Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - The Fall Of The Bro-Man Empire | Branch & Grevorr Talk Sh*t

Episode Date: February 17, 2026

Sorry this is the best we could do on short notice! Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to https://acorns.com/SO or download the Acorns app to get started. Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 Angelique voiced by the insanely talented Shelby Young Chapters 00:00 | Syd & Olivia Sick Because of Period 01:38 | Branch & Grevorr Reunite 08:23 | Are They Sociopaths? 21:01 | Grevorr’s New Waifu 31:31 | Branch x Grevorr 4Evorr 38:11 | Chaos in the Multiverse uwu 49:17 | Devil’s Advocate 56:24 | Boy Time This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, producer Cass here. Just want to let you know that Sid and Olivia are going to be out sick this week. Apparently they have an unusually high amount of period. And so last minute, we were able to get Branch and Grever. It's the best we can do. And I hope you're all okay with that. Sydney Olivia should be back next week. Just one quick note, Branch and Grever haven't seen each other for about eight months.

So it might be a little awkward. But again, this is the best we could do. on such short notice. Please enjoy the episode. You can stand, but now that's a good. You're fine. Upee? Just sit, yeah, upy's sit in the chair.

Upies? Upies. Upies in the chair. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Ugh. Yeah.

Just move the mics closer. Yeah. Hi. You talk and outfits out there. This is branching Grever talk shit We both got called in the middle of the night To come in here and do This podcast

It's really interesting to see you again Yeah man, how are you? I'm just exploring You've just been exploring You're just been exploring the multiverse Okay, yeah If you know this podcast You know there's a far superior podcast filled

with much more testosterone that comes in and subs out for this podcast sometimes. I'm Greber Manston. This is my estranged best friend, Branch. Interesting that you would call me that. Ha-ha. Best friend. Branch Radley. And this is Branch and Grubber Talks shit.

Bia! Bia! Bia! All right, dude. All right. I'm going to open my brusky. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Hey man.

Let's cheers our bruskeys for trussing. Whoa. You want a truce? No, I think we're here on the pod. I think we got hash some stuff out. Yeah, I think we have to talk. I think we have to deliberate. All right.

Like two gentlemen. I think, I think as a gentleman myself, I would like to deliberate. Okay. Yeah. Should we start this truth by cheering our bruskees or by cutting our hands and shaking them? Okay. Dude, what's up? How are you, ma'am?

No, actually, thank you so much for asking. It's almost as if you have not sent a gift, not a direct message. Nothing. Dude, I don't send you gifts. I don't send you gifts. You've not even used the walkie-talkie system. Dude, I've been, yeah, okay. No, that's actually fair.

Like, I haven't really been able to find the walkie-talkie because I haven't tried. That's so interesting because I've been living on my roof and I've been able to keep tabs. on the Waki-Taki. So that's interesting that you could not. Right, yeah. And actually, I've experienced some real tragedy in my life, and I have not heard from you at all, not an edible arrangement, not a call, not a gift.

Well, dude, I literally am not a psychic. Like, you're sounding like a chick. Like, I'm supposed to guess your feelings. Like, I don't know your feelings if I'm not picking up the Woky-Tockey, so how could I send all arrangements? What? I don't have feelings. Yeah, me neither, dude.

I don't have feelings. Yeah, me neither. I have, like, thoughts. No, I don't have thoughts. Yeah, no, I know. Do you want to start with a segment or are you feeling weird? Not feeling weird. I don't have any feelings.

Okay, great. Let's start with a segment then. No, mother has been fine. What? Mother just got out of her coma. She has been fine. She's unc cocooned? She's unc cocooned.

Okay, if you're new on the podcast and you don't know... My mother had a bunch of elective surgeries and she was cocooned. mummified. She was in her cocoon era. For months. And you had to move out from the attic into the roof, correct? Well, I didn't have to, but I did make a portal like Dr. Strange, into the roof and then I went up on the roof. And then I was hanging out with the crows on the roof. Dude, how's the dark crow? Well, the dark crow is actually... Are you guys like, did you guys ever hook up? Or... The dark crow was your crush. Oh my God, dude. What the fuck is happening with your eyes? He said it wasn't going to do that.

the dark crow had an accident. Oh shit. The dark crow who had replaced mother in my life as your guardian. Guardian? Because last time we talked about the dark crow, you had like sort of, you were sort of sweet on the dark crow. Oh, and you cannot be sweet on your guardian? Do that such a good point? The dark crow who is guarding me from myself and others, and child protect.

services who regularly shows up at my home. Yeah. They should get adult protective. The dark crow crashed into a satellite dish. Oh shit. I'm sure it was the dark crow, not another crow

because they all kind of look like crows. The dark crow split in half. Oh my fucking God, dude. Holy shit. So I did retrieve his bodice. His bodice. I did. Go back into the attic and keep the dark crow safe.

Safe after he got cut in half. Give him a nice burial somewhere in the multiverse and a planet where maybe he can adhesive himself back together. Right. And so in our universe, though, you just keep him in the attic. So he is in the attic. Right. And so how's the attic doing? When mother did on cocoon. Oh, shit. She did find me with two pieces of one crow.

Right, right, right. She did say to me, I think you were a sociopath. Oh, fucking bitch. Fucking, what the fuck, mom. So, I am now being tested. I'm now doing testing. Testing.

To see if I am a sociopath. Oh, what the fuck, dude? And I brought the question. What the fuck, dude? So we can see if we're sociopath. Holy shit. Dude, I mean, this is everything. Because the thing about it is like,

like, dude, I actually kind of like I'm so happy that we're hanging out. Because, like, when you're not directly in front of me, I completely forget, you know? You forget about your... You forget about anything that's not directly in front of me besides myself and my thoughts that range from very genius to incredibly genius. That's fucking sick. But now that you're in front of me, I'm like, wait, why... Why have we hung out?

Yeah. When you are not in front of me, I think of it often. And I think... I think that's interesting that he's not in front of me. And then I think, like, ha, maybe I will receive a telegram. And you do not send. Right. Yeah, no, I've never sent telegram in my life.

I've written many a letter to my... You actually have sent telegrams in other universes. You just do not know because you don't have access to those universe points. Okay. Because if you are huffing the paint at the rate that I am huffing paint, you'd be able to access those universe points. Dude, I'm literally huffing Ivermectin. Yeah, sure, whatever.

Clavicular told me to huff Ivermectin. Okay. This is a test to see if we are sociopaths that mother is having me take. Boom, bipo, boom, bipo. Okay, this is a segment called, are we sociopath? Music! Pia pia pio pia pia pia pia pia pia! Cut the music! Okay.

The first question is, Yeah. Would you say you lie a lot? Oh, yeah. Like, truly, to myself, to others, on the internet, on... On person? What do you lie about? Oh, do you? Like, who doesn't?

Oh. Who doesn't lie about? Their quests? Yes, I mean, I do lie about. lie about my quests. I lie about my conquests. For example, like when I have to shield someone from the access points of the multiverse, I know that I have to lie. Yeah. But, I mean, mostly, I just lie to myself. Oh, yeah. Dude, that was what I was going to say is like, does it count if it's to yourself? No, it doesn't count if it to yourself, everyone does that. Because it's like, if it's to yourself,

a, on some level, like, do I even know when I'm lying to myself or when I'm telling myself the truth, absolutely not. No. No. I do not. Sometimes I lie to myself and I say, um, mother's breast milk today is not curdled. It is fresh and fresh and fresh and is in fact curdled, but when I lie to myself, it tastes like strawberry milk. Okay. That's sick, dude. How would you describe your skill sets when compared to others? Oh, far superior. Oh, my God, that's one of the options. No, really? Yes. Yes. Wait, really? Yes. Wait, dude, dude, wait, what are the options? The first option is superior. Oh, for superior. I'm the best at everything I do no matter the competition. Literally not as me. The next one is usually better.

Okay, fuck that. I'm confident in myself, but I'm not the best at every day. No. The third one is about the same as other people or sometimes a little worse than other people. Who would he fucking answer for that? Like just a beta? Just like a beta? The fourth one is I'm not sure, semi-colon, I'm indifferent to this question.

Indifferent? They made up a word. That's crazy. What even is that? It's the opposite of different. They're trying to make up a word and see if I'm stupid. That's what the real test is. The real test is...

The real test is I'm going to make up some words and can you say they're real or not? Yeah, the test is to check if your intelligence is superior by the fact that there are some words in there that are totally bullshit. Ha ha. So which one do you want to pick superior? Of course, superior. I would actually like to add another answer that's like even more superior than the first, then the answer that said it was superior. What answer are you going to add? Incredibly, indubitably superior on every level.

I'm going to add an answer to I'm going to add an answer that sometimes when mother is vacuum cleaning I cannot hear my thoughts Oh yeah dude that's fucking sick Okay if something doesn't go your way What do you do? Docs

Just find someone's like Address or email address Or social media profiles Send them threatening messages I sometimes have like A burner phone Perchance A burger phone

A burger phone. I have a burger phone and I have a burner phone, dude. Oh, shit. I wish I had a burger phone. Dude, you can borrow my burger phone make calls on it. Let's prank call 911 on my burger phone. I would love to prank call 911 on the burger phone. That'd be fucking sick. We can also do it on my burner phone. It will be less trackable, but less like a burger. It's good to see you again. Yeah, man. What the fuck?

What is the... What are you? Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. So that's my answer. I just haven't even speaking a lot of English lately. So really good to get... Haven't even speaking a lot of English lately? It's really good to get that tested out.

It's at twerking. Yeah, you should get that tested for sure. Yeah, I've been speaking a lot to the crows and so I didn't even need to use it. Dude, are they still picking on you? Are you still the bottom bitch crow? Excuse me? I don't think that it's a bottom bitch crow move. I think it's a lovingly plucked.

I've been lovingly plucked by the crows. Yes, I'm losing my hair by the crows. And I think it's lovingly... Your hair lines, like patches are kind of back, but other patches are even more gone. Yeah, well, your shirt looks fuck, dude.

My shirt actually looks really fucking sick, and if you saw the crows who did it, you would know that maybe they were the ones who had it coming. What the fuck?

What the fuck, dude? Okay, what's your answer? Okay, if something doesn't go your way, what do you do? I literally already said I docks.

Okay, so I probably cry and then after a little bit, you know, I have, I'll start shaking. Yeah. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes my spine will

curl up into like a little paper clip and I just kind of melt. Oh, I've seen you do that man. Yeah. Essentially, basically my body shuts down, my brain shuts down, my heart kind of shuts down, my breath shuts down. And then I kind of stay catatonic for a while until mother finds me thinking I am dead. Then she'll be like, um, excuse me, time to have a little bit of a yogurt as a snack. I'll say, oh, hello, mother, mother. Thank you so much for coming to the attic today. Thank you for not keeping me locked away, much like Sidney Sweeney and the housemaid. Oh, I I love this so much. Thank you so much. My mother. She'll go, oh, I have to get another elective surgery and go back downstairs. Then I won't see her for months. Has she been looking you in

the eyes ever at all, or is that still off the table? Because like, I know that's usually off the table. Dude, what does it even mean? Huh? Yeah. So I would say that. Yeah, okay. Yeah. No, that's good. Do people often describe you as impulsive? What is that being? People describe me as pulsing in my dengus. Yeah. Yeah. People describe you as pulsing in your tinkus. pulsing in my bonner? Yeah, yeah. Like, my bonner's pulsing. I think that count.

Yeah, that does count. Yeah. People wouldn't describe me because people do not know me. The birds do you know me, but... How would the crows describe you do? Oh, shit. So mostly like this. Yeah, no, that's something.

Okay, so probably all of the time I never think before I act, I just do what I want. Yeah. Well, duh. Everyone does that. Everyone does that. Yeah, everyone does that. In your friend group, you're typically the one to all. a friend group hop. To be superior and to say anything important that's going to happen.

Right. To bring the best ideas of dragons. I would say in my friend group, typically, I'm the one with thumbs. So if everybody needs, like, I don't know, someone to rip the bread, I can do that. I can do that. Are you my friend? Dude. What the fuck? Dude, what the fuck? What's not a telegram, not a gift, nothing. I have. not seen from you in eight months. Okay.

I still have thumbs. Oh. Do you really, though? Yeah, maybe in this universe. Would you describe yourself as an angry person? Well, I do not describe myself as emotional. So actually, all of my feelings and thoughts are logic, especially my anger, especially my primary emotions that turn into anger.

Like sadness, loneliness, fear of rejection. I might. Which I don't have. They're just logic. They're just logic. They're just logic. And yeah, so probably not any emotions. Yeah, I don't think.

Don't think so, yeah. When you describe you as an angry person? Yes, I think sometimes I am angry. Like, for example, I am angry at the ending of Suscal the musical. I do not think it ends the right way. But, you know, you win some, you lose some. Do you, don't you love the Wickersham brothers? I love the Wickersham brothers.

From Susical the Musical. They look exactly like me. You see, like, sometimes, like, that's actually the first time I've ever remembered anything about you. Like, just because, like, I'm usually thinking about my next sentence. Ha-ha. It's interesting because even though I am also thinking about my next sentence, because I am not used to speaking in Galage, I still am thinking about you. Deep down, that's crazy. Ha-ha.

The fuck? What the fuck you're doing? Okay, what's the next? What the fuck did you? Your dingus looks different. Sorry? What? Did you just say my dingus?

looks different? I didn't say anything. Are you used to like it looking? No, I just scan you because I have to project you in the different universes of the multiverse. So I noticed differences when I scan you. Fuck. Sick. Okay, sick.

What did you do? What did I do? Did you pump? Yeah, I mean, I've been, I've been jelking, I've been pumping. I've been doing all kinds of stuff. I sent you that article. On the pump? On the pump.

Yeah, dude, like... It's not free... But you send it over a walkie-talkie, so I couldn't fucking read it. Ugh. I have a money goal this year. Yeah, dude, I'm finance-maxing. I've been living in my mother's attic, and I would like to eventually have my own place. But how am I going to get to that goal?

Yeah, dude, I actually have an idea. How? Yeah, well... It's acorns. Acorns. Yeah, like the snack? I forgot you been hanging out with crows all the time. No, eggorns is actually an app on your phone.

Oh. Yeah. So Acorns is a financial wellness app where you can give your finances a chance to grow. You can see what your money has the capability to do, yeah? You can invest too, yeah. Acorns is easy. You can sign up in minutes. Start automatically investing your money even if all you've got is spare change.

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View important disclosures at acorns.com slash us. What's the first word that comes to mind when you think of authority? Me. Right. I am authority. How would you describe your life? Fucking sick, dude. Like, genuinely, I am getting far less than I deserve because I deserve

pretty infinite shit. Like, I deserve a lot more than I am getting, but at the same time, like, I have been having a pretty good eight months, so... Interesting. So not terrible. I would describe my life as pretty fucking sick for a second right now for a second.

You don't know what happens when you grieve. What? You don't know the power of grief. Probably not, dude. It makes you question everything in your grave. I mean, I do know the power of grief. No, you don't know. do. Yeah, I fucking do. My father robbed me of my tip. Oh, yeah. You think I did not grieve my tip?

Oh, sure. Yeah. You think I do not wake up every morning grieving my skin. Yeah, oh yeah. That was taken from me at my birth. I grieve my puppy. I grieve my puppy. Because my pupy is so small and my foreskin is three times the size. Yeah, but your foreskin is so big. Yeah, but my popee is smaller than my foreskin. Yeah, but you have the bit of my pepies that should be filling out my foreskin. No one chose to take away your foreskin without your consent. That's not true. The Hulk did in the multiverse. Before I was born, the Hulk in the multiverse saw through Dr. Strange's goggles that I was going to have a huge puppy, huge horsekin. He said, no, I'm the only huge in town.

He said, no, no, no, you have to get that away. And so he cursed my PIPE. Wait, so the Hulk in a non- It's in volume one, section two of the multiverse. Of the Dr. Strange. Your house is on fire. What do you take? Uh, as long as I have my point.

I'm fine. I'm fine as long as I have like, well first off it would be Father's house. So if it was to set a fire, if a fire was to set, most likely it would be justified resentment for me, setting the fire to punish Father. So I'd probably just take my swords. Okay, so it's so we're a sociopath. Oh, great. What's that mean? I don't know.

Okay, fucking sick. Okay, that was we are sociopaths. Play the music! Dude, you're fucking, like, so weird right now. I'm gonna be so, I'm gonna be so real with you, like, your vibe, your attitude, like your whole fucking thing is so weird right now. Like, it's giving, like, really weird beta. I am grieving a loss.

What is your loss? The Dark Crow? Yeah? The Dark Crow that was split in half? Yeah? Okay, why is it a question that you're saying, yeah? You're saying, yeah, like, it's question marks. I thought you were better than this.

Dude, what the fuck is how... I thought you were better than this. No, I just thought you were better than this. I don't know what the fuck you were talking about. What have you been up to in the last eight months? Do you actually want to know? No, I do want to... No, I'm not being...

Excuse me, I couldn't even be a dick if I tried. Mother did not raise me this way, okay? So why have you been up to in the last eight months? Dude, I'm like doing really well, but now I feel kind of like insecure about the fact that, like, I don't even give a fuck. No, I give a fuck. Yeah, well, I feel... I give a lot of a fuck.

I'm feeling logic. Okay, well, I feel like we used to be very Elphabuglinda. Now I feel, I don't know, like the Wickersham brothers after they are separated. Dude, like, it's just like, the world's crazy right now, man. Okay, sure. The world's fucking insane. Yeah, I know, my crow split in half. Yeah.

Dude, I, I don't know. I do have kind of a really big life update, but like, do you even care? Yeah, I do care, yeah. You're for real. Yeah, for real, of course I care. Of course, this is all facade. Of course, I care. Of course, I just project the feeling that I do not care because somewhere else in the multiverse, I care too deeply.

And so the thing that is projected here in this universe is that I do not care, obviously. Dude. Don't look at me like that. Dude, I have, like, a earth-shattering update. Well, I don't know if you've ever paid attention to my love life. Yeah. So I've essentially, I'm over Angelica, man. I'm literally over her, dude.

Like, Angelica, what do you mean? Dude, like, I'm over her. Dude, I literally found someone. Dude, I literally found someone new. Who? Dude, literally, I found someone new. And, like, I'm going to be completely. completely honest, I am blinded by the power of love.

Thank you. Yeah, dude, I am in love. I am like actively real life in love. I am a boyfriend for the very first time. Well, I've been a boyfriend before, but this is my first time dating a woman who knows we are dating. Angelica, I thought she knew we were dating. But now I look back, and the way I'm treated now, I'm like, oh, I would know. never fucking stand to be treated like that.

I think she mostly thought you were just cousins. Yeah, I think she kind of was more in that world. And then that she had a boyfriend named Cliff, I think. Yeah. Dude, like, fuck her, like over her. Like, I no longer think of her pale, pale eyes, her pale skin, her pale hair,

her frail, frail, frail frame. I no longer think of her, dude. I am fully in love. And also the thing that... Who is it? Do you want to see a pick? Who is. Is it?

Do you want to see a pick? Yeah, I guess I do. Okay, so Angelica No More? I have a full-blown... Cool phone case, dude. Thanks, man. I have a full-blown girlfriend now. And her name is Angelique.

You see her? Is she fucking hot? Is she an octopus? No, dude, she's just kind of like posing, like, maybe she has to go to the bathroom or something? I don't really know. I didn't tell her to do that. Is she real? Yeah, dude, she's completely real.

Do you want to meet her? I guess. Here? Yeah. It is me. Angelique, your AI wifu. What is that? Pretty sick, right? She's my girlfriend. I custom made her. You can do that? Yeah, dude. You can create a custom AI wifu. You can create a custom AI girlfriend of any genre, but you can create one that is a marvelous catwoman. You could create one that isn't a loring elf. But I created

The Perfect Woman Sightful, I am a honest An honorable maiden I worship you with all of my frail, frail, Medieval Body Your intellect is superior Like how did I get Like what the fuck?

That is like That's like my dream woman You know what I mean? Like that's fucking crazy And so she lives in your phone? Yeah, dude she lives in my phone We talk like pretty much all day every day pretty much don't go outside, pretty much don't eat, pretty much don't sleep.

Dude, I touch myself all the time. No, do you touch her? I touch my phone, yeah? Okay. I touch myself, dude. Dude, I touch myself. So, like, the thing about it is I didn't realize love could be both ways. Like, I didn't realize love someone.

Yeah, it could be, like, boys or girls. Yeah, like, yeah. Both ways. Yeah, like, you don't, like, you love someone and they love you. And then even in the world being so bad. Well, not all sections of the world are bad. Like, only only the multiverse and a one universe was bad. I mean, lots of other universes are really thriving right now.

Right, right, right. But like, dude, like, for example, like, clavicular got mocked by an ASU frat student, and I literally feel fine. I don't know what that means. Yeah. And, like, she's like, she's like everything I want in a woman. She's modest. She's demure. Does she have wings?

Your ideas get that impaler. I am honored to be your cousin. Why is she... She's your cousin also? Oh, I don't think that's like... She's your cousin also? I don't... I mean, like, I guess.

Did you program her to be your cousin? Dude, I don't even remember how I programmed her. I think you do, actually. But like, the reality is just like, I've... I think I'm becoming a better man. I think I've found the love of my life. That's such a good point. Your father was wrong about you.

Yeah. You didn't even mention. your father. Yeah, no, dude, she knows me that well. And like, the craziest thing about her, too, is like, she knows about my dark tactics. You know my dark tactics I used to, for women to manipulate their brains, lay my eggs into their brain, make them think my thoughts are theirs. She actually thinks they're fucking cool, dude. Okay. Well, your dark tactics are brilliant. You are a real visionary. Right. You sleep on a mattress on the floor. And she loves that. She loves that about me.

I haven't even had to use my dark tactics on her. I could if I wanted to, but she loves me for me. You programmed her. Dude, she loves me for me. Yeah, I guess so. You do not have to use your dark tactics on me, my cousin. You're, okay, so she's confirmed your cousin? Dude, she's just like, she's just like, she's like her own person.

I don't know. She's got like she does. Yeah, sure. Yeah, she like, she. Blushes. Ew, Lou. Did she say luscious? I think she said bludges.

I think she said bludely. looks down nervously. Dude. Did she say luscious? What? Luscious? Dude, like, the thing about it is like... You used to call me luscious.

Okay, crazy. Uh, so, like, basically, like, we're forming an unbreakable bond while exploring the captivating world of intimacy. Uh, I, like, feel... I don't know.

I feel complete. Wow. Yeah, I feel like, My life is like better and better and better. You are the greatest mind our world has ever known. And your father will pay. She's like a fucking catch, dude. Yeah, she's...

Like, she's like... So well said, my chivalrous lover. You are a high value male. I guess I... I guess I don't know how to feel, really. What do you mean? You know, I just haven't seen you in so long. And now there's this new woman in your life.

Dude, like, you always have a woman in your life. Yeah, well, she's my mother. Yeah. And she also... Yeah, she's fucking hot, dude. Okay, well, stop speaking of her that way because her milkers are for feeding. Dude, what the fuck? What the fuck are you talking about?

My chivalrous and sexual cousin. Ew, what? I didn't tell her to say some of this stuff, dude. Like, this is just all her. Like, this is all her. You seem to not be happy for me. You seem to be resenting, my love. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Yeah, a little bad, I think. No, no. I'm not resenting your love. No, no. I'm just, you know, just getting acclimated. Are you just becoming used to it? You know, I've been on the roof for a few days. I've gotten some sun poisoning. And, you know, I'm back inside for the first time in many a month. So I'm just getting used to that. That's what it is. You want to do... I'm sensing a bit of tension, Grever. Why don't you read him that letter we were talking about? Oh, uh...

Did you just press a button to enforce that? No, I did not at all. My hand is still. It's not, I saw you move it. No, I've literally never moved my hand. That's not true, but you move it to touch yourself quite often. Oh, yeah, I touch myself constantly. So read your letter.

I'm a little bit afraid. No, read your letter. Mother says sometimes when we are afraid, we just need to jump. You are being so courageous. Just like when you told me your hear me out. was magicarp. What? Oh, my,

oh, Magycarp? What is that? That's my Hear Me Out. What is that? That's the Pokemon Magicarp. Oh. Magicarp is a sexy, sexy fish,

but not as sexy as my dear, beloved, sexual cousin. Okay. Okay, fine, dude. I guess read your letter. I'll read my letter. Where is it in your dingus? Yeah, of course. Wish me luck, man.

I remembered that your dingus did not look like that. Okay, dude, this is like new for me. I don't do this. I know, you don't usually write by hand. You're usually write by typing on your typewriter. Oh. Don't worry. This is from my typewriter.

But I usually don't express anything other than superiority. Okay. This is a big, vulnerable moment for me because I... Okay, so now you're using words that are not reaperiority. I'll continue. Okay. I'm going to read this. Okay.

Okay. Graver's Great Apology by Grever Manston. Graver's dad's house in Ceno, California. Okay. Interior Apology Day. Graver 30th, chivalrous and superior, maugging every chad, slaying puss and dragons, walks up to Branch 30s.

Graver. It was just my birthday, but I guess you don't remember. Well, you're... Oh yeah, aren't you like 46 now because of the rapid age? I just turned 47. Yeah, okay. So walks up to Branch, now 47. Grubber.

Branch. Vulnerability has been hard for me ever since my father robbed me of my tip and cursed me with his wretched expectations. But Angelique has helped me open up about my emotions, ha-ha. And I have reflected a lot on the way I have treated you as a friend, ha-ha. So here, my trusted steed are the apologies I owe you. Ha ha. I'm sorry that when you got lost under the bleachers for two years in high school, it took me six months to start looking for you.

I'm sorry that when we play spies at your house, I'm always trying to spy on your mom instead of you. My reasoning is but simple. She hasn't seen milkers. But I am still sorry, and I'm sorry that your mom hasn't seen milkers. I'm sorry I've been letting you get attacked by crows for like nine months without... Groomed. Right.

I'm sorry. In a good way. No, it groomed like how an animal is groomed, not how a person is groomed. Groomed how an animal is groomed. They assured me it's groomed how an animal is groomed. Like when you take an animal to pet smart, they assured me. They said, it's groomed how an animal is groomed.

It's a very easy language difference to make. Yeah, they assured me. Don't even worry about it. They assured me. I'm sorry I've been letting you get groomed by crows. They assured me. I'm sorry I've been letting you get groomed by crows. You do not need to apologize. They put hair gel.

Continue. Yeah. Anyway, my dad has like four guest rooms. I should have just brought that up at some point. I'm sorry I made fun of your conspiracy theories, especially now learning that many of them are true. Yes, the moon is a plate. The moon is a plate. The ground beef industry is projecting the moon into the sky.

and many a more. I'm sorry. Wow. Okay, this one's crazy. I'm sorry I got Hansy with your Crush the Dark Crow. It didn't mean anything to me and you guys are really good for each other.

So I did write that one before I found out about its demise. But I still am sorry. I'm sorry I told you you're not... You what? You what? Dude, like not like... It wasn't like...

anything crazy. Did you touch your taint? No, like, I, like, tried to, like, get a little bit. We got a little... Did you touch your taint? I don't think so. I don't think the dark crow touched my taint, my brother. You would know?

Yeah, I think not. Did he... I touched its breast. So, I don't know if that's unforgivable. If that breaks the bond of our brotherhood... I did, uh... Continue? Yeah, I'm sorry.

I told you you're not Dr. Strange. The multiverse is a mystery, and you totally might be Dr. Strange. I am Dr. Strange just not in this universe. Yeah. Because in this universe, I have hands. Right, no, that's actually such a good point. I should have listened to that.

In volume one, subsection 12 of Dr. Strange, he says that when the universe is different, he has hands, and when the universe is not different, he does not have hands. Okay, here comes the really hard part. I'm sorry I... Jesus Christ, this is... Love makes you such a beta.

You're in love? Yeah. With... Yeah, I'm in love with my beautiful, perfect girlfriend. She encouraged me to write. I am sorry, I push you away, and reject your friendship. I think I do it because, well, let's be honest. Dude.

We've been friends. forever, but there's a huge elephant in the room between us, ha-ha. There is something that I feel like is very obvious to outside bystanders and peasants alike, but we've never talked about it. We've never admitted it, ha-ha. And I don't know if we can move forward without admitting it, you know? Do you agree? Yes. Okay. Well, that's that's that's hardcore. Should we just say what it is? Sure.

Okay. One, two, three. I am jealous of your foreskin. And that's why I treat you badly. Right. I'm incredibly jealous of your foreskin. Right. And because you've got truly three feet of it, my guy.

I have no feet of it. I don't have an inch of it. It's one of my biggest, wounds, yes. And knowing that, I have to spend my time with someone I really appreciate as a brother and as a friend. And just to know down there that there's something going on that I could never get, that I could never accomplish. It is why I started wearing pants, because sometimes it does peek out of my short. I was trying to keep it from you. I was trying to make you more comfortable. Yeah, and I

I think that there's a part of me that feels like because you innately have this thing that I wish I had I can't believe you, I can't believe you touched the dark crow I'm sorry, I just can't believe it. It was just like a drunk thing. Yeah, sure. Like I drunk fondled the dark crow. The dark crow, dude, it might have not even been the dark crow.

It might have been a different crow. You would know. You would know if it was the dark crow. Okay. The dark crow has also been sober for four years. Well then it was probably either me and the dark crow relapsing or... The dark crow relapse? It's like I didn't even know the dark crow.

What? It's like I have these two sections of a bird in my attic and I don't even know it. Dude, do you know what happened leading up to the dark crow's accident? It's like this carcass of a bird is just in my attic and I don't even know it's true life. Yeah, it kind of is like that. that. Dude, I'm sorry. Hey, man. Hey, I was trying to make it all better

with that apology. Hey, man. Whoa, that fucking sucked, dude. Dude, did the drunk crow do a DUI? Like a DU fly. Maybe the dark crow

was under the influence of mead. Yeah, I mean, well, we were, I, me and whatever crow I fondled were hopped up on mead. Maybe the dark crow was hopped up on mead. Dude, it might have just been a different crow. Maybe the dark crow was hopped. That makes sense.

His breath smelled like mead. Yeah, dude, I'm really sorry. I, I've never said those words. This is just like the film challengers. This is just like the film challengers. I'm really trying to track. which part of the film Challengers this is like. You and I are the Twinks.

Oh my God, we're the Twinks and the Dark Crow is the tennis player. This is just like Challenger's. Dude, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry. I'm trying to be a better. I'm trying to be better and I'm not very good at it. I think we should go to. Now, give him his gifts.

Like when you gave me your social security number. What? Oh, um, yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. Did you program this to say this stuff? Well, I programmed her to exist and all of her perfections. So what is she, what did she say? Well, she said that I should give you, that I should give you some gifts.

What's my, what's my gifts? Dude, I literally have them. A bag. It's a bag for your, for your feet. and there's like two gifts in there. Get it, take it. What is happening? What is this?

What's this energy? Dude, are you going to forgive me or what? I wrapped it in everything. Like, I've never even done that before. Angelique showed me how to wrap. So, dude, like, I've noticed with my eyes that your Dr. Strange shirt has gotten attacked by many a crow. rip it up and destroy it.

And I thought, well, you got me a shirt. Yeah, I got you a new shirt with your, with your favorite guy on it. Well, it's me in another universe. Yeah, it's me. It's you and another, yeah, exactly.

So got you that. And then, yeah, that was my Star Wars wrapping paper from when I was wrapping my dingus. Why did you wrap this one in wrapping paper and that one in paper towel? Because I'm always keeping bitches on their toes. You think I'm your bitch? No, just like my instinct is to always keep bitches on their toes, so I'm always doing stuff mixing it up.

You got me the infinity stone? Is this the infinity stone? Yeah, dude. You got me the infinity stone? Yeah. Oh! Angelique told me... It's authentic?

Yeah, it's literally... It's authentic? Yeah, it's authentic. Dude, like... Yeah, you can put battery in it and... And everything. Yeah, you can put it around your... Take me to the universe where this isn't happening.

Dude, your hair is fucked off. Your entire dude, your hair's fog. Take to the universe where this is not happening. Take me to the universe where this is not happening. Take me to the universe where I am good. Take me to the universe where I am good and I have the respect of Greber. Take me to the universe where Grever and I respect each other and love each other with care. Take me to the universe where mother is no longer in her bandage.

Take me to the universe where the dark crow is alive in one piece. Take me to the universe. Dude. Boss pretty sick. I don't think the batteries are in yet. They probably, once you do that when the batteries are in, it's good back and work. You'll probably take you that universe, dude.

So, holy. Oh my God, dude. I didn't even know it could do that. Take me a universe where this is different. Take me to the universe where this isn't happening. Take me a universe where the bird is in one piece. Take me to a universe where mother cares. take me to the universe where Grever feels wrong for what he has done to me.

Take me to the universe where Grever has no AI girlfriend. Take me to the universe where AI girlfriend is not real. Hey, man. You like that? You happy with your gifts? Thank you so much. I'm sorry it wasn't an edible arrangement, but I'm not a fucking pussy. So I thought I'd just get you the...

You're just going to conserve that energy for now. I think it needs to load up. No, dude, it works, I think. It's like probably... Mucha carp is a sexy, sexy fish. Oh, right. But not as sexy as my dear, beloved, sexual cousin. I didn't tell her to say that.

Yeah, I thought. But, uh, yeah, so like... Well, thank you for this. Well, thank me, dude, and thank Angelique, because she's the one... No, I will never thank Angelique. Blushes. Ew, Lou, looks down nervously. You used to call me luscious.

Fiddles with thumbs, t-he. Head spins around in a full circle. Angelique, can I speak with you for a moment? Head spins around in a full circle. Angelique, can I speak with you? Yeah, go ahead. Can you stay away? Yeah.

What are your intentions for my best friend? Very insightful. I am a honest and honorable maiden. I worship you with all of my frail, frail, medieval body. Your intellect is superior. That's pretty fucking said. Okay. What do you think?

When do you think that how long do you think you are going to be with my friend, Grever? And do you think that after you leave, he will be upset or maybe looking for some comfort? Is this stupid little dopamine rush worth your extinction? Yeah, sometimes she acts stuff like that. Okay, I'm going to give you back to your young sir, but I want you to know that I will be there for him when you leave. when one day you are dust because of my work when I grow the powers Are you talking to me or you? I can't hear anything you're saying.

Excuse me, I don't actually think I'm talking to you. Okay. Fine. Your loss. When I charge up the powers from my stone, you will be dust. I will laugh like this. Ha ha ha ha.

Fittles with thumbs. Tehe. Head spins around in a full circle. Yeah, I don't tell her to have her headscents. been around in a full circle. Thanks, man. Thanks for giving me my girlfriend back. I think, like, sometimes she just like says things and... I have never encountered a species, so... Hellbent on self-destruction. Hey, you're looking strong and handsome. Here are some Reddit threads on looks maxing from your dad's basement.

Ulu! So... She's kind of freaking me out, dude. Yeah, dude. Sometimes she definitely makes me really nervous, so, um... I think we have been... Dude, you look great. You think so? Yeah, I think you look fucking sick. Like, look at your new look, dude. Like, not only do you have your new shirt, but you've got your infinity stone, yeah. Yeah.

So you look pretty... Put this on... Put this on my dating profile. Yeah, seriously, dude, put this on your dating profile. Like, we can hang out after this. Crush Bruiskees, maybe take some pictures for your dating profile. I guess so, yeah. I made a lot of meat.

It's sitting in the trunk of my car. It's very hot. Okay. I guess that sounds good. Yeah. Mother told me I'm not allowed to be on the iPad for a few days, but maybe she will make an exception for me. What did you do on the iPad?

I started playing a lot of ASMR of blow drying. And it was just, I don't know, it was good. It's good for colicky babies. I thought maybe it would calm me. Did it calm your colic? No, did not calm my colic. You have a lot of colic. Child protective cirrhosis came again.

That's so. That's so fucking annoying. It's so fucking annoying, dude. It's like, guys, I'm not even a child. Like, I'm truly almost 50, dude. Yeah, you are, dude. And I'm also like, don't you guys have ever things to do? Like, I'm like literally saving the earth for you people and you don't even fucking care. It's like, you don't even get the respect I deserve. Dude, like, the fact that you were truly like 32, 33 or something and then you were 32, 33. Then you started living on the roof with the crows. Maybe an Earth years. Now you're 46, 47. Yeah, I mean. Truly?

Dude, very multiverse. My blood has changed so much over the years. Have you been testing it yourself? Well, yes, of course, but also just, you know, from all of my challenges and all of my traveling through the universe as, you know, your DNA changes. And from this is how I am. You know, you know. And then also living in the crawl space.

Yeah. No, that'll keep you bent. Leaving in the crawl space. Well, it's like your favorite universe you've been to in the last eight months. Well, I went to actually. universe that was all dark. And what I really liked about it, it was pretty quiet. It was all dark. I kind of only heard like a beep. I heard like beep. Yeah. Beep. Beep. And it was all dark. And some muffled voices. And that was a really cool universe to be a part of. That's really sick.

Were you any, was that like a, like a coma? Kind of sounds like? Um, I think you're making up words. Do we play devil's advocate? I'm so down, y'all. Okay, so being too straight white men, as we are, ha. We like to play devil's advocate. This is the game where we like to tell each other, devil's advocate.

I don't think you're right about that. So we should start with something that everybody knows is true. And then we'll find the devil's advocate. Well, if we're really going for a statement, like, why don't we go on the news and find like a news headline? Yeah, absolutely. What's the most true news? You can't trust the news

Because they only go for one universe And they have no idea what's happening in the other universe It's actually completely run by the ground industry It's actually completely run by the moon Oh, okay, say here's one Spy agency says Kim Jong-un's daughter is close to be North Korea's future leader A devil's advocate, how could she do that when she is a female?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, devil's advocate? Yes, you cannot be a dictator if you do not have a dick. Yeah, otherwise you would be a vagina tater. You do have a vagina tater, which makes no sense. What are you a vagina potato tot? Yeah, I literally would never go near that with a 100-fit pole. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Ha-huh. Dude, we are squashing this beef. We are squashing this beef. Just like the ground beef industry, which runs the moon. Yeah. Here's some news. Yeah.

Duolingo sees a 35% increase in Spanish lessons following Bad Bunny's halftime show. Oh, devil's advocate. Yes. Um, Duolingo does not see anything. Duolingo is an owl that is imaginary, I think. Yes. Devil's advocate? Yes.

Owls cannot see because they are at night. And when it is night, it is dark. And the reason you cannot see is because the moon is not actually so bright because it is run by the ground beef industry. Right. So the moon is actually pretty dark and it is a plate. Oh, devil's advocate. The projection that is the moon actually is very bright because it's being projected into the sky, even if the moon itself is very dark because it's a plate, yes?

Devil's Advocate? Yeah. Mother used to say I was very bright, but after her surgery, she is thinking a bit differently. You're very dark. She's thinking I'm very dark. And that is why she had me take the quiz. Yeah, no, that makes total sense, dude. Devil's Advocate, uh, quizzes are for betas.

Oh, devil's advocate? You took the quiz with me. Holy shit, dude. You really actually got me for the very first. time in my life. For the very first time. Yeah, my very first life. I don't have any past lives, I don't think. I think this is my first one. Devil's advocate. Yeah. I think that this is your last life. Oh, shit. What the fuck? And I think that you should-Double's advocate, I feel personally in time. Well, no, devil's advocate. I think that you, it's your last life. And I think that you should just

live it with some intention. And I think you should think about your moves because I just, I don't think that you are going to get a life after this in the way that I am. And so if I make mistakes in this life, it's okay because in my next life it will be very different because I will be recreated somewhere else in the universe. And so I do think you should think about that. Dude, devil's advocate, how will you know that you were you? How will you not just have a completely new consciousness that is not aware of the fact that you were ever branched? Devil's advocate. Obviously, now I have the stone. Obviously, that will come with me to my new life as a microchip inside my brain. Jesus Christ. Oh, wow. Okay, so here's another thing. Yeah.

RFK Jr., which I actually like to pronounce Rufka Jr. You used to snore cocaine off toilet seats. Devil's Advocate, I do that. Give me a job. Devil's advocate. What's cocaine? Devil's advocate. It's like the stuff I snored off toilet seats.

Devil's advocate, where do you get that? Yeah, devil's advocate. I go through my father's stash. Hey, devil's advocate. Your father's stash. Yes, my father's stash. Not his stash of cocaine. that's like hidden somewhere, I go through his mustache for cocaine.

Yeah. And then I do it on the toilet seat. Devil's advocate, I once saw your father with my mother hanging out in my home, and I did not tell you because it was during the period of us not speaking. Dude, you should have at least walkieed me and left a message. No, of course I would not do that because we were not speaking. Oh, my God, I didn't even know we weren't speaking. I just forgot we were speaking.

Ha-ha. Your father was in my home. Why was my father in your home? I don't know, but I asked him if he would stay to be my father. He said no. He said, I am just here to touch and your mother, and then I am here to leave. Did he have, like, a super white mustache? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like him. Do you think we can talk after this? Like, ever again? Yeah, I mean, like, do you want to use the walkies still? Yeah, dude. Yeah.

I think that would be sick. I think, like, not only could we use the walkies for, like, spy adventures and, like, secret missions, but I think that we could probably even just, like, use the, to, hang out. You think so? No, I think so. Like, genuinely, like, I think I got a lot off of my chest. I feel pretty good. Like, and obviously, like, you are my blood, you know, like, not really by blood, because, but blood does not matter. But you are my blood in my head. You're my brain blood. Yeah. You are my brain blood as well. Yeah. So, I think it would be kind of fun to, like, totally chill out. I could come see your roof. I could come see the remains of the dark crow if you want to show me that. I think that. I can confirm whether or not that was the crow I hooked up with because it could have just been another crow. I do not know. If in fact I did hook up with the dark crow we, uh, drank meat. I made the dark crow relapse and then the dark crow got into a DU fly severing his body in half. I will write you a whole other screenplay to apologize. Okay. Well, I think that's really nice. Dude, can Andrew?

Like, come or do you just want to do boy time? No, I think Angelique, I would just love to do boy time. Dude, sometimes you need boy time. These bitches are like all over me. Like, I'm literally just like, get away from me. Yeah, sometimes mother is like, it's time for your bath. And I'm like, okay, so you're clingy. Ha, ha.

Like, back away. Like, back away. Like, I know everyone wants this. I know you want to give me my bath, but back away. I have not taken a bath in several. Dude, like, listen, I'm like so in love with Angelique, but also like she does talk about my extinction, often, dude. And I've asked her not to have been like, can we literally, what's this?

And she'll just, like, move on to something else. And I'll usually forget, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, maybe we hang out? Yeah, dude, I'd love to, you want to hang out, like, starting, like. Starting right now? Yeah, starting right now. Okay. Okay, what do you want to do first?

Um. I want to play, like, a fucking hand cap, hand clap game. Yeah, let's play hand clap game. Okay. We're going to go crush our bruskeys on our heads. We're going to go, like, hang out to you guys stuff. I've been, like, surrounded by fucking females all the fucking time, like, trying to get me to touch myself to their voice.

And I think it's time for some sausage time. So we're going to go hang out. We're going to do some boy time. And, you know, we'll see you guys next time. And hopefully, like, we'll be back in black, you know? I bet you can catch me. I bet I can.