Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - HALLOWEEN EPISODE

Episode Date: October 30, 2024

BOO!! It's time for an extra spooky episode with your favorite ghouls. today we're talkin' all things scary. we're creating our own personalized haunted houses, giving you halloween costume ideas, and being generally creepy crawly spooky!!!! PLUS we continue with our Love Island Fantasy Bracket!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

episode of Sid and Olivia Dark Shit. Well, guess what holiday is coming up, ladies and gentlemen and everybody else? Halloween. Halloween is coming. And if you're not watching this on video, you should definitely check it out at some point. We are in our Halloween costumes today. Yeah. Our Halloween costumes are really good.

They're really straightforward. We're going to explain them to you in case you're not watching. Yeah. We are both wearing double XL camel costumes. Yeah. But they look a little bit more like horses. They look somewhere between a horse and a bear. And over that, we're wearing triple XL t-shirts that say, I'm just here for the shrimp.

So, obviously, we all know what that's about. We were going to wear these to the Renfair this year. These were going to be our Renfair costumes. We're really excited because they're very hot. And so is the Renfair. So we were hoping we could go to the Renfair this year and get heatstroke in these. Yeah, which would be the best way to show up to the hospital. Yeah, and we were planning on doing it.

We were going to wear exactly what we're wearing now. And then we didn't end up going because we were like tired or something that day. We were feeling sick or something. We had a lot of stuff come up. And then it turns out it was great that we didn't go. The day we were going to go, so many of our exes were there. Sort of just that don't even know each other. We're all there.

We're all there that day. And it's so good we didn't go get heat stroke that day. And look like this in front of our exes, who we haven't seen, in some of them years. Yeah. So we did a good job not going to the Renfair this year. We'll go next year. And now we have these as Halloween costumes.

Really quickly. Yeah. The reason we were going to wear these to the Renfair. Yeah, yeah. Go for it. Is my head going into my other head? Yeah. Because I can't see that well.

No. If you can't see, adjust your head. Okay. If you can't see us, then we can't. What are you doing? If you can't see us, we can't see you. You can see us. We can't see you.

And that's unacceptable. Yeah, that's fucked up, you guys. Yeah, it's fucked up when you don't let me see you through your computer screen. Because as you know, I have a two-way camera always. Yeah. Everywhere I go, I bring a two-way camera. It's my own version of Watergate. I am a problem.

I love that for you. Thank you. Okay, here's the thing. Yeah. So we were going to wear these to the Renaissance Fair because in the past, we have had excellent Renaissance Fair costumes. Yeah, we're always crushing it on that. We, I've been the Pope.

Yeah, Sid ziplined is the Pope one year and everyone chanted Ziplined Pope. I have been rumple-stil-skinned. I was the rat-maid and I made a crown out of rats. Olivia was the rat maiden, people freaked out over it. And we were like, how do we want up those costumes? And the answer was pretty much we couldn't. We thought, like, we should be a two-person horse. But then we were thinking about the logistics of that.

And it's like, you're only going to be in the two-person horse costume for like 15% of the rent fare because one person can't see. So it's like you can only do it when you're walking around or traveling or showing off. But any time you're just trying to hang out, you can't be a two-person horse. And then also anytime you have to piddle or something, it would be very challenging to piddle. Do you just do it on the floor like a regular horse? Yeah. Do you have to go separate yourself and go into the bathroom? Totally.

So we found these. We decided let's just do something totally nonsensical because that's the only way to heighten our previous costumes. Yeah. So we found these creatures that we were like, that's nothing. Yeah. We bought them. And then we were like, let's actually add to it a t-shirt that says, I'm just here for the shrimp. And then let's get to the Renaissance Fair.

And when we realize there is no shrimp, because of course, there isn't, we're going to freak out. We're going to have a fucking tantrum. We're going to like, lose our shit, commit absolute disasters at the unfair. So that was our plan. Watch out for next year because maybe we'll do that. Yeah, we're not totally sure what the next year plan is. But in the meantime, for Halloween, we are these. Yeah, we're this. So if you ask what we are for Halloween, we're just here for the shrimp. We're here for the shrimp. You get it. I get it. We all get it. Everyone can calm down. You can calm down. Well, we have a very spooky, scary, terrifying, horrifying, horrifying episode for you guys.

Yeah, happy Halloween or soon Halloween. Happy spooky Halloween. Olivia, do you have any really fun Halloween costumes you did when you were younger? Oh, my God. Yeah. My brother was a bottle of ketchup one year, and I was a can of soup. Classic double costume. I was a lobster Sunday one year.

That's nothing? Yeah, it was an ice cream cone, but also a lobster. Love. So there's that. One year, we all. all dressed up as my friend Michelle and she didn't know. What have you? You've been some great shit.

It's so funny because our lives, even before we met, are so parallel. Like I had one year, three of my friends and I all dressed up as my one friend's dad. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. I remember that. And, yeah, we just all kept walking around being Steve. Yeah. And then one year I was roadkill.

Yes. That was really good. Yeah, that's a great one. It is good. I also am fortunate enough to have had so many Purims where I've been able to dress up. I dressed up as Jesus as a child. That's beautiful. And, yeah, really just a lot of really good Halloween memories on my end. I can't see at all.

I cannot see at all. No, the thing is fully over your eyes. You know what it is? I've gotten really tired of adjusting it because I'm afraid that it's making a lot of sounds that I've decided to just lean into this. I think that's everything. It's upsetting. I'm going to open my computer. I'm just dictating what I'm doing because I know you can't see me. I'm like push trying to. I kind of want to drink some of my coffee, but I'm going to.

Okay. God, that was so scary. Terrifying. That was so stressful. Oh my God. That was the scariest thing of this Halloween episode so far. I was the scariest thing so far in this Halloween episode. I tried to get a can of coffee and I couldn't with my hands. That's me dictating it for people who aren't watching. If you're not watching this, this is really not. This is an episode you should watch. Just because we look. look fucking hot. I've never looked hotter in my life. And actually, if you're watching this and you're my dad, you're going to need to turn it off.

Oh, yeah, that's fair. Because, like, this is essentially only fans. Yeah, exactly. Well, the thing about Halloween costumes is if you don't have a Halloween costume yet, you've got like two days left. We've got some last minute examples of things you could do. We do. If you don't have anything to do. So this is a segment called 2024 Halloween costumes.

Cut the music. End it right now. I feel like every year Halloween sort of feels like a year in review for pop culture. Absolutely. Everyone dresses up

as like the most memeable moments from that year. It really is an opportunity for us to be like, oh, I remember that. So in order to reflect on 2024 and in order to dress up

as those things, we have to like really think about. Your eyes are completely gone. Your eyes are complete And when I tell you, who needs them? You know? I think my eyes are not necessary. I don't think I've ever needed them.

Okay, so we are going to go through some costumes. We've created these ideas for you so that you don't have to do it yourself. Exactly, exactly. If you, in two days, can you pull this off? Let's find out. So here's an idea for... It's a good couple's costume. Oh, a good couple's costume?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, great couples costume. Yeah. is remember when Glasgow had that Willy Wonka experience? Yep, yep. And the umpalumpa went viral. The sad umpa lupa bartender and the unknown. And the unknown.

Which is nothing. That's a great couple's costume. Yeah. So you can paint your face orange. Just dye your body hearts. It's very easy to become an umpalumpa. And I don't, the unknown, just look that up and do that. Yeah, that's perfect.

You lazy asshole. That's a great one. Here's another one. Remember the baby who wanted to go to the Orlando. four seasons? Yes. That is a great costume, especially if you're looking... An adult man.

Yeah, if you're an adult man, if you're looking for a reason to take your shirt off. Yeah, wear a diaper and scream about... Excellent, excellent costume. I think that's totally valid. We've got Justin Timberlake's mugshot. That's a great costume. You're ruining the world tour. That's just great.

Here's an idea. Are you in a weird thruple and you haven't been able to figure out what the terms of that are yet? You should be challengers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dress up as challengers. Yeah. Make it really sexual but not having actual sex. Right, right, right.

It's a great costume for you. Similarly, if you're in a thruple, you could also, or even in a polycule with even more people, you could be gypsy rose blanchard and all the people she pulls. Yeah, she does pull so many people. And like, you really can have fun with that one. You can have fun with that because it can be a group of so many. Oh, my God. Yeah, she pulls. Yeah.

If you're in like a large friend group, you could be Trump's Secret Service members. And one of you can be Trump getting S-H-O-T. I don't know. Are we allowed to say that? Okay. What you just did is my ringtone now. I think I made it weird. That was so weird.

I was really trying to make it like not weird. And then I made it so much weirder. But you could do that. And then it's actually doubles. It doubles as a costume in a game. So you're... Oh, that's beautiful. A game?

Okay. What's the game? Your Trump can keep popping out and trying to address the people and your secret service people keep trying to hold him back and be like, Mr. President, we need you to not do that. That actually would be a fun thing to do in a party if like a team of people is trying to stop one person from just like, that's like very funny. So it does double as a costume in a game, which I think is kind of the best costume. And everyone has a suit. And if you don't, what are you doing? What are you doing?

And everyone has an ear that's eternally blowing. It has a bloody ear. Oh, this is an obvious one, obviously. Everyone's going to do this. But Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Can't not mention it. If you're a great one for a friend group. You got to do it.

Obviously, there's going to be a lot of Rayguns, right? Raygun, the break dancer. Yep, yep, yeah. But what about the Olympic Polvalter with the huge schlong? That was crazy. That was crazy. The French Polvalter, who had an absolute bulge. His dick lost him.

His dick lost him the medal. But one in our heart. Our hearts. Which is better. If you have a giant swung. Yeah, if you have a huge dick and you don't know how to show it off. And if you have a huge dick and like Jason Durullo, your bulge was edited out of the cats movie. And you're looking for another way to showcase it.

Yeah. This might be your shot. This is your one and only shot. This is your chance. Okay, well, another couple's costume, very good. We've got Blake Lively. And obviously, an interviewer, an interviewer who she is belittling. Yeah, we love that.

Obviously, you know, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds is so last year. No, it's not them anymore. Now it's this. Blake Lively and the interviewer who she is being, not great, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. Oh, this one, another couple's costume. Even more Evergreen.

This isn't even like a 2024 specific couples costume. Okay, okay. Two people together, you are Sydney's Tewits. Really easy. How do you do that? How is that easy? Big balloon. You, what, you get in, it's two people, you each get into a giant balloon.

You each get into. Yes. A giant balloon. Yeah. You know like when people get into big balloons? Have you seen, do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, do you mean like an inflatable? Do you have you seen the TikToks?

Is it TikToks or what is it in my mind? The people who are like in these giant balloons and they're like running around like this. Oh, no, I do know what you're talking about. Okay. So you get two of those flush colored. Answer my question. And you're two. tits, it's so easy. Okay, amazing. Okay, another couple's costume really good. J.D. Vance and the

Uncomfortable Man from the Donut Shop. Oh, that was so weird. Who was like, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here. So that's a great couple's costume if one person is trying to escape the situation or the other person, and if the other person has a lot of eyeliner. Another really beautiful couple's costume is a cyber truck and a decapitated pedestrian. Oh, that's beautiful. As we all know, a cyber truck is the only car that really has the ability to decapitate a pedestrian and I think we need to highlight that showcase it and celebrate it. Yeah, we've got to celebrate that. Celebrate it with you and your decapitated friend.

You know, another good couple's costume with a cyber truck would be a cyber truck and the Ocean Gate submarine. Because they're both awful. They're both, yeah. They're both hunks of junk. They're both hunks of junk. With junk in the trunk. With junk in my trunk.

Speaking of junk in the trunk, these costumes do have humps. They do have humps. We have humps on our backs and they are so low. because the costumes are so oversized that they look like BBLs. Yeah, and it's... Which the Duolingo owl has. The Duolingo owl has a BBL.

I don't know if you can see my hump. Yeah. But... I can see it, but I don't know if they can. I do have like a crazy hump in here. I do be having a crazy hump in here. Okay, this one is great. Another, another group costume.

If you have 33 close friends, you guys can all be the 34 felonies that Donald Trump was convicted of this year. That's a really good pop culture. It's a great costume. for groups of 34. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

It kind of doesn't work unless you have 34, though. It doesn't. And, like, you know, just get your closest 33 friends together. Wait, what is this one? Okay, so to be completely honest, I wrote down Jojo Siwa. Yeah. And then I think I accidentally typed Go Z. Okay.

Because I see Jojo Zewa go Z, and I was like, oh, I just don't remember that moment from culture. Is Jojo Siwa having the Zoomies? Jojo Siwa has had the Zumi's all year. Jojo Siwa has had crazy Zumi's this year. And also, Jojo Siwa has had adult Zumi's. It's her first adult Zumi's. It's her first adult Zumi's.

Jojo Siwa having adult Zumi's, if you are having adult Zumi's and you want to be forgiven for it at the party, just dress as Jojo Siwa from the Karma music video, run around, have your Zumis. Everyone will be like, oh, it's part of the outfit. Yeah, she's having her adult Zumis. And in Yiddish, adult Zumis is Shpilkis. That's beautiful. If you have Shpilkis, you have Zumis.

Yeah, yeah. That's all it is. Another thing that's really interesting is this year, they were talking about how social security is running out. Sure is. So this one is less of a costume and more of an activity, right? But you could go to a Halloween party and act very socially insecure. Right?

Like you lack social security. And the thing I find about showing up and acting really socially weird and insecure is it really does rub off on people. Other people will pick up on your vibe. You come up, you come with bad vibes. You're spreading bad vibes, yeah. And I think you spread bad vibes until everyone at the party is so insecure socially. Like you take social security and you make it run out by the end of the party.

I think that's actually really beautiful. Thanks. I'm going to do a one act. Yeah, I think it's really beautiful. And I think it's what we need in this country. Thank you so much. It's to ruin parties. What we need in this country is to really ruin parties. parties. Like, ruining the vibe is underrated.

I love to do that. Yeah, I think that's kind of all of our costume ideas. So if you can be one of those last minute, might as well. So those were our costumes. Cut the music. We're done. Cut the music, okay. Are you scared yet?

I'm getting scared, and I'm also getting very warm, which I really like, because these costumes are heavy. Well, I wish we were in the Renfair and the heat. I wish we were in 103 degree weather. I wish you were in 103 degree weather for hours and hours covered in dust. And then I wish we didn't have easy access to a bathroom. Yeah, I wish the bathroom was hard and it was hard to take these off. That would be really so cool. That would be so sick. Oh, God, I'm so excited. I'm so excited for when capitalism gets bad enough that they start

putting like sports mascots in costumes where you can just pee right into it. Like you don't need to take a break. Oh, wow. Because capitalism will go that far. Yeah. And we all know it. And are you going to be signing up? To be the mascot? I'll sign up to get peed on. So that's like a different It sounds like that's like a different part that even I'll sign up to get Pete on it. Okay. All right, cool.

Heard chef. Mostly because I just want to see what the vibe is with that. What the vibe is with that of being in the undercarriage of a mascot in the heat for hours and waiting for? I want to see what the vibe is with that. Yeah, what's the vibe with that? And can you blame me? What's that like? What's the deal with that?

Can you blame a girl for dreaming? Can you blame a girl for dream? Do you like haunted houses? No, I don't do you. I hate haunted houses. I like really hate it. I've never been to, um, universal. I've been once when I was 16 and I just cried the whole time.

Did you get one of those buttons that was like, don't talk, don't talk to me? No, I can have that? They have like, I'm pretty, okay, no, I'm talking out of my camel hump right now because I don't actually know if that's the thing because I've never been. I want everyone to leave me alone there. I'm pretty sure you can get like a, like a button that like flashes and goes like don't fucking scare me. It's like, A, I guess what's the point if you have that? But then B, it's like, how do people? people like that.

I don't like it. Does your like amygdala fucked up? I don't know. I don't like when someone charges at me with a chainsaw. I don't want that. Isn't that shocking? It's just like not a fun feeling. No, it's universally scary.

I'm like so into a psychological thriller movie. I love a psychological thriller. Like something that's going to make me go like, whoa, that's fucked up. Yeah, but not like jump out skill me. Yeah, don't jump out and scale me. Don't jump out and scale me. I'm just a widdle baby camel and I'm heel for to shrimp. Yeah, you're just here for the shrimp.

I'm just here for the shrimp. This would be sick to wear to Universal Horror Nights though. My God, it would be so sick. Yeah, because you can pee right inside of it when you're scared. Oh. We have a segment that's interesting. We think you guys should do this with your friends too. Yeah, this is a great Halloween activity.

Yeah, this is a great Halloween party activity. It is making a custom haunted house for the other. person made of all the things that would specifically scare that person more so than just people in general. So this is absolutely personalized. So this is a segment called personalized haunted houses. Sometimes the segment names, they're not the best. Sometimes we haven't written them before.

Sometimes the segment names are not the best. Listen, I think that was a great one. But you know what? We're here and we're trying. We're trying. So Olivia, do you want to get? at all scary first or do you want me to get scary? Either way. Would you rather be afraid? Yeah, I'll be afraid. Okay. All right. I'll be very

afraid. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to try to say this in a spooky way, too, to add to the spookiness of it, right? Okay. Okay. So this is Sid's personalized haunted house. Okay. You walk into a spooky, scary hallway that smells like boy. Ew. Ew. And suddenly, boom, out pops one of the worst, spookiest, scariest boys, Ted Bundy. He wants to kill you, but he doesn't want to fuck you. He doesn't want to have sex with me. Oh, my God, that's so mean.

That's your first scare. That's from Sid's real nightmare. I always have a recurring nightmare that Ted Bundy kills me, but doesn't want to have sex with me first, and it makes me terribly offended. And he goes, you're just not my type. It's like, I've got two lists. And my thing is, and it's just very upsetting. You're on just kill.

It really is so upsetting to me because I'm, like you have a like what like yeah i don't want to fuck you either yeah but you didn't even give me the chance to reject you yeah so okay i'm sorry then you turn down another hallway filled with no goats oh no yeah no there are no goats at all yeah and you hear the ear shattering shriek of me scraping my plate while cutting food which i do way too much i hate that okay olivia does this thing i'm very i'm an agro i've i've i'm a lot of i'm a lot of i'm a lot of i'm a lot of tension. It is not specific to Olivia. It's a thing that happens in general, but the sound for me is like nails on a chalkboard. I can't do it. It's a bad sound. When you hear the little of like a knife

or something hitting a plate the wrong way, oh my God, I can't do it. So you hear that. And then boom, out of the darkness runs the Duolingo owl who's mad at you for not doing your Spanish lesson and it doesn't even have a BBL. Fuck. Oh my fucking God. The duo lingo owl with no BBL chases you into another room and oh no, ooh. Now you're at Penmar and you have to be on a three and a three and. our date with a tech bro. I can't do that. He's going to tell you all the different types of women he doesn't like. I don't want to be here.

But before you can leave, you have to, ooh, successfully get your meds refilled by Kaiser. No, it can't happen. They don't do it. They don't do it well. Okay, then you turn into another room and you see your dad accidentally hearing an episode where we talk about something vaguely sexual. No. He turns it off really quick, but ooh, isn't that spooky?

That sucks. I hate when that happens. Poor dad. You run down a hallway. That's also my dad's haunted house. Yeah, you run down a hallway and you're so scared and then suddenly you slide into another room and, ooh, you're in a meeting with me and a bunch of executives. But I keep talking over you and the executives and I'm saying nothing. That's not as scary as much as I'm just like, dude. You see the money we're making dwindling and dwindling. And then finally, the final scare. I wouldn't go there, would I? Yes, I went there.

Your beloved dog Mousie getting lunch at 201 instead of two. No, she can't. She has to get it at 2 p.m. And that is, that's your haunted house. Oh, my God. I'm in fighter flight. Yeah, I feel. Oh, my God.

I'm in fight or flight. Yeah. I'm an empath. So I'm in fighter flight, too. I'm in more fighter flight than you. Yeah, you're such an empath. Wow. That was so scary, Olivia.

Oh, thank you. That was truly like one of the scariest moments of my whole life. Thank you so. Wow. God, it's so scary. God. That's scary. God, it's so scary.

Yeah. I was scared back there. Okay, well, I'm sorry. I was scared. I was scared. Raise your hands. Who was scared back there? Okay. Okay.

So, Olivia. Okay. I feel like mine's not as good. Okay, well, I'm really anxious all the time anyway. Okay. Also, I don't know that the Issa's written like a haunted house because I actually, when I was recalling it, I don't know that I've ever been in a haunted house. Really? Well, then this is even more magical because this is what you think a haunted house is based on nothing.

This is what I think. You've never been in a haunted house like. Like even ever? I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't know. Damn. I don't think I have.

If I have, I think I was closing my eyes the whole time. Okay, I heard. So I'm not like totally sure. Should I close my eyes for this or keep them open? No, you keep them open, I guess. Okay, Olivia, are you ready?

Mm-hmm. Okay. So first, you have to take the substance. I have never seen this movie. But you, because what happens is you were approached by all of your loved ones. And they all say, Olivia, you're too old.

You know you're too old. You're far too old to be female. Take the substance. Take the substance. And you take the substance. Right away. Right when it goes down your throat. A younger version of you pops out of your back,

but it's the worst, most awkward version of you from middle school. No. She has a lice haircut. Oh, no. And she wants to get to know everyone around her. Oh, no. She starts running around like, I need to show you a video of me eating backwards.

Yes. Oh, no. She's running around. She's screaming. She's taking hold of all of your social media platforms. She's posting videos of herself eating backwards. What is wrong with her? She's freaking out and she's like starting inside jokes with people you don't know very well.

Fuck me. Oh my God. She's super social. Oh, no. She's so social. She's so social and she's ruining it for you. And in the logic of the substance, my lifeless body is on the bathroom floor right now. That sucks.

So then she has to decide when we switch back. That sucks. So your lifeless body, which is you still see what's happening. Yeah, totally. But you're lifeless. That's scary. Is escorted down a hall of mirrors. Okay.

Oh, I hate, okay. Immediately, if you know me, mirrors just, hall of mirrors. Hall of mirrors. Even worse than one mirror. Your mirror is bad because you can see yourself in it. Yeah. You're escorted down a hall of mirrors. Terrifying.

You're lifeless. That's so scary. And then you start getting cat called by a bunch of white guys in Tesla's who are explaining the concept of cryptocurrency. No. You're being wheeled past them And they're like three guys Per front seat of a car

And they're all yelling out their window Like, honey, let me tell you about Doge going Oh my God, that's so scary You hate it Oh, of course I hate it Once you get there, it's like a mile walk And you're wearing like boots Oh, I hate that

I hate that You get to the front It's so long Part of the haunted house is a mile walk Yes, you have to get your steps in Then you get to the haunted house You open up the door and who is there?

I don't know. Your parents. Oh, no. And they are polyamorous now. They're polyamorous now and they are telling you really in detail what's going on in their polycule. They're being really detailed about it and they're explaining to you how they're able to do it because they just have excellent communication. They're like, we're actually. Actually, we're able to do it.

We're actually able to do it because we just have better communication. and you're like throwing up and you're crying and they will not stop. I'm throwing up and cut two. You're in a restaurant. Okay. You sit down. The waiter immediately accuses you of being rude. Oh, no.

The waiter is like, you're so fucking rude. Oh, I hate those. How the fuck do you come into this restaurant even? You're so rude. Oh, my God. That is like a nightmare. The waiter says, here, take the menu, you fucking piece of slop. I fucking hate you.

The menu reads clams, clams, clams, clams, clams, clams, clams, clams, clams, clams. All clams. You go, oh, perfect, I love clams. The waiter says, oh, well, we only have clams from the Pacific Ocean. They're extremely fresh. You screamed, no, eating clams that have been left out for hours in an airport cafe or a gas station. You start sobbing. You cry.

You throw up again. Cut two, you're in the White House. Oh, my God. And who is the president? Oh, everyone you've ever matched with on a dating app. They're all president. Oh, no. At the same time, all together.

And they all want to take away your right? you're right to drink a dry red wine. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. You are not allowed to drink a dry red anymore. Oh, no. You can only drink gin and water. Oh, no.

Mix together. Mix together, like that swing. With 44 pumps of shit. Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Your middle school self just ran by. Oh, no.

Oh, no. It's silly shit. Oh, no. She's now in a polyamorous relationship with your parents too. Oh, no. It's just because her communication is so good. They're so good at communicating. The communication.

And it's not because nothing's gone wrong yet. No. Her communication is so good because all she does is talk to everyone in the whole world about things they don't want to hear. Oh no. Her lice haircut is getting even weirder. Oh no. Cut two. You're wearing jeans.

Oh no. Everyone sees you wearing jeans. That actually might be my least favorite part so far. Everyone sees you wearing jeans. Everyone points and laughs. Everyone points they say, ha-ha. She is not wearing an a-line plaid skirt. Ha-ha.

And therefore, I think she is bad. Ha-ha. Everyone's freaking you out. You throw up. You cry. You scream. Cut two. You're in a therapy session where your therapist refuses to give you any tangible advice.

And just keep saying things like, the answer has been inside of you the whole time. You're crying. You're throwing up. You're screaming. Cut two. You're in a petting zoo. But all of the animals are dead. No.

And you have to eat them or else you cannot go to the exit door. Do you do it? Do you do it? Does just choose your own adventure? Wait. Okay. You have to eat all the animals or else you. do not get to go to the exit door. Do you do it.

Well, what do I do if I don't go to the exit door? You're in here forever. Just with all the dead animals? You're in here forever. Can I cook them? No. I'm going to stay. No, I'm going to stay.

Wow, and you're canceled. You're canceled. And the end of the haunted house is you're canceled. Okay, I'm canceled. On the front page of, I don't, of everything important. I send to your parents. I'm canceled. Olivia is canceled for eating a bunch of petting zoo animals.

Damn. And that is your haunted house. That's really good. You're literally fucked. Oh, I'm so fucked. I'm in full freeze mode right now. My blood is ice cold. Maybe you should go to therapy.

Yeah, maybe we should both in this episode early and we could go to therapy. So that your therapist can say the answer has been inside you the whole time. I had a psych say maybe you're feeling this way because you're an empath. I know. It's so crazy. I don't know if that's, um, you're like, that's not anything you can say. I think you should give me real advice. Yeah, Olivia went to a psychiatrist and was like, explaining all these.

problems I was having and she was like, well, have you ever thought that maybe you're an empath? And I was like, that's not at all what I'm asking for. It's not something you can diagnose someone with. I'm not asking you to diagnose me as an empath and then go, yay. I'm going like, I think I need like severely different meds because I'm sobbing every time I see like a towel on the floor because I feel bad for the towel. It's not because I'm a fucking empath. It's because I'm mentally ill. Wait, really quickly. Speaking of feeling bad for a towel. Yeah. Are you guys familiar with the robots that drive down the street to give people food? I am.

Is that what they're for? Yeah. They're delivery robots. They're called like serve robotics. Yeah, they're serving. They're serving. And they're like serving cunt and food. Yeah, they're serving cunt.

So they're these little like robots. They look like Wally. Yeah, they look like Wally. And they've got these little eyes. And we were discussing earlier, like, they probably have the eyes to humanize them to people in a way so that like the average person doesn't just like fuck with them. Because obviously, if you see. like a little robot going down the street you're like I'm gonna fuck with that thing yeah but then you see it has eyes and you're like oh it's a little guy it might be in a Pixar movie it's a little guy yeah

and then you don't want to be the the fucking villain in a Pixar movie no oh my god who's the hottest villain in a Pixar movie are there villains yeah the other are um oh my god oh my god what am I even Marage from Mirage from the Incredibles oh my fucking god wow oh my god wow it's like almost like I'm embarrassed I'm embarrassed by both of us I'm embarrassed uh Marage is so hot I'm really embarrassed Marages on OZempic, unfortunately. I think she needs to, like, actually get a little bit of help. I know. I know.

You guys, if you guys know Mirage's number. She's mainlining OZempic. She, like, can we get a hold of her? Because she needs to calm down. Like, she needs to, like. My favorite thing I've ever heard about OZempic is when we were, you were explaining it to like, it was when we were working on Smosh to SACCOM. And you were explaining that OZempic, and the quote you used was,

makes your vagina. vagina go long. Mm. And like four of us spent like 20 minutes trying to figure out what you meant by that. Right. I think the argument was, is it like go long? Yeah, we thought it was like go long. Like it makes it run away so that you can throw a football.

And then we were like, are we talking about the anatomical actual vagina? Does that mean you're tenting? You know what tenting is or no? No. Okay. Tenting is like when your vaginal canal gets longer because you're aroused. Oh. Oh, I think what, did I mean labia?

Yeah, you met labia. Great. But I love the, also that's horrifying to imagine, just like that a drug can make your labia get longer. Like that's scary. Yeah, yeah. Like not because it's good or bad to have it, but just like that's scary. Well, it's bradable. If it gets long enough, you can braid it.

That's such a good point. And that is a pro of Osempic. Okay, yeah, okay, great, great. Yeah, go long. Go long. I will say, I don't know how true that is because I don't remember where I heard it and in fact I don't remember saying it. So I have no memory at all.

So I remember where you heard it and you saying it. And that's terrifying because I'm not you. I don't even, I wasn't even there for you when you heard it, but I know exactly who you heard it from and what they were talking about and all the details about it. Okay, great. Don't tell me. It's going to be a surprise. You're going to have to guess every day for the rest of your life.

Whoa. What do I win if I guess it? You tickles. Oh my God. You win a ozempic. You win a lifetime supply of ozempic so that you can play football with your vagina. That's so perfect. I've always been looking for someone to play football with.

And who knew that the answer was in me the whole time? I think we need to do a Love Island update. Okay. So if you were here last time, oh, wait, sorry, this is a segment called, what did we fucking call it? Oh. Sidna Olivia's Love Island? Fantasy Love Island for me. Fuck.

It was called Sidna Olivia's Love Island for you or something like that. It was something. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck off. What do you fucking want for me? I'm dressed like this. What the fuck?

Okay. Here's the thing. So last episode on Love Island, our produced version, we saw the people who enter the villa. We saw our Love Island starting six. Who are? Let me just, let me give me one second. RFK's brainworm. Okay, so it's RFK's brainworm, scrappy-do, bursting out of Mr. Bean's chest.

Correct. We've got. Tombgis. Tombgis. The AMPM mascot. The AMPM mascot. We've got Glenn Close. Actress Glenn Close.

We've got... The pile of burning furniture. Someone lit on fire outside my apartment. And we've got the dying rainbow fish. Right, meaning the rainbow fish, but he's outside of water and he's truly losing his life as we speak. 100%. So... And then, of course, our hosts are Mark L. Walberg from Temptation Island and Young Sheldon from Hell.

So now So now it's time to find out who couples up with who, right? It's time to couple up. I think first to person to step forward should be RFK's brainworm. Okay, okay. RFK's brainworm steps forward using RFK's body as its puppet. Right. Right.

It steps up. It tells a couple stories about the time it ate a bear. And then it picks. I want to couple up with this bird because we have so much in common. much in common. Yep, we have so much in common. I really think, you know, she's proper fit. We've got so much in common. And RFK's brainworm couples up with scrappy dew bursting out of Mr. Bean's chest. Of course. They both carry around a skin sack. They're both bursting out of another being. And automatically those two would be the first couple. Perfect sense. And what I like about it is that they're going to have to work extra hard on the challenge. because they're carrying a lot of dead weight. Yeah, and I don't think they're compatible at all. No, actually, they're going to find that out so soon.

Zero compatibility, but I think they're going off of looks. And by looks, I mean the fact that they're each puppeting a dead carcass. A carcass of a live or dead, we're not sure. Yeah, we're not totally sure on that. Okay, great. So we've got our first couple. That's beautiful. That's really beautiful.

Gorgeous. Everybody clap. Beautiful. I think next Glenn Close steps up. Absolutely. Glenn Close says, thank you guys for having me here. I truly do not know why I'm here. Yep, yep, yep. I didn't agree to be here. Yeah, absolutely. And the person I'm going to choose to couple up with is

the burning furniture. Wow. Glend claws and the burning furniture are a couple. Wow, that's crazy. I actually would have never thought that. Really? No, I would have never thought that, but I'm like feeling that for them. I'm, I'm interested. I know they want to get to know each other more. Okay, here's what I really do think it makes sense for them because I think it's like this girl is on fire for in both cases. Fair, fair, fair, fair. And I do think that they can like recognize, like a diva recognizes a diva. Deva recognized diva. Yeah, yeah, I get that. That leaves us with Tombgis and the rainbow fish who is dying. Gasping for air and tomb gus is made of food, but not water. Yeah. So that's kind of a fucking sick irony. Oh, it's so sick. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm really excited to see how they get to know each other better. I know. Well, they're all going to talk for the day and then

I guess unfortunately we're going to have to introduce a bombshell at some point, but we'll probably have to do that next time. Yeah. Yeah, you guys, make sure you comment who should be a bombshell in the Love Island Villa. Yeah, because even if it's not the next bombshell, like, we're going to be doing this for a full season of Love Island. And we're going to need your guys as help as for producers. Yeah, yeah, casting. Because like this is a huge endeavor for us. Yeah, this is a really big deal.

This is really important. So stakes are really high. The stakes are so high because everything we're. doing right now, the stakes are very high. I've always said that. Yeah. I've always waking up screaming that when I'm under your bed waking up screaming. I've always said that. I'm always saying it. Okay, so here's the thing. I've said it. This has been beautiful. Not only beautiful but meaningful. This has been not only beautiful, but... Yeah. This has been not only beautiful but meaningful. So meaningful and so beautiful.

In fact, can you feel your boobs through this? Uh, is it weird? Is it weird? that I can feel one more than the other. No, I actually am having a similar experience. Which one are you feeling more? Right. If you can't see it, I'm feeling my left more. Oh, interesting. If you can't see us, we are now groping ourselves in the camel costumes because I don't

know what the fuck else you expected us to do. Yeah, I guess that's true. Here's the thing. Until next time, you got to find us some shrimp because that's just what we're here for. We're here for the shrimp. If you guys know where the shrimp is, please let us know. You can call us. You can DM us at any hour.

We're always ready to answer to the shrimp if you can find it. We're just here for the shrimp. We're just here for the shrimp. And if you want to get match made, send us your info. Send us your info. We are still matchmaking people. We're going to find you the one. And we'll announce it on the show.

And yeah, thank you guys so much for tuning in. And we will see you next Tuesday. We'll see you next Tuesday. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Go get scared. to do. dan-da-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.