Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - We Love The Fresno Nightcrawler

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

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Hey. I want to kind of bring something up to you. Yeah. You've been dropping a lot of the mice that we find onto the freeway. Well, yeah. For the, for the, for the, for the cars. Well, no, it's not, it's supposed to be for our kids. Yeah.

And you're dropping it on the freeway and then we don't have nothing to. I'm just trying to be a good guy. What? I'm just trying to be a good guy. You're trying to be. And not everything's about you. Said it. That was two seconds left.

Yeah. Great. So that was a really good skit. So the, the premise. was, it was just sort of like two hawks in a really bad relationship, I think. Right. Oh, that one's so depressing. Is that thing?

Welcome to Sidna, Olivia Talk Shit. I'm the Sudden one. I'm the Olivia one. Today we have no other ones. Who was here? It was a rail. The railway cat. Skimble shanks, the railway cat was going to come onto the podcast. Was here, but then was last minute canceled.

Oh my God. He literally got canceled. doing some really shady he was in the files. Yeah. And honestly, it was one of those weird things for it was like he's in the files. And the only way he's mentioned is that they're like, this guy keeps changing sizes. Right. Sometimes he's very small like a mouse when he's near a railway. Sometimes he's very large. And that shit's crazy. And Jeff thinks it's crazy.

It is kind of an interesting thing that that would be something they were discussing. Totally. But they discuss all kinds of crazy shit. It is something we were all curious about. But it's like, yes, they only said that Skimbled Shank the railway cab. was freaking everyone out by changing sizes so much and that specifically Jeffrey Epstein thought it was, and I quote, crazy. But why was he there? You know what I mean? He was on the island. Yeah, I mean, that's in the context. Like, why was he there? Oh, sure, sure, changing sizes and freaking them out. You know what I mean? He was also, because I know some people were listed in the files.

Some people were listed, like Obama. Like, they just talk shit about Obama. Right. But he's so he's like, his name is in the files. You were saying Schimble Shanks was canonically there. He was like, it was like Stephen Hawking situation. He was there on Epstein. It was like a Stephen Hawking thing. So upset. Sort of like, well, what was he doing there, my guy? And I don't know, because I wasn't there. I know. He was changing sizes. He was changing sizes. And he could have been doing other things too, but that's one thing confirmed in the file. I feel like I really get hard on myself about everything. I get really hard constantly. And can we just be really supportive of ourselves for a second for literally, we don't even know what Skimble Shanks was necessarily doing on the island because we've never been. So true. Can I tell you something really quickly? Absolutely. Every child I've ever...

Whoa. I have something weird to tell you too, but you go first. Every child I've ever interacted with has at some point been like, you're a boy. Okay, I love that. Sorry, what I mean is how do you feel about that? Kind of sad. Really? Yeah.

Huh. Every child I've ever nannied or babysat has been like, at some point has like kind of come to and been like, so you're a boy. Like they were kind of doing their kid thing and then like something here. hit them in the brain and they went like, okay, so what I'm seeing here is boy. Okay, now here's a weird question. Are they still speaking in their voice when they say that? Yeah. And then recently. So it's not like another another. No, they're not possessed. Okay. And then recently a child who I spend a lot of time with. Right. In a normal capacity. Yeah. A family. A family child. Okay. A family child. Jesus Christ.

It's recently a family child said to me like, you're a boy, I see your mustache. Okay, because that's rude. Okay, because the rest of it, I was going to be like, oh, it's because you have such a, like, a relaxed, fun, rough and tumble energy around kids. And women can't have a relaxed fun, rough and tumble energy around kids? These kids are seeing gender norms. They're learning societal gendering in a bad way. And they're going like, well, you're fun, so you must not be a girl. Because girls are like makeup.

And I don't think that's true. I hate that. I don't think it's true, but I do think that's what they're saying. I think they're like, oh, you like to rough around with me. You like to... Don't say I like to rough around with kids. You like to wrestle me. You know what I mean?

I don't like to wrestle kids. No, I like to wrestle consulting. Consulting it. Fuck me. I like to wrestle consulting. No, I like... If you are a consultant, wrestle me. I like to wrestle consenting adults.

I know. I do not wrestle children. Yeah. No, I just slandered you for no reason. They climb on me, but in a normal capacity. In a familial, regular style way. But yeah, here's the thing. But this child was climbing on me and then was like, I see your mustache, you're a boy.

That is so rude. And I literally was like, I'm sorry. I'm also like, you're climbing on me and you're saying this? Yeah, you're in my, you're up in my grill. Yeah, you're up in my space. I don't get in your grill and go, your breath smells like fucking milk. Yeah, it's like, loser. Yeah, it's like if you're going to do, don't get so close to my field.

face then, how about? Yeah. Wow. Your hands have all sorts of disgusting germs on them. That is crazy. Yeah. I want to go to a rap battle with this baby. Wow. You should. Wait, we should bring them on. We should do a roast battle with a child. Yeah. That would actually be really funny. Yeah. And I'll be like, you're so disgusting. You get sick all the time. You should because you put your hands in places they shouldn't be. Yeah. Wait, I love. Is a roast battle wrapping? What is happening? Yeah, well, a roast battle can be wrapping. A rat battle is usually roasting, right? Like, I feel like, I don't know how often I see a rap battle that's not roasting. Right. But a roast battle isn't always rapping. It's like square rectangle. Right. And then I kind of just set it in the cadence of a... Polly contest versus musical contest is the biggest distinction. I kind of said that in the cadence of like a Beastie Boys rap, but I didn't... I think we should bring a child on who's

down to rat battle you. And we should do a G-rated rap battle. Yeah, if you have a child who wants to get fucking roasted. Eviserated. Inviscerated by a 31-year-old woman. Bring the child here. Yeah. I love that. And we're going to roast.

Yeah. Yeah. I have a. Oh, tell me. Yes. That I've discovered and I'm delighted by. Tell me. So I've been, I was in, I was like just relaxing and doing some beach activities.

And when? Actually, like last week and the week before. Well, when you were out of town, I did some beach activities in Santa Barbara. I want to go to the beach. I know. We can go. No, we can't. We probably can't.

When can we go to the beach? I meant theoretically. So I was doing some relaxing activities. And one of those relaxing activities was I was like really in a rabbit hole about certain mythology because certain mythology is cool as fuck. Right. And do you know about the mythological character Lilith? No. Okay.

Can we look up? Yeah, Lilith mythology. So she's a mythological figure. I think she was both a Mesopotamian night demon lore and also a Jewish myth. Me every day. Me. A Jewish myth. She's a myth in Jewish folklore where it's like,

That's so mean. Yeah, she was Adam's first wife. So, like, Adam from Adam and Eve is, like, made from the clay of the earth. And, like, so is she. And then they're married. And he's like, so you have to submit to me. And she's like, literally, go fuck yourself. Adam and Adam from Adam and Eve had a wife before Eve.

Yes, named Lilith. And listen, this isn't canonical. There's going to be a lot of people being like, um, actually. But I'm just saying, like, in general, that is what this myth is, is that it's like before Eve there was another woman. Her name was Lilith. That's crazy. And Adam wanted her to submit. And she was like, no.

So she sprouted wings and flew off and rolls the underworld. And then he was like, oh, wow, I like need a wife who will submit to me. And then God was like, oh, I'll make one out of your ribs so that it's easier. And it just like shuts up and listens to snakes or something. And ironically, it's like both women are doomed regardless. Like the one who plays along is doomed and the one who leaves is doomed. But it was like, what's so interesting is like there's all this mythology about how like, oh, like, you know, it's like that woman empowerment slash like evil woman like, you know, it's like, oh, it's a demon in the night who like eats babies and shit. The girl boss to demon pipeline.

I love it. And so the thing about it is, here's where it gets great. I was like, dude, I love this mythological figure. Just like really, really viving with it. There's this little necklace that I've just been like, oh, this looks cool. I kind of want this. and I started looking at more and more images of her, and I found nobody can draw this bitch. Okay, so these are all like her on a plate or her on a bowl.

And usually when you see ancient drawings, it's like, okay, it's basic, but it's usually not like a third grade or druet, if that makes sense. Right. So like that's her. And that is also doodle bob. Like that is doodle bob. And I've never seen an ancient drawing look like that. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Like, are you getting where I'm like... Yeah, this definitely looks like the child you babysit drew it. Yeah. And then goes like, you're a boy, that's you. Right. Like, the fingers are crazy. The eyelashes are crazy. If you're watching instead of...

Or if you're listening instead of watching, it is just doodle bob. Like, it's truly doodle bob on an ancient plate. It's also in a speech bubble. Yeah, it is. Like this plate has a speech bubble within it, which means... Like, you can hold it up and be like... Whoever is off to the side of the plate is saying doodle bob. It's saying, ooi, me, no.

Right. Yeah. Okay, so there's one. Let's see another. That's awesome. Wow. That's crazy. Look at that clam. Yeah, look at, that's like Kenzie from Love Island, full about to clam slam. She, yes, this, this woman is. The face is more like, okay, like this feels more like maybe ancient drawings, but like the, the vaginal lips are crazy. They spent a long time on the vaginal lip. They like emphasized it. It looks like a fortune cookie. Yeah, there's like confetti coming off of it. And I'm sure it's pubic hair, but it's. looks like confetti. Well, it's confetti coming out of my fortune cookie. Yeah. Okay. And then she has a hole as a belly button. Yeah, which is awesome. Yeah. And I love her hands. Her hands are... Her hands are always great. Her fingers are like the Grinch. Yeah. Let's see what else. That's awesome. Once again, it looks like a kid drew it. They all, like, there's not a single ancient drawing of this person. Yeah, I'm also just curious as to like, why do they all make the

fingers like that. Yeah. The fingers are crazy and the eyes. Look at the face. That's crazy. I also like, was it that somebody was put on like draw on the bold duty who shouldn't have been? Over and over and over and over again. Someone kept me like, no, no, no, I promise I can do it this time. Yeah. And they kept being like, no, no, your job is really like making the fire and like doing that. And he's like, no, no, I promise I can do it. Is there another one? I've been working on it. Yeah, that's awesome. Like, what the fuck is that? You know what I mean? Like, What is that? Yeah, well, this one is interesting because it's kind of full chest shape is like the top of a trophy.

Yeah. The hands, once again, are awesome. The hair is awesome. And I'm wondering what this writing around it says. Like, I wonder if it says like a story or if it or what's going on here. It's probably just like a big long excuse. Yeah. Like, I'm so sorry.

I really was trying. I had to draw this with my left hand because my right hand got stuck in a rock. And that looks like a. like an adult swim character. I will say there is some consistency in how they draw her. Like she does always seem to look the same type of. Yeah. She's got the big crazy hair.

She's got the big long fingers. She's got tits out. Yeah. Although, yeah, there's only really that one drawing where they really accentuated that her vagina is out. Yeah. Every other one they're like, every other one they're like, she's probably wearing a skirt or something. Yeah. And then in the one, they're like, I think it's out.

Yeah. The doodle bob one's my favorite, obviously, because. what the actual fuck. But yeah. Yeah, this was just something I wanted to share, mostly probably with the Patreon. I'm sure this will mostly go in Patreon. But I just feel like you guys would fuck with this. I don't know. No, there is definitely a consistency that I really know. It was, it was just like a thing that I'm like, I got to do a paper on this. Like, why can't they draw this bitch? Yeah. No, I think it's totally fair. Yeah. We wanted to do segment roulette today. Of course, it's only the two of us. Yeah. And we've had a lot of stuff going on.

So we've decided to do segment roulette, but all of the segments we bring in, we can only have had 30 seconds to think of. Or less. Which means that all of these segments are the product of 30 seconds or less. So music. Custom music. Do you want to pick one first? Gorgas, gorgeous Tupperware. Yeah, it's going to be this one.

Okay, this one is, uh-oh, it's my handwriting. Oh, this one's a bad start. Okay, you ready? because I was like, okay. This one I had less than two seconds, I thought of this one. So our podcast is called Sit and Olivia Talk Shit. No, it is. Yeah.

So this segment is called Sit and Olivia Hawkskit. And we do a skit about. We have 30 seconds to do a skit as two hawks. Okay. Yeah, all right. Can we get 30 seconds on the clock? Sure. Hey.

Hey. I want to kind of bring something up to you. Yeah. You've been dropping a lot of the mice that we find onto the freeway. Well, yeah. For the, for the, for the, for the cars. Well, no, it's not, it's supposed to be for our kids. Yeah.

And you're dropping it on the freeway and then we don't have nothing to. I'm just trying to be a good guy. What? I'm just trying to be a good guy. You're trying to be. And not everything's about you. Said it. That was two seconds left.

Yeah. Great. So that was a really good skit. So the, the premise was. It was just sort of like two hawks in a really bad relationship. I think. Right. It wasn't really a skit because we only had 30 seconds. So it was sort of more of the intro to a skit that might have had some more jokes down the line. Totally. Yeah. Life is so busy, but you know what should never, ever be put off is your health. Doctors appointments. Doctors' appointments

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completely not functional and so I just need to make sure that I have a good doctor that I can easily contact about it in general. And sometimes that's not always the case. But it can be your health matters. And taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Find and book the right doctor with Zockdock. Head to Zockdoch.com slash S-O to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash S-O. Okay, you want to pick one? Yep.

This one is called Heaven or Hell. Ooh. We go through different kitchen appliances and decide where they go when they die. Oh, I love that. Okay. Great. So let's look up a list of kitchen. appliances and let's decide where they go when they die. Huge. Okay, refrigerator. I don't know if you

know this. A refrigerator keeps food cold. Yeah. Now, my obvious idea would be that a refrigerator is cold and hell is hot. Yeah. But does that mean it should go to hell? I don't, here's what I'm going to say. Yeah. My immediate instinct was hell and I'm trying to unpack why that is. Sure. My immediate instinct was anger and hell. And I'm, I think it's because I just had a blackout and my refrigerator stopped working, but I'm misplacing my anger because the refrigerator didn't do that. That's like getting mad at someone for being in a coma. It's victim blaming. It's victim blaming. So because of that, I'm going to send it to heaven because I feel guilty, even if it deserves to go to hell. Yeah, let's send the refrigerator to heaven because. Also, I'd like if I were to go to heaven, which I don't know if that's going to happen. I'd like refrigerated food for sure.

Yeah, let's send the refrigerator to heaven. Okay, a stove. Um, again, it'd be so crazy if that went to heaven. It's like a stove has heat. It'd be so nuts. Yeah. It'd be so crazy if it went to heaven. I will also say like the amount of times that a stove, like a gas stove is either just like kind of leaking gas and like just has a lot of like gas. Yeah.

That is like killing folks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a sin. And also, um, you can burn your hand on it. Oh my God.

I do. Often. Sin. Sin. Okay. Stove goes to hell. Hell. Oven.

Oven killed Sylvia Plath. Hell. Straight to hell. Hell. Straight to hell apparel is a brand. Straight to hell. Straight to hell. Right to hell.

Oh, really? Yeah. It's yucky, dirty, bad. It belongs in hell. But I guess it does a good function. See, that's what I was going to say. The reason I think garbage disposal goes to heaven is because it's doing the job none of us want to do.

That's true. It's spending its whole life suffering. Yeah, none of us want to put garbage in our mouths and, like, digest it so that other people don't have to deal with it. I kind of do that. Yeah. Nobody wants to do that. Right. Yeah. No, I do. Yeah. It's a lot of suffering. And in most religions, it's like, the more you suffer, the better your afterlife's going to be. So the garbage disposal goes to heaven. Air fryer. I mean, that's a heavenly appliance. It is. But she's also just like so young and privileged. I feel like, I don't know. Like, I just don't know her well enough. Like, she's,

like, she's going to, I'd like to see what she's like when she's in her 40s or 50s. Yeah, it's true. She's pretty new on the scene. And it's like, yeah, of course, we'd say heaven because we all love her. She's the big thing. There's nothing wrong with her. She hasn't done anything problematic. But it's like she hasn't been around for, you know, and that's no shade to her. No, she's still in the early stages of her career. Yeah. I haven't really seen how she handles the spotlight entirely. Which doesn't like condemn her to hell. I would say heaven, but I would also say like I don't know her. It's just that like kind of in the terms of like Brittany Spears. She would be on like pre-shaved head, Brittany. Yeah. She's like teenage Brittany right now. Yeah, she's like at the height of her fame and everything is good, but we don't know what happens when that fame gets to her. Yeah, and I think regular Brittany goes to heaven. So it might just be the exact same situation. Yeah, wait, again, that's victim blaming.

If Airfriar can't deal. Well, I'm just saying I don't know what Air Friar's going to do. Like, I don't know if Air Friar like has bad tweets that we haven't seen. But what I'm saying is like if Airfriar is dealing with the public opinion of her in a negative way, does that make her a bad person? No, it doesn't. It's just like, it's just a natural. reaction to something that's not very human. I think it's all about harm.

Hurt people, hurt people. Yes, but it's like at a certain point it is your responsibility to like to like reduce harm and everyone's going to cause harm. But what about when you're causing harm to yourself? Like Britney. Self-harming. Yes. Yeah.

Like Brittany has been very self-harm vibes. Yeah. And we don't even necessarily mean like like talking the real deal graphic. No. Like self-harm can be. many things. It's anything that hurts you. It's anything self-destructive. I just mean that she's been very destructive in her own life. She's, yeah, which she's going to go to heaven. Absolutely. Absolutely. But if Brittany was the way she was being destructive, was she was like killing people,

like on purpose. Right. It would be like, yes, I still understand the context of like what made you do this. And it's not like you just started doing this out of the blue. But at the same time, that harm is bad. And we have to deal with that. Air fryer doesn't have. arms. So she can't kill any. No, that is true. And she's too small for somebody to put their head in. There's no gas leak, really. Okay, I think she's going to end up in having honest. I think probably. Yeah. We'll come back in 50 years. Yeah, we'll think about that. Oh, food processor. This is a good one. Yeah, food processor. What even is that? Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. Chop. Oh, it's like a slap. It's like a thing. You put shit in and it goes and it like makes it really small, finely chopped small. Yeah. Yeah. Makes it really small. It makes it really small. Perfect for people. Do we need that in heaven? Yeah. You know what I'm going to say is,

Oh, food processor. What if there are people? So I'm guessing there are a lot of older people in heaven, right? Because people die of old age sometimes. And they obviously, you are the age you die forever. Forever. And the old people with all your ailments. Probably don't have very good teeth. Right. And they could probably use a food processor. Yeah. They could probably use that to help out with their digestion. I have a, what about slapchop? Oh, which one is the slapchop? The slapchop is, it was like an infomercial one. Oh.

That guy. Oh, it was that guy. Yeah, that fucking guy. I mean, this guy. Did he do something bad or was that just the sham wow guy? What did the sham wow guy do? What did he do? He, I believe.

Oh, it's the same guy. It's the same guy? Well, yeah, because in that time period, there were only two guys. He, yeah, he assaulted a sex worker, which is bad. Oh, fuck. Yeah. So he's going to hell. Yeah.

Okay, so I'm going to think the slapchops probably going to go to hell because it's associated with him. Yeah. And then one more of the Vigetti. What's the Vigetti? Yeah. Vigina confetti. Right? Yeah, that thing.

Is there a guy named Vigetti as well? Yeah, I guess there's a guy named. Because on Google images, it's coming up with the, it's a bunch of zucchini and this one guy. Yeah. Wait, that sucks for this guy. Yeah. It's like so much. So much sliced zucchini.

And then this guy going. Yeah. Damn. What is happening? Yeah, that's awesome. Okay, poor Pablo Vigetti. I'm so sorry, my good sir. Oh, why is he always doing this?

Is he okay? Anyway. Okay, so the chopped... Yeah, the Vigetti's probably going to hell, right? It makes it spiral? It makes it... I mean, I'm loving this person's nails. It makes vegetable into spaghetti.

It makes vegetable into spaghetti. Well, that's hell. Yeah. Vegetable into spaghetti is hell. When I eat spaghetti, I want spaghetti. And the name is awesome. And the jetty is crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, that was that segment music. Cut the music. You want to pick another one? Okay. Oh, this is fun. Haag vibes. Translate modern, translate modern day gripes into what a medieval hag might say.

So a hag is just like a... Yeah. Right? Yeah, like it's like a... Haag? Can we look up the dictionary definition of hag? Yeah, it's a folkloric, old weathered woman. Yeah, an old weathered woman. And does she perform spells or no?

Probably some of them absolutely do. They can be a sorceress, yeah. Or a vicious older woman. Okay, great. So I think the idea is, like, one of us will say something as a person in modern day. Yeah. And then the other person has to say it as a hag the way a hag would. Okay, okay.

So, like, my alarm didn't go off this morning. And I just am like so mad at the fact that my charger was unplugged because like my phone died. I did not wake this morning because I was in a sleeping spell from my apple that did poison me only partly so I was in coma vibes. Yes, exactly. And so I do not have my wherewithal to eat the boys and girls that come near my shed. That's really good. Give me one. Okay. That was so hag vibes.

Was it hag vibes? Yeah, hashtag hag vibes. Okay. Okay, I'm, my situation ship keeps watching my story. But I don't really want to fuck with him anymore. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-choo, I am going to cast a spell on you. You watch me from afar in your crystal ball, and, and, and, and, and, you, you watch me from afar in your crystal ball, and I, well, I, well, I, put my stories on my

crystal ball. I take a picture of my eggs and upload it to my ball. You look at my eggs and you don't like my ball. I love this. And I also am like, I don't know if we know what a hag is. No. I think that's the best thing we're learning from this. Yeah. I think we're like not a thousand percent sure what a hag is actually. I think we might know a little bit what a hag is. I think we don't really know what a hag sounds like or how they talk or anything about them. I'm picturing they thrive on psychological manipulation. Oh, I love corrupting mortals through malicious bargains. Yeah, yeah. They're like, I'm picturing cloak. Yeah. Long gray hair. Yeah. But I have no idea what they say. But it's good to figure this out. It is really good. And I think we can really, really, really dive into it in between

this episode and the next episode and really just lock in next time. We're going to figure out hag vibes. I know we're going to figure it out. You have to figure it out. We're going to figure out Hagvice. Yeah. Okay. Cryptid dating bracket. Similar cryptid dating bracket. Can we get a list of cryptids? I just don't think we've ever done this. We've never fully dove in in. Yeah. To figure out who is the perfect cryptid for each of us. Oh, got it, got it, got it. So we're going to go through all of the cryptids and figure out who would be the perfect one for one of us to date.

Yeah. Each of us to date? Yeah. Okay, great. Okay, the lock. Okay, starting with, and we can both answer for these. right? The Loch Ness monster or the Loveland frog? Okay, so the Loch Ness monster is a monster in Scotland. Yeah, of course. Who, and I love Scotland. So that would be like, I do love Scotland. I would, that's so hard. It's like I was thinking about the Loveland frog because he's hotter. Yeah, he is gorgeous. And the Lovelin frog is just like a humanoid frog approximately looking to be. But he lives in Ohio. Dude. I just saw that. Like, I don't want to live in. No offense. No, I don't want to, if he's going to move out here. Yeah, that's fine. But, like, he's not going to.

His name is Loveland. He lives in Loveland. Yeah, he's kind of a big deal there. Yeah, he's a big deal. Yeah. Oh, my God, but he's so sexy. But he is really hot. Yeah.

So also, if you can't see this, this is a frog who stands on hind legs. Yeah. And love is in his name. Love is in his name. Which is huge. Which is huge. And it's in the air. Yeah.

And he kind of creeps around. I just feel like, this guy could actually like, like, pay attention to me. And I feel like, yeah. Can we go back to that one picture? Look at the size comparison. Yeah, yeah. So he is half of a human body.

Approximately three and a half feet tall. Okay, so he's a short king by human standards, but he's a tall king by frog standards. No, and the thing about it is that, like, I do feel like because the Loch Ness monster is such a celebrity and he's so elusive, it's like, yes, in theory, that would be so fun. but I'm just like in the reality of it, I just don't see it being like, I don't see him having a lot of time and energy to like give to a relationship, which is totally fine, but I just like don't want to subject myself to that. Yeah. I mean, I know, but the biggest thing. I mean, God, look at his bottom half. But also it's like Scotland green card.

And that is huge. Yeah, he, he, he, the, the Scotland of it all is really. Yeah, this feels like materialists. I know. The Scotland of it all really makes me want to go lockness. But I think I have to go with the love that's in my heart, so I'll go with the lovelin. Wait, wait, what? British big cats? There's a alien big cats, ABCs, phantom cats, mystery cats, English lions. Wait, there's a cryptic just called British big cats. In British folklore, there's just big cats. It refers to the subject of reported sightings of big cats. Yeah, well, England brought over all kinds of fucking random animals like for so long. It's like, I'm sure there are just some big cats over there. Are there just, they're just panthers? And Pumas, those are just regular.

That's not a cryptid. But they're mysterious. Okay, it's saying, oh, refers to the subject of reported sightings of non-native wild big cats in the UK. Yeah, and they're like, oh, how this must be how did they get here? And it's like, because some fucking drunk king brought them over as a present for another drunk king. Yeah, that's not a cryptic. No, it's not a cryptid. But how did it get here?

Yeah. Wow, that's awesome. That's really cool. That's like when you see a bunch of like parrots in Pasadena. Yeah. It's like, well, because some fucking idiot let their parrots go loose and they've created a whole genre of new bird here. Genre of new bird. Don't even talk to me this morning.

Genre of new bird. Okay, what about Dover Demon? Approximately four foot tall humanoid creature with glowing eyes. Now, this is also wonderfully a humanoid creature that runs around on all fours. Yeah, so what I like about this one in comparison to our frog one, our frog one stands on two legs. This is a human who stands on four. Yeah. So it's they're flipped.

They're both. They're kind of soulmates. Yeah. I mean, they're subverting expectations in a really fun way. Yeah. The Dover demon is very frog-like, but he is supposed to be humanoid. I do fuck with him. He's pretty hot.

Yeah, I like him. He does have the face of kind of like an alien. Where does he live? Yeah, that's a good question. Oh, Dover, Massachusetts. Wait. He's a shark-skinned creature? Yeah, you know an orange shark-skinned creature?

Okay, so he's... I'm into him. I know that's sociopathic, but I am. Terrestrial human vibes, shark-skinned creature in Massachusetts. I like Massachusetts. I would rather go to Massachusetts than Ohio, and I apologize if you live in Ohio and disagree. I agree because lobster roll. Of course.

Weather fun? Like, ooh, fall. Yeah. I'm a winter girly now. Lobster roll. Okay. So I'm going to go get a lobster roll at the Dover Demon. You agree?

Yes. Okay. Oh, my gosh. The Fresno Nightcrawler! That's awesome! Resembling a pair of white trousers? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Sorry, Doberdemean. I am immediately no matter what dating the Fresno Nightcrawler, which is just a pair of white pants. Nightcrawler is a viral cryptid who is resembling a pair of white trousers? Oh, my God, look. Fuck yeah! Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, that's... Look at this fucking guy.

That is my spouse. Oh! Fuck, yeah. And there's two of them perfect for us. That's insane. Double dates all the time. What the fuck is this? What the fuck is that? This is why I wanted to do this.

It's like there are so many cryptids that you're like, I swear I never. In Fresno. Fresno, California. This also, this, I love that in this artistic rendering of the Fresno Nightcrawlers, plural, I guess, there is like a sign warning you of the Fresno Nightcrawler. It's been like warning the Fresno Nightcrawler. might be around here. Yeah.

So chill out. Yeah, so I'll be dating him for sure. Sorry. It's literally just the bottom half of white pants. Wow. It's just white pants. He has long white legs immediately topped by a rounded head. He doesn't even have really a head.

No, not really. In any of these renderings, he's kind of just pants. Yeah, but he's really cute when he's cute. Wait, he's a Bilderbear. Buildabere makes a Fresno Nightcrawler plush. Fuck yeah. What? Yeah.

Fuck yeah. Oh yeah. You can now get the Fresno Nightcrawler from Buildabair. Fuck yes. Is that recent? Because I will be doing that. Fuck yes. I will be doing that.

No fucking wait. We have to do that. I have to go to Big Bear and get a Fresno nightcrawler. Is it Big Bear? Oh, Build a Bear you mean. Sorry. We have to go to Patrick's play. Builder.

Okay. We need to find. And is it only? in the Fresno build a bear? Oh, maybe. If you live in Fresno, go to your local build a bear and tell me if they have a night crawler, a Fresno night crawler build a bear, and can you make it? And we will pay you for it. And we'll pay you for it. Put some fuck-ass sound in it. This is awesome. That's awesome. It dates back to 2000. That is not long ago. When security footage captured the alleged creature striding across a man's front yard in Fresno, that's awesome. That was probably

just an issue with the security cam. That's so awesome. Oh, I love this. I love this guy. Yeah, it was that. Yeah, that's just, I think, a guy. I love this so much. I love it so much.

I love the Fresno Nightcrawler. Okay, so we're going to probably stick with him. I mean, we can always go back to this segment, but I think for now we're going to date the Fresno Nightcrawler. Yeah. Excellent. Music. Cut the music.

Would you like to pick? Yeah, let's see. A little guy. Ooh, jail roommates. Yes. Let's match famous prisoners with their perfect prison roommate. Okay, Gorge. Yeah.

Also, I think on the top of that, I was just trying to think of something with jail, and I crossed it out, but I had written jail or Kumail. Like Kumail Nanjani or jail? And then you were like, what would the questions be? And I have no idea. And I was like, that just rhymes and there's nothing there. Yeah. And it's like one of them is a guy, one of them is a place.

A place. Yep. So it's nothing. And so, okay, let's go through people who are in prison or fictional characters who are in prison or anybody, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a Scooby-Doo villain. Like a Scooby-Doo villain who went to prison. The mayor.

Yeah. Like, the mayor. Like, his whole thing is like he would have gotten away with it if it was a good meddling kids. Hannibal Lecter is in prison. Ooh. Flim-flam? I'm sorry. Flim-flam from Scooby-Doo?

Sorry. Wait, can you look up Flim Flam from Scooby-Doo? Can you... Flim-Flam? This is huge. Because we know of the Flim-Flam brothers from the My Little Pony universe, but there's a guy named Flim Flam? No way.

He's cute? That guy is Flim Flam? Flam briefly, he was a clever street child who briefly joined Scooby-Doo's gang to assist them in returning all the most terrifyingly powerful ghosts and demons back into the chest of demons. Okay. I had no idea about Flim Flam. Wait. Flim Flam recently was in the mystery game.

Wait. When they failed to capture the 13th Ghost, they parted ways leaving Flim Flam by himself in the Himalayas, trying to profit with the merchandise based off the chest of demons during this time he finally reached puberty? I'm sorry. This isn't real. No, this isn't real. Wait, when did he go to jail?

Yeah, we looked up who in the Scooby-Doo universe is in prison and they were like, well, Flimflam, of course. And then they're like, well, actually, he was left in the Camelais. He was sent to jail after caught pulling a major con job. What? This feels like we're being gasped. I know. I literally, sometimes I feel like I'm being pranked. I always feel like. And I'm like, who's doing it? Who's pranking me? Okay, so Flim Flam, I guess can be with Jen Shaw from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. Oh my God. Wait, that would be crazy. Just because I have no idea what's going on there. And so maybe they can be together. Who are some, like, pretty iconic people who have been in... Justin Timberlake.

Yes. Justin Timberlake. I know he's probably back by now. He was only there for, like, a day, right? But, like, if, if. But who should he have roomed with while he was there, Elizabeth Holmes? Oh, my God. What would they talk about?

I don't know. Just like being... The tour. Just the tour. Just the tour. Probably. Yeah, Justin Timberlake could probably be... I think Justin Timberlake could also share a cell with a Scooby-Doo villain.

I was going to say, Justin Timberlake should 100% room with flim flam. Yeah. Because I think they'd actually have so much fun. Like, look at flim flam. Yeah. Right. And flimflam was sent to jail for a con, right?

So that's not, that's bad, but it's not. It's not horrible. It's like, I feel like neither of them. It could be way worse. Yeah. And I mean, like, DWI, also very bad. But like, they're both just like bros who just like didn't do the right thing. Mm-hmm.

And I feel like they'd get along. Yeah. Flim Flam and J.T. Yeah. They could make an album. And I'm sure Flim Flam has some sort of musical talent. Oh, 100%. His name is fucking Flim Flam.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tiger Woods went to jail. Yep. Oh, yeah. Lindsay Lohan went to jail. Lindsay Lohan. Now, this one is mixing time period.

Yeah, absolutely. That's what this game's all about. But what about Lindsay Lohan with Al Capone? Do you feel like they would like have like a father-daughter thing? I don't know. Or do you think it would get. romantic. No, I just kind of think they could. I could really see it being a father-daughter. Yeah, I kind of-of-phrase. No, no, I do kind of think we could get like a really interesting father-daughter.

I could see him being protective. Yeah. Of her. Yeah. I could also see her with Jen Shaw. Totally could see her with Jen Shaw. Like jail era Lindsay Lohan and Jen Shaw could really do something special in this world. They really could do something special in prison. And I know that Lindsay is chilling now. Yeah. Well, if she if she ever decided No, all of these people are pretty much out of prisoner dead now. But the point is roommates. The point is roommates. And the point is roommates pretty much across the board. Oh, yeah, there was like the really hot felon.

Yeah, that guy was, that was crazy. Didn't he like get shit from this? Like, he, grand theft charges. He got like brand deals. Yeah, whatever, man. Because he was so handsome in his mugshot. Oh, he was arrested during a California gang sweep. Oh, yeah.

Like, how about go, fuck your. And he got a modeling contract. Yeah, he should. And now is a fashion model. Because look at that mugshot. Good. Who should we set him up with? Roommate-wise?

Yeah. Like, I don't know. Is anyone good enough? Well, honestly, Kianu Reeves went to prison? 93. Oh, D-U-I. Yo. And Bowie?

Yeah. Okay, let's put Keanu Reeves with the hot felon because I kind of think they would be handsome together. They could, they could, that could be like their thing they do. They're just like kind of handsome together. Yeah, like they just, sometimes they're just like. They like walk around being handsome together. Yeah.

Yeah, that's something. That's like a good thing to base a friendship off. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, they'll be handsome together. That's a great segment. Thank you so much. You want to do one more? Yeah.

What's their kink Greek god edition? Oh, fuck yeah. Okay, so this kind of goes into the mythology stuff. I like how in sync kind of all of these were. Yeah. We were like, we don't have any, we don't have any time. And we were just like, all right. Aphrodite is completely vanilla.

I hate to say it. Okay. And because she's the goddess of like love and beauty. Yeah, I think she's a very make love not fuck girly. And there's no, there's nothing wrong with that. I just, I just, I know she's like sex positive, but I just don't think she has freaky sex. I think she's cool with people having freaky sex. I think she's super sex positive.

But like I think maybe her kink is just eye contact. That makes sense too. her kink is also like I bet she's like turned on by affairs. Like she's probably turned on by like, because she's had affairs with mortals and stuff. Oh, so her kink is cheating. Like her kink is like maybe she's a little Polly. She's probably Polly.

They're all Polly. They're all Polly. But what's her kink? Polly isn't a kink. No, it's a lifestyle, I think. Right. I don't know. Don't come for me.

I'm pretty sure Polly wouldn't be counted as a kink. So these are all grouped. So we start with, these are BDSM. kinks and then if you go down then I'm sure there'll be something else. Oh. Okay. Sensory play. I feel like she's more sensory play. I don't think she's mentally fucked up about her sex. I really don't.

Okay. She's like, she's like, oh, I like to use a feather. A feather, yeah. Sure. Okay. Let's see who's the next god or goddess. Let's do, um, oh, Dionysus is a fun one. Yeah. Dionysus is a freak for sure. is the god of drunkenness and revelry drunk drunkenness and also like isn't he kind of the theater god as well I think yeah he's the theater god so he's really into performance absolutely which makes me think role play yeah absolutely um and oh yeah the god of wine intoxication and ecstasy yeah awesome he's probably also doing a lot of drugs drugs drugs at the orgy for sure poppers yeah at the orgy he's in a k-hole he's in a k-hole Dionyses is in a K-hole

Right now. Right now. At the orgy. Yeah. Okay. And he, oh, the in, they depict, he's depicted as either a bearded, clothed adult or a beardless of feminine youth. And you know what? Sometimes, sometimes you have a day where you're one.

You have a day where you're together. He's verse. He's a verse in that way. And that's great. Okay. What about the god of fire and metalworking? Hefeus. Hephaestus?

Hephaestus? The son of Hera, Hephaestus. The god of fire and metalworking. He has crippled feet and is an outcast, so that's not great. Oh, okay, well. Dude. What? Hera, though.

Oh, he was hurled from Olympus as an infant. Oh, oh, he has, okay. So he was, let's think about this psychologically. Yeah. He was hurled from Olympus as an infant. Yeah, he's an outcast. So he was, he faced a lot of. of issues as a child.

Abandonment. That might surface resurface. How could it not? In his like king. How could it not? And I wonder if his wife is either the unfaithful Aphrodite. Yep. That's just.

Like maybe he wants to be like a cuck. Yeah. He wants to be. I could see that. I was thinking a sub of some sort. Yeah. He wants to be like. Yeah.

You know. Yeah. He likes to watch. Yeah. Like I think that's. a way he can work through his trauma in a... I hope it's working. I think he doesn't deserve any of that trauma.

No, no one deserves to be hurled from Mount Olympus. Oh, Poseidon, the god of the sea and earthquakes and horses. Waterboarding play with horses, probably. Yeah. You know, oh my God, do you remember that like brief moment in porn where everyone was like, what if I wore a pig nose? You know what I hate? I'm so sorry I just did that to you.

I'm so sorry I just did that to you. I should have just said absolutely. You know what I hate. I should have just said yes. Yes, I totally do know that. When you reveal more about yourself than you want to. I really. And this was kind of one of those, right?

And I do remember you telling me about that. But I don't know if. You remember me telling. This is something I've brought up before. Like years ago. And I think I remember the description of the video you were talking about. What was it? It was like a girl who was.

a pig and she was like at the farm and they were like got to fuck the pig I literally thought and she had a fake pig nose on you yeah but I never saw I thought there was a moment in porn history there might have been there's so much porn everyone's on a different algorithm on my algorithm at some point there was a lot of pig noses at play and I was kind of like what's going on here this I'm not against it I'm just kind of like well it's such a great moment moment when you say something about like, oh, yeah, like when this might just be for the Patreon or cut, but when we were in, we went to Edinburgh. We went to end. This is all.

Okay. So we're about to tell an awful story. If you want to hear it, go to the Patreon. Emma cut this. Beep. Oh, and now we're back from the Patreon. If you want to see something absolutely disturbing, go over there. No, but yeah, like, it's like, even just on Instagram, I'll be like, oh, you know that thing where like everyone's talking about, like everyone's fucking obsessed with peptides.

And you're like, I'm not getting the peptides algorithm. No, I'll be like, I'm getting the peptide. You know the guy in the neck brace who sits in the pool and his wife feeds him? And it goes like, you would never guess what this spaghetti is made out of. He loves her. And he loves her. But I didn't know who that was until you should be. That is all over my algorithm.

Yeah, I got to get more shit like that on my algorithm. It's this older man who sits in the pool. He has a neck brace. We should have him on. I love him so much. He can only be in a pool, though. He doesn't exist outside of a pool. We've done an episode in a pool.

We have? With Tony Cavalero, remember? Oh, in a, yes. Yeah, it's, is it that guy? No, it's not that guy. Different guy. It's a different guy. It's a different guy. And he sits in the pool and his wife just feeds him different healthy alternatives to his favorite food. And he loves them. And he loves her. And he loves them. What I like about so many of these segments is I feel like we could even jump back into them another time. I think we could find out more cryptids today. I think we could find out more kinks that the Greek gods have. I think that's awesome. Yeah, I think that we've created a lot of segments under pressure that we can bring back. If we needed to.

If we need to. Sometimes it's good to have an emergency. Yeah. You guys, if you want to see more episodes, uncut, extended, more cool shit movie nights, go to our Patreon. And thank you for hanging out with us. And we will see you next Tuesday. Bye!