of school? But because my mom was always like, this is bad. Well, the Vegas school system is subpar. Yeah. That's true. They have. She was like pulling me out of schools and then putting me in different schools and that was just like the vibe. So I never got a sex ed class

And I never like So I had to teach her how to have sex Hands on Yeah hands on hands on No so I only ever knew about like sex stuff From like shows like I learned about like I was like I watched Seinfeld and I was like Oh yeah everyone uses a diaphragm

Yes Because it's so important in that one episode I watched that at the dentist But like everyone's mom tells you that you use a diaphragm right Like or is that just me? I don't know Is diaphragm such a mom thing where moms are like listen, diaphragms are a thing.

I don't know. Chinese immigrant. The only time I've ever heard her talk about sex is the one time I accidentally heard her and my dad having said. Oh, I hate that so much for you. Yeah. I hate that infinitely. And did it sound like they were having fun?

She was saying a phrase in Chinese. Oh, I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. And you know what? I appreciate that you won't repeat it because I know that's for you. Yeah. That's for you. Hearing like a portion of dirty talk from your parents is actually too much.

I am Job from arrested development and that I, we can't, I like, I'll, like, walk right into the street if we'd go there with me. Okay. Yeah, just right into the street. I never knew, um, I never knew about sex at all, really, except for, like, from porn, but also, like, the porn that I would stumble into when I was, like, 13 and 14. Yeah, what is the first porn you saw? The first porn I saw, and I watched it over and over and over again for years, was two

women in the Renaissance with giant bushes going down on each other. in a Renaissance bedroom and I was like, I fucking love this. This is fucking awesome. Where were you seeing this? On Twitter. I saw it on Twitter. Oh, I saw my first porn on Twitter too. Yeah, I know we've talked about this. But my, because I'm just old enough,

the internet was changing so fast at that time. Twitter was not around until I was in college. So I did not see that. I actually saw the first porn I ever saw in college. It was like a freshman in college. Somebody showed it to you. No. Well, someone showed me.

My ex showed me porn of, like an old woman fucking this guy and he was like, check out these old woman. And I was like, I don't know about this. But the first porn I saw on my own that I was like, what is this? And listen. Right. What is this is the correct answer? Because it was hoverboard porn. What? It was. It was hoverboard porn on Twitter. And I was just scrolling through Twitter and I saw hoverboard and I was like, Twitter. What is that? What are you talking about? So it was, you know, a hoverboard? Yeah. Like it's like that little. It's like one wheel. that kind of goes back and forth.

So sick. It's just a girl like crouching on a hoverboard blowing a dude. That's awesome. And I just to be so good at hoverboard. Dude, it was actually really impressive. And I was blown away because I was like 18 looking at this being like, A, that's very impressive. B, what is, what am I seeing right now?

I want to see Healy porn. Healy porn would be great. People on Healy's having sex. Yeah. Yeah. Healy porn would be amazing. That is, porn stars don't get. get paid enough if they're doing Healy porn because that's acrobatic.

Healy porn needs like $10,000 bonus fee. Yeah. $10,000 bonus fee if you're on heels. If you're on Healy's. That people are getting for gangbanks, they should be getting for healing. 100%. 100%. Oh, what I was saying is I didn't know how sex worked at all.

Yeah. And I had sex with a man. And I didn't like understand. He was like, you didn't understand that you. You watch sex. If all your sex education comes from media, you think penetration happens and then you come and then it is over and then you're in bed with a half sheet up to your tip. Smoking a cigarette.

Well, and on top of that, like I was pretty much only watching this one lesbian porn of these two Renaissance women. Yeah, that's fair. I didn't really know what the deal was with straight sex. I was just kind of like, these fucking women are awesome. These women eat things. I just boches. I was like, these ladies are fucking awesome and I love them. And then I when I was like, you know, like 19 because I'm.

with a late bloomer. We were both very late blooms. Even in Vegas. Or you didn't grow. Well, I moved to. Vegas for 10 years, 4 to 14, moved to L.A. We met 14, 15. Mm-hmm.

L.A. freshman sophomore. Yeah. Yeah, but I was like actively trying to have sex and people were like, no, thank you. And I was like, she had a scoliosis brace. Yeah. I had a, my personality, and I was right off of having a lice haircut and crutches. What do you mean a lice haircut?

You get lice hair real short. Oh. You do. 10th grade. But not in high school. In high school, you were hot. Thank you. I appreciate that.

And people were like attracted to you. But I also have a thyroid condition. No, I don't. Because we keep doing this thing where we go back to high school and you go like, I thought you were cool in high school. I don't know. You were like people were trying to fuck you in high school. And you guys have shown photos of yourselves in high school on this show?

We can right now. Let's show some right now. And no, but the thing. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. But I appreciate that. People were actively trying to fuck you in high school. Do you remember?

Hot people? Well, my teachers and nerds. My teachers and nerds. And a couple of my teachers. And I did end up going there when I was 19. But I was just like a super like, I was like a fem cell until I mean, not really. But I was like, I don't date is how I would get out of like boys trying to date me. I'd be like, I don't date at all.

The worst thing I think I feel. has ever done is know that his food was bad and still send it out. You're so right. Okay, who's the next person? Okay, the next person is. I'm so sorry. No, guys, we're all drunk. It's great.

I have ADHD. Me too. I know it's overdiagnosed, but when I have a conversation with other people with ADHD, it's spider webs. It feels so natural. It's so nice. It feels, and I think that is something we do for people a little bit is like people with, people who are neurodivergent can listen to our thing and be like, this is a

conversation I would have. Yeah. If it feels nice to you, you have ADHD. Yeah. If you're like finish a topic, get off your Adderall and give it to me. That's such a good point. I love Adderall, you guys. I have so much extra.

Fucking love it. They don't take it every day. I fucking love it. Yeah, it's really good. We can take some and write a fun movie or something. Okay. And go to a farm. I like taking Adderall and then going to a party.

Yeah. Because I feel like I get to know people so well. I, what do you mean? I just like, because she's so focused. I'm so focused. On the conversation. I really want, when I talk to people, I really want to find out about them and be like, who are you? What's your deal?

And sometimes when I'm like just like normal, like even if I want that, it's like not really a thing that I'm necessarily good at. But if I'm on Adderall, ooh, I'm finding out everything about you. Wow. I started taking Adderall my sophomore year of college and I took it every day. And then I kind of started taking it more on and off. 20th when I started doing improv. They did find it made me like so clenched and tight. And in retrospect, I have a very intense, like, serious personality already.

And so actually the Adderall on top of that is a little too, is a little too much. I love that. Like, I would be intense and ask you personal questions like not on, like I'm not on anything today. Maybe we should both take a bunch of Adderall and sit in a room together and lock of the door and then just be really intense at each other and try to figure out everything about each other. I can supply that. That's how you fall in love.

Yes. We'll do it. Yes. I watch. At least so I'm involved. Smart Cod. Okay. What's the next thing?

Who is this person's deepest darkest secret? The next person on the list is Kit the American Girl doll. Oh my God, girl. What stage of life is? Wait, sorry, not what stage of life is she in? She's a doll. When did she come around? She's in the 30s.

Got it. That's the one I was. Did she American Girl doll start selling her? Oh, fuck if I know. Probably 175 times. She was not around when I was. So she's a reporter. No, she absolutely was.

She was, yeah, she was a reporter. It's one of the O.Gs, I think. Lee, like Molly and Samantha? Yes. But she's a reporter. Do you remember the American Girl Doll show? Do we want to go with Kristen's secret? No, no, but I'm just recognizing the kid.

So Kit is a reporter. She's a journalist and she lives in the Great Depression. So. Can we look up when Kit was invented? I love having a big Google screen. I know, isn't it awesome? It's awesome. So awesome.

I love a search engine. But here's my question for you. Wait, what was it? Oh, fuck. I know. I'm asking what Kitt's biggest secret is. I think it was released in 2000. Okay.

Oh. It's part of the B forever. Yeah. You were alive in 2000. Pre-9-11. Pre-9-11? Yeah. Yeah, she's a girl.

But I was kind of past my American Girl Doll age. Okay. Kit, okay. Which ones did you have? Okay, American Girl Dolls were too expensive. Yeah, fair. For me, my mom was like, I'm not buying you an $80 doll. They were insane.

I will be buying you an off-brand Canadian dolls. Yes. Called a magic attic doll. Whoa. Magic attic. These girls are in the attic. Why are they in the attic? Okay.

See, I remember. Oh, they look very similar to American girls. They are absolute Canadian knockoff. But why in the fuck are they in the attic? That's where the magic is. That's so, to the magic. much. Wait, is the whole thing they're just a little bit skinnier and have smaller eyes? Well, they're in the attic, Sydney. They're in the attic and it's magic and they have a key.

Imagine this. You have to hide in the fucking attic all the time. You're going to lose some fucking way. Okay. This is triggering. Okay. So imagine this. Why are they naked? So you're naked in the attic. You're going to lose some fucking weight. Why does this doll review site review them naked? Why can't take them? Oh my. God. Oh no. Leave this. Her vagina's concave. Guys, unfortunately, guys, unfortunately.

Her vagina is the addict. The Canadian addict doll, the addict in the magic attic doll. Look at her. That naked body. It's concave. Yeah, the American girl doll has a concave. No, the American girl doll. Which one?

Which I actually called them. The American girl doll has the body that's like softer. Oh. Yeah. That's the American girl doll. That's the one with the concave vagina is the American girl dolls. Okay, yes, but, yeah. American girl dolls have concave vaginas.

But the worst part is, guys, look at the body of the Canadian Attic doll. Have you seen that doodled on a birthday card recently? Oh. What? Oh, no. We don't have to look that off. No, let's not look it up. But I'm just telling you it is exactly what, like that is exact.

Do you think maybe he was just fucking. a Canadian attic dolls. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to see this shit. I don't want to see this shit, but it is exact. And we can cut this if we want, or we can just keep it for the Patreon, but I'm not going to lie, like, that is that.

Like, like, one of one. One is one. Shit. I need to know that this blog is written by like in a really old woman. What is this close up of her hands? What is this close up of her hands? Oh, they're not good.

Oh, just comparing hands. Right. And the fee. I don't like you. You don't need to compare them that closely. This is the original Labubula Fufu. Mm-hmm. Is this?

That's true. That's a good point. Yeah, that one's upsetting. She's beautiful. Oh, because their eyes remain open when they lay down, just like me. She's fucking beautiful. They know what you're doing. Apparently, in my sleep.

Yeah. I go like this. And then I go back to sleep. Wow. That's amazing. That is terrifying. Apparently in my sleep, I go. I go.

wish people would tell me what I do in my sleep and I go back to sleep and I'm not a way. A genetic trauma. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. There they are. They're so cute. I had the redheaded girl.

Why? Why? Why didn't I get any of the ethnic girls? A redhead is kind of like an ethnic person, a white people. Yeah. Just, yeah. That's how casting works. They go, really?

Looking for a person of color. Redhead. And then they'll cast a red hood. Yeah. Outfits are cute. So you add the Redhead. And was that the one that you requested? Or was that the one that your parents just bought you?

That is the one I requested. They were like, no American Girl Doll. I said, what about these? And they were like, that's too expensive. I started going down the tier because there's lots of American Girl Doll knockoffs. And once I hit like Tier D, Magic Attic dolls, my parents were like, okay, fine. Magic Addic. Is her name Megan?

Megan. Look up Megan. Redhead from the Magic Attic. Megan Fahey? No, that's what I was going to say is, um, Michaels had like a whole brand. Yeah, Michael's did, and so was Target. Fake American girl dolls. Thank you.

It's Megan. Megan. Okay, Dr. Memory president. Megan, and she's just fake Molly. Yeah, absolutely. She's just like knock off Molly. I don't think there's a historical element to them. I think they all are just girlies in the 90s trapped in the attic.

Yeah. They're just trapped in attic in the 90s. They're $60. They haven't increased in value. Okay, beautiful. $60. Let's not still a lot for a dog. With the key box necklace.

So they each. with a necklace and that's the key to the attic. Guys, oh my fucking God, are these women trafficked? This is not good. I feel like this is unsafe for them. Let's look at the Michael's dolls. Let's look at the Michaels girls. That's her trying to get out of the attic.

I know Kit's Deepest Darkest Secret. She's involved in the magic attic. Yeah. You know what I mean? He has a part in that. She trafficked them into the attic. She's recruiting people into the magic attic. It's not good.

Of course not. You think it's good? These are the Michael's dolls? Are they still there? Oh, yeah. Look at Brandon. Yeah. Okay.

Look at Brandon. Okay. Should we all get, should we get a Brandon doll for right there? Can you guys send us a Brandon doll? Can you go on Michaelsh.com and send us. Oh, my God. No review. Guys, Brandon is haunted.

He's fishing. He's fishing. That's a doll for boys. He's fishing. They didn't even try on the dog. He just has a stick with a string attached to it. They were like, I don't think we can pay for the fishing rod. We'll just do a strict stick with the string.

That's a poor, boy gumfish. He got his jeans rolled up. Can I give another, what's this person's deepest dark a secret? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, we should we both have done kit? Well, you can. We're all drunk. It doesn't matter.

The answer is there's no. I think the people listening are forgiving. And if they're not, I'm sorry about that. She was a reporter during the Depression. Yeah. Well, she was a child making her own newspaper. Right. I think her, the worst thing about Kit is that she was. is like, if you're poor during the depression, that's because you didn't work hard.

Yeah, pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Yeah. Yeah. That's smart. Yeah. Yes. Okay. The Candyland character. Whoa, this does taste like fruit punch. It's good. It tastes kind of. This is marketed for good. Yeah, it's really good. It's the next, next thing is who, what is this person's deepest darker secret? The Candyland character, Grandma Nut. What? Yeah. Yeah. I fuck with Grandma Nut. Oh, wow. Wow. Grandma. Grandma Nut. Not Grandma. No, Grandma Nut with two teeth.

Stuck in molasses swamp. Right. Okay, so Grandma Nut is stuck in molasses swamp, and what is her secret? Well, she's keeping it, right? In that photo, she's like, she's going... Yeah, she does have a shush-sh-sh-energy. That seems to be her house back there. She's got a basket of peanuts. That's fair. That makes sense. What is, what's dark about Grandma Nut? I mean, it's too, is too. I'm like, you have to go as it. She looks like she's luring children to her house. Do you have to go something less obvious than that? We have to, yeah. Like when you look. It's, it's obvious, right? So here's a question. Is Grandma not a conspiracy theorist, do you think? Or do you think Grandma Nuts on field? Oh, why not both?

Porcanola Doe. I think both, right? Actually, a beautiful response. I think both. Yeah, I think like Grandma, Nut has something very sinister about her. I think if Grandma Not lifted up her skirt, we would see a bunch of something like creepy. Ankle monitors. Like a person? Oh. Grandma Nut has another person under her skirt. What's it called?

ADP. A. A. B.D. Adult diaper baby. Oh, yeah. Adult. Adult. Yes, when adults have the diaper fetish.

Yeah. What is that? You think Grandma Nut has the diaper fetish. Can we look up what's it called? the diaper fetish. Cassam knows. He doesn't need to look it up. Tell us what it is. Come on, Cassam. Let us know. There's an acronym for it. It was on a game changer episode. Oh, wow. diaper fetish. A. B. D. ABD. Adult baby diaper. I think she's ABDL. I think she's got big bloomers on under. And I would not kingsham her for it. Of course not. Of course not. So she wears. Because she's looking, she's dressed like a big baby. Yeah. Maybe that's her thing.

So she wears a diaper and she also loves people who also wear a diaper. Yeah. Or she loves people who love that she wears the baby, right? Her specific niche of ABDL is she likes Victorian baby, like, dress up. Right. She is like I get turned on by being a Victorian baby. Yeah. But the good news is I'm very much of age. Yes.

I love that. Yes. And it's an adult way to play out and fill your case. Can we look up some more pictures? Yeah, Grandma Nut. I think she's also a ghost. Can we look at Grandma Nutt's field profile from the afterlife? She's also a ghost.

Why does she look so different in that? Oh, shit. Who is she? That's different. Oh, she looks different. Oh, she looks different. From fucking dance moms. Oh, there's new grandma nut.

And this is how to dress like grandma. Can we see video game grandma nut? Because that's really bad. Huh. Right there. Yeah. What the fuck is that? Too much filler.

Okay. Oh, my God, filler migration. One of Grandma Nuts, one of Grandma Nuts's new secrets is filler migration. Yeah, this is interesting. She really has changed a lot. She's MAGA now. Look at her. Do you see her?

Like her old grandma nut. Old grandma nut. Doesn't, isn't really thinking about. Wait, really old grandma nut. It's just a nice lady that us, the cartoon one that's like 2D. Oh, yeah. Really old grandma nut.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's truly fine. She's just focused on something like going on in the house. Like she's focused on like a pie or something. And then new grandma nut is. Oh, someone's comparing the two. New grandma nut. New grandma nut is a character 90 day fiancee.

Yeah. Who's buying a husband? Who is dating a guy from... Buying? Did you say who's buying a husband? Is that what they do? 90-day fiancé just bought fiancé? I mean, if we're...

Is that what they do? Well, I mean, you could call it that if you want it to. It's about people doing the K-1 visa. So it's one person who's American, one person who's not American, and they have 90 days to get married from the person. the time the person who's not American touches soil, they have 90 days to get married. And look, certainly a disgusting man in America with a bad personality could fall in love with a beautiful, poor woman in a developing country. Often it does. And money is not a play at all.

And the thing about it is like, sure, sure, in a lot of these situations, is it like an American person that could never get laid if everyone in the world had a gun to their head? and is it a person from another country who's like, yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes. I really need to dive into that nighty-day fiancé. There are some real, there are some real fucking icons on that show. The show is so long and deep. Now, it feels hard.

It's like Vanderpump rules. It feels like where would I even get into that? Well, it's like every time a 90-day fiancé season ends, another one starts. Immediately. Like, like a not just straight up, they have all the spinoffs. They have before the 90 days. Happily ever after a question mark. The single life.

You know, last result. They have all these different ones. And good for them. Yeah. There are some really fucking toxic, bad people. And there are also some really great characters. Statistically, how many 90-day fiancé couples are still together? That's a you question.

I would say if I had to guess. 30 to 40% Oh, okay. It is far more than Love Island couples. Yeah, it was just good to say. Yeah, it's far more than because 50, 50 says Google AI.

Really? Okay. Yeah. Well, I guess, yeah, there are more like, no. There's a lot of people. Sorry, still successor with approximately 30 couples remaining married out of the dozens who have appeared on the show. Yeah.

So the thing about it is a lot of these people, what's hard about the show is that you're watching a toxic relationship that probably will not break up. It could, but it might not. Sure. Every other reality show the reason that it's less emotionally draining is because they're probably going to break up. But 90-day fiancé, there are people who are like really convinced or really just like in love but toxic. And some of the people are like, this isn't real. This is like a fuck, like a, you know, but some of them are like really in love with each other. When people are like meeting on Love Island or whatever, though, there's a lot less of a power imbalance. 100%. No, it's power and balance relationship the show. Yeah.

It can be physically uncomfortable to watch sometimes. I haven't watched it in years, but I used to be truly like mainlining it. Yeah, I get it. Okay, if you had to buy a husband from another... It'd have to be a cheap one because I really don't have anything right now. I'm like really poor right now. I have a lot of debt. If you had to buy a husband from another country or wife or wife.

Or partner. What country would we pick? That's not what I ask. What do you ask? What do you ask? looking for, but you would purchase a spouse. Oh, okay, okay. I think I would purchase an animal.

Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. I think I'd buy an animal. To marry? Yeah, I'll just live with them forever. Sure. Okay, you need a pet. That's what you do. I have one. Okay.

You're just saying a pet. Okay. I'll just get another dog. Okay. Okay. I think another dog would be perfect for me. Yeah, I think I've passed the point in my life where I would be the 90 a fiancé benefactor and I would need to be like now. Somebody else is. I would need to be like who wants me.

Who in another country? Like a man in Finland. Who in another country wants to let me go there and run away from here? Sure. And I think beggars can't be choosers. I would let a man purchase me for $10 million. Oh, 10 million. Amazing.

Would you get the money? He purchases you from you. Yeah. I'm the pimp and the product. As you should be. As long as he doesn't purchase you from someone else, If he purchases you from you, you get the money, you can just be like, hey, actually, we're out of stock now. We have to go.

Do you have another one? I do. Can we look up the Pine Soil Twink? What? You fuck with the Pine Sol Twink? Yeah. This is incredible because I replaced my smartphone with a dumb phone literally last week, so I haven't been Googling as much. Yeah, let's look up the Pine Soul twink.

It's on the Pine Soles Instagram. Is you the mascot? If we go to the actual, I don't know. he's the mascot, but he is the Pineshull Twink. There we go, like that one. Wow. Oh! Wow.

Wait, can we play it with sound? Because I think the sound is the best part. Can we play it from the beginning, please? Sorry. Friends, the girls would notice me more at school. Turns out there's only certain things in life we can control. That's why every day I clean my room. I want to show the world I can handle a responsibility.

I can carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Clean my soul. Clean my soul. I want to earn my parents' trust. What is happening? Okay, his hand went through his head. I love that. Wait, I love that Gen Z has become social media managers.

They're so good at it. It's so much better than like a Gen X guy making an ad campaign. This is incredible. Yeah. It is way better. And I'm going to say, personally, I can go to spread my dirt. I don't actually think the Pine Sal Twink has any really bad secrets that could get him canceled. But I do think he has a lot of little petty secrets.

Oh, I think He's Snapchatting faculty at his school. Is he not? Is he not Snapchating faculty at school? Oh, I think he's Snapchatting government officials. The Pinesaw Twink is Snapchating government officials. And listen, that's not even his fault. That's their fault.

I think he has a really bad, nasty, like, anti-Twitter account. You think he has a hate account? Yeah. Oh, because he got so much hate that he, like, doesn't know what to do with it. No, like for a, like a person, like, if he, He's a Katie Perry stand. Oh. He has like a Taylor Swift anti-acount or something.

That's so true. And he uses like A-A-A-V-E on it and pretends he's a black woman on Twitter. Oh my God. Wait, that's actually what it is. That's actually what it is. That's terrible news about the Pine Salt-Wing. He has a Tate McRae hate account on Twitter that he uses of and it's really, really bad. Guys, guys, this is not okay.

Tate McRae is trying her best. And the Pine Salt-Wink is white. Oh, no, the Pines-Salt Twink. He's Eurasian? Is he? Yeah, maybe. He looks like an anime character. So what is that?

You shouldn't be using off in his hate tweets. No. Yeah, no. Can we watch a different one? This is the same one. This one is so long. This is one video. It's looping, I think.

Can we watch another one? Yeah, any Pinesaw twink shit is good for me. Hot people. Shouldn't have to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Hot people shouldn't have to work or clean. Wow. Literally the top comment is Gen Z and the Workforce strikes again. We love you. This is so fun. Diva down. This is making advertising fun again. This should win like a can lion or whatever those advertising awards are.

Yeah, this is fun as hell. Yeah, the Pine Salt Twink is awesome. Everyone always comments like, we miss you, Pine Salt Twink. Send a DM to Pine Sal and say, would love to have you on the show. Would love to have you on the show. Would love to have this animated character. If we could get the pine salt wink on the show, I would be really excited. Do you have another one?

Yeah, oh, yeah, of course. I have so many. I have, like, actually too many. You love it. Let's check out Jonathan, the oldest turtle ever. Let's see what his darkest secret is. How old is he? 192.

93, 193. Not old enough. Not old enough. Too young. Far too young. He owned slaves. His name is John. Oh, did he own slaves?

Yeah, he probably did, right? He's so old. Yeah. Wait, that is probably true. That is probably true. He's so old. If he lived through so many parts of history. Yeah, like, why didn't he step it up?

He kind of wasn't such a good guy at some points. If you're that old. Look at him. That guy owns slaves. That's a racist grandpa. He's racist. Shit. Okay.

God, this is terrible news. This is awful news. Terrible news On his 191st birthday This is really awful Okay Well I think that was pretty clear That's lascivious

That's lecherous That's letcherous Damn I was really hoping for more from him But I guess this is true Let's see What's the biggest Deepest Darkest Secret of the Big Boy From Bob's Big Boy

Oh I can tell you what it is Is that one of the statues was in the alleyway behind my Bubby and Zeta's house. And when you would take the dog on a walk in the alleyway, he was just sitting there. That guy? Yeah. He was just in the alley. That's the worst thing he's ever done?

It was kind of weird. Well, what else did he do in the alley probably then? I don't know. Probably like cat-called people. Oh, my God. Not me. I was a child. But I was just kind of like, what is going on?

Like, why is this here in the alleyway, right? Look at him. He's always cat-calling a dog. I'm so glad Bob's big boy is still around. And when I was young, we lived in Maryland and my grandparents lived in Montreal and we would drive up there. And along the way, just to get there as fast we could, we would make one pit stop. And it would be at a Bob's big boy at like a road stop place. And I would get to have a bowl of spaghetti with meatballs.

And I'd be like this. They have spaghetti with meatballs. They used to do. They have meat with meatballs at a drive-thru window? No, we would sit down. Oh, we would sit down. Is it drive-thru? I don't think.

Oh, there's a dino drive-thru? It's Italian. It's a diner. It's a diner. It's a big boy. And it felt like, because I never got to eat out when I was younger. It felt like this is me at an Italian restaurant. This is the height of fine dining. I don't think he's ever done anything bad. Oh, yeah. You think he's innocent. He just hangs out in the alley. Yeah, he just hangs out in the alley. But he's there to kind of sweep and like help out. Yeah. Yeah, he's sweeping the alley. And he knows like drug dealers who go in the alley. But he's not going to report them and he's not going to deal drugs with them. not going to like try to have an intervention. He's just like, I'm here for you when you want to get clean. But until then, I'm just like, consider me a resource. Yeah, he's just going here's some Narcan. Wow, that's amazing. He's also like, this is a guy who wears a shirt that says big boy. Yeah. Like, I think this is a person who's really body positive. Yeah. Yeah. Who is like selling t-shirts that are like saying like, I'm this and I love that about me. Right. Yeah. And that's just like a really

positive thing. He's friends with Drew Carey. Yeah. He's such good friends with Drew Carey. Oh my God, I love how good of friends he and Drew Carey are. Okay, next up, what is the secret of this specific Dorothe Explorer doll? Fisher Prize, Dorah the Explorer. We did it dancing. There's got to be a video of we did it dancing Dora. Yeah, I guess we could look that up. Yeah.

Dora doll tested. Well, I wish Kassum was just at my home, Googling stuff for me all the time. Isn't it nice? Isn't it nice? What is that? Wait, what is that close up? That's her label. Wait, it's a close-up of her label?

Where's her label? Wait, let me see that again. Fuck with that. Oh, I don't like that all. Oh, it's like... It's between her... No, it's her tramp stamp. Yeah, it is her tramp stamp.

Oh. The Mattel label is her tramp stamp stamp. And should we all get a Mattel tramp stamp today? Honestly, yeah. Oh, my God, give me another shot. I'm so sorry to bother you so much about this. I need to watch the video of her dancing. Yeah, that's fair.

That's fair. Oh, no. Here it is. Yeah, okay, so remind yourself. We're thinking what is her deepest dark? A secret. We did it. You know it's an adult man reviewing a toy.

She doesn't seem to have an actual power switch. So when the batteries are in, she is on. Demonic. Oh, she's not dancing. She's just turning herself around. She's getting jerked around because she's possess. She's just going like, she's giving herself whiplash to turn herself around. how I should turn now.

This woman is giving herself whiplash. That's a soul trying to escape a toy. Oh, we did it. I'm so scared of the ghost inside of this toy. So who do we think the ghost inside this toy is? I don't know. Lad, the Impaler. So what's the deepest, darkest secret of this toy, the ghost inside this toy, and the man reviewing this toy?

Okay. Well, the man reviewing this toy, his secret is that if you were to flip this image and see what was behind him, it would be hundreds of these. Oh, wow. I'm realizing the shot is like, there's a towel hanging. Yeah, he's in a basement. So dirty. He's in a basement.

He's in a basement. He's never left. So dirty. He's in a basement. He's never left. So I think hundreds of days. I've been in basements like this at college parties in Hadley, Massachusetts. It's filthy down there.

I do think, I do think his deepest darkest secret is real crimes. Yeah, of course. is a hard drive. Yeah. The Dora, the shell of Dora's secret is that she went in the attic when she was told she wasn't supposed to. And the soul inside is a hundred magic attic dolls trying to escape. Oh my God.

It's 100 magic addict dolls. Oh, my God. And then in this, I guess the question is, are we happy for them? And they're saying we did it because they're about to get out. We did it. We did it. They're so excited. Oh, my God.

God. Wow. Yeah. She's trying to, she's constantly giving. giving herself whiplash. She's turning around in a circle. And then I think she's contacting Geico being like, I got whiplash from an accident. Can I guess? Oh my God. She's doing insurance fraud. You think you get, you call Geico when you get hurt? You think that's personal injury. Yeah. You go, hi, Gico. I got her from an accident. You think of sweating. Making my neck go crazy.

Yeah, you call my head. Geico, I hurt my neck. And I go, can I please have physical therapy? Oh, honey, I have to explain to you how health insurance were. my mom. Yeah. Oh, God. That's like the movement is that of like a hundred different souls jerking her in different directions. Yeah.

It's not great. And you know what? I think the fact that it is Attic Girl Souls is like that's fair. Can we see some of these this man's other videos? Yeah. Starwatcher, the little pony is his name and I am stuck on the old guy. No. Brony.

Oh, duh. He's a brony. And let me just say this. If you're, if this gets back to him. We fucking love you, guy. Talking baby rainbow dash. She's going up for sale. He sells these.

Okay, he sells these. That's good. That's better than... But this is so used. Who's going to buy this? There's a lot of views on this video. I was just seeing. It was 4.1,000.

But like this guy looks haggard. That's more than whole web series cumulative views. Yeah. Like that pony, though, looks like it's been through some shit. People are going to buy that? Maybe that has character. Maybe people like... What's his most viewed video?

Maybe people like a damaged woman. eBay item demo. Leapster Wally. Leapster Wally. Okay. Okay. So this is his most viewed video is Leapster Wally. This is more views than some comedians' entire career's

Just a video game. It's the cartridge. It's just him filming a cartridge of a video game. Does he play the game though? I'm kind of hoping he just kind of turns it around. Okay, he plays it On the Leapster 2. Wow.

Is this a Leap Frog branded? I think so. Gaming console? I think so. Kassam's nodding his head because he played some games on a Leapster 2. It's a 2008 game.

Okay, Wally. Wally. I love Wally. Yeah, I've... 500,000 people have watched him do this. Do we think maybe... Yeah, let's check how that's the only... Yeah, everyone's just stoked to have memories.

Isn't it funny how, like, sometimes the thing people want the most is, like, to have memories? Yeah. Sometimes the people things, the people, the things that people want the most is to just be like, I remember that. And it's like, that's why they're Disney adults. And that's why they're Disney adults. What do you think is the across the board biggest secret of every Disney adult? That they haven't found peace with themselves. I was going to say anger issues.

I was going to say, yeah, I was going to say anger issues. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the leafs you do is a pen. It's like a blackberry. That's beautiful. Do you have a secret? It's like a pop pilot.

Do you have a secret? Do you share secrets on your show? Yeah. Grant and I have secrets on there. Do you share one every episode? No. No. We would be out.

We interspers them very sparingly because. But our show is not just like secret. Like it's not just like scandal. It's more of a storytelling show. if you think about it. Yeah. And so if you have a good story, you can reverse engineer it into being like, boop-bidi-boop.

No, like I saw Amanda did one where her story was I terrified my friends with fruit. And it was like a thing about her giving edible arrangements to people without telling them. Yeah, yeah. But like taking the concept of like, I freaked out my friends by sending them edible arrangements with like, you know, cards that made no sense from an unknown, from an anonymous person. and reducing it down to, I terrified my friends with fruit. I was like, that is art. That is genius. So everyone has story.

Yeah. It's a story show. Yeah, yeah. It's a story show. What's your dirtiest laundry? It's my dirtiest laundry that I've had on the show. Either way. Okay, if I can still think of any secrets in my life, I have to save them for the show.

That's fair. One of the worst things I've revealed on the show is that when I was 12 years old, I was a huge Mark Marin fan. That's not the secret. And then I sent him an email where I was really mean to him. I saw him in a T-Mobile commercial with Catherine Zeta-Jones. I read the email out on the show. It makes Grant want to die.

It's so – because I was a fan. I really liked him. How old are you? 12. Amazing. The perfect age to write an email. Yeah. I was such a big fan.

He was so not famous. he had just a website and his like AOL email on his website contact. And I was like, you can watch this on Dirty Laundry at dropout. Yeah, please do. There's clips online. I read the whole email and I'm like so. I'm negging him. I'm nagging him.

I'm like huge fan. I don't understand why someone of your comedic talent would lower himself to be in a cell phone commercial. Who are you? Carrot top? It's real. I will say it is, it's good to hear that, right? Because it reminds us all that sometimes the meanest, most personal, most horrible things you hear on the internet from strangers are from children. Are from children.

And you just don't clock that they're children. Have you ever had the thing where someone writes a mean comment and you go, okay? And they're like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I never thought you'd be that I'm a huge fan. Yes. It's really weird. I've also had the thing of being like, that was mean and then clicking on their profile and being like your child. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. It's hard. because like, yeah, it's... I think I just was like...

What? Please notice me. Hello? I love you. Will you have sex with me? Yeah, 100%. Right. I, when I was 12, I desperately wanted Jermaine Clement from Flight of the Concords to have sex with me.

And he didn't because that's not legal. But now it is? And he didn't know who I was. And that's true. That's true. Now it is legal. But he still doesn't know who I am. And I think he's married with a kid, so loving that for everyone.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Loving it for them. Yeah. I love that for them. Do you ever send a... Have you ever, like, DM or whatever?

I do not DM, like, a letter or whatever. I wrote Charlie Day a letter. Really embarrassing. Physical letter. Oh, yeah, there's a physical letter. How old were you? Oh, so I'm like a 22. 22.

Are we keeping this? Have you talked about this before? No, I haven't. Well, I, okay, so I was obsessed with it's always sunny, especially in my teenage years, right? my teenage years. It was like, you know, those are the best show ever. And I would like, they were, it was like, there are certain things like it's always sunny in flood of the concordes that have like been my special interest, you know, like Justin Bieber. Do you like memorize any of the songs and you can do them for Bada the Concord?

Yeah. Every single one of them is in my blood. You do the rap? Yeah, for sure. Go. Which one? Hypopotamus. Yeah, they call me the hippopotamus flows a glylic phosphorus.

Popin off the top of this esophagus and rag and this travel is. I'm not a large rod or like man. Well, how did you get that preposterous. hypothesis. Steve tell you that for chance. Steve, I could do the whole thing, but I'm not going to because it's going to be like, oh, she's doing the whole thing. She's still doing it. Um, I haven't heard that song in 10 years. Um, but, uh, yeah, no, I wrote Charlie Day a letter. How many pages? Just one, just a card. Okay. Um, because, uh, I was in a show that he was directing and I was like, well, this is one of the loves of my life. So I might as well dig, did it's up. Okay, but you were in a show he was

directed at TV show? Yeah, but I was like a, I was like a, you know, like an under five. Like I had like one scene where I was like a drunk girl crying in a bathroom. And you worked with I did. And I gave him a card. And it was just basically me being like, hi, thank you for inspiring me to do my team. I do. I like to do it. I like to do it. I like. Well, you shouldn't have talked to him in that voice. Yeah. I talked to him like he was a little dog. Yeah. And you said you gave it to him in person. Yeah, I did. I was like, hi. Yeah. Super embarrassing. And truly like. And was you like nice about it. He was so nice about it. It was still. It was still. It was still. It was. embarrassing but he was nice about it. That's not bad. That's what you actually worked with it. I think I scared him away. I'm sure I did. But I hope he's

well. How about that? How about that? How about that? What about you? Oh, I've sent things. You worked with Larry David and he and you guys had a great time. Have you had sex with Larry David? No, I haven't.

No, I, no, I've you know, I've been embarrassed saying so many times. You held up the llama to Gavin Creel? Oh, R-I-P. Yeah. Who's Gavin Creel? Gavin Creel's like a Broadway star who has since passed away. You've turned away from the camera. You're fully sorry. I'm drunk. Gavin Creel is a Broadway star star who has since passed away. I see. And I, when I was in high school, I was obsessed with him. I see. And my friend made me a pillow case with his face on it and he's like writing a llama on the pillow case because high school. And you had him sign it at a stage door.

I had him sign it and he signed it and then he posted a picture of it on his Twitter because he was like, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Complementary, yeah. But I think you are the right age. Yeah, I think so too. I think so too. I think something like that. And I think if a kid ever talked, like that's sweet. Well, that's the other thing too is that it's like it's so weird to be at 2930.

and being like, oh, some of the people in our Patreon are like that age. Some of the people in our Patreon are in high school. Join the Patreon. Join the Patreon, by the way. And it is just- Feel your parents' credit card. Sign up for the Patreon. But like 12 to 18, I like needed people to be like, oh, I want it.

Oh, I was so parisocial when I was that age because I lacked like real connection. I was trapped in my parents' house. And also like my frontal court, I wasn't like fully four. Also, sometimes you're like not necessarily. in a physical environment that you fit into or feel, you know, good with. And then when you see people on the internet who are like, oh, that's my vibe. Yeah. I get that.

I fucking get that. It's like it helps you self-identify. You're even in real life. Like, I felt like I was very parisocial with people in my real life. Oh, me too in high school. So hard. Like in eighth grade, I was obsessed with my PE coach who was an older man. And I think he was like in his late 60s.

And I was like, I fuck. I fucking love this guy! And he just was so like, don't touch me. And I would give him these huge hugs and take all these pictures with him and be like, I fucking love this guy. And to me, I was like... I think coach like Walker, Walkin, something like that. And I was like, okay, so we're buds.

And I remember like telling him like, I'm moving to L.A. I feel really bad about leaving you and like crying because I was like, oh, I'm not to see you again. And he was like, I don't care. I don't know you. That's good. That's good. He had the right response. But kids want to be friends with their teacher sometimes so bad.

And it's up to the teacher to be like, I am an adult. There was a government teacher in my high school who was going through a divorce. Oh, no. He worked at the Barnes & Nobles on Fridays and Sundays. Fuck. And I remember it was the first time I, like, ever saw a teacher of mine outside of school, like, working another job. And I'd be like, oh, my God, cool. You can just, like, talk to them outside of school.

But then some of my friends were like, cool. And then they became, like, friends with him. No, you can't become friends with the teacher that's going through a divorce. You're the best. Yeah. Oh, my God, thank you. Thank you for being here. You have to face the camera.

You have to. I was going to say, at that table. Is there a camera behind me filming? Hey, you are so wonderful. I fully am just, I just didn't eat today yet. I mean, neither. And so I just, like, had a couple little shatsy poos, and now I'm just like a little, like, Yeah.

Can I ask what's on the shells for each of you? Are these things guests have brought? Yes, well, there are things that people from our people from our people, Patreon. Well, that's a great tie-in, actually. There's people from our Patreon have sent us. Oh, the fish is going to fall. And that means it's the new year. It is.

2027. Woo! Every time the salmon falls, it's a new year. So, yeah, if you want to... I didn't get to watch my child grow up. I know. It's really different. It's really upsetting. Guys, if you want to send us stuff to our PO box and you want us to

Unbox it on Patreon and put it on these shelves. The PO Box is 6444 San Fernando Road. Pio Box 5154, Glendale, California, 911, 21201, 7 Eckis, spelled EQUIS, 7 Equis, C-O. Sit and Olivia. And we have already a copy of the Holy Bible for dyslexic Holy Bible. We've got a salmon, we've got... How do you choose which shelf it goes on? Do they say who it goes?

No, we just kind of like decide what it feels right. I eat clams in restaurants. You're not supposed to eat clams a lot. Something I do on this podcast regularly is roast Olivia for eating clams at like restaurants where you shouldn't get them, but not ordering them where you should get them. When I was in college and I was drunk, I would be like, they have linguine Vongely here at like Rockos in Culver City. Bob's Big Boy.

Terrible. And then when I was sober, I would be like, I'll just have some chicken. So it's like, I never... It's a drunk thing. So you're going to get clam after this at 11. Probably. Probably 11. Probably quick drive to Big Bear for clams.

Yeah. Yeah. For big to big bear. Yeah. Just like the worst places ever. Not Bob, Big Boy, Big Bear. Okay. Wow.

I want someone to send you that Dora, the Explorer doll or a magic addict. I appreciate that. You know what? Guys, I think that's a really good idea. I'm so excited for us to go shopping. I know. I know. I'm really excited.

That's going to be fucking awesome. So fun. Well, if you want to join the Patreon. guys. There's uncut, extended early episodes. We do movie nights. We do Q&As. We do all kinds of shit. We're going to add more shit. We do songs. We do songs. We do fan fiction. We're going to do. She's going to wrap all a flight of the comfort for you. I can. I can. It's going to be like, everyone's going to be like, oh, it's still going. You're long. Where can the, where can the big bad people find you on the big bad internet? They can watch me on dirty laundry at dropout.tv. Whoa. Well, that's beautiful. You're the coolest motherfucker ever.

Thank you so much for coming and hanging out with us. You're for having her. Our mom. Yeah, now you're our mom. My mom. She already likes hers. Yeah, I do. But I also, I also like, we love our dads.

That's one of our dads. So, she's collecting parents, you know. You just collect them. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. You guys, thank you for being here. Join the Patreon. And we will see you next Tuesday.

Please, Frames.