Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Nightmare Billionaire Castings! ft. Lauren Lopez

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

This week it's Lauren Lopez from StarKid on the big bad podcast for you! Right now, Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to https://cornbreadhemp.com/TALK and use code TALK at checkout. Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Chapters 00:41 | Intro 01:00 | Welcome Lauren Lopez! 02:34 | Reading A Passage From the Dyslexia Holy Bible 04:55 | Explaining Girl Boss or Girl Floss 06:19 | Queen Theater Kid of the Thea-ner Kids 11:25 | Draco Malfoy 13:38 | Nightmare Casting 39:57 | Addressing The Allegations 41:59 | Onecest 44:42 | Were You a Hot Thea-ner Kid? 47:43 | Cats “The Butthole Cut” 53:03 | What is Wrong with these Cats? 1:03:29 | Check Out Lauren! This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And Eli said, what was it that he told you? Do not hide it from me. May God do so to you and more also if you hide anything from me of all that he told you. So Samuel told him everything and hid nothing from him. And he said, it is the Lord. Let him do what seems good to him. Wait. Whoa. Okay, wait. You guys, is the Bible just gossip? Yeah, I was going to say that's like a beautiful thing to say to someone if you're trying to get them to spill like this feels like real house. why. It's like, yes, it does. Yeah. I was like, wait, I would have totally gotten into this if I knew it was just gossip. If I knew it was real house right, I would have totally got into this Bibble thing. It's like, it's like Eli's confessional. Big Bad podcast for you. I'm the Sud one. I'm the Olivia one. This is Sid and Olivia Talk. Today we have a very special other one. Yeah, guys, this other one is blowing me mind.

Blowing me dang mine. Blowing me darn mine. You know, thank you for changing it to die. Yeah, you know, we're not supposed to curse in the first 90 seconds, even though our Likely dang is a huge curve. Even though, yeah, our title has the word sh-in-it-in-it. But asterisk, so it doesn't count. That's true. Our other one today, you know this person from StarKed. This person is phenomenally talented.

Like, wow, wow, we-wa. Like, wow, we-wa. A-Wuga talented. Like my eyes shooting out of my skull, my tongue going witt-l-l-l-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-at. At the talent. Okay. You guys are going to freak out. It's Lauren Lopez.

Woo! Oh, my gosh. Wow. Thank you so much for having me. I also want to confirm the awuga-wuga tongue. That also is like for my tits and stuff, right? Yeah, 100%. Okay, cool.

Yeah, yeah. So that was a penguin, I think. Someone sent me this. Someone on the Patreon sent it. One of his soundbox and its realistic animal sounds. Yeah. So none of them sound like what you would expect. No, like this is a zebra.

I had no idea. Now you know. Now you know. That's really cool. And that's the sound I be making when you walk in. of the room. I'm a zebra. A wuga. It's me the zebra. Yeah. How are you? Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. Oh my gosh. What a delight to be here. You're a delight and it's so wonderful to have you. Yeah, we're so excited. We have one of our patrons sent us the Holy Bible.

Dyslexia edition. Yep. The dyslexia Holy Bible. So Lauren suggested that we start with a passage. Yeah, right. So why don't you actually choose a passage? Oh my gosh. Thank you. Now, what makes this a dyslexia Bible? I think the letters are bigger. Apparently the font. I don't know that that even helps with dyslexia. So, okay, what I know about dyslexia or what I've heard is it's not a, like, an issue where it's like you can't see the shapes or whatever. It's a decoding issue. It's not a visual issue, right?

So it's like you see a word and your brain sees the shapes, but it's like a math equation and you have to do the math equation for a second. I do not know if this is true This is just what I was told by a dyslexic person Who was like trying to describe what it's like to be dyslexic? So who am I to say that's wrong? Right. That would be fucked up of me. And thank you for all of that.

And then there are like colored sheets you put over it or something. I don't know. Yeah, it comes with filters. So any passage you want really. I see. I know very little about dyslexia. I know even less about the Bible. I know nothing.

Yeah, same. But I think this one's calling to me. Okay, beautiful. Let's do this one. And Eli said, what was it that he told you? Do not hide it from me. May God do so to you and more also if you hide anything from me of all that he told you. So Samuel told him everything and hid nothing from him.

And he said, it is the Lord. Let him do what seems good to him. Wait. Whoa. Okay, wait. You guys, is the Bible just gossip? Yeah, I was going to say that's like a beautiful thing to say to someone if you're trying to get them to spill. Like, this feels like real housewife.

It's like, wait, I would have totally gotten into this if I knew it was just gossip. If I knew it was real house right, I would have totally gotten into this Bibble thing. It's like, it's like Eli's confessional. Being like, tell me everything you know and may God smite you down. If you don't tell me everything you know, and it's like, girl, I will tell you everything I know. Let God do what it will. Yes. Oh, wait, that's so fun.

Who knew? Yeah, I feel really inspired reading that. Wow. Bible verses. Right? do not hide it from this. And that was a segment called Bible verses. Play music.

Cut the music. Wow. Brand new segment for the rest of our lives. So funny. I love that. That might be our worst segment. Cccabble verses? You think that's, you think that's worse than Girl Boss or Girl Floss? Okay, now wait a second. What's that one?

That was an excellent segment. I will say I love that. Thank you. It's a segment that when Sid had to come up with all these different segments and she came up with a segment called girl boss or girl floss where she says a woman's name and you guess if it's a famous girl boss like an inventor in history or something or if it's a dentist she found on Zockdog. That's genius.

Listen, that's really good. I think it's a really fucking sick. It was an awesome segment. It was great. It was just like she shit talked it so much when she started doing it. She was like, this was a segment. I came up with it seven in the morning. I was up all night.

Fuck me. Every time you do an impression of me? Yeah, I wish a more night. Well, fuck me, I'm suddenly. It's like never accurate. It's like not like. Even literally the other day I said like, like, is my voice like crazy because I like heard it back on like a thing? The worst.

And then Olivia was like, no, it's more just like. I was like, that's what? But if I was to imitate myself, it would also be unflattering. You know what I mean? Right. Yes. Yeah, totally. Thank God.

I love girl boss or girl floss. Yeah, it's a good segment, right? Really good. Yeah. And it's like if you need a female dentist. Which you should need one. Yes. Because everyone needs female dent.

Everyone needs female teeth. Mm-hmm. 100%. Everyone needs female teeth. And spread it. And spread it. And spread it. You're, I would say, like, queen theater kid of the thinner kids.

That is insane. respectfully. Would you say that? Queen theater kid of the thinner kids. Oh, yeah. Oh, I was saying senior. And then I was really hoping we were going to move past that. So I said theater, right?

I'm sorry. I came, I came with my host. to death. No, I love this because that's actually correct. I am Queen Theater Kid of the Thiener Kids, which is the, not of the theater. Not theater. This is like the off brand. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like the Lafoo-Fu-Fu to the Laboob. Yeah. The Thiener kids. How did you get into being a thinner kid? Okay. Gosh, I mean, I was born in, um, let's say 1998. Oh, let's say that. And let's say that. And let's say that. And spread it around. And it's true. And if it's not, may God smite us all. Absolutely. Can we put that on the Wikipedia?

Put that on Lauren's Wikipedia. Yeah, can we get someone go in an update or Wikipedia? Go on my fucking Wikipedia. Yeah, wait, what am I saying? How you got into Thiener. Okay, Thiener. I got into theater. I felt so drawn to Thiener and I thought I was like,

Thieners only for like special people. I was a dancer for a long time. But I was like, and I was like, acting sounds so fun. But Thiener, I'm like, that. Special people and I'm not one of them. You know what I mean? That's crazy. And then my mom actually, throwback.

My mom pushed me. This is a callback to an earlier. Okay, throw back. My mom pushed me. Okay, throw back. My mom physically pushed me. So how about that? Down the stairs?

May God do what you will. There's got to be a passage of it. My mom pushed me. She was like, you should audition for your school's musical. I auditioned, didn't get in. Sorry, that's a plot twist. I know you were expecting me to be like, I got it and it changed my life. No, that's actually a more interesting term.

Because now it's a Joker origin story. Yeah, exactly. You're going to take down theener. Yes. But I do want to say on the record, and you can put this on my Wikipedia, I was the only freshman called back for singing, dancing, and acting. Okay, okay. Well, that's literally something.

So I do want that to be on the record, and then I didn't make it. Okay, well, that's still something. Put it on the Wikipedia page. What high school was this? This was Novi High School in Novi, Michigan, which is a suburb of Metro Detroit. Okay, heard. Yeah, absolutely. So then, whatever.

Cut to, I ended up doing a lot of shows in high school, loved it. Went to University of Michigan, very privileged, loved it there. At University of Michigan, my friends and I started doing these really stupid shows just for other friends in the department. And then, oopsie-dazy, one of them went, as the kids say viral. Yeah. It did, no. Yeah. And the rest is history.

It hit us in our space spot. Yeah, I was going to say, do you know that? Wait, do you actually know Star Kids? Yeah. Oh, okay. Because we... I still think no one knows it. No, no, no, no.

Okay. No, but that's very relatable. Everyone thinks, like, I don't do anything in everything. Well, every internet niche is either like, I don't know what that is or like, oh, I have that carved into my leg, you know? And that's... No in between. And that's fine.

A hundred percent. That's absolutely allowed. And we live in a time of extremes. Yes, we really do. Wow, that's gorgeous. And that should be in there, actually. We live in a time of extremes. May God do what it will.

Get on the Wikipedia for the Bible. I keep calling God it. May God do what it will. To be fair, I don't know God's pronouns. I'm not going to guess God's pronouns. I'm going to guess it. It's it. It's it.

God's pronouns are it it. If it's an entity, it's going to be an it to me. Yeah. No, we were in like early high school, I think. We were in probably, yeah, like we were. also born in 98? Yes. So like, yeah.

So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was born yesterday. So we were in, we graduated. Uh-huh. Aura high school.

Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. We both went to high school? We both, yeah. We went to high school and college together. Yeah. Yeah.

So we will. Agora high school, 2013, 14 is when we graduated. And me as well. We, and you as well. Yeah. And we remember because you were there in our senior department. I thought. I thought.

I thought. were like, we, AJ Holmes went to our high school and so we were just like, graduated before we got in. Which is the best thing to be. Yeah. Because then you're a legend. Yeah. Oh, my. So we were the little kids being like, oh, Tee, this is so cool.

Wow. Do you, you know, like, so yeah. Yes. And I remember. So thank you for being here. Yeah. Yeah. Hey.

I remember so clearly like the obsession with a very Potter musical. That's so funny. I remember it so well. Absolutely. Specifically with Malfoy because that's an insane. Oh, it's such. Yeah. If you guys haven't seen Very Potter musical, which is, first off, like, what are you doing?

Fuck. Second, if you don't know the whole deal that goes down, you play Draco Malfoy. Yes. And can we talk on that? Yeah, yeah. Can we talk on that? Let's talk on that a little bit because it was pretty fucking genius. Your inspiration, I want to say, wasn't Draco Malfoy.

No, it was me. No. Yeah, I don't know what my inspiration was. It was excellent. Okay, thank you. I always am like, and what was like, what was the character idea? Because you were like, yeah, I see this Malfoy shit. I don't really care.

I'm doing it this way, which was so much funny. Yes. Well, I think also if you watch the show, you can tell that like none of our characters were based on the movies or anything like that. They were just our own interpretations. With Malfoy, it was incredibly physical where it was just like this idea that he had such unearned confidence, which is my favorite thing to play. Someone who's so confident and has no reason to be. And so in his attempt to assert his authority, he would try to kind of be cool and kind of do cool things with his body, never quite knowing where to end the movement. Because again, like he's not that in tune with his body.

Right. He's like, this is something I think I should do. And so him just trying to sell that constantly was kind of the current. It was so good. It was so good. You're so nice. So funny. I love so much.

Yeah. And like I look at the real Malfoy as a character and I'm like, it need, that needs to be gender bent forever. Oh, yeah. Malfoy actually is like should be so gender bent. Right? Yes. Like of all the characters I can think of who like should be gender bent. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's drag. It's drag. It's like we, it's drag. It's like. Malfoy becomes such a much more likable character once he's just like kind of like a mean little like gender bent. person. Like, it's just kind of like, okay, Malfoy. Totally. Malfoy also belongs on housewives.

Absolutely. If he reached out Malfoy and James Kennedy, nobody would notice. No one would notice. No one would notice. Honestly, genius. Oh, I've always said that. James Kennedy is Malfoy. Yeah, he is.

He is. He is like a mix of Stewie and Malfoy. Wow, he is. Is he not exactly? So, okay, James Kennedy, I'm coming for you. With media. If someone can update. If someone can update, he's going to use Wikipedia and say that he's a mix between Stewie and Malfoy. On the official Wikipedia.

Lauren, we want to do a really stupid segment. Yeah. Please. Oh, my God. So we did this segment with Joey. It's very fun. Yeah. It's called Nightmare Casting.

And what we're going to do is we're going to find the worst possible casting choices for these musicals. And just remember, there are no wrong choices, only wrong actors. Yes, that's beautiful. So this is a segment. called Nightmare Casting. Cut the music. Cut the music. We really don't like to keep the music on.

The music goes on for so long. Oh my God. Okay. So our first one is Annie. Oh my gosh. Are you familiar? 100%. So Annie, you know.

It's a the thinner show. The thing about... This is a classic thinner show. A thinner show that everyone know. Yeah, absolutely. Actually, that's a real sentence. I've always said. And may God smite me down if not.

No, may God do what he will. Maybe one of the most famous redheads. I can't think of a more famous redhead Yeah No we did we actually did another We did Little Mermaid with Joey Yes and right He said that we should do carrot top

As Ariel So that Wow Who should be Annie? Yeah who's Annie I guess And listen Annie does not need to be played By a real redhead

No I know I know we're trying to be authentic I've seen wigs But there are wigs And also this is the worst cast ever Yes So they can be appropriating redhead culture. They can be truly an inanimate object. A mop. A mop. They could. They could be a mop. I love a mop. That's... Okay. So who do we think, who do we think for Annie? Okay. Orphan. Orphan core.

Orphan core. Okay. I have one idea, but it's, it's kind of stunt casting. Tell me. Scrab Daddy? Oh my God. Oh, right. Yeah. Right. Like Scrub Daddy the sponge. So also gender bent. Yeah. Right? Because it's not scrub mommy. And Daddy sounds mature, right? Sounds, sounds old. They're really interesting because there's Daddy Warbucks. Right. Exactly. And you'd think. You'd think.

Daddy Warbucks would be played by Scrabb Daddy. We're subverting that. But we are. Yeah. And also, Annie is a classic, a classic cleaner. Yes. Yes. Because Ms. Hanigan makes them all clean.

Right. She's just like Monica. She's just like Monica. She's just like Monica. She's just like Monica. Annie. She loves to clean. Yeah.

So she is the scrub daddy. Right. So Annie is scrub daddy. And that's true. And I feel. like to Annie and Scrub Daddy's existence is like hinders on their ability to clean. Yes, 100%. 100%.

Much like Cinderella. Much like Cinderella. Another classic cleaner. Another classic cleaner character. RIP Cinderella. Rest in peace. Rest in peace. Did you not see the end?

Oh. No, but she's dead by now, right? She's old. By now she's dead. Cinderella dies at the very end of Cinderella. If you watch past the credits, they have an end scene like Marvel, but she just gets her dying. Memorium. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember that part. Yeah. She does. She's a big. RIPI assume she's dead is so funny. Yeah. Okay. Daddy Warbucks.

Now, this is billionaire culture. Right. Right. Who are we casting to represent the billionaire class? Yeah. I mean, my first thought is Jeff Bezos. I think that's too easy. Wait.

Because he is that. That is actually, I never put together that Jeff Bezos is evil Daddy Warbuck. Oh my God, he is. He's like, wait. I don't know if that works. Dark Daddy Warbuck. Well, okay, so he's auditioning, but is he going to get beat out by someone? We don't know.

I mean, oh, come on. Look at that guy. Oh, look at his eyes. His eyes are identical to each other. There's nothing different about those eyes. One of them is not far more open than the other. Could not look less like that. No, they already like to.

You do not look like that. Sid thinks she has a lazy eye because once upon a time our teacher told her she had a lazy eye. What? And we looked up to that man and he was cute. Well, I have a drop in, so you can't see it. So a drop helps the lazy. So she went to the doctor. It's not a lazy eye.

Go do it. It's because it's a lazy eye lid. Oh my God. Oh, the lid is okay. And the drop helps the lid? Pushes it up. Are you sure? Yeah.

That's her. Sponsor as Queen. Upique. Yeah. Upneek. A thing that people put in their fucking eyes when they don't have a lazy eyelid. To make their lid go up? Yeah.

To make you look all like because they make, they want their eyes to be. I'm going to use it. I know. You don't need it. But it's like if I want to look, you know. Yeah. If you want to spend like extra money on a prescription thing to look shocked. Oh, it's a prescription.

It's a prescription. But you can get it. But you can get it. So easy. No, I know like people who are just like, yeah, I just put it in so that I look like. Holy shit. So I just put it up. Wow.

I never would have known. My lids look so alive. She brings it up all the time. Not in a not in a. One is here. One is here. Yeah. See, I don't see it.

No. Right now you don't because I have the up knee. I also just like, sorry. Every time she doesn't have it in. I have to like really try to work to be like, which one is it? And I can't get it right. So that's at least good. Yeah.

Anyway, get Faisos. This is different. This is I can very much tell. And listen, I'm fine. He can use Upneek. I don't like body shaming at all. Absolutely not. But he's all same.

Terrible people. Yeah, yeah. I'm okay with body shaming evil people. And my thing too is it's like, upneek is really expensive. And I can't afford it and I'm using it. So you can use it. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. So are we going to cast him? or are we going to have him beat out by someone? I'm not married to this. I feel like there's got to be something that feels a little better. We're going to keep him in the waiting room. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

And we're going to move on to Ms. Hanigan, and we'll keep him in the waiting room to see if we cast him. How are your aches? My aches are aching. How is your stress? My stress is stressing. Well, you know what I think would help? Cornbread hemp, CBD gummies.

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Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash talk and use code talk at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com slash talk and use code talk at checkout. Okay. Ms. Hanigan. Oh, fuck me, Jeff Bezos. just came back in in a wig to audition for Miss Hanigan. And the description of Ms. Hanigan on Google is the cruel alcoholic matron of the orphanage, which is literally what I want on my tombstone.

Guys, he just came in with a crazy red wig and he's fucking drunk. Oh, no. Yeah, maybe he belongs as kind of, maybe we need to put him as Ms. Hanigan because it is bad casting. Yeah, it is. It's bad casting. Should put him as something he shouldn't be. Yeah. Yeah.

So maybe we put him as Ms. Hanigan. him in a wig. We'll put Jeff Bezos in a wig as Miss Hannigan. Jeff Bezos, who is drunk. Yeah. As Daddy Warbucks, I guess we'll put somebody who should classically be Miss Hanigan, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's a good classic, Shannon Bedore? Sure. I'm so sorry. What were you going to say? I was going to say Kathy Bates, but I like yours. Oh, I love Kathy Bates. Well, Kathy Bates famously did play a version of Miss Hannigan. Yes. But what was yours? Mine was Shannon Bador from Housewives of Orange County. I mean, that is really sick.

good. I actually, because of the rich person vibe, right? I think that would be a great Daddy Warbucks. I also think, Shannon Badoor also did get a DUI, which would... She did run a car through a house. Yeah, which would be like good for her to be Miss Hannigan, which is why she should be Daddy Warbucks. Okay, great. With a bald cap. With a bald cap. Oh, that's crazy. She can have a bald cap. Yeah, she'd actually crush a bald cap. Absolutely, Shannon Bador. Okay, so Shannon Bador is Daddy Warbucks. This is

Grab daddy, Shannon Madore, and Jeff Bezos as Ms. Hanigan. Wow. Yeah. And then Rooster. Oh, Rooster, the crazy cookie brother who does all the crimes in today's world. I'm taking this really serious. No, yeah, that's okay. You should.

That's good. Okay, good. Who is like a famous brother? A Hemsworth, perhaps? No. Oh. The goth property brother. The goth property brother.

Oh, my God. Yeah, probably the goth property brother is Rooster. I don't know if he has one. Right. Right. He might just be. The goth property brother. There he is.

The goth property. J.D. Wait. Oh my God. His name is J.D. Not to be outdone by his younger brothers. The eldest Scott brother. I didn't even know their last name was Scott.

He's the eldest and he's the goth one? J.D. Scott has firmly tapped into his creative side, combining formidable writing and entrepreneurial skills. Oh my God. He's a celebrity impersonator for superstars Adam Lampert and David Bowie. Well, that's perfect. What? Okay.

So J.D. Scott, the goth property brother is Rooster. Yes. 100%. Perfect. 100%. That's everything. I mean, like, that makes perfect sense. That means that he is the brother of Jeff Bezos in a wig. That's a really good. Yeah. I feel like he walks into the audition room and we all look at each other and we go, this is it. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. We got it. We all just have that moment. Yeah, absolutely. God, I love being a casting director. Right. So much power. I can do whatever I want. It doesn't matter. Guys, I love the power. Let's move on to Little Shop of Horrors. and let's fucking wield our power.

Gasm just pulled up Drag Jady. Drag J.D. Vance is here. Oh, my God. Little Shop of Horrors. Drag J.D. Vance just walked into the waiting room. Were we going to do anything with that? Okay. Little shop of horrors.

So we've got obviously Seymour. We've got Audrey. We've got Audrey to the plant. We've got many another character. Mr. Mushnick or in the dentist. Yeah. The rawnettes. The rawnettes.

That's a great casting. Well, I think the Ronettes, we should do a classic trio. Right. What's like classic, a classic trio? And remember, bad casting. Yeah, yeah, of course. Snapcackle, Pop. That's good. That's really good. That's really good. Yes, I think they are their names. Snap Crackle and Pop. God, imagine your name being a sound. Crazy. Awful. I wouldn't mind, listen, I wouldn't mind my name being Crackle. That's kind of sick. I don't know about Snap or Pop. Snap and Pop are hard. Just one syllable. Pop is fine if I was like a big dad. but I'm not I'm a smaller girl

I'm smaller than a big dad and I'm more of a girl Snapcrapnel and pop I love them as the Ronettes and the thing is it's because they're so small they're 2D they have the big big spoon

only two of them have their names on them and yeah that is wild we're gonna hear the like of Rice Krispies while they sing all their songs

with the volume like really high yeah like super high almost drowning everything are they elves Yeah, sure. Because they do look at those pointy elvish ears.

I think they're elves. They're Rice Krispy Alves. There's cereal elves. According to pop icon. Dot life. Wait, sorry. Sorry, Passam. Sorry.

That says snap crackle pop horse was the first thing that popped up when you said that and I actually need. Ooh, yeah. Can you go back and not see that? Sorry, can you go back up to where it says can you go back to images?

I'm sorry. And then just type in. Don't worry about it. Yeah, see there. Horse. Wow. Second one. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so Why? What the fuck is this? Oh, this is a famous racing horse named Snap Crackle Pop. God bless him. Okay, so that horse

He's so sad. Yeah, he's a racing horse. Look at how sad he is. Oh, my God, all those trophies, he's so sad. And that shows that achievement doesn't make you happy. Olivia. Put that in the Bible. Put that in the Bible.

Put that on his Wikipedia. God, this guy's so sad. Okay. So Snapcrackle. and pop the elves. They're the Ronnettes. Snapcrackle Pop, the horse is. Oh, yeah. I mean, he can be the plant. Or Mr. Mushnick or Seymour. Oh, who's sad? Seymour's. Seymour's kind of. Audrey's also sad. That, oh my God. You're so right. It was right there, you know. She sings somewhere that's green and all this racehorse wants to do is run in a field of

a game. Oh, my God. That's crazy. This is so to do you. Do you think this horse is going to have to were the same bad wig you wore in high school when you were Audrey? You were Audrey? Yeah. Talk about the queen of theater. Right? Is this right here? This is Miss Onri right here. Classic. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, look at her with the horse. Wow, is that the person who owned the horse. Oh, the horse has blue eye shadow like Audrey. Oh, I mean, I see it. This horse is depressed. Yes. So the depressed horse is Audrey. And I think the horse is handler slash owner. I don't know. Yeah, whoever. This This lady in the... Should we get her in there?

I mean, she's ready for the stage. Let's make the horse's owner just following Audrey behind on the stage and picking up her poop. Right. A new character we haven't seen. Right. Yeah, yeah. Great. Just like that classic character.

All right. Do we have a... Well, you need, we need a Seymour. Yeah. Right. If that horse is the Audrey, who do we want it to make out with? Oh, that's such a good point. Right?

A nerd. A nerd. Yeah, who's a terrible nerd? Who's a terrible? Who would be terrible at Seymour? Oh. You know? Yeah, definitely James Corbyn.

That would be really tough. Yeah. So James Corden is Seymour and the horse is Audrey. And that is stunt casting. Yeah. It really is. I would go see it to see what happened. That's just to see what butts and seat.

Yeah, that will put butts in seats. James Corden X the horse. Yeah. And the whole advertisement is like, want to see James Corden make out with a horse real life? The sad horse. Sad horse. A sad horse. Want to see James Corden make out with sad horse.

Perenthease real life. Billing? Yes. Yeah, of course. And who gets top billing, uh, James or Sad, like Sad Horse? Yeah, that's a hard one, right? That's a hard one. Yeah, maybe Sad Horse gets top billing. I think, I think James Gordon gets the and. Yeah, James Gordon gets the and introducing. And introducing James Gordon. Yeah, that's really true. Um, and then Mr. Mushnick. Okay. Now what, what, where is Mr. Mushnick supposed to be from? Fuck if I know. Yeah, you know. Vagely European? Yeah. Right. Right, like an Eastern European vibe.

He's supposed to be grumpy. He's supposed to be grumpy. He's vaguely European, right? Yeah, he is. He describes his life as a living hell. He has never had a single customer visit his shop. Wow. How is his shop open? Yeah, I guess that's a good question. I guess it has to be someone born wealthy that.

Oh, Mr. Mushnik was a chubby man in a suit. He was a true businessman. What the, this is, what? What? Okay, wait, what is this website? This is hero.fandom.com. Okay, hero.fandem.com, what are we talking about right now? Was a chubby man?

He's a character. What do you mean was? Well, he's dead now, I think. Like Cinderella. He died in the same accident as Cinderella. They were having an affair. Spoiler alert, guys. They're buried next to each other.

Yeah. Oh, beautiful. Who would be a really good, bad businessman? man. Well, there's a really, I'm not going to go there. I know there. I'm not going to go. Because there's a very famous bad businessman is ruining everything right now, and I'm not casting him. I can't get him for. I'm not casting him. No, I'm not giving him a book of job. But maybe someone else from Home Alone, too. Right. Right. Yeah. Macaulay Culkin. Macaulay Culkin would be a great Mr.

Coulogin is from Home Alone too. Yes. So at that age. Right. Yeah. The ghost of child McCulley Culkin. RIP, yeah. RIP child him. Yeah. He's alive, but he's an adult. Absolutely. Right. And then I guess let's get Brenda Song in there. Yeah. We have to. Right? Like, I mean, would she? She can be the dentist. Yeah. She could be Audrey 2. She could. We don't have an Audrey 2. We don't have an Audrey 2. We don't have a dentist. We don't have a Seymour. Oh, oh. We don't have a Seymour. James Corden. Oh, it's James Corden. Oh my God. I keep forgetting because he's the aunt. He's the last credit. Yeah, yeah. Right. I think Brenda song, young Brenda song could be. Brenda's song as the dentist?

As the dentist. I love it. I think she could kill that. Sure. 100%. I think that would be great. Yeah. Yeah, let's get the problem.

But what about Brendan Song as, Brenda Song as London Tipton as the dentist? Yeah, let's do that. Right? That's something. Let's make it really mad and weird. No, it has never, and that's true.

Yeah. Yeah, it's never been done and that is good. Yeah, that's so good. And then our Audrey to our plant. Oh, I'm kind of tempted to be. make it the Lorax. Yeah, of course. That makes total sense. He speaks for the tree. Yeah. Yeah. So plant.

Plant. Plant. Beautiful. Plant vibes. And he would eat a horse. He would be, he would eat a horse at the end. Yeah, that guy can fucking eat a horse. Yeah, look at him. Yeah. He could. He looks like he just doesn't. Oh, yeah. He can. Choozes not to. He can unhinge his job. Like a snake, horse-sized. Yeah. Yeah. Let's cast Beauty and the Beast, guys. Oh my God. That's going to be a good one. Yes. So we need Bell and the Beast. Yeah, Bell and the Beast. We need Gaston and then all the furniture or whatever. Yeah. All the furniture. All the fucking furniture. Whatever the fuck. Okay. Bell and the Beast. Bell and the Beast.

Okay. Smart. Smart. Reads books. Smart. Reads books. Smart. Lauren Sanchez. I'm so sorry. I'm thinking about Jeff Bezos. Can't get him out of my mind. Yeah. No, no. She can be Bell for sure. We could do a we could do. I don't like any of my ideas. We could do an all. All ideas are right ideas. We could do an all billionaire cast of Beauty and the Beast. Yeah, that's probably what we have to do, actually. But do you think, okay. Oh, God.

Is she the beast or she? Fuck. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. What if all the billionaires are the furniture? Oh. And people who aren't billionaires are the non-furniture.

Right. So billionaire casting only as the furniture. Right. Wait, this is sick. This is crazy. Okay, so then let's make Jeff Bezos Cogsworth.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, we'll make him Cogsworth. Yeah. Let's make Elon Musk Lumier. Yeah, I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that. And he can hile with his little

candle. He can hile with his little flaming hands. He loves to hile. He will love that. He will love to hile there. Yeah, he really can't. And then we have Mrs. Pots

and Chip. Obviously, the mother teapot and the little teacup. Right. And that would be. Do we have? have a nepo duo. Now, okay, does this count as nepo if it's Melinda Gates, Mrs. Potts, yeah. Bill Gates, Chip. Yeah, that's good. Okay. That counts. I'm going to count it. I'm going to count it. I think that's perfect. It's also because, like, aren't they, there are exes now, right?

Yeah, they are. Okay. X is playing mother and son is off. There's nothing better to do than some mother's son role play with your ex. Yeah. That's what I say. I always say that. And to be furniture. It's so true. Do cups count as furniture? I would always count a cup as furniture. Yeah. Because someone can sit in it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Even if it's a little mouse. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. That's so beautiful. Okay, wait. Thought of that. Wow. Okay. So, so, so hold on. Lauren Sanchez auditioned for this and we didn't cast her yet.

So sad. Well, I mean, I guess she could be the wardrobe, the sexy wardrobe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Who's the brood of the little French broom? Oh, she's sexy. Is she the, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, Missy little French girlfriend. Yeah. Oh, sexy little French broom.

Right. And Elon Musk is Lumier. Okay. Right. Sexy little. French broom, billionaire. Who else is a billionaire? Billionaire with a...

Oh, my God. Kylie Jenner. Yeah. She's right there. Kylie Jenner would be great stunt casting as the broom. Kylie Jenner would be an excellent sexy little broom. Are you kidding me? Look at her. Oh, that's perfect. That's the sexiest broom I've ever seen. That's great. That's great.

Sorry, Kylie. And we have... We have tape of her singing. She felt really bad about saying that. That's right. Yeah. How does that start again? It was like...

I don't like, rise and shine. That's her 16 bar cut. Wait, can we watch Kylie's audition for this? Can we watch Kylie Jenner, Rise and Shine? That's her audition for Beauty and the Beast. And she is already cast. Oh my God, the sun is crazy. She's all, yeah, there you know.

She's walking into the audition room. We all can feel that something. Oh, there's a remix. Oh, yeah, we know. But she's like going for a bell. Yeah, right. And we're like, we all know. Okay.

A little too sexy. A little too rich. A little too rich for Bell. Rich. Because all the human characters have to be played by people who are not billionaire. Absolutely. Here we go. She's coming into the casting office.

And here. And she has her room. Rise and shine. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's like actually so beautiful. And I love that we do have a crib in the casting office. We have to. Because we're very inclusive and we know that babies can be involved in the casting as well.

Yes. Absolutely. When you bring in your baby to be cast? in, you know, Beauty and the Beast. Yes. Yeah, so that's our broom. That's for sure our broom. So what normal human beings do we want as Bell and the Beast?

Because I kind of think we should get Greta Thunberg in there. Yeah, well, yeah, we have to go that direction, right? Let's have Greta be Bell, right? Of course. Perfect. Of course. Because, like, literally, of course. Mine as well, right?

Absolutely. Perfect. Now, I don't personally, while I think she would be an incredible bell, I don't necessarily want to watch Greta Thunberg get like all Stockholm. Stockholm meat, but if we must, who would it be with? Who's another like non-billionaire?

There's only a few. Yeah, there's only a few. Most of us are billionaires. I can't include myself in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. Okay. The beast, and here's the thing too is the beast makes a transformation. Of course. Yes. So who is Beast Beast and who's Twink Beast? Are we double casting? Did you say Twink Beast? Right.

There's like beast, beast and then famously at the end, twink. Oh, so maybe we just do a bear and a twink. Oh, my God, yes. Wait, okay, a famous bear and a famous twink. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, the car fox. Famous Timothy Shalameh.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, is he a billionaire yet? Well, he's married. No, is he married to. He's dating Kylie. Yeah. Which is showmance. Conflict of interest there.

Yeah. Yeah. Who is famously, like, not a bill. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, AOC. AOC as... As Twinkbeast.

Gender bent. You're so right. Like Malfoy. Gender bent, twinkbeast. I want to apologize for my suggestions. I don't think they're inspired enough. No, no, no, no. They're perfect suggestions and all suggestions are right because all the people are wrong.

That's so true. You have to remember that none of this is right. None of this is right. And that's what makes it. So AOC gender bent. As Twinkbeast. And who is Bear Beast? Oh, I guess, Bernie?

Bernie? On the tip of my tongue. Yeah. right okay this is a crazy production for any a o c gretta thunberg triple bill that's crazy you wow yeah that's huge this is crazy okay he's never been done he's the bear beast yes okay then fucking who's gaston how about oh fuck me oh fuck me gaston oh godin puts antlers in all of his decories yes and that's important to remember um like sexy like i'm like charlie xx wow actually

that would be X. I just pictured it as if we were doing one of those like ABC live action musicals that they used to do that were live.

Charlie XX's guest on we're not talking about that enough. No we're not. No like also like it would you can see it. Oh my God look at her. She'd be perfect. And she would come out with the mic

and it would be all auto tuned and she would redo the entire Gaston song and be like no one fucks like guest on no one fucks like guest on and like that would be it. glasses on. Oh my God. Yeah. And you'd kind of be like, it'd be one of those like seeing, you know, in Romeo Plus Juliet, how you're like, I literally can't believe that she's not attracted to Paul Rudd. Like, you're not going to get me on that. Like, of course everyone is. Like, of course she's attracted to

Paris. It's Paul Rudd. Everyone's going to feel that way about Charlie X, X, X, Gaston. That, like, kind of has to happen. Because we have to believe that Gesson gets everyone in time. A hundred percent. Right. Right. And she's going to like walk around, be all sexy and a big mound of underwear in the back in the French village. Yes. And the bimbeths are judges from America's the voice or America's Got Talent or something.

Like Simon Cowell. Yeah. Simon Cowell. Yeah. Who else? Who else is about? Randy. Randy. Oh, that's the other one. Yeah. It's just three judges. Yeah. Whatever the three judges are that you guys think. Randy, right. Yeah, Randy Jackson. Who should her Lafou be? She needs a little She needs a little Lafoo.

Philly Ish. I was going to say Philly I I'm so glad you said it. I'm so glad you said it. I mean, it's right there. Because also Billy Elish is like the last person you'd expect to play Lafou because Billy Elish is so like chill and cool and Lafou is so uncool. Yeah. That I think it would be a really interesting spin.

That would be actually a really fun game at a party of like, are you a guest on or are you a Lafou? I'm a Lafou. I'm a Lafoo. Yeah. Do we fucking know a single guest on? I guess we're three Lafou's here. Check the Bible. Is anyone a guest on?

No. Wow. That was so fun. That was beautiful. Okay, I think that's really good casting. Yeah, I think that's an excellent cast. Yeah. Okay, gorgeous. That was nightmare casting. Music. Caste music. Oh, my gosh.

Do you want to talk about, um, I do you want to talk about it? Yeah. Do you want to talk about the allegations? Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Do you, um, let's create some. Let's make some right now. Right now. Um, do you, um, want to talk about showmances? Sure, absolutely. Why not? Because, because I feel. that you are a product of very famous showmance. You know, okay. This is actually an allegation that I would love to squat.

Ooh, allegations. Okay, here's a segment called the allegations are here. No, I'm kidding. I love this. Are you talking about my marriage? Are you fucking talking about my marriage? So I guess my question is, are you talking? Yeah, I'm sorry.

No, no, you know what? Let's talk about my fucking marriage. Are you talking about me and Joey? That's your marriage. Or my other marriage. Famously separate. My marriage is something different. Yeah.

Okay. But listen, I actually want to squash these allegations. Joey and I were not a showmance. No. No. What kind of mans were you? We were like a regular manse. We were friends to man.

Before. What else someone say? Before the show? Regular romance? After the show. Did you guys meet? We met at U of M. Okay.

I'm going to go on record. He had a crush on me for a really long time. I wasn't interested. I will say he did tell us that too. Okay, good. Yeah, so he went on record so it's okay. Let the record show. Yeah, let the record show.

You were chased. Yeah, I was. No, we were just friends. We were such good friends. And then much, much later, we were like, we love each other. I love that. You know? That's great.

That's wild. Yeah. So not a showman. Not a showman. Have people ever done, like, horrifying, like, ship art. I heard, I have heard that they have. I don't engage with it. That's, you know what, that's fair. That is absolutely fair. Because I can't, I can't go there. I think that is absolutely fair. We had an improv coach in, in high school who we love so much. And he also wrote some movies

and he wrote a movie, he wrote the latest animated Lorax. And, and the thing he couldn't like look it up because everyone was making. Horny Lorax. Let's look it up. Let's look up one slur one sest. Have you heard about

Onsler one cess? No. Yeah. So the, people, one C-E-S-T, yeah. So the one slur

from the Lorax we see him in different, we see him younger and we see him older when he's a bit. Yeah, just images. Just images.

You being like, that's right, is so good. Yeah, that's right. She's like, I've seen it. That's so good. In the Lor-E-L-E-E-E-L-E-E-E.

there are different oncelers at different stages of life. There's the teenage, younger, like early 20s, Wensler who just wants to change the world. And then there's the greedy, bad, bad Wensler, who's the bad billionaire Jeff Bezos Winsler. Online people started making one-sest, referring to incest between the two timelines of Wensler. Yeah, so like older Wensler with younger Wensler,

and they're like getting it on in this very, very... Oh, oh, no. Yeah. Can you see actually the one that's real people over here? That one's disturbing. Oh, wow. Deviant art. Throwback.

Holy shit. Yeah, right. Deviant art, dude. Okay, so your teacher understandably doesn't want to look at it. No, I would bring it up during improv practice. He would be like, don't talk about it, please. It's also like a dad.

He's like a sweet dad, yeah. And what are your thoughts on this? Do you love it? Oh, love it. I mean, how inspired, you know. So the good news is, the good news is. Oh, my God. So no matter what is made of you,

It is not this and that is good. I hope to God. And that is good. Now, that's just two one slurs from the same timeline. Oh. One's just shorter. One's shorter. And he's cupping junk.

Or do you think that it's the, you guys. Yeah. Why do they make, I don't want to quash anyone's artistic instincts. And I love that people are so talented with their art. The fuck is that one? How do we, how do people get here? And why is it like a thing that multiple people do? That one is so bad, you guys.

I think it's the product of virginity. Oh. And I say that with so much love as being a person who was a virgin for so long. I think a lot of good things are the product of virginity. I think a lot of interesting not as as a senior kid. Yes. As a, you know. We were virgins in high school and we were doing the most fun shit ever because no one wanted to fuck us.

I was doing. Absolutely. Did you, did you, did you, did people? Were you a hot theater or not theater kid or? No. When did people. Stop. Did people start expressing interest in you when you were in high school?

Some did. What was that like? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck yeah, dude. You two were not hot, the inner kids? No. I can't believe that for one fucking kids. No, we were not.

No, but thank you. No. Thank you. Yes, you're so welcome. Well, wait a second, Olivia. What? You had the AP boys in love with you. Well, I had a couple of, I had a couple of people who I had some friends I didn't realize

had crushes on me who I adored as friends. and that's very improv. Yeah. I had a teacher that I was in love with who also liked me but wasn't allowed to. The allegations. The allegations. Here we go. And then I had some people who would like DM me and be like, the tone of your skin makes me feel like we should reproduce when I see you on the stage.

And that was the main group of people who were into me. Like I do attract school shooters a little bit. I shouldn't say that. There's too many school shootings. I do attract people who have a manifesto, if that makes sense. Like, yeah, in high school, it was like, if someone had a manifesto, they would definitely be into me. But I was like, you know. Wow.

And no one, no. I was throwing myself at people. I was like, anyone? Not even the manifesto people. Not even the man. They were like, you have a scoliosis brace and I'm not okay with that. Did you? I did.

Oh, my gosh. So people would hug me and go like, disgusting exoskeleton. And I was like, no, it's just my scoliosis brace. And like, yeah. See, this is why you're so funny. No, I wore tights under shorts. It was really bad. No, but I, I've done that.

I was. But it was jean shorts, like dark black tights. It wasn't good. But like I looked up to that. You know what I mean? Like that's, and so it's all bad. I feel like you're being really self-deprecating. No, it was bad.

Okay. It wasn't good. I don't agree. But at the same time, I wouldn't agree. Of course. And it makes sense that, you know, you, no one. Like, if you, if I say like, I was really. fucking annoying in high school and everyone was like oh Jesus Christ like the first two years I was there

anytime I would walk anywhere no one who likes me now is going to agree with me right but we can all know it is true for sure no no no she wasn't freshman year I mean everyone's annoying I did a prank show called non-consensual with my friend okay where we did things to people that they didn't consent like jumping on them or whatever that's not annoying though that's predatory yes and you know what thank you I appreciate that I was a little predator yeah Like a piranha. Little predator. Little predator now on CBS.

So cute. Young predator. Young predator. We're the makers of predator. It's young predator. Oh, my gosh. It's taking over Colbert's time. Yeah.

That's so good. From the creators of Young Sheldon and the government. It's Young Predator. Startem Young. Release the list. Okay, we're going to have to cut a lot of what I just said because we don't know what's going to happen in the country. Are you as the queen of the theater kid? Yeah. Thank you.

Are you familiar with the movie masterpiece, Cats the Musical? Okay. Oh, yeah, with James Corden. Yes. Sorry, you should have said James Corden. Yes, yes. James Corden Perez. Yes, yes.

Oh, I saw it in the theater. Okay. How many times? In the theater. I only saw it once. Oh. So did we see it once twice. I feel like that was a mistake.

I think we saw it once. I saw it once in theater. We saw it like four times. We saw it once and I was fucked up. We saw. From the movie or going in. I, we went into it. fucked up on purpose. And it was us and

like one other party of people and they were like epa-bada. And we were also partying. And we were all going, woo! Yeah, we all did the right thing. I don't know. You know, obviously there's the asshole cut and that's important. I've heard that that's legend. Right. And that might not be true. It might be myth. Well, then

I'm sorry, wait. Put it in here. Yes. I thought that, are you saying there were no assholes in this movie? Because I feel like I remember seeing the asshole cut. Okay. See, here's the thing. There was a myth. Oh my God. I know. It's so terrifying. There was a legend that, oh my God, I can't even look. James Gordon still hasn't seen cats. That's actually everything. There was a legend that there was a cut of the film where all the cats had buttholes. Right. I thought I saw that. That's not true. Now, it might be like an interesting like social experiment. Like Marlstein Bears. Yes. He heard about it. And then we thought that maybe we saw what is that called? Mandela Act. Yeah.

So apparently that's not true. Okay. That there were no buttholes and they were scrubbed intentionally. Is it cool if I don't believe that? Yeah, that's fine. You can believe whatever you want. Every belief is valid in this country. Yeah.

Yeah, that's, you don't have to believe in science. That's actually really true. And I do think I should tell you guys, I am vehemently anti-vax. Oh, yeah. I'm very anti-science and pro-butthole cut. Do you guys want to? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah.

If we could get into that, that would be so good. Let's get into it. Yeah. But I do, oh, there isn't an official butthole cut. No. Well, it's not an official one. Though a version containing accidental CGI buntles was reportedly edited out. And a single butthole. Oh, a single butthole. Now, where's the butthole?

A single butthole was later saw that butthole with my own eyes. Whose do you think it was? It had to have been, it had to have been James Corden, I feel. Whose butthole made it? Whose butthole? Can we look up whose butthole made it into cap? Don't tell me it was Dame Judy Dench. It better not.

If it's Dame Judy Dench. Did they make, whoa. Why do they ever do that? Goodness gracious. Now, guys, I would like to say everyone in the room groaned when we saw this picture. And is that because we're agest? No. It's because I feel like.

A beautiful woman cannot be a disgusting cat. Is that one? Cannot be a sad, disgusting cat. You're lifting her leg at me? Oh, there it is. There's the one out. Is that real? Whose is it?

Who is it? That's the. Oh, it's human feet, you guys, that's so fucking disturbing. That's insane. That's so fucking disturbing. Yeah, all the cats have human hands, right? And whose butthole is that? It's a little silver cat.

Whose is it? Is it the twins that fuck around? Oh, you mean crux and gungles shins? What are they? That's it. That's it. Is it crux and gundle shit? Oh, there's one.

Oh, my God. No, no, these can't be real. That's way too big. Proportionally, that's way too big. Why do they have hands like that? It's, it's we, so when Sid and I saw cats, we started a podcast based on it. It was a, we, we called cats a true, a true crime podcast because it was a crime against humanity. I love that.

And we were like, it's going to be a 10, we were like, it's going to be 10 episodes and we did one episode. And then we were like, I think that's fine. That's enough. But it does exist on Spotify. If you want to check it. It's a true crime podcast. I'm going to listen to it. Yeah, it's important.

And we really took it really seriously. Yes. We scripted out everything. Yeah. I think that's incredible. We put so much more effort into it than we do the podcast that's actually successful. Because we were like, we have to know every single point we are going to make about the cats. It's amazing.

Like in my parents' bedroom being like, hold on. We're going to talk about the cats. Oh, yeah. God. Throwbacks. Now, did cats come out right before the pandemic? Yes. and it's what caused it.

That's what I was going to say. I really do feel that way. It is. It is. Because I feel like I saw this movie and was like, I have to go again. Cats VFX artist confirms the butthole cut. Sorry, continue. No, no.

This is important. So there is a butthole cut. Yeah, there's a butthole cut and it's out there somewhere. And if you're like a really good hacker, I dare you to find it. Yeah. But the reason I ask about this is because obviously this is something that Olivia and I have been hyper fixated with for you. Yeah, this is definitely a special interest. Obviously, this is not, probably for the rest of our lives.

This is really not a modern thing. This came out so many years ago. No, this is more of like a core character trait of ours and the fact that we're talking about Thiener. Yeah. Thiener. You have to. Yeah.

So I think that we would love to go through the movie musical cats and decide to kind of diagnose what's wrong with them. Okay. Are you into that? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. This is a segment called What is wrong with these cats? Music!

Cut the music. Okay. I have, um, I screen shotted. The cats from the movie musical. It's beautiful. Let's see what's run with them. Okay, the first one, oh, God. Well, fuck.

The first one is named asparagus. What? Okay. That's not real problem. Gus from cats. Oh, Gus's real name is asparagus. Gus's full name is asparagus. What the fuck?

He's the theater cat or the theater cat. A frail elderly cat who used to be a famous stage actor. famously played by Ian McKellen. See this photo. He looks a little haunted in the face. And now what are our thoughts? Do we think this man is okay? Deeply not.

No. No, in a deep way, he's not. I think this cat has PTSD. Oh, yeah. And I'm going to also put heartworm. Yeah. Okay. Right.

Are you just finding cat diagnoses? So I figure it's got to be a blend, right? It's got to be a blend of people diagnoses and cat diagnoses because this is not either of those things purely. Right. Right. So his mental problem is PTSD. His cat problem is heart work. Yes. 100%. Devastating. Yeah. I think that works. Yeah. Okay, guys. Well, it's time for the cat about town. It's time for Bustifer Jones. Oh, fuck me. It's Bustifer Jones. A fat, upper class cat with a carefully groomed black coat and white markings on his legs that resemble spats. I believe this is James Gordon. respected by all. He is a cat of leisure

who frequents gentlemen's clubs for their fine dining. Uh-huh. Right. In most productions, the actor playing Gus also plays Bustifer. Right.

This is not true in the movie. Right. I'm trying to find what this cat really, like what this cat actually has. I feel like... I'm doing the vet moment. You guys be psychiatrists.

Yes. I feel right off about sex addiction. Yes. Oh my God, you're so right. Yes. No, this man is an addict. This cat is an addict. And that's okay.

It is okay. But I think this cat needs to get help. Yeah. He frequents gentlemen's clubs. But he only does it also for food. Like he's eating steak at the gentleman's club. He has liver disease. Yeah.

Okay. such as hepatic lipidosis, but he is one of those cats that just, like, lives forever. Yeah. Like, yeah, he's had liver disease for like seven years. He's fine. Right. I think it's one of those deals where it's like every few months, you know, people think he's about to do. They're like, this is it. His slowing down.

And then it's. You know, they did for like the first three years. Okay. And now they're just kind of like, he goes up and down. And once he reaches a certain point, like the vet, you know, every time we take him into the vet, The vet's like, well, he's old. And it's like, yeah, we fucking know. Yeah.

Like, but he's fine. But he has these episodes. Every time he's asleep, we do check his pulse. Absolutely. But he sleeps in the bed. Right. So it's fine. In the bed.

Yeah. Demeter, a troubled and skittish queen. No. What? Demeter. This is the official description. Demeter. Oh, God.

A troubled and skittish queen. Oh, no. She is best friends with Bumbleerina. Oh. And the two share an intense hate. for Maccadena. Oh. Okay.

So she's kind of, this is kind of us, Olivia. Oh, her? No. Well, that's not the two. The fact that it's two cats is all I have to base it off of.

Right. And those are the two, right? And they're a bonded pair. Yeah, they're a bonded pair. So you can only adopt them together. Yeah. Right, right, right. And a bonded pair also often

has the same, the same disease if it's, you know. Yeah. That's the problem with us. Yeah. So they definitely. They definitely both have toxoplasmosis, a parasitic infection that can be transmitted from cats to humans. So they're both going to infect humans, much like we are.

Right. Oh, and isn't that sweet? Yeah. Who is she played by in the movie? I don't know. I don't know. And it doesn't fucking matter. And they...

When you think about it doesn't even fucking matter. Do you know feline herpes is a thing? Yes. A lot of cats have feline herpes. Do they get it from sexy? I think they get it from the shelter. Oh. Fucking sexy.

being sexy. Right. And they have to take eye drops or something. When they're too sexy in the shelter. Maybe in their eyes. Yeah, to open their eyes. Oh. Oh.

Maybe it's kind of like the thing of like when old people get STIs from the folks home. Yes. Like they have nothing to do except for like bingo. So they're like, we might as well just fuck. Can we do a fucking who's the cat that's dick got cut out? Sorry? Oh. The butt holes?

Yeah. Jason Derulo's cat. Jason Derulo's cat. He was the sexy cat. Yeah, he was Fucking. Oh, God. Rumtum Tugger?

Rumtum Tugger. Is that him? That's got to be it. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. A flashy and unappeasable cat. Oh, shit. To be the center of attention.

Oh, wow. Now famously, yeah. Yeah, yes. He is a narcissist. Yeah. You're right. Okay, so this is a narcissist. Yeah.

Look at him. Absolutely. Wow, that is way too much human to cat ratio. Yeah, it really is. Oh, I hate that actually. It's like human. Everything here in is human. This is so bad.

This looks like a TikTok filter. Like this is like not great. Yeah, it's really scary. I can't believe this movie got me. I'm going to diagnose this cat with feline herpes. I think that, of course, the slutty cat would have the feline herpes. And I don't want to disease shame or anything like that, but I'm just a vet. Yeah, you're just a vet.

You're just doing my job as a vet. You guys, what do you think about Skimble Shanks, the Railway cat? Oh, the sexiest cat of all. He's an upbeat and active orange tabby cat who lives on the male trains. Right. Not a great place to cat to live. Also not a thing. And not a thing.

And as... Famously. Famously. Not a thing. And acts as an unofficial chaperone to such an extent he is considered rather indispensable to the train and station. God, but his fucking facial hair. Let's also mention that he's the size of a rat.

He's proportionally really too small in this place. Yeah. Doesn't make sense. He's really small. He does have trousers. Yeah. I mean... It's looking also like he has human nipples.

And I can't really see it. Yeah. I see what chest is shape. Well, I can tell you right now from a veterinary perspective, he does have feline hyperthyroidism. Because he's too small or what? Yeah, it causes, it's an overactive thyroid gland. It causes weight loss, anxiety and other symptoms. Oh, my God.

Yeah. You're so good. He's too small and we need to feed him maybe some probiotics. Yeah, you just got to get his hormones balanced is what it is. Because if the thyroid's overactive, it's just going to... Right, absolutely. And then mentally what's going on? Because it's something.

Yeah. Well, definitely multiple personalities. Oh, yeah. Look at it. Yeah, look at this guy. Are you kidding me? Or I guess my question is, something that will be telling, right? Is Skimble Shanks the Railway Cat, his Christian name.

Oh, got it. Or is it his self-given name? Right. Because there's a different, he's, it's very different. I think it's cult given. I think the cult of the cats. Yeah. Picks their names because they're like, you're the this cat, you're the cat. Which is like, when you're giving birth to a child, you don't go like, oh, her name is Layla, the cute person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't do that. Right. So they're really putting, they put everyone in a bomb. You definitely go, don't go like, this is Emily the railway person. No, no, no, no. That's crazy. That's crazy. You don't do that. Honestly, we should start doing it.

Yeah. And why don't we do that? Why don't we do that? The idea of like announcing that you're going to have a baby and being like, everyone get excited for Emily the railway person. It's like, what? I love the railway person. It's so big. What does that mean on any level? It's like, oh, little Emily the railway person. That gives Emily room to find out what that means for her. Emily, the railway person, Marie DeLorentis.

Yeah. It gives her room to find out what that means. And it also gives her no room at all to be anything different. No, exactly. And that's perfect. And there's too many choices in the world right now. We're going to get option paralysis. You know, people who even don't have ADHD or getting ADHD like symptoms from these phones.

We're looking at their training our brains. Can we talk about the phones? Can we talk about these phones? They're training our brains to be obsessed with dopamine and seek and they're so bad for us. Yes. And no one's been saying it and we need to say it. No one has said it before ever.

If I was just named Olivia the Railway, person, I would at least know one step of where I should be going and what I should be doing. Yeah, get over to the railway. I got to find the railway. I have to start by finding the railway. Oh my God. Yeah. It just would suck if it was like your name was like, Sydney, the doctor person. And then you're like, I'm not going to be a doctor. You're not going to, but you have to. I can't. You'll be the worst doctor in the world, but. But it's your name. Yeah. I could be in a hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Being a doctor. Maybe they just say, Sydney the hospital person. Right. And then I have the choice.

Sydney the hospital person is actually a great name. Then I have really good. I have the choice of being with patient. Right. Yeah. Yep. Sydney, the constantly hospitalized person. Sorry, you're naming it that. Yeah. I just want to give her like a room to grow.

Yeah. There's a lot of options. I want to give her like a lot of nicknames. Because doctors technically are hospitalized. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be a nurse. But with being a doctor person, you can't be a nurse. Being the hospital person you can be. Yes. Or tech. Or tech.

Or tech. Or work in the cafeteria. You can. Guys, thank God we figure that. You can also just loiter around the hospital. Wait. Worst case scenario. That's good. Yeah, that's really.

Sydney who loiter is at the hospital. Person. Erin. Aaron Heller. It really like rolls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's beautiful. Okay. This was what's wrong with these cats. Music. Hot music. Lauren, thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much for Thank you so much.

You are a delight. And is there any, you know, if these, if these goddamn whores have no idea where to find you. They don't fucking know. If they don't know where to find you. These cucks are stupid enough to not know where to know. Then let the people know where to find you. Okay. None of my social media is the same.

Yay. On Instagram, I'm Slopez 8. On Twitter, I'm Lauren Lopez 1. On TikTok, I'm Slopez. 8-8. Okay. Never let him know your next move. Yeah, keep them guessing. This is how I do it. That's beautiful. And I'm on Patreon.

And that's just Lauren Lopez. Yeah. Hey, you know what else is on Patreon? Us. Early extended. Early extended. Outcastle episodes. Extended. Ut-cut early episodes.

It's crazy that I'm actually having a real-life brain problem happening. And all you guys are doing is holding space. And all you guys are doing is holding space and not calling Kaiser Permanente. Oh my God. Do you have Kaiser? too? Me too. It's bad. It's really bad. Absolutely. And who do you have? Well, I pay far too much for Anthem because I'm a medical disaster. Oh my God. I'm sorry. But I do wonder if I need to stop and join the Kaiser again. Let me tell you, it's bad. Yeah, because what I hear is that it's bad.

And what I see is that it's cheap. And my question is, where do we go right now? What can I do? But it's all in one building, which is nice. That's why the only reason I have Kaiser is because I'm like, I don't have to think about it. Yeah, I finally got to a place where I'm like, I know all my doctors and I've chosen a bunch of great doctors. And now if I switched insurance, I'd have to start over, which I can and might have to do financially. We will find out.

But guys, the Patreon has none of that. It has early extended, cool, additional episode. We do movie nights. We, if you guys send us stuff to our PO box, we do unboxing videos. We do Q&As. We do all kinds of garbage for you. We do songs. Yeah, that's true.

We do all kinds of shit. Fanfiction. Yeah, and you can be in charge of Love Island. Oh, my God. We do a Love Island fantasy bracket. It's crazy. What? Yeah, we do a Love Island fantasy bracket.

It's like D&D, but like with Love Island and we just pick crazy characters. Holy shit. So yeah, so get over there. And thanks for being here. Yeah, thank you guys so much. I've been having an okay enough week. I was going to say a lovely week. And I'm like, no one would be having a lovely week right now.

And until next time, we will see you next Tuesday. Please frame.