Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S10 Ep 4: Chris and Rosie Ramsey

Episode Date: October 7, 2020

This week we welcome wonderful fellow podcasters Chris & Rosie Ramsey to Table Manners. We recorded it on publication day of their brand new book, ‘Sh**ged.Married.Annoyed.' which has been a HUGE success (Sunday Times bestseller). The excellent couple join us on Zoom to talk about eating too fast, who has better Table Manners and never getting full on a Pizza. Who knew that Rosie sang at a Leek & Onion Show? Or that Chris hosted the world Parmo making competition? Full of exclusives this one! What a phenomenal team they are, love their podcast & love them. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I am Jessie Ware and I am here on Zoom, back again on Zoom with Mum. But we are chatting to a power couple. A fellow podcasting power couple, Mum. Yeah, I know, darling. Bit jealous. Why? They're always number one. They really are. Yeah. Young whippersnappers last year and now they're high flyers, I tell you.

I know, darling. are yeah young whippersnappers last year and now they're high flyers i tell you we have chris ramsey and rosie ramsey they are hysterical are they oh my goodness the podcast is so funny it's about being a parent and all the stuff that you don't think anybody else thinks about too they are brilliant they do this thing what's the beef and they talk about things that they don't like about each other but however if this makes them sound like they're just complaining all the time however they do it with this kind of brilliant tone and and they get on so well so much like you and I mum only see each other when we're doing podcasts now actually that's a lie we went on holiday together and we're incredibly codependent actually you only taught me if it's to do with the podcast you never speak to me and I'm your mother and you never check on me and I could be dead at the bottom of the stairs

because you'd never ring me every day well thankfully we do a podcast pretty much every day so I always know that you're not dead and you are a liar benker king with the amount of calls that you give me every day so we know you're not a dead mum it's only to be helpful jesse not to do anything other than to be at your service which i think i am mercy baku yeah um anyway i'm very uh excited to chat to them because they really sound like they adore each other and they have such a giggle together and i feel like they flirt a lot with each other so we are chatting to them on the release day of their book shagged married annoyed so we'll talk to them about that but also talk about oh Rosie's pregnant is she how many children have they got one little Robin Chris was on Strictly did really really well I know I watched him and he was fun

you really liked him I liked him because he improved so much and he was fun and he didn't take himself seriously. All right, Shirley. They have the best accent. I'm sorry, the Geordie accent is the best accent in the world. I bet they know Cheryl as well. Are you also going to ask them if they've been in Biker Grove? Do they know Anton Deck? Donna Eyre.

Which football team? Is it Newcastle, Middlesbrough or Sunderland? It's all very important to Geordies. They're very tribal. Chris Ramsey and Rosie Ramsey coming up on Table Manners. And Mum with all the hard-hitting questions. So it's such a pleasure to meet you. We've watched and well, I've heard you and we've watched you from afar. But you are this dreamy power couple that are... No, you are.

That's a lovely compliment to do. I know. I don't quite know how I take them. Can I ask, are you sitting on a particularly tall chair, Chris? Or is Rosie on a... I'm on a really little stool. Do you want a swap, sweetheart? Yeah.

Yeah, because I just wondered, is she really little stool? Do you want a swap sweetheart? Yeah. Yeah because I just wondered is she really so much smaller than you? You're basically Kylie Minogue I think Rosie. Well I'll take that. Right. Oh hang on. You go that way. Oh my god mum you're ruining this. They just had the system. You're making them play musical chairs. They don't have to change. I just

wondered about height. Do you know what it is? You're totally right because I was being selfish here and sitting on a lovely back chair and my poor pregnant wife was sitting on a footstool and that's not cool. That's going to be a beef on the next episode, yeah? Yeah. Oh, God, aye.

Yeah, you forget that I'm pregnant all the time. I forget. But I want to know about the beef stuff, because you say you write them down and you've been saving these up for a while. You have them in your notes. Yeah. But, like like to be

fair like husbands and wives just piss each other off every day so it's kind of are you regurgitating some of the beefs i think we have a couple of times have we yeah and there's been a couple um where we'll have to literally revisit it yeah regurg was a bit mean revisit revisit yeah yeah yeah it's like do you know you're still doing this by the way and then we'll add like another layer to it um but who was it who asked still doing this by the way and then we'll add like another layer to it but who was it who asked someone asked us the idea and they were like

guys you must have ran out and we were like mate there's always like a couple to choose from in my phone I wouldn't go that far well it's funny because I

yeah I was listening to one of your ones and you were saying about how Chris never makes the bed never and neither does my husband Jesse

but then he calls me the most untidy person but I'm like that's just like plain and simple simple kind of Jesse Sam is right you are the most untidy person it's because I'm creative sorry us creatives you know I'm really messy I Are you? But I cannot get into an unmade bed. I just think it's... I agree. You know, it's just something that needs to be done. Well, actually, this could have been a Beef on the Switch podcast, but you know what?

Because you're so lovely, you're just going to have it on this one. Rosie is so messy. I did a thing on me stand-up tour about how she leaves clothes on the bathroom floor, and we talked about it on the podcast. We've got three dirty baskets, dirty washing baskets in the house. Rosie bought an extra one the other day

to put in the bathroom instead of taking her clothes to the dirty basket. You bought another one for the bathroom. But that's where you should have a dirty basket. Exactly. I bought that. You should take your clothes off. Yeah, to stop you whinging about clothes being on the floor.

Exactly. So instead of taking them just a couple of rooms over to the laundry room to put them in, you bought another basket for that room so you don't have to move them. Well done, Rosie. Thank you. I think it's very sensible. This is backfiring big time. So have you two known each other since you were five or six?

Since we were 14, I think. Probably about 14. 14. But we were never together I think. Probably about 14. 14. But we were never together. We played in the same street. Did you? Was that Biker Grove? No.

Mum! I'm teasing. Jessie said I wasn't to say that. But listen, can I just sort out from the outset? But do you know Donna Eyre? No, we don't. Do you know Cheryl Cole? I know Cheryl Cole yeah

she's not Cole mum anymore and which football team is it Middlesbrough Newcastle or Newcastle or Sunderland I say I'm Sunderland

my dad is like a massive Sunderland fan yeah and your dad is my dad is Sunderland but I don't I genuinely cannot bear football

if Newcastle and Sunderland were playing in my garden I'd chuck the curtains oh my god what sort of bloke is he? Terrible. It's mad, isn't it? Do you know what?

I got it shoved down my throat when I was a kid so much. And it was like, like football. You have to like football. And I pretended for years. And then when I finally got the confidence to go, do you know what? I don't give a shit. Like, I don't care.

I just, it was just such a release. Like, I'll be at school trying to pretend I knew and trying to follow on with the banter and i was like this is just painful so when did you two get together um when so how long we've been together eight years uh yes eight years ago yeah so we kind we went we played in the same street we went to college together and then we didn't see each other for years and years and years facebook friends i think no i don't even think we were. I don't think so.

Well, I knew where you were. Had you kissed each other as teenagers ever? No, never. No, Rosie was always going out with the bigger boys. What do you mean bigger? Bigger in what respect? Older, the older boys. Okay, the older ones.

She's really filthy, my mum. No, I don't know. You know, they were sitting on different heights. Bigger in all ways. No, I didn't mean that. She was 14 at the time so let's uh let's be careful yeah so that's when i first met rosie so rosie came around to our um uh to my the estate that i lived on with her friend because her friend was going out with another lad and then

rosie was going out you know how they would sort of i'm going out with him so you can like go out with his friend so it was kind of that wasn't it yeah yeah and then we just weirdly orbited each other what was like one degree of separation away from each other now that we've looked back on it and uh yeah and then we went to college together i sat next to rosie's boyfriend in college um her long long-term boyfriend yeah i wasn't like you know i wasn't infatuated with i remember thinking oh yeah she's she's beautiful and i remember your boyfriend was a lovely lad though i really got on with him well brilliant at maths copied off him big time he was awesome

then he left didn't he didn't do I think he went to a different class or something my second year I tanked like no one's business because I wasn't in his class anymore

he didn't do my class sorry about that yeah have a word nothing to do with me have a word and then yeah and then we got together

when was it I was on tour and I came back eight years ago yeah and we met in the nightclub was he always funny at school? Was he always making people laugh?

I don't, I can't remember that side of you. Chris, we were really different. Chris was like a proper emo kid. Does that make sense? You were a bit. I had me moments. Really? He was a bit rocky.

He had this massive hair. Huge, huge hair. Terrible. And he used to, I i always remember he wore skinny jeans and he in the winter he'd just wear a t-shirt and a leather jacket and i'd be like he must be freezing all the time wow and yeah i just remember you having massive hair but we didn't really you're picking a perfect a specific um phase sorry i went through all the phases i did the chav phase i did the the emo kid phase i did all them but you're you're remembering the specific one from college i think

that's where that's that was the time yeah she liked that one t-shirt and leather jacket like the phone the emo phones yeah do you remember happy days i've never fixed a jukebox in my life yeah so okay so so what um what was your first date can you remember the meal that you had I've never fixed a jukebox in my life. So, okay. So, what was your first date? Can you remember the meal that you had? We went to Gusto. Italian restaurant. In Newcastle.

Such a weird first date. We went to Gusto in Newcastle. And then the Malmaison Hotel is just next door. We went there and Lee Francis was there. Yeah. A.k.a. Keith Lemon. And obviously I was on a date with Chris and I knew he was a comedian and stuff like that.

Didn't know exactly what he was doing. And then Lee Francis came over like, all right, Chris. And I was just kind of like, this is weird. Well, he paid him, Rosie. No, honestly, I swear down, it could not have went better. Like I was like,

I was not many times in my life, I'm a Billy Big big bollocks right but on the sunday i'd been at the malmays on the same place because i went there didn't i go to ed sheeran's gate so ed sheeran was doing newcastle city hall so i got i went there and then we went for drinks afterwards because i know obviously i know ed and we went we went to that same bar and i was like oh we'll come back so then we went back and i was like oh i was here with her dream the other night you know uh and trying to impress and then as we were walking in then people said come have your photo and there was loads of them outside and i was like how the hell did you know i was here and they were like oh no lee francis is here so then when he came over

in the bar i was like this is just i must look fantastic here this this never happens to me this is so cool like that was years ago as well. That was like eight years ago. Rosie, were you impressed? Yeah, I was a little bit impressed. I'm not going to lie. But then at the same time, it was a bit terrifying.

Like, it was a bit strange. Do you know what I mean? So it was weird. And then you went off for a bit, didn't you? Went off where? You went away. You went away on tour for a month.

Not that night, though. Not that night. Yeah, I didn't just walk away. Oh, no, no, no. Mainly, I'm going for a couple of pints. We'll see you in a bit. See you later. It's been lovely.

I'll not ring you. No, I went on tour. We only just sort of had an official, and then I went on tour, and then I'd see you whenever I could, and then it was New Year's Eve. We made it official New Year's Eve. Oh, that's so romantic's eve we made it official new year's eve oh that's so you're

so romantic i just love it i'm not it was really at the beginning not so much now it was extremely romantic it was like we got engaged after six months we were besotted with each other it was really really quick married a year later then we had robin and obviously we still get along now but it wasn't it really sweet in the beginning. See how that, it was so romantic in the beginning. And obviously, we still get along now. That's the sentence that just fell out of my wife's mouth. Still together.

I've just remembered something. You're saying there, Jess, that it was really romantic in the new year. Can you remember we made sister's house? It was like a house party yeah and we were in this other room on our own and i was just saying and she was saying but you live in manchester and i was like no let's make it official and she was like oh but you live in manchester what's gonna happen i was like i don't know let's just see what happens and someone drunk i think it was the sister drunk came running in and opened the door and we like looked and she was

like oh sorry just came in to check you weren't shagging and we were like we were literally like holding looking at each other's eyes saying we wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and to make it official and she was just like

I was just checking you weren't shagging see you later and she'd walk back out I do remember that that's like an episode in a that's like a scene

in a Richard Curtis film wasn't it it's very love actually I'm into it I'm into it so are you based in Manchester I was I was at the time. So where are you exactly now?

We're in South Shields. Which is about 13 miles from Newcastle. It's our hometown. It's where we both grew up. And we've just stayed here haven't we? Well I just decided to move back when we got together and then I kind of realised that

because you weren't working you weren't doing anything at the time like like what we're doing now and I realized that as long as I'm not living on like the Shetland Islands if you're touring if touring's your main income it doesn't matter where you live you know I mean as long as you're not out of the country that you're touring you can live wherever because you've got to you've got to travel anyway so I came back I want to know about the book so okay so the podcast started a year over a year ago now and it's been an insanely successful podcast you're always number one it's incredibly annoying and um and uh you really are like people have taken to you and you've built this community

and you have people emailing in with all their kind of filthy things or their questions and it's amazing and you know as a parent and I mean you also have the best accents in the world so I could just listen to you forever but it's really amazing how you've built this community and you know we have a similar community and it's such fun isn't it that podcast community and they really feel like people you could have over for like dinner or have a drink with, right? No, you haven't read some of the emails. Oh, my... I mean, some of them, if we're going to have them around, I think we'd have to put plastic sheeting down like Dexter.

Not having them around, some of them are. Oh, good grief. Sorry to interrupt, but I just had to put that out there in case anyone's listening going, I'll pop around there for dinner. Categorically, none of you are welcome at our house for dinner. But I wanted to know, how have you made this book out of the podcast like how explain a bit about what the book is well when it first started when

we got asked if we wanted to do a book it was kind of like a uh should we give it a try we hadn't thought about it at all to be honest had we it was just it was not you've never done one no ever stand up wise and i obviously i'd never done one so we had to have a chat about it and to be totally honest with you we didn't know how to do it we were like right the podcast works like this how are we going to get that into book form so what we did was we picked questions from the public through emails and we would take specific questions and then we would kind of write a chapter around that question. Yeah.

If that makes sense. So you're kind of like agony mum and dad. A little bit. Yeah, but we'd kind of jump out, take their question, jump out the main point of their question, turn that into the topic of the chapter and then put their question in it.

That's genius. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it was like, you know, if someone was emailing about a terrible one night stand they'd have, we'd go, right, one night stands. All of Rosie's opinions on one night stands, all of my opinions on one night stands, everything, stories, whatever we wanted to put in.

Then agony at the end, there's their little letter, the email that we first got. And then at the end of the chapter, us answering their questions. That's genius. It's such a huge part. The question from the public is such a huge part of the podcast. I was like, nobody really wants to read just about what me and Chris think about all of this random stuff. And I think we're too young for like an autobiography or something like that. So we thought we're going to involve them as much as possible.

And some of the questions that we get, oh my. We've got like 20,000 emails in the email box. We've only just scratched the surface. It's crazy. So you know that there's a trilogy. You've got a kind of, you've got 10 books in you. I don't know about that,

but yeah, it's, I found it really hard. It was difficult. Penguin will be making you sign on the dotted line. On the phone. Hello, hello.

We'll see. I don't know. We'll have to, we need to talk about that. Yeah, it was, it was, we deliberately didn't want to put. Was it stressful? Yeah, we didn't want to put anything from the podcast in the know. We'll have to, we need to talk about that. Yeah, it was, it was, we deliberately didn't want to put. Was it stressful?

Yeah, we didn't want to put anything from the podcast in the book. So there's nothing, there's references, there's some references, but there's nothing from the podcast transcribed or anything in the book and there's no stories repeated.

It's all brand new in the book. And we, so we signed up to do it. We got it all sorted out and then I did Strictly. So it was basically the most yeah the busiest i've ever been while rosie every couple of days phoning is going i'm freaking out we need to start this book and me going it'll be fine we'll leave it till january it'll be fine

we started over the christmas can you remember we literally started writing it in between christmas and new year nice and stressful in between christmas and new year when most people do literally fuck all uh just sit around watching daytime tv we we did that and then i started writing a new tour the 2020 tour which i'm very glad i named it that because the whole fucking thing's been moved to 2021 it's on the tickets posters i'm 99 sure the set's already been made uh it's a big 2020 that's great think of the jokes that you can have in 2021 though well exactly yeah honestly i if i've got the set of 2020 i might open every night by just coming up and just weeing against one of the numbers just to open the show just literally pissing on it and going that's what i think of

2020 anyway um yeah so then uh we started it in between me writing this new show and then all this lockdown happened and we ended up basically writing a very very very large portion of it during lockdown um and it's been very stressful and we've been it's it's our release day today the publication day and we've been um it's mixed emotions aren't it because we've just been not knowing what to think of it yeah it's it's we it's a weird feeling isn't it when i don't know everyone's like how do you feel it's like i don't know how to feel and i think because we're me personally you not so much i don't think because in your job you write a lot you write chris writes his shows and things like that i found it hard it's hard writing a book yeah and it's something that I never thought

I would do and I'm glad that we've done it and I'm really proud of what we've done because I've read it about six times I'm really proud of it too

yeah I'm really proud of you aww because I know how I know how much genuinely I know how much Rosie doubted herself at the beginning

and I remember can you remember she was like I can't write she wrote her first chapter she just picked a topic and wrote something and I literally read it and I was like you've got nothing you remember? She was like, I can't write. She wrote her first chapter. She just picked a topic and wrote something. And I literally read it and I was like, you've got nothing to worry about.

I was like, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about because Rosie's very funny anyway, but she can write in her own voice, which is a thing that not a lot of people can do. She puts it down on paper and you read it and you will know that she's written it because she can put her voice into there. I think that's because I don't know how to write

as a writer. Does that make sense i think it's authors have the skill and they've probably done some sort of course to learn how to write whereas i just basically spoke you just empty your head like on a laptop and that so yeah but it's come together and we've done it and and it's done good for you thanks so much and yeah so you started it in lockdown and how many months pregnant are you rosie i am how many months am i now five months five months oh so there were other things going on in lockdown as well a couple of a couple of things just a couple

of things yeah broadband went off for a day so yeah do you know what it's a bit like not to be too tmi here but we had been trying for a little while and it wasn't strictly it wasn't until lockdown when we were a bit not chilled because it's been horrific but chris wasn't working as much um and you have more time together had a bit more time probably had a bit more sperm that worked because it was once i'm not i'm not scared to tell them if you're not. It was once. Once. Once. Once in a year. No, no. In that time. Can I just say, I was a huge fan of you on Strictly.

Oh, bless you. And I don't want to sound like Shirley Ballas, but you did improve so spectacularly. Thank you. Oh, wow. I was proud of you. Thank you so much. And I don't even know you.

Oh, I really appreciate that. But now I feel I can be more proud because you were brilliant. Thank you so much. You did well. Absolutely brilliant. You did well. I'm be of you. Thank you so much. And I don't even know you. But now I feel I can be more proud because you were brilliant. Thank you so much. Absolutely brilliant. You did well. I'm beaming here. But was it slightly irritating for you that he was doing so well?

Were you just like, can you fucking come home now? It was literally like... Well, I'm the daft mug who made him do it. He wasn't going to do it. And I was like, no, do it. It'll be good. Because I wanted people to see the other side of Chris

because he's been doing comedy since he was 20 and he was a bit of an arsehole when he was 20. And now... No, but now he's a dad, he's a family man and he's grown up a little bit. And I was like, I want people to see that side of you. And I was like, he'll only be in for two. I said to my mum, I was like like he'll only be in a fortnight

it'll be fine we've got the book yeah Blummin' Blackpool every week Semis Blackpool Semis

he was fabulous I was there every week because I had to go in the final area because everyone's got to go for the final so I was in every single one it was ridiculous

fabulous but I might be the only person so the week before the semi-finals I got in the dance-off against Alex Scott absolutely love Alex

she's fantastic she's the footballer for she's definitely England might have been Arsenal ladies as well she was Arsenal too I think

yeah and I don't know if she played for them or if she was just a massive fan but I knew she was definitely England and she said

I'm not a massive football fan so then I was in the dance-off against her and I phoned Rosie and I was like I'm in the dance-off against Dan. I phoned Rosie and I was like, I'm in the dance-off against Alex. And Rosie went, well, look, you've had a good run. It's been fun. You need to come home.

It wasn't like, go on, you can do it. It was like, yeah. And I was like, yeah, definitely. And then the bloomin' Bruno and Shirley put me through. And I might be the only person in the history of Strictly who's had to phone their partner when they got through and apologise. I said, Rosie, I'm really sorry. We can't put the Christmas tree up yet.

I've got to stay for another week. It was really, really intense. But looking back, it was mint. Although the one thing that made it a bit harder was that me and my family, every week, decided to have a party. Of course you did. We did every single week. I would have done. Yeah, but to have a party. Of course you did. We did every single week. I would have done.

Yeah, but it got really intense. My uncle, my uncle Kevin, was on non-alcoholic beers by week 10. He was like, I can't do this anymore. And we're big drinkers. We are big drinkers. Are you? I come from a big party family, yeah.

What's your drink? Wine. Yeah, I know that one. Yeah. I saw that one. Do you drink wine and then you eat Parma? What's Parma? Ah, that know that one. Yeah. I know that one. Do you drink wine and then you eat Parmo? What's Parmo? Ah, that's Middlesbrough.

Oh, it's Middlesbrough. That's Middlesbrough. I thought it was all over the northeast, Parmo. No, they're nice, though. They are lovely. Parmo is, they get a, you can have a pork or chicken, but we'll talk about the chicken one. So they basically get a chicken breast and they butterfly it

so it, like, they can fold it out flat. And then they hammer, with the back of a knife, this is the way I've seen it done, with the back of a knife they hammer it really flat, like really flat. Then they deep fry it, then they cover it in bechamel sauce. Obviously deep fry it with breadcrumbs, then they cover it in bechamel sauce and then they put a load of cheese on top and then they grill it underneath. It's called a chicken parmo. That's a parmo.

And that's a Middlesbrough delicacy it's Middlesbrough and Stockton yeah Teesside it's a Teesside parmo is famous it'll soak up all your alcohol

after a night out like it'll that's why they have them it'll just do they serve it in takeaways there yeah and I

that's mainly the main place you get them yeah but I don't do you even know this about me Rosie I've never I've never really had a chance to brag about this but I when i first started my career um got paid 150 pound cash in hand by uh stockton uh city council to host in stockton city center on a

saturday the world palmo making championships oh wow that's an excuse of everybody just that's better than semi-finals of strictly honestly i've never had a chance to brag about that. I can't believe this. Wow. There's nothing like a live food event during the day in a city centre to really bring out the creme de la creme of your city, I'll be honest with you.

It really brings out the highbrow. I don't know whether I'll top you here, but I once did a gig and it was the Leek and Onion show. The Leek and Onion show? At a social club in Walker. Rightek and onion show the leek and the social club at a social club in walker right and what did you what did that consist it was just all the people who had allotments it brought all the leeks and all the onions and i sang at it you sang what did you say what did you sing well i used to sing in social clubs that was my job so i used to be a singer

in all the clubs and there was a and that was the gig did you do the world is just a great big onion no don't cry for me at the moment who does the cooking in your household? Me. Rosie. Every single meal. Are you a great cook? What have you just cooked tonight?

Oh, we haven't cooked tonight. We've got the dominoes tonight to celebrate. Oh, what are you having on your dominoes? Oh, I am so boring. I have a margarita. Margarita. I'm so sorry. Chris!

I know, I'm sorry. What is boring? Do you get the dipping sauce? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. Get the bucket. There's two reasons I only get margarita. I know I'm sorry I'm gonna tell you what it is that is boring do you get the dipping sauce oh god yeah oh god yeah get the bucket there's two reasons I only get margarita

I don't like I feel like sometimes it's like too much like pepperoni and stuff I feel like you get a load of oil and stuff on it and I'm a bit OCD and I feel like it's

all over the place but mainly because I inhale a pizza like frighteningly fast like I've got a firm belief that I don't I don't think I'm ever full from pizza I think I just stop because I think that I don't I don't think I'm ever full

from pizza I think I just stop because I think right this is getting silly now I think I could eat easily four large Domino's pizzas in one sitting I think

I've never tried it but I honestly think I've got a really weird theory that I could just eat them Chris can eat anything and not put weight on she hates us I listened to your podcast

about this and you're exactly like my husband and I can't fucking stand it it's horrible isn't it horrible it's just worst thing. I have to watch what I eat because my weight just balloons up and down constantly. If we go on holiday, I guarantee I'll put a stone on. Just guarantee. And he'll come back looking like Adonis. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'll be like, I did a couple of laps in the pool. Look at me six pack. It's come back. And I'm like, oh my God. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I just had like a tuna salad for dinner. And my husband's just had fish and chips. And he's going to weigh less in the morning. We all know that. Yeah. But it's funny when, speaking of dominoes, my first date at my husband's,

I've been with my husband since we were 18. Oh. Yeah. And our first date date it was kind of third date but we hadn't kissed yet and it was valentine's which is always a bit awkward because it's like a bit pressurized and I promised my mate Amber that I was going to go to this like night in Brixton with her because we were both single three weeks before and uh or a week before and so I had to do that thing of being like a good friend so I knew that I had about an hour and a half with Sam at his house and I also thought that I was obliged to potentially do things with him and I was I no but I so I drunk no oh she knows everything um and uh I'm not going to talk about all my sexual encounters anyway

so um so i drink i drink a down kind of half a bottle of amaretto um that my friend's given me for my 18th felix and because i'm like oh god i better loosen up you know and anyway we go there and his parents are downstairs like hello nice to meet you this is jesse we go up to his bedroom because that's where boys of 18 hang out and he's like do you want a dominoes and it was the hardest thing to say no to because i was so scared that i was going to get food in my teeth that i watched it i was like no no no i'm fine i'm fine um i was so drunk and i needed that dominoes and i just watched him eat the barbecue chicken dominoes and it broke my heart and so that is my domino story i wish i was having a dominoes tonight god i love it yeah i mean i'm i'm terrible for pizza so if you weren't having pizza

what would you normally eat in the evening we're big pasta eaters love a pasta we love like seafood linguine um yeah and before i was pregnant we used to our go-to once a week, I think we used to have it, was prawn linguine with courgette, fresh chili, loads of garlic, butter and white wine. Gorgeous. So it was just, it was quite simple. You were Julienne the courgette as well, weren't you? Yeah, it was really simple,

but just so, so tasty. I think that's one of our favorite dishes, isn't it? Guys, I guess that we can ask both of you because you're both on and we want to know, last supper starter main pudding and drink of choice would they be the same no no no okay rosie first yes okay starter i would have um tuna tartar oh i love that too i'm all can't just say i'm already i'm already out

no i love that where have you had it? I've had it. The last time I had it was just before lockdown. It was at Dean Street Townhouse. Oh, yeah, lovely. I like that place. And it was unbelievable. It had like a quail's egg on top. It was absolutely...

Oh, fab. It was fantastic. So I would have that. That would be my starter. Main, I would have... I would have like a pasta, but I wouldn't have seafood because I've just had seafood. I'd have like a pasta but I wouldn't have seafood because I've just

had seafood I'd have like a ragu like a really quite simple just like a lovely ragu with like

just a really nice meaty sauce yeah and then dessert I would be really boring and have like a chocolate fudge cake nice

with ice cream or cream ice cream do you have cocktails first cocktails like drinks cocktails yeah would you just have wine or just wine i'm not i don't really drink anything else cocktails i find a bit what wine do you drink i love pinot grigio yeah or like in the summer i like a really really cold pinot grigio or a, I don't like rosé. I like really like a blush rosé. When I was in the south of France a few years ago,

it was the first time I'd had rosé because I'd always been like, oh, I don't like it. And it was absolutely amazing. Yeah, I love that. So I'm now, yeah, I'm now a bit of a rosé drinker. But if it was red, it would be a Pinot Noir. Pinot Noir. All the Pinots.

All the Pinots, yeah. I don't like talking about wine anymore. I don't like talking about wine anymore. I don't like talking about wine because I miss my little wine buddy. I'm not drinking wine for Rosie. Are you not eating other things like brie and honey and things like that

that you're not supposed to have? I don't really like cheese. You just had a Domino's. I can have it melted. It's so annoying. It's so annoying. You've talked about this on your podcast haven't you? Yeah because I wish I did like cheese because I just think that I'm a cheese cat. I love all food. You

said the other day. Just not like don't like cheese. You said the other day the exact sentence I can't remember who we're talking to but you said I love a cheese board I just don't love cheese. Just don't love cheese. So she wants a big bit of wood with some grapes on it. Yeah she loves the idea of it. I love pickles i love like gherkins and i love crackers and chutneys but you don't like any cheese don't like cheese not at all why don't you have like a camembert melty then a hot camembert she's vomiting she wouldn't have it did you did not sorry did you not say you're on saturday kitchen so we're going on saturday kitchen this week but the last time we went on, tell them what happened. They give me food hell and it was pasta with

Gourier cheese, is that how you say it? And Parmesan. And Parmesan, yeah. And they served it, Matt served it in this massive cheese bowl and I nearly vomited. I had to down the rest of my wine because I was going to be sick and I got wrong off my mum.

It was amazing. She rang me like, that was the rudest thing I've ever seen. And I was like, mum, I was going to be sick and I got wrong off my mum. It was amazing. She rang me like, that was the rudest thing I've ever seen. And I was like, mum, I was going to be sick. It was horrible. And I felt terrible because I think he was genuinely good. I don't think anyone's done that.

I think it's the only time because they always go, oh, my food hell. Oh, I hate goat cheese or whatever. And then like Matt Tebbitt or whatever, one of the amazing chefs on there go, well, I've done this. And you eat it and you go,

well, of course it's amazing. They eat it and they go, yeah, it's great. But she was like, this is my food hell and they gave her it and she nearly spat it out on the time i was dying no they do that's for your food hell but they don't they're such good chefs they don't imagine that it's genuinely a food hell and that you're gonna like i think they could probably cook me cat food and i'd like it because they're so talented and the way oh my god she honestly

nearly threw up on live telly it was lush that's why this time I've been a bit clever. And they've gone like, what's your food, Helen? And I'm like, what have I picked again? Cheesecake. Cheesecake. And I'm like, oh, I hate cheesecake. I can stomach a cheesecake. So I'll be all right.

I'll be like, oh, that's beautiful. Look for the clip. It's on YouTube. She literally is like, she has to run and hide. And honestly, the faces of all the chefs, they look destroyed. They look absolutely devastated. They invited you back. They did. And the rest of, it, the look destroyed. The look absolutely devastated. They invited you back. They did.

And the rest of, it was one of the best days of our life. The rest of the food was unbelievable. And they give you, we had like four glasses of wine. It was before 11 o'clock. And it was great. So Chris,

what's your last supper? Desert Island meal. So am I dying or am I on a desert island? We've had a bit of an issue with this so i we we have called it a death row meal and no i hate that because it makes me feel so we have stopped talking about the death row meal right because we don't believe in um the death penalty so that is gone um it can be last supper a desert island whatever basically it does island

but i'm gonna eat it I'm not getting rescued. It's like, this is the end, basically. It's me like, right, okay, okay. So my portion sizes have just gone up. Okay. So I want... You'll see tomorrow. You're going to see tomorrow.

No, you're not. Oh, no, you're not. I'm on Desert Island, aren't I? Yeah, I'm gone. Anyway, I have real issue with these things because I quite like takeaways and stodge. Rosie's picked tuna tartare. I don't know if she's trying to show off in front of you two.

That's what I eat. I don't know about that. I would honestly have, this is going to sound ridiculous, I would have a bucket to start off or a massive bowl of the pulled pork gyoza from wagamamas i've never had them they sound amazing so it's the gyoza dumplings from wagamamas that they do but they've got they've got pulled pork in them they're unbelievable and the salt the little sauce that you dip it in

like a salty sticky sauce it's got a couple of bits of something in it a bit bamboo or something it's got in i don't know what it is it's just like couple of bits of something in it a bit of bamboo or something it's got in it I don't know what it is it's just like a little bit of thing oh my god so might be ginger anyway I have

I'd have them I'd have a lot of them and then it would honestly it would have to be a pizza it would just have to be a massive Domino's

maybe do you know what I'm being controversial here maybe a Pizza Hut what maybe a Pizza Hut oh no no no I'm sorry

maybe their stuffed crust is nicer why it's a stuffed crust stuffed crust is nicer I knew that so if I go Domino's right

I go extra cheese I go margarita with extra cheese right just because sometimes there's not enough cheese it's a bit patchy but if I go Pizza Hut I go stuffed crust

just cheese and tomato I can't believe you're choosing a pizza I know but it's my last meal and I'm gonna did you both grow up kind of with both your mums cooking like proper wholesome food every day?

Yeah, mine. And you two want... He wants a bloody takeaway for his meal before he goes. I was picky. I was so picky, wasn't I? Oh. I was so bad. So Rosie would eat...

You would clear your siblings' vegetables from the table, wouldn't you? Yeah. I've always been a really good eater. My brother and sister wouldn't eat the vegetables. My mum would leave the room and they'd put them on my plate and I would just like scoop up the broccoli and the carrots didn't eat broccoli until I was literally about 25 yeah he's always so bad and you're still really slim really handsome you're annoying are you picky because you're a bit OCD so you like everything separated no I don't like everything separated um this so this is strange so the the reason um that I don't like everything separated. So this is strange.

So the reason that I don't have much stuff on a pizza is because I feel like it gets on my face. I used to have really bad spots when I was younger. When I was a teenager, I had really bad acne. And I got it... Whenever you used to watch the clear cell adverts, it would show you that cross-section of a paw. And you'd be like,

well, it's just dirt in your paw, you dirty fuck. I just clean your face. And it's like, no, it's hormones. It's bullshit. But you don't know at the time. So i after every meal i'll go and wash my face and hands won't i after every meal i'll go and wash my face and just like to sometimes i'm worse than others lovely watching me eat a bag of crisps not i do i'm not i put two fingers into the crisps and then you know i mean i'll wash my hands afterwards but i was really picky when i was younger i wouldn't eat uh chicken you know i mean i wouldn't eat like any vegetables

i was um potato smiley faces potato waffles turkey jetters beans i could take or leave my mom used to do a spaghetti bolognese but she used to save the mince so it was just like red red watery sort of mince so bad like such-juice. So bad, like such a bad eater. They tried everything. Well, I say they tried everything. My dad once got me Winnie the Pooh VHS and said, I'm going to pull all the tape out of it if you don't eat this Sunday dinner.

And I didn't eat the Sunday dinner, so he was just pulling out all this, like just ripping all the tape. And I was just like sitting there, just like knife and fork in hand, just screaming, just like scarred for life. Turns out it wasn't that. It was like a recording of you being framed or something it wasn't actually me winning the poo tape but that's what i'm so and i've got like i don't know what it is and we never got takeaways when i was younger and some it's something about pizza i don't

know what it is i can eat it i can literally eat a pizza every day ill with it yeah but i can make myself ill with it like bad like i could go to bed and i could be asleep and my stomach could be hurt i'll wake up in the morning and if i see a picture of a pizza or an advert for pizza i get a text from domino's or even when robin had that wooden little pizza thing with the velcro have you ever seen them yeah i'd look at that i'd literally look at that i'd be like oh you dirty fuck i could murder a pizza like I just can't I don't know what it is with pizza I just love it so much like so much

it's so weird I believe in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Simpsons oh I yeah I hear you on that one that's something about it coming in a

big flag Chris how are your spots cool now thank goodness I just really every day I just hope that Robin doesn't get them because they were honestly it was

so bad. It might have been because you were just eating shite. Possibly, possibly, but it's just hormonal, man. It's mainly hormonal. Probably because you were eating shit as well. No, don't put fake news out here for people. It's hormonal, I'm telling you. You know, when you eat a lot of greasy stuff,

it does come out in your spores. Very true. There you go. All right, Nizel. All right. Dr. Hillary over here. All right, Nizel. All right. Dr. Hillary over here. All right, mum.

But we hadn't finished. What's your, your drink of choice and your pud? What would I like for me? Do you know what it is? What? This is going to sound

so I've been obsessed with Biscoff. Oh yeah. Lotus Biscoff. Yeah. And I follow these accounts on instagram where they make these like biscoff things and i made the cookies that you made like a blondie for us um with like white chocolate and biscoff blondie the other day i made this thing and it was

literally just a tray bake it was a tray break blondie off this instagram account and it was literally biscoff spread crushed up bis Biscoff, some icing sugar, had to clag it together in a tray and then with melted white chocolate on top and then melted Biscoff

drizzled through that and then you did that thing where you get the, you know where they get the cocktail stick and they just like that so it looks all marble effect

on the top. Put it in the fridge for an hour, one of them, full one of them. If I'm dying, I want a full one of them. Who is this Instagram account?

I can't, it's something, Fit Waffle Kitchen or or something oh my god hold on i'm getting it's just some it's so i think she's from bristol it's just some waffle kitchen is a thing it's something like that yeah all right i'm following i think she's i think she's like athletic i think she's really athletic hence the fit and then the waffle kitchen is it uh she's i mean she may no i think she's just really banging. She's really fit. These look filthy. Yeah, they're unbelievable.

And I think I would, honestly, I think because I'm big, boring, pizza-eating, greasy-faced pig, I think I would literally just have some beer. Stewart's Brewery Craft Lager. Who's Stewart? Stewart's Brewery, is that one up north? No, so we were in a garden centre, a garden center weren't we and uh i like i always go and look at the craft beers like like a child in a sweet shop but i don't like ales and

stuff so no newcastle brown no definitely not it's like a pint of sunday dinner um i like it it's really filling uh i like craft lagers i don't like craft ales and ipas and blondes and all that but we went to the the the garden centre and I go to the thing. I looked at all the little craft lagers and there was one called Stuart's Brewery. And I only had two bottles and I got them. And then as soon as I had it, I went straight online. I need to order some more actually. And I bought like two cases of it for the fridge for lockdown.

And it's just been in the fridge and I've just been hammering it. It's lush. We went crazy at lockdown. We ordered. How many bottles of wine did we get? I got 600 quids worth of wine from Fortn and we just thought sod it the two has got moved and we were just a bit depressed and we just thought not and this was obviously before she was pregnant and this is before i was pregnant good fine great posh wine the chair were up so much wine so much

wine it came in like three huge boxes i was like oh. Yeah, it was nuts. So do you both have good table manners? They're looking at each other. I think I've got better table manners than you. Yeah, I'm waiting for her to tell me if I've got good table manners or not. Do you know, it's a tricky one because Chris is a lovely, lovely man. But when I first met him...

Feel a big butt. I can feel a big butt coming in. Well, I heard that. It's a bit odd, that. I don't know whether... You have to be a bit of an arsehole to be a comedian

and I think you didn't have very good manners when I met you. No offence. I think they've got a lot better because I wasn't

brought up like crazy, crazy strict but we had to leave we had asked to leave the table when I was growing up so if we wanted to leave it was like

please may I leave the table so Robin does that now and yeah I like good table. So if we wanted to leave, it was like, please may I leave the table. So Robin does that now. Yeah. And yeah, I like good table manners. So you've had to just learn and adapt. Well, I get up, I go get up to wash my hands and face

as soon as I'm finished and I'm the fastest eater on the planet. Yeah. Like it's, it's like you, you've constantly got to tell me to slow down. Robin tells you to slow down. Yeah.

Yeah. Daddy, slow down. You're eating so fast. You're going to get a bad tummy and i'm like yeah i nearly always do um but i just need it over with so i can go and wash my face oh bless you oh i you two look at each other like you're such a team and oh no but it's really it's it's you you enjoy each other look from what i've gathered from listening to you guys and having an hour on zoom with you like you look at each other you're such a team like you're amazing and

you find each other so they just look at each other like like you're kind of in the first year of oh bless you being in love or whatever it really it really seems like that and I look you work together and I'm sure loads of fuckers have asked you this but like you know has it changed it and do you feel like when because you talk about the fact that you kind of your date is basically the podcast now and you record it and and and that kind of confusion of it now being look a slight a business in a sense but also that kind of quality time that also airing kind of you know your dirty laundry whatever it's all this kind of it's real life and that's why I think everyone adores you and you're so brilliant and but like has it affect has it changed shit um it did to

be honest it's it's been great so far touch wood but what we always say is um because we get asked to do loads of stuff together we turn a lot of things down because we're very aware that we're married and i want to stay married and i don't think yeah i don't want i don't want to work with you all the time he doesn't want to work with me all the time so we're kind of doing what we're doing now and we love it and the podcast is great because it's just once a week it's literally an hour and a half or whatever but we do get on don't we have a right little laugh we do we do i mean we argue a lot like everybody does but on the whole yeah i think it's more like a heated discussion we're very really shout shout we've never left the house in a storming argument and stuff like that i went out once and sat in the

car but i had no way to go remember that oh yeah that's hilarious sat on the drive i didn't have anywhere to go you've talked you've actually you've chilled me out a bit because i used to love a fight like i was dead feisty and i just and he doesn't like fighting so it's like arguing it's pointless arguing with him because he's just he's quite chilled and he's like right okay calm down and i'm like i just want it to be so i just want everything to be all right like i always just want everything to be okay I want equilibrium to be restored I don't like yeah I don't like going to bed angry I don't like not speaking to someone I don't really huff it's not really something I do so I am but yeah I I I love making Rosie laugh so the podcast we sit down and we just want to make each other laugh that's all we want to do so when I have we'll have their moments when we say things

and you're sitting and you're like yeah i'm crying and there's like tears running down your face i'm like well this is just great because you know it's just the woman i love and something i really love doing so it's just a perfect thing to do but she makes you laugh she's so funny well that's the thing i mean people ask so funny people ask because of me being a comedian people always again we've done a lot of press recently i can't remember who asked it but it was like oh so what's it like then you being a comedian and now people are saying that your wife's just as funny as you i'm like it's fucking great like shit the bed like it's mint i don't want to do a i didn't want to do podcast on my own i wouldn't have done podcast podcast on my own

but it wouldn't have done as well because of the way we bounce off each other but i've said it before and i'll say it again the fact that other people are now seeing what i see and on a larger scale of how funny and how brilliant she is it's just it's great plus you know a bit more of an income now as well so every every uh every cloud it's brilliant i love it people seem to think that there's this some kind of like i don't know like um competitiveness but it's not at all we're a team and we love making each other laugh and when we're making each other laugh other people happen to find that funny so there we go yeah I'm so impressed I feel like maybe I should start being a bit nicer to my mum now actually

because it's just so it's it's it's just beautiful seeing you two together you adore each other which everyone knows and everyone adores you and you deserve everything and you're freaking funny both of you last question we need to ask you well rosie you're a singer um but do you like karaoke oh it depends because um i used to sing professionally obviously but then when i've had a drink i can't sing a note so whenever i'm doing karaoke my friends are like rosie rosie you'll get up and sing and i get up and I sound shocking. So yes and no. It is good fun. I'm a terrible singer, right? And because I live with someone who is a very good singer,

it's made me confident in singing even worse because I just know how bad I am now. You don't like karaoke, do you? It's not your cup of tea. Not really my thing. The other question I wanted to ask is what's on your lunchbox? When you were little, what was your lunchbox? I bet yours was Mutant Ninja Turtle.

I've got a funny story about my lunchbox, actually. I had a Gordon the Gopher blue lunchbox with a red handle, but then I thought Gordon the Gopher is a bit childish now. You know, when you get to that age, I must be about six or seven, and I was like, Gordon the Gopher, no. So I had a magazine that's some kind of i don't know um arnold schwarzenegger was in last action hero at the time and there was a poster of arnold schwarzenegger in the magazine and i cut it out and i sellotaped arnold schwarzenegger

to the front of my lunchbox so it was a photo a photo of arnold schwarzenegger gets better i took it in i got i got reminded of this years later because one of my mates who i still knocked around with at the time when i was about 15 reminded his mom of 15 that when i was six he was in the barber shop that i went into with the lunchbox and said can i have me haircut like arlen schwarzenegger um and i even said to the barber can you do the bits that go in there because he had obviously slightly receding receding hairline i you know i was like i was like can you do them bits in there and he was like that's because he's old son like that's because he's getting older you were 15. no no he told me about when i was 15. my mate reminded me kyle reminded us of it years later he was like can you he was like can you and

i forgot he was like can you remember you went into the barbers with the lunchbox with all this watching i was like what the i was like how do you know about that he was like i was in the barbers with a lunchbox with Arnold Schwarzenegger and I was like what the fuck I was like how do you know about that he was like I was in the barbers and I was like oh fuck terrific but yeah I went in with it so yeah a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger which I wanted to be

exactly like that's amazing notice I didn't want the muscles I wanted the fucking hair and Rosie what about you mine would have been I was Care Bears mad when I was a kid

Care Bears do you remember Care Bears when they used to like and they were just dead lovely or Captain Planet that was another one that I used to love oh that was good when I was a kid care bears okay do you remember care bears when they used to like and they were just dead lovely or captain planet that was another one that i used to love oh that was good i was a little kid my captain planet he's a hero gonna take pollution down to zero yes so that was that was my bag my jam what was in your lunchbox um i i got school dinners at school but again this is how did you get i bet you got a pack lunch yeah picky as fuck so uh yeah yeah so it'd be like a juice like a bottle of juice oh i think it was an r2d2 juice uh but it looked like it looked like r2d2 because it had a dome on the top

uh bread and butter just bread and butter just bread and butter okay no filling just bread and butter shocking um it'll have been a cheese string. Yeah. It'll have been a pack of salt and vinegar squares. A trio. Trio. Trio. Trio or a caramel Rocky Robin.

Oh, yeah. They were really nice. Yeah, they were nice. And then probably like a vanilla yogurt. A vanilla yogurt. Probably a vanilla. I was honestly pathetic. And I know like I could have,

like when you asked me perfect meal and stuff, I could have picked, you know, like fillet steak, you know, with like, you know, all that. But a pizza was genuinely my favorite thing above everything else. But I always have been vanilla and bland and stuff I like. You're very vanilla. Well, not just that, but you told me not long ago that after every meal when you were a kid you got a packet of crisps and a bar of chocolate after every meal

after every single bear in mind the meal was just fucking turkey jetters and and smiley faces that's all they were with some bread and butter did your parents eat other things or did you my mom and dad would eat the things i remember mainly were spaghetti bolognese uh sunday dinners and weirdly on a saturday before me mom and dad used to go out um we used to have like you know goodfellas pizzas i met oh this is such a weird memory that just came up my mom would buy the goodfellas deep band pizzas but the pepperoni ones with pepperoni and green and red peppers on and before she'd get them from the supermarket from the freezer but they were still a bit soft and she'd quarter them up before she froze them and then so you'd get one out and you'd you'd snap your quarter off so on a on a saturday night

before they went out they'd have like a quarter of pizza with like some beans and chips or whatever but my dad would have them he used to call it so it was it was peas chips and like a slice of pie but he would call it pie pea and chips not pie peas and chips pie pea and chips. Not pie, peas and chips. Pie, pea and chips. Oh, yeah. Like pie, one fucking pea and some chip. But it was, well, you haven't pie, pea and chips. Guys, I feel like we've taken up so much of your time and you've been so amazing. Oh, it's been lovely. We've loved it.

But like, honestly, you have had such a busy, well, you've had a busy few months, but like also this week in particular. Today is a busy day, yeah. Congratulations. You're fabulous we love you bless you

thank you thank you and Jessie I was a bit jealous of them before they came on I thought I wasn't going to like them because they're always number one and now I'm completely in love with you

because you're gorgeous yeah well just from me I've been a fan of your podcast for years long before we did ours so to be asked to go on your podcast, I was really buzzing. I personally, I don't publicly admit to there being any other podcast in the world apart from ours. Of course not.

Just my thing. But Rosie was very, very excited. So we've both been looking forward to it. So thank you so much for having us. Well, listen, hopefully we'll meet in the flesh and we can get the kids together and we can eat deep pan pizzas and stuffed crusts and whatnot

and all go to Whack-A-Mum for those gyozas so but thank you thank you thank you oh my god I love them. So nice.

Their rapport together is like, I mean, if you listen to the podcast, they just have a right old chat and they giggle and it was exactly like that. And I really wish we'd been able to have them over. They brighten my day up. They brighten my day up too.

I really would like to have a glass of wine with Rosie post baby because I think she's freaking great. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to Chris and Rosie. Go and get the book Shagged, Married, Annoyed. And we will see you next week.

Thank you for listening. The music you've heard on Table Manners is by Peter Duffy and Pete Fraser. Table Manners is produced by Alice Williams.