Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - SYD'S 13th BIRTHDAY

Episode Date: January 14, 2025

Well, it's Syd's 13th birthday so it's time for a very special, surprise episode by Olivia. Get ready for an ABUNDANCE of wet wipes because this is about to get messy. WET WIPE TIME! (For Syd's birthday, she'd love if you'd donate to Direct Relief to help the victims of the LA wildfires) Bonus content on our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

your shit. How is all your shit doing? How are your sharts? Guys, we are making sure this podcast degrades rapidly in quality so fast. Yeah. Yeah, it's not only can we pretty much not monetize this at all. Ever because of any of the choices we make when we're being ourselves. But the thing about it is like we can't sacrifice being ourselves. No. No. No. Whatever. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I'm lovely. How are you? I'm chilling. I'm good. Um, I'm pretty sure this is coming out on January 14th. Is there anything interesting happening on January 14th? Um, and I didn't say January 6th. Okay. Well, as I know. January 6th has some really interesting things happening. A part 2. Um, God, that's not serious. Nobody take that seriously. And if there was a part 2, uh, take that out. Uh, cut that out. No, January 14th is not only my dead Zeta's birthday.

Whoa. But it's also my birthday. Whoa. And Sid is turning 13. And we're really, really excited. How did you like 12? Did you like it? Yeah, I liked 12 because I officially became a woman.

I got to enjoy my period. Did you enjoy it so much? I enjoyed it so much. Wow. Well, guys, without further ado, Sid did a very Olivia episode a while back, and I think there's no better episode to do a very Sid episode than this episode, which is the episode of your birthday. Of my birth. All right, guys, so let's get ready for a very Sid episode. Let's play the music.

Okay, so I'm going to introduce our first game. Give me one second. Oh, no. The napkins? There's a lot of... Oh, they're under my computer. Yeah, I have napkins. Okay.

Okay, here's a giant bowl of pasta with four cheese sauce from La Purgilletta. And this is a sandwich if you wanted. I just got a sandwich because it's also really good. This game is called Parmesan Alert. Whoa. So the goal of the game is, every time I scream Parmesan Alert, you have to put more Parmesan on whatever you're eating.

I got the second thing because there's going to be a lot of alarms going off. Whoa. So the first game is called Try to Get Through One Sentence without me screaming Parmesan Alert. Oh, I love that. Parmesan Alert! Okay, here's this. Here's some Parmesan. And the Parmesan Alert sounds like this.

Jesus, sex offender. I know. I didn't pick it out. What? I didn't pick it out. You literally did. I didn't know. That was your choice. I'll do a different one.

Okay. No, you can do whatever alarm you want. All right. Wow, this is awesome. Okay. So, anyway, tell out to La Perigoletta. So anyway, tell me more about your 12th year. My 12th year was awesome.

Parmesan alert. Oh, no. Guys, if you're just listening and you're not watching, which is got to be really weird. I've now handed her a second type of Parmesan. Yeah, this one's graded. That one's graded. Holy shit. And the first one was like shredded in a little tub.

Oh! Oh my God, there's so much of it. Wow. You guys, if you don't like Parmesan, this episode is not for you. It's really not. And if you don't like watching someone get gifted Parmesan repeatedly to a point where it's uncomfortable, then the rest of this episode is not for you. Yeah, this is, I will say Parmesan is one of my favorite things.

It's what I got for my bat mitzvah from my parents. Yeah. They got me a block of Parmesan and a grader. Yeah. Yep, yep, that's beautiful. So that'll happen this year because I'm 13 now. I think you're going to have your bar mitzvah. Okay.

So we're going to continue this game throughout the rest of the episode. I love this game. But we're also going to go into a second segment that I did a little bit of research on a couple of things you love. And I combined two things you love, and I feel like it's a really good game. So we're going to play the Real Housewives of Disney Channel original movies. Oh, fuck yeah. Music! So, hot the music!

I have some cast in mind. You can always add anyone or cut anyone for whatever reason you want. This is a perfect game. And we can come up with their taglines together and then we can even see a short scene if we want. Okay, so starting off, I think it's got to be the mom from Freaky Friday,

and I'm specifying Anna in Tess's body version. So we've got Jamie Lee. But as a teenage girl. She's so good. So she's definitely in the cast. And maybe, what would her tagline be? like something about being wild or being her own daughter or or maybe like a cursed Chinese restaurant.

I may have a kid inside of me, but it's not the way you think. That's good. That's and that's what it is. And that's what it is. And then she pounds of 40 because she's not pregnant. Right. And so it's okay. Right.

Okay. Next up, we've got Cadet Kelly's mom. Mm-hmm. My take is something like, I'll marry a guy who sends you to military school. I don't care. That's a really good task. That's like not a bad one, right? Yeah.

And she like chugs a 40. And then she chugs a 40. Yeah, no, that's really, I think no notes on that. Okay, great, great, great. Next up, we've got Mrs. Darbis. Oh my God, Mrs. Darvice from high school musical. I feel like she would be, I don't know if she's married or not. I don't think she is, but I feel like she still would be in the real housewives.

She, of course would. And also she's Cassie in a chorus line on Broadway. Well, that's everything. So, yeah, what do we think she, what would her tagline be? There's no funny business in the theater, but there's, funny business in my bussy. Yep, that's it. Because she's like getting some?

She's getting all of it. Because she's getting some in the show? She's literally getting it all. She's getting it all. No one else is fucking better. Well, there's funny business in her bussy. There's funny business in her bussy, and I think that totally makes sense. Next up, I'm just picking some kind of niche ones here.

I love it. Well, this one's not as niche. Queen Sophia of Costa Luna from Princess Protection Program. Wow. She sends her daughter away when her country is being, taken over by a man who wants to marry her. And she would probably be like, out, help.

Yeah, she'd be like, help, help, help, you, out. Yeah, that's her real good housewife's guideline. And then, yeah, and then we've got T.J. Tyler, the famous singer and mom of the bad guy in Camp Rock, who doesn't care about her daughter that much, but is a rich and famous singer and shows up once. And her daughter does the really weird shoulder thing during the... And she, like, watches her daughter and she's like, I made it.

But then she takes a call because it's business anyway. Right. And maybe her thing is like... You might think I hate my daughter, but give me one second. And then she takes a call and walks away. Yeah, takes a call and walks away. And she, like, I hate my daughter. Does a rift.

Yeah. She does, like, a beautiful... Yeah. This is more Parmesan alert. We've got third Parmesan. It's whew! We've got my special stuff to get the Parmesan out. Olivia just brought out a block of Parmesan cheese.

and a knife and a... Wee-wee-wee-wee, and a grater. It's a Parmesan. I had to open it with the knife. Whoa. And now there's a whole other... This is exactly like my bat mitzvah. Yeah, you foreshadowed what was going to happen

and you didn't even know. I did. Here you go. Whoa. A posse. Someone's going to go to sexy, naughty jail. Whoa. Oh, no.

Someone's going to have a tummy ache. Wee, wee, wee. Okay, next up. Next up on the house is Next up on the house. Next up is, oh, my mom's, the mom from my mom's got a date with a vampire. I think her tagline is just,

I had a date with a vampire. Yeah. But I don't know. You tell me. Yeah, no, her whole thing is she has a date with a vampire, and the guy who plays the vampire is the guy from the nanny. Oh, wow. He's very charming.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, so I think her thing might be like, you can suck my blood if I can suck your cock. Yes, yes, yes. And then her head spins around in a full circle. Yeah, and then she throws up blood. And it happens in every episode. That's so good.

Every episode. In every episode in slow motion while everyone else is in normal speed. And everyone else's tagline is something really normal. Okay, and then here's something. I felt bad for leaving out Carrie Martin from the Sweet Life. Oh, you can't do that. But the problem is she's not in the Sweet Life movie. I checked.

So it's going to have to be Mr. Mosby. Oh, my God. So what's Mr. Mosby's real house my tagline? Um. Maybe like, I manage this hotel just like I manage my bussy. That's beautiful. That's really good. And just to clarify, it all takes place inside of my busy.

Inside of my busy. I was going to say inside the smart house mom from smart house, who's also a mom and also a character of the show, but also they're all inside her. Bussy. And then does she get a tagline? She can, yeah. Yeah, hers can be like, nobody's getting out of here. Nobody's getting the fuck out of here.

I've locked all the doors. It could be that. Because that also is like sometimes her vibe. It depends on what season. That is so her vibe sometimes. Um, so, uh, yeah. So, uh, so, uh. This episode rocks.

So we're gonna go, what do you think would happen in like a pilot episode? Oh, okay. So we have the, it's in the mom from smart house's body. Uh-huh. body. We have Mr. Mosby, cadet Kelly mom.

Who are the other ones? We've got Tess from Freaky Friday. Right. Ms. Darvis, the Queen Sophia of Costa Luna and T.J. Tyler. Okay, so maybe it starts with Tess. Mm-hmm. From Freaky Friday. Freaky Friday,

approaches Miss Darbis because she wants to get nipple piercings on her mom's body. That makes so much sense. And Mrs. Darbus Fox, obviously. And Mrs. Darbis fucks. Right. So she's like, Mrs. Darbis, do you know anything about nipple piercing? Right. I want to get some on my mom's body, which I'm inside of.

I want to feel it, but I want them to be on my mom's body. Right. And Mrs. Darbis is like, have you ever seen a musical? And she does a full musical for the whole episode about nipple piercings. And why to nipple pierce your mom's body? She goes, the wildcats are going to have to perform nipple piercings the musical. And Tess is like, this is not why I came to you. This is not the deal here.

This is not the vibe. And all of this is inside of the smart housewoman. 100%. And they can't leave. So in a world, right, where they can't leave and Ms. Darvis needs to put on this musical, what Tess doesn't realize is she could audition for the character who gets their nipples pierced. She could, but she doesn't have to be a lot of rehearsal. And she also doesn't really think about it because, you know, part of her flaw is that she's not thinking about others. No,

she's not thinking about how her mom wants to get remarried to the guy. Or how her mom needs clean, clean, clean, pure nipples to get remarried to that guy. Yeah, she's not thinking about others. She's not thinking about that. She's just thinking about what she wants. Yeah, and what she wants is rock music and to miss her mom's wedding rehearsal. And you can't do that. You can't. Tess. And then what other moms do you?

Mr. Moseby is there, the mom for the vampire, the pop star mom. Okay. And the queen. Okay. So I think Mr. Moseby is like, the queen is coming to the Tipton Hotel. Fair. And they're not in the Tipton Hotel. He just thinks they are.

He's just like in a fugue state. And he's like, the Tipton Hotel. The Queen is coming. He's got a trip to the tip of the hotel. Lived him, where are you? And everyone's like, okay. And instead, the queen is like, um, I'm thinking about abandoning my daughter. Yeah.

And so is the pop star mom. Oh my God. So they form an alliance where they're going to abandon their daughters together. And they get the cadet Kelly mom involved too. Yeah. They're like, hey girl, we all. She's like you're halfway there. We're, we all want to just abandon our daughters.

We're kind of not into them anymore. We're kind of feeling our. No daughter era. And then the mom from my date with vampire is like, I'm sorry, no daughter era, more like no daughter and my boyfriend is a vampire era. And then she joins. Yeah. So all these moms are just collectively abandoning their daughters for men, mostly. Mostly for men, yeah, yeah.

Isn't that kind of shitty? I don't know if that's, and that's not really pulled from the real housewife side of things. No, that's just literally what happens in those. And then they all get into a fight at a table and then they throw like, their glasses of champagne at each other. Right, of course, which is very, very, very, very, well, I would watch that. I think that's a great show. And then I think they go on a trip to, like, the Vita Resort in Mexico.

Yeah, I think. Which one of them has a tequila brand? Oh, my God. Because is it the smart house mom? It could be. And is the tequila just the stomach acid inside of her? It could be like a tequila that can only be dispensed from the pipes of the smart house. Wait.

And so, therefore, it's like, you can't make it anywhere. Yeah. She would. And she'd be like, I don't drink. drink it. I just make it. Yeah, but she drinks it too. But she drinks it. But she drinks it. But she says she doesn't. I love it. Um, oh, and which one gets arrested? Mm. Hmm. Because that's another important thing that happens in a lot of real house west. Yeah. I mean, Tess.

Tess would definitely, Tess would get arrested for like petty crimes, like shoplifting, but like the Jen Shaw, like... Right. The one who's doing something evil. He's like a big crime, like a crime ring might be... Miss Darbis. Could be Miss Darbis. Could be Miss. Darbis, for sure, for sure. Or T.J. Tyler. Yeah, Ms. Darbis. Might have, like, a plan to get rid of all athletic programs. Yeah.

Throughout the Wildcats. She might be scamming athletic programs all throughout the Wildcats. So she's probably trying to get rid of all sports. That's so fair. And that's like a huge undertaking. That's what she's always doing. Oh, she really is. And she is so against the Wildcats basketball players.

She hates their players. She hates them. She hates them because she wants to beat them. That's why she hates them. That's why she hates them, because she wants to be them. Okay, well, that was the Real Housewives of Disney Channel original movies. Play the music. I'm going to see if this sandwich is anything.

Right? It's like a total sandwich over here. Oh, yeah, sandwiches are good. It's a sandwich we got the other time because it was like really good. I love that sandwich. Also, you have to come with me to the sandwich place that I went to yesterday. Oh, I'm so down. Called Giata in the Valley.

it's fucking awesome. Fuck yeah. Yeah. We don't have to keep that in, but. No, it's good to know. It's really good. Okay, next up. Next up, I'm eating a sandwich.

I don't know if we cut out the part I started eating the sandwich. But I'm eating a sandwich now. And we're up to our next. Parmesan alarm. Oh, no. Put even more of it in your body. Oh, it's a big bar. Oh, it's a big bar.

Parmesan. And I put it in. And I put it in. And you put it in like that. And I put it in like that, like that, like that. Wow. The thing about Parmesan is it will never disappoint you. It's always good.

Right. Also, on Top Chef, they go to a place in Parma that is like a factory. And they get to try wheels of Parmesan like it's wine tasting. Whoa. And that's my dream. We've got to do that. I know, right? You've got to do that one day.

That's crazy. I think that would be so fun. It's in Italy? Yeah. Yeah, you know I'm in. Parma, Italy. Let's go. All right.

Well, another thing Sid likes is reading. I do. She loves reading. She's very smart girl who reads a big book every day. Every day. She reads one full big book every day. And she loves putting on jazz music and reading sometimes, sometimes what she knows going into. it and sometimes what she finds out while reading it are the most fucked up books she she has been

able to find it's true she likes putting on jazz music and reading fucked up books so i do i wrote a short story oh no um combining the wikipedia plots of several books from your good reads oh no oh no i'm about to be exposed okay guys listen i'm not that messed up okay like i am but i'm not okay in the books that i read are really, really fucked. And they have a lot of elements of things that are like, no. But I wouldn't do those things. No. I'm just reading about.

No, I watch true crime obsessively. People are going to be mad at me for that. And there's so many reasons why you shouldn't watch true crime, but I do it. I'm sorry. And I'm not a criminal. No, I'm just reading about evil people. It's crazy. And I'm not doing the things.

Evil things. Okay. Okay. All right. Let's put on some, let's put some jazz music under this. Oh, nice. Okay. Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there was the biggest sex deviant in the whole world.

She was a woman sex offender, and she sucked and was really bad. She was also a 54-year-old librarian and ballet teacher. Her name was tampon. And she was involved in a consensual slave play situation. with her dying landlord who is a massive sex criminal. Both she and the dying landlord had woken up one day 20 years ago in a bunker and never knew how they got there. And more or importantly, there was a ghost baby.

This ghost baby was a total shit person. The ghost baby did awful things that were so fucking bad and I'll even go into so much detail right now. The author goes into so much detail and everyone is sick. See, I told you, the baby is fucked up, but it's okay because it's dead. Once upon a time, Chapter 1, Tampon is looking in the mirror practicing her sex crimes. Looking in the mirror practicing her sex crimes? Suddenly, her face turns into ghost, baby.

I have to kill my landlord, she said. She went to kill her landlord, but he was in the middle of a snuggy party downstairs. Oh, no, no, no, I didn't like that one. His nephew and his husband, who was a mean call. Everyone goes to jail and you have to take a shower the end. Oh my God. Yeah, I think the fact that not the main character, but every single person in the book was a sex criminal.

Yeah, well, you didn't know that was coming, but then it just ended up. It just happened. It happens sometimes when you read a book and it's interesting. And sometimes every character is a sex criminal. Okay, this is a thing I, yes, this is a problem I've been running into. It's not a thing you're seeking out. It's not a thing I'm seeking out, but like I'll read a book where somebody is like really messed up

and then turns out every character is a sex criminal. It turns out page 200. And it's like, remember that character? They're a sex criminal. And you're like, what? What are you talking about? I thought this was just about somebody who's normal fucked up. I thought this was just about a 54 year old ballet teacher.

Yeah. But turns out no. Everyone is absolutely fucked. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, um, yeah. I don't know what. that says about me.

I think it says you have a cool taste in books. Does it say that? Mm-hmm. I don't know. But that, listen, that I give that five stars on my good reads. That is a five-star book. Hell yeah. I thought it would be good if everyone went to jail and then you got to take a shower then.

Yeah, I like when I get to take a shower because they get to wash off the sins of the characters. Yeah, the sins of the characters, which are not yours. They're not mine. No. And they're not mine because I didn't write that much in depth. I don't even know those people. Yeah, that's the other thing. love to go really in depth and be like, not only was this person a sex criminal, but let me tell

you about all the awful sex if they did. And I'm like, can you not do this? Like, I really did not think this was going to be the book. And then it is. So I don't know to tell you. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Um, okay, here's my question. Um, are you full of Parmesan or do you need more parmesan. I feel really good on parmesan, but I, whatever you want. Yeah, you want. You done eating? What is this? It's time for wet wipe time. Oh my God. Wait, Olivia, what's the time for wet wipes? Here. Olivia, what the fuck is this? It's too wet wipe time. Put it up there. Olivia, what the fuck? It's too wet wipe time. What's his way? Put it up there.

Olivia, what is... Make sure you get your hands all clean. Why are you giving me a wet wipe? This is wet wipe time. This game's called wet wipe time. Do-to-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. This is not a game. This is a pack of wet wipes that you handed to me.

Oh, make sure you get them good. What is the happen? Okay, all the Parmesan awesome. No, but why did you do this? Like, why is, why was wet wipe time part of this? Does this have to do with my birthday? What is this? Clean for clay time.

Get cheese in your clay. So we're going to open up this clay. Okay, I'm seeing you as a mother right now, and it's scary. It's really scary. It's such a nightmare. It should never happen. Much a nightmare. It's you being like, okay.

Okay. All right. Here you go. Wow. Let me let Mommy get her knife. Mommy didn't need her knife. It opens all by itself. Let Mommy get her knife.

Here's your colors. Thank you for my colors. Do you want some colors too? I might do some colors. Thank you so much. So make a big, so make something clay and tell the audience about it. And while we do that, we're going to play a, because that's a hands game, you know. This is a hands game.

So we're going to play a words game, too. I don't know what happened in the last time. I think what we've learned here is I can never be a parent. No, you have to be apparent. That's so creepy. No, you have to be a parent because some child needs to endure this. Some child needs to see how weird this is. and also just like

wet wipe time into playtime was a really interesting transition yeah here's a segment called Sid breaks down her feelings on wet wipe time into playtime I felt like wet wipe time was something I was really trying to figure out at first

I was like is there a meaning behind this or is it just a clean hands and at this point I'm not quite sure and then we went into clay time and it's make sense and I appreciate it but it was a scary introduction yeah I thought like if I do wet wipe time and I just separate and I just separated completely from the next thing and I make it its own thing that's so scary and maybe I should do that yeah no I think that's a good idea It's like if it's scary, you should do that. Oh my gosh.

Okay, guys. Okay. You know what you're going to make? No. Okay, beautiful. You're just going to match a bunch of colors together. I'm just mashing a bunch of colors together. Play is for hands, but you know what's for words?

What's for words? It's the grandma story challenge. Whoa, the grandma's... Put the music. I'm just Santa Claus. If you got my letter. Cut the music. All of my interests are the interests of a five-year-old.

I like wet wipe time, clay time. and grandma story time. Okay, so. So this episode is where you learn that I'm a fucking beta cuck, loser. Except you read really edgy books. What's wrong with me? My entire episode is just that I'm an alcoholic who likes stuff, which is fine. You're not an alcoholic who likes stuff.

I do like stuff. I do like stuff. I'm so many more things as well. Okay, so you have three minutes to tell three days. different stories from your grandma's past to tell in the same way because I was like, you know, kind of in the way you did the Discovery Plus thing for me. Right. I'll time you and we'll switch stories.

It's going to be a little harder, but we're going to use up more minutes. Okay. Okay. So if you want to think of your three stories while you're touching your clay. Okay. You can. Okay. Okay.

Let me think. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use Mdief spaces to generate a presentation. grab your docks your permits your moves AI levels of your pitch Gets it in a groove Choose a template with your timeless cool Let's those two

Draft design, deliver, make it sing AI builds the deck so you can build that thing Acrobat Learn more at adobe.com slash do that with Acrobat Do we want to go sad? Do we want to go happy? I think happy

At least something funny Okay Whatever is charming and funer You're like, oh, I'm at a party. Let me tell you guys about my funny grandma. Okay. I have at least one or... If you told three sad stories?

Okay, I think I have at least, at least one or two. Okay, great. Okay, and the timer starts now. One time I was at my grandma's house, and my grandma has like a garden, as most grandmas do. And my aunt Nancy was like, what are you growing over there? And my grandma was like, I'm growing potatoes. And she's like, I'm so excited to get a potato.

like I'm going to get a potato one day. And my aunt, Nancy reached her hand into the pot and was like, oh, my God, awesome. Oh, wait, I think you already have one. And pulled out a potato and was like, oh, my God, you already grew a potato. And my grandma was like, that's the potato I put in to grow the other potatoes. And you just fucking ruined it. So that's one. That's great.

Next. Next, when I was a child, I would go to my grandma's house. Again, it has to do with her garden. and she used to take snails in her hands and crush them. Oh my God. If the snails were getting into her, like, garden stuff, she would just take a snail and fucking crush it in her hand, which is insane.

Yeah, that's terrifying. That's one of those things that only a grubucking girl. It's so true. If your parent did that, you'd be like, you're fucked up. Yeah. And if a grandma does that and you're like, well, you survive two wars. Yeah, you're allowed to do that.

So she was doing that whole vibe, and I found this snail and I was like, I'm going to save you. and I got the snail and I named it Augustus Gloop and it became my pet in fourth grade. And then one day I let it go, but not in my grandma's garden because then it wouldn't have been safe. Okay, another story. My grandma has a song about everything and she knows six languages. So she has songs in different languages about everything. For example, like if you have like your elbows on the table, she'll sing a song about.

like a fat man who once had his elbows on the table and then the good lord struck him down or something insane like that. Um, and, uh, she has another song about a woman who wrote a train and the train broke down because she was too fat. That's not good at all. I don't know why some of these songs are really fatphobic. No, no, no, all of the German child of like folk songs and all the like Germanic area kind of, they're all very fatphobic. They're all very everything phobic. Yeah. Like, that's very weird. It's, it's like, they're, they're very, like, bad hygiene phobic. Yes. Of, like, um, which is maybe fair.

Yeah, but to be, but like, it's like your fingernails will grow so long that you'll, that you'll die. It'll punch, like, it's so crazy. Like, all of the, like, German folk songs are, like, really fatphobic and, like, not okay with anyone. But one time my mom was explaining to somebody how my grandma, Erica, has a song for everything. and they were watching the news and there was this horrible earthquake.

And my mom, as a joke, goes, you got a song for an earthquake. And my grandma was like, hi. Oh, my God. And started singing a song in Romanian about earthquakes. About an earthquake. Wow. That's beautiful. Yeah.

Well, those are three great stories. Yeah, they're awesome. What did you make there? I'm currently marbling this clay. Okay, beautiful. And I'm making a tongue. Wow. Okay, you know what I'm making?

I am making the little green alien that bought a taco in front of the millionaire matchmaker. Okay, yeah, that's important. I guess let's get into that for a second. We just watched this. That's another Sid thing. Okay, so I love weird, weird crime and alien and supernatural shows because they're awesome and they're funny. Well, crime isn't funny.

You know what I mean. You think crime is funny? Yeah, and I love the millionaire matchmaker because she's ill. So we, I was watching some random, like, people who, it's called famously. Famously scared. Famously afraid. And it's about, like, some Discovery Plus show. D-list celebrities who are afraid of something.

Yeah. Who are, like. And so her whole episode is about, um, is about how she met a green alien who bought a taco in front of her and then stood over her bed. It starts with her being like, I went to this Cherokee. shaman woman who was like, you know aliens are real and they smell sour. And then that woman gave her a potion that made the lump on her back disappear. Yeah, she also never introduces the idea of the lump on her back. She just goes like, the lump on my back. The huge lump on my back. I couldn't walk

and was so sore. Yeah, she like drops the lump. Really. You just dropped your lump. Yeah. Girl, don't drop your lump. If this had a hood on. Oh my God. That would be exactly from that episode. So then what happens is you guys so the so the shaman is like yeah aliens are real and they meet up on thursdays and they race which is like I'm sorry yeah she was she was like here's the thing the government has these antenna because the aliens come and do like a race like a Thursday night race like a Thursday night race what like a Thursday night race and she's like they smell sour yeah they have greenish pale gray skin they are blonde and blue eyes I'm glad they're blonde with blue eyes because of, I don't know.

Blonde with blue eyes. I don't want anyone to like get, get like racially profiled as an alien. Yeah, that would be pretty bad. That would suck more. Yeah, yeah, I would agree. But so it's like these like blonde-haired blue-eyed aliens apparently. And so then the next day, Patty Stanger was at a taco, like a taco truck,

ordering a taco. And then she smelled something very sour. Yeah. And she thought it must be an alien. It must be an alien because it was a sour man ordering tacos after her. The man who was ordering the tacos after her had a hoodie on. And then she saw his face and she was like, it was an alien face. Oh, shit, it was an alien face.

No, it wasn't. And then he was over her bed at night. And then at night, cut to nighttime, he was over her bed checking her out. Her words. Her words, not ours. Checking her out. Yeah. The alien was checking her out.

Do you think we bake these? We can. Do you think that's, I don't know. I mean, we don't have, we're not going to do it right now, but I'm like, how does this go? It might be air dry. Is it air dry? I don't know. I hope I got some in my sandwich.

But this is my tongue. That's a beautiful tongue. Well, how are you feeling? I feel so lovely. Are you so excited to turn 13? I'm so excited to turn 13. For my 13th year, I'm hoping to grow a mermaid tail. Yeah, do you have any, just like the Disney Channel original movie, the 13th year?

Wow, yeah. Yeah, my 13th, my 13 year resolution. Okay, play some music that's like inspirational. Okay. When I turn 13, my hopes and dreams are that I finally get a boy to think I'm okay. My dreams are that everyone will ignore my scoliosis brace and ask me to the dance anyway. way. My dreams are that no one will make fun of me for my bunions. My dreams are that, even though I haven't started shaving my legs, you don't have to point that out, kids in Hebrew school.

My dreams are that maybe everyone will find it cool that I braid fake beards on my face alone in my room instead of thinking it's weird. My dreams are that I'll learn more and more Spanish this year and become very close with my Spanish teacher and that when I give her a life-sized cardboard cutout of Captain Jack Sparrow, she'll think that's awesome, you deserve extra credit. Where did you get so many cardboard cutouts? On Hollywood Boulevard.

They just sell them? They sell them on Hollywood Boulevard. Because I'm sure this is lore you guys know, but yeah, when Sid had her bat mitzvah, it was... There wasn't really a theme, but there were cardboard cutouts. But then the theme kind of became like cardboard cutouts of so many different types of people. It was really weird. You had the Elvis one for a while.

The Elvis one, I had a Captain Jack Sparrow, and I had a bunch of them. And yeah, I got them on Hollywood Boulevard when we were in L.A. to go to doctor's appointments because my parents would take me to Los Angeles to go to doctor's appointments because the doctors in Vegas were kind of weird. Fair. And yeah. And we were just like wandering down Hollywood Boulevard and like bought a bunch of cardboard cutouts. Yep. Really strange.

Really weird. Pretty, pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. Those are my dreams. Yeah. Those are some really good dreams. For my 13th year.

I think you can accomplish them. And I also think that you literally have a year and a half left of middle school. And it only gets better. You think so? I do. I do. I think so. I think middle school is the toughest no matter what.

Okay. Because I think hormonally where you're at and just social structure of like it's just a rough time and if you've ever had a good time in middle school I love that for you. But I think it's a tough time

and I think you're going to get through it. Just hold on for another year and a half. Do you think that I'm going to hit a growth spurt this year? I hope. I mean, if you don't, you'll hit one next year or you could. I don't know.

I'm not a fucking doctor. Right. And why would you say that to me? Because I'm 13 and you're an adult. woman. Okay, it's time for everyone's favorite segment in mine. It's wet wipe time. No! You want a wet wipe? It's not wet wipe time. Do you want one? This one's tearing up if you want the one that just kind of... I also feel like these are... See, I'm using one. You're...

You say I'm using one. These are also the wet wipes for your asshole. I know. I don't have the ones for your hand. The only other option was Lysol. I was like Lysol. I was like Lysol. I was like Lysol. Wipes are too hardcore. Too hardcore. Are they too hardcore for your hands? Are they going to fuck up your hands? Can you clean your hands with license? You definitely cannot clean your hand with Lysol Wicke.

Okay, because I live by myself the first time. You cannot clean your hands. Okay, so I didn't. Wait, are these from your bathroom? Yeah. These are for your poops. Well, they're for anyone who goes into my bathroom. They're not for my boots.

They're for everyone's poops. I'm like in pain. I can't believe such a pivotal part of my birthday is white wipe time. I had no idea. Oh my God. Ow my stomach. Guys, why am I sitting on my sandwich?

Um. Guys, if it's this episode today and you want to wish our good friends said, Heller, happy birthday. Just shoot her a good old birthday message. She loves you guys so much. And I'm so excited to celebrate.

I'm really caught up on the wet wipe time of it all. Like, I really am. I'm shocked. Did you know wet wipe time was going to be a segment? It was like a last minute ad. I guess it's necessary because I have to put on my wet wipe. I was like, oh shit, I'm going to give her a bunch of cheese. And then I got to get her a bunch of napkins.

And I was like, also I'm getting going to give her clay. I was like, oh, these are going to throw them in the bag. I have a bag. I have a bag that says, Welcome Little Ray of Sunshine. Oh my God. All right. Well, happy birthday, Sid.

Hey, thanks. Thank you for this episode. Oh, my God. Thank you for being born. What a beautiful time. Thank you for my Real Housewives segment. Thank you for my cheese. Oh, my God.

Of course. Now there's so much. Thank you for my clay. And of course, of course. Thank you for my wipeies. I'm going to put these straight in my asshole right after this. Hell yeah. I love Mimi wipeies.

That's that me, me, miwipes. Arg, I love me, wipes. Thank you guys. And I think to bring us out, let's do a Sid and Olivia Bob classic. Banana na me, banana, no, that's that me, me, wipeies. That's beautiful. Holy shipped. Bye, guy.

Bye.