Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - Nish Kumar

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

We’ve got political comedy superstar Nish Kumar joining us for lunch this week! Nish is a political satirist, podcaster, comedian & TV host and he is fresh in from the USA where he has been on testing out his brand new tour, ‘Angry Humour From A Really Nice Guy’. Over lunch, we covered everything from creating the podcast 'Pod Save The UK', the delicious Keralan food his grandma made him when he was younger, where he will be eating around the UK on his tour, hosting a travel show with friend of the podcast Joel Dommett, where to find the best Indian food in London, and we find out what happened when Nish chased Boris Johnson down the street swearing at him…! Thank you for popping over Nish, you are a really nice guy. Don’t miss his upcoming tour ‘Angry Humour From A Really Nice Guy’ which starts in September.Listen & watch Table Manners here - https://tablemanners.komi.io/Follow Table Manners on:Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tablemannerspodcast/TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tablemannerspodcastFacebook - https://www.facebook.com/tablemannerspodcastYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@TableMannersPodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm here in my kitchen with my mother. Hi, Mum. Hi, darling. That's a different lip that you've got on. It's my hourglass red. Oh, I like it. Do you?

How are you, mum? I'm okay, darling. I'm pretty tired. I bet you are. Because we have been going around the UK promoting my album. And selling thousands and thousands of copies. How many thousands of copies did you sell? We did over 18.

which I'm really proud of. So thank you to everyone who bought it. Wow, is that the most you've ever sold in one week? Yes, it is. Wow, darling. It's an amazing achievement. I'm very, very proud. But I'm also a bit tired. Are you platinum yet? No, I think it takes a while to be platinum. Okay, darling. But I am a bit tired, so I have to explain. I was at a record store yesterday to about 10 o'clock at night. So I have called in help today, and I, please forgive me. I did exec the choices. Yeah.

But my sweet Rosie has helped me today, because I'll never lie to your table manners. I'll never lie. But we've done, we, she has, a mob kitchen recipe from their cookbook, comfort mob. And it's a baked sea bass that's got like lemon grass in there. It's beautiful. You put crispy onions on the top, limes, ginger and like a chili sauce on the side. Then we're going to do it with coconut rice. And then a lovely Easter bell fridge, which I've done before, this kind of maple lime, sesame seed salad. So it's all quite fresh because it's gorgeous week. It's been really nice weather. And you've made pudding. Yeah, I remembered this week. Great. I've made a chocolate coconut cake.

Oh, wow. And I have this. That goes well with this. Yeah, I think so. I love coconut. I thought I had two big packs of desiccated coconut. I hadn't. So I had to buy more. But I bought shredded coconut, which I've toasted and put on the top of it.

I hope it's nice. Whose recipe is it? It was a Sainsbury's recipe. And they said it's like eating a cake and a bounty bar all in one. I hope he likes bounty. Bounties are very divisive. I think if he comes from Kerala, coconut will be something he likes. I think he's from Croydon.

I know, but his parents are from Carol. Right, we have Nish Kumar coming on, who is a kind of brilliant comedian, satirist, political commentator. You know, you may know him from The Daily Mash or Pod Save the UK. I've been desperate to meet him. You've really wanted Nish for a long time. He also presented the news quiz a bit. Oh, yeah. He's on the news quiz, which I have great affection for.

I feel like my brain cells are just not going to be able to keep up with you two today. I think he's going to be very stimulating and he'll stimulate other bits of your brain that aren't to do with music. He's also got very beautiful eyes. He's got good hair. He's gorgeous hazel eyes. And good hair.

And he's coming on to talk about his new tour that's happening in September, angry humour from a really nice guy. I wonder what he's angry about. I don't know. There's much. Well, there's a lot to be angry about you. I feel like you two are just going to get into it.

I hope so. Nish Kumar coming up on Table manners. Mish, nice to meet you. Lovely to meet you. You've come from North London today? I have come from the offices of my PR today because I'm sort of on like a press blitz for the tour because I've been out of the country. I just, we put the tour on sale and I just thought I'm going to go to America.

Why did you do that? I was doing gigs in America. Oh, so you were on tour in America? So I've been doing some gigs. Yeah. And because of this. How's it been going? The gigs are really fun.

The gigs were really fun. Is this a stand-up? Is this the tour that you're doing in the UK? So this is the show that I'm now going to go on tour with in the UK. Tell everyone what it's called. It's called Angry Humour from a really nice guy. Why are you angry, Nish? I've got, I mean well, Lenny.

I'm a nice lad, but I'm very angry about things in the news. Yeah, we all are. So my comedy comes generally, has, particularly for the last kind of 15 years, has expressed a lot of that anger. and I think it's quite funny that as a person, I'm a sort of a sequeerous people pleaser. Like, it really matters to me what people think about me. But then for some reason,

I've done comedy about the most divisive subjects possible. And so that's really partly what the show is about. How thick is your skin 15 years in? I genuinely thought you were going to say to me, how thick are you? Oh, my God. I thought you were going to say something else. My God.

Jesus. I thought you were going to say how thick are you? I didn't think you were going to say how thick is your dick. That was the first draft of how deep is your love. Yeah, well, I was wondering, because anything could come out today. The Gibb brothers originally started with how thick is your dick, and they moved on to how deep is your dick. That's what I thought you were going to say.

I don't want to know how big your dick is. Well, it would be interesting. I'm checking the fish. This is how you're going to get the job hosting the next great. you're going to be the next Graeme Norton by opening with how thick is your... How thick is your dick? Would you like to host the next room? I'd like...

Only if I could ask people how thick they're thick. Yeah, absolutely. No, back to your skin. How thick are your dips? How thick are your dicks? How wide are your flaps? That's how we'll start every, every interview. Yeah, I think it's a good way to start.

No, but, okay, back to your skin. My mum's going to kill me with this comes out. My mum's here. She's encouraging me. So there we go. You see how we were differently raised. Dear. I can't. I can't. I'm so sorry. This is, we're... So unprofessional.

All I've had to eat today is a biscuit. I'm starving. I've had four coffees. Wow. How do you take your coffee? I had, I had some strong flat whites from a cafe in town and they were very nice. But I've had, I've had quite a lot of coffee. I'm feeling a bit giddy. Also, the food smells really good, which has also made me feel a bit giddy. and I think you and I have started on an unprofessional though. Did you start off in Brixton this morning? Yeah, I started in South London this morning.

He's a neighbour, darling. Yeah. Are you in South London? Listen, I'm South London through and through. Are you? I grew up in Croydon. I know. Like all the greats.

Said with so much sympathy. Me, Stormsy. Kate Moss. Yeah. Sue Perkins. What's happened to the Witt Gift? This is a fantastic question. This is a really, really sad moment.

No, you're deeply esconsed in the music business, Jessie. Is that true? Did she really film that music video in the Wiggift Centre? Yes. So Taylor Swift used the abandoned Wittgift Centre to film a music video. It was my first shopping mall, really. Where are you from? Well, I've lived in London for the last 50 years.

So I used to go to the Wiggift. There weren't shopping malls. Yeah, yeah. Until things like the Wick Gets. and it was on a small scale and you could park and go upstairs and it was great. The Wittgift Centre is basically where I

used to go every weekend when I was a kid. I think they've abandoned Croydon. Listen, I have not abandoned Croydon. You've not. I mean, I've literally, I've moved out. But I, yeah, you're right, it is very sad that the Wittgiv Centre is a kind of shell of its...

A shell of its... I love the Wittgiv Center. How wonderful it was, yeah. Can I just ask you, because you did Pog Save the UK, have you met John Feverford? I have met John Fathrow. You see, here's one of my ultimate heroes. I follow him on Instagram.

I think he's technically my boss. Is he? Well, I guess so. I mean, Crooked Media, which is the company that he sort of co-founded, commissioned Pod Save the UK. But they don't seem to be able to work out if they're who my boss is.

Because I was there last week. Because I was in America. And you saw him. I saw Tommy Vito, who's one of the other co-founders. And Tommy was on Pod Save the U.K. UK and we were recording it from the office in LA and at one point he said something like the bosses is not going to be happy with this and I sort of said well hang on aren't you my boss and he said nobody can work out who my boss is so you don't know it's still unclear you're your own boss niche well that does not

bode well for is niche an abbreviation of a much longer name no niche is an abbreviation of a slightly longer name niche is an abbreviation of nishan so my full name is nis h a and it's a Sanskrit word that means daybreak, like dawn. Wow, that's lovely. But the only reason it's abbreviated is because when I was growing up, everybody called me Nish, apart from... Your mum and dad. Yeah, but they used to call me Nish.

If I got called by my full name, it's because I'm about to be told off by my grandma, basically. Basically, if I hear my full name, weirdly the only people that call me by my full name are my mother and my grandmother when they're annoyed with me, and Tim Kee for some reason. The comedian and actor Tim Key calls me Nishanth all the time.

I don't know. I think he likes it for some reason. Yeah, he likes to give me my full title. But yeah, I have always been referred to as Nish. And apart from when my mum and grandma are in a bad mood with me. When you were writing your essays or your exam papers, did you put Nish or Nishant? Full name.

Full name. Full name on the public exams. Have you only got one name? Yeah, only one name. No middle name. name? Just straight up. Straight up, Nishan. Just on the rocks.

Not on the rock. Is that a Carolyn name? So your family are from Carola? Yes. My brother used to live there. Whereabouts? Between Chengano and Trevandrum. Really?

It was called Malakari. He lived on an ashram for 27 years. Really? Yeah. Wow, that's cool. Yeah. It was kind of cool. Yeah.

Kind of strange, yeah. Jewish boy living on an ashran for 27 years with a guru. Yeah. I think there were a lot of people. When did he go out? It was probably in the early 70s. Early 70s, yeah. He got enchanted by a guru who used to give talks in America.

Okay. And he was living in America. And he just went there and lived there. My family's from Kerala, but... Which bit? Well, they're from Pahlgart and Kahnon. So two different places. My mum and dad are from.

And they, but the name is quite a North Indian name. Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah, Sanskrit. Yeah. Maliala has, the sort of dominant language in Kerala is Malayalam. Yeah. And that language actually derives from Tamil. So India has two root language, Sanskrit and Tamil.

And so Sanskrit really has not much to do with Tamil. I think they just, they heard the name and liked it. My brother's name's Nathan. So my brother has a Jewish name. Yeah. Oh, why? My dad just really liked a writer whose name was Nathan. Which writer?

I think his name's... I think it's supposed to be pronounced Natan. I think it's Natan Sharoff, maybe. He was just a writer my dad really liked. And so my brother has this like... One of my friends once said to me, why do you have an Indian name and why do your brother have a normal name? Normal, obviously, not ideal.

Yeah, not ideal. But yeah, my dad just liked that name. Yeah. So we've all got... We've all got names that don't directly relate to. Yeah. And also, my surname shouldn't be, Kumar is a very, very traditional North Indian name.

Yes. Shouldn't be that at all. No. My dad just sort of free-wheeled it on an immigration form. Oh, shame. I think he's been in the country too long for there to be a problem. It's just mild name fraud. But you were born here.

Yeah. But food is essentially, was your grandmother. Did she come over when they moved? So my dad came here when he was 30, but my mum, they met here. So my, thank you. I'm just going to serve you. Is that okay?

That's fantastic. Thank you. My mum and dad met here, even though they're both from Kerala. My mum moved here in 1973. She'd been in Kenya and my grandparents and my mum and aunt and uncle came here in the early 70s. And my granddad was an accountant who then left his job in the early 80s and opened Indian restaurants. So my family business is in your restaurants. Yeah.

Oh my goodness. Yeah. So who's the best cook in your family? The best cook in my family, sadly this year passed away. So my grandmother died. Listen, she. How old was she? She was 93.

Oh. It is very sad because she and I were very close. But she had an incredible life. What was her best dish? She used to make a mullabah fish curry, like a kary of fish curry that was absolutely. bananas. But to be honest, she was so gifted that kind of anything she made was delicious. Was delicious. She used to make her an omelet with cashinuts and red onion. It was so delicious. And she just had a kind of, she, I think she had a very, yeah, very natural aptitude for

cooking and languages. She picked up languages really quickly. So what did she speak? So she spoke, thank you very much. She spoke, uh, uh, Mali-a-a-Lam was her, that's her first language. She also learned to read and write Hindi in school and English. Then she learnt Tamil. And then when she moved to Kenya, she learned Swahili. And then she also learned Gujarati because all the Indians in, a lot of the Indians were not South Indian. And she sort of, her and my grandfather kind of just picked up Gujarati

by being sort of immersed in it. Can you speak any languages? I can speak English fine. Yes. But I can also, I can understand Mali Island because she refused, even though she could, she refused to speak to me in English when I was growing up. Okay. To make sure that I had some understanding of it. But like when I speak it, it's very bad because it's, my accent is very poor.

It's a Croydon. It's a Croydon. It's a Croydon accent. Yeah. But I can understand it. And, but yeah, she had a real aptitude for languages and her cooking was unreal. And even when she was like much older and unwell, she would sort of make fish cutlets for me,

like Indian fish cutlets. And she also used to fry sardines. So she'd get sardines and fry them in chili powder and turmeric, like quite shallow oil. Just unbelievably delicious. Oh my goodness. And yeah, it just felt like anything she gave, for any sort of

because if you ask her recipes for anything if you ask her amounts of stuff she'd just say well you put enough in then everything was done by taste and instinct and she also I think had this kind of understanding of if you put it's too sweet so you need to bring something in

you need to put salt yeah she had that understanding of the chemical balances that need to happen and she could tell you why something didn't taste right or when you put too much or too little of a particular thing No. Oh.

Okay. My brother is. My brother's a really good cook. My brother has... Nathan's a good cook. Yeah, Nathan has some of that, like, instinct, I think. Yeah. I'm a fantastic consumer of food.

I absolutely... I'm sorry, this is quite bony. No, that's perfect. But... What am I, what are we eating? Baked sea bass with, like, ginger, lime, crispy onions and chili... Oh my god, that is delicious. Yeah, it's yummy.

Oh my god, that is really good. I didn't get a bony bit. This is much better than off-manue. Off-man-you-can suck it. This is way better. They didn't give me any food. Listen, we love the off-menu boys. We're yet to have both of them on,

but we did have Ed, and we had a lovely time together. Anyway, so Ashing B told me, who I love, who says that you... I saw her on Wednesday. Well, you kind of a, like, conjoint twins, aren't you? You love each other so much. with each other kind of every week, right? She said, my baby Nishie.

Oh, my baby Nishie. That is what her and her, Jack? Two year old daughter call me Nishy. And Jack, her partner, Jack, all three of them call me Nishy. And that actually is my like family name, really. Like my two year old nephew calls me Uncle Nishie.

And so, and Ash does call me that. Yeah, I saw her, I went to see her tour show on Wednesday. I'm so annoyed, I missed it. She's so, she's amazing. It was such a great show. Also, her opening act was Amy Annette, who is my common law wife. Oh. And so we're very, Ashting and I very enmeshed at each other's lives.

How did you do me? We met doing stand-up. So we met at an open mic gig about, I think probably in about 2010. And then Amy actually briefly worked for an agent, a comedy agent before she did comedy. And the comedy agent represented Ashton. So the three of us have known each other for, I mean, like, you know, well over a decade. Amy's your girlfriend? Yes.

Right. So the Canadian? Mum's Canadian. Dad's American. Got it. She sounds like Mary Popper. Who's funnier, Amy or you? She's definitely funny than me.

Is she? She's definitely funny. Do you make each other laugh all the time? Yeah. Okay. I think that's quite an important part of a functioning, functioning relationship, whether or not you're in comedy. Man, this is really good. Good.

Really delicious. Man, off menu can suck it. I love it. Now, are we going to, you know, we do do the same question where it's the last supper. So we're just going to see how different it is from off menu. No judgment if it hasn't changed. This is so good. Good, there's loads.

So, so I missed all the stuff that you, it sounds like you ate well when you were younger. Yeah, we ate really well. I mean, my mum is a fantastic cook. as well. And it shouldn't go unremarked upon that she is also a brilliant cook. It's just everyone in my family was so enthralled to my grandmother's cooking. What was her name? My grandmother, Padma Kootie. Pubma Kuti. Yeah. Everyone was so, like, obsessed with her food. But yeah, my mum is also a really brilliant cook. What is your, if it was birthdays or celebrations or feast days, what would be

your celebration meal? We love to eat a big biryani. It's like the Indian rice dish. Yeah. It sort of has variations across India. And Indian communities, and actually Indian and Arab communities get very territorial about whose biriani is the best birioni.

And so they would definitely make like a big briani. When I was a kid, my grandmother would marinate tundary chicken and then we'd cook that on the barbecue. And she would do, she'd make a kind of homemade tundery chicken recipe. that kind of really like vivid red. And she would marinate that overnight and then stick it on the barbecue.

And so that was a big thing. We get a lot of kebabs and stuff. Like there was a guy, there was a pub in Leicester where my grandparents lived where the guy would be barbecuing kebabs in like a sort of brick shack out the back of the pub.

Amazing. That I assume was some sort of licensing dodge. What was it? Like a shami kebab or like a sheik kebab? Cheat kebab. Really great. Right. So that was, I felt big.

But when I was a kid, my treat food was pizza hut. Like pizza hut is the thing that I associate with being a kid. Oh, for birthdays. Yeah. If it's treat night, the biggest treat you can have is a stuffed crust pizza hut. And also like the ice cream with all the toppings. Ice cream factory. Yeah.

Oh my God. The ice cream factory. God, I signed myself. up for type two diabetes. I fear it's coming from me and I fear the Pizza Hut ice cream factory is at least partially responsible. But I feel like even like the salad bar,

it felt so exciting. It was like the harvester and Pizza Hut had a salad bar because they have those little croutons and corn. And the corn and I just remember it feeling so exciting. Oh, it was so good. And then whatever that dressing is, whatever that pink,

Willy Wonka nonsense was that we were pouring all over our salad that I'm pretty sure immediately kill any nutritional. Yeah, totally. So where were the spots that you were going in Croydon then? Well, we used to eat

a pizza hut in Croydon all the time. We were absolutely. We were straight and high roads, so. Oh, we're really? We were like, Clapham South, like, so, yeah, we are close to each other. Can I tell you, some of the greatest Indian food I've ever,

some of the greatest, actually, South Asian food I've ever had happened in Norbury. Oh, really? Yeah, there used to be a Pakistani, sort of Pakistani Karai food place called Mirch Mish Massar. Oh yeah, I've been there?

Yeah, it's still there. Is it not the same? It's not the same as it once was. I don't mean to disparage the good people of mish masala, but when it first opened, the whole restaurant was probably about the size of this room that we're in now and the kitchen was open. So you'd have to wear clothes that you knew you were going to wash the next day.

And it was insanely delicious. Like, insanely delicious. Have you not eaten the one in Tooting, the mush masala there? No, I don't think I've been there. We used to eat at Norbury at this. Manorbury Mitch Masala all the time. We loved it. I love the Lahorehi.

Yeah, the Lahorehi. Yeah. So good. So good. But I like the one, is it called dabs or in East London? Tiaabs. Oh, Tiabs. The lamb chops at Taiabs are.

Oh, the best. Crazy, yeah. Really, really amazing. So what is making you angry this week? Very good, Mom. I don't know what's making me angry this week. I actually saw Peter Mandelson in the street. You didn't.

I was on the phone. Actually yesterday, I was walking through Soho. And I was on like a work call. So I was doing a like briefing for a TV show I'm doing. And I sort of turned a corner. And I guess what they heard was just me going, and the guy said, are you okay? And I said, yeah, sorry, just, I just, Peter Mandelson's just warm.

So you couldn't. Would you have said? said something to him. Yeah, he caused so much if you weren't on the call, would you have said something? Yeah, I have a unfortunate history of not being able to shut my mouth in instances like that. There's a story at the end of my last stand-up show, which is available online now on YouTube. It's called Nish Don't Kill My Vibe.

And there is a story about that at the end of the show about me encountering Boris Johnson. I don't think I would say, I wouldn't say I met him. Where were you? Josh Whittaker were making a TV show where we worked as local newspaper journalists and we were in Blackpool and they said to us, oh, you, but Boris Johnson's doing an event. Do you want to go? And I ended up chasing his car, screaming the sea word. And they were filming it and that footage exists and I kind of tell the full story in the show. But did he hear you? Well, he didn't hear me that time, but there's later footage of him walking around where I'm sort of. screaming it and being removed by seeing. And you weren't doing it for the telly?

No, I've forgotten. Amy, my partner, when she watched it, the first thing she said was, you've forgotten that you're on TV. I was so angry because, you know, the stuff that guy did to the country was so egregious and so awful. And it was right in the middle of all of the revelations

coming out about the parties they had during COVID. And I think what frustrated me at the time was at one point, they just, they were sort of saying things like, well, no one followed the rules really. And like, I think that's a gross underestimation. Everybody followed the rules. So many of us followed the rules to the letter. And because we were trying to protect vulnerable people in our society. And so the fact that he couldn't do that, I was so mad with him. And I'm, it's probably a good thing that I was on the phone when I saw Mandelson and that he kind of walked past me quite quickly.

How did he look? I'll say this He looked very relaxed For a man For a man who's like Like He looked very relaxed But I guess if you maintain a friendship

With a convicted of a child sex offences You've got a lot of brass neck You've got the brassyest neck in human history And yeah it was So yes I'm very angry about The handling of that news I'm going to let you finish your food You're going to have to have to

whilst you masticate, you can... Jessica, that is an absolutely acceptable piece of word. You did use that word. You went there, Lenny. You went there. But I knew, yeah, as soon as you said that. Do you remember when they did that TV,

that advert that was all about mastication? And what was it for? It wasn't for fanta. It was for something. Does anyone remember? And they used the word mastication. But they knew what they were doing. Of course they knew what they were doing.

Like you just did, darling. Well, I made me remember it, but I can't actually remember what they... It was like for a... crisp or something. Does anyone remember? Anyway, think about your last supper. And make it different from off menu, will you? It's easy for me because I never actually did my normal menu on off menu

because I did a Christmas episode. Oh, thank God. Thank you, Ed. Thank you, James. My last meal. A starter? It would be so long as a meal. Come on, let's go. I guess this is the only bit that would be overlapping loosely with off menu,

but it would probably be... You're fine as well. We love our friends. Some kind of... Cabab combo. Okay. That's like, that's always quite a nice starter. Is that the starter?

I love the starter with the lovely minty yogurt. Yeah. Yeah. You get some of that in there. Yeah, you get just... A nice little shami. Shami kebubbs. Yeah.

You get them all out. It's very delicious. Which meat would you have lamb? Lamb. Yeah. Lamb cabubs. You don't eat beef, do you? I don't eat beef, correct.

Are you Hindu? Yeah. Okay, that's why. That's why. Got it. Penny drop. I did. Last year, I said to Amy, I'm going to start eating beef because I'm so sick of this Hindu

nationalist movement and as a protest I'm going to eat beef. And Amy said, that's the most pointless thing I've ever heard in my entire life. You think that's going to really affect Moby? Like this guy who's like dominated into politics for over a decade. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. No one knows. A man from England has increased his

risk of colon cancer. So that's really stuck it to Modi. So we're going lamb shammishit. Yeah. And then what are we doing? Drink of choice? A few different. A few different. I guess

I'm never not in the mood regardless of the weather for a point of Guinness. I'm never not in the mood for a pint of Guinness. You know there's a great Guinness up the road. What?

Skions. Yeah, babe. One of the best in London. Is it draft? Yeah. Okay. I got to go there. Also, the Devonshire.

I've had the Devonshire Guinness is fantastic. Was it fantastic? Yeah. Or do you think it's just like everyone's saying, no, it was good. And the Tuchin is the other one. in Soho that everybody's obsessed with it's for Guinness and it is good.

Where do you stand on, Zero? Guinness Zero is really good. I know it's really good. You don't know. You don't get the kit, but you don't know. I did the other day I went to my friend's party and I was, I was sort of like I'm quite hungover. I don't think it's a good idea for me to continue drinking.

I spent the whole time on the Guinness Zero. And you're fine. Great. Loved it. Love it. Okay, so we're having a little Guinness. Yeah, little Guinness and some kebabs. Okay.

And then Maine? My instinct is, like, to really satisfy. my childhood self. The Malabar curry. Yeah, the fish curry. From your grandma. Maybe the fish curry for my grandma. But the biryani from your mom.

But also there could be there could be biryani. You can have both. That's like fine. Yeah. Like the birriani at Jim Kana is crazy. I've never been to Jim Kana.

When we were kids... Where is it, Jess? It's in so... Mayfair. When we were kids, my dad used to go to like fancy Indian restaurant because the real Indian food we'd get at places like, you know, places in Croydon, like in, or in Tooting or Wembley,

and they'd look like, like canteens at a university. You'd walk in and you'd think, this place isn't a part of his health inspection. And then the food would be unbelievable. You'd roll your dice on a one out of five health rating. But that you've got, that was the only place to get authentic Indian food. And if you went to a fancy Indian restaurant, it would be really sanitised bland food. And I think the thing that Jim Carna has done that is amazing is they've managed to make fancy Indian food taste good

and actually they do a muntjac birriani which is I think deer meat. Monk jacks so that's vegetarian. No no it's deer. Oh what's type of deer? Why are people eating poor little dears? I know. Mum shut up.

Just don't go to Jim Carver. I don't think you can't. I think you have to shoot them darling. You've got to shoot a Munchack. The little baby muncheon. Oh stop. Your favourite food is lamb. What are you talking about?

They're not lambs though. They're little bambies. What are lambs, mum? Little sheep. I haven't eaten a lot of lamb recently. Oh, oh, are you making a protest against the little lambs? Okay, anyway. So we've got the biryani.

Yeah, but then I also would feel bad if my last meal wasn't a big pizza. Which pizza are you going for? Where do you stand on pineapple? I'm not angered by it It's not my preferred It's not my choice I love a Hawaiian sometimes

I don't mind I'm not angry about it What are you going for And which place I mean There's some really good South London pizza chains 400 rabbits

Mumma dough These are really good No I see your mumma dough And your 400 rabbits Respect You need to come and have a pizza With me up the hill Where?

Dinner for 100 Okay fine I think they're Or they're on Evelyn Road. I'm just racking up the real idea. Jesse, they're also serving at Houtanani dinner for 100. Really? Really?

Really? I went to the... You went to a drum and bass rave. I went to the effra social club. Oh my God. Who are you, Lenny? You really? For home start.

Yeah. Please try the dinner for 100. But, okay, I definitely will. But then also here's the other thing. Come on that. What? What am I doing? I've got to have some tacos.

If it's my last minute. Where are you getting your tacos from? I went on holiday to Mexico City. It's the best place. It's the best place. It's the best place. And we had a taco from a taco stand. Yeah.

And it was a long ganesa. You rolled that, you rolled that dice as well. Yeah. Okay. Was it recommended? I was with my... You were there to Gamble. Okay.

Why? What does Amy's brother do? He was living there. Okay, fine. And so he had been there. So he took us to this place. Right. And it's like a kind of Mexican chorizo.

Like, it's a spicy sausage. And they just cook it as whole sausages. And then he just cook it as whole sausages. And then he just, chopped up a bit of it on this kind of wooden cutting board. And then he kind of, he basically turned it into mint. He diced it in front of us. Put it in the taco.

Unreal hot sauce. Do you remember what it was called? It's called Langenesa. I'm adding it to my... Mexico City Google Mac. I'll tell you where the... I'll find out the name of the exact stand because... We're now going to swap numbers.

This is really going well, guys. I don't want to pinch another podcast, but how hot can you go? It's not a podcast. What is it, darling? What is it, darling? What is it, darling? YouTube series. Yeah.

How hot can you go? Hot, like really hot. Were you trained to go out? Yeah, I've eaten hot food a lot. And I've also, I love like hot sauce. Like I really am a huge fan of it. Which, what sauce are you getting? You know, there's your sort of classics that, you know, Tabasco and Kona,

the West Indian Pepper sauce. That is crazy. There's a company, there's a South London hot sauce company. and they do, they're called Fire Fire. It's like Fire Fire sauce and it's really very good. So, okay, we've got like a really very, what are your toppings on your pizza? I get the, I had goat's cheese, caramelised red onion and I added anchovies. Oh, delicious.

Oh, wow, that's a bit on. Goat's cheese, caramelised red onion, anchovies. Fantastic. See, I'd never put that combination together. Really good. It was really good. What was that? Where was that? Mammado. That's from Mammadoe, yeah.

Okay. Pudding, you into sweets? Yeah, I mean, I have talked about this at length, not just on a live off menu, but like a couple of different podcasts. But actually some of them weren't even about food. But there's a cafe in Manchester called Idle Hands, and the pies they make are unreal sweet pies. And they used to make a banana cream pie.

And I've talked about it so much. And I've eaten it so much that when they changed the recipe, they changed it to a slightly different recipe. You knew. No, they told me. They warned me. Oh my God. I got a message from Dave.

It's like, just so you know, we decided to change the recipe. Lucy, who makes a pies, is an artist. And she is, and she was like, she's deciding to change the recipe. I said, I would never interrupt the work of an eye. She must change the recipe if that's what she desires. But I have talked about that pie so much that when they've retired the recipe, they presented me with the artwork that a local artist had done for them to decorate the shop of the banana cream pie

so I now have that I have that painting. But can you tell me whether the new recipe is as good? The new one is as good, yeah. Okay, fine. To be honest, you can't go wrong with any of their pies. They're all absolutely incredible. I mean, other desserts, obviously, all I ever want to eat is Ben and Jerry.

fish food. If I was left to my own devices, that's all I would eat. I like Chunky Monkey. I love Chunky Monkey. I love Chunky Monkey. You know a lot of people don't like the banana ice cream? No, I love it. You know where you can get cinema? At the Ben and Jerry stands at the cinema, you can get Chunky Monkey. You used to be able to get satisfied my bowl, which is a bit like Chunky Monkey, but it had, I think like, I think it had walnuts in it. But Chunky Monkey, that's banana ice cream with the chocolate chocolate. So if you had your, we had Brandy Condy County. We had Brandy on here. And she said, I know I would have my own ice cream and it would call candibol.

I mean, it's beautiful. That's beautiful. They did it for her. Did they really? Yeah. So, Nish. Pish.

Nish food. Nish food. Yes. Well done, darling. I, I, I, but the problem with Nish food is I think it would, A, it's. What would be in it, though? I mean, the problem is I'd probably be describing Chunky Monkey because I love banana ice cream.

And but I also really, really like any kind of, like any ice cream that's either Snickers ice cream or imitation Snickers ice cream. Oh, the peanuts. Yeah, the peanuts. Ben and Jerry's peanut one was really good too. Yeah, that's very good as well. That's very good. The Bull and last in Kentish Town used to have a Snickers ice cream.

And it was absolutely delicious. But if I could design, I think this is probably what I'm talking about is how he's but I would like niche food and it would have to be a cross promo with Kinda Bueno because I would ultimately... Kind of want the Hazelna. I want the... I want Kinder Buenos turned into an ice cream. Nish food.

That sounds amazing. It's kind of wafers and Nutella really. Yeah, it's wafers and Nutella. Have you got any ice cream? Yeah, I do. To go with the cake. Yeah, I do, but it's not like... You know what I just finished?

What? Okay, so my favorite... Hargandas is pralines and cream. Yeah, very nice. They did a limited edition. pistachio and cream and it was, was it great? When I was a kid,

one of our other big treat foods was we'd go to Chinatown, have a massive Chinese meal, and then, oh man, the duck and pancakes. Oh, yeah. Getting in there with the shammies. I think you've got to have that in the beginning. You know what?

When I was in, I made a TV show with Joel Domit many years ago. His travelling one. Yeah, where he likes doing CrossFit, which is sort of prison workouts for people who don't belong to a socio-economic racket that means they're ever going to go to Jay. But it's like real world fitness.

And so we went to places where people just do that because that's the way they lived, like tribal people. Had you ever done it before? I didn't do anything. My job was, they realized Joel couldn't present the show and run an ultramarathon or lift up a tree trunk. So my job was basically to host the show and, you know, just chat to people. And so I had the best job in TV. And he got really fair. And he was running around doing all sorts of stuff and I'd be there sort of just chatting with them.

So you were like the Phil Rosen tool of this. Basically, yeah. Yeah, essentially. And I would just walk around, meet people, and then we just ate food from all over the place. And I mean, the thing that I think about all the time was I had the hotel we were staying at in China, I had tea braised pork belly. So it's like the pork belly is marinated with tea leaves. And then the side dish was a fried aubergine with sesuan peppers. And the sesuan peppers that make your tongue slightly numb. Love that. go to Jaconi for that because she does one Ravinda does it and they do the tingly it's like you're like

am I going numb or am I having an anaphylactic shot or am I loving this it's amazing we love Ravinda okay I'm in for that it's tingly and delicious what's this

it's a chocolate coconut cake great I don't know whether it's great or not great fantastic because I've never made it before but it does have good ingredients Jesse I'll give a small don't overdo it

give a small cube Only, well maybe, you should bring it here, darling. I'm just going to bring it back. Because we're going to start with a small cube and then move on to a bigger cube. So I need a knife and we need spoons. Yes, got it. Thank you. Nish, tell me where you're going on your tour in September, it starts.

We start in September, yeah. Where are you going in it? There are any spots that you're going to eat in? We're starting Ireland actually this time. So I'm doing cork and Dublin and then I'll hop over to do Belford. and then we kind of go all over... You can have more. Thank you very much.

And then we kind of go all over the UK. And there's a lot of... It's hard for me to eat like massive dinners when I'm on... When I've got to do a stand-up show because nobody needs to hear me burping my way through. Mastikaze at you're burping. You said it, Lenny.

I can't give you this bad ice cream because I know you're a good ice cream person. I have a bad ice cream. No, but I do need you to try it. And it's not because we're just want to... by them but these are delicious. Just try one of it. Have you tried the bonbons? No. The magnum bonbons.

Babe, they're so good. I don't know, you're getting a gold caramel billionaire, try it. They just like pop in your mouth. Oh my God. That's like, it's good in it? I can't have this in my house. I can't have that immediately, as soon as I ate it, all I could think was I cannot have this in my house.

That cannot be in my house. They just go, bop! And they're gone, moment on the lips, a life-time. A lifetime on the hits. That cannot be in my house. And that's the best recommendation I can ever say. It's good, in it? The bite of your life could get.

You might need something to get this. I'm going to, okay, what? Because it's dry, is it dry? I can't give you the Swedish classet. You're not dairy free. Bit dry. It is, but there's masses of coconut in there that was sitting in coconut milk.

And I don't think it tastes very coconut-y. That's real good. Do you like it? Yeah, I love it. That's really nice. There was 250 grams of desiccated coconut that I soaked in coconut milk. It's really good. It doesn't take coconut, does it.

The chocolate is really delicious. So tell me where you're eating? So I'm very excited about the network of coffee shops that I frequent while I'm on tour. Are you at coffee-free? Yeah. They often come along with some sort of treat, pastry-based treat. So I love full court press in Bristol, I think is amazing.

Idle hands, obviously in Manchester is incredible. I absolutely love Coffra in Norwich. Coffra coffee, and I always buy beans from there. I'm going to be in Edinburgh in August for the fringe and there's a place called cult there. Cult coffee is amazing. Also, there's a Thai place called Ting Thai in Edinburgh. delicious. Absolutely.

Great. They started like as a kind of food van, I think, and then had a temporary shop and now they've got, I think, two or three in Edinburgh now. Will you join Phil Wang for like, you know, rating noodles? Phil Wang's noodle ratings are a really important part of how I find good noodles.

Like he, I'm a huge reader of the slurpiece when he awards the various noodle places. And he is the person that went to noodles and dumplings in Edinburgh, which is so good and that's why now we all go there and it's borderline impossible to get a table. Before we let you go, can you give us a nostalgic toast

that can transport you back somewhere. Yeah, loads. I mean, you know what I had yesterday that I haven't had in ages? What? Someone should give me a chocolate digestive. Wow. I've had a chocolate digestive.

They're freely available, you know, in the UK. You know what it is? In the same way that I can't allow those bomb-bonds in my house, Did you eat the whole pet? Yeah, that's it. It's gone. I just post the entire thing. Packaging at all.

I'm obsessed with borders chocolate ginger. Yeah. Biscuits. Have you had them? Well, they're quite thin. They're very thin, very thin ginger biscuits with a bit of chocolate. And they're dark, dark chocolate with a ginger. Just have to.

I'm popping lint balls. Lint balls. What, the lindor? Yeah. I don't think you're really supposed to buy those for yourself. I think you're supposed to buy them as gift. Feel right. But I buy them and I'm just,

pop in them. Of course you are. This is helping your creativity, darling. Don't even think of it as something negative. There's too much negativity out there. That lint balls are to me what heron was to Keith Richards. It fuels our creativity. Fueling creativity, those limp balls.

Back to the chocolate digestive. Where did it take you back to? It truly immediately took me back to primary school. Could you get them at primary school? Yeah, I remember chocolate digestive. Would you have them after school? Yeah, I'd have them after school.

Was it a happy memory? Yeah, it's definitely a happy memory. Dark or milk chocolate? Milk chocolate. Dark chocolate, I would like dark chocolate now. But that's not a... When you're a child and somebody gives you dark chocolate, you're like, oh, great, what are we pooping in candy floss now?

Why have you ruined the most delicious thing in the world? Handing a child, dark chocolate is so frustrating. I never should get older. Actually, I never thought I'd like chart. No. Your palate changes. It's delicious. But to a kid, dark chocolate is the most great.

Yeah. Why don't you just punch me in the mouth? Yeah, exactly. It's, but, yeah, it really immediately transport me back. I think because I've, I tried to restrict my biscuit intake. So now when I actually do have a biscuit, it reminds me of, um, someone, I had a bourbon biscuit. like chocolate ball box.

Oh yeah. I had one of those and that is a real that immediately bourbons, custard creams and the strawberry wafer and the strawberry wafer and immediately

it's the mid-90s the charts are dominated by Brit Pop Eternal and Brit Pop and Brittany no she was later this is pre-Britney

this is pre-Britney this is real like mid-90s in Croydon the Wiciff Centre is thriving Okay then that the golden age of Croydon. The Tory government is mired in sleaze. David Mellers banging in a Chelsea top. I remember that. You're right. John Major's banging Edwina Curry. We didn't even know about that.

I know. Didn't you know? No. Major Curry? Yes. What? She wasn't very political. Major. No, but we didn't know this at the time. It was like it came out a few years later that while John Major was prime minister, he was having an affair with Edwina Curry. About eggs. What? She was the person who said you shouldn't eat eggs. We don't know if the eggs were in any way part of their sexual interactions. And poor Norma was long suffering. Nish, you've been amazing. Thank you.

Listen, I would do this podcast literally every week. Could you? Yeah. Are you kidding me? Maybe like Nish fills in when Lenny goes on a fucking long holiday. I don't think I'd have quite have, I don't think I'd have quite... You won't have a gall to ask people terrible questions. And also I don't think it would.

Me calling you Jessica wouldn't quite have the same level of authority. Listen. We can see how it goes. Thank you. Tell everyone when your tour starts. My tour starts in September. Actually, my tour starts with a work in progress run at the Edinburgh Fringe and then goes on from September to the end of December.

All of the information is available at nishkimar.com.com. Isn't that a bit stressful doing your work in progress at the Edinburgh Festival? Well, I work with a... That's BDE. Right there. Isn't it? Teedy. It's a bloody good tool.

It's teedy. It's big dick energy. Nish Kumar love him so much. I did have to stop myself looking into his eyes. Oh my God, his eyes. The most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. I don't like to objectify anyone, but you've got great eyes, Nish. He is fab and funny and makes you feel like you're quite funny too.

He laughs at everything, darling. And he was very nice about the food. the food was nice. I thought it was. I thought my cake was a bit dry but I don't understand why. It was actually it was almonds and coconut. It went down really well. The whole team have had it. Okay and everyone liked it I think. Yeah.

Yes. Good. And it meant that I could get the squirty cream out so I'm happy. Yeah, I love a sweaty cream. Thank you to Nish for coming on. His new show, Angry Humour from a really nice guy, is touring all over the UK or you can catch him at Edinburgh Fringe if you're lucky but otherwise go and check him out or you'll find him in a coffee shop where he's touring.

And in London he's playing two big empires. Yeah, he's amazing. I love him. I would love to go. Me too. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching and we'll see you next week for more table monies.