Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S13 Ep 16: Nigel Ng

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

HAIYAA! Lennie’s infamous microwave rice is put up to the test this week. Comedian Nigel NG aka Uncle Roger turned up to Clapham in his orange polo shirt, ready to try mum’s food and talk rice fuck bois, nieces, nephews, Jamie Oliver and making people cackle through lockdown. We laughed a LOT and chatted all about dating a vegan, how to do karaoke, the best sparkling sake and we think maybe Uncle Roger should become Father Roger we loved him so much. Did Lennie’s rice pass the test? Tune in to find out. We will be back next week with the start of our live series recorded from our Table Manners tour. See you then! X Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Tate and Manus. I'm Jessie Ware and I haven't done the cooking tonight, I'm sorry. Actually, I did do the beans. Darling, when did you last cook? You know what? It's just that I have so many children now that it's a problem. You don't look half done. That's a bit mean, isn't it? No, your husband is fortitude itself. bit me isn't it no your husband is fortitude itself yes and I help him be able to be a very hands-on father so it goes two ways mother thank you very much um but yeah I have very noisy

children so oh and I do about 10,000 jobs much like you so you're just much better than me and you're in semi-retirement so I apologize apologise. In the next series, I will... Pick up since I've passed six. In the next series, I promise... It's fine, darling. ...to do more. No, I don't mind doing... It's fine, darling.

Anything that helps you, you know that. Where do you want this help to take me? I want you to have a Saturday night show, darling. Jessie's Takeaway. Oh, God. It's all about food. Push Ant and Dec out, yeah? All right. Rennie's Takeaway. jesse's takeaway oh god it's all about food shantan deck out yeah all right his takeaway

um anyway i had a lovely lady come up to me in gail's bakery the other day and cry on my shoulder to say thank you so much for doing this podcast i thought she was talking about the pregnancy podcast but then i saw that she tagged me in a post it was actually because you have helped her so much mom good so today i don't know how this is gonna go but i think you've really cocked up on the menu today no i didn't there's an irony in that no you didn't know the irony until you saw the irony i've seen the rice thing ages ago on instagram ages and ages ago i've seen it which rice the one where she strains it in a colander colander yeah colander colander colander a colander wow um yes so so and him guffawing with laughter so i thought I could do my microwave rice and we'll tell him it's

microwavy like nigella and see if we can pass it off as something special you know what I don't know that he's going to be so offended or actually think it's he likes a microwave so I don't know maybe he won't mind I always think my rice smells very nice when you come in. You can smell the onioniness in the rice. But he's supposed to be the king of egg fried rice. He's a comedian called Nigel Ng. And he also plays a character called Uncle Roger, who was birthed, I believe, in the pandemic, where he's on YouTube. And he watches videos of people cooking and doing things wrong. And makes comments on them.

He's Malaysian. I think he's lived in the UK for a bit. I don't think he lives here anymore. But he's like an internet sensation. He's incredibly funny. He has it in for Jamie Oliver. I don't know if he's going to bring the orange T-shirt to be Uncle Roger at all or we just get Nigel. I was going to wear an orange. I don't know how Uncle's going to bring the orange T-shirt to be Uncle Roger at all. Or we just get Nigel. Oh, I was going to wear an orange.

I don't know how Uncle Roger would feel about that. Maybe he'd be very happy about that. He hates a potato, which I kind of agree with. Well, then I'd have rice. I'd have rice any day of the week. Well, I've done them the perfect meal. It might be. I know he's going to criticize me.

But actually, strangely, it's an Otolenghi recipe. So I'll blame your term. Well, you've done the microwave rice, trusty fave. And then the recipe that you've done, I'm slightly... You don't really do Asian cooking. No, I don't. And Ottolenghi is not Asian. No.

So you haven't gone to the, you know, the original sauce. However, Ottolenghi is a fantastic cook knows how to use miso very well well I put miso in I thought that's alright and grated ginger and it's got lime sounds very nice and it's got lots of garlic

what could go wrong soy sauce mirin so what's it called mum I haven't got a clue darling have a look i think it said something about chicken with miso ginger and lime lovely and chili i just don't know what uncle roger's gonna think about this and then i've done some beans with sesame oil flaked almonds and garlic brown sugar i didn't have i thought because you had lime in the chicken i thought i wanted to yeah well no i put tangerine zest but it was very sad soft thing and to be fair nothing came out

because you're greater as shite so i did that and then i added because i didn't think it had a maybe you should have bought me a macro bloody macro bloody yeah I got it um anyway I put some red wine vinegar in it and it's kind of zhuzhed it up maybe too much anyway so they're they're being served and then for pud what have you done well I'm sure it's not up to what you really want me to do darling but I've made a pavlova, which probably was in the oven slightly too long because I was in Marks and Spencer's getting some flowers after my drains had been unblocked.

Oh, lovely. And then, so I've done pavlova with rhubarb on because it's quite tart and it goes well with things that are sweet. Nigel Ng, coming up on Table Manners. I'm excited. Good. Nigel has just walked through the door

and has already complained about one of our guests on the podcast. Jamie Dimitri, a fellow comedian. Sorry, Jamie. You're very funny. What pissed you off

about Jamie's episode? No, no. Just the guacamole. What? Really? Last meal? Guacam Jamie's episode? No no Just the guacamole Really? Last meal? Guacamole? Why are you so offended By guacamole? I just don't like

I think avocado Is very overrated I kind of agree with you Yeah It's just slimy goo That doesn't taste like anything And it's so trendy The same way

Oat milk is trendy I gave it a shot No I'm over it Yeah People don't tell you That it tastes like oats That's the problem With oat milk is trendy I gave it a shot because I'm no I'm over it yeah people don't tell you that it tastes like oats that's the problem with oat milk

like they I asked Joshua Wiseman he's a big YouTuber yeah right I filmed a video with him in Houston right

so we're talking about coffee what do you put in your coffee I said oh I just like the regular whole milk whole milk homogenized if you can I live in Highgate so there's this fancy little grocery store

you get it in glass bottles. Oh yeah, lovely. So like milk and coffee in a flat white, it's creamy, it's good. It's like drinking a blanket, right? Yes. And then Joshua was like, yeah, you can try oatmeal,

texture's good too. And fair enough, the texture is decent, but then it tastes like oats. Your whole coffee tastes like oats. Like a porridge in your coffee. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's proper.

Look, I understand trying to save the planet, respect. But all these people that are kind of saying that they ask for the oat milk because they say they prefer it, lies. It's so much more delicious, whole milk. I've done every fad. I've gone back. Do you remember when everyone was doing almond milk? Oh, yeah yeah and it would go all bitty at the top you gave your children that darling poor children soy milk you gave them now they're on condensed mom now

hey condensed milk is doable in some cultures delicious and soy milk we make them differently in asia too i think we let it be thicker and we have sugar in it. We don't put it in coffee. We just have it by itself. You can go to a restaurant and get soy milk. Where are you from exactly? Malaysia. We've been there.

We have? We went to Penang. Penang, foodie island. That's the best food there. The best food. What was that? Steamboat. Oh my gosh With the fish

On different All different Malaysia's got phenomenal food I went to The best It's got everything Indian, Chinese Everything

Tell me how Is it the Perhentian Islands Perhentian Yeah yeah yeah They like And then we went to This other place Where I had this

Beautiful blue rice Oh nasi kerabu Yes yes It was All of it Was just And I was 19 And I basically Was spoiled Is that a blackbird I had this beautiful blue rice. Oh, nasi kerabu, yes. It was, all of it was just, and I was 19 and I basically was spoiled. Is that a blackbird?

Or is it my robin? My mum thinks that that's her dad. I think that's my dad or my mum. That robin. I'm telling you, Jessie, it's been there for two days trying to tell me something. Would you want to go and ask them? Because Gaga, we're recording.

Beautiful house, by the way. Nice garden. Oh, thank you. I like it a lot. So you live in the UK? You live in London? Yeah, I live in London. because Gaga we're recording beautiful house by the way nice garden oh thank you I like it a lot so you live in the UK you live in London yeah I live in London yeah I live in London

so and how's Highgate treating you oh great I love it I was lucky enough to buy a place it's just a terrace nothing as fancy as yours

it's so beautiful yeah but I love it it's fancy I love doing up the house which is your best restaurant now there used to be a great Italian in London nothing

nothing nothing yeah that's Kampai I guess but I don't want to blow it up though now it's

going to be too popular now you know but it's alright they deserve the business

I like Kampai Japanese yeah and then everything else is so shit you can curse on this right

you don't care of course oh yeah you're fine I don't know I don't want to jeopardize your Uber Eats sponsorship. No, darling.

Oh, baby. Don't worry about it. Jesse did that long ago. Yeah. Is this a dry house? It's not for long. What would you like to drink, Nigel? What do you like?

Oh, what are you pairing it with food-wise? Oh, oh, now. Oh, we're into the little pairing. Oh, darling, don't get too excited. If we're doing aperitifs first. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Come on, then. Yeah. You did think. Go on. we're doing aperitifs first. Oh, wow. Come on, then. You did think...

Go on, what's your aperitif, then? Aperitif. If I had my way, I'd do a sparkling sake. Okay, you don't get it. You can't get that, darling. But that is delicious. Yeah. Sorry, Nigel.

A Negroni or something bubbly. You've got a Negroni? I could do an Aperol Spritz. What are you guys having? I'm going to have some champagne. I'll have it with guys. You have a champagne? That's kind I'm going to have some champagne. I'll have it with you guys. You have a champagne spritz? That's kind of an aperitif.

Yeah, I'll have that. Okay. Yeah, I don't want to... Just get the glasses out, darling. I was just being, like, annoying and demanding. No, I love it. No, I love it. It's fantastic.

I mean, more annoying. We've got something to talk to you about in a second that I really don't know how you're going to react. Yeah, we're worried about the food now. I've done something so you can take the mickey out for me she she says she did it so you could take the mickey out no she didn't realize and then i was like you've done right you've done your rice and she was like okay yeah but i don't know whether we get into this yet or we have a drink just so he can really let rip on Lenny. I've never podcasted while drinking, so we'll see how this goes.

Oh, it's going to go fabulous for you, Nigel. And let me just tell you, the recipe is not mine. It's Ottolenghi's. Well, no, the rice is yours, Mum. The rice recipe is mine. Why do you make a $30 salad? It's a $30 salad.

Have you ever annihilated Ottolenghi yet? No. Is he stuff on YouTube? Does he make any recipes? Oh, no. He's so nice. He's very nice. He's legit.

His recipes are good. And also, how's Jamie Oliver? How's your relationship with Jamie Oliver? Terrible. He hasn't responded. I know you had it on. I know you had it on before, but when was that? I saw the episode years ago.

He lives in Highgate, I think. One of his houses is in Highgate. I don't think he lives there. Conflict and resolution. We should have brought Jamie in and sorted this beef out. Can you explain to the listeners who maybe don't know about this beef,

what the beef is about with Jamie Oliver? It's not really beef. It's very one-sided. It started with a green curry. No, it started with his fried rice. So the very, very first video. He appropriated, didn't he? Uncle Roger.

Search Uncle Roger Jamie Oliver on YouTube and you will see the start of the beef. I have a whole YouTube playlist called Jamie Oliver. I've reviewed him like seven times now or something. And there is no beef. I think to me, it's a little bit of fun and it's become a meme now where i kind of bring up jamie oliver in every video even if it's not reviewing

him i say oh did she graduate from jamie oliver's cooking school right or and that's like you cussing someone that's me roasting yeah because he's someone else yeah or i say i think there was a chef where he was toasting spices the spices he was flipping the spices the spices fell to the floor i said oh shit don flipping the spices the spices fell to the floor I said oh shit don't don't throw your spices to the floor now your floor is more flavourful

than all of Jamie Oliver's restaurants ouch have you ever cooked a Jamie Oliver recipe yourself that's coming up that's coming up I'm gonna have like a someone playing a kidnapper

tying me up and threatening me to cook Jamie Oliver's recipes well the kidnapper has also threatened you to review the red Thai curry Thai red curry

so it's a very good conceit my fans like it so we'll do it me remaking Jamie Oliver's what do you say in Malaysia we don't really say I grew up

do you not drink we drink come on come on we say I grew up I'm Chinese Malaysian so I grew up

just saying Kanpei which is a Chinese Kanpei what does that mean Kanpei dry the cup so just drink it up basically i'll get me mexican twice yeah come on dry the cup that's going to be my new thing dry the cups who's your favorite cook? It must be a Chinese cook then.

Asian, Asian. The character's favorite cook is Esther Choi because I'm writing like a love interest arc into the character's universe. You are having so much fun with Uncle Roger. She exists, yeah. We made a video together and we were just flirting with each other. The character is flirting with her.

How old is Esther? Esther, I think she's like, I don't know if you like me divulging her age i think 36 yeah yeah yeah but uh i think my favorite cook oh i think it has to be has to be gordon he's just such a showman so you've got a bit of a relationship with him now yeah yeah a little bit actually like in jamie's defense he was so wonderful and he's very passionate about food and I have tried many a Jamie Oliver that has much flavor um but I did really enjoy your annihilation I mean and actually when I think about it him doing the red Thai curry, mum, he put fucking peppers in and tomato paste.

Yep. That was, it was kind of, it was beautiful for you to be able to have that. Why didn't he just buy a pot of red Thai curry paste? What are you teasing? Anyway, back to you. Yes. You live in London. Yes.

Grew up in Malaysia. Mm-hmm. Studied in the u.s yes um what did you study i don't yeah i did engineering and philosophy you know coming from asia you're going to do something so how the hell did this happen i started doing comedy in university and i just fell into it and at first I was just doing this as a hobby and I moved here I moved here for a woman

and to continue doing stand-up the woman left the stand-up stayed I think that's the better option we're still friends but it's okay

yeah yeah and then I started getting doing some spots here on weekends started getting paid over here I was like okay I could try to make this work

and then I went full-time stand-up six months before the pandemic yeah i joke about it on stage i say right when the guy was about to eat that first bat that's when i quit my day so i was like oh shit and when the pandemic hit i lost all my life stand-up work right that's my main income at the time so i was like okay i have eight like 10 months of runway 10 months of savings in the bank to if i run out of the 10 months then sure i'll go back and get a day job which wouldn't be that hard i had that i was working uh in data science before they had a startup data analytics and everything so i said okay i have 10 months to kind of figure something

out online and then fortunately uncle roger blew up so and uncle roger yeah was the kind of thing that birthed out of lockdown and it was a you started on youtube and it's huge it's a phenomenon oh thank you but it is i mean it's huge my brother who is so not have his finger on the pulse about anything told me about you years ago and said because that's how long this pandemic is fucking um so he was like you've got to get uncle roger on i said who are you bloody talking about i watched it you were very you were very i saw you when you when the lady was draining the rice and i saw that that was the first one i saw and that was that was the first video i want i want to know whether mom is, I don't know what you'd say,

would you say a rice fuck boy or a rice fuck girl? Wok fuck boy. Yeah, I feel like, well, I don't know whether... I don't think I'm a fuck boy, darling. Well, anyway, well... Maybe or maybe not. We will find out. Yeah.

The fact that this character is now like, it's you reviewing recipe, being made on. On YouTube. On YouTube. Jesse, do you know what he's going to do? He's going to review us. Yeah, I'm expecting that. This is going to happen.

Yeah. I just want you to know, we've got a very strong fan base and they love me. He's like, yeah, fine. More than Jesse, they like, they prefer Lenny. They much prefer me. They much prefer mum they much prefer mum much prefer mum

but that's okay I need to get my mum on my podcast yeah what's she like she's nice I don't think she'll is she as opinionated

as Uncle Roger no no she keeps herself I can dig it out of her she complains a lot too so that's that's the gist of comedy yeah

that's what we're finding but is she happy about the path you took? Or would engineering... Now she is. Now she is. Now you've got that house in Highgate, eh? Yeah, I tried to buy her a place in Malaysia too.

They struggled to raise me, you know, so at least I could do. But houses in Malaysia are cheap. You get like a nice bungalow. So did you get one? In the process. So let's talk about your childhood and growing up and and what you were eating what's a really memorable dish from your childhood

i think and this will be the answer if you ask the last supper question this will be one of the dishes okay well okay so we're combining we're killing two birds with one stone alice is a great editor she can put it all in yeah okay okay so the most memorable dish is like a sweet malaysian dessert thing called bobo cha cha and you can get it at a hawker or a street food anywhere and it's memorable because uh i remember when i was growing up every week or twice a week i had like taekwondo classes like martial arts stuff so that was after school so we went like six and until eight and then at eight p.pm My parents would come Pick me up And then we would all Eat as a family

Just that one dish That bobo cha cha dish And what is it? It's I was googling this Because I knew I was going to have to explain it It's like

Nyonya coconut milk pudding Type kind of thing So that's sweet What's nonya? Nyonya is When the Chinese First immigrated to Malaysia They married the local Malays

So those two cultures combined So it's like Chinese slash Malay fusion when the Chinese first immigrated to Malaysia they married the local Malays so those those two cultures combined so it's like Chinese slash Malay fusion it's like sweet coconut milk

with a lot of sago you know that transparent balls oh like the tapioca tapioca balls not like bubble tea ones the tiny tiny ones the sago balls

sweet potatoes some yam and then you just you just it's like a broth it's a broth so it's a it was it's a main dish no that's a dessert oh that's a memorable you'd have that after taekwondo yeah yeah so your mom was going to my little road my little belt you know any good at taekwondo no i i they thought you were good and they gave you they rewarded you with this delicious dessert i think they wanted to have it too did your mom make it or did you get it from like

a street got it from a street food stall so in malaysia eating out is so common because it's cheap and it's good and we my mom cooks at home but eating out is just very easy eating out in london man i don't know how you guys do you guys eat a lot i mean jesse does no i don't anymore it's it's expensive booking the booking do you need a pa to eat at restaurants here i know yeah so this would be in your last supper however what was your mom good at cooking good cook yeah very good cook i remember one of my favorite dishes was um yeah very good cook i remember one of my favorite dishes was um scrambled egg with spam i know it sounds terrible but it's really good we have it for lunches sometimes so what would you do would you cook the spam then because i've never actually i think all the spam has gone to malaysia then because you can't get it here barely yeah it's an asian thing

in korea they have like spam stew, army stew. It's decent. God, what we did in imperialism really shows, doesn't it? We made it better. We made it better. So you'd cook it, scrambled egg, fry up the spam. I don't know how she does it. I think she fries up the spam first, then scrambled eggs, and mix them together.

And there's probably some sort of secret ingredient in there or something. I don't know. It was great. Was it crispy? Parts of it. Yeah. Is your mum the best person that cooks rice

in the whole universe? Every Asian mum cooks rice great. Every Asian... Can you cook rice great? Yeah, we use a rice cooker. Yeah, that's what I've... Well, I've got a rice cooker

but to cook rice, Persian rice. Persian rice? Yes. So it comes to the tadi yeah that's gorgeous you have a lovely rice cake ah okay well the rice cooker i use the japanese brand the zoji i need to get one by them yet no the japanese companies they're so corporate and slow and they you know i want i wanted that the biggest msg brand to sponsor me ajino moto but uh an indonesian

brand reached out first so so now i'm sponsored by sasa you know i love this it's sponsored by different msg that's amazing it's amazing but you get a rice cooker it's it's such a yeah i think i'm gonna get one actually i and you're you're when i watch the um When I watched the YouTube of you reviewing the girl, Alexis. Alexis. She said she was just crazy. Oh, she made food in a coffee maker. She made a three-course meal in a rice cooker. And to be fair, it all turned out really nice.

But Uncle Roger was pissed off that she didn't make bloody rice. Well, in Asia, we actually use rice cooker for a lot of things. It's a steaming mechanism, right? We make cakes in there. Malaysian dessert, we call it kueh. It's a steaming mechanism, right? We make cakes in there. Malaysian dessert, we call it kueh. It's like a steamed cake. So you can make those in there. I accidentally made a hunter's stew.

I thought I was using my pressure cooker, but it was a rice cooker. Came out delicious. Yeah. You made me think, actually, I'm just going to get a rice cooker. However, is this the time where we should talk about how my mum makes near on perfect rice? Okay, let's do it. I think. Let's do it.

What type of rice do you use first? Basmati. Okay, okay. And then I'll tell you what I do. I put basmati rice, probably about up to your thumb, or maybe a bit more, in the bottom of a glass dish. Okay. That has a cover on the top. Pyrex. Py I put dried onions, maybe

two tablespoons, a stock cube, a teaspoon full of salt, and then a tablespoon full of oil. Then I fill it up just so it is a thumb that much with cold water. So the base of the thumb touches the rice. Yeah. The proportions. And then I pour microwave. Microwave? What do you think about that?

Microwave? We were going to call it microwivies. Microwave. The microwave. I mean, I feel like it comes out great. It comes out gorge. Can we try it? Yeah.

We can have it with our dinner. Is dinner ready yet, mum, or not? Almost done. I would say basmati is a little bit more forgiving because it's a long grain rice. It's less sticky. Yeah. Shut up.

Stop spoiling it. What? No, I like this. You know, it might be getting too much of the rice talk. Is that too much for you? No. Do you like it? I was going to do Thai sticky rice,

but I don't know how to cook it. Thai sticky rice is different. Glutinous rice is different. I don't even know how to make that. Do you like it? Yeah. Yeah. See, Alex said he would rather have that

than normal rice. I made it when I had... I had... The best restaurant that's going to open up this year is Anglo Thai. Anglo Thai. So he's an amazing chef called John. And he had a kind of do-it-yourself lockdown meal thing.

And I made Thai sticky rice with banana leaf. And it was really, it was, no, thank you. It was really, really delicious and quite straightforward, actually. It's like, it was really straightforward. You did it in a steamer, one of those, like, bamboo steamers. I don't have a bamboo. Do you have a bamboo steamer at home? No, I need to buy one.

You see, he doesn't even have one. Yeah. It's not time, Mum. I just moved. Oh, you've only just moved. My kitchen just got done up. Would you, would you? Okay, question.

Did you get any really fantastic kitchen gadgets that everyone should know? Jessie's going to show off about her thing in a minute. Oh, please show her the kitchen gadgets. I love it. Well, fancy gadgets. No, I just have like, Gordon sent me a few pans and woks,

so I just used those. Oh, Gordon, you're your best mate. All right. It's the hex clad stuff, which I love because it's non-stick, but you can use metal in it. So it's just very satisfying. You did make me laugh in Hersha when you got so offended or Uncle Roger got offended by her using a metal spoon on her palm.

Yeah, it's everything. My mom is completely the same. Yeah. Most moms teach kids that. Yeah. You're just scraping off the teff. How close is Uncle Roger to you as an idol i say uncle roger is who i would become in 20 years if i didn't leave malaysia then that's who i would oh yeah

yeah to me uncle roger is like like the full-blown asianness in me you know they just let it out and that's who i would be but i've lived abroad for a while now since 2010 so my personality is like um fusion like western eastern character traits and values so uncle roger is like just the asianness so what do you think about um british british cuisine i think it's more frightening cooking for him i know what jay rayner we've had ray Kerridge. We've had Angela. Nigella. Nigella. Oh, I feel bad

she's on Nigella sometimes. She's lovely. Do you take the mickey out of her? Yeah, I've reviewed her a few times. Has she come for you yet? No, she hasn't responded.

Which I, for good reason. Yeah, that's dignified. Is dinner ready, Mum? Should we plate up? I'm frightened. No, I'm frightened too. I'm just going to

put the microwave on. He's going to put that orange T-shirt on. So, Nigel, do you have a girlfriend? No. Are you looking for love? Yeah, everybody is, right? But I'm touring so much, it's hard. Yeah.

But, I mean, I'm sure you have lots of people falling at your feet now. The funny guy. Yeah, I got the casual, you know. You're having a lovely time being single and mingling. Meeting people, mingling, yeah. How's tour life for you? Oh, I love it. Do you?

I much prefer touring abroad than in the UK because in the UK, all you can think about after your show is how do I get home? Take the train from Glasgow, home. Take the train from Birmingham get home but in the US or I'm going to Australia

in two weeks you are just forced to stay in a hotel forced to go do something go find a restaurant go eat somewhere go to a bar you know

and I when I say mingling I like meeting new friends too just friends that's what I look for after I just want to go out have a good time

you must be having some really amazing food experiences on these tours, right? Because everyone must be wanting to take you to the hottest places or their spots.

Oh yeah, chefs come to my shows and then they meet me and they're like, come to my restaurant, get you in for free. So I got like really good omakase in LA.

Where did you put the beans? Where did I put them? I think there isn't enough beans there. You told me to not put any more beans? Where did I put them? I think there isn't enough beans there. You told me to not put any more beans in! We'll put some tender stem on as well. Please don't burn the garlic and the...

Oh, Jesus, hold on. Oh... Hey, at least they have a gas stove. I'm watching Jesse scrabbling with the beans. They're doing good, they're doing good. How do you think that rice looks, Nigel? I'm watching Jesse's Scrabbling with the beans And They're doing good They're doing good

How do you think that rice looks, Nigel? Oh my god He's really peering in Yeah, he is What do you think of the smell? The fragrance? It's alright Yeah, because you like that chicken stock

Don't you? The chicken stock is a good thing The chicken stock didn't mix properly Yeah, but I quite like Those little pockets of umami Ah, okay It was intended sure you can

you can say that if that's a mess up a dish I like it that way that looks that looks it's alright it's good

it's alright it's not slimy yeah it's quite moorish so you made it in the microwave yeah oh I'm impressed

let's see I think you got you got the you got the technique down. You've done it for many years. Jessie, do you want to get some? She's got her technique down. I think he's trying to be polite because he's not behind a screen.

I need to taste it first. I need to taste is like. It's really nice, Mum. Don't worry about what I think. I'm frightened to death. It's delicious, Mum. Well. The rice is good.

The rice is... It really adds something to it. We have something like this in Malaysia. Yeah. We call it Hainanese chicken chicken rice it has something of that flavor we use like we cook the rice in chicken fat and the chicken stock yum you know but we use medium grain rice we use something like a jasmine rice so it has a little bit of stickiness maybe i should start doing that that's a little you might have to change or figure out a new microwave preset because it's a little more finicky.

But asmari rice is long grain, it's less sticky, so if you overcook it, it doesn't mush together. Mum, he just said your rice was good. Thank you darling. And he is like... The king of rice. The king of fucking complaining about bad rice. I hear you love karaoke. You don't, right? i'm not into it it's so fun yeah i love both both types the asian types and then also the western types

what's the asian type different you get a room with your friends yeah what's the western type you have a stage in the bar in the middle oh yeah right i love both they're both great for different purposes what's your song western western or asian if it's wow okay come on man oh do you do k-pop no i don't i don't speak korean oh but they're so popular yeah they play it in my nail bar and they just because they're all vietnamese and they just love it listen to it yeah do you it's in my pre-show playlist you come to my show is it yeah um okay so western karaoke i just did it last week in seattle just i went on stage and i did a take on me by uh-huh great people love it you know oh you did it on stage yeah it's part of your thing no

no not on my show no i was gonna say on that karaoke room not karaoke but the karaoke bar and did it go down brilliantly yeah people love it you don't have to sing it properly and then how many drinks in were you two three okay so, so pretty sober. We grew up doing it so we don't really have that, I mean, I don't have that fear of singing in front of people. Okay.

Don't you want some more chicken? Maybe. But not now. I'm eating and it's weird to just break into song in the middle of a kitchen island. Oh. Wow.

Well, that was our next question. No, I'm joking. It could be a popcorn thing. Mum, this is really good. No, I know it's not proper Asian food. It shouldn't have joked mum this is this is really good it takes now I know it's not proper Asian food

no but I didn't I think you weren't I was like oh why have you done like a version of Asian food

that is like and actually this is really yummy I like how the skin is a bit crispy and charred it's good and chicken leg

good choice chicken breast sucks man it's the worst thing do you have like a wish list I like how the skin's a bit crispy and charred. It's good. And chicken leg, good choice. Chicken breast sucks, man. It's the worst thing. Do you have a wish list of people that you're ready to review? Or do people now send you content? Because I can imagine at the beginning, you know, what did it start with? Did it start with the egg fried rice, the BBC egg fried rice?

BBC food egg fried rice, yeah. Now I'm sure you're inundated with suggestions. How do you make egg fried rice. BBC food egg fried rice. Right? Yeah. Now I'm sure you're inundated with suggestions. How do you make egg fried rice, Nigel? So my way, I guess, leftover rice, just jasmine's fine. Take it out. I would do some, first you stir fry the shallots, the garlic, the shallots, the garlic, throw the egg in. I do one and a half eggs. So it's garlic, shallots and eggs. But the rice is already in the pan? No, rice goes in after the egg.

So the eggs, that's a little bit fluffy. So you start to scramble with the egg already. Do you want some more food? Would you have a little bit more? You're not under pressure. Whatever you want. I have a little bit more of the rice and beans, yeah. Yeah? Yeah. There's more chicken if you want some more chicken. The chicken is good, the sauce the chicken's cooking in is good. It's quite good, it's miso. But yeah, go on, spatch your egg fried rice.

So the eggs are in, then the rice goes in, put the soy sauce in. Oh yeah, you cook it and if you have oil, use that, but if you don't have oil, use pork lard. Well, if you have pork lard, use that, but if you don't have it, you can use like. Well, if you have pork lard, use that. But if you don't have it, you can use peanut oil. But I prefer pork lard. Okay.

MSG. I always put a healthy dose of MSG. I didn't even know you bought that. You could buy that separately. Yeah, Asian grocery stores. The protein. I like shrimp on there. So if you want shrimp, then you should pre-cook it first.

Then whack it into the rice together. And top it off with some spring onion. Am I missing anything? Did I say soy sauce? I said soy sauce, right? Yeah, sesame oil. No, you didn't say soy sauce. Oh, forgot.

How much? It's all a feeling thing. Until the colour looks kind of right. Oh. Optionally, you can also put some sambal if you want it spicy. Sambal is like a Southeast Asian chilli paste. Lovely. So you so you whack it it becomes like this reddish brown color you like hot stuff i do i do thank you from malaysia we gotta do you like people bully you if you don't like hot stuff he's basically got a second proper full meal mum so we won't be offended if you can't eat it all

nigel but we will be happy if you can oh one more thing for the fried rice white pepper almost oh white pepper which is very hard to find because i just did up the kitchen right so i bought the very nice that that salt grinder thing the purge oh right yeah they have a salt they have a pepper but they never have white no they don't white pepper asian grocery stores they always come in like the the worst plastic packaging and it's just like i would love to try to elevate it to have a nice yeah but it's not right grinder maybe you need to do a collaboration with yeah pepper babe people usually use a pestle and mortar to to pound it though for the white pepper i've never seen white pepper in full form do you see what i mean like i've never seen this yeah i've never seen them i've seen pink peppercorns black peppercorns but i've never seen white peppercorns. Yeah, I've never seen them. I've seen pink peppercorns, black peppercorns,

but I've never seen white peppercorns. Yeah, I think they only sell them in Asian grocery stores. You really believe in a pestle and mortar, don't you? I like them, yeah. I use them quite a bit. I make green curry. Why does Uncle Roger wear an orange polo shirt? When I was coming out with

the character, I asked all my Asian friends, like Like send me a picture Of your dads Oh my god And polo was a very Garish polo It's a very common choice Sometimes it's stripy

But stripes don't look Good on camera So I just went With one solid colour Orange kind of stuck So do you think You'd ever move back To Malaysia

To retire maybe You know I think it's a bit Too small there Whereabouts are you In Malaysia Are you by the seaside Kuala Lumpur No Oh you're KL you'd ever move back to Malaysia? To retire, maybe. You know, I think it's a bit too small there. Whereabouts are you in Malaysia? Are you by the seaside? Kuala Lumpur, no. Oh, KL,

as they call it. I have comedians when I, yeah, KL, yeah. When I joke with comedians in Malaysia, I tell them like, oh, in Malaysia, there's a ceiling for comedy, right?

And the ceiling is Australia. You know, that's the most they can go to Australia, a show there every couple of years. And it's a little bit too real, but it's also true, you know. So do you live in the high rise? Right now? No, in Kuala Lumpur.

I don't live there. No, where your parents live? No, I hate high rises, which is one of the few things I agree with them. But in Asia, they love the high rises, man. They love a high rise, don't they? You go to Vauxhall just Chinese people in those buildings

I think there's something about how it connotes prestige and status back in Asia being high ups that's what I like about Britain you preserve the old shit

I live a period of property and Britain's converted me to liking old stuff what do you think of the wine Nigel? I haven't really had it yet. God, we're really putting him under pressure. Well, he does it on my fucking rice.

Fresh taste is good. It's good, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I really love it. Yeah, it's strong. So the last supper, we know what the pudding's going to be because that was a nostalgic memory of your childhood.

I don't know if I pudding if I didn't know. I don't think you've ever made it. What would be your starter? So I was thinking about this on the way here and I think, you know, I think it probably will be the only western-y dish on it.

So it's, I had this at a restaurant in Seattle. Fagra on deep fried brioche. Oh my word. You like that? You like that? Yeah. The brioche is my god you like that isn't that

what was the restaurant a place called Sawyer New American it's the stomach of a geese oh my god and you're eating that oh piss off mum I've never had foie gras

you lie I've never had foie gras in my life it's delicious. It's good. Is it? It's very good. It's the liver. And they force feed, they put a funnel in a geese's mouth.

It's quite mean. Are you going to carry on eating it after you've heard about that? Yeah. I know. It makes me want to eat it more. Oh, it does. Yes. Force feed that goose.

Torture. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that's your starter. You don't want a geese to die for nothing, you know? You want to enjoy it. So the foie gras on deep fried brioche.

It's fried. I don't know if it's deep fried, but fried. I don't know the difference, but maybe it's crispy. It was delightful, and it was at a place called Sawyer. Sawyer, yeah. Okay, so that's your starter. So good. Main?

Main. Oh, the other starter. Can I have two starters? Yes. So, roti? Maine Oh The other starter Can I have two starters? So Because You know what For the people that turned off

When you said foie gras Redeem yourself And choose something else It's guacamole Don't say guacamole either It's not guacamole What is it? Guacamole

I think guacamole is the crime Foie gras is okay Okay Guacamole is the hate crime Fine Guacamole Anything you can eat While watching the Superbowl That's not That shouldn't be on your bucket list foie gras is okay okay all right only is the hate crime fine guacamole that's anything you can eat while watching a super bowl that's not that shouldn't be on your bucket okay you mean

yeah tuck it yeah yeah you really got it in for jamie oh jamie i'm gonna have to have a word with him after and say listen i legitimately like turn off went to the next episode after i heard that seriously i was like the fuck okay come on second second starter roti planta you know roti in malaysia roti chana is a classic thing but roti planta is one it's crispier they use butter or ghee on it i don't know what kind of butter they use but it's crispier it's saltier it has a slick oil on it you know what roti is so bloody good planta means butter in malaysia oh so it's just a piece of roti it's a roti but like yeah no stuffing no stuffing just but you

dip it in dal or a curry sauce curry sauce oh yeah that's it okay so which which curry would you be dipping it in or would you be yeah would you be doing dal i'll probably do dal any particular dal anything from the hawker but really you know yeah would you be doing dal i'll probably do dal any particular dal anything from the hawker but really you know yeah um that's yeah i've never had that one okay main main is really tough when i was thinking about this and i think it has to be some sort of like dish with meat and of course with rice so i'm gonna go with heinanese chicken rice heinanese chicken rice Hainanese chicken rice isn't that what you said

mum's chicken rice the rice has like some overtones I mean he's not yeah so the chicken's

poached so it's the only time I enjoy chicken breasts because they cook it and then once it's done

immediately dip it into an ice bath so the chicken's cooked but the moisture doesn't evaporate because the ice bath cools it down immediately chicken's cooked but the moisture doesn't evaporate because the ice bath cools it down immediately that's really interesting i never need to do so like chicken breast tastes like silk like you can eat the whole thing chicken breast just kind of melts

in your mouth and to i mean to cook chicken breast is already really hard and to make chicken breast tastes like silk they have a texture of that softness that melting of mouth that's that's next level and then it's served at room temperature. The chicken's like not, it's just lukewarm. And do you ever make this at home? No, impossible. Really?

Impossible. You need one, you need professional chefs. My friend who runs Mei Mei at Borough Market, a Singaporean restaurant. Yeah, she's good. Mei Mei. Can we go there? Yeah, we did. me can we go there yeah we did we sat

there at the yeah we sat on the stools yeah so good I filmed a few videos with her she's she's great uh gonna see her on Friday to eat actually what did we have with the fried egg on top I think we had nasi goreng or something like that nasi goreng is fried rice nasi lemak probably had a fried rice a fried egg on the top yes yes yes i was semi-loved her will do will do um okay so so that's your main we've got pudding and what drink are we going for oh drink open with sparkling sake sparkling you know i love that so how do you make is it you buy it like champagne yeah I want to add something I don't make the

Hainanese chicken rice dish because the pros they use a sous vide machine to get it you could get a sous vide machine no don't Jesse please don't

get any ideas they're quite cumbersome yeah and then you use it a couple times a year Max you know I would rather just get an Uber

to my friend's place eat have a good time yeah should I get the dessert yes please I still want to see a bit of uncle roger yeah we'll we'll we'll do it don't worry yeah yeah yeah we'll whip it out um so we've got your last oh no i'm mom yeah don't say it like that about the orange t-shirt you're so disgusting um i'm literally ringing jamie dimitri actually'm going to text him now and say

Nigel is rinsing me he has a very confident voice and demeanour and then what vegetarian what guacamole oh

ooh I hope it's I love a pavlova is that British pavlova it's kind of Australian I think because someone I dated made one for me

before I was like oh this is new and very good you know so how is dating in the UK It's kind of Australian, I think. Because someone I dated made one for me before. I was like, oh, this is new. I'm very good. How is dating in the UK? Are you on any apps? Yeah, I'm not used to. And then in LA, I got on Raya. Oh, forget about it.

I know. It's the worst. It's the worst. It makes you hate yourself. I'm saying that like I'm married. None of them have personality. You know, when you're on the regular apps. People seem to be doing well on Hinge. worse it's the worst it makes you hate yourself well i'm saying that like i'm married and i have personality you know you when you're on the regular apps people seem to be doing well on hinge from what i got banned from hinge this is real they thought i was impersonating a youtuber

because on the hinge you can't get verified so people reported my account saying this guy's pretending to be a famous youtuber who uncle roger Roger? Yeah. They thought you were... No, people thought someone with like my number of followers would not be on Hinge. Someone else is using my photos. Yeah. And then...

Oh, I'm so sorry for you. There's no way to appeal. I'm sure people are listening to Hinge now. Yeah. Hinge, unblock me. I'm trying to find happiness here. That's outrageous.

I like just meeting people through friends and at shows. It's more organic, you know? Yeah. Mum, this is lovely. Is it? Flaky, crumbly. Jamie Dimitri has replied. Oh no. Let's see. I'm a fucking tourist. I don't know anything. Sorry, Jamie. Mum, this is delicious. Do you want some more, anyone? Please.

I'll take a little bite more. Oh, yes, Nigel! Oh, my darling. It is good. Do you know, I'm so happy. He could have really rinsed me. No, it was really good. Great chef, Mum.

Do you want that last bit of rhubarb? Yeah, sure. Pavlova, you can't really get these in restaurants, can you? It's rare, is it? No, do you know what? You're right. You don't get a pavlova you can't really get these in restaurants can you it's rare you know what you're right you don't get a pavlova i love a pavlova but most restaurants don't do it yeah do you think you've got good table manners nigel and i'm asking you as nigel and then i'm gonna ask you as uncle roger uncle roger probably not definitely not but me i try i still don't know which fork to use sometimes it's a fine dining place but most trendy fine

dining expensive places don't even have that a lot of fork thing going on anymore right it's like courses by course i'll give you at each yeah i love that it's like pretty woman when they start from the outside and work in that's what he tells it to do i would say it's it's it's okay it's okay i think you've got a table manners. But every culture is different too. You know, slurping. In the Japanese place, I slurp. Right? But that's good for them.

Do you have to do that? Yeah. To them, if you don't slurp, they think, oh, it's not good. You're kidding me. It depends who the chef is and where he's from. How are you going to work out whether that chef wants you to slurp or not? I have no idea. So that's what i'm

saying so sometimes people might think i don't have table manners because i'm slurping and then the chef's like what the fuck you know but i thought i was supposed to do this so i don't know and what can't you stand in other people when you're at dinner with them vegans i dated one once and i'm like you didn't I'm like well I'll have to you know date multiple people you can't give me everything I want

you need diversity in your life yeah you know I will I'll shag you about eating someone else you know

diversity is very important how do you break this to them you know they just have this character defect and mum is grinning and nodding i think you've fallen in

love tonight mum yeah absolutely i'm not sure if it's nigel i've fallen in love with or uncle roger oh hey yeah exactly in 20 years he'll be uncle roger so don't worry mum nigel it's been such a pleasure having you you've really like lifted my week. Yeah, me too. I was feeling very tired and a bit fed up, and you have been wonderful. And I think my dad's still tweeting outside. Oh, he wants to get in on the convo. I just want to know,

so for everybody who's listening to this, when this goes out, you'll probably already be on tour. I've been on tour since February. Are your listeners mostly in the UK? We have a mixture. We have quite a strong contingent in Australia. Okay.

So I don't know, when are you going to Australia? In two weeks time. But I'm there twice this year. Oh. In June and then also in August. You are booked. Nice food, Australia.

Yeah, nice food. The best food. Yeah, yeah. Lobster rolls in Melbourne. I are booked. Nice food, Australia. The best food. Yeah, yeah. Lobster rolls in Melbourne. Mmm. I'll try that. Send me some recommendations. I am so thrilled to have you.

Uncle Roger has kind of entered so many people's lives and you're brilliant and you're funny and excellent. I wish you all the best. Not that I think you need any luck because you're absolutely smacking it. I can't wait for you to finally meet jamie oliver i can't wait for that segment of the uncle i seem to have a thing against jamie's don't i you know jamie oh my god yeah do you wish you

were called jamie no but i want to meet jamie one day oliver yeah i believe that I think you'd like him I think you'd really like him I think I would you know maybe Jamie Oliver shout you know let me if we work together

I'm using this platform you know please do let's film a video Uncle Roger can make Italian food and you can roast me Jamie that is great that's a great idea

thank you so much for being on Tape Man of course it's been brilliant. Jessie, I thought I was in for a rinsing tonight. Mum, he liked you and he took his grub very seriously. I know, and he had two portions of chicken. He stayed for an extra glass of the Languedoc.

And he had two portions of my rice. I consider that a huge success. And two portions of your pavlova. And my pavlova. Basically, two portion nige. Yeah. Nige. Nige. Nige.

I'm talking like my son. That was a really good way to brighten up a monday evening for me this is the end of our series with people in the house and then after this you'll be listening to live shows so what a way to finish uh close us out i've really enjoyed his company i loved it when he puts his la orange shirt on. Oh, bless little Uncle Rog. I wish him all the best touring all over the world. Eating lots of rice. And rinsing. I do think that he needs to meet Jamie Oliver.

So, yes, you heard it on here. He's sent out a kind of Game of Thrones request. We'll probably fall in love. Thanks for listening. Lots of love to all the people who support us. All the people who came up to me during our live shows and chatted and winked and wanted their photo taken with me and made this woman who's edging into her 70s.

You are in your 70s. Okay, I've edged in. But you made me very, very happy. New career, and I absolutely loved it. You sound like you're giving up. I'm not giving up. Are you trying to say sayonara to us all? I want to, I'm thinking about

where we can do more live shows, Diana. The next few weeks are a chance to hear what went on in our fabulous live shows. We have some brilliant guests that maybe some of you have seen on the old internet. And you'll be hearing an edited version of all those fabulous evenings with our gorgeous audiences. Thank you to everyone who made it down. Thank you to everyone that listens to this far and wide. We can't wait to make more podcasts for you.

And we will see you very soon.