Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - SEXIEST INSTRUMENTS W/RACHEL SCANLON!

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

This week Syd and Olivia welcome comedian Rachel Scanlon! This could be the start of a truly special relationship or borderline invasive as the girls do their best to get to know their hilarious new best friend! Chapters 00:33 | Intro 01:23 | Rachel Scanlon!! 04:54 | Rachel's Fantasies About Being Tall & Saving Her Friends 07:11 | Top Most F**kable Instruments 12:18 | The Girls Speed Bond with Rachel 24:46 | Is This A Lesbian? 43:22 | Guess What's Wrong With Olivia? 48:49 | We Have Notes February Edition 56:33 | Where To Find Rachel! Rachel Scanlon https://www.rachelscanloncomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/rachelscanloncomedy https://twodykesandamic.com/ Bonus content on Syd & Olivia's Patreon! ⁠https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Crocheting is is fully lesbianic. And I would also say that it is the first thing that you do on your way into dipping your toes. So as you, it's like, honestly, the way that weed is a gateway drug to, I believe, crack. This is the activity that gets you from, I think my husband's kind of boring all the way to I was getting railed by my friend Brittany. Yes. Okay. So, so this is now the second episode in a row where we've, we've have cursed in the first nine. And that was a specific note we were given is don't do that. And truly, I don't know why we keep doing it.

I will say I think it's because whatever's wrong with us. Welcome back to what some of you guys have been calling autism the podcast. Now, here's what I want to say about this really quickly. We are not diagnosed with autism. This is your guys' thing. You have been, I have seen multiple comments saying that this is autism, the podcast. I'm not claiming that. And if I get that back on my diagnosis, I'll claim it, but I'm not claiming that till then.

But what is a Sid and Olivia talk shit? I'm the Sid one. I'm the Olivia one. And today we've got like a really fucking awesome guest. We've got the coolest fucking risiest guest. The risiest guest that I could ever dream up in my, in my little heart. In my little heart, I have only dreamt of this. In my little heart that dreams of Riz.

Oh, God, I'm always dreaming of Riz. My tiny, tiny, tiny malfunctioning heart. is only ever dreaming of Riz. And today my dreams are coming true. This is comedian extraordinaire Rachel Scanlan. Oh my God. Yes. How are you doing?

You guys, what the fuck? This rocks. The fact that I get to sit betwixt you guys. Betwixt you guys. It's so exciting for me. It's hard to pick because, you know, I have to go. Right. Which is good for me.

I look good on profile only. Good. On the top. What's that like? Well, my profile on my head is good. My profile on my body is horrifying. Really? Yes, you guys.

You guys, come on. I don't know what. I don't. Okay, here's the thing. So we're getting into it. And we have, you're getting into it. I have, like, raging. I have no idea what I look like disorder.

Okay, for sure. To me, I'm like, I don't know what makes it silhouette good. I don't know what makes it bad. I look in the mirror and I go like, you're not allowed outside. And when I have to go outside because I have to work. You have to work. And when I look in the mirror, I see my dad. Interesting.

So it's like a little bit, like, Like when I was born, my grandma, we have footage of my grandma meeting me for the first time and saying, oh, God, I hope she doesn't have Danny's nose. And surprise, I do. Incredible. So it's-and his bunions. And his bunions. Listen. And my mother.

Yeah. So it is like one of those things where I think everyone's sitting here and maybe everyone in the world doesn't know what they look like. I have no idea what I look like. It's not that important. Like I feel like we put so much importance on it and it's like, who fucking cares? It's the least interesting thing about you. 100%. And if you're wearing fun stuff.

That's awesome. Can I say something? I feel like it's easy because you guys are, you guys are, you know how you're very hot. You're very hot. You're very hot. I'm new to it. You guys are like so hot that I'm actually like taking it in a lot. I'm sure it's whatever.

But you're like, it's the least interesting thing, but I'm like from two tens. No. That makes sense. No, no, no, no. Well, I go back to what I was saying about my tiny little heart dreaming of Rez. Oh, my God. Wait, can you tell the story about my tiny little? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Okay. Okay, my dad is a read, he's working right now as a creative writing teacher for like, like certain school districts that don't have programs like that right now. Angel, Ray, Angel. He's the fucking best. That's so cool. But he teaches like kids how to write stories and stuff. And they're little. They range from little to middle school.

And there's this one girl who wrote a story and shared it in front of the class. And the story was, she's in fourth grade. She's in fourth grade. And the story was, Post Malone called me to tell me to go to his concert. Yes. I asked my parents if I could go to his concert and they said no. So I snucked out and went to Post Malone's apartment. He riszed me up.

And then my dad had to be like, no. We can't say he rizzed me up. And the little girl was like, why? And my dad's like, because you're a fourth grade. And you can't say post Malone rizzed you. You can say you went to a park and played board games. But you can't say I went to his apartment. I snucked out.

I snucked out and he rizzed me up. It's a fine line between a fun story and an allegation. Right. Really fine line there. Yeah, no, I like double check. Like, this is, you made this. This is not. You have to make sure.

I feel like that reminds me of when I would, I would write stories. I was like closeted and I'd be like nine. But I thought for sure, I was, you know when you're like, I'm for sure, the baseline must be heterosexuality. Yeah. But all of your fantasies would be like the gayest shit. But you're like, you don't, it's not clocking to you. There's like a cognitive dissonant where you're like, you're like,

You're like, no, I'm straight. Yeah, but I'm thinking about. Yes. I would just have all that shit where I'm like, I'm for sure, for sure, giving hetero. I had like khaki shorts that went to my shin. You know what I mean? Caggy to my shin, played on the golf team. Everyone around me was kind of like, you know, I was so butch.

I had no idea, but I was like, I assumed that anyways, all of my, all of my fantasies that I had were like, what if I had to rescue all my female friends? That's what I was writing about. Oh, that's so good. All of my female friends, what if, like, I was like, what if Courtney and Lauren were in trouble? Yep. And then I was there and I was tall. That's my favorite thing I've ever fucking heard my entire life.

And then I was there, and I was tall. And I was like, so tall. And very helpful. And people were scared to me. I was picking people up. Oh, man. I actually used to have when I was little before I knew what sex was. Like, my, like, fantasies I would have about my crush would be, like, me saving them from, like, a plane crash.

Yes. It would just be like that, like, oh, and what if, like, you're drowning and I save you? And it's like, because I didn't know what fucking is. Exactly. I think when you, I came out as queer and it was so, I was really raised very religious. So it made it seem like. Add stuff to that. It added stuff because it made it seem gayness was like very like sodomy, like sex.

And I was like, what if I just need to protect my friends? Yeah. Until the, you know what I mean? It is the thing that makes you say that like your sexuality is inherently sexual is something that comes later. When you're a kid, you just go, Amber has the best. handwriting I've ever seen. I knew exactly. Yes. And I think I'm in love with Amber. Right. Wow. Amber loves bees. Yes. I'm so in love with Amber. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, you're a child and you just know that you have a feeling. Yes. The first person I had a crush on it was because he played the cello, not because I wanted to

fuck him. Exactly. Yes. I was like, that's cool. Let gay people be attracted to cellos. Yes. A hundred percent. Yes. Let everyone be attracted to cellos and mostly cellos. Yeah. Chellos are a very gay instrument. I mean, that's a person playing just the cellos. The cellos are a cello. A cello is a is a woman and I've always said that. I would fuck a cello and I'm so serious about it. Okay, wait, what instrument do you fuck? Okay, if you had to fuck an instrument, what instrument? Okay, on the count of three? On the count of three? Oh yeah. Wait, okay. Top, top most fuckable instrument and really, and I need you guys to mean this. Yeah, okay, hold on. Tell me when you have it. We'll do it on the count of three. Okay, hold on. I really have to think about like how,

who's fucking this and how? It's you. Okay, it's me. Oh, um, unfortunately, I don't want to get into the logistics, but I know it. Yeah. Yes. Yes, you do. One, one, two. One, two. three, harmonica. I was just thinking about humping a bongo drum. Bongo drum. What would you say? I said the harp. Oh, a lot of fingers. I'm a classy woman. Because you finger. No, because I don't want to, listen, I don't want to get into the logistics. Dad, turn it off. Right, right, right. If you straddle, a harp and it's so like long and large. They're straddling and fingering. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's fair. There's a lot going on there. And I think it could be nice for me. Okay. What you said a harmonica?

For Monica. Right. I think we kind of get that. Harmonica's awesome. Thank you. Because you could do that and charge money for people to watch. It's so wet, too. I feel like you're really good.

It's precise but sloppy. And that's what I need. And it could make a sound. It could make sounds. And then that might be interesting. It could make sounds and it has two ways I could picture fucking it. Yes. I also really do think this is your only fans.

Great. Fine. Great. Maybe if you want to make an only fan. It can just be you fucking. Their harmonicas. Eating out a harmonica. What a harmonica?

100% And then fucking harmonica. Well, it makes awful sounds. Wait, this is good. What if, imagine me doing that. And for some reason, I don't know how, but the harmonica, right as I go to blow, it goes, uh, yeah. A harmonica that only lets out sex noises is my favorite invention.

I don't know. The idea of you having an only fan is just you playing the harmonica, but the harmonica is just going, oh. And you're playing like a normal harmonica's song, but it's only like, sex. I do love that. I'm blushing the whole time because I'm like, This is kind of a lot for me.

But I know I'm good and tall. You're at a children's town. I know I'm tall and I know I can save my friends. That's all that matters. 100%. Oh my God. Rachel, you know what's so shocking. What?

Today's the first day we've ever met you. That is really true. That's really true. We never met you. I feel some like instant kinship. Does everyone know that you guys were drunk DMing me? No. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, let's share that. Let's share that. I respond really well to me an energy that you two naturally have. Okay, great. It's something that when. I show up, I'm like, these are, I feel very at home with two psychopathic silly gooses. Thank you. Yeah.

I really appreciate. Yeah, no. If you want us to drunk DM, you comment that and we probably won't do it. And let me tell you something, too. It's such a whirlwind to drunk DM us because we're two people on one account. Yeah, from two different phones. Like on our Patreon, we both have, we can only talk through one account. Shout out to the Patreon.

Join the Patreon. It's just five hours a month. Why don't you just eat out a harmonica for you? Yes. Yeah, but it's like you can tell from the tone, I think. Yeah, sometimes. I know what that's like too. So I have a podcast, two dikes and a mic.

You know there's only one. One person can be DMing. One mic. You know the rules. You share it. Like the harmonica, two mouths on it. It's gross. That's no rules.

One mouth on each edge. You know the rules. But yeah, DMing through one account can be tricky. Because sometimes I'll do a thing where sometimes like, also through email, like, I'll wait for Sid to respond because there have been times where I've responded and she's responded at the same time. Oh yeah. And then respond and it looks psycho. Humiliating. If I wait

five minutes and she doesn't respond, I'll respond. Yes, that's smart. I should do that. But then maybe neither of us will respond. I have a question for you guys. You just hang out outside of this. You guys are friends. We are. We met in high school. Yep. There's something yeah, that I like so much about you guys.

It's probably that. It's probably that your friends and that you're funny, which I love. Thank you. But do you ever have a group chat? that you guys are in with other people that you'll interact with and then immediately sidebar with each other about that chat? Not so much. So unfortunately we only do that socially, like in social situations. I remember when we went to lunch with our with, we were working on Smosh the sitcom

when we went to lunch with Shane and Amanda. And we were doing a bit with everyone. And then we stopped doing the bit with everyone and just started talking to each other so much that no one else could talk. And it was probably like four minutes of that. And they were like, they're like, hello? They're like, we just witnessed something. Like, we're not in this anymore.

Yeah, it's interesting when you have levels of friendship and you're like, we've been friends since high school and we work together and we're dialed in. And then other people around, you're like, well, we're kind of, what about us? It's getting to the point where we've known each other for more years than we haven't. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? I'll cry. I'm a cancer.

I love that. Yeah. Ooh, you're a cancer with. No, wait. This should be part of. Oh, my God. You're so. Okay.

So we came up with an idea just before we came. So we came up with an idea to, like, rapidly move our parisocial relationship at you. To a social relationship. Yeah. Yeah. I love what's happening. We love it. So this is a segment called...

What did we call it? Oh, speak. On game day, pain can hit hard and fast. Like the headache you get when your favorite team and your fantasy team both lose. When pain comes to play, call an audible with Advil plus acetaminopin and get long-lasting dual-action pain relief for up to 8. eight hours. Tackle your tough pain two ways with Advil plus acetymenepim. Advil, the official pain relief partner of the NFL.

Ask your pharmacist at this product's rate for you. Always read and follow the label. Steed bonding. Music. Cut the music, you fuckers. Okay. This is speed bonding. So what we're going to do is we're going to get to know you really well.

Come on in. Really fast. I'm like trying not to get the profile of my nose from my grandma's at Dispoena. I'm trying not to get the purple of my body. Oh my God, guys, we're so ill. Okay. So we're going to ask you a bunch of questions, rapid fire.

Yeah. Answer them as fast as you can. Great. If any of them you don't like, you can say pass. Okay. Yep. We're going to talk so fast. We're just trying to get to know you as fast as possible.

I love it. So are you ready? Yeah. You want to start? It's time for speed bonding and go. What was the most formative event in your childhood? Oh, I fell and I landed on a train. I had to get stitches at a young age.

What is the thing you regret most from your life so far? Nothing? Great. Do you have mommy issues or daddy issues or both? Daddy. What's your favorite vegetable? Brussels sprouts? How many times have you been in love?

Wait, a lot? 12? 14? What? 100? Right now, two more? 103, 104? Have you ever done anything that is unforgivable?

No. Do you think OJ is innocent? No. Why? No, the glove. Why? The glove. How many people in your life would you trust with your life?

Three. Hamsters or birds. Hamsters. If you could choose between living a long, ordinary life or a short life filled with distinction, what would you choose? Short, kill me tomorrow. I'm loving that for me. What's the best aphrodisiac? Oysters and harmonicas?

What's the hardest lesson you've ever had to learn? That it's okay to be short and hot. And finally. Is the asteroid going to hit Earth? Yes. Yes. Oh, and it's going to hit my wrist. Woo!

Yay! Be bonding. Wow. That was just like being in a girl's bathroom. Yeah. That's exactly. what it's like. Do you guys feel close to me now? I feel so close. I feel like I should be physically

closer to you because of how emotionally close I feel. I only wish I was your harmonica. Me too, cute. But what is your horoscope now that we're speed bonding? Yeah. Your cancer? Cancer. Scorpio Moon. Nice.

Rising. There's rising is something that is even worse. I can't remember my wife knows. I don't know. That is something. My co-host, Mackenzie Goodwin, and I are the exact same chart except for one. Wow. And hers is like Capricorn and mine is like Scorpio. Whoa, that's crazy. I know.

It's bizarre. We don't know that much about astrology, but my mom's obsessed with it. Yeah, Olivia's mom like does the chart. My mom, ooh. It's the closest thing to her religion I was raised with is my mom wants astrology. What's your sign? I'm a Taurus with the Scorpio. Your cusp.

I'm a Taurus Aresres Cus. Yeah. With the Scorpio Rising and a cancer moon. I don't know what that means, but my mom sure does. But she did our charts. She did our charts. Like as a couple? Yes, of course.

She have insane. same sexual compatibility. And you've never, I mean, I don't want to like whatever. We can't test it. Yeah, for sure. You don't want to. The risk. The risk.

The risk. You have an empire here. The thing about risk versus reward. And no one ever talks about this. No, they don't. They're just like, oh, go for, no. You have to balance. You have to.

You have to forethought. I will also say we did try to fall in love. And it didn't work. We wanted a gondola ride. We shared a beautiful bottle of wine. Because we just know each other too well at this point. It's just not happening. It's like fucking your season.

Yeah. It's almost like just your fucking. cool if it's your steps. Spicester. Bout, bea, beo, peop, you, all right, bring in the stepsisters. You guys.

No, we were, when we were, your step sisters came in. Where have we been keeping them? We're stuck. We went to Europe together this summer and we like, at some point realized it was just a couple's vacation. For sure.

For sure, yeah. And that all the things we were doing were like, this is, we're married couple. Yeah, romantic. We did a couple's massage. called like the secret enchantment secret massage. Yeah. And we were like, are they going to make us fuck? I don't think that people realize how intimate it is to be friends with somebody who you also podcast with.

Oh, yeah. It is the most intimate thing that you can do with somebody. Do you feel that you have times with your co-host for your podcast where you're like, oh, we can't talk about this because we have to put it on the pot? All the time. It's humiliating. It's so humiliating. Yeah. And that must be, because I did that in the room over there.

And as I said it, I was like, oh, that's the most embarrassing thing I've ever said. 100%. It's just objectively true. but it sucks asshole. It sucks. It's horrifying because you're like, I can't believe that that's my life right now. That I'm like, I have something. I've been on the phone with McKenzie and I'll be like, let me actually get back to you tomorrow when we're doing our job. Ew, Barfoworama, disgusting.

But it makes me be like, because it's also insane. I started podcasting as a single person. Okay, I was like much younger. What time was this? I must have been 24. Okay. Lovely. And now I'm 33.

Lovely. So a lot of time. I would have guessed that you were younger. Okay. I don't know if that matters. I don't know if, you know, it's one of those things. Not that 33 is old because it is not. No.

It's just that I would have guessed you were like 28. Whilst 33 is not old, I would have guessed you were 20 years. I think because I'm very annoying and it reads as young. And the haircut could sometimes, like it's very hard sometimes to be a mask, lesbian, and not look like a YouTuber boy. Or like a TikToky boy. Yes. And that's a fine line.

I totally get it. Like I look like I could be somebody. buddy's wife or I could be like I was big on vine once and that sucks for me. Someone's loving wife or you were big on vine is awesome. Yeah, it's a tough, it's a tough haircut to master and it's tough. It's really hard. It's actually the hardest thing about being butch is just that. Master's my sick haircut.

It's just the hair. But I've actually known, I've been podcasting and I'm sober now. So I was podcasting when I was like a drunk slut in my 20s just moving to LA. That's a fun thing to do when people love it. Don't keep you wrong. You got a lot of stories to talk about. But now I'm realizing, because now I've been with my wife for, we've been together for over six years. But that means that now the podcast has become a chronicle of like our first date and like the first time we fucked and all this stuff that you're kind of like, it's insane.

But McKenzie has known me longer than my wife. That's just one of those things where you're like the person. And you guys as well. No matter. High school. Like every time I date a new person, I'm like, so I have a life partner. Right. And if you don't get with that, it's.

If you don't get with that, it's going to not going to work. It's not going to work. It's insane. It's the most intimate. I mean, and friendships between women, I know, like whatever, are insanely close. Yes. And McKenzie and I are very physically close, too. So I'm almost always like sitting on her lap, spitting in her mouth, looking in her eyes, holding her hands.

And who doesn't spit in each other's mouth sometimes? Well, you're in all these interns' mouths. You have to. That's how you show dominance in the workplace. It's a car violation. Get in here. Get in here. Open your holes.

bringing the stepbrothers. They're in here, they're tired. Mousse are wet, though. And they're tired. Yeah, but it's wild. It's and be like, this is the person that will, you'll know each other. Yeah. It's a very intimate.

It's fucking crazy. And yeah, you're like, we're going to go to Europe together. It's like, of course you are. We're going to spend the entire Europe trip in the same room. Yeah. Yeah. One bed. Yeah.

Okay. It's powerful. Yeah, it's powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's so wild. Yeah. It's beautiful.

So you just got married. Very exciting. Yes. That's so excited. It's crazy. How did you like it? I loved it. I mean, like, truly didn't think I ever would want to be married or I didn't think I'd be monogamous really.

Right. And then something about doing it. And a lot of lesbians will get engaged pretty quickly. I have long engagements and then never get married, but like buy a bunch of dogs instead. That's totally a valid way to go. Right. They're like, I could get married or I could open a shelter for all these huskies. If they're not a money, I could open a shelter for huskies.

100%. And I get the appeal. I really do. And I understand how a lot of times, too, being getting married, can feel like I'm like playing, like, cosplaying as a straight person, just because I've seen it as straightness for so long. Yeah. But we decided to just take all the things that fell right for us. And honestly, he's like, I know a lot of straight people get married. And they're like, it's the same. It's the exact same. We've been together for years. And I'm like, I feel fucking different.

Really? Yes. That's so nice. I feel like strong and like powerful and like, sent I feel very power, like more in touch with sensitivity. And when I'm on stage, I'm talking slower. I'm like, what is that? I feel definitely. That's like nervous system healing. Yeah. Yes. That's fucking sick. Yes. That's awesome.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's like an inherent confidence that you've gained. Yeah. What did you guys do? Did you, what was the wedding? We had a wedding here in L.A. And outdoors, of course, at a ranch that's like owned by the parks.

Fine. Because it's outdoors. I mean, we're, yeah. It had to get buried outside. I love that. It was beautiful. It was like I wore a custom tucks made out of like, I had a cape that was made out of my mom's wedding dress attached to the tucks.

That's so cool. Yeah. I love that. I wanted to, I made a vision board of like, what I want. I sent to this man who makes suits. His name's James Ford. He's super talented. And I was like, here's what I want. He's like, you just keep sending me pictures of Aladdin when he turns into Prince Aliababwa. And I'm like, yeah, do that. Yeah, so that's what I mean. He's like, do you, he's like, it sounds like you're wanting a cape. And I'm like, yeah, make a cape.

I'm actively asking you for a cape. I would need a cape. Yeah. The idea of sending a Pinterest board of cartoon characters is so good. It's weird. You don't know who you are until you send a Pinterest board. And you're like, oh shit. Oh, Aladdin. I can really trace where my brain Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. I think it's like so different than when I thought too because straight people are always like, they make marriage seem like jail and work. Oh, it is so weird. I think that is the weirdest thing. Yes. People. It's also like the straight comic thing of like, you'll have like a, my wife. It's like the whole thing. Oh, I did you marry her? Yeah. It's hell. It's so, it and like all of those, the posts where the people are like, we've had so many

ups and downs and the three weeks we've been together. This is a prison. I feel tortured. We've been through hell and. back and mostly hell marriage is work it's not fun it's not nice it's not with someone you like it's yeah it's crazy it's like you can work on something that you like why are you doing it if you hate it yeah just don't do it yeah no it's scary it's so easy it's so much easier not to get married 100% you don't have to do shit you can just not even try and you don't get married i don't know how people make it seem like so and then once i realize that you can i think once i was like oh i think i need to do this because we were feeling we were building family but it was just us. I was like, let's get fucking married. And it turns out diamonds are badass.

Nobody, I didn't know that. But now I'm like, oh, they're, they're fucking hot. Wait, let me feed. Oh, wow. I worked for a jeweler for a second during the strike. It is really. It's kind of cool. Interesting. I mean, the whole. Just the whole thing is so, I mean, also like, like, yeah, like lab grown and you know, there's so many interesting. I just learned so many fun facts about diamonds. No, diamonds are insane. Also, mostly fake, which is once you, right, which is a whole other thing. But I was like, realizing that it's easy and then you want to do it and then I'm like oh long-term partnership whether it be romantic friendship from high school whatever having people who like can really know you and you can know them super well in like multiple faceted things I think sometimes we work here and we live

here and you you get to be one person to a lot of different people yeah but to have people close to you that you're like you can actually know the whole parts of me yeah is actually the most insanely amazing experience that I've ever had like the person who rails me me. Do you know what I'm saying? The person who fully bends me over and spits in my mouth is also the person that's like, did you make your dentist appointment? Yeah. I'm like, that's powerful. And I'm also assuming is also the person going like, oh, I listened to your episode. It was so funny. Right. Well, she doesn't listen to anymore. But listen, she is sick of that. And that's absolutely. And that's power in its own way. And that's just a boundary. Yes. Yeah.

And that's just a boundary. No, no. It is, it's such a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing to feel like you can be like, you know, you have to be one version of yourself. It just. It, the world. And then you can go home and be like, I'm a little baby. I don't know. For sure, baby. Yeah. One thousand percent of gigantic baby. I just like the concept that I can be as annoying as I am in front of someone and they'll be like, yeah, that's, that's sick. I love that. And I like that's and then also want to fuck me. Like that's sick. I think because I also was like, I dated a lot of women that really demanded monogamy in a way that felt like quickly. heard. And then having like a Scorpio, my wife's a Scorpio, who's a freak, is been, I'm dialed it. I'm dialed it.

Rise you know, I heard that. I went, got it. I'm like, look out. Those harmonica's about to get railed. Hi, wild. No, it's fun. I mean, the whole thing is powerful. I'll show you guys a thousand pictures. I love that. I'm so excited to see the cape. Oh, my God. We do have a really good segment.

Oh, yeah. We have a really good segment. I can't wait. Okay, let me pull this up. That's the most beautiful song for pulling it up. Thank you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull it up. Pulling it up. You're, would you call yourself a lesbian expert? Yes, of course.

Rachel, we have a game for you called, Is This a Lesbian? Music. Okay, this is a game called Is This a Lesbian? We're going to list a bunch of things. Yes, oh, good, good. And you just tell us in your gut of guts. Is that a lesbian?

Is it a lesbian? We can discuss it. We cannot, whatever you want. Great. Okay. Right. Yeah. Are you ready?

Is it a lesbian? Is it a lesbian? Yeah. Because some of them are it's. Great. Number one, Dora. The Explorer. 1,000%, Ike.

For sure, for sure. That's a lesbian. And you're thinking live action Dora and animated Dora? I'm specifically thinking of, and you guys need to know, I was Dora at Nickelodeon Universe. I was a character performer. What? I've been inside that bitch. Okay, so if she's had you inside of her, she's a lesbian.

You're fucking a lezo. And there's something about having a backpack that feels very much like what's in there, a bunch of straps. I know what you're doing. What straight person would name their monkey boots? 100%. Oh my God. Yeah, the shorts also going below the kneecap. Hello, that's Dike City USA forward slash gay, backslash, lesbo. There's something very also like, you're searching, you're searching, you're searching for what? Yeah. Come on. To always search and never find so lesbian. Okay, next. The scrub mommy. Oh yeah, the scrub mommy. Similar to the scrub daddy except the mommy. Yeah. Um, let's

Let's check out the scrub mommy. Yeah. Oh, got it. Do you think the scrub mommy is giving lesb? Yeah. So specifically, and thank you for asking, that is a late in life lesbian. So obviously formed a, you know, got married to daddy, scrub daddy, I think. There's his name.

Scrub daddy. That's his Christian name. That's his Christian Mingle name, Andrewsmingle. And he is, they had a kid in a family. And then right around the pandemic, she took a second to kind of look at what she wants. Right. And what she wants, you guys, is to Munchbox. Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. She does. And I like that she has the bow on because she's kind of just being like, I'm a femme, and I love that. I like she's super soft and absorbent. She's a late in life femme. Yes, and I think because of the bowl, a lot of mask people that she's attracted to are like, let me show you a thing or two. But actually, there's this pent up sexual energy and she's a femme top. I love that.

Scrub mommy is a femme top. You heard it here first. Okay, are you ready? A monster plant. Oh, wow, I can't wait to see. You know a monstra. I actually don't. Oh, a monstra.

A monster plan. I was, sorry, I glitched because I was like mantra. Mantra. A monster has a mantra and that's nothing. Right. And then it ended. And that's nothing. It's like, this plant.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this plant, unfortunately, is one of those girls at a party who's like, yeah, I've kissed a couple of girls. She goes to Fuch night. Yeah, she won't. She won't. She goes like, yeah, I've kissed a couple of girls, but actually eating Pussain. See, ew! I can't imagine!

Yes, that's this fucking bitch. And it's such a shame, too, because, like, with those slits, I mean, you could do a world of wonder. That's what I'm saying. And even just sizzing another one of those plants? Oh, my God. Two of them sizzing? Dude.

Sizzing. Two of them just sizzing up. And they just won't. Two Monstera plants sizzing up, they literally won't, but they should. And that's what I'm looking up on Pornhub tonight. Okay. Okay. Kiyu's mom.

Kiyu's mom. Kiyu, the curseded cartoon character. You know Kiyu. Of course. I mean, I feel like, he's just a kid who's four. Each day he learns some more. Oh, sorry. Why was I thinking Apajar, Ang? C-A-I-L-O-U. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, sorry, I spell this all the time. What do you think? Okay, so the mom? Yeah, the mom. Whoa, mommy. I know. This is actually kind of tough. I can't have to let her body type sink with me. Yeah. Which is weird. We do have the same body type, but nobody would know it.

Should we look at a full body shot? Yeah, I'm seeing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I need to be in profile for. from my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's pretty nice. It's so interesting. And who is this F slur on the left? Okay, so that was our next one. That was our next one, which is Cayuse Dad. Okay.

Because we have a, that's the only one we have a hard answer for. Okay, because I'm seeing now the full picture. Yes. A lesbian lesbian, lesbian couple, like two lesbians. That's correct. Okay. The way I see it, I think Cayuse Dad is 100% a lesbian through and through. Yes.

is by. Yeah. Yeah. So, Taiy's mom is, is ace, but attracted, but like, in love with, there's like, there's no sexual. Perhaps pan. Perhaps pan. Yeah. Perhaps. Do you know what it is? It's that the world sees them and is like, oh, you guys are lesbians. And the mommy, like, doesn't correct. Because, like, when you're living your life, you're like, I guess you guys are seeing lesbians. But if you were to pull back the later, she's like, well, I'm technically pan. Right. Yeah. Of course. And history will call them roommates either way. So it doesn't really matter. They say, Okay, next one is a bidet attachment.

Oh, like when you put on your toilet? The one you put on your toilet, correct. Yes, okay. Is it a lesbian? I don't know. I don't, I'm not getting lesbian vibes. Right. Just because it's like something about everyone I know, and I don't know if this is right,

but this is my own antidotal. Everyone I know that has one is heterosexual. Everyone I know that has one is a straight man. I don't know what that is. Everyone I know is an immigrant and a hetero. sexual. Love, they love a bidet. Okay.

That's a sweeping statement. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to hear first. Hey, listen, every, it's true, right? My parents both have attachments. Really? My wife's family, and they're not from the United States, all fucking bidet city, USA.

Wow. Yeah. I will, I will say my friend's boyfriend, who is an Asian man, is very much disgusted by toilet paper. Yes. And it's like, why does not every person have a bidet? Okay. I guess the question I have about bidet is like after you spray yourself, because I've had a bidet before. Yeah.

But because I was living with a heterosexual man. Right. Then your B. H is sopping wet? What the fuck are you supposed to do after? You have to wipe with your toilet paper. Yeah. So then what do we?

I mean, listen, I like it as an option. Yeah. When people don't use toilet paper at all, I'm like, I don't use toilet paper. Yeah. Have you ever thought of that? Bunghole wet. Has it ever thought about how wet my bunghole's going to be? Has anyone ever thought about how wet my bunghole found wet?

West. Excuse me. Hey, chat. Is anyone thinking about my sopping bunghole lately? The bunghole is so sobbing. Okay. Okay, okay. Next up, number four. Oh, four? If you can't picture it, we definitely can pull one out. Thank you. Oh, with the hand. Four. You've seen this guy, right? Yeah, no, no, no. I just wasn't sure if I, like, where I recognize it from, but now that I see the photo. Oh, he's all over the news. Yeah, this, um, yeah, something about four is giving he, him, hetero. Yes. I don't know why. Not even like he, they. Could be the angles. Could be the angles. That's he him. I think also I think of this hetero man. Yes. This I think because when I think of straight sex, uh, I think of four, four time. And I think like one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. You did a thing about that that that that that that is. Yes. Okay. Yes. So when I see a four, I'm like, yeah, it's standard. Yeah. It's standard. Oh, look at that guy. Uh oh, don't leave that guy with your kids. No. No. That four is. No. That four is. No. My, my. My, my. My, my. My. My. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. naughty. Nauty.

My innate want to not leave him near kids makes me know that is a cis hat man. Yeah. You don't want to be in an elevator with a four. Yeah, no, a four is a white guy. Yeah. Okay, next is a velociraptor. Let's pull up a pick so you can really get the vibe. Oh, yeah.

It's hard to spell, isn't it? It's tough. Tough spelling there, yep. Okay. I see a Velasi, and I would say there's something queer. I don't know distinctly lesbo or not, but anyone who's like, you know, know what though people who are obsessed with velociraptors people who collect toys of them are typically trans and queer oh do you know i'm talking about i love learning new things no i see although

the only people i know who collect velociraptors are under four so i guess i don't really know and they're probably trans and so and i have no idea so i guess i don't know yet interesting yeah oh i got to hit hit up a bunch of people ask how they feel about though haven't you guys ever been are you guys are single on the apps are swiping through the apps no neither of us are on the apps oh good for you just out they're just rubbing my junk on all the walls. Just scenting the walls of the sharkies on fucking Ventura. Okay, incredible. Well, let me tell you.

There are people on the apps who have been on the apps. Yeah, people on the apps who are very like the people I think are starting to really get into their niches. They're like, I'm obsessed with dinosaurs. I'm obsessed with collecting all these weird little bones. A lot of people that are like, weird little bone. Yeah, man. Dude, the queer community is psychopath. On the queer app.

Oh, let me tell you. There are a lot of witches. There are so many in North Hollywood. Yeah. The witches of North Hollywood. The witches of North Hollywood are intense. There's a coven of Dykes out here. Love that shit.

And they are strong and powerful. Do they meet at night? And day. They're always meeting. They're always meeting. Oh, they just be meeting. Yeah. You got to be people who love this shit.

I feel like this Velociraptor is allowed in that coven, but I don't know if anyone's, necessarily like questioning it and like really no one no one's fucking her no one's no and she wants she wants it she wants it look at you like no i mean i also will say i think her arms are too short to do anything sexual i don't know nails are too long her nails are too long her arms are too short she can't get into anybody's undercarriage yeah she's not going to get into she's not putting anything in undercarriage because look at those nails no look at those nails and next we have george george washington um for photo reference maybe would be dumb who is that who was george washington

Say it again. Wait, the fact that one of the things that comes up is George Washington riding a dinosaur with an American flag is really... I hate America. There really is something for everyone. Wow. George Washington. And is he the one, correct me if I'm wrong? Who writes the dinosaur?

Is he... Sorry, is he the one who was riding the dinosaur on the way in? Canonically. Is he the one wood teeth doesn't lie? Cherry tree? No, he does lie. Doesn't lie as Abe Lincoln, correct? Is that right?

From the men in the room? They both claimed they could. couldn't lie, but let's be real. But specifically, Honest Day. Honest Abe was Honest Abe, but I think, yeah. Men love presidents. Chopped down a cherry tree.

They do. God, they do. Men love president. Men love talking about things. George Washington chopped down a cherry tree. And then when people were like, did you do it? He was like, yes, queen. Right.

Yes. Yeah. Honest Abe was honest and George Washington was a fucking liar. Yes. You heard it here first. George Washington, and I think this might be controversial, but I think surprisingly fuckable. I think there's something.

There's something that needs to be written about this man's head. And I don't know what it is. I respect it. I think it's the inverse of my haircut that makes me feel like I have to overpower him. Wow. That is something, I don't know. He has the exact inverse of your haircut. 100% percent.

Wow. And the exact inverse of your teeth because your teeth are real. That's right. They're not anymore. Do you think maybe you guys are the same on some sides of the multiverse? Yeah. There's something that I'm seeing that I'm like, either he came first, died and then I was born or... You came first.

I came first. Yeah, died. He was born. He died. And then you came back. Yeah. We're kind of just ping pongies. Each other's like timelines.

Is he a lesbian or is this horse a lesbian? Well, his outfit's a lesbian too. Oh, his outfit is a lesbian. I basically got married in that. So there's actually a photo of you at your wedding. That's me. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

I mean, listen, I don't think he's not a lesbian. Yeah. Okay. And next we're going to go with George Washington Carver. Obviously, famously the creator of peanut butter. Oh, yes. Let me see this, hottie. Now that's a dyke.

Hello. Also, there's something so sinister about seeing a bunch of nuts and going, what if I mashed it into a pace that I ate? Yeah. Because I feel very much like when I am having sex, which I do all the time. Okay. I say, I want you to mash me into a paste that you put on toast and munch on. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I will also say, like, the idea of mashing nuts is not a heterosexual woman activity because you're going to crinkle those nuts. Unless someone. it on you. Correct. That's a, that's a, that is a scorned heterosexual woman activity. This is either a heterosexual woman or a lesbian. Yeah, 100%. And I'm feeling, I'm feeling lesbian. But all roads lead to the same place, which is lesbian. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And seen. There it is. Okay. Next up, a fresh set of sheets. Oh, straight to me. It's getting straight. I feel like sheets when they're like that just remind me of my mom. Yeah. Because that, you know, the people who are, We're like, there's actually a particular way to fold a fitted sheet.

And it's like, I don't give a shit. Yes. Yeah. I'm late for work. I've got a Coven meeting in the Valley at noon. Like, I don't care if my fitted sheets are good or not. There's something societally imposed about a fresh set of sheets. Like, your sheets should be fresh. You should always have fresh sheets.

In the same way. People don't have fresh sheets. Right. The same way that heterosexuality is societally imposed. Guys, we're coming up with stuff here. Yeah, there's something here. There's something here. Guys, should we go do a gender studies class?

Yes. Should we go do a gender? Yes. Do we go do a gender? I want to do one. Let me pick one. Let me pick one. No, you guys pick me one. Pick me one. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. Um, uh, next up. Oh, the duck on the bottles of Dawn soap. Oh, my God. The amount of times today alone that I keep almost saying the F slur in public would shock America. Would it shock this duck? Well, this duck would be like, that's me. Cress. Okay. When you see this duck, you think F slur. I know it. And I don't think it's right, but it's my truth. That's fair. No, that's fine. No, I don't know this duck as well as you do. Yeah, I mean, obviously you have a really large past with this duck. For sure. I mean, honestly, now that I'm seeing, when, before I saw the photo is picturing the one covered in tar. Do you know what I'm talking? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the before duck. And this is the after duck. It's a common mistake. Also, apparently, and this is not something I, I found out this from someone else's stand up. What George Washington is? what George Washington is I just found out on the internet.

But apparently the reason that Dawn is like the duck soap. Yeah. Is that it is voted the least traumatizing soap to use on ducks. Oh. With oil spills. Oh, my God. What are the other soap? Oh, see, here they go.

It's just voted least traumatizing. For the duck? Yeah. Wow. Kaiser Permanente is calling me. Oh, my God. Wait, get it. I do have to get it.

Pick it. Hello? Is this how we found out she has autism? Okay. Bye. Okay, she laughed in my face, but I do not have blood cancer. Yes. Oh, thank God.

For the record, and it's on the record. I had a bunch of lumps that were moving from my armpit to my breast and back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Almost like a race. Yeah. They had a race with the same. They were like, when I went into Kaiser Permanente, who I've ragged on so much on this podcast. Yeah.

Kaiser Permanente was like, okay, so I'm feeling it's either like maybe some sort of clogged lymph node or, I don't know, blood cancer. Good God. Yeah. And I was like, for sure. And then they were like, come in for a bunch of tests. Who knows? I don't know, but maybe blood cancer. And I was like, okay. And then I came straight here to do a podcast and I was like, um. It's insane.

But I don't have it. Good. I'm so happy for you. Sid doesn't have blood cancer. Play the music. Cut the music. I wanted to try. Yeah, yeah. No, do it. Please do. That's amazing. Okay, back to more important things. Thank you for pulling up a picture of Kaiser Permanente. A lesbian. That's really helpful.

Lesbian? Because I don't think so. 100%. Wait, you think no? I don't think so. I've never been irritated by a lesbian as much as I'm irritated by Kaiser. Good point. But I feel like there's a really good smoothie at the Woodland Hills location. It tastes like pink berry.

It's really good. That's hot. So I don't know. Maybe there's some fluidity there. I don't know. Okay, next, the act of crocheting. Crocheting is fully lesbianic. And I would also say that it is the first thing that you do on your way into dipping your toes.

So as you, it's like, honestly, the way that weed is a gateway draw. to, I believe, crack. This is the activity that gets you from, I think my husband's kind of boring all the way to I was getting railed by my friend Brittany. Yes, yes. Okay, so here's a question.

Just personally, I am curious. Is it different for like crocheting a little guy versus a scarf? Because I crochet little guys sometimes, but never a scarf. It does feel different. If it, the more it feels like art, the queer it feels to me.

It's like a little guy. Yeah. Like a little, yeah, like that. Yes, like that little thing. Because if you're like making something for function, then it's starting to feel like pilgrimmy or like, I turn my own butter.

It's like trad wife. But when it's like, I made this useless thing for you, that's gay. Okay. Heard. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Oh, yeah.

The very hungry caterpillar. Oh, wow. What's it hungry for? 100% great question to ask. Because it's got to be one of a couple things. Because does it at the end become a butterfly? Yeah. Okay, so it feels trans, first of all. Fair.

Wait, yeah. Right. Yeah, but I'm kind of sensing like non-binary lesbian. Like, as a lesbian culturally and an experience, but deep down, probably like non-binary. And then by the end of the book, a trans man. Okay. I do love that. When is the last time you guys have touched this book?

Oh, man. It's very erotic. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I got to take a reread. Yeah, there's, you basically, not to be crass. Do you like finger the? Yes. Amazing.

Yeah. Really? because his face comes. Oh, right. There's all those holes in all those fruits. Oh, there's holes in the fruits. Yeah, so. You put your fingies in the fruit holes. Yeah, I fear you do. And fear you do, unfortunately. Yeah, it's kind of, there's a lot going on there. Oh, I didn't realize it was so tactile. Yeah, it's honestly, it's awesome. I listened to the audio book. Sorry, it was too long. I'm always listening to the audiobook of the very caterpillar. That's what I listen to at the gym. Okay, great. Well, I loved this segment. This is so fun. Thank you so much for watching this segment, everybody. Play music.

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I am still, still, it takes a very long time, apparently, getting comprehensive assessment. It takes a while. Testing to see what's up with my psychology. What's up with my brain? Yeah. And we're having people take bets. So if there's anything you want to guess that I have based on people. purely just being around me for about an hour.

Yeah. I would love to hear it. I have a question. Yeah. Do you have repetitive thoughts? All the time. Constantly. You hear that?

Something there, right? Mm-hmm. And you haven't disclosed any diagnoses of yet? I know we're like, everyone assumes it's ADHD. Yeah. One of them has, one of them's confirmed from a previous doctor. I was previously diagnosed with OCD. That's what I was going to say.

But also, I'm getting re-diagnosed for everything. Okay. We don't know. I think you have OCD. I appreciate that. Yeah. It feels like I do. So that would be validating.

Yeah. I think that there's something definitely there. OCD-ish. Yes. Yeah. I think that's really valid. I'm going to put all my money on OCD. Okay, I think that's beautiful.

All your money. All five bucks. But I would also, okay, wait, can I, I can move my money around? I would do $1 on ADHD because it's a sure win. I love it. I love it. You got to have $1 in the sure win pod. Yeah.

I would put three into OCD. Right. So how many is that? You've got one left. Oh my God. Yeah. You could put it back. into one of those. I want to give a little to bipolar. Okay, I love that. Because there's a very real

possibility that it's only bipolar. And then when you are, yeah, when you're manic, it like feels like your OCD repetitive thoughts, but you're literally just like on a high of OCD. Oh, I'm excited. Or sorry, of, bipolar, yeah. Of bipolar. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. And then when you're down, you're like, maybe I have depression, but it's actually bipolar. Okay. This is beautiful in sight and I'm very, very, very, very excited. Okay. Yeah. That was pretty good. Hey. Listen, I've dated a lot of mentally ill women.

Okay. I'm excited. Okay, wow. Okay, that was, what does Olivia have, music? And cut. The music. Woo! So good.

Okay, we've got one last thing. Yeah. Oh my God. One last thing. It's going so fast. I know. I'm so sorry. Fuck.

I know. Can you teach us how to be Rizzy? No, that's not the one last thing. You're like, sorry, that was just for me. I'm sorry. I'm just after this without the cameras on. I've never identified as Rizzy and nobody's called me Rizzy. No, you're for sure Rizzy.

Is it just that I'm wearing shorts? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. We've been saying this before we met you. Really? This was our perception of you from online. Interesting. And it hasn't changed in reality.

And it has not changed. No. Fucking cool. Yeah. Fuck, yeah. That rocks. People don't know how much I cry. We both have, um...

Where'd you get yours? Yeah, I got mine at the... Well, usually get them at the psychic. I bookshop. Oh, yeah, on In Sherman Rokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On Benchie. That's my neighborhood.

Yeah. Yeah, that's me. That's right where I live. come hang out okay at my house wait let's docks you no I used to nanny and I would take the kid that I nannied over there all the time it's a great place it was just fun yeah and he would be like I'm in love with this girl in my class do you think that she likes me back and the psychic would be like yeah it's awesome it's so sweet it was really cute okay power found um I don't know he's like a grown up now

like he's like this was a while ago holy shit um how old are you guys I'm 30 I'm 28 incredible yeah can you believe it's a great time to be. Oh, okay, great. I can't wait to hang out with you guys. Um, no, we're doing it. Absolutely. Do you want to go to, um, uh, uh, what's the fuck? Renfair. No. Yes. Yeah, well, yeah. But where are we going to, aren't we going somewhere to me? Do you want to come to jumbos? Yep. Okay, we're going. Perfect. Great. Um, the last time I went there, I left soaking wet. Okay, perfect. I was told my whole life. I was told, oh, sorry. I realized. Sorry, I forget, sometimes I forget, like, I have a pussy. Um, I was thinking. I was

thinking the whole strip club worse no of course you guys are like hey weird like good I guess I love that

I love that I love that let's go tonight last time I went I got so fucking horny I would love to go with you guys I just met you let's go get horny tonight

so me being like have you guys ever been horny at a strip club before if we could get horny together in a shared space and really move this from coworkers to friends

that would be awesome what the fuck is wrong with me. God, I've never been, I've never been right. What were you met with? I was told that like, my whole thing about strip clubs I thought was like, you can't touch anyone, but I didn't realize how much strippers liked lesbians. So I was touched so much. Wow. I was bongued a lot. Oh, see, I did not have that experience. Right, didn't you get just like a touch? Yeah, I went to a strip club with my male friend and the stripper was like all over him and then came up to me and went

like this. You're lying. After saying and something for you, it was so annoying. It's insane. It was During the day. Sure. Okay. It wasn't like a good. You're going tonight? Yeah. For fun, just you two?

And I think some of our friends. Yep. How many friends? Literally, truly, too. Are they like you guys? Yeah. They're like carbon copies of us. Okay.

Then that, then I'm in. What time? I don't know. We'll figure it out. I'm not a thousand percent sure, but hey, if you. Stop talking about logistics. Sorry. You guys are like, we'll hang out.

And I'm like, when? When? When? And what time should be there? And what time should I be there? Um, okay. So, we're doing that. Okay, great.

Really quickly, we want to do a We Have Notes. Oh, yeah. We do a segment called We Have Notes. I wrote some. This is a segment we do often. We did one for January because January was so long and weird. And now we're going to do one for February because February was so long and weird. This is a segment, we have Notes music.

And cut it. Nice. That was good. So this is, we have notes for February. February was fucking weird. Let's get into it. My first note for February is. is we have to teach conservatives and old people how to identify deep fakes.

Yes. Just for national security or just my personal safety. You guys seen the 200 foot Jesus statue that everyone thinks Trump put in front of the White House? No. Yes. A fake AI, very clearly AI video of a 200 foot statue of Jesus being put in front of the White House and all these fucking conservative 50-year-old women are going like, wow, this is so magical. I believe that this is President Trump's destiny to put this statue of Jesus.

And it's so hard to... That character is so good on you. It was verbatim what she saw. Holy shit. Yeah, no, it's true. And it's on top of that, we saw the... Oh, the thing that got posted day of this episode filming. Did you see that thing in Austin, Texas?

What thing in Austin, Texas? Everyone was like, there is an alien that's in Austin, Texas, and it was a giant, it looked like a pretty big fireball slash swarm and people just screaming and it was like a UFO landing and everybody was like, this is real, why isn't the news talking about it? And people were like, because it's AI. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty much awesome. Which one did you see? No, there was a, um, posted today that was specifically bad. Trump posted a video being like, you guys love when I'm going to take over Gaza. And it's. this and there's a song, Kassam, can you play the song? So this is on his real, so this is real life. I'm upset. I actually can't. Yeah, it's pretty fucking wild. This sucks.

Yeah, it's an AI, it's an AI travel destination video of Elon and Trump vacationing in Gaza. And you both look so much more, uh, less poisoned and bloated in the AI version than they do in real life. And it's them like, see what we could do with Trump Gaza, which is a nightmare. A huge nightmare and also like kind of shocking that he posted this. I mean, not because it's him. But it is, it's crazy that this is real. Yeah. This is the worst thing I've ever seen.

He posted that. Yeah. Yeah. I think I can actually say this is the worst thing I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah. I think this might be the worst thing. You guys. Ever, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, this is up there. Yeah, this might be the worst thing ever. I'm trying to think of things that are worse that. I've seen than this. This is in terms of tone deafness, in terms of just pure stupidity, in terms of like just unabashed evil.

Do you know sometimes comics are like, God, but what a good time for comedy? I'm just literally like, this is horrific. Yeah, it's not because the problem is it's not grounded enough. No, this is a good time to get a thigh knife and practice how to kill people with your elbows, but I don't know if it's a good time for comedy. Wow. It's like, it's so absurd that there kind of isn't a joke to make. Exactly.

they took it too far. It's no joke. Now I have to be serious about how fucked up this is. There's no joke. You're now a comedian. Yeah, my job is to go, well, let's rain in it a little bit.

Yeah, let's just, it's too broad. It's so fucked. It's so crazy. And it's wild that this is what is being posted on Trump's actual account. Don't make me be the straight man. No, don't. Seriously.

And it's like, there's no joke that can be made only a note. And the note is no. No, no. My note is no to this. No, fuck that. And the song was way too much. And the song ends with Trump Gaza number one, which means nothing.

The song's so bad. It's like so bad. It's we're in hell. We're in hell. I guess also my one quick note is that if we're going to do AI Trump with his shirt off, you're not going to shave a couple pounds off? 100%. I know.

You're going to go true to form body. Yeah. You could have anybody. Pretty wild. Just right into chat cheap. His followers would believe that like if you showed him on like a ripped body, his followers would be like, absolutely. That's him in real life.

So I don't know why they can't. Yeah, so I would say, yeah, they include like a mole near his nipple. Like, we don't need to be that accurate. No. Okay, weird. Anyway. Wow.

That's a nightmare. Yeah, we have notes. So my note would be, I hate that. Yes. Here's another note on February. If you're a plane and you're going to flip over while landing, you can't be Delta. Yeah.

Because that's just two on the nose. Delta's already the joke. airline? Yeah. So the idea of you being a Delta plane and then being like, let me do the stupidest thing you also can't be spirit. You can't be spirit either. If you're doing it. For sure. So it's just like, I don't know. That's like a hat on a hat here. It's a hat on a hat. Maybe like not. A second draft. Second draft of the plane collision. Second draft of the upside down plane. Yeah. Fuck, it was Delta God. It was. I was going to say what if it's Alaska. But then that, that already went, that was bad too. Yeah, the Alaska plane. The wing came off. And the door sucked off.

I think, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, dora sucked off. Wing did not come off. Yeah. I hate that. Yeah. It's kind of like a bad time.

I don't hate it as much as the Trump gaza video. For sure. That's still the first place. I'm going to try to make this note that I have into February. I feel like we got into a time in the world where, and this is my note,

my note is that not everyone needs to be in super wide-legged jeans. Yeah. I think a lot of times it has happened. We know this has been slowly happening where people are burning their skinny jeans. Right, right. However, my note is that maybe bring denim diversity. I want to see a mom in a flared pant, a butch in a boot cut, and a

in a barrel gene. We don't need all people in wide-legged jeans, embarrassing skinned. Because some people can wear skinny jeans like Ryan Sechrest. True. I don't want to see Ryan Seacrest in a wide, like, you know, cool denim. No, he shouldn't be in that. Where's our diversity? I have notes. I feel like I saw the first spark of gene diversity that I've seen in a very long time. Alex, you're all wearing a straight skinny gene. Oh, I was just. just going to say after Kendrick's performance. Yes. Everyone saw the boot, the flare and went, oh, fuck, that's awesome.

Right. We don't all have to have the one wide gene. I know, like, multiple people who are like, got to go get a flare because of Kendrick. And I'm like, that's sick. Bring back the diversity. Yeah, whatever you want. You used to go to the gap. And there used to be a line of jeans.

And it was like, which one is going to look best on you? Which one are you going to feel the most comfortable in it? And you want to do my secret? You don't wear jeans. None of them will look good on it. Beautiful. It's not true that none of them. will look good on you. It's that in your mind, you're going to put a filter over your lenses

and say, that doesn't look good on me, but the whole world goes, ah, Ouga. True. If I get jeans, I'm going to have to tailor them, but if I get them one day, I'll let you know. You don't need to tailor them because you're perfect size. I need to get like the short length. You're the perfect size. I tailor pants, jeans. Recently I started tailoring jeans. No one set is. You're all the perfect size. Nobody needs to get everything changed. Everyone is the perfect size, especially you guys. True. Especially Don't true

sexualize the interns Okay Well, oh my god This was so fun We just think you're the fucking coolest person ever You guys rock This is great

What a breath of fresh air Is there anything That you like Want to tell people And say like Here's where you find me Or here's what you should do Okay

This weekend I'll be in Toronto And then next week I'll be in Vancouver In Edmonton Then I'm hitting up Buffalo You can see me on tour With my podcast Two Dikes and a Mike

We have a spring tour starting in the United Kingdom Hello. Hello. Sorry. Sorry I said that. That was gorgeous. Sorry I said that. I'm also adding a bunch more places like Eugene Oregon, which I believe is where lesbians are born.

Yeah. Eugene Oregon is very lesbian. I'll be there June 6th and then I'm going to add some cities in like Ohio in May. So if you want to follow me, I'm at Rachel Scanlan Comedy and my podcast is two d'ags and a mike. And any of those shows that you come to, you'll literally laugh your face off. I can contest to that for sure. Yeah. I had to get a brand new face after I saw you at the Largo.

Wow. Thank you for getting a great new face. Thank you. They did a really good job matching my old one. It looks just like the old one. It's from only dead people skin. And that's the best one. And that's the best one.

And that's the best guy. And that's the best guy. And that's the best skin. And I've always had that. Um, you guys, thank you for watching so much. You can check out extra garbage on our Patreon. Yeah. It's so cheap. More of Autism, the show on our Patreon.

Yeah. And until next time, I've been the Sid one this whole time. I've been the Olivia one this whole time. And this. It has been Rachel Scanlon the whole time. And this has been Sid and Olivia Talk Shit. And thank you guys so much. Bye!