Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - 🚨THE MEGAQUAKE IS COMING🚨

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

We answer more of your voicemails this week on the big bad podcast for you! Chapters 00:00 | Burning Plastic, Looking Fourteen 04:38 | Goose Riddle, Lizard Names 08:55 | Bullying Blight, Poly-Employment 18:45 | What Kind of Fuck Ass Bug Would You Be? 23:25 | How To Know If You’re An Evil Bitch 28:34 | “You Just Haven’t Found The Right Person Yet” 31:41 | Mom Predicts Earthquakes, Olivia’s Test Results 35:35 | What Texture Would You Be, When Is Carl? 38:47 | Favorite Vocal Stims, What Dog Are You? 48:38 | Barntenders, Love Island Fantasy Bracket Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon & Fourthwall! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia https://sydandolivia-shop.fourthwall.com/ Listen to the show on the go! Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2j0iQxY9Pf0h4mXEOFxgmk?si=a95ba3e2a2844ec4 This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So what should you say to people when they're like, um, you just haven't found the right person yet? I think you should say, oh, don't worry. I'm building the right person in my basement. Yeah, that's pretty good. Because that's so out of left field and it will scare people away and they'll either think like, that's a crazy joke or like they'll think you're serious. And then you can say, I'm modeling them after you. I've seen you in my dream.

Yes, yes. I'm modeling them after you. I've seen you in my dreams. Could I have a strand of your hair with the follicle attached? Can I take a bunch of iPhone folks? photos of the different parts of your face. A 360 of your face. So I can do a realistic print of your face for the body that I'm building in my basement. Yes. Wow. Welcome to Sydney Olivia Talk shit. I'm the Sudwin. I'm the Olivia one. This is

Sid and Olivia Talks. It's a big bad podcast for you. Today outside it smells like burning. Burning plastic. Our guest today was going to be burning plastic. But it had to go do its job and burn, baby burn. And make all of boil height. and the rest of Los Angeles smell like a tough time. Yeah, smell like a tough time. Smells like a tough time outside, and that's okay. I really like that. Sometimes that happens.

Sometimes it smells like a tough time. Yeah. Today we're answering some of your voicemails. If you want to call us, we do have a number. Yes, the number is 805-419-3555. Perfect. So if you ever want to call us, that's where we'll be. Should we get into these?

Yeah, let's just jump right dang in. Hi, Sid, Olivia. So my problem is that an adult and well into my adulthood and have like a really adult job, but I found and look 14 years old and everyone tells me, what do I do? Thanks. Sorry for the seatbelt clicking. Oh, that's okay. It takes a lot of time to put on a car seat so I understand why this.

seatbelt clicking would be happening. You do sound very young. I love the concept of just stopping at Hyson and Olivia. My problem is that I'm an adult. Just stop there. Yes, you do sound very young, which honestly is kind of awesome. Yeah. Maybe when you're like well into your 80s, people will be like, who is this 40 years? Absolutely. No, 100%. A, you can do so many pranks with this. You could do so many pranks. And so that's huge. And then also like, yeah, my mom's face looks really young and people would always like freak out about it. And like it just just like go with it. Just be like, yep, I do look so young. Whoops. Yeah. I mean, also I'm wondering what your big adult job is because there is kind of something really funny about doing a very serious adult job and looking like you're 14.

Yes, like a lawyer. Like if you're a brain surgeon or something walking and being like, hi. Or even a bartender, something that's like, yeah. I would say definitely what you should be doing is like using this to your advantage. Yeah, lean into it. Do stupid shit with this. Yeah, I think it's great. And one day, you'll probably be like, all right, I fuck with this more. Yeah, I bet. I bet you. I bet you one day you'll love it. I agree. Yeah, that's awesome though. Congratulations on your problem. Congratulations on Looking 14. By the way, that's a very specific thing. But when you're, you ever watched a ketchup Predator. Yes. They always need that. Yes, they always do. They always need. And there's another one that's not just to catch a predator. That's another one that's like a woman who does it and always needs to hire people who can be believably underage. Yeah. I forget what it's called. Yeah. Busted jollos, man. That's a whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. If you want to do that, you totally can. If that's one of your great passions or if that's something you want to. If that's like one of your great passions. If that's one of your great passions. If that's one of your great passions. If that's one of your.

great passions. Catching them. Gotta catch them all. Oh boy. Catch them. Get them. Walk them up. Yeah, you can't. The slogan for to catch a predator cannot be got to catch them all. Well, you do. You do have to. You have to. But

what if we make it a little less cute and it's got to catch them all? Exclamation point. No. Sad face. You could do that. Thank you for thee. Brand new Google Voice mailbox for me. I have just one question.

One question for thee. Choose widely in which fight would you two rather be. A pack of 100 buffalo-sized geese or a singular goose that's as tall as the trees. Whoa. Hello, little riddle elf. Oh, okay, first off, thank you so much. Thank you for doing this in rhyme.

For doing this in rhyme. Thank you for your riddle. and I love to answer a riddle. Now, I'm kind of tripping up over the choices you've given us. Would you rather fight 100 buffalo-sized geese? Yes. Or one goose as tall as the trees? Now, which would you rather be, she says.

In which fight would you two rather be a pack of 100 buffalo-sized geese? What's the fight? But in which fight? Which fight would you rather be like, would you rather? Which fight would you rather be? Oh, I guess that's up to your interpretation. Well, because does that mean that the buffalo-sized geese and the tall goose are fighting and you have to pick being one of them? I think you guys will get to decide.

Okay. I think it's... And then you get to bet on Kalshi. You bet on Kalshi, which one you'd rather fight. Yeah. I'd rather one... I'd absolutely rather fight one very tall goose. Well, wait, trees are different sizes.

As tall as the trees. And that's something we're not talking about these days. No, that's true. Lips is very different from like a bonsai. Correct. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. A redwood and a bonsai are different trees.

So you pick buffalo vibe? No, I don't want to fight a hundred buffalo-sized geese. A buffalo is already so big. Fighting one buffalo-sized goose would be really scary. But the second there's 100, you're absolutely done. But if it's one that's as tall as a redwood, it could just step on you and then you'd It could, but I feel like you have a chance to get away from it or like when there's a hundred and they're all so big. I also would rather die by one big step of the face than a big stampede.

Than a stampede of beaks. Because like if a big stampede of beaks went over me, I'd be like, this is a slow death. And I will also say I don't want to fight a goose, period. Like, I don't want to hurt a goose. Sure. So if I have to, I'd rather hurt one goose than a hundred. Well, I'm already, I already know I'm going to lose. Right, right.

And I know that the big goose can just step on me and put me out of my misery. Dittily D. Diddley Dillie D put me out of me misery. So I'm going to pick the goose that will put me out of my misery. Me too. Great. Thank you so much for the real. Thank you for that question.

Diddle Diddledy D. Didn't know if you need hell of help. I got some lizards. I don't know what to name them. I got two lizards. They're green. I don't know what to name them. Let me know.

Whoa. You have quite the dilemma, my friend. You have quite the dilemma. You got some lizards and you don't know what to name. name of them. Two great lizards. I'm like, is there a fun thing that, like, are there lizards in the media?

There's the gecko gecko. There's the lizard that says lizard and presses the button. What lizard says lizard and presses the button? Could you look up the lizard that presses the button and says lizard? Wait, what do you talk? I think it's from some movie or some shit. It's from some movie. It says lizard and it presses the button over

and over and just says, yeah, that one. Lizard. Lizard. Lizard. Lizard. Lizard, lizard, lizard. This for 10 hours? Lizard. Lizard. Lizard.

Lizard. What is this? This is lizard, lizard, lizard for 10 hours. What is it? I just know him. The eyes look like mine now. So I know him, but I think I don't know if he has a name. Also, this is for 10 hours.

Maybe you should name them lizard for 10 hours. Yeah. Wait, name one of them lizard and the other one for 10 hours? That's huge. Your problem is so. solved. My God. I hate when it does that one.

Okay, your problem is solved. One of your lizards will be named lizard. One of them will be for 10 hours. For 10 hours. Come here for 10 hours. And starting a name with a preposition is so cool. Yeah, it's really cunt. It's so cool.

So my garden is being destroyed by early blight, also known is Alternairia. And she's a bitch. So I was just hoping you guys could bully her for me. and then maybe she'll see it. She is a disease characterized by circular brown lesions with concentric target-like rings

and thrives in warm in human conditions. So pair that bitch up. She's telling my tomatoes. The fact that these are our voicemails makes me so happy. Like the fact that on like every other thing where you're like, ask me anything, people are like, what's your favorite color?

Yeah, it's like, I'm dating someone. What do I do? And ours is like, diddle-de-D, I have some blight. Name me lizards, get in a fight. Literally awesome. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to say something really, really dumb. Yeah, yeah.

What is early blight? Well, early blight is a disease characterized by brown lesions and a target-shaped formation. I think it's a tomato killer. Oh, a tomato killer. Early blight and tomato and potato. Okay. It's one of the most common tomato and potato diseases. I should know this because I've been watching that gardening show.

I should know this because I've been watching so many tomato diseases. I've been watching so many tomato diseases on Netflix, but I haven't learned about it. Okay, so we have to roast. Okay. We have to bully early blight. Okay. And is it a germ? It's a fungi.

Oh, fungus. You guys, I've never taken science. Well, I don't think either of us would magically know what early blight is. No, I know, but like I've switched schools. Right. You didn't actually. No, I switched schools so many times as a kid that I never had like one like real curriculum of science. So I don't know anything about science.

I don't know what an atom is. I don't know what a cell is. I don't know what's bigger. I don't know anything. But you did take 18 different classes about the Holocaust. Yes. Every time I went into a different school or history unit happened to be like, okay, Holocaust vibes.

Like right as you came in and then you'd be like, I just learned this. And then you have to leave to another school that's like, guess you. what we're learning. And I never took sex ed. So to this day, I'm just guessing. I'm just guessing down there. I'm just jiggling it around and guessing. Just guessing down there.

Okay, let's bully this tomato killer. Yeah. Bo, bo, boo, boom, boom, boom, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, hey, alterna, alterna, alterna, alterna. Alternaria, Solanari. Solani. Solani is kind of beautiful. Solani. That's a c' name.

Yeah, that's so beautiful. Wait, I'm naming my daughter Solani. I'm naming my daughter, Alternaria. Wait, Alternaria actually is kind of... Alternaria, this is a drag queen name. Yeah, Alternaria Solani. Wait. Wait, we're supposed to be bullying her.

Oh, my God, no, we're hyping her up. Oh, no, we're hyping her up. Hey, Alternaria Solani. Why is it that your body looks like two worms together, but also kind of like sperm? Yeah, you look like a parasite, and that's what you probably are on some level. Hey

If you If you're a fungal pathogen That produces a disease in tomato and potato plants Called Early Blight Yeah Hey if you make ring-shaped formations on tomatoes It's probably just because no one's ever put a ring on it Yeah

Because no one wants to fuck you and talk to you again Yeah Hey you're causing fruit rot Wow. Well, that's not very fruit hot. That's gorgeous. And the best bullying should be in rhyme. Um, uh, what tuberblite on? Yeah, I hate a tuberblight. What is that? Um, hey, leave these, leave these tomatoes alone. You dumb bitch. Was that good? Yeah, yeah. You only, you only terrorized tomatoes and potatoes. Why don't pick on something your own size and you're very small? Yeah, pick on something microscopic. How about? How about? How about pick on some sperm because that's what you look like. Yeah, why don't you just pick on some sperm, you fun guy? You're not a very fun guy. Hey! Because you ruin everyone's tomatoes. Hey! Yeah, bullying needs to come in the form of dad jokes. Yeah, if you're a fun guy, well, you're not a very fun guy. Yeah. How do you get rid of early blight? I'm bullying it. Right. Remove all affected leaves and destroy them. Yeah.

to prevent the fungal spores from splashing up from the soil onto the foliage. Apply mulch water only at the base of the plant. Yeah, the public, sorry, sorry, sorry, alternaria, sorry, ultrani, solari, solari. Solarii. The, the public has voted you off the island. Yeah, we're applying some mulch to get you out of here. Yeah. Um, when somebody's bothering me, I apply some mulch to their ass.

I think that's a good idea to get them out of there because they have to at least go shower. I think we bullied them. I think we bullied it enough. We're really bad at that. We're not good at roasting. We're not good at bullying. On our cameo, people will be like, can you roast my friend? It's like, no, not successfully.

No. Like, we're really bad at that. It's like something we're the worst at. Yeah, like I have to hate someone to roast them. Like I can say some mean shit about people I really don't like, but I have to really not like you. Even then, it's not like it's like, roasting is such a specific thing because it's like, oh, it's a comedic thing.

Whereas if you don't like somebody, you just go like, I fucking hate, yeah, I just say like no shout out to J.D. Vans. Still, not one. It's like not really. It's not a roast. It's just like no shout out. I'm making it clear that he doesn't get a single shout out. Yeah.

And again, let's shout out to no shoutouts for J.D. Yeah, I will shout out no shoutouts. It's so easy to put off doctor's appointment. Oh, it's so easy. Sometimes you're just. kind of anxious about being on the phone with somebody. Sometimes you're playing phone tag to make a doctor's appointment. Sometimes you just kind of give up and go like, well, they're not going to have anything open for another six months. So why even try? And then you realize like, wait,

I actually do need a doctor's appointment though. Yeah. And that's why you need to be using Zock Dock. ZocDoc lets you search and compare in network doctors. They have more than 150,000 providers within 200 plus specialties across all 50 states. ZocDoc's website has tons of real reviews from patients. And detailed doctor profiles to help you choose the right one. You can also see actual appointment openings and just instantly book. Appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours. And sometimes you can even score a same day appointment.

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That's ZOC, do-O-C dot com slash talk. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in. Loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't just listen to music. They feel seen. by it like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, that's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo.

So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify Advertising. You're among fans. Hey, I really liked the one's earrings and the one episode, the dollheads. Or was that the movie one? I don't know. You guys are kind of just like the same person, but split in two sometimes.

Actually, no, I think you're two different people who like merged into one. I'm not quite sure. Anyway, y'all got advice on how to break up with my job because I want to keep working there, but I also want to see other jobs. Right. And I don't know how to tell my job that. And it's like it really hurts.

Yeah. Yeah, I get, well, first off, you had the dollhead earrings. I did. I had the baby earrings where there were a bunch of different babies. You had dolls. Yes. So love that for you. I don't remember where...

I bet they were like Etsy or something. I don't know. I don't know. I kind of feel like I just pulled that out of... Like a frift moment. Yeah, I don't remember where I got them. Sorry. In terms of breaking up with your job to see other jobs, you say you still want to be at your job,

but also see other jobs, just be polyemployed. Yeah, yeah. That's just like a polyemployment. Yeah. And then if they don't understand your lifestyle of polyemployment, then I think they're judgmental, probably. The biggest thing about polyemployment, as long as there's like open communication.

I actually almost feel like it kind of is the other way. I feel like as long as you're lying successfully to all the jobs, you can have as many jobs as you want. As long as you're doing the work on time, turning everything in on time. The difference between polyamory romantic style and polyemployment is that in one of them, you have to lie and in the other one you have to be honest. 100%. In polyamory, you have to be super honest about everything you're doing.

Otherwise you're a bad person. And in poly employment, you have to be a liar. It's better to lie. It's better to lie because you'll say to a job, oh, I have this other job too. I can balance both. And they'll go, no, you can't. I can't imagine that. I could never imagine that.

But in real life, like, yeah, you can. You can balance all kinds of shit. And sometimes it's important to lie to your employer. Yeah. But it's never important to lie. To your significant other. Parenthesis S. parentheses. Yeah.

See how cool I'm being? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you are famously obsessed with Polly. Yeah, I think for your Polly employment, just lie. Just lie. Okay. Hey, guys, my cat's staring on a moth.

What kind of fun would you be personally? Well, I guess a rule of Polly is not a bug. It's a crustacee. No, it's not a crustacean. Is it a crustacean? It's the same It's not a book I would be a daddy long legs

Because daddy of long legs are bugs They're not just contrary to popular relief Oh I did not know that And they do have acid But it doesn't actually Like hurt humans It is a very small amount And it's like

And they only do it when they're stressed Though maybe not Because little kids like to pick off their legs So what kind of fuck-ass bug would you be? What kind of Fuck ass bug. Can we get a list of bugs real quick? I feel like I would be, I would be some sort of a little, wait, go down.

Who is the common cock face? Common what? Go down a little bit more. That guy. Common cock chaffer. Oh, that's a crazy. That's me. Look at the eye shadow or the eyeliner.

Oh, yeah. That's me. It's like a little furry round, like girly little. It's the common cock chaper. The cockchafer is crazy. The Latin name is Malo-Melonfa. Melo-Lon-Fah. Melo-Lon-Fah.

Melo-Lon-Fah. The Latin name is Melalon-Fa-Melon-Thah. Yeah, okay, great. Yeah. Oh, it's in the U.K. It's a large brown beetle. Yeah, this is a UK bug list, but that's okay. Okay.

And it's often seen flying. Yeah, I'm the common cock chaper. Look at that thing. I love that thing. Crazy. That is a beautiful, beautiful bug. I mean, that was like the nicest thing I've ever said about myself. It's comparing myself to a beautiful, beautiful bug and calling it so beautiful without blinking.

Like, look at that gorgeous bug. Common cock chaper is an insane name. Yeah. Sorry, I be chafin'em. Yeah. And you're only around 35 millimeters. Yeah, I'm literally only 35 millimeters and I still be chafin'em. Is there something that's microscopic?

Yeah, if you want to look up. microscopic or like that gets in people's skin oh a what kind of bugs burrow into people's skin a tick but I don't think you're a tick I could be a tick I think I'm a tick I think I'm a tick I think I'm a tick because when people come home and I'm on them they go get off what if you're an unarmed stick insect wait that's pretty good a prickly stick insect and an unarmed stick insect Wait, can I see the unarmed stick insect? Because you never have a gun. I never do.

Okay, I think I'm an unarmed stick insect. Wow. I'm never armed in my real life. You're always in the frost-free parts of Cornwall. Yeah, I've always said that. And I'm not evaluated. No, you're not evaluated. Which is how I can get away with so much.

Your conservation status is you're not evaluated. I'm not evaluated. They just don't know yet. Whatever it is, they don't know they haven't checked. Yeah, I'm kind of like, you know, I'm greener brown and it can appear similar to the smooth stick insect on first glance. And I camouflage myself well due to my stick-like appearance and appendages. Absolutely. And I've seen you do that all the time. I'm always camouflaging. Yeah. And I, yeah. And I'm a cockchafer. Yeah. Wow, that's crazy. And we both are kind of vaguely phallic vibes. Cock chaffer. You look phallic. You look phallic. And my. name is the most phallic name. Yeah. My lifespan is I usually will become mature by midsummer. Oh, and also. And then I'll only live about three or four months. Here's my favorite thing about you, right? Is that not enough is known about you to understand threats about you. I've always

actually, yeah, I've always said that. And you know a fun fact about me is I keep myself camouflaged by swaying and moving with the breeze like the rest of the plant it is on. And you can be seen from April to December. Yeah, right now. You can absolutely be seen. Right now you can see me. Huge. After December, honey, I'm gone.

And you lay several hundred eggs in summer and early autumn. Oh, I mean, my eggs are everywhere. They won't stop coming out. They will not stop coming out. Wow. Okay, so those are the type of fuck-ass bugs we are. Music. Cut the music.

Okay, what's the next question? Hello, so. Oh, good no, Olivia. I was just going to call and ask you so. I know you guys are really smart and all the people on the internet. the web is going to call on ask you because I needed to call on ask you. How do you know if you are the evil bitch or your friends

are the evil bitch inside? I mean, like, is the evil bitch your friend or are you the evil bitch? I'm not sure. Um, please let me know. Thank you so much for taking this call and I really appreciate you all. And thank you so much. Just let me know who's the evil bitch me for my friends and how do you find out? And I don't know. And thank you. Did and O. O. Vivia. Bye.

What? Wow. That's, I'm really trying to wrap my head around that. The question is, how do you know who's the evil bitch if you were your friend? Well, I guess first I'd start with who did something evil. Was it you or your friend? What I love about this question is there's so much more of a story to it. There's so much context for missing. And this person used all of the time to be like, I'm not going to tell you the story.

They did what I do in voicemails, which is just like, I'm going to say the same thing, five different times in slightly different ways. an impression of that for sure yeah well I don't know my guess is you're not the evil bitch

because I like you but that's pretty biased yeah it's also like does somebody have to be the evil bitch yeah that's the it's like and how serious are we about this question are we like arguing over like something silly like what fuck ass

bug you are or are we like doing something evil I will say my friend and I talk about this a lot, the idea of if you're talking to your therapist and they're gassing you up and being like, you know, you're fine, you're good. Like, they don't know the other person's point of view. And what if you are evil? Absolutely. Because nobody evil goes to therapy and says, like, I think I kind of did something not great or I think I hurt someone or like here's the story of what I did wrong and what they did. Like, they don't do that at all. No, it is like one of those things where you can convince yourself like, wait, am I actually so evil because I don't know why? I think if your instinct is always to frame yourself as the victim in every single situation, you might be a little bit more at risk of being evil than if you have the thought, oh, no, am I evil?

But wait a second. Okay, okay, let's go. The thought, oh, no, am I evil could be making yourself the victim. Because you're like, oh, no, poor me. I'm literally, I'm so evil. anything about it. Everybody, everybody, uh, feel bad for me because I just can't do anything about it. I'm just so, so evil. Yeah. Now, this is interesting. But yeah. Oh, no. I'm, I'm a sociopath and therefore I get to act like this. Yes. Because it's not my fault because I'm the victim. Slash. Yeah. When, you know, when people talk about the

idea of like, like, when you're fighting with somebody and they just kind of go like, oh, well, I guess I'm the worst. Yeah. I guess I'm the bad guy. I guess I'm the bad guy. No, you can absolutely self, self-flagellate in a way that is manipulative and bad. It's so fascinating. And also, like, I know that this is like a crazy thing to say. Yeah. But watching Love Island is actually a really interesting study in this kind of thing. Yeah.

Of like seeing when people, like, for example, this season of Love Island. On Real Love Island, not Fantasy Bracket. There's a guy named Sincere. And he's not very sincere. Shocker. buckle up ladies and gentlemen and everyone else He very much so frames things in a way of like I'm just like a nice guy

Yeah but he's consistently doing bad stuff Absolutely no that's what I really do think like Yeah people who are like self-proclaimed Nice it's always like what is why do you have to say that out loud Mm-hmm mm-hmm Why you have to be like well I'm like a really good guy It's like I've never I've never I don't know if I've ever heard someone say that where it wasn't like, like other people would be saying that, right?

Like with people I know who are a good person, other people go, oh, they're such a good guy. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But I don't know if they say it. Yeah. And then I guess the question is, what happened? How do you know who is the evil bitch?

You are your friend. You are your friend. I'm going to say it's you. I'm going to say, wait, sorry. It's you. I'm going to say it's you. I'm going to say that your friend. friend is the evil bitch until I learn more. I'm going to say maybe no one is. Okay, I love that.

I don't think there needs to be an evil bitch. That's true. If they're your friend, they probably aren't an evil bitch. Yeah, that's why my take is that it's about something really light. Yes. Like, it's about something silly and we're joking. But if we're not, then, then I don't know. I need more info. No, I, I'm curious. I'm curious as to what this means. I think no one is the evil bitch because I don't think you'd be friends with the evil bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you would do that to yourself. That's just a thought. That's a thought for me.

Hi, guys. This is Sefira. I have a question, which is, okay, take it back. Let's have a brainstorming session. Okay. Because I am asexual and aromantic, and sometimes I get stupid people who want to tell me that it's so sad that I'm going to be alone forever and that someday I will want. romantic and sexual partner. And I just haven't

haven't found the right person yet. So sometimes I'm willing to educate people and have a conversation with them, especially if there's someone I'm going to see a lot. But sometimes I don't. So let's, I want to us to think about

funny and short ways to just kind of convey no. Yeah. So that's my question slash request. Um, love you guys. You're very funny. And bye, Bipy. Okay, Sophia, first off, you have a beautiful name and you're allowed to be Arrow Ace. Um, yeah, I think, uh, it sucks that. I mean, this is unfortunately such a thing.

Yeah. I think people will just be like, well, no. It's, it's like, oh, well, I'm, you know, I'm, uh, bye. Oh, no. No, you're not. Okay. No, you're not. You just haven't experienced something I'm making up right now that I'm, I'm, I'm, Yeah, like I know your brain better than you do. It's just like a very funny thing. Okay, so people are being like, no, you're not. You just haven't met the right person. People are saying like that you'll be sad one day without a romantic and sexual partner, even though you are not built to want one. Again, also in another episode we've talked about this, the idea of dying alone makes it seem like the only relationships you can possibly have are romantic. It's just not true. Yeah. Okay. So what should you say to people when they're like, you just haven't found the right. person yet. I think you should say, oh, don't worry, I'm building the right person in my basement. Yeah, that's pretty good. Because that's so out of left field and it will scare people away and they'll either think like, that's a crazy joke or like they'll think you're serious. And then you can say, I'm modeling them after you. I've seen you in my dream. Yes. Yes. I'm modeling them after you.

I've seen you in my dreams. Could I have a strand of your hair with the follicle attached? Can I take a bunch of iPhone photos? Yes. The different parts of your face. A 360 of your face. So I I can 3D print of your face for the body that I'm building in my basement. Yes, exactly. I think you should go that direction. I think if they want to get in your business, then you just go so far. You just take their hand and you go, well, let's go then. And you just take them somewhere made up.

Can I record your voice saying a few phrases? Like, I love you. I want to be with you forever. Yeah, I am romantically and sexually attracted to you. And I'm so glad you've discovered that it was just a phase. Yep. Yeah, I think you should do that. Yeah, I think go full, go full creepy.

Yeah, because like, fuck that. Because also, like, that person's being so creepy talking to you about your, like, they're being so invasive. And that's, and you can be invasive back. Yeah. And that's funny. Yeah. Hello, it's in Olivia. This is Katrin from Oakland, which, as you might know, is right off of the San Andreas Falls.

Mm-hmm. So my question is mainly for Sudd. I was just wondering if your mother had any idea of when the big one would be happening for me. Just to maybe ease my worries, maybe so I can get excited. So I would love if you to get back to me, that would be awesome. Okay. Gorgeous. Yes.

Thank you so much for asking. You so much for asking. Something I've mentioned on the pod before is my mom has predicted many an earthquake. Yeah. Famously the 94. Famously the 94 earthquake in which she went around her apartment and was putting rubber bands. Rubber bands on the cabinets so that they wouldn't open. What would happen if you texted your mom right now and said, hey, when do you think the big one's going to be? Okay, I'll try.

Would she like get freaked out? Hey, are you there? When do you think the big one is going to be? This is huge. I'm excited to find out too because, you know, we live in California. She said, why? Next text, she said, do you have the office number? Right.

Don't know what that's about. Next text, she said, I have been expecting a couple of Malibu-centered fives, but not a big one yet. I did tell dad that I see myself in a small space with significant horizontal shaking, but I do not know what that means. Well, I don't either. So those three texts back to back. Horizontal shaking like that. No idea what that could mean.

But if you are in Malibu, expect some five. Expect some five. Yeah. And if you're in a small space, expect some horizontal shaking. Well, that was our earthquake expert. Yep.

And she did predict the 94 earthquake. She did. Yep. This is Dr. Bertholomey backhand calling from the banner health. I am returning to the lab results of Olivia de Laurentes. So you actually do test positive for both folidu and Giardia. So as for the folidu, this is actually going to require some more testing and you're going to have to bring in that same friend that you did last time, you know, the blonde with the honkers. As for the Giardia, we're going to have to

get you on a script of metrodonnozo. And just so you're aware, the other test that did come back funny was actually for psoriasis. It seems you're sharing a metaphysical ephemeral plaque with somebody named Sudney. Well, anyway, for treatment, you're going to have to expect at least a seance

and at the most severe mental illness resulting in long-term hospitalization. Well, anyway, give the lady in the office a bling, and we'll get you that appointment for the extra testing. Don't forget to bring the blonde and have a nice Passover. That was awesome. That was, so that was so embarrassed. That's actually my doctor calling and leaving me my test results. And I think I might have accidentally given our voicemails number to my real-life doctor,

and that's why I haven't been as healthy because I haven't been getting any of the calls directly. Well, you definitely should bring in that busty, busty blonde. Yeah, I got to find that busty blonde. Got to figure out which busty blonde and bring in that blonde. Yeah. Yeah. Find your bust. Absolutely.

Well, thank you, my doctor. Thank you for the results. I really appreciate it. I've been waiting long time. Hey, Fred and Olivia. My name is Allison, and I'm calling from Colorado. Love the podcast. You guys always make my day.

My question for you guys is, if you were a. texture. What texture would it be? I'm thinking like soft or smooth or hand-fibery, um, squishy? Um, anyways, what texture would you guys be? Um, yeah, love you guys. That's so cute. I love it. So you're saying squishy? Um, um, um, What do you think? I think I would be something fluffy, like something like a pillow that's like really soft and fluffy and nice, but then has like certain parts of it that were like spilled on and hardened a little bit, but not like so many, but like some. I think I would be the texture of bubble wrap. Ooh.

Because sometimes it's very like. People like to pop you. Yeah, well, sometimes it's very like, oh, that's kind of fun. And then you pop it and you're like, oh, you're kind of tired, aren't you? Oh, that's kind of it for you, huh? Oh, that's it. You're going to sleep now? You're going to go to sleep now?

Great. And it just kind of is like not as useful anymore. Right. And you're like, I can't really wrap this in. You're like, all right. It is more just plastic now. Yeah. It just becomes kind of like, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Well, perfect. There you go. The amount of freedom that I've fucking felt by listening to your talk is amazing. Like, the fact that like y'all are so like on it inspires me to like understand that like people who are like neurodivergent are there and also like excelling in life and also who they fucking are um y'all are fucking great thank you so much yeah i can't say enough like truly

there aren't enough words to say that you are important anyway thank you said Olivia uh nice to meet all. Bye. Nice to meet. Nice to wait. Wait. What is. Okay. Because first off, thank you so much. That's so nice. Second, I'm like reading the transcript and it ends with when is Carl. And technically this wasn't a question. This was just a very, very nice comment. But I do want to answer the question, when is Carl as well? Yeah, when is Carl? I think always. Yeah. Carl is always. Interior Carl always. Yeah, I've, I've, I've, I've been around Carl for always. For centuries and for eternity, really. Yeah.

No, when we write fan fictions, sometimes we'll write interior a person's name always or interior something always. And yeah, so I just think of Carl as always as well. Carl is always. When is Carl? Carl is always. Thank you for being so kind. Yeah, thank you for listening. I hope that Carl is always for you.

I hope it's always. I hope it's always. I hope you're always. Carl, unless you don't want to be. I hope you're always Carl. Stay Carl. Stay Carl. Thank you, Carl. This is, whoa. I have my 17 seconds, and I don't know how to talk. You're not 17 seconds. And I'm listening to your episode of We Answered Your Voicemails, and I just wanted to ask what your favorite vocal stim is because a lot of my vocal stims come from you too. Yep. Wow. Okay. Bye. I love you guys. Oh. Thank you.

It wasn't weird. It's just so funny to me that you were like, I can't believe I'm 17 seconds in when you were truly like 12 seconds. You're like, oh my God, how am I 17 seconds? You're not. You're fine. Okay. First of all, you're fine. Yeah, you're lovely. Vocal Sims. Changes all the time, you know? In this very moment, I'm doing a lot of like, yeah, if you think about it. Yeah. I'm saying like anything and then I'm saying like, if you think about it.

Yeah. So that's mine right now. That's probably my top right now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I feel like I do a lot of, ah, ah. Yeah.

We'll do that back to each other. Yeah. Like when we first see each other in the morning. Sometimes we go. Sometimes we'll do like, ah. Yep. Yeah, that's a good one. Do a lot of ah. Yeah. And it's like Mrs. Fowell noticing something.

Yeah. Mrs. Fowle noticing something. I do just mostly a lot of talking to my dog when my dog isn't there. Oh, when your dog isn't there. Because I'll be like, oh, Malsy, you're a night girl. Yeah. It's like she's not here. It sounded like you said you're a night girl.

You're a night girl. You're a night girl. You're not so sexy with your night girl. Yeah, I just do a lot of like, oh, Marcy, you're a nice girl, you're a good girl, don't. Yeah, yeah, like, but she's not there. Are you like in the car alone? Yeah, in the car or like just like out in public somewhere. I'll be like, oh, that's a nice buska.

Yeah, and they'll be like, sorry, we said we don't have almond milk. Do you want ode? Yeah, you're like, don't's a nice buska. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's a nice girl and a good girl. Yeah, that's great. That's awesome. Maybe I should do that in the mirror.

Yeah. Oh, that's a nice girl and a good girl. I've heard people say if you talk in the mirror the way you talk to your dog, your self-image or like your self-compassion goes up. I've never done it. But imagine if you... Well, I do call my dog sexy. Yeah.

So, and also, you and I were on a walk the other day with my dog. And you very loudly said, you are sexy. And there was a person walking towards us with their dog. And I was like, this happens to me all the time is where you and I will be on a walk with dog and we're being like sexy sexy sexual dog and then somebody else will be walking like

to us and I like didn't realize it and now they need to know they need to know that she's sexy sometimes you can't help she's got a long body and short legs she's got a long body in the short leg and a nice tummy very sexy dog yeah

I love that dog yeah she's great she's sexy so yeah all my vocal stems come from my dog I guess yeah that's gorgeous that's gorgeous that's gorgeous Horgis. Hey, Sid and Olivia. I love your guys as podcast.

You guys crack me out. I was wondering, what energy of a dog do you think you guys give? Like, what dog do you think you are? Like, some people give golden retriever. What do you think you guys give? Because I don't know what to place you guys as. Well, you know, thanks. Bye.

Yeah. What an interesting follow-up. A hundred percent. We had no idea this would be the follow-up. Well, you have a dog that most of the follow-up. Well, you have a dog that multiple people have described you as. Yeah, multiple people I've dated in my early 20s have described me as a Boston Terrier. And I don't know how to feel about that.

Should we look up the qualities of a Boston Terrier? Yeah, what are the qualities of a Boston Terrier? And I don't know if I self-identify as a Boston Terrier, but I've got to be honest about the fact that people have said, lively, affectionate, and intelligent. Okay. famous for their dapper tuxedo. Me too. Oh, they earned the nickname the American gentleman and so did I. So that's crazy. They're incredibly loyal. Yep, adapt well to apartment life. Yes. Thrive on human interaction. Yes, making them fantastic and goofy family pets. They bond deeply with their family, act as loving shadows that follow you everywhere.

They're playful clowns known for sudden bursts of energy called the zoomies and they maintain a goofy puppy-like personality. They're friendly and outgoing, generally social with everyone. when they meet and highly emotionally aware, quickly match your mood, whether it's time to play or cuddle. Okay, I actually, oh wait, can we go to physical traits? Do you feel like you match your mood when it's time to play or cuddle? I do. Expressive features, prominent, big, dark eyes, perky, upright ears. They are compact and sturdy.

They shed very little. Oh, they're... That's awesome. And they snore, and heavy breathing. And their sun chasers. Oh, and minimal odor. Sun Chasers sounds like it should be something in like the Avatar universe. And due to their flat faces, they can't tolerate extreme heat.

Same. They're prone to gas and delicate digestive systems. Okay. So here's what I will say. Like, I came into this being like, I don't get it, but I actually kind of am starting to get it. Interesting. Yeah, so I'm just going to lock in. Yeah, yeah.

Go Boston Terrier about it. Yeah, I'll lock in with a Boston Terrier. Yeah. I'm the American gentleman. Yeah, I love that. What's the, um, give me two seconds. I'll find you this dog. I have one dog that I think you look like. Who do you think I look like? I think you look sometimes like a saluki. What's a saluki? Can we look up a saluki? I think in college you were a saluki. Oh. They're like beautiful. They possess regal disposition and lean frame. I don't know if that's me. Yeah, I don't know. Am I regal? I don't know. Yeah. What were you thinking? I was thinking of, this is very specific. Yeah. Do you know in 101 Dalmatians and 102 Dalmatians even, the live action version? Okay. Where Crewella DeVille has a dog of her own. Okay. And I think it's named like Buddy or something or Cruella DeVille's dog live action. Yeah. And it's kind of a mutt. Why does she have a dog when she makes dog jacket? Because the dog she has doesn't have enough fur to make a jacket out of. Oh, it's a...

It's that first dog. Oh, wow. What is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a Chinese crested? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, go back. Thank you.

I'm so sorry. Yeah, underneath. Yeah, that's a Chinese crested. I think that's me. You're a Chinese crested. Well, you know what's so great about that is that Little Fuck is a Chinese crested. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

When we did those sketches where it was like, everyone has two dogs and one of them is cursed and we put Sid, we put Sid's face on a Chinese crested. Wait, can we look up the things about a Chinese-quested dog? Yeah, what qualities of a Chinese-crested? It's interesting, too, because if you are a Chinese-crested and I am a Boston Terrier, we both have a location at the top of our name. Wow. And that's huge.

Except mine is Chinese. I feel like, that's not okay. Okay, so they're sensitive souls. They're affectionate. Cat-like agility. Yeah, I think I buy that. Playful and clownish. I think you are cat-like and clown.

We're both clownish. That's huge. We'll happily repeat behaviors that make you laugh and get your attention. Pick me, dog. That's so mean. Cat-like agility, they're remarkably, you perch in high places. I do perch in high places. You lounge on the back of the couch or top of a chair, absolutely.

You're also highly intelligent and sensitive. I'll take it. And I think you are. And I require gentle handling. and early socialization. That's true. Whenever Sid's not socialized early, she's a fucking nightmare. It's so true.

I need to be socialized early. Can we go down a little bit? They're people-oriented. Okay. You get along with other cats and dogs, especially when socialized. Great. You're athletic yet calm. You have a moderate energy level.

I'm so moderate. Yeah. And you are... Wait, I don't want that to be taken out of context. But you're fantastic. for apartment living. I'll take it. Wait, we actually

have so much in common. Yeah. They're basically just both dogs. Yeah. Wait, if someone ever gets a Chinese crested and a

Boston Terrier and let us know if they get along and if they start a podcast. Yeah, let us know if they start a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, you provide

plenty of lap time gentle training and daily companionship. Yeah, I'll do lap time. I'll do lap time. Easy, easy, easy lap time. Easy, easy lap time. Easy, easy lap time.

Great. Yeah, I think I think this feels right for me I love that Yeah, that's huge And it's like kind of like Kind of odd vibes looking But it's like nice It's like it's like so lovely

You know it is what it is It's great It's a Chinese crest It's awesome What more do you want? What more could you want than a Chinese crested And I also like that Cruella DeVille has one

Yeah, just seems fun Yeah, that's awesome It would be kind of weird To be Creole DeVille's dog But I think I could do it Oh it's named Fluff that one. Oh, yeah, fluffy. That's ironic. That's funny. Wow. Okay. Well, that's great. Okay. So Boston Terrier and Chinese Crested is what we're renaming this podcast too. The Boston Terrier and the Chinese Crested talk shit. Yeah. Hey, Cidna, Olivia. It's Kate from Illinois. Hi, Kate. I'm just giving you guys a call to ask you a very important question. So I am getting married soon. Thank you. Congratulations. And the very most important question I have is.

I have the option to hire barn tenders. They are cows that are fitted with saddles, which either side of the saddle has like seltzers or beers or things like that. And it's not that expensive. But some people have been telling me it's a bit of an overkill. So Sid and Olivia, I ask you, should I hire these barn tender little miniature highland cow waiters? So thank you so much.

Love you both. You are so funny and wonderful, and I appreciate you lifting me up on my darkest of days. Thank you. Love you. Bye. Yes. Yes, of course. Anyone telling you it's overkill needs to literally calm down. It's your fucking wedding.

The amount of people... Can we look this up? Yeah, barn tenders? The amount of people who go so above and beyond and, like, go so crazy on their wedding days, this is not that crazy. This is fucking awesome. As long as the barn tenders like it, I'm totally in.

If the barn tenders consent... Like, if the cows are getting little bit... treats and having a fun time. I'm totally in. And they're little highlight. I literally want to get married just to do this. Yeah, I was going to say, propose in the comments. If this was my wedding, I would be like, we don't need a dress. We don't need a venue. I don't give a single fuck. All we need for sure, as long as they're consenting. Yeah. They're so, are the barintenders. Oh my God. Oh my God. When the local cow decides to have their say at your wedding. I would. That's the only, that's the fucking coolest.

thing I've ever heard of. I would do anything to have this. And also I would love a cow at my wedding to be like a ring bearer. And then they kind of like run around and you have to get it from them. Highland cows. Oh my God. They're so sweet and cute. Yes, as long as they're getting lots of treats and hugs. I'm so. Yeah. If they're treated well and you are like, okay, this feels like it's an ethical vibe. I think that it's the most important thing you could ever do with your life. I can kick out your partner. Just go full cows. I think I like envy the fact. The fact that. that you get to do that with your life and now I'm reshaping my life around being able to do that one day. Yeah, I'm into it. I think you need to do it actually. Yeah, I think that's the coolest thing

I've ever heard. I hope we're not too late on this. Okay. That was huge. Wow, what an amazing. We've gotten such interesting question. Yeah, you guys are awesome. You guys are so freaking funny. What I love is that, um, you can never tell what it's going to be. No, no. It's always a joy. It's always a surprise. Yes. Um, what, one more time, the phone number for if you do want to contact us. Yes. Yes. If you do want to contact us and leave your own voicemail. Our number is 805-41935-55. How can you read that? 8.05 4193-55. See, I didn't answer you. I just read it again. Oh my God. Yeah, I need to get a new context prescription because I cannot read that at all. Yeah. I mean, just like Kenzie said, I have 2013 vision. What was that whole thing? She like got it. Yeah, which is like not as good as 2020. Yes, on Love Island, the good.

girl who went to nursing school. Yeah. And then the guy was like, oh, I think it's, I think that means it's worse. And she's like, no, no, I went to nursing school. You shut up. And then everyone was like, that's not true. There's a really good moment on the last episode of Love Island that I just watched, where it's Casa Moore. And the girl goes, I'm from Miami, but I live in L.A. And I go to film school. And this other girl goes, what are you studying? And she goes, I go. I go. to film school. And she goes, but what are you studying? And she goes, film. And it's awesome. Oh, God. Is that the girl who's getting sent home for slurs? Oh, is she? Yeah. Is she the one that looks like a baby? Yeah. She looks really young. Yeah, apparently she's getting sent home for slurs.

Everyone was like, I'm picking up on a vibe. Oh, really? Let's look for slurs. And then they found them. And they were like, yep, sounds about right. Interesting. So I haven't gotten to that episode yet. Oh, she doesn't really do, like they don't even introduce themselves really yet. She kind of says that and pretty much nothing else. Yeah. I guess there's like a heart rate challenge where she like there is a heart rate challenge. There is a heart rate challenge. Like three black.

Yeah. Sure. She's weird to like certain people and not others. And then people were like, I'm picking up on a bad vibe. Let's check. And then they were like bingo. Damn. Which is just like crazy.

How often that? What do you like? Too often. Why would you? And why are the Love Island producers not. Always checking first. Always check first. Because it seems like this happens quite a lot.

Because also like, yeah, like, sorry. Like, maybe I'm just like, sheltered. But like, really that often? Well, I also am just like, you have a whole team of people casting. Yeah. Shouldn't they kind of do a deep dive? Yeah. That be like part of a preliminary thing?

You can't tell me that like all, that you can't find a bunch of hot people who haven't. Oh, of course you can. Of course you can. Guys. You can find hot people who haven't said slurs. Yeah. I think that's very important to do. I've seen so many.

I've seen so many. In fact, I'm friends with so many. So many. Yeah, it is definitely weird one. Well, you know what? On our Love Island, we never have. No. Islanders who have to get kicked off for saying slurs.

Yeah, no, absolutely. Because it's fictional. Yeah. And we wouldn't do that for them. Speaking of Love Island. Speaking of Love Island, we really want to do a Love Island fantasy bracket season two. We miss Love Island fantasy bracket. It is the most fun. And it's real Love Island right now. So we might as well jump in. Yeah. So if you have any ideas for who you would want to be in our villa's Love Island first six. Yeah. Or any initial bombshells. You can join our Patreon and we will have a discord chat that you can post some pitches in because, guys, last season's winners are, you know, they're thriving. They're thriving. They're still together. They're literally still together. They're

They just went on vacation. Yeah. They're engaged. Yeah. And they have some crazy news that isn't out yet. But that's rainbow fish and a lot of water. And they've got some, they've got some, they're just, they're thriving. They're doing really well.

So to find another gorgeous couple like that, go ahead and submit your ideas for Islanders at our Patreon. Yeah. Join our Patreon. It's $5 a month. And you can come see lots of fun stuff. Episodes longer on a cut. Yeah. And thank you for being here.

Thank you for being here. We appreciate you. Thank you for submitting these interesting voice notes. Yes, thank you. They are both fun, silly, sometimes questions. Yeah. And I love them all. Yep.

Yeah. And thank you so much for being here. We love you guys. And we will see you next Tuesday, free stream.