Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - How NOT To Date

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

Syd & Olivia are too codependent with each other to be codependent with someone else. In this episode, learn how to fully bring your friend on dates against your partner's will. Listen here or watch on Youtube! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/SydOliviaTube Follow the podcast on social media! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sydandolivia TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sydandoliviatalkshit Twitter: https://twitter.com/sydandolivia Follow Infinite Timelines! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infinitetimelines TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@infinitepodcasts Twitter: https://twitter.com/InfinTimelines Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome back to the podcast from your two girls. Welcome back to Sid and Olivia talk shit. It's the podcast from your two girls. It's us, your two girls, the two loud girls. The two girls you own for you. You own us. So I'm Olivia. And I'm Sid.

And together we are Sid and Olivia. You can follow us on TikTok or anything else in the world. Check us out. All the socials. We're at Sid and Olivia on everything in the whole wide world. And we just started this podcast, which on everything. Any, Spotify, YouTube, even with visual components. If you're like, oh my God, I'm listening to this, but Jesus, fuck, I want to watch this. Right. You know, then you can.

You can go on our YouTube, sit in Olivia and check it out. You can see how much we're sweating. You can gauge whether that's good or bad for you. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So, listen, you probably look at two girls like us and go yucky, yucky, too old. And go, oh my God, those girls 100% know how. to ward off others. Others as in men? Just all. Yeah, sure. All.

I feel like some people kind of have like magnetic personalities. Yeah. I feel like I have whatever the opposite of that is. Yeah, like the other side of the magnet. Yeah, the other side of the magnet. Or just cursed. The part that doesn't stick to the refrigerator. Right, right, right.

That's fair. Today's going to be a little bit like a lesson. It's a lesson on how not to date ever. It's a lesson on how to make everyone run. away from you every time you are just being yourself. Yeah, it's a, it's a podcast episode about dating you guys. We're going to talk about dating apps. Have you ever done it? Have you ever done dating? We're going to talk about our worst dates and a concept we came up with called wigging. We're going to talk about so many things about dating guys. We're going to talk about how it's

never worked out for me. Fuck. So here's the thing. There's a lot to go over, a lot of lessons to be learned and knowledge to be had. To be learned. Learned. Really? No, I don't think so. Okay. A lot of lessons to be learned.

Yeah. And a lot of knowledge to be had about how to get everyone of the opposite or same sex to run away. Run away from you. You should always be the worst version of yourself on dating apps. Or at least the most insane version of yourself. Yeah. What I mean by that is not mean. Yeah.

But the most like, this is me when I'm fucking so weird. Yeah. When it is like three in the morning and I have eaten too much sugar. Yeah. And I'm weird. This is it. Yeah. No, 100%.

Because then you can just really clear out the people who won't be fun. Because there's so many people in the world. So many. So many. So many. So many people who are like, oh, I generally like how you look in the concept that you're nice. Yeah. But like they're not going to get behind like some of the crazier shit.

How, when you used slash when you use dating apps, how have you presented yourself? Like, what's your vibe? Anytime I'm ever on a dating app. I try to start conversations by never saying like, hey, how are you? How is it going? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always try to start it with some sort of kill fuck Mary. Oh my God.

Yeah, we used to do that. Yeah. All the time. And I tried to do that a bunch. I try to pick, like what I might go to you on is kill fuck Mary, the 101, the 405, and the five. There's also the Grinch, Scrappy Doe and Al. If you don't live in Los Angeles, the 101, the 405 and the five are freeways.

Yeah. And if you don't know of anything good. Alf, Scrappy Do, and the Grinch are all nightmares. Nightmares. And I wait for them to either answer it and then ask their version of Kill Fuck Mary, what they're going to ask. And if they say something like three celebrities or three real people, I just am like, You just know they're not that fun.

That's probably not for me. That's probably a great person for someone else, but maybe not for me. And if they say what, what is this? What are you talking about? Hard pass. That makes it really easy for me because I want to hang out with someone who's attracted to freeways. And yeah, well, and does bits and fucks and kills freeways, you know?

I think it's just, it's fun to personify freeways. It's fun to have sex with them and kill them, you know? What about you? So I was always a dating app troll. I was banned from Tinder the first time I ever used it because I was trying to convince everyone I was in a cult and they all reported me. At a certain point, I got a Raya, which was hilarious. And for those of us who don't know what Raya is.

Raya is like some fucking thing where you like pay for it and then... It's the dating up for celebrities. Yeah, but it's like exclusive. Yeah, and I got a code for it and I was like, okay, I'm going to like mess with people on here because I was like, this is a really funny place to mess with people. Who's the most famous person you saw in Raya? I saw no one famous on it. Oh, well, that's disappointing.

Yeah, no, I was everyone was just like a DJ. You could have just lied. Oh, I could have. Hey, Jake saw Demi Lovato. Who, really? Yeah. But, yeah, no, everyone I saw was like, either like a DJ or like a, somebody saw Ben Affleck on, Lya.

I love that for them. I think that's awesome. Love that for that. Yeah, and, but all my profile pictures were, like, you know, you'd have like a collage thing, like a, and all of my pictures were pictures of Seagulls vomiting. Right. And my bio said, I'm a convicted arsonist. Yeah.

So. Well, you are. Yeah. And so, yeah, so that was like how I presented myself. And I met my boyfriend with that profile. Yeah. So that's a great reason to just never settle for being less weird than you are. You just got to put it out there, make those seagulls vomit, be a convicted arsonist.

I also think that really with the whole dating thing, a lot of people don't really like dating apps. But at the same time, anything can be a dating app if you work hard enough. Yeah, like a restaurant. No, like anything on your phone can be a dating app. Like how all the people always try to get with you? You over Words with Friends? Oh boy. I love Words with Friends.

I love playing my dad at Words with Friends. I love playing my Aunt Nancy at Words with Friends because she's bad at it. And let me tell you, Words with Friends is maybe the best game. I thought you're going to say maybe the best dating app. Oh, no, it's the worst dating app, but it is a dating app. It is a dating app. Because anytime you play against a random person, it'll always give you some older woman or man in like Houston.

Yeah. And they will always message you and be like, lovely picture, Sydney. Wonderful that you played the word jihad for 24 points. Where do you live? And it's like, oh my God. And then you have to be like, oh, hi, Susan. I actually am just trying to play the game. And then she like won't let it go until you like answer her questions.

Yeah. And this is not only happened to me. I know multiple people who have been hit on and stalked. by random users from words with friends, and it is still the best game. And I'll continue to play random users. Yeah. No, I mean, I think you know what you're signing up for.

You're going for it. I know what I'm signing up for. I know I can beat them. And that's the only important thing. Sometimes somebody will be like, be like, oh, beautiful eyes and mouth you have, Sydney. And I'll be like, Craig, I'm fucking dominating you right now. Yeah, no, I'm creaming you.

Right. No, yeah. It doesn't matter. because the only thing that's important is winning at Scrabble. Yeah. Yeah. I think because I feel like I've unironically been on dating apps so many times. It's just, it's hard.

It's so hard to get a vibe of like what a person is like without just seeing them or talking to them. And you never know if they're going to be like normal or if they're going to be like, oh, Zip, I'm a nightmare person and I'm here to kill you because that's always like a big old thing. And when it comes to meeting people online, I think meeting somebody. in person is so scary that sometimes you just need to have support there. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing is that Sid and I came up with a like, like foolproof way. Foolproof? Yeah, foolproof. It's not full proof. No, it's actually foolproof. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like as in fools could even do it and they wouldn't fucking. That's offensive to fools. I know it is.

It is. It is. It really is. It's like childproof, but with fools. That's insane. Yeah, it's foolproof. I thought it was full proof. I mean, full proof sounds better. It just doesn't mean anything. It's full of proof. Right, right, right, right, right. It means something. There's lots of proof that it works. Yeah.

Yeah, it's full of proof. It's full of proof. All right, well, we came up with a full proof. Full proof. Full proof. Plan of how to make sure your friend is okay during a date with an online stranger. We call it wigging. And it's because it's wigging.

So the way this started is I was going on my first date in like a trillion, trillion years. I was like 19 or something. Mm-hmm. And Olivia was afraid because she was going on a date with this guy who looked like a lumberjack, maybe was going to murder her with an axe. He ended up being very nice. Spoiler alert.

I'm sure. Of course he was going to be totally fun. Like a lot of people are scary. And also it was like your first date in a long time. I had never even like been on a date with a stranger before. Right. And so you were like, oh, if I'm going to go on this date, I'm going to be scared. And I, uh, I, we were like, here's an idea.

How funny would it be if, if Sid went to the same place and just like kept an eye on it. And then, like, sat at a different table. Yeah. But the problem with that is if you have, for our whole existences, if you have been on one of our social medias. Then you've seen the other person. 100%. Like, there's no doubt, like, everything is a video or a picture of both of us.

So you know what both of our faces look like. And it would be very weird if you saw one of us. You can't go on a date with Olivia and see me at another table and go, like, isn't that, that Jewish girl who's in all of your photos? Like, that's what, that's what it would be. No, I mean, yeah, no, if you were like on a date with someone and I was like in the corner as me, they'd be like, oh, it's the square girl who's with you. Square?

Yeah, because my face is a square and my body's a square. It's not, but I thought he meant like square personality. Yeah, absolutely as well. No, it's not. Gosh, this is a sad episode. No, it's a beautiful, perfect episode. So here's, so we came up, we were like, okay, well, what if we used a disguise? Yeah.

So we tried it once. And it worked perfectly. It just worked shockingly well. To the point where we were all in line for something and Sid was right behind me and the guy with our other friend. Yeah, I was wearing a black wig, a long black wig with bangs. And a fake nose ring and a beanie. Yeah.

And I was just, I was just fully no one noticed. Because no human being would ever be on a first date and go, that person, even if they're clearly in a wig and a crazy outfit, that's. That person's probably the person I'm on a first date with's friend in a disguise. Yeah, no. No one would ever think that. No one would think that. So we started using that and getting more and more insane with the disguises.

Oh yeah, because it became this game of, you know, how far can we take this to make the person that you're wigging, the person you're spying on laugh. Yeah. So you're trying to make them break. And like, for example, Sid's Cheesecake Factory date. Which first of all, why? I asked because I wanted to go to the Cheesecake Factory. And I wigged it as a Frenchman holding a baguette. So I held a baguette.

I had a beret. I had a long trench coat. She would walk back and forth across my table. Each time I would take a look at her and be like, what the fuck. And I would try to make eye contact with her while sipping a martini and eating a baguette. It was wild. And of course, no one ever was like, no one noticed. No one was like, wait a second.

Yeah, no one noticed. This Frenchman in a trench coat and a baguette. Yeah, keep circling our table. Kind of looks like your friend. Yeah, no one would ever think that. No, that's insane. You're relying on the fact that no one would assume you're trying to bring friends to a date. No.

No one would assume that. And if you were that you wouldn't be insane enough to have them in a entire disguise. Right. For example. One time Olivia was on a date with a guy and I was sitting at another table dressed as a, like a punk rocker. Yes, yes, yes. In all white. And I was yelling about the bar not having enough milk.

Yeah. So this was an interesting one because this was, for example, a wig date that actually was really useful. Yeah. Because I show up on this date. I'm in a, I'm messy. I'm in a messy place. Yeah.

I show up at this date. This guy was like, I'm 37 and I was like, okay, I show up. He was like, by the way, I'm 47. And I was like, that's a little bit different. It's just a different age. It's just a different age. It's just a different age. If 37 is like one thing, 47 is different.

They're 10 years apart. 10 years apart. And you were what? 17? No, luckily I was... You weren't 17. I was only saying that to make everyone scared for a moment. Yeah, I was 23 must have been.

Still scary, but you know. Yeah, no. 2337 now realizing, not great. Not great. Not great. Really not great. I mean, like, look, if you're at age gap, love couple, if you're a fucking May December, do your thing, I'm not going to judge anyone.

But for me personally in my life, I have learned to not do it. not do it for me. It wasn't for you. Was not for me. Right. So this guy, like, first off, he's only talking about himself. He spends, like, so long talking about himself. Don't you love when they do that? It's crazy. Like, and I always get nervous that I do it. But then again, like, I just talk. Like, I just nervous talk, so I can't stop talking. So it's not on purpose, you know? But he, so he's talking about himself and being like, look at your boobs for you. And I was like, oh, no, I hate it. He said, look at your boobs. for you. I mean he, yeah, he was, that was verbatim. No, I don't. He was, he was making references to my boobs,

but me, I don't like that. I don't like that. He was, like, hey, look at your big boobs for you, for you. That's my imitation. I don't really love that. I don't really love that. Um, I can't do his voice because it was very high. Um, and yeah. And so, so he was like talking about that and I was like, oh, this guy is like very much weirder than I thought he was. He presented himself as way more normal. Sid and our other friend were at the table, like next to us, and they're dressed like British punk rockers screaming at each other. At this point, I looked over and I saw Olivia and I could tell this wasn't necessarily a good guy. And I thought, you know what, let's just have fun with it and make Olivia laugh because she's obviously not having a great time and she's going

to have to stick it out for a little bit. Yeah. So I was just kind of screaming ridiculous sentences, being really loud, being obnoxious, yelling things like, not enough milk at this bar. And And then saying things like, I've got mouth herpes on me bum. Like so loud. So loud. I've got mouth herpes on me bum. On me bum. And so he, we're right next to them.

He's like, let's move tables. So we move tables. Because we were a distraction. Yeah, because they were so fucking insane. They were clearly wearing wigs and like they looked nuts. So it had cat ears on. Yeah. And so we moved to a different table.

And I make sure we move to a table that has another open table next to it. And then we moved tables right next to them. And at that point, this guy is going like, boy, oh boy, you know what sucks is I have a teenage daughter and she's really depressed and the doctors are worried about her. And I was like, oh no. What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah. Like truly like, he didn't seem super concerned. Well, no, he, he was like, it was like a, like irritating for him. And then I look her up later. She's like, you know, 16 has long, dark hair and I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, she looked like you. We both have long dark hair

and she's way closer. So I was like, wow, what a motherfucker. That's scary. Yeah, and I was like, so, I mean, like, later on, literally, he was like, what went wrong? And I was like, well, I felt like you didn't care that your, like, teen daughter was, like, depressed. Very, very depressed. Yeah, that's not really a great sign. No, I feel like you don't go on a date with a young, young girl while your teen daughter's depressed.

Just go help your teen daughter. Well, I feel like you don't go on a date with somebody and go, ugh, my daughter is depressed. So yucky for me. So annoying. So annoying. It's like, if. anything, maybe you'd just go and say, like, I love my daughter and I'm concerned about her. Did not sound like that was the case. So anyway, the great news was then, yeah, they came and

sat next to us at the, at the table and were just screaming the whole night. I followed Olivia into the bathroom. It was a whole thing. It was really great. And then eventually they got in an Uber and I told the guy my friends were here to pick me up and I went in the same Uber as them and he did not notice. Yep. And then months later. Yeah. Or like a month later. Oh my God, a month later. I saw him on a dating app. Yeah. Yeah. And we tried.

He did not recognize me. No, he didn't. And, yeah. So that's, that's how easy it is. So wild. Crazy. Crazy that that week,

two men who were like 50 turned to me and were like, my daughter is depressed. My teenage daughter is very depressed. I want to make out with you. Oh, no. And I was like, what has,

what is wrong with this week? I'm upset by that. I mean, I, I didn't do either. I, both scenarios promptly. Well, here's, but it was so disturbing. Here's the thing.

I think, you know, we're talking a lot about dates that had really, really noticeably bad things happening on them. I think sometimes we all let things slide because we're like, well, this person's really cool. So these other things don't bother me that much. And that brings me to a game called perfect date, perfect in every way. Oh, I love this game. This is a game we play where we say like, okay,

You're on the perfect date with the perfect person. It's going perfect. Everything about them is like the most perfect you could imagine. Whatever that is for you. Whatever is perfect for you, that's who it is. Yeah. But you give a red flag and we decide if that's a deal breaker or not. Yeah.

And that's their only red flag besides that they're perfect. So we can start off small and get bigger. Sure, sure, sure. Okay. Yeah. So like, like for example, perfect date, perfect in every way. It's going amazing. Everything is perfect.

But every time they talk. you hear an echo of their voice. That's just slightly annoying. How much of an echo? Like how intense. Okay. Like say something to me that you'd say on a date. Okay.

Um, uh, okay, yeah, cool. So what do you do? I'm an architect. Architect, architect, architect. Architect. I'll do it. Really?

I'm fine with it. Okay, cool. Great. So that's how the game works. Yeah. So now to get to the real ones. Okay. So perfect date.

Yeah. Perfect in every way. Uh-huh. But they keep hinting at the fact that Justin Trudeau, the Canadian Prime Minister, is shrunken down and lives in their pocket rent-free. He doesn't have to pay for utilities, and it's actually kind of like a favor that the date is doing for this guy. And you don't know how he was shrunken down. Does he have any proof, or is this just a claim? No, it's just a claim. I would go on a second date if everything else was

perfect, but I would need to suss out if this was true or not. Your date is mentioning that Justin Trudeau is about thumb-sized and living in their pocket. maybe like once every five sentences. Oh, once every five sentences. Maybe not then. If it's that big of a deal to him. Well, it is a big deal. It's a human person living in your pocket.

That's a big deal. A small man, but a big deal. It's like his biggest characteristic. Okay. Then I can't probably. Oh, I think that's great. Because I'd have to see proof like almost immediately. No, I wouldn't.

I under. Here's the thing that you're really forgetting. Yeah. Justin Trudeau is probably like really embarrassed by his size now. He's the size of a human thumb. like Thumbelina. If someone was just helping out Justin Trudeau who had happened to be small, I would be like, absolutely, let's date if you're pregnant every way. That's a good person. But if that's not true and that's what he thinks is happening, I worry about the implications of

not being on the same plane of reality I'm on, because that can be hard in a relationship. I feel like sometimes it's good to trust. Okay. I love that for you. Um, perfect guy, perfect, perfect date. Yeah. Perfect date, perfect in every way. Yeah. Except their nipples are at war. their nipples are at war Their nipples are at war With guns? I don't know They can't

No, you have to know Okay, so they're They're trying to fight each other With anything they can get a hold of The problem is... So like chest hair? No, like pebbles Like if you guys are...

How did they get pebbles? You guys are over at the beach They pick up pebbles And they chuck them at each other This person's nipples were so close to the rocks Oh yeah, you guys laid face down on the rocks So what happened was

Their nipples are always trying to get to each other and like they're always screaming at each other and cursing each other out and trying to find any weapon that comes near him like a button on a shirt or whatever. They're just trying to fucking kill each other. But they can't move. Oh. So it's just they're staying in place, but they're angry. I mean, they're trying.

Do they talk? Oh, yeah. Oh, they threaten each other? Yeah, all the time. And I can hear it through their shirt. Yeah, I mean, it's not like the loudest thing in the room. But it's noticeable. It's constant night and day.

Yeah, I'll do it. Why not? Cool, cool, cool. That sounds okay. I feel like I can live with that. I feel like I've dealt with worse. I actually think you have and I think I have too. What are you going to do?

What are you going to do? Okay, your turn. Okay. Perfect date. Sorry, I have a cough. If you couldn't tell by my fucking voice. This literally reminds me of episode two of sugar babies where my voice is completely like this.

Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Let me think of a good one. Oh, I mean, we really should do our standard. Yeah, I mean, why not? We really should. I never remember if my answer is yes or no in the way.

We always do this and I think it's really important to do. Perfect date. Yeah. Perfect in every way. Yeah. Except every night when this person falls asleep, a small gnome climbs out of their butthole. Right. When the gnome exits their butthole.

Question. Yeah. Is it an oompa? It's a gnome. Okay. It's an umpalumpa? I thought it was an oompa lupa, but at the same time, they're all, They're small.

Small. A gnome exits their butthole. When the gnome exits their butthole, they are dead. I mean, they're essentially catatolline. They're essentially catatolline. They're dead. The way for this person to wake back up is not from True Love's Kiss. No, it can't be.

But to shove the gnome back up their anus before dawn. Yeah, before dawn. But the problem is. But the problem is the gnome does not. Has a wanderlust. Well, it doesn't fucking want to go. go back in. No, it has a will to travel. It has the ability to buy a plane ticket. It has a visa. And every time the gnome runs for it. It's fucking just ready to go. It gets the Uber app out

on their phone and it runs to L.AX. It's like the worst chase you've ever had to do. They get to LAX. Every time you chase the gnome to LAX, you find them in like customs or like in security. Just flipping you off. Just flipping you off because they know you're not going to get to them. And they're like, they're like taking their shoes off and being like, oh, trying to get me now. And then trying to book their plane ticket to Costa Rica. Yeah. They're like, you have to like hack their Airbnb to find out where they are. You have to fully go for it to get this guy.

Or else the person will die. Or else your person will die. Yeah. But it's the perfect person. So the question becomes, are you up for the challenge? I have my answer. Yeah. If I quit comedy, then y'all do it.

Because it would be too hard to do both. Explain. It would be too hard to try to hustle and have a full career and constantly be worrying about if the gnome is going to go to LAX and how fast I have to chase it down. It would be so hard to like have to ditch work and stuff. Here's my question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you making money?

I assume this person is making money. No, they're not. Yeah, I mean. They have no money. How do they have no money? I just added that right now. Oh, shit. Okay, so it's only when they fall asleep that the gnome comes out.

Yeah. Okay, so during the day, I have whatever the most... When do you sleep? Olivia, think about this. You can't take all this on. You always do this. You have to just have the things on your plate and do them to the best of your ability. You don't need to do other things.

You're right. No, you know what? Because the thing about it is... Unless I inherited a vast amount of money, I wouldn't be able to do it. And don't pray for that. That means death. Yeah. That means death.

Somebody dies. Yeah, you're right. If you inherit money, somebody dies. It means that I discover a rich relative and then they die immediately. No, because what if they would be your friend? What if they would be like the friend you always want it? Yeah. No, no, I'm stopping you.

Okay. You can't take another thing on in your busy schedule. I appreciate that. You need to schedule in time for yourself to relax. Okay. And to make sure that you have time to take a bubble bath. I love that. And there's a chance that the gnome will be your friend.

Okay. If it's not coming out of a butthole. What are the chances that you and the gnome would hit it off? Oh, they're very high. Yeah, right? Like what if the gnome was like really had a wanderlust that was like, no, me specifically. Oh, I would run off with it.

Right. Because me specifically like, listen, I love to travel. Don't you hate when people are like, I love to travel? It's like, oh, cool, fuck. Everyone does. Shocking. Do you also like music? Do you like food?

Yeah. Do you like breathing in water? I really like air. Yeah, I really like air. I like existing. Okay, so perfect date. Perfect in every way. Yeah.

Except. And this is a simple one. Okay. Their parents are global warming. Their parents are global warming. Yeah. How did it reproduce? So it's, you know, how did the fucking, how does anyone reproduce, you know?

Sex? Yeah. So same with global warming. So when a mommy, dad, when a mommy global warming and a daddy global warming, love each other very much. Yeah, they're like the gods or something. Like, they're like big amorphous clouds of CO2. So they touch tummies or something?

Yeah, I don't know. They made a human boy, kind of like how Jesus was made. Jesus was made like if global warming made a baby? I mean, Jesus. Somebody's going to be mad at you for that. Yeah, absolutely. You know, so yeah, okay, so every time you go to a family event, you have to hang out with global warming and global warming.

Oh, actually, you know what? Yeah. I think I do it. Okay. Because I think I should, I think I could, I think I could do an inside job. What if, I understand that, that thought. But what if they were just like, God, there's nothing we love more than being global warming. And anyone who challenges that, I'll vomit on them.

It's a greater good situation. Okay. Okay, yeah. It's a greater good situation. I'm sure Hitler loved being Hitler, but like I don't love it for him. Right. So you would go in and date his son to do an inside job and make it all end. Date global warming's son.

Yeah. Mostly to do an inside job. To assassinate global warming. Okay. I actually really respect that. Yeah, well, I'm a hero. Okay, well, lovely. You're all welcome.

I love being a hero to the world today. I mean, I really, I really can't thank you enough. I mean, you can't. I deserve all the thanks. Do you think you'll ever get married? I do. Which is, I don't want to ask you the same question because I feel like your answer right now is going to be like, no, my beautiful. I feel like, fuck everything.

So I'll ask you a different question. Sure. What's it like being so fucking hot? Oh my God. I am so sweaty right now. Don't even say that. Can I ask you? Okay. Let me ask you this. Have you ever done, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever done something really? Do you feel like, do you feel like the universe makes it so that when you like somebody, something very, very embarrassing happens immediately? Yes. What's an example? I, like when I was younger, I had. a thing that would always happen of like if I was if I had a crush on someone I would be talking about them like using their name and stuff full name like full name and like being like I have to get over them but I just like them so much like that kind of a thing that's a gorgeous voice yeah it was like that level of like oh Christ get this get this thing away from me and then they would like

walk past me and the restaurant the reveal that they were there the whole time they were they were like in the booth next to me the whole time and I didn't know um so that's like one of the reasons I love that. Anytime I talk about anyone, whether I say something good or bad, I whisper. Yeah, I've noticed that. And I'll be like in my house and people will be like, you don't have to whisper. You'll also do it about people who will never be listening to you, like a political figure. Yeah. I just think the thing about Joe Biden? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will literally do that because I have this like, this ingrained paranoia that they're going to walk by and be like, I was at this I hop too. Right. Well, I mean, also perhaps Alexa is like feeding all of your information. to Joe Biden directly and you have such a big crush on him.

I know, right? And so when you go like, I can't say hi to Joe Biden today in the cafeteria. Yeah. Because he's already with Jill. Yeah. And then Alexa's like feeding that to him. Yeah, absolutely. No, you know, that always happened.

Listen, I peed and fainted on somebody in a shower. I mean, look at that, right? I don't think they like me anymore, but that's okay. But well, I have a question. Yeah, sure. Where do you think that came from? Um, not like me. Yeah, if you peed and fainted, like, like, that.

That's like pretty much the number one thing someone can do to get me turned on. The way I'm saying this makes it sound like it was sexual. It was so much worse than it was. Oh, yeah, no. Because the thing that happened is so normal. Yeah. Which is I was taking a shower with a person, you know, save water, save the environment. Exactly.

As a person does sometimes. Yeah. And I said, wow, I feel like I'm going to faint. And then I fainted. And they caught me, and that's very nice. Yeah. But so, but apparently sometimes when you faint, you let everything out that's inside of you.

Like when how you die you shit. Like how when you die you shit and like a bunch of like foam comes out of your mouth, I think. Oh, Christ, I didn't know that. I don't know. All right. Well, I'm going to believe you. I've never seen someone die. I have never seen someone.

I'll keep you updated. All right. I'll keep you updated. But when I fainted, peepee came out of me. Apparently I had to pee. It all came out. I did fart as well. I am very embarrassed about it.

They caught me. they slapped me across the face so I would wake up because they thought they didn't have smelling sauce they thought that like that's what you're supposed to do it was like out of a nice gesture and um it's a nice slap you know what's so crazy yeah it's like when you meet like your friends parents and stuff they all met at in like college yeah or like law school or high school or like they met somewhere very early yeah and then they just had they just got married because they were like you're nice I'm nice. Let's get married. Yeah.

It's not like that anymore. No. At all. No, not at all. What is up with that? I mean, I think it's better because it's, I don't know, while there is more room for disappointment, there's also less room for settling. I agree.

Which is good. I agree. And I feel like it's, I, I'm glad, like, I'm glad that I didn't feel the pressure of, oh, I have to meet somebody right now because I don't feel that pressure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is good. Yeah. But I do think it's so interesting.

Yeah. that like when you talk to your parents, they'll go like, oh, I had a boyfriend who did this, and I had a girlfriend who did that, and I had a boyfriend who did that, whatever. And they had like, 45 boyfriends. Oh my God, you're right. And you're like, what? Yeah. Anytime you date somebody, they're like, this is casual, right? That's so, that's so funny too, because like anyone that we would talk about it was like, oh yeah, I was hanging out with this person. I was seeing this person. I was kind of hooking up with this person. But it's never like, you know, like if you're, if you're someone's girlfriend, boyfriend, that's like a actual. That's like, an instant. That's like,

official. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, oh yeah. And people will say, like, your parents will be like, oh, I had a boyfriend who, and it's like, how many of these did you have? How did you have so many? That's so crazy. But it's like back in the day, apparently, if you, no, if you wanted to put it in, you had to put it in. Put it in. Put it in. Put it in. You had to put it in. You had to put it in. You had to put it in. Yep, that's how it goes. Whoa. Even if you wanted to just like kiss at the barbershop or whatever people did back then. Yeah. You'd have to just be like, you're my girlfriend. Share a milkshake. Here's my mother's ring. Share a milkshake through a straw. That's too much pressure.

Give someone your letter. It's too much pressure because I want someone to want to be with me because they want to be with me. Not because they're like, well, I want to get it in in this milkshake bar. That's my mother's ring. A great point. That's my number one point that I make. What did the steps go? It goes, we're texting, we're talking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're hanging out. There's definitely a stage in there that's this guy I know. Oh, is that the first one you think? this guy I'm talking to or this guy I'm texting is probably the first and when I say this guy I'm using gender neutral guy which might not exist but just so you know this person I've been texting this person I've been talking to this person I've been texting goes to this person I've been hanging out with yeah or this person I've been hooking up with yeah if you're really twisted

about it you'll be like my friend mm-hmm and then you go to like oh this person I've been seeing. Yeah, this guy I've been seeing this girl I've been seeing. Then you go to this person I've been dating. Yeah, I think so. And then, and then, and then, and then what? And then I think my boyfriend, my boyfriend is, my boyfriend, my boyfriend. And then we go to engaged. No, then you go like, I feel like there, there's like a bunch of steps in there because, like, there's certain people who are boyfriend and girlfriend or partners that are like, you know. You could say like my partner who I live with. Yeah. Or my partner who's like, who, my partner who, my partner. who I let drive my car.

My partner who's a horse doctor, for example. My partner who's a horse doctor? Yeah, if that's like... If that's their profession. For example. Yeah, that's one in there. If that's their profession. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I think, yeah, and then I think, I think my sweet dead wife is the one that comes next. That's the one that ends? Yeah, it goes, my partner who's a horse doctor and then my sweet dead wife. And that's how it'll go. That's the circle of life. That's the circle of life right there. Let me ask you this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Describe to me what would be your perfect date start to finish. Oh, my God. Well, first off, one time you asked me this while I was high on Percocet because I had my wisdom teeth take that. I did? Yeah. And it was in our wisdom teeth video.

Oh. And I remember I said I was on a helicopter and I got like fried chicken and like someone someone gave me a massage but not the person on the date like a professional masseuse. Yeah. And then I got to go home or something. thing. So I think it was a good day. I think from now it would be like, um, it would be so, I mean, I love like a big fun restaurant that has anything fun, like that has fun drinks and like, like Barton G or something weird that has like, oh, this food comes in a wig. I don't know.

Like it's fucking weird. Somewhere pretty or cool, there I can drink alcohol and then like the snow. Oh, that sounds great. Straight to the snow. That's my perfect date. How about that? That's amazing. What's yours? I think my perfect date is I'm on a date with somebody. They asked me. They said, do you want to go out because I like you? And I go, wait, me?

And they go, yeah. And then we go out. They drive me to San Diego. I love that. They drop me off at my grandma's house. They go home. I hang out with my grandma. I think that's perfect.

We watch old movies. Yeah. We eat Romanian, German, Czechoslovakian food. Yeah. That sounds like a perfect date to me. I think that's great. I'll call them later. Yeah, absolutely you will.

I mean, like, two great dates is what we just came up with. That's two great dates that have ever. Just like that showed two broke girls. That's two great dates. Well, like here's the thing. Yeah. I think we did a lot of self-exploration today. Yeah, I really think we taught our audience exactly how to date.

We taught our audience exactly how to date, exactly how to find the right person for you. Exactly what to do. And if you guys have any advice questions or dating questions to clearly, two people who know more about... We really have done it so well the whole time. We know so much about dating that it's almost scary. Yeah. Oh, my God. Because we're so good at it and we're... And we're...

And we're the best at it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Anyway, so you can message us. You can talk to us. You can call me beat me. You can call me beat me if you want to reach me. Reach out to us on Instagram,

Twitter, TikTok. Anything. We're at Sid and Olivia. On everything. And until then. Yeah, thank you guys so much for listening to Sid and Olivia talk shit. We will see you guys next time or hear you guys next time.

Yeah, depending on what medium you prefer, because it's all about preferences for people. Thank you for hanging out. Thank you for watching, listening, and hanging. Bye. Bye.