Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - WE LIED TO YOU

Episode Date: October 29, 2024

WE LIED! We have video on Youtube now!!! On today's EXTRA LATE episode of the podcast (technical difficulties oopsie hehe), we discuss our top 10 favorite lies, Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, and we start our LOVE ISLAND FANTASY BRACKET!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Oh, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We lied. I can see you. I can see you too. Wait, I haven't been able to see you, but I can see you with my eyes. I know. Ever since we stopped filming the podcast last season, I actually haven't been able to see you at all. No, 100%. I've only heard you and I've been seeing just black screen. And so I've been seeing black screen every day of my life. And I've been hearing you even when I don't think you're there. Oh, my God. I've been having the same thing happen. Unless you've been above my best. at night in the night. Right. And when you're under my bed, I'm constantly hearing you. Do you think that's what it is? That might be what it is. So here's the thing, we lied. We lied.

And did we know we were lying? No. So does that make it a lie? Absolutely. Absolutely. And it's our fault. We're crazy. We're crazy.

So here's what happened. Yeah. We... Once upon a time, we stopped filming this podcast and we announced that it was going to be audio only because we were so tired of editing our faces and we were so tired of editing our faces and And it made us so sad because we don't like looking at our faces for that long. You can look at it for an amount of time. But it's like imagine if you woke up and then you had to look into a mirror for like five hours.

Five days straight. Yeah, that was stuck. Just like five days straight. And you can't. And if you're at a bad angle, you're screwed. Or if you think something looks. Anyway. So what happened was.

We're like we can do the podcast if we're not doing video. We can also what we realized is have someone else edit it. Yeah. So that we don't have to. to be sad. Sad. So what's happening right now is someone else is in control over our video. Someone else is in control. Oh, that's so hot. I know. Everybody stopped touching yourself. Someone else is in control of our video right now, which is excellent for us. Yeah. But we do want to apologize for lying. Yeah. And if you're one of those sick fucks who likes to look at our faces,

You can see this episode and all the future ones visually, or you could just listen to it. The first two episodes of this season are purely audio. Go listen to them. But if you want to watch this, you can on YouTube. You're truly allowed to. You can watch this. And hey, listen, we lied. We lied.

And you know what? If you're a person who wants to lie all the time, then just do it. So in honor of our lying. Yeah. We just wanted to do a quick segment called our top 10 favorite lies. Stop the music. That was a beautiful pause for music. Thank you so much. We couldn't hear it, but you can. Unless you can, unless we didn't put it in. Oh, that would be amazing. That would be cool.

Okay, so a top 10 favorite lies of all time, that's a huge ass. Huge. I'm going to start out with number 10 because here's the thing. It's not a lie I like. it's number 10 because it's my least favorite of your favorite of my favorite lies yeah and this is in reference to the secret lives of Mormon wives yeah which we'll be talking about probably for the rest of our lives yeah if you haven't seen it you got to go see it what's wrong with you um uh my top 10 favorite lie is gen affleck pretending to be getting a divorce from zach effleck and then being like just kidding we're happily married still you're referring to when she posted on

Instagram. There were a lot of posts where her and all the girls kind of did a bit, like, oh, Jen's leaving Zach. And if you don't know who these people are, he's just a very bad person. He's a bad dude. And it's shown in the show. And listen, don't believe what you see on reality TV, but that guy is bad. He sucks. And we all want her to get out of it. So it's a bummer that it's a joke. It's a bummer that it's a lie. Right. We are, there's nothing sexier than watching a woman get out of like a really bad. or watching anyone get out of like a really bad relationship. I would also say adding on to that an honorable mention, maybe 10A of this lie, is that Jen Affleck saying that she is related to Ben Affleck.

Yes. So Jen and Zach Affleck were like, we're actually distantly related to Ben Affleck. Ben Affleck came out and was like, oh, so fucking looting not. He was like, no or not. I don't know you. I don't watch this show. No. I am not related to you.

I am Ben Affleck. He was like, get the fuck away from me. So that's a pretty good lie as well. A great 10A. Yeah. You want to hit me with one? You want to hit me? Yeah.

I mean, I would say I think we can both agree. Yeah. The number nine spot of our top ten favorite lies is the universal lie in every Hallmark movie where a prince will say he's not a prince. Oh. In every Hallmark movie. Oh, in every Hallmark movie where there's a prince. At a certain point he goes like, and I'm not a prince.

It's weird. And it's always for a slightly different. And it's always a Christmas movie. It's always a Christmas lie. It's the best lie you can have for Christmas. So a good Christmas lie is saying you're not a prince when you are a prince and then you meet like a woman in, I don't know, a law school or something. You meet a woman who's a journalist and it's only a woman who's a journalist.

And the only other woman you can meet is a nanny to your little sister. Oh. That is the only two types of women you can meet if you're lying at Christmas about not being a prince. It's so true. It always ends well. Every time you lie about not being a prince, you think it's going to end badly, but then it ends well. Yes, because you end up meeting someone who likes you for you and then you,

you get married and she goes like, and the bonus is, I'm a princess now. And we love that for both of you guys. And then you get to be the Christmas Prince and Princess. Yeah. We looked up all the movies with those titles and there's like 45 movies that are like a Christmas prince, the Prince of Christmas, a Prince for Christmas. Like all. My Christmas is Prince.

A Royal Christmas Prince. A Christmas Prince for me. A Christmas Christmas. Prince's Christmas concert special. Prince's Christmas concert. I don't know if that exists, but I want it to. So if you have. So if you have

Dead Prince's phone number, give him a call and ask him to do a Christmas special from Beyond the Grave, please. I think that's beautiful. It's a beautiful. And if you don't, lie to us about it, pretend that it's happening and then you can get on our list of top 10 lies.

I'm going to go to number eight. It's a classic lie. Let's talk about it. This is a classic and oldie but a goody. One of the best lies in history. The Trojan horse. Yeah, the Trojan horse is a great lie. It's such a good lie.

It's an iconic lie. I would even say it's maybe like one of the first lies. One of the first lies ever, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think recording in history is probably the first ever lie. No, the thing that's so great about it is it's sick, right? It adds insult to injury. It's like, not only did we trick you, but you thought we were giving you a present. Yeah. Like that sucks. That's like so much worse than lying and saying you're not a prince when you are. It is also, it's the original malware. Yeah. That is so good. Yeah, click this link to meet hot singles in your area. No, just kidding. It's a computer virus. Yeah, yeah.

That is a Trojan horse. Click this horse. Click this horse to meet a hot horses in your neighborhood. Just kidding. It's an army. Yeah. And so it is, it really is like when you're trying to meet a hot single horse in your neighborhood. Right, right, lonely moms.

And then you realize it is an army. It's just malware. So anyway, that's just a really good example of that. That's really beautiful. Yeah. Okay. I love a Trojan horse. I love that.

Okay. This one, number seven on our list is, I don't know if you count it as like a full line, but it is like not saying the truth. Okay. This is when in the Bible, Moses's mom goes like, what son? So, okay. And then floats him down the Nile. Oh, okay.

So here is a fun fact about me. I know no Bibles. Okay, Gorge. I know no Bibles. Can you explain the story a little bit? I went to Hebrew school, I think, three days a week. Oh, beautiful. when I was a child before my bat mitzvah and then also Sunday school.

Okay, cool. So I know no Bibles. And I hardly listened. I do know funny things about the Bible that are like things that are worth knowing that are like silly or like stupid. I would say this is worth knowing. Okay. Please hit me with it. Because you're going to want to do this to your son. Oh my God. Okay. I love that. So. So in the Torah, and here's the other thing. When I say I didn't listen in Hebrew school, I did not listen in Hebrew school. So if this is not right, don't come for me. Yeah, and definitely don't come from me because I don't know shit and I'm saying that. Yeah, I don't care. I don't know anything about it. I don't care. Okay, get away from me.

Get away. In the Torah. Back the fuck up. In the Torah and the story of Passover. Okay, love that. At the beginning, the Pharaoh's like, ooh, no Hebrews, no Hebrew sons. I was about to say iconic. Before I realized what you were saying.

Yeah, I don't even think you should call that iconic. I was like, you were like, the Pharaoh was like, and I was like, absolutely I call it. You're just too supportive. That's what it is. I am. I'm supportive of the wrong people. Thank you so much for seeing me. You're so supportive.

And the problem was that sometimes when somebody is like, it's the Pharaoh, sometimes we can't be supportive. You can't support. So the Pharaoh was like, no Hebrew sons. I hate the Hebrew sons. Boo. Okay. Really good. And I was supposed to say Noah's mom.

Wow. I'm truly, I don't know if I ever was in the class. Like, okay. So Moses's mom. Moses was like a Hebrew son. Moses's mom was like, what son? Oh, and then she put him in the basket down the river? And then put him in a basket.

Oh, that's a lie. That's a full-blown lie. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that's down the Nile River where he landed at the Pharaoh's house. Right. And the Pharaoh's, I believe, I believe the Pharaoh's like daughter or like wife or something is like,

fuck yeah, we got a baby. Oh, yeah. I'm always doing that. I'm always waiting by the river. So like, whenever you have a son, you're going to, want to send it down the river. If I have a son, I'll send it down the river. If I don't have a sun, I'll wait at the base of the river. Yeah, it's a really beautiful lie, and it's also just such a cool way to be hidden. That's beautiful. I love to be hidden. Floated down a river. Okay, number six,

on the top ten lies. Obviously, the American dream. This is a lie. It's not real. Number five. Number five is number five on our list is the classic folk tale. of the emperor's new clothes. Oh, my God. Simply because the idea of showing up somewhere naked and being like, you see my clothes, you love them, is shocking. It's great.

The thing about it is it's not even the emperor's lie. No, it's not. It's passed on to him. The emperor is gaslit. He is. And maybe that's a statement on something where if you're giving someone invisible clothes saying these are the finest clothes, that's the lie, right? Right.

You can gaslight someone into... Lying themselves. to not only lying to themselves and others, but to indecent exposure. And I think that's a good message. Yeah. And I think that also belongs on our second list of top 10 gaslightings. Top 10. We have to do that.

Top 10 gas ladies. Yeah, it's like a really good gas lighting situation. That's beautiful. It's beautiful. We have number four on the list. Oh, yeah. Number four on the list is the lie that Dan Pauvinmeyer created the minions. This is a little TikTok specific and more specifically our friend group.

specific. Yeah, our friend Carolyn Dunton, a shout out, has created this lie and has spread it pretty far and wide. Spread this lie basically all around her side of the internet that Dan Pavenmeyer, the creator of Phineas and Ferb, who we know we had them on the podcast before, created the minions. Which he did not. Which he did not. They're from a completely different franchise, the Despicable Me franchise. Shout out to Cinco Paul. This is all the facts you're getting. But the lie is that Dan Pavenmeyer created the minions. And that lie. is everywhere. So keep spreading it if you can. We're trying to spread disinformation here with our podcast. It's a good lie because it is a lie. And he hates it. Okay. So number three, I just want to

preface this lie with saying, I believe it. I believe that it's true. Because I believe women. Okay, well, why did you? Okay, fair. I was going to say, why did you put it on the list? Because I believe women. I'm so supportive. Let's go. Okay. Number three on this list. Paula Abdul claimed that in 1993, she was in a plane crash and there is absolutely, no record of said plane crash. Oh, fuck. I am obsessed with this lie. What the fuck? Here's the thing. It is proven to be a lie. It's proven. It's proven. Like there are no hospital records. There are no records of a plane crashing in the area that she said it crashed. How old did she say she was? Okay, so that's the other thing. She changes the story a few

times. She said she was 27. Another time she said she was 30. If you look at the year, I think it's proven she was like 31. Okay. If that's true. Right. But she claims that she was like, it's the reason I took seven years off of my career before I did American Idol. But, and then she's also like, oh, I had 10 surgeries in my back. But there is no record of any of the surgeries. There's no record of the plane crash. Oh, my God. Okay. And there's no way it was a private plane, correct? It was supposed to be a small plane. Okay. Okay. It was supposed to be a seven-seater plane. Oh, shit. But no one has seen anything about this. And there's no record of it. And it's proven to be a lie. No record of it. What do you think she's covering? I don't know.

it's just for fun. Here's the thing. I believe her. And here's the thing. I believe that both can be true. I believe that this is a lion did not happen. And also it did happen to Paula Abdul. Sure. Does that make sense? I am going to say yes. Both can be true. No? Listen, I don't want to get into quantum shit right now. But I'm going to say that like, fuck everything. Fuck logic. Fuck our concept of space and time. Sure. I think yes. I think if she said, she was and she also wasn't, she absolutely was and was not. Yeah. The National Transportation Safety Board was like, no. Paula Abdul, you were not in a plane crash. And I'm like, yes, she was. Oh, yeah, she literally was. Because when you see the videos of her talking about it, you're like,

oh, you were in a plane crash. But what the fuck? When she talks about it, does she get teary? She's like, I had 10 surgeries on my back. Now, are there any record of the surgeries? No. the only record of her going to the hospital around that time was for the flu. This is a great, this is my Bermuda triangle. Okay. This is my area 51. I love that. And I need a documentary full length.

Now, here, I'm going to just throw something in here. We don't think space has anything to do with it, right? I think we don't think this could be an alien plane crash and she had 10 alien surgeries. Like, you know the woman on the Demi Lovato show who has like 307 miscarrying alien babies? Yeah. Yes. Actually? Maybe Paula Abdul was abducted.

Could. Wait. Okay, you're putting it together. You're putting it together. Paula Abdul was for sure abducted when she was in a seven-seater plane. There is no record of any of it because aliens. Yeah. Number two.

Well, there we go. Number two. Oh, my God. This is just a classic. It's just a classic. It's a little controversial sounding at the very top, but we're just going to go for it. Number two, the Salem Witch Trials. Icons.

Obviously, this was a tough one because of all the people that got murdered. But it's also extremely cunt. Yeah. It's extremely cunt. It's extremely cunt to just accuse someone of black magic because you don't like them. It is truly so cunt. Yeah. I agree.

It's like really, I really do feel like also being tried as a witch is cunt. Being tried as a witch is cuntier than anything. I mean, that's iconic. Yeah. It's like, imagine if you could be like my friend, like, ignored my Venmo request for the Uber. I saw you with the devil actually Oh my God, I saw her dancing with the devil. I saw her dancing with the devil

I don't know what to tell you. It was a great period of time for mass lies. It was mass hysteria, right? But it was mass lies because everyone's just making shit up for fun. So fun. So fun for them. They must have had so much fun.

Yeah. It is like a bad point in time for women and which we have stated that we believe women. We believe women. But at the same time, But like, how cunty? How cunty?

And simply, that's why it's at number two. Okay, and then number one on our list. And this is a great lie that is still circulating the internet. Yeah. Birds aren't real. Oh, we love birds aren't real. We love the lie that birds are not real. Yeah.

We love the lie that birds are drones. All birds are drones. They're not real animals. It's an excellent conspiracy theory. We know it is a lie. It is perfect. It's a perfect lie. And it's just a really good one.

Brought a lot of people together. Yeah. Oh, it really did. Such a sense of community within that line. There really is. I feel like that lie, out of all of the conspiracy theories, there's the most harmless sense of community behind that lie. I think there's an uplifting sense of community there. Absolutely. Especially because it was like created to bring people together. It was created to bring people against birds. Right. Which I think having a common enemy brings people close together. Yeah. My cousin Ian always says real friends have the same enemies. It's so true. You know, I have an honorable mention for top for top. 10 lies. Do it. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docs, your permits, your moves. AI levels of your pitch, gets it in a groove.

Choose a template with your timeless cool. Come on now, let's flex those two. Drive design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing. Do that, do that, do that. Learn more at Adobe.com. slash do that with Acrobat. I'm good. How are you?

Oh, yeah. Isn't that a good one? That's a really good life. Which one we all say every day. We all say it every day. I cannot count the amount of times I've said it this year. I'm great. I'm good. I'm good. I'm doing good. How are you? How have you been? I'm good. No, I've been good. Because obviously no. No. Not always. But like what am I going to tell you? Like if someone in a meeting is like, oh, how are you guys? And I've had a shit day. Am I going to go like, I'm traumatized and devastated? This has been a sick, tough year. Or am I going to say, I'm good, I'm good, how are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm probably going to say the second one. No, that's so fair. Yeah. So that's just a lie. We can all get around. We can all get behind that lie. We can all stick behind that lie.

And that was top 10 favorite lies. Like, I really do think maybe there's no music put in here. I would love that. Okay, cut the music. There's no music, maybe. Oh, oh, last time we did an episode. We offered a very specific matchmaking service where if you DM us on Instagram

at Sid and Olivia and you tell us a little bit about what you're looking for and a little bit about yourself, we would try to match you up with someone else from our DMs. We have gotten a lot of people. Thank you so much. Thank you guys so much.

I would say, honestly, if you're hearing this now for the first time or if you were thinking about it and you haven't done it, just send in someone more stuff. I think that as ethical matchmakers, it's the responsible thing to do to make sure we have a good match instead of just randomly spewing shit, right? I was just going to say that. We don't want to match you with someone until they are the one. Yeah, we don't want to match people. And maybe,

maybe starting next episode or the following episode, we can announce a match. We can start announcing some matches. But we just want to make sure that we're not randomly matching people just because. No. We want to make sure we get it right. So please send us a short bio about yourself, anything you want about yourself, what you're looking for. And to the people who have already sent us a bio, we've got you. We've got you. And also, what a catch you are. I know, you are all so sexy. We have some, like, lovely catches. And you're all adults. You're all adults. One person, shout out to one person who was like, I'm not 18 yet. I'm going to be 18 in December. Can I be in the Rolodex? And I was like, absolutely not. Hit us up in December. Hit us up in December.

I literally said on your birthday, I think they said it was like December 15th or something. I love that for them. I was like on December 15th, you're in the Rolodex. What's the number one rule of about the Rolodex? No kids in the Rolodex. No kids in my Rolodex. What else happened? Oh, we, we've been watching some really great stuff recently.

Yeah, we would love to maybe we should do a segment where we recommend a movie. What cursed shit have we been watching? Or like recommend something terrible. Okay, so this is a cursed movie recommendation. This is a segment called. cursed movie recommendations. Okay, cut the music. We found a new music.

We found a new music. Now cut the music. Now cut out the music because we found new music. We found new music. We found a new music. There's an event called We Found New Music. Is there really? We found a movie that you need to watch because if we had to watch it, you do too.

Exactly. Guys, I can't keep my pants on about this movie. I can't keep my garters up about this movie. My suspenders are flying off, hitting the wall, being stuck in the ceiling fan. My bloomers are upside down. So this movie is called The Amish Stud. Okay. The Amish Stud.

And it is the best movie I've ever seen. Way better than it even sounds. Yeah. So it's a Lifetime movie. I think it's on Hulu, right? We saw it on Hulu. Yep. It is based on a true story.

It is a true crime movie. Yeah. A true crime life movie. time movie. Yeah. About an Amish stud, as it says in the title, duh, who is cheating on his wife with several women from the English community. Oh yeah. If you don't know that much about Amish people, Amish people refer to non-Omish people as English people. So that doesn't mean they're English, like British. That's just the term. So there are all of these women who are fucking this Amish guy. And he comes to their home in like full Amish clothing.

Yeah, well, the movie starts with him fishing with an English guy and then the English guy gets a call because the Amish guy doesn't have a cell phone that we reveal that we know of yet. He has a sidekick we reveal later. Yeah, also don't give him a sidekick. Yeah, give him a fucking iPhone. Actually, I don't know what time this took place. Oh, I don't know either. They did not make that clear. The Amish guy's friend gets a phone call and he turns to him and he's like, your wife is dead.

And then the Amish guy like falls on his knees and is like, no, my wife is dead. So then the movie takes place kind of back and forth through time. Yeah. And I'll say it does jump through time in a way that is pretty willy-nilly. Oh, it's amazing. They go back to them being 16, him and his wife when they meet. And they look the same. Exactly the same.

Exactly the same. They didn't do a thing to make them look different. It's pretty awesome. You definitely have to watch this movie, especially for the line where when the Amish stud asks one of his lovers to burn down his. his house with his wife and children inside. And she says, wait, but what about the children? And he goes, don't worry.

They'll go, no, no, he goes, ugh, it's okay. They'll go straight to heaven. And then she goes, right, wait, what? Yeah. She immediately is like, right, right. And then it's like, wait a second. There's like a really weird. I don't think I want to kill the kids.

Yeah, yeah. And then she doesn't. And she doesn't. There's like a really weird steamy scene where he tries to get his Amish wife to give him a blodge. a blow jeepoo. And she says, of course, I can't because God would be horrified. He would be disgusted.

And he's like, you need to submit. And she's like, I love to submit. It's like this really sexy scene. And then you realize, like, no, it's not. Because she's just, like, not into it. It feels very porn hub. And then halfway through, you're like, oh, it's not. It feels like softcore porn in the way it's done.

And then when she's like, no, I don't. It's like, oh, my God. Wait, no, no, no, no. It reminds me of when FX did the. show a teacher. Oh my God. And every episode would end in like a very steamy hot scene between a supposed high school student with his teacher. And it was like unfortunately very hot. Well also no foreplay. No four play. Dry penetration. Dry penetration. So like not logistically hot. Yeah. We need to make a list of all the all the movies and TV that have just dry penetration

and the ones that include any foreplay at all. It is just like logistically. Probably not fun, but it theoretically looks fun. They did it well. They did it in a way where it makes you go like, ooh, Mama, wawa, wewa. And then, so that's what I do when I'm turned on. That's why no one wants to have sex with me. So then right afterward. You scream it the whole time.

Oh, mama, wawa, wewa. A megaphone you bought. Yeah, it's my megaphone. But then right after that, it immediately cuts to a title that's like if you or anyone you know is being groomed. Oh my God, I forgot about that. So it's like you're giving us mixed. messages here. You're telling us, like, isn't you so sexy? Yeah, you're playing music that's essentially like, bam, but tom, bow. And you know the sexiest kind of music. Yeah, that's really

sexy. That's what I sing when you have sex in the same room with my megaphone. When you're under my bed. Yeah, when I'm under your bed. Right. And we brought it back. So anyway, you definitely need to watch the Amish Stud. You got to check out the Amish Stud. Endless, endless fun. Endless sexy fun. Yes. And when you watch it, let us know. Yeah, please let us know. And that's your movie your recommendation for today. And you might as well take a look at the real Amish stud online versus the one they cast. It's like, well, and you might as well take a leak. And you might as well take a leak while you're out. I was like, what are you fucking talking about? You might as well just take a leak while you watch that movie.

I don't fucking take a leak while you're at it, motherfucker. Okay, so that's the movie you need to watch. Okay, here's another thing that we need to, I think, go over and talk about. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, absolutely. You and I had an experience recently that was traumatizing and life changing. And very interesting, which is we saw someone get arrested by a cop on a horse. It's true. We saw someone get arrested by a cop on a horse in Valley Glen. In Valley Glen.

Which, if you don't know what that is, it's just like really suburban kind of semi-suburban, semi-sidbey. Near Van Nuys. Yeah, kind of just like not where you. Not where you bring a horse. Don't bring a horse to Valley Glen. It was like on the sidewalk. Yeah. In front of like a mobile gas station.

Yeah. And there were three horses. There were three horses. Three horse cops. Three horse cops. And one man getting arrested. And he was shirtless. He was shirtless.

And here's what we learned. We learned that if you're going to arrest a shirtless man and put him on a horse. In handcuffs? It's only going to make that guy hotter. you're just making a criminal hotter. Yeah. So really think about what you do. Really think about it. And think about what you're trying to solve here. Also think about like why the fuck you brought a horse in the first place?

Because like what do we have to? It's the worst type of transportation to bring to arrest somebody. Especially when someone does not want to go. Because my question too is we didn't actually see him get on the horse. We just saw him backing. We saw him in the same way that they have a criminal like face the car. Yeah. He was facing the horse's butt.

And like hands behind his back. and he's like facing a horse butt. Yeah. This isn't like the middle of nowhere. No, this is like the middle of Los Angeles. Yeah. Valley Glend. Valley Glend. Valley Glend.

And I guess the thing is like do you have to call a cop backup sidekick man who has the car? Yeah. You have to call a car to be like, sorry, I fucked up and I brought the horses. I brought three horses with no cars. I brought three horses to arrest one guy in Valley Glend. Like what are you, like and also when the car comes, the horse is going to get spooked. I don't care if it's trained. Horses get spooked by anything.

Horses are fucking wild cards. Horses are fucking wild cards. Horses are wild cards. And I'm always saying that. I'm always screaming that under your bed. When you bring a horse, when you bring a horse to Valley Glen, you don't know what's going to happen. When you bring three, you're just playing with fire. Now you're playing with fire.

So it really doesn't make sense. It is crazy. But yeah, just know that if you're ever going to arrest someone, put them in handcuffs and they're going to be shirtless. You put them on a horse. You're going to make them hotter. Yeah, everyone on the street is just. going to be like, hell yeah. They're just going to think, yeah.

I love a criminal. So I don't know if that's what you're aiming to do. If that's what you're going for. I have another quick update. It's not even an update. Yeah. But my whole Instagram TikTok algorithm has become the is it cake videos. Oh, weird.

And I guess the thing I want to say, and maybe it's just a message for the people who make those. Yeah. Stop doing hands. Like cutting into a hand? Yep. No more hands. No more is it cake hand edition.

Because they cut open a hand, it looks like a real hand and then they're like, it's cake! And I'm like, what's the point of that? What is the point of that? That's like a nightmare. Because I don't want to eat a hand cake. No, I don't want to eat a hand cake and I definitely don't want to have the micro feeling when I think you're putting a knife into someone's real hand for a millisecond. I think let's cancel all of the Is It Cake videos.

Unless, yeah, unless they're like... Unless it's a cake that looks like cake. You know it would be so good though. if they manage to do, and is it cake video, where you open it up, and it looks like you're just looking in your front camera. And then they cut your face open and it's cake. Or it's just you. And it's just you and it's you cutting your own face while looking in the front camera. Is it cake?

On bath salts going, is it cake? Let's move. If you're ever on bath salts and. and you want to tell us what that's like. Have you ever on bath salts and you want to tell us if it's cake? Wait, have you tried... It was just so fantastic if you've tried bathsalt. No.

And I know you haven't. No, I would on the podcast. Oh, wait. Should we do bath salts? I wouldn't do it in regular life, but I would do it on the podcast. Remember how we did that one episode where Shane was like roughing us and we were drunk? What if we did one where he was roughing us and we were on bath salts? It would be amazing to bring Shane back and only ever have him be sober when we were on... different substances, like, annoying the fuck out of him.

Poor Shane. He's the sweetest man. He's so sweet and I feel like we scare him so much. But, like, when a guy is sweet, that's, like, the funniest thing to do. Every time someone... Because he knows we're not... He knows we love him and he knows that it's... But, you know, it's just like some people are funny to...

Yeah, when someone... He's just a sweetheart. When someone is really sweet, there is something just so funny about being really weird at them. Just being, like, so infuriating. Yeah. I don't know what that is. Do you have that desire? I don't want to do it. There's certain people I don't want to do it, too. There's certain people that I'm like, oh, like, even if they're nice, but I don't know them that well, I don't want to do that.

Unless I'm on my bath salts. Right, of course. Well, then, and then anything goes, you could bring a horse to Valley Glen if you're on your bath salts. That's maybe what happened. Wait. What if all the horses and all of their men who couldn't put the criminal together again? We're on bath salts. Oh, that's so true. Yeah.

Wait, they were. Do you think if a cop gets drunk and they can't drive? That they'd have to take a horse? That they'd have to take a horse. Yeah, that's why all of the horse cops are on the horses. What is the DUI for being on a horse? Like if you get pulled over on a horse. And you're drunk.

And you're drunk. Yeah. What is the test? No, what is the crime? What is it like, RUI, riding under the influence? Yeah. R-R-I-U-I. Sorry, I just said it wrong.

riding influence under. Writing influence under? Yeah. I'm on bath salts. Beautiful. No, I do think that that must be a crime. Also, what happens if your horses on bath salts? I think then it cancels it out.

Oh, yeah, because I think you're fine. I think if you're drunk and the horse is drunker, if you're inebriated and the horse is inebriated, it cancels it out because you're both on the same wavelength. You're essentially sober. You guys get it. Yeah, it's like, so I think you're fine, actually. Do you think a cop on a horse has ever pulled over another cop on a horse? They have to.

for me. They have to because I need to see that. Yeah, that's a good point. No, I think it's a horse cop's constitutional right to pull over another horse cop. Yeah, no, I think a drunk horse cop should always feel comfortable pulling over a drunk horse cop. Absolutely, I agree. Are we going to talk about Secret Lives of Mormon Wives at all? I do think we probably should, because we did, we do have like a really cool update for you. Yeah, we've got some crazy updates. So, um, If you're not watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, why aren't you? I need you to. You got to do it. I need you to, unfortunately. And it's, it'll go by so fast. It'll go by so fast. And even if you just watch the first couple of episodes, just so you know what Swig is. Yeah, it's a simple, simple, we're going to just explain to you really quickly. It's really easy. Yeah. It's all of these young moms who are Mormon who live in Utah. They have a thing called mom talk where they all dance kind of sexy. And they're trying to. And they lip sync shit. They lip sync. And they dance with their kids and they do all that shit. And they're trying to change. And they're trying to change. people's ideas about Mormon women.

Yeah, they're trying to make people know that, like, more Mormon women can be swingers. Right. Well, that's the other thing. So they have also since Mom Talk has started, it has been brought to the attention of many that some of them were swinging. Yeah, and you don't know about this. It just makes for a really excellent television show. Yeah, you just, everyone knows about this. Everyone knows about this.

But what you need to know about it is there are two. things in the show that have become kind of lore of the show. Yeah. And lore of maybe Mormon culture in Utah. Yeah, in general. Yeah. Which is there are these soda shops called Swig. Right, right. And they're essentially Mormon Starbucks. Yeah. Because Mormons cannot have coffee. Yep. So they'll go to these soda shops and they will get like a Dr. Pepper with like six, six pumps of coconut and seven pumps of raspberry and five pumps of sugar-free pineapple. And the best order is the one where this girl orders. something. And it's like a bunch of different pumps of diet syrup in a drink. And the base, they ask her if she wants still or sparkling water, which means you can go to Swig in Utah and get a

cup of tepid, still water with a bunch of pumps of diet syrup into it and coconut cream. That is the worst. And I am this close to doing that. No. No. What if I get the worst? So I'm going to go to a Swig. Because Olivia's going to Utah. I am going to Utah. So what we are trying... I have to go experience it. Yeah.

So she needs to go experience Swig. Yeah. But the other thing she needs to experience. More importantly. Another thing on the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Jiz Hair. Jiz Hair. There is a hair salon called Jizz Hair.

Run by one of the women. It's Jay-Z, but there's like a big line in the middle that looks like an eye. And it just looks like it says jiz hair. And the thing is it does. To me, it does. It looks like Jiz hair and she's like, I think, been open about the fact that she thinks it's funny that people call it Jiz hair. And it is Jiz hair. And Olivia is going to Jiz hair.

I'm going to Jiz hair. I'm going to Jiz hair. I'm going to Jiz hair. I'm going to Jiz hair. I'm going to Jiz hair. I'm going to Jiz hair. I have to. You need to Jiz in your hair. And every time I say I'm going to Sid will be like, you're going to Jiz hair. I'm going to get Jiz in my hair. And then also when you put the two together, the two elements of Secret Lives and Mormon Wives. Swig.

Swig and Jiz. Swick my Jiz. Yeah, that's beautiful. And so Secret Lives and Mormon Wives, colon, sweat my jizz. Beautiful. And I really love it. No, I literally was in a Halloween store purchasing a bow tie the other day. For me.

For you. Oh my God, I have to tell you about the woman I met at the Halloween store. She was amazing. She's this iconic woman that we have to actually bring on the podcast. I would absolutely. Will you ever see her again? I followed her on Instagram. Yeah.

I think we should bring her on. She's the third member of our girl gang. Great. She is 70-something, 73 or something. She's fucking iconic. Oh, that's right in my wheelhouse. And she worked with a bunch of playboy people in the day. Hell yeah.

She is, you would love her, actually. I know I would because the way you're describing her is someone that I want to get to know romantically. Yeah, yeah. I love an old woman. Like, an old woman is my sweet spot. I love that for you. Just not romantically. I just said that to be silly.

Yeah. But I mean platonically, an old woman is my sweet spot. And you never know. And you never know. I guess. No, but I said on the phone to you, you were like, yeah, you're going to Jiz hair. And I was like, I'm going to get Jizz in my hair, which is the automatic response I have every single time. Yep. And yeah, and I just realized I said that out of context, and there were like so many like 10 to 13 year olds around me. Ugh, it happens.

And I was like, fuck me. Like they are just old enough to maybe know what I just said. They know. Yeah. Yeah. They know. They're 13. They know. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to have that woman on. That would be great. Yeah, I would love it. She's an icon. Speaking of saying things out of context, last night I went to the Joni Mitchell concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Oh, that's beautiful. And then on Wednesday, I went to Charlie X-E-X because this week was crazy for me.

It was concert week. Yeah, I saw Joni and Charlie in the same week because I am a woman of culture. And I do love women whose names end with an eye. Joni, Charlie, call me Sidney with an eye. And I just think they're both so brat in their own way. Yeah. But I did see Joni Mitchell last night and it took me an hour and a half to find a ride home. And I was just like standing out in front of the magic castle, like waiting to get a ride.

But you know that thing that happens when something is stuck in your head and you just keep singing it? And I was like right near Hollywood Boulevard and just kept going, when you fuck me is crazy. And then you did that all today. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So you're upset? It's what, you know that the line from Talk Talk with Charlie.

And after the Joni Mitchell concert, all of these 16, 70-year-old women are, like, walking by. And I'm just standing there looking at, like, the sky and looking around for, like, a car and being like, when you fuck me, it's crazy. That's so beautiful. And it was truly disturbing. I think that's great. Do you? Yeah. Okay.

All right. Very exciting news coming up. I don't know if we've started everything by being like, and so here's something exciting. And it's nothing. And it's not. And it's not. But this one is exciting. Yeah.

Because we're starting a thing. Do you want to explain? I don't know if you guys have ever heard of Love Island. Probably not. It's very underground. But the thing about Love Island is that every season starts out with a starting six, right? So there's six islanders. Sometimes there's a starting eight.

But there's six islanders usually three men, three women. Usually they couple up? Usually there's a starting eight or a starting 10. We could do a starting eight. if we want. But the way we play this game is starting six. So we made up this game, which we've been really enjoying and you can play it at home. Yeah. Where it's you find your own Love Island starting six. You pick out six people from anything. Anything. And you, it's designed for you. Yeah. What would you enjoy watching Love Island? Who would be the most entertaining starting six

for just you? Exactly. So we were thinking like it would be so fun if we played this. game on the podcast. Yep. And then we could come back to it throughout episodes. Almost like a Dungeons and Dragons kind of like Fantasy League style thing where we add a new bombshell into the villa and we talk about who's coupling up with who. And, you know, we don't know what's going to happen. I don't even know who you're pitching for your starting.

I don't know either because I haven't thought of anything. Oh, my God, amazing. So I think that this is going to be our own version of Love Island that we can come back to and keep up with. Yeah, 100%. So welcome to say. In Olivia's Love Island. Okay.

Cut the music. We are in the villa. Oh my gosh. Who's the host? Oh, my God. The host is, let's say it at the same time. Okay. One, two, three.

Young Sheldon. Is it Mark L. Walberg? Mark L. Wahlberg? Mark L. Wahlberg from Temptation Island. And you said Young Sheldon. Okay, so it's them together. Okay, beautiful. So Mark El Wahlberg.

So if you don't know who Mark L. Walberg is, he, He is the host of Temptation Island. Yeah. And he's not Mark Wahlberg. He's a different guy named Mark Wahlberg. And he is very piercing blue eyes. And it is wild. Yeah.

Mark L. Wahlberg. Yeah. So Mark L. Wahlberg and Young Sheldon, who as we all know is like an immortal, like demonic. You already know this. He's not a child. He's not a child.

He's just like a ghost. But, um, yeah. And so he, so those two are hosting. Yeah. Yeah. So they come out. They do a little bit. They're like,

the first time ever Love Island has been hosted by two hosts at the same time. Yeah. And it's, of course, a dynamic duo. They do their secret handshake. It takes 20 minutes. They float above ground. Their heads spin 360 degrees. They vomit black.

And then they're like, okay, let's bring out our Islanders. So the first Islander is, you want me to pitch one? Pitch one. Okay. RFK's brainworm. Yes. RFK's brainworm comes out and goes, hi, I'm RFK's brainworm. I'm a little bit of a bad boy.

I'm a little bit of a playboy. I'm 23. I'm from Essex. I like being a little bit cheeky. I like a little bit cheeky. I'm 23. I'm a little bit of a playboy. And where does he usually meet? Is this a guy? Is RFC? I think RFC. K's brainworm is a guy, yeah. Where does he usually meet girls out in the real world? He usually meets girls through RFK.

Right. So he'll make RFK go talk to women. You know RFK has like a lot of scandals with a bunch of different women. And I also believe that RFK's brainworm, RFK's brainworm is essentially Ratatoui style in charge of RFK, right? Yes, 100%. Like pulling on his brain hair? Yeah, so RFK is there. Oh, okay. But we're not paying attention to him. He's essentially just like the skin sack that had to come along. The worm is the worm is who's on the island. And he's a little bit cheeky, he's a little bit of a bad boy. I love that. He's a little bit of a player. He has been known to pie people, to lead people on.

You know, he hasn't been in a long-term relationship. And also, I mean, he's coming into the villa with a name. He's coming into the villa with the Kennedy name. I know. And sometimes that can be hard being a relative of a famous person. Oh, like Danny Dyer. At Love Island. Yeah, 100%.

We just had Odell Beckham Jr.'s brother, Cordell. He won. But, you know, it's hard having, like, the name attached. It's hard to win so much money. Right. It's so hard to win so much money. Okay, so RFK's brainworm is lined up in his tiny widow swim twonks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Next person to come out is, you love him, I love him. We love him. Tomb Gist, too much good stuff. Oh, the AMPM mascot. The AMPN mascot. That's beautiful. If you haven't seen him, look at him right now. He's 100 feet tall.

He's entirely made of snacks. His body is food. His beard is Cheetos. You could argue, aren't all of our body's food for something? Right, right. Like for me, because I'm a cannibal. For wolves, my body's food. Yeah. But the...

For Army Hammer, my body's food. Right. For all people, Tumgis' body is food. Yeah, Tombgis is made of snacks. His hair is licorish. His fupa is loose chips. Yeah. His upper body is bagged chips, which I think is a really interesting difference. Yeah, he really is just like made from things you'd find on a convenience store floor.

Yeah. And he's very tall. Yeah, he's super tall. So he's got a big grumbly voice. He moves and talks very slowly. He comes out, he has his confession. Well, first of all, obviously, he daps up RFK's brainworm. He's a jolly good guy, too.

He's a jolly good fellow. He's a sweet lad. Yeah, and then in his, you know, like his video, he goes like, Hey, I'm Tim Gers. I'm 7 foot 8. I'm 11 foot 4. I'm 11 foot 4, babes. I'm just here to meet a nice girl in the villa.

Yeah, just have some fun with the lads. He's very have fun with the lads, Coding. Yeah, he's like, my. type, he's petite brunette, maybe, um, done for a laugh. Yeah, yeah. And, um, and his biggest thing is that in the past, he's dated a lot of women who have tried to eat parts of his body. And that's, like, something that's really traumatic for him. He's trying to get away from that. He's trying to get away from that. But he's like, I've been really trying to break my old habits. But let's see, because I'm really drawn to a bad girl. Yeah. And what he means by a bad girl is a girl who wants to eat him.

Yeah. So that that's tomb guest. That's beautiful. Okay, great. Um, coming out, third, very excited for this. It is the pile of furniture someone set on fire outside my apartment last Tuesday. Oh my God. That's gorgeous. Yeah. There's a huge pile of furniture outside my apartment. Every time someone moves out, they put a new thing in the pile. And luckily last week someone lit the pile of flame. Oh, good. Now there's charred furniture in the street and in the villa. And in the villa. And in the villa. So entering the villa, kind of like a mysterious character. Burning pile of furniture. A burning pile of furniture outside my building. And are they floating in or are they rolled in? I think they're, I think they're like burning the ground beneath them. Okay. Great. Burning the ground beneath them and

leaving a trail of like horrible ash. What is the furniture pile's pronouns? Um, um, I'm feeling she her. Yeah, 100%. I feel like she's, yeah, she's. Yeah. She's. going for it. Just checking. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Just checking. Just checking. It's she hurt. Yeah, it is. Okay, so this girly little loose furniture pile comes in and we see her confessional and she's like... Yeah, she's like,

I'm a little bit of a dancer. She's like, oh, I'm a dancer. I'm a little bit of a wild girl. I'm a pile of furniture. I'm a little bit of a pocket rocket. I'm a spicy girl. And if if your boy's going to miss with me, then he better just talk on to the next one. Like, she's kind of doing that. Yeah, she's like, get too close to me and you might become fire.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, I might burn you. I might burn you. Yeah. Yeah. And she just turned off really. Yeah. She's got an ever-shifting accent.

She's like, oh, I might burn you. Yeah. I love that. She's definitely like, I'm a, she's a chaotic energy. She's definitely a personality higher for the show. she's definitely going to put some people in their place. But who knows, she might just find love. Okay, wow, I love that.

Okay, next person to come out is Glenn Close. Oh, my God. What's that like? Glenn Close, she or her. What is that like? Glenn Close comes out and she's like, oh, she like didn't really realize what it was. Yeah. And her agent just like.

Oh, she just like doesn't even. Oh, so her whole thing is she's like, she's like, I'm Glenn Close. I couldn't tell you why I'm here. My Instagram career is thriving. If you haven't seen Glenn Close's Instagram, it is a delight. Okay. She, like, makes a lot of weird faces. She comes and she's like...

Is she doing that on the show? Yeah. She comes in the show, she's like, I am literally actress Glenn Close. Okay, beautiful. No questions at this time. Yeah. I am so excited, I guess, to meet someone who matches my energy. Someone who matches my freak, I'm Glenn Close.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to get someone to match her freak. Trying to get someone to match my close, close freak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Glenn Close. Beautiful. That's great. And so how many is that for?

That's four. Okay, next person who walks right into the villa. Oh, my God. Should I do something, should I do something expected or some, should I do the obvious choice or should I do a weirder one? I think just anyone who would be good with this group. Yeah, I mean, what are you going to do? Mr. Bean walks into the villa. He would.

And he's silent. Right as he opens his mouth to introduce himself. Scrappy do bursts out of his chest and says, I'm Scrappy Do and they are sort of like RFK and the Brain Wormin that they will be kind of one person A skin sack, yeah, Scrappy Doe will be bursting out of Mr. Bean's chest

and he's like, hey, I'm Scrappy Doe! He's like, let me at him! And, you know, so his whole thing on the island is he wants to be let at him. He's coming to the island to be let at him. He wants to get in a big fight. I think he is... He's good. He's good for like the... From a producer's standpoint. And that's what we are in this show is we're producers. From a producer's standpoint, it's really good. He's so good. He's so necessary because he's really like he's known to start fights. He's going to fuck up Casa More. I can tell if he makes it that far. If he makes it to Casa Moore, oh my God. Wow, that's going to be

really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going to be really bad. Yeah. And then oh my God, our last... We have the, what, this is the sixth one? Our sixth player. Oh my God. Who should be our sixth one? Okay. Our sixth person entering the villa is you love him. I love him. We all love him. I love him.

It's the rainbow fish. The rainbow fish. From the book. From the rainbow fish. Yep. Okay. The rainbow fish. Is he hovering?

Is he in a bowl? What's he doing? Okay. So first of all, he was not given water. He did ask, his reps called in and were like, we need to put rainbow fish in water. Yeah. They did not do that. And so he is barely hanging on.

Oh my God. He is flopping up and down. And there are like little things of water coming off of him and he is struggling to breathe. Right. And he's at this point, he's kind of like, let me die. Oh, shit. I'm losing so much air. So his whole thing is he's like, I'm rainbow fish.

Let me die. Let me die. I've not been given water here. Yeah. I am struggling to stay alive. Yeah. This cruel, cruel God is keeping me. alive, gasping for air. And in his confessional and his like introduction, he's like,

I am the rainbow fish. That's exactly how the rainbow fish talks. He's freaking out. His body is so beautiful. Oh my God, his body so sexy. He's rainbow and he's beautiful. And when he comes in, everyone in the villa is like, whoa. I want to steal one of his scales. I want to steal one of his scales in a sexual way. Yeah. Well, that's beautiful. Everyone wants to couple up with the rainbow fish, but he is dying. Dying. But maybe not for long. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe something will change. Here's the ultimate question. Who's coupling up with who?

Next week, I think we have to find that out. Next week we find out. Okay, I think that is exactly what we do. So to recap, we have in the villa starting six. Our. RFK's brainworm. Immediately forgetting every single person in it. To recap, our starting six are RFK's brainworm, Tombgis, the AMPM mascot.

Yep. Scrappy do. Scrappy do bursting out of Mr. Bean's chest. Glenn Close. The pile of furniture someone set on fire outside my apartment. And the dying rainbow fish. Yeah. Okay.

So tune in next week to find out who couples up with who because that's really important. And if you have any pitches, because we're sharing the role of like dungeon master for this. Yeah. Because we're all producers on this show. Yeah, of course. God, how could you fucking think we aren't? So if you have any ideas of people you want to be, um, bombshells in the villa or just what you think should happen with our starting six.

Absolutely DM us and let us know. Well, the audience can always vote too. Comment below. Yeah. Comment below who should be eliminated from the island. Should be anyone be added from the island? Who's not the right reasons? Who's here from not the right reasons? Like, you have a part in this.

You are a producer. We're very excited for, we're very excited. Yeah, you can hit us up with casting. Yeah. So until next time. I've weirdly enough been Olivia. Okay, this is going to be shocking to you. Yeah.

I've been said. Okay, that's fucking crazy. Until next time. we're going to fucking see you next Tuesday. You dumb cut. You dumb cunt. And we will see you then. Maybe even visual again.

Yes, we will. Sorry for lying, babe. Sorry for lying. Bye!