Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - THE DISASTERS ARE HERE! ft. Marriage & Childbirth

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

Will we ever get married? Use code TALK for 30% off your first order at Cornbread Hemp! https://cornbreadhemp.com/TALK Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Chapters 00:20 | Intro 00:50 | Our Wedding Weekend 11:58 | Carnival Cruise Hazmat Suits 16:55 | Olivia's Ideal Bit Heavy Wedding 19:55 | M&W For Forks 26:05 | Olivia's Unfortunate Freeze Frame 33:28 | Will We Have Kids?? 39:31 | Syd's Pitch for Chipotle 40:40 | Our Wedding Vows This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Daddy. Like, it looks like, it looks like, oh my God. It looks like an artichote dip. I actually can't look. Oh, my God. Welcome to the big bad podcast for you. Oh, it's the big bad podcast for you. It's you and it's bad. I'm Sid, the one. I'm the Sid one. I'm the one. I'm the one that's Olivia. Whoa. I'm the Sid one. And together we're the Sid and Olivia talk shit one. And this is the one podcast called Sid and Olivia talk shit. Um, how are you doing today? Oh my gosh. I am alive. I'm functional. How are you today? Oh, I'm fine. Um, we both had, we both had crazy weekends. Wedding activities. Yes. We have officially gotten to the age where so many people we went to high school with are getting married. Yeah, it's kind of insane. Isn't that weird? It's not like,

it's not an original thought. No, no, no, no, no, but it is a weird thing to experience. No, no, no. I'm not saying, I'm not saying that wasn't original thought. No, I'm saying like, I was like it's not, but it is the first time I'm experiencing it. No, no, no. What I was going to say is, I still have the thing where if one of my friends is about to get married or have a baby, I have the thought of like, oh no. Too young. Too young. Which is, again, is not an original thought. No, it's a bit from Broad City. But it's true. It's like, you go like, wait, are you okay? And it's like, well, yeah, because this is when people do that usually. It's crazy. It's really crazy. It is a weird. So you went out of town to a wedding. I did, yeah. You went to

to New York for a wedding. Went to New Jersey. New Jersey for a wedding. And I went to Palm Springs for a bachelor, bachelorette party that I was the maid of honor at. How was it? It was very fun. It was a blast.

The only thing that went wrong is that the wind was so bad on the second day that it was like no one could go outside. No one could go outside. Yeah, no one could go outside. And there was also a disaster that got committed, the, the, the, the, the, the, the second day. So the second day, we had fun, doing fun things, but there were some disasters afoot. Well, yes, because in Palm Springs, there was a disaster committed by a ill person. Like a, there was like a, an IVF center bombing. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't good. We saw it on the news and we were all

like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And we were all going to drag brunch the next morning. And my paranoid ass was like, if someone's doing targeted attacks on things that are in the category of progressive stuff. Why would they not do this next? And then I kept that to myself because I thought that's probably just a crazy person. Olivia thought. And then I was correct. Oh. Everything went wonderful.

Okay. But holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, that was insane. A couple of weird, when we're filming this, this is a couple of weird disasters this weekend. Because there was also the pirate ship thing that went into the Brooklyn Bridge. Oh, my God. I saw that.

Yeah. What the fuck? Just like weird disasters, like weird madlibs disasters. Yeah, it's madlibs disasters. Like just putting in random words and being like, that's atrocious, but also what? Yes. What you're talking about it? Yes.

No, that's like, did anyone get hurt on the pirate ship? Yes, people died. What the fuck? They were on the top of like the things and they like died. That's bad. It's awful. And it's also just like, how did we not clock that the Brooklyn, that the boat wouldn't be able to go under the bridge?

Yeah. If you got a big, tall boat, how is that not the first thing we're thinking of? Yeah. It's just like crazy. Like, I drive an SUV and when I drive into parking lots, I constantly am like, am I going to fit in here. Yeah. And the answer is like, yeah, because this is built for this. Yes, because you're not at a pirate ship. The Brooklyn Bridge is not built for a pirate ship, unfortunately. Jesus, unfortunately. Maybe we, maybe it should be. Maybe it should be. Jesus Christ. Yeah, what a, what a, what a nightmare weekend. I had a terrible, terrible flight in.

Oh, shit. Into New Jersey? No, so I flew into New York from L.A. I made like a really stupid decision. I don't know. I think like I've had this thing lately where I'm like, what is it? Like my brain goes dark when I'm buying things. things on my phone. Oh, perfect. Like, my brain just goes dark. And I'm just like, oh, I have no

brain. I'm just going to click the buttons and click checkout. Oh, no. And it's also how I got scammed recently. Yeah, I'm going to say that. And you're like not the person who gets scammed. No, but my brain has been going dark. I think that, you know what? I think there's a lot of overwhelm. And I think at home, if you're dealing with a lot of overwhelm and your brain keeps going dark, I would say take a deep breath and try to be compassionate towards yourself. Or maybe sign out of your PayPal. And sign out of your PayPal as well while you're being compassionate. Maybe be like somebody else changed the password to my PayPal. An act of self-compassion is cutting up all your credit cards and signing out of your Apple Pay.

No, the other day my brain went dark while I was sitting on the toilet online shopping. And I was like sitting on the toilet and I was like online shopping. And I was like, I'm going to buy this blazer because I'm going to wear it when we go to New York. I was like, I'm going to buy this blazer. Fuck yeah. And then I was like click checkout and it didn't work. And I was like, fuck, fuck, click it again. And clicked checkout.

It didn't work. And I clicked it again. I clicked it like five times. And it's like there probably should have been something in my brain that goes like, maybe like, maybe this website is not real. No, but like also sometimes you just get frustrated and you're like, I meant pay. And like you just get in like a. Yeah. And not you, but the universal you.

I finally like bought it. And then immediately got a confirmation email that was like, oh, that's not real. That's not real. There's nothing here. this isn't real and looked up reviews and all of the reviews are like, this is so clearly. Was this for the blazer that was separate from the dress? No, no, no, I got a blazer thing. Okay, okay, okay.

So I didn't know if this was a second clothing item. Okay. And then I, and then I like immediately was like, well, let me go back to this order and looked at the website and I was like, oh, there are no reviews here. It is a website called Camille underscore lady. That's nothing. That's everything. And all of the outfits on it are so clearly like, these are probably from another website.

And I was like, my brain went dark. That's okay. Sometimes your brain goes dark. But my brain went dark again when I bought tickets to go to this wedding. When I bought tickets into JFK and it was a wedding in like the Jersey Shore like, yeah, I was curious why you were doing that. My brain went dark. Okay.

I just always trust you. Nope. My brain went dark. So anytime your brain goes dark, I go like, oh, she's probably got something fucking genius plan. Nope. Because I landed in New York at like 1130 p.m. And I was like, I wonder how long of a train ride it will be for me. And it was a five-hour train ride.

And I was like, I can't do that. And some of the trains are shut down because of strikes. So I was like, I'm going to have to take a $300 Uber. But anyway. Oh, that's a nightmare. That's not even the nightmare part. Oh, that is a nightmare part. On the flight back to L.A.

I have like crazy flight anxiety. Yeah. I am a nervous flyer. I do not like flying. We don't belong up there. it doesn't make sense to me. And I know it's not a very cool fear, but it is a real one. I don't, I never had that fear.

And I will say now I do based in the last six months. Yeah. And I would say it's not a crazy fear in this day. It's not. But I get like full anxiety attacks before I have to fly. I freak out. I go like, I shouldn't be doing this. Like this is a sign and this is a sign and I go crazy.

Yeah. But on my flight back to L.A., we got crazy turbulence to the point of one of the flight attendants was serving on a car and just went, I'm not doing this, and ran back. And like, I feel like when you're nervous on a plane, you look at the flight attendants because you're like, you do this all the time. Yeah, you know what's up. Yeah, you're going to be calm and you're going to be like, oh, here's what you do. And this woman was freaking out. And I was like, oh, we're going to fucking die. Oh, my God. That's so. A woman started praying.

Oh, I hate that. And I was, like, sitting there, like, watching friends being like, this is the one with the turkey on the head. This is the one where the plane goes down. Yeah, I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. But we ended up living. I do love that.

It's awesome for me. Wow, that's awesome. I'm very glad you ended up living. Yeah. Wow. So your Bachelor, Bachelor, I pre. It was a joint. It was a joint.

Which I love. I love a joint bachelor, bachelorette, because, listen, I think being a maid of honor, you really get into every single element of the wedding. And you're like, okay, what are all the things in the wedding, right? Like, what's every little tiny tradition? What's every, like, thing that you're supposed to do in, like, a textbook wedding? What are we doing in this wedding? What are we changing?

Yeah, there's, like, a textbook wedding. And then there's a, like, we don't even give a fuck. We're doing this R-way wedding. And you're always like which wedding, like, we're on the spectrum is the wedding I'm made of honoring. Where is it? Where on the spectrum is the wedding you're made of honoring? It is way more on the spectrum of we're just doing this ourselves, which is really fun. But there's also, I also just like, I love when, I don't know, I love any excuse to celebrate, right?

That's my basic take. So if you say like we're doing a bridal, if you say like we're not doing a bridal shower because who cares, it's like totally valid. But also if you're doing a bridal shower because then it's a chance for me to celebrate you. That's even better. So it's like, you know, we have elements that are kind of like textbook influenced. But yeah, it's, it's going to be really fun. My dad is going to be the minister. Yeah, he's officiating.

My dad is officiating because when the couple met, he was in the room. I, like, talking to them for 45 minutes before realizing, like, why am I here? And so he's going to officiate. So I helped him get ordained. Wow. But yeah, it was really fun. So anyway, back to the joint thing. I like mixing the Bachelor and Bachelorette because A, it's a chance for everyone to, like, get to hang and meet each other.

And also, it takes away that weird, I don't know, there's some weird thing when you, like, separate the two parties where it's, like, almost. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It feels like my husband to be or my wife to be isn't my friend. They're something else. They're my romantic partner, but they're not my friend who I'd want to party with. And I think in, like, in the relationship that I'm made of honoring,

for like their best friends, all their friends are friends. And it's just like a fun. Like, we're all friends. And I like that a lot. There's something when, especially in kind of more of a, like, super traditional wedding parties, it's like, oh, the girls are the bachelor party and the boys are groomsmen or whatever. There is something also so middle school dance about girls on this side, boys on this side. And it's very weird. It's when the like tradition takes over the like humanity of it. Yeah. I personally feel like all. all like bachelor part, like groomsmen, bridesmaids. I think if you're going to do that, I feel like it should all be just gender neutral.

Like I would want some of my bridesmaids. I mean, if I ever get married, I would love like brides. Yeah, because I feel like I would just want to have like whoever would be fun and like a vibe. Yeah. Standing up there. Just the people that are closest to you. Yeah, it doesn't matter. There's no reason that they all have to be.

You are. Like, whatever. Yeah. Come hang. I only once went to a combined bachelor, bachelorette. And I was like, fuck, yeah, this is going to be great. It was on a carnival cruise ship was my only holdup because I was like, no, I don't want to go on a cruise. You don't want to be trapped on a carnival cruise ship.

But the upside is at least you can celebrate with the bride and groom and you can be like, oh, so excited to have this weekend with you guys on this cruise ship. Yeah. And both the bride and groom are both very close friends of mine. This was a couple years ago. So I was like, okay, I'm like stoked to celebrate with both of you because, like, they're both very good friends of mine. We went on this cruise ship and everyone was like, maybe don't do this because it was the height of COVID. And my friend was like, we're doing it. And usually that energy is so fun.

And then in this time, it led to both the bride and groom got COVID on the cruise ship. Immediately. The first day. So they were sequestered into, that's the right word, right? Yeah. they were sequestered into a separate room. They could not come out. They were led there by two Carnival Cruise employees in hazmat suits.

Weren't they Carnival Cruise branded hazmat suits? They were carnival branded hazmat suits. Following them with like spray cans of frieze and aerosol and stuff and walking them into this room. And then they could not leave the room for the whole trip. And all of the bridal party, all of us were just like, oh, fuck. You were stuck on a cruise. I guess we're all just going to get drunk. I don't know.

Like, I don't know what else to do. Yeah. And then they take pictures of you everywhere on a cruise. There are all these like random like photo kiosks where there's like the very like chintzy background of like the watercolor. Yeah. And then they're like, can you do this kind of thing? Can you pose like this? And they'll stop you when you're on your way to the bathroom.

And they're like, stop, stop. You have to take a photo with this flower. And you're like, what? Jesus Christ. So we would just get these photos and like put them underneath the door of our friends to be like, we're still okay. Hope you guys are well. Did you take photos of yourself sobbing? Yeah.

Every time somebody stopped me and they were like, hey, let's do some photos of you. All of my photos, I was sobbing during. That's so good. And one of the guys in the grooms, groomsmen, grooms party. Grooms party, who I didn't know quite that well saw that and was. like, what are you, why are you doing this? Which is fair. That's a great question.

Yeah. I don't know. Luckily, the bride and groom did not get COVID. Yeah, that's great. Especially because we are all staying in one house together. That's the other thing is like, weddings are expensive, right? So expensive. And like, they're expensive.

They're very expensive for the bride and groom, but they're also very expensive for everyone else. And that's, that's okay because that's what's up, you know? Like, I'm happy to spend the money for you. But, you know, it's also fun to figure out how to, like, do it the cheapest way. Cheapest wedding hacks. Yeah. And I just, I've been thinking about so many.

Yeah. Like what? Like, okay, so, like, there's a hack on, on wedding invitations that, like, instead of, because if you print out a bunch of papers, it gets really, the card stock gets really expensive. And so if you just write the message on a horse and set it free. Mm-hmm. That's a great... That and that can get your message around. Similarly, a streaker. Mm-hmm.

Similar, because people will be looking at a streaker. They will. They will. Set it free. Mm-hmm. Set it free. Yeah. Set it free. Right. Set the horse or the streaker free. Right.

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Same. Yeah, okay, okay. It's honestly really good. It makes you feel really good. Yeah. Well, if you have all those things, right now, sit and Olivia talk shit listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com slash talk and use code talk at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com slash talk and use the code talk.

What are your thoughts on, um, I know you like personal. Yes. Gifts and stuff. If you were to have a wedding, would you want to do what personal touches would you? A wedding that I'm in? Yeah. If you had a wedding. If you...

Oh, if I got married. Do you see yourself having... I think you, I'm sure you've thought of this. Like, I know you said you wanted to do like a wedding with bits. Like a bits wedding. Yeah. So if I ever did get married, I would love to do a wedding with bits. Right. Like, but like bits that are so...

Like, I would love to do a wedding. You know where they do that thing sometimes in like really cheesy weddings where they're like, oops, the wrong song is playing. Yeah, what you're describing is a prank show. Yes. You would want your wedding to be a prank show. Yes, except I'd want it to be so far. Like, I'd want it to be like really far.

Yeah, like somebody passes out. Yeah, like there's sword fighting or there's like a, you know, like I would want it to be the level of like, you know, in the Nathan Free You episode where he takes people through the haunted house and then he tells one of them that they contracted a disease and takes them to a fake hospital through a fake. ambulance and everyone has hazmat suits. I would want to do something like that, but probably all in one location. This is a big budget. I know. Big budget wedding. But I don't need like a caterer or a venue. Yeah, no, don't offer them food. Just be like, we're going to scare you. Come to my wedding so I can scare you. No food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I think that would be beautiful. Yeah, no, that would be beautiful. Yeah, I think that would be absolutely spectacular. How about you?

I don't even fucking know. I know. Isn't it so weird? Like, is it so weird to be. like a person where you're like people we both went out of town for a person we are we were very like one of our best friends from high school's weddings each and and and if and we're both like what i know and also it's like you know i went out of town for my one of my closest friends in high school matthew his wedding and um in in high school we were in a relationship on facebook and we weren't actually because he was gay so what is it like to go to your So I signed the guest book being like, wow, can't believe I'm here. Can't believe this is happening. But like it's like, you know, I feel betrayed. Yeah. But no, it is like a funny, a funny thing of like I always was just very much linked to this person. Yeah, 100%. And then my relatives who like, you know, would see that we were in a relationship on Facebook. We're like sitting as a boyfriend. Little did they know.

So funny. That's so fucking funny. And we would always, because, like, we were just really close friends. So we would always, like, take pictures together and we would, like, kiss or something. Yeah. That's what you do in high school. You're like, whatever. But, like, it. Oh, my fuck in the pictures. I was just like, that's what you do in high school. And, like, all my relatives would just be like Sydney's boyfriend. But now it's like Sydney's boyfriend is married to a man. And they're in Greece right now. Yay. Yay. But they, so they had a beautiful wedding. It was a gorgeous ceremony. And I have to show you something so stupid. I'm excited. So their names are Matt and Will, M&W, are their initials, you can tell. And they did customized everything. Like this was a beautiful wedding. Everything was customized. I love that shit.

And they must have done a thing where I hope they don't get mad at me for saying this because it was like a fuck up. And I know that it's like their wedding. That's so funny. But it's so funny and excellent. Like I have to say it. Yeah. They, like, ordered these custom utensils and cake cutters and stuff. And I don't know what went wrong with, like, the Etsy order or something.

It's so stressful. As a person who constantly gets people custom stuff, when it shows up bad, it's like a nightmare. Because it's like, oh, now I just, it's like giving you an art project that's bad instead of, like, giving you something cool. I guess they were trying to say M&W for. for for utensils, like put M and W for the things and instead the cake cutter says M and W for forks May 17th, 2025. In like really cute font, M&W for forks. Which is like who printed that out and was like, yeah, that's what they want.

God, that's so good. And it's so funny because my friend Matt is like, he's my. Oh my God, he's going to get so mad at me. He's a little bit difficult. He's like a difficult. He's a little like, he's like really paranoid and like needs everything to go well. He, he's he wants everything to go perfect. He's like, he's like, he's one of my favorite people. He's insane. And like every moment of the wedding, like he throws up when he's nervous. And we all kept being like, he's going to throw up during the wedding. He's going to throw up during the wedding. And he didn't, he threw up in the morning. But oh, good. But. But. But. He just, like, the whole time was, like, so anxious and scared everything was going to go wrong. And then this happened. And he comes up to me and he goes, you have to see this. Fuck me. What the fuck is this?

Who the fuck did this? He was like, he was so mad. And he's, like, at his wedding. It's like, oh, buddy. Oh, my God. M and W for forks. I don't know if you can a fork in the picture. There's no fucking fork.

No, there's no fork. I also don't think I even noticed any M and W on the forks. Like, what was happening? No, they didn't put it on. the forks because they didn't take the instruction that it was for the forks. They thought that was for the kick cut. Yeah, M&W for forks. It's so funny. Wow. Oh my God. I love him so much. He was so nervous. He was so he comes out like after the like ceremony and he's like, God, I'm so fucking sorry. You guys were waiting so long. I was, I was so pissed. I was going to like walk out right away. I was like,

what are you talking about? We were waiting. We weren't here for you. You're okay. I was like, Matthew, we were not waiting very long. And he was like, okay, well, I really thought you guys were waiting for so long. He was like, I was like, if I were coming to a wedding and they had me waiting for 20 fucking minutes, I would leave. I'm like, well, don't do that. I was like, Matt, well, we like you more than you like us, apparently. Because we don't care. Oh, this was, I forgot.

This was one of the best parts of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, a bachelorette party is that there was a drag queen that did a zipline. Oh, that's sick. Isn't that fun? Wait, where was the zip line at the... At Oscars. Oscars, just shout out to Oscars drag brunch in Palm Springs. It's fucking great.

There was a drag queen that did a zip line down. That's sick. Really cool. And then also there was a drag queen who looked exactly like Lala Kent. No. And I kept trying to tell her and I don't think she knew what... She didn't know who Lala Kent was? I don't know if I was, like, I was either not, like, being heard because there were so many voices or, like, I was turning to people being like, doesn't she look like Lala Kent?

And, like, one other person was like, holy fuck. Oh, my God. Wow. But it was crazy. Yeah. Huge compliment as well. We should try to get her on the podcast. I know.

Well, she's up this. We should try to get her on the podcast. Wow. That's huge. And ask her how to look like Lala Kent. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

That's so crazy. A zipline, having a zip line in like a restaurant situation is excellent. It was, it was awesome. And I feel like I feel like Zipline Pope and Zipline drag queen need to combine

into Zipline Drag Pope. Yeah, absolutely. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard of and I just thought of it right now. Yeah, Zipline Drag Pope is pretty sick. Yeah. So if we can get on that, if we can get someone on

Zipline Drag Pope, God, the other thing about me is that since like... You didn't say something about you first. Yeah. Yeah. The other thing about me is, Before you were talking about a drag queen, not you. Really about me is that since like January of last year, I keep losing my voice so much that I think this is my voice now.

You sound the same to me. Yeah. Is that crazy? I don't know. Maybe I've always had a raspy voice. Maybe I'm just feeling that it's harder to talk. What I've noticed more so is that I think you have allergies or something. Flemm.

No, not phlegm. It's, you have like a, uh, uh, I, I told you the other day. Yeah. Like, I think you have like a, uh, you've, you've been going like, a lot. Yeah. And I think that you have, is that you have an allergy thing. Maybe, maybe. Because that I didn't, I didn't, I should go to an EMT moment.

Yeah. No, no, an E.NT, not an EMT. No, EMT is very different. I do not need to go to an EMT. No, but yeah, every time I like go out and like have a big weekend where I'm like, yay, everyone, I, um, lose my voice and that's okay. But I wish I would, you know, it just new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, new, short-term relationship. Can I tell you something crazy? Sure.

I just got out of it. But I was in a consensual, sadomasochistic, short-term relationship with the show The Pit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a hard one to watch. Stanzi told us to watch it. It's excellent, but it's so hard to watch. I love it. I finished it.

It was so good. But as a person who has medical trauma and is just like not good at sea, I don't know. I'm super queasy. You're super queasy. I like, also there's something about it being set in a medical thing where like when you're, when you've, when you've like, this concept of doctors being around being like, hold on, hold on, hold on, and like all talking over each other while. someone's being like freaking out and the doctor like that just environment is so specific and triggering yeah so I've fainted while watching the show yeah and woken up sweating and kept watching it yeah twice yeah oh two time yeah I know you did it once yeah what was the second time um the second time well I could

describe it no don't tell me oh my god but but the most important thing that happened to me during watching this show is I would be watching it while cleaning my apartment, right? And sometimes I'd go into the bathroom or something for a second and then I'd come back and I'd have to rewind because I'd be like, I just missed an important scene of dialogue and I have no idea what the fuck is happening. Yeah. And sometimes when you rewind on a streaming service, it just plays seamlessly and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it like the rewind like glitches and it like the TV glitches on a frame or something. It's like you have to like restart the app or something if like the Wi-Fi is not great. So that happened. And I have a video of what it froze on. Oh no. A video that we're going to have

to censor. Oh no. But but I because it was a one-two punch. It froze during the worst possible image. It could ever freeze during. And then an ad popped up. Right. Next to it. Am I going to faint? You're not going to faint. Okay. But it is awful. Okay.

Okay. So I was watching the pit and the screen froze at this image. And then an ad for hacks popped up. Wait. And now it's stuck like this. Wait, wait, wait, wait. That is a baby coming out of a vagina. Oh!

Wait. I, okay, I'm going to be totally honest with you. I thought it was a gremlin. Like, I actually, and I'm not. not even kidding you. I was like, this isn't the pit. I was like, this is a different show. That is a, sorry, is there a way to make it bigger so I can actually see the vagina and baby clear? Yeah, do we zoom in? Because I truly was like, oh, that must be an owl or something else. Maybe I just don't really know what childbirth looks like. Let me just really quickly.

And that's like a very long scene too. It's like a very long, brutal scene of this, of this birth, like a vaginal birth. that goes wrong. And the whole time they're pulling... Is that full bush up top? Yeah. They're pulling a puppet baby out of a puppet vage. Well, you know what they probably put in so much bush for is to cover the puppet tree? I'm sure. I'm sure. And so like, so like it freezes on this picture of a baby's head, a puppet baby's head coming out of a full puppet vage. And then an ad for hacks pops up on top of it. And it was the most first thing. And I couldn't change it. I couldn't change it for like, Oh my God. So I just filmed it.

Oh my God. What a nightmare? So that happened to me. Oh, my God. So that happened to me. Doesn't that make you go like, oh, I don't want anything to come out of my puppet Vagge ever? I mean, that's 100% what it does.

100%. Like, I just don't know if I can do that. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's hard because. Ew. Like spaghetti. Like, it looks like, it looks like, oh my God.

It looks like an artichot dip. I actually can't look. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then just hacks. better late than never. Oh my God. Okay, so remember how we used to talk about tenting? Yes. That to me is tenting. Like that looks like a vagina turning into a tent so that an artichoke dip can come out. Oh my God. I want to kill myself. I want to come myself. Yeah, that's the other thing is like I used to be like so like I want to I want to get married and have kids.

Maybe no more birth. Maybe no more childbirth. So the so here's the thing like no more birth 2025. I never romanticized vaginal birth because who does? I don't know. People do. People really do. People go like, God, I just want it to come out out of my V. The concept of vaginal birth is. And making me go scary. It making me go scary. And I just don't, I don't, I just don't know if I ever can push anything out.

My mom had my sibling and I. Yeah. Because I always faint when anything gets too medical. My mom had my sibling and I with like vaginal. with barely any. And your mom is one of those people of which it's a specific breed where they're always saying like, and probably because it's true, but like, like, it's the specific thing of like someone who gave birth and was like, it was fucking fast.

Yeah. My bubby, my mom's mom had my mom in 45 minutes. That's crazy. Which is shocking. And I'm kind of like, maybe we have a family of like our vaginas are slides. Your mom was express shipping. Like, I wonder if our vaginas are slides as a family. I wonder if you guys are slip and slides.

Because if we all have slip and slide vaginas, that's pretty sick. It's pretty sick for everyone who gets to get up in that slip and slide. And it's pretty sick for that baby who gets to slide on out. Because maybe it'll, I don't know. Is that like a thing where like genetically some families just give birth easier? I'm sure. I don't know. I know if that is the case.

I'm not in one of those. Right. Right. But that's okay. Well, that's because they said to your mom like, do you got such a teeny tiny hip? My mom, they were like, oh, you're too small. You're going to go die. And so she had a deficit section.

But I'm bigger than her. I'm taller and stronger and I can beat up more men than her. I just don't understand the idea she was too small. They said her hips were too small. And also, to be fair, I'm ADHD and I didn't want to come out. I was three weeks late. So two weeks late or something. I was like, they were like, she's just down to stay.

Like, she just vibes in there. And so. And that because you were ADHD? No, it's just the reason I have time blindness. You know, like, I kind of always show up, like, five minutes late, like, sweating, going, like, I'm so sorry, you guys. Like, I showed up, like, two weeks late to my existence. Got it. Yeah.

Got it, got it, got it, got it. Okay. I had to set a bunch of alarms. Right. And I turned them all off. And then it was two weeks later, all of a sudden, it's brutal. It's brutal. And then I came out.

Got it. Great. Yeah. Are you going to have children? I don't know. I, I, I. What's your life? going to look like in 10 years? I know, I know, right? If I'm being completely candid, I have no idea. I used to be able to picture it. And now I actually have a hard time picturing my life even three months from now. Yeah. In general, I have a hard time picturing like what the state of the country will be in. Yeah. If I'll need to like. But let's say like, yeah. Let's say things go to a normal.

Things are okay. At least a normal spot. Yeah. What ideally does that look like? Do you have kids, ideally? Yeah. I think ideally. But only in an ideal world where I know I'm with someone who's a actual, like a life partner who can take care of kids and who I trust to like be alone with kids and not like let them wander into the street and enough money to make sure that they don't die. And also I would need to. really feel like life was worth passing on and not to sound like crazy but like you know shit's hard things are bad and I just wouldn't want to make a selfish move that's like I want you to exist so you have to and I'd have to really be like oh I know how to explain to my kid that life is like actually so actually great and I would need to get all those things locked in and then I would probably be really stoked. And I think I'd crush it. Like, I think I would do a fucking awesome job. Because, I mean, and you'd be a great boy mom specifically. Like, you'd be a great girl mom,

but like you would just crush as a boy mom. Thank you. Because you'd put on your overalls and you'd get in the train and they'd all get in the little things in the train behind you. Well, here's the thing. Sometimes I'm like, do I want to have kids? Or is it that I, every time I see a playground, I go, that's fucking fun. Yeah, fair, fair, fair. Like, I don't know what it is actually. I think it might be like a Pavlovian response, but every time I pass a playground, I'm like, I want to fucking go on that. Yeah. Yeah.

I also think you're like kind of a, you're like one of the centuries best babysitters. So I think that- I love babysitting. That is one of the things, too, that it's like, if you ever come to the conclusion of like, oh, I don't want to have kids, but I just want to be the century's best babysitter for the rest of my life here and there whenever I feel like I need to be in the presence of someone young. And I don't know. Is that weird? No, I was a nanny out of college.

And sometimes I'm like, what would have happened if I had just continued being a nanny? I love hanging out with kids. Yeah. I really enjoy it. I think it's super fun. I think mostly it's because I am just like a kid at heart. Yeah. I legitimately enjoy playing make believe with children in a way that I think some people find it to be a chore.

I'm like, fuck, yeah, let's play this game again. Like this sounds so fun. I think the heart, because I hang out with my, my nieces, I guess they're my nieces. They're like my cousins. You're cousins. Yeah. And they're the freaking best. And I'm like, anything they want to do, I'm like, you freaking know it.

Like you tell me, I always say you tell me what to do and I'll do it. And then they're like, okay, we're in a hospital. You're a patient. I'm like, we love it. What do I have? But I think my biggest struggle is a mom. If I was a mom is I can't set boundaries with anyone. So that's a big, that's something I have to figure out.

But I can't say, I definitely can't set boundaries with kids. In what way? What do you mean? Like, if they want to do something and I'm like, oh, you know, we can't do that right now, but I'm, you know, let's do something else instead. And, you know, maybe we can do that another time. And they lose their shit. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, I am so bad at setting boundaries.

And they are, I was thinking about this of like, you know, like your biggest fear. actually think my biggest fear is setting boundaries. Like, I actually think it is. And so that would be something I'd need to get over because boundaries are healthy. Yeah. And, but like, yeah, I feel like that would be hard for babysitting if they were like, I want to do this. But my mom, like, I know the mom doesn't want them. Like, that's hard for me. Yeah. Well, I mean, like, sometimes the things people want is not the thing they need. Yeah. But how do you get that through to someone who's for? Like, how do you have them understand? They might not. And that's. kind of okay, though. Like, personally. Yeah, but like it's the, it's the thing of like, sometimes people are misunderstood. You're often going to be misunderstood in life. But if the thing you're doing has good intention behind it. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to stick with it and be like, well, this is the thing that we're doing. I'm so sorry. This is just what's happening. And maybe one day you'll thank me. Yeah. Like there were a lot of things I wanted to do when I was a little kid and my parents had to be like, you can't. Like, for example, when I was in a bank robbery, I was like, you know,

fourth grade and I was like, I want to run. I think I want to run. And there was like a guy with a gun being like, everybody get down and everyone in the bank got down. And I ran. And I was like, I think I want to run. I think I'm going to run. And my mom, God bless her, ran up behind me and fucking pushed me down and was like, we're not doing that. And at the time I was probably like, oh me, what the fuck? I wanted to run to the deli across the street. And that's like sick. But like my mom was Like, no, I'm not going to let you get shot today. Okay, iconic. And I kind of think that that's fair.

Okay. And so, yeah, like sometimes, you know, your parents are going to do things that you don't understand. And then maybe later in life you will. Maybe you won't. Who knows? Yep. And both are options. Mm-hmm.

Both are, both are options. But, like, you know, that's just sometimes you just got to do it. Sometimes you got to go, sorry, this is the vibe. Yeah. This is what we're doing? Yeah. And what are you going to do? I know what you're going to do.

Oh, my God. I do. Sorry, this is so out of left field. This is what on this podcast? Yeah, I know. What? This is nothing, but I do have to tell you, I have like a pitch for an idea that I came up with last night at midnight. Okay, I'm very excited.

And because it was really necessary, I got home from the airport really late. And then I was like, wait, wait, this is such a good idea. I need to tell somebody like right now. Okay. I think every year, much like the purge, there should be one day where Chapporte, where Chipotle is open 24 hours. Sure. Because I got home.

Much like the purge. Yeah. Yeah. Because it happens once a year. Once a year, yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I think I, like, I was home at like 1230 or something. And I was like, if Chipotle were open, damn, they'd have my business right now.

Yeah, that's such a good. And I think maybe every restaurant should have like one day a year. Yeah. 24 hours. Yeah. 24 hours a day. Yeah. Just one day a year.

Yeah. And I think that's kind of great. It's like the Black Friday. of Chipotle. Okay, well, because we've been talking so much about weddings, I think the last segment we can do to close out this episode is just maybe make up some off the off the cuff vows for each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's beautiful. Okay, so this is a segment called, we make vows for each other off of our heads, in our brains. Music! Music! Sydney Heller, Sidney Dolores, Heller. Thank you. My legal name.

I vow to... Actually, my least. legal name is Sudney. Sudney Dolores Helmer. Helmer. My Christian name. I vow to wake up every morning a little bit earlier to try to get to work on time at least once in our entire lives. I vow to explain the thoughts I have that I only share one part of. thinking that they make sense when I haven't shared any of the context.

I vow to not get so hard on myself while we're working that it ruins the whole everything. I vow to hit on your dog less. And in fact, I lied about the last one. Yeah, we can do that. I vow to sexualize your dog even more. She's a very sexy dog. Yeah, those are some vows. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, great. Olivia Sophia De Laurentis, I vow to stop you from walking into the street when a car is coming. Thank you. Always. Thank you so much. I vow to make sure that you don't order clams from places you shouldn't. Thank you. Yep.

I vow to check your drinks to make sure you are not roofied again. Again. I vow to help you avoid mirrors. Thank you. Thank you. I vow to make sure that you eat three times a day. Thank you. Really good.

Even when you are on Adderall. Thank you. Thank you so much. In fact, especially when you want to know. And I vow to always, always. And I vow to always. And I vow to always. And I vow to always send you any Instagram reel I see of a chicken.

Oh, yeah. Or a small dog. That's amazing. and the whole hand to the hand done by die heart till death to waste heart I now

How do that? Till the hand do by heart Till death do we apart And now pronounce you Sodney and Grivellett Go out till it Yep Guys if you want more

fucking shit Check out our Patreon You can get episodes early Uncut extended uncensored for me And also just fun little videos We do Q&As We do fan fictions

we are going to do movie nights at some point. We're going to do all kinds of fun stuff. So if you want to come by, check it out. It's only $5. And until next time, I have been Sudd this whole time. I've been Olivia the whole time. And we will see you next Tuesday. Bye.

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