Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - Danny Dyer

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

We have actor, presenter, and national treasure Danny Dyer round for lunch this week. Mum wondered who would out swear each other over the meal, but we were both on our best behaviour! We learned about his close relationship with playwright Harold Pinter, his love of his mum’s shepherds pie, his thoughts on being related to the royals, his plans to open a Kent caravan park with his daughter Dani, and we discover his starter of choice for a burger is… another burger! We can’t wait to pop down to the caravan park for a holiday, save a spot for us Dyers! Danny’s new film ‘Marching Powder’ is in cinemas now. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Mothers, I'm Jessie Ware and we're in a very sunny New Cross. It's glorious. It is gorgeous. Spring is a start. It's your sons birthday. It's my sons birthday today. So I thought I'd not only cook a pancake, because it's also Shrove Tuesday. Yeah, we're having pancakes later. Have you done the batter? No, because I've been cooking bloody for caption. Okay darling. Now listen, the guest that we've got on today could swear more than me. I think it's going to be a close call today.

He's well-ard. When Elizabeth Day had him on her podcast, she had to do a warning at the beginning. So I mean, listen. Darling, we've got explicit on on warning already because of you. Yeah, but listen, I guess if you're offended, don't listen. Has Alice got your bleed point?

I don't think there's... He was at the Brits at the weekend and... I didn't hear what he said. Watching a silent movie when Danny Dyer was on, because they had to kind of silence it all. Very interesting to see what he said. Watching a silent movie when Danny Dyer was on because they had to kind of silence it all. Yeah. Very interesting to see what he said actually. I'm really excited about having Danny Dyer on. He's a national treasure.

He's been working in the business for 30 years. Harold Pinter's muse, mum. I know. He's worked with all the greats. Helen Mirren, Mark Rylance, what David Tennant in Rivals. And I feel like he is having a fabulous time at the moment and Oh, he's also royal as everyone knows if you haven't watched the who do you think you are? It was only was he royal aristocratic because Thomas related to a king, but Thomas Cromwell was a rebel

He's related to Thomas. No, he's related to the king as well. You sure? Yes, okay. He's related to both of them. Okay. He talked about how he really Rated Thomas Cromwell because he made sure that his son was married off to Jane Seymour's sister So Henry couldn't do anything about killing him So basically he's here because Thomas Cromwell was quite crafty as we all know but yeah it was probably one of the best Who Do You Think You Are because I think he discovered so much about himself he didn't know. Yeah he's a boy from East London, custom house, Canning Town, working-class hero, wanted to be an actor, first in his family, was brought up by his mum, I think because his mum and dad split up when he was quite young.

And also his daughter, Dani Dyer, won, I think it was 2019 or 2018, Love Island. Also married to Jared Bowen. Yeah, which he's thrilled about because he's a Hammers fan. Big, big. What do they call the Hammers? The Hammers. No, there was a word he used come on something or other. Well you can talk to Danny about football. He's coming on because his new film with Nick Love who he made Football Factory with, the business.

He's made loads of films with him. He's done Marching Powder with him and it's a reunion of sorts because they haven't worked together for a while and that was kind of how I guess we all discovered him through these films. These quite seminal films. I thought it was EastEnders. But that was much later. So yeah, we're going to be talking about everything. He also talks about liking a prawn cocktail on the red carpet on the Brits. Oh. So just to kind of add it in. We've actually got a starter today. I know, just for Danny Dunne. And a main and a pud. I've been on starter and main so we've got a prawn cocktail with pre-made

Mary Rose sauce because... Jessie it's so easy. I don't care mum, I was looking for ketchup. So splodge of ketchup in mayonnaise. So sue me, Lenny. Okay darling. I've done homemade for ketchup because... I know you're showing off. I think that's the fourth time I've said it. So yeah, I'm showing off. Did you make that focaccia? I actually did yeah I actually have a starter in my fridge. Oh that focaccia looks homemade. Yeah yeah I just made it and actually I've been slaving away for two days. I've kind of made the whole meal around the focaccia. We never do pasta so I've decided to change that. Don't overcook it. That's all I can say.

Don't get involved. Al dente, darling. I won't get involved. I've done Henry Freestone, who is a local chef who used to work at Peckin' Cellars, now has his own restaurant called Wilson's in Ladywell. And I've been playing around with the Mob app and just try new recipes. And he has a sausage and fennel seed pappardelle pasta recipe on there, which just, it tastes really good.

Have you had it before? No, but I've just tasted the sausage. You can't go wrong with the sausage, can you, darling? No. No. So, but it did make, that could be Danny, but it did make me laugh when I said that I was going to do a sausage and tomato pappardelle.

What did you say? I said, you'll think that's a bit woke No, she went darling. He's really anti woke and I don't and I said I don't think a Papa deli sausage I was saying you might have preferred mashed potato, but let's see. So today we have two Incredibly generous wonderful people who bid to sit in on the podcast. It was at a Marie Curie lunch where we didn't think anybody would probably bid so generously to come and listen and sit in on a podcast. It was all to raise money for Marie Curie. We're thrilled to have you here today, Anne-Karad and Kascha, who are sitting here

and will be trying some of my homemade focaccia. Are you going to serve the focaccia with the prawn cocktail? Well, I don't... Do they have prawn cocktail in Italy? I don't know, but I don't have like other bread to serve with it, so... Okay, just give them a bit. Shall I do that? And then we can have more with the... And then I've just done that green salad

I'm just gonna put lemon and olive oil and then what have you done for purd? I've made a homemade baked roll tart and I made the jam myself with cherries and some raspberries and I've got some custard which you can heat up or cream. Great. Danny Dyer coming up on Table Man. I'm worried about who's going to out swear. Jesse uses profanity all the time. Well, I've been doing live radio a lot, so I'm sort of very controlled. Are you being good? Oh, good.

I've got an inner director about me, so I don't know what the vibe is. Well, you weren't on live TV. Yeah. It was like watching a silent movie, Good. Oh good. I got into it about me. So I don't know what this is. This is You went on live TV. Yes, it was like as watching a silent movie Danny Dyer at the Brits. Oh, yeah Well, I yeah, were you a bit drunk Was that a few but not really no They muted me early because they gave me in a wall to present to someone that wasn't there So I said and so-and-so can't be fucked to be here tonight Okay, here's a video and they started to mute me then I didn't okay okay it wasn't mean disrespectful I was just

going well she can't be fucked to be here so no one really says that stuff. It's meant to be the Brits, meant to be a little bit edgy. It's all a bit safe. It's so safe. And you came with the ladies. But I didn't know I was being muted early so then I don't know why they came to the table what did they expect? But then you had a lady sitting next to you with a horse. Horse girl, the DJ. Oh, is that the German DJ? Yes, quite a big deal. Did you know her? No, no. I mean, it's weird. She's been a few times.

Could she talk? No, yeah, she could talk, but she couldn't eat. So she just had a straw that went through her mouth, which I found quite odd. Is that what she looks all the time? I don't know if she goes to bed like that or maybe she does. Do you think she had a protein shake or something? Everyone was really freaked out about this horse, weren't they? I thought it was really odd.

Because it was next to me, maybe. It was an odd sort of bear. Maybe they thought you were going to ride it. No, I don't know. Well, yeah. No, not in the night, as you obviously know. In the night, as you know. I was very young.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she was fascinated. I was like, OK, well, horse there, you know. Did she chat? A bit, not much. Can you speak German? No, who me? I can barely speak English. I'm German. Should we talk about the fact that, well, you talked about a prawn cocktail.

So I've decided to add a prawn cocktail into our... Is that okay? Absolutely. Listen, I'm a guest in your gaff. So whatever you put in front of me You're not a fussy eater. I know no no I do eat a lot of shit. That's the truth So so what did you have a nice food as well? What do you have a dinner? I had two hot dogs that I made big sausage mind you the buns are bought with too small for the sausage A lot of sausage hanging out of the bun And while I was doing my sausage I put some onions with it, laced it with like English mustard and tomato sauce and I just gouged

on two hot dogs and that was it. Where had you been? Why were you eating? I've been doing press promotion all day running around. I just wanted a couple of hot dogs. I know that one. What kind of sausage? It was a big sausage, it was a big lump.

And I don't like the other ones, the sort of the German ones, you know, not for me. I want a proper big semi-Cumberland. But obviously you couldn't get a Cumberland sausage in a bun. So they were big, straight, lovely sausages. And they went down so well. I'm, I kind of, I don't know if this is good or bad,

but I've made sausage pasta but you had sausages last night. Perfect. Is that okay? I think he likes sausages. I just got them from the local butcher. Would you take it all out of the thing and then you yeah that's what I'm saying. I'm sure it's gonna be beautiful. Okay fine but you know it's a lot of sausage. And I'm very grateful for sausage. I don't think you can ever eat so much sausage and that's the truth. Really? Yeah, yeah, cool.

So let's start at the beginning. I feel the same. Where was the last time you ate a sausage, Mark? In Wales. Actually, I have. Quite recently by the same. Yesterday, I've got the, this is not pork. Yesterday you ate a sausage.

This is not pork sausage. You know, they're fantastic. The non-Kosher, yeah, the Kosher sausage. This is not pork sausage. You know the they're fantastic No, you know the one that says this is not baked this yeah, it's called this and this is not pork sausage It tastes exactly like you think pork sausage. What is it? It's Yeah, I'm gonna just get on with the prawn cocktail whilst mum us you just put that tart in the oven if it's off is it still hot okay I made a baby Jesse made this course I did it's incredible make for catcher of course you have wow yes she's really showing off today yeah Yeah, that's a beautiful

piece of work. So you're here to talk about your film. Yes. Um, which I watched. Did you watch it? Did you get a link? Which is a bit more difficult. I got a link. You watch it on your blower. Did you watch it on your phone? No, I watched it on my iPad. Okay. Which was a bit better than my phone. Okay. But I wanted, if was clever I'd be able to mirror it onto my telly and I but I didn't know how to do that. Yeah. I just got to search for it. Yeah. I know how you do I know what you do but I couldn't do it anyway. Okay. I watched it on my be straight with me. I know this is a silly question for me to ask. I was slightly shocked. Go on. I'm not a fan of the C word Danny to be

And I think Jesse loves all of that but the opening the opening sequence slightly shocked me when the little babies in the Will we strike? You were straight in support to set the tone. Yeah, set the turn. Well when that happened, I thought Right here. Yeah. No, it wasn't my worst nightmare. It was your worst nightmare. It was shocking. But I've never seen the, is it the football factory? Don't watch the football factory please. You'll be traumatised for the rest of your life.

I think she'd like the business though. Well the business is slightly, she'd like the film Goodfellas. It's like the cockney Goodfellas. It's a bit sexy, but I think there is the C word in it. I think for me it's about intent. Do you use the C word all the time anyway? I was brought up by very strong women that use the C word. Very strong matriarchs. Not in an aggressive way.

It's just coming from a very East London working class, council estate background, that word just coming from a very East London working class, council estate background, that word is used quite a lot. Yeah. And especially by women, not all women, I'm not labelling all women that say it. It was only later on in life when I started to mix in certain circles that I realized, oh, we don't say that word. Okay.

But, you know, so I was used to that word, you know, from a young age. Yeah. As a term of endearment, by the way. Does your little boy say it, your son? No, he doesn't. If he said it at home in front of you. But he's in the film. I know in the film he does but if he said F word and the C word. Oh no he's getting upside him yet swearing I do hear him sometimes when he's on his playstations effing and blinding and that does wind me up slightly but then I go I can't really I can't really get on my aisles no you can't really but no I don't think it's right kids I think that's that's what I love, a bit of prawn cocktail look it's just so simple but it's a beautiful bit of work Do we need the extra forks darling or spoons yeah oh you can't use that fork you can you can do what you like You got a special fork for your prawn cocktail no it's just that we'll need another one when she does the pasta. Okay.

Please save me on the washing. Oh can I crack on with this fork? Yeah do it. And I love it, you know what I do this sometimes I learn this bit of paprika is it on the top? Yeah well that's why I did it! This is what I'm saying. Sorry, can we just have a moment to try the focaccia before we talk about, you know, just let me know. Oh my goodness. Have a little sniff of it and look at it, it's so like... Do you smell your food a lot, Danny? I do like to sniff food, yeah. I feel that... Especially look at that, so unmade and look at it, look. Delicious, darling.

That's really good. I have to say. It's perfect. It's my first life. Do you make that a lot? No, I learnt last week. No way. Yeah, so that's why I had to try it out again. Otherwise, I'll forget

I know you should have really just like brown bread with that and butter but if you can make it Why would you not do it? Yeah, my brother makes bread. You'd never think me my brother come out the same room He's an accountant he's very logical. Mm-hmm, and he makes cheese and walnut bread What a lovely combination. So he always brings me a little gift when he comes around a bread or something just because he knows I can't do it as well so that's a little kick up the bollocks for me you know what I mean. Sorry about my language. That's fine you don't need to but I do swear Danny. You came mum where did I learn. You never learnt that C word from me darling, ever. I wanted to know, I know your son's in the film and he was allowed to, it was kind of,

because he was the only kid that was going to be allowed to swear so much and wasn't, was that, yeah, but I mean it was kind of comfortable and... It's a tricky one because they were going to have to cut the character because what we're trying to do with this film is it's quite light-hearted, but we're trying to think about your actions as a parent really does rub off on your children. The fact that my character Jack Jones is all over the place really, he doesn't know where he sits in society, but he's certainly not been a good father, and so his son is starting to pick up his traits.

So we needed a child to swear and say stuff that, you know, obviously a lot of parents have got kids that are actors and chaperones, they just weren't having it. And also it's really hard when you're working with, because I've done this a lot over the year in my career, A lot of parents have got kids that are actors and chaperones. They just weren't having it. And also, it's really hard when you're working with... Cos I've done this a lot over the years in my career. You've got to pretend to be other kids, like their fathers. On EastEnders, I swear to you, they give you, like, a newborn child.

Someone... I remember I was walking through Elstreet and there was a queue of pregnant women auditioning. I was like, what are you auditioning for? Oh no, I'm auditioning the baby. Oh my God. It isn't born yet. And they're like, no, no, no, because on EastEnders, obviously they have a lot of babies born and they literally go for newborns.

Oh really? So there's this delicate little child. They just come up to you, go, here, and you're like, whoa, here we go. So you've got to say your lines with somebody else's newborn child. It's all quite daunting and a bit weird. So with this film,

you need to really have to create chemistry with a child. You don't know. OK, yeah. And so me and my boy are very close and we just played on set. It's a gorgeous boy. He's a lovely kid. And he's got an incredible brain. He's into engineering and like he would. I swear to you now, if a plane went over and he would tell you what engine it's got and wow and he's obsessed with that sort of stuff so he doesn't want to be an actor but no interest are you thrilled that he

doesn't be an actor I think so yeah I quite like her the fact that he just came into it and just didn't really take it that seriously and just played yeah you know I did ask him much money he was getting and he did get paid for it not a lot but you know he just he got he got some time off school and he really You know, I did ask him how much money he was getting. And he did get paid for it, not a lot. But you know, he just, he got some time off school and he really enjoyed it with me, but hasn't really asked since about it. He's not allowed to come to the premiere

because obviously it's an 18 and the Sinner World would unfortunately lose their license, I was told, so even though he's in it. It's funny, isn't it? Because your son is showing that he's not that interested in doing it. Your daughter was beloved by the nation when she won Love Island. And you have talked about how you struggled with, well, no, you didn't struggle, but you were worried about her.

You said you can be on top and then everyone can hate your guts. And it was really hard for her. Yeah, it was. And you as a family. Well, I didn't want her to go on Love Island. I had my preconceptions about, well, I'd never really seen it, I suppose. And I'd heard, I think back in the day it was worse.

You know, they encouraged them to go into a room and have a rollabout and stuff. And as a father, you know. Oh my God, I've never not seen that, don't you? I wanted to have rollabouts and enjoy herself. She's entitled to have sex and have amazing times. You don't want to see it. I don't, I'm watching the telly, do you know what I mean?

So I saw, I had a bit of that going on and then she didn't tell me I was the last one to be told and then she got in a car just left and then you just become a viewer you don't get no contact from no producers or anything like that so you just sit there like that when it starts and go how's it gonna be I've got to say she was incredible in it she cried every single night because I was watching I couldn't write a better script for her she was so just herself and normal and sort of, you know, quite vulnerable. And because she came in as my daughter, I realized that that might have been one of the reasons why they put her in there.

So I was slightly guilty about, oh, what if people hate me? They're going to hate her. But she just played it out perfectly. And it was just a wonderful thing to watch, actually. And it did change her life. She was working in a pub before that. And she came out, won it, but I realized that she was more famous than me.

And she, no, listen, I knew I'd fear around when it turns because it inevitably turns. Everyone was celebrating her so much and Margot Robbie and Eddie Redmayne were doing interviews and talking about it, because it really hit something that year. It was a great summer. It was a great year.

It really caught something. And so she had a really great run. She moved out immediately, got a penthouse in. Was she with the boyfriend? Did she move in with him? She moved in for a bit, didn't work out. Did you like him? No, I didn't really meet him to be honest with you.

It turned out he wasn't, you know, he was on the telly, which is, you know, of course it's not real, is it? If you think about it, you're in a villa. It's a structured show. There's no phones. There's no distractions How real can you be it's only when you get out and so look they made a go of it. It didn't work out But was there anybody else that you saw of the boys that you thought he'd have been a better bet No, it's perfect. You thought he thought was all right I did a really mean thing on it as well where they sort of made it look like he was cheating on her. I was feeling

I want fucking numbers. I got a ring this producer. Yeah, but they pretended and he was sleeping outside on a bed And she was crying her eyes out. I knew this is gonna happen to me. This always happens to me What are you doing to this poor child? So yeah, it's really hard to watch, but she came out, she really just went with it. She got like a clove in range. She's such a beautiful kid. I'm so proud of her, I'm proud of all my kids. She's got babies. She's got three children, I have four.

And she's just had the twins, the terribles as we call them. Oh yeah, they, twins. They were a gift. And she's made a good choice with the old. Well, this is the figure that's come out. Mom wants to talk about this. West Ham. Yes.

Did you know him before? Because you were a big supporter. Well, I was aware of him when we bought him. I didn't know who he was when we bought him. We bought him for $70 million. Where did you buy him from? We bought him from Hull. Oh, really?

So he was an unknown to us. And he came along and then he started to play for us. And he was amazing. Dani then moved next door to him when she was with her ex, right? And I was very excited about this. Obviously she was with someone else at the time, who she had a child with. And she, it was weird because he, some packages went to his house and he dropped the packages off. He said, oh Danny, I've got some packages of yours. And she did say to me on the phone, dad, dad, his, these these beautiful blue. I said they are very beautiful those eyes

No, he's from Lempster Which is near Hereford So he's got a mad little twang to his accent. Does he play on the wing? He does plan to win Yeah, or we can play up front as well, but he can pass it. Are we like that? Yeah, just play up front at the moment for West Ham? When we haven't got a striker, he does. Yeah. But he's somebody that fell in love with my Dan,

and then she split up with the person she was with, and he took her and her 18 month old son on, I think that says a lot about a human being. Cause that's a hard age, by the way, like just sort of toddler. And that just proved to me how much he was willing to take her on and love her and cherish her and her son Really her son is a ringer for him. They've got the same haircut But you know, it's a really beautiful they're married they're getting married in about two and a half months. Yeah. Oh

My god, I'm at that realm, I'm the grandfather realm and I'm now giving away your kids. Oh how gorgeous. It's a weird term that, giving your kid away. Oh it's ridiculous, yeah. Did you have Danny when you were 18? 18. Crikey.

Wow. Yeah me and my wife, we've been together since we were 13. We went to school together, yeah. I went to school with my husband. Wow, that, and it rare. Yeah. Jesse was at primary school. We weren't going out of primary school though.

Did you acknowledge each other in primary school? No. Our wedding invite was us in the school swimming team. And I'm standing next to him. And I wore heels that day so I looked like a bloody Amazonian next to him. He's a little skinny boy. And he now sports spurs and that was our invite that was our invite but yeah. Okay wow so it's hard isn't it over the years because we change as human beings don't we?

Yeah and I'm interested because you've been in the public eye since your what 20s? Yes probably I think Human Traffic was the film that sort of made me semi-famous and so 21 yeah when I started to experience what fame is. Yeah and I. Toxicating isn't it and it's odd and and I want to there's two questions I want to ask but you know you were talking about when you're on the high and then you get hated did you feel like you ever had that moment where you people turned on you because I think that we all think of you as a national treasure yeah but you have had a very long career and it has been full of kind of you know there

was only when social media come because because because you think back in the day we didn't like someone slag them off in your living room yeah there was no way of telling that now people have access to us yeah so they can say them they want to say it they very different I was I was famous sort of pre and after. So it was only that I became aware of, oh people actually quite hate me and think I'm a joke. Especially with a Twitter thing in the early days where I would buy it a lot.

Really? Because I thought, okay, what gives you the right to want to talk to me like that because you've never met me. So I get claimed to be a fake hard man, I can't have a fight. I've never claimed to be a hard man. This is what the press do.

Okay, I made some films where there's a bit of aggression in it. I talk in a very working class accent and I might have a bit of a swagger, I walk a bit like a duck. But in general, I've never gone, I'm a hard man, let's have a fight. So people-

Are you hard? What, what now? No, were you? I mean, when you were younger, would you take people on? Well, I come from a very rough area. Yeah. So you know, you've got to learn to hold your hands up a bit.

Otherwise people will walk over you. But I had the ability to make people laugh, which was a good way of calming things down. And also you just become mates with the naughty ones, the naughty little fuckers and then no one. So I've never claimed it, but there's a whole thing of people, gagers that want to tweet me or Instagram me,

couldn't have a fight, look at me, he's a fake hard man. Of course I'm an actor, so therefore I am a fake hard man. So I've never quite understood what they mean by it. But yeah, that's when I realized that actually I do divide people and I think if you're opinionated like me, I'm not opinionated, I've just got a view on stuff. People don't like it. So I understand it. And also as I've got older I've realized it's none of my business what people think of me.

How can I expect everyone to love me? Jessie says don't read the comments. I crack on you. Yeah, but Jessie says don't read the comments. It's the death scroll. So you were born at, is it Custom House? Custom House, yes. Custom House. It's such a grand name, Custom House.

It sounds like it is, but it's a fucking shithole to me. Well, I know it a little bit. So I was born in Custom House, which is an area on the docks. Yeah. Now it's near a place called Cunning Town. Yeah. Now, Custom House and place called Cunning Town. Yeah. Now, custom house in Cunning Town was sort of rivals in a way,

in a sense of if you're from custom house, you're a Mouser. If you're from Cunning Town, you're a Towner. Well, anyway, when I was young doing interviews, every time I said custom house, they didn't know where it was and they go, what house? So I'd start to sell it from Cunning Town, which was a huge mistake. Why did you do that?

Because I was sick of explaining what custom house was. So now they think people think you're a town and not a mountain. Well, there's a whole Facebook page that was going on going, Canning Town not Custom House. Or, Custom House not Canning Town. So, you know, I upset a few people. I learn early, you know what I mean? I'll just, you know, this whole media thing, it's,

and I'm proud, I'm very proud of where I'm from and my roots, I have, you know, all this cockney thing. You are? I'm obviously, no, but I'm not because I didn't hear the bow bells. Okay. So I would say I'm an East Londoner. Yeah. Because people, no, but I'm not because I didn't hear the bow bells. Okay. So I would say I'm an East Londoner. Yeah.

Because people go, oh, he's not a cockney, he didn't hear the bow bells. But the bow bells is up near Liverpool Street. There's a whole area of East Londoners that would not be deemed as cockneys because they didn't hear the bow bells. That's right. So there weren't many cockneys out there really

because the bow bells aren't even that loud apparently. I don't even know if they still belt these. So who was there in your family? There's your mum. My mum. There was your dad. The old man, yep. And you've got a brother. Yeah, my brother Tony, yes.

Brother Tony who bakes bread. Yeah, and my sister Kayleigh. And what's Kayleigh do? Kayleigh is somebody who's, so she's a housewife mother. She learned how to do nails and stuff. So she she's a beautician side of things so she hasn't really progressed with it for some reason. She's got young children you know I love them so much my siblings are everything to me really. Is she old or younger? She's younger. I'm the eldest. Oh you're the eldest of everyone and so your

parents split up when you're quite young? I'm about nine. Oh shame. It's tough. Life isn't it though? Yeah. They should never got married, it's weird. You know what I mean? They had nothing in common. Yeah. I'm surprised they lasted as long as they did. It's weird because they were best mates now.

Oh really? They could never do that when they were married. They really got on really well. I remember once years later I caught them tonguing in the kitchen. Oh! I thought oh hold on, they're going to make a go of it. So I think they're very still, they were always very attracted to each other but just they're fuck all in common. Okay. I managed to buy the Sun, me mum would buy the

mirror. Back then the mirror was known as a sort of loony lefty. He always used to call it a loony lefty, I didn't understand what it meant. Now I sort of do it. Yeah. What was a memorable dish from your childhood? It was very basic really. Shepherd's pie being one of them. Do you like shepherd's pie? My mum used to do a lot of soup. I do like Shepherd's pie. I don't know anyone other than vegetarians obviously. I mean, Shepherd's pie is so comforting. I'm not a fan of it. I love it. I just don't get it.

Did she put extra bits in? Because I put baked beans in mine. No, she never would put beans in it. You'd have a little bit of carrot in it. A carrot, onion? Maybe a bit of, yeah, onion. She'd put the difference between, was it a cottage pie?

And she'd put cheese on it. Yeah. so what's that make it it's not super smart no a cottage pie isn't a cottage pie with beef? one is beef and one is lamb did she do beef or lamb? oh I think it was the beef so you were having cottage pie right? I was having cottage pie she lied to me from the beginning

no but I think that's more common yeah shepherd's is peak is cottage pie less tomato? no I saw it with peas, gravy, it's just something quite comfort. Like my nan, who was the real matriarch of our family, old Polly, everyone would go to her house on a Saturday on a cancerous day in Stratford and she would serve up for faulty roasts and everyone would sit round, you know, have a little plate like that. She would do it every week and then my granddad died and it just stopped because the men couldn't

deal with coming round and you know, you know that men done the classic thing was when my granddad got ill, he got prostate, he died of insects, he got really ill, but they wouldn't go and see him. No, I don't want to go and see him like that. I want to remember him like the old days. I want to remember big old Jack. And you go, no, no, you can't deal with it.

You don't want to go and say goodbye to him or hold his hand. So the men sort of, sort of distracted from the whole thing and then it stopped, everyone stopped going. I mean, Nans, it was really quite sad because it was great to be hanging out with all your cousins and your aunts and your uncles. There's something about that that I feel is missing now.

I think it's quite rare to have all your family around. So did your nan move in with your mom? She did for a bit when she got ill, but I moved in with my nan when my granddad got ill and I sort of nursed him and stuff. I became really close to him. I love that top, by the way. Do you like it?

You look gorgeous. Do you know what? I'm going to be straight. You're hot. I have a very gay stylist and he's a brilliant man. He's doing well. He's the best stylist. He's a good combination.

And you're hot because you can take it off. I'll take you on. All right, darling. I don't want to get my bangers out. Okay. So, shepherd's pie, get my bangers out. Okay. So shepherd's pie and you were saying about a soup. You said your mom made soup. Did you just say that?

Did she? I never heard that. I don't know, mom interrupted when you said shepherd's pie. You went and she makes really good shepherd's pie. No, no, no, it wasn't going to be soup. No, so it would be quite basic. So I was going to say she would do super noodles with hot dogs.

Oh, super noodles. Yeah, nothing quite as classy as soup. You know, quite basic dinners really. And you know, the 80s was a day when you go to dinner slam down in front of you and you eat it. You know, like nowadays, bringing up children, they've got choices. Did you give your son a choice? Well, he's quite bland with food.

He doesn't really want to try stuff. Does that annoy you? It does annoy me. But I just got to feed him. That's my job. I've got to do some extra stuff. But didn't you have a hot dog last night? Responsibility is. No, he I just got a feed them. That's my job. I've got some responsibility is last night

No, he didn't have a not dog He just had plain pasta and then I great cheese and he puts the cheese on the top of it for some reason But he wanted me my spaghetti bolognese was really wines milk. So it's a good one Well, I'm gonna have the sauce off it. I'm like, why not? So we would rather eat plain pasta on its Jack, which I find what's your special thing about your spagbool. Well, I put a bit of on its jack, which I find critical. What's your special thing about your Spag Bowl? Well, I put a bit of sherry in it. Sherry?

Just a little drop, do you know what I mean? Obviously, Marmite, which is the classic one, isn't it? Everyone put a bit of Marmite in it. Oh, do you put Marmite in yours? I like a bit of Marmite in it. I put a little bit of American mustard, just a little tiny little spoon in it. Wow, this is really going on piece by piece.

This is revelatory. Just little things that you add, American mustard just a little tiny little spoon. Wow this is really going off piece right? Just little things that you add and I like a little bit of chilli flake in it as well. Danny I just need to know whether the pinky out is because you're a royal. Is that a royal way to drink a wine? Weird all that stuff. I don't know I didn't know I was doing it. Because you're royal it's's the blood. Royal blood, maybe. Have you done it? No. I'm not interesting enough, I don't think.

They come to you and then they disappear. I loved when you talked about it and you were like, literally, they were like, yep, we're ready to start filming because they knew. There was an energy because the thing about this job is they don't tell you anything. Who do you think you are we're talking about? And Danny Dyer finding out that he's related to this. We're just going to beants. And then you go, okay, my last scene's in Westminster Abbey,

how mad is that? King Edward III. You just don't know until these people go away and they do this homework on you, and then it comes back. I mean, who the fuck would've thought I would've been related to Henry II? You know, it's like incredible to me.

And Thomas Conwell. That's the one I love. But I'm very proud of you. Because he was a peasant. Yeah. And he did well and he rose from the ranks. He's clever. I'll tell you what, watching Wolf Hall after that was very emotional for me.

I bet. I'd write something with him in the eighth, I tell you. Had a dairy chop my fucking fifteen times grand father's head off. Speaking of some of the greats that you've worked with, Mark Rylance played Thomas Cromwell. You've worked with Mark Rylance, Ellen Mirren, you've worked, I mean, you're the muse of Harold Pinter. Yeah, he was a great man, he was. Daniel Craig, I worked with Killian Murphy. I worked with Killian Murphy in a film called The Trench

by William Boyd and he was like an extra. And I was looking at him going, fucking hell, he's good looking, he's geyser. And Ben Whishaw was in it as well. Oh, we love it. Had a couple of lines in this thing called The Trench, I was like, God, I've never seen it. Did you see, if they you know Killian and Ben obviously

phenomenal actors and they had their little bit part, did you spot that they were stars? Yeah yeah. There's something about them. There's just something about the cut of their jib. Not just the way their faces look as well because they're very beautiful human beings but just there's so many ways to deliver a line. That's the beauty of acting. You can never complete it or learn it enough. We've all got our instincts and we say a line differently, but there's just some people that are way,

just musically, the way they say a word. And it's like, wow. So our way, you never thought they'd rise to, I mean, this was 2000 maybe, so it's 25 years ago. And it's like, I mean, they rise and they're brilliant people by the way And I'm quite shocked and quite people to start a public bar, which I really respect something I probably should have done myself really you declare too much about who you are as a human being

You know I think it comes back to haunt you slightly as an actor because your toolbox is you so if you're clever and don't give away Nothing don't do too many interviews. Then you're like Marlon Brando If like me I give away a lot and they they go, oh, he only plays himself, which again, I've got no issue with, because no one can play me better than me. That's clever. Do you do theatre now?

You just, you did the pincer. My last play was 2019, and just before COVID with Martin Freeman, we did the dumb later, we closed the pincer season, and I was actually in Walford at the time, in Albert Square, doing the soap. Wow, that must have been quite a lot doing both. It was the start of me thinking I need to leave the soap because I came out and I always

like to feel close to Harold because he's on my phone, he's my screen saver. Is he still your screen saver? He's my high power. There's no two ways about it, you know this man was very special to me and he took me under his wing and I think he really wanted me to be a theatre animal, you know what I mean. He felt like he discovered me, I've been acting for 10 years and he used to tell people that I've discovered this young actor.

You know what I mean? I've been around for a while. How did he discover you? Well, I auditioned for a play called Celebration and my agent was really excited and going, oh my God, you know, Harold Pinter's directing again for the first time in sort of 50. I said, I thought it was Harold Pinter.

I didn't know who he was. I didn't study. Was this the one that you did with Keith Allen? That's what I did with Keith Allen. Right. Lindsay Duncan, Lea Williams, really, I remember reading it, I'm like, I've't study. Was this the one that you did with Keith Allen? That's what I did with Keith Allen. Lindsay Duncan, Liam Williams, really, I remember reading it, I was just, I've never fucking read nothing like this.

This is like so conversational. That was the thing about his dialogue, it was so, I've never, the conversation, what is it? It's like a, it's not a battle between two people, but it's a game of tennis, isn't it? Yes. And there's an art to it. Yes. And depending on what the conversation's about, it is like bang, bang, bang, bang.

And so he, I always found it fascinating that he wrote, he wrote what a lot. And in the script, you just don't see it because you don't have to. But you know, sometimes when you go what, and he had a lot of what's. He hated the Paul's thing, by the way. He's known for Paul's in.

And you know, it was meant to write beat, a beat. So then people, Paul's, and go, oh, the Pinter pauses. He hated that. He thought that was a load of bollocks. I watched Tom Hiddleston in Betrayal and he did a two and a half minute pause. And Pinter would have been turning in his fucking grave. Would he?

Well, yeah, because- Just couldn't cope. No one pauses for two and a half minutes. He got asked the question on the stage and do you know what his reply was, weirdly? It was what? I think it's when she declares she's having an affair. And then he waits for two, and I thought he's gonna fucking speak in a minute, surely.

And then I thought, oh, maybe he's forgot his lines. Maybe he's dried. And then he just went what after two and a half minutes. See, Jessie's not good with pauses. You can do it, can't you? Neither are you. What? Bit better than you. Have you done Shakespeare ever? pauses. You can do it. I love that you're... Neither are you. What? Bit better than you.

Have you done Shakespeare ever? No, I don't fancy it. You don't fancy it? No, I don't fancy it. I know that I'm a bit anxious that I'll be great in Shakespeare, but... I'd love to see you in Shakespeare. No, I don't. People do say that to me. I just love your interpretation of it. Are you not in the...? Maybe as I'm getting older.

Do you want to test yourself? Absolutely. I'm at the realms now of my age where I do want to test myself and do different stuff it's getting the opportunities to do it so that's definitely you get your most creative the further you go into the water and you know for most of my career probably gone up to about here now and again you chuck your nut under and see what happens and that would be me chucking my nuts under without a snorkel. And it terrifies you? Of course it does but then that's when you get most creative. So maybe some... Come on, I think you've got to do it. It's about someone giving me the opportunity, no one's asked me. No one's asked you. No one's ever asked me. Well I think they're mad.

Well we'll see, listen like I said you know I'm sort of nearly 48, let's see maybe this is my Shakespeare era. When I push your balls out which is 50. I'm now gonna put on the pasta because... Whack the pasta one. Now will you start asking, please, the last supper? Okay. So, do you like a roast? Love a roast. Me too. Which is your roast of choice?

Well, the classic is obviously beef, isn't it? Yeah, I love beef. So, I'm now quite good at cooking beef. Do you know what I mean? You've got to let that thing rest. Yeah. And wrap it up in a bit of foil. Yeah. Just let it sit there. Do you know what I mean? You gotta let that thing rest. Yeah. And wrap it up in a bit of foil. Yeah. Just let it sit there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So beef would be my favorite, but I'm like, I love to see, I'm the only one that eats lamb in my house. I love lamb. Some people got issues around lamb, don't they? Why? I don't know why.

Because it smells lamby. So I can get a leg of lamb and then I know I'm eating it to myself and then I'll just buy a chicken for the others and I can smash a whole leg of lamb to myself. Does your boy eat chicken? He eats chicken but he only likes the drumsticks which is a result for me again because I get all the best parts of the chicken and he loves yeah so he likes chicken doesn't like lamb doesn't really eat beef when you go to McDonald's which is probably swearing in here no it isn't good

good well he has to have a plain burger he's one of them that won't have no sauce on it no pickles on it okay what is the point of that take the lettuce out nothing yeah just two bags with a bit of patty in it yeah what's the matter with you what do you have at McDonald's when you go well I like to have a a large Big Mac meal with a burger starter burger starter yes disgusting but I feel like I need a starter and I think a burger on its jack is just something about it you know so you start with one little a very simple burger that and I don't get away with it

I don't know I think of the burgers you can buy now I know there's just nothing about it but it still smells like the 80s and that's why I like it wimpies we were talking about the other night wimpies are good they were great the smell in there was

you've got a knife and fork in a wimpie yeah and a plate yeah wimpies are hanging on for dear life now and why the fuck is a knife and fork and a wimpy. Yeah. And a plate. Yeah. Wimpies are hanging on for dear life now, you know. Why the fuck is that? Is there a wimpy down where you live? There's one near me, but it's fucked. It's battered.

When was the last time you went? I got the delivery room from it. Oh, wow. Right. Yeah, I've not gone in there. I should go in there, really. Just trying to support. So tell me your last supper. You can have a starter, main course and a pud. And a drink.

And a drink of choice. Smart, huh? Do you like spirits? Yeah, I do like spirits, yeah. Vodka? Don't mind a bit of vodka. I do like whiskey. You like whiskey?

What sort? I like a Maker's Mark, which is just sort of a cheapish type of whiskey. I don't even know that. Do you know it? It's more like a bourbon. I like it because they wax the lid on. I'm a very simple man. Things like that excite me.

That is exciting. It's the royal in me. Yeah. It's like a royal seal. So I like a bit of that. What would I have as a starter? Probably a scallop or something. I like a scallop. Oh me too. With a bit of black pudding on it and all. It makes me feel posh for some reason. Scallop and black pudding, delicious. I do feel posh when I'm eating that sort of stuff.

I do love seafood. Brought up on sort of eels and stuff and whelks and all this stuff that looks disgusting. Jelly eels, yeah. Yeah, me old man on a Sunday when he was about, he used to bring home seafood and that and we'd sit there and it'd be a right treat to have some cockles.

Yeah, and pick them up. Do you go to Pie and Mash? Is there still a Pie and Mash? So that would be my start. What would I have for me in Maine? So I'd start on the fish vibe. And probably for me, Maine have a fish and chips. Proper fish and chips?

Love it. Where's your best fish and chip shop? A place called Wilson's round the corner from me. Which is, as always, you have to get delivery because the queue that comes out of this gaff is unbelievable. Oh really? Yeah, it's a gaff. You wanna know Wilson's, Ames? It's just, and the fish is unreal.

So I love it. And now I've got older, a bit of tartar sauce. I never had tartar sauce back in the day. Bet you wouldn't. Now I like to dip me old fish into a bit of tartar. Yeah, and do you have vinegar on your... Vinegar, oh on your onion vinegar preferably No, Jesse, do you know onion vinegar and you're video no in a fish and chip shop you'll get the

No, no, no, you get a choice of normal vinegar or onion Maybe that's they're using the vinegar from the pickled onion. Maybe, it's white. Oh no, I've never had that. It's white. I like white pepper. White pepper. I do. Yeah, me too a bit.

All that sort of cracking that over you fish and chips is no value for me. No, no, no, no. Are the chips good there? Yeah, they're so lovely. There's something about that chip, isn't it, that chip shop chip, just the crunch of it. Yeah.

Some of them are longer than others. And does it come in paper or little can do yeah it comes in paper within a polystyrene thing yeah polystyrene but not polystyrene the one that's safe for the planet nothing safe for the planet now is it? no nothing really. so that would be how often how many times a week do you have that? not as much as I'd like okay yeah I have to watch. so on a Friday we have a Chinese because my daughter loves a Chinese and she always does the same thing,

which is egg fried rice, she has chips, curry sauce, she has prawn crackers on the top of it and she gets them little pancakes that you wrap the duck in. Oh, I love those. But doesn't put duck in it. Oh, okay. So she puts like a special fried rice with curry sauce.

Good person to share with. She loves her Chinese, my little sonny. So I think Friday should be a fish and chips night. Fish and chips, yeah. Sometimes I can manipulate her and so that I do get what I want which fish cod place had a go cod cod me yeah go classic yeah large as well always got to be larger man big big big ol lump you look at how am I gonna get through it but I always do but good batter good power quite thin yeah you know you know when you can sort of snap it and it comes oh yeah just put your bit of tartar put some peas on it

yeah and then munch it down lovely gorgeous thing is like sometimes I might add a savaloy which sort of undermines the goodness of the fish I mean what is a savaloy it's probably things that you can't even think about going into it. Exactly, a bit of donkey in there, but it's quite pink. What's the casing on it? I don't know, I don't even want to know, I don't think. It's like a dog's winkle. Yeah, it is like a dog's winkle. I'm sorry if I've brought the tone down, but it is, you've got to say it as it is.

It's almost like wrapped in some sort of balloon material, it's really odd. But again, it reminds me of being a kid and stuff, so yeah, a bit of savourloin, fish and chips. Now dessert. Yeah. Not really dessert, man, thank you so much. Do you have a profiterole though?

Oh, profiterole, oh, I could have made that. You see, should have said. Yeah, I wouldn't. Now when you go to a really posh gathering, they're sort of making them in front of you and stuff. I love it, yeah. It's like, how many, what's, how many are you meant to eat? How many profiteroles?

You know, when you buy the posh ones at Marks's or there's other supermarkets. You usually have three I have about three. No I can't go with three. How many? Well I'd like to smash through the whole thing if possible. So you'd have the whole kind of 12. Some of them when they're packaged like a pyramid. So you start with one at the top. Yeah and you like the chocolate sauce not the caramel or coffee. Well sometimes you get the sort of a millionaire one Which has got all sorts going on This great chocolate, yeah, you just lay there bang in trouble. Yeah, and I could just feel my but you're very slim

I can't believe that you eat that a lot very very kind. Yeah, you saw in the film. I'll get me top off Yeah, I know. Yeah, I don't think you could call me slight You're not slight about embracing them the dad the granddad bod that I've got. But I think you're a fine man. Thank you very much. But you're young, you're 48. I'm semi-young. So it's sausage and fennel seed, parpeardelle. Pappardelle, the posh one. If you want some parmesan. What's that little tattoo there? Oh these are tattoos of my kids name. So I went to Thailand, that was only when I had Danny, that says Danny.

And I did that in Bamboo. Don't do it. Oh my god. Because it's them just jabbing you 100 mile an hour. So anyway, so this is when I went I did a documentary after the tsunami And it was about it's for MTV and it was about trying to get people back to Thailand. Yeah Because it was horrendous what happened. So I Get a bit deep out there and also we run out of things to film. So yeah No, you know, I'll get a tattoo anyway. Yeah, not thinking I'll have any more kids Yeah, so I had that one before if I ever go and I had two more children so if I ever go back to Thailand I must get their names and I did go back to Thailand. I didn't do the bamboo. So that's Danny. Yeah, that's Sonny

Yeah, and that's Artie. That's little man. That one hurt the most because he's so fine. Is he Arthur? No just Artie. A-R-T-Y Is his middle name Harold? No, he didn't got a middle name actually Artie. We didn't go for a middle name with him. I know that you spoke about it a little bit with our lovely charity donate. I don't know what to call you, not competition winners. In a way they said, no, no. I don't know. Generous people. Mad spenders, yeah.

You don't look like competition winners. Big spenders. You sang about it in a period. But you were talking about rivals, which I really competition. Big spenders. Just think about it, you're a perrier. But you were talking about rivals, which I really loved. Freddie, I've never wanted somebody to commit adultery as much as Freddie. I know. It's really clever. You really managed to.

I know, but it's really clever. I wish I could claim it all. They gave me a wonderful part, and it was quite an easy part in the sense of I wasn't in it that much, but when I was in it it I had really lovely scenes. I had no big monologues. The tough bit was learning Japanese.

That was difficult. But you know what? I think that you put so many vulgar people in it and there was a lot of vulgar people in it. A bit like succession but you can't watch them. When you put people in it that are really quite kind and gentle and lovely and have good morals, you're really rooting for them. And then if you put them in awful marriages,

because they're both in awful marriages, and they're trying to do the right thing, but they're so drawn to each other, it was really clever strand of storytelling. And in the books, they're hardly in it, Freddie and Lizzie. No, they're not. Oh, really? No, I've read the books. Did you read the books? No, they're really not. They're hardly in it.

And especially after what we've done, you just sort of look away. You never really hear about them again, really. So. But there's gonna be a season two. Yeah, we'll start shooting it soon. It was a cliffhanger, wasn't it? It really was.

But I haven't read anything yet. David Tennant obviously wanted to get out, no? Rolls Royce. With the old. Well, I don't wanna give it away. No. Don't tell me that he fucking survives that. Again, I just can't declare stuff like that that but can you kill David Tennant? No.

If they did they'd bring him back to life. He's an amazing human being by the way. I bet he was so good on the BAFTAs. He's just a beautiful, he's one of those rare people that have got really high profile and just brilliant. Everything he does is brilliant and really kind and giving and so talented Just on it as well. He was like a Rolls Royce this guy's I just didn't drop a line ever He was so prepped and that character he plays is awful. Totally badding. Yeah, you hate him I think anyone's ever hated David Tennant even when he played the serial killer. I think it was Dez was it? You know, it wasn't as bad as Lord Baddingham Have to say I hope there's a bit more sex in the next season.

Jessica? Really? Yeah, I didn't think there was enough. It was a bit Adam and Eve, your bit. Well, we only had, we got a way of it me and her girlfriend actually. Are you kind of like... Because everyone that was at it and then we, and then our one builds up to the end and then our one was quite intimate and...

I just... Well, mind you, I did go down on her and I poured champagne on her. Yes, you did. Yeah, you did. Which was... But it was quite romantic. quite intimate and I do go down on her and I pour champagne on her. Yes you did. Which was quite romantic. I felt it was and it was almost like you almost you really want these two to just be get animalistic. Yes. And they tried in their little timid sort of shy ways you know what I mean. So it was all quite childlike in a sense of they didn't quite

know how to do it. They'd never had an affair before. Yeah. And that's what was cute and lovely about it. So I again I've not read them I'm assuming there's gonna be more but I was happy that we used every intimacy Coordinate in the country for that job. It was really no. I just want a bit more sex I know I love that baby. I mean Bridgerton was like like hardcore compared to that which is surprising It's Jimmy Coop and everyone was what I know. Yeah, Yeah it's Disney isn't it, see it's the other thing. Oh but how weird to then take a Jilly Cooper thing. Yeah it's hard to you know but you can get dark, Disney can be quite dark if they want and it was I suppose we did it in a way where it wasn't

uncomfortable so all of the sex that's in it's quite so there's music going on or it's not because when it's too much, it can be a bit like... No. The end of the first episode, we were all shooting our bolt, pardon my... You know, that whole sort of orgasm, sort of climaxing sort of... You know, that's the only bit I do in the first bit, which was great. Because I still got paid for having a pedal, as we like to call it. Ha ha! So why is the summer so busy? Apart from the wedding, that's one day, as you say.

What are you filming? You're filming Rivals. And I've just invested in a caravan site. I wanna talk about this. So nostalgia's important for me. Now I was, every holiday I used to go to Canvey Island. Canvey Island? Where's Canvey Island? Canvey Island, it's a place, it's like a new island off the edge of the sea.

Is it like Osea Island? Oh, it's at Epsom? I mean, I say it's an island, but it's a ditch that you sort of step over and then you're on it. Right? But we used to go to a place called Forney Bay Beach Camp and it was like, all mum, nan, cousins, everybody was there, all the family again, talking about family being together. No phones, laptops since the 80s.

And we all used to hook up for a week, walk along the seawall, do a bit of crabbing, go to the arcades, have candy floss, have a toffee apple, play arcades. And it was just about just watching my mom and dad and our sisters just laughing. And my mom and dad used to laugh until they used to piss themselves. I know this might be a weird thing. No, no, no.

No, I start to do that. So they would just all squat together and piss laughing. We've usually a big super king hanging out of their mouth. So this for me was a holiday for me. Till I got older, I realized how tight they were because actually it was half hour down the road. But I used to think it was a holiday for me. Until I got older I realised how tight they were because actually it was half hour down the road and actually but I used to think it was like Disney World anyway. So I want to bring the caravan already back.

Now I've invested money in it now. What in a caravan site? It's in Laysdown. Where's that? Laysdown is where I've been. Well that's very good for me Danny. You need me to go and try it. They're all static ones.

They're all, it's a very, it's got some charm about it, but it does need a little lick of pain. Are they chalets or caravans? They do chalets on there as well. Yeah, I think. So there are chalets and there are static caravans, but everything's so expensive. So, you know, caravan knowledge is meant to be cheaper,

but then it's cheaper to go abroad now and go to fucking Megaluf. Yeah. You know, and also youngsters of a certain age, I don't think it's cool, I'm going to try and make it cool again. But we need a summer for it to work. Yeah. What have you got? It's like, have you got a swimming pool there? There's a swimming pool there. There's a lovely clubhouse there. We've got an arcade. It's the clubhouse. I'm coming. Book me in.

Listen, if you want to come down. Second week. Yeah, I'm coming. I'm coming. And I'll get you a lovely little plot there. Right. Now, because of Clarkson's Farm, which has done very well for Amazon I'm obviously making a television show about it yeah Sky have flown into me good they might want it to be a fucking disaster no no good telly I understand my real money and so I don't really know how to run a business I've never done it my me and my Danny she's getting involved as

well cuz I need her brains we're two Danny Dyers trying to make our way in the world and she's you know she's a involved as well, because I need her brains. We're two Danny dyers trying to make our way in the world, and she's sort of maybe a smart art more, better at running a business. She wants a big soft play area. She wants to talk to you. Yes, thank you Danny. So we're trying to bring it back, and I want to roll in, I've got some nephews

that are out of work, he can come and do some handyman work. I've got a niece who is a qualified nanny, can't get no work, so she can run a kids club. I want to bring family in and go this is a family affair. Yeah. What about evening entertainment? Well you know I'm gonna make some calls to some people. I might do an 80s sort of night get some of the rivals locked down there. Do you know what I mean? Why not? Yeah. Karaoke. Well a bit of karaoke. I love that. What I will say is that the older generation, the blue rinse lot, they love their bingo.

Can't fuck with a bingo. Oh, you're kidding. You don't fuck with a bingo because they will iron me out. Do they have bingo there already? Yeah, no, bingo's a massive night for them. I think we need to change the prizes. What are the prizes?

You know, like there was a gala bingo years ago, you could win a quarter of a mil. Oh really? You can't win life changing money for it. So I'm thinking, you know, I want to, you know, not necessarily old girls, but- You want money? Maybe money, but I'm gonna be life-changing money for you. So I'm thinking I want to you know I'm not necessarily old girls. Do you want money? Maybe money but I need to rack my brains about what would be a good price for it. I want it to be something that's steak. So you've got a sex scene with Rupert. A sex scene with Rupert. Wow. No all Freddie. Sorry Danny. No not Freddie. He loves Lizzie. He doesn't have roll-about with anybody, Freddie loves Lizzie. Jesse. Freddie doesn't have a role about anybody but he's Lizzie. Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha. Jesse, you have that. Do you want that bit? That's huge for me, thank you. Okay. I'll have a bit, babe. Give that to me. Hold on, what about this crusty bit?

Don't worry, babe. I'll take it. I don't think Danny likes it. I'll cop for it. It's fallen off. All right, darling. Beggars and all that. Thank you so much.

Danny, before you tuck into your bakewell, can I ask you what is a very nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere? Happy or sad? Wow. I think a crab stick reminds me of my youth for some reason and I used to dip it into Mary Rose sauce and I still do that now.

Although it's not crab, is it? No. The fuck is it? No one knows. We don't know. No one dares to do a little, you know, investigate what the fuck is in that pink and white thing. Do you still eat them? I do, yeah I love them. Now what is something that we would find in your fridge if we were opening up that's always there?

Always have eggs and obviously butter, very important. The posh one, Le Packh one Le Pack love Le Pack so expensive it is expensive seven quid what for the big the spreadable yeah yeah you're gonna go you know it runs out quick in my go mmm but anything naughty gotta have milk in the fridge I do like me way for thin ham which honey roasted or you just know I like to roll them up into sort of look like from the 80s I would roll them up and dip them in salad cream Yeah, oh yum! Apologies for anyone out there This is delicious mum, yummy

Yeah, it's nice isn't it? This is when I would want to watch Columbo A whole series, back to back, all day munching on this, dropping in and out of Kip Roaring away to myself, waking myself up by snoring Do you get to do that with an 11 year old? And the terribles? No, I've got quite a big ass, they just get off, no, no, when the terribles are around,

you're on red alert. Will there be a sequel to Marching Powder? If it earns a few quid. Let's be honest. Lovely wife. She's brand-a-fun. Gorgeous. Stephanie Leonidas, what an actress.

She's so beautiful. It's a very alpha film. Stephanie Leonidas, what an actress. She's so beautiful. It's a very alpha film. You need an alpha film now. And also, women shouldn't be victims. I mean women are strong human beings that hold their own in the world. So we wanted a woman that's not like, oh, we want a woman that's like, you know, fuck this. You know, there's a reason why I'm attracted to you, is your bollocky behavior, but I also hate you for it And I do think that's what love is You know the thing with the things that we fall in love with also the things we fucking hate about Such a minefield love and you know especially what us we've been together

Not me and you have been together obviously, but I've been with my partners for a very long time Yeah, so you know we know I would say that my Joe knows me better than anybody else on this planet. And frightens me as well. Keeps me very grounded. Good. You know, not really interested in any of my work. Didn't really like rivals. Which is, as soon as I walk in my house, my feet are firmly on the fucking ground again.

Danny Dyer, thank you so much for coming here and... Honestly, it's not a bit near wonderful relationship you two very very beautiful clever women that bake well tart fuck me it's gorgeous it is gorgeous it's very good I feel like I'm having sex at this point do you? I'm waiting for the orgasm there but intimately okay thank God there's no rush no rush you take your fucking time you take your fucking time you take your fucking time. You take your fucking time. You take your fucking time on my date, my darling. Cherish it, relish it.

He drank no water. He drank three wines and none of his posh fizzy water. He's well hard, that's why I love Danny Dyer. I thought I wasn't. I thought I was going to be a bit frightened that he was going to be tricky. No, you were not sure that you were going to get on with the Dyer. But I thought he was lovely. Mum, you were making a new end and it was about Bakewell to Arts with him by the end. And sausages. Yeah, no, that was the end that was about Bakewell to Arts with him by the end. And sausages. Yeah, no, that was the first entry point, mum.

Do you mind? Danny Dyer, what, see, National Treasure, you understand now. Poffage Ant. Lovely. Gave everyone a kiss in the room. Yeah. Respectfully. Yeah, it was worth the bidding then, if you got your kiss.

This was a good one. But it was really, I loved him. I could have I could have him for part two I swear to God. I'm saying it now he's coming back on for something else. Well I think we'll go down to that caravan site. I said I'll do a covers night for him. Oh did you? I said just if you need me to do a covers night I'll do it. And get the um. I'll get you a nice plot. Danny Dyer on Table Man is there and Marching Powder is out now. Yeah, brace yourselves. I just told them the opening line and she said now I understand why we're bit. He's just brilliant and I want to see him on this day. Interestingly you swore less today than I've ever heard you swear.

I think probably it was because there was somebody else swearing more. Yeah, that's probably right. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next week. Okay. And also mum, your Bakewell tart was stunning. And your pasta was stunning. Thanks mum. We made a good team, didn't we?

Yeah, very good team. I'm telling you, why have we not done pasta ever on the podcast? It was all delicious. It was. So, right, we'll see you next week.