Syd & Olivia Talk Sh*t - WE'RE BABIES

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

On this wittle episode of this wittle baby podcast, Syd and Olivia pull their inner children out of their cold, empty chests and share a list of the top 50 best things about childhood. Plus, there's a new BOMBSHELL in the fantasy bracket love island villa!! Check out our PATREON to get BONUS content from ya girls: patreon.com/syd_and_olivia Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How's your life? How's the shit? How's all the shit you're shooting? Welcome back to Sid and Olivia to talk shit. I'm the Sid one. I'm the Olivia one. And today we're just going to be honestly, we never talk shit. We just... I know. We don't talk shit. We're not... We should talk more shit. Should we? No. No. There's enough toxicity in the world. It feels bad. It always feels bad. Anytime you feel like you're roped into some sort of shit talking session, it always feels bad. Do you want to do like a mini shit talking session to see how it feels? Sure.

About what? About James Kennedy. Oh, guys. See? Because that's an easy one. We can see how it feels. That's how reality TV works, right? It's like it gets that part out of your system.

If you're like, you know, everyone has impulses to do bad things and we go like, don't do that. You have the impulse to gossip. Just watch reality TV. And then you can gossip about these. People who have consented to the gossip. gossiped about people who profit off of being gossiped about it's way nicer it's nicer because you're actually helping them kind of you're not you're not a like shit talking your friend who's who's just be direct yeah no but a quick thing about james kennedy yeah from vanderpump rules um the day we are

recording this is today and yeah today on december 12th today uh james kennedy was um arrested for domestic violence which is kind of nuts which is crazy it's not crazy in that i believe believe that he is doing that. It's not crazy at all because we saw this coming for sure. And definitely all of his previous partners will probably come out and be like, yeah. Yeah, and they've kind of hinted at it before, but there's like a weird. I mean, he's just, if you look at the past seasons of Vanderpump rules, he just watch the guy. He just says a lot of things that are not good about women.

He is very bad at controlling his emotions. Yeah. I think he has big, he's a big tantrum boy. Yeah, he has a lot of emotions. He's talking. He's a big tantrum boy. Yeah. And I feel like the problem is when you're three and you throw a tantrum and you hit someone, you know, you don't know any better.

Right. You have to be told like we don't do that. But when you're like an adult man. When you're a homeowner, this man is a homeowner. You can't do that, my guy. Yeah. You can't have a tantrum and hit someone. That's domestic abuse.

Yeah. And he says some really bad stuff about the ladies on the show. And it's kind of like, man, this doesn't sound good, my friend. No. So I feel no. guilt shit-talking James Kennedy. He just says some things that are not so great. And then he'll say something about like Tom Sandval

being a worm with a mustache and all of us go like, ha-ha, okay. Yeah, and then everyone who watches the show pretends that he's not bad to women. But he's kind of a bad dude. Anyway, so I guess that's our shit-talking for the episode. Yeah, that's our shit-talking. And also, if you're any of those girls who's dated James Kennedy or anyone else who has

adult tantrums that end up being bad, get out of that. I'm so sorry. Sorry about that, my friend. Yeah, give me a call. Because you got to have someone to talk to me. Give me a call. My number's 9-1-1. Just call us.

Our number is 9-1-1. Just give me a call. I'll come help you. Oh, boy. Okay, well, how was that? Did that feel okay? No, I didn't feel bad about that. I didn't like it.

No, I didn't like that. Is that weird? No, I know. And that is the title of our podcast. I know. I don't like it. I don't like talking shit. I like just talking about garbage.

The reality is we're shooting the shit. Yeah, we're shooting the shit. We're just talking. We're just talking. But you can't really have shit. in the title because... Sid and Olivia shoot the shit is like so 70s. It's...

It's not 70s. It's... It's bad. It's A, it's long. B, it sounds like a gun podcast. It does and it sounds like an old man came up with it. And we can't do that. No.

Okay, really quickly, what song or song lyric did you wake up to stuck in your head from Wicked? Oh, actually, I do have one. Tell me. It's, I think it's a part of dancing through life. Okay. It's the part where Nessa Rose goes, we deserve each other, me and Bach, because I saw this TikTok of these girls doing that part, but they had this microphone or when they'd put it to their mouth, they would make them sound like a demon.

So they'd go like, we deserve each other, me and Bach. And I had that stuck in my head when I woke up. Yeah. That was what I had stuck in my head. Yeah, I totally get it. Okay, so similarly, mine's also from dancing through life, but it's also not the main. chorus of dancing through life. It's when

Glinda goes, see that tragically beautiful girl, the one in the chair. You woke up hearing that. Yeah. And I do most mornings. That's so weird. I know. Most mornings I wake up

and the first thought I have is see that tragically beautiful girl, the one in the chair. Do you think that says anything? Of all the lyrics in a very, very catchy musical. Right.

That you could have stuck in your head. That's such a weird one and not necessarily an earworm. No. So what do you think it is? Something about that. I don't know. I don't know. It's just there's something about it that gets really stuck in my head.

Maybe it's that I am like, I can't believe you would say that, Glenda. So like every morning I wake up going, girl, don't say that. That's crazy. That's a crazy thing today. I don't know. But every morning I wake up. like, who see the tragically beautiful girl? The one in a chair.

Yeah, they always call her tragically beautiful. And then Alphabet is beautifully tragic. Yeah. God, you guys, this has become such a wicked podcast, and I'm so sorry about it, but I just... Would you rather be tragically beautiful or beautifully tragic? God, that's a great question. Would you rather be... Beautifully tragic or tragically beautiful?

Most people would rather be tragically beautiful than beautifully tragic. I don't think anyone would wish tragedy on themselves. I think some people might. Some people go like, oh, yeah. And something really bad happened to me. Everyone would pay attention to me. But that's not normal. No, it's not normal.

It's ill, for sure. But I could also say that probably everyone would rather be Elfa than Nessa Rose. So that's what's hard. Yeah, because then at least you have power. But anyway, we won't make this a whole wicked podcast. Yeah, we're going to do that. Sorry about that. So today, should we start off with a Love Island update and then get into the episode?

Because, you know. Yeah, we might as well, right? You guys have been voting. Yeah, you guys have been voting. So this is Sidney Olivia's Love Island Fantasy Bracket music. Hot the music. I came out for love. If you ever don't do that when we did the Love Island, I will like lose my shit.

I was so upset. Well, I can't let you down. So previously on Love Island, Glenn Close was done. from the villa. And I'd also like to just really point out something really quick that a lot of people have been commenting about Glenn Close, referring to Glenn Close as Glenn Clothes. Yep. Glenn Clothes is absolutely like a name of a store somewhere.

Glenn Clothes. Glenn Clothes needs to be a secondhand shop for like, for like Broadway costumes. 100%. Wait. Write this down. Right this down. Right this down. Someone write this down.

Someone write this down. We don't have any pens. We don't have any pens. We have no way of recording. We have no way of recording this. No, somebody write this down. Glenn Clothes is a new second-hand store in New York, and it's for used Broadway costumes. Somebody do it, okay?

That idea is yours. You have it. That's beautiful. Anyway. So Glenn Clothes has just been dumped from the villa. It's so sad. Everyone is sobbing. They're crying.

All the Islanders are crying. They're like, Tomb Giss is like, I really liked Glenn Clothes. even though she had no idea where she was. She was like, I don't know what I'm going to do without Glenn Close. And they're like, oh, mate, you never even talked to her. You just don't know her that while. Yeah. Everyone is just like so upset.

Glenn Close packs her bags and she leaves. Then as everyone's still crying, as they do often on the show, sexy's legs strut into the villa. Sexy music starts playing. We see a close-up on beautiful hot legs. there's a new bombshell entering the villa. Everyone turns, and you know what, this always happens in Love Island at least once per season. Everyone is so upset and they turn and they see the new bombshell and they're like,

we don't want a new bombshell right now. No. We're so devastated. This feels so wrong. We just lost a friend. The camera pans up. The new bombshell is, as voted on by you guys, Glenn Close. She's walking down the catwalk.

strutting in as the new bombshell. Everyone is like, we don't want to meet this new bombshell Glenn Close. We just lost our islander Glenn Close. Everyone is like, what the fuck? We have another Glenn Close in the villa. Everyone is so upset. Glenn Close struts down the catwalks, just as confused as ever. Going, where am I?

Where am I? Studding, strutting, walking, walking. She walks past all of the islanders. They all like, they're all like, wasn't she going to introduce herself? What is she doing? this new bombshell. She struts, struts, struts right into the ocean. Going, where am I? What is this? What is this? What is this? She walks into the ocean never to be seen again. Wow. Glenn Close has exited the villa once again. Once again. Wow. This is crazy premium TV. I mean, she made a splash. She really did. So then the producers all scrambled to water. Water. She walked into water.

Tragically beautiful girl. in the chair. Okay, the producers are all huddled being like, oh shit, what do we do? And we all know that I'm sure they have like some hotel room of like so many bombshells, right? Like the bomb, they're staying in a bombshell motel nearby.

We also should have cutaways at some point in the future to the bombshell motel. So then we see, okay, the producers are scrambling. They go, we have another bombshell and drink the villa. Guys, don't worry. So everyone places. Everyone's back in places. And then on the screen. A new bombshell

We see sexy legs walking We cut to an intro video We see this bombshell In a shadow We don't see their total We don't see their face or body But we see a silhouette We hear

And on the screen We see subtitles So this is how they talk And then this character is subtitle This character is subtitle This subtitles read On the outside, I'm always tearing up the clubs with my brothers. When I walk into a room, people can't catch their breath.

They practically turn purple. I don't want to be in any love triangles in the villa. The only triangle I want to see is the one on my head. These islanders are going to fall in love with me once they get a whiff of my tubby custard. And we reveal the bombshell is camera pans up. Tinky Winky. Voted on by you guys. Oh.

Who's that? Is it? That's what it said on your phone. That's still recording. Great. Sorry, I was getting a call from my friend, Corey. We love Corey. Okay.

Tinky Winky, as voted on by you guys and as illustrated by you guys. Yeah, we got a suggestion for this one from at It's Me Jake J who tagged us in this incredible photo on Instagram that we will put in. And just as a disclaimer, this Tinky Wings. is, of course, cunty tinky winky winky. But we're not going to be saying cunty tinky winky as much as tinky winky just because we're trying to keep ourselves monetized. We might have already lost it. Well, I said it in the last episode.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I said, I said cunt in the last episode. Perfect. Okay. Okay. So this is, I mean, it is cunty tinky winky. We're just not going to say it every single time because, I don't know.

What if your AirPods come disconnected and you're around a bunch of babies? around a bunch of babies. Who are like, please teach me a word. Please teach me any word. And then the first voice they hear is cunt. And then they keep saying it. And they're like, Mommy, what is cunt? I mean, this video, this episode is so demonetized.

So hard. This episode is so demonetized. It might not be. I mean, the good news is we only make truly $20 off of each episode. That's so fair. I can't. Okay. So basically, um, Tinky Winky Winky has entered the villa.

Tinky Winky is our new bombshell. Make sure that you comment. or send us DMs or anything, who should Tinky Winky couple up with and why? Yep. Why do you think Tinky Winky needs to couple up with any people in the villa? We have, who's in the villa right now? We've got.

Chat GTPT. Chat GpT. RFK Jr.'s brainworm. Scrappy dew. The burning pile of furniture outside my apartment. And Tombgis. And Tombgis and the rainbow fish. And the rainbow fish.

Yeah. Okay. So those are the options of coupling up. So let us know what you think. Any artwork of any of the islanders. Villa Islanders. Yeah, we will put up. So loved by us.

We love them. It's awesome. So keep sending that. That was like so fun. That was beautiful. Okay. So now let's get into... Your birthday?

Okay, so there are two types of people. The type of person who loves their birthday and the type of person who hates their birthday. We are each one of those types of people. You'll never guess who's who. I don't like my birthday. It always feels strange. There's just like a weird feeling in the air on my birthday.

Horniness? No, it's not hornyness. Is it hornyness in your pants? No, it's not horniness in my pants. Is it your bonner getting large? You know, it's not my bonner getting large. Although, I'll take one of those. Check please, showing.

Check please. I'll take a large bonner for my pants. Check please, showing. Yeah, no, I just feel. a weirdness around my birthday, but the reason we talk about this is because my birthday is coming up next month. It's January 14th. If you have the same birthday as me, let me know. And let us know if you hate it or love it, because there is no individual. And I'm turning 30. Whoa, I didn't even know you were going to fucking drop that mic like that and reveal your age.

I am, I am turning 30. It's the big three zero. Wow. And we've decided for my birthday, we're going to revert back to our child selves, much like how Ariana Maddox did in Vanderpump Rules when she turns 30. She has like a children's birthday party. I'm sorry to do this, but we did see Ariana Madics at Wicked. Oh my God! I totally forgot to bring that up. We saw Ariana Madics.

And Dana. At Wicked. And it was crazy. Yeah, she was in our theater. She was in our theater the second time we saw Wicked. I can't even talk. I'm so happy about it. We were in the row behind her.

And we weren't going to say anything because obviously she's there to enjoy the film. And because she was wearing a hoodie. And if it said, if you love me, keep it to yourself. I'm like, I do. Which is like, absolutely heard. I absolutely do love you. I absolutely am giving it to myself. So we did keep it to ourselves.

But now we're just going to tell you. Now we're telling you guys. Like, wow, what an experience. I just kept looking over to be like, does she like it? Did she have fun? Yeah. And like, anyway, that was really exciting. But anyway, like Ariana Maddox's 30th birthday.

Yeah, we're going to do like a childhood birthday party. Yeah. Our plan is to just do everything that you would want to do as a kid, totally revert back into your childhood self. I'm loving inner child shit this year. Yeah. This year is such a good, and I guess next year, it's such a good inner child moment. Yeah.

It's your inner child era. It's like literally my inner child era. Yeah. I feel like it's your like inner child era. Yeah, I think like, yeah. And those two things are different. I think like, yeah, we, we wanted to think about what are the best things from childhood to kind of start prepping ourselves for this birthday?

Because we got to get prepped early. And we listed, we came up with 50 things, a list of 50 best things from childhood. Yeah. And you can agree or disagree. It doesn't matter. Yeah, and you can disagree with the ranking. And you know what? We might hit something in the list and go like,

Well, wait, that's play strong. Yeah. And you know what? Who cares? We're little kids. We couldn't do any better. Yeah, well, just baby. Would you be baby?

We couldn't do any better. So slip on your dippy and let's get ready. Slip on your dippy, slip off your dippy and slip on a second. Dipey. After you shid yourself. And here is the list of 50 best things from your childhood. Q music. Hot the music.

Oh, I shitted. I shitted. I shitted. Oh, I shitted. She did. Okay. Best thing number one, shitted myself.

No, I actually would not like to do that. I would not like to do that. We're going to go backwards from 50 because that's how you do a list on a BuzzFeed listicle. Yep. So number 50. Yep. Footy pajamas. I love that.

We love footy pajamas. Obviously there's footy pajamas for adults, but I will say footy pajamas never feel as comfortable when you're an adult than they do when you're a kid because I don't know. Like they always just feel like. like when you wear them as an adult you can't sleep in them it's hard there's something about wearing footy pajamas as an adult that reminds me of being maybe a character in a Colleen Hoover novel and I think what I mean by that is um there's a moment in a Colleen Hoover novel where they all are like we're wearing snugies or something stupid like that I think they're like we're wearing onesies to a onesie party

yeah and I read it and my whole body was like ugh and my skin fell off and so now I was like I don't think I want to do that. It's hard. It's hard. Fitty pajamas are giving Disney adult in a certain way where it has to be really specific. And then again, like, you could always just not judge yourself, but I don't know what that's like. Yeah, actually, well, that, I mean, that is also a part I miss about childhood is not judging yourself. Yeah. Fitty pajamas, parentheses, not judging myself. So harshly all the time.

Yeah. Because I would just be like, fuck yeah, everything I'm doing is great. I mean, not to be genuine on this show. Every time I start getting a little bit genuine. Not to be genuine. Not to be genuine. Every time I start being a little bit genuine on this podcast, I always feel bad because I'm like, nobody cares.

Nobody wants that. But I want that. Well, great. I genuinely do miss not having any insecurities. Because you remember the parts of your childhood where each insecurity came out. And you remember like those little moments. And especially like, you know, as individuals like ourselves who are like, like super anxious, just always having the thing in your head being like, this isn't good,

this isn't good. Yeah. I miss not having that at all. Oh, it was so awesome. It was so awesome. Like before like fourth grade, oh, yeah. I had no insecurities. It was awesome.

I was just like, fuck yeah. I'm awesome. Everything's awesome. Everything I do is sick. I love everyone. I mean, you know, I was just like, fuck yeah. Yeah. I, yeah, I definitely, yeah.

Before fourth grade. Before fourth grade. I remember specifically a moment in Hebrew school of, of a kid being like, ew, your legs are so gross because I had like leg hair because I didn't like shave yet. You're a little girl. And I immediately became so aware of it and was like, oh, I need to be hairless. I need to be like a woman.

And I was like a child. And that sucks. Yeah. Anyway. Well, yep. So definitely that was great. I think I don't think that's number 50. I think that's number one.

Yeah. But, uh, cool. Let's move on to number 49. Putting black olives on your fingers. Yeah. a little bit different. Um, you love that shit.

I love that shit. If you didn't love that shit, do it now because it's really good. Putting black olives on your fingers is fucking awesome. Yeah. Those holes aren't meant for your fingers. Um, so is another hole I can think of.

He-hee. Okay, number 48. Number 48, Amelia Bedelia. Yeah. Amelia Bedelia was such a fucking queen. Yeah, love that.

Um, if you don't know the stories of Amelia Bedelia, it was just always that she, like someone would say, can you draw the curtain? and then she would, instead of like drawing the curtains, she would just draw a picture of the curtains or something like that or draw on the curtains or something like that.

She was like the original version of comedy that is like a miscommunication comedy in my mind. I know she wasn't, but for me, she was. Because I was a child and I was like, oh, she has good intentions, but she did the thing wrong, how funny. Okay. Number 47. Bubbles being a form of entertainment. It's soap, but it's fun. Right. Number 46. Oh, playing a made-up role in the school play, like being Snowflake number two,

or Lion 1, tree number 7. That's really good. Always fun. I love that. 45. Getting light-up shoes. Light-up shoes are awesome because they light up when you stomp. I would also say if we haven't put it in this list, Healy's would go side-by-side with light-up shoes. I agree. Any sort of way to make your regular daily walking or stomping more fun is awesome. Yeah, absolutely. I think we should start doing that again. I agree.

I think adult Helies could really easily come back. Adult Helies could sweep the nation. Adult light up shoes could sweep the nation. Yeah, yeah. It would try to make adult light up shoes cool, and Helies would be used in, like, funny situations. Yeah, like ironically. Because, yeah, Heelies could come back ironically and sweep.

Imagine if the guy who killed the United Health CEO got away on Healy's. Oh my God. Healy's stock would go away. through the roof. Healy's stock would go through the roof A and B, God, that guy would just be even more of an icon. Even more of an icon. Listen, it's a layered issue. It's layers. It's layers. It's number 44. Getting buried in sand. I love it with your head out so that you're, because you could always get buried in sand as an adult, but it would be an emergency or a tragedy. You know what I mean? Oh, I hate an emergency or a tragedy. It would be like a tragic accident. Yeah, wouldn't be doing it

on purpose. No, when you're like at the beach with your friends and you're like, can you parent me? Can you make me a mermaid? Can you just my head come out? It's so fun. It's such a good feeling. Oh, it's the best. It's so warm on your little body. It's so good to be constricted. So we love that feeling from childhood when you feel constricted and it's warm on your little body. It's so good to be like, I can't move even if I try. Okay, yeah, and this gets into like where your kinks form. If you liked being buried in sand as a child, do you now, now like being tied up okay oh my god imagine doing that as a kink fell imagine being buried in sand bury me in sand make me a mermaid make me a mermaid bury me in sand and then fuck me yeah yeah

i mean listen listen that's just whatever you know there's port of it somewhere there's there's got to be 43 spin art oh i love spin art spin art spin art is my favorite way to make nothing yes yes yes yes it's such a great of it's such a fun, good way to make absolutely nothing that will ever, like you make the same thing every time. It's always going to look like, yeah, that's spin art. Imagine if Jackson Pollock had spin art. You know Jackson Pollock. The painter who makes crazy shit like this.

Oh, wow. Yes. If Jackson Pollock had spin art, we would have some even way cooler shit. Even quasi-sure shit. Even some quasile shit. Imagine if he made a spin art and then painted that over it. That would be so crazy. Okay.

Number 42, drawing hand turkeys. Now, this one is definitely holiday-specific, but... Yeah. But it was consistent. It was so consistent. If you don't know what we're talking about, I'm shocked. I'm truly shocked. It's when you put your hand on the thing, you trace a turkey, you make...

You draw a hand turkey. I don't need to explain it. No, I don't need to explain myself to you people. I don't need to explain my hand turkey to you. Hand turkeys are awesome because it's so many things that I like. It's a turkey. It's a hand. Like it all.

Okay, number 41, holidays felt like. Oh, holidays felt like drugs. And the only thing that feels like drugs now is drugs. Drugs. But holidays felt like drugs. Like I would get like such a ridiculous euphoria every time there was, and it was like my whole, I would have like a semantic response to holidays.

Hanukkah slash Christmas is cocaine. I know. It was, yeah. Cocaine for a child. And even if you don't even get good shit. It's just the lead up is like, holy fuck. Yeah, you're just like fucking like, yeah, it's my favorite. it's the best. I love that feeling. Number 40, little beaded hair wraps. Do you know what I'm talking about?

No. Like when you're a little kid, maybe this is only when you're a little kid in the early 2000s and late 90s. Oh, when you like put the little beads on your hair? Yeah, the like when you had like one little strand of hair, it was wrapped in like string and then you had the little beads and stuff. That was always so fun and made you feel like Lizzie McGuire. Yeah, fair. Just a good time. That's very fun. A good time to be had. They had those little machines where you, you, feed in your hair and it looks like a gun. Yeah, and you put a gun to your head. You put a gun to your head as a child. And you can practice putting a gun to your head.

Okay, when you're a child, you practice putting a gun to your head when you put a little machine gun to your head to make the little wraps. And that's how you find out your kinks. And then you also practice taking shots when you take a shot of Robitessen as a child. Oh, yeah.

Like cold medicine as a child, you're like taking shots. You're ripping shots. Yeah, because you're like, okay, let's get a bad. And then you do a chaser. You'll eat like a chocolate or something to get rid of that taste. Yeah. You're learning a lot of adult things as a child. Okay.

Okay. Number 39, when I say things, does just shit spew out of my mouth? Yes, don't answer that. Number 39. Mall hermit crabs. I loved mall hermit crabs. I had so many. Now, here's the thing.

These kiosks that sold mall hermit crabs, maybe they're not ethical. No, they're probably not ethical. And, you know, it's probably good that they're not a thing, at least where I am. They're not a thing anymore that I have seen. But when you were a little kid, you didn't. know they were unethical. You didn't know. And the joy of that when you didn't realize it was unethical. And you saw a hermit crab in the mall with a shell painted like a baseball. You were like, holy fucking shit. And it's similar to zoos of like when you're a kid and you don't realize how

layered it is. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. In college, I got Olivia Hermit Crabbs as a birthday gift. Yeah. And one escaped and lived for months. Yeah, underneath a bed. Yeah. It was crazy. We found it months later. I was like, what the fuck? And it was living off of something under that. He was eating. It was living off of something under that bed. 38. Face paint. I love face paint. Dude.

Face paint's fun. Face paint is pre-gaming for makeup. It's pre-gaming for makeup, A. B, it make you feel like pretty princess or evil dragon or something fun. Isn't it crazy that like we put on the coolest makeup when we're kids and then we are like, okay, let's make it less cool and just put like a little bit of stuff. Like the face of makeup I put on as an adult is so much less cool than if I'd like, painted a dragon on my face. You're so right. You know what? Let's bring that back. Yeah.

Let's bring back face paint as adults. Yeah, the only, yeah, yeah. Just like go to Target wearing a dragon on your face. That would be so much cooler. You would be the dragon of that target. Um, okay, number 37. 37. Playing mermaids in the pool. Playing mermaids in the pool. We love playing mermaids in the pool. My adult friends still play mermaids in the pool sometimes. I still play mermaids in the pool. I love playing mermaids in the pool. Mermaids was so fun. When I was growing up, our pool always had wasps over it. Oh, perfect.

So part of the game was escaping the wasps. That's my favorite mermaid activity. And that was just a delight. What I like about playing mermaids in the pool is everyone has their own mermaid job. Like, oh, I'm the mermaid banker. Like, I'm the mermaid, you know, repo guy. Or like, I'm the mermaid sex offender. I'm the mermaid sex offender.

And you have to let the town know. You have to swim from rock to rock, from reef to reef, letting everybody. Hey, guys, I'm moving to this. I'm moving into this cove. Yeah. I'm really sorry about it, but I have a really tragic sexual history with some clownfish. It's really layered. It's really layered.

It's what I did was wrong. It's really layered. It's so layered. It was a lot of gray area stuff. But yeah. 36. Gumballs. Love a gumball.

So simple. Dude. A gumball? Love a gumball. Fucking awesome. Yeah. A gumball machine? Amazing.

Stellar. A gumball machine with toys in it? Fuck, yeah. That's amazing. You know, I love a machine with toys in it and a claw machine at like a Denny's. Yeah. They always have one. Yeah.

They always have one. And why? Who's in that Denny's playing those? Us. It's us. It's us. Actually, the second I said it, I was like, it's us. I have done that.

I have done that with you many times. Yep. Love it. Number 35. Barney. Love that for you. Love that guy. I love.

I'm going to do a different answer that's similar. I'm going to say Elmo, because Elmo was like my first celebrity crush. I thought you were saying Elmo was my slut. Elmo was like, alright, when I was like one or two. Barney and Elmo were our sluts. They were like our sluts. Yeah, I was never a big Barney guy, but I definitely appreciate what he did for the music industry.

He did a lot for the music industry and for the cleaning industry. Clean up, clean up. Oh, yeah. I was saying like Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato. Oh. Frischer. Yeah. Elmo is just my slut.

What are you to do? Elmo was your slut. Elmo also had that goldfish. That was pretty fucking sick. Yeah, so slutty. Oh, so slutty, so sick. 34. Chuckie Cheese.

Chuckie Cheeses. Child Casino. Child Casino. Love a child casino. Charles Entertainment Cheese knows how to do it. And what he really knows how to do is make you start gambling from a young age. You know what I will also say is I'll also say like, of course we have Dave & Busters, which is adult Chuckie Cheese, right?

Of course. We do. But what Dave and Busters doesn't have a play place. she has is a play place and the thing is I know it can't because it's going to be a bunch of drunk adults throwing up in the play place but imagine if they just didn't throw up and we did it how fun would that be I would also say why can't they throw up in it I mean that place is not yeah kids throw up also that's fair let me throw up throw up wherever I want let me throw up at your establishment and just like fucking thank me okay let me just do it I'll clean it up I'll clean it up I just

feel like eventually. Eventually. I'll come back the next day. I'll come back in a couple days and clean it all. Dave and Busters is not like a clean place. No. It's not like, might as well have a play place. Might as well have a play place. I want to call for a tunnel at David Busters. Imagine how many people are going to get fingered in that. Oh my God. You know they will. Oh my God. It's just a bunch of like drunk adults who are like playing games. Going into tunnels. Going into like, going into a ball pit to get fingered? Awesome. Awesome. Wait, I know what I'm doing at my birthday. I'm going into a ball pit to get fingered. Um, okay, this episode is so demonetized. It's crazy. Number 33? Disney Channel original movies. Oh my God. That's amazing. Decoms. Yeah, that's so good. I was so good. I had so

many Disney Channel original movies. I fucking loved. Um, I used to record them on VHS and play them in the car when we would drive to L.A. to visit my grandparents. I love that. Um, yeah. Just, just the best so many the 13th year great movie that's about murman merman that's about merman that's about merman remember what when i asked you if when i talk i'm just spewing shit that's what i mean i mean but the ratio of me doing that to you doing that no i do it way more there is a zero no no no olivia no olivia no no no olivia you are far more with it than i am oh that is the least true thing no i've ever heard in my entire life. No, no. Okay. I am so shocked. No, no. I can explain. You say things for like, you'll say something that's like shocking. Like you'll be like, I'm in your car. Right. But that's not

spewing shit. I feel like I make no sense ever. No, that makes perfect sense. It's just the subject matter is shocking. Oh, I think we're both being very hard on ourselves because I think in reality, maybe we're both just like normal amount of stupid. Because you're, because you make perfect sense when you speak, but I'll say things with no, like, basic grammar. structure because I think it in my head fast and then I can't put it in my mouth. I think I do the same thing and I think we're only paying attention to when we do it because I don't even understand. I'm like, I've never seen you even, except for just now. I can't put it in my mouth. Okay, well, let's, what number are we on? Let's put it in our mouth. 32. 32 is four square. Oh, beautiful. Do you

remember playing four square? Was that the game, there was the four, squares and then you had a ball and what did you do with it you would bounce it into other people's squares and it was like it was essentially like next to the tetherball court at every school and you would bounce it into each other's squares and then there were like different rules and different like kind of um vibes of four square yeah there were different like I I don't remember any like specific details but I do remember playing I remember loving it and I remember being like it would probably be my favorite, like, sport-like activity at recess. And I remember going to a...

Which don't count. No. I remember eventually going to a private school and being there and kids making fun of me because my last school was a public school, which is just so, like, fuck off. That is so Disney Channel original. It really is. And I remember saying, oh, yeah, well, this is how we play For Square at public school. Are you fucking with me?

No. That is the most, like, Lizzie McGuire thing I've ever heard. It was me and this girl. Dominica who... Beautiful name. Me and this girl, Dominica, who also was from public school and people also gave her a hard time. And we were like friends. We were like, fuck these people. This is how we play For Square?

At public school. That is the most Lizzie McGuire thing I've ever. That's like the most. That's so good. Yeah, that was... Yeah, that was awesome. That is so fucking funny. Awesome times. That's so much. Shout out, Dominica. What is she doing now? I hope she's well.

I hope she's so well. Number 31, making stupid businesses. If you ever made a lemonade stand, if you ever did a restaurant with a menu and you're like, here's what I have. And then you make your parents like pay pennies or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or pay you like some weird thing that's currency for today. Yeah.

But yeah. My friend, I remember making tie-dye tissue papers. Like we just took Kleenex and then tied them. My friend Ali and I and then her mom ordered a pizza. we tried to get the pizza man to buy our tissues. And he was like, I don't want these. Wow. Which is fair.

Which is fair. So this is a public apology to that guy. That was, no, that was so fun. I loved that. I loved that shit. The best. I loved being like, oh, I have a hair salon. I have a, you know, like.

Did you do like your mom's hair at the hair salon? I would do all kinds of stuff. Like, I would just do a different, I would, like, didn't even have a recurring store. I don't think. I think I would just do like anything that was fun. And that is a thing I miss. I love that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, my sibling and I used to make restaurants with different menus every time. It was like a different. Yeah. I would like print out menus. Yep, we did that too. I would make fake newspapers and fake magazines. That was like one of my favorite things to do because I would make them really fucked up

and then like get really excited when my dad would laugh. Yeah. Yeah. We used to make like a bunch of books and then we'd be like this is our bookstore. Yeah. Yeah. So fun. Okay.

Okay. Okay. at number 30 coloring books. I love a coloring book. And I will also say I love an adult coloring book, but the thing I don't love about an adult coloring book is that I never color it. That's the thing. You get it. You'll do like one picture on an airplane. And then you never finish it. And it's like the book should still exist. I should still purchase it. But I just don't know if I'm going to color it. And if I was a kid, I would. Absolutely. Because you'd be like, God, I have so much on the books today. I got to color all these pages. Yeah, 100%. It would be like a goal. Yes. 29. Eating dog food. Oh yeah. Eating

dog food. I wrote this one. Because the reason isn't because I miss eating dog food and I'll also say that there's some things lower on the list like not being critical of myself that I would definitely put higher than eating dog food. I don't understand. Now that I'm kind of going through this list but

I wrote it because it's the only time it's okay. It's the only time it's permissible to eat dog food and I think that counts for something. It is also. And I only did it once. Okay, great. But it was definitely an interesting enough experience for me to like repeatedly talk about it as an adult. I will say it's definitely one of those things, too,

that is a universal experience. Really? Every child has a moment. If you have like a pet or like any sort of like, you have a moment of either eating the dog food or pretending to eat the dog food. Yes, 100%. There's like something there.

I ate dog food because I was a wolf and that was, but hey, I didn't eat raw meat. No. So that's good. I didn't try to catch a rabbit in my mouth or something. That would have been absolutely bad. Yeah, because you know, and the thing is you wouldn't have been able to catch it.

I would never have been able to. Rabbits are fast. Yep, yep, yep. And I... We don't talk about that enough. And I have no practice catching things in my mouth and chasing them. No. Number 28.

Bringing Furbies around with you everywhere. Bringing Furbies around with you everywhere. That is my number one thing I used to do. Yep. I would bring all my Furbies on every vacation. I would bring Furbies to the grocery store. I would bring my Furbies around with me publicly and feel no shame about just like carrying a Furby around in Target.

And I wish I could still do that and that was a piece. healing and shameless. You could still do it. I could. That's the thing is I could. You could. But it would be very similar to wearing footy pajamas. It would be different.

It would be a different reaction. It would be a different vibe, different reaction for sure. Yeah, there was something really fun about bringing like your weird stuffed animal that's like, what is that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I love that shit. And then asking for a place at the restaurant. Oh my God. It's going to be four.

Pulasup Herbie. Yeah. You're like, my favorite eat the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Number 27, the limited two. Oh, you love that. Dude, the limited two had everything. What a fun time when you could be like, yeah, I need to buy the shirt with the three, like, cartoon monkeys on it.

Yep, yep, just a great time. At the same time, everyone was into Limited 2, I think I was a Hollister child. Oh, you were in a Hollister. But it wasn't like my choice. I mean, it was like, my parents would be like, let's go to Hollister. I think they were just kind of like, we're not going to Limited 2. And I was kind of like, I don't really care either way. because I hated shopping until I was like 18.

I didn't like shopping because none of the clothes ever fit me well. Those were never fun for me. I was like, I don't give a fuck what I wear. I want toys. I want stuffed animals. I want herbies. And now I'm like, it's not socially normally acceptable for me to walk around with a Furby.

So like what about like the cutest top? Right. It's, I do think actually that is the reason I did like limited to is because they had so many little things. Yeah. They had a lot of like little like, oh, it's like a gel pen with a monkey on it. Yeah, it's like a journal that's a stuffed animal.

Yes. They had a lot of things that were excuses to be toys. I'm sure I would have loved limited to if I had gone. It was just never, it wasn't like I, we were, like it was just, I never, I never, we never crossed paths in a meaningful way. Yeah. I went there and I went to Gap Kids because Gap Kids had the adjustable waistbands and I was built like a fucking weirdo.

So, because I didn't hit like my growth for until honestly. late high school. Yeah, last year. High school, early college. Like, I was growing in college. So, like, yeah. So I definitely, like, as a child, it was really weird. That's like a medical anomaly. I love that. It was really strange. So I'm like, like, you're going to get tall. Hopefully I'm going to get taller for this 30th birthday. Oh, my 30th birthday, I'm going to get growing pains. So tall. Yeah, my shins are going to explode. But yeah, I was, I would like grow like at weird times. And so nothing, nothing fit me the right way. So I just had to get the clothes where it's like you could make the waist smaller or bigger. Yeah.

Yeah. I just looked like a kind of a weird person. 26 online pets. Oh, neo pets, webkins, nintendo dogs, Tomicacci. I'm going to put Tomicotchi at the very fucking bottom of that because I like when pets don't die on me. Okay, but wait a second. Didn't pets die in neopets? Am I crazy?

I don't know if they died, but they would get like really sick. Yeah, they would get like extremely hungry. Yeah. Also a really awful thing about the digital pets, Nintendo dogs, you had to give one away if you wanted to get a new one. Yeah, and it would be like, oh, you sure. You want to get rid of that terrier? Yeah. And then they would show you the dog spinning on like a platform crying and you would have to watch it for like five minutes uninterrupted.

And you're like a kid. Yeah, that sucked. Terrible. I loved pets with a Z. That was a game. I was absolutely obsessor that you don't know what I'm talking about. You missed out big time. Pets was awesome. That was a computer game.

It was so good. There was at a point where they were giving away pets, CD-ROMs in Happy Meals. That's amazing. I think. Oh, my God. I wish I could have one of those. If they weren't, they were giving away an aquarium game. I used to go to McDonald's and ask for just the toy.

Okay. Tell me about that. I used to go to McDonald's and ask for just the toy. And, like, my mom was just always game. She was like, yeah, cool. Like, I don't really, you know. So we would go in and we would go to the drive-thru and be like, can we do a happy meal just the toy?

They would do it. They would do it. All right, number 25, we're halfway through. The fine line between creepy and wonderful. Yep. This is specifically talking about, like, Mr. Rogers. Yeah. It was so interesting that we all loved this, like, older gentleman who visits, like, a make-believe neighborhood with, like, puppet dolls.

Yeah, we're just watching an old man play with his puppets. And we kind of loved it, and he was wonderful. But now you look at it and you go, what a weird. weird fine line. Yeah, yep, yeah, yeah, yeah. Number 24. Play gyms. Play gyms.

We kind of already said this. We touched on this. But it's just true. They're just fucking fun. We love them. People would get fingered out of play gym if they were for adults. Number 23, build a bear. Loved bill de bear.

I was obsessed with build a bear. I had so many build a bear's. And I always had to put the voice in it. Yes. I always had to put my voice in it. Because they had the option where you could make your own. Record your own sound. What would you make a sound?

Different thing every time. It would sometimes have to do with what kind of animal it was. And I would make a pun. or if I was getting it for a reason, like I would say, like, it's my birthday kind of a thing, or like, it's Olivia's birthday. Like, and then the best one, though, was that my little brother would just always say, like, some random thing that made no sense. And it was, and he was a little, little kid.

And I've kept most of those, even though I've gotten rid of a lot of mine because I was just like, they're so funny. Yeah, it's a sentimental thing, too. It's like a little moment out of time. Yeah, I remember when you were that little. When he was like three and now he's an adult. It's so funny. And the best was a little bit.

putting like your bear on roller skates and dragging it on. Oh yeah yeah having one of the dogs that have the skates on yeah. Okay, dragging it around. Number 22. Play-Doh. Oh yeah, fuck yeah. I mean, I still do do this. Yeah, you do. I still do this regularly. You do big clay energy. I do big clay. I do big clay things and that's Play-Doh. 21. Playing dress up in public. I still love doing this. I just don't do it as much. I was Dorothy for like a year. Really? That's very fun. Yeah, we had a costume bin. We had a costume shed. I would just put on anything and go anywhere. and even into preteenhood. I didn't give a fuck.

I was like, yeah, I don't care. I mean, to be honest, we still do this. That was what I was going to say is I was like, we do it, and it is for a reason, but I think the shamelessness of it, I still... I think we're pretty connected with our inner children. Yeah, I think we are, and that's pretty great. I love it. Listen, I love it.

I think like it's, you know, I want to continue being whimsical. I don't ever want to lose whimsy. No, God, no. I would rather put a gun in my mouth. But it's a hair wrapped gun. But it's a hair wrap gun. Don't be mad. My mouth is going to have.

My mouth is covered in beads. My teeth are covered in beads. My teeth are beads and my tongue is wrapped. Um, okay, okay. Number 20. Hide and seek. Love it. Simple concept.

So effective. A really great game. Yeah. It's, uh... Harder to play as an adult. I feel like anyone playing hide and seek and as an adult is doing it by accident. Okay. Um, not true.

because I play hide and seek every time I see my friend Rod. Oh yeah, that's great news. Shout out. Shout out to Rod. Who I have mentioned on the podcast before. Hide and Seek King. My friend Rod and I play hide and seek in the dark just with each other. It is so scary.

That's terrifying. Playing hide and seek with an adult man who is larger than you. Isn't he scary with it too? He's so scary. We're both really scary. Jesus. I do not want to play hideout. When he comes in town from New York, all of my.

friends who know we do this, we'll be like, no, no, no, no, I don't want to do this with you guys, because we'll be like, guys, let's just play hide and seek. Come on. They're like, no, no, no, guys, I don't want to because we'll get in my apartment or something and we'll turn all the lights off and be like, yeah. Oh, I actually do want to do that. That's actually the closest thing I could do to Halloween Horror Nights. It is so fun. I encourage you to play this at home. Play adult hide and seek with the lights off. It is so fun. I love that. Make it as scary as possible. It is so fun. Number 19. Glorifying casts and breaking bones. I loved my cast. Whenever you hurt yourself and you get a cast and people can sign it, that is like the pinnacle of popularity.

100%. I loved my cast. Similarly, I was always jealous of people with braces because they would get fun rubber band colors and glasses. And glasses. Wow, you would have been so jealous of me. I had braces and glasses. And a cast? No, no cast. I had to pop my kneecap out of my socket. Ew! I had a cast. I broke my tibia and fibrill on a bouncy slide because I fell on them. Oh, I put my kneecap out of my socket from reading. that's fucking crazy I was the dorkiest kid on her I was reading a novel cross your legs and I moved my knee in a weird way because I was like oh

and I um pop my knee keep out of my socket and my mom didn't trust the doctors in Vegas so she took me on a plane I know this story to Los Angeles to go to Kaiser in Los Angeles and the whole way I had a kneecap popped out of my socket I literally would throw up for the rest of my life uh and that happened twice next oh my god yep uh next 18, a fake kitchen. Very weird question here. Why did I like cooking so much as a kid and I don't ever want to do it now? That's exactly what I'm going to say.

And now it's real. Now I can actually eat it and it's good. Yeah. As a kid, if I could do a fake kitchen, like put this in here, this and have like a plastic piece of lettuce. I was like, oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. And now I can make real lettuce and I don't want to.

No. No, God no. God no. Number 17. A little fake steering wheel. A little fake steering wheel on little car. Your car seat or your shopping cart. Yep.

A jungle gym. Yeah. Anywhere you could find a little steering wheel. Yeah. And just drive however you want. Oh, the best. And yeah, that's great. Best.

Number 16, bedtimes. You liked bedtimes. I love bedtimes because I need them. I need a bedtime. Okay, love that. I think I would benefit with a bedtime too. I'll never do it. No, I don't do it.

If I ever have kids, maybe I will because they'll have up. But no, I won't. No, I fucking won't. Yeah. Even when I was a kid, I was like, fuck this. But at the same time, it felt cooler to stay up past your bedtime and so therefore I am grateful for bedtimes whereas now I'm just like oh god it's three again yeah that's the thing is I didn't like them at the time but

now looking back at it I'm like that would have been that'd be really nice to enforce again okay number 15 bath toys iconic oh god they were so fun like a rubber duck okay cool okay cool okay sick. A tiny boat. Okay, cool. Yeah, I would, for some reason, I would still put not being critical of myself above bath toys. I don't know what you mean. But maybe under number 14, spinning around until you get dizzy. Okay, yeah, number 14 is spinning around until you get dizzy. That was a really, I loved doing that. I don't love doing that. I don't love that. A lot of things with the goal of making you dizzy. I think, I wonder if it's the same thing of holidays of like it felt like drugs. Because like now I don't want to get dizzy. If I'm ever dizzy, I'm like, that's not going to, oh, I don't.

I don't like that feeling. You can get really dizzy from drugs. You can. You can get the spins. You can get the spins from drinking. I would always try to give myself the spins. I would be like, how can I like spin around on something?

How can I spin around and throw up? And now all you have to do is drinking drugs. And you'll do it. And it'll feel terrible. It'll feel bad. 13. Dressing as careers you have no credentials in. Oh, I love that.

Just like going to somewhere dress as a pilot. Yeah. You can't do that as an adult. I mean, you could. You could. You could. You could. You can't, like, go to an airport dress as a pilot.

You can't go to a cop station dressed as a cop. You definitely cannot dress as a cop in public. No. But if you're a kid, you can. That's a crime. But if you're a kid, you can. Yeah, impersonating a police officer is the only time you can do it is when you're a kid. Yep, it's so true.

All right, heard. Number 12. Eating badly. And I don't mean eating things that aren't good for you. I mean having food all over your face and on your shirt and you don't give a fuck. Oh, my God. That would be so cool. It's the best.

Whenever you're in a high chair as a child and you can just use your fucking hands to eat the like bolognay's pasta that's in front of you. And you don't care. You don't have the sense of like, ugh, yeah. You're just like fuck yeah, get it the fucking shuff it in. Like if I have food all over my face right now, I feel like, get it off. But like the idea of just not even feeling that and being like, look, do I give a fuck? You know, like, it is so badass to shovel bolognaz in your mouth with your hands. Yeah. Bad ass move. We're doing it on my birthday. Okay. Oh my God. We are eating with our hands on my birthday. We are doing it. I think that's such a good idea. My God, I'm so excited. Number 11. No clothes. No clothes. No arrest. Pretty simple.

Listen, if you are a child and you are just wearing a diaper and nothing else, fuck it. You go into that CVS. Oh, you can wear nothing and run through the park. And everyone's like, yeah, that's fine. Everyone's like, yeah, you're a fucking baby. No arrest. Okay, so no arrests.

Love that. And we're in the top 10 now. And I will say really quickly about not wearing clothes. To this day, I really like not wearing clothes. Like in my house. I despised clothes. I love not wearing clothes. Just because it's like, this is so much stuff.

We don't need this stuff. Yeah. Why is this here? There's something so freeing about like walking around your apartment and just like eating just naked. Gozuntite. Thank you. Number. Gozuntite. Okay, now where you're in that.

Top ten. If you want to watch our top ten best things from childhood video, it's going to be on our Patreon. We've got our Patreon. Go check it out on our Patreon. It is linked below on this YouTube video. You can watch on our Patreon. and thank you so much for watching this episode. Thank you guys so much.

I've been Olivia the whole time. I've been Sid this whole time. And we will see you next Tuesday. Bye.