Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S13 Ep 11: LA Special - Jordan Firstman

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

Writer, film maker, king of impressions and the banana bread's publicist, Jordan Firstman joins us on this weeks special episode of Table Manners.Mum made a delicious sirloin steak salad (shout out to Jess Damuck for the accompanying pea, cucumber and asparagus salad ) & we sipped leftover Greekmans natural wine. Jordan told us about his secret mash potato recipe, his ‘Wicked’ themed Barmitzvah, what life was like growing up in Long Island & where to get the best chicken wings in LA.He won mum over and I'm sure he’ll win you over too. (Sadly the story about Shelving didn’t make it in but he can tell you about that another time) Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and it's a beautiful day in Los Angeles. We're about to have lunch with a very, very funny gentleman. Do you know who he is, Mum? No, I don't. Have you bothered to do any research on this gorgeous man? Yeah, I have and he's very handsome. And funny? Yes.

Have you not seen the banana bread thing? No, darling. He's very funny. I'll ask him to do it for me here. Part of the reason I invited him on too is because I think he's so funny. He made me laugh a lot during the pandemic. His name is Jordan Firstman. He's a comedian.

I think he's from Los Angeles, but I'm not sure. Did you contact him directly? I did. We've been messaging for kind of, well, I guess a year or so about, I wanted to set him up with the brother. Anyway, we have Jordan Firstman on our Los Angeles special and we're going to serve him some lunch. However, let's talk about the produce here, Mum,

and how impossible it is to get anything. It's not impossible to get anything. I think that Parmesan tastes like shit. I have to tell you, I love Whole Foods. I love the produce. But... You do need to remortgage your property. There's so much plastic.

Right, first thing is the plastic. You do need to remortgage your house to buy the meat. So I bought sirloin steak to cook today. And it came to $40 for a big piece of steak. It's a madness here. That's quite expensive. I think I'm still living in the time when i was 16 years old and we came here on holiday and everything was like because you got two dollars

for one pound yeah and we get like one dollar also the plastic is mind-blowing for you go into whole foods and it's all carbon neutral and yet they've everything's in big plastic cartons to preserve the look of stuff. Well, I still love it. I would still move here. Me too. Even though I would have to live in a bin somewhere. Yeah, but we'd be eating heirloom and heritage forever. Or market.

Yeah, or market. There's three words they use, heirloom, heritage or market. And I don't know what it means. So what heirloom have you got on the menu today? I've got an heirloom beetroot with heritage tomatoes. And I've done, from your friend's cookbook, Salad Freak. Yes, just a muck. I've made her pea, cucumber and asparagus salad.

With parmesan. And I put a bit of parmesan on the top which she didn't have but I see I was very lucky and I got invited to a dinner of hers I think she's about to be a New York Times bestseller and she has a book called Salad Freakout she's a mutual friend of my friend Benny who's obviously a friend of the podcast too and I got invited to his house where she put on a dinner and um we sat and we ate salads and i was amongst many artists sia walks in did she have her face covered no because she wasn't performing does she only cover her face she only wears the wig when she's performing there's a airplane above us um

anyway we i really like jess and she gave us abook. So we tried out a salad because it's a hot day and everyone eats salads. I'm going to do sirloin steak, sliced thinly. I've done some pre-lentils, my pre-lentil salad. And I've got an Uber Eats now coming, some feta. But we've realised that feta here... The feta's not great. Why is it not good?

It's a long way from Greece, darling. Yeah, but it's like in a can. You'd think that they might be able to come up with how to make it. Last night, I ate at Angelini. Never heard of it. It's delicious, it's old school Italian on Beverley Boulevard and I had the most delicious lemon pasta, pasta al limone. I've never tasted anything quite as delicious in my life. I'm going to try and make it. Now because we're

sitting outside you may hear the odd aeroplane, bin man, squawk, child so yeah it's a little bit more of an alfresco sound today. Jordan Firstman coming up on Table Manners with the Bim Men. Cheers! Jordan Firstman is in the garden. Cheers! L'chaim! And we're drinking a natural wine. What is it? Do you know what it is?

You're not. I'm drinking a natural, normal wine. Oh, it is a bit kiddish-y. Filled with sulfates. So, hold on a minute. This one that we're drinking actually- Does this skin look good? I'm fucking 70.

You look amazing. I need the fucking sulfates. Hold on. So, we're drinking one that actually is from Greekman's that I believe you were in there the other day. How did you know that? Because, well, I basically... You maybe need to watch what you're saying because my sister goes out with a guy who owns it.

And I missed you by... Were you going to say you loved it? No, I did really like it. Okay, good, fine. I feel like I heard you only stay for snacks, though. Yeah, because it was a weird time of the day. I know, because I missed you by 15 minutes. And I saw you there later, and I was like,

oh my, I was gonna DM you. I was gonna DM you, and then I was like, is it too keen? Is it worth it to be like, oh, we were at the same restaurant? I'm really glad that you felt the same, because I was like, oh, is that a bit keen, me being like, I had eyes on you

that you were here 15 minutes before I arrived. I think the food is gorgeous though. It was really good. So you used to go when it was Friedman's? Yes, which I love. So this wine is from Griechmans.

They love a natural wine. Jonah, my brother-in-law, who I really... You don't call him that, do you? Why can't I call him my brother-in-law? You put a hex on it.

Wait, what's the drama? No, nothing., don't call him that. Why can't I call him the brother-in-law? Put a hex on that. Wait, what's the drama? No, nothing. Not married. Oh, okay. I feel like he's my brother-in-law.

They've been together, they've been together about two and a half years now. Okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, that's the exact time

they could go either way. Yeah, exactly. I think four is when you, no, three is when everyone like either breaks up or gets married.

So let's talk about you because I have my cute brother here. I know. I am like, not to jinx and not to put this off the tape. You're in a relationship. I'm like recently very much in love. Is that who you were at Greekman's with? Yeah. Did they say it was like a cute guy I was with?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Stunning. Yeah, he's gorgeous. What does he do? Is he in the biz? No, he, I met him in Berlin. Oh, he's German? No, he's Italian. What does he do? Is he in the biz? No, he, I met him in Berlin. Oh, he's, he's German. No, he's Italian, but lives in Berlin.

Really Italian. Well, that's not handy for a relationship. It might be for me. You want to move to Berlin? No, but like maybe. I feel like you could, you could do a little stint there. No, but Berlin, I go dark. Like you don't want to see me in Berlin.

You're like. Yeah, I've heard about Berlin before. Burkheim. I was, like, kind of, like, worried coming here. I'm like, oh, I can't, like, say anything bad. Because I'm, like, with a mom. Oh. Hold on.

Oh, you've just been offensive there, Jordan. Jesus Christ. But there's, like, I guess I'm with two moms. Yeah. I'm with two moms. So I've got to, like, watch a little bit. She's much more tame than me. I'm the prude two moms. Yeah. I'm with two moms. Yeah. So I got to like watch a little bit. She's much more tame than me. I'm the prude.

Really? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So how are you? How's everything going? Everything's going well. I mean, yeah, like being in love is really cool.

I really enjoy that. And it's been, yeah, it's like, it's been a cool week. My winter was horrible why have you had COVID I mean yeah a couple times but that's not why it was bad

but I got I actually got a really bad flu that knocked me out like emotionally just like when my body not even COVID

no it was like a bad worse than COVID and you drank all those natural wines and strangely you've got yeah there might be a correlation there somewhere yeah just i should have been drinking that chemical filled because you never put chemicals in your body no never never no nothing bad enters my body ever um no but i have like i i like go really hard in like a lot of areas in my life and then like

what happens is i push myself and then my body shuts down and then like everything becomes everything goes into that sickness where are your family are they la they're all over the place now where i'm from long island and and new. It's New York. Yeah. So who's bringing you chicken soup? That's the thing. That was part of the depression because it's like no one's bringing me chicken soup. That's the important thing. That's what you need.

Yeah. Are you celebrating Passover this year? I don't know. It's on Friday. If someone invites me to like a cute thing. Did you have a bar mitzvah? Yeah. Do you want to? I want to know everything okay okay this actually like i don't tell anyone this because it's so embarrassing

i saved it my whole life thank you and this doesn't leave this podcast yeah i feel like your listeners could know but if i'm like outed as this type of person it my career is over oh sorry the table yeah no you're you're you're a Jew. You're a Jew. You're a Jew. I really gesture a lot. You're a gay Jew and you were using your hands and we love it. It's great.

Okay, come on. Bomb us with a story, let's go. Okay, Wicked, the musical, was my theme. I love you. Oh my God. So you must be thrilled about the remake. Were you the witch? I was like all of them.

I like saying, we sang all of Wicked. Okay just saying, I just want to know. Gravity! No, no, no. Tell me, tell me Jordan, when did you know that you were gay? I mean I guess before that. Like right before that, right the moment I said I want my theme to be Wicked, that's when I came out. Who sang Gravity? Which witch? Elphaba. What was your outfit? I mean, I think I was dressed like, I can't even remember. I think I was wearing my like bar mitzvah t-shirt. I had a wicked time at Jordan's bar mitzvah. No, stop.

Did everyone get one of those? So did you have wigs on the dance floor as well? No. We did that. So basically my parents gave me two options for my bar mitzvah. They're like, either we throw a big party at a venue. It's big. Is that?

That's a dishwasher. It's not my job. That's a dishwasher. What was I saying? Oh, the options. Or we would throw a party at my house and then they would take me on a vacation like anywhere I wanted. Okay. I chose Italy.

And then my parents just like were I don't know it was giving like divorce and like weird stuff and so the trip took like no actually there there was no talk of divorce yet but like the family was messy timing was messy and then so it took four years for the trip to happen with both parents well then like two weeks before my dad drops out of the trip and I'm'm like, that's weird. And then our first night in Italy, it's me, my mom and my sibling. And it's like already kind of weird. My mom doesn't drink.

We gave her one shot of limoncello and she says she's divorcing my dad. Like first night, first night. And it like ruined. I don't know. There's a lot of noises in West Hollywood. We hear that in our house. No, that's a car. That don't know. There's a lot of noises in West Hollywood. We're here, though, in our house. No. That's a car.

That's a car. So she tells, and then it ruins the whole whole thing. Oh, my God. We left early. Like, we could not deal. Is that because you were very close to your father? No, but it's like, you know, when you're in high school and your parents are getting divorced, it's like weird.

Were you 17 at this point? Yeah. Yeah, 17. Who were you more angry at? Well, at that point, I was more angry at my dad because he did kind of something fucked. And then like in later years, when I like learned like my mom's pathologies, I was like, oh, I like now I understand all the puzzle pieces, like how my dad would have gotten to the place where he did the thing. Have you got brothers and sisters? Yeah, I have two siblings.

They're twins. One is non-binary, so we call it siblings. And then sister. We're all gay. You're all gay? Yeah, yeah. And are you, are they younger? No, they're older.

So you have siblings. Yes. You lived in have siblings. Yes. You lived in Long Island. Yes. Was your mum, yeah, good food? There was some good, bad food. You know what I mean? What was your mum's favourite?

She cooked. She cooked. That is very sad. Whether it was good or bad. Yeah, I mean, like, you gotta give her props for, she was there every night, cooking. I'm not gonna say it mean, like, you got to give her props for, she was there every night cooking. I'm not going to say it was, like, amazing. What was she cooking that you remember?

I mean, I used to forget. She used to do the Jewish food thing, like, Friday night dinners. It's like, sometimes, like, no, not really. Can she make brisket? Yes. Not even that? No, she can. We had brisket sometimes.

Chicken soup? It was all kind of, like, I don't know. I remember, like, a lot of, like, boiled can. We had brisket sometimes. Chicken soup? It was all kind of like, I don't know. I remember like a lot of like boiled chicken. Oh. And that wasn't giving. But like she made really good blueberry muffins. Oh, nice. And then we cooked Thanksgiving together every year.

Is Thanksgiving dinner a big thing for your family? Yeah, that was our big one. Like more than any Jewish thing. Like Thanksgiving, we went. What were some of your traditions? I started making like these famous mashed potatoes when I was like six. But I was giving, I was like, so I'm head chef, like giving everyone orders. You could have become a chef if you hadn't been a comedian.

I hate cleaning. So it was like that prohibits me from cooking. Doesn't stop you, darling. Do you leave a big mess? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So Thanksgiving. me from cooking but i think stop you darling do you leave a big mess yes yeah yes yeah um so so thanksgiving yeah my mashed potatoes were so i would like peel the potatoes do the regular mash you know butter cream whatever salt pepper and then i would saute all the skins with garlic and butter and then so they're really crispy and then put them back in. Hang on. Wow, that is a very clever idea.

That's a great idea. Six years old. I was like, I know. Why? Because you knew that potato skins were delicious. I always have liked a crisp. Like, I need something crispy in everything I eat. I really think that's going in the next cookbook.

I think that's a great idea. Yeah, take it. Take it. We're going to call it the Firstman Potato. Yes, that's cute. Firstmans. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe you should like do a rival to Greekman's Firstmans. That's true. I couldn't, I don't think, I have like, I have dreams in a lot of areas, but like owning a restaurant

has never been a big one. I think it's such hard work. Too hard. Do you live around there? Yeah, I'm right there. I'm right there. You've got a really amazing place, right?

Yeah. So your interiors, mum, he's got like those shag... The whole bedroom is fur. So I have this three tier platform fur bed. And then the walls are fur. You're a fur baby. I mean, I just had this... I was going through a really bad breakup in the beginning of the pandemic.

And I just felt like. Was this the partner that you used to work with? Yeah. Oh my God, you know so much. TMZ over here. Oh my God. Yeah, I had, I was in a really bad thing. Very like.

So you worked together though, right? Yeah, sorry. But you're a gorgeous guy. You don't need people to treat you badly. I know. Hold on, why was it so bad? It was, so bad it was the power dynamic was super off he like it's it's a very complicated thing but he was my boss

and so I think he had a hard time accepting like my natural freedom and just like I had things like maybe like socially and sexually that he wasn't able to possess. And so he like put the work stuff so over me and like made me feel like really dumb, like really not. That's gaslighting. Yeah, yeah. Bastard. Yeah, kind of bastard.

Yeah, we hate him. Yeah, we hate him. Yeah, I know he sucks. Dead to us. Yeah. So your mom wasn't a great cook? No, I don't want to say that No don't be unkind

But what was your favourite dish of your mum's I gotta say like the thing I remember most is her blueberry muffins Did you make them with her Can you make them now Yeah I suppose I could they're very simple But she did like a little Like caramelised sugar on top

Oh lovely that's very cool. Where does she live now? Who? She's in Idaho. And do you see her often? No. Oh, George. You have to, like, it's, I have a kind of dysfunctional family.

So you don't speak to your mom? No, we. You're distant. We talk sometimes. Like, I can't like fully let her in at this point. Okay. But, you know, that's You're distant. We talk sometimes. Like, I can't, like, fully let her in at this point. Okay. But, you know, that's also for me, work for me to do. You know, to accept her for who she is and, you know.

Do your siblings live near here? No, everyone is so dispersed. We have, like, my dad is still in New York and the city and upstate. Allie's in D.C. Mandy's in Minneapolis. Mom is in Idaho, but maybe moving to Mexico. So what brought you here? Yeah, that's the plan. No, no, no, but

I know lots of people that moved to Mexico. Like, do you remember Mara and Beth's... Her auntie has a beautiful place in Mexico that's supposed to be gorgeous, and it's like, I think, a lot of older Americans... Is it like us going to Ben a lot of older Americans go,

yeah, no, Marbella. Marbella. Getting a house somewhere warmer. What is Marbella? I've heard that name. It's a place in Spain that lots of expats are. So loads of Brits are there. Yeah, and they go there because it's warm,

because we have such shit weather. And people go there because it's warm and the wine's cheap. Yeah. But back to you. I want to hear more about you at some point yeah absolutely so we're gonna eat in a minute yeah yeah um do you want me to start cooking five more minutes yeah yeah because i adore him oh i knew you'd like i love you too you're so funny disclaimer you are really funny mom mom didn't know i said i'm a fabulous person. He's really funny. I looked you up. I thought, he's so handsome.

Thank you. Explain to mum, because I learned of you in the pandemic. It was the banana bread publicist that Chrissy Teigen pushed. And it became like this thing. You became lockdown's kind of comedian, right? There were a couple of us. There was like five of us that really just like... Okay, who were the other people? Like Leslie Jordan.

The old gay guy. Oh, yes, from American Horror Story. Yeah, so he blew up on the internet. That girl Elsa Majimbo. Do you know her? She eats the chips with the sunglasses and she's like, why would... whatever. Is she funny? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And then

me and then the girl who was lip syncing Trump. Oh, she's amazing. She's my favorite. Yeah, she's funny. Sarah Cooper. The thing with the internet is like whatever they discover you as, they want you to keep doing over and over and over again. Like imagine you were never allowed to write a new song.

But has that been difficult for you then? Yeah. For impressions because maybe you don't want to do them. I don't like them at all anymore. But you have to do them. You're done with it. I don't know. It's like not inspiring to me anymore.

So what is inspiring to you at the moment? Like I'm working on a TV show that is really. Oh, that Remember Where You Are is going to be in, yeah? Yeah. Okay, cool. That I want it to be in. Okay. Yeah.

Better hurry, hurry. i know i know i know yeah so i've been working on that for a while these things take so much time but did that happen do you feel like look as much as you are a bit tired of impressions yeah yeah um and you're sick of feeling like you owe the internet yeah this thing free work yes um it obviously helped oh like beyond it changed my life completely I was like a tv writer like very behind the scenes like I always thought I was pretty charismatic but no one else really saw it and then it happens it changes your life yeah and how was your life now I mean yeah I never thought I'd be like at Fashion Week or like. Yeah.

I mean, you get flown there. Yeah. Yeah. And like it. Were you into fashion before? Yeah. I've always liked clothes. It's definitely, you know, since I've been able to get more into it, I've learned a lot more.

Yeah. And I, you know, I definitely have my own style and that kind of is not always very fashion-y. So some of the houses are like, no, no, no, no, no. That's the weird thing about Fashion Week is they are so explicit. No Jordan Firstman cannot come to our event. Who said they couldn't?

A couple people. A couple people. Well, okay, let's talk about the people that demanded that you came. I mean, there are some houses that like me.

You know, I've done some for Versace, which was really fun. That was great. Have you seen that video? It's really good. With Donatella. Is that with the car?

Yeah. Yeah, I did see it. It was very good. Thank you. What's Donatella like? Iconic. I mean, we only talked,

they like shot remotely. So we've only like talked once and then DMed a couple of times, but she's lovely. So whilst mum makes the food. Yeah. We ask every guest what their last supper would be. So this is an appetizer, an entree. Yeah. We ask every guest what their last supper would be. So this is an appetizer, an entree. Okay.

Okay. A dessert. I'm using all the American lingo. And a drink of choice. Okay. You think about it, like, you know, let it kind of,

you know, you've got all lunch to think about it. Okay. But just that is something that you need to think about. In my head. Yeah.

What is the dish that you would cook for me if i was coming over to your house to really wow me apart from mashed potatoes with crispy skins okay the things i learned the one thing i like learned how to cook in covid is a steak like i feel like i got the steak we're giving you steak and now i'm stressing no no no i'm i'm sure you guys are better than me but it was how do you do yours i do i do like a a crispy sear on both sides then oven so i get it i get it to like what what what cut are you using sirloin no like uh i guess filet mignon okay so it hasn't got that much fat no okay though i don't like the ones with like too much.

No, I guess I would at a restaurant. Do you mind yours a bit rare? No. Okay, fine. No. I've grown, like, you know, when you're a kid, you like it a little less rare, but then, you know, you grow up. So, okay.

How old are you? How old? I'm 37. Cool. How old are you? 30. Fuck you. Really?

You're really young. Not that young. Young and successful. Last year, yes. Last year I was young. Do you feel much older now you're 30? You're really young. Not that young. Young and successful. Yes, last year I was young. Do you feel much older now? You're 30. Kind of.

This year I've like, I don't know. I feel like I'm growing up so fast. I'm changing so much recently. It's fine. It happens. What, like in a good way? It's like a weird way where I'm like, oh, wow. I'm like, my interests and all the things that I thought I was into last year,

I'm not into anymore. And you kind of like develop this identity. I don't know. Have you got good friends? Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, I guess. Okay, fine. Have you got good friends here in LA? Yeah.

Really good. It took me a long time. Yeah. But once I found them, also I realized I needed to go like out of the industry. The Drake song, No Friends in the Industry, it's real. Because, like, anyone in my direct industry, it's just, like, they're so hard. Is it quite competitive? Yeah.

So what would you say your industry is? Because you are a TV, you're a writer, you're a comedian. I wouldn't call myself a comedian. Really? I happen to, like, be lumped into that because of the videos so what would you say your job is? I'm like a writer, filmmaker I don't know, auteur

if I can say so myself yeah I want to make things all by myself and be in them when necessary but also write and direct things that I'm not in I direct too yeah no I not in. So you, okay, fine. I direct too, yeah.

No, I know, that's how you started with your, like that's what you were doing before all the kind of lockdown stuff happened, right? Yeah. And I guess everyone's in the biz here, right? Kind of. So how, it must be quite hard to find normal people. It's music.

Now all my friends are like music people. Really? Yeah. We were just interrupted by the fire alarm, which I'm slightly worried that I now don't have the monitor because I was... Anyway, whatever. My baby will be fine. So, Jordan, have you thought about your...

I just witnessed a fight between you and your mom. Can I just say for the listeners? That wasn't a fight. That wasn't a fight? Oh, my God. Have you heard the Paul McCartney episode, babe? He screamed at me. Screamed at me in front of him in front of him yeah it was completely

mortifying oh my god that was that was i mean that was a warm-up i love this producer just know that was nothing i love that was nothing i love it um uh appetizer entree dessert okay okay we can do this help yourself to some of the food, too. Okay. We've got some salads here. Yeah, I want, like, a... I think for my appetizer, I'm going to do, like, one... One, like, healthier and then one less healthy. Why are you going to do healthy? Because I like both. I, like, love a yogurty thing.

Okay, like a tzatziki. A tzatziki or, like, even, like, a labneh. Okay. But what are you going to have your labneh with? Pita. The pita from bloody Greekman's is very good. And bevel. Chili oil.

Yeah, bevel is really good. Yeah, it's nice. I love chili oil. I love that garlic sauce. And then my like trashy one, like I, you guys don't have this much, I don't think, but nachos. What, like with the melted cheese and stuff? Like, just like, yeah, like chips and then like cheese, sour cream, beef, guacamole. Oh, yeah, like filth. Pico de gallo.

Is there a place that you go for that? I haven't found like my perfect nacho here. I had one in New York that... Where was it from? Just some random bar, but it was Buffalo chicken nachos. Oh yeah, come on. That's making my mouth water. It was so good. I love a Buffalo wing. The bloody, the blue cheese sauce.

Oh my God. Wings! We should go and have some wings. Where'd you go for wings? Okay, okay, okay, okay. Actually my favorite wings, I don't know if they survived the pandemic, was this thing called jay's bar where is it in silver lake start helping yourself to some things okay shall i yeah absolutely

i'm gonna i want to think about the wings thing because that would be fine you love wings i i i can't say i love them but i i respect them and i'm yeah i'm starting to like them more i feel like i gave them a bit of a hard time before. There's a place called Cosa Buona. Have you heard of that? No. The guy owns Alimento. Do you hear of that?

Alimento, the rum? No, Alimento. There's another Italian restaurant. Really good. Those wings are good. Do you know Frank's Red Hot Sauce? Yes. It's like they're made with that.

Really crispy. I love, yeah. Big. Delicious. Really good. So,'re made with that, really crispy, big. Delicious. Really good. So we've got the starter. Yeah, yeah. Main.

Okay. It really depends if it's like, is it the highest quality of everything we're talking about? No, it's like whatever you want. But if it's at the highest quality, I think I'm going sushi. Okay, where are you going for your sushi like tokyo have you been to tokyo yeah and where's your place in tokyo i feel like everywhere's good right yeah but if you there's i don't even know if i did the highest the ones that are like 500 omasakas but i did like that i did like the 200 to 300 range and it was the best thing I've ever tasted. You know what?

Shout out to Sugarfish. I like them. I know it's not. I went to Tisha Park. I spent too much money. Yeah. And I resent them now. Yeah.

But I'm not going to do it again. No, I think in terms of LA. Sugarfish, I got a takeaway. Yeah. I was like, that travels well. Yeah. That is delicious. The first Sugarfish experience is always the best.

Look, listen. Like, I know it's not the best. Yeah, yeah. But for a takeaway. It does melt in. It melts in your mouth. I was like, that is a good yellowfin. Ooh. fish experience is always the best listen like i know it's not the best yeah yeah takeaway it does melt in it melts in your mouth i was like that is a good yellowfin oh that looks really good do i have a fork no it's all coming sorry benny we love benny we appreciate benny so much but he has about three forks so um you may have a baby spoon have some more stuff this is this is my mom's pui lentils.

Wait, what is this? Pui lentils, they're just like, they're a green brown lentil. And she does it, it's like with feta. But we don't think the feta here is very good. That could be true. But anyway. Where are you shopping though? Well, I don't know.

Have you been to Erwin yet? Yeah, but that's just going to like break my bank balance. Is that where you shop? I mean. It's too expensive. I don't go grocery shopping because I don't cook. So do you just eat out the whole time? Yeah, the whole time.

Jordan. Yeah, this looks incredible. Do you want some mustard with it, Jordan? Oh, yes. Thank God you said that. No one ever recommends mustard for anything. Really? Yeah.

I love mustard. This looks beautiful. Does it? You know what, it's kind of hard when it's not your kitchen, you're trying to make it work. There's no forks. There's no forks. Please take some meat. Mmm. The lentils. Oh, I made them. They're mustardy too, right? Yeah. Really good. I love them. Super fresh. Are you a sweets kind of person? Yeah, I love sweets. What would be your last supper for your dessert? Most of me just wants to go super simple for this one.

Because the best chocolate chip cookie... Where do you get your best chocolate chip cookies? Okay, honestly, Air One. Oh, fuck off. Jordan! I promise you. You can't believe it. Does it have any sugar in it? It's, I mean, it's vegan and gluten-free, and it is better than any

chocolate chip cookie I've ever had. I think, I think. That's really made me dislike you. No, but just be open to it. Okay, I'll go and get one. It's the Deluscious is the brand. Deluscious. Deluscious. I'm telling you.

I'm going to go and get it, and I'm going to let you know. And then there's a place, if you're on the east side, if you're by your brother, there's a place called Cookbook. I've heard about Cookbook. Yeah, Cookbook, they sell these frozen chocolate chip cookies. Insane. Isn't Cookbook the same guys, John and Vinny's? They have John and Vinny's.

Yeah. Son of a gum. No, they might have bought it. I don't know. Okay. John and Vinny's. They have John and Vinny's. Son of a gum. No, they might have bought it. I don't know. John and Vinny's is good. Did you go there? You're not eating it. I'm going to eat. I went there for pudding. I went there for pudding. And we got all the puddings and I loved it.

It's not too rare. It's beautiful. You did a great job. Very nice, mum. Considering you didn't have a grater. I had no grater. I heard the fight you had in the kitchen don't have a grater. I have no grater. I heard the fight you had in the kitchen wasn't even a big fight. That wasn't a fight. That was a disagreement.

Do you remember what we were talking about? No. No, exactly. He was like, oh my God, I've just witnessed that. I said, you need to listen to the Paul McCartney episode. No, because you told me stop cooking. Right. Because the alarm was going off.

But I'm trying to cook because we're doing a podcast that was there's the rub yeah um tell me about a taste that can take you back to somewhere in your childhood that is like the most nostalgic taste to you we have these things in america called slush puppies yes do you know what that is yes and they're different than honestly though even when i go to 7-eleven get a slurpee like i'm immediately back because i would go to hebrew school and the only thing that to get me i was such a little fat kid like i was like a fat gay jewish braces kid and my parents would or my babysitter would take me and I hated it so much that like the only thing that got me through is I would go to 7-Eleven and get like a huge slurpee

and then like I had to have like a sweet and a savory like dish basically for Hebrew school and I would go with these free these honey barbecue Fritos huge bag of honey barbecue Fritos, huge bag of honey barbecue Fritos, then like something chocolatey, my huge slurpee, and I would like go to Hebrew school and just like have my meal. And it made it a little bit easier. Yeah.

Do you sing karaoke ever? Yeah. What's your favorite? I do a really good Thank You India by Alanis Morissette. I bet you do. Oh my God. We had her on the podcast. Really? Yeah.

She's legendary. I mean, it was definitely, I prefer angry Alanis. Like when she got happy, it was like... She's going to rerecord. She's redoing her Jagged Little Pearl tour. She's doing a new tour of Jagged Little Pearl. Were you an Alanis fan? Yeah, we all loved her.

Yeah. I'm there to remind you. Yeah, love. That's a very good karaoke song, though. Thank you, or you want to know? Is it angry? I actually think you all know would be a little bit better. It's more performative, but there is something about standing there

and earnestly singing Thank You, India, because the song is pretty ridiculous so Jordan we've got your karaoke song. Yeah, we now need to ask you. Do you have good table manners? Is it good? No, I mean no, of course you do. Do you see me? I'm But I wouldn't be that you're eating I wouldn't call them good table manners I'm also like that you are you've got nice table manners. There's beets staying on my jeans. Do you want me to try and get it out? No, no. I'm good. What if I. The last person she said that to was Anthony. From Queer Eye. Oh, he's a sweetie. Yeah. You like gay guys then. I must do. Yeah. A lot of women do. That was like. She likes all guys. Part of my like internet thing was like these women who wanted to have sex with me.

It became this. Are you trying to imply that my mum wants to have sex with you? I mean, she's got anything on my face. I don't want to have sex with you, but I adore you. Okay, okay. I'll adopt you. I'll adopt you rather than have sex. I'd have sex with Jordan.

Yeah. Jessica. He's very handsome. Thank you. You are gorgeous. You're very beautiful too. Thank you so much. Should we just go?

I feel like you, if I was straight, you were always my exact type for like the year that I thought I was straight. The year I was straight. Which year was that? Like right before Wicked Bar Mitzvah.

Like I knew, I knew around that time. I came out at like 12. So mum's made the same thing that she made for Tony Hawk. So I thought, I got the idea. I also have a donut.

Okay. That my friend brought over today. From where? They look like Alice in Wonderland donuts. They look cute. From like California donuts maybe? The oranges need to go on a plate, darling. If you want to ask Jordan I'm going to ask you more questions. I think my favourite thing is the lentils. I love them. Do you want to take some home? Yeah. I'll my favorite thing is the lentils. Oh, I knew you'd like them. I love them.

Do you want to take some home? Yeah. I'll give you a little bowl. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I'll give you a little pack. So we get smaller called lentils. They're called puy lentils. And these are green lentils, the only ones I could find.

But they're slightly bigger. They look like split peas. A little bit. Yeah, but the ones that we have normally are much darker, and they're slightly smaller. But I do love it. It was a salad. Have you heard of a restaurant called Pret a Manger?

Yeah, of course. A restaurant. That's generous. Right. A sandwich shop. So they did a cookbook when they first came out called Pret a Manger. And they did this lentil salad, which they never served. Yeah.

And I made it. And everyone's always loved this lentil salad which they never served yeah and I and I made it and everyone's always loved my lentil salad it's really good yeah I don't tell people it comes from Pret though no it wasn't from Pret it was in their little cookbook so I've adapted it and I put more mustard in oh these yeah this is California donuts I think really No they're called Tasty Donuts. Really? Then they're copying California Donuts. I think these need to go in. Oh cookie crisps? Have you ever had cookie crisps? No good god. This is okay cereal we do really well here like children's sugar cereal. Have you had cinnamon toast crunch? I love cinnamon. Oh my god it's so good. I need to check these out. No it's different. No different. But cinnamon. Cinnamon toast. It's a different taste. So you want me to try these chocolate-covered oranges?

Oh, yeah. I love them. I don't like them. You don't like them? You don't need to eat them, darling. I don't think I like chocolate-covered oranges. I'll try it. You know, you... Well, I like...

They're not real oranges. They're candied orange. Well, you can't fucking try one of those. I'm going to try one. I'm going to try one. Then you're going to have your bloody... I'm going to try one. Should I give you a napkin to spit it out?

Yeah, please. Okay, I... You're such a baby. I know. Just do it. Okay. You tell me if it's horrible or not. Mmm.

Oh, my God. I don't love you. I'm not adopting you. Why don't you like it? It's just not for me. Like... Give it to me, then. You're a filth bag.

I know. Shit. Something about oranges don't belong with chocolate for me. You're fucking in the minority, bitch. You've never had a chocolate orange? I don't like this. You can't live in England. Maybe I can.

I do like the English breakfast, though. Oh, maybe next time we should have an English breakfast. Yeah, what, like a fire? Oh, you like that? Darling, give me your plate. Because my bestie growing up was from the UK. You're a filth bag. Yeah, duh.

Yeah. But I like, no, I have an advanced palate as well. But something about the orange just doesn't belong with chocolate for me. Well, there you go. You've got a donut. Yeah. If you would like it. I do want it.

I want to try this cookie. This is another cereal we have i was desperate to try that no not good oh my god the cookie crisp is still i'm gonna be honest oh dear i'm not gonna pretend something is good it's not worth the calories it's not worth the cows which bit do you that is one It's not worth a cow. Which bit do you know? That is one. There's sale. I don't think it is. It's sale.

So what's your next project, Arlene? I have a couple of things. I have a TV show that I've been working on for a bit. Is it commissioned? It has a network, but like it's not, it's like at the final step before I'm like. So you haven't cast it or anything like that? No.

I'm working on two movies too. So I have a show and two movies and those are like my big projects. So Jordan, before we let you go because I need to do

a ten minute photo shoot with you. Oh yeah, yeah. At least. Exactly. I would just like to thank you for coming on. Thank you guys.

It's been a pleasure. It's been too short. It's so nice to finally meet you. Really good to meet you. I like you even more than I thought I was going to like you. Really? Yeah. I didn't even know if I liked you. I thought you were going to be... You didn't know meet you. I like you even more than I thought I was going to like you. Really? Yeah.

I didn't even know if I liked you. I thought you were going to be... You didn't know who the fuck I was. Yeah, I didn't know who the fuck I was. But you're funny, but there's something... You're so warm, and you... I think people don't realize that I am a bit sweet and shy. And you're a person.

Because I can be kind of cutting on the internet. I always think that you do it in a really good way, though. That's my son just chatting. I want to meet him He's gorgeous But I've always felt like it's never been too mean No I try not to go And I enjoy that

And when I get that way Because I can go dark I try not to put that out When I'm in a bad place I try not to post Because I don't want to put that on other people Do you have people that You go is this too far I did like in the height of it my siblings were like they're on top of it and they were it was fun because like that was when

i was still being very like careful about what i said i mean yeah i definitely feel more free now to like say whatever I want. But I don't know. The internet's weird. I haven't figured out my, like, new relationship to it. Are people warm to you? Well, everyone just, like, has some sort of, like, anyone who knows who I am comes at me with some sort of energy that's, like, predisposed instead of just like meeting me even if it's like I love you I'm still like you don't know me so I mean it feels good sometimes for people to say that they

like you but that kind of I don't know if you feel this way but like that goes away kind of fast the excitement of like people liking you I don't know I always do you feel like people feel like they can come up to you because I don't know, because of those videos. Yeah, for sure. And because like I was so connected with the audience for so long, they felt like they really knew me. And so people like these white girls are coming out to be like, hey, bitch. And I'm like, I'm like, do you think that's who I am? Like, I'm not that kind of gay guy either.

I'm not like you're a lot of them thought I was like the gay that think that's who I am? Like, I'm not that kind of gay guy either. I'm not like your... A lot of them thought I was like the gay that would go clubbing with them. Like, I represented something relatable. But I'm like, I'm not relatable. I'm better than you. Have you ever done drag? No. For Halloween sometimes.

You'd like to. I went as like Ally McBeal one year. Did you ever know Ally McBeal? Yeah. Of course we did. I mean, yeah, I guess being so famous and funny and then people having this preconceived, this, yeah, I guess you found it hard. Yeah.

I mean, like. Has it made you stop? Has it made you retreat a bit? Yeah, definitely. I also went through like the dregs of the internet. Like I had, I got like minorly cancelled. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. retreat a bit yeah definitely i also went through like the dregs of the internet like i had i got like minorly cancelled yeah i remember yeah and that was by who like gay guys and like it was derived from from gay guys they found it yeah yeah and it was like a race it was like

the the story of how that all happened is really was that quite hard to come back from yeah also because i really it wasn't like in vogue to not like me at the time and then so i just was like this is so weird like everyone loves me like no one hates me at all. And then once they had, all the people who hated me had permission to, like, publicly hate me, like, the floodgates were open. I was like, oh, my God, so many people hate me. Did that affect you? Yeah, and it was because at that time,

like, I was really letting the good stuff affect me, too. So when the bad came, it was as, like, powerful as the good. So I've kind of learned to not... Don't read your crips yeah or or fans either like if you accept their love you have to accept the haters hate so I kind of just and but that makes it hard to like have a relationship with people who like you it's funny because the internet kind of birthed this thing and then was very ready to also yeah

take it away yeah but i think that's the problem with social media people just say anything they want that comes out of their mouths and they don't realize you're a real person with feelings yeah how does mr berlin fit in tbd i mean like i would yeah i was not i was like really living my my bachelor life like you know I got like famous on the internet and all the fashion and like the boys were another caliber than I had experienced before like yeah yeah yeah because you know these like everyone like is a little bit clout chasing to some degree that that's all the boy thing got weird too because i'm like wait are you trying to hook up with me because i have followers on instagram or am i hot like you weren't

into me before oh and now i think you have to always think it's because i was hot yeah yeah it's because i was hot and the story yeah it's because i was hot that's my book jordan first thank you for being on thank Manners. Thank you, guys. It was such a pleasure. Well, now that Jordan Thurston's gone, I can now strip off because it is quite shvitsy. Boy, me. Well, what did you think of Jordan Firstman? Absolutely delightful. I loved him.

Will you go and watch his stuff now? No. Probably not. He'll probably do an Impressions now about chocolate and orange meeting each other and not getting on. Jordan Firstman, thank you so much. I can't wait to see the new projects that you're doing and developing. 30. He's young.

He's lovely. He just said, let me be in your new music video. I was like, okay, I'll call you. Oh, my goodness. It's all lovey-lovey now. Oh, yeah, mum. Welcome to LA. La-la-land.

I really enjoyed that. What a sweet... They have kept the wine cool. Well, okay, so Mum has... My baby's, like, what's supposed to be the warmer... It's insulating the rosé. Insulating the rosé. It's supposed to be for my baby's bottles, milk bottles, but it seems to be doing a good job.

We will see you next week for another instalment of Table Manners Takes on Los Angeles. It's feeling a little bit like when we were living together and doing the cookbook. We are verging on... On the edge. We are on the edge. Yeah, I'm going out later, so don't worry. I'm going off to get my nails and a massage today can i come and get my nails done yeah okay fine can we make up then yeah all right well um i love

you and the food was delicious was it yeah even though you yelled at me because the alarm well just because you woke up my son from his sleep excuse me what was it how was i to cook it i then turned it off and it was blue i'm'm telling you, it was so rare. I couldn't serve it. I didn't think the taste was as good as I thought it would be. I thought the steak was good. Did you? Yeah, I mean, he loved it.

He was digging in. Yeah. And your pre-lentils were always a winner. No, they weren't. See how big they were? Oh, yeah. They're almost like green split peas. He loved it.

Yeah. Thank you, Mum. And thank you for listening. We will see you next week.