Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - The Most F'd Up Kids Show!

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

It's time for an all new kids show to help you understand the world in 2025! Remember these episodes now go up a few days early AND with bonus content on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/c/syd_and_olivia Listen to the show on the go! Spotify Chapters 00:30 - Intro 01:06 - Welcome To The Fun Bunker 05:00 - Adult Danger! 17:20 - Puppet Show Time 28:00 - Wimpos The Window Washers Song 31:30 - Puppet Show Continued 32:17 - Olivas Super Serious Puppet Class 35:52 - Counting Music! 40:49 - Lullaby Bye Bye This is a 7equis Network Show Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

He washes windows. Sid is court ordered. Whipow walk his windows loud. He wears his ankle monitor. Wimpo washes windows. Sir, that's a patient.

Allegedly. It's a special episode today. I hope you're buckled up into your big chairs. Welcome to the Big Bad Kids podcast for you. Welcome to the Big Loud Kids for you. I'm the Sid Kids. I'm the Olivia kid.

And today, we're here to provide some very special messages to you kids. To you kids. Um, if you're new, this is Sid and Olivia talk shit, the podcast. God damn it. Oh, are we not allowed? Okay, never mind. You can't say that to kids. Oh, you're right.

I don't know if you know this, but recently Trump kind of said, you know what, let's cut funding. Like, who needs PBS? On PBS. Who needs it is what he said. And the best thing to come out of PBS is. is Sesame Street. So there's a chance that Sesame Street will be no more. And if that happens, we need something to replace Sesame Street. We absolutely do at least temporarily, you know? So we decided, obviously, it is our responsibility. It's our responsibility. It's our duty.

To give you a children's show. To teach you about things that you really do need to learn about. Yeah, you know, we're revamping a classic children's show. We're making our own Sesame Street. And we're calling it the fun bunker. Music. Cut the music. Cut the music. The fun bunker. Oh.

Okay. It's for your own safety, children. Yeah. So the bunker is for your safety. And for your fun. You're stuck inside it. Am I right? With us.

With us. And that's how the show, that's the basic concept of the show. It's like a Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Except you're stuck in a bunker with us. Because you're in a bunker and you're with two of us and a bunch of puppets. And it's for your safety. And it's for your safety. for your safety. Oh, by the way, right before the Fun Bunker, if you want any more content,

we have a Patreon, check us out. And there's a lot of crazy, cool, extra stuff. You can get early episodes uncut, uncensored, and extended. And like bonus clips, very fun. So kids. Hi, kids. Hi, kids. Welcome to our complete, I know. I was like, just in case anyone is new, this episode is not for kids. Yeah, this is not for kids at all. This is not kid-friendly. Do not let any kids listen to this.

If you're still, like, letting kids listen to this. This is for, like, kids over 18. Does that make sense? Yeah, this is for kids in their, like, later 20s, earlier 30s, late 40s. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Okay, so every kid's show, why can we not talk to kids? Why do we keep doing this?

Yeah, I don't do this when I talk to kids if that helps. I talk to kids like they're stoners. Yeah. It's the best way to talk to a kid. because then they respect you. You go like, hey dude, how's it hanging? Yeah. And then they'll be like, I like a dinosaur.

Yeah, they does work. Kids just love to tell you about stuff too. You like to tell you about like me. Like me. It's like you just go up and you go like, well, tell me about, you know, what's that? And then they'll just talk. Did you say like meat? Like me.

Oh. Like meat. Kids love to tell me about meat. I was like, what? Okay, so kids today, we have a word of the day. The word of the day. Kids were sponsored by a word of the day. The word of the day is run. R you N. Run. Run because there's so many things right now that are so much fun to run from. Yeah. Like for example, here's using the word run in a sentence. Okay. Yeah. Little Billy realized he was living under a fascist regime.

Yes. It's time for Little Billy to run. That's a really good word of the day. That's really good. That's really good. Run, run, run away, run away, little Billy. That's beautiful. Thank you.

That's beautiful. And you know what? That was a whole song in the episode. It's beautiful. Yeah, it was like a whole little segment. Something that I really feel like is important to teach the kids that they're not going to get from Sesame Street. Right, right, right. is that sometimes we can't trust grownups, right?

That's such a good point. That's such a good point. And in fact, you often can't. You often can't. I think, you know, there's a lot of shows that do a really good job of being like, oh, stranger danger. But we live in a world where sometimes you have to talk to a stranger. Sometimes you don't.

And, you know, how do you know? You know what's real danger? What? Is adults. Adults are danger. Adult danger is my band. Adult danger. So we would like to do a quick segment.

called, is this grown-up fucked? Play music! Cut the music! Let's actually wait. Before we talk about grown-ups really quickly, just really quickly, the no-ho serial killer was caught. No!

No way, really? He was caught, and he's been killing people with a screwdriver. Oh, shit. Well, that is specific. So anyway, kids, sometimes you'll meet in a, grown-up and you'll go. Wait, how did they catch him? I don't know, police. Okay, okay. Sometimes you'll

meet a grown-up and you'll go, are grown-ups actually kind of bad? And the answer is yes. So we're going to show some pictures of some famous grown-ups and we're going to decide, is that grown-up bad? Yep. Our first grown-up is Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan claimed that he missed a phone call that would have actually made him the face of the George Foreman Grill, but this has proven to be a lie. Do we think this guy is okay? What do you think, Olivia? I'm going to say, this grown up is fucked.

This grown up looks a little fucked. And I know kids, you might be thinking, well, he's wearing a cross in this picture. Yeah, of course. He's a religious gentleman. Of course. So maybe that means he's not fucked, but actually a lot of religious people are fucked.

So especially the adults. Many of them, in fact. So that's a good lesson. That's beautiful. A beautiful lesson. That's a beautiful lesson. Okay, great. So, yeah, so Hulk is fucked.

All right, good job, guys. Stay away from Hulk Hogan. Stay away from Hulk Hogan if you're kids. Next adult, we're going to look up a guy named Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg. Here's a fun fact about Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg allegedly killed a goat with a laser and served it to a journalist, cold. Is that okay? Kids, you might be thinking that seems fun, but it's actually maybe a crime.

Now, does this guy look fucked or does he look fine? Well, it's not about how an adult looks. It's about what an adult does. Now, that's a great lesson. Right, right? So when you kill a goat with a laser and feed it to a journalist cold, even though you're saying I'm taking it out of the oven. Right. That makes you, maybe. be fucked. Maybe weird. Yeah. Maybe weird. I wouldn't let this guy anywhere near my kids. And I don't have any. I don't have any and I wouldn't let him near them. Yeah, I think this guy is fucked.

All right, we've got another adult coming up. Now, this one might be a hard one. Yep. And we're going to have to really think about it. Okay? Is this adult fucked Benito Mussolini? Let's take a look at this fun guy. Now, he's got a fun hat. He's got a fun hat. But does that make him good?

Now, he's got a cool suit. But does that make him fun? Sometimes people can dress all kinds of fun, and they're not fun. Now, here's a fun fact about Benito Mussolini. I love a fun fact. He signed a pact with Hitler. Does that make... I think Benito Mussolini is fucked.

I think this guy might be fucked. Now, even though he has a cool pose... and he's putting his hands on his hip like a cool kib queen. Yeah, just because kids, just because someone is being a kittie queen doesn't necessarily mean they didn't sign a pack with Hitler. Right. And so that's like something you really need to cross-examine when you meet adults. You have to think, I know they're being a kutty queen, but did they sign a pact with Hitler? Yeah.

That's a good question for your parents. Yes. Go home and ask your parents. Did you sign a Knie queens? Did you sign a pact with Hitler? Yep. Because then your parents might be fucked. Yeah.

They might be bad. Such a good point. Well, it's a good lesson is that your parents might be bad. You never know. Everyone has different parents. Not all of them can be good. No, 100%. And that is a good message.

Sorry. Not every parent can be like my dad. Going back to the word of the day. Okay. Run. Okay. We've got another adult and is this adult fucked. It is Grandpa Joe from Willy Wonka.

You might recognize this guy. He's old. He looks very sweet. He wears. a little nightgown. Now, this guy is wearing a nightgown and has another elderly gentleman staring up at him in awe. Oh, yeah, in awe because he's a guy's hero. And that kind of seems sick. So is he a good guy? Right. He's doing a song and dance. He's got a big shirt dress. He is skipping around singing about how much he loves the fucking chocolate. But the problem is, you have to remember, he faked a disability.

Yeah, and that is fucked. That is fucked. This man hops out of bed when he finds out that he gets to go to the chocolate factory of his dream. Yep. Before previously, he had been pretending, it turns out, to be an injured man or disabled of some sort. Of some sort. Laying in a bed with three other elders who we can assume are really, really actually, probably disabled. And then he conveniently can walk.

Oh, he can conveniently do a whole choreographed dance. Yeah, because he's just being injured slash disabled when it is convenient for him. And you know what that is? Ficked. Kids, we're going to jump in here and look at something. Now, all the adults on this list so far have been fucked. But does that mean they're equally fucked? They've also all been men.

Uh-oh. Next on the list. Galane Maxwell. Oh, yeah, Elaine Maxwell. Let's look up this lady. Now, is this person fucked? Now, this is... Here, let me give you a hint.

This woman dated Jeffrey Epstein. Back to the word of the day. Run! No, um... Oh, let's read the caption underneath this gorgeous photo. No, no. Elaine Maxwell has been arrested on charges that she helped Jeffrey Epstein recruit underage girls for sexual abuse.

So that's not even good. The two are seen here in 2005. Now, sometimes when we see... two people in 2005. Hugging and kissing, we think they're probably fine. But the thing is sometimes you can hug and kiss people and look happy and not be fine. Even bad people can find love. Yes.

And that's, even bad people can find love. And that actually brings us to an excellent song. Oh, yeah, in the show. Even bad people can find love. Sometimes with other bad people, sometimes with good people. who don't know they're bad at first But later on they have to find out Don't be in love ever

Run from love There's a chance it'll be a good villain Anyway, that's a really beautiful song So one of the good things about this show Is that the songs are cheaply written We have a lyricist who we're hiring on Fiver And yeah, it's super cheap It's actually a super cheap.

So why aren't we making this show, Disney Plus? Oh, look. Look who it is. Oh, look who it is. Oh, look who it is. Oh, are these four adults okay? Oh, are these four adults okay? Who are these four adults?

They have a Getty images. Oh, well, so they must be okay. So they must be okay. Do we think Donald Trump hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein seems like Donald Trump will be okay? Probably not. Okay, we have the next adult of the list. One more adult? The next adult on the list is, now this is the guy named Cassam G.

Let's see him. Let's see him. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Look at this guy. Now, here's a fun fact about good old Cassam G. Now, this is a guy who did the worst review of Pop-Tarts of all time. That's got to be a safe guy, right?

Yeah. Here's a fact. He won the 2013 Streamy Award for Best Host beating out four other nominees, including Larry King. Look at this guy. Now, I know we all wanted Larry King to finally get his streaming award. But that doesn't actually make Kassim G a bad guy. Right?

Right, kids. Right kids. Look, he's got a Getty image. Yeah. And remember how previously I said that doesn't necessarily make someone a good guy? When it's Kassim G. When it's Kassim G. Yes, it does. Now, look at him.

at this guy. He's wearing a hoodie under a blazer. He's speaking into a mic. He's wearing glasses that are reminiscent of 3D glasses. This is a good guy. I don't feel the intrinsic need to run away. No. Cassidy, everyone. Okay. The last adult to see if they are fucked. The Florida man who on May 1st, broke into someone's house, jacked off, ate a salad that he brought, that he brought, and played with a remote control helicopter. Is that guy fucked? Oh, that is such a good question. Now, it's layered. It's layered.

It's layered because sometimes when someone brings their own salad instead of stealing yours. It doesn't make them any better. It doesn't mean. You would think, like, that's pretty nice that he brought his own salad to the function. But when the function is breaking into someone's house, jacking off and playing with a remote control helicopter, then it's not necessarily good. And here's another fact that you should know. Here's that guy. Look at him.

Looking so guilty. That guy also found the remote control helicopter in the house. Went around the house. Find batteries for it. Put the batteries in. He had to look for batteries separately. Yeah. To play with the remote control helicopter.

that I don't even think he stole. No, he didn't. He played with it until the batteries ran out. And the charge was, quote, unquote, like, depriving the owner of it. And so then, yeah, and depriving the owner of playing for the first time. Of playing with his remote, like, he's not there. Depriving the owner of having an untouched remote control helicopter. Yeah, also, the fact that he went into the house and then...

He went into the house. He jacked off. It's unlocked. He left. came back with a salad and a towel. He came back with a bag with a salad, a towel. And I think one other thing, right? Oh yeah. Chewing tobacco. Oh, yeah. Of course you have to. You know, that has to combination. You have to have that trio. Every time I walk over to a house and I realize it's unlocked, I'm like, I better bring back my bag of chewing tobacco a salad and towel. You never know. I might need

those. And then he came back and then ate his salad. Very nice of him to eat, bring his own salad, not steal food. And then, you know, jacked off and had had a day. Now, is this guy fucked kids? You know, that's a hard one. Is it? I would say the fact that he did all of the things that he did means that yes, he is fucked. I think this guy is fucked.

And not only is he fucked, I think he's ill. Music. Cut the music. That guy's ill. I don't think he's the illest person on the on the... He's not. But he's the most interesting ill person on the list. Yeah.

And kids, you know what? If you're going to be around ill people, at least make them interesting. Come on. Come on. Come on. Get it together, kids. Oh, yeah. Also, by the way, our producer is Cassum.

Oh, yeah. I don't know if that even read. But our producer is a joke for us and the people in this room. Yeah, it was a different people in this room. One of the other, you know, great elements of Sesame Street, obviously. Yeah. Are the cast of characters. characters. Do you have any characters that you really resonate with on Sesame Street?

Oh, well, I loved Elmo when I was a kid. I was obsessed with Elmo when I was tickled. Do they like being tickled? No, I was obsessed with Elmo when I was a kid. I was like mainlining Elmo constantly. And then when I was 12, and I can't do it anymore because my voice has gotten gravely and deep now. But I used to be able to do a flawless Elmo impersonation. Let's hear it. I can't do it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Well, okay. Let's hear it. Uh, it's too low. It's way too low. I think that was actually fucking sick. Stuff like that, but it would be really good, actually, because I had the vocal cords of a child. Well, now you can do Elmo getting wisdom tooth surgery. Well, you know what? I used to sing a song on the ski lift called Elmo wants a syphiliseless Christmas to torture my dad.

That's a gorgeous song. Yeah. I had, it had lyrics and everything. I love that. Yeah. So anyway, I loved Elmo. How about you? Um, I know I really loved the snafellupagus. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. Because I'm pretty sure the joke of the Snephalopagus is he's not real or like he's always, no, he is real, but somebody keeps turning and not seeing him. It's Bidberg. Is it Bidberg? Is it Big Bird who keeps turning and not seeing the Snephalopagus? I think. I'm pretty sure it was me. The joke is like, oh my God, Big Bird thinks he's fucking crazy.

Oh, the joke is gaslighting. Yeah. That's everything. And I do like that. I do love, I mean, I love that. I like when the joke is gaslighting. I love when the joke is gaslighting. And I love when it's not even a joke.

No, I like to do it for real. So today we had to create our own characters. Yeah, if we're going to create an entire kids show set in a basement, we've got to create some puppets. So who are the puppets that are going to be on the fun bunker? Let's see the music. Cut the music! Cut the music! Olivia.

Mm-hmm. Let me see one of the puppets that's going to be on the fun bunker. Okay, I'm so excited. I had so much fun designing these puppets. Wow, you brought a full sketch pad. I did. I'm very excited. I just used crayons.

So the first character is kind of. like an Oscar the Grouch style character. You know, he's kind of like that grumpy, like, rah, rah, right, you know. But I feel like in a modern kids show, we want to know, I want to dive deeper into like, what are we telling kids to watch out for, right? And what are we telling kids to watch out for? I think family members and adults who get their news from Reddit.

So this is a character. He's just a silly, silly, funny, grumpy, grumpy guy. His name is Junkle Junk. Junkle junkle junk. Yeah, he's Junkle Junkle Junk. This is Junkle Junkle Junk. He's your uncle that says all kinds of just fucking junk. You see all the junk can come out of his big mouth?

So he spews all kinds of incomprehensible, disgusting garbage. He lives in a junkyard. He is a junkie. And he gets all his news from Reddit and he won't let it go. Junkle Junk will be in the middle of any family event. He'll just start going on about how the 5G is in his blood. And instead of being like, okay, maybe I'll stop talking about the 5G in my blood at some point, he'll keep doing it the whole time.

He'll ruin his whole family so that he can talk about the 5G in his blood. Awesome. And kids need to learn that sometimes you have to ignore Junkle Junk. And sometimes you have to correct Junkle Junk when it's really important. And sometimes you have to correct Junkle Junk when it's really important. And sometimes you just need to leave all the gas on and leave him in the house. You can't kill him so it's okay. Mm-hmm.

So do you like that? What do you feel like that? Yeah, I love Junkljong. Wow, he's so cute. Thank you. Is he holding a rake? His hand is a rake and his hand is a fish. He's made of trash.

One hand is a rake and one hand is a dead fish. A dead fish, yes. Right. Yeah. And then what are the things around him? Those are flies. Flies. Yeah.

Because he's a, I didn't color these in, but these are garbage bags. It's just he's a junkyard themed puppet, right? Yeah. He's very junkyard themed. Yeah. His name is Junkl Junkl Junk. Yeah, he's gorgeous. Okay, well, thank you.

I actually think I have like a perfect sidekick for Junkle Junk. Oh, I love it. This is iPady. Oh, no. I Paddy. Are you okay? iPoddy's perfect for the kids show. Oh, well, tell me.

Tell me. I patty's just like you. Oh, beautiful. Hold on to your screens, kids. It's iPady. Oh. This puppet's screen time is 72 hours a day. Oh, no.

Explain that to me. Her neck is fractured from constantly staring down. Oh, look at her. Oh, she's always playing Cocoa Mellon and QAnon videos. Her eyes are in an eternal state of hypnosis. Oh, no. And her tongue is limp and dry. Oh, shit.

The only way Mommy can get her to use potty and not go in. her pant is with this trusty shock collar. Oh, wow. Which is below the fracture in her neck. It is. Yeah. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

I patty is being hit by a bolt of lightning. Oh, no. Why? But doesn't notice that her skin is burning because she is too busy using the calculator app to spell boobs. Wow. Uh-oh. She's evolved not to look people in the eyes. Fuck.

Uh-oh. Oh, she's creating a new species of her own. She hasn't eaten in four days. Yay, I-Patty. Yay, kids, it's time to airdrop a hello gift to iPady. Ah, that's so good. Wow. She hot?

Yeah, she's super hot. I don't know how old she is, so I can say that because I think she's ageless. Yeah, I feel like she's thousands of centuries old based on this drawing. She's been alive forever, but she just. just discovered an iPad and it's like sent her whole world out of, yeah, right, right, right, of course. She's got thousands of years of consciousness to. Yeah.

She's like, so, okay, so is this a cautionary character? Is this a character that we like? I actually think it's a relatable character. Okay, that's great. And I think that kids can see themselves an iPadty because a lot of kids, I think, are going to be like, yes, I'm also addicted to my iPad. Yes, yes. I also go potty in my pant when mother is calling me.

Yeah. because I'm like not paying attention. Right. A lot of kids like cocoa melon. A lot of kids are Q and on. Yes, that's actually really, those are all really good. And I also think that something I really like about her mouth is eternally open. It is.

I like her eyes are. Hypnotice. Yeah, they're just swirls there. Yeah. She's hypnotized. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's excellent. She's going to have a really awful health problems in the very near future.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, she seems to have. them currently. Her neck is completely at a 90 degree angle. But if you look on the bright side, there's a shot collar on it. And if you look on the bright side, a fractured neck, actually lets you look at your iPad a little bit easier. Oh my God. So actually, that's actually such a good point. She's teaching you to always look on the bright side of life. And by the bright side, I mean the bright light emanating from your iPad. Yeah, she's always teaching, always look on the blue light of things. Yes. And she can never sleep. It's awesome. Okay. Do we have another character?

She actually has like a very similar haircut to I patty. Oh, the pigtails? Yeah, and it makes me feel really good because I feel like, you know, they'd be friends in real life. Maybe they're related. Maybe we can work in some lore. They were college roommates and then one of them had to go get sent away and the other, you know, or something like that. Okay, so I think we always need sort of an aspirational character in a show, right? Like a show that's trying to teach you lessons.

You need a character you look up to to teach those lessons, right? Someone who's like royalty, someone who's teaching all the right things and giving you pieces of advice that are really helpful, you know, that you can look up to. This is a character called Princess Priorities. Oh, Princess Priorities. She's a princess, but she is wearing tactical gear because she's all about another P-word practicality. Yeah. Right? She's a puppet that was made really fast because there's more important.

shit to do. It's true. Yeah. So while some characters in kids' shows might teach manners, Princess Priorities Cuts to the fucking Chase. She loves practicality, which is why she's wearing tactical gear and has a thigh knife. She teaches you wear in the throat to elbow someone. It's the first puppet with a thigh. It's exactly what we've all been asking for. We've all been asking for the first puppets. None of these puppets have thighs. Yeah, yeah. Perfect. Um, uh, she's all about protecting the kids from things that are actually dangerous. Sure, it's nice to say please and thank you. But also, sometimes you just have to punch a Nazi.

Right? It's like, that's what's up. Like, sure, it's nice to have manners, but like, let's get our priorities straight. That's fair. Like, let's protect people we love from that. That's fair. Yeah. You just got to make sure that everything's just to, that's fair.

Yeah, just know who, know what your priorities are. doesn't really matter if you're like... Does she have a dual citizenship? She does. Princess Priority is part Canadian. Fuck, yeah. I need to learn some things from her. I need to learn how to get dual citizenship. I love that.

I'm going to talk to her tonight about it. Yeah, talk to her tonight. You have her at home? Yeah. She looks beautiful. I love that her face is pink. I love that her hair is pink. Her eyes are pink.

Her mouth is pink and the rest of her is just not. It's just a marker, just like a black Sharpie. Yeah, I thought the tactical vest can be you know, Sharpie and then she's got to add some princess. She doesn't really read Princess, but that's because she has more important shit to do. Fair. Yeah. That's totally fair.

Okay. Well, who's next? Okay, so I think that every kid's show needs a character to teach us about jobs. A character who's just a normal person with a job. Uh-oh. And I think every character needs a song. So this is Wimpo the Window Washer and here's his song. Oh, my God.

This is a minute, 18 seconds long. Wimpo was a window washer. Wimpo was a window washer. Wimpo is four foot. He led in with the biddy eyes. Wimpo can't talk to his mother Heardt Fuck!

Yes, he wash his windows. It is court ordered. Wimpo walked his windows The monitor. Wimpo Taxivation, allegedly, Wimbo did tax evasion. Was a tragedy

but it happened. Wimpho much like how you can trust your parents. Just. Hold it for Wow. So I guess my obvious question is every time this character comes in the background to wash a window,

that full song plays. Yeah, and then he leaves. Yeah, instead of, yeah, yeah. And then he leaves. And then he leaves. Because he doesn't need to fucking do anything else. No, he has a trust fund. He has a trust fund.

He's fine. He's 4'11, he has a trust fund. So some just details in that just to highlight it, because I loved that. He's a trust fund. He has an ankle monitor. He did tax evasion allegedly. Do you like that?

song had the name of the copyright-free brand in the background because I just did the demo. Was it? I was about to ask, who was the guy in that? Oh, that was Lance. Oh, that was Lance. I was like, I need a male voice. Oh, my God. Wow. But yeah. Wimpo. Yeah, Wimpo's a window washer. So what does he teach about jobs, right? He teaches that if you have a trust fund, you can still have an ankle monitor? Yeah, he teaches if you have a trust fund, you can still have to do community service. In fact, there's a large chance you'll have to because, you know, if you grew up with no rules, you might not know when you're, when you're breaking them. And he does tax evasion, which is crazy too, because allegedly, allegedly, but it happened. And now he washes the windows and it's

his community service and he has an ankle monitor. He's four foot 11. Winbo. What do his parents do? I think they're also trust one baby. I think it's a long line of trust fund babies that have to do community service for their various crimes. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, that's beautiful. Yeah. It's kind of beautiful.

It teaches you about nepotism. It teaches you about- Did he hover? Yeah, well, he's hovering. So, of course he can. Well, he doesn't, I didn't want to draw like a harness because I don't know how to. And I don't think he gets one. I think he hovers.

He hovers. That's awesome. His legs go this way. It's kind of sick. Wow. Yeah. He's got a nice little bald spot. Yeah, it's one bowl of the window washer.

He's amazing. Wow, that's beautiful. That's so good. Yeah. Well, we've got one more character in this show, I guess. That's a consistent character. The last character on the show is The Inescapable Darkness. Now, you're never too young to feel the Inescapable Darkness. So we might as well put a name to it and make it a character.

Yeah. Sometimes you feel like something's off. Sometimes you feel like your body has been stuffed full of rocks and put in the river. And you're like, oh gosh, I wish I could swim up to the top to get some air. But for some reason, someone put rocks all up in my body. And it might be this guy. The inescapable darkness. He's not always there, but he always can be there. Music! Cut the music! God the music! Wow, I think we have some gorgeous characters. Yeah, I cannot tell you how much I want to, like, get into puppetry.

I mean, I took a puppet class in college. Oh, yeah, you did. I took a puppet. But it was weird because I took it with my friend Sarah. And we were going to take it kind of thinking everyone was taking it as a bit being like, oh, my God, like, we're all going to show up. This is, like, going to be, you know, a whole class that's credits. And, yeah.

And it was not a bit. We were the only people not taking it deadly seriously. How do people, like, what is, how did they treat it? What was the, what were they doing that made it like, oh, you guys are really serious about that tree. So we came in and the basic, the basic take was, it was a very, it was a very, like, the vibe was very serious. And they were like, this is a class where we talk about the most traumatic moments ever. Right.

And we express it through puppets. And that is my favorite sentence I've ever heard. Wait. And I did not know that signing up for the class. With, like, sock puppets? Okay. Here's where it gets better. with anything.

Sorry? Yes, with anything. How is anything a puppet? Yes, exactly. So our first, our first project, we had to go to, like, a thrift store or something and get, like, or just bring in, like, five little trinkets. Yeah. And just act out a story with them. Oh, so we play pretend.

Our first, our first assignment was do actual play pretend in front of ten other people who are in their, late 20 or like people who are like in their college yeah wow yeah so people would like like you'd play yeah they take like a like a broom or something you'd take like a yeah like a broom and a bottle cap and you'd be like hey I'm in love with you yeah and being like oh well I have a trauma so I'm like I have an attachment wound like literally I shit you not and and so the hardest part of the class became like keeping a straight face yeah because maybe

sure maybe I'm a real piece of shit for this but I thought it was fucking so funny. Yeah, that's so interesting. And it wasn't really people sharing trauma either. Like it was kind of people just like... Well, no, they were making up trauma for the puppets. Yeah, there was nothing like, no one was like sharing anything deep for them. And some, a lot of the puppets weren't even going through anything traumatic.

A lot of the puppets were just like having a day and like just going through a little story. It was the craziest thing I've ever gotten college credit for. And that's saying something. Yeah. So it's essentially like, like a puppet. Papa Pig. Puppet trauma circle? And they all share something.

It was like about the real art of puppetry and how like puppetry is about expressing so many things that we can't express in any other art form and kind of like. I don't know if that's true. It was crazy. But now, but I did make a puppet. And what kind of trauma did it have? It was like a samurai. Or it was like a spy or something. It was like it has different things.

It was like a martial arts like beaver. What? I don't know. It was a samurai. It was a spy. It was a martial arts fever. It was the most accurate representation is it was a martial arts beaver. Got it.

And its trauma was. And its trauma was probably like martial arts related. Or its trauma was probably that I called it a samurai. Right. Because it wasn't. Like I'm not. It wasn't. It was just like mixed martial arts.

It had swords and stuff. But it wasn't a fucking samurai. That's so fucked up of me. That was its trauma. Wow. Yeah. I would take that class again in a heartbeat. Yeah.

I would, I would, we could run that class here. Yeah, I need nothing. Every kid's show talks about counting. That's so fucking cool. So it's time for a segment called Counting Music. Cut the music. Cut the music. Are you ready for practicing counting?

I love to practice counting. I'm so confused, though. How do I know what numbers come when? Yeah, well, here's an easy. way to remember what numbers come when. One, the number of bank robberies I've personally been in. That's true. That is true. That is. And you know what? That's a great way to remember the number one. Yeah. Two, the number of world wars. There have been for now. That's great. And we are talking about modern history, you know, because there have been so many. But you know, but label.

Yeah. 34. The number of felony counts Trump was convicted of. So that's kind of great because we're combining three and four, which also when they're right next to each other, that's a 34. That makes 34. That makes 34 and four. Three and four.

Yeah. Three and four makes three. Kids listen to me. Kids, listen to him. Three and four makes 34. Three and four makes 34 when there's no space in between. I've always said that. Three plus four makes seven.

Three and four? I've never heard of that one. Okay. Five. As in the number of times, there has been a mass extinction. Come on, kids. You know them. Here, let's all list the extinctions.

One, the end, or dovish. O'Division. Ordovician. Ordovician. Ordovician. Or division. The end or division period. Two.

The late deviant. Period. Three, the end Permian. Four, the end Triassic. And five, the end Cretaceous. Ah, that's awesome. I love those. Those were my favorite five.

Those are my favorite five mass extinction. Mass extinctions. Number six. The number of times there will be a mass extinction according to experts. We're in one. Music. Cut the music. Guys, it's not us.

It's experts. It's experts. We didn't say. We didn't make it up. We would love if it wasn't the case. And if it's not, I'm absolutely love that. If it's not, I'm actually loving that. Yeah, I'm loving it. And I'm loving when an expert is wrong. Seven! The colors of the rainbow. There are seven. Oh, you know I'm red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo. Violet.

Can you believe that we are adults and we didn't know that? We were like the, we were like the fuck. there's seven? The fuck is blue and indigo? What the fuck are you talking about? We were like red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, you fucker? What the fuck are you talking about? Of course we we knew all of the mass extinctions because, like, duh, because that's how I go to bed every night. Yeah, you have to count them to myself. You can't stop counting your mass extinctions. But yeah, the colors in a rainbow, blue and indigo threw me for a loop. Blue me away. What the fuck are you talking about? Do you want to count to eight or are we good at seven?

I actually think it only goes to seven. Sometimes it only goes to seven. Are there other numbers? Yeah, but sometimes you're not that lucky in terms of sometimes you want like, are you okay? Sometimes you want like eight ice cream cones and you only get seven. Right, right. And that's a tragedy. Sometimes you, sometimes you want 30 dolls and you only get three. Do you love that? Was that your favorite? Um, it's when Trump said that it's okay that dolls are going to be more expensive because some kids don't need 30 dolls. They just need three. And it's like, yeah, well, there's kids you can't afford one doll, you dumb. Sorry, I said, I said, on the kids. kids episode.

Kids, the second word of the day is C-U-N-T. C-U-N-T. K-N-T is a fun word because it's been reclaimed. So in the past, K-I-S-T used to be a really bad word. People used to be like, don't call me a K-E-K-E. Because that's a word that is

meant for being mean to a woman. But the British were like, no. The Australians were like, it's actually our favorite word. And then everyone was like, well, if you're Not, if you're a woman, you can say, if you're a non-binary, you can say if you're a man and you're not talking about a woman. You can say a head and say, my friend.

I love that shit. And it turns to just a fun word. And now it's just the funest word of all. Get a-e-and. And who was serving c-uhlini earlier? Musilini was serving c-o-sling. But remember, once again, just because an adult is... Does not mean they didn't make a pact with Hitler.

You could be bad and also serve a... And you can also serve... And you can also... So be bad and not serve . And that's very true. I think that's a big lesson. Now, I think that we're coming to kind of an end of the episode. But I think before every, all of our kids leave and go to Betty by.

Betty by to Betty Boop. Betty Boop. Before you all go to Betty Boop. I think that we really should have a lullaby to sing them to sleep. Oh, that's my, that's the best. So should we make one? Sure. Let's make a lullaby up right now using our, using all the funding from PBS, which is nothing.

Which is nothing. Are you ready? Oh, yeah. Wait, what's the title of this lullaby? Right. Maybe it's called, um, it's over. It's over. It's over. It's over.

It's over. It's over. It's over. Kids, it's over. Kids, it's done. Kids, the moon will turn into. the sun. Kids get sleepy. Kids close eyes. Kids, when you wake, the world will be on fire. I cannot believe how well written that was. This beautiful song. And thank God that we got all of people.

B.S. is funding for that song. I'm just glad that the music was so good. I'm glad that the harmonies worked so well that it sounded relaxing to the human ear. It didn't like induce anxiety. That would never give a puppet trauma. No, it would never give anyone like a bad physical response to hear those notes sung on top of each other and with those lyrics. I think that's perfect. Yeah, really calming, really soon. I love to be calm. Now, um, kiddos. Kiddos. I hope you enjoyed this little baby episode for your little kiddo brains. I hope that you're Big kid brains have gotten even bigger. Now remember to eat your vegetables.

And remember who to run away from. Guys, if you want to see more fucking shit that's so kid friendly, go check out our Patreon. Yeah. And have your mommy put in her credit card. Yeah. Take your mommy's $5 a month. Yeah. Put in your mommy's credit card to patreon.com and check out our extra things.

Check out our extra things. And until next time, Bye bye, bye, kitty, kitty. Bye, Bye, kitty, by kuddy kids. Oh, goodbye my kibon. Goodbye, my kuddy kids. Goodbye my kudkid.

The fun bunker. Goodbye my kudkid kids. The fun bunker. Open your golden gates. You'll let nobody wait outside your doors. It's not a song. Okay, perfect.