Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - Taylor Tomlinson Is No Longer CURSED

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

Taylor Tomlinson is on the big bad podcast for you this week! If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started: https://learn.nocd.com/SO Get sixty days free at https://ShipStation.com with code: talk Live Show Tickets! https://www.dynastytypewriter.com/calendar-squad-up Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Chapters: 0:00 Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I wrote, say yes because it's too far in advance to say no. Right. I know exactly what you mean. Which I think is just, right? I think that's just. And then this is me trying to remember an old joke I used to say. I just wrote glass half full dash see the lifeboats half full dash Titanic. I'm the Sud one.

I'm the Olivia one. Do we have a very special other one? Guys, my brains are blowing up out of our heads right now. I will say this is person. I've been a fan of for a romew. really long time. Like for real. Yeah. I've seen every one of their special. Now every time you say that in the future, people are going to think it's not for real. I know. But I will, but at least you're genuine. I'm being genuine. And I will say like, my biggest pet peeve is when people are like,

oh, man, I love them about everyone. It's like, now I have no idea how you feel about me. But this is a person who I genuinely think is one of the greatest alive at this art form. Yeah. I think this person and Chris Fleming are the best we have in our generation. In the art form of stand up is what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In our generation, do you agree? Yeah. I'm trying to think. I'm trying to be like, can I have anyone? But I like don't even want to you right now. No, not really. Who cares? Who gives a fuck? It's Taylor Tyler! Oh my God. That was so nice. It's true. I would never compare myself to Chris Fleming. I would never put myself on Chris Fleming's level. We had a we had a party that was themed Chris Fleming once. Well, it was themed Gigi the Christmas snake, which was like his, his like cursed Christmas sketch. And we made like 30 people watch this sketch and then show up in costume and we painted ourselves green. It was awful. That's so amazing. Chris is a magical person.

Oh, yeah. Like, oh my God. On another level. I know, but you can't take it away from you because truly, I will say, like, I do think that so many people do stand up in a way where it feels so casual, but you're like, oh, that's fun and like, whatever. But the way you do stand up is like, you are fucking locked in. I'm making it look hard.

It is. I'm making it look like an effort. No, it is very impressive what you do. And I mean that, like, super for real. Big fans. That's really nice. And we love your latest special. Thank you.

love it very much. Big fan. For the people who are cucks and maybe don't know. Yeah, for the dumb cucks who don't know. Do you want to tell them a little bit about your latest special? Yeah, my latest special is my fourth Netflix special. They're all on there. Super easy. If you're not familiar with me at all. And my newest one, I filmed in a church because it's a lot about religious trauma and growing up in the church as well as like coming out and death and all that, other fun stuff. The big free. The big free right there. Religious trauma coming out and death. And that's all I want to talk about. And yeah, I directed this one. I started in churches when I was 16.

So it's kind of like a full circle moment for me. What were your classic church sense about? You know what's crazy is like I didn't really have any like churchy jokes because I was always like, oh, I want to be able to perform anywhere. But I couldn't because I was 16. So it wasn't like, what's the deal with Leviticus? No, it wasn't the deal with Leviticus. And there are Christian comics who do what's the deal with Leviticus. Wow.

Hey, go with God, literally. But no, I think the closest thing to a church joke I had is I had a joke about like abstinence that I eventually did on like Conan, I think. So it did translate to secular rooms as well. But no, I was mostly just like, oh, I'm ugly and I'm not going to prom. Like it was like all very like. Oh, those were your jokes. Yes, it's very self-deprecated. Right, right, right.

Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like, I didn't have anything to talk about. I wasn't a person. Yeah. Right. I don't really know. It was mostly just like me apologizing for being so young and incomplete. My God.

And isn't that being a woman? Isn't that being a woman? And then you're like, oh, and I'm too old. Yeah. I was the right age for like three days. It's so true. You say, I am so sorry for being too young and then it just changes over my mind. One day you're like, I'm so sorry for being so old and incomplete.

And there was never a moment what I could have been the right. And I'll never be complete. And that's gorgeous. How old are you two? I just turned 30. I'm 31. Oh, my God. You're all the same age.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm 32. I know I'm older. Everything. No. Once everyone's 30. I'm like, okay.

Because I thought you were in your 20s. No, no, no. No, yeah. We just turned that big bad 30. How does it feel? Love it. Isn't it great? Love it.

I thought it was going to be like fine or whatever. Like I wasn't afraid of it. But holy shit, it's just the relaxation you feel. I mean, we've said it before, but it is true of like when you're in your late 20s, you're like a senior. And then the second year in your early 30s, you're a freshman again. Your freshman, yeah. So it's a really nice little reset.

And it's just also like, I don't know, there's all of this. that we don't we put on ourselves for no reason in our 20s being like well we have to be this this and it's all unrealistic and it's never achievable and then once you're 30 it's like I don't really give a fuck I'm just going to like be what I like about myself and it's like that's a better feeling yeah 29 I hated 29 it was embarrassing it's bad yeah yeah 29 didn't even feel like senior year to me 29 felt like to me you're coming back to your high school to visit your teachers oh yeah yeah yeah that's tough yeah which was rough it's like move on yeah and they're all like we don't really remember you.

Yeah. And you're like, hey. And they're like, we're working. Yeah. This is our job. Visitor pass. Yeah. Can you go to the main office and get a visitor pass? Can you sign in?

That's awesome. Yeah. I wanted to ask you about for the church, for being in the church for your special, did you have to lie to them about what the content was? No, actually. I didn't. Because they were a really cool church. And they do stand-up shows there anyway, because I didn't think we were going to find

like an active church that we could do the special in. I thought we were going to have to find, like, an abandoned building. Yeah, exactly, and just kind of put a cross in it. Yeah. We did it. So the fact that there's like this gorgeous church in Grand Rapids that's like so progressive and cool and liberal and already does stand-up shows there like regularly. Love that. Yeah. They were so cool about everything. But Olivia grew up nothing. Yeah, I grew up. So my, I grew up with no religion. My mom's, the closest thing I have to a religion in my, when I was raised is my mom loves astrology. Okay. Which is so much more fun. My dad grew up escaping Catholic school. My dad has religious trauma.

My boyfriend has religious trauma. And I'll unpack that later. Yeah. And I grew up Jewish and we have our own stuff. Yeah. And we'll unpack that later. And there's a whole other stuff here. But we don't have Christian religious trauma.

Yeah. I feel like we should. Yes. And we were wondering, can you give us some? I don't know if you want it. Yeah. We really do. You want some?

Oh, okay. All right. What kind do you want? Do you want to feel weird during sex? Yes. Oh my gosh. Okay. So the next time you have sex with someone, I just want you to remember that you and you're

not married, no one's married, right? No one's married. Okay. So the next time you're having sex with someone, just remember that is a sin. Yeah. And not only are you disrespecting the person you're having sex with, you're also disrespecting yourself. Right.

If they really loved you, they would wait. If you really loved them, they would wait. So there's no love. Yes. And you're cheating on your future spouse who must be. man. Oh my god, sick. Yeah. Just like the next time you're having sex, you know how sex sometimes like you be fully present in your body and you can enjoy it. And it's like the one time you can kind of check out and feel totally good. That goes away and just kind of let your brain like swirl and spiral.

Filder through all of the, you know, so I do that. Oh, you have that. I do that in general in every category of life where I'll just like, my brain will go like, well, here's all, because I've OCD. I'm like, oh, here's all the worst things. Sure. But I can have. had that now to my Rolodex, which is good. It's just different fears. It's kind of glom onto different fears. I always assumed it would be like God's disappointed in you, but those are some really good specifics. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, God and God is disappointed in you. Of course. In general. There's a lot there. But yeah, those are very specific things because my upbringing, like, they really focused on, like, when you turn 12, they were like,

and the most important thing, tell your friends about Jesus, do not have sex with anyone. Wow. Yeah. My dad's sister, because they grew up in like the Catholic. Catholic school with the nuns, like beating kids' heads off of chalkboards and stuff. And my dad's sister and all of the women and her, all the girls in her grade were told that you could get pregnant by walking barefoot down the halls because there's dormant sperm everywhere. So that one's kind of fun. That's so true. But you know what? Maybe that's true. I don't know. They tell you to spray magnesium on the bottom of your feet to sleep. So you do absorb stuff. Yep. They say you can get pregnant from a jacuzzi. I'm not a scientist. If somebody jacks off in a jacuzzi and then it swirls around enough. Yeah. It could. force it in. Because why? Because it's warm in there so it can still swim. Watch Mojo's top ten weirdest ways to get pregnant. No, you didn't hear this one like in middle school. Oh, I don't know. I heard that one. Yeah, yeah. Is that if you're in a jacuzzi where somebody has jacked off, you can absolutely get pregnant. And every jacuzzi is somewhere that somebody's We should try that. That would be interesting. Yeah. That would be an interesting experiment to do

with your life. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Let's get in a jacuzzi after this because someone's You guys are so good at like your energy and your, God, what's the word? Your rhythm with each other is so perfect. Like you never talk over each other. Look, you did that in the second. Like you never talk over each other, but you start talking the second and the last one stops talking. Thank you.

And it's something I always remember about the sketches you were doing. I said this off pod, but that doesn't count. It doesn't count until the cameras are. Because I did not know you had a podcast, but I did see your videos all during COVID. And I remember being like, oh my God, those girls are turning out so much content. And it looks great. And it's very funny. And I have so much respect for people who were like really working hard online during COVID.

So was I. But it's embarrassing. And I was like, oh, my gosh, their delivery is so good. And to be in person with you guys, I'm like, oh, my God, it's not even editing. We're just in real life. It's really impressive. How long have you two been friends? Since high school.

Okay. We met when we were 15, 14 and 15. So, oh, my God. That's amazing. And we were in an improv team together and family-friendly improv. Oh, well, then you also grew up in church. With a Mormon coach. A third of our improv team was Mormon.

Yeah. Oh, that's like starting stand-up in church. That's very simple. We grew up around a lot of Mormon people. And our coach, Cinco, his name was Cinco. Yeah. And he was Mormon. And he would, when something wasn't appropriate for him to hear, he would say, that's not sync appropriate.

That's fun. And that was a thing. And then every time he does something that's not quite sync appropriate, it's like the most giddy, like when you're a little kid and you hear your parent curse kind of a thing. Because, like, he does, he still makes stuff. And it's like, and it'll be not sync appropriate. Yeah. Like, there's parts of Shmigadoon that are not sync appropriate. That's correct. And that's his project. And he made it. So, so that's, that's pretty fun for me. It's pretty awesome. I feel like we should do one of our fun segments. I love it. Is this, is this, uh, a song box? Oh, yeah, you can have it.

It's from Amazon. Of course, I found the laughing one. I didn't even, needed that. Also, some of them go on for far too long, which is kind of great. Oh, this is amazing. There's like one that I can only describe as like a bunch of plates falling down the stairs. Oh, yeah, yeah. And that one goes on for way too long. Is that the broken cup?

Try it. Yes. Okay, that's intense. Like just so long. Like it could be shorter. There is a gun on here. The gun is great. There's a gun.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes Sid will be walking around and she'll have it in her bag and it'll just go off. Yeah, I was in a underground parking lot. Oh, that's not great. No, already bad. Yeah. And it was me and one other woman and nobody else. Oh.

And the whistle went off. The one that's like, oh, at least it's the whistle. I never going to say the gun went off. And it was like, the cat call whistle. And she like looks back at me and I was like, ooh, I don't know who that's literally. You're like, it's just my remote in my purse. I'm a crazy clown. Okay.

So you know what you want to? You talk a lot about death. Oh, yeah. We love death here. In your thing. And we love death in these streets. And we love death in these streets. We think about it. So I think this is kind of a fun game. And it's called, let's write their will. Music. Cut the music. Cut the music. Yeah, you talked about your will in your special. And we've never written a will. And we have nothing to give away. No, no. What am I going to give away my mental illness? What am I going to give away? My hair. To everyone's ever met me? So we want to go through some fictional characters and see what would be in their will. Yeah. Oh. I think this might be fun. And the thing is there's no wrong answers because no one here is real.

Okay, great. It's so true. Yeah. One of them is real. One of them is real. Out of these fictional characters, one of them is real. Okay. So the first one is the beast from Beauty and the Beast.

Oh, he's got all kinds of stuff to leave. So much stuff. So what is he leaving to whom? The worst part is that a lot of the stuff he would be leaving to people is people. Yes. So that's already starting. What point of the movie is the beast dying? Let's say it's still a beast?

I think everyone hasn't turned human. Well, no, that's not, because that complicates it. Because after the movie ends, everyone's people again. Everyone's people again. And that's probably when he would die, right? You're going to say he dies mid-movie? I don't know. That's fine.

Like the Christmas movie that came out where you're like, oh, I guess this happened in the middle. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was Christmas. There was Christmas. At some point. Yeah. So he dies during the Christmas.

Dury. So every, all of his, like, friends are like, still in their. Friends are like, in their furniture. All his friends are also his possessions. Yes. And I think that's what's really, really cuck about this. So cuck. I would hope that he would leave the entire, I would hope that he'd like leave the library

to Bell and then like everything else to Mrs. Potts. Yeah. Because that would be fun. Yeah. And it would also make Bell feel really insecure. Yeah. Because she'd be like, so what did you have going on with the pot? Yes.

Yes. And that's actually sick. And then he'd be like, and who's the father is, who's the father of Chip? Yeah. And it's also like part of. everything else would include Bell's dad. So Bell's dad is being left in this will to Mrs. Pots. Oh, it is really. Bell's dad in the cellar. Cellar the whole time of the movie? No, no, I don't think so. But in my head. He leaves as soon as she stays. Yeah, that's fair. They do a trade. She replaces him.

Yeah, they trade. They trade. They trade. That would be crazy. Now I'm like, so when does he die? Does he die right when Belle is talking to her dad? Yeah. And then who does the, um, the Rose get left to? Oh. What is the Rose? Oh, I think the Rose dies if he dies. For sure. Right? When the rose dies, he's a beast forever, I think. Right? Oh. Is it Horcrooks vibe?

It's a cursed rose. So you'd want to leave it to hopefully Gaston. I mean, that's who should have it. I forgot about the cursed rose. So Gaston should, I just remembered it as we're speaking. Gaston should get the cursed rose because it'll teach him a lesson about humility. And isn't that beautiful? And then maybe he'll become.

Like he has to take on the curse? Yeah, right? Is that how males work? Can you leave a curse to someone? Can you leave a curse to someone? someone in a will. Wait, that's such a good question for a legal expert. Yeah. Can you leave a a curse to someone in your will? Can we bring in the lawyers? Yeah. Bring in the lawyers? Yeah. We have no money for this podcast, but we do have a lot of money for lawyers. Our legal team is

constantly overworking. And yeah, it is a good question because it's like if a family has like a family curse, you leave it to the next generation. Yeah, automatically. Automatically. So why can't it go out of the family? Sometimes friends are your chosen family. That's so true. I would love to leave my curses to my chosen family. You think you're cursed? Ooh, no one's ever asked me that before. I can't believe nobody's ever asked me. Do I think I'm cursed. Wow. Do a lap. Get your zoomies out. Okay, she's got her zoomies. Do I think I'm cursed? Hmm. I think like six months ago I would have said yes. Yeah. Yeah. And now I love that. Yeah. It's been lifted. I think there's been times that I thought I was cursed. What changed? And now, um, I think I was. I think I was.

like sick six months ago and so I was like well you're just always going to be sick and I think six months ago I was feeling like you know sort of just like a comedy robot with like no personal life and I was like oh you're just cursed to work right you just work and you know you have no time for your friendships or anything else yeah and now I'm feeling more balanced that's good like okay yeah yeah do you feel current have you ever felt cursed I have felt yeah absolutely I don't have I have I've tell you how cursed I was. I bought this lamp. Oh, yeah, you were cursed for a hot sack.

A cursed lamp? I bought a fucking lamp off of Offerah. I think it was a cursed lamp. As I was exiting the driveway with the lamp, immediately the car broke. Oh. Then I get home and we had flooding in the home that eventually caused black mold. Oh, my God. And then they took the ceiling off of my home.

My landlord went crazy town. And now I live in a new place and now I'm not cursed anymore. Yeah, but what did that woman say to you about the lamp? Oh, I was sitting at a cafe talking to a friend about the lamp and a woman who was at another table having a different conversation walked over and said, have you tried bathing it in the moonlight? And I was like, no, queen. No, because it's too heavy and I'm whittle girl. Have you considered that? That does sound like a real thing to get rid of a curse.

It does. Baving it in the moonlight. Yeah, she was like, not me a tired bathing it in the moonlight. in light. Well, no, stranger I've never met. Go enjoy your granola. I thought you were going to come over and be like, what does the lamp look like? Yeah, I just got rid of it. I just got rid of that lamp. It's from my ancestors.

Do you ever feel like your brain is just looking for the next thing that could go wrong? Well, yes, I do. Of course. Do you ever feel like you can't just relax and enjoy life no matter how much you want to? Don't I know it? Maybe you pay a ton of attention to your body and you spiral every time you get a new physical sensation because you're afraid of getting a terrible illness. Or maybe you just got a promotion, but you're so afraid you're going to jinx it so you keep replaying everything you did to make sure you did it just right. Or maybe you're constantly worrying about the people you love and how to keep them safe. What is OCD? Well, real OCD is a serious condition where unwanted distressing thoughts, called intrusive thoughts, get stuck on repeat in your mind. And you feel driven

to engage in certain behaviors, called compulsions, to try to make them stop. Intrusive thoughts are often disturbing and totally out of character. They can be about anything, but they often focus on the people and things we care about most, making them hard to ignore. I know how exhausting and debilitating OCD can be, but there's good news. OCD is one of the most treatable mental health conditions when you get the right kind of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP, exposure and response prevention therapy.

Regular talk therapy isn't usually recommended for OCD and can actually make symptoms worse. I've done ERP with NoCD and I honestly could not recommend it enough. NoCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider. And all of their licensed therapists specialize in ERP. To learn more about starting OCD therapy with NoCD. Head to NoCD.com. And book a free call with their team. That's n-O-CD.com.

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Oh, I felt cursed. I feel like I have cursed periods. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like I've cursed periods, but also back to the UCD thing, I think that any time, any series of bad things happen to me, my brain goes, well, that's because you're cursed, right? It is so good you didn't grow up religious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I would have been. Yeah. It would have been. It probably would have been. Yeah. achiever still. So there were like elements of like perfectionism. And I have a lot of moral OCD anyway because my dad grew up religious. I think you're Christian. Yeah. I'm a Christian right now. I think everything you've told me is like you're just a Christian that swears. But it sounds like you have all the same hang up. Okay, guys. Yeah.

Ursula. Oh, the from that young little mermaid. Oh, I mean, she's got like a whole whale skeleton. Yeah. And all those little. Yeah. Is it before the little creepies turn back to people? Oh, right. You're picking a lot of people who have cursed. That's so true. Curse objects. And curse people. Let's say before. Yeah. Okay. Let's say before.

Classic canon middle of the movie Ursula. Like if she were to die while she still has all of those souls. Yeah. Ariel's voice. Yeah. Who would she leave Ariel's voice to? Who does she leave Ariel's voice to? Whoa.

Because you know. Lots and jetsam. I mean, who else does she have? Imagine if they were swimming around with her beautiful voice. I mean, who else? The amount they would be pulling. Because the second she got that voice, you know she called a lawyer and was like, okay, who do I leave this to the event of an emergency? insured for sure. Oh yeah. But it's like the only family she has is Ariel's dad. Yeah.

So like. Yes. It's so true. Although I feel like he would keep it. Yeah. Don't you feel like he would be like and you need to learn a lesson? Yes. Yeah. He's weird. I've always done a weird vibe for him. No, he's like off. There's like something wrong there. A man with so many daughters. Yeah. And no wife. Yeah. What is he hiding? Where is she? Where is she? He's so many daughters and no wife. Yeah. I feel like she could leave flots and sometimes. Yeah. I feel like she could leave flots and. I'm to Jetsam and leave Jetsam to Flotsam. That's kind of beautiful. And that would be gorgeous. That's beautiful. And then that would be a spinoff. Both, right? Canonically?

They're, hmm, that's interesting. They're like, they're, I think they're dating, but they're like when two people who look like twins start dating. Yes. Yeah. Or like when someone gets a dog that looks like them and you're kind of like, when people are like, they look related and I'm like, they look so cute together. Yeah.

Yes. That's the thing. The whole siblings are dating thing. Yeah. Yeah, but I guess we want that. I guess. I guess we got to unpack that at some point. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know, guys. Let's write there, Will. Kiyu. I understand it's a child. Oh, fuck, Kauu. Oh, my God. You have pleasant memories?

I remember Kiyu. What did Kiyu have? Just being a little bitch. He's just a fucking asshole. He's just those toys. Oh, how about this? Who does he leave his victim mentality to? Oh, Rosie.

He's got to leave it to Rosie. I fucking hate Kiyu. All I remember is a song. I don't remember. I'm just a kid who's for each day. I don't remember the chorus. I just remember the chorus. I'm Kai Yu.

That is the second time today we sung the Kaiyu theme song. Really? Yeah. We sang it in a meeting an hour and a half ago. How did it hit? No one knew Kaiy. They didn't know your Kaiy. They were like, we don't know what this is.

It was warm up for this because I know who that is. Oh yeah. And I mean, this kid fucking sucks and I really hate him. Yeah. And I have a lot against him. But what does he leave his shit to? Well, he better leave it to his lesbian moms. I love his lesbian mothers.

Because Kaiu's dad is a lesbian. And that's not real, but it is true. Oh, that's his dad. Dad. Okay. Okay. His dad is like a really beautiful. I really did think. I thought that was like the nanny. Yeah. And the mom. Yeah. Gorgeous. They are really really a really lovely couple from Atwater Village. I mean younger sibling. Yeah, we got Rosie. Yep. Yep. Yep. So maybe maybe Rosie gets stuff. Yeah. My siblings are getting all my stuff. That's mine too. Yeah. Are we all, we're all oldest siblings? Yeah. We all oldest? Yeah. Of how many? Just two of us. Just two. I got oldest of four.

I know. And was that like a conscious choice on your parents' part? I wasn't there. I wasn't there for the conception. But that's actually so weird. What I was always told was that my mom came from three. My dad came from two. And so it was like my mom wanted three, but my dad wanted an even number. Oh, wow. So we all had like a buddy, which I think is smart. That's fun. I did that with my chickens. I had, I got, I got four chickens because three is going to be. They're going to. They'll leave one out. Exactly. They'll leave one out. Yes. And did you have one sibling that you like were a buddy? with the most. Yeah, Bryn right over there. Yay. Sibling buddy. Yeah, but it's like,

I feel like we kind of have like two oldest siblings and two youngest siblings. Right, okay. And you guys are the two oldest? Yes. Okay, got it. Nice. Okay, Peppa Pigs Will.

Oh, fuck. Again, what does Peppa Pig have? Well, a giant nose on the side of her face. Yeah, big nose on the side of her face. Very phallic. Can Peppa Pig leave like her likeness to someone? Yes, because the show, movie. No, true.

that she's rolling in money. Are there Peppa Pig books? There are. See? She's actually rolling an IP. Yes. She leaves her IP to Amazon. Speaking of which Jeff Bezos, she loves Amazon. Jeff Bezos is the real person I have on this list. Jeff Bezos leaves his wealth to. I don't think Jeff Bezos thinks he's going to die. No, I was going to say he loses. I don't think he has a will. He leaves his wealth to the version of himself. He implanted in an egg. Yeah. I was just going to say. Yeah. I think.

he's like harvesting a twin of himself in a pod. 100%. I would love to see it go wrong. I think that would be really funny. Yeah, it'd be great. Like the idea of like a botched clone. I think even if it came out exactly like him, that would be botched. That would be a bat.

That would get messed up. That would have gone wrong. I do think, God, God, God damn it. It's so unfortunate we have the same eye shape. No, you don't. Come on. Same eyes. Has anyone ever looked at you and been like, you know whose eyes you have?

Yeah. Or is that just you saying? No, my optometrist. Your optometrist did not say you have Jeff Bezos size. No. That cannot have happened. I see it now. Because my optometrist, because...

This is a huge thing for us. I don't see it, but she's... Years ago... Yeah. One of our improv teachers was like, you know you have a lazy eye, right? And I was like, you've changed my life forever. And then I went to an optometrist and I was like, I have a lazy eye, right? And she was like, no, no, no, no, no.

You have a lazy eye lid. And then recently, I went to a lazy eye. other optometrist. And I said, what do I do about this lazy eyelid? And he goes, you have two lazy eyelids because you're aging rapidly. What? No, you don't. I can't see it. And I always try to, like, I always try to see it. There was a video, there was some video where someone commented, I see Sid's lazy eyelid now, not saying this in a mean way, saying this to be validated. Isn't a lazy eyelid just hooded eyes? But one is worse. So I have that too. I think that's normal. One of mine is where you can literally see your eyelids.

Everyone has one boob that's a little bit bigger than the other. Not me. Really? Not me. Mine are perfectly the same size. And that's worth. I actually don't know if that's true. And who are you leaving that to me?

And my perfectly symmetrical boobs go to. All of my siblings. All of my siblings. What if you could leave your boobs to somebody? That's kind of beautiful. That is kind of nice. I guess it depends on which of my friends are like getting worked on. Yeah.

Yeah. How do you feel about that? How do you feel about cosmetic surgery? Oh my gosh. Research it every day? I do get it I never do that's exactly same I'm like I never thought I would be someone who was like never we doing I never thought I was always like oh fuck that absolutely but then everyone does it everyone's doing it now and it's like everyone does and there's so many things to get and then I

I but I've just kind of made a deal with myself where I'm like not going to I think a my face is supposed to make expressions because of my job be I what am I what am I what is you're beautiful so you don't need it. So there's also that. People will watch this and watching like pretty girls be like, I don't think I'm going to get it. They're like, well, you're a hero. Like no one's going to be super impressed. No offense. But I like I say the eyelid thing because that was like all over my TikTok for a while. Where I was like, well, it seems like everyone's getting in it. It's so easy. Yeah. You look like crazy for a couple days. Yeah. It seems to feel pretty fast. Yeah. I could see myself getting like little things done here or there if I was like,

40s plus or like 50s. Yeah. Like I just turn 30. Yeah. Like I don't, like, what am I supposed? Like, I'm telling, what did they be telling 18 year olds to do that? Like, fuck off. I am also like, I would be afraid of what it would look like as I would age.

Because, like, you know, as I age, I would really like to be kind of like someone's weird granola aunt with big crazy hair. Like, that is ideal for me. Yeah. So, and I want to wear tivas. And I feel like I can't wear tivas if I have like an upper blef. Tiva. Okay. The samples.

Oh, my God. I was like sunglasses. Okay. Yes. Yes. Tivas then. Yes. Yes. Tivas then. Sorry. You're right. I said that really hostile. Yes. Wait, can you look up Tivas? Just so. You did say Tivas like it was like, you forgot my mom's name. Oh, okay. Tiva. And you can't learn that if you have a blef. No, I can't wear that if I have a blef. No. Your bluff is so far from them. It's so far from my Tivas. Yeah. You just can't get photographed full body. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, and that's something you got to think about.

Yeah. But we have gotten hair extensions. We were talking about that earlier. We don't have them now, but we have gotten hair extensions. But the ones you can like wash and stuff. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that's work.

That's fine. It was fun. Like it was, we did them in our early 20s and I feel like that was probably. So when Miley Cyrus had them. Was it like then? When Miley Cyrus had hair extensions down to like her waist. Yes. All I wanted in the world.

Yes. Yeah. It was like, yeah, like 2000. The person who I saw with the hair extensions. Yes. And then went like, I need to go to the person who did those hair extensions. And then we did. Was Gigi gorgeous.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Saw Gigi gorgeous with long-ass hair extensions. And I went, yes, I should be doing that. Yeah. How long were they? We had, I think I had 18 inches. I think we had longer.

Which is, or 22? 22, I think. It was too long. Yeah, it was too long. I look back now at pictures and I go like, that's scary. Those do sound like to your waist. Yeah, also, past it. Really long.

When you run your hands. through your hair, it feels like you got spiders in your hair, which is kind of fun. Oh, that I don't know. You would be dating someone and they'd be upset. And they would feel your hair like this and they'd be like, oh. And that's what I kind of liked about it. I kind of liked upsetting people I was dating. Also, like the good test. It's a good test. It's like you can't get over this. Absolutely. You like this or no. Also, long strands will fall out at random times. So we would write help on the ground in hair and take pictures and send them to people that I had like fucked once. Yeah. It was awesome. Yeah. It was like, it was a really good time for like being in your early 20s and being like, I'm going to be a little rock. Yeah, I'm a menace. But we would take them out. If one would fall out and we were talking to someone, we'd be like, sorry, do you need this? And do you want this? And we just, oh, my God. Was it? They hated it. Everyone hated it. Yeah. Everyone hated it. Yeah. But they're too expensive. I would never get them again. I would never get them again. I'm just like, oh, whatever. I don't think so. I just, now I just, now I just don't cut my hair. Are there. I know you guys have gray hair. Both of you have long hair. I'm trying to grow mine out. It's hell. It's, it's, it's that thing where like the bob. It's, it's, it's that thing where like the bob. It's, it's,

is so fucking great. Long hair is fun, but then when you get that in between, it still looks good, but it's just like every individual person I know has had an issue when their hair is that length. I hate it so much. Yeah. I hate it so much.

Were there, are there, like, thoughts from, when you were, like, very much so in the church, were there things about how you should, like, dress and, like, and what you should look like and how you should, like, be perceived? Modest and feminine. Modest and feminine. Right.

Okay. So covered up, but make sure everyone still knows you're a lady. Right. What does that look like in practice? Like tradwifie? Just like Old Navy, I guess. Just old Navy, stuff like that. Like cardigan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wore a lot of cardigans. I wasn't doing long skirts. But I feel like in high school, I mostly wore like cardigans, but also like converse. And that was kind of, I was just never like cool or anything. Well, it doesn't really sound like you were able to be cool when you were in, like, like a really crazy church. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. Just based on what you explained in your special, it sounds like you were in a situation where it was like, we are setting you up to be super odd. So the fact that you came out normal. Debatable. To me, totally normal. I think I think there are very few cool kids who end up being cool adults and you're an adult for

most of your life, so I think you want to be a cool adult. It's so true. The aim is cool adult. It's so true. kid is like, okay, but that's over now. Were you guys cool in high school? No. Are you sure?

Yes. Okay. I will say, I will say that like everything is spectral and everything is tiered. I had a back brace. Yeah. For all of high school? For a year. I had a back brace for a full year.

And when my theater teacher would go get her meds out of her car after school, I would put my back brace in the car so I could do my full stunts and play rehearsal. Okay. Back brace is good. I believe you. I was obsessed. with the seniors when I was a freshman, the theater seniors. Okay. And I would express

that by making photoshopped images of them on their heads on the different cartoons and filming a prank show question mark with my friend that we called non-consensual. And you showed did you show the senior? Oh, they were in it.

We would run up to them and do shit to them. Oh yeah, we'd show them up, yeah. But they're still, I'm friends with them now in my life because I calmed down. No, I, um, they hate it. It was like, it was like, um... They didn't hate you. I was like a bug. Did you grow up in L.A.?

Yeah. Like a yucky bug. I grew up in, I was born in L.A. Went to Vegas for 10 years. Whoa. Came back for high school. I will say, I don't know if in high school we, I don't think we were the least cool people on the improv team. Right.

But still on the improup? We were on the improv team. So in the grand scheme of school, very not cool. This is interesting. Yeah. Where did you rank in your church friends? Oh, yeah. I didn't have any church friends.

None. No. So zero to zero. Any church friends. I was really bad at making friends as a kid. I was like actually. Yeah. So.

And I still have like social anxiety pretty bad. Same. But like was like could not even like when you see kids or people in like TV shows and movies where they are just can't even speak. Yeah. That's how I was. I was like really. So I had the same friends like my best friend. I met when I was 10 years old and we've been friends for 22 years.

Like it's all my friends were in. in band with me starting in sixth grade. And I kept all of those friends until I graduated. And then I went to college and I couldn't make friends. I was like starting from scratch. I was not good at it. And then I was doing stand up with like, you know, people in their 30s and 40s. I was like, this feels, I can do this. We had that kind of thing too where we were like in high school and college. We were like, yeah, we have friends who are like 10, 15 years older than us. And it's like, that's always a weird phase too. It's so interesting that you would be drawn to stand up then. Yeah. Being like, I don't want to talk. I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't want to talk to

anyone. Why had horrible stage fright for like years. So what pushed you to do it? Like sick, like, diarrhea. Like so scared. Girl, I know diarrhea. Yeah. What pushed you to do it? I just loved it. Like, once I was on stage, I loved it. Yeah. But I was awesome. But getting up there was terrified. But getting up there was horrible for like days beforehand. It was horrible. But then once I was up there, it was good enough that I just always pushed through it until. Yeah. Once I was like doing clubs, you know, multiple times a week. Yeah, it's like a muscle. Yeah, exactly. And now you feel comfy? Yeah. Now I feel comfy. Yeah, yeah. You seem, you seem comfy. That's good. I'm so glad. It was so funny. I had, I had a moment with my best friend, Courtney, where I was like, well, I'm just not socially, like, very good. And she goes, you're more social than me now. Like, she's like, you've just been saying that for 10 years.

Yeah, it's like, we get a narrative in our head of like, well, I'm this way. And then it's like, sometimes you grow out of it and you're like, no, I still am. And I'm just like, no, we don't see you that way. Yeah. There's also a thing of like feeling away and being perceived a certain. I feel very shy. When I know that I'm going into a situation with people who I'm like, I know we're all going to be fine. I'm able to not be shy. But I can't tell you how many situations I've gone into where they've been like, who's your quiet friend, Sydney? Yes. So many. Yes. Same. Exactly the same. But it's funny. I think I've just like learned now. It's easier to make friends as an adult, in my opinion, because you can be really aggressive about it and you kind of have to be in order to form relationships. because everyone's so busy. And then if they don't want to, it's so easy to, like, ghost you.

Yeah. There's no, like, oh, we have to see each other at school. And we know that I tried to be friends with them. It's like, so none of us are even allowed near a school. None of us are allowed near a school. That's the thing about the people I'm trying to be friends. Yeah. Not allowed near. You can just go, oh, they got busy. Yeah. It's like dating apps. It's like, it's like, it's so easy to lie to yourself. Absolutely. And then there's like the occasional person on a dating app who's like, well, you didn't respond to me. And it's like, okay, well, thank you for the warning. You're absolutely ill. Yes, but you're like, we're all adults and this is how we do things. Yeah, absolutely. No, like, so many of my closest friends, it's like, I'll see you every,

every, like, six months and we'll talk, like nothing's changed. And like, we see each other every six months. We see each other every six months. For, for about six months. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's so, sometimes when I look through the segments that, like, we'll write down segments in a Google Doc and we'll write them separately sometimes or to together and I'll look at the ones that I specifically wrote and look at it and be like, what's crazy that that's nothing? Well, you wrote underneath one of them, this is nothing. I need help. Okay, yeah. You want to hear that? I would love to hear that one. That's like when I wake up

and there's like a joke idea from 2.15 a.m. Can you read me one of those please? I would do anything in the whole world. Let me see if I have any. I want to anything in the world. I hear this. Yeah. So sometimes I'll make segments based on rhyming because I don't know what else. Because you want you want people to you want people to rhyme? No, it's because I can't think of anything except for a rhyme. Your brain works in rhyme. You know how you're at sleep and a sleep in your brain works in rhyme? So my, like, for example, a segment I do on this show often.

How often on this show we do a segment I made up called Girl Boss or Girl Floss, where I say a name and Olivia decides if it's a girl boss or a female dentist from Zoc Doc. And it's so nothing. I love that. So with your stuff, I was like, I was like, oh, let's do some stuff about, like, Christian, some stuff about death, some fun stuff. Yeah. And then I was like, amen or come again?

I love that. I think that's great. But what is it? You just came up with the name. Okay, I wrote this down while I think I was shitting. I wrote, I'm going to say something. If you think it's a religious experience, you say, amen. If you think it's something you find crazy, you say, come again.

I think that's good. And you wrote down no examples. No, I wrote. No. Oh, actually one example? I wrote one example, TiVa. Okay. TiVa?

I wrote one example. And it's watching couples therapy on Showtime while making the real life couples on the Sims. Oh, that's an amen. Oh, that's an amen. Right after that. I wrote, actually, this is nothing. I need help. That's, I think that's so good.

You're no longer young people. You're just people. And people are either productive or dead weight. It's my first day of work and I need to make a job. a big impression. Were you just checking me out? No. It's too bad.

I see at least 15 ladies I need to talk to you before my beta block or it's off. My coworkers don't take me seriously. It's not a human. It's just a piece of meat. Someone bring a gurney. That segment with just the one. It's just a question. It's just a question.

Wait, I have a question about that show. Yeah. How are they getting those people on that show? Okay. Are they hidden cameras? No. That's crazy. They have to be.

Behind like a bookshelf or something? Yes. Okay. So the cameras themselves are yes or hidden because they want it to feel more like an authentic therapy experience. Everyone is going in knowing it's filmed. But I think the thing is Orna, do you watch the show? I have watched the show. I haven't seen all of it.

Yeah, I need to watch. Orna is so good at her job and she's so unbelievably hot that I think people are like, I'll do anything to be here. and I get it. Like, that makes sense. I, like, watching her, I'm like, I would do anything to go to therapy from you. Oh, yeah, see, look, the secret cameras. But also, look, it says, it says they film about six couples for a season, but only end up broadcasting the foremost compelling and dynamic relationship journeys.

So imagine being one of the couples that got the couples therapy, but doesn't have to have all their shit put online. Well, that's like love is blind because there are pod couples who don't make the cut, right? Did you see an age of attraction? Oh, I do. I refuse. I refused. They did the same thing where like they only... It wasn't pods, but they only aired the couples that had the best each, you know, caps. Of course.

Which means they did a segment where they were like, and here are all the couples who met who are pretty much the same age. And they're all revealing their age to each other. And one of them goes like, I'm 46. And the other one goes like, I'm 42. And they're like, okay. All right. So then they just date? But they can see each other, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So they can tell what fucking age they are. Like, yes. But not always. But not always. Not always. But you could probably guess a little bit.

Yes. But I'm assuming they're casting people that are kind of like, yeah. Yeah. You look 50 but with really good skin. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, there's like a guy who's like, I think 60. And he really could have been 47.

That's impressive. What about ultimatum? Did you watch ultimatum? I watched queer ultimatum. Queer Ultimatums is the only version I would ever watch. Well, the first season's good. The second season's like. I didn't watch the second season because they did Vanessa so dirty that I was like,

yeah. Yeah, they did. They did her to party. And I was like, they did you fucking dirty. She was like, I know. They really needed a villain. And the second season, I saw like half of. And I was like, I don't think they're doing a villain this time because everybody's kind of just like fighting.

It's just messy. Yeah, it just felt really messy. Yeah. But also, I don't know. It's just you weren't really rooting for anyone in the same way that you did on the first one. Yeah, it's hard. It's like, it's like when I'm watching reality TV and it's like a messy show. Like, I loved queer ultimatum.

But when I'm watching, like, fully privileged straight, right people fight, I think it's easier for me to watch because I'm like, well, these people are probably fine. Like, they're not being, we're not punching down by being like, look at their trauma. We are because it's reality TV. But I think, yeah, it's like if I don't really want to see people get devastated. Yeah. when they're already have had some, I don't know. But ultimatum, I just think with any reality shows, I'm just like, who would sign up for this? Oh, my God.

The ultimatum thing is so wild that I'm like, you are trying to get someone to marry you. So you drag them onto a reality show. And to be the person who's like, I won't marry you. I will go on a reality show where I pretend to marry someone else. She on one on you on camera is like, that's insane. Have you seen Temptation Island? No. That one is sick in the head. Is that just dumb people fucking?

Yeah. It's cheat on your partner island. Oh, it's cheating. It's cheat on your partner island. Instead of couple swap island, cheat on your partner and they're cheating on you, it's everyone free-for-all cheat on your partner island. I can't with that. And the thing about love is blind is if they really had people that wanted to fall in love. Yeah. That would be great. But I think most of them don't. It's gotten so MAGA too. Oh, has it? Oh, yeah. Everyone on love is blind is MAGA now. Well, that's the only people who would get married that fast.

It's like people who thought God were telling them to. Yeah. Did you ever have that situation? Wait, did you ever hear God? Did you ever hear God? You know, you think you do. You really think you do. You think you feel the Holy Spirit.

And then later you're like, I don't know what that was. Yeah. It was just a feeling. It was just warm in the room. When you were like younger, would you be like in a church service and you'd be like, I can really hear him right now? Not like audibly. Yeah.

But I would feel, I would feel emotions. I would feel emotions. wash over me and I would go, that must be God. Yeah. And it never was. And it was just like dopamine. Yeah, I don't even know. It was just me like searching for any sort of direction or advice or certainty. Yeah, that's fair. So like, but if I was like, you know, in a pod, yeah, kind of drunk. Oh yeah. And they are. Starving. Yeah, like being isolated and I'm probably

cold and I'm talking to a wall with a place. And you can't leave until you get engaged. And you can't leave until you get engaged. And you can't leave until you get engaged. I would probably start praying too and be like, is this my husband? Yeah, absolutely. Did you do youth group stuff? I did some youth groups. I was so socially anxious that like I would be forced to go to youth group as like a punishment almost.

Oh no. Or like if it was and then it was so just like, yeah, I was not. I did not want to go to youth group. Yeah. Because I just could not make friends for life. I still can't make friends in youth group. No. They do not let me eat.

They do not get me. Did you think you were going to be, like, married young? Yeah, I did. I thought, I dated my, like, college boyfriend when I was, like, 19. We were both, like, super Christian, and we were just like, this is it, you know, because we touched each other. So it has to be. Otherwise, I'm cheating.

Yeah, otherwise I've cheated on, you know, my future. When did you transition to not? Out of Christianity? Wow. That's an interesting way of putting it. I like that. Yeah, it was a really slow process. Faith transition is what I've heard it's called.

Is it really? Yeah, faith transition. That's what Mormons call it. Oh, interesting. We call it, like, deconstructing your faith. Yeah. Okay. So I think it was like over many years.

It was kind of like when I was a kid, I had doubts and I didn't think, I was like, I don't know if I allowed to. I think I'm a bad Christian. Yeah. And then it turned into, you know, in college, like maybe I'm not a Christian. And then ultimately it was like, okay, I don't think I am. Yeah. And it just, it just, I just wasn't, you know? It wasn't like I woke up one day.

I was like, I've decided not to. I just was like, oh, I just don't think this. Yeah. Did you and all of your siblings leave at the same time? No, I think it was similar for all of us. I think we were all right. Would you say that was it was kind of gradual for all of us? Yeah, it was kind of a gradual thing.

And I think in college we were all kind of like, where are you at with it? We're all kind of gone, you think. And then like, you know, everybody came out and stuff. Like all three of my siblings are queer to and they came out before me. And it was kind of all like, okay, so are we going to. Oh, I love the bit you were saying about like, oh, I got to do another six months of pretending. Yeah, yeah. But also like they were so, they were like.

like, you know, sort of the trailblazers in that respect where I was always just kind of like, but am I queer enough? Am I, do I qualify? Well, that's, I mean, that's the whole, do you identify as like bisexual? Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole bisexual thing. It's like, the bifobia. The second you, it's like that internalized thing of, oh, I'm not good enough as this and I'm not good enough of that thing.

And then you'll date somebody who's like, I'm a lesbian. And you'll be like, do you secretly hate me? Yeah. Yeah. You secretly hate me. Yeah. And it's like, no, no, no, you're putting this on yourself because other people make this a job. joke and like, that's okay.

It's okay. Everyone, calm down. Everyone take a chill pill. Yeah. Very silly. We got to sell bisexual chill pills. Bisexual chill pills called ketamine. Oh, wait, I was going to read a random.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. So this isn't this. Okay. Yeah, I'm excited no matter what it is. This one I don't know. These are, so this one I wrote say yes because it's too far in advance to say no.

Right. I know exactly what you mean. Which I think is just, right. I think that's just. I do that. trying to remember an old joke I used to say. I just wrote glass half full dash see the lifeboats half full dash Titanic. And that is an old joke I used to do and we cannot remember what it was. Wait, let's be construct that. Glass half full. Yeah. See the lifeboat is half full. Oh, you know what it was?

It's coming from a place of when I, so when I finally saw Titanic, I was in fifth grade. And for some reason, up until fifth grade, I thought everybody on the Titanic died. So when I saw the, the movie and I found out it was half of the people died. I was like, well, that's way better than I thought. That's actually a story of. Yeah. There's hope. This is a miracle. Yeah. So the movie ended. The whole ship went down. Half the people existed. It's like, Noah's Ark. Yeah. The movie ended and you were like, that's pretty great. Okay, so that's way better than that I was going to be. Yeah. So I'm like, maybe that was it, but I cannot. That is funny. I literally cannot remember. But yeah, I get a lot of them are like... Do you get most of your ideas in the middle of the night?

I get, if I get to like 2 a.m. I'll start getting ideas and then it's hard for me to sleep. Like this I just wrote acne mystery. Yeah, that's awesome. No idea. It's that classic acne mystery bit. Yeah. Taylor, do your acne mystery bit. Taylor, do your acne. Do your astry mystery. I like the idea of that being like a like a, you know, like a crime show like on Netflix or something. Yeah. The acne mystery. I would honestly watch that if there was a reality show where people were just trying to figure out the source of their acne. Yeah. Because I feel like my entire 20s was just me trying to figure out why I had acne. But you map it to a like a who done it like in the style of traitors.

Yes, we cast someone as Diet Coke. Yeah. We cast someone as dairy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Or yeah. It could be everyone wears a morph suit. Oh. And you have to get you has acne. Interview them and you guess where on their body their acne is. That's great. That's great. That's great. That's beautiful. Is that anything? Did you ever watch them? What's the show we loved in the UK? Oh, a naked attraction?

Yeah. Oh, is that they just... Everyone is in pods, colored pods, and they're all naked. And a person... Getting to know each other naked? No, they don't even get to know each other. It's so dehumanizing, but it's so absurdist. They just stare at each other naked?

So a person comes in and the host is like, here are six pods and the pods all open up to right here. And you see everyone's junk. You see everyone's junk. And they're British, so they'll all be like, that's quite a nice minge. Yeah, like that's a neat minge. That's a neat minge. I quite like that minge, that knob. Nice and tidy.

And they're all so polite. And then they have to eliminate one person based on their, only on their genitals. Then that person gets shown and they say bye and then you see what they look like. It's hot. Then the next segment is it goes up and you just see neck down. So then you have to eliminate one person every time. Is everyone hot? No.

No. No. Why? Everyone is very normal. Completely normal. Yeah. They do. I love the UK.

I know. And it's on basic cable. Yeah. We used to run home from like the bar at the UK. That's nothing. It's not on. You know. No, it is.

It's on HBO now. It's still on. But like when we were in the UK, it used to only be allowed in the, it used to only be on in the UK. And we would be like out in the UK for like a vacation. And we'd be like, we have to get home before it's done. And we would go back to our individual hotel rooms to watch the show because it's important to us. That's correct. That's so crazy.

Yeah. And I am going to go home and watch that. You have to. So the thing that will happen that's bad is because they pick apart everyone's bodies, you'll start doing that to yourself. I'm already doing that. But we're already doing that. Come on. And the thing that's good is that you just see a diversity of human bodies.

And they really, like, they had a person that we just saw recently. There was a woman who came on as a, as the picker. And previously they had come on before they transitioned. And so we've now, we've seen them now in their previous form with male jobs. genitalia and their current form with female genitalia. And it was just so cool. It was fascinating. To like see her be like, oh, last time I was here, I was like not quite myself.

I was David. Yeah, she was like, I was David. I was not myself. Now I feel really good. And you can like tell she feels good. And it just like, it was fascinating. It was delightful. She was delightful.

And spoiler alert, it worked out for her. It did. So is the picker also naked? At the end. At the end. Yeah. At the end, they come out for their last two people because they can hear everyone speak at one of the last rounds. They come out, they come out completely naked, and then they

pick the final person to go on a date with it, and then they go on a date clothed. But the person they pick, they don't know who's picking them? No, that's the kind of biggest one. When I found out that the Bachelor is a surprise. Yeah. I was like, what? How can we really? So they're just applying to be, they're just applying to compete for whoever's affection. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. It is, it is the craziest part, especially when the bachelor is just some guy. Like, when it's, when it's a woman, I almost understand a little bit more because it's like, yeah, here are all these like white bread guys just looking for like a gorgeous lady. Yeah. We're just ready to get married. And it's like, yeah, there's a beautiful woman. That's awesome. Some guy. And it's like, well, this is Chess.

And he probably has allegations. They'll come out later. And all the girls are just like, try to act excited. Yeah. I really think he's great. When I trick myself. What is a realtor? Yeah. Oh my God. Prince charming. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. It's so good. But yeah, no, negative attraction is so good.

I would highly recommend it. I force people to watch it and I hate it. I hate it. That sounds like sexual harassment. I got to watch. I don't really force people to watch it. Let's just see normal bodies on TV is so important. It's great.

It's great. Everyone's so normal. Of all ages. Yeah. All ages. Yeah. All gender spectrum. Like the whole thing, the whole shebang.

There's a movie where Emma Thompson in the last few years she did it where she does like full frontal nudity. That's epic. Yeah. I love that. And it's like all about an older woman like discovering her sexuality. And she's gorgeous. And she's gorgeous. But she's like, you know, she's older. Yeah, absolutely. And it's like really impressive. That's awesome. That's fucking sick. Are you, are you, do you have any, uh, uh, are you mentally ill? Oh, absolutely. Okay. Love that. Literally same. Um, we, one of the things we love doing on this show is diagnosing, uh, fictional characters. Oh. Oh, okay.

Because there's no stakes, but it's a fun thought experiment. And you had mentioned a cast of characters in your special that we love very deeply because they're cursed no matter what. And so we're going to do a segment called diagnosing the veggie tails. Music! Let's go through all the veggie tails. Now, do you know if each veggie from the tail is a, um, based on a certain biblical creature. I'm sorry.

I think they're Richter. I think they're just characters. Yeah, I think they're, because the stories are Bible stories. So this is just like, it's like AHS, like where it's like,

these are like the main cast of characters. And then every episode, they're just different. And like they'll also talk in episodes just about how much they love God. They're just like fans as well, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Junior asparagus.

Is there a senior asparagus? I don't, I don't know. Yes, there is. There's a dad. Oh, it's a dad asparagus. Okay. So let's start with... Petunia Rubarb!

Who is that? Let's start with the more classic ones. Well, Madam Blueberry is a narcissist. Okay, okay, right. We know that. We know that. We know that. We know that.

Has narcissistic personality disorder. A shame-based disorder turns out when you can't handle shame. So you, you, it's a, it's highly linked to that. And I'm going to say Mr. Lunt is a pedophile. Now, I know that's not a really a... I would call it a mental illness. I would call it a mental illness. I would call it a mental illness.

Right? Yeah. Well, like, I mean, what the fuck else do you call it? No, I've been something. It's just plain back. An evil doing. A curse on your brain. Oh, that's the Archibald asparagus.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's the dad. Wow. And he is. I think he's a sociopath. Yeah. You think.

Yeah. Unless, I don't know him, though. I don't know him. He's just giving like Dennis from It's Always Sunny. I will say, I mean, no matter what he's, um. He might have just generalized anxiety and I'm judging him. Oh, that's. I think Bob has generalized.

I agree. I think Bob the Tomato is an anxious, anxious little man. So Bob the Tomato has GAD, just classic straight-up anxiety or anything spicier than that? Maybe because it may be just anxiety. Maybe it's just anxiety. But you want him to have like OCD. No, I just want to be honest about what's happening. Of course.

So maybe someone else has OCD. I mean, no one does. I think Larry, the cucumber is a sex addict. I think he goes to sex and love addiction. Look at this guy. Oh my gosh. I think he's because you know what? he is. He's like trying to be very like happy go lucky chill guy, but he's like, I pull on Raya and he's

awful. He has like secret addiction issues. He's awful. One of the characters we have up here is him as Larry Boy, which is a superhero. Larry Boy. That does, and if you look at that costume, that does look like he's going to some sort of sex party. Yeah, that's what you wear a sex party for sure. See? And he has plungers for ears. Now here's the question. Her comorbidity. Do we have some, some multiple personalities going on. Yes. Yes. Right? Because he's got an alter ego. For Larry Boy. Dissociative identity disorder or what is it? Yeah, just maybe multiple personality. But in every personality, he's a sex or love addict.

Of course, of course, of course, of course. And he pulls. All the personalities pull. And that is the coolest type of person with multiple personality disorder. Is someone all your personalities call? Yeah. They all pull. I might have multiple personality disorder, but at least all of them are hot. I'm not in different ways. Yeah. Wow. What do you think Petunia Rubarb has?

I don't even know who that is. And I can't believe that Petunia Rubarb is on here and not Esther the onion. You seem to so offensive. Like, who is that? Who the fuck is? Do you know Petunia Rubarb, Bryn? No. But Esther the Onion, we'd know that.

Could we're awakening? Could we open another tab? Esther the onion? Is that Vegytales.com? I think. That's crazy. Because. Whoa.

She's way more gorgeous than I thought. I was picturing more of an onion onion, but she's more of like a leak. Like a green, isn't she a green? She's chive-esque. Yeah, chive or green onion. She's so thin. I was picturing a white onion. She's so hot.

Look at her. She's like, she's like, Cleopatra? Her hair's like falling in her face. Yeah, she's vaguely Cleopatra-esque. I'm really confused by now. Wait, yeah, that with her head. Oh, my God, Queen Esther. So you watch, did you, because I didn't grow up Christian, so I don't know.

They would act out Bible stories. and you would watch them in the terms of like vegetables. Yes. Or they would do something else and it would be like teaching you more of a moral lesson. I think maybe they got away from that. Like Esther was like a straight up Bible story. Yeah. The Larry Boy stuff was like I think junior.

Yeah, who is that in the Bible? Junior lied. And every time he lied, there was a little fib that would grow bigger and bigger with every lie. And then Larry Boy had to defeat the fib. But actually the only person who could defeat the fib was Junior by telling the truth. Oh. And so that was about lying. Which the Bible discourages, I think.

And he's an addict. So that it works. Yeah, that totally works. Crazy that these people were like, how do we make religion something that children can understand? Let's make it something every child loves vegetables. Let's take something we're trying to make palatable and make it the worst option ever. No, it is so crazy. And it somehow works.

And Laura Carrot is kind of awesome. What is her deal? She looks like neurotic. Like, she looks like she's haunted by something. Like, I think she might have OCD. Yeah, actually, totally. But look in her eyes is giving, like, haunted of something that's coming from in here. Yes.

She is very much so, like, seeing images that she's like, I could probably direct a horror film with what I see. Yeah. She's, like, convinced that, like, someone's going to die if she doesn't, like, you know. Pick the wrong fork out of the drawer. That's just a random example I pulled out in nowhere. Yeah, I don't know. That's not really nothing. It's actually nothing.

It's fine. Mike Jr. has ADHD. When you said the thing about putting water on. on brownies in the trash. Oh my God, that was so funny. We threw out brownies and put water on it. I like laugh, cried. And I love when...

I couldn't believe that worked. The follow up of like, okay, so some of you guys have never had a complicated relationship with food. And I think the first draft of that joke was pouring milk on brownies in the trash, but it almost was like, milk and brownies go together. So I landed on water. Because water's only gross. But they're truly were.

It really hit for the people it hit for. And then the people who did not get it, I was so jealous of. Yeah. I was like, do you just love? your body. Like, you have no insecurities at all? You just wake up and you're like, that's awesome. And those are the people who would go on naked attraction.

Yes. Right of the way. Are the people who are like, what? They're like, I have a totally normal human body. It's not a, it's not like a societally perfect body. And I love to be naked. And I'm like, that is so fucking cool. I don't even like to look at myself naked.

In fact, I never do. And we shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to. Yes. Wear more clothes during sex. I'm always saying that. I'm always trying to wear a disguise.

Are clothes during sex. Is there anyone else? Oh, what about the two peas? Oh, yeah, the French peas? Yeah, I feel like they are... Codependent. That's what... Yep, yeah, got it.

And that's it. Yeah. They go to Coda meetings. Yes. Dependent Anonymous. I've been to two of those. Have you? Not so anonymous anymore.

Not so anonymous anymore. The only meeting I ever went to was for Workaholics Anonymous. That's awesome. Yeah. And how was that? I was like, this is all hitting for me, and I'm never coming back. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, you're so fucking cool. You guys are so cool. This is so fun. We are so happy that you came here. The new special is like truly genius. Yeah. If you haven't seen it, you're a cuck.

You're an absolute cuck. Go watch it. We've taken up far too much of your time. But why don't you tell the good cucks of the world where to find all your things? It's all on Netflix, basically. And then I'm on TikTok and Instagram and all that stuff too. But YouTube, all of it. All that jazz.

All that jazz. Go find it. And if you want to see more episodes. Longer, uncut. uncensored, all that stuff. Uncensored. Go to our Patreon and then watch it. Okay.

And if not, no worries. I don't care. I hope you have a lovely day. Who fucking cares if I care? It doesn't matter if you want to, do it. If you don't that's fine. I don't care. Life is hard.

It's hard. I respect your time. If it makes it easy, good. But if it doesn't, stop. We will see you next Tuesday. Freeframe. Hey y'all.

It's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.ca.

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