Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S13 Ep 18: Adam Kay

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

We’ve waited a LONG time to get this weeks guest on the podcast, and finally - LIVE in Manchester we got him!! The wonderful Adam Kay joined us at Bridgwater Hall for Lennie's homecoming show and what a laugh it was.Adam chatted vending machine hospital snacks, growing up eating spleen, leaving the polystyrene in his oven for 3 years, his obsession with cheesy chips & how he says the only home delivery anyone should have is pizza! It was worth the wait and the Manchester crowd were a joy! Thank you Adam. Listen now. X Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Amanda Chu Reviewer's name Manchester! How are you? Thank you so much for being here. It is a pleasure to be in Manchester. We have all our family in today. I'm sure we have some people that my mum went to school with maybe, I don't know, or synagogue, we're not sure. I'll get a show of hands. My name's Jessie and this is a bit of a homecoming

for my mum. So please, will you put your hands together for Lenny? Oh, wow. Mum, why have you brought your handbag on stage? I've got my glasses in. Oh, right, fair enough. Well, I now go on tour with my mother. It's very different to going on tour with a band. I now stay at Auntie Susan's the night before a show. And instead of being interrupted and awakened by, you know,

my band being loud. I have Danny snoring and my mum chiming in with her snoring and us talking about how, I mean, honestly the hangover of talking about how Manchester Water makes the bagels the best bagels in the world.

I don't know if you agree, but it's a pleasure. How are you finding the tour so far, mum? Well, it's a big hall, isn't it? It is a big hall. I must say, when I first came in, I was going to go back out again and just stay in the dressing room. But now I'm here, I can't actually see anyone.

It's perfect. It's perfect. And Gaga used to come here, didn't she? Yeah, for concerts. What's his face? Alfie? Who's the singer that sung at Blackpool all the time? I don't know. Russell.

Russell. Is he number two? I don't know. I have the sang hero in Blackpool, so it's one of the two. Anyway, you know what it's like. Well, you know what this is going to be slightly like. We kind of know what it's going to be like.

We do the podcast. We do a live podcast with a brilliant guest. And on the second half you go and have a drink and you will have the chance to ask us some questions with some very nifty technology which I'll tell you about at the end of this half but I wonder if you would like to introduce this guest, mum? Well, I've been so excited for probably about three years to meet him. We've been desperate for him to come along. I feel like they're ready for anything, because somebody's laughing about you waiting three years. Why are they laughing?

The fact that he is a doctor might have something to do with it. It's not my son. He's at home, saving lives, of lives. He fancied a few days off from mum and I. But this person is responsible for one of the best dramas I think we've seen this year and one of the funniest books. Please give it up for Adam Kay. Yes! The best. We are so lucky to have Adam. Can I say something about this person?

Adam was meant to be doing another night and couldn't do it and was like, I really want to do the podcast. Well, this is what they told us, Adam. And so he has come all the way to Manchester to do this because I think he loves Mancunians. I think that's why it's really... Thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. Should we pop open the bubbly? Yes, please. That's actually why I'm here.

So, Adam, I want to know about your beginnings, your... Oh, there we go. That beautiful sign. You grew up in South East London. Yep. Around a thriving dinner table, what was the food like?

So, I was a vegetarian in... And we've forgiven you. In a Jewish household. Nightmare. Nightmare. in a Jewish household. Nightmare. Nightmare. And a Jewish household who eats things like chopped liver with egg on it.

We have that for breakfast, but yeah, carry on. And roll mops, whatever the hell they are. And milts, which I think is... What are milts? I think, is that spleen? I don't know what it is. Does anyone know what milts are which I think is... What are milts? I think, is that spleen? I don't know what it is. Does anyone know what milts are? I mean...

How many Jews are in the audience tonight? I thought they were fish. Oh, that's our family over there. Cheers, cheers, Adam. Thank you for being here. Cheers, Manchester. Cheers. So, milts.

What did they look like? What did they taste like? I refused to taste it and declared myself vegetarian. And if you're vegetarian in the late 80s, early 90s, that involves eating something called bean feast, which is like a powder that you add some slop to, and it sort of reforms into something that looks almost like mints, if you've never seen or tasted mints.

Is this actually... Yes, it is. It's called Bean Feast. I imagine it's like they give vegetarians on the International Space Station. Okay. And did you enjoy Bean Feast? No. No one's ever enjoyed Bean Feast.

Surprisingly, I don't know if Bean Feast still exists. I hope not. I mean, now being vegetarian, it's wonderful. It's like there was a time where it was quite a niche. Yeah. It's probably like now being vegetarian and going to France, where they interpret vegetarian as not eating brain. Were your parents good cooks?

I've never seen my dad even cook a slice of toast. But my mum is a good cook. Do you feel like you were fully able to enjoy her cuisine because you were getting the sides of the roast? Is she going to listen to this? I don't know. Is she a proud Jewish mother?

Don't say anything. My mum is a great cook, but it does involve one of the main components being meat. Right, so you always missed out a little bit. Yeah. Did it make you a good cook? Because you had to survive on your own. So this isn't going to paint me in a great light, I realise.

So, we sold a flat a few years ago. And while we were there over the course of three years or something, we'd sort of done it up and we did the bathroom, we did the kitchen.

And the estate agent came round and took the photos and they opened the oven and the oven still was full of the polystyrene block that it was provided with. How long had you been in this flat? Two or three years. And you can't make the excuse

that you're a tired doctor that gets takeaways now. I think the thing is, there are just some people who are just much better at cooking than I am. And I would hate to take work away from professional chefs, delivery drivers. So, however, I mean, neither me or my husband could cook at all. But over lockdown lockdown we learned to cook which means he'd learned to cook okay so what did you what did he learn to cook in lockdown that really tickled you so you know like some people if they come across a new band you're like i'm going to get the entire back catalogue yeah he got like started with the back catalogue of nigella which which is, like, 4,000 books,

and then did, like, Ottolenghi and Nardia, and so he sort of worked his way through the books, which was incredible. But it did mean that there would be, like, an Ottolenghi phase where he had just exclusively Middle Eastern food for six months. Did you have a sourdough starter? Yeah, the sourdough starter is now part of our family. What's it called?

I don't think it's got a name. Don't name it. Actually, I've not seen it for a while. I think it might be with a sourdough sitter. But yeah, the Nadia phase was quite weird where we just had cake for four months banana bread?

Nadia phase did you never lay you didn't enter into the kitchen to go you know what have a night off I'm going to rustle something up there's no good way of answering this is there you didn't play to your strengths did you wash up? There's no good way of answering this, is there? You didn't.

But I'm, you know, sort of play to your strengths. Did you wash up? You're a cat man. If my husband wanted a pithy diary entry, I would be there like that. Do you both write diaries? No, no, that's my thing, and he needs to stay the fuck away.

Has he ever read your diary? I mean, he's read the ones I've published. Actually, I hope he has. I hope he's read the ones I've published. Did he watch the TV show? He was contractually obliged because he was it was a producer on it all right i would say a lot about his work ethic if he if he did i just say congratulations yeah it was just so wonderful oh thank you so much yeah it kind of went further

than book and i think we appreciated that can i I just say, Jess, we ordered vegetarian Vietnamese food for Adam. The powerful smell of fish sauce coming from this is about to make me... I feel as if I'm in Saigon. It's like punishment for being vegetarian. It's so strong. It doesn't look hugely vegetarian, I would say. Can we explain what is happening here, Adam, or what is not happening here? So usually on the podcast, we would cook for you at mum or my house.

We are on tour. We have no kitchen. However, we have gone with a traveling hob. Like we're about to do a cooking demo. And the first hob died in Edinburgh, even though I did two years of that in my basement kind of hole before my... Woe is me. I'm fine. It's fine. But... And there is a reason for that

because Mum has made chicken soup this evening. Well, she didn't make it this evening. She made it... I made it Saturday. Saturday. And we travelled it up to Manchester in an ice bag. And this has been a lot of conversation about the direction of where the chicken soup will go.

The first batch that went to Edinburgh went up iced with Steve, and it's been a whole thing. It's become like... Is Steve the name of the hob? No, but he can... It's pretty hot, our Steve, though. So, we would have cooked for you. That's what the fuck's happened.

No, exactly. And you can't have chicken soup because you're vegetarian. However, we did get an email from somebody in the audience who is here tonight who said that they would change their vegetarianism for the night if they could try the chicken soup. I don't know if this person is here. Up there? Well, I don't know how you're going to get the fucking chicken soup from up there, babe, but I appreciate it. But anyway, so we would have cooked for you. We didn't. So we thought, why not celebrate some of the places that are amazing in Manchester?

And lots of you sent in recommendations of places to eat. I went to Sugo today. So good. So good. You were not having that, unfortunately. So there's a lot of foodies in the audience, no doubt. And one of the big places that everyone was recommending was

Viet Shack. Yeah. Woo! Apart from you tell Viet Shack that you've got a vegetarian and they bring pork and shellfish. So yeah. Adam's got some broccoli and some aubergine, and then tell

them about the cheesecake. So the cheesecake Auntie Susan got in Brackman's on Friday, and it's been kept in the fridge, and it is absolutely delicious, and I think I'd go with that and leave the house. I'm just, I really apologise, Adam, because it is not... It's fine, I've got some bean

feast in the car. I'm really sorry. So we're just going to have to get drunk instead. Cheers. So, yes, this is what's happening here. What's your favourite cuisine, besides vending machines in hospitals? I think it's probably Italian.

If I was in a sort of strange hostage scenario in hospitals. I think it's probably Italian. If I was sort of in a sort of strange hostage scenario where I was only allowed one cuisine ever, ever, ever again, I think probably Italian. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I didn't get your sugo.

It was really good. Stop saying how good it was. I know, I'm so sorry. I think you should stop talking about it. I'm going to stop talking about it. But so let's go back to the start of the diary, the Adam Kay that we all discovered with your book. Yeah.

Was medicine so challenging that you had to record it every single day? It wasn't that it was challenging. It's that no one teaches you how to deal with the crap and you have to find your own way of doing it and for me there was you know there was white wine and there was writing the the silly stuff the gross stuff the funny stuff down because you if you focus on that rather than the difficult stuff that's a way of getting through the days as long as the days

don't get catastrophically bad. But that's the thing about that book. I mean how many people here have read that book? It's entertaining but you feel guilty being entertained by it because it's serious stuff that's happening and you're

struggling but you're brilliant writer and I guess you had to find light in horrendous situations in my mind. I think that's exactly it. And you shouldn't feel guilty because

the book's a deliberate confidence trick. It says all over it, this is funny, this is gross, it's going to be this sort of story. But actually, that's my way of sort of pulling people in in order to tell them this. If the book was called, you know, a sort of 70,000-word harrowing polemic about the NHS,

it probably sold nine copies. And similarly with the TV show, sort of bring people in and tell them something difficult because the TV show was essentially about mental illness under difficult conditions working on a lay board

and I guess you then became this voice for so many doctors and then Shruti the character in the TV show she wasn't in the book she represented did you feel this mad

responsibility for junior doctors and doctors it was absolutely a huge responsibility I expected my book would sell a few copies, I've got loads of friends who've written books in the past and you know what it's like you go to the book launch and drink a

glass of warm white wine and then the book sells 12 copies and you never talk about it ever again but it really took off and I think for two reasons firstly our rightful love for the NHS which is I think our greatest achievement as a civilised nation.

And secondly, our love for stories of objects up people's bums. I did love those books. And sort of found the alchemy that combined the two of those. And it sold a lot of books. And it was sort of, I guess, important to use my platform for good rather than evil. So I sort of banged the gong for the well-being of junior doctors and reached a bigger audience still with the TV show. But it's a big responsibility. And I think the biggest responsibility for the TV show was portraying it realistically and honestly.

Because I didn't want a million and a half people in the NHS who had the opportunity to watch the show to go, yeah, it's not like that. And we probably went a bit far. And it's probably quite difficult and triggering for lots of doctors and nurses in their lives. There was some criticism about that, wasn't there? It's bleak.

It's not an easy watch. It's not meant to be. No, and also you would have hated me. Actually, no, I was good fun in labour, but you would have been like, oh, she's got her bloody hippie music on. She's asked for the plug-in for a lavender essential oil. I didn't want to eat the placenta. I didn't want

to do that. It is in my garden. I would have loved to have met you in labour. If you're the doctor, you see the fraction of a percent that go wrong. Hopefully, ideally, on a shift in labour ward, you see almost no patients

because they all have nice normal deliveries that can be handled by the midwives and the doctors can stay well away but it's like if you're a firefighter you don't see

the traffic lights when no one crashes so you yeah I remember Jessie saying that she's going to have her the traffic lights when no one crashes. Yeah. So you, yeah. I remember Jessie saying that she's going to have her, she had one baby in hospital and the next two babies were delivered at home. Brilliant. Yeah.

And I remember you saying in your book. You said something in the book. Yeah, you said the only delivery at home you should have is a pizza. And I kept quoting. I said, Adam Kay said, the only delivery you should have is a pizza. And I kept quoting. I said, Adam Kay said, the only delivery you should have is a pizza. Both my brother, who is a doctor, if you didn't know

already, although she said it about ten times. Did you know that? I did know it. They were like, you're absolutely mad. But yeah, it did make me laugh when you said that. But again, the only home deliveries I was aware of were ones that had been transferred into hospital.

And so you get a slightly warped perspective on what it is. But the show didn't focus on the normal deliveries and mums. I'm definitely not the right person to write a show that does. It focused on doctors working in impossibly difficult circumstances and the effects of that job on how they behave. And the character of Adam behaves reprehensibly throughout. He's a difficult one to like. He seems worse in the TV than he seemed in the book. I'm kind of quite fond of you in the book. I'm kind of quite fond of you in the book. Because the book is me in the TV.

I mean, I have the option of writing a sort of incredible superhero who saves the day in a charming manner time after. That would have been a rubbish drama. I wanted this sort of complicated, dislikable weirdo

who I thought might be interesting. He behaves really badly, he does some really bad shit, and then comes unstuck. And I thought that was an interesting thing to watch. Adam, when you were a doctor, you were also performing a little bit, writing comedy things. Was there a group of doctors that liked doing panto, you know, on the weekends?

It was while I was at medical school. As weird as this sounds, at medical school, no one tells you how to deal with the bad stuff. They tell you how to break bad news, sadly, to a patient, but they don't mention that that has an impact on you. It sort of reflects back,

a bit bounces back, and after time, it really grinds you down. But there was not a second of the six years I sections of medical school where they talk about how you deal with this stuff taking time off speaking to people you know meditation whatever it is there's all this evidence for how to cope the closest thing they offer you is the chance to get up on stage and you know and make fun of your professors and your patients and you know your consultants and so yeah so I did a bit of a bit of that as a medical student and it meant that when I left medicine it was literally the only thing I could think of it was my the closest thing I had

to a skill set you've got to tell us the conversation you had with your mother when you said you were leaving medicine. I would need to know about this conversation because I dread the moment ever. Did she take it well? Yes and no. But you have... But mostly no. Because you have lots...

100% no. 100% no. Did she think it was on the cards a bit? I mean, she's only stopped telling her friends I was dead quite recently. I think as soon as I was in the bestsellers chart, my son,

the author. I know that one. But you've got doctors in your family. Yeah, there's a positive family history. So at least they're still flying the flag. Yeah. So, I mean,

I don't have kids, and you both do, and I get the concept that you want the best for your children. And in my family, it meant having like a safe, job so there's four of us and the degrees we did were doctor doctor lawyer he's the black sheep of the family doctor because you know not that we were sort of being deliberately forced into something, but, you know, they're amazing, rewarding jobs,

and they wanted us to have success and happiness and security. My husband works in the media, and his dad worked in advertising, and they are, the four of them, are producer, producer, musician, producer. So it's like... Ours is a weird one, then. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to write hodgepodge. So back to food and back to being in the hospital

and the vending machine. We see the vending machine a lot in the TV show. What was your snack of choice? My dinner of choice was a Twix. Twix. Oh, my God. It's delicious, but it's not nutritious. Did you...

I mean, you... You didn't care. I didn't care. You needed sugar because you were so tired. It's the difference. I mean, that was on a good day. On a bad day, you don't have time to go to the vending machine or it keeps your 30p or whatever.

So you weren't a packed lunch kind of person? Didn't have time? Time? No. Or cooking ability. Did any hospital serve good food? I mean, a couple that I worked in, but the canteen sort of served normal

hours, forgetting that the hospital worked 24 hours but I mean that's I think that out of just sort of basic humanity every hospital should provide nutritious hot food

all times of day and night. But things might have changed if you were a doctor now and you might have stayed because they have M&S at the most hospitals, you'd be alright it might have encouraged you to stay on. I you might have stayed because they have M&S at the most hospitals. You'd be all right. It might have encouraged you to stay on. I still don't think it would have cared to know for some reason. That wasn't, in fairness, that wasn't the main problem. Yeah.

You say it took six years for you to revisit the diaries. What were you doing when you... Was it too hard to face it? Did you just not want to think about anything to do with the NHS, hospitals, being a doctor? What did you do kind of directly after finishing medicine? So I left medicine after I had a very bad day at work, basically. All you ever want from any, you know, every single case is healthy mum, healthy baby.

And so much the better if everyone can get exactly what they've got written on their birth plan and they can have the water birth and the lovely music playing and everything. But ultimately what it comes down to, doctors, you know, ultimately don't mind if the music has to turn off as long as healthy mum, healthy baby. And there was one awful case when I was the most senior doctor working on a labour ward on a weekend shift

and we had neither a healthy mum nor a healthy baby and I realised that I just wasn't cut out for it. I didn't have thick enough armour. I couldn't deal with how I felt. And I stepped away from medicine and for the best part of a couple of months I couldn't do anything other than lie in bed and have flashbacks.

The only other thing I could think fflashbacks. Yr unig beth arall y gallwn feddwl oedd yn ymwneud â sgiliau, oedd yn ôl yn ysgol meddygol, pan wnes i wneud y sgethiau a phethau ar ystafell. Ac fe ddychreuais, byddaf yn rhoi'r peth i fynd am ychydig o flynyddoedd. Yn y pen draw, roeddwn i'n gwybod nad oedd yn mynd i weithio, ac roeddwn i'n diweddru'n gweithio yn ôl yn ysbytol. Roeddwn i'n gwybod y byddwn i wedi gwneud fy ngwaith diwethaf ar y gweithle gwaith. And ultimately, I knew that it wasn't going to work

and I'd end up working back in hospital. I knew I'd done my last shift on labour ward. I knew I couldn't face that again. But I'd asked at the time if I could, you know, convert to something like general practice. Loads of my family are GPs. It's the most amazing job. And I thought, you know, there's nothing easy about being a GP,

but you're not right on the front line. It's not operations and, you know, constant life and death. And at the time, I think things are better now, but at the time they said that if I wanted to convert from being quite a, you know, relatively senior trainee... How many years? You go right back to the start. Oh, my God.

And I just couldn't face it. And so I thought, you you know I'd try you know fucking around as a sort of comedian for a for a few months and then ultimately after you know I'd get over myself and start my GP training as it happens I got very lucky and I ended up you know I mean certainly didn't get lucky performing on stage. That was an absolute shit show. But it did lead to writing a bit for telly. And so before the book, I was what you'd probably call like a jobbing writer.

So write an episode of this and an episode of that and script edit this show and that. And it was a great life and I was very... Was it thrilling? Was it a different kind of thrill? Or was it kind of felt safer and more like a 9 to 5? The stakes were zero so now if I have a bad day at work

no one dies I mean it would have to go very wrong this evening for someone to die but you know you listen back to this and go like oh my god that was shit bad we can't put this one out as. But, you know, you listen back to this and go like, oh my God, that was shit bad. We can't put this one out as a podcast. Ultimately, you know, you'll never speak to me ever again, but

no one dies. You know, whatever I do, if I'm writing a TV show and the production company are like, that shit, that script's bad, or I do a show and someone throws a can of beans at me or whatever. But a bad day at work previously was was was terrible and I've got a lot of guilt about leaving medicine I mean you go into medicine in the first place not for the money but you know pathetic as it sounds to make some kind of difference like if you leave work

you know from labor wars and you've delivered you know x number of babies you know done this cesarean that force that to live whatever you know it's very the arts have huge value of course but it's very hard to persuade yourself that you know script editing a BBC three sitcom is is it is exactly the same as saving a baby's life on labour ward yeah so what are you up to now apart from promoting this is going to hurt worldwide oh yeah and I've got to go off to the states too that's coming out there. I've got a big tour in September called This Is Going To Hurt More. I've seen your first one.

Oh, yeah. And it was wonderful. How many instruments do you play? I play the piano and the harpsichord and the organ. Yeah. It sort of falls within the realm of greater piano, I guess, doesn't it? I play saxophone. Yeah.

Did you take it up because of Lisa Simpson? That is the only reason I wanted to take it up. No? I didn't, as it turns out. Did anybody else want to? Lisa Simpson sings the blues, one of the greatest albums of our time. She is the iconic

saxophone player of our age. She is. And I play the trombone. A whole orchestra. You can sing as well? No, I can speak in rhythm. He does. He can sing.

He can rap. No. He's very he sings. You can rap. No. He's very good. Back to food. So you don't cook. Yeah, sorry, I'm a terrible guest. I do eat. You do eat, thank God, yeah.

Enjoy a piece of tender steak. You're going to have to eat some of that cheesecake. I am going to have the cheesecake. Because Susan got that. It does look nice. It is delicious. Where's it from? Brackmans. Does anyone go to Brackmans here? Yeah, no. Knife and fork. Have you got good table manners? I've never eaten in front of 2,000 people. Mum, join him. Normally I'll eat at the dock and just put my face down onto the plate.

No, but I was going to ask, so you don't cook. But you must get a lot of takeaways when your other half isn't cooking. Do you like eating out? We get huge pleasure from eating out. So where are some of your spots? Because you have two places that you kind of go between. So where do you love to eat? You're really making me sound like a man of the people here, aren't you?

No, shut up! No, we moved from London just before lockdown out into the countryside. So where do you love to eat? Nothing for me beats a really disgusting sort of chips and cheese. Chips and cheese. I'm sort of nervous saying that out loud. No, why? So what, like variations?

I was right to be, because the audience went sort of. No, but you know what really is popular here? I don't know if people still have it. Chips and curry sauce, do people still have it? Maybe that's what you should get in the car on the way home. But sometimes the curry sauce has got sort of chickeny bits in it.

Probably. Here? Probably? I don't know. So chips and cheese. I mean, not for an anniversary meal. No. So where would you go for an anniversary meal? When was your last anniversary? Oh, don't ask questions like that.

Come on. So, last anniversary meal, we went to... Last anniversary meal where it was legal to go outside of your house. We love a sort of posh Indian restaurant. It's the same as a normal Indian restaurant, except they charge you £35 for a main. And they're smaller portions. Much smaller portions.

So a restaurant called Banaras in Berkeley Square. And there's loads of great sort of posh Indian restaurants. Like there's Gymkhana. Yeah, I haven't been there yet. Really good. Although, there's one, I like there's Gymkhana. Yeah, I haven't been there yet. Really good. Although there's one, I think there's a starter

and there's like two options. There's like the vegetarian version or they can upgrade it to a meat option and you order it and they say, would you like that with or without the goat's brain? And the answer is without, obviously. Because it's a goat's brain.

So yeah, I think that might be I think so. Can I ask you what is a nostalgic or a taste or a smell that can take you back to being a junior doctor?

I mean, you don't want to hear about the smells that take me back to me. I think the answer is diabetic foot. Oh, God. Or C. diff. Those are the smells that take me back. And in fact, those are the smells that mean

you don't go to the vending machine afterwards. Okay, let's rephrase that. A nostalgic smell or taste from your childhood that doesn't involve diabetes? Can I? It feels wrong that I like this so much. And it's a once a year offering. Yeah. So on the Pesach plate, the Passover plate,

they've got all these sort of random random stuff and there's a sort of a burned egg and a sort of shank of lamb whatever that is and after that before the meal and this might just be my family um but we would have hard-boiled eggs in salt water yeah we're talking about Passover. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not a standard amuse-bouche. But, I mean, that's a sort of... For the bitter tears cried. Oh, was that? Yeah, I think so.

What were the eggs about? No, eggs for new life, I think. Oh, eggs for new life. And the salt for the tears. Are you going to get rubbed when I was writing in after this? But it does taste quite nice. I really liked it. Yeah.

I mean, it's probably not the... I think any dietitians listening might question salt water and eggs as a meal. This leads me on to something else. Did you have a bar mitzvah? I did, yeah. And did you have a theme? No. I think mortification was the theme. Do you remember what your portion was?

My what? What portion you did of the Torah. Jess is about to have a bat mitzvah. No, I'm not anymore because I'm going to South America. I'm a terrible Jew. I didn't have a bat mitzvah when I was 13, 14, whenever a girl has it. And then I decided that I was going to do it and then I was like,

sorry, I've got to go to South America for some gigs. And I realised that you can't just do your portion the week after because it doesn't work like that in Judaism. So I now have to wait a whole year to do the bit about Hagar and Sarai. So that is... I think I can...

When's your birthday? And then we can work it out. It's the 12th of June, but I think I can remember like the first few words of like the Hebrew thing that I've learned. Can you sing it? Yeah.

Go on then. Go on. I mean... But I don't know if it's like against the rules there are no rules I don't want to be struck by lightning I think you're alright

I'm on a fucking thin line with God as it is at the moment as soon as he hears about my husband and then I'm starting reading bits of the Torah, singing the Torah at a gig, it went... I mean, the da-da bits were sort of...

Sounds nice with the reverb. Yeah, sing out, Louise. Yeah, I mean, in fairness, I last thought of that when I was 13, which is a number of years ago. So did you have a particular meal of choice at your bar mitzvah? No, he had a meal of his mother's choice, obviously, darling. The starter was a consé of bean feast. And then we had bean feast steak.

And summer pudding. Did you have a first dance with your mum? No. Wow, did you think of that one then, mum? I had a first dance. Yes, I know. Apparently it's not a done thing. I don't know. I don't know.

It's not a done thing in my family. It wasn't ours. Did you enjoy your bar mitzvah? I presume not. Did you get drunk? No, I wasn't allowed to. I wasn't allowed to drink. Oh, mate. I mean, apart from the official glass of water. Oh, my God.

Do you sing karaoke ever? Do you like it? I love it. Jesse hates it. Yeah. Why do you hate it? Oh, because you're a professional singer. Yeah, I think it's just no fun. I can see that. It's no fun, yeah.

So what's your kind of best karaoke song? I can do all of them. Okay. But who is your alter ego? I would go for Ring of Fire. Because it's quite surprising when someone sings really low. Because it's got that sort of low G. Spins, spins, spins, the Ring of Fire, the Ring of Fire.

So, yeah. And do you do karaoke a lot? No. Not enough? Would you like to do it more? lot no not enough would you like to do it more it's sort of you know evening sometimes unexpectedly end in uh in karaoke i think it's best that it's a surprise i don't think i've ever booked it in specifically yeah kind of like organized fun then it's like sing it's kind of not as fun is it yeah i'd say so although you presumably have a lot of people going, sing! Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. And I don't mind that, but like, yes.

That's handy if you're going on tour. Yeah, it's quite good, yeah. So, Last Supper. I asked you to think about this mullet over. Yeah, so a Last Supper. I think the truth is were I to either be executed...

Or going back into the NHS. Or be told, I've got, like, four hours to live, my appetite might not be great. Forget it, you're being too rational. Am I thinking about it too much? Yeah, you're thinking about it too much. So... You're going to...

A desert island. A desert island or a district hospital that you will not be able to eat the food that you like for six months. Okay, okay, that's good. I mean, I don't think the dishes will be a coherent meal. That's fine. I do like gazpacho as a starter. Do you? Red or green?

Red. Okay. I didn't know there was a green. What's green? Is that pesto? No. There is a green one that my was a green. What's green? Is that pesto? No. There is a green one that my friend Jill makes. All right, fancy pants. Gazpacho.

I swear we haven't talked about that since Charlotte Tilbury brought over Gazpacho for the podcast. So, yeah, it's not... I mean, good company, though. Yeah, absolutely. I think that was a childhood, like, that appeared in childhood. You know, if you can't have chicken soup, you're not getting hot soup at all. So, I like gazpacho. Okay.

Because I think, does this involve blitzing bread into it? You can have some bread in it, or croutons, but it's very garlicky. It is. Main? Drink of choice? Drink of choice. I drink a lot of white wine. Yeah.

I mean, not like sort of a problematic amount. Mum? Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. I don't know much about white wine. I was taught, obviously, the ABC of white wine, everything but Chardonnay. Thank you.

No, I love Chardonnay. Jessie. What does that make me? I love it. It's buttery. It doesn't make you anything. We're all allowed to like different things. Yeah, I know, but do you not like Chardonnay?

No. No. Why don't you like it? No one really likes Chardonnay, Jessie. What are you talking about? People did like it. They don't like it anymore. Why don't you like it? No one really likes Chardonnay dressing. What are you talking about? No one... People did like it. They don't like it anymore. So why don't they like it now?

Because it's syrupy and a bit oaky. Delicious. You're lucky if you don't get the oak in. They all show off now. We've got a Chardonnay. No oak. As if that's a thing. No oak.

Good. No oak. Because everyone hated the oak. I like my dispatcher with no oak as well. Here's my relationship with wine. We went to schools close to each other.

I'll describe them as fancy schools. From the age of 15 to 18, every Friday evening, I did wine tasting classes. Fuck off. You did not. Bloody did. Fuck off.

Who is? With a teacher I won't name because as I'm thinking about it... Oh, God, it's really unproductive. That's so inappropriate. I worry about the motivation of the teacher who gets the 15-year-old boys drunk. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Adam, I'm so sorry for you. No, no, it's fine. I was drinking loads of wine. No one went near me. Did he take you to his house? No, it was in a room called the Old Library. Oh, my God.

This is terrible! On school grounds? On school grounds. Shocker! And actually, now I'm thinking about this, it's all coming back like my fucking bar mitzvah. It was every fourth Friday. It wasn't wine.

It was a spirit. Oh, my God! Jessy, and you sang the Mikado! Jessen, you sung the Ricardo there. Pardon? You sung the Ricardo. Forget about me, let's talk about the spirit night. And I'd go home on the train and fucked on tequila or something.

That is... Paid for by my parents. Oh, your parents knew you were going there? Presume so, yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't know if they were told that... So they paid for a man to feed you alcohol? I'm trying to understand this. Was this an extra curriculum?

It wasn't core curriculum. So anyway, but through this, we were sort of... We were fed these, like, dead nice wines. Like, we'd be drinking like 60 pound bottles it wasn't just you on your own oh no no no it was a whole group of like 20 of us

that's a bit better and so was there food with it no oh my lord right and so we would sort of

but it was like really like 50, 60 pound bottles of wine like nicer wine than I'm drinking ever now and then

we'd had a few years of that. I never really learnt all the different grapes or anything, but you've just got a taste of it. And then I went to university where I could afford wine that was four pounds a bottle. I was like, what the fuck is this? So

I was like I was like Did he steal your Friday nights and your childhood? He also stole your ability to drink shit wine. Yeah, so exactly. So I wasn't able to drink the sort of... You still have the Sancerre, darling. So, OK, what's your drink of choice, then?

A glass of Sancerre, please. OK. I still don't know anything much about wine, but someone clever told me that it's quite difficult to make shit Sancerre and Viognier. So if you order Sancerre or Viognier, almost by definition it'll be nice, because none of the easy-jet vineyards can't churn it out.

So, OK, am I wrong to like a white... Am I still coming across relatable? Yes. Okay, great. And vulnerable. White burgundy. Yeah. What do you think about that?

Am I impressing you with that? Yeah, yeah, it sounds like a wine. I can make a different grape, Jess. I know nothing. Carry on. Right, mains. So what used to be called macaroni cheese and is now called mac and cheese.

Do you like it with the added extras, the ox cheek or the truffle? No, he's vegetarian. truffle? No, no. He's vegetarian. Oh, shit, yeah, sorry. Sorry. It'd have to be, like, mushroom cheek. Okay.

But, like, I like some fancy bits in it. So you love a bit of cheese. Cheesy chips. What's your favourite cheese? Maybe that's a good question to ask. Maybe it is. Because I think we're on a winner here with the cheese, Jess. Yeah, OK, fine.

I like a goat. Goat? Which goat cheese? Do I need to know the name of the goat? No, no, no. But there's all different ones, aren't there? What's that? Oh, there's... I love the cheese trolley at the wanky restaurant

when they bring that over and they just sort of spend 20 minutes pointing at cheeses and you sort of zone out halfway through and then they say, which would you like? And you just point at one. So, okay, so we've got like cheesy pasta. I'd say for a baby bell, actually. Aww. You want, you like a baby bell.

I would have had a baby bell. You can't go wrong with a baby bell, can you? And it's a shame because my mum does this brilliant beef burger with a baby bell inside that you'll never be able to touch. It's really good. You'll never be able to touch.

I wonder, you could do that with a Beyond Burger, maybe. Yeah, we can do that. That could work. It's really good because it makes it like oozy. Do that. We'll do a barbecue and we'll cook for you

and we'll do Beyond Burgers. Yes. Plant-based. Don't invite any of these idiots, just us. Well, apart from the person that bought the cookbook. Somebody went, yeah, they love the baby belt. Yeah, thank you so much. So, okay, that's the main.

So it's, you know, it's beige. Yeah. That's pretty beige, isn't it? It is quite beige. But you don't get this figure without eating beige food. Darling, what would you have for your dessert? Cheesecake on top of the cheese. I can't, no, I think that's a bit much.

What do we think about summer pudding? Oh, I love summer pudding. Oh my God, Mum used to do that in the 90s. You haven't really brought it back. I still do it. Do you? It was one of my mum's faves too. It's gorgeous. Does everyone know

summer pudding? Everyone loves it. Who has done it in this like, who's done it recently? This millennium. Oh, so just think about it. I've chosen a soup with bread hidden in it. And a dessert encased in bread. Yes, that's true.

And pasta from Maine. But I still find you really interesting. I'm going to feel very sleepy after this meal, which is fine because I'm about to die. You probably want to feel sleepy after your last supper. I probably have a heart attack before that. All that cheese. It's an interesting one,

but it kind of has a beginning, middle and end. It does. Yes, it ends in my death. Do you like lots of cream on your summer pudding? No, no, that's perverted. Why? Why would you do that to a perfectly good summer pudding? Because to counteract the tang.

Oh. What's wrong with you? Is that a thing? I mean, I guess you sort of get your food education at home and we didn't have cream on our summer pudding. We have a kind of food podcast we know about these things. Oh, mum, stop. Wow.

Okay, so you don't cook. We haven't fed you tonight. We're terrible hosts tonight. We have given you alcohol. And cheesecake. And cheesecake. Do you think you have good table manners? It sort of depends who you're out with, doesn't it?

I know some of the rules. If you're eating soup and you get into the end, you have to tip the bowl away from you. Tip it? Do you have to tip it? You sort of push the spoon away. Why though? What I do is I lift it to my face. It doesn't stop of... Tip it? Do you have to tip it? You sort of push the spoon away. Why, though? It doesn't stop you, does it?

Jesus! But sort of no one ever teaches you... Like, you go to these restaurants sometimes there's a separate sort of fucking asparagus knife or something. So I don't know any of that. But I've never been kicked out of a restaurant because of the way I've eaten. Fine.

Is that... Does that help? Yeah, I think you have great... You approached that cheesecake with a knife and fork. With a knife and fork. I thought that was incredibly polite of you. Yeah. And unnecessary and so sweet.

So, okay, what can't you stand about other people with bad table manners? What would be your pet hate? It's hard to get over someone who eats and talks. You can see... I don't want to see the digestive process. No, OK. I acknowledge that it happens.

And I just don't want to witness it. I wonder, did you ever get any really wonderful, edible food, treats, did you ever get any really wonderful edible food, treats, thank you presents from any parents, patients? Yes, and you put them straight in the bin. Why? If it's not wrapped, they might be trying to kill you. So, yes, please.

If the birth has gone well? I don't know. So you'd never taste it? No. Oh, that's very cynical. Also, I think it happened once. And also... What, they tried to kill you once?

No, no, they didn't try to kill me once. I think, I know, generally like a sort of a nice thing of roses or a sort of a sealed box of Dunkin' Donuts or whatever. That's fine fine that's great hooray everyone's happy but also when you've given birth very few people want to have a portable you know stove brought in so they can cook you something. Okay but okay so on the other side what's the most interesting meal maybe you're like I don't need to see you after the birth any meal that springs to mind that somebody's had after as a celebratory meal once they've given birth did you really did you really feel like having a slap up dinner

no I didn't I didn't want to slap up dinner but I chose UCH because my brother was working there I thought I'd get preferential treatment because he was a doctor, junior doctor. Yeah, good luck with that. Yeah, idiot. So I was like, oh, I'll say my brother's a doctor and they'll be like, yeah, fuck off. Anyway, I was in the broom cupboard. It was brilliant anyway. It didn't matter.

I'd thrown up so much from the gas and air and being high as a kite that I'd burnt my esophagus with acid reflux. So the Honest Burger that I had envisaged that I was going to have with my champagne, I couldn't have either of it because the bubbles... I mean, woe is me, but yeah. Okay, relatable.

I had to eat soggy cornflakes for about a week. But I had all the plans of having an Honest Burger and champagne and it went out the window. So I think mum had my one while she had the burger. I didn't really work in any champagne hospitals. Yeah, but you bring your own. Can you?

We did. We had it in the... Shh! You can't do that, can you? Yeah, we did. I don't know. I've not seen the rules, but I mean...

Oh. Would you never have a drink with your patient? No. What? Just your teacher. I'm not Boris Johnson. You don't finish a shift

and get hammered. Can we please give a massive thank you to Adam Kay for coming all the way here and being such an amazing guest. Thank you so much. Bye.