Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S12 Ep 3: Jack, Hilary & Michael Whitehall

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

This week we welcome mum’s new best friend, Hilary Whitehall with husband Michael, son Jack and a doll called Winston round to Clapham for a spot of Lebanese lamb. Jack talks to us about his lockdown venture Food Slut, his misjudged drinks & canapés parties at Manchester University & how he got into stand up comedy. We talk about Hilary’s home cooking, La Poule Au Pot & 10 things you can do with Marmalade, sadly not included in Jack’s new book ‘How To Survive Family Holidays’ which is out now and will definitely come in handy in our house X Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I am here with my mum and I'm a bit tired. Why darling? I shot something all last night. I was a bit terrified about the fact that I haven't slept that much. I was eating pasta at five in the morning, four in the morning, six in the morning, who knows, as my breakfast. It's all a bit cloak and dagger at the moment, but I'm absolutely zonked. And I don't feel like today was the right day to be zonked for these particular guests that we've got. No, I think we need to be on our metal.

On our metal. We have two of the biggest heavyweights in intergenerational broadcasting here. We have Michael Whitehall. Yeah. And Lenny Ware. Oh, I thought you were going to say Jack. No, Mum.

This is the clash of the titans. Who is the bigger diva? Michael Whitehall or Lenny Ware? Who is the bigger curmudgeon? What's a curmudgeon? A curmudgeon is a miserable sod. Oh. Yeah.

Well, let's see what Jack and I think. We'll see who gets the prize for the biggest curmudgeon. Let's see. Well, I think we know who is good cop and who is bad cop. Hilary is absolutely good cop. Yeah. She's very happy. She's jolly and lovely.

Jolly and happy and brings doggy bags with her. Oh my God, that was very funny. Yeah. And Michael has said that he's not eating tonight. I know. So I don't know whether that's part of the shtick or he actually isn't going to eat. We will see whether this is authentic. We'll see.

He might be tempted with a little lamb and rice. Well, yes. Tell everyone what you're making. So we've got lamb. I've done my old standby, my Lebanese lamb. Yeah, love it. I've done my big rice cake. Yeah.

Just to try and impress. And I've done the warm winter salad with aubergine and spinach and tahini the last time we did this particular dish which was sandy toxvig I think in series one and I don't think I did the warm salad did you did I did I loved it okay and I've also made a tart that's kind of a vintage dish now now listen our lovely friend Judith Ishhorovitz yes gave me quinces from her tree tree so I've made a quince that was very Sukkot of her well she left them outside in a bag

and I've kept them, they're very furry when you have to peel them and I've made a quince and apple tart tatin oh yum, I had quince with soused mackerel at the Cambo Alarms and quince and it was so delicious.

Quince is great. Campbell Alarms is great. I love the Campbell Alarms. I also have forgotten how much I love a cocktail. Like, but to go out and have cocktails. Do you think I should make cocktails tonight? I thought you were too tired. I'm very tired, actually.

What cocktail are you going to make? You never make cocktails. Just do champagne. You know where you're at with champagne. You know where you're at with champagne. I know where I'm at with champagne. Can I thank lovely Steve from Ginger Pig, who gave me my lamb today and then said to me, who have you got tonight?

And I said, oh, I know the Whitehalls. Good friends. And I said, Steve, you say this every week. I said, do you really know them? He said, no. Always says, give them my love. Say Steve you say this every week. I said, do you really know them? He said, no. Always says, give them my love. Say Steve sends his love every week. Well, I'm very excited about this.

This is a big one for us. Jack, Hilary and Michael Whitehall coming up on Table Manners. We have Hilary, Michael and Jack Whitehall here for dinner. We're on champers. Not sure about that billing. Oh, sorry. Jack Whitehall. We were going round the table.

Mate, you know what I've had to do? No, it's all right. It used to be Table Manners with Jessie Ware. Yeah. But listen, we realise she is the star, so now it's a co-star. So it's now been rebranded with this series. Table Manners with Jesse and Lenny Ware.

Please don't give them any ideas. So listen, guys, it could be Travels With My Son soon. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Could I just say there is... Travels Without My Son is what I think is probably more likely to become. No, there is actually somebody else here as well. A cat.

You've brought Winston. Oh! Lord, there's Winston. Oh, wow. Winston is here. So I'm going to put Winston over here on the side. Winston doesn't work so great on a podcast because he doesn't give a lot.

He will on our photo. He's really looking very dapper. I mean, visually, he's a great joke. How old is Winston? From an audio perspective, Winston is really... Listen, I want to know, how has it been

working together? Does it feel like work? Because it does feel like work with mum and I sometimes and we have to switch off and... No, but we have to really be like, we're not going to talk

about the podcast. No, you look so short or I look so tall. I look like Chloe Kardashian. Sorry.'re not going to talk about the podcast. No, you look so short. Or I look so short. I look like Chloe Kardashian. It's because you're on the steering wheel. I know, I'm on the kiddie wheel, right. Anyway, how does it feel working together? I mean, did you ever envisage this?

No. I mean, Jack, I think you should kick off because it was your idea. Are you proud of yourself, Jack? Yeah, your fault. Yeah. No, most of the time it doesn't really feel like work. It feels like um just an

extension of our family life um but in front of audiences or uh television cameras or microphones in this case um but yeah i'd say it doesn't necessarily feel like hard work never did you have to be i'm going to say the word wrong because I'm very tired, cajoled into doing it? No, I wouldn't use cajoled because it's not my kind of word, but you've pronounced it impeccably. Did I do it right? I mean beautifully, I would have to say. But did you...

If you like backhanded compliments, there'll be a lot more. I'll take it, listen. But I, i yeah that first series was a very it was a very unknown quantity okay so i think that well we had done that other show hadn't we we'd done back chat which was the first thing we did right okay which went out on bbc three i think it was. And then 2. And then 2. Because it was such a success. I wasn't going to say it.

Are you kidding? Because that's what we do. And then that sort of led to travel to my father. I mean, you've been everywhere. Not quite everywhere. There are one or two that we haven't done where do you want to go? I mean I would have loved to have gone to Japan

yeah that would have been cool and actually last night on stage I said I wanted to go to Rio de Janeiro for Carnival it's amazing

yeah and then Jack wrote a line for me which he made me say no I didn't yes you did because it made me sound really weird I know I love this

this is very showbiz you're Kris Jenner in this okay I like it I then had to say in front of 2 000 people i want a brazilian oh my god yeah no it was framed when i said i love brazilian food i want a brazilian yes i want to try the cuisine i'd love to try brazilian that's so at least yeah at least then it's a double entendre rather than just an entendre i need to know are you prepping these shows because when we do a live show we don't prep maybe we should but like how much do you prep because please can you give

us some i think definitely words of advice because we i tell you what we we have is we have a skeleton yeah that we then obviously the fleshing out happens in on stage as it were but the thing about having a skeleton is that so for instance last night we had a section about robert pattinson playing batman and what the fact that michael jack is playing clifford the big red dog i'm not playing for the big red okay well sort of do you want to get into did you want to do that no i'm perfectly happy. But I was saying how wonderful Robert Pattinson is. And we forgot to do it in the first half.

So we then had to literally crowbar it into the second half. Because it was such a good... Do you know Robert Pattinson? Weirdly, I... I know his parents. Oh, um... Claire. Claire, yes.

Yeah. So I... This is so South West London. Claire, um... Claire asked me to photograph him when he was 15 because he wanted to do modelling. And I used to take actors' pictures. And then he came back at 17 because he wanted to be an actor.

And he, well, I should hand over to you because he came and asked you to do it. He wanted to meet me because I was a legend, obviously, as an agent. So modest. And he wanted some advice because he wanted to be an actor. And I told him not to do it. I said, you'll be out of work most of your life, Robert. You're a nice boy.

Oh, God. Whether you can act or not, I have no idea. Obviously, I wouldn't be interested in taking you on, but I would advise you not to do it he was too focused on the career of Christopher Biggins and other like quite big stars like that at the time so he didn't want to take on, no he's great

and so he ended up with Widow Twanky and not Batman this was his default position for advice to anybody who wanted to be an actor as you said Keira Knightley my clients... Daniel Day-Lewis did very well.

Yeah, pretty. Colin Firth did very well. Yeah, he's done all right. Not bad, yeah. Michael Fassbender did very well. Yes. I mean, quite a few of them did very well, but the majority of them didn't do well at all i mean the majority

there was a boy i remember who did a film with michael cain where michael cain was playing a scotsman thank you the worst scottish accent i've ever heard in my life it was kidnapped yeah robert louis stevenson And this was the part that everybody wanted, the young man in Kidnapped. So this boy who I'd taken on did that. I saw him 20 years later working at Turnbull and Asser in German Street. And he was only an assistant there.

I went in there to get a shirt and he was only an assistant I went in there to get a shirt and he was measuring my neck and then he said you are Michael Weitzel aren't you and I said do you remember you used to look after me when I was a film star and I said yes of course I did Lawrence how's it all going

and then I thought oh why didn't I ask him that because he's measuring my neck measurement and that was more typically that's what happened to people who want to be actors they end up not getting anywhere so i can just some do well i just i want to know about that conversation that jack had with you when he was like i want to do stand up oh well i was about to say when i'm a teenager all our children were drip fed the advice do not be an actor

so he circumnavigated it and said I'm going to be a stand-up was he funny when he was little? very funny quite eccentric slightly funny, slightly weird why weird? very eccentric and strange sometimes

he was his own man but I was made to go to university to do an art history degree. Not an art history degree. Where did you go? I went to Manchester. But they said I needed to go and get a degree because being an actor wasn't a real career and it wasn't secure enough.

I absolutely get that. But then again, I don't know whether there's many jobs in art history. But wasn't that a perfect place to do your stand-up? It was perfect, yeah. Thank you. And also Manchester. Good fun. So on a Saturday night, he'd go and do a gig in Liverpool.

Exactly. With that voice. If he could survive that, he could survive anything. That wasn't your thought process at the time, though. It was. You just wanted me to go and... It was a little whiplash. Mum was there.

Mum was there. Okay, got it. No, but he was amazing, because all his friends used to go out on a flash on a Saturday night, amazing because all these friends used to go out on the lash on a saturday night and jack would just quietly disappear and go to a pub in somewhere or other and go into the burn lake and stand in the corner of the room like the madman in the corner of the room and start doing his they were gigs i wasn't just going into a pub in olden and doing my routine in the corner of a pub to punters. And also, to shatter the illusion, I did then go back to meet up with all of my friends

and get lashed afterwards. And I would have to pay cash up because I'd been in Oldham. I was trying to pay you a huge compliment, but it obviously got fired. He cut his teeth. He learnt his trade. So you're a proper theatrical family I'm not sure that we're proper

but we are I guess so what does your brother do is he in no he works in digital branding so he escaped it well except he does look after a bit of Jack's social media type stuff

it's a real family affair. But Molly, is she an actress? No, Molly's in PR. But works... She has her own business with business partners and looks after various massive companies. So she does documentaries for Netflix and Nat Geo and does Disney Plus.

Very worthy films. How much do you wish you had a cheeky little doctor tucked away somewhere? Yeah. Well, of course, the rest of my family are doctors. Doing night shifts. Saving lives at night. I was going to ask Michael if he is a bigger curmudgeon than I am, and Jessie didn't know what the word meant.

Isn't that shocking? She didn't get past cajoled in the dictionary. She stopped after cajoled. See you, curmudgeon. I'm done now. Get to see you. All right. Well, yes.

Thank you, mother. What is a curmudgeon? And I think I would describe a huge word. It's a bit deuterium. No, it's such a good word, though. It is a good word. And no, I'm not, no. Ah, excuse me, please.

How did you two meet? And what was the food that was involved in the first date, if you can remember? What was their food? Well, cat and dog. Can you strangle the cat? No, don't. Or put Winston on the cat?

I was in this nightclub and I was looking for a drink. This girl came over with a tray. And I said, could you get me a glass of something? And she went off and then she came back. And we got talking. We're into fantasy world. I took her home with me. I like this.

I'm liking it. Is this your first wife? He often does this where he'll start telling a story. And then it'll be like, oh, no, that was Janeane that was when i met jane he genuinely has mixed that up before i was married before a couple of times i mean a couple of times once we went we met at a party but actually the first food i mean because that was a party where you, you know, probably peanuts and the odd, maybe the odd can of peanuts. You didn't have food then. But the first date that we had,

there was a little bit of an interlude between the party and the date, which I won't bore you with, but I was a little bit slow coming back to him on the date situation, which meant that he'd given up on me by then. So he then got his secretary to take it over. Are you kidding me? Because he wouldn't take my calls. Because what happened is that Hilary was a young actress and wanted an agent,

and Michael wanted a shag. She thought you only wanted him for his agency. And so they were both coming at it from a completely different angle. So his secretary said, would you like to have dinner with Mr White? This is a bit kind of Christian Grey. Okay, got it. I'd say a bit me too with two of his clients so I said oh

okay so so this was all arranged and we were going to the Poulot Pot oh I remember Poulot Pot in Pimlico still there it's very French it's very French it's very French

and it's still kind of never moved really from the 90s well I would say 70s it's very dark I thought it was

that guy in Cambodia who Pulo Pot no that was Pol Pot I can see Pulo Pot is in Pimlico

yeah and there is a dish called the Pulo Pot we don't serve anyone in glasses yes it's a nice place for a date it is nice it's quite dark It is in Pimlico. Yeah, and there is a dish called the Poulet Pot. We don't serve anyone in glasses. Yes, because they could be intellectual. It's a nice place for a date. It is nice.

It's quite dark, but as I said. And then she said, oh, Mr. Whitehall's car is in the garage for some reason. Would you be able to pick him up? And I said, well, where does he live? And they said, Hammersmith. And I said, well, it's not really on my way. But anyway, then it wasn't going to be that. So he got to the restaurant.

I then got to the restaurant. Thought I was early, but I wasn't. And at that point, I had a black beetle. Very, very sweet. Very cool. Do you know what a beetle is? Yes, fuck off, mum. Are you sure?

Yes. Excuse my language. I sat outside listening to something on the radio and the two clients and Michael were watching me through the window thinking, what is she doing in the car? Did it have a broken seat or was that another car? No, that was a Morris Minor. Anyway, I then went into the restaurant

and there's someone who's been watching you for the last ten minutes wondering what you were doing in the car. Why did he have somebody else there with him? Because he was scared. Oh, my goodness. So he had a married couple. Scared of what? Rejection.

She's a young woman. No, it wasn't rejection. I just thought it would be a bit odd with our age difference. It's a double date. Taking you off on your own to some dark restaurant. You could have chosen a lighter restaurant. It might have been less foreboding.

The couple live near the pearly pot. Oh, they've just popped in. Did they peel off halfway through the stage? No, they live with us. Oh, my God. They've been in a polyamorous relationship ever since. Oh my goodness. My other mummy and daddy.

Do you remember what you ate? And did Michael... Do you know what? I think I did actually order, which was an error. And if you ever go to the Pulo Pot, it was delicious. But there is a dish called the Pulo Pot. Don't get it. Well, it's enormous.

So I ordered it thinking it would be a little bit of chicken. And this whole chicken arrived in a pot. A pool? A pool? Yeah, I got it. And of course, they'd all ordered other things. So this thing arrived. You had the whole chicken.

I mean, I ate, you know, a wing. And they said, did you not like it? I said, no, I loved it. But it's just large. So what about family dinners? When you became a family, the three kids are there. What was your favorite meal that your parents cooked? And who was cooking?

Hilary was always cooking. Although, I did teach you all to cook. They're far better cooks than I am now. All three of them cook wonderfully. I've seen you flexing your... Much more adventurous. I mean, Hilary does a very good Sunday roast, but now Molly does a very good one as well.

Do you know what? No, I can't answer that question. No, no, no. Who does the best roasties? Well, yeah, I mean... You can say that. No, because I think Molly has learned a lot from Mother, and so... She's probably notched it up a little.

Okay. You should do more vegetables I mean really I think he's better than mine is this the sleeping beauty upstairs he's a doctor and he does the best roast potatoes he's a saint he's a saint

he makes roast potatoes he does night shifts and he does so what was Hilary making on a midweek cook a lot of spag bol i love a bit of spag did you talk about spag bol in your desert island discs or did i make that up i don't you talked about gypsy kings i remember that and that really like reminded me of our family growing up. Yeah, I can't think what... I don't think I've mentioned Spagbol.

Maybe you did. That's not one that I necessarily remember. Okay. Remember that chicken in a pot where you'd stick a whole chicken in a pot and chuck in all the vegetables? Poulet pot. Do you remember a chicken in a pot?

It's a poulet pot. I still got it. You can't buy them anymore. No, I've got a chicken brick. A brick. It's like a terracotta brick. Me too. Jesus, you two are going to have to go out for some dinners because you're essentially

the same person. Yeah, and put a chicken in that. Yeah, and with some vegetables. Yeah. Put a stalk and leave it. And it's always delicious. I think the other thing that we always loved in our family, I've got to say, it was a poi. A poi?

A poi. What, the fire? A poi. No, a poi. Oh, a poi. Chicken and tarragon pie. Yeah. You make a banging chicken and tarragon pie.

And Michael, what's your favourite thing that Hilary cooks? Spam. It's probably a pie. Spam. Have we got a very good pie joke? No, we don't want a pie joke. Come on, I need the pie joke. Molly's wedding was ruined by the pie joke.

He did a three-minute joke. And it didn't go down well no it didn't it was a laugh of relief at the end because it had been a three

minute journey with the audience the book is brilliant but the bit that made me laugh so much was Chernobyl

I'm so sorry at your expense I'll show you the videos afterwards they're not as bad as this aren't

they're not but I think this hand. They're not. But I think we had a similar experience when we were all in Mexico. What was it called? Montezuma's Revenge. Oh, yeah. And we had a room. We ended up booking very, very bad. No, you booked bad.

I ended up booking badly. With cockroaches. It was horrendous. I didn't realise we were in the middle of a kind of industrial estate with car... There was a reason why it was available. Yeah, it was was available when the whole of the fashion world are on the beach. So we weren't near the beach at all. We were on the road to Guatemala where they stop people constantly to check if they were carrying drugs. So we had to try and canvas on Christmas Eve like Jesus and Mary.

Do you remember that nativity song? Jesus and Mary. Do you remember that nativity song? Rat-a-tat-tat, do you rat-a-tat-tat? No, no, no. That was us on Christmas Eve. Hannah ended up in a kind of, like a cloakroom. It was kind of like a yoga silent retreat situation. And then we ended up in one room.

It was in Tulum. Have you ever been there? No. It's the most hateful place I've ever been to. Tulum is a big holiday destination. Yeah, but it's, you can't, you're electrified. It's the most hateful place I've ever been to. Tulum is a big holiday destination. Yeah, but you can't... No electricity. And we ended up in this room where it was very fancy.

We all had to share a room. There was no electricity. No electricity. Sounds like White Lotus or something. And the bathroom was separate from the room. It was the bathroom and the loo and everything. And I got unwell. Oh, no.

Did you get unwell? I don't think we need to talk about bowel movements when we're about to eat dinner if you'd read Chernobyl there was a bowel movement to end all bowel movements because he ate in the Chernobyl canteen there's a canteen in Chernobyl

and he ate something called mixed meat they wouldn't give him the origin of the meat but I think well I didn't want to eat it so there was two blokes well they're actually women but they look like blokes who were behind me so that the counter quite rude to the ukrainian nation but um and they had this one thing you know to eat and i said could you tell me what that is and she said meat and I

said sorry meat I said yes could you tell me what sort of meat it is and she said mixed meat and I said right so what you know what's in the mix which meats and she said no no mix meat and I said do you have anything else? She said, no, just mixed meat. And you didn't talk to her. And I said, well, thank you very much, sir. I'm sorry. And then we took it to the table.

But the problem was... There was a camera on him, so he ate it without thinking. I was thinking that they were filming it. And I was watching, I was like, do not put that in your mouth. Did you eat it? No. Why did you not say don't eat it? Because they were filming it.

Whilst I wanted to save him, I kind of want to see how this goes as well. Okay, Jessie, would you have stopped eating mixed meat? No. No. No, not me. No, but this is the thing I need to know, because you know, it makes good telly, but has there been any family disputes about, you've been like, listen, you've taken it too far, Jack.

Like, fuck you, this is enough. I am not a laughing... A butt of your joke. You know, I feel like we've had this conversation where maybe I've pushed her buttons too far, made her do, you know, have you ever had to been like, there needs to be boundaries? I mean, that was probably the worst

time we've had filming because I genuinely thought that he was in serious trouble because I mean

it's now a funny story and I've talked about it on stage and shared it with the world but at the time he was in a

hospital and he got like really bad heat stroke you're you know in this tiny little hospital in Chernobyl, which... Not a great place to be. If your son ever gets asked to go there, it's not a great placement.

It's a very, very rudimentary facility. It was slightly stuck in gear in the 80s when Chernobyl happened. So it's not had much updating since then. I mean, it probably was very busy in 83 and then it's been yeah but you have to say jack you need to back off now um i think that generally happens more in the editorial process than the filming process i mean the filming process they're left to their own devices to sort of free wheel and i'm not always there of course yeah so i can't enter into it jack had also had his head turned

because when we arrived in the Chernobyl... Goodbye. It was the radiation. It was a group of people sitting at a table. I remember you telling me this is funny. I thought, well, we've got the locals to talk to at least. And then they turned round. There were about eight or ten of them.

I wasn't there. There were quite a bunch of them. And they turned round, there were about eight or ten of them I don't know, I wasn't there there were quite a bunch of them and they turned round and one said to the other, in a northern accent, which I unfortunately don't do Northern, Northern, Burnley, we're talking Burnley, sorry, I'm chugging this out

and said, oh my god it's Jack Whitehall, hi Jack how are you doing? And they were all distracted. Why would anyone go to Chernobyl? Can we have a selfie?

There's a youth hostel in the middle of Chernobyl that you can stay in. That is really mean best man behaviour. Sorry, I'm drinking all this champagne. So Jack, you know, had lost looking after his poor father eating this dodgy meat.

Because he was thinking, I wonder if there are any other fans. Well, that couple over there said, Oh, Jack, you big over here. You're big in Chernobyl. You big in Chernobyl. The Ukrainian accent, was it? Would you like to eat something?

I would love to eat something. Would you like some more nuts or crisps or anything? I'm very happy where I am. I mean, I want to taste the delights of Lenny's cooking. That's why I'm so excited. You're very sweet. Lenny, is this going to be your mixed meat recipe? Mixed meat?

Yeah. I told you that that's what we wanted in honour of Chernobyl I mean I think I've now found my NBF to end all NBFs Lenny Romanescu when we wrote this book I wrote it and sent over a load of chapters to Michael and Hilary to look at

because I was like you know you have been thrown under the bus again a couple of times and it's only right that you get to read it first and see whether it's acceptable so I sent it to them and then instantly they started firing back thoughts for how they could have a right of reply my dad was sending

three chapters talking about anecdotes that he could include. I was like, oh, so now you're writing it as well. Oh, it's collaborative. Hilary took it one step further, though. She then, because there was a Google doc that we shared, and that's what we added in our prose into the book, Hilary started adding recipes. Yeah, why not?

Because it's a holiday book, is why not? But, sorry, one of the holidays in the book is Christmas. Yeah, which I, yeah. Thank you. The turkey. I wanted to do my turkey and brine, but you've put me right off now. But why in a How to Survive a Family holiday book? It would be weird if you're reading that and then all of a sudden

there's just a recipe for butternut squash soup. That's quite Nora Ephron and we like that. Bloody good. Yeah, and also the thing that has happened is that the reading public have been denied my fail-safe go-to

marmalade recipe. Oh. Love a marmalade and... It's not in there. No, it's not in there. Not only did I give them... You didn't give her

that one thing. Not only did I give the marmalade recipe but I then gave ten things to do with marmalade. Okay, so you haven't had the chance to have it in the book. So tell the listeners, these are foodie listeners, what you would do, the 10 things you would do with marmalade.

For a start, you can put it in a marinade for mixed meats. Yes, that's true. Chicken marmalade, yeah, it's very nice. Can I just say marmalade with mustard or seeded mustard with garlic. Gorgeous. Or you can put it into a sort of soy saucy, kind of coriander-y type mix. Can I just say marmalade with mustard or seeded mustard with garlic? Or you can put it into a sort of soy saucey, kind of coriander-y type mix. You can make ice cream with it. Marmalade ice cream to die for.

Oh my God, I've never thought about that. It's amazing. I have a card from Daniel Day-Lewis saying, Dear Hilary and Michael, Hilary, that is the finest marmalade ice cream I have ever had in my entire life. Or indeed, the only marmalade ice cream I have ever had. Well, we've just got our teaser for the episode. Hello. Right there.

Hello. Didn't he thank me at one of his Oscar speeches? No, not quite that far. I only got to this place because I tasted that marmalade ice cream so another one for you the ham and cheese toasty with marmalade it's like a chutney

Hilary I love you it's so good literally 10 little ideas for marmalade with the marmalade recipe because you know that you can only make marmalade it's a very short season the several oranges only come in

between sort of just after Christmas to mid end of January I think we've got yourself either you're on Saturday Kitchen as a regular host now

or you can have your own recipe book I feel like that's fine I like it you're a best seller you're going to be a Sunday Times best seller

with this so fuck it you can go and do a cookbook next do you know what I want to do I want to do I like it. That's fine. I like it. You're a bestseller. You're going to be a Sunday Times bestseller with this. So fuck it. You can go and do a cookbook, right? Do you know what I want to do? I want to do probably not a podcast because it's quite visual, but I would like to do a sort of YouTube series or something of recipes that actually don't quite turn out, but they're perfectly palatable.

Because, you know, when you see everyone and they go, Jamie Oliver goes, oh, this is this is delicious you know and Greg Wallace goes oh there's heaven on a plate and all of that and you think yeah it doesn't always necessarily turn out like that and sometimes you have to sort of add a bit of chutney or add a bit of this just to make it work and it's that thing of rescuing cookery

will you be exec'ing that one I'll probably let her do that one on her own this is rice. Oh, my goodness! It's a rice cake. That's amazing. I was looking at it and trying to work out if it was sweet or savory, and then I thought it may be a truckle of cheese.

No, I love it. Or a cheese cake. And it's rice. Yeah, it's a rice... so it's crunchy at the top. Oh, I love it. I love the idea of that. So do I. I mean, I want to talk about you and your food

because you've kind of gone into food and restaurants I think I always liked cooking and I always liked the idea of making food for people and that was definitely something that I got from my mum Were you a good host? Did you always have people round?

We used to I think that Lenny will appreciate this. The thing that is called the dinner party has sort of disappeared. People don't do dinner parties anymore. We did a lot of dinner parties when they were little. And Hilary's cooking had to make up for Michael's personality. I was going to tell you a story about when I was at university.

I was talking about my mum's influence and how I'd always liked cooking. And I arrived at university in Manchester. And we moved into this student house, which was just like that house in Fresh Meat. It was just so... You made Fresh Meat in Manchester, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. That was up there. And it was very similar, my lifestyle, to what it was like when I was an actual student. I lived there with my five mates.

And we moved into this house, and me being, you know, the upper middle class boy that I am, I was like, well, we've just moved into the new area. What we need to do is have a lovely drinks party to meet some of the neighbours. So I said, we'll throw a lovely drinks party and I'll do canapes, because my mum loves this incredible canapes. So I called mummy mummy I was like come on give me some inspiration what shall I do and I put on the most amazing spread we did you

know the blinis with the gravis lax and uh sour cream this is um yeah no uh second year at uni when I've just moved into the student house I think I roasted some beef and did a horseradish cream and the little miniature Yorkshire puddings. I made all of them from scratch. And we sent out all of these invites, which we then posted through all of the doors of the other student houses that were around us. And then on the night of the drinks party with the canapés,

we waited and it got to about 7 o'clock. No ring on the doorbell. It got to about 8 o'clock no ring on the doorbell got to about eight o'clock we're like i don't think anyone's coming obviously because we'd invited a load of students to a drinks party the only neighbor that arrived was the house over the road which turned out was a halfway house which was people coming out of prison uh there was a lot of drug addicts they were living in this house that was over the road obviously we just moved into the area so we didn't know that uh they all turned up it was like four or five of them uh some guy with no like teeth uh a man

that i think had just come out of like doing a 10-year stretch at a prison in manchester uh i was like okay so we've got lovely blinis here. Did you ever do another drinks party after that? No drinks party after that. I remember being in the kitchen talking to a lady and asking her what course she was on and she said methadrone and I told her that I was doing history of art and I thought this drinks party has not turned out how I was expecting it to turn out. Which area in Manchester? Fallowfield,

where all of the students live. I need to know about this restaurant that you have. Do you have a restaurant? No, no, no. I did a pop-up restaurant. And what was it called? It was called Food Slut.

Yeah. And it was a blog, Instagram page that I started during lockdown. It was obviously lockdown struck. Where were you during lockdown? I was at my house in my flat in Notting Hill with my brother. And my brother loves food.

We both love cooking. And obviously all the work had suddenly dried up. So I was making a lot more food. And I was cooking with him. And we love kind of American style food. Like quite big hearty. Like slow cooked meats and burgers. and you know that's the kind of stuff that we were making also because i was like i'd have to be on tv so i can just eat

go to fat so mixed meats it was a proper like you know just i was a glutton for three months and so me and him just made these dishes and had lots of fun and and cooked a load of stuff that i would never have had time to have cooked had we not been in lockdown and a pandemic. And then I was like, oh, well, I might as well document it on Instagram. So if I do come out the other end of lockdown looking like, you know, I've eaten myself, then at least people will know

what I've been eating to get to that stage. Where was your girlfriend? Was she with you at the same time? She was there. Was she enjoying it? She's a pescatarian. Oh, nice. Oh my God.

And we were like steaming meat and doing slow cooked briskets and all manner of different things that I think she found quite appalling. It was a lot of having to open the windows and waft out the smell of meat. But you did do a pop-up, no? Yeah, we did do a pop-up, yeah. It was successful. Yeah, it was. So that was just after that.

How did you like that dabbling with restauranteuring? I'd love you to have a restaurant, Jack, because then Lenny and I could come and advise, hang out, cook. To be honest, I'm not a chef. Do you want to eat more of the spinach and stuff? I'm good at the moment. I could work there as a greaser. You'd be front of house.

I could be a greaser. I could say, yes. And they say, oh, I think we've got a table. Yes, your name? No, nothing there. Thank you. Next. I can say yes and they say oh I think we've got a table yes your name

no nothing there thank you next Jack you're are you friends with The Rock yeah I mean I guess so I guess so

from doing the film no I'm not going to do WWF right now go on darling I'm not doing that right now thank you so much but what was he like he was great

he's big isn't he very big is he as tall as you I am about the same height as him I still think he'd take me in a fight I need to know is he as tall as you because you're very tall yeah I am about the same height as him oh so he's big and tall I still think he'd take me in a fight okay

I need to know like okay so you have you're doing Clifford yeah you did Nutcracker yeah you did Jungle Queen

these are like real my kids are going to be watching that on Disney Plus very soon yeah you know are you going to because you're

you're great I love doing those films you're brilliant you're brilliant and you're funny and I love fresh meat do you want to do like a something do you want to do something completely you know what the last thing i did was like i'd come off the back of doing jungle prison doing clifford which were obviously family movies and clifford in particular and when you're doing that

you are there are you know confinements to what you can do in terms of improvising and adding stuff to the script and the jokes that you can get away with. And so you are allowed to write this. Are you allowed to be involved in the script? Yeah, you are. You're definitely allowed to like, you know, impress your kind of personality on the script and improvise and come up with stuff. But you have to do it in the confines of this is a film that will be seen by families and this is going to go out on disney plus or this is you know going to have a certain rating so it is quite hard and by the end of it i did slightly yearn for you know the days of fresh meat where you could just say whatever you liked and uh the last film that i did was a film where it was you know 100 going to be r-rated there was you know sex scenes there was lots of inappropriate. And it was so much fun to be on the set

and to be able to just be completely liberated and to make whatever jokes that I liked. Are you allowed to talk about it? What is it? It's called Robots. And it was me and Shailene Woodley. It was a sci-fi comedy. She's amazing.

And a great, amazing sense of humour. That's been on? Has that been on? No, no, no. I filmed it for the last kind of seven, eight weeks. She's lovely. And I filmed it with the guy who wrote all of Sacha Baron Cohen's stuff. He's called Ant ant hines and he's worked with him for like 20 years and so he has

that kind of same sensibility and tone of humor and uh i had such a laugh doing it but it was really nice to be on a set and not worrying about oh god can i get away with that i actually had a joke that was cut from clifford it was so funny there was a scene where i'm i play american in it and the actress playing my sister is british in the film so there's a quite funny meta scene where i take the mick out of her for speaking in an english accent and talk about how much better my life would have been if i'd had an english accent and i did a load of improv where i'm improvising in sort of you know cod english accent but doing my actual accent and so I did it and um on the day just like threw everything at the wall made loads of silly Harry Potter

references and chucked in a load of like English slang that obviously no one on set understood and people found it very funny cut to six months later I was called in to do an additional ADR session I'd already done all of my ADR, and they called me in, and they said there's one line. Explain what ADR is. Sorry, ADR is when you go in after you've shot a film to add in all of the lines that they didn't quite pick up on the mic.

It's called additional dialogue recording. Yeah, or they'll have a shot at the back of your head and add a line because the plot doesn't make sense. But they said, we have to get you back in because there's one line that has got through all of the censors. And just before they were about to send the movie out to all of the cinemas and have it like wide released or across the world someone went we should probably google what that word is and it was bollocks

and i had improvised in the scene getting the little girl to say bollocks and i said bollocks so and then the little girl had repeated the word bollocks and no one knew what bollocks meant and I'd said it on the day and I was like obviously that's never going to end up in the actual film but I was just saying it because it was funny in the moment and her parents who were on set found it hilarious and then six months later I was called in and there was all these

paramount executives, they're like we're going to have to think of a word that looks like bollocks the shape of your mouth we can't get around the fact that you say balloons balloons yeah or they had a load of words that they had to to add in because i almost managed to get the word bollocks tucked into a kid's film do you think that you've got a nice balance with i mean is it the end of travels with my father yeah it's finished probably yeah i think there might be something similar coming on

but jack needs hillary i mean who ready is it going to be travels with my mother no definitely hold on is that going to be the next netflix you never know travels with my winston what i was going to say was that when jack um was hoping to get the part in Jungle Cruise. Oh, yes, I'm still smarting. Guess who read in as The Rock in his audition tape, or whatever they were called. So everybody now self-tapes for parts. You don't ever meet anybody. Yeah, so in Jack's Kitchen, we did the scenes for Jack's part,

and I played The Rock. And I wore daddy's clothes i borrowed his yeah we got props we did everything and i stood behind the camera being the rock she did the rocks i was bloody upset let me hear the voice i was bloody upset i mean i am i'm big i'm strong come on mcgregor come on i did the bit at the beginning of the audition where you have to do a thing called a slate where you say you know your details and information

I was like my agent is CA my name is Jack Whitehall and Hills was like it doesn't matter what your name is I was like you've gone a little bit

too far now Hillary you need to calm down yeah I don't know how we're going to do this but we ask every guest what their last supper would be I don't know how you're going to do this, but we ask every guest what their last supper would be. I don't know how you're going to kind of divvy this amongst all of you. Maybe one takes a starter, one takes a main,

one takes a third drink of choice. What, we're not allowed to have our own last supper? Yeah, if you want to. Come on then, let's do this. Who are we starting with? You, Mother. Okay, 100%. It would have to be something curried because michael doesn't eat

curry so i whenever i see a curry on any menu i have it that could mean even something like kedgeree so the walsley kedgeree to die for we were just yes please it's it's quince and apple are they are they homegrown well Well, they were, yeah. Friends sent me quinces. Oh, bless. Thank you. Yes. I love kedri. It's just the most baffling dish.

Like, if you explain it to an American as well, it's like, oh, yeah, we have this for breakfast every now and again. It's curry rice with eggs and haddock chopped up into it. Yeah, it's fish, eggs and rice with curry. But actually, I would have it for dinner. But it would be some sort of... Why is it a brunch thing? I don dinner but it would be some sort of brunch thing I don't know it's obviously

sort of it's like leftovers thing shortly yeah I think it is okay so kedgeree the Wolsey kedgeree I need to try that that's a good

Wolsey kedgeree or a curry any sort of curry you know Thai curry or a curry curry love it their brunch is good yeah their chopped salad

is good I went for my 21st do you remember I was so hungover I couldn't eat any of the bloody eggs benedict so I was just like well there's a good. I went for my 21st. Do you remember? I was so hungover, I couldn't eat any of the bloody Eggs Benedicts. I was just like... Well, there's a good dish,

of course, the Eggs Benedicts. But not for your last meal. No, no, no, no. It would have to be something curry. Okay, so, okay, is that your starter? No, that's my... Just some sort of curry.

A cashery or curry or... No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. I thought I'd pass that. No, no, honestly, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. Honestly, I'll... No, I'm not a bit of that.

I'll finish that. We'll just drink Michael's. So, are you a sweets person? No, I'm very much savoury, actually. You're like, do you not want this? No, no, I will. No, she'll take that. This is what my dad says to you.

Don't take it away. Sorry, you've gone to so much trouble, Lenny. Of course I'm going to taste it. Michael. Okay, Michael. No, I'm looking worried. No, I'm not worried. Okay, so your last supper. My last supper, no starters,

because I don't have a big enough appetite. After, I've had it probably ice cream, sorbet at the end. And the main course would be Welsh lamb, either, well, roast Welsh lamb. Yeah, roast Welsh lamb. Could be those little cutlets, which I quite like. You chop off and then put them in there. Sorry, could I just say, Lenny, cutlet, nightmare to cook. But anyway, yeah.

So Welsh lamb cutlets. And Jack, what is your last supper? I would start with cured mackerel fillets with torched skin, with maybe a horseradish cream, possibly with a little bit of buttered sourdough on the side. Then I'd have a slow-cooked lamb shank, dauphinoise potato, haricot vert with lots of butter again, and I'd finish with a sticky toffee pudding with clotted cream.

I mean, you clearly haven't thought about this. Lastly, yes, table manners. Do you think you've got good table manners, the White Halls? I mean, you've already covered one little issue that I have, which is boarding school hangover which is the minute the plate

hits the table in front of Jack he's off I think that's really a compliment I like that I also eat with my

cutlery the wrong way around with my are you left handed nope just always have this makes sense to me that you wouldn't have the fork in the right hand all of the time

because that's the one you use the most I never put my napkin over my lap But can you cut with your left hand? Well, yes I absolutely nailed it tonight You didn't see that technique That lamb was in ribbons I eat with my mouth open

She's a mouth open She's a washing machine so I would say I have really bad we're both mouth breathers do we want to put that into the world let's not refer to ourselves as that we're mouth breathers that sleep in the same bed do you snore

I do what a terrible image to leave them on I need a new boyfriend and when my granddaughter sleeps with me, she goes, Grandma, you didn't snore last night. And I say, I can have a boyfriend. She goes, do you want one?

Like that. She's fine. Guys, thank you so much for being there. Can I just say the one other thing is that Mr. Whitehall has impeccable manners because whenever I serve supper for us together, obviously I serve him first and then i he will always wait and i say oh do start it's hot don't let it get cold no no i'll wait for you he's a gent he's a gent would you like to take a little lamb home i mean we could have some in bed

together you do love a doggy bag i love a dog i mean i'm getting some lamb i literally would love it later yes it'll be heated through as they say oh i'd love to know if you did have it like that's lovely i'll take a picture to prove it we need proof i will yes um good luck with the book you don't need it you're going to be sunday times best sellers and it's um's very reassuring to see family dynamics so similar to my own and yeah Can I just say there's some very big handy hints in that book about holidays

But, about Holland days Oh, I was going to She tried to get Holland days in there I love you Oh my god, I love you Love you We need marmalade I love you. Oh, my God. I love you. I love you. Well, listen, we need marmalade, so look.

Well, I'm just saying, the only thing that's missing is the marmalade recipe. Well, Mum, you've now got a new friend. I know, darling. Very good fun. She's so sweet. And Michael. Not as much of a curmudgeon as I thought he was going to be. No, dry-witted.

He's very funny. Thank you so much to Jack, Hilary and Michael for coming over. I don't think Michael knew... I mean, at the end he was like, what is this called? But he enjoyed the chit-chat. He enjoyed his nuts and his champs. And I have to say,

the tart to tan, the apple and tart, the apple, sorry, the apple and quince tart to tan was very delicious. I made it up. You pioneer.

I know. Did you not like the lamb? I thought maybe it needed a little bit more gravy Darling it's not supposed to have gravy Otto Lenge does not serve gravy Maybe because you've got a cold it wasn't seasoned properly I couldn't taste anything

And I think the rice Fuck off you little shit RSPCA will be here soon That was yeah It was very very fun Loved chatting Loved that you've got a new friend jesse do you like my dress i do wallace sent it wallace sent it to me stop they sent me presents

you've bloody made it we're waiting for the call from stella and victoria now, don't. Stop. Look, you'll always have Wallace. I love Wallace. It's a fabulous cut. Look at you in your old tea dress. All right. Made an effort. Gorgeous. Thank you for listening.

Go and listen to, well, you can either listen to, I'm sure they've done an audio book, but the book is out now. They didn't sign it. Oh, shit. Shit, never mind. It's called How to Survive Family Holidays. By Japs Whitehall with additional help from Hilary and Michael. But yeah, wait for Holland Days to come out.

How to Survive Holland Days, Family Holland Days. That will be coming. And also the marmalade tip was very good. Marmalade ice cream is a really good idea. You can play for anything with anything, can't you? Yeah, but you didn't think of that one, Mum. Let Hilary have that one, thank you very much. All right, Hilary's have that one thank you um anyway thank you for listening and we'll see you next week