Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - The SEXisode

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

Syd and Olivia's SEXIEST episode yet!! Prepare for a sexy, horny chat about the birds and the bees, and then join us as we dive into the depths of the internet to answer some sex-related questions from Reddit users. Do not call us "daddy". Call us "two girls who have maybe never had sex before". Listen here or watch on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/SydOliviaTube Follow the podcast on social media! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sydandolivia TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sydandoliviatalkshit Twitter: https://twitter.com/sydandolivia About Pierced: Pierced is the first creator-led podcast network that’s making podcasts for the girlies. We’re tired of every man on the face of the planet having a podcast and decided it’s time for a new era of podcasting - it’s time to give the girls the mic 🎤 Pierced podcasts features all your fav content creators in a new light. We collaborate with creators to produce podcasts that speak to the complex and unique experiences of the girls and young women of today – the podcasts we wish existed when we were younger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Olivia, we talk some shit. We talk some shit. So welcome to Sid and Olivia talk shit, everybody. Welcome to our horniest episode. Oh, guys. If you've never been harney before. If you've never had a big hard pee-pee. Here's the episode to do it.

Or a dripping wet. Peepie. I don't know how it works. Yeah, this is going to be our harneyest, sexiest. Sexiest, sexual episode. Sexual episode ever. You know what that means. What does it mean?

Dad. Stop watching. It's time to stop watching. To stop. Stop watching. Time for all of our parents and our parents' friends to put this away. Just skip this one, my guy. And never listen to it again.

It's not for you. It's not for you. If you're not a direct blood relative of one of us or one of our parents' good friends, welcome. And if you're under 18, goodbye. Olivia, have you ever had sex? No, have you? No.

All right. Well, that's the end of the episode, everybody. Thank you so much for coming. Well, this is going to be really interesting because, I feel, I don't know about you, but I get, sometimes I just feel weird about talking about sex. Yeah, yeah, well, I think that here's the thing. We live in a world where it's all about sex. Yeah, people talk about it all the time. But then you're like, wait, where's my own, like, line for that? Like, where's my, like, what do I want to talk about? What do I not want to talk about?

And I think, you know, especially in, like, recent years, it's encouraged to be very open and, and that's awesome and great. Because of the amount that, that I hear people around our age talk about sex and what crazy sex and awesome sex they've had, it makes me go. And I feel like I've talked to friends about this too where they feel the same way. It makes you go like, oh, well, what if I'm not as good or maybe don't know as much? Yeah. No. And everyone else seems like experts. What's so funny is that like the people I know who I've known through my life who are the most like, I talk about sex. This is all my sex. I have the craziest fucking sex.

They ended up, I found out later, being the people who had really only like, ever had sex with like one person or like had never had sex. And that's totally fun too. That's all good too. But it makes, it's a good thing to realize of like, oh, okay, it's not just sometimes people will love to talk about something because it's new to them. Right. And sometimes people will have a lot of sex and love to talk about sex. And that's fine too. And you know what? We're going to be a really big proponents of no type of shaming. Yeah, I think I'm done with vanilla shaming. I'm done with every type of shaming. Yeah. I literally think if your favorite type of sex is to consensually go into a bathtub with someone and poopy on each other. Absolutely go for it. And if your favorite type of sex is to consensually lay down on a bed and stare at the sky doing nothing, hell yeah. You do absolutely whatever is good for you because we used to live in a world where it was like, oh, kink shaming's a big thing. And if you're kinkier, if you're like have anything weird that you like, that's bad and evil and scary. And then there was like a whole sexual revolution, a new wave wave of sexual revolution.

And now I feel like it's almost gone the opposite where people are like, you haven't had group anal in the poopy bathtub. Well, you suck. And it's like, no, no one sucks unless they don't respect consent. And those people suck. As long as everything is consensual, I'm going to slap a hard, yeah, and whatever you want. Slap a hard, sure. And just a note to anyone that you're allowed to have whatever kind of sex you want with,

whoever you want as long as everyone's like yay as long as everyone's of age and not animals now animals right because you said anyone now speaking of animals yeah um animals have really weird sex they do now when did you get the birds and the bees talk so i don't even know if i ever had it i have a very specific memory tell me first what did you think where did you think babies came from before you knew what sex was i used to think that a parent yeah whichever one is chosen walks into a bed room and kneels on the ground and prays to God. Wow. And asks God, uh, excuse me, sir, or madam, can I have a baby? And then they leave the room and the deed is done. I truly thought it was a manifestation. Like, because my parents would always be like, when a, when a mommy and a

daddy, which now we know it can be a daddy and a daddy or a mommy and a mommy, but they used to say, when a mommy and a daddy love each other a lot, then they, you know, they can have a baby. And I was Like, so they just like fucking put it out there in the universe like so hard with that energy. And they're like, I'm manifesting this shit. And then it happens. I truly thought that was what it was. And then one day my mom when I was in third grade, she was like, do you know what sex is? And I was like, you mean gender?

Once again, that's not true. They're very different things. Different things. Very different things. But I was in third grade. Right. And she was like, yeah, boys have their sex organs in their peepees. Oh.

And girls, we have a hole, which I didn't even know. I had a... You didn't know you had a hole? I didn't know I had a hole till I was... Till then probably. And I was still skeptical. I was like, I don't know if I do. I don't...

I think it's just skin. Yeah, I was like, I don't... Because I never... I'm like, do another shit. I'm a kid. I'm not worried about any of that. Right. And she was like, and we have...

Girls have this. And before she could say anything else, I as a third grader said, stop. I understand what you're saying. We're done. Oh, interesting. And did you understand?

Yeah, I put two and two together. And I heard the body parts and I went, okay, I don't want to know that right. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was good. No, I didn't know. But the birds and the bees are, it's a weird thing to call it because birds and bees have

sex really weird. And I would say birds and bees aren't even the sexiest animals. Oh my God, no. It should be like the panther. The panther and the mere cat. Yeah. Mir cat hot. Yeah.

Is it a mere cat hot? I mean, a mere cat's hot if you're into like twinky vibes. All right. If you're into like, sign me up. Do you want to go through how some animals have? sex. Yeah, I think we should. We're going to do a segment where we look at a bunch of animals and how they have sex, and then we rate them and decide which one we feel the most relatable to. And I think you might be asking, why would you do this? And the answer is, I don't know why we're doing this. That's why.

I don't know why we're doing this. But we are. Here we go. All right, well, you want to go first? Because you've got, um, you've got bees. I do have bees. I have bees. Now, so the phrase, the song in the phrase goes, the birds do it. Bees do it. And even, Fucking trees do it. Even fucking trees do it. I'll do it. I'll do it now. That's the song.

You would expect it to be sexy since it's in a song. Yeah. But it's not sexy at all. It's not sexy at all. It's actually the least sexy thing you've ever heard. So sex for a bee is very unpleasant. They don't tell you this in a bee movie. In fact, it is a veritable kamikaze mission.

When the Virgin Queen Bee is sexually mature, after having been fed a kind of nutritious goo by her servants. No. She will handpick a dozen or so bees from the hundreds to serve as her suitors. Okay. And here's where it gets unpleasant, says the website. While mating, the male's genitals will explode inside of her securing his paternity. Now, that just sounds like regular sex to me.

Yeah. Himself literally lodged inside of her as he is effectively killed in the process. The term getting lucky holds no meaning here. Okay, website. I'll say that's a 7 out of 10. I'm going to give it a 3 out of 10. Okay, so together it's a 10 out of 10. Together it's a 10 out of 10.

I don't love the idea of death by being a sex servant. Not my favorite. I love it at a 7. Okay. We're going to talk about the birds now. Okay. male ducks not only have corkscrew penises. No.

That can reach 20 centimeters. And just because I'm a dumb American, I did the conversion, that is 7.87 inches. That's too big. That's way, that's like the size of a duck. That's the size of a human peepee. That's the size of some feet. That's the size of a human peepee, right? Oh, yeah.

I think the average male peepee is invisible? Is invisible. It's inside out. Okay. Male ducks not only have corkscrew penises that can reach 7.8, 7.8, 7 inches. Okay. But they also grow new penises every year. Huh.

So try that on for size. Do they keep the old ones? No, they chuck them and they get new ones, I think. Female ducks have long, twisted vaginas. Good. Numbers of spirals. However. Sorry, did you say that are mothers of spirals?

They have numbers of spirals. Got it. But the female duck vagina also has some dead-end pockets that they can engage if they do not want to be fertilized by the male duck. If you thought a woman's vagina was complicated. Complicated. Wait till you get a load of a woman duck's vagina. Yeah, I'll give that a 10 out of 10. I'm going to give it an 11. 11 and out of 10 because it has pockets. Okay, what's next? I love anything with pockets, including a duck vagina. Dresses, duck vaginas. Dresses, rombers, duck vaginas.

I would love to talk to you really quickly about panda bears. Okay, okay. Now, this is an interesting one because most animals don't really enjoy sex. It's not like a fun thing for them. But I kind of feel like pandas are pretty kinky. Okay. Because panda porn exists. For who? For pandas. Thank God. It is often seminal to a panda couple's sex life and their species as a whole. As pandas are endangered, their procreation in captivity is essential for their species to repopulate.

And as they often show little interest in sex without any kind of prior stimulation, panda porn was necessarily implemented in a research, facility in China, which has shown great success. So, yeah, 13 out of 10. Pandas are watching panda porn. I mean, that's, that's my favorite one so far. I love the idea of a panda bear getting stuck in a big tree. Yeah. Step panda. Step panda. My step panda son is getting stuck in a big panda tree. And now we got to fuck it out. Okay, so here's, here's one. Yeah. Right. Snales. I didn't expect that. They taste like garlic. Do not get on a snail's bad side, or it's good side for that manner.

Ooh, website. It is armed and dangerous. The weapon, a sharp-tipped sperm dart that is deployed from the backs of their eyes where they keep their genitals. Oh, that's literally me. Snails are, in fact, hermaphrodites who don't auto-impregnate. Instead, they seek a sexual partner also armed with this sort of dart gun and engage. in dangerous eye sex, as if it was some sort of shootout, dodging bullets and also seeking to fill the other's uterus with a calcified, mucus-covered spike. That sounds like me every day.

Okay, I'm going to say this. The idea of having your genitals in the back of your eyes. Yeah. Sounds great to me. I think that I have no notes. I have no notes on that 14 out of 10. 14 out of 10. That's what I aspire to be sexually. I aspire to have my genitals in the back of my eyes. I do kind of want to know what snakes do, though. I would love to talk about snakes since you brought it out. Oh, I love that. I actually have some info from this website. This is very trusty, reliable website that I have no idea what it's called,

about red-sided garter snakes. Okay. Have you ever seen a red-sided garter snake? I haven't. I haven't either, but I assume it looks like a snake. I assume it looks like a sexy snake. These snakes involve a disproportionate number of males literally piling upon a single female in a pheromone-soaked snake pit.

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Same. Sounds like a fraternity house to me. Am I right? College snakes. That's our new show. College snakes. A bunch of horny snakes in a big pheromone-soaked snake pit. The pheromones released by the female snake are actually what draw the snakes. Each armed! All these animals are armed. They're armed. I don't know why they have to be armed.

Each armed with a dual penis, which clamors to secure the female. That doesn't sound consensual. No. More curious still, there are transgender snakes. Oh, I love that. who also released pheromones claiming a pile of snakes for themselves. You get yours, transgender snakes. I love that.

They're just, they're claiming a pile of snakes for themselves. Listen, every, every snake should be able to claim a pile of snake for themselves. I agree. It doesn't matter whether you're cisgender, transgender, whatever you are, claim a pile of snakes for yourself. Yeah. This is attributed to a possible desire for body heat and protection. Yeah.

That's very progressive. I love that. I love snakes being able to identify as what they are. snakes like helping each other out with body heat. Yeah. I love the idea of snakes working together, of snakes being recognized for who they truly are. Yeah, I love that. Listen, I'm going to give that a 40 out of 10.

Yeah, 40 out of 10. 40 out of 10 because snakes are very progressive apparently. I love that. Who knew? Who knew? Snakes, you're the full package. Snakes, you've got it covered. What was your favorite animal on the list?

I relate the most to snails. I relate the most to snails as well because I too keep my genitals in the back of the I do keep my weaponized genitals in the backs of my eyes. Who doesn't use their genitals as a weapon? Ooh. I feel like I also love that, uh, that pandas watch porn. I love that. Humans watch porn too.

Sometimes. Yeah, do you? I do you. I do sometimes. Oh my god, I'm so glad no one we're related to is watching. Another note, if you are related to us, goodbye. Goodbye again. If you're under 18.

Why did you make it this far? If you're under 18, good. Goodbye. This is a segment we like to call We Have Notes. Today's notes are on Pornography. Pornography.

Pornography. Pornography. And if you have some notes on pornography, you can always tweet us your notes, DM us your notes. At Sid and Olivia. Send us your notes. Send us what we missed.

Yeah, so I'll start with a really basic one. Absolutely. This is just basic. Why? Is it all incest content? Let's diversify. Oh. Of a very, not even a joke note, just an honest note.

Listen, I agree. You say there's porn for everything. Okay, show us. Show me porn that's not for two step siblings. Because if I see the word step one more time, I have, I love my family. I have a great relationship with my family. I can't watch, you don't want to kiss them. I can't watch that.

You don't want to kiss them. I understand that some people love it and I'm loving that for them. But for me, my note is, can we have some other options? Yeah, like for example, maybe it's somebody you meet from school. or a family reunion. You guys are, no. Maybe it's someone you meet. Any other worse thing.

You meet from school, your friends for a while, your friends first, then you're kind of like, what if we tried to be in more? Or even two male men. More sex between two male men. More sex between two male men, less sex between relatives. My note is, if someone gets stuck in a washing machine, under a cabinet, in a dog door, etc. Don't fuck them.

call 911 to help them out. Get the fire department involved. That's what they're there for. Yeah, they are. That's what the fire department is there for. That and fires. I just think it's crazy. It's not the first way I would think to get somebody out of a tight space.

Well, I guess this leads to my next one. Oh, no. All right, here's my next. This is actually, it's three little jotted notes in one. Sure. All right. So, sorry. No European accents, no garbage disposals,

and way less inhaling through your teeth. These are just some quick thoughts I had. Okay. To explain each. If you have a heavy European accent, I'm absolutely loving that for you. Well, clearly or not, it's on your note. I will probably not watch a porn starring your voice.

Oh. Because I don't know, there's something about, like, hearing someone who sounds like they're going to be like, I'm Hansel. Right. Like talking during sex that makes me go, like, no, I'm in a, I'm in a fairy tale cartoon.

You think they're from a storybook. It's like a, it's, it's, not, there's no, it turns me to sand. Okay. No garbage disposals. You're going to turn me to sand again. If your hand gets stuck in a garbage disposal, I can't, I can't do stuff to that because what if it turned on?

Okay. That's all I'm thinking about. I have never seen that. I have. Okay. And did you seek that out? I don't, I definitely never suck out sucks. I would say sought.

I never sought out garbage disposal anything. Garbage Disposal. It's like stuck porn, but instead of being like, I'm stuck somewhere normal and believable, they're like, my hand is stuck in a garbage disposal. I would say it's not really normal and believable to be stuck anywhere. That's valid. How often in your life have you gotten stuck? I also way less breathing through your teeth. Um, I also way less breathing through. Um, I also, way less of your teeth. Um, I also lead me to the next note, which is, warn me. If a person is going to pee on everyone. I think that's a great note in general. Just warn me. I think that's great. Put it in the title.

Put it in the title. In the title, right. Spoiler. It's the sloppy wet peepie section for me. And I'll be like, awesome. That's great for somebody else. I would not like it. Thank you though.

Yeah, that's hard. I've seen. It's a big surprise peepee and I don't need it. No. I don't want to say this story to any blood relatives. So goodbye, blood relatives. Goodbye under 18 people. I was once watching porn as a young woman does.

And that's the start of my tail. Of your riddle. I was once watching porn as a young woman does. And it was, you know, normal people were doing stuff. Everyone was having a good time. And then a third party entered. And I went, oh, I didn't even know a third party was involved in this. It was a woman.

She walked in. She looked everybody in the eye. she peed on someone and exited. And I was like, that's all she was paid to do? I would take that job. And I looked at the comments because I was like, all these comments have got to be mentioning this girl. And they all were.

All the comments were like, was not expecting that third girl to come in and pee on everybody and then exit. And then exit. And never reappeared. That was all in her contractors. But all the comments were like, was not expecting that, still a fan. Needed a warning. Needed a disclaimer.

And I'm kind of like, yeah, I wasn't expecting that either. No. And could have just used in the title like, hey guys, there's going to be a splash zone section in this show. Yeah, even just like a little notification at some point during the porno. A little like doorbell notification. Ding dong! It's time for urine.

It's time for the urine master to enter and pee pee pee on everyone. Honestly, a urine doorbell. So that's what I would like to be implemented in porn, urine notifications. Yeah, I mean, I love that. Because if you're into it, then you know where to skip to. Yeah, absolutely. I also have one last note. Tell me.

And it's just that no one ever yells spank my gutter. Can we change that? Oh, I agree. More people yelling spank my gutter. More people need to. Have you ever thought? And Olivia and I've been talking about this a lot lately, so it might seem random to you. But to me, it's not random at all.

The term gutter definitely could refer to your undercarriage. Yeah. And if you say spank my gutter, it means something sexual. And I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. But you do. But we could find out if we saw it in porn. There's your garbage in your gutter.

Yeah, your mouth is your, we've decided this. Put this in my garbage. We've decided. Like put this time. All these people are going to be like, what the fuck you do? Olivia and I've decided before this podcast that you can refer to your mouth as your garbage and your undercarriage as your gutter. So you can say like, put that burrito in my garbage.

Or you can say put that tamper on up my gutter. Yeah. This is where everybody exits out. So yeah, all right. So time for our next segment. This is literally the time everyone exits out of this podcast and never talks to us again. That's valid. This is the part where my parents disown me.

That's fine. Yeah, whatever. What are you going to do? It happens. I'm an adult, so what are you going to do? I already pay for everything myself. There we go. Now, here's my question.

Ask me away. Speaking of pornography being a lie. Yeah. Movies and TV once again are a big lie. Yeah, also music. music. Okay, so what music movie or TV thing about sex makes you go like, that's not how it goes. I honestly feel like one of the reasons that I have anxiety surrounding how other people talk about sex. Right. And like right now this episode is literally the exact opposite of Call Our Daddy, right?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. This episode is us being like, I feel anxiety. I hear these rap songs, right? where like a rapper will be like, I made her so wet, she creamed through her pants. All of her pants are cream now or whatever. That's not a real song. But it could be. And I'm always like, oh, man, what if that person's so good at sex?

And I've never done that to anyone. There's a lot of like, fuck all night and all day and all night. For 72 hours straight. Yeah, it's like fuck me all night. All night we fuck. and I'm like no breaks at all. I mean, no, there's probably your breaks. For all night you fuck?

You don't even like take a break for water? I'm sure there is a water break, but it's just not written. You need water. So that's unrealistic. So unrealistic. And also it's like, I'm sorry, that's a long time. Like there would be some chafing going on. Like you need to take a break.

Yeah. Everyone needs to get a snack. There needs to be snack breaks in everything. Not just school. There needs to be snack break snap time. in everything, including a night full of sex. You're having sex with someone and then you're like, sorry, I have to take a nap break.

That sounds great to me. That sounds perfect to me. Hit me up if that sounds ideal to you and we'll get married. I just feel like there are times when it's okay to be like, you know what? I'm tired now. All night is a long time. That's valid. There's a really good quote in the movie in education where she's like smoking a cigarette.

This is about a child who bangs an adult, which is not good. Not ever a good thing. But when I was a child, I was like, this is the movie for me to watch. And yeah, it was. The movie doesn't romanticize it in the second half of it. But regardless, she, like, has sex with the first time. And she's like, man, so much poetry, so many songs written about something that takes such a small amount of time.

And he's like. Yeah. And I was like, that's a really funny, like, showing that this girl is naive. Yeah. But, like, also, like, just true. I think about it all the time. So, so many stories, so many movies, so many things written about this thing

that you spend more of your time eating. That's true. You do. And there are no songs about eating. Because you're not supposed to have sex three times a day, or at least you're not told to. No, no, no, no. That's, I mean, you know, three times a day is a lot of times.

Yeah, I mean, and I'm like, I've done, I've done that, but I've also done eating three times a day way more. I eat way more than three times a day. eat like four, five, six times a day. The craziest sexual, like, what is even happening thing. And I know that people could probably guess this is coming, but fucking 50 shades of gray. I know. There's so many ways that they portray a BDSM relationship incorrectly. But the biggest, weirdest one to me is that she doesn't seem to like it ever. Yeah, she doesn't, I mean, I haven't seen the movie in a while, but I do remember her being like, oh, no, I really

want to just be with this guy and I guess I have to do this. That is. That is. is 100%. At least I've only, I think, seen the first movie or two. But at least for those two, that's like how it is. Yeah, that's not great. And he's like, I don't want a relationship. I just want kinky crazy sex. And she's like, I don't want kinky crazy sex. I just want a relationship. But I guess I'll do the kinky crazy sex because I want to be with you. And it's like, that's not how any sexual thing should be. No. And then she signs a contract. Contract good. Contract good. Contract good. Contract good as long as you read it. But yeah, just like they could have made her be like I like this but I'm nervous right but she doesn't

like it I don't think she likes it okay I guess now and then he's like awesome and it's like that is not they're not sexually compatible yeah maybe they just like different kinds of sex and that's okay that's so allowed they just shouldn't sex with each other be all up in each other's sexes I I think that like it's very common for people to see things like that movies and TV shows and hear music where the songs are like, I make a woman cream through her pants. And I think it's normal for people to go, oh, no, I guess I know nothing about sex. And where do they resort to? Reddit. They resort to Reddit. They resort to the internet. Here's a segment we like to call, R slash talk shit. Where we go on Reddit. We went on Reddit and we looked up sex questions and we're going to answer

them because we have no right to. Yeah. We have a, we have no right. to answer these and so we're going to because that's what people do on the internet. Exactly. They answer things. They're not qualified to answer and so here we fucking go. I want to start with a simple one. Yeah. This one is on R slash sex posted by you slash adventurous cod 4026. All right. Just want to come on female ass. Strange request I know but this turns me out. How do I find willing participant without freaking them? out, period.

Oh my God. Wow. First of all, I think the phrase turns me out is my new favorite thing. Yeah, turns me out is great. Olivia, if you just wanted to come on a female ass, what would you do to find a willing participant? I would probably go to the internet.

I would make a newsletter. Yeah, I would go to the internet where I would make my newsletter. I would make a newsletter of all the things you request. Put a picture of yourself on there. Put up flyers. Put up flyers around the neighborhood like for a lost dog. and say hello, I would like to come on a female ass. Are you the one?

Yeah, are you the one? Why don't you do that? You slash adventurous cod 5062. Okay, this one's crazy. All right, this was posted six hours from when I screenshoted it. Amazing. Hello, my 20 male, Fubba, friends with benefits, partner 20 female, told me about her new fetish. She played with my feet, licked it, grinding pussy on it.

Try stuck in anus. We also tried choke play with feet. Squeeze her nair between feet while hodge. It's fun for me, but I've never experienced it before. It's popular fetish play? Have you experienced that type of play? My biggest question is, why is none of this in English? None of this seems to be in English.

It's written in internet, which is my favorite language. It seems to be written in a bunch of typos, and therefore it makes me hard to, it's hard to understand. It makes me hard. It makes me hard. It's hard to understand what they're asking. Yeah. What are they asking? Do you know?

They're just asking, is it normal? They're asking, I think, is anyone else ever done a foot fet? I'm sure, yes. People have. So that's good. People do foot things all the time. That's like a big thing. That's a big thing.

That's a big one. What do they say? They say, but guys are liberal. Boob guys are Republican. Feet guys are libertarian. Sad that we both knew that. Okay, here's a good, here's a good one. R slash sex posted by you slash

Brittany feminist. Okay, Britney. Can I give a hand job with nail polish in replacement of a blow job? What is the general consensus on this? Is a blowjob that much more pleasurable? I can move my hand much faster that I can move my head. So... So, okay.

There's a lot of attitude in this one. So hold on, here's my question. I like that she specified that her hand has nail polish on it. What is the nail polish? Is it dry or? I think she's not using the nail polish. She has lubricant, I assume. Right. I would hope not. Because that would be really. It would dry and be bad. It would really fucking suck. I assume what she's saying is like if my hand has nail polish on it and my hand is all cute. Are they going to. If I have a cute little hand. If I have a cute little hand with a cute little French tip. Do I even need a face? Do I even need a face? What if I'm just a hand? I mean, I think that I think what you're truly saying is that you don't really like to give blow jobs. And I think that's allowed and you should find. You should find. someone who is compatible with that. What I'm going to say is put out a newsletter. Put out a newsletter.

And say, hi, my name is Brittany Feminist. This is my picture of my hand. This is the manicure I have currently. Yeah. Which of you want a hand job, not a blow job from this tiny hand of mine? Yeah. You post that all over the neighborhood

and see who takes. Yeah, just post your hand. Okay, this one's great. STDs from hand jobs and anal penetration from Mises. Mzius. So it took me a full day of looking at this word to realize it says masseuse. Oh, masseuse.

I mean, it doesn't say masseuse, but that is what this person meant. Can you say what it is with the word masseuse? STDs from handjobs and anal penetration from masseuse. I'm going to sound paranoid, but I don't think so. Okay. That's a good start. I've had gonorrhea before. And the way my dick feels is exactly the same.

Mm-hmm. It's got a burning on the tip. And my sex drive plummeted. Plus, it's hard to get hard. Oh. She also fingered my ass. Okay. And the next morning, I hit explosive diarrhea.

Oh. If I got HIV from this, I'm done. All right. Well, that's... Oh, wow. That's like a big, I don't know. I feel like this should go to a medical professional. Yeah.

I don't love this guy HIV-shaming. I would say it's... There's more. Oh, sorry. Unfortunately. Continue. I didn't even go for happy ending, but it was so in the moment I just accepted it because it felt good. The lady didn't use her saliva like I've read from others, but I strongly suspect she doesn't wash her hands.

After I ejaculated, she cleaned me up and then pretty much immediately started massaging me. She also went back to get more lube while jerking me off, which in hindsight seems pretty obvious. I'm so fucked. That last part confused me because I don't really know what's obvious about. I'm very confused and the thing I'm most concerned about is the diarrhea. Yeah. I think he should probably just maybe eat something different.

I feel like maybe ate something bad and he just happened to get diarrhea. Yeah. I would love the power to give someone diarrhea. I don't even think she gave it to him. I think he just ate something bad and got diarrhea. If she's watching this right now, girl, I think you gave it to him and I think that's powerful. I don't know what happened and I'm still confused. Our sex posted by you a boopie.

This person's username is a booby. Okay, you ready? Hitting boobs during sex. All right. I, female, have been dating a guy, male. And having sex with him, we're into spaking during sex. And I always tell him he can do it harder, which I think he's finally wrapping his brain around

without being concerned he'll hurt me. Oh. Well, recently, he decided to mix it up in the moment and start slapping slash. hitting my boobs during sex. It didn't hurt or anything, but I was so caught off guard that he was randomly smacking my tits that I couldn't help but start cracking up.

Is this a thing? I'm just imagining some guy starting to slap a woman's boobs during sex like it's a sport. And that would make me laugh too. I'm picturing it like there's a fly on him and he's like trying to, I'm picturing it more spasticly. Okay, I'm picturing it as it has a rhythm.

them and it's like playing drums. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that to me is very silly. I mean, hell yeah, to all of this, unless you dislike it, in which case, do not do it. I'm going to say if you... I mean, I've never invited anyone to slap my boobs. I think if you're, if you love it when your boobies feel like a big drum kit, you got to go for it.

Um, Kate, this one is so weird. Okay. Tell me. I hate having sex with my partner. Oh. Oh, no. Okay, here's what it says. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, she has a great ass and legs, but I can't stand her old lady glasses, and I'm constantly reminded she could do better. What is happening here? But she doesn't want that. This has been grounds for breaking things up with her on multiple occasions. She has a negative attitude and also cries often. Oh, my God.

Anytime I try to get her to do something hard, she cries and screams at me. Is this during sex? I don't know. She hates anal. Not just doesn't do anal. Hates anal. I don't know how to speak reason to her

or if I should let her be and take it easy because she is quote unquote sensitive. Any ideas are appreciated because this dragging on has been causing real problems for me in our relationship and I can only focus on how many opportunities she has missed by carrying herself like this.

Thanks. I'm going to go with that's not a good person. I'm going to go with the person who wrote this needs to go to the hospital right now. This person needs absolute help. They need, there's nothing wrong with this girl with her old lady glasses and her beautiful ass. And her beautiful legs. Set her free and go to the hospital. You need to go to a medical professional.

Now we move on. Our sex posted by you slash void rainer. Now this one's good. Okay. How do you deal with milfs talking dirty to you at work? Oh, a classic problem. 56 upvotes. At work, there are some older women, very good looking actually, that have fun talking dirty to me.

I'm about 50 to 20 years younger than them. Oh my God, I'm so glad it wasn't I'm about 15 to 20. No, I know. I know they do it for fun, but it makes me horny every time. It's not a problem. I can handle it. I'm just wondering how I can shut them down so I can focus on my job. Don't want to be mean to them.

They're my colleagues, after all. That was a reveal that these people. people are his, his co-workers. Yeah. I thought the whole time that he works at like a movie theater or something. Oh, oh. And like a swarm of middle-aged women. A swarm of Milps comes in.

Come in and go like, we want to watch Jurassic Park sexy baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this was revealed that these are actually his co-workers. He works in a factory of Milfs. This is not ideal. Oh, my God. This is so ideal. Well, it's so ideal to work in a factory of Milfs.

So ideal. To be, to ask Reddit, like, how do I, get my coworkers to stop sexualizing me. This question sounds very much like a guy trying to prove to his friends that he's cool. Yeah, it sounds like a humble bread. It does. Because the whole time he's going like, I don't mind it. In fact, I welcome it.

He also didn't say it makes him uncomfortable. He said it makes me horny. I just want to do my work. Yeah. I don't know. Find a work horny balance, guy. That's all I'll say. I want to say, where do you work and how do I apply for a job there?

Yeah, that's true. I want to be surrounded by sexy old women. I don't care. That's 100%. That sounds awesome. I think that's what's up next. There's nothing wrong with that. Okay, I really like this question.

Sure. All right. Posted by Blame It on Me, 93. What's your point, men? Oh, is that it? I have a question for men. Oh, I think it can stop there. Yeah, I just kind of like...

And I'd also like to know women's opinions on this matter. Why do men insist on sending dick picks? Like, when a woman hasn't asked for any or even insinuated, she'd like to receive one, why do men want to send them? Is there any women out there that actually like receiving nudes for men? I personally don't see the point in a man sending me a nude. It's not going to get me off the way a woman's nude gets a man off. Interesting.

That's an interesting question. Yeah. I like the beginning of just what's your point, men. I love it. I would say it depends on the man and it depends on the nude, and it depends on how you know them and how you feel about them. I feel like if a nude is welcomed, then it's always welcomed, and if it's not welcomed, then it's not welcomed.

Exactly. I think sending an unprompted dick pick is always probably a bad idea. It's probably not a good idea to send something out of nowhere. Yeah. If your partner has previously expressed to you of like, oh, I love when you send me like a dick pick out of nowhere when I'm at work, then like hell yeah. Yeah, then absolutely. But if you don't know the person. That's a weird one. Or if you don't know them well.

Weird one. Then we don't. I wouldn't send a dick pick to a random number. No. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. So, what's your point, men? So what's your point, men? I love Reddit.

This was such a horny episode. It's so funny because now you have absolute proof that both Sid and I have definitely had sex before. We've done it before and we have had suitors. We have suitors. We have our bodies. We've done it. So that's amazing for us. People have asked us for sex and we've done it before.

And yeah, and we've stopped writing us letters in the mail saying we've never had sex. Stop calling my house in the middle of the night and say, you two virgins need to get sex. We're not virgins. We know how it works and we've seen it before. And if you're my parents, you can start watching again starting now. And if you're my parents, I've never had sex.

No. And if you have a really good sex fact that you'd like to tell us, you can tweet us. Yeah, or if you have any sex questions you want us to answer with our genius expert brains. You can tweet us at Sid and Olivia. You can DM us on Instagram At Sid and Olivia

You can follow us on TikTok At Sid and Olivia Comment in our videos Inappropriate things And until next time Go home and have a lot of sweet sexy thoughts Have sex that lasts the whole night Don't take a water break

No breaks No water breaks No breaks And I've been Olivia I've been Sid And thank you for watching Sid and Olivia talk shit Thank you so much

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