Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - How A Try Guy’s Head Blew Up

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

Try Guy Zach Kornfeld is on the big bad podcast for you this week! To find out how much you could earn, Download the FREE Upside App and use promo code SANDO to get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas. Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Try Guys https://www.youtube.com/c/tryguys Chapters: 00:00 | Zach Kornfeld, Mayor of the Nude Beach 07:15 | The Trolley Problem Segment 36:46 | Goat Map, Cooperative Overlapping Yapping 45:00 | Do they F*ck? Name Your Vibrator 58:48 | Have You Tried This Thing? Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your butthole is fully closed. Yes, it is. How'd you know that? I know. And you release your shit through your sweat glands. Everything. Which means every time you sweat, you're micro-shitting. Or if you pull the lever, you can only drink water if it's baby-burded into your mouth by the closest stranger.

Hell yeah. How'd you want that? How'd you want that? Why'd you give me two things I'm into? I'm into Shrek play and being baby-birded. Gosh, hello. Which one was that? Sad.

That was sad. Welcome to the Big Bad podcast for you. This is Sad and Olivia talk shit. I'm sad. I'm Olivia. Today we have another one who's a very special one. Very special one. Not sad at all.

This person tries. This person tries. This person tries. Okay. Hey, gosh. Yeah, he guys, guys. This person even does second tries. Whoa.

This person. Is that a good opening for you? I was sort of hoping. to never talk. I was like, what if we could keep doing the intro forever? I think we should do the same thing but just sweating. If you can do what you just did, but pouring sweat for me? Could we do an episode where I come and I just sit here and listen? I think it would be really funny if we did an episode with a different guest and you sat in the background. So good. And said nothing at all. You give me the little, the podcast cuck chair.

We can give you like binoculars if you want. My grandma has a cuck chair. Yes, yes. A lot of people. My grandma. This is Zach Cornfield. Hi. This is that Cornfield. And today we're talking about our grandma's cuck chairs. My grandma has a cuck chair. In her bedroom?

In her bedroom. She, I pointed it out to her recently. I was like, did you tell her it was a cuck chair? Yeah. Oh, wow. And what did she say? Does she know what that meant? No, she doesn't give a shit.

Like, she was like, oh, that's what it's called. She's like, I'm 101. Fuck off. She's like, I don't care. I'm watching my show. Like, that's kind of her thing. But I was like, grandma, you know what this is called? This is called a cuck chair.

And she was like, I don't care. A Cuckchair appeared in our bathroom at the Tri-Gai's studio. It's a chair in the bathroom across from the urinal. So you can kind of just sit and wait for someone to finish peeing. Yeah. And what is the actual purpose for it? I don't know. And I haven't asked, but it tickles me.

Oh, yeah. And I have sat in it alone in the bathroom? Or while somebody else was your reading. No, I used the bathroom and then I came out and no one was there. And I'm like, well, let's give it a sit for a second. That chair, see what it's like. Took in the sights and it was nice. Wow.

I love the idea of your grandma being like, I'm watching my shows and it's just woman bashing a fish on a rock. Yeah. Yeah, my grandma likes to watch her Facebook reels are all just like people doing, I guess you could call it like primitive cooking. Yeah, like cooking in nature. Like cooking in nature. Like using a stone.

And she be swiping? Yeah, she loves it. She'll watch, my grandma uses more emojis than I do. She's very tech savvy. Yeah. Kind of crazy. You can't live to 101 without being tech savvy. Yeah, she's very good at it.

But she'll watch videos of like a woman catching a fish with her bare hands and then hitting it against a rock and then like putting it in a fire and then eating it. And I'm like, this is awesome. When is her birthday? You should, you should bring her down to the river. Whoa, that's such a good point. Let's bash some fish. Let's bash some fish. This would mean so much to her? Wait, would you come? Yeah. Okay, let's go to the San Diego River. Right. Oh, this is where grandma is San Diego. I was like, that seems like a long drive. But for grandma, it's a short drive. Yeah, you know the San Diego River. Uh-huh. The famed one. The famed one. Yeah. How cool would that be?

We could do what at Black's Beach, the nude beach. the nude beach. There's a nude beach in San Diego? There's a nude beach in San Diego. And we've been and Sid's grandma wanted to hear all about it. What is the legality with nude beaches? Do we just decide to someone, does someone petition the state?

Actually, that's a great question. I am not a thousand percent sure. I know that it has to be kind of like out of view, I think. And can you petition to make any area a new area? How are nude beaches legal? Because what if we all went to the Silver Lake Meadow with a, with like a petition? And we're like petitioned to make the Silver Lake Meadow a nude beach.

a nude meadow. Okay, so it needs to be remote and hard to access, which is true, you have to hike down so much. Right. And one time we were hiking down with a family, and then when they got to the bottom, they were like, oh, fuck, and they hiked back up. Yeah.

Enforcement discretion, land management rules. Yeah. Well, the thing about the Black Beach is that there is a mayor. There's a mayor. Well, wait a second. The mayor of the nude beach? Someone told us he was the mayor of the nude beach. Does that mean he is?

Well, and then he said, everyone says I'm the mayor of the nude beach. He was wearing clothes. Yeah, and he was wearing clothes. clothes. Rex. Oh, no, it wasn't that guy. It was not that guy. We would have remembered if it was that guy. Like, pushed him well, but it wasn't him.

It was not that guy. It was some guy who was just like, I'm the mayor of the nude beach. I wear clothes here. Wait, what? Yeah. That seems, you got to be of the people for the people. Exactly. I know, right? This is like, it's very Republican to wear clothes at the nude beach and call yourself the mayor of the nude beach. Now, is it Republican

to wear clothes at all the nude beach or just to call yourself the mayor? To be in a position of power and have different rules for yourself. Exactly. Okay. So I'm glad. I'm relieved there. because I have worn clothes at a nude beach. You can work close at the nude beach. That's just consent for yourself. No, no.

You're not to wear close to a beach? We were on some trip, my wife, Maggie and I, and we were at a beach that I didn't know was a nude beach until suddenly there was nude. And then it felt like, okay, I guess I, I guess we should like get naked, right? And she's like, I don't really want to. I'm like, hey, cool, okay, then I guess I don't want to, okay, I don't either. Yeah, I don't want to do it if you're not doing it.

I find it challenging to know where to look. It's interesting. I feel like when we, we've been like, twice, right? Just once. Really? Wow, that was a long experience then. It's like you go there and at a certain point everything just kind of fades into another reality because there's just naked people walking by the ocean. Lots of frisbee. Lots of frisbee. Lots of nude frisbee at the naked beach. Lots of nude soccer. The guy who was good at soccer was so nice. Don't seem like two of the floppiest sports too. Yeah. Very flop. And it's happening. And let me tell you, they are doing it on purpose.

They are like, let me flop. Let me show you my flop. So they want to, so then they want me to look. They want to look. Yeah. And it's like mostly older people. We were like the only people there are age. And we were like 22 at the time. And a guy was like, can I sing you a song? What did he sing?

He made it up. And then we all made up songs. Sorry, he improved the song? He did. And then we all did. We live streamed from the nude beach. We weren't naked in the live stream, but you could see like our shoulders. And we live streamed with this stranger from the nude beach.

And then he asked us if we wanted to go to his van and have some gonja. And we said, Oh, we can't because we're in the touring cast of the musical cats, and we have to go be in the musical cats later tonight. Yeah. And he believes us. That's kind of like a very 22 thing to do. Yeah, it really is.

It's like the epitome of us at 22. You host a show, my friend. Oh, my friend. Called trolley problem. Yeah, and we have both of you on it. Yeah. Is that a spoiler amount to say it? No, I love that.

Cool. You guys should check out our episode of trolley problems if you... It might not be out. It's probably not out yet. It's probably not out yet. But when it is, you should check it out. You know what's crazy is we did 10 episodes. this season and they come out every other week. So it starts in, I think, mid-April,

and the season goes through August. Oh, wow. It's just like forever. Yeah, oh, my God. Yeah, it's definitely a hot summer episode. A sexy, sexy hot summer episode. So can you explain for all the cucks who don't know what a trolley problem is?

Can you explain what a trolley problem? Yeah. Okay, so the trolley problem is a moral dilemma. And essentially, it's there is someone, let's say five people tied to the tracks. And you can pull the lever, saving those five people, but by doing it, you're going to run over one other person. And so the base of the question is like, by pulling the lever, you're saving five people,

which most people I think would do. But then are you, by making that choice, are you now complicit in murder? But by doing nothing, are you complicit in more? And the answer is yes. And that's my belief. But then people will escalate it and they'll go, okay, but now what if the one person is your grandma with a cuck chair? Now what if that one person, okay, now what if those five people are the backstreet?

boys. Yeah. If the one person cured cancer, so then they are saving all of these people. A diagram of a trolley problem. So you build it like that. And then we took that as inspiration to make a show that essentially is a bunch of impossible questions that make the guests have to do bad things. It's essentially a very, uh, an intense, would you rather?

Absolutely. And that's what the show is. So, um, we wanted to do a trolley problems with you. Yeah. And the, this, the addition is, um, situations you'll never, ever be in addition. Music. Cut the music. Okay, so your first trolley problem, are you ready?

Always. So this is what will happen. Okay. Your mouth fills with black sludge every time you pee. But if you pull the lever, you pee black sludge every time you eat. So really think about that. Interesting. Yeah.

So every time I pee, my mouth fills with black sludge. Yeah. And I would say it's really deep in there. Yeah, and that sounds pretty bad. And sludge, we're saying it's got like a thick. Yeah, like a tar-y sort of. Well, don't, if it's tar, it's sticky, and then that's, like, coating my mouth. Like how- It's more sludge-like.

It's sludge-like, okay. You can, like, wash it. You can, like, spit it out in the sink, gargle, and get rid of, and, like, you can't watch. It's like sludge. Yeah, like, I'm, yeah, yep, I'm picturing the Pokemon that's slimer. Mm-hmm. I actually think that it's maybe not the worst to have that happen to you. Yeah, there he is.

There's my boy. Purple guy I'm actually thinking that maybe this isn't the worst to happen to you while you pee Because sometimes you know you just you're over the toilet already You know You swish you spit it out There's already a sink there No whereas like when you're eating if you if you automatically pee

Every time you're gonna ruin restaurants Whether or not it's black sludge You're gonna ruin all your pants And I love my pants And you love your pants I'm known for my pants I'm sort of the pants guy I love your pants I and also I'm thinking about it actually Maybe then I would just carry your toothbrush around

I'm gonna be brushing my teeth on the regular. Actually, now my teeth are even sparklier. Yeah, that's so true. Prefer this than your regular life right now. I actually have been waiting for something like this to happen, an excuse to have sludge in my mouth that I can then brush away. That's a good. My teeth will be amazing.

Incredible. Okay, what about this one? Can we make this happen? Yeah, we can do that. Okay. We have a witch coming. Okay, good, good. Okay, so as it's going regularly, you have IBS.

But every time, every time you're, stomach gurgles. Uh-huh. It sounds like an adult woman screaming, help me! Not that far off from the current reality. Or you have pneumonia, but your coughs are farts. Yeah. Tell me.

Yeah. So when I... Yeah. But it's like, like, full fart. Like, that's so funny. That doesn't just sound like it, like, is a real life. Like that. I think, I think that's also pretty good.

because as someone with IBS, sometimes I'd be farting. And sometimes it just be happening. Right, right, right. But you're not usually out of your mouth. Not out of my mouth. Well, so does it smell? Yeah, it's a fart. Well, that's good.

Now you've changed the game. Well, it's a fart. Well, you said it was a fart sound. No, no, no. Or at least I heard it as a fart sound. You put sound in there, but it's a- You heard it wrong. You have pneumonia, but your coughs are farts.

No, do I have pneumonia once? Or I'm just like the boy with pneumonia now. That's a good question. That's a good question. Because I guess is. Forever. I just have pneumonia forever? I don't know. Every town has a boy with pneumonia forever.

The boy with pneumonia sounds like a hallmark movie. Sandra Bullock starred in it. Yeah, I was supposed to say it sounds like a story that's a warning. It's a German fairy tale. It's like a European story that's actually a warning. I'm choosing to believe that pneumonia will pass. That's allowed. I caught this and I'm in a mouth fart.

So you're pulling the lever or are you not? Pulling the lever gives me mouth fart? I'm realizing now how confusing this is for people on my show. No one ever knows which way the lever pulls. Right. Yeah. Yeah, I'll pull that lever. Okay, great.

You've got mouth farts. I also think I'm going to... You've got mouth farts. I think that this will do... This will blow up on TikTok, too. Okay, great. I'm a mouth fart guy. Yeah, yeah.

That's true. That's amazing. I'm going to make banks. You got to make a lot of content while you still have the pneumonia. Oh, I'm going to cash in. You're literally going to do like a brand deal with peptobismal. Yeah. Any affliction that you have, I know it's sad in the moment, but

monetize it while you can. I had, um, uh, uh, I, I did a surgery. I had hair restoration and I, my face got all puffy. Did you go to Turkey? No, I did it here and I like, look out. Just literally Google my name. Oh my God. It's one of the first photos.

Oh my God. And I'm all, look, literally. Oh my God. I'm so, I was so puffy with inflammation and I was so, my biggest regret in life is not doing the biggest Photoshop or photo shoot in my life. Oh. My God, you should have gotten married that way. I should have done everything.

I was so sad and I was so shamed. You look so happy. You look like a little baby. You look like a happiest baby in the world. I look like a blueberry. I like hit away for a week because I was like, I can't let anyone see me. And then as soon as it left, I missed it so much. Wow.

Is it, is it Varuka salt. Who does that? No, you're thinking violet. Violet, you're turning violet. Violet turns into the big blueberry. Yes, she's a blueberry. You should have gone to a chocolate factory. Wait, you should have gone to Willie Wonka's chocolate factory.

I should have done it for, I should do it every Halloween. Sorry, fight the other kids? Do you, is that your memory of the movie? You fight them to the death. And it's the book. And it's a book now. Oh, they made a book out of it? No, wasn't it a book before?

They turned it into a book? They turned it into a book? That's crazy. It was a book. No, I don't think so. Okay. That's you. There you are.

How are you guys, by the way? Oh, it's totally fine. Okay, cool. Okay, are you ready? Yeah. Every night. Yeah, and thank you. Okay.

You turn into a canceled celebrity every night at sundown. Very Shrek. Yeah. I was thinking werewolf, but okay, very Shrek. It's like Shrek Wolf. Shrek. Well, Werewolf's only full.

And is it a different one every time? Could be. Okay. Maybe you get stuck with a bad one. Yeah, I think sometimes you might just be the same one for like an extended period of time. Sometimes it switches up. It's never good. Or if you pull the lever, you turn into a mouse every night at sundown and magically appear in a

snake's vivarian and you have to survive until the morning or you're dead in real life. Jesus Christ. What's a Vyarium? Vyvarium is a terrarium for a snake. That's a cool word. That's a beautiful name for a girl. It is. I learned it last night.

Vibrium? Yeah, I learned it last night and it is a really cool. While you were writing this? Yeah. And I was literally like, I Google searched what is snake cage called? Okay, thank God. They were like Vyverium. I was like, Vive or Viv?

And they were like, Vive. And I was like, this is fucking awesome. If I ever decide that it's morally okay for me to bring a child into the world, I think we have her name. Viv. Viv for short. Vive. Vive. Arium. So do you want to?

Can I, so there is like a spectrum of canceled celebrity. Right. Right. There's like, it's, there's like illegal. And then there's like, we don't like them. Yes. And I think there should be levels. I think we should call

like canceled level one or tier there should be two because color or color coding or like do it for fires fire safety I think if somebody you know like was mean to a waiter at a restaurant that is different than somebody going to jail

like James Corden James Corden is like a level one canceled that's not the same as Weinstein and you can't do that you can't be like oh they're the same because then we're fucking over all of the Weinstein victims I want a canceled tier list.

We do need a canceled tier list. We need a code system. And I don't think it's, I don't think you're tier one. I don't think you're James Corden. Like Ellen DeGeneres is probably a one or a two. Yeah. And that is on the same spectrum as like an R. Kelly. Like somebody who is in the files is not the same as someone who was mean to a worker.

Oh, we have one. This is exciting. No way. Is this real? Okay, great. Below the prison. Wait, sorry. How is Bill Cosby on the same line as Ellen DeGeneres?

So what's going on here? This is actually not a very accurate scale. Whoever made this is literally insane. Louis C.K. jerked off in front of people and he's on the same level as the Zsonsori who had a bad date with someone. I would say this is not really, I don't think this is. No, this is not right. Right? This is not right.

I don't know who made this, but I don't endorse it. Sorry, Harvey Weinstein is retirement time? No, no, no. The man is dying in prison. Under Amber Hurt? No, I don't agree with this chart at all. No, this chart's wrong. But I do agree with the nothing at all section.

Like they're fine, Lana Del Rey. And it's just Liam Neeson, Lana Del Rey, and who is it? Yeah, this is a terrible. James Gunn. What did Liam Neeson do? Apparently nothing at all. No, this is not right. No, this is wrong.

We are going on the record that this is wrong. I would say that every night maybe it's a different celebrity. so you're at risk of sometimes being something really worse. Well, this is interesting because if I woke up as JK Rowling, maybe I could go online and say JK, I was kidding about all that and actually I love trans people now.

However, it's only sundown. So when you wake up, because it's very Shrek. Right, so when you wake up, if you were to do that in the middle of the night, J.K. Rowling herself would be like actually just kidding what I said last night. And then the next night I'll be JK, JK, JK don't listen to me in the morning. Unless you wake up as Louis CK.

And then you have to be like, CK, CK, CK, CK, I was louying. I was louying. Or is just the mouse thing. Yeah, or the mouse thing where you just have to kind of run for your life. Can we see if there's a different? Can we look up if there's a picture of a mouse? Crazy. And we also look at Viberia.

Oh, look at level C. Why is James Charles as like worse than Bill Cosby? This is just wrong. Worse than Bill Cosby? No, no, no. This is fully wrong. This is wrong. But what do you think about, no, whoever made this is wrong?

And they're wrong. They're literally so wrong. No, no. No, no. Okay, anyway. We have to like elect someone to be in charge of that. We have to elect someone who knows what the fuck they're talking about. Yeah, it's not that.

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And you die in real life if the snake got you. Right. Which does also sort of feel like a metaphor for life itself, doesn't it? So you want to be a canceled celebrity? Well, I haven't decided yet. Okay. I'm talking through, I'm letting you into the mind palace. Thank you for letting me into your mind palace, Sherlock.

This is because, you know, I go to sleep every night, not knowing if I'm going to wake up. As you canceled celebrity? It's not really up to me, right? It's not really up to me, right? I could, an asteroid could hit my house. I could have a brain too. That's why I got this asteroid tattoos. No kidding.

It's up to the powers that be. So that's sort of, I mean, honestly, the Vyvarium gives me even more chance. But now I'm thinking if I, if I'm a little mouse and I'm trying to escape the snake all day, am I going to be tired when I wake up? Yeah. I think it would be exhausted. I also am going to point something out here that people, if it's all at night, you probably won't get the most flack that you would get as the canceled celebrity. I mean, honestly, I ain't leaving my house much these days. Right?

Like you'd probably just spend a weird night being like, I guess I'm, you know. I think I'd probably have to get a new bedroom. I don't think Maggie wants to. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That'll be a hard. Hang out with Louis C.K. You have to think about what Fiona from Shrek would do.

She would lock herself in a castle. So is that what you're into? Are you into that? Am I into that? Are you into that? I don't like the implication of asking you if I'm into that. Are you into Loxy Castle like Fiona from Shrek? You into Shrek play?

You into Shrek play? You into Shrek play? You're into Shrek play? Do I get a dragon? This is kind of cool. Yeah, well, the dragon doesn't come with the canceled celebrity. That's bigger than the dragon was. Yeah, 100%.

I've seen the movie. Yeah. This is an incorrect drawing. This is not to scale. It's not to scale. It's kind of more feeling. This is fan art. This is from Wikishec.

Yeah, that's from Wiki Shrek. Can we go to Wikis Shrek real quick? Oh, no, I'm going to get turned on. Princess Fiona's Tower Wiki Shrek. Go, like, what are some unexpected subpages of Wiki Shrek that we might find? Welcome to the Shrek wiki. Wait, scroll down maybe? Pass.

Family main characters. And by the way, while we look at this, I'm going to tell you I am into that. I'm going to choose the Fiona Shrek canceled celebrity. But I'd like to spend another 30 minutes on this. There was a time when children on TikTok were telling me that I looked a lot like rumple still skin from Shrek. Oh my God. That's devastating. And it is true, unfortunately.

I do see it. Who do you get? Shannon Woodward. Oh, oh. Isn't that what her name is? I've gotten the sloth for my sage. Oh, wow. That one hurts.

What's her name Shannon Woodward? I think I do get Shannon Woodward a lot. That's the one people say. Oh, I love him. Yeah. I've gotten that one before. I think it's the glasses. Shannon Woodward is from, um, that's just a girl.

I didn't get an animated one. You know, you don't, why don't you have a sickly cartoon character? You know what people say on TikTok. Someone said Darla from the Little Rascals, which is once again a live action. No, we need a cartoon. Everyone needs a cartoon doppelganger. So, guys, tell me what cartoon I look like and it doesn't fucking matter. You got this?

Yeah, I got that. That's a baby. I know, that's a baby. That's a child. You had a child. I know. That does look more like a child. It's more like a child than like I do, for example.

I like it. I like that the wide-eyed face where she's like, ooh. Yeah. So you're going to be a canceled celebrity, right? Yeah, I think it comes for all of us eventually. Yeah, that makes sense. Okay. And I look forward to finding out where I am on the tier list.

Oh, yeah. It'll change every day. Okay. So if the train is going the way it's going, you get mauled by a panda. once. You get mauled by a panda once. Damn, because they're so cute,

but I bet they could fuck me up. Oh, yeah, they'd fuck you up. I'm not saying you'll die. I don't know. We don't know. I've never been mauled by a panda. You get mauled by a panda once. Or if you pull the lever,

you have to spend the rest of your life as the world's first rabies influencer, which is an influencer who's trying to convince everyone to get rabies. I am surprised that hasn't happened yet. This feels so RFC coded. If it feels so maha, yeah. Uh-huh. Why don't actually

embarrassing to say. I don't feel like I, are you looking at benefits of rabies? That's crazy. That was not what I was going to ask me to look up. Benefits is such a, rabies is almost a uniformly fatal disease that infects. Well, that's kind of beneficial. Yeah. The only benefits associated with rabies are the prevention of the disease through vaccination and control. So what I don't think I know about rabies other than like foaming at the mouth and. Yeah, we got it. We got it. If you're going to be an influencer for it. You don't, you don't like the sun maybe? Can you? We look up. What is? What is rabies? What is rabies? The big bad rabies for me.

Yeah, we get that it's fatal. It's okay, brain inflammation. That sounds bad. Well, you're used to inflammation from your big face thing. And I have an inflammatory disease. Right. So I got inflammation head to tell. Maybe you would love this. Discomfort at the bite site. Oh, right. Hydrophobia. You, they're afraid of water.

Whoa. That's huge. That's so crazy and weird that that's the thing. That's kind of awesome. Wait, that's so strange. Yeah. You get that with, well, you can. With rabies, you become terrified of water. So you'd have to be like, guys, let me show you how to be terrified of water. I love it so much. It's really. Wait, go back to the symptoms.

I want to see what else. It's so interesting to have one of your symptoms be a fear. Oh, excessive saliva, hallucinations. Okay, hallucination sounds kind of lit. Kind of sick. Hey. Hallucinations is the best one out of all of these. Do you want every day to be LSD?

Yeah. Come get rabies. Yeah. Honestly, this might be a good. I feel like I'm going to get really like cut. Yeah. You will also become canceled from this. That's fine.

Now, I didn't say that you have rabies, I guess. So that's also something. The rabies influence. You can have rabies. Or you could just be convincing people to get rabies, but you don't have it, which is evil, which is evil. I guess that's your choice. I've had some pretty bad things befall me. Befall.

Befall. Right. Great word. You got a problem with it? No, I just love it. Like, I've been hospitalized in near fatal. ways a couple times in my life, which feels like a corollary for panda attack. Right.

And I've survived it before. I think I can survive it again. It's essentially would I rather have a near-death experience, probably, or peddle some BS. Why did I like, why did I censor myself as if we haven't been cursing this whole time? Thank you for doing that. And yeah, let's clean this show up a little bit. It's in the title, but thank you for doing that. It's about time that we clean this place up.

Would I rather have a near-fatal experience or peddle bullshit to the world to make a quick buck? Right. And I think it probably would be harder to live with myself and mean comments hurt. Yeah, I almost got rabies when I was 13 because a feral cat bit me. Nothing surprises me less than knowing that you have a personal connection to this. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. And when you say almost got rabies, you didn't.

I didn't. So you're just saying you just got bit by a cat. So, yeah, what happened was I got bit by cat. I hope that means you almost got rabies. And then the doctor decided to scare the fuck out of me and was like, you've got to get all these rabies things or you're going to die. And then I didn't get the rabies things, didn't get rabies. And the doctor just wanted me to, I guess.

Sometimes you just get bit by a cat. I think you just got bit by a cat. Which I don't think is the same as almost getting rabies. That's such a good point. But talk to that doctor. I didn't bring it up. Okay, let's try the next one. Okay, go ahead.

So you picked which one? I'm going to fight the panda. I'm going to give myself a shot. Okay. Here are the options. Yep. Your butthole is fully closed. Yes, it is.

How'd you know that? I know. And you release your shit through your sweat glands. Everything. Which means every time you sweat, you're micro-shitting. Or if you pull the lever, you can only drink water if it's baby-burded into your mouth by the closest stranger. Hell yeah. How'd you want that?

How'd you want that? Why do you do you want that? I'm into Shrek play and being baby-burded. By the nearest stranger. Now, okay, so you got like, stranger, stranger. Right, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, Richie. Yeah. Stranger or not, like, once I know is named, does that take him out of the running?

I think so, actually. Oh, that's hard. I think you can't know their name. Yeah. Because that means, I've introduced myself to everyone here. No, she's got to run out of the building. Oh, but how do I explain it to them? You don't.

You just shake them and then point to their water and go. Please. And then if they say like, whoa, man, my name's Carl. You go like, shit. Yeah, and then you have to run the next person. Maybe I have a sign with me at all times that. say so thirsty, please spit in my mouth, don't tell me your name. Yes.

Yes. I feel like I'd have to get on the apps for that. And you don't think I could IV this thing? No, this is not an IV situation. You don't think I can IV it? You have no veins. I have no veins. In this reality, you have no veins.

This is the only way to get water. I guess. I mean, look, it's nice to get to know new people. It's like a meat cute almost. It gets me. I'm actually, people don't know this. I'm very shy. It's very hard for me to go up to strangers.

I struggle at parties. So now maybe I have a little icebreaker. Yeah. Your sign, your little sign. Yeah, that's pretty good. And you can carry around a lot about that. I can be cute about it. I can be like, please.

Yeah, the only risk is like getting dehydrated because no one will do it. Right. And what was the other option? Poop, poop, poop, yeah. Poop sweat. Poop sweat. Yeah. Yeah, I think, I mean, honestly, I'm like always dehydrated.

Yeah. I sort of pride myself on how little water I drink. So you're probably fine that. I just like kind of am baseline dehydrated always. I only drink diuretics. Okay, great, everything. So then you're just going to go with that one anyway. I think probably.

Yeah, and then now I get to meet some cool new people. Oh, that's everything. How'd you guys meet, by the way? High school. No, I meant, I meant the scenario. You were doing a bit, and we just didn't even get it. And you were way too excited to tell me real soon. We met in high school on an improv team.

I was like high school. We met in high school. How did you guys met? Yeah. Okay, we've got one more. Yeah. Okay. Option one, be the only guy in bug world.

But if you pull the lever, then you're the only bug in guy world. Well, I don't want to live in guy world. It would be hard. I mean, you'd be a bug too, so it'd be hard. Guy world sounds tough. Yeah. But bug world also sounds tough because it would just be you as one guy and like everything else is so many bugs. I wonder if I could be a revolution.

Of bugs or of guys? You're the A revolution of who? I think the bugs Because if you think about Who would it be against? Well, think about how bugs work. Like ants, right?

They work hard. They work hard. And there's a lot of one type of ant And then there's one type of ant that's different. The queen aunt. Right. She looked different. She does.

And she gets everyone to do her bidding. Right. So I wonder if I'm the one guy in my bug size as a guy? No, you're a full guy. I'm an adult man. You're a guy. I'm just me. and there's bugs everywhere.

Oh, my goodness. And you can't talk to them. But by the way, do we not live in bug world? But you're the only person. You're the only guy in bug world. I will also say when I think... There are a lot of bugs in this world. Yes, but when I think about bug world,

like our world is called Earth, right? I think so it doesn't really say bug in it, right? No, it doesn't say bug in it. So a bug world would probably be catering to bugs. Yeah, everything is... I think this world caters plenty of bugs. I think we do live in a bug world. We don't live in bugs.

Look how many bugs. Google how many bugs? No, no, but how many bugs? But Zach, think about it. Our stores are for people. Well, that's, you didn't say bug society. Oh, there's 10 quintillion bugs, but at any given time. You're talking about society in the world.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, you are. No, no, no. You're saying the world. Well, wait a second. Okay. When I say, oh wait. Wait a second.

I'm waiting. When I say Disney World, yeah, what do you expect to see? Disney's everywhere. Disney stuff everywhere. It's catering to the idea of Disney. Does that make sense? So now Bugworld might not even be the whole planet. It could just be the town I live in.

Yeah. So Bug World is like the restaurants are for bugs. Okay. Well, hold on. Everything's tiny. Hold on though. Yeah. If this is a theme park called Bugworld. Sidney.

God! He didn't do anything. God, you made it a theme park. Now he can leave. You made it a bit. I didn't make it a theme park. I made it a bug world. There's something about you calling her Sydney and not Sid that made me go like,

uh-oh, you're in trouble. I always get called Sidney. Sydney. I mean, this is looking, this is looking pretty good. We got, I mean, if this is Bugsland? No, it's not Bugsland, it's Bugs World. It's a world for bugs. So it's Bugsland, but bigger? No, I'm in, it's a world for bugs.

Well, because Disneyland and Disney World are the same thing, but one's bigger. No, it's a world. Do you know that Disney World has less rides in Disneyland? How crazy is that? Why is that? We have more rides in California than we do in Florida. What's the deal with that? It's crazy.

What's up with that? What are you talking about? I'm talking facts. We, they scorn. squeeze all the rides in. Well, then what do they have? Just more space. Just more space.

Just space. It's just Florida, man. They have in California Adventure to. Yeah, they do have in Disneyland. Look at that. I've thrown up the question. They don't even know. They don't even remember what we were talking about.

What? Star Wars. Bug World is a world catered to bugs. It's everyone there is bugs. The politicians are bugs. It doesn't even matter. You can't talk to them. And I don't speak the language.

No, you're an adult human man. You can't fit into any of the stores. You can't fit into any of the restaurants. You have to basically, you can't fit into any cars. It's sort of, yeah, it's basically just Apocalypse Vives on the Last Man on Earth, I'm all alone. And there's so many bugs.

Can I tell you the bugs seem incidental to it? I feel like the bugs don't really play into the decision here. There's like leeches and shit. There's like mosquitoes. There's like so many mosquitoes. This is their whole world. Or I'm in the only bug. In Guy World.

And so that means no, no ladies. Yeah, I mean, there's no ladies in either scenario. Because Guy World sounds bad. Yeah, Guy World does that. Yeah, it caters to guys. Yeah. So it's kind of like this world. I guess would I rather live in this world as a bug or a really cool.

With no women. With no women. Or non-minary people. And no other bugs. And or a really cool theme park. It's not a theme park. You'd just be getting mosquito bites all day every day, but you can choose that. I like.

Bug world is a very serious thing. So like as the guy who has a show called trolley problems, there's always something I'm trying to walk people into. and I'm not going to be the guy who sits here and says, I want to live in Guy World. Fair. You don't have to live in Guy. I mean, I would probably live, if I had to pick,

I would probably be the only guy. And by the way, how rude of me to not say what about you. No, no, thank you. I appreciate it. I would be the only guy in Bug World because. Because it's a great theme part and they have awesome rides. Also, just like, I'd rather get bitten by mosquitoes and have so many bugs all over me at all times

than, like, be alive for like 24 hours in a planet full of just guys and that I can't even talk to. I'm probably Because bug life spans short That's my take Bugs die quick So if you have a death wish There's an easy answer

Can I tell you either way I ain't making it very long I'm making it 24 hours People always go like Okay Apocalypse hits What's your survival plan And mine's like don't

Yeah that's mine too Actually the plan is just I know a bunch of people Who their plan is out No it's not even like I would like choose that It just would happen. It would befall us. It would befall us.

Like, what am I supposed to do? Change my entire personality? This is what it is. I'm not living. Yeah. It's not going to happen. Hour one, I'm looting because that seems sick. That seems so sick.

You can get like a free Nintendo DS. Absolutely. And people are like, oh, do you have water? No, I have a hammer and a grocery store nearby. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm going to just smash that window with a baseball bat. Take what I need then.

Yeah. And I'm going to be like, wait, were we supposed to take things we need? No, I'm going to get a Nintendo DS. I got a bunch of coloring books. I got stickers. I love to loot coloring books. Wait, so yeah, which one would you pick you? So yeah, are you going to bug or guy?

I think I'm going to bug world. I think we should all go to bug world. Let's do it. I mean, we have to go to three separate bug worlds because we all have to be the only guy. Well, I could be the only guy. That's true. I didn't say anything. You could go with me.

Shit. Wow, you found the loophole. Wow. You found the loophole. God damn loophole. I always do. We're going to bug world. Music!

Pop the music! Okay, really quickly. Yeah. Something I've been meaning to bring up, and I can't believe I haven't brought it up yet. Oh, I think I know what this is. I'm doing a call to action. Yeah. And I need everyone to lock in.

Lock in. Yeah. I am developing a goat map. Yeah. On my birthday, the only thing I wanted was to see some goats. Right. I looked up on Google Maps. Goats.

Didn't find much. Crazy. I did find goats, but it took a little bit more research. So now I want to make a Google map of the entire world. Goat app. Where there are goats, where you can find goats. So if you at home know where goats are, DM me where the location and I will put it on my goat map

and then I will share my goat map with all of you so that you can find the goats near you. Now, just curious how hard was it for you to find goats? Not that hard. Because we just Googled goats and got a bunch of hits. Well, here's the thing. We're in LA. You can find goat yoga, goat party, whatever. But I'm not calling a party place being like, hey, I would like goats at my party.

I'm like, where do I find the goats right now? Like a petting zoo right now. Right now. Where are there? So sort of like, okay, okay, when you're driving, sometimes your Google Maps is like, hey, accident reported. Yeah. And then you press, is it still there? Like, are there goats still?

You want goat reported. That's correct. I think what we need is for, yeah, you make the app and then the play here is we're trying to get acquired by Daddy Google. And now we're going to get this feature baked in to Google Maps. It's like a goat filter. Yeah. Goat reported.

Yeah. Goat reported. Is there still a goat? There's still a goat. No. Unfortunately, they went over the hill. Yeah. That's like really all I want.

Like I just, this is like a serious thing. Yeah. If you know where goats are, they can be in a field unattended, but they're there regularly. They can be in a petting zoo. They can be in a farm that you're allowed to visit for money. They can be anywhere. I'm incredibly excited to benefit from this. Let me know where the goats are.

I'll add it to my map. And then I'll share my map with all of you. Oh, check this out. What the fuck is this? Does someone steal our idea? What the fuck is this? Oh, no, no, no, no. This is a goat grazing business.

Oh. So this is a map where goats can come and graze. Yeah. Okay. What if I did that for your book? This kind of, though, does still work, though, because this is showing you like the goat heat map, showing you where they party.

And that is what I want to see is kind of a goat heat map of where they party. Now, you're talking about sort of a crowd source. Yeah, and by the way, look, California. I mean, we're bereft of goats. I did add a place on my goat map on my birthday, which I found.

So I can share that with you guys if you want. If you could, I left my phone over there. Yeah, I have the coordinates. I love him. You're talking about sort of a crowd sourcing approach here. And I wonder if we don't need to do is put trackers on all these things. Right.

We got to get in there. Tracked. Oh, track. No. Track the ghost. No. Can't do that. Why not?

Because I don't want to, I don't want them to have any ouchies. What if it's a necklace? That's fun. What if it's a cute? Just as cute. Fashionistia goat moment. It could be a little anklet. A little anklet.

If the goat thinks it's cute and wants to wear it, they can. But if they don't want to wear it, I don't want to make it. I think that's where it's where you're going to find your goats. when you're in San Luis Obispo. Slow Ranch. Yep. San Luis Obispo Ranch. Yep.

It has a bunch of cute little restaurants and stuff. And then in the back, there's randomly a petting zoo that nobody runs. Yeah, that's awesome. And you can just kind of walk back there with carrots and hang out with goats. And let me tell you, I pulled over to do this. Good. So that is to add for your map. That's awesome.

It was awesome. And that's all I've got. Goats are fun. Can you tell us, can you tell the people what you were telling us about talking over each other? Because I love that fact. I love a fun fact. Well, we were, we, I was telling you before we started that I feel very at home here. You are both overlapping talkers.

Yes. And I, I years ago found out about, I believe it's called cooperative overlapping. And it's a type of language that I think comes out of like the evolution. tree of Yiddish and people will often say like oh we talk over each other we're rude and actually in just the way that we speak it's it's how we yeah here we go it's not uh here wait what's the new york times headline right below it's not interrupting it's cooperative overlapping and so it's a type of of uh i guess speech pattern yeah where the way that you engage and and show people that you are tapped in and engaged is fast-paced talking and overlapping them right and

Right. Wow. It's a very... Finishing sentences, adding personal anecdote. It's providing free... A lot of... Mm's, uh-huh. Yeah. It's very challenging for me to not...

To just be quiet. It says misinterpretations. It's frequently mistaken for rude interruption by those from high consideration backgrounds, whatever that means. What does that mean? Who prefer silence between turns? What's a high consideration background? I think it's a very, like, it's a nuanced thing.

Yeah. Because there are multiple ways to interrupt someone. Yes. Sure. You can interrupt somebody by being like, cooperative. By the way, what do you want for lunch? Thank you so much. That's a bad one, right?

We don't like that. Right. We're not talking about the same thing. Or it's like the idea of interrupting somebody because you're like, you're not doing this well enough. Uh-huh. Yeah. Not great. Here's what I see it as is like as we're talking, our brains just start like helicing around each other.

And now we're just like, we're mushing into one. speech person together. My family, when I grew up, my family only spoken cooperative overlap. And my family only spoke quacks. And my family didn't speak to me. Fuck. Oh, wow.

No, they do. They love me very much. Interesting. They're two linguistic styles. Okay, but yeah, like, I grew up and that was all we, that was like how you talk. And when people overlap me, when I'm telling something and people are just dead silent, like right now,

I feel like, oh, no, am I doing something wrong? 100%. If someone does that. Now I'm back home. Okay, so we are all on the, like, I feel comfortable. But, or like if I share something that happened to me and someone else goes like, oh my God, similarly, this happened to me, I feel safe and comfortable. But I had to learn as an adult that that's not the case of that. Not everybody likes that.

A lot of people do not. Not everybody likes it. Some people actually explicitly don't like it. What is it called high society? Oh, high, um, consideration. The heck is that? The visual, contextual, and environmental setting used to market. products. And I understand if someone's like, oh, it's considerate to me that you wait and don't

talk while I'm talking, then knowing that for that person, that's what I, and there's certain contexts. Yeah, but how cool are people that like just, I don't like them at all? No, I, well, you know what I'm very jealous of? I'm so jealous of people who are quiet, who have quiet voices, and then you lean in to hear them. And it's never been me. No. Yeah. People always lean away. It's just, and I get like, but I just, I'm so jealous of people that can kind of just sit back and they, they get even quieter and quieter and people really want to know what they have to say. I feel like when I'm quiet,

people don't give a fuck. People just talk about it. And then they just move on. Because actually I think no one wants to hear what I have to say. I think that it's, yeah, I think it is all like nuanced. It's like it depends how you're doing it. It depends like what the context is.

It depends like if there's a tone of like, you're not going fast enough. Let me speed this up for you. Because I do know people who have done that to me before and I'm like, got it. This isn't good enough for you. No, it's like, I feel like when you,

you find another cooperative overlap? You're like, oh, we're doing it. I'm back home. I'm in the pocket. Yeah, exactly. No, 100%. And, you know, the podcast is good for me to learn how much I fucking interrupt people. That's like a huge takeaway. It's all nuanced. It's, it's, it's, I think it's all just a nuanced thing of like, sometimes there are times where people are like, we need to take turns. Sometimes there are times when it's like, we're all talking together. It's just nuance? Yeah, over in some cultures overlapping is a sign of interest not dominance. You guys, I kind of

think we should play, do they fuck? Oh, I love that. Yeah, yeah. I've been waiting to be asked. I have so many opinions on this. This is a segment we've done before, I believe. It's a great thing. She's such a segment show. Yeah, we are a segment. We're

doctor's segment and Mr. Seas. Real segment. You ever just like... Fuck around. You ever come in with no segment and just see where it takes you? And is that scary for you? No. No. It's just kind of fun to like come in with a segment, I think. To me, it's like, oh, are we hanging out with no plan or are we hanging out with a game night? And both are fun. But I love a game night. Because also like the way we function, we're always going to go off track. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're always going to do things. Just like fuck around.

Yeah. And for the record, I like a segment. Okay, amazing. And it's also just like fun because it's less interview-y. It's more just games. Yeah. Game search. Sure. Okay. So this segment is called, Do they fuck? We kind of go through some people, places, things, fictional things, and we decide, do they fuck? Yeah, do they fuck? Do they absolutely not? Good. Yeah.

Music. Cut the music. Nice. Okay, first of all. I'm going to get it by the next time. That's good. No, you're going to be as fast as humanly possible. You don't let the music play at all.

No. This is a good one. Yeah. Does a Waymo fuck? Mm. Now, it's important to think about the fact that a Waymo does have plenty of empty space in it, and people can enter it. And he's got all those little spinning wheels.

It has all those little spinning wheels. And there's no one manning the car. So then I guess the question is, can a Waymo really give consent? Well, I guess my first take, right, is that a Waymo fucks in the way that a dildo fucks. Right? Like, it fucks in the way of vibrator fucks, right?

Where you're like, it doesn't have a soul. But it. My vibrator has a soul. Yeah, my vibrator does not have a soul. I would literally be so scared. No, my God, no. If I thought my vibrator had a soul.

And by the way, crazy question for me to ask and how dare I? No, but like I understand. I was like, it's named Zach. It's named Zach Hornfeld. I feel like I would name my vibrate. You have, it's a, that's a long. What would you name your vibrators? Well, I hadn't thought of it until the-

Name his vibrator. Got that man. What would you name your vibrators? Well, it's a long-term, intimate relationship. Might be. It might die after a couple years. Yeah. A couple years is pretty long.

Yeah. Relationship, right? Yeah, that's true. Is that me asking just personally like, is a couple years good? No, a couple of years is totally. I'm trying to think of things, like things in your life you name. You name your car sometimes. Sometimes people name your body parts.

I've heard about that. I've never done it. I've never done it. Yeah. I've heard you're supposed to be bequeathed with names for your body parts. Oh. Like like a knighthood? Yeah, like, like how Jojo Siwa.

Like how Joe C-Wan named what's his face is balls. Chris Hughes's balls, Timmy and Jimmy. We don't like that. I don't like that one bit. I don't like it. I don't like it. them both well, but I don't like it. No, listen, I wish them both well. And actually, as their relationship has gone on, the more and more I understand it. Yeah, I actually fuck with it.

Unless something terrible is revealed in which case I never fucked with it. No, at first I was like, this is confusing. And then now the more I watch it, I'm like, they seem to really support each other. Yeah. I don't know, man. All I know is that I don't want to know what anyone's balls are named in this context. Yeah. But I also, I'm not, I'm not going to throw hate. No, I just don't want to know what anyone's balls are named. Yeah. That's my big thing. Yeah. So anyway, well, do you name your vibrator? I know. I'm saying. I know, I'm thinking about it because like I named my bubbler in college right and oh yeah everyone names their weed you know everyone names their bong your bong your pipe and I tried to always do pun names so my bubbler was

michael bublet and a very common name I found it turns out it wasn't actually that original no but every every like stoner group no like has we all had a michael bublae people named their Wi-Fi yes my Wi-Fi is named Rat King I actually um I judge people who don't name their Wi-Fi it's lazy I think well and I think it's like have some creativity. Be fun. Zaz the place up. Scare some people in your apartment complex. Mine for a long time, it's not anymore so you can't get on my Wi-Fi. But for a long time, it was covet thy neighbor's Wi-Fi. Yeah, that's every. Which is pretty good. It's really good. And honestly, I'm okay with whatever you choose. I just wanted to say something about you. Yeah. Yeah. Like for me, I love to covet my neighbor's Wi-Fi. And now if you Google funny Wi-Fi,

I lose respect. I'd actually rather you not name it. Yeah, just numbers versus that. Then go to a suggestion. Wow. Tell my Wi-Fi. I love her. But now I actually see panic at the Cisco and I'm back on board because I would not have come up with that. That's pretty good. It hurts when I pee. Oh, you know, actually, that's everything. Okay, so what?

So your vibrator is named one, two, three. Billy. Billy. Okay. And going back to the other segment. Which was, does a Waymo fuck? So Waymo is Silicon Valley, private equity, dork shit. Yeah.

That the world doesn't want or need is probably bad for the world. It's probably going to take jobs away. So I'm going to say doesn't fuck. kills bodega cats. And when I have sex, I don't usually kill bodega cats. I rarely do. I rarely do that's something you do. I'm very into that.

Okay, that's fine. You're into Shrek stuff. What about Olive Garden? Does Olive Garden fuck? Olive Garden fucks. I don't know if it's having quality sex all the time, but it fucks. I would say it more fucks than it has quality sex. Exactly.

Sort of a jackhammer situation. Yeah. Sometimes it's what you need. I think it has a lot of drunk sex. Yeah. Like it's always like going out, going to bars being like, I'm fucking someone every night, it doesn't matter if it's good or not. Just the way that the breadsticks leave residue on your hands?

Yeah, you know that that. Sort of an intimate experience. I mean, look at them. I'm looking at those. Oh, God, that made me so hungry. I'm getting so hungry. I'm not getting hungry. I'm getting something else.

You got to change the image. I do think that Olive Garden has this kind of policy of like more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more, more. Yeah, yeah. Like, they even do the thing of like, if you order a pasta, you can get another pasta frozen to go. There's a little bit of hedonism at play in Olive Garden. The idea of more, more, more, more, more is very set. In fact, I might say Olive Garden fucks too much. Too much.

I think Olive Garden is in sex and love addiction. Maybe Olive Garden has a problem. Yeah, Olive Garden actually got to hone it in. Olive Garden is dopamine chasing using sex. Okay. Because it has undiagnosed ADHD and it has childhood trauma. It literally hasn't even dealt with. Olive Garden, filling the holes is not going to fill the hole in your heart.

Exactly. Olive Garden, this is a message for you. Your friends and family are worried about you. We just want you to take it back a level. We love you. We just want you to be safe. And we want you to make sure that you're handling every. everything in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else or yourself.

It's because we care about you. And the chocolate lasagna is magnificent. Sometimes the more is not the merrier. Oh, yeah. And when you're here, your family. And you can't fuck your family because it's against the law. Yeah. And it's yucky.

And it is yucky. Even if it was legal. And it's actually not even a law thing for us. We just don't like it. It's actually such a good, you can cut out that music. It's such a good point actually that it's yucky. The slogan for Olive Garden is when you went, whoa. Yeah.

Sorry. Sometimes I have an aneurysm. Yeah, I love it. It's everything. Sometimes I have an aneurysm. Okay, so all of course is sometimes I have an aneurysmone. How's your black mold, by the way? Oh, it's gone.

Oh, she's gone. She's gone. Do you have a roof? Oh, so you just left. She's in a new place with a roof and no back room. How are you going to leave that saga? Yeah, I left it. Did you document it here?

Do the people know? Yes. The people know bits. I sort of feel like you should stay. because it's like it's a story. Yeah, you should move back in. Well, I will tell you, I don't want to move back in because I was getting diarrhea for a month. Yeah, that's true.

I'm pretty sure. We think so. Well, actually, by the way, we hope it was from the black mold. A diarrhea for a month. Well, once I left it, stop. And we're talking nonstop. And we're talking like household affected. You know what I mean?

Like, without giving too much information, like household affected. And you do seem different than last time I saw you. It's lighter, less diarrhea-e. Yeah. Thank you so much. The smell's gone. Black mold. Can cause diarrhea.

Did you go to a doctor? Like, how many days of diarrhea in a row until you knew there was a problem? No, I knew there was a problem when I heard there was black mold in my heart. But I, you know that diarrhea for a week is not good. See, I never pay attention to that stuff. You really don't pay attention to that stuff.

I'm so disconnected from my body. What would? When's the last time you pooped? Do you know? I guess I don't know. Yesterday. I don't know. I don't know.

I'd be shitting. You be regular? I'd be shitting constantly. I wish I were more. I drink so much coffee. I'm not regular. There's so much coffee. I'm always...

Get it out. You know what I mean? Get it all out. I got the stops, not the runs. I don't want it in. Yeah. Um... Um...

So Olive Garden's slogan. Yeah. Is when you're here or your family. And you don't want to fuck your family. And you can't fuck your family. But that is how you make a family. Wow! That's beautiful.

Okay, guys, the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. It eats people. Oh my God. Oh. It completely fucks. It fucks because it's a man eater. Oh my God. Right?

Also, look at those lips. I mean, it's not a man. because it does eat a woman, Audrey. Also just like, you know what I mean. No one in the world has ever had that much confidence as a virgin. I'm sorry, but like, like, that is, that is like, I fuck energy. Yeah. That's like, that's like, I have a roster.

Oh, yeah. And I am the one that's always getting hit up and I'm like, whatever me. Sort of like if they hit on me in my 20s, I'd be like, I don't know if I'm ready for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For the experience, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

ruin your life. What about grumpy bear from the care bears? Yeah. And I'm going to have to see a photo because I'm not actually You're not familiar? Familiar with the... I mean, if he were grumpy, if he were fucking, would he be that grumpy? But also look at that pompadour. Go back to the other one. No, yeah, the emo version of him. This one is this. This grumpy bear fonts. Wait, sorry, what is this?

This one is grumpy bear's emo here. Grumpy bear's rock and roll theme? This grumpy bear has a secret. Yeah, this grumpy Rock and roll grumpy bear definitely at least does has done hand stuff hand stuff for sure and like in public places behind the bleachers sort of vibes

that's like like what gets them off isn't even the hand stuff it's just it being behind the bleaters let's go to the library yeah it's the library bleacher wait look at that grumpy bear who's like closing its eyes and kind of going

oh my god now that's that grumpy bear is rabies sort of full circle I was going to say this grumpy bear is kind of you after your hair thing this grumpy bear is hydrophobic to me yeah

I don't I don't know Yeah, why would he be so grumpy all the time if he was getting it? I think maybe Grumpy Bear does not fuck. Yeah. I think he wants to, but no one else in the Care Bears universe is that mature. Everyone else is like, oh, yucky, I would never. And he's like, oh, that's what makes him so grumpy. He's so grumpy because no one will fuck him.

He's an in-cell. What about the mitochondria? Speaking of cells. The powerhouse of the cell. Powerhouse of the cell. Does it fuck? I'm trying to recall if it penetrates or anything penetrates it. It just powers, I believe.

It just powers. It's not going through the cell. I mean, sometimes one is a power bottom. That's true. And perhaps mitochondria is a powerhouse of the cell in a very power bottom. Well, yeah, that's the thing, is that it's the powerhouse. So do we want to take that as sexual? It could be.

It could be dumb. It could be power bottom. I'm sorry to give it. If it's the powerhouse for the cell, then it powers my cells. Therefore, it being on the fucking and it gets credit. It also has, I'm pretty sure it has some DNA in it. Yeah, I love that. And isn't that kind of like...

That's like... DNA can be passed... Yeah, DNA is passed down through fucking. Yeah, there you go. That's something, right? I want to give it correct. DNA is in your sex organs. I think that sex is a group project.

And the mitochondria was in the group. Yeah. A hundred percent mitochondria does fuck. What about the energizer bunny? Oh, 100%. Yes. Yeah, but honestly, like, it's... You don't want it.

The energizer bunny and Olive Garden are on a bender right now. Yes. And like, it's terrified. really bad. And also he always brings that drum to sex. Can I actually tell you, I'm looking at him now, I think he's, I think he talks about how much he fucks. I think he's trying to fuck. But I think this guy maybe might actually be a virgin. He wants it too bad. He is wearing crazy flip-flops. By the way, I said might be a virgin as if it's the worst thing you could be. No, the Energizer Bunny definitely is reading as a person who fucks all the time. But, yeah, I think might have a secret. But there are those people who, like, have very limited sexual experience and talk up their sexual experience like they have a lot more because of insecurity.

I think he's harassing people at the bar. Oh, yeah. I think this guy is giving them batteries. Read the room. Yeah. They're not into you, dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he definitely needs to like chill.

Yeah, what bar do you think he frequents? I haven't been to a bar in 10 years. I don't know a single name of a bar in this city. I couldn't even begin to play this game. That's so fair. He goes to little Tonys in North Hollywood. Oh, God. Like an Italian mistress.

Oh, God. Okay, last one, a bag of raw meat. Probably. You ever eat raw meat? No. Yeah, sure, I've eaten raw fish. Yeah, for sure. I guess that is that.

I don't know if fish is me. I'm sure you've had tartar before. Never? Nope. I had a tartar the other day that they dressed to taste like tuna. And it blew my mind. Just have tuna. Well, it was sort of my thought.

Why are we going through all this trouble? But it was like limey and it had like aoli and it was like, this is cool. That is cool, but could be tuna. Could have been tuna. And I would have enjoyed it, I think, the same. Yeah. What if they just made it tuna and then lied? just make it tuna

We have one more segment No sex So you're a try guy I am So you've tried many of things Too many Okay so you've tried things That try lots

So we want to know Have you tried it all So this is the brainstorming process last night He went What could we ask him about trying And this is the sort of hard-hitting journalism This is the hard-hitting investigative journalism And I'm not going to mind you

Was putting in things while I was watching Love Island Absolutely everything So this is have you tried it? Music! Have the music! We're going to ask you if you've tried this thing. You say yes or no and we can talk about how... On camera, off camera, or just in gen?

Oh, in general. In gen. Lit. Yeah. Have you tried stealing? Yeah. Really? Absolutely.

Iconic. Yeah. Well, the first one that comes to mind, really, I was thinking about this earlier when we were talking about looting. I stoo all the time. I stole Pokemon. stickers from a grocery store when I was young. And my sister found, like, my younger sister, like, either knew or found out. And she was very disappointed in me.

And I felt a lot of shame. And so I put it, I had this, like, toy chest. And I put it at the bottom. And it sat there unopened for years, like, like, the beating heart under the floorboards. That's very, that's, wow. And I never opened it. Literally never more. Literally never more.

So then you never stole again? No, I definitely did. You just put it under the floorboards. Yeah, and then I actually, like, then that's what I'm into now. And so I kind of just steal stuff and I bury it. What have I stolen lately? You still be stealing. Not regularly.

No, just occasionally. And just from big corporations, right? No, small ones, small businesses. Like mom and pop shop. People's houses. Yeah, I mean, in college, there was a frat party and they were dicks, and they had this poster on. the wall.

Oh yeah, you got to steal that. And it was a really cool poster and we were like, you don't deserve this actually. They have to steal that. You don't deserve it. And so we stole that. That's just Robin Hood. There was a, there was a lot of stealing in college. There was a shoot for the movie Zookeeper starring Kevin James on the Boston Common.

And you stole Kevin James? And I stole Kevin. That's where he went. Yeah. He's on your floorboards. And there was, do you know the production signs? They're yellow and they have an arrow for key parking. And so there was one for Zookeeper and it was ZK, which is my initials.

That's great. And so I, We got to steal that. I like your stealing stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's creative and good. Yeah.

I had my house for forever. And I had another one that just said ZK with arrows. And it was like, yeah, I mean, obviously, I need this more than they need this. Yes. I had a Mormon friend in high school whose big, like, bad thing they did was to steal traffic cones. Yeah, I remember that. He was just like, this is the way I get my yagas out. His rebel energy.

And I was like, that's awesome, dude. Seems sort of. There was one time a family put a very passive-aggressive. You know the little guy that says slow? And he's holding a little flag out. And it's like slow, children play, whatever. Like a turtle? No, this one was, it's a little yellow guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they think it's a turtle. Continue. They did it on. He's not not like a turtle. You know what? Is he not a turtle? He looks like a turtle.

You know what? He's absolutely. He looks like Franklin. He's giving turtle vibes and that's so, to me he's a little boy, but I'm not crazy. I've always been like he's a turtle. You are, do you think they coded him turtle because turtles are slow? That's exactly what they did. He's a turtle boy.

He's a turtle. Slow, turtle boy's crossing. So there was a, my prom date lived on a cul-de-sac and she was complaining that they put this sign out as like a passive-aggressive thing to the other neighbors. So we went and we stole it. And then we somehow we like greened it out and made it say fast and we returned it. Nice. That is really nice. And that honestly scored me zero points with her.

I mean, it's still kind of good though. It's cool. I felt good about it. Yeah. But I don't think that it furthered the relationship in any way whatsoever. How about this? Have you tried fishnets? Yeah.

Literally like a week ago. For what? Try guys video. Okay. Yeah. Have you tried conjuring the dead? Define Conjuring I've gone ghost hunting

I've tried to speak to spirits We're going ghost hunting again You never done like a Ouija board I've done a Ouija board once Okay I think that counts Yeah I agree I think that all counts Keith his wife won't let him do Ouija boards

Oh my gosh It's like her one hard line That's funny And I'm like y'all know that Wej is made by Hasbro Yeah This is the same company that makes Monopoly

And guess who makes Ouija. Guess who is a very powerful game. Yeah, that's my heartline. No, guess who. What about Scientology? Have you tried Scientology? No, but I've been so tempted.

I hear that they're, not to go to Scientology, their Sunday brunch apparently is one of the best in the city. Whoa. Really? I don't, honestly. No, I believe that. And I don't even want this on air because apparently, if you say anything positive, they're like,

they'd come after you. So fuck you, Scientology. Just put this part on the Patreon or not. You're fucking no. We do not want to be Scientologists. But we have no choice. Let me tell you. I've been almost tricked before.

The road, it's Elron Hubbard Way. There's a road on the side of the Scientology Center. And it is the best paved road in all of Los Angeles. And yes, I know that the church is filled with corruption and abuse and horrid stories. I never watched the documentary. But maybe we should put them in charge of more of our. City infrastructure. One time I got yelled at for pretending, I watched the documentary.

Okay, what's next? Have you ever tried sticking your whole fist in your mouth? Definitely. Okay. Did it work? No, I think as a kid I could do it. Yeah, your fist is too big. I'm looking at it right now.

I'm like, knock on it. And my mouth is too tiny. Yeah, it's not going to happen. I got a little. Um, have you ever? Show off. Oh, shit. Show off.

I don't think I can do it. Okay. No, my mouth is, my jaw is too. Yeah. Have you ever tried? We bonded over this. We both have tiny heads. It's the whole skull.

If I got Masseter Botox, maybe I could fit my fist on now, but I don't want to. That's not the reason to do that. It's going to ruin my smile. Have you ever tried polyamory? No. Have you ever tried defending the Zodiac killer? Yes. Okay.

Would you try it right now? Yeah, I mean, he's, uh, some people got to go. Yeah. No, that's fair. Have you ever tried eating horse? Not to my knowledge. But I'm not against it. Okay.

And that's that segment. Okay. Are you guys over eating horse? We wait. We wait. We eat way smarter things than horse. I'm literally just, I've never eaten horse. I don't think I want to.

I think it would be not tasty. But if I was at a restaurant and they were like, we have a really delicious horse stew. Yeah. I'm not the person who when I go to a restaurant, they're like, oh, they have something that's crazy that I've never heard of before. Ah, we're eating horse. Yeah, it's hubs, right? Well, it's like one of the reasons that I actually don't really love turkey that much is every time I see a turkey, like, alive. I wasn't sure if it was the fuck.

country or the animal. The reason I don't love the country, Turkey. Turkish people, let's talk about it. Every time I see, like, a living turkey, it freaks me out. They are freaky. And I am kind of like, I don't know if I even really want to eat you. You kind of scare me. Yeah, I would never eat a guinea pig.

I would never eat. Yeah, they're big in Peru. Yeah, I know. And apparently they're not very good. Not knocking any. I just, I've had so many guinea pigs, it would, like, not work. When I had a rabbit, everyone's first thing was like, have you ever tasted rabbit? And I was like, please don't say that.

Well, I grew up, yeah, I grew up with five chickens. And then I would be like, oh, yeah, I have five chickens. And they're my pets. And people would go, like, do you eat them? And I'm like, I said they're my pets, you dumb. Like, what do you mean? I'm looking at this list, turtle I would not eat. Yeah, I don't want to eat a whale.

I don't want to eat a sea. Alligator I've eaten. It was good. How was alligator? It was fine. Yeah. They fry it. Yeah, everything tastes like chicken.

It's all freaking chicken. Got to get more adventurous. I just think that we draw the line at a horse because they have beautiful hair. and I think that that's pretty privilege That's such a good point But you know what? Pretty privilege And pretty privilege eat horse Okay and that's something that you will be

On the record saying Yeah and pretty privilege eat horse Well I think that's a fabulous note to end on Yeah I think so Well where can these cucks find you Like here's every time of you're at the end of the podcast Like where you find me like if If they wanted to they would

That's such a good And if they don't want to I'm not going to convince him I'm not going to convince them Right? If they wanted to they would Hey, if you get to the end of the show and you're like, man, this that guy's great. You're going to insult your intelligence, right?

You know how to find people. Yeah, that's fair. But what I will say is that we do have an episode of trolley problems coming out at some point in the summer with these two. Yes. And they're wonderful. It's very fun. And hilarious. Very.

And we'll have a bunch of social clips and otherwise you can watch it on second try. Oh, God. I'm scared for those social clubs. Damn. And we have a free trial. So honestly, you can just go sign up and then get out. Oh. Watch your sit in a living episode and then say, peace.

That's a crazy way to advertise everything. Come for the three-day trial, exhaust everything you want to watch, and then never come back. And if you would like to see more of this show or more of the stuff we do, we can do episodes early, uncut, extended on our Patreon. We have movie nights. We have all sorts of fun stuff. We have so many fun things. You got out there. See, they would know, though.

If they wanted to, they'd figure it out. They would figure it out. Okay, what's one thing over on the Patreon that's like, damn, I got to go? I mean, I will say the movie nights are really fun. Yeah, the movie nights. We hate watch movies and we all heckled them together. What are you watching coming up? Oh, we don't know what's next.

We usually ask the people what they want to watch. What is the balance of hate watch versus like, this is a bad movie that I do love. Well, we love watching. We love all of them. But like we've watched a ton. We watched a movie about a person who falls in love with her dogs. And the dog turns into a person at night, love on a leash. Yeah.

And there's no music. There's no sound in the movie. That's crazy. The sound cuts out every like two minutes. That's an awesome movie. So good. We watched the New War of the Worlds, which we were in but cut out of. Yeah.

You were, what? We were in it, but we were cut. How did that come about? Okay, we could talk about it off air. We were, no, we look, we can tell you. Do they know this? Yeah, they know this. Yeah.

Okay. We were in the movie. We replaced one girl. Yeah. And then we were replaced by one guy. Yeah. So that's everything. Yeah.

Wait, that's, I want, the most, more insulting than being in one of the worst. review movies of all time is being cut. You weren't good enough. I know. I will tell you I am offended. I prefer not being in it, but Sid wishes we were in. This is a trolley problem. Would you rather be in the worst review movie of all time or find out that you were cut out not being good enough? Well, also the thing about it too is that they changed this 4%. Like we were in these hacker characters and they changed everyone's lines. And I think it's because Amazon bought a movie and made it an ad for Amazon. And yeah, it was crazy. I will say like they, because it was filmed all remote because it was during COVID, they were like, can you take photos with iPhone? Yes. Of your, all the parts of your

face. Every angle. Explode your face on camera. Yeah. They, yeah. The fact that that is not existing in the world makes me sad. Like iPhone photos to create a face explosion of myself is not existing in the world does make me sad. Because that is so stupid. Oh, why am I built so fucking high on this thing? No, like scroll over. You are. Why?

Like, I'm not in it. Like, I'm not in it. This is also a weird photo of you. Yeah. This is, like, it's everyone's head shots and then you're like 10 steps further back. You're all, why is your head so small? You're not even the one who wants to be in it. I do.

I actively do not want to be in it. I'm nowhere to be found. You are the one, two, three, four, five. You're the six build. Yeah, because you keep talking. about it. It makes me so mad that I'm built so high. Okay, everyone listening, fuck the Patreon and fucks I can try. You need to Google

War of the World's Olivia DeLerrentis. And just get that Google hit higher and higher and higher. And whatever you do, do not Google Sidheller. I wish I was first built on this. Don't Google. Don't Google, Sydney. It's so crazy. We can't have her rise. We need to keep her low. I would like to rise. And you know what? Start Googling where are the world at

Cornfield. Yeah. Let's get you built higher than me, right? Let's get me on this. Any of you are Wikipedia? Why did I say it like that? If any of you are Wikipedia. If any of you are contributors to Wiki, if you could get me on that. Yeah. I think that's great.

That would be sick. No. Incredible. You guys, thank you so much for being here. You guys are the best. Thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you so much. You're delightful.

It's always so fun to hang with you. Pleasure. You guys go check out trolley problems. Yeah. And we will see you next. And I'll be in the cock chair. Oh, freeze frame.