Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - SHAYNE TOPP'S BACHELORETTE PARTY! 🎉

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

Syd & Olivia are joined this week with the man, the myth, the legend himself, Shayne Topp! And what better way to welcome their newly married guest than to throw him a retroactive BACHELORETTE PARTY! What follows is a lot of laughs and even a few cries.  Chapters 00:00 | Intro 00:44 | Hello Shayne! 02:20 | Shayne Got Married 03:00 | Shaye's Retroactive Bachelorette Party! 05:30 | Doing Makeup & Talking About Boys! 11:00 | Shayne How Do You Get A Good Man? 12:22 | Favorite type of Boys 16:57 | Are You An Accident or A Miracle? 19:30 | Morning Glory Milking Farm 24:09 | Shayne's Horoscope  25:00 | This Segment is FOR THE GIRLS 33:02 | Did Shayne Have A Slutty Phase? 35:10 | Syd's Strip Club Story 36:10 | Shayne Makes A Bad Sound 39:51 | Oh No The Cops! 41:50 | The Part Where Everyone Sobs  45:12 | Bathrooms Are For Chicken Tenders 46:10 | Shayne's Favorite Cocktail Shayne Topp https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp https://www.tiktok.com/@theshaynetopp https://www.youtube.com/ @TheShayneTopp   Bonus content on Syd & Olivia's Patreon! ⁠https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shane. So, it's way. It's okay. We're Shane. It's been the best end of my life. And worst as you could ever. Shane, you're such a girl boss. I know.

When he first met Courtney, it was the first time I also first met you. And he thought, I don't even know these people are dating. I'm the Sid one. I'm the Olivia one. And today we're joined by our best Queenie Queen friend. Our number one queen and the queen of all queensdoms. Queen of all queensdom. We are a three-person girl gang. This is our friend Shane Top! Shane! Hi. How are you doing, Shane? I'm doing good. I'm happy to be back. Oh, my God. We brought Shane onto the podcast before, and we had a really fun time. Yeah, we were both drunk and he was sober. Yeah. And what was that experience like for you? Yeah, how was that? How did you like that? Did you like it?

It was one of the weirdest experiences. Definitely the weirdest podcast I've ever been part of. I'm not even joking. It was weird But it was fun Totally It's always a great time I feel like I'm on a roller coaster Whenever I'm having a conversation with both of you Shane

Oh no Shane Oh no Today's roller coaster is sponsored by Shee Curseateness Um guys It's gonna be so cursed We're gonna be so

Okay so Shane let's just start out with a question Okay On a scale from 1 to 10 How comfortable are you right now? I'm actually I think I'm more comfortable then you'd think. 10 is most comfortable, one is least comfortable. Let's put it out of 10 is most comfortable?

Oh, I'd say like an 8. That's because we have you in a beautiful, delightful robe. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little tight, but it's good. Yeah, if you can't see this episode you're listening, Shane, we're all in beautiful, delightful robes. It has the best earrings I've ever seen in my entire life. They're severed Barbie doll heads.

And we're going to get this freaking thingy on the road. So, Shane. Shane. Shane. Since the last time you've been here. Shane. Since the last time you've been here, Shane, talk.

You got married. That is true. Whoa. Whoa. What was that like? The first of the girls to get married? Yeah, the first of all three of the girl getting to get married. I'm so sorry.

No. No. Are you kidding? You're a queen. So here's a question. Yeah. Did you get a bachelorette party? Uh, I would kind of.

I mean, not like, I mean, bachelorette would. Did you get a bachelorette party? Not. exactly. We didn't throw you a bachelor's party. Because we didn't throw you a bachelor's party. So it would be kind of, I don't know, like, fucked up if you had gotten one. Right. So this is going to be Shane Topps retroactive bachelorette party. Oh, okay, cool. I got some of the doll's hair in my mouth. Okay, step number one of any bachelor at party is drinking. So we have some white wine.

Okay. I know you've never seen us like wine before. Yeah. And Shane, while we each drink a full bottle of wine to ourselves before your last episode. This time we're going to switch it up a little. We're going to share a bottle of wine between ourselves. Oh my God, thank you so much. That one's for you. Oh my God, thank you. Sorry about it.

You were having some champagne before we started. I had some champagne before we started. Well, yeah, she has to pregame her wine. I have to pregame for this batch of threat. That's fair. Or else how is she going to throw up? How are you supposed to have wine? How am I supposed to throw up if I don't pregame my white wine with champagne?

Fair. But Shane. But Shane. I feel like Olivia can have wine. Yeah, and I can have one. 100%. But you're getting married tomorrow. I know.

Shane, you're getting married tomorrow. I know. A bachelorette the night before the wedding. That's always how it goes. And you can't get hung over for your wedding. That's true. So the bride gets water. Cheers ladies.

Shane. Oh, cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Wow. And? Oh, wow. So this is going to be a whole.

new experience. You've never experienced anything like this before. I'm chugging wine is hard. Oh my God. That's like not even good one. No, it's like very, um, I'm not going to lie to you. It's like, I don't like that. Like when a white wine is very like, like punch you in the face. Yeah. I would offer you some, but you can't get hung over. You can't get hung over. I know. But you do. Have you noticed that we both have beautiful headbands on? Yeah, I noticed that. I don't have one. What we got to get you. Here's your headband for the beautiful bride. Oh, thanks. And Shane, I would like to say that the other option was one that said same dick forever. We didn't know how offensive to me.

And we really, really thought about it. Like, we really spent a long time. There were so many things that said same dick forever. But I feel like you've had probably the same dick forever. Forever. I guess it technically is true. Yeah, I think so. Okay.

And how do you feel about that? You know, I'm okay with it at this point. Okay, cheers to that. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, drink your water, Shane. You gotta get hydrated. Drink your water, stupid.

Drink your water, Shane. Okay, do you wanna do our makeup and talk about boys? Yeah, I think that's the first step of any bachelor party is doing your makeup and talking about boys. So here's my bag with the AMPM mascot, Tungis on it. His name is Tungis. Yeah, too much good stuff. Too much good stuff. He's also in our Love Island Fantasy Bracket.

We had Angela come on and join our Love Island Fantasy Bracket. That's like some eye shadow. Okay. Do you need any cover up? Do you want to be, do you want me to teach you how to do cat eyeliner? Actually, sure. Okay, cool. And the best, too, is that we don't have mirrors. So this is going to be really. So it's just fully blind. Truly, I'm going to, I'm going to let you in on a hot tip. I do my makeup in the car often.

Do you, and you don't use a mirror? Sometimes I glance at a mirror. Can you, like, genuinely asking, can you, can you do your makeup without a mirror? I can't. I want to try? Yeah, yeah, we're going to try to. Oh, let's try it. Okay, I'm down. Like, I would assume that's something that people do. Yeah, what color are you going to go for? What makes you feel the most like your authentic self? This is, now this is the what, this is an eyeliner, though. This is like, that can be eye shadow.

Eyes shadow. What do you think would be a good color for me? They have the whole array here. Wait, Shane, do you know about color theory? I've heard. Can I tell you how much I want to do that? Can we talk about color theory? Are you fucking with color theory? Yeah, I have no idea what I am. Okay. Have you seen that, that video where Robert Pattinson in Japan and they're like holding all those colors in front of him and they're like slowly taking them off. I'm like, that sounds awesome. Yeah, every, every girl's Instagram is flooded with that shit for so many months. Do you think that you would be like a cool autumn or a no, he's like a summer or a spring? You think I'm summer or spring? You've got, you've got, yeah, 100%. What are you? I don't know. I've been trying to figure out because there, I saw one thing that was like, oh,

it's the color of your veins. Well, but the color of your, wait, you have blue. If you have blue or like green veins, but I feel like I can't really tell. This is a segment called Let's compare Fanes. I feel like I have bluish-greenish veins, which means am I neutral tone? I'm neutral tone according to a lot of people, but Sid has olive undertones.

I know this. I think, yeah, you seem to have olive undertones. Sid, I'm going to guess you're in autumn. Okay. Because I don't know. You look really good in autumn. Fuck if I know. I don't know.

I think I'm a winter or a dark autumn depending on how tan I am, depending on the time of year it is. So what color are you going to go for? Well Do you have a recommendation? I don't want to match you You don't

I don't want to match you So you pick something and then I'll pick something else I'm guessing maybe I'll go with a Blue or would I go with a Green to accentuate The Blue? I don't know that I mean yeah I do love a green I do love a green I shadow because it's very

Brat so you have a lime green That's very Brat Green right there You should do that you should have a brat bachelorette Party because I'm feeling Oh, yeah. Okay, great. We're only one year late. Okay.

So put that on for sure. Do I use that one? Okay. There's two ends to this. Either way. I'll use this one. Either one. This looks like it's been used.

It has. Sydney. Can I have more? There's pink eye all over this. Don't worry. There's just pink eye. It's just mine, Shane. It's Sydney's pink eye so it's okay because we're girl gang.

Okay. Shane, I have a question. Yeah. Hit me. Hit me bridesmaid. Actually, we're your bride tribe. My bride tribe. My maids of honor.

Do you have the, um... Wait, of us? Which one's your maid of honor? Shane, now it's time to play a game called out of us. Which is your maid of honor? Choose a singular one. It would have to be both of you in a suit with that, that like one suit jacket with both of your heads inside of it.

Okay, Shane, would it be us side by side in a very wide suit jacket? Yes. Yes. Or would it be us on each other's shoulders in a very... No, no, because I think it's a wide jacket. Because Shane, we go on each other's shoulders all the time. I know you do. We fall sometimes too.

I know. So if you need that. And I can't, because people fall all the time in weddings. Yeah. They lock their knees and then they pass out. Is that real? Yeah. Did you fall during your wedding?

No. No, I was actually very conscious of like keep my, now we. Are you nervous? Oh, yeah. But like, you know, we had a courthouse wedding. So like it was much quicker. It wasn't. And then you had a bunch of little parties, which is.

Yeah. We had tons of parties throughout the year. I think the real issue is with a courthouse wedding. Courthouse has so many stairs that you could fall really bad. There wasn't too many stairs. Okay. But people pass out all the time because they, like, it'll often be like a groomsman. And they're standing there with their knees locked.

And then they just tip over. Should we try that? Yeah, let's try to do. Let's see how long we can stand with our knees lock before we pass out. Okay, so let me tell you this. I feel like I'm going to look like the stepmom and Annie. I love that. The stepmom and Annie?

Or what is it? Hanigan. Miss Hanigan. Miss Hanigan. Miss Hanigan. She's the orphanage. The orphanage, the head of the orphanage. I'm not even thinking of Annie.

What am I thinking of? Oh, I was thinking of... A Cinderella story. No, what's the girl who's like magic? Matilda. Matilda. I was thinking of Matilda. And you're thinking of her mom.

Is it her actual mom? Yeah, I think she is... It's either adopted or... I thought she was adopted. I don't know. So are you saying that you don't think an adopted mother is a real mother? Oh my God, that's such a good question, Shane. Okay.

Okay. Now I was the second you're called cancel Shane right now. Matilda's mom was not a mom to her, though. No, because Miss Honey was really. I think an adopted mom can absolutely be a mom, but they have to be a mom. They have to be a mom, and she was not. Shane, have you ever felt like a mother to anyone? No.

Do you feel like a mother to us right now? Maybe a little bit. Shane, I have a question about boys. Yes. How do you get a good boy? That's a great question. You know, I think about that a lot because it's like, you know what I heard recently that that is really stuck with me is dating for men as a desert and dating for women as a swamp.

Oh. And I'm like, that's so fascinating because it's like, oh, It's kind of the same thing where it's like impossible to meet someone, but it's completely different. Yeah. Can you elaborate on that? Yeah. So men complain that dating is like empty. Like most men, when they go on dating apps, they get zero matches.

It's hard to meet anyone and get a single date. Whereas women, it's not that it's hard to get a date. It's hard to find someone who you feel safe with remotely or beyond that who's even going to be like a good guy or that you can trust. So it's kind of like the same thing where the dating world is a nightmare, but just very different. environments. That's a beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, well, I heard it on the internet, but. That's where everything is true.

So I don't really know, man. I mean, I, dating in general and just meeting people in general, oh, sorry, is like so, so hard right now, you know, I mean, I. And you would know. I would not know. I wouldn't know because, like, I met my partner via work. Lovely, lovely, yeah. Yeah. Shane, what's your favorite thing about a boy or your least favorite thing? What's like the best thing a boy can do or your least favorite? And that's a question for everyone. Sid, what's like your biggest ick about a boy? Biggest ick about a boy. When they're kind of like. And what's the thing you like the most in a boy? What's the thing I like most in a boy? I kind of. That sounded. I don't like when boys are traditionally boy. And I do like when boys are traditionally feminine.

So we can dive into that over the course of years. And I support all of it. I just like, I think what I actually mean is I like when I like a boy who gives off an energy of like, oh, that's not like a masculine man. That's just like a sweetie pie. Yeah. Sweetie pie is great. I like a sweetie pie. Okay, I love that.

I don't like a, like a dude. Yeah, Shane, what's your favorite type of boy? Favorite type of boy? Yeah. Ooh. Just like a good, like old boy. A good old boy? Good old boy.

You know what I have been loving in general? A smart boy. Ooh. We love a smart boy. An intelligent boy, like turtleneck. I think it has to happen. Like trench coat with a turtleneck. A good old boy kind of sounds like a basset hound.

That, hey. A good old boy. Not so bad. You like a dog. I do think like when it comes to boys like, you get the right type of like really old man who's like good-hearted kind that's it's hard to beat that but that's rare um wait Olivia how do you do a cat eye without looking at a mirror okay so I'm gonna take out my cat eyeliner I think the first um thing that is the most important is to have a cat eyeliner that is a liquid eyeliner

how am I doing amazing yeah this is I'm I ready to move on to this you can yeah that one's not this one's a oh then give that one to Shane because this one's crayon. Okay, hold on. That's a crayon. That one's a crayon for your eyelid. Oh. Here you go. You want to have a cat eyeliner that's a liquid eyeliner that is not old. Okay, this one's old. Yeah. I think the one I gave Shane was old. Okay, so she's setting us up. So step one, I'm setting you up to fail. Step two, everyone's eyes are different and I think sometimes that's hard because people, like, I'm telling you what works for me. Yeah, Sid. Um, my eyelid, this eyelid, droops. I know. More than this island. I'm not saying I know because I see it.

I'm saying I know because we talk about it constantly. Shane. Talk about what's wrong with us. Everyone is always like, oh my God, you have a lazy eye. I don't think that at all. People have always been like you have a lazy eye. A person. Someone told me I had a lazy eye and then I went to an optometrist and I was like, do I have a lazy eye?

And she went, oh my God, no. No. You have a lazy eyelid. And I was like, oh, okay. So is there a way that I can make my eyelids look even? I feel like a lazy eye drops. I feel like a lazy eye drops. I feel like a lazy eyelid is very like New York fashion.

Like high, high fashion vibes to me, you know? Okay. Okay. All right. So here's what I do. I take it. I go from the corner of my eye, like right where your lashes end. Do you shake it?

Yeah, you shake it. And then you just do like the tiniest little. I go from the bottom and then I fill in the upper area, but you do like the tiniest little, okay, let me, I'm not going to do this well because it. I don't have a mirror, but you do like this is now an ASMR podcast. Nice. Whoa. Like the tiniest little like.

That's really impressive. And then let me see what that looks like. What does this look like? You get a mirror? That's not fair. No, that's not fair. Okay. Hey.

Does that look okay? I think it looks pretty good. It looks good. And then you kind of go right above it and just sort of. And listen, I don't think, I don't know what mine looks like right now. And it's probably not great. But I'm just doing what I do sometimes. I do it.

Did I do it? Let me see yours. You've got a cool look. Wait. Wait. Oh, so euphoria. Very euphoria. Okay.

Yeah. Very euphoria. Hunter Schaefer. Yes. So then sometimes when I am looking in a mirror, I just like even it out. But like, yeah, I just go, that's my trick is I just go under. How do you do that? I don't know.

I don't think, I don't know if this is like magic to me. Does mine look okay? Yeah, yours looks great. Yours looks like you looked in a mirror. Makeup is so hard. It's so hard. You look so good. Is that weird?

say, like, he actually looks so good. No, it does look good. Okay. Do you want to play some girly games? I'm so down for girly games. Here's also some mascara for while you do that. Okay, yeah, perfect. And then also really quickly.

So I went on Pinterest, which is obviously the girliest place you can go. It's the girliest place you can go for sure. And I looked up questions to ask your girlfriends when you're like having a big girly, juicy time. Oh my God, I love a juicy girly time. And it's 15 questions, but the most important question is the first question. Yeah. Which is, are you an. accident or a miracle.

Oh. And I couldn't tell you what that means. Are you an accident or a miracle? Correct. I know I'm neither. What? What? Like you're an abomination? No, I was just a planned normal one. Oh, you took it right to there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, are we talking in general? I don't know. It's how you interpret it.

I didn't know if we were interpreting it in terms of the... That's a very specific group that you collected. I know. A group of people who are like, yeah, this is our situation. But because it's like, it's like I know certain people who, you know, it's like your parents will tell you like, oh yeah, we weren't expecting you. But then we were like, this is the best thing ever. Or like, we were trying so hard for a baby. But then we couldn't have one. And then you were our miracle baby. I know people who fall into both of those categories. I was just planned normal. And every time my parents told me the story, I get really sick to my stomach. They knew months in advance when they were going to fuck. So. Wow. So I went to the doctor. I found out like, like, you know, how good my chances are. And then I was like, came home and I was like. And I always stopped the story there. I'm like, stop, stop, so, so. So. So. Wow. So. Wow. So. So. So. Wow. So. So. So. So. Wow. So. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. they knew the night like before it happened that night. I don't even know. They were like tonight's the night that it's going to happen. That's intense.

That's intense. Were you an accident or a miracle? I don't. I don't actually know. Would you rather have an accident or a miracle? Just in general. Yeah, general. Well, I guess a miracle.

Okay, crazy take. This is the part that I'm really bad at. Do you need help? Do you need help? I feel like that's cheating. I feel like that's cheating. Oh, we can see who does it better. Ooh, okay.

I'm going to use this one. Okay, okay, okay. Sorry. Hold still. Okay, so mine was worse. I did VR recently, like a VR. Mine's worse. Mine's worse.

Okay. So I did a VR thing recently and, you know, you get like awards. Wow, mine's so much worse. The awards at the end that you get of like, you shot the most bad guys. Yeah. I got the award for the most people on my team that I shot. But what if you guys are the bad guys? And I think that that sort of is what I just.

just did to your eye. That's okay. Friendly Fire. Won the award for Friendly Fire. Okay, bride tribe. Okay, bride. Here are your little be.

Oh my gosh. Wait, what do they say? Bride out of control. Bachelorette out of control. I realized this is changing the subject, so I don't want to. No, do it. No, no, no. I feel like you guys will love this.

So I recently read a book that is fucking insane because I found out that the listeners of our podcast, it was like under the same category. I was like, oh, listeners of Smoshmouth also listen to this. And it was an audiobook. But I bought the physical copy of it. And it's this book called Morning Glory Mielking Farm. Sorry? Wait.

What? Yeah. So there's, I mean, books get crazy, right? Oh, they get. There's tons of, there's like, and there's erotic novels. But then in the erotic novel, like genre, there's also monster like. Oh, yeah. Erotica?

Monster erotica. Are we talking factory farming erotica? No. Okay. Because that means something. I mean, I love reading and I will not judge a book. So I was like, I'm going to buy this book and I'm going to read it. I love that.

And I'm going to be able to talk about it. So I bought this book. And I just feel like this is a perfect opportunity. Bachelorette party talking about this. So I read this book and this author writes tons of books about different monsters. And they all take place in this one town, right? She's really created a whole world. So this lady, she's, she's 25.

She's paying off student debt. She's struggling to pay the bills, you know, and she finds out there's a job at this town over. And this is a world where monsters just live with people. So there's just like orcs and trolls and like moth men and lizard people and minotores. Amazing. Are they also there. And they're all just like hanging out.

Are they fucking? So they're all around like living as people do. And so she finds out there's a job at this place called Morning Glory Milking Farm where basically and she would get a job as a milkmaid there. And what's... I literally go run onto the freeway afterwards. And basically,

minotaur milk, male minotors, their milk is used for like boner pills effectively, for humans. humans have found out that minotaur milk. Because I use minotor milk for my boner. Yeah, exactly. So they have to, you know, get the milk from the minotors, right? So the minotors come in and then they have people who... And male milk is, of course, jizz?

Yeah. Okay, iconic. Yeah. And they make a point... She's jacking off minotors as her job. Yep. Okay, I agree. 100%.

So it is factory farming or a rock. Oh, basically. But the minotors are, they volunteer. And there's different categories of what the minotors are. So there's the clock watchers, which is minotores who are just coming in on their lunch break to like stop by. Like, hey, I'm here to, I'm here to like donate. And then there's, then there's the, the ones who are like, they're, that's how they're main form of getting money. Sure.

Because they get paid to do it. So there's ones who care a lot. They show up and they, they career show up all the time. And then there's the minotories who are like into it. Yeah. And it's like, okay. But basically. I hope they're at least a tiny bit into it.

Um, I, the way. she writes it's like oh i mean i guess they are sort of but there's this one minotaur that she's like he's really awesome can i have more wine she's really hot i need this for this story this story is breaking my brain so so what mind you this this book had like tens of thousands of reviews i believe you completely and it's like at like four and a half stars oh my god yeah and then and so did you enjoy it i mean i was just like i'm just going to read it it was it had a lot of of spelling errors in it. Had a lot of grammar mistakes.

I actually left. I, you know, sure, she writes it out. It's 220 pages. And this is like published by a real company? I didn't check what the publisher was, but this is published. It's definitely sold well. Okay, here's my question. Yeah.

Truth or dare. What? Truth or dare. Oh, okay. Everyone say truth. Truth. Okay. Truth.

If you were a minotaur, would you be the one that comes by on your lunch break, the one that comes by as your full job or the one that is into it sexually. Oh, my God. I don't know. I mean, the thing is, I mean, I guess all of them are there to make money. Yeah. It's like, what a sweet life. You make money that way.

Yeah, I'm going to say, I'm going to say a career minotor. Yeah, you'd be a minotaur. Yeah. Because I'm a Capricorn. Ah, there you go. And we get down to business. Speaking of which, you're Virgo. I am.

Do you want to know your horoscope for today? Yes. Oh my God, that's so Bachelorette of us. It's so Bachelorette. Okay, here's your horoscope for today. You're not about to quit five minutes before the miracle, Virgo. Vergo? Wait, you're not about to quit five minutes before the miracle.

Virgo? I'm not about to. No, I'm so happy for you. You say, are you an accident or a miracle? Oh, you're not going to quit before your miracle, but are you going to quit before your accident? And that is what we're going to find out right now. By going to go.

To great lengths now, you can put yourself in prime position for a leadership role or dream assignment that could be in the pipeline. The eyes of decision makers are on you today as the moon in your career court joins forces with the sun in your productivity province. Okay, not very, not very slutty, but very nice career-wise. Yeah, that's nice. You love that? It's about as exciting as it gets for a Virgo. Yeah. Yeah, except when we fucking pull this game out.

For the girls. For the girls. This is a game called... I bought from Spencer's this morning. Hell yeah. This is called for the girls. Spencer's is still around? Yeah, Spencer's Rips, dude.

Wow. Okay. If you need anything that is inappropriate, that is where you go. This is not sponsored at all. No, it's not at all. Unless you want to. If you guys are for the girls and you're watching this, you want to sponsor us. Fucking go ahead.

My guy, I love that for us. And I'm pretty sure you just roll the dice and then you pick a card that's that color. That color. Okay. So I just roll it into my other hand. Yeah, sure. Or on the floor. Or on the floor.

Who cares? This is a messy, girly bratman. Green. Green! Green! So pick one of the greens. Okay. Okay.

And Shane, have we ever played this game before? Of course not. Of course this is the first time we've ever played this game and we don't know what's on the card. To whoever is the funniest to record on their phone when they're not looking. Give this card to whoever is the funniest to record on their phone when they're not looking. What? I'm like grammatically confused. So I guess I give this.

Whoever has the most cards at the end wins. But what the question is asking is of the two friends you're with, who would you prefer to record while they're not? Who's funnier to record without their consent? Okay. So do you want to make your case or should I make my case first? You can go ahead. I'll make my case first.

I was previously diagnosed with OCDM getting comprehensive assessments to find out what I actually have. but I definitely do mutter to myself a lot of the time. Sometimes I'll be by myself and I'll just go, God, I'm so sorry to no one. Okay. About nothing. I also disassociate a lot. Sometimes it'll space out.

Those are the things I think I do that might be entertaining. Okay. I don't know anything else. What do you think? I have a droopy eyelid. Okay, so out of that. Man, I might have to give it to sit on that one. I know you apologize.

to no one when you're alone, but soon as this droopy island, whether or not I'm filming her. And that's always funny. Oh, that's fucking hilarious. Does it stop? Have you guys seen my account of SIDS Drupy Island? Okay. You find an Instagram.

Hey, you're close-ups of my island. And the bio is like main account at Shane Top. Main account at Shane Top. Your Shane Top's finsta is close-up pictures of my. And it's a terrible finsta because it's called Shane Topps Finsta. Oh, you guys, I hate that. And Kaiser Permanente is always commenting like, we're not going to pay for the bluff. Remember when Kaiser Permanente put a COVID test in your nose and then put it in your throat? Yeah, that was.

I was in the car for you. It was crazy. I went to a year. Kaiser Permanente, you fucking suck. What the fuck is wrong with you? I would have Kaiser for the for the finances, except that I'm such a medical anomaly. and a fucking disaster that I need better out of the church. I went to a Kaiser drive-thru COVID test. I was with her. Olivia was with me. Also, Kaiser has the best smoothies.

I will be honest. The Woodland Hills Kaiser has sick fucking smoothies. They taste exactly like pink berry. Holy crap. So we went to this COVID test, COVID-drive-through. You okay? I'm so normal. I'm so normal.

And they literally took out a COVID test. and they put it, did they put it up my nose first? They put it up my nose like a normal COVID test. And then I was like, okay. And then they were like, open up. And I was like, open up. And then they gagged me with it. And they were like, take that.

And they say that as they did it. Yeah, they said. She paid them a hundred dollars. And I kept, I was asking. And then you pulled forward to the testing station. Yeah, yeah. You know the Kaiser Dom pre-COVID testing? I was, I was.

Have you been to the Kaiser Dom? I've been to the Kaiser Dom. Oh my God, the Kaiser Dom is crazy. The Kaiser Dom is awesome. I was truly, like, choking, and they were just like, yes, Ticket. Roll again. Stop. Stop. Stop. Oh, wow. That's a point.

Okay, that was awesome. My ballerina mother would be so proud of your point right now. Thank you so much. Nobody look at my foot. Did you ever go back on? Stop looking at it. I didn't look at your foot. Did you ever go back on your foot finder? Yeah, they want me to paint now.

Foot finder? They want you to paint out? I made a foot. Finder just in a moment of panic to see if I could sell feet pictures because do you know that even heard of Furt Finder. Do you know that even if you paid the fucking subscription, then they try to get you to buy FootFinder University? No.

This is a whole universe I don't know about. Give this card to whoever most likely to start to whoever most likely to start their own sex toy company. Okay, that's the best terrible grammar. To whoever most likely to start. What is the grammar on this? Okay. It's actually everything.

Okay. to whoever most likely to start their own sex toy company. Okay, out of me and Shane, who do you think is most likely to start our own sex toy company? Can I hear a pitch for what your sex toy company would be, Shane? A, like, sex toys that also have an audiobook feature to it. Ooh. I just came up with that on the spot. So it's like erotica and then you're like jacking it?

And yeah. And does it like change modes depending on the part of the book? Of course it does. Of course it does. Of my God. Wait, it's like the 4D experience. in a movie theater. So it's like when you're in an AMC 4D seat or whatever.

It's DBOX. It's D-Box. It's D-Box for Dick. Okay. So mine is worse. And mine's still good, but it's worse than Shains. Mine was going to be a sex toy that you never have to charge again. That's pretty cool.

So it never dies on you. This one is more creative. I'm sorry. No, he deserves it. I'm just, mine's good. His is better. Okay. I'm going to be honest.

Okay. I'm going to roll the dice. You can roll the dice. Okay. Let's fuck this dice. Black. What's the black card? I don't even see a black card.

Yeah, what the fuck? There's no... Is it just pick whichever one you want? The rules say... You have to leave the party. Yeah, I have to kill my... If the die lands on black. You have to kill yourself.

Oh, if the die ends on black, you have to kill yourself. You can. You can. You have the option. You can. You don't have to, but you can. If the die lands on black, the player can choose a card from whichever slutty little category she wants.

Oh my God. Wait, does it say that? I wish it said sly. Oh, I will fucking. What does it say? Do this dare to keep this card. So this is for me. This is a bad dare for me.

Oh. Send an eggplant emoji to the fifth person under D in your contacts. Do it. My phone's in the other room. Should I get it or should I do it on your phone? What if it's dentist? Sid, what's the fifth? The seems not there.

What's the first? Oh, you have to do it. Oh, this is awesome because you know who it is? Your mom? Please do it. So it's Olivia's mom, Diane. If my phone was in my hand, I would do it on my... Okay, I'm doing it.

But I'm not going to interrupt the podcast. You really just sent an eggplant emoji. Okay, guys, can we get a close-up on that? I think eggplant by itself, not too bad. Well, my mom is not going to know what that is. Yeah. I sent an eggplant to Olivia's mom. The last text from her was...

Your mom's going to be like, we making Baba Ginoosh? What's going on? The last video she sent me was a 2025 predictions for Capricorn. And I said, oh my God, fun. Thank you, Diane. And she said, let me know if it rings true. And then you sent an eggplant. Yeah.

So we'll see what happens with that. We've got to bring Diane on the pod and ask her how she felt about that eggplant. Shane, go ahead. Oh, yes. On the ground near your feet, Shane. Here we go. Black. Oh, black.

Any card you want. Go for it with your slutty. Let's see. Chain, did you have a slutty face? You know, I tried. What do you mean you tried? I genuinely tried and I just was, I was never good at it. What does that mean?

Like, I just, I, I never, I, I, I, I, okay, let me think about this. I, I know that it's my own social anxiety and stuff that prevented me from ever, like, I just couldn't do it. Like, I couldn't, I couldn't, uh, just get out there. I was bad at, like, meeting people and, like, first impression. of that vibe. Like, I needed to know people. Did you ever hit on somebody at a bar? I tried, but I just think it never came across. What did you do? What was your opening line?

The problem is I didn't have an opening line. Did you just stare and breathe really heavy? Yeah, and it never worked. You start sobbing? Yeah. You know what I... I feel like if I cried, they're like, that's vulnerability. They'll like that.

A really good thing to do at bars when you're like trying to hit on somebody is you walk up to them and you go, you want to buy me some chicken wings? I was going to say one time. That's actually really good. I've done that so many times. she would do is when I would I would benefit from it because she would be like so chicken fingers and then they and it would be like yeah and then I would get some chicken fingers even though I didn't even have to ask because they think wow to the point where we were at a bar once and there was a there was a man who had admitted to murder previously in the conversation trying to have sex with us okay and Sid went over to these two men and was like can I have your chicken fingers and they were two gay men on a date and they looked at her and they went Fine. Oh my God.

They were so pissed and they still said yes. They were like, ugh. Like, all right. I hope they just, I hope they know it wasn't a hate crime. I was just trying to get some chicken fingers. You just asked a genuine question. They could have said no.

Oh, this is good. Oh, tell me. Well, this one's like, the purple ones are keep this card if you've ever done this thing. Okay, let's do. So it's more of a little bit of a never have I ever. Hold on. I had one and I don't get.

to keep it. It was to keep this card if you've ever been to a strip club and I never have. I have. You have? Wait, I've tried. Okay. So. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docks, your permits, your moves. AI levels up your pitch, gets it in a groove.

Choose a template with your timeless cool. Come on now. Let's flex those two. Drive design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing. Do that, do that with Acrobat. Learn more at adobe.com slash do that with acrobat. You get this one. Okay, I went to a strip club with my friend, Rod.

And you guys brought a picture of your other friend who didn't want to go to a strip club for the birthday. It was my friend's birthday. Your friend didn't want to go to a strip club. She didn't want to go. She also wasn't in town, but they brought a printed out photograph of her to the strip club. Yeah, we went to a strip club.

It was at 5 p.m. And there was, like, no one else in the strip club. And so the strippers actually turned off the music. at some point. And we're just kind of dancing Acapella. They were just kind of dancing Acapella. And at some point a girl threw her underwear in my Pepsi. Okay, so that's bad. That's cool. And then at

some point, we had very different different reactions. I was like, that's bad. That's cool. That's cool. And then the girl did like a whole lap dance on my friend Rod, a male. And then she came up to me and she said, and something for you. And she went, I shit you not. She did this. Oh my fucking God. And then walked away. And I was like,

are you fucking with here right? If you're listening and not watching It just touched Shane's arm in the most passive. Yeah. I don't give a fuck away. Sorry, Courtney. I know that was like a cat. You want me to tell you one of what I think is one of the most fun things in general? Yeah.

I think it's so fun when someone's loud. I, yeah. So I'm going to kind of take over this bachelorette party for about 30 seconds. Okay. Okay. We're going to do a segment called Shane makes a bad sound. Play the music. All right, Shane, so here's the reality of the situation.

We're all in a girl gang. We're all talking girl shit. Real girl shit. My apartment got broken into last week. Ah, I'm sorry. It's totally good. They took my jewelry. They took my Ariana Grande perfume.

They took my passport. I think he was just queening out. It's all good. They didn't take my film equipment. That's good. They didn't take my virginity. Oh, that's also good, yeah. But the thing is, I need to get like a sound I can play.

You know when a ring. camera when you can play a sound. When it goes ding-dong. It goes ding-dong. I want to create a sound so we can all try this. I want to create a sound that would make someone walk away from a closed apartment building if you were playing the sound in the apartment building. So everyone think of a sound that would make someone go away no matter what and we'll all take turns doing it. Okay.

All right. Sid, do you want to go first? Sure. Yeah. Um Here's a sound That would make everyone go away No matter what

No God I'm leaking That's really good That's really good That's really good That's really good Nobody wants to see what that means No 100% Nobody does

So you're including words Anything Okay You can do anything Whatever you think would Encourage someone Not to come into my apartment If they were walking by

Trying to break doors With crowbars Okay There's two versions Because you could have like I want you to hear. I want to hear both. Okay. So I, there's this, there's that viral sound of that guy who was snoring forever ago. I don't know if you're going to understand when I do it.

But I do it to, if my cats are bothering me, I like make this noise and they'll kind of like give me some space. Smart. If they're like clamoring for food or something, I'll just go like this. I'll go, oh. Oh. There's, it's like, it's like, this video of like a bunch of workers in like bunk beds and there's one guy. snoring and that's the noise he made. It's really just like, oh,

oh. I'm going to be completely honest, if I played that in my apartment when I'm not home, people will not break in. Like, people will not break in. Like, they won't. Oh, the cave troll lives there. That is the goal I am going for. I mean, to be quite honest, I'd break in.

It'd be like, that's just so fun. Well, I'm thinking, like, someone breaks in, like, what's going to scare them? Yeah. And if they hear someone yelling, I've got a direction, then you're probably going to go away. Bada boom, bada bing. I think that's perfect.

Like someone has a direction and they're upset about it. They're scared. Yeah, they're upset. They're vocalizing it to potentially someone else. You just don't want to be there. Don't want to be there. Yeah. Okay, so that was beautiful.

Should I go? Sure. Yeah, I mean. Um, okay. All right. I'm just going to go by my instinct. I didn't have anything planned. Okay.

The instinct is this. Why don't you come the fuck it? Do you think that would make someone go away? It's so confusing because the words are saying one thing and the sound is saying another thing. Yeah, it's interesting. That's maybe, let's victim blame me. That's why maybe I got broken into it. Yeah, because you were doing that.

Come on in there. Yeah. Hey. Wait a second. Do you hear that? I do. I do. I do.

I do. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's whew! Sirens, that's not good. Is there another fire in Los Angeles? I think the cops are here. Oh, no. What did you do, Sidney?

Oh my god. Oh, it's the cops. Oh, and he has a full gun. Oh, my God, it's the cops. Oh, no, the gun's going to make us demonetized. Oh, no. Okay. Wait a minute.

I now have a gun. Which one of you is Shane Top? Oh, that's me. That one over there. I heard there was a theft. Of what? Somebody didn't have a slutty phase growing up. Whoa.

Hit the music. It's a stripper We got you ex-utuber Kassum G I'm hard on me He's stripper He's a little detective boy Oh my god To a strip club

Oh my god he's got to his phone Oh he's giving you his phone It's his it's his It's his real bedmo This is the best night of my life Oh my God. Aw. Wow.

How is it hot in here? That was just that. Wasn't that so cool? That was incredible. Shane, do you have any last wishes for your bachelor's party? Or for your life. Or for your life. Do you have any last wishes, last words?

I just, I hope, you know, you guys just deserve everything. You know, you've been the best bridesmaid that I could ever have. Shane. I hope you guys get to have incredible bachelorette parties. We haven't done the part of every bachelorette party where everyone breaks. down and sobs. Oh my God. Should we do that really quick?

Should we do that really quick? Okay. Yeah. Wait, let's chug first. Okay, okay. Okay, we're going to chug and then we're going to sob. We're going to chub and talk about how much we like each other because that's what girls do. One, two, three, go.

That's so fucking gross. Okay. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. How do you enjoy that water? The water is so good. Oh, my God.

You're so much. It's okay. We're ashamed. It's been the best time. And we're so happy you found the most perfect person you could ever. Shane, you're such a girl boss. I know. The way that you, the way that you girls what on the world.

I know. Let me tell you. When he first met Courtney, it was the first time I also first met you. And he thought, I don't even know these people are dating. I know. And then I thought, wait, they all. Shane on a Zoom call I thought are they brother and sister? Shane

if you were to ref us oh wait Shane on a scale from one to ten how comfortable do you feel right now I'm somehow still fine Somehow by some miracle I'm fine Shane we just are we've never had We are so grateful that you're a third in our trio YouTube champion And we just love...

So now do you want to say something really nice to us? You guys are so funny and I still don't know how you do that thing where you say the same thing at the same time all the time. My wife just listens to what the other person's saying and says it a half to you later. It's called listening, Shane. Try it.

Other person's mouth and trying to make your mouth move in the same way at the same time. Shane, it's 2025. Men need to learn to learn to... You're right. Shane, is this the best bachelor party you've ever had near... Technically, it is. is.

Yeah. That makes me really happy. How tips you do you feel? A six. Wow. 10? Yeah. But what is 10?

Drunk or 10 is like I'm in danger. Okay. I fucking love that. You know about the Roofies. Do you know I got Roofied at my birthday, Shane? I did hear about that. I think you told me about that. I'm so sorry.

No, it's fine. You got every horrible thing happened to you. My ex and I broke up the week of it. So I was fine. I got over the Roofies like a day and a half. No, I got over it in like a day and a half. No,

I got over it and like. a day and a half it meant nothing to me. Don't worry. I got in a car accident the same day. You know what? It's fine. Bad happens to you. And then something else.

Bad happens to you. The second thing doesn't feel as bad. But now that we've talked about this earlier, it's going to make so much sense. I walked up to a man in the bar and I said, I need your chicken tenders. And I brought them into the bathroom and Olivia ate them on the toilet. That's true. That's true. When I got roofied, I first, okay, here's the tip.

Girls tip. A, Bachelor at party tip about getting Ruthie. Girls tip. If you're going to get roofied, surround yourself. Okay. If you're going to get rid of you, you're not going to know that it's going to happen. But you are going to surround yourself all the time, no matter what, with good, wonderful people who love you. Because then when you take two sips of your drink that you put down in 20 minutes and you lose all motor function in the next 15 minutes, you're going to have a group of girls to take you into the bathroom, talk about curb your enthusiasm while you throw up and cry and say, no one's going to believe me.

It was literally such, it is going to go outside, get me chicken tenders. I'm going to eat them in the bathroom. I'm going to walk out of the bathroom. I'm going to throw up in the restaurant and I'm going to go home. The restaurant is for throwing up and the bathroom is for eating chicken tenders. And I've always said that. Guys, this is the best girl's night ever. I know.

It's so fun. Shane, hot. You know, when you drink a lot of wine and then you're hot. I don't really drink wine. What do you drink? Shane, what do you drink? Nothing? I like cocktails.

I'm not drinking anything right now. My favorite cocktail right now. My favorite cocktail, I mean, I'm not drinking this month, but I'm, dude, like a Manhattan. A Manhattan sounds so good. Manhattan's and martinis are like my favorite. What's your deepest darkest secret, Shane? No. Do you like a...

I actually couldn't think of anything funny, and so I was like, no. No. You're like a dirty martini? I like both. Yeah. Do you like being a dirty, dirty girl on your Bachelor?

Yes. Oh my God. Bring out the cock popsicles. Okay. We're about to bring out the cock popsicles. But thank you guys so much for watching Sidna Olivia Talk shit. This is Shane Top.

Shane, where can they find you? This is Shane Top. Where can they find you, Shane? They can find me. Smosh. I also just Shane Topp all over the place. Two P's. We love Shane Top here in this world. We love Shane.

Spelled S-H-A-Y-N-E and he's always falling down the stairs. We love Shane so much. Shane, is there anything you want to say? Just thank you. Thank you for being our wonderful friend and our beautiful girl gang. Thank you for being in the girl gang. Thank you. Girl Gang forever. Do you love being sober when we're drunk?

It is really entertaining.